Happiness Revisited

“I don’t get it.” Buffy muttered as she stalked through the cemetery. “I really just don’t get it. They seemed so perfect for each other. So happy!”

The “wedding” had been over for hours. Xander was still MIA and nobody had heard from Anya either. After the initial shock wore off, Buffy entertained a romantic fantasy that Xander and Anya had actually planned the whole disaster so they could sneak off alone and elope without their idiot families getting in the way. Then, reality came crashing through. It pointed at her and laughed. That was when she decided she needed to take her frustrations out on some freshly brewed vampires at the cemetery.

She stalked around in the dark, stake ready, dying to release some of the pent up... anger? Was she angry at Xander? Maybe she was just angry at the situation. Or maybe... What the hell was she wearing? Did she think that was appropriate for a wedding? I know my dress was a little... loud... but at least I can blame it on the bride. And nice hair, by the way. Very ninety-seven. Where did he pick her up? Willy’s? I bet she’s a vampire. Hmm. It sure didn’t take him long. What are you saying?! You’re the one who dumped him! He can’t pine for you forever. Forever shmorever! A week would have been nice! Although, he did still seem kinda piney, didn’t he? When he said—-STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!

Buffy stopped short and stomped her foot, angry with herself for the nonsense rolling around in her head. She broke up with Spike so she could move on with her life. Obsessing over some tramp he took to a wedding that never happened was not moving on. She shook her head to clear it and started to survey the area. “Concentrate. Giles would be aghast.” she mumbled to herself. Slowly, her eyes focused in the dark as she looked left, then right. Then... wait a minute.

“Now how the hell did this happen?” She was standing five feet away from Spike’s crypt.

She took a good long look at the cold, grey building. Cozy, her mind offered. And then countered with, Cozy? What are you crazy? It’s always freezing in there! You used to have to walk around in Spike’s coat. Spike’s warm, yummy-smelling leather coat. And then sometimes, when you let him, he would hold you close to him and his breath was always unusually warm on your skin.

“Okay, have to go!” Buffy spun quickly and started walking away. She got about two feet when the question popped into her mind. What if SHE’S in there?

Putting her head down as though she had to struggle against a heavy wind, Buffy pressed on. “I don’t care.”

Yeah, but what if he lets her wear his coat? What if he’s holding her right now? What if he falls in love with her?!

Buffy’s feet would not move any further. It was almost as if the crypt was a huge magnet in the earth and she was a tiny paperclip. “She’s not his type. She’s such a ho. He’s... he wouldn’t fall in love with her.”

“Who are you talking to?” Buffy turned to see a young vamp in a high-school letterman jacket looking at her with confusion. Suddenly, she was all business. More or less.

“Ugh. So young. You fell in with the wrong crowd, didn’t you? And now look. I’m here, I’ve got a stake. It doesn’t look good for you. See what being young and stupid will get ya?”

The young vampire seemed hurt. “Well at least I don’t stand around talking to myself in the middle of the graveyard. And I bet she is his type!”

Oh, no he didn’t.

Buffy commenced slayage in one deft movement.

“Damn, that was cold,” said the slain vampire right before turning to dust.

Buffy looked down at the ashes, an indignant expression on her face. “I bet she’s not even in there.”

Suddenly, she was overcome with the urge to find out. She took a few steps toward Spike’s home and quickly realized what she was doing. She turned and scampered back the other way, whispering, “No, no, no, no, no. Not going in there. Not going near there. There is off limits.”

She stopped again. “This is ridiculous!” But... she absolutely had to know. Very slowly, she turned around again and crept up to Spike’s home like a cat burglar. When she reached the heavy metal door she leaned in and pressed her ear against it. Nothing. She listened harder... stupid, heavy ass door, how’s a person supposed to hear any-- There was a loud clacking noise followed by the complete absence of said door.

“Ooof!”

Buffy tumbled, gracelessly, over the threshold. From her position on the floor, she was eye level with Spike’s bare feet. Slowly, he let her eyes slide up his body -- Oh God, his shirt is open -- all the way to his puzzled expression.

“Buffy?”

“Hey, Spike.”

Spike tried very hard to keep any sign of hope out of his voice. “What are you doing here?” He bent down and put a hand out to help her up. She took it, gratefully.

“Making an idiot of myself, can’t you tell?” She got to her feet and dusted herself off. She looked into his eyes but they were so soft, so... inviting, she had to look away immediately.

Picking up on her avoidance, Spike looked down at his feet. “Well, I wasn’t gonna be rude. But you usually make an entirely different kind of entrance.”

Come on, think of a lie. Who am I kidding I can’t lie. The minister went off to perform an emergency C-section? What’s wrong with me?

“I... I was... do you... have company?” Buffy’s voice was very small. Without Spike’s handy vampire hearing he might not even have heard the question. As it was, it took him a moment to process and understand it.

“Oh. Uh... no. She uh... she left.”

Buffy’s stomach dropped. “So, she was here?”

She’s jealous! Who does she think she is, being jealous; spying on me?! She dumped me! I ought to... wait a tic... she’s really jealous! This could be good. No! No, don’t arse this up! Don’t do what you always do, be smart for a change.

“She wasn’t here long. I... couldn’t...” He trailed off. This was horribly embarrassing, but he didn’t want to lie.

“Oh.” Buffy was fighting a smile but couldn’t help the sigh of relief expelling from her body. “That’s...”

What followed was the most uncomfortable silence in the history of the world. Neither of them would look at each other or speak.

What are you doing here? This is... he’s gonna think... something. That’s not fair to him. You’re supposed to be being strong. You’re going to have to say something sooner or later... OH!

“So the wedding never happened.”

Spike seemed genuinely stunned. “What do you mean? They called it off?”

“Xander did. It was awful. So sad.”

Spike walked into the main room of the crypt and sat down. Buffy hesitated for a moment before following him in.

“Why?” Spike asked softly.

“Geez, I didn’t know you’d take it this hard or I wouldn’t have been so abrupt. I’m not sure why, exactly. No one’s heard from either of them.”

Spike brightened a little. “Well maybe they...”

“What?”

He sunk back into his chair. “Forget it, it’s stupid.”

Buffy smiled at him, warmly. For an evil blood-sucking vampire, he sure is a romantic.

“Well, that’s depressing.” Spike continued.

“I thought you hated Xander.”

“Of course I do, he’s a wanker. But, I like Anya. And they made sort of a...” Spike trailed off, embarrassed to be caught sounding like a ponce. He quickly switched gears. “Guess they won’t be needin’ those wedding gifts now. Been in the market for a toaster oven.” He looked up and noticed Buffy raising an eyebrow. “Oh, come on, I’m just joking. As we are all well aware, stealing is wrong.”

Buffy’s soft laugh was followed by more awkward silence. Moments passed, then she spoke again, quite abruptly. “So, when you say you ‘couldn’t,’ what exactly is that in reference to? Like... you couldn’t bring yourself to touch her, or you couldn’t do it the third time?”

After a pause, Spike spoke softly, “What’s going on, love?”

“I know, I’m sorry. I don’t know.” Buffy covered her face with her hands and plopped onto the sofa. “And I know this is the worst thing I can say right now but... the thought of you with her... touching her... God-Forbid-kissing-her!... it—it’s just driving me insane. I mean, seriously insane. I was talking to myself out there! Creeping back and forth in front of your door like some kind of a... stalker! What is that? You’re the stalker, I’m not the stalker!”

Spike smiled a little. “So... you think about me often, then?”

Buffy considered a flip response, reconsidered, and reconsidered again. Then she decided to tell the truth. “I never stop thinking about you.”

Spike all but gasped out loud. He wanted to leap out of his chair and snatch her up in his arms. Steady old boy, she doesn’t seem like she’s in the mood to recreate today’s episode of Passions. Another shoe is about to drop.

“But...”

There it is.

“...please don’t get the wrong idea.”

Spike sighed, heavily and stood. “Okay... I won’t. But you tell me what’s the right idea, love? You say you think about me all the time, you’re jealous of me with another woman, you’re listening at my bloody keyhole, but somehow that translates into ‘this can never be!’” He starts to pace. “You want something from me but you don’t want me to give it to you. If I do accidentally make you happy for even a fraction of a second, you get all disgusted with yourself, call me an “evil, dead thing” and off you run again. It’s not just frustrating love. It’s bloody confusing.”

Buffy sat for a moment, quietly exasperated. She couldn’t describe her feelings because she didn’t understand them herself. She had no answers. Only... questions. Something clicked in her mind. A light went on. She found the courage to look his eyes and asked, “Do I smell funny to you?”

Spike looked completely nonplussed. “And the confusion continues.”

“Just hear me out.” Buffy sat on the edge of her seat. This was important. “When you’re... close to me. Do you notice like a... meaty aroma?”

Spike couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re a bit twisted, aren’t you?”

“Will you just please answer the question?”

Shrugging, Spike said, “Okay. Um... I’m not sure what you mean by a funny smell, but whenever you’re within’ ten feet of me I can sense you. You just smell like Buffy to me. Sweet... strong...”

Buffy gulped. “Strong?”

“Powerful. You smell like the living world and everything that’s good about it. You could roll around in a compost heap for half a day but it would never cover up that perfect scent. To me, it’s a bit like what I imagine heaven must smell like.” Then with a devilish grin he added, “Heaven or somewhere better.”

The expression on Buffy’s face was unreadable.

Spike became instantly self-conscious. Brilliant. You’ve said too much as per usual. Why do you always have to make such an arse of yourself with all that romantic nonsense!? Where are your balls, you bloody nance?!

He was so disgusted with himself that he almost didn’t notice that Buffy was crying. When he did, his breath caught. His undead heart felt tight in his chest and a painful lump formed in his throat. He’d only seen her cry once before and it was having pretty much the same affect on him this time around. He wanted so badly to hold her that night, but he knew she’d never allow it. He was surprised that she let him touch her at all. But she had accepted a gentle pat on the shoulder and let him sit next to her until she felt a little better.

They had become more intimate since then, but he had doubts that she’d let him hold her now. Even after they made love, the only way he could keep her in his arms was if she was asleep, or at least pretending to be asleep. No, they were not quite on a hugging basis, but he wasn’t about to just sit there and watch her be in pain. He had to at least try to comfort her.

Reason be damned, he moved to her and dropped to his knees before her. Slowly, he took her shaking hands in his. She wouldn’t look at him, but she didn’t try to move away.

“Why are you crying, love?”

Buffy swallowed a gasp. God, did he have any idea what that voice did to her?

She did not respond but began to cry harder and Spike’s heart sank. He put his head down and had to blink back a few of his own tears. She doesn’t want this and she doesn’t want you, so just do her a favor and leave off.

He took a deep, shaky breath and untangled his hands from hers. He straightened up on his knees and was about to jump to his feet when she clawed at him, grabbing him by the back of his shirt and yanking him down into a fierce hug.

“Buffy.” he whispered into her neck. It was all he could think. He had never felt so consumed with love before.

Buffy took a few deep breaths. With Spike’s arms wrapped tightly around her, she didn’t feel like crying anymore. She felt... good.

“You love me,” she said quietly.

He pulled back a little and pressed his forehead to hers. His voice was heavy with emotion but he laughed softly as he said, “Hey, no kidding.”

She laughed too and looked into his eyes. Suddenly, the closeness of their lips was all she could think about.

At her urging, he pressed his mouth over hers. This kiss was very different from the eager, desperate kisses they had exchanged before and during sex. This kiss was gentle and sweet. So very sweet.

Spike pulled away first and Buffy put her head on his shoulder. “Oh, God. I didn’t believe it. I really didn’t believe it. I’m so sorry.” She began to cry again.

“Hey.” He stroked her hair. “What’s this all about? What didn’t you believe?”

She looked up at him, her wet puffy eyes full of sadness and joy and confusion. “That you really loved me. I know it’s so stupid, but I didn’t think you could. You don’t have a soul! I don’t get it... but you love me!”

“And you’re just figuring this out now? ...Because I don’t think you have an unpleasant smell?”

“Yes! No! I mean... that’s not the point really, but... Riley thought I smelled funny.”

“Well, he’s a pillock,” Spike shrugged.

“No, I’m sure I do and I have to quit that disgusting job very soon, but the point is... the way you see me, the way you love me... I don’t think anyone has ever loved me the way you do. I mean... Angel... Angel couldn’t even love himself. And Riley... well, if I would have treated Riley half as badly as I treat you he would have left way sooner than he did! And gotten married sooner! I mean, I’m glad he found a woman who doesn’t emasculate him or whatever, but what the hell?”

Spike was watching her closely, a nervous look on his face. Buffy could see that he was waiting for the “but.” She didn’t disappoint.

“But...”

He looked down at his feet.

“...you’re still here. After everything that’s happened, you are still here. You love me... it’s like you don’t... there’s nothing...

“Unconditionally.” Spike helped. His eyes lifted to meet hers for a moment, then fell back to the floor.

“Unconditionally.” She repeated softly. She looked at his beautiful downcast face. “I thought that’s what Xander and Anya had. But it turns out I’m the lucky one.”

Spike couldn’t tell if she meant that sarcastically or not. He was about to ask when he heard her say, “How do you put up with me?”

His eyes shot up to meet hers. “What?”

Buffy laughed, bitterly. “I have super-human strength. I was given a little sister out of thin air. I was brought back from the dead... twice! And I have someone who loves me unconditionally! What the hell do I have to complain about? God, I’m such an ungrateful bitch sometimes.”

“Hey!” Spike scolded, “I’ve put up with a lot from you, but won’t have you talking that way about the woman I love.”

Buffy smiled, a bit bashfully.

Spike continued. “Now, it’s true you have a lot of good going for you and you are a bit of a whiner on occasion...”

She laughed out of shock and slapped him on the chest. Spike blocked it and went on. “... BUT... slaying keeps you from having a normal life. A little sister is one more potential loss to the dangers of the job. They pulled you out of heavenly peace the second time around, and the man who loves you unconditionally is... well... me.”

Buffy’s heart melted. Just melted. “I guess you know me pretty well, huh?”

Spike shrugged. “It’s a hobby.”

He was being all Shy Spike again and she had to fight a laugh. He was just so... sweet. How did she never see this before? The real question was why didn’t she let herself see it. The answer was rife with profanity, so she decided not to pursue it.

She took a deep breath and sighed. “So... not to incur your wrath or anything, but there may actually be a chance that you do deserve better than me. At least the me I’ve been lately. Unfortunately...” She paused and looked into his eyes. The anticipation and dread on his face almost made her laugh, but she kept a straight face as she finished with “...you’re stuck with me.”

If his heart could pound it would have done so. “I am?”

Buffy felt giddy. “You am. And I promise...” She slid her hands under his open shirt, circling them around his back. He jumped a little. “...to make it up to you. No matter what it takes.” She kissed him. Spike sank into the kiss, his mind and body hummed with bewildered excitement. His hands moved all over her body, finally settling on her face.

Wow, thought Buffy. Every time he kisses me it’s like the first time. How does he do that? Mmmmmm, who cares. She told her inner voice to button it and fell back down into the depths of Spike.

Then, quite unexpectedly, Spike pulled away. “Okay, so let me get this straight.” He squinted. “This is really happening?”

Breathless and impatient, Buffy pinched him in the side.

“Ow!”

“There ya go. Now you know it’s real.” She moved in for another kiss. Spike backed away and got to his feet, much to Buffy’s disappointment.

He opened his mouth to speak, snapped it shut, shifted his feet, put his hands on his hips, took them off, opened his mouth again, shut it again, then finally spoke. “Right. I can’t believe I’m going out of my way to bollocks this up, but I have to know what we’re doing here. I mean how do I know this isn’t just some temporary insanity on your part and you’re going to get up once we’ve shagged and feel all dirty walk out my door until you get bored and want to play again?”

That hurt. He read as much on her face and instantly felt like the biggest asshole in the world.

“I’m sorry. I’m really... that was—“

“I learned a lesson today.” Buffy cut him off, very serious. She stood to face him. “I learned you have to take happiness where you can find it and not get so worried about the details. Love doesn’t come often, and when it does, it’s not always perfect.” She took his hand. “But sometimes you find something pretty close to perfect, and if you’re lucky enough to realize it before it’s too late, you might just have a chance to be happy. And... as much as I tried to fight it for reasons I can’t even remember right now... I’m happiest when I’m with you.

Spike felt like he might cry. Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry!

Buffy continued softly, still holding his hand. “So please tell me it’s not too late.”

Oh, just go on then and have a cry! You know you can’t stop yourself! God, what a bloody poof!

Spike’s eyes welled up. “You’ve got me forever no matter what you do. That’s what unconditional means, you stupid cow!” he sniffed.

Buffy smiled and sighed and stepped into him for a luxuriously long hug. Complete with rocking. Mmm... rocking.

After a wonderfully long time, they pulled away and Buffy’s breath caught when she saw the way he was looking at her. It made her feel so beautiful and sexy and really, really...

They were on each other again before five seconds had passed. Hands everywhere, clothes being pulled at, mouths crashing and exploring.

“Spike--” Buffy panted, trying to talk and kiss at the same time. “I have to... I want to tell you...”

“No more talking,” he said, with such authority in his voice that she was silenced instantly. Without breaking their kiss, he lifted her off the ground and carried her to his bed.

THE NEXT MORNING

Buffy stirred awake to find herself being spooned by one William The Bloody. He was snuggled up behind her on the sarcophagus with both arms wrapped around her.

So here I am again. Okay, guilty ick feelings, give me your best shot. I’m ready for you this morning. She waited, but all she could think of how good it felt to wake up in Spike’s arms and not have to pretend she didn’t want to be there. Why would anyone not want to be here? Buffy felt so secure and content that she didn’t want to move for fear of making Spike stir and change positions. She made a little yummy noise instead and closed her eyes again. I think I’ll sleep in today.

Spike heard a small moan escape from Buffy and slowly woke up. The first thing he noticed was her scent. She still smells gorgeous to me. Riley Finn... what an asshole. Then, Spike noticed he was holding her and out of instinct he started to move away, slowly, as not to wake her. Didn’t work, though. Her eyes opened and she turned to him with an unreadable expression.

Spike froze. “H-hi,” he stammered. Hi? Yeah, you’re a bloody genius you are.

Buffy smiled at him. He barely got to see her smile, and when she did, it made him feel like he couldn’t catch his breath. Which was a pretty big deal, considering he didn’t need to catch his breath.

“Hi,” she said softly. Then, quite unexpectedly, she took his hand, kissed it and pulled it around her again wrapping herself up in him. “Let’s sleep some more. It’s been a long year.” She snuggled against him and put her head down.

Spike couldn’t believe what was happening. They had woken up together after making love all night and she didn’t seem ashamed or angry. She didn’t try to run away. She didn’t try to blame him. She wanted him to hold her. He was holding her. He was holding Buffy.

Buffy made a whiney sound and tugged at him. “Think later. Cuddle now.”

All at once, the events of the previous night came back to him. She hadn’t said she loved him in so many words and he didn’t really expect her to. And she hadn’t really mentioned telling her friends about their... whatever this was. But he could feel that things were definitely different. And better. Very much better. Someone like him didn’t deserve to be this happy, he was sure of it. But the truth was, he didn’t care. He put his head down and held her more tightly, sighing happily into the back of her neck.

They lay there, both too excited to sleep but neither wanting to move, until...

“This is uncomfortable,” Buffy mumbled.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Spike loosened his embrace and she laughed.

“No, I mean this... this stone slab thingy. I really regret blowing up your bed now. We should stay at my house tonight.”

Spike’s head popped up and he looked at her. She was still facing outward but he could see that she was smiling. “Love, I’m not exactly the kind of bloke you take home to... baby sis and lesbian ex-witch.”

“I know. You’re all wrong side of the tracks-y. The original bad boy.” Buffy turned all the way around to face him and put her arm around his waist. “But they’re just gonna have to deal... because I love you.”

Spike blinked a few times and tried to focus. Buffy only gazed back at him, her eyes welling up a little. The look of confused shock on his face was utterly heartbreaking.

After a few more moments of blank staring, Spike sat up and looked down at Buffy with a pained expression. In a husky, barely audible voice he said, “You can’t know how much I want this to be real. You can’t know, because—“

“Hey.” Buffy sat up and moved closer to him. She kissed his shoulder and he shuddered involuntarily. “I know I haven’t given you much of a reason to believe it.” It hurt her that she had caused him this much pain. “But you’re the only one who has ever taken the time to really know who I am. God Spike, I think you know me better than I do. You have this power over me. And it’s so scary because no one else does. No one else. It was really hard to admit that to myself, but strangely it’s not hard at all to admit to you now. Probably because somewhere deep down, you already know.”

“I already know what?”

“That I love you, Spike... look at me.”

Very slowly, he turned to her and looked into her eyes. A tear slipped down Buffy’s cheek he brushed it away with amazing tenderness. “I love you,” Buffy whispered.

Spike closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were glistening. He looked so much like William in that moment that if Buffy had known him back then she would have thought magic was at play and Spike had somehow turned human again. What she did see was the Spike she had come to know, the one with the beautiful, expressive face who wore his heart on his black leather sleeve.

Spike began to speak quietly and with some difficulty. “I never even let myself imagine it. You telling me... I never even let myself picture it. I didn’t want to...” He put his head down, ashamed by his own vulnerability. “I love you so much, Buffy.”

“And you have me.”

Buffy leaned in to give him a sweet kiss. He backed away before her lips could make contact. “Let’s go to your place.”

Buffy opened her eyes wide. “Now? But... we were...” Her eyes narrowed. “You still don’t believe me.”

Spike made himself grin. “No, but I’ll take that kiss now.“

Buffy laughed and kissed him a little more passionately than she had originally planned. Just as he was getting all hot and bothered, she pulled away and hopped off the sarcophagus.

“Okay, let’s go then,” she beamed.

Spike seemed a little dazed.

“What’s the matter? You scared?” Buffy reached out to take his hand, her own heart pounding.

He reached out slowly and took her hand. “Terrified,” he said, honestly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” She beamed at and squeezed his hand. “And hey, as much as I enjoy naked Spike, you might want to put your pants on if we’re going to be spending time in mixed company.”

Three hours later, the shock was just about wearing off at the Summers’ house. Willow was sure that Buffy was either robotic or under a spell. Dawn was suspicious and snobby toward Spike at first, but couldn’t keep it up. The two of them looked so cute together. And she always had a soft spot for Spike.

Spike was staring straight ahead but Buffy’s hand was folded into his and resting on his thigh. He looked extremely uncomfortable with being the center of attention. He’d grown accustomed to barely being acknowledged. This was just weird.

To make matters so much worse, in came Xander.

The girls rushed to him and started giving him the third degree which actually took some of the pressure off of Spike, but it would not be for long.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Xander demanded loud enough for Spike to hear.

“Xander maybe you should sit down,” Willow suggested.

“Hey who invited you, Evil Dead?”

“Wanker,” Spike hissed under his breath.

“What was that?” Xander moved toward Spike and Spike stood up from the couch, ready to fight.

“I called you a wanker,” Spike said, puffing out his chest, “But I should have called you a coward for leaving your bride at the altar.”

Xander looked around at the three girls feeling stung and betrayed. “You told this idiot?” Then to Spike, “That’s none of your business. What are you even doing here? Buffy, what is he doing here?”

This was the big test.

“He’s with me, Xander.”

“What, for patrolling? You don’t need him, I’ll help tonight. I feel like doing some damage.”

Spike snickered, mockingly. Xander was in a testy mood and he started toward Spike but was stopped dead by Buffy’s hand on his chest.

“You don’t understand, Xander.” Buffy spoke slowly and clearly. “Spike is WITH me.”

Xander looked down at her. The word “What?” was practically tatooed on his forehead.

She looked over at Spike who was tense all over and then back to Xander. “We’re together.”

Xander finally understood and looked up with Spike with open shock. It was all Spike could do to stop a grin from spreading across his face.

“Oh you have to be kidding me,” Xander blustered, “Is this a joke? Are you a robot? Willow, did you do a spell? Tell me this is a spell, Willow.”

“Xander calm down.”

“Calm down? Are you crazy? Buffy, seriously, are you crazy? Why do you keep doing this?”

Buffy took a step back, getting angry. “Doing WHAT, Xander?”

Xander gestured toward Spike. “Getting it on with the freaking undead! You’re supposed to be a Vampire Slayer not a Vampire Lay--”

“HEY!” Spike was angry. “You should stop there, Harris, before you get yourself in trouble.”

“Oh really, Chip? What are you gonna do? Stare me down till I crumble under your vampiric gaze?”

Spike turned his eyes to Buffy. “Actually, moron, I wasn’t talking about trouble with me.”

Xander looked over at Buffy and saw murder in her eyes. “Buffy, look, I...”

“Xander, you aren’t in the best position right now to be telling other people what to do with their lives,” Buffy said very calmly. “Now, whether or not you choose to believe it, Spike loves me, and I love him.”

Spike was totally stunned. She’d actually said it... to him. To the one he was most worried about. Well, next to Giles. Bugger, that would be the death of him for sure. If he didn’t get staked right now, that is.

Buffy’s words were just sinking in for Xander. “You what? Buffy--”

“I SAID. I. Love. Him. And that will be the conclusion of this discussion. You can stay if you want to, but only if you promise to be civil to my guest.”

“Your GUEST!” Xander laughed bitterly. “I’m out of here. Call me when you come to your senses.”

He turned and walked out the door. Willow ran after him, calling his name.

Buffy turned to Spike who looked like he was so uncomfortable that he was actually experiencing physical pain.

“So... that was tense,” chirped Dawn, feeling the awkwardness of the silence that followed. “So, I’m gonna... go hang at Janice’s for a little while--”

“Dawn,” Buffy interrupted, wearily, “You don’t have to leave.”

“No, Buffy, it’s cool. I’m... This is okay with me. The you two thing. Really. She looked sympathetically at Spike. I just think you guys need some time to hang alone right now. I swear I’m not weird about this.”

Buffy sighed and gave her sister an appreciative hug. Dawn smiled warmly at Spike over her shoulder.

Dawn turned was about to leave when Spike said, “Thanks, Nibblet,” barely loud enough for even himself to hear.

Dawn stopped, thought for a second, then skipped over to Spike and gave him a hug. He was so shocked by it, he didn’t even hug back. She pulled away and said, “You’re good enough for her. That’s the best compliment I can think of without getting all mushy and gross. So, be strong. They’ll all come around, eventually.”

With that, she bounded out of the house. As she was leaving, Willow was coming back in. “I’m gonna get a few things and stay at Xander’s for a while,” she said, almost apologetically. “He just... needs a friend and he’s a little...”

“It’s okay,” Buffy put a hand on her arm, “I get it. It’s weird.”

“It’s not that weird. Really. But Xander... he’s kind of lost right now. I’m just gonna babysit him for a while... make sure he doesn’t spend too many hours listening to country music.”

“You’re a good friend,” Buffy said, with double meaning.

“You’re my best friend, Buffy.” The girls smiled wetly at each other.

“And you,” Willow turned her attention toward Spike so abruptly that he was startled, “You’d better be good to her or I’ll turn you into something squishy.”

Spike raised an eyebrow toward her and she simply nodded to emphasize her threat.

He looked over at Buffy and spoke in a voice that trembled slightly. “Red, the only thing I can promise you is that I’ll love her forever.”

Willow was startled by the raw emotion and honesty. “Well... okay then.”

Buffy was now gazing back into Spike’s eyes and Willow suddenly felt like the third wheel that was also flat. “I’m just gonna... go pack a few things.” There was no response. “Okay, see ya.”

When Willow was up the stairs Buffy walked over to Spike, quickening her pace with ever step until she threw herself into his arms and kissed him as he lifted her in the air. All the tension drained out of them and when they pulled away they fell next to each other on the couch with matching sighs.

“That could have gone worse, I suppose,” Spike observed. “You could have been vaccuming me up just about now.”

Buffy slapped his arm. “That’s not funny.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Hey.” She turned to him and laid her head on the soft cushions of the couch. He turned to her and did the same. “The hard part’s over,” she soothed.

“What about your Watcher?”

“Oh, right. Okay, the hard part’s almost over. But we can tell him over the phone and then he’s sure to cool down on the long plane ride over here. You have to lose your murderous impulse over the course of an eleven hour flight, right?”

“Depends on what movies they’re showing on the plane.”

She laughed softly and Spike asked, “So, you DO plan on telling him then?”

Exasperated, Buffy said, “When are you going to get it? This is real. You are in my life now.”

“Well what about Angel, are you gonna tell him?”

Buffy laughed and yelled her frustration at the ceiling. “You’re such a pain in the ass!” She shifted and sat in his lap, putting her arms around his neck. “Can’t you just take one day at a time? Look at us. We’re in my living room on my sofa. I’m SITTING in your LAP. You love me, I love you. We’ve got the house to ourselves. We can do whatever we want and you want to make phone calls? Will you just shut up and make out with me already?”

When it came to Buffy, Spike didn’t have to be asked twice.

The end?