Hot Chocolate 5

Chapter 13: Admission

Buffy walked home. She had walked through the cemetery then by the Bronze. There had been no sign of Spike. The sick feeling in her stomach was really bad now. She hoped nothing bad had happened to him. She hoped he hadn't left. He wouldn't leave, surely.

Spike paced in front of Buffy's house. Cigarette butts were multiplying rapidly on the ground. She wasn't home. He was torn, if he went looking for her he might miss her. He couldn't stand waiting around though. Dawn's face peeked through the curtains at him again. She'd told him to wait inside for Buffy but Spike was too keyed up to sit around. Bugger this, he thought and set off to find her.

Spike and Buffy saw each other at the same time.

"Spike!" The speech Buffy'd been rehearsing all evening left her mind.

"Buffy?"

They both stopped, worrying about how the other was going to react.

"Buffy, I-" Spike looked at Buffy curiously. "Where were you?" he asked. "I went to your house."

Buffy straightened her shoulders. "I went to see you," she said.

"Oh." They both stood there uncomfortably. "Buffy -" Spike began.

"Spike," Buffy interrupted him. She took a deep breath, trying to calm the butterflies. "Spike, I owe you an apology. This thing between us, its more than just a, a lot of one night stands."

Spike's eyes searched her face. Buffy bit her lip and looked up at him. She wanted him back so badly. Suddenly Spike's face broke into a huge grin. Buffy suddenly found herself being kissed soundly. He pulled back.

"Pet, you don't have to tell the Scoobies."

"Spike I want to. You were right. I'm either ashamed of being with you or I'm with you. Right now, I want to be with you. My friends will just have to accept that."

Spike brushed a strand of hair from Buffy's face. He looked at her seriously. "Buffy I'm sorry about what I said before. I was just - pet, every day I wonder if yesterday was the last time I'd see you. I don't care if the Scoobies know. To be honest it's more fun sneaking around behind their backs. Although you probably should tell Red and Tara," he added as an afterthought. He looked into her eyes. "I just need to know that this means something to you."

"Spike -" Buffy's voice caught in her throat as she looked up into his eyes. "This does mean something to me. It means a lot. I - I," suddenly she laughed. "Dawn suggested you take me a on a date - break it to the guys that way."

"You told Li'l Bit?"

Buffy nodded.

Spike kissed her. Telling Nibblet meant more to him than telling all the other Scoobies combined. Telling Dawn, meant Buffy had admitted to herself that he was important to her. The kiss deepened and Buffy felt herself melting into him. Spike's tongue was doing impossible things to her mouth. Buffy returned the kiss well and truly.

"Come back to my place love?" Spike asked raggedly, breaking away from the kiss.

"For a little while," Buffy said, a mad happiness inside her chest.

"Spike," she said suddenly as they entered his crypt. "Why did you go to my house anyway?"

Spike grinned. "I was going to see you pet," he said. "Was gonna tell you I was a stupid wanker who didn't know what was good for him."

Buffy didn't say anything, she lead Spike inside the crypt and shut the door firmly behind them.

"Spike, this is more to me than fucking," she said. "And you deserve to know that."

Spike pulled her into a fierce kiss, it was all he needed to hear. Choosing to go find Buffy was turning out to be the best decision he'd made in his unlife. Suddenly Buffy pulled back and pushed him against the wall. Spike looked at her questioningly.

Buffy knelt down in front of him and undid his belt. Very slowly she undid the button on his now very tight jeans and pulled down the zip. Spike's pants slipped down his hips and Buffy took him in her mouth. Buffy hadn't read the whole "Blow his mind in bed" article but paragraph three had dealt with a situation very similar to this. She decided to try out a few things.

Spike groaned. He gripped her shoulders and leant back against the wall, forcing himself not to lose control.

From the noises Spike was making Buffy decided the magazine's hints were working.

They were both so busy that neither of them heard the footsteps outside, or the door swing open. They did however hear Xander's shocked voice as he saw what they were doing.

"Spike? Oh gees man, you haven't got yourself another sex-bot have you?" Xander averted his eyes, trying to back out of the crypt. "Buffy is so going to kick your sorry ass when she finds out."

Spike had been too stunned and foggy with Buffy induced pleasure to reply. And Buffy's mouth had been too full of Spike. The crypt door slammed shut and they looked at each other.

"Well that sort of kills the mood doesn't it?" noted Spike.

Buffy stood up, a look of horror on her face. "Spike I have to go after him."

Spike hitched up his trousers and looked at her. "Buffy, no, he didn't know it was you. Let them think I've got another robot."

Buffy looked at Spike. It would be so easy just to let Xander think he was being a pervert. The fact that Spike was trying to save her from embarrassment however strengthened her resolve. She had told this man, her lover, that he meant something, a lot, to her, now she would prove it.

"I'll tell them," she said firmly and pulled him into a kiss. Spike could taste himself on her lips. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply.

"Buffy," he said finally. "Tell them what you think is best. And don't worry about me. Ok pet?"

She kissed him one more time.

"Hey! What's with the pants being back on?" she demanded. She gave Spike a filthy look. "I'll be back soon."

Spike grinned and Buffy left to catch up with Xander.

He was walking quickly but Buffy caught up with him.

"Xander! Wait!"

Xander spun around. "Buffy?" He looked at her incredulously. "That was you?"

Buffy blushed but stayed resolved. "Xander, listen to me. I need to tell you something."

"Buffy! You - Spike - the going down on? Yet another image of you two having sex I'm going to have to repress."

"Xander, Spike and me - we've been - well we're going to start- we've been sort of seeing each other."

"In secret. Behind our backs."

"Yeah. I'm sorry Xander. I just didn't want to tell you guys because - well I wasn't sure if it was anything. I mean it just happened. I thought it was just - well some weird lust thing. But it kept happening…"

"This isn't the first time? You're Spike's sex monkey?"

"Hey! He's my sex monkey too!"

"Buffy! I must be dreaming. I just heard you call Spike your sex monkey."

Buffy grinned involuntarily at the thought.

"Oh God, he is!" Xander was beyond horrified.

Buffy tried not to smile. "Xander. I need you to accept this. I know its weird. That's why I didn't tell anyone."

Xander looked at her ruefully. "Sorry Buff," he said. Then with great difficulty he added. "Obviously Spike and you is - yeah definitely weird. I mean Spike? But I've already faced that once when I thought that sex-bot was you. I think I can deal."

"Thanks Xan," Buffy hugged him.

"Just, don't tell me you're in love with him ok?"

Buffy smiled at her friend. "Ok, I won't tell you."

"You know, it's not fair. I had an unrequited crush on you way before Spike did. How come he gets the Buffy goodness?"

"Xander! You are NOT jealous. You've got Anya remember."

Xander grinned. "Oh yeh," he said and gave his friend a hug.

"And besides," said Buffy. "He doesn't say Buffy goodness."

Xander grinned. "You'll tell Will and Giles?"

"Yeah," said Buffy. "Giles is gonna freak. It will be like Angel all over again."

Xander laughed. "Can I be there?" Buffy punched him playfully in the arm.

"Hey," she said suddenly. "Why were you at Spike's anyway?"

Xander laughed again. "Actually I was gonna see if he wanted to go play pool," he said.

Buffy walked back into the crypt. She smiled when she saw Spike. He was completely naked and he was lying on the bed on his stomach, watching television. A rumpled sheet barely covered his very nice ass. Lit candles filled the crypt.

"Hey pet, how'd it go?"

"Xander freaked but he'll be fine. I told him I'd tell the others. He's feeling special because he's the first to know."

Spike rolled over, showing Buffy how ready he was to continue where they'd left off. Buffy let out a small gasp. She never got tired of that view. Buffy let her eyes run over his body. It was smooth, sculpted, pale and beautiful. She couldn't believe she nearly let this go. Buffy slowly undressed in front of him, drawing it out teasingly. She was pleased to note that Spike wasn't paying any attention at all to the television.

"Oh by the way," she said. "Xander actually came by to see if you wanted to play pool. So if you'd rather go-"

Spike didn't let her finish. "Sod that," he growled and pulled naked Buffy to him.

"Spike," Buffy said in a small voice sometime later.

"Yes love?"

"I missed you."

There was a bit of not talking while Spike showed Buffy exactly what he thought of that sentiment.

"I missed you too pet," came the muffled response a little bit later.

There was quite a bit of not talking for a while.

Then.

"Pet, I think you ought to tell Red and Tara pretty soon."

End of Part 13 tbc…

Chapter 14: Buffy Loves Spike

Buffy took a deep breath then knocked on Willow and Tara's door.

"Hey, Buffy!" said Willow opening the door.

"Hi Will," said Buffy. "Can I come in."

"Sure, can I get you anything to eat, we've got cookies."

"Uh, no thanks Will," said Buffy nervously. "Listen Willow, is Tara here?"

"No, she's got a class."

Buffy sighed with relief, as much as killing two birds with one stone was a good idea, it would be much easier to tell one person than two.

"Will, I have to tell you something."

"I'm all ears Buffy," said Willow putting on her listening face and sitting down.

"Ok," said Buffy taking another deep breath. "Willow, I'm seeing Spike."

Buffy hadn't quite anticipated the look of horror on Willow's face.

"Oh Buffy! I'm so sorry!"

"It's not that bad Wills, I wouldn't be doing it otherwise."

Willow wasn't listening, she was too busy visiting the land of guilt.

"We didn't know! I mean if we knew, we'd never! Oh! No wonder he stopped! Oh Buffy, you've got to believe me, we never would have asked him if we'd known! We just thought, well that he didn't have anybody and we kinda thought it would be nice for him as well, and its not like we have feelings for him or anything, it was all practical considerations and besides, he's sort of pretty-"

"Willow," Buffy cut in. "What are you talking about?"

Willow registered this and clapped her hands over her mouth. "You mean he didn't tell you," her muffled voice said.

"Willow, I think you'd better tell me what you're talking about," said Buffy carefully.

Willow sighed. "Its so embarrassing. You mean he never told you?"

Buffy gave her a stern look.

"Ok," said Willow and explained.

"He said no? He just…stopped?" asked Buffy when Willow had finished. She didn't know what to think of how to react. Part of Buffy was having a jealous girlfriend moment, he'd kissed both of them? Another part of her, however, was very impressed at his restraint.

"And he was really nice about it too. And there was definitely nothing more than kissing."

"And it was yesterday afternoon?"

Willow nodded.

"Wow," said Buffy. That was before- before they got back together. He'd given up that when they weren't even together. Guiltily, Buffy remembered what she'd said when they had the fight. Even after she'd walked out on Spike, told him she was ashamed of him, he still chose her. Buffy tried to decide how she felt. Relieved just about covered it. "S'ok, Will, we were sort of not together then."

"Oh, then, then its not, not as bad." Willow said, a molecule of guilt being lifted from her conscience.

"No wonder he said I should tell you about us."

"Oh Buffy I'm so sorry."

Buffy smiled at Willow.

"Don't worry about it Willow." Buffy gave Willow a hug. "I should have told you sooner. I was so worried you'd give me the stern Willow face. Anyway, Spike's a big boy, it wasn't like you forced him at stake point or anything."

Willow smiled. "I guess so."

"Besides," Buffy grinned ruefully. "I can relate. He IS sort of pretty."

Willow hugged her back. "Thanks for being understanding Buffy. Are you, are you mad at Spike"

"I think I'm more relieved." Buffy told Willow about the fight.

Willow looked more horrified. "Buffy! What if, what if he hadn't said no? What if you two didn't get back together again?"

That thought had already hit home with Buffy. He had obviously gone with Willow and Tara just before she got there to apologise. She'd been so close to losing him, or having to wade through a lost of angst to have things be good with him again. But he had said no. He'd gone to find her instead. Buffy's heart sung, despite the jumble of thoughts in her head. And it wasn't Willow's fault.

"Willow, don't worry, he did say no, we did get back together."

"I'm so glad Buffy." Willow gave Buffy another hug.

Buffy smiled then looked at Willow slyly. "A menage a trois? Will you bad girl," she said.

*********************************

So Willow would tell Tara, Xander would tell Anya. That left Giles. Buffy drew a deep breath. She might as well bite the bullet and get it over with.

Giles took the news rather well. He sighed a lot and gave Buffy a concerned Watcher talk but he didn't yell. He appeared resigned.

"Oh well," said Giles. "I have to trust your judgement by now I suppose."

Buffy grinned and gave him a hug. "Thanks Giles. Don't worry about it, I'm sure we'll have a fight and it'll be over before he even takes me to dinner."

Buffy had gone with the, "Spike is taking me on a date" story.

Giles made a noncommittal hmm sound.

"Just, just please, don't get all affectionate around me. It was more than I could stand the time you got engaged."

Buffy laughed. "That's a deal," she said.

***********************************

"Hey," Buffy said walking into Spike's crypt.

"Hello Buffy," said Spike. He was busy cleaning his boots.

Buffy sat down next to him. "How's your day been?"

Spike started re-threading the laces in his boots. "Passions was good," he said. "And three blokes got into a brawl on Jerry Springer."

"Ahhh so this is the evil vampires get up to during the day."

Spike smirked at her joke. "Couldn't sleep," he said briefly, trying to deal with very long laces and a lot of holes. Spike had actually spent the day wondering if he should tell Buffy about the threesome thing, even if Willow and Tara didn't, and if so, how.

Buffy looked at his face. He appeared to be concentrating on the boots.

"I spoke to Willow," she said.

Spike glanced at her and forgot about his boots.

"She told me about the um, thing, with you and them."

Spike swallowed then went into cocky bravado mode.

"Well you can't blame the poor bints, Slayer, it is me we're talking about," Spike smirked.

"Willow was pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. She feels really bad."

"She shouldn't be, was bloody flattering."

Buffy moved closer. "I think she was more upset about trying to seduce my man."

Spike gave her a half grin. "Your man, hey Slayer?"

"My pale, sexy, 121 year old undead man."

"Your man is pretty bloody lucky Slayer," he said.

Buffy wanted to smother him in kisses then and there, but she was also enjoying tormenting him.

"Willow told me there was some kissing involved."

Spike looked at her. "You weren't exactly talking to me at that stage Slayer," he reminded her.

Buffy paused. "She also told me you stopped it before anything happened."

Spike looked up and found himself looking into eyes that were bright with love.

"Didn't want to do it love, don't want anyone but you."

"I'm glad you didn't," Buffy said contritely.

Spike grinned and kissed her nose.

"You're in me Summers, I didn't have much choice. It was bloody annoying, I was thinking of you the whole time." Then, in a different voice, Spike added. "Are you mad?"

Buffy shifted to sit in his lap.

"I was sorta mad - about you not telling me."

Spike looked down, wondering what to say. It had seemed the right thing to do.

Buffy continued. "Then I figured, if you had I might have thought you were trying to get credit for it. And it was sort of the gentlemanly thing not to. I realised you were leaving it up to Willow and Tara whether they wanted to tell me or not."

Spike swallowed, amazed that she understood him. Buffy leant forward and kissed him gently. Spike ran his fingers through her hair, marvelling at her, her touch, her scent, her body, her love.

"Spike-"

"Yes love?"

"It made me realise how close I came to losing you."

"Not close at all pet," said Spike. "I'll be here as long as you want me."

Buffy kissed him.

"Buffy?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry. For the Willow and Tara thing. I should never-"

Buffy silenced him with a kiss. Spike gave up trying to talk and stick his tongue down her throat at the same time. His arms wrapped around her pulling her tight against him. Buffy pressed against him, devouring his mouth with hers. Buffy slid back a little on his lap and undid Spike's trousers. She slid forward again, pressing against him. Spike moaned. She started running kisses down his jaw.

"Buffy?"

"Mmm."

"You're not wearing any knickers."

"I was wondering how long it would be before you noticed."

Spike grinned and promptly removed her shirt as well. There wasn't much talking after that.

They lay on the couch, tangled in clothes and each other, completely shagged to use Spike's terminology. Buffy ran soft fingers over Spike's face, tracing the lines of his face. His fingers ran little trails over her belly and thigh. Emotion overwhelmed her.

"I love you Spike," Buffy whispered. She felt Spike tremble slightly against her.

Then his strong arms were holding her tight and his face was buried in her hair. His voice was choked and muffled but she heard it clearly.

"God I love you Buffy, I love you so much."

Buffy knew this was what she wanted and was glad to have it.

The End.