The Dawn and Spike Wars

by Joan

The Evil Within Series

Interlude 3.5

Spike sat on the back porch, smoking a cigarette. It was dark out side and crickets were noisily chirping all around him. The door behind him opened and closed.

“Spike? What’s wrong?” Buffy asked as she took a seat next to Spike on the porch steps.
“Nothin’.” Spike replied absently as he stared off into space. Buffy didn’t look convinced.

“That’s a ‘something’ face. Come on, tell me.” Buffy urged. Spike sighed and glanced at her, his expression unreadable. He looked away again, and took another drag off of his cigarette.

“Do you think …I’m turning into a poof?” Spike asked reluctantly.

“What?” Buffy laughed at the absurdity of the question. “What makes you think that?”

“Nothin’.” Spike looked down at the ground, sulking.

“Spiiiike.” Buffy nudged him and gave him a “tell me” face.

“I just…I don’t know.” Spike struggled to find the words, “This isn’t how a Vampire’s supposed to feel…I don’t know what I am anymore.” Spike shook his head and glanced at Buffy. When he saw the look on her face he hastened to continue, “S’not like I want to go back to what I was or anything…it’s just…I’m not used to this. Vampires aren’t supposed to have babies.”

“Are you having a mid-vamp crisis?” Buffy placed a hand on his arm in mock concern. When Spike didn’t so much as twitch a lip to signify he thought it was funny, Buffy sighed. “Spike, I don’t expect you to know what you’re doing. Hell, I don’t know much of what I’m doing.”

Spike gave her a look of alarm.

“Oh don’t give me that look. I’m a first time mother. I …never asked…” Buffy faltered and cleared her throat, “I never asked Mom about this kind of stuff.” She continued sadly. “I mean, I helped take care of Dawn when I was a little girl, but that was different.”

She took a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair before continuing, “You know, I used to hate that Mom bought all those “12 easy steps to good parenting” books and pamphlets…and now I’m buying them.” Buffy grinned in irony. Spike looked down at the ground for a minute, but then looked up at her with a shy, awkward grin.

“You’re a good Mum, Slayer.” He re-assured her, taking her hand in his.

“And you’re a good Daddy. Now lets go inside, it’s cold.” Buffy urged him as she got to her feet. Spike crushed out his cigarette and put it in the coffee can that was designated for his cigarette butts. “Besides, Hope is a sleep and no one else is home. What do you say we go into the basement and get some…training done?” Buffy gave him a look that heated his blood as she walked into the house. Spike grinned.

Yeah, I may be a poofter…but there’s benefits. Spike thought as he chased after Buffy…silently of course.

* * *
The next morning…
 

“Buffy, Buffy look!” Spike nudged her, even though Buffy was sitting right next to him on the couch, looking at the same exact thing he was.

Hope was lying on a baby blanket on the floor, her little feet and hands in the air, reaching toward the little baby mobile hanging above her.

“Look at that smile. Isn’t she the cutest thing?” Spike gushed, which was very cute, yet almost disturbing coming from the ex-Master Vampire.

“She definitely has your smirk, I’ll say that much.” Buffy teased as she tickled Hope’s foot, sending her into a fit of giggles.

“She has you’re laugh.” Spike commented.

“You’re eyes.” Buffy replied.

“You’re nose.” Spike pointed out.

“You’re—“

“Oh would you two STOP? She looks exactly like both of you, end of story. She’s just another Baby.” Dawn sulked from the Sofa chair.

“Just another baby?!” Spike cried in dismay, as if she had burned his favorite leather coat. “How can you say that? She’s a bloody miracle.” Spike turned back to his daughter, “And the cutest baby in the world.” Spike added to Hope in “baby talk”, which Dawn thought was absolutely disturbing.

“Oh God, I think I’m going to barf.” Dawn muttered.

“What’s with you today Dawn? You’re all grumpy.” Buffy gave her sister a concerned look.

“Nothing.” Dawn said.

Buffy wanted to discuss it, but glanced at the clock. “Oh shoot, I’m going to be late for work. We’ll talk later Dawn. Bye honey.” Buffy kissed Spike, kissed Hope and Dawn the forehead and grabbed her keys.

“Say Bu-bye to mommy!” Spike picked up his daughter and waved her chubby little hand around, which caused her to go into a fit of giggles again.

Dawn watched the sickeningly sweet scene from the fortress of her Sofa chair, the gloom and tension practically palpable around her. She watched as Buffy waved good-bye to her daughter with over cheerfulness, and Spike waving Hope’s arm to Buffy through the living room window to see her off.

“Some Master Vampire you are.” Dawn muttered under her breath.

“What was that Nibblet?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you okay?”

“Peachy.”

“Right. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You said that before. Still don’t believe you. Spill it.” Spike said as he walked back into the Living room, putting Hope down on her baby blanket again.

“It’s none of your business, okay?” Dawn snapped as she got up from the Sofa chair and headed towards the stairs. Spike shot up and intercepted her, blocking her path.

“It bloody well is my business when you live underneath my roof.”

“It’s not your roof, it’s Buffy’s. And you’re not my Father, so don’t try and act like it!” Dawn said coldly.

“Just what the hells gotten into you lately? Did I do something to piss you off or what?”

“Just…never mind.” Dawn said in irritation as she moved to go around him.

“No, I want to know!” Spike intercepted again, capturing her wrist. She yanked it out of his hand like he was something filthy, and fixed him with a likewise glare.

“YOU! You’re my problem!” Dawn snapped, “You and Buffy! It’s like I’m not even here! All you two care about is Hope! The baby this and the baby that!! Do you two even know that I’m graduating High School this year?! When was the last time you guys asked me how my day went?!”

Spike went from confusion, sympathy to anger during her rant. “You know what Dawn, get over it! Babies require a lot of attention, in case you haven’t noticed! So get off your little “poor me!” parade!”

“Oh fuck off Spike!” Dawn gave him the finger, grabbed her coat by the door and stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

Hope started crying, so Spike picked her up and rocked her to sooth her. Trouble was, the technique didn’t work on him.
 

* * *

At the Magic Box…

Spike opened the front door, and with some cleaver maneuvering steered Hope’s stroller inside without banging into anything. Once inside, he took off his leather coat and hung it on one of the coat pegs.

“Hello Spike.” Anya greeted him distractedly as she rang up a customer’s sale.

“’allo.” Spike nodded to her as he unbuckled Hope, held her in one arm while he folded up the stroller with the other and carried both behind the counter. He tucked the stroller into an out of the way corner and placed Hope in the baby playpen that was set up next to the counter.

“Thank you for shopping at the Magic Box, please come again and buy something expensive!” Anya said cheerily as the customer left. She then turned to Spike. “Ready to sell lots and lots of merchandise?” Anya asked eagerly, but Spike just made a non-committal grunt as he made sure Hope was okay where she was.

“That’s not enthusiastically enough mister! Any second now hoards of teenage techno-pagan and Sabrina wannabes are going to come through that door, and if you flirt with them enough they’ll buy whatever you tell them to.” Anya ‘pep-rallied’. Spike made another non-committal grunt.

“What’s wrong with you?” Anya asked impatiently.

“Dawn said some stuff today, that’s all.” Spike said casually, but Anya could tell from his clenched jaw that Dawn must have said something really nasty. Just then a group of four teenage girls came in the shop, giggling and blushing as they eyed Spike behind the counter.

“Bloody hell.” Spike sighed under his breath.

“Make with the flirting, and point at the expensive stuff.” Anya urged him as she pushed him towards the girls. Spike glowered at her, but plastered a charming smile on his face as he made his way to the girls.

“’allo ladies, can I help you find something?” Spike said smoothly, and the girls all giggled. Spike mentally groaned and suppressed the urge to slaughter them all just so they’d stop giggling.

* * *

Several hours later in the Magic Box…

“Have a nice day.” Spike waved to another group of teenage girls as they closed the shop door behind them. As soon as they were out of sight, Spike’s face lost its fake smile as he allowed his bad mood to show. “Bloody…sodden teenagers.”

“There’s a box of books over there that we just got in, can you put them on the shelves?” Anya asked, more of an order than a question. Spike sighed and made his way over to the box next to the bookshelves, and noticed all the training equipment from the training room was pilled outside the door.

“Anyanka, what’s all this about?” Spike asked as he gestured to the mess.

“Giles is training Jonathan again.” Anya said.

“Oh really?” A hint of a smirk made it’s way onto Spike’s face, “Maybe I could teach the whelp a thing or two…”

“Ah, ah, ah, mister! Stock the shelves first, then beat on the human. You are on the clock, you know. I don’t pay you to kick his scrawny little ass, even if it would be amusing. Do it on your break.” Anya told him.

“Bloody…sodden hell.” Spike clenched his teeth and opened the box, placing the books on the shelf with a little more force than necessary.

* * *

“Not this again.” Jonathan moaned in complaint, but Giles gave him a look that said he better do as the Watcher says.

Jonathan sat in the center of the emptied out training room. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor because they had removed every available object in the room. Just like last time. He closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath to center him self. After a moment he opened his eyes and focused on Giles.

“Alright then Jonathan, what items in this room can be used as a weapon, and how?” Giles asked in the “teacher” voice.

“Your awful tie could be used to strangle the enemy, Nigel’s constant chatter could be used as a distraction, the dust on the ground that no body’s bothered to sweep up in weeks can be thrown into their eyes to temporarily blind them…and your breath could knock them dead.” Jonathan said crisply.

::I do not chatter.:: Nigel said indignantly.

Giles gave Jonathan dirty look. “Yes, well. I suppose we can wrap up tonight’s training then. Here.” Giles said, handing him a broom and heading toward the door.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Jonathan asked the Ex-Watcher’s retreating form.

“I believe someone was complaining about the dust on the floors.” Giles said over his shoulder as the door shut behind him.

“Note to self: Giles takes training seriously.” Jonathan sighed and looked at the broom in his hand.

* * *

“We’re done for the day.” Giles announced to Anya as he stalked out of the training room. When he noticed Hope playing in her crib, his mood lightened and he tossed his sweat towel into the hamper. “Ah there’s the little princess.” Giles grinned at her as he walked to her crib. Hope made a cooing noise and reached her arms up for Giles to lift her up. He obliged her, and the moment he had her in his arms she grabbed for his glasses.

“Is whelp Jr. still in there?” Spike asked Giles as he placed the books on the shelves as quickly as possible.

“Yes, he’s sweeping the floor.” Giles answered as he tried to gently pry his glasses away from Hope. She laughed and held on to them tighter.

Spike stopped placing books for a moment and gave Giles a curious glance. “What, your going all Mr. Miyagi on him Rupies?”

“Pardon?” Giles gave Spike a questioning look, but with squinting eyes since he hadn’t gotten his glasses back yet.

“You know, wax on, wax off? The Karate Kid?” Spike supplied, but immediately felt stupid. “Bloody hell, I never should have let the Slayer make me watch that flick.”

“Oh, right. No, he was getting annoying so I told him to sweep the floor.”

“Mind if I help him by using his face?” Spike asked, his sour mood perking up.

“Be my guest.” Giles replied, finally getting his glasses away from Hope. Spike looked like a kid in a candy store.

“After you stock the shelves!” Anya repeated. Spike swore under his breath, but finished his task and then went into the training room gleefully, calling over his shoulder “Watch the Mini-slayer for me!”

Giles sighed and placed Hope back in the playpen. The minute she was set down she grabbed one of her toys and began playing with it.

“Er, Anya…why does Hope have a rubrics cube in her playpen?”

“Present from that genius friend of Angel’s. What’s her name...it’s a guy’s name.” Anya struggled to remember.

“Fred?” Giles supplied.

“Yes! Fred. Odd name for a girl.”

“Odd present. Why would she send a rubrics cube? It’s not a present suitable for a baby.”

“Don’t ask me. She seems to like it though. It keeps her quiet so that she doesn’t annoy the customers by crying when I’m trying to sell them something.”

The Magic Box door opened and Dawn came storming in. She stopped on the landing and glanced around the shop with a sharp eye. When she didn’t see what she was looking for she turned down the frequency of her glare and entered the shop at a more subdued pace.

“Hello Dawn, how was school?” Giles asked. She gave him a look out of the corner of her eyes and slammed her book bag on the worktable. She gave another cool glance out of the corner of her eyes when she heard scuffling behind the training room doors. Her eyes narrowed when she heard Spike’s muffled taunt to Jonathan through the door.

“Fine.” She muttered as she sat down in a chair and opened her bag.

“Ah…I see.” Giles adjusted his glasses as he followed Dawn’s glare to the training room door. “Aren’t you…ah, training with Spike today?”

Dawn resolutely pulled a book out of her bag, opened it to a random page and held it up in front of her face so that Giles couldn’t look at her.

Giles sighed and turned away from her. Hope suddenly started wailing, so Giles checked on her. When he discovered she needed a change, he muttered as he carried her into the bathroom, “Today just keeps getting better and better.”

A moment later Anya cried out in frustration. “Oh crap! Stupid pen!”

When Dawn looked up she had to hide her giggle when she saw the huge black ink stain on Anya’s pink silk blouse, and on her hands.

“Dawn, watch the store for me, will you? I’ve got to grab another shirt. Grrr, I paid good money for this shirt too!” Anya huffed, and before Dawn could answer she had already ran to the back room of the store. Dawn sighed and continued reading her book. The sounds of Jonathan getting the tar beat out of him (or as Spike called it, training) permeated through the doors, sounding ten times louder since the Shop was empty.

“Put your back into it you louse! There! No, not like that! Bloody hell man, Dawn can fight better than you!” Dawn heard Spike taunting Jonathan, and she ground her teeth in anger.

Oh I’ll make him pay. Dawn thought as her eyes narrowed on his leather coat. A malicious grin crossed her face. She did a quick mental scan of the store, trying to think of a suitable prank she could play on him…and her eyes fell upon the discount table. Left over Halloween stuff on clearance. Her grin turned into a smirk.

* * *

“…and quit dropping your left shoulder.” Spike was saying as he and Jonathan walked through the training room doors into the shop. Well, Spike walked, Jonathan limped.

Anya and Giles had already returned from their tasks, and Dawn was sitting in her chair, reading her book while looking innocent.

“Stop dropping that shoulder so much and maybe you’ll leave with less bruises next time.” Spike added as he walked over to his coat and fished out his cigarettes. “I’m going out back for a minute, then I’ll be right in.” Spike said to both Giles and Anya, and went back through the training room door.

Dawn quickly slammed her book shut, stuffed it in her bag, zipped it up and shouldered it. “I’m heading home now. Bye.” She said curtly as she B-lined for the front door.

“Shouldn’t you wait for—“ The door slammed, “—Spike?” Anya finished her sentence to the closed door. She sighed and glanced at Giles. “They were both all moody today. Spike didn’t sell half as much merchandise today as he usually does.” Anya said in annoyance. Giles shrugged and took out his journal, writing in his thoughts on Jonathan’s training.

“Aggh!! BLOODY HELL!!”

Giles and Anya looked toward the training room door where Spike stormed in a second later, angrier than a hive of bees.

“WHERE IS SHE?!” Spike bellowed as he glanced around the shop.

“Who?” Anya asked.

“DAWN! The little brat punked my fags!” Spike stormed around the shop, looking around corners and up the loft.

“High tailed it out of here a minute ago.” Anya answered.

“She did what?” Giles asked.

Spike’s jaw flexed in anger, but he took out one of his cigarettes and lit it, holding it away from his body. A shower of sparks suddenly burst out of it, and it kept on sparkling.

“She cut up one of those bloody sparklers and put them in my fags!” Spike threw the cigarette on the floor and crushed it with the toe of his boot. He had to stomp on it a couple times before it finally stopped sparkling. Anya gave him a death glare for dirtying her floor, but he didn’t care.

“Why on earth would she do that?” Giles asked, puzzled.

“She’s a teenager, that’s why. They do that kind of stuff—especially when they’re mad.” Anya stated wisely from behind the cash register where she was adding up the till.

Both Giles and Spike turned slowly and stared at her like she had horns.

“What? I’ve been around for a thousand years. I see things. Teenagers haven’t changed much.” Anya said simply.

Just then Hope started fussing and Spike looked at the clock. “And neither do babies. Alright mini-slayer, I know, it’s bottle time.” Spike said as he got the baby bottle out of the baby bag, and went to go prepare Hope’s bottle, still fuming about Dawn’s prank.

* * *

Dawn didn’t quite slam the door, but she used more force than necessary to close it when she arrived at home. She stood in the foyer with her arms crossed over her chest, still silently fuming. She made her way into the kitchen and opened the fridge for the traditional “open the fridge and stand there, hoping something to eat will suddenly appear” stint.

The fridge was pretty barren—Milk (for the baby, of course), mustard, BBQ sauce, questionable cheese, sour looking lunchmeat and Spike’s packets of blood.

Spike doesn’t understand. Dawn thought, He thinks I’m just on some kind of “poor me” trip or something. He doesn’t care about me—all he cares about is his precious baby Hope. Whatever. I should teach him not to ignore me… I think it’s time he met the Wrath of Dawn.

Dawn smirked again as she made a mental “how to make Spike as miserable as possible” list.

* * *

Several hours later…

“DAWN!” Spike bellowed as soon as he rolled Hope’s Stroller through the front doorway.

“What?” Came the terse reply from upstairs.

“Come down here, now.”

Spike took Hope out of the stroller and put her on the baby blanket in the living room. There was the sound of Dawn slamming things around upstairs for a moment, and then she trotted down stairs, glaring at Spike.

“What?” She asked impatiently.

“Funny thing happened after you left the Box today.” Spike said with mock geniality.

“Oh?” Dawn said innocently.

“Yeah. The minute I light up my fags, they go off like a bloody 4th of July display! You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you?”

Dawn shrugged indifferently. “Maybe God wants you to quit smoking.”

“Cut the crap Dawn, and stop acting like a spoiled brat. Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dawn replied coolly.

“Yeah well you’ll bloody well know what I’m talking about when your sister gets home.”

“What, the Big Bad Vampire is going to tattle on me? Oooooh, I’m scared. What’s the matter Spike, can’t take a prank? Gotta go get the Slayer to fight your fights for you?” Dawn mocked. Which was obviously a big mistake, because Spike’s eyes were suddenly blazing with anger.

“Just try my patience, girl. I dare you.” Spike growled, his voice pitched dangerously low. “I used to eat spoiled little brats like you for breakfast.”

With a flick of her wrist, a bolt of white energy arced from her hand and hit Spike in the chest, slamming into him with enough force to send him flying back, landing luckily, on the couch. When he recovered he sat up and looked at Dawn in shock.

“I’ve been practicing. Never piss off a Witch, Spike.” Dawn said brazenly, and trotted back upstairs.

Spike recovered enough from his shock to realize that Hope was bawling her head off. He picked her up and rocked her until she settled down, his mind a riot of anger.

Two can play at this game. Spike thought angrily, I’ll teach her a lesson or two on who’s the Big Bad around this house.

Unfortunately for Spike, for all of his bravado, he didn’t even find himself very intimidating while holding a baby.

* * *

Buffy came home and immediately went on alert. The tension in the house was so thick she could taste it.

Spike was in the living room lying on the couch, watching TV while Hope slept on his chest.

“Hi honey…” Buffy said cautiously as she walked into the room. Spike looked up at her and gave her an unreadable smile.

“’allo Slayer. How was your day?” He said quietly, not wanting to wake Hope.

“Ugh, don’t even get me started. Slaying something other than demons crossed my mind a couple thousand times. How was your day? More giggly teenagers mooning over you?”

“Pshht. Yeah, a whole gaggle of them. One of them had the nerve to pinch me. Stupid bloody teenagers.” Spike muttered, and Hope stirred in her sleep.

Buffy giggled quietly and knelt down so she could give Spike a kiss. “Where’s Dawn?”

A muscle in Spike’s jaw twitched.

Ah, bingo. Buffy thought.

“Upstairs.” Spike replied tersely.

Buffy was just about to ask what happened, when Hope woke up and started crying. Spike sat up with her and patted her back.

“Here, I’ll take her. You go get some dinner. Xander, Jonathan and Willow will be here in a bit so we can go on patrol.” Buffy said as she took Hope from Spike.

Spike nodded and headed into the kitchen to grab a baggy. He took one out of the fridge, poured it into his mug and popped it into the microwave. When it was done, he took it out and took a sip—immediately spitting it out, aiming as best he could for the sink. He coughed and sputtered as he looked at the mug incredulously.

What the hell? BBQ sauce?! Spike thought as he wiped the liquid from his lips.

“Are you okay?” Buffy called from the living room.

“Yeah.” Spike called back as he went to the refrigerator and grabbed another pack. He opened it and tested it. BBQ sauce. Opened another. BBQ sauce.

He clenched his jaw and glanced up the stairs where Dawn resided.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy asked, coming into the kitchen with Hope in her arms.

Spike made a quick decision. This is between me and the brat. No need to get Buffy involved in this.

Spike sighed in annoyance as he tossed the blood bags in the trash. “Looks like we need to stop by Willy’s while were out. It’s all spoiled.”

This is War, little girl. Spike thought angrily as he glared up the staircase. You want the Big Bad…you’ve got him.

* * *

“Hey guys, come on in.” Buffy said as she opened the door for Willow, Xander and Jonathan.

“The baby sitting patrol is here at last. Will, you’re on diapers, Jonathan, you’re on burping duty, and I’ll watch her when she’s asleep.” Xander dolled out the orders as they congregated in the living room. Spike was there, digging weapons out of the weapon’s chest and packing them in a gym bag.

“Hey, why do we get the disgusting chores?” Jonathan glared at Xander. Willow just elbowed Xander in the ribs.

“Xander will get his fair share of diapers and throw up. We’re taking turns.” Willow amended.

“Ah darn. Oh well. Now where’s the little demon—I mean, angel?” Xander smiled brightly at Buffy.

Dawn came trotting down the stairs, bag slung over her shoulder.

“Right there.” Spike muttered, but no one heard him.

“I’m staying over at Samantha’s house tonight Buffy.” Dawn said.

“You are? When did you ask me this? Does her mom know?” Buffy asked, confused. Dawn gave her an irritated look.

“Yes, this morning, and yes she knows.” Dawn crossed her arms over her chest.

“Oh. Well do you need a ride?” Buffy asked, not catching the irritation Dawn practically radiated.

“No, she lives a block away. I’ll be back tomorrow night.” Dawn said, heading for the door.

“Oh…well call when you get there so we know you’re okay.” Buffy said.

“Okay, bye.” Dawn said at practically the same time she closed the door behind her.

“Bye.” Buffy replied needlessly to the non-present Dawn. She sighed and turned back to the group. “So…ah, Hope’s bottle is in the fridge—“

“—Diapers are in the baby bag—“ Xander continued.

“—Her pajamas are in the nursery dresser—“ Willow chimed in.

“—And the weapons are in the Chest in case of emergency. We know.” Jonathan finished.

Buffy blushed. “Right. Of course. Sorry. Ready to go Spike?” Buffy turned to him.

Spike was looking intently at a serrated knife in his hand. “Hu? Oh, uh, yeah, just a sec, I need to run upstairs real quick.” He said, hiding the knife in his sleeve as he dashed upstairs.

Buffy apparently missed the gesture, as well as Willow and Jonathan, but Xander noticed. The others started to make small talk, so after a moment or two Xander trotted up the stairs after Spike. He glanced in Buffy and Spike’s room, and didn’t see him, so he glanced in Hope’s room. He wasn’t in there either, nor the bathroom, so Xander peeked in Dawn’s room. He saw Spike kneeling in Dawn’s closet, half in half out, moving his arm back and forth.

Xander peered cautiously over Spike’s shoulder. “Uh, Spike, what are you doing?”

“Sawin’ the heels off of Dawn’s shoes.” Spike replied, continuing to saw the heel off of a particularly expensive pair of tan suede boots.

“Uh, oookay, the question ‘Why?’ comes to mind.”

“War.”

“War? Sawing the high heels off of a teenager’s boots constitutes war? Oh, how the mighty have fallen.”

“Yeah well, pay back’s a bitch. I also poured left over blue hair-dye from last Halloween into her shampoo before she left.” Spike said as the last heel came off the last pair of high-heeled boots, and he turned to face Xander. “Listen, don’t tell the Slayer. This is between me and Dawn.”

“Why, what happened?”

Spike told him about what Dawn had said and the pranks she played on him. Xander whistled.

“Buffy’s not gonna like this. But it’s your hide, man.” Xander said.

“Spike! Are you coming?” Buffy called up the stairs, finally getting impatient with waiting. Spike pocketed the knife and Xander followed him out of Dawn’s room and back down the stairs.

“Sorry Slayer. I was talking to the Whelp.” Spike said by way of explanation as he shouldered the slaying bag. “Let’s go kill stuff.”

“Alright. Bye guys. You know the drill. Nigel, you awake?” Buffy asked as they headed to the door.

::As always. I’ll call if anything occurs.:: Nigel replied.

“Bye!” All three babysitters called out as they left for patrol.

* * *

The next evening…

Dawn stormed into the Summer’s household, thankful that it was Saturday, thankful that both Buffy and Spike worked on Saturdays, and that Samantha had let her borrow a hat before leaving her house that morning.

I’ll kill him! Dawn thought furiously as she stormed up the stairs and into her room. She stalked over to her mirror, took off the hat, let her hair fall down and cringed at the damage. This is horrible, this stuff takes at least three days to wash out!

Dawn looked at a lock of her hair in distaste. Then she practically slapped her head in realization. Oh DUH! I’m a witch! I can cast Glamour on myself until it washes out!

Dawn concentrated for a minute and then snapped her fingers. When she opened them again, her hair was a close facsimile to her natural tone. No one would notice unless they were looking really closely.

With that problem solved, Dawn kicked off her shoes and went to throw them in the closet…and dropped the shoes on the floor in shock.

Oh. My. God.

* * *

Spike left the Magic Box with a vengeful grin on his face.

After telling Anya the situation, she gave him a few pointers on how to get back at Dawn and had volunteered to help in any way. She had even given him a discount on the little bundle in his coat pocket.

We’ll see how she likes this. Spike thought cheerfully while pushing Hope’s stroller down the sidewalk, heading home.

* * *

In a fit of fury, Dawn emptied all of Spike’s dresser drawers and pulled all of his clothes off of the hangers, and any other stray articles of clothing and threw them all into a basket. She made tracks for the laundry room and dumped everything in the washer and poured an entire gallon of bleach in with them. With a satisfied grin she turned on the washer and closed the lid.

That’s one task down. She thought as she returned to her room to create more havoc while she waited. When the clothes were all washed and dried, she returned them to their proper place.

Take that asshole.

* * *

That unholy bitch! Spike though as he stared at the bleached white clothes.

Everything was bleached—everything from his socks to his red button-down shirts. Even the blue silk one Buffy had convinced him to buy. That pissed him off more than anything.

Spike pulled out of his pocket the little baggy Anya had sold him earlier and calmly walked downstairs and into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

* * *

Later…

“Dinner!” Spike called as he set the last plate—Dawn’s—on the table. Buffy came in from the living room carrying Hope, and Dawn came from upstairs, giving Spike an evil glare when she was sure Buffy wasn’t looking. Spike gave her the two-fingered ‘V’ back before Buffy saw. But they both looked perfectly amicable when they sat down at the table to eat.

“Mmm, this looks good.” Buffy said as she dug into her plate of Spaghetti.

Dawn covertly sniffed hers while giving Spike a sideways look. Spike pretended not to notice. When Buffy gave her a strange look, Dawn tentatively picked up her fork and took a bite somewhat cautiously. She chewed for a moment before her eyes got wide and started to water.

“Mmphr phrmmpher!!” Dawn’s whole face scrunched up like she had just bitten into the sourest lemon on earth. She quickly grabbed her glass of water and downed it, but it still didn’t get rid of the taste in her mouth.

“Are you okay?” Buffy asked.

“Did you bite your tongue Dawn?” Spike asked innocently. Dawn glared at him but he had given her a way to explain away her actions without telling Buffy about their private war. So she nodded, still sending daggers with her eyes at Spike.

“I’ll go get you some more water.” Buffy said as she got up from the table and went into the kitchen. When she was gone, Spike smirked and held up a baggy reading: “Alum powder” on the label.

Dawn was the very picture of fury, but just then Buffy had returned with more water.

Ah bless you Anyanka…”Alum powder…the bitterest substance a human can tolerate.” Spike thought as he slipped the baggy back in his pocket before Buffy could see.

* * *

The next day…

Dawn had the house all to herself. Buffy and Spike had taken Hope to the Mall with them so that they could buy Spike new clothes. Spike had had a hell of a time explaining to Buffy how he had “accidentally” bleached all of his clothes, to which Dawn had a good laugh over after they had left.

So Dawn had invited her new Wiccan friend Samantha over so that they could cast a curse on Spike.

“You want to do what?!” Samantha’s nose twisted up in distaste.

“You heard me.” Dawn replied as she pulled out her “secret box” of Wicca supplies out of her closet.

“Why would you want to…you know…make him flaccid? That’s just gross.” Samantha said.

“Because he’s being an asshole.” Dawn replied as she pulled out a book and flipped it to the page she wanted. She set that aside and started taking out the things the book listed that she would need for the spell.

“Remind me to never piss you off.” The red frizzy haired girl shook her head at Dawn, but helped her get out the ingredients anyway.

“Okay, we light the charcoal disk and sprinkle the Sage on it.” Dawn read from the book and attempted to do just that. It took her three tries and a burned finger to get the charcoal to glow red. She set it in the brazier and took out the little baggy of powdered sage from the box.

“That doesn’t look like sage.” Samantha commented.

Dawn looked at it again and shrugged. “That’s what the label says.”

Samantha shrugged back. “Maybe it’s a different kind then.”

Dawn sprinkled a good pinch of it on the charcoal and it immediately started sending up plumes of smoke. Within minutes the room was filled with the pungent smoke.

“Oh GROSS!! It smells like burning urine!” Dawn gagged.

“Is it even possible to burn urine?” Samantha coughed and waved her hand in front of her face.

“It is now!” Dawn said as she grabbed the brazier, opened her window and tossed it out. She then opened all of her windows to air out her room..

“Uhg! My eyes are watering, that stuff is horrid. Is it supposed to smell like that?” Samantha said rubbing her eyes as she stood next to the window to breathe the fresh air.

“I don’t know I’ve never used it before.” Dawn admitted.

“Well it certainly doesn’t smell like any sage I’ve ever burned! Compared to that Sage smells like roses!”

The room was starting to air out a bit so Dawn went and grabbed the baggy of the herbs and sat down on the windowsill to examine it.

Samantha took a closer look at it and took it out of Dawn’s hands. “I know what that is! That’s not sage at all! It’s Juniper! Someone gave you the wrong stuff.”

Or switched it. Dawn thought. Then her eyes widened. “Spike!!”

* * *

Spike had the distinct feeling that everybody else knew something he didn’t. People that would walk past them would look at him and start giggling or look at him funny. Whatever it was, Buffy didn’t seem to know because she didn’t say anything.

That is, until Spike bent over to take his daughter out of her stroller and Buffy just so happened to be standing behind him at the time.

“Um…Spike…did you know the back seam of your pants is split?” Buffy said trying her best not to giggle.

Then everything horribly clicked into place.

DAWN!!!

* * *

The next morning at the Magic Box…

“Anyanka…would you mind doing me a favor during lunch break?” Spike asked.

* * *

I hate Mondays. Dawn thought bitterly as she sat in her homeroom. It was just before lunch and Dawn sat staring blankly out the window. She didn’t even hear the classroom door open, and didn’t see Anya go up to the teacher and say something. The teacher nodded and Anya made her way back to Dawn.

“Hey Dawnie! You left your lunch at home!” Anya announced loudly, and handed over a brown paper bag, then in a not-so quiet voice said: “And that box of tampons. Just in case… it’s getting close to THAT TIME OF THE MONTH, isn’t it Dawnie?”

The whole class started laughing. Dawn was mortified. She stared blankly at Anya while Anya had a patronizing smile etched on her face. “Gotta go now, Spike sends his love.”

The classroom rang with laughter and poor Mrs. Bizwick tried to settle them down to no avail.

All Dawn saw was red.

* * *

Back at the Magic Box…

Spike, Xander and Anya were rolling on the floor laughing. Anya had just returned from Dawn’s school and told them what had happened.

“Oh man! How much did that set you back?” Xander asked Spike.

“Had to practically buy out the whole bloody store.” Spike snorted while Anya beamed.

Xander nodded, suddenly sobering.

“Best bloody $500 I ever spent!” Spike and Xander started going into gales of laughter again.

* * *

Later…

Dawn walked sedately into the Magic Box, but slammed the door so hard it shook the front window display and almost tore off the doorbell.

She glared at Anya and Spike but said nothing as she walked to the table, slammed down her book bag and plopped into a chair. Anya and Spike ignored her, but had to contain their sniggering every time they thought about Spike’s prank. They at least had the decency to turn their backs from her first.

Dawn was just contemplating how to get even with Spike when her opportunity walked through the door. An entire hoard of teenage girls entered the shop, just off from school. Spike went to go do his thing.

Just outside the store a delivery truck parked out side. It was time for the weekly shipment.

Double perfect! Dawn thought gleefully. She picked up a book from the table and pretended to read it as she watched the gang of teenage girls flirting with Spike and the UPS guy unloading several boxes from the truck.

The UPS guy got out a dolly and loaded several packages onto it and wheeled it into the shop. Anya intercepted him and signed for the packages. The UPS guy wheeled them to where Anya directed and turned to leave.

Oh no you don’t. Dawn thought to herself, and then projected to the UPS man: ::There’s another package you forgot on the truck.::

The UPS guy faltered in his step for a moment, but then continued on. A minute later he returned with another package and another signature clipboard in hand.

Dawn cast a quick Glamour on the package as the UPS guy walked up to Spike.

“Excuse me sir, are you William Walden?” The UPS guy asked Spike.

“Uh, yeah.” Spike said, confused.

“Great. Can you sign this please?” The UPS guy handed him the clipboard, and Spike signed it. “Here you go. Have a nice day Mr. Walden.” The UPS guy handed him the package.

The hoard of teenage girls started laughing hysterically. Spike read the label. In bold 24 point print it exclaimed “NOT PENIS CREAM”.

Dawn couldn’t contain her laughter. Take that asshole. Thank you Steve Martin!

* * *

Anya had finally gotten the teenage girls to leave, and Spike zeroed in on Dawn.

Spike had had enough of this game. He was about to “have a talk” with her, when Nigel suddenly shouted in all of their heads:

::WATCHERS!!::

Not a second later three Watchers streamed in through the front door, and three others came in through the training room back door and converged in the shop.

Spike only had enough time to exclaim “SHIT!” before he had to duck a crossbow bolt fired by one of the non-descript Watchers.

Two Watchers moved in at the same time to take Hope out of her playpen, but Spike intercepted them and began fighting them off. Anya grabbed a baseball bat from behind the counter and started bashing the nearest Watcher with it.

Dawn, true to her training, picked up the nearest chair and threw it at the closest Watcher, taking him down. When another rushed her she started throwing books at him until she got him good in the head and it stunned him long enough for her to pick up a piece of broken chair and thwap him on the head with it until he was knocked out. Another Watcher came at her and she kicked another chair at him, hitting him in the knees, temporarily disabling him. But she needed to get her hands on a real weapon. When she saw an opening she ran for the training room, which was thankfully devoid of Watchers, ran to the back wall and grabbed all the weapons she could carry. She ran back into the store and tossed Spike a weapon when he had a free second.

Spike caught the sword and used the momentum to slash at the Watcher he was fighting. The Watcher jumped back just in time. Spike swung the blade to ward the Watcher off, defending Hope in her playpen.

Dawn was taking on two Watchers at the same time, using one of the training long staffs, which was one of her weapons of choice. Her training with Spike paid off. The Watchers were dumbfounded a teenage girl knew how to use a long staff properly, and knew how to use it well. In a blur of twirl-y maneuvers sweeps and jabs Dawn had both Watchers seeing stars.

Ha! Four me, Spike and Anya zip! Dawn thought triumphantly as she moved in to help Anya with the Watcher she was taking on. Unfortunately for Dawn, this Watcher had some sort of martial arts training, and a black belt at that. While Dawn was busy trying not to get her ass kicked by the Watcher, she didn’t notice two of the Watcher’s she had knocked out recovered. They exchanged some sort of hand signs, nodded at each other, and moved towards the ground Spike was defending—Hope’s playpen. One of the Watchers went after Spike, giving Spike two Watchers to fight off, distracting him. The third Watcher advanced to Hope’s playpen unnoticed. When he saw his opportunity, he snatched Hope from her playpen and ran for the door.

“NO!!” Spike shouted when he saw the blur of Watcher run out the door with his daughter. The Watchers attacking him doubled their efforts to keep him from running after.

Dawn had distractedly witnessed the event while she generally trying not to get her ass kicked, but the moment she saw the Watcher run past her, she redoubled her efforts and managed to clip the Black belt Watcher in the jaw.

“Anya!” Dawn shouted to her and threw her the long staff. Anya nodded, taking over the fight with the Black belt Watcher. Dawn picked up a stray weapon that lay on the floor and dashed after the Kidnapper Watcher.

She ran as fast as she could, hot on the heels of the Watcher. The Watcher had a more difficult time running with a baby in his arms, so Dawn had the advantage. A few blocks away Dawn finally caught up with him. She didn’t even pause to think about it—she raised the dagger and slashed the Watcher across the kidneys. The Watcher cried out and stumbled, slamming into the nearest wall with his opposite shoulder. There the chase came to a halt.

“Give her back.” Dawn demanded, holding the dagger menacingly.

“The child must die—it is an abomination.” The Watcher replied, and it was only then that Dawn noticed the Watcher had a small knife aimed at Hope’s throat. Hope was making a fuss.

“No thanks, I kind of like my sister.” Dawn replied tersely. The Watcher fidgeted under her hardened eyes. “Let her go.”

“The child must die, it is ordained by God!” The Watcher cried out and moved to carry out just that—but was hit in the eyes by Dawn with a white bolt of energy, slamming his head against the hard brick wall, and knocking him out. He slid boneless-ly to the ground, Hope still held firmly in his arms. Dawn let out a sigh of relief and took the child in her own arms, hugging her and calming her down.

Thank God for that Magical self defense book. Dawn thought. Hope reached up and touched her tiny hand on Dawn’s cheek, and when Dawn looked deep into her little sister’s eyes she finally understood. Hope cooed and smiled at her.

Spike and Anya finally caught up to her and saw Dawn cradling Hope safely in her arms, the Watcher knocked out at her feet.

“Dawn are you okay?!” Spike asked worriedly. Anya looked down at the Watcher in distaste and kicked him hard in the ribs for good measure.

“Yeah, we’re fine.” Dawn replied, honestly feeling it for the first time in months. Hope started whimpering and reaching for her father, so Dawn passed her off to him. He acted like any relieved parent would after a child was returned to them—he repeatedly hugged her and checked her for any bruises, nicks or scratches.

“I’m sorry.” Dawn said to Spike. Spike looked at her, puzzled, so Dawn continued. “You were right. I was being spoiled and selfish. I was jealous.” Dawn admitted, looking fondly at her baby sister, and then smirked at Spike. “But I’m over it now.”

“Can we save the touchy feely moments for after we clean up the mess in my shop? I’ll be damned if I close the shop just because a bunch of dorks in tweed show up!” Anya exclaimed, angrily kicking the Watcher in the ribs again.

“Come on Nibblet, let’s go before Anyanka has a tizzy.” Spike sighed as he put an arm around his surrogate daughter and the three of them walked back towards the Magic Box.

* * *

Two months later…

“Amanda Stilman.” The principal called out on the microphone and applause rang out from the audience. The girl stood up and made her way to the stage, accepted her diploma, shook the teacher’s hands and walked off the stage.

“Dawn Summers.” The principal called out, and the appropriate applause rang out—except for the riot of applause that erupted from her own private cheering row as Dawn stood and walked to the stage.

Buffy (holding Hope), Spike, Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, Giles, Jonathan and Clem all stood up and cheered as loudly as possible. Willow and Tara were waving a sign reading: “CONGRADULATIONS DAWN!”

Dawn was blushing furiously as she accepted her diploma, shook her teachers hands and walked off the stage, returning to her seat.

The rest of the ceremony went off without a hitch, and Spike noticed the look on Buffy’s face.

“What’s wrong luv, not enough excitement for you?” Spike asked as he watched Buffy set Hope down in her hand carrier.

“Oh, no, trust me, was not basking in the memories of the Mayor Snake.”

“What’s wrong then?”

“It’s just that…she’s all grown up!” Buffy said, obviously holding back tears.

“Yeah, she came that way.” Spike pointed out, trying to lighten her mood.

“She’s going to college!!” Buffy wailed.

“Not for another year, she said so!” Spike temporized.

“But she will! She’s turning 18 and I won’t have any legal say over what she does or where she lives or anything!!” Buffy cried.

“Geez Buff, calm down. Everything will be fine. Baby birds need to leave the nest eventually.” Xander added.

“Yeah! And weather she falls or flies, we’ll still be here for her, ready to welcome her back to the nest!” Willow chimed in, and then grimaced. “I think that’s enough bird analogies.”

“I suppose you’re right. I should be brave. I should be happy for her.” Buffy said, sniffling.

Dawn finally made her way to everyone, and the moment Buffy saw her she started bawling her eyes out and threw her arms around Dawn. “I’m so happy for you!!” Buffy cried, and Dawn pat her back awkwardly.

“I can see that.” Dawn replied sarcastically.

“She’s having a ‘mom’ moment.” Xander supplied. Dawn “ah”-ed and nodded, holding Buffy at arm’s length.

“Buffy, it’s okay. I’ll still be here. I’m taking a year off first, remember?” Dawn told her.

“Yeah but…”

“And when I finally *do* go, I’ll come home every night for dinner! Can’t expect a girl to survive on Pizza, can you?” Dawn grinned wryly.

Spike snorted in acknowledgement.

“You promise?” Buffy asked her sister. Dawn held out her pinky finger to her sister.

“Sister promise.” Dawn smiled. Buffy sniffled and giggled at the age-old pact and linked her pinky with her sister’s.

“Sister promise.” Buffy confirmed, and they hugged.

* * *

THE END