Chapter 4: Trust

The party was going pretty good. They were about an hour into it when Spike noticed the demon girl urging Xander to do something. The whelp looked pretty apprehensive about it, but eventually caved in. He walked up to Spike and pulled a book out from one of his pockets.

“Hey.” Xander greeted him a bit nervously. Spike gave him a questioning look.

“I uh…well, see….um, Anya and I got this for you. Dawn helped us pick it out. She thought you’d like it.” Xander said as he held the book out to Spike.

From the other side of the room Dawn saw the exchange and quickly walked over to see Spike’s reaction.

Spike was looking down at the book with an unreadable look on his face. Dawn smiled widely.

“You like it? I saw that you had all of these poetry books up here the other day. So I figured, hey, the guy likes poetry. I even marked the page of one that I thought you’d like.” Dawn said proudly.

“Er, thanks.” Spike said a little awkwardly. He did like poetry, but he didn’t know how he felt about the Scoobies knowing about his softer side. He was a bit shocked when Xander didn’t make any jibes at him though.

“What, no wise cracks about me bein’ all soft and poofy like?” Spike looked up at Xander.

“Well, I won’t lie, it is tempting. But strange as it sounds, I kinda respect you now.” Xander said nervously.

“No need to get all mushy on me, mate.” Spike teased.

“Shut up.” Xander said, pushing him on the shoulder good-naturedly. Spike chuckled and opened the book to the page Dawn had marked for him. He grinned when he saw the poem. He gave Dawn a nod of thanks and cleared his throat, looking directly at Buffy.

“Of dark and light, mysteries cried out

look here, look here and learn of fear.

Unutterable deeds of men does shout

For mankind to shed but a single tear.

Past and present coalesce.

Single minded passions run

till bowed they angrily acquiesce

to that which foul deeds are done.

As the hawk does stalk the dove

elusive dreams shatter with morn.

And over all the triumph of love

the seeds from which hope is born.

what is love without the pain?

And what is light without the dark?

To savor the sun there must be rain,

'ere we come home, must embark.

Of fear and pain our estate

inherent from the opened locks.

but worth the cost to fill our plate

With the final content of Pandora's box.”

“Wow.” Buffy breathed. The rest of the gang was making other comments of approval, but Buffy and Spike weren’t paying attention to anything except each other. Buffy was smiling and Spike loved it. It was a real smile, not those fake ones she had gotten used to wearing since she came back. He brushed a strand of hair from her face and smiled back at her.

“Remind you of anyone, luv?”

Buffy answered him by grabbing him by the shirt and kissing him passionately. He didn’t even notice when he dropped the poetry book on the ground.

“Wow, that’s hot!” Anya remarked, fanning herself with her hand. The others stood slightly slack jawed, but none of them could truly be shocked. They all had suspected as much.

“Xander, why don’t you kiss me like that anymore? You used to kiss me like that.” Anya grumbled with her arms crossed.

“Well, I …uh, well…” Xander muttered, unable to reply.

“Guys…?” Dawn tried to get Buffy and Spike’s attention when they did not break the kiss.

“Guys?” She said a bit more forcefully. The couple apparently had forgotten there were other people in the room.

“GUYS!!” Dawn shouted again when they started to get a little indecent. The couple broke off suddenly, realizing again that they had guests. Buffy was blushing furiously.

“So…uh, cards anyone?” Spike said as he swaggered a bit from the intensity of the kiss. Dawn laughed at the goofy grin Spike had plastered on his face.

* * *

They played cards for hours, Buffy and Spike kicking the other Scobbie’s asses. When they all got bored (and the majority of them bankrupt) they tossed in their cards, trying to figure out what else to do.

“Tell us what you were like when you were human.” Dawn asked Spike.

“What?” Spike looked at her incredulously, like she had grown a second head.

“Well we heard some stuff when identity crisis chick was messing with you. Now we’re all curious.” Dawn explained. Spike looked appalled.

“No way nibblet!” Spike protested. Then Dawn did something Spike dreaded. Something that always made him cave in. She gave him her puppy dog eyes.

“Pleeeeaaase Spike?” She pouted. Spike growled in annoyance, trying to look away from her pleading eyes, but the damage was already done. He looked around at the Scoobies waiting for ridicule but he only saw curiosity in their faces.

“Yeah Spike, tell us about our favorite neighborhood vamp.” Buffy added, giving her own version of puppy dog eyes. Now he was really done for. Spike sighed in defeat and disgust.

“Fine! Why not? S’not like my dignity isn’t ruined already.” Spike grumbled as he sat down in his armchair. The rest of the Scoobs made themselves comfortable, waiting to hear his story.

“Well uh…” Spike swallowed audibly, raking a hand through his blonde hair. He sighed and sat forward resting his elbows against his knees, preparing to spill all.

“Well it’s like this; I was born William Walden III. My father was an upper class prat who was the president of a prominent bank in London. I forget which one. Anyway…my mum was a nice lady. Distant, but nice. She was the typical upper class bint; her father arranged her marriage to my Da, the richest man in London at the time. She was about 16 when she gave birth to me…” Spike paused to grab a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it. If he was going to tell his sordid nancy-boy past, he was gonna look cool when he did it.

“So anyways, by the time I was 25 or so, I fancied myself a poet. I had all sorts of opportunities for careers at the time, my Da offered me a position at his bank, and I could’ve attended Oxford to become a doctor, that sort of thing. But back then, being the little prat that I was, I figured that poetry was my forte, so I began to write the most God-awful stuff you could ever read, whilst attendin’ parties and such, as was the proper thing to do in those days. I fell in love with a bint named Cecily. She was the most popular girl, the one that all the gents tried to woo. ‘Course, me bein’ the bloody fool I was, I figured I had a chance to woo her with my words. I was writin’ a poem about her durrin’ one of those parties, tryin’ to describe the feelings I had for her. So anyways, this wanker takes my poem from me and reads it in front of everyone, just as Cecily entered the room. Everyone knew that I had a crush on her, so she was real embarrassed like, and fled the room. As I went after her, I heard some of those wankers say some things they would regret later on…” Spike paused to take a drag on his cigarette and gauge the reactions from the gang. Everyone remembered what those people said to him when the First morphed into the people from his past, but they were all listening intently, none of them reaching for a stake or making fun of him, so he continued.

“Right, so anyway, I went after her and found her bein’ all distressed and ladylike fanning herself. She asked me if the poems were about her, and I said yeah, and she got all flustered like. I told her that I loved her and that I was a good man and all that rot, but she rejected me…. She….she told me that I was nothing to her. That I was beneath her.” Spike said as he flicked his cigarette butt to the ground and crushed it beneath his boot. He kept his gaze steady on the ground, not wanting to look into the faces of his friends. Spike had to bite back a chuckle at that last thought. His friends. William the bloody has human friends. Still, even if it did make him feel like a nancy-boy, he liked having them as his friends. It made him feel needed. The First Evil proved to him that his greatest nightmare was to not be needed. Well actually that, and Buffy’s death. It was a close tie. Pushing back these thoughts, he continued.

“So after having my heart broken mercilessly, I stormed out from the party, tearing my poems to shreds. I ducked into an alleyway and sat down. That’s where Dru found me…” Spike said as he took another cigarette out, lighting it. He inhaled the smoke and blew it out again before continuing.

“You all can probably guess what happened next. She said the right words to me and next thing I know, I’m wakin’ up inside a coffin. Now keep in mind I didn’t have control of my demon back then…I was no better than a blood thirsty newly risen vamp. But Dru and Angelus were there, waiting for me. That’s one of the differences between minions and Childer. Sire’s come for their Childer. They are there when you first awaken, to teach you, to train you. Dru was pretty worthless in the teaching department, so Angelus was kind of my surrogate Sire. The rest is rather unpleasant, specially for a PG-13 audience, Lil’ bit.” Spike glanced at Dawn. Dawn just rolled her eyes.

“When did you start to control your demon?” Dawn asked, ignoring him. Spike let out an exasperated sigh and sat back in his chair, taking another drag from his cigarette.

“Didn’t take long. The day or so I was like an animal. It took a little while for me to balance out the demon, and take control of it. After that, I found I had quite a knack for irritating Angelus. Drove him off his bloody rocker at times. He’s tried to stake me so many times I’ve lost count.” Spike chuckled at the memories.

“What did you do to him?” Xander asked eagerly, excited to hear new ways at tormenting Angel. Spike laughed at the boy’s curiosity.

“Well, lets see…” Spike paused, conjuring up memories. “About a month after I was turned we were hiddin’ out in Yorkshire, England. I caused a stir in London by killin’ off those blokes at that party. The whole town went nuts, formin’ a bloody riot. I was havin’ the time of my bloody un-life rilin’ up that lot. But Angelus, the wuss he is, made us hide out in a soddin’ coal mine in Yorkshire. Chapped his hide somethin’ fierce, that did. He damn near staked me, again. The bloody fool was goin’ on about how I was ruin’ his soddin’ reputation.” Spike snorted.

“How did you get the nickname ‘Spike’?” Dawn asked.

“Do you really need to ask that, nibblet?” Spike gave her a ‘you know why’ look.

“Are there any stories without mayhem, blood and torture?” Buffy asked pointedly.

“Er, yeah actually…” Spike scratched his head nervously. Then he grinned as a memory surfaced. “Alright kiddies, this one could be considered a horror story for some of us.” Spike grinned conspiratorially at Xander.

“There was this one time in Paris, the four of us were looking for a good time. This was around…oh, 1890 or so. There was this new nightclub we’d heard of called ‘the Red Windmill’, or as you’d know it, ‘Le Moulin Rouge’. We’d been prattling around Europe lookin’ for some good hunting grounds. Dru said that ‘the pretty lights ’ and ‘dancing faeries’ were calling to her, or some such rot. Anyway, we found the club and got in. Now durrin’ those times a dance like the ‘can-can’ was practically scandalous, so I was havin’ a good ol’ time. Angelus, bein’ the damn stick in the mud that he is, was getting bored and insisted that we leave. By that time the drinks that we ordered came, so we drank. I just had some bourbon, whilst Angelus always did like the stronger stuff. He had Absinthe. Pretty much that’s a mixture of Opium and Vodka. The prat loosened his collar considerably after that. By the time he was on his third shot he was out on the dance floor kickin’ his legs along with the bloody ‘can-can’ dancers!” Spike laughed, barely able to finish his sentence. The gang was snickering at the mental image.

“Oh, but that’s not all. Then the git started to sing horribly to whatever song they had playin’! I think that had to be the worst of it, he’s a bloody awful singer! The git sounds a cat in heat mixed with a dying cow!” Spike laughed as he grimaced at the memory, whist the Scoobies were practically in stitches, laughing. Harris was wiping tears from his eyes from laughing so hard.

“Oh man, I am so going to have to bring that up next time I see him!” Xander commented.

“That is so cool that you went to the Moulin Rouge! Is it anything like the movie?” Dawn asked eagerly.

“The new one? I wouldn’t know platelet, I haven’t seen it.” Spike shrugged.

“Oh! We are *so* gonna have to rent it! Can we Buffy, please?” Dawn begged.

“I guess. We could have a movie night. We haven’t done that in a long time.” Buffy commented.

“Cool!” Dawn squealed in excitement.

“Oi! Then there was this one time I caught peaches tryin’ on Dru’s dresses…” Spike started to say, but Buffy cut him off.

“Maybe another time, for that story Spike. It’s way past your bedtime Dawnie. We should get going.” Buffy said as she stood up.

“Do we have to?” Dawn whined.

“YES. It’s past midnight, and you have school tomorrow.” Buffy said.

“School sucks.” Dawn mumbled as she rose to her feet.

“Well, I suppose we should all call it a night then.” Willow said as she and Tara stood, as did Xander and Anya. They all picked up their’ messes, throwing the trash into the grocery bag they had brought, as Dawn gathered up the cards and chips from their poker game.

Earlier, when Dawn had suggested that they played poker, Spike had been pleased when he

saw Buffy blushing several shades of red. He knew that she was thinking the same thing that he was. "Does that last one involve stripping?” When she had looked up at him, he raised his eyebrows suggestively, which caused her to duck her head and blush even more. She had been so flustered that she nearly hit the roof when Dawn had suggested that they play strip poker, jokingly of course.

“We’ll see you around Spike, and welcome to the gang.” Willow called out cheerfully as she headed to the door.

“Later Red.”

“Bye.” Tara said shyly as she followed Willow. Spike nodded and gave her his sexiest grin, which caused the shy witch to blush as she scrambled out the door.

“See ya around Jr. You up for a game of pool sometime?” Xander asked.

“Sure, if you’re in the mood for loosing your money.” Spike replied. Xander just glared at him in mock annoyance as he left.

“Good bye Spike. I hope you don’t kill us now that we trust you. That would be bad.” Anya replied a little too cheerily while smiling.

“Er, right. I won’t.” Spike replied awkwardly, shaking his head as he watched the demon girl join Xander and the others outside his crypt.

“I’m just gonna tuck Dawn in, then I’ll be back for patrol. You up for it?” Buffy asked.

“Always luv.” Spike purred with a suggestive raise of his eyebrows. Buffy blushed, his double entendre not lost on her.

“Right, patrolling.” Dawn said, disbelieving. Nothing was lost on her. “G’night Spike. Love ya.” Dawn said, kissing his cheek. Spike scratched his head nervously at her show of affection.

“Er, right….’night, nibblet. Don’t let the bed vamps bite.”

“What am I, five?” She retorted as she joined the rest of the scoobs outside.

“I’ll be back in an half hour. See ya then.” Buffy kissed him and walked out the door. Spike stood there for a couple of minutes and stared at the door that the group had just exited minutes ago.

“What a bloody strange week.” He said out loud, fingering the amulet around his neck.

* * *

Two weeks later, since Willow and Tara had given Spike the Amulet of Brytanor, Spike had started to keep daylight hours. It wasn’t too difficult since he didn’t sleep much during the day anyway, but now thanks to the amulet, he could do other things instead of being holed up in his crypt all day, and had no need for SPF blanket. Buffy had bought him some sunglasses, and Dawn had gave him some suntan lotion. He was a bit apprehensive about going out into the sun at first. Who wouldn’t be after one hundred and twenty seven years of avoiding it? So it took him some time getting used to. But now he loved the sun… aside from the one unfortunate day where he sat outside too long and got a nice sunburn. He thanked whatever Gods for vampire healing, or else he would have been one crispy critter for a whole week at least.

Then last week he realized he could get a job, now that he could go out in the daylight, and had a reflection. They had gotten past the obstacle of a birth certificate, Green card and all of that legal paperwork thanks to Willow. Since her absence from magic she had reverted back into ‘hacker’ persona, so the job of getting Spike legal documents was a much-needed project for her. When all was said and done, Anya had hired him at the Magic Box, mostly for grunt work, but soon the group learned that he had quite an extensive knowledge of magic- black magics mostly- and demons.

It had almost unnerved the group a little to find that there was a loophole in the chip that he could have used all of this time. The chip didn’t go off if he used magic, and he knew some pretty nasty spells. When questioned why he didn’t use them, he simply replied with a shrug: “I never did like usin’ that hocus pocus stuff. That was Angelus and Dru’s obsession. I figured it was like cheating, and what’s the fun in that? Give me a good ol’ fashioned brawl any day.”

After that the group trusted him even more. He was truly accepted into the core of the Scooby gang, and it wasn’t just because he was now Buffy’s boyfriend. Spike was still reeling from that alone. He was the happiest he had ever been, and he didn’t care how much of a sap that made him. He accepted it now. He really was a nancy-boy, ‘specially when it came to the Summer’s girls.

Dawn was the more manipulative of the two. All she had to do was turn those puppy-dog eyes on him, and he basically did whatever she wanted.

He wasn’t just Buffy’s willing slave, apparently.

One day he was pleasantly surprised by Buffy. She led him into her room with a secretive smile on her face.

“What’s this all about pet?” Spike asked.

“I kind of have a little surprise for you.”

“Just as long as it’s not long, pointy and made of wood.” Spike chuckled.

“Well, actually, it is made of wood…” Buffy smiled sweetly as she pulled open the third drawer of her dresser. Spike peeked in. It was empty.

“Uh, luv?” Spike said questioningly. “The drawer is empty.”

“I know. It’s for you.”

“An empty drawer? Awww, luv, you shouldn’t have.” Spike teased, not getting why she was giving him an empty drawer.

“You dork, it’s for you to put your clothes in. ‘Cause, you know, you spend the night over here all the time, and it really makes no sense for you to run back to your crypt every morning to get some clean clothes.” Buffy said, slightly fidgeting under his gaze.

“Is this…. A relationship thing?” Spike questioned.

Spike was still a little lost when it came to relationships with humans. He had never been with a human, so little things like having a drawer for your clothes at your girlfriends house was kind of confusing for him. Their’ first date had been interesting to say the least.

“Yeah.” Buffy replied.

“Then I love it.” Spike grinned and kissed her.

“Eww, get a room!” Dawn teased from Buffy’s doorway.

“We have a room nibblet. You’re the voyeur here.” Spike teased back. Dawn curled up her nose, turned and went into her room, turning up her CD player.

“She plays that bloody song all the time!” Spike growled in annoyance as the music filtered through the paper-thin walls.

“Well whose fault is it for buying her the CD and the CD player, daddy vamp?” Buffy grinned. Spike glared at her.

“It’s sickening how she manipulates me. Who ever heard of a soddin’ master vampire bein’ manipulated by a 16 year old girl?” Spike grumbled in what he hoped was a menacing voice, but it was far from it.

“Blame it on the Hell-mouth, honey.” Buffy replied with an impish grin as she swatted his rear-end playfully.

“Mmm, pet, don’t start somethin’ you’re not gonna finish.” Spike warned with a lustful gaze.

“Is sex all you ever think about?” Buffy asked.

“Only around you, luv.” He chuckled as he advanced toward her, pulling her into his arms.

“Spike, you know we can’t start this now… later, tonight.” Buffy meekly tried to push him away as he nuzzled her neck and began purring. That always sent tinglies down her spine and made her stomach do flip-flops.

“You started it, luv.” Spike reminded her as he placed kisses on her neck.

“And I’m going to stop it too. Dawn’s in the house, we can’t do this now.” Buffy reminded him. There had been an unpleasant incident about a week ago when Buffy and Spike had lost track of time, and didn’t realize that Dawn had come home from school.

Dawn entered the house, and once she heard the growls, moans and other pleasure-filled noises coming from upstairs, she turned right around and sat on the front porch, waiting outside until they were finished. Spike had found here out there when he went out for a cigarette. She wouldn’t look him in the eyes, and had turned a deep shade of red, similar to the color of Willow’s hair. After that, they had to learn how to keep their’ hormones in check.

“Alright, luv. I’ve got to stop by the butchers and pick up a few pints. I’ll grab my clothes on the way back.” He said, giving her a swift kiss and heading out the door.

“Bye.” Buffy called out after him.

“Be back in a few nibblet.” Spike yelled to her over his shoulder as he went down the stairs and headed to the door.

“Can I come with?” Dawn jumped off her bed and ran down the stairs to meet him in the hallway by the door.

“What for? I’m just going to the butchers and stopping by my crypt.”

“Yeah, but that new store ‘Four corners’ is across the street from the butchers, and I have been dying to go check it out. Please Spike?” Dawn pleaded, flashing him the dreaded puppy eyes. Spike sighed in defeat.

“Bloody fantastic. Manipulated by a sixteen year old girl.” Spike mumbled to himself. “Go ask your sis. If it’s alright with her, you can come.”

Dawn rushed upstairs, and he could hear the girls talking in Buffy’s room. After a few seconds of debating, Buffy agreed, Dawn squealed in excitement and came bounding down the stairs.

“She said yes!” Dawn said happily as she pulled on her jacket. Spike pulled on his duster and opened the door.

“Bye Buffy!” Dawn called out as she walked outside.

“Be back soon, luv.”

“Bye guys!” Buffy called back as the front door closed behind the two.

* * *

“Oh my God, wait until Christy sees me wearing this at the Bronze tomorrow night!” Dawn squealed happily as she glanced inside her bag from ‘Four corners’. Spike had been reluctant to go into the ‘girly’ store, but Dawn dragged him in using her secret weapon. Spike was even more horrified when Dawn had handed him her purse and told him to sit in a chair and wait for her to try on dresses. He was left sitting in the chair, scowling at her purse.

After she had tried on four different dresses, she came out of the fitting rooms wearing a short burgundy little red number that made her look like a Goddess. Spike’s first reaction was to jump out of the chair, demanding that Dawn go right back into that stall and take off the dress, because “No bloody way in *hell* was she going out in public wearing something like that.”

The dress was way too sexy for a sixteen year-old girl, but Dawn had sweet-talked him into it, using her puppy dog eyes. Spike relented, swearing under his breath that Buffy was going to stake him for buying it for Dawn.

“Yeah, yeah, just don’t let me catch you rubbing up some guy wearin’ that thing. If I see a guy touch you, chip or no, I’ll rip his throat out, got it?” Spike swore as the two walked outside into the afternoon sun, to the butcher’s shop.

“Geez, over-protective much?”

“I can’t believe I’m bein’ manipulated by a sixteen year-old girl…” Spike mumbled beneath his breath. That one sentence was becoming his mantra lately.

“Come on, you know you love me.” Dawn smiled at the flustered vampire.

“Love to eat you.” He glared at her as he opened the door to the butcher shop, ushering her in first.

“Right. That’s why you buy me expensive dresses and my favorite CD’s and…” Dawn started to prattle off, but Spike interrupted her.

“I get the bloody picture!” Spike sighed as he ran a hand through his tousled hair.

Buffy preferred the ‘tousled look’, instead of his usual slicked back appearance. Whenever he slicked his hair back, she tousled it the first chance she got. After awhile, he just kept it styled that way. Besides, he liked how she called it the ‘just got shagged’ look.

“What can I get for you?” The butcher behind the counter asked.

“Four pints of the special, mate.” Spike said, and the butcher quickly glanced up at the mirror angled on the ceiling above them. He glanced at Spike in confusion upon seeing his reflection, but nodded his head anyway.

“I’ll just be a moment.” The butcher smiled politely as he went into the back.

Both Spike and Dawn turned to glance at the front door when they heard it open, and a tall, burly looking man walked into the butcher shop. The man looked for all the world like a redneck logger, complete with a dirty red flannel vest, tattoos up both burly arms and spit cup for his tobacco wad in his stained yellow teeth. Dawn instinctively curled up her nose in disgust. This man reeked of chewing tobacco and whiskey.

The three stood there, waiting, and Spike glanced back at the redneck when the man appeared to be annoyed with waiting. The man charged up to the counter and pounded viciously on the metal bell to get the butcher’s attention.

The butcher appeared from around the corner, his dingy white apron smeared slightly with blood.

“Can I help you sir?” The butcher asked from where he stood. He suddenly looked apprehensive when he recognized the man.

“Can a guy get some service around here? I need a dozen steaks and a rump roast.” The redneck ordered gruffly.

“I’ll be with you in just a minute, Tony.” The butcher replied and disappeared around the corner again. The red neck grumbled in annoyance. Thirty seconds later the redneck was pounding on the bell again.

“Can I get my order sometime today?!” The redneck shouted. Before Spike could stop her, Dawn opened her mouth.

“Wait your turn, the guy said he’d be done in a minute.” Dawn said.

“I wasn’t talkin’ to you little girl.” The man practically growled.

“I’m not a little girl.” Dawn glared at the man.

“You shut your yap kid, before I shut it for you.” The redneck glared back, pointing his finger at her. Spike was seething. No one talked to his nibblet like that. He was fighting really hard to keep his anger in check.

“Piss off you over-grown Neanderthal.” Dawn retorted.

“You little bitch!” The man shouted as he lunged for Dawn. Spike quickly grabbed the man’s hand and crushed his wrist in his vice-like grip. The man shouted in pain.

“I suggest you apologize to the lady, mate.” Spike glared at the man, his voice cold and deadly.

“Fuck off!” The man shouted and swung wildly with his other fist, but Spike anticipated it and ducked, then bobbed up and slammed his fist into the redneck’s face, sending him flying back into the wall, a good 10 ft away. The man lay there, unconscious.

“Spike…the chip.” Dawn gazed up at him in confusion. The realization finally struck Spike. He just hit a human and he didn’t have a migraine. He looked down at his hands.

“Bloody hell.” He whispered. He glanced back over at Dawn.

“Are you okay nibblet?” He asked, noting the worried look on her face.

“Yeah. Are you?”

“I think I’ve had better days…” Spike said, glancing at the ‘over-grown Neanderthal’, lying on the ground.

He heard a paper bag being set on the counter, and Spike glanced up to see the butcher, looking over at the redneck.

“You do that?” The butcher asked Spike.

“Yeah, mate. Sorry ‘bout the mess.” Spike replied. Then to his shock, the butcher smiled.

“Thanks. I’ve been wanting to do that to him for months.” The butcher motioned to the unconscious logger.

“Er, your welcome… I think.” Spike said as he dug out his wallet to pay for the blood.

“No charge.” The butcher waved off Spike’s money and handed him the bag.

“Thanks, mate.” Spike nodded his head in thanks and left the shop, opening the door for Dawn on the way out.

* * *

“Bloody hell. Bloody fucking hell…” Spike paced around the upper level of his crypt as Dawn watched on.

“Are you going to be okay?” She asked from her perch on top of one of the sarcophagi.

“No. I’m not. This is not good. This is bloody not good!” Spike continued to pace, running his hand through his hair for the thousandth time.

“Spike, we should get back. Buffy will start to worry about us.” Dawn said, glancing up through one of the windows. The sun was starting to set.

“I don’t know what to do… I can’t go back there, she’ll stake me. She won’t trust me….Oh, bloody hell! They won’t trust me either! Bloody buggering hell! I’m fucked.” Spike swore as he dug through a chest in the far corner. He stood when he found what he was looking for: his bottle of bourbon. He tore off the cap and downed nearly half of it in one gulp.

“Spike, calm down! It won’t be that bad! It can’t be!” Dawn pleaded with him.

“No, it’s worse. Buffy won’t love me anymore. The only reason she loves me is because of the soddin’ chip! It’s the only way she’ll trust me!” Spike downed another third of the bourbon. He paused when a thought suddenly struck him.

“I know! I’ll find some more of those Initiative buggers! There has to be some more of the blokes out there somewhere…” Spike started to get lost in thought, rambling on about finding the initiative, or loosing everything he had with Buffy and the gang.

“Spike, stop it!!” Dawn shouted, tears springing to her eyes. Spike stopped his litany cold, and walked over to her.

“Nibblet, don’t cry, I’m sorry. I’m just scared, that’s all.” Spike apologized, and then a pained look crossed his face. He took several steps back from her. Dawn saw his face slip into a stoic mask. Something had snapped inside the vampire. His entire body tensed up.

“You should go nibblet. Before it gets dark. You shouldn’t be hanging around a demon like me.” Spike said as impassively as he could, his voice devoid of emotion. In reality it was tearing him up inside. For the past month he had been living in a fantasy world of sorts, in Buffy’s world. Here he could pretend that he was human. He could walk in the sun and look at himself in the mirror, thanks to the witches. Now everything was crumbling down around him. The feelings of trust and love he had with Buffy and the Scoobies had just turned to dust right in front of him. They’d never trust him now. Why should they?

Spike looked down at his hands.

Over a hundred years of violence, death and destruction were caused by his hands. Why should any of the Scoobies trust him, now that the chip was gone? He could see himself in their' eyes now. He was a monster.

“I don’t want to go.” Dawn said stubbornly.

“I said go.” He repeated coldly.

“But..”

“GO!!” He erupted, shouting at the top of his lungs. Dawn squeaked in surprise and quickly bolted out the crypt door, the white bag from the store flailing behind her.

Spike hated himself. He hated that he was so harsh on her. He hated that she trusted him, when she shouldn’t. He hated that this was happening. He hated that his world was pulled out from underneath him like a rug. The world where Buffy loved him was as good as a fairy tale now.

“Did you really think it would last, you git?” Spike asked himself out loud. The bitter answer welled up in his throat, choking him. He knew the answer. Oh, how he knew the answer. It was all too good to be true, and he knew it from the moment that Buffy and the gang accepted him.

He downed the last of the bourbon and tossed the bottle carelessly away. It shattered against a concrete wall.

“Why the fuck does this shit happen to me?” Spike glanced around his crypt in despair. This place wasn’t home to him anymore. Buffy and Dawn’s house was home. This was just a place were he kept his stuff, now.

“A bleedin’ fairy tale, that’s what you’ve been living, mate. Looks like it’s time to crash back into reality.” Spike said bitterly. He looked around his crypt and realized with a broken heart what he must do. He went down to the lower levels and picked up his duffle bag, throwing his clothes, and various items into it. He lifted up the corner of his mattress pad and pulled out a small brown leather journal from underneath it. He flipped open the cover, and looked at the picture that he had stuck there not long after his party.

Dawn had given it to him. It was a picture of all the Scoobies, Buffy and Dawn in the forefront, standing outside the Magic Box.

With a heavy heart, Spike sat down on his bed and flipped through the pages of the book, filled with his journal entries and scant tries at poetry. He had to admit, he had gotten better than he used to be in his human days, but it was still pretty sucky. At last, he came to a blank page, and tore it out. He scribbled a note for Buffy and lay it down on his bed. He went to toss the book into his duffle bag, but stopped. He opened up the cover of the book and took out the picture, dug out his wallet and placed it in there. Placing the wallet back into his pocket, and tossing the book into his bag, he stood and made a quick sweep of the crypt, checking to see if he forgot anything.

Sighing, he zipped up the bag and shouldered it, then climbed the ladder to the upper level. He grabbed the blood out of the fridge, and headed to the door. Glancing back as he opened it, he whispered to the empty room:

“I’m sorry, Buffy.” He turned and left, closing the door behind him.

* * *

Next Chapter: Caritas (Mercy)

Chapter 5: Caritas (Mercy)

Dear Buffy,

I’m sure that by now the nibblet has told you what happened. I’m sorry, love.

I don’t know what happened. I guess after all this time, the chip malfunctioned.

I wish it could be different, pet…but I know that with the chip gone, you’ll never

Trust me. And I want you to trust me, Buffy. You, the nibblet and the Scoobies.

I’m going to see if I can find anymore of those initiative buggers lying around.

Maybe they’ll want to ram another chip in my skull. Hell, I’ll even pay the buggers to do it.

I’m nothing without you, Buffy. And without the chip, I don’t have you… So I have to do this.

Please tell Dawn I’m sorry for yelling at her, I didn’t mean to upset her.

Love,

William

Buffy held the letter loosely in her hands after reading it for the third time. She sat in silence on Spike’s bed in the lower levels of his crypt. Dawn had run home and told Buffy what had happened at the Butcher’s and at Spike’s crypt. As soon as she heard the chip had malfunctioned, she knew how.

“What did you do to him?” Buffy demanded.

“You’ll find out soon enough…” The First said tauntingly.

“That Bitch!” Buffy shouted into the lower levels, her voice echoing throughout the tunnels.

“Spike…you didn’t have to leave, you idiot.” Buffy whimpered as tears slid down her face. She clutched the letter to her chest and lay down on his bed, curled up into a ball.

* * *

The occupants of the Magic Box were all sitting silently around the lit-up round table that had held several Scooby meetings in the past. The shop was devoid of customers at the moment, and the recent news Buffy told them all had silenced the group. The general mood was somber, but it put Anya in an especially bad mood.

“How could he do this?” Anya asked, incredulously. Off of everyone’s confused looks she continued. “He didn’t even give me two weeks notice…! How am I supposed to find someone else to stock the shelves on such short notice? Now I’m going to have to do all that work myself. How inconsiderate!” She complained.

“Anya, I think we have bigger problems than you losing an employee.” Xander said.

“Well, he can just forget about leave with pay. You know, I should fire him. This is not a good way to treat your first employer!” Anya huffed, ignoring Xander.

“Am I the only one that is paying attention? Spike’s chip isn’t working anymore. That rates pretty high on my ‘really not good-o-meter’.” Xander re-iterated.

“Well, yeah, but he wouldn’t…you know…He wouldn’t go back to his old ways….would he?” Willow said with a wince.

“Well, he always said…” Xander started to say, but Dawn angrily cut him off.

“He wouldn’t do that!” She snapped.

“Dawn…” Xander started, but Dawn cut him off again.

“He isn’t like that anymore, and you know it! You should have seen him! He was majorly freaked because he knew you guys wouldn’t trust him anymore!” Dawn was on the brink of tears, remembering the pain in his face.

“Dawn’s right. He…He left me a note…” Buffy said sullenly and placed the note on the table for all to see. Willow picked up the note, read it, and passed it on.

“Oh, Buffy… Are you going to be okay?” Willow said, after she read the note.

Buffy swallowed hard and blinked to fight back the tears that threatened to spill, but one tear escaped. She quickly wiped it away to hide it, but the others saw.

“I’ll be fine…” Buffy said in a shaky voice. “He said he was coming back…. So I’m not worried.” Buffy said quietly.

“Well, actually in the note he doesn’t say that he’s coming back…Ow!” Xander yelped as Willow kicked him in the shin under the table. “Well, maybe I’m reading it wrong.” He quickly amended.

“It’s okay, guys. I’ll be okay. I know he’ll come back. I just wish I knew where he was.” Buffy said, sadly.

* * *

“You’ve got to be bloody kidding me.”

“Oh no, precious, that’s the deal.” The green skinned demon replied.

“Why the bleedin’ hell would I want a reading? I just want information!” Spike said angrily and tossed back another shot of tequila.

After driving for two hours, Spike had finally arrived in LA. He heard from a Kleriech demon at Willy’s in Sunnydale, about a bar called Caritas that was practically an information hot spot. If Spike wanted to pick up a lead on the Initiative guys, he would probably find it there, or so the demon said before Spike cut off his head. So here he was in ‘Caritas’, a Karaoke bar in LA, owned by a green skinned, red eyed, red horned demon that dressed like a neutral color-blind pimp.

“Trust me, Billy, you need to hear this.” The demon calling himself “the Host” told him.

“So get on with it and bloody tell me already. And don’t call me Billy.” Spike said angrily and motioned for the bartender to refill his drink.

“It doesn’t work that way Blondie. You need to sing.” Lorne said, pointing to the stage where a Mora demon was belting out “Copa cabana”. Spike winced.

“Bollocks. Tell me what I need to know, or I’ll rip your bloody intestines out and play skip-rope with them.”

“Oh, you are a touchy one. As charming as that sounds, sweets, I’m going to have to decline. Besides, my bar has an anti-violence spell on it.”

“Bloody hell.” Spike tossed back his shot, and then grabbed the bottle from the bartender when he went to refill his drink.

* * *

Dawn came down from the upper balcony of the Magic Box, where she had been replacing a book for Willow.

Xander, Tara and Willow were gathered around the table that was piled high with research books, still looking for the mysterious ‘frost monster’, Anya was helping a customer, and the sounds of a punching back getting the beating of it’s life revealed that Buffy was in the training room.

Dawn sighed and sat down on one of the bottom steps of the latter.

“Still no luck?” Dawn asked Willow. Willow sighed and shook her head in defeat, closing the book she was searching.

“Oh guys, this is ridiculous.” Willow said to the group as soon as the customer left. “There’s no such thing as a frost monster.”

A moment of silence passed over the group as they tried to think of what to do.

“I wish Spike was here. We could’ve asked him to go to Willie’s.” Dawn replied sullenly.

“Hey, Spike’s not the only one that can threaten Willy for information. I’ll have you know, I’ve beat up Willy plenty of times!” Xander defended.

“Sure you have honey.” Anya commented as she walked past the table to replace a jar of Alumroot powder on the shelf, still huffing over having to do it herself.

“You know, it’s kinda boring around here now that he’s gone. He’s actually kind of funny…” Willow smiled ruefully.

“Hey, I’m funny!” Xander defended.

“W-well I miss him.” Tara said shyly. Xander and Willow glanced at her questioningly. “H-he was always nice to me. S-sometimes when I felt a little l-left out, he’d talk to me.” Tara blushed. Willow smiled sadly and patted her girl-friends hand.

“Yeah, I miss him too, sweetie.”

“I miss his work. He was a hard worker, you know. And he actually started to pay for his Burba weed.” Anya said.

“Well, I guess I kinda miss playing pool with him…” Xander relented.

As the group of Scoobies discussed Spike’s disappearance, no one noticed Dawn slipping out the front door, into the sunny afternoon.

* * *

Spike was slightly drunk as he flipped though Lorne's CD collection. After all, he wasn’t going to go up on that stage without being thoroughly pissed first. He had the bottle of tequila in one hand while he flipped through the CDs with the other.

“Boring, Boring, Disco, Beatles, Disco, boring, Yanni?!?” Deep sigh, “Boring, boring...Bloody Hell, man, you call yourself a demon? NO demon worth his horns would listen to...” Spike held up one of the albums and read the blurry label. “The Best Of The Partridge Family! Let alone singalong with it!” Spike grimaced while tossing the CD over his shoulder and continued going though the collection.

“Just pick a song, hansom.” Lorne grumbled as he walked behind Spike and continued picking up the CDs from the floor. He picked up the ‘Best of the Partridge Family’ and dusted it off.

“Don’t worry, I'm sure he didn’t mean anything personal by it." He told David Cassidy on the cover. Spike rolled his eyes and took a long drink from the tequila bottle.

* * *

“Well, she was here a minute ago…” Anya said as she looked underneath a book, as if Dawn would be hidden under it. The group had finally realized that Dawn was missing from the Magic Box twenty minutes after she disappeared.

“Do you think she went home? You know…She, she could have gotten bored, or-or something.” Willow said nervously.

“Don’t you think she would have told one of us? Or told Buffy?” Xander said.

“Tell me what?” Buffy asked as she came out of the training room, wiping her face with a towel.

“Uh… we seem to have…well, miss-placed Dawn.” Willow fidgeted in her chair.

“What?” Buffy’s face fell and her body went rigid.

“Well, she was here a second ago…” Willow finished lamely.

“You guys weren’t watching her?” Buffy said, trying to keep her anger in check.

“Well, yeah, we were, but we got a little….distracted.” Willow said.

“Look, Buffster, it’ll be okay, we’ll find her. It’s no big.”

“No big?” Buffy said, loosing her temper. “No big?! My little sister is *missing*! My little sister that gets into more trouble than anyone I’ve ever known! And you’re telling me it’ll be okay?? How will it be okay?!”

“Buffy, calm down.” Xander said.

“No! No, I will not calm down! I give you guys the simple task of keeping an eye on my sister while I train, and you can’t even do that! For Christ’s sake, there are four people in this room, and not *one* of you noticed she was missing? God, I can’t believe this! Spike would have never…” Buffy suddenly bit off her sentence as the sharp twist in her heart reminded her that Spike was gone. *Spike would have never lost her.* Buffy finished the sentence in her mind.

“Buffy…” Willow started, but when the bell above the front door to the shop jingled, everyone looked up to see Dawn walk through the door.

“Dawn? Oh my God, where have you been?” Buffy rushed over to her sister and hugged her.

“Ow, geez, Slayer strength, remember?” Dawn complained.

“Where the hell have you been? You scared me half to death!” Buffy said as she released her sister from the hug.

“Geez Buffy, don’t freak out. It’s still daylight outside. See?” Dawn pointed out the shop window at the tinting sky. It was just now sunset. Buffy visibly relaxed a little.

“Where did you go?” Buffy asked.

“Willy’s.” Dawn replied nonchalantly.

“What??” Everyone said at the same time.

“Willy’s? You went to Willy’s?!” Buffy exploded again.

“I went to ask if he knew where Spike was.”

“You went to Willy for information?” Xander asked, stunned.

“Well, yeah, no one else was going to do it. You guys were all busy.” Dawn shrugged.

“Dawn you should have asked me, I would have gone.” Buffy said.

“Yeah, right. You were too busy taking out all your anger on your punching bag. I mean, come on Buffy, I know you miss him, but beating up a punching bag isn’t going to bring him back.” Dawn ranted.

“He left us Dawn. It was his choice.” Buffy told her.

“He left because he thought you wouldn’t trust him. Because you all wouldn’t trust him! He did it because he loves us.” Dawn said, wiping a tear from her eye.

“Yeah… That’s why they all leave.” Buffy said sullenly, thinking of Giles.

* * *

Spike stood apprehensively on the karaoke stage, where the bright lights shining in his eyes made it difficult to see the crowd.

Lorne had pestered him for several long minutes before Spike found a CD, and with a sardonic grin, shoved it in Lorne’s hands and told him which track to play. Lorne grimaced at the CD, and with a dramatic roll of his eyes he gave it to the DJ to go set up the machine. By that time Spike had finished two bottles of tequila, so he was feeling right perky. And when he was feeling perky, he liked to ad-lib the words to the songs. But he didn’t tell Lorne that.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s give ‘Bill’ a big round of applause for that smashing rendition of ‘Free falling’. Really slim, it makes me wish I was free falling. Off a cliff.” Lorne said as he patted the 300-pound Chirago demon on the back and ushered him off the stage while the crowd sparsely clapped.

“Okay, up next we have a special treat. Please welcome, all the way from Sunnydale, William the Bloody.” Lorne announced and the crowd clapped.

“Hey, I didn’t tell you all that… oh, bugger it.” Spike shook his head at Lorne and stepped up to the microphone, tequila bottle still in hand. Lorne took it out of his hand as he walked past, and Spike scowled at him.

“Uh, it’s Spike.” He said into the mic and ran a hand through his hair nervously. Quickly he walked back over to Lorne and grabbed the tequila, taking a deep swallow before pushing it back into Lorne’s hands and walking back to the mic. Lorne grimaced at the tequila and ordered himself a Sea breeze as he walked over to the Chirago demon to give him his reading.

“Right then. Let’s get this over with.” Spike said and cued the music.

(Authors Note: The song Spike sings is Offspring’s version of “Feelings”, but Spike takes a bit of…creative liberty to it.)

“Feelings

Nothing more than feelings

Trying to forget my

Feelings of hate

Imagine

Beating on your face

Trying to forget my

Feelings of hate

Feelings, bloody soddin’ feelings

I wish i'd never met you

You'll make me sick again”

Spike had chosen this song for two reasons. It expressed his feelings towards the Slayer, the warring feelings of love and hate. It also expressed his hate towards the feelings that no vamp should be having.

“Feelings

Woah oh, feelings

Woah oh, feelings

Of hate on my mind

Feelings

Feelings like I never liked you

Feelings like I always loved you

Live in my heart

Feelings

Feelings like I want to kiss you

Feelings like I can’t get you

Out of my mind

As Spike continued to sing, he began to get more and more pissed. He was starting to practically shout into the mic.

“Feelings

Oh those bloody feelings

Damn those soddin feelings

Get out of my mind!

Feelings

Bloody stupid feelings

Mother fucking feelings

They’re not very nice

Feelings

Piece of shit feelings

Bloody fucking feelings

I can’t get them off of my mind!!

Feelings

Fuck those fucking feelings

Wont go away fucking feelings

Get the fuck out of my liiiiiife!!”

As the last chords of the music died out, the crowd was on their’ feet cheering. Lorne made his way up to the stage again and took the mic.

“Wow, what a performance! Let’s here it for Spike!” Lorne prompted the audience, and the crowd complied. Spike smiled abashedly and walked off the stage to wait for Lorne as he announced the next singer.

“Alright folks, our next victim is Sheglrde from the Lrgk’ni dimension.” Lorne said and then walked off the stage to give Spike his reading, just as the opening riffs to “Achy breaky heart” started.

Lorne walked Spike over to a table in a private corner.

“Right then, I sang, so tell me where the Initiative buggers are.”

“Woah, woah, slow down sugar. First off, I’m going to tell you right now, you don’t need the Initiative.”

“What the bloody hell are you talking about? Of course I need the bloody bastards.”

“So you can get them to put a chip back in your head? I know, precious. You don’t need the chip. Tell me, has the thought of snacking on a human even crossed your mind since you realized the chip was gone?”

Spike’s eyebrows raised in shock. He didn’t even realize it. He looked around the karaoke bar. There were plenty of humans in the place, and he knew it. And he has been chip-free, so why didn’t the thought cross his mind?

“The first Evil couldn’t even get you to kill the Slayer.” Lorne replied casually.

“Hold on a bloody minute! You know about the Slayer and the evil bint?”

Lorne nodded, but his focus was on the singing demon on stage.

“Great, another Dorothy.” Lorne shook his head. Off of Spike’s confused look Lorne continued. “There’s no place like home, or in his case, no place like hell.” Lorne gestured to the demon on stage. Spike growled in annoyance and Lorne rolled his eyes.

“Alright, alright, calm down blue-eyes. Look, it wasn’t the chip that was keeping you from killing humans. I mean, yeah, it was like that at first, but as time went on, as you got to know them more, you stopped wanting to snack on the general populace. I mean, really, who wants to eat a hamburger if you can talk to the cow and get to know it? It just doesn’t work that way, Billy boy, that’s why some humans turn Vegan.” Lorne said as he motioned to a waitress and ordered another Sea breeze, and Spike ordered a beer.

“Yeah, but why the bleeding hell do I have all these soddin’ feelings of guilt? Evil soul-less vampire here, guilt isn’t part of the bloody package! And stop calling me Billy!!”

“Okay, first off, don’t give me the ‘evil vampire’ talk because that isn’t you. You may have been evil before the chip, but that’s because your demon wasn’t as in-check as it is now. Second, you don’t have to have a soul to feel guilt. The demon just subdues it. Having the chip allowed your subdued feelings come to light. That’s how you realized you love the Slayer. You admired her from the first moment you saw her, you just didn’t know it. Or wanted to know it. Didn’t your ex break up with you because of the Slayer?”

“How do you know all this?” Spike asked skeptically. The waitress set down their’ drinks and Spike vamped out, biting off the cap on the bottle, while Lorne daintily sipped on his beverage.

“I have the gift, luscious. I read auras. Hey, speaking of the Slayer, I’d love to take a peek at her soul. From what I get from you, she’s one hell of a lady. The kind you’d do anything for, am I right?”

“Yeah.” Spike said sullenly.

“The kind you’d willingly endure hours of torture by a Hell goddess for?”

“Yeah.” Spike admitted.

“The kind you’d reject evil for?”

“Yeah.” Spike grimaced and took a swig of his beer.

“The kind you’d track down a shady government branch so that they put another chip in your head for?”

“Bloody hell, yes, what’s your point?!”

“I’m just saying that you love the girl. So what are you doing here in LA, and not back in Sunnydale?”

“She won’t trust me without the soddin’ chip!” Spike said as he flicked the bottle cap to his beer as hard as he could across the room. In a distant corner someone yelled “Ow!! Hey!!”

Both Lorne and Spike ignored it and continued their’ conversation.

“Oh, honey, you really think that? She does trust you. I’m not saying that your relationship with the Slayer is going to be all peaches and cream, it’s going to be really rough at times…and quite frankly, I think you two wouldn’t have it any other way. That Slayer is going to need a lot of help. She’s had it real tough, and frankly, it’s not going to get any easier. She has some abandonment issues right now, and weather or not she realizes it, you’re what she needs. So I ask again, what are you still doing here?”

“Are you just trying to get rid of me?” Spike asked with a wry grin.

Lorne just smiled deviously and raised his glass to Spike in a toast.

* * *

“But…”

“No buts Dawn! I said you’re grounded.” Buffy said as she closed the front door to the Summers’ home behind her and Dawn. They both hung up their coats, and Buffy stalked angrily into the kitchen, with Dawn trailing behind her

“I don’t see what I did wrong.” Dawn whined.

“You left without telling me where you were going! And you went to Willies, Dawn! You tell me what’s wrong with that sentence.” Buffy said sternly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“But it was for a good cause!” Dawn defended.

“What? The ‘let’s see how fast I can get myself killed’ cause? Not buying it!”

“I was perfectly safe! I know how to protect myself, okay? Spike taught me some self defense moves.” Dawn replied haughtily.

“He did?” Buffy was taken aback.

“Yeah.”

“When was this?” Buffy asked confused.

“About a week ago…” Dawn trailed off nervously.

“Dawn…what happened?” Buffy asked, narrowing her eyes at her sister in suspicion.

“Okay, so maybe I might have gotten attacked by a vamp on the way to Janice’s house…”

“WHAT?!” Buffy shouted. “What were you doing out after sunset?!”

“That’s not the point Buffy. The point is Spike saved me. Then after the hour long lecture, he decided to start teaching me some self defense.”

“That doesn’t mean you should go looking for trouble, Dawn, and Willies is trouble.”

“Well, I got what I wanted, so it was worth it.” Dawn replied haughtily and crossed her arms over her chest.

“What do you mean?” Buffy took the bait.

“I found out where Spike is.” Dawn said, trying to contain a triumphant smile.

Buffy was silent for several minutes.

“And?” Buffy prompted in what she hoped was a casual voice.

“L.A. A place called Carters… or Cartias. No, that doesn’t sound right… Caritas. Yeah, that’s it…. I think.”

“Caritas? What’s a Carita?” Buffy asked, puzzled.

“A bar. Willy said it was an information hot spot. Apparently there’s this demon there that can read souls and give you information or something.” Dawn shrugged.

“How did you get all of this information from Willy?” Buffy asked suspiciously.

“I told him that Spike was off his leash, and I’d have Spike pay a visit to him if he didn’t cooperate.” Dawn replied with an evil grin. Buffy laughed at the mental image of Willy wetting himself at the thought of a de-chipped Spike.

“Alright, I forgive you…but don’t do that again, got it?” Buffy demanded.

“I promise. That place is really icky anyway.” Dawn said, curling up her nose at the thought.

“Tell me about it. So…. What are we having for dinner?” Buffy said, hoping to change the subject, as she rummaged through the refrigerator and then the cupboards. She grimaced and turned to face her sister. “Take-out or pizza?”

* * *

Spike parked the Desoto next to the curb in front of the Summer’s home. Lorne had practically shoved him out the door of the bar, with the parting words “Don’t come back without the Slayer!”

Spike had jumped into the Desoto and sped back to Sunnydale as fast as he could.

He glanced at his watch. It was well after midnight. Buffy would be out on patrol, and Dawn would be, or rather *should* be asleep by now. Spike glanced up at Dawn’s window, checking to see if her light was on, which it wasn’t. He climbed out of the driver’s seat, closed and locked the doors before heading out into the cemetery, following his senses to lead him to the Slayer.

He knew he was getting closer as he passed freshly disturbed graves and piles of dust coating the grass. He heard a fight off in the distance and headed off into that direction.

He arrived on the scene just as she dusted the last vampire. She sighed and tucked away her stake into her waistband.

“You know, you could have put up a struggle or something…” Buffy scowled at the pile of dust at her feet. “You vamps just aren’t any fun.” She pouted.

“I hope that means present company excluded, love.” Spike said as he stepped out of the shadows in front of her.

Buffy stood there, speechless, with her mouth opening and closing. Spike chuckled.

“I’m happy to see you too, pet.” Spike grinned and leaned in to give her a kiss.

Buffy seemed to recover from her stupor and punched him in the nose angrily.

“Ow!! Bloody hell woman, what the hell was that for?” Spike shouted as he reeled back and covered his nose with his hand protectively.

“You didn’t have to leave you idiot! You didn’t even talk to me about it! You just left! I’m so mad at you!” Buffy shouted.

“I did it because I want you to trust me! You can’t love me if you can’t trust me! Bloody hell, I even want the blasted Scoobies to trust me, and I know you can’t if I-” Spike shouted back, but was cut off by the Slayer knocking him off his feet, and kissing him senseless.

When Buffy finally came up for air, she saw a very bewildered, amused and breathless Spike. Buffy thought it funny how he gulped in air, although he didn’t need it.

“Well Slayer, one thing I can say about you, you always keep me on my toes.” Spike said in an octave higher than it should have been. He cleared his throat to get it back to normal.

“So…um, miss me, then?”

* * *