Marshmallows 3

Chapter 7: Not very shippy behaviour

"Oh no, Spike, no, please tell me you didn't -"

"Buffy, love, calm down, please, listen to me-"

Buffy backed away, horror on her face. "No, Spike, no." Her face was filled with disgust.

Spike felt his stomach twisting into knots and his heart sinking as the situation slipped out of his control.

"Love, please this doesn't change anything-"

"Spike you have to go." Her voice became more determined.

"Buffy-"

"Now Spike. I don't want to stake you. Leave now." Her voice was very calm and terribly quiet. She was not going to make the same mistake twice.

"Buffy, I didn't want this, you've got to understand, he zapped me with a bleeding remote control-" Spike stepped towards her again.

"Go now, leave town and do not EVER come back."

"No, Buffy, not until you listen to me." Spike gripped her shoulders.

Buffy couldn't listen her mind had shut down, everything bad she'd imagined was happening.

"Spike, " she said in a deathly quiet voice. "There is nothing you could say that would make me change my mind."

Spike stared at her. "I love you Buffy," he said firmly.

"You have one minute Spike, then I stake you. Go now."

"Buffy! Don't be bloody ridiculous pet, can't we talk about this like grown-ups?"

"50 seconds Spike. And I am being grown-up. I won't make the same mistake again."

"Bloody Angel, this is what this is about. Bloody, sodding, fuckwit Angelus!"

"I love you Spike, don't make me kill you." Buffy felt like crying but she had to hold firm.

"Then don't do this Buffy, please. Pet, I can't do this by myself-"

Buffy punched him.

"I said, go!"

Spike growled and in a second Buffy was pinned against the fridge. His eyes flashed yellow.

"No, not until we talk about this like adults."

Buffy kneed him in the gut and flipped him onto his back. In a second she was on him, stake over his heart.

"If I see you hurt a human, if I hear you've hurt a human, I will kill you. Leave town Spike. This is over."

Spike couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Buffy?"

"It. Is. Over. Spike. This should never have happened. There can never be an us."

In a second she was flung off him. He glared at her, hurt beyond reason.

"Soldier Boy was right," he spat. "You deserve this." And he turned on his heel and left.

**************

Spike slammed the door of his crypt, hard. Bitch. Fucking bitch. Spike clenched his fists and growled in frustration. After…after everything! After…three weeks. Three weeks. The stuff they'd shared….Last night even…She'd told him she loved him not twelve hours ago. Not twelve hours ago she was in his arms and she was sodding tell him she loved him. Cold hearted bitch. Spike didn't know what hurt more, Buffy rejecting him or Buffy not listening to him. Buffy not trusting him. Buffy throwing the intense togetherness of the last three weeks back in his face.

Spike kicked a box of stuff. Fine. She'd dumped him. Fine. Ok. Well. He didn't need her. He didn't need her and her sodding Scooby pals. He didn't have the chip now. He could go back to normal now. Yeah. He was back. He'd get a vampire gang and they'd have sodding fun. Yeah. He was the Big Bad. Fucking bitch dumped him, time to go back to the people who really cared. That's what she fucking expected anyway. Well he fucking would then.

First he'd have a drink.

****************

Buffy sank down onto the kitchen floor. She felt numb. She didn't want to think. That had been the right thing to do. It had to be done.

"What happened?"

Dawn.

Buffy looked up blankly at her sister. "Huh?"

"I heard you and Spike fighting. What happened?"

"The chip. He doesn't have the chip."

"Oh no! Is he ok? What happened?"

Responsibility. Buffy let the Slayer do the thinking. In a moment she was on her feet, hands holding Dawn by the upper arms, looking at her sister intensely.

"Dawn listen to me. This is very important. Do not let Spike in the house. Do not go near him. DO NOT go and see him. Do you understand me?"

Dawn flinched away from her sister and frowned. "Yeah. God, way to over-react Buffy."

"I am not over-reacting. Spike is dangerous now. There's nothing holding him back."

"Yeah, not now you've dumped him."

Dawn turned and walked out of the room.

Buffy felt sick.

The phone started ringing but Buffy didn't move to answer it.

****************

Spike wove through the crowd at the Bronze.

Could eat you. Could eat you. I could rip your fucking throat out, he thought as he jostled against people. No, not people. Humans. Dinner. He stopped at the bar and ordered a bourbon. Could eat the bartender. 'Cept this one was generous with the nips. A few seats down, an old guy, probably about forty, not the usual demographic for the Bronze sat nursing a drink. Could eat him, get nicely pissed with it. Don't look like he'd mind either. Spike decided against it, blood would probably be pickled. He turned to look back at the crowd of ripe nubile young things. Yeah, tasty, thought Spike. And he ordered another drink.

Thus fortified, he stepped onto the dance floor, singling out a pretty little thing, plump and firm. Ripe.

He danced with her, slowly moving her away from the herd. She felt flattered by the attention. He was good looking, in a dangerous kind of way. Hot. Cute ass. And those eyes. They smouldered. The girl didn't usually use words like smouldered, not even in her thoughts. Tonight she did.

Then he spoke and the accent gave her tingles.

"What's your name love?" he whispered in her ear.

"Cindy," she had to yell so he could hear her, above the noise of the crowd.

Spike looked her over hungrily. It had been so long. Blood was pounding through the chit's veins, and in that good, aroused way. Not that the fear way didn't have its own particular appealing taste either. But tonight he wanted desire.

"You're very beautiful Cindy."

She blushed prettily. Spike cocked his head, fascinated, all that pretty blood. Pretty ripe cheeks. He could bite those cheeks like juicy peaches.

They were in a corner now, dark, beside the stage.

"How old are you love?" he purred, pressing her against the wall. He trailed his hands through her hair, letting it slip like silk between his fingers. He could hear her pulse and practically smell her blood. Warm, alive.

"Eighteen," the girl said, eyes wide, innocent, flattered by this attention, nervous but in a good way. Her heart raced. Wanting…she didn't know what.

"Naughty, don't lie."

More pretty blushes.

"I…I'm sixteen."

Sixteen, two years older than the Nibblet.

Spike stopped. Not sure where that thought came from. But she was tasty looking. Young and delicious. This was what the Slayer expected wasn't it? And you've always got to meet a lady's expectations.

"Did you say your name was Cindy love?"

She nodded.

Spike frowned. Didn't Lil' Bit have a friend called Cindy. Not this girl. Too old. But it could be.

"Go to Sunnydale High?"

Another nod.

Cindy looked up and he was gone.

**************

"Buffy it's for you. It's Giles."

"Tell him I'll call him back later."

"He said it's urgent."

Buffy growled inwardly. "Fine."

"What is it," she almost snapped.

"Buffy? Are you all right? Dawn said-"

"Spike lost the chip." Buffy's voice was calm and flat.

"Oh dear lord," said Giles. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm just super."

"I take it Spike is still among the unliving?"

"As long as he doesn't come near me or I find out he's been feeding. I told him to leave town."

"Oh."

"Oh? What do you mean oh?"

"Nothing. You did the right thing," Giles said a little too quickly.

"You think it was the wrong thing to do?" Buffy's tone was accusing. "Gee Giles, thanks for the support on this one."

"Buffy I didn't say that at all. It was very sensible not to trust Spike now he can hurt humans again."

"Yeah, that's me, sensible girl."

"I only thought that considering his behaviour over the past year that you might have -"

"Failed to do my duty as the Chosen One?"

"Oh. Yes. Quite right. Point taken." Giles paused then continued. "Do you know how he got it out?"

Buffy bit her lip. She hadn't exactly given Spike a chance to explain that. "He said something about a remote control. I think it was the Initiative."

"Why would the Initiative want to unchip a vampire?"

Buffy was silent. Then she said in a small voice. "I think it might have been Riley."

"Riley? Is Riley back?" Buffy hadn't told Giles about Riley's visit, basically because she'd forgotten it.

"Yes," she said shortly.

"Why would Riley-"

"I don't know. All Spike said was someone zapped him with a remote control, he said he didn't want it to be removed and he mentioned…he said…he said Soldier boy was right, you deserve this."

"You deserve this?" Giles asked.

"It was after I told him to leave."

"Oh. So you think Riley did it to hurt you?"

"I don't know. I mean, I could be wrong, Spike and I weren't exactly having a calm discussion about it."

Giles paused. "How did you find out about the chip Buffy?"

"Spike told me."

"Oh." There was another pause and Buffy could almost hear the neuron's sparking in Giles' head. "Fascinating. He actually came to you to tell you he was able to kill again? He didn't try to attack you?"

"No."

There was a pause.

"No, no, you definitely did the right thing Buffy. It would be very foolish to trust him and I doubt we could have influenced him not to feed again."

"Exactly." Buffy swallowed, it felt like a huge block of cement was in her stomach. Shaking herself she decided to change the subject. "So, uh, what's this urgent thing you have to tell me?"

**************

Cordelia and Angel had returned to L.A. two days after they'd arrived. Nothing apocalyptic had happened in the time they'd been there, except for an awkward conversation between Buffy and Angel about Cordelia. Which, Angel had to admit was only fair, after the whole Spike discussion. It wasn't like anything had happened with Cordy though. Not really. Except for the kissing. And the touching. There had been a bit of touching. It had been so long since he'd been with Buffy. She'd moved on, he had changed to. Somehow he tried to explain to her that it was too hard to just keep things on a low level when he was with her. With Cordy it was possible. It wasn't that Cordy was more independent than Buffy, and Angel hated to use the word shallow, but Cordelia just, was detached. And she had too great a sense of self preservation to give Angel any happies. And it wasn't like they were a couple. Not really. Buffy hadn't seemed too impressed with Angel's explanation, he guessed it had been the principle more than anything. But she had accepted that he might have feelings for Cordelia now, just as he accepted that she had moved on and was seeing Spike. Angel didn't tell her about Darla. There was no point. With Buffy, with Cordelia even, it would be happiness, not despair, there was no comparison.

On the way home, Cordelia had given Angel a lecture about not expecting anything when they got back. The weekend had been a one off. There was no point, the two of them carrying on like teenagers. It would only lead to frustration and other things that weren't healthy. Plus, Gunn and Wesley might find out. Angel had taken her views on board.

He even considered them when he opened the door to her bedroom a couple of nights later.

"Cordy?" he whispered.

"Angel?" It had been three days. Three days of "accidentally" brushing against each other and pregnant glances.

As Angel sank down into the bed with Cordelia, she didn't seem to mind that he had a different opinion to her on the subject at all. She did however suggest that it would probably be a good idea if she didn't crash at his hotel anymore, just to avoid further temptation. Angel had agreed, but she was there now, so they might as well continue what they were doing.

After a little while, Cordelia decided that as long as Angel didn't get any happies he could probably do a little more than what he was currently doing.

Angel agreed, but after another while, suggested that self-abuse couldn't really be considered pure happiness, and he'd do it anyway later so he might as well do it now. If Cordelia didn't mind of course. Cordelia didn't mind. In fact she did that cute nose wrinkle and smile thing.

The Powers that Be seemed to have a different opinion however and at a very crucial moment, Cordelia had another vision.

"Spike!" It had taken Angel a while to realise that Cordelia's gasps had not been related to what his hand had been doing to her. And saying the name Spike at that juncture, was in his opinion, taking the whole, don't-let-Angel-have-a-moment-of-pure-happiness tactics to ridiculous extremes. Finally it sunk in that Cordy was not in the throws of bliss.

"Cordy? What is it? What's happened?"

"Talk about your bad timing," groaned Cordelia. "Buffy - it's that whole apocalypse in Sunnydale thing again. And I saw Spike, he was with some of your relatives."

She paused then smiled that smile at Angel again. "You know, the ah, thing, that you were doing, with your hand just now - headache wasn't so bad this time."

**************

Spike opened the door to his cold dead crypt miserably. The anger that had sustained him during his visit to the Bronze had faded and now he just felt like shite. He didn't want to think about why he hadn't fed on that girl earlier. This was just taking a bit to get used to again was all. He could do this again. Go back to his old life. At that moment, all Spike wanted Buffy. She didn't want him though did she? She'd made that bloody obvious.

He saw the box of chocolate he'd bought for Buffy sitting beside the bag of groceries he hadn't had the chance to put away, and felt worse. He looked at the slight changes he'd made to the crypt. Changes he'd made because of Buffy. His eyes fell on the newspaper on the couch, open to the rental ads in the classifieds. Spike snorted at himself derisively. No need for that anymore. Not much need for an apartment when you don't have a human girlfriend to try and impress.

Don't I feel bloody stupid now, thought Spike bitterly, reminded of the plans he'd made that had involved or revolved around Buffy. Plans that had reeked of humanity. No need for any of his stupid plans. No need for his sodding job either. Yeah, back to the good old world of want, take, have.

"Fanfuckingtastic," muttered Spike sarcastically. Maybe if he went to talk to Buffy again, once she'd calmed down…

Spike sank down into his armchair and buried his head in his hands.

The soft laughter that tinkled through the crypt sent a sudden shiver through him. That was the second time that day someone had taken him unawares. It didn't help that he recognised the laugh.

"Poor Spike. The toy soldiers took you off your leash and now the Slayer doesn't want a bad wild dog."

"Dru? What the bloody hell are you doing here?" Spike stood quickly. Drusilla's sudden appearance unnerved him. It combined with the other events of the day and made him feel as if he were being pushed by something. The darkness was enveloping him.

Drusilla climbed up the ladder from the vault beneath Spike's crypt.

"I saw my Spike all alone again and free from the Slayer and I came back to look after him."

Spike looked down, utterly miserable. Dru walked to him. She trailed her fingers down his cheek, eyes knowing. Spike had always marvelled at how his Dark Princess could be so utterly mad and yet so wise. Innocent and evil all at once. She saw the truth, his princess did. She saw the world differently. Spike had always understood her. He'd been patient and caring in the worst moments of her madness, when the future came to her in horrifying clarity. He'd soothed her when the visions were too much or the truth upset her like burns from holy water. And they'd had fun. Dru could be damn fun to be around.

"The bad Slayer captured you, my Spike. She made you taste like death."

"Well she's a thing of the past now Dru. Won't have anything more to do with me. And good riddance I say." Dru wanted him, still, again. A flicker of desperate hope filled Spike. If he was with Dru again, it would be easier to make things the same as they had been.

"I came back before but you didn't want me," she pouted. "You told the Slayer you'd stake me. I was frightened Spike. I didn't like that game."

Spike looked up at her, crushing down the stone in the pit of his stomach. He reached out a hand and caressed Drusilla's cheek. This was how it was to be now. He'd been given a second chance. No more Slayer, no more Scoobies. He was back. He was a vampire again. It was what he wanted, before the damn Slayer had got in his head. The chip out, Dru back. He had them both. Spike swallowed bile that had risen up in his throat.

"Sorry love. Wasn't thinking straight." He pulled her to him, a little too fiercely. He was suddenly reminded of the last time he'd held her like this. The last time she'd tried to save him. "I'm back now though. They took the chip out and I'm my old self again." Dru purred at the force with which he held her. It was almost desperate. It made her hungry.

"And you'll come back to me my Spike? Forget that horrid Slayer who made you tame and weak?"

"Yeah baby, you and me again." Spike swallowed hard. This was what he really wanted. He just needed to get over the Slayer. Things would be good again. "Just, love, let's get out of this place. I've seen enough of Sunnyhell to last me a lifetime."

Drusilla laughed. "Of course my poor brave Spike. But we can't go yet. Grandmama wants to have some fun. She's my daughter now you know, and I must take care of her. Now I have two children, my Spike and my Darla. You can be her Daddy if you like. We will be the mummy and daddy and have our pretty little daughter Darla." Dru smiled up at Spike. "She's such a good girl and terribly wicked. I might give her Miss Edith if she's anymore naughty."

"Let's forget Darla, Dru. Let's you and me leave town, go back to England. That'll be fun won't it pet? Go home again?"

"Ooh Spike that would be nice." Drusilla pulled away. "But Grandmama would be quite cross I think. And we can't leave now. There's going to be such a lot of pretty deaths."

She grinned gleefully at Spike. "The pixies whispered to me, Spike and showed me the pictures. It's going to be such fun, we can't leave yet. We'll miss the end of the world!"

End of part 7

************

Chapter 8 Sleeping.

Buffy opened the door. It was Giles and…a knight?

"Buffy, I've got something very important to tell you, this-" Giles paused, blinked a bit, then continued. "This is Saint George."

"Saint. George."

"Er…yes, of the…er…dragon."

"Oh."

"Apparently, there's going to be an Apocalypse."

Almost as if to add to Giles' statement, at that precise moment the phone started ringing.

"Hold that thought," Buffy said and went to answer it.

"Buffy?"

"Angel?"

"Buffy is Spike there?"

Buffy frowned, her heart sinking. What had he done? "No, why?"

"Cordelia just had another vision."

Oh, that's what this was about.

"Did it involve Spike and a certain chip? Cause, if so, could have been a little earlier with the warning."

"You know?"

Buffy's tone was dead. "He told me."

"Where is he now."

"I don't know, I told him to get out of Sunnydale or I'd stake him."

"Oh, well, he might be coming to L.A. then, Cordy saw him with Dru and Darla."

When Buffy got off the phone, Giles and the weird knight looking guy were sitting in the loungeroom.

"Buffy? Buffy are you all right?"

"Yeah, fine. It's just this Spike thing. I'll be fine."

"You're sure."

"Yes, Giles. I'm sure." Buffy sat down.

Giles glanced at the knight then at Buffy. "Buffy, George here wants our help. In the…er...final battle."

Buffy looked at the knight and then at Giles.

"Help?"

The knight coughed. "To fight the powers of darkness. Armageddon is about to begin and I've been sent to wage war against hell. We want you to-"

"Woah, hold it right there," said Buffy. "Ok. There's going to be an Apocalypse. Again. How do we stop it?"

George looked at them in surprise.

"You want to stop it?"

"Well duh."

"Buffy-" said Giles warningly. Then he turned to George. "Can we stop it?"

"Uh, well, I suppose so," considered the saint. "Stands to reason that you can. Just stop the thing that's going to precipitate it. No idea why you'd want to though."

"What's going to…precipitate it?"

George shrugged. "Funny thing, Armageddon. World's always running this close to it, only a step away from it really. Thing is, end of the world's not at the end of time, like most people think, it's like a gapping chasm and history marches along next to it. At any given moment it history could turn towards it."

"Well what's going to make it happen this time?" growled Buffy, too irritated and upset at the moment to put up with much.

"Events have occurred and choices have been made that will make other choices easier," said George ambiguously, earning him a glare from Buffy.

"Oh," said Buffy. "Is that all. Well just tell us what those choices are and we'll make sure they're made right."

George chuckled.

"What?" glared Buffy.

"I think that it might be a little difficult to know which is the right choice," murmured Giles thoughtfully.

Buffy groaned. "Why can't there just be something I need to kill? Is there something I can kill?" she asked George hopefully. "A big demony thing?"

"Not yet," said George. "Depends how things turn out." He looked at Buffy and Giles. "Don’t you see?" he said. "It all depends. Depends on human nature. Depends on choices. Dark or light. Like that force whatsit."

"So who's Luke and who's Vader?" Buffy asked.

George winked at her. "We all are my dear. We are all both. Well, not me obviously, since I'm a saint, but I had a choice once."

**************

Spike stirred in his bed, in his crypt and for moment forgot the things that had happened not seven hours earlier. A soft naked female body snuggled closer against him. Buffy. Spike smiled, eyes still shut. Something was wrong but it took a while for Spike's sleepy brain to figure it out. Cold.

Spike opened his eyes. Oh yeah, that's right, he was with Dru again. Good. He resolutely rolled over and wrapped his arms around his Dark Princess. It was good to be back in the arms of his vampire lover, he told himself, very firmly. That warm, hot human thing would've got old pretty quick. It had been so long since he'd held her like this. It had been familiar. It had been comfort. It had been despair. It had also been quite a bit of released frustration too. It was still night, obviously he'd only slept an hour or so. Dru had always managed to wear him out. He'd dreamt of the last few hours for such a long time. Before that period where he didn't dream of anyone, before the time when he'd started to dream of the Slayer. He had longed for Dru for so long after she'd left him. And now he had her again and tonight had been a reminder of why he had missed her in the first place. Making love to Drusilla was a completely unique experience. Like making love to the Slayer, a part of him added treacherously. He ruthlessly ignored that thought.

Dru smiled in her sleep and her face shifted before she started to purr. Spike propped himself up on one elbow and watched her. Everything was back to normal. Like it should be. Spike decided he'd feel better once they left Sunnydale. Sunnydale was bad luck for him and Dru. Yeah, he'd feel better about this once they were away from the place. They'd get out of Sunnydale and start again. He'd just have to make Dru forget Darla and this wretched Apocalypse business.

"Mmm Spike," purred Drusilla. "Hold me, my darling boy." She tugged him to her.

"Morning love," said Spike softly as he nestled closer to her. This comfort, this mad love. Spike was suddenly filled with a sense of despair. He wanted Buffy he admitted to himself in a moment of honesty. Fuck, all he wanted, sitting here, wrapped around his beautiful, dark, fractured angel, was a silly little blonde chit. It all seemed so stupid, like he could go knock on her door and she'd be all "Spike, where the hell have you been?". Then his pride reminded him of how she'd treated him. What was said. The look in her eyes. Disgust. He couldn't take it any more. Not after having what he had with her. Not after seeing how much she could love him.

"It’s a beautiful night Spike, the stars are calling." Drusilla nuzzled his neck sleepily. "They promise to light the way if we go and play with them."

"Hungry pet?" The darkness danced around Spike and he walked blindly into it.

"Mmm, I want a nice, fat baby, with dimples in its knees. And the softest skin. I'd bite it and bite it til it was all gone."

"Sounds delightful love. We'll go find you a baby. Myself I fancy a -" Spike stopped. The image of Buffy had flashed in his head. Spike brushed the thought of her and her pale neck from his mind. Spike suddenly didn't feel like hunting. He couldn't stay here. He couldn't go back to being a proper vampire while he was here. Everything and everyone reminded him of the Summers women. And no matter how pissed off he was he couldn't hurt them. Not yet. Maybe never. So he'd go somewhere else. Get out. Spike propped himself up on one arm again. "Dru, we have to leave," he said seriously. "I mean it love, I can't stay here. I have to leave." If he was going to be with Dru, they had to go. Then he'd be happy. He could be normal again. He could feed again without worrying if it was someone someone knew. The Slayer would stop being there, in his head, looking over his shoulder. He'd be able to forget her.

"But Spiiikkkkee," Drusilla obviously did not like the idea of leaving. Spike had forgotten how high pitched she could get. "The Apocalypse. I want to see it. They're all coming, all Hell's armies and Heaven's too. And there will be a glorious battle."

Spike shut his eyes. Obviously Darla was up to something. How come he always ended up stuck in Sunnydale because of someone's mad scheme to end the world? Well, bugger it all, this time he wouldn't.

"Dru, I'm going." He made one last attempt to persuade her. "Come on love, we'll have a grand old time, you and I."

But Dru had gone off somewhere in her head. "No, shan't. Grandmama says there are too many roosters and we must chop off their heads. " She turned to Spike and he could see in her eyes that she wasn't lucid. "You'll be able to wade in all the lovely blood. It will come up to your ankles and the fishies will try to swim in it."

*************

Buffy bid Giles and George goodnight. She was sure once Giles got over the saint's ying yang crap he'd ask some pointed questions and they'd figure out what was going on, once and for all. Buffy sighed. It always came down to choices. She hated having to make choices. Couldn't she choose not to choose for once in her life? In the darkness of her room Buffy let herself give in to the tears that had threatened to fall all evening. She buried her face in her pillow and sobbed. This was all so awful. Buffy wanted Spike, wanted him so badly, wanted to find him and kiss him and make him come back. But she knew it was so the wrong thing to do. She knew he loved her. It would be so much easier if he didn't and she didn't love him. She wanted to trust him, wanted to believe him. But. But Angelus. But Giles being tortured. But Jenny Calendar dying. But. It was too hard to take that chance again. What if he slipped once and killed someone, it would be her fault, even if it was someone she didn't know, she would be responsible for their deaths by letting him live. She should have staked him this afternoon even. Buffy's sobs quietened and finally she fell asleep.

************

Dawn opened her eyes, someone was calling her.

"Mom?" she asked, getting out of bed.

"Dawnie, my little Dawnie, come here."

Dawn went to the window. Her mother was outside.

"Dawn, come here please, I locked myself out of the house. Can you help me carry the groceries in?"

Part of Dawn's mind questioned the fact that her mother would be going shopping in the middle of the night, but then suddenly it was day, so that was all right.

Dawn went downstairs, out the door and followed after her mother.

************

Spike was halfway out of town when he pulled his De Soto to a halt.

"Bugger."

The tires screeched as he spun the car around. It was still early. He'd be far from here by dawn, he'd just do this, then he'd go.

"Bloody hell."

*************

Buffy opened her eyes at the sound of a thump at her window and a muffled curse.

"Bloody hell Slayer, you put the uninvite spell up already?"

Buffy tried to clear her head. Had she? She couldn't remember.

"Spike?"

"Yeah, it's me Slayer, let me in."

"No I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because…" Buffy didn't know, all she knew was she was excited and happy about Spike being there. "Why - why are you here?" She found herself moving to the window.

"Buffy, love, let me in. We need to talk."

Buffy shook her head, but she opened the window.

"Spike, I can't," she pleaded.

"Yeah, you can love, it's easy. Just say, Spike come in - see, real simple."

"You know what I mean," she glared, but bit back a smile, his banter making the situation suddenly better.

Spike sighed and Buffy thought her heart would break.

"All right Slayer, have your way, but let me have one kiss before I go?"

He did the puppy dog face.

"OK! One kiss, then you HAVE to leave Sunnydale. Honestly, Spike, what part of I'll stake you don't you understand?"

"Haven't staked me yet though have you?"

Buffy glared at him. "Don't tempt me," she murmured as she leant out the window a fraction and pressed her lips to Spike. He kissed her back softly, and she pressed into him a little more. He deepened the kiss and Buffy sighed as she parted her lips and let his tongue enter. Suddenly everything felt all right again.

"Love you Buffy, love you so much," murmured Spike pulling back.

"Love you too Spike," sighed Buffy and then she opened her eyes in time to see Spike in full game face lunge towards her.

Buffy screamed and back into the room, but suddenly somehow the uninvite spell failed to stop him and Spike was after her. She stumbled across the room and just as she reached for the door handle he grabbed her.

Buffy struggled and kicked and punched, but didn't seem to have any effect on Spike. He grabbed her hair, yanking her head back, exposing her neck. He shifted to his human visage for a moment and looked at her lovingly.

"Love you so much Buffy," he breathed then vamped out and drove his fangs into her neck.

Buffy sat up in bed with a start. Her heart was pounding and she was covered in sweat.

"Ok, that was unpleasant," she said and lay back on the pillow, trying to calm down. Sheesh, not like she didn't know her fears already, she didn't need her subconscious to remind her of them while she slept.

*************

Dawn followed her mother. The car was a long way away. Why did her Mom park so far from the house.

"Dawn, I'm waiting."

"I'm coming Mom."

Her mother stood by a park bench, the sun was so bright, Dawn could hardly see.

"Dawnie, my darling little girl." Joyce smiled and held her arms out to her daughter.

Dawn fell into her embrace.

"Mom, where did you go," she shook her head. "I…it was weird, I thought you were dead."

"No sweetheart, I'm not dead," Joyce looked at her daughter lovingly. "I've got a present for you."

Dawn smiled up at her mother and the world suddenly went white.

*************

Buffy had just gone back to sleep when she woke again. Someone was pounding on the door. She threw on a dressing gown and rubbing her eyes went downstairs. Spike stood in the doorway. He made no move to enter. He assumed Buffy would have uninvited him.

"Spike? What-" The memory of her dream assailed her, both the good and bad bits and for a second Buffy indulged the reckless hope that he was here to sweep her into his arms and make her take him back. The expression on Spike's face was cold. Definitely no sweepage about to occur. Hopefully no fangy stuff either. Buffy fingered the stake she had slipped into the pocket of her dressing gown.

"I'm leaving Sunnydale," Spike said shortly. "I'm just here to pass on some information then I'll be on my way."

"You're leaving?" Buffy felt numb. "I mean, uh, good." She knew she should stake him now. End this. But she couldn't bring herself to reach for the stake. Not yet.

Spike's jaw worked under his cheek. His eyes chilled Buffy and she suddenly found herself wishing he would look lovingly at her again.

"Should have left a long time ago," he said. He looked away and took a deep breath before turning back. "Dru and Darla are in town. Probably got something to do with that vision the Cheerleader had. Dru was going on about the end of the world and all that rot." He was about to move, about to turn and go in a sweep of his duster, all dramatic and poof like, but she spoke and he didn't.

"Drusilla, you saw her?" Buffy bit down the jealous bile that rose in her throat.

"Yeah. She's not coming with me, wants to stay for the party."

Buffy shook herself and let the Slayer part of her do the thinking. "Do you know what they have planned?"

Spike shook his head. "I think Dru's just been having visions of her own. Or she and Darla have cooked up some mad scheme. Either way they can bloody count me out this time. I'm getting out of this bleeding town like I shoulda done years ago."

"Did she mention Dawn?"

Spike stopped. "No," he said quietly. "Fuck no, Buffy you know I wouldn't just be here telling you if they were going to hurt Lil' Bit. God, you've got to know that."

Buffy bit her lip. She nodded, her chest felt too tight.

Spike cocked his head and looked at her. He swallowed.

"Come on love, this is silly."

"Don't Spike."

"Don't what pet? Tell you the truth?"

"Make this harder than it is."

"You want it to be easy Slayer?" Spike's tone grew harsh and the cold mask slipped over his features again. "What? You want me to go out and kill someone just so it's all nice and black and white for you? So you can sleep all peaceful like knowing there's good and there's evil and nothing in between? You want me to tell you I don't love you anymore?"

"No. It's just…God, Spike, we CAN'T be together."

Spike grabbed her by the shoulders. "Why not Buffy? Give me one good reason besides Angelus?"

Buffy wrenched herself out of his grip. Angry. Angry was good.

"You Vampire. Me Slayer."

Spike glared at her. "I haven't killed anyone pet. I haven't fed on anyone. I've changed, you've-" He sighed, frustrated by the futility of arguing with her. "Just give me a chance," he said quietly.

Buffy looked up at him.

"I can't do this Spike. I can't be the only reason you don't kill. You can't ask me to do that. It's too much responsibility."

Spike stopped and he momentarily forgot his anger. Buffy didn't notice however, she turned away.

"I mean, fuck, Spike. We've only been going out a few weeks. What if we decide in a month we don't actually have that much in common? What'll you do then? What if I piss you off? I don’t want to have to worry that I might be setting a killer loose as well as ruining a relationship."

Spike spun her around.

"It's. Not. Like. That," he growled. "Slayer! Can't you get it? It's not like that anymore. I'm not just holding back to impress you. Maybe I was at first, but bloody hell, Slayer, can't you see, I was changed before that could even happen!"

"Spike listen to me-"

Spike pushed her hard up against the porch wall. The desperation and despair driving him on.

"No. You listen to me. You changed me - and that's why I wanted to please you. And then it wasn't just about winning your love, it was because I love you." Spike let her go and paced in frustration, trying to express his feelings. " You, your little sis, your Mum, and you're bloody friends, even your Watcher. You all got to me. Maybe it was the chip. Maybe I spent too much time hanging around you lot. Maybe I was just lonely and pathetic and wanted someone, anything as a friend, to just fit in. I don't bloody know, but I stopped seeing you lot as a meal, as an enemy, a long time ago and now you've made it bloody hard for me to see anyone else as one either."

Buffy looked at him, eyes luminous with unshed tears.

"Spike, I can't…don't make me kill someone I love again. Please."

Spike held her gaze with his for a moment, pain etched on his features. Angel had really done a number on this girl. Buffy's eyes were filled with longing, which hurt him more. She didn't trust him. That was why they couldn't be together. Feeling dead inside, he nodded once, briefly then turned on his heel and strode off the porch.

************

Dawn opened her eyes and it was night and she was lying on the ground. A blonde woman looked down at her.

"There's a good girl. Now you might not want to move much for a while, but you'll get used to it."

Dawn frowned. "Mom?"

The blonde woman laughed. "Sorry darling, not your Mommy, just a little illusion to get you out of the Slayer's house so we could do a little spell."

In a flash the woman's features were distorted into vampire form. "Wasn't invited in you see."

Dawn sat up, trying to get to her feet. But she couldn't. Couldn't move. Something… her stomach hurt.

"What…what did you do?"

The blonde laughed. "What did I do? What did you do more like it, you did me a very big favour little girl."

The woman laughed and rubbed her own, flat stomach.

"Don't worry you've only got another three or so months to go."

Then Dawn looked down, touched her engorged belly and screamed.

*************

Buffy watched Spike walk away and for a moment she had to fight to stop herself from running after him. She could stop him. Stop him from leaving.

Suddenly a piercing scream rang out through the night. In seconds both she and Spike were heading towards the sound.

"Dawn!" Buffy cried as she saw her sister lying on the ground. She pulled her sister to her and stopped, aghast as she saw Dawn's swollen abdomen. "What happened?"

"Oh no, Buffy, ohgod, oh Buffy, look at me!"

"Nibblet, sweet bit, talk to me, what happened?" Spike crouched beside her, stroking her hair.

"What happened Dawn? Who did this to you?"

"I..I don't know."

"Was it a demon?" Spike asked.

"No, yes…it was… it was a vampire. She used some magic to make me think she was Mom."

"Drusilla," growled Buffy. She couldn't look at Spike.

Dawn shook her head. "No, it wasn't Drusilla. It was someone else. She was…she was blonde. I think I remember seeing her before, once…when you were fighting the Master?"

Spike looked at Buffy. "Darla." And before she could move he was on his feet. "I'll kill her."

**************

"Grandmamma, you're home!"

"Yes I am dear, and I feel much better."

"Ooh, naughty, you got rid of the baby. How ever did you do it."

"I found the little key dearest, and she very obligingly offered to carry it for me." Darla winked at Dru. "I can't believe it actually worked. Thank whoever. Ugh, I couldn't stand having that thing inside me for another minute."

Drusilla suddenly laughed, in the way that disconcerted Darla, because it obviously wasn’t at anything she had said.

"Oh, daughter. It was wonderful. I saw my Prince and he is free again. We made love and he kissed me sweetly." Almost as suddenly as she had laughed, an unhappy look flittered across Drusilla's face and she pouted. "Spike didn't want to stay and play, Grandmother."

"William? That little toad. You saw him? You said he was in love with the Slayer. Great Dru. Now her blonde bitchness is going to hunt us down before we can even raise this thing."

"Ooh noooo," laughed Dru. "Poor Spike has gone far away." She used her fingers to imitate a man walking. "The Slayer doesn't want to him now and he's been sent away to seek his fortune."

"Whatever, but I wouldn't trust that little weasel as far as I could kick him. He always hated me."

"Ahhh," smiled Drusilla. "But he loved me."

"Come on," snapped Darla. "If the Slayer knows we're here we haven't got much time. We have to do this spell or else this whole thing is a complete waste of time."

Drusilla smiled knowingly at her childe. "All of heaven and hell waits upon us my daughter," she said.

*************

Buffy carried Dawn home and put her in bed, then dialed Giles' number. Not thinking, not thinking was good. Doing. That was important. Buffy called Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya as well.

Giles was over quickly, St. George in tow.

"Where is she?" Giles demanded as he came in the door.

"Upstairs, in bed."

They hurried up to Dawn's room where she lay in bed sobbing.

Giles pulled back the covers and gasped as he saw Dawn's enlarged stomach.

"Oh dear lord," he murmured. Dawn whimpered as he pressed his hand to her tender stomach. "Buffy, my bag."

Buffy handed him his bag and he pulled out the stethoscope he carried there for some reason. Dawn cried softly as Giles listened to her stomach.

"I hear a heartbeat," he said quietly to Buffy and George. George nodded, but Buffy shook her head.

"No, she's too young. This can't be happening. Undo it, whatever it is."

Giles turned to Dawn. "Dawn, listen to me. You have to tell me what happened."

*************

"You fucking bitch!" growled Spike as he strode into the abandoned warehouse. It had taken some searching, and he'd had to beat up a few of Willy's patrons, but he'd found them. He was angry. Angry beyond any anger he had felt in his life. And it wasn't a fun kind of anger either.

Darla and Drusilla jumped up in fright. Then Dru laughed and clapped her hands.

"Spike you've come back! I didn't see it! What a trick!"

"Not now Dru," Spike said pushing her out of the way as he advanced on Darla.

"What did you do to her Darla?" His tone was quiet and deadly.

Darla drew herself up. This was after all her great-grandchilde, and she wasn't going to be intimidated by him.

"Her who, William? You need to be more specific in your accusations."

"You know bloody well who. Dawn, the Slayer's sister."

"I gave her a gift is all. My own child. Wasn't that generous of me?"

"You be generous Darla? Don't make me vomit." And Spike shoved Darla hard up against a wall. "Reverse it, undo it, whatever it is," he growled.

Darla kneed him in the groin and shoved him off her.

"No, I don't think so William. That child is a very important part of my plan. Unfortunately, the consequences of being its mother would have made things, shall we say, cumbersome. So I found someone else to carry it." Darla smirked.

"Besides," she said. "I can't." Spike coughed and got to his feet.

"She's just a child!" he grated. He Darla circled each other. "Why her!"

"Because she's so shiny Spike!" cried Dru. "She's all alight. Like she's clothed in the sun itself."

"Drusilla, less talk more spell please!" snapped Darla.

Spike glanced over at Dru and saw a protection circle marked out on the ground.

"What else are you up to Darla?" he demanded and neatly blocked a blow. Darla wrenched her hand free and lunged at Spike. They crashed back against some old chairs.

"I'm raising hell, Spike, jealous?" Darla grabbed a piece of broken wooden chair.

"Never of you pet," he said and knocked her across the room with a blow. Darla got to her feet and wiped a smear of blood away from the corner of her mouth.

"Why do you care about what happens to some little girl, Spike? You make me sick, you're pathetic, worse than Angel. And you haven't even got a soul."

Spike looked at her coldly. "Least I'm not heartless, like you."

Darla laughed at this as they walked towards each other. "At least I still know how to have fun," she said.

Spike chuckled, a low dangerous sound. "You're right Darla," he said. "What you and Dru are up to sounds very fun. I could join you, cut a swath of dead a mile wide through Sunnydale, drain the town dry." He gestured widely. "Kill, every last one of the Slayer's family and friends." In an instant his hand shot out and grabbed Darla by the neck. "But I won't. And you know why?"

Darla clawed at the hand at her throat.

"Because its wrong." And, smirking at the phrase borrowed from another Slayer in another time, Spike threw her across the room. "And because I love Buffy," he added quietly. He turned to where Dru was chanting in the protective circle. They probably weren't conjuring up anything pleasant, decided Spike and he dragged Drusilla out of the circle and kicked the candles and bowl from its centre.

Drusilla laughed. "Bad Spike. Now you've made a mess. Grandmother will be cross."

Darla staggered to her feet.

"Oh that does it William. Little Slayer's pet. It's time for you to be put down."

They flew at each other. They crashed through walls and into pieces of furniture. The two vampires rolled and punched and bite and kicked. Finally Spike overestimated his reach and fell over something. Darla was on him in a second, broken chair leg in her hand. She pulled her hand back to strike, but quicker than lightning, Drusilla was between her and Spike.

"NO!" she screamed, pressing herself onto Spike. Darla couldn't stop the momentum of her blow and she drove the stake straight through Drusilla's heart.

Darla staggered back as her grandchilde cum sire shattered into a billion particles of dust.

Spike stared at her in shock and horror.

"You staked her. You killed Dru."

Darla didn't believe in apologies. She'd always hidden her vulnerability behind her sharp cold exterior. She did that now.

"It was her own fault. She was stupid to try and protect you."

"You killed her." Spike felt more than anger, a terrible pain filled him. Pain borne by regret and guilt and sorrow. Not long ago he had offered to do this very thing for Buffy. He hadn't seriously meant to, he'd been so upset at the time, so desperate, that it had seemed like a good idea. But now, with his dark princess scattered in dust at his feet, he hurt.

Darla backed away, shocked by what had happened. And now for the first time, afraid of Spike.

They fought, Spike spurred on by anger and despair, Darla fuelled by desperation, fear, weighed down by guilt and her own grief. And then Darla fell on one of the broken chair legs and she exploded into dust.

Spike sank down onto his knees and sobbed.

***************

"Oh," said St. George suddenly with a frown. He pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and dialed a number. There was a lot of, "hmmm, I see, right then, yes, yes, no, no, I understand, right away Sir". Finally George put his cell away. "Well, that's that then, Apocalypse is off."

"It's off?" asked Giles.

"Yes."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Oh, its over. The choice is well and truly made, on all counts. Close call this one, but balance is restored, good triumphs over evil, ecetera."

"Oh I see."

He slapped Giles on the back. "Don't worry old chap, the minute it looks like someone's going to raise the beast, I'll be back."

"Oh, yes, good," murmured Giles. "Uh thanks-" But George was no longer there.

"Wait!" he called. "What about Dawn?"

***************

Spike wiped his face and got to his feet. He went through the warehouse til he found what he was looking for. Taking the two empty jars he carefully picked up as much as he could of Drusilla's and Darla's remains. Then not looking back, he left the warehouse, climbed into his De Soto and, thankful for the blackened windows shielding him against the coming dawn, got out of Sunnydale.

***************

"Hey!" smiled Cordelia as a familiar and not so dangerous anymore figure walked into the hotel. "Oh wait, are you like psycho vamp again, should I warn Angel to hide all the sharp pointy things?"

Spike didn't manage a smile. "Here, this is for the Poof."

Cordelia looked at the jar, filled with grey dirt.

"Ooh thanks. I think. What is it."

"Spike?" Angel walked warily into the room. "Are you ok? What's been going on?"

"Look Angel, Spike brought you some dirt," said Cordelia a little wildly.

Angel looked at the urn, then at Spike.

"What-"

"Darla," he said shortly. "Her and Dru are dead."

"Buffy?"

Spike shook his head. "No. Darla staked Dru by accident and I staked Darla very much on purpose."

"What- I mean, where…what will you do."

"Going to take Dru home," said Spike. He turned to go, then stopped. "Let the Slayer know, would you, that Dru and Darla are gone. So she don't worry herself none."

Angel nodded and Spike turned and left the hotel.

**************

Chapter 9: Waking

It had been the way he'd knelt next to Dawn, stroking her hair and trying to
calm her that did it. After Dawn had fallen asleep and Giles had started
snoring on the lounge, after her mind had run out of ways to worry about her
sister, Buffy's thoughts had turned to Spike. Thinking about that evening,
their argument and then the way Spike had cared for Dawn, suddenly Buffy
knew he wasn't going to hurt them. She known it before, in theory, that
Spike probably wouldn't hurt herself and Dawn, but she hadn't KNOWN it until
now. And suddenly it seemed so stupid to turn him away. He needed help, if
he was going to do this. And suddenly she knew he could. He wasn't a
monster. He wasn't some animal. He was a man. A man who had been gentle and
loving.

Oh god. She'd let him go fight Dru and Darla alone.

It was nearly morning. Buffy hurried downstairs. He could be injured, stuck
somewhere. Or worse, Darla and Dru could have captured him, to try and turn
him back to their side.

Then the phone rang.

Buffy sighed with relief when Angel told her about Spike's visit. And the
knowledge that he'd killed Darla made her more certain that she was making
the right decision.

"So where's Spike now? Is he with you? Can I speak with him?" An anxious
knot formed in the pit of Buffy's stomach, having made her decision she
REALLY had to talk to Spike.

"Spike's gone, Buffy. He.he said he was - I think he's going to England."

"England?"

"To put Drusilla to rest."

"Oh."

Buffy felt sick when she hung up the phone. He'd come back, wouldn't he?

***********
It had been nearly two months since the night Spike had left. And the knot
in Buffy's stomach only got worse. He had left, in the end, like they all
did. True she'd threatened him with death if he stayed, but all the same,
she never really believed he'd go. But it *was* Drusilla. He had gone to
take her ashes back. Lately she sometimes thought she sensed him near. It
was only the briefest feeling and quickly passed but it still made her stop
in the graveyard or look out of her window. He was never there. Buffy tried
not to let it show, the pain she was feeling, the awful sick feeling she had
constantly, but from the way the others never mentioned Spike, from the way
they sometimes seemed to stop talking whenever she entered the room, she
knew they knew. Even Dawn didn't mention him and if Buffy hadn't found the
postcards one day while cleaning up her sister's room, she would have
thought Dawn had completely forgotten Spike. She was torn between joy that
Spike was ok, that he cared enough to write to Dawn, and between intense
hurt that he did not write to *her* as well. He really had left.

Buffy walked through the cemetery. Patrol, fight, stake, home. It was a
routine. Worry about Dawn consumed her mind. Suddenly Buffy stopped. The
feeling, again. Stronger this time. And her slayer sense was giving her
major tingles. Familiar
tingles.

"Spike?" she said without turning.

"Slayer."

Buffy didn't know what to say. For the last month she had despised herself
for harboring the stupid hope that Spike would come back. Had told herself
so many times that it was a good thing that he had gone, like she asked. But
now, just the sound of his voice made her heart race. She turned to face
him.

"You - you're back. Where were you?"

He looked the same. The same starkly handsome, beautiful face she'd fallen
in love with. His eyes pierced her. His expression was just as cold as the
night he left. Buffy so wanted him to be smiling and pleased to see her.

"Went back to England. Took Dru home. Put her to rest, so to speak." Spike
looked away, avoiding her eyes.

"I heard. about Dru. I'm.sorry. Thank you - for doing what you did."

"Did it for Dawn," Spike said quietly. He looked up. "How is lil' bit?"
There was concern in his tone, and Buffy was reminded
again of how much Spike actually cared for her sister.

"Still pregnant. Scared, radiant. She's only fifteen. It's not fair."

"I know. I'm sorry." There was a pause. "Is it human?"

"Apparently. We've tried spells, doctors.you know. Dawn gets upset now if we
mention it. She wants it." Buffy trailed off.

"I'm going to raise it. We all are. Dawn needs a life. She doesn't deserve
this. She needs to go to school and have fun."

Buffy didn't tell him about Angel. About what the last witchdoctor had told
them. That was too hard. Angel didn't even know. Didn't know the child was
his. Buffy couldn't face him. She supposed she'd have to tell him, one day.
It was too much to consider. Too much hurt and pain. Buffy so really didn't
need anymore of that.

Spike nodded. He made no move to come closer. Buffy looked at him, and there
was a moment of something in his expression. A moment that made her ask,

"What about you - what are you going to do?"

"Thought I'd leave that up to you, Slayer," he said, and in a sudden
movement threw her a stake. Buffy caught it automatically.
She looked down at it, then up at him. Oh that's right, no chip. For a
moment, she'd forgotten.

Then Spike went game face.

"Going to make it easy on you love. Now keep your promise. Stake me."

"Spike?"

Spike looked at her and swallowed hard. "Come on Slayer finish it."

"No." No, she couldn't. Couldn't just stake him. Not like this. Not now he'd
come back.

For a moment Spike dared to hope, then he ruthlessly crushed that thought.
She didn't trust him, would never trust him. There was no way she would let
him live. She just didn't want to be responsible for this. But he couldn't
do this anymore. He had nothing now. No Dru. No family, except Angel who
didn't want anything to do with his vampire life. He could kill again but
there was no point. Every time he went close he was reminded of the Summer's
women. He was tired. Tired of wanting, craving, needing Buffy and not having
her. Not after those few glorious weeks of basking in her love. Spike knew
it was bad timing, knew Buffy had so many problems already.

It would be the good and noble thing to stay away, to not come back. But he
couldn't. She was in him. She was his everything. She had to end it. It was
the only way he'd know, truly know, that they couldn't be together. He'd
make her. And it was the best way to go, at the hands of a Slayer.

He lunged at her.

It was instinctive. Buffy flung Spike away from her. He growled and lunged
again. Buffy punched him. And he punched her. And then it was really on.
They fought. Slayer and Vampire. And then, it suddenly occurred to Buffy,
from the part of her mind that was objectively watching her Slayer-self
fight, that Spike had made it easy on her. It would be very easy,
emotionally, to stake him now. No qualms, no guilt. It was all about the
fight. And this realisation made her notice something else. Spike was
deliberately making mistakes. Not obvious ones, but imperceptible ones that
let her knock him away, ones that let her kick him when she really shouldn't
have been able to. Ones that, in the end where going to give her an unfair
advantage. God, he really did want her to kill him.

"Dammit Spike," she gasped. "Fight me properly."

"What you trying to say, Slayer? That I'm throwing the fight?" Spike punched
her again, throwing her against a tree.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Buffy growled as she launched herself at
him again.

He looked at her steadily. "That's because I am."

Buffy punched him hard.

"Don't do me any favours Spike."

Spike spat blood. "You want a good fight do you love? You want me to play
this for real. Try and kill you? That what you
want?"

"Well you want me to stake you, the least you could do is give me an
excuse."

Spike looked at her darkly.

"I thought me being unchipped was excuse enough."

"Not anymore. Not after you decided to be all heroic and not kill us."

Spike slogged Buffy hard in the jaw.

"How about that, Slayer? Enough excuse for you?"

"Nope. Not good enough," she said as her head snapped back from the blow and
she caught Spike under the chin with a high
kick. He fell back and rose up onto his knees.

"That's more like it, luv," he said and Buffy saw for the first time a
glimmer of something other than empty despair in Spike's
expression. He got to his feet. "Come on Buffy, finish this."

Buffy slammed him in the face. He just took it.

"Yeah, like that pet, don't hold back, give it to me."

Buffy hit him again.

"Come on Spike, you can do better than that."

As Buffy pulled her fist back, Spike caught the blow and flipped Buffy over.
The surprise made her swing her leg around and
sweep his from under him.

He let out an odd half-laugh.

"Better Slayer?" he asked.

"I'm not going to stake you, Spike," Buffy growled as they both got to their
feet, circling each other.

"You will bloody stake me. I'm not doing this anymore Slayer. I can't live
without you. Do me this favour at least. Finish this."

"No," said Buffy stubbornly.

"You can either stake me or take me back, and seeing as I can't envisage you
doing that anytime soon, you'll just have to kill
me luv."

"Maybe I want to take you back."

"You won't, you can't trust me."

"Maybe I do, now."

Spike shook his head. "No love, I'm what I am, how long before there's a
vampire killing and you start looking sideways at
me?"

They had stopped circling and were now barely inches from each other. Spike
still vamped out, Buffy still clutching the stake.

"I might Spike, but we have to do this together. I'm sorry. I realise that
now."

Spike's gaze flicked down to Buffy's throat.

"I could kill you," he said. "When you least expect it. I could drain you
dry."

"You won't," she said. "I trust you."

Spike ran a finger softly down Buffy's cheek.

"You trust me?" he asked softly.

For a moment he shifted back to human form. He looked into Buffy's eyes and
she knew what she wanted. She dropped the stake and Spike's face shifted
again and he sank his fangs into her throat. Buffy was falling and flying
all at once. The sensation was incredible, just as she remembered and
finally she was willing to let Spike give this to her.

Spike knew nothing but the heady sweet ecstasy of Slayer blood and the
strong pounding of her heart. He had only tasted this once before, because
he hadn't even bitten the second one. Buffy had felt this three times
before. Always ahead of him, his Slayer. His Slayer, his Buffy. Spike
reluctantly withdrew his fangs and laved the wound gently with his tongue.
He tried to comprehend what had just happened. She had let him do this. She
trusted him.

Buffy moaned as she came back to reality. They were both kneeling on the
ground. She wasn't dead. She felt Spike nuzzle gently at her throat then
pull back. She opened her eyes and found him looking at her with blue not
yellow eyes. Eyes that were full of love and just a hint of fear. Eyes that
were waiting for a response. Spike half expected to be pushed to the ground
and staked. It was a good price to pay, to have tasted her, to have shared
that with her, this time.

"Is that what you were afraid of love?" he asked, his voice husky.

"No," said Buffy. "Yes, but not for me, for the others."

"I would never hurt them Buffy, not now."

"I know."

And he knew she did.

"I love you," he said simply.

"I know," Buffy said again. Then she smiled at him tremulously. "I love you
too."

And then, of course, it started to rain. Spike felt himself shaking as he
bent forward and pressed his lips to Buffy's. Felt himself tremble as she
returned the kiss and entwined her small, strong hands in his hair, holding
him to her. She tasted blood on his mouth, whether from his split lip or
from her, she wasn't sure, but it tasted like.Spike. Blood, tobacco, Spike.
Fat raindrops fell from the sky, soaking them both, washing away the blood.
And if the rain mixed with tears as well, neither of them noticed. Kisses
became more kisses and more kisses became desperate fumblings. Soaked
clothes were unbuttoned and bodies pressed together, wet and slick with
rain. And there in the dark night, in the mud and wet, with rain pounding
down on them, they reclaimed each other. Desperate longing and passion
released in too quick love-making.

They lay tangled together in the wet afterwards, staring at each other as
their climaxes subsided. Spike smoothed rain-wet hair from Buffy's face. His
expression was one of wonder. And of love. Buffy reached up and pushed a
dripping wet curl from his forehead.

"I'm sorry," she said.

Hearing her say that touched Spike more than he cared to admit.

"It's ok, I know why you reacted the way you did," he said as casually as
possible. "Just hurt was all." He looked down a little embarrassed. "Sorry
for being such a git, just now."

"S'ok, you needed to have your dramatic moment," said Buffy with a glint of
wickedness. "Plus, it was kinda fun, the fighting."

"Oh, you liked that did you?"

Buffy blushed. "Yeah, I did. If you cut out the angsty he's going to kill
me, I'm going to kill him moments."

Spike grinned. "I think I can manage that."

"So.uh.the bitey thing."

"Yeah, the bitey thing. You ok, not feeling woozy, loss of blood all that?"

"Nope."

"Good."

Buffy looked down. "It felt great."

Spike lifted her chin up and looked into her eyes. "Thank you Buffy, for
letting me do that," he said.

"Not that I want to incorporate it into our relationship as this regular
thing or anything," Buffy added.

Spike grinned. Then he noticed Buffy was shivering slightly. He looked at
her ruefully.

"We're getting a bit wet here love," he said.

**************

The door to the Summer's house opened and Willow, Tara and Dawn looked up as
a very drenched Spike walked in carrying an equally drowned Buffy. A Buffy
who had her arms around his neck and was looking at him adoringly.

The girls all looked at one another and as Spike started up the stairs,
decided that, as Buffy was obviously not hurt, they'd ask her about it
tomorrow.

End of part 9, tbc