It’s so good to be home. I don’t believe they only kept me in hospital for two days. And, I get to stay off school until next week! Yay!

Xander took time off work to take Buffy to collect me. I wish it had been Spike, but Buffy said he had to work.

It’s not like I haven’t seen Spike. He’s visited me, normally when he thinks none of the others (except Buffy) will be there. He makes me laugh. He tells me silly stories about his past, and about school. The stories he used to tell me, the ones where he killed, they’re not included. I guess they hurt him too much now.

Buffy wanted me to go to bed when I got here, but I pleaded, and managed to persuade her that I can recuperate perfectly well lying on the sofa with the TV remote in my hand.

She hasn’t been to work since the attack. She says the Principal understands because she’s my sister. I guess he wouldn’t understand about Spike. I mean, he’s not family or anything.

They don't talk a lot. When Spike visited me, they both concentrated on me, and didn’t talk to each other much. They might not be fighting any more, but they’re being too careful. It’s like they hardly know each other. They’re both scared to disturb the peace that exists between them.

Xander’s coming over after work. He’s trying hard to be nice, I can see that. He’s even stopped making snide comments about Spike. Well, most of the time. I think it’s just too much of a habit now.

I spend the afternoon watching TV, amazed to find that I’m bored. How often have I wished to have a day to spend lazing like this, only to have my wish granted? Of course, it would be better if I could actually do something, but every time I get up, Buffy shoos me back to the sofa with threats of bed!

She’s spending the afternoon catching up on laundry and other things that got neglected with her almost living at the hospital with me.

"What do you want for dinner?" she asks, coming up from the basement with an armful of newly laundered towels.

"Pizza?" I ask hopefully. She smiles at my response. I think she knew what I’d say.

"Ok, you want to make the call?" she asks, throwing the phone towards me.

"Xander too?"

"Yeah, he said he’d be here."

I phone and place the order, and as I put the phone down, Xander appears. He comes in, grinning, and walks straight over to me.

"How’s the Dawnster, then?" he asks, planting a kiss on my forehead.

"Ok," I reply. I can’t get used to him kissing me like that. It doesn’t feel right. He didn’t do that before, so why has he started now? I stiffen as he kisses me, and he notices. Now I’ve hurt his feelings! I didn’t mean to, it’s just, he’s trying too hard. He thinks he should be my big brother, my protector. But that’s Spike’s job.

We eat the pizza, and for once, Buffy lets us eat it in front of the TV. Recently she’s been insisting we eat either in the kitchen or in the dining room. I think it has to do with her whole ‘make things better’ drive. She wants to be a mom for me, and she wants to do things right.

She’s clearing the things back into the kitchen when there’s a knock at the door.

"That’ll be Giles and Willow," Xander says, going to open the door.

"Since when have they knocked?" I ask myself, but I stay where I am.

I can hear Xander talking quietly, but can’t make out who he’s talking to. He calls Buffy, and now I’m really itching to know who it is.

The next thing I know, someone is coming this way, and in walks ... Riley. I didn't see that coming.

"Hey, Dawn," he says. "You remember Sam, don’t you?"

His wife comes into the room, smiling widely. I remember her, but I remember him more.

"I hear you were attacked?" she says, coming to sit close to me.

"Yeah, but I’m fine now," I reply.

Riley takes a seat across the room, and Buffy offers to make coffee. Xander and Riley chat for a few minutes, while Sam mainly listens.

"So, what brings you to Sunnydale this time?" Xander asks.

"Government business," Riley replies. "I’m afraid I can’t discuss the details. But, since we’re here, I thought I’d look up some old friends."

"We’re glad you did, aren’t we Dawn?" Xander replies, looking at me for confirmation.

I never did like Riley too much. He and Buffy didn’t belong together, and I’m just amazed it took her so long to see it. I try to smile an answer to Xander’s question, but I don’t think either of them actually expected one.

"So, what about the last time? Did you get everything sorted out?"

"Yeah, we did." It’s Sam who answers. She’s obviously not one to be sidelined in a conversation. "But, you wouldn’t believe the merry chase we had finding all the rest of those eggs! We covered large parts of four states before we’d finished."

"I didn’t think Spike had it in him," Xander comments. "I mean, planting the eggs all over like that."

"Spike?" Sam looks surprised. "Spike wasn’t important. He was just keeping some eggs for someone else. Apparently he wanted money for something, and offered to help out. There was something funny about that, wasn’t there? Honey?"

She looks at Riley, and notices for the first time that he’s not comfortable with what she’s saying. She looks confused. "What’s the matter, Riley? It isn’t classified. They know about it anyway. What was it Spike thought the eggs were for?"

Riley doesn’t look well, but he covers. "Apparently he was told they were the latest in demon haute cuisine! Can you believe he’d be that stupid? The real Doctor was human. He had quite a racket going, too. He’d farmed the eggs out all over the place.

I sense movement at the doorway, and spot Buffy. I wonder how long she’s been there, but not for long. Her face is unnaturally pale, but two red circles form on her cheeks. She’s angry.

"Why didn’t you tell me?" she asks Riley.

"Tell you what?" Riley asks innocently.

"About Spike. Why didn’t you tell me he wasn’t responsible for the eggs?"

He’s about to answer, but Sam gets in there before him.

"Why would you think Spike was responsible? We knew he was just a pawn when Riley went to retrieve the eggs."

I didn’t think Buffy could get angrier, but she does. She doesn’t speak for several seconds, and Sam is looking bemused. Riley’s looking guilty.

"Why?" Buffy’s question is directed at Riley who can’t look at her. He doesn’t answer.

"Why did you tell me he was the Doctor?"

Riley is still silent, but a glimmer of understanding forms on Sam’s face.

"Riley wouldn’t have said that. You must have misunderstood."

Buffy ignores her. "Why, Riley?"

Something breaks within him, and he looks up. "Because I could see what he was doing to you. Because he’s not human. Because he’s dead. Because he was bringing you down to his level. He screwed you on a tomb, Buffy! I had to do something. I had to stop it. And I happen to think it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done!"

Xander’s looking bemused at the whole exchange. Sam’s looking angry, but Buffy's rage is like a physical presence in the room. "I think you’d better leave," she whispers, but there’s no way anyone missed it.

Riley gets up, holding his hand out to his wife. Sam ignores it, and walks towards the door.

"I’m sorry, Buffy," she says. "I’d have told you if I’d known what he said."

Buffy just nods, taking the other woman’s hand for a second before standing back to allow Riley to pass. I can see her hands itching to hit him, but she restrains it.

When they’re gone, Buffy starts to rant. The language she’s using is a bit much for someone of my tender years. Xander’s trying to reason with her, telling her he understands why Riley did what he did. It’s not helping, and when Xander realises, he decides to leave.

"Will you be ok?" he asks me, retrieving his jacket.

"I’ll be fine," I tell him. He looks really troubled.

When he’s gone, Buffy slowly calms down. Unfortunately, as she calms, the tears start.

"Oh, Dawn, what am I going to do? It was hearing about the eggs that made me decide to finish things with Spike. That was what I used to keep him at a distance, and he was telling me the truth. All that time, he was telling me the truth, and I didn’t believe him."

I get up off the sofa and go over to the chair where she’s sitting. I sit on the arm of the chair, and put an arm around her. "Buffy, it’s over. Whatever you said’s been said, and Spike still loves you. I’m not saying an apology wouldn’t be a good idea, but, that’s all you can do now. It’s not your fault. It’s Riley’s."

She’s crying softly, but she nods. We sit like that for a while, before she realises I’m off the sofa. With an exasperated sigh, she hustles me back there, and goes out to the kitchen to clear up, leaving me with the TV for company.

Sam is mad at me, and I can't blame her. She didn't know I'd used our last visit to separate Buffy and Spike. She wouldn't understand it.

We drive back to the base in silence. When we arrive, she quietly walks into our quarters, picks up my toothbrush and a change of clothes and hands them to me.

"I think you should find somewhere else to sleep tonight," she says with an unnatural calm before turning her back on me and heading off to shower.

I know I was wrong not to tell her, but I don't see what else I could do. How could I explain how important it is to me that Buffy's not sleeping with a vampire? I couldn't cope with losing her because of a demon. I didn't know he was responsible at the time, that particular revelation only came later. She wouldn't believe I did it because of friendship, and she's already wary of my past with the Slayer, even though she's done her best to hide her insecurity.

The truth is that throughout our time together, the spectre of Angel hung over us. She was getting over him, I know that, and for a while I thought he was responsible for her not being able to love me. And, he might have been, at least partly to blame. Now, I know better. She always had a thing for Spike, and seeing the proof hurt worse than anything else ever has.

I picture Buffy's face tonight. I've never seen her so angry. I mean, Buffy's not exactly what you'd call 'even tempered'. I guess it all goes with the whole 'Chosen One' thing. But tonight, she was so angry that for a split second I actually feared for my life. But, instead of the expected violence, all I got was a coldness that was even more painful.

I want to talk to Sam, try to explain, but I know now's not a good time. I leave our quarters and head to an adjacent room I know is empty. I throw my meagre belongings inside and head back out. I'm tempted to go back to the lab, but the way I feel tonight, I'd only make mistakes.

As I drive, I try to think about the mission, and find myself recalling Sam's enthusiasm of earlier in the evening. She's spent the whole time we've been here painstakingly trying to unearth the object she found on her first visit to the dig site. Her description is certainly interesting. She says it's like one of those discharge globes you find in gift shops. You know, when you touch the transparent sphere, the green glow arcs to your finger. But, to find that in rock that's been undisturbed on thousands of years, well, it's amazing.

It's a sphere, and she estimates it's about ten inches in diameter. She says there's an occasional pinkish flash from it, but nothing too spectacular yet. She's hoping to finish unearthing it tomorrow, and she wants to bring it straight in. Of all the objects we've found at the site, this one sounds unique. Not that we've worked out what the others are. The materials seem to be polymers we've never seen before. They're certainly not Carbon-based. They have properties to die for. Strength and elasticity to rival steel. Optical purity to rival the best lenses we can make. If we can find out how to make these materials, we'll have a potential military advantage unparalleled in human history.

First indications are that the artefacts are not human in origin. It's hard to be sure when you don't know their purpose, but the current theory is that there was an advanced group of sub-T's living around Sunnydale before humans arrived. It's exciting, and I know I'm privileged to be involved. I just wish we hadn't had to come back to Sunnydale, and I can't wait to get out.

I find I've driven to a cemetery. Not any cemetery. Spike's cemetery. I wasn't actually giving any conscious thought to where I was going. Still, it seems like as good a place as any. I get out, and head for his crypt.

I kick the door and get my first surprise. It's locked. Since when has Spike locked his door? A few seconds later, I hear a voice from inside.

"Yes, can I help you?"

I don't recognise the voice, but I know it's not Spike.

"Where's Spike?" I demand.

"He's not here. He doesn't live here any more."

I'm not convinced, but I'm no longer able to force the door. Right now, I'd give a lot to have the increased strength of my time with the Initiative. The door's heavy, and my original kick hasn't made any impression on it. I give up, and start patrolling. I need to hit something, and if it can't be Spike, then I guess any demon will do. Anyway, this way, I can see if Spike comes back.

I walk for half an hour before I find a single vampire. He's rising from a grave in front of me looking bemused. I reach into my pocket for the stake that I keep on me all the time. We start to fight, and it looks like it's going to be an easy win for the good guys. I'm just raising my arm to stake the hapless creature, when I hear a sound from behind. The next thing I know, I'm jumped on by another vampire. I'm pulled off the first, and it's immediately obvious this newcomer isn't a fledgling. He knows what he's doing, and he lands hit after hit on my body. Then, strong arms are holding me, and the beating continues. I'm struggling to remain conscious, and only the thought that my life depends on it forces me to keep with it.

To my surprise, when it must be obvious that I haven't any reserves left, instead of killing me, I'm tied up, trussed like a turkey. The rope is attached to a handy marble monument, and I'm left to watch the goings on.

Apart from the fledgling, I knew there were two others. To my surprise, I now see there are six of them. They're all checking over my fledgling, relieved when they discover he's bruised but otherwise unhurt. As one, they turn towards me.

I look at the group of them. There are three males and three females. They're all dressed similarly, but then, jeans and a T-shirt is pretty much the standard uniform of a huge swathe of young Americans. The leader, a man, apparently similar in age to me, with dark hair, cut short, and the sort of face that almost screams 'movie star' at you, looks me up and down.

"Our brother is not seriously damaged. Just as well for you. Had he been, we would have had to make you suffer before you die. Now, you will simply be his first meal."

With that, my fledgling stood up, his legs obviously a little shaky, and makes his way towards me. He lifts me up, unhooking part of the rope that holds me to the monument, and pushes my head out of his way.

"I'd put him down, if I were you," a familiar voice chimes out. I wasn't really all that keen on dying tonight, but compared to this, death seems a perfectly reasonable option. The last thing I need is for Buffy Summers to save my life.

The fledgling drops me, and follows his friends as they circle her. I hear mutterings of 'It's the Slayer', and then watch as she systematically destroys them.

She's amazing. She always was, but tonight, there's a savagery about her that I've never seen before. It occurs to me that she's angry, and that I'm the cause, but if she's noticed who she's saving, she shows no sign.

When they are all reduced to dust, she turns to where I'm sitting, still bound hand and foot. She sees my face, and takes a step backwards.

"I should just leave you here," she tells me.

"But you won't," I reply. "You save people. It's what you do. You don't care who they are, you just save them."

She doesn’t say anything, just pulls at the ropes that keep me bound then stands up and starts to walk away.

"Buffy, I'm sorry," I call after her.

She spins around, and I'm shocked at what I see. The anger is barely contained.

"No, you're not," she says, and I know she's right. Given the same circumstances, I would do the same thing. I close my eyes and for a second I'm back in Spike's crypt, seeing the two of them, naked under the cover on top of a sarcophagus. The nausea I felt then starts to rise, and I open my eyes quickly and shake my head to try to rid myself of the images that remain.

"You're right," I admit. "I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry that I care about you, and I'm not sorry that it killed me to see you throwing yourself away on that worthless demon. And I dare you to tell me that you're not feeling the same thing."

Her voice is quiet, yet it travels in the still night air. "You don't know a thing. You don't understand a thing. You're right though, because of what you told me, I stopped seeing Spike that night. I told him it was over. Now, maybe that was a good thing, because what we had wasn't healthy. But, do you know why that was? It was because of me. He wanted to love me, share everything with me, but I was too screwed up to be willing to give him anything. I took from him. I took his body and the pleasure it could give me. I took his sympathy, his understanding, and I gave him nothing in return. What I did to him broke him. Your interference only made sure I never got to put that right."

She pauses for a while. Her voice had been getting steadily louder as she spoke, but when she opens her mouth again, she's back to quiet.

"Do you know what he did?"

I shake my head. I don't know what she's talking about.

"Everything between us was based on violence. I used my strength to hurt him physically, and his love to hurt him emotionally. After I pushed him away, he tried to get me back. He did it by using my own tactics on me. He tried using violence - for the first time, he initiated the violence. When he realised what he'd done, that I wasn't responding the way he thought I would, he was so overcome with guilt that he left. He left Sunnydale and travelled to the other side of the world to get himself a soul."

I must have looked surprised, because she adds, "You heard me right. He got himself a soul. He endured trials, painful, agonising trials so he could have a soul. You know what he thought about Angel and his soul. You know how he hated the idea of having one, of having to cope with the guilt it would inevitably bring, but he still did it. He did it for me. To make him someone I could love."

She's crying now, and I want to comfort her, and move towards her, but she holds out an arm. "Don't you dare come any closer," she commands.

"And do you know what I realised while he was gone?"

I shake my head.

"I realised I loved him without the soul. I realised I had pushed away the one man who loved me completely. Without reservation, without wishing I wasn't the Slayer."

I can hardly believe what I'm hearing. Buffy's claiming she loved him. Yet, there's no sign they're together. So, maybe, I still did some good.

"Do you know what I remembered after I heard the truth about the eggs?"

"No."

"I remember, before you came back last time, Spike came into where I worked. Just like you did, but it was different. You came because you wanted help. He came in, just to see me, but he saw I wasn't happy working there. And I wasn't. I was so miserable. He told me to leave. I told him I needed the money. He said he could get money. You know, I never thought about that again, not until tonight. I called Clem before I came out, and he thinks my guess was right. He got involved with the eggs to get money for me. Now, I wouldn't have taken the money, but the fact remains, he did it for me."

She looks at her shoes for a minute, and I'm captivated by how vulnerable she looks. "Oh," she adds, "when I spoke to Clem, he told me someone had tried to kick down his front door. I take it that was you."

"Clem? Who's Clem?"

"He's a friend. He lives in Spike's old crypt."

"Oh, yeah, I did try to pay Spike a visit."

"Well, he doesn't live here any more. And, I promise you, Riley, if you lay one finger on him, I'll make you wish you hadn't."

Despite all the talk about loving him, I still can't believe she'd choose a demon over a human. "You can't be serious. You wouldn't do that."

"If there's one thing I've learned in the last few months, it's that there is no black and white in this world. I've found love and compassion, generosity and friendship among demons. Demons without souls. And I've found cruelty, selfishness and evil among humans with souls. Did you know Tara's dead? Killed by a human. Did you know that the man who killed her was killed by Willow. She pushed a bullet into him slowly, stitching his mouth together so she didn't have to hear him screaming. Then, she flayed him. She removed every inch of skin from his body before she killed him. And then, for an encore, she tried to kill Dawn, me, Xander, oh, and yes, she tried to end the world. So, I don't want to hear any more of your simplistic 'Demons are evil' crap. I've had more than enough of it to last a lifetime."

I'm stunned. I hadn't heard any of that. Willow, who'd have guessed?

She pauses then. It's as if she has something else to say, but she's not sure where to start. She takes a deep breath, and when she speaks, her voice is shaky.

"Something else for you to think about. When I came back, when Willow and the others brought me back, I was different. I knew it, although I didn't know why. It turns out, I'm not human either. Not any more. I've got a soul, I think, but otherwise, I'm one of those filthy demons you're so keen to eradicate. But, give credit where it's due," she says, tears spilling onto her cheeks. "What you did, the lie you made me believe, is at least part of the reason Spike and I will probably never be together. So, you did what you set out to do. You've kept me from the one man who can love me the way I need to be loved, the one man I could love. Who doesn't care who or what I am. Because, there's so much between us now, I don't know if we can ever get over it. But, as of tonight, I'm going to try. I'm going to see if we can get through this, because I think it's just the most important thing I can do just now."

With that, she turns and walks away. I consider following, but decide against it. I go back to my car, and consider what to do. I don't feel like going back to my lonely quarters. I remember Sunnydale from before. There were always places to drink in the early hours of the morning. They tend to have demons among the patrons, but, they're fairly peaceful just the same, so I head into town.

I walk into the dingy room and straight to the bar. I order a drink, and realise I've been here before. It was the night Buffy and I argued about her keeping me at arm's length over her mother's illness. It turned out that even Spike knew about it, but not me. So, here I am again, drinking because I fouled things up with Buffy.

Her last words to me are drumming in my skull. She thinks she's not human. I can guess who told her that. What I don't get, is why she believes him. Why would she believe a no good vampire, even if he's got a soul? And, has he even proved that? How do we know he didn't leave Sunnydale to set up something to kill her?

I'm startled by a hand on my shoulder. I spin around and see Xander. He's also got a drink in his hand, and he's motioning to the seat next to me.

"Feel like company, or do you want to get drunk alone?" he asks.

"Company's welcome, as long as it's human."

He sits, but neither of us speak for a while.

"So, what's up with you?" I ask him.

He shrugs, then answers, "The usual in this place. Women and demons."

"Which women, and which demons?" I ask.

"Now, oddly enough the same answer goes for both questions. Anya and Buffy."

"Don't tell me you're falling for that story about Buffy not being human? Where did it come from? As if I have to ask. And, why would you call Anya a demon?"

"I forgot you were out of the loop. Well, in order of it happening, I changed my mind about marrying Anya. I mean, I love her, but I was scared I'd turn out like my dad, and I'd end up hurting her. So, I walked away from the wedding."

He looks at me for a reaction, and he must see something on my face, because he goes on. "I know, I know, I'm a jerk. Thing is, Anya got the chance to go back to being a Vengeance Demon after that. And she accepted. The woman I nearly married is no longer human, but I still love her. I can't look at her without wanting to die inside when I realise what I've lost. But, enough about Anya. Now to Buffy. You're right, the news came from Spike. But, Giles got Willow to do a spell - one that lets you tell humans and demons apart. And, he's right. She's a demon. Something Giles's never heard of. What was it called? Eternal Souls or something. So, she and Spike are the same."

"But, Spike's a vampire, right?" I feel like I missed something important.

"Not any more," he replies, taking a long drink from his glass. "He's all comfortable with sunlight, and not fatally injured by wood in the heart. I should know, I managed to get a shot at his heart with a cross bow. He bled a lot, but no dustiness."

"You're wrong," I tell him. "You just missed his heart. You must have. Vampires don't change like that."

"Normally, you'd be right. It seems he couldn't take the soul. He dusted, and something sent him back. New body and everything. And, chipless, to boot."

This is more than I can take. Either something very strange is going on, or Spike's been doing some major brainwashing. "Are you sure the chip's gone?" I need to be sure.

"Sure as sure can be," Xander giggles as he says it. I think he's been drinking for a while. "When I went after him, he stopped me from staking him. Hurt me. Not bad, I admit, but he twisted my wrist, pushed me away. He couldn't do that before."

"But, how did you get away? You tried to stake him, so he tried to kill you, didn't he? Did Buffy save you?"

"She didn't need to. After I tried to stake him, he just stood there and waited until I put the cross bow bolt in his chest. After that, with all the blood, and not being able to stand, he wasn't in much shape to hurt me."

"So, what are you doing about it?"

"About what?" he asks, apparently confused.

"About Spike. He's having an unhealthy influence on her. And Dawn. Even if Buffy's not human, her sister is, and we've got to keep him away from Dawn."

"Kind of hard to do, considering he works at the school."

This whole situation is just getting worse. There are two demons working at Sunnydale High School, and who knows how many kids have died already.

"Have you told the Principal? The police?"

"Told them what? They're both so close to human, no one would believe me. I can't even tell them Spike tried to rape Buffy, because she won't back me up. Thing is, it's been ok."

He looks surprised at his last few words.

Now that wasn't what I expected. I know Buffy said something about Spike initiating violence, but I didn't think she meant that. Then I home in at the last sentence. "What do you mean, it's been ok?"

"I mean, up until when Dawn was attacked, there weren't any deaths at school. And those were vampires. And Spike saved Dawn from a whole bunch of them. It's as if, he actually cares. I didn't want to believe it, but I'm starting to … believe he's meant to be part of their lives. Never thought I'd say that."

It takes me several minutes and another drink before I'm ready to respond to that. "I can't believe you'd be taken in like this, Xander. You were always the one I knew felt right about this. I mean, Dawn's always had this thing about Spike, and Willow and Tara, they were always inclined to think he was worth saving or something. What about Giles? What does he think?"

"He's not saying too much. There's this prophecy, it says something's coming after Dawn and it'll take Buffy and Spike to keep her safe. So, I think he's tolerating him at the moment. I don't know how he really feels. Maybe he's just waiting to see what happens, I don't know."

"What about Anya?" I ask.

He sighs deeply. "That's the thing. If I got an idea she'd take me back, even a hint, I'd be there in a flash. I love her, demon or not, of I guess I'll take my chances. Which kinda makes me a hypocrite for wanting to save Buffy from Spike, doesn't it?"

I've heard enough, so I finish my drink. I'm not as drunk as I thought I'd be. I ask Xander if he's ready to go home. He shakes his head, and orders another drink. I head out, consider taking the car. I feel sober, but I'm probably not. I find a cab and get it to take me back to the base.

I'm tempted to go and try to talk to Sam, but a look at my watch tells me that wouldn't be a good idea. I head for my lonely bed, in my solitary room. I don't know what to do. For someone who's always prided himself on being decisive, on knowing the next step in his life, that's quite an admission. I love Sam. I love Buffy. Or at least, I did, before tonight. Can I love Buffy knowing she's not human any more? I don't know. I don't think I can, not really. I feel like I've finally lost her, and this time there's no getting her back. There's no future in loving a demon. I told her often enough, so it's time to take my own advice.

The thing is, can I put things right with Sam? I'm not even sure I know where to start.

I know something's happened, but, uncharacteristically, the Bit's not telling. There was something different about Buffy tonight when I arrived for patrol. She seemed more subdued than recently. There was a time when the words 'subdued' and 'Buffy' wouldn't have belonged in the same sentence, but these days, they're right at home together.

Still, it's good to see Dawn at home again. She promised her sister she would get to bed early, but she's not showing any signs of heading that way. I'm not complaining. I haven't seen too much of her while she was in hospital. I visited, of course I did, but I tried to avoid the times I knew the whelp, Giles or Willow would be there. It's better if it's just the three of us.

I don't understand this thing I'm feeling. I've always been aware of something special about Dawn, but it's been stronger since I got back. It's as if I'm only able to relax when both my girls are near. That's another point. I can't think of them, either of them, without a distinct feeling of ownership. They're mine, almost like a vampire claiming a human. Almost, but not quite, because, with the 'they're mine' idea, goes the opposite. I belong to them.

I've talked around everything I can think of, so I give up and ask what's been on my mind since Buffy went out on patrol.

"Dawn, I thought I was going to patrol tonight. Why did Buffy change her mind?"

"I guess she just needed to get out. She's been pretty cooped up with me in hospital, hasn't she?"

"Well, I suppose, but it was more than that. Have I done something to upset her? She seemed a bit more … distant."

There, I've said it. My old insecurity's coming through. "I thought things were getting better. She hasn't seemed so .. uncomfortable with me. But tonight, she hardly said anything."

It's true. The whole business of Dawn being attacked has had one positive result. Not that I wouldn't have done anything to prevent the attack. Buffy'n I have been getting on better. Talking. Ok, mainly talking about Dawn, but it's a start. And it's something we have in common.

She's thinking about it, trying to decide what she should tell me. I'm shameless, and I allow the hurt to show on my face a little more than usual. She spots it, and there's a flash of guilt.

"Tonight," she starts, hesitantly, "before you got here, Riley and Sam came round."

"Oh," I say, getting up out of my chair. Riley's deigned to show himself, and Buffy's back to wishing she'd never let him go. Wait a minute.

"Who's Sam?"

"Don't you know?" she asks, astonishment on her face.

She must realise that I really don't know, because she continues. "Sam's Riley's wife."

Whoa. Now, there's a little snippet that I missed. "Since when?"

"I'm not sure. Since before the last time he came."

"So, when he came back last time, he was already married?"

"Yeah, didn't Buffy tell you?"

I laugh, but there's no humour in it. "No, she didn't. I admit I was surprised she didn't get back with him then, but I never thought … Of course, she was busy telling me that whatever we had was over."

I think about that. The idea that Riley didn't try to get Buffy back during his last visit is kind of hard to believe. I thought that was behind his relish at finding me with those eggs. When he left, I assumed she had told him she wasn't interested. I was surprised, but, well, maybe her taste improved.

"So," I reason, "if she already knew he was married, and he turned up here with his wife, why did that upset her?"

I know one reason, that she still loves him, and the prospect is almost breaking my heart.

"Well, it was something Sam said. She talked about, you know, the eggs."

"Oh." Well, what else can I say? It was hardly my finest hour. I was thoroughly taken in by someone I thought was a mate. Well, I played poker with him. And, of course, Riley got hold of the wrong end of the stick, and given a choice of who to believe, Buffy was bound to believe Riley.

"She told Buffy that you weren't the Doctor, and that Riley knew that when he went to your crypt."

"Bloody hell!" I turn away as I say it. I can think of lots of other things to say, but not in front of Dawn.

"So, Buffy was angry at Riley, and I think she's feeling kinda guilty about you. Hence the strangeness."

I'm still not facing her. I don't want her to see me like this. Her voice continues. "But, you should have seen Sam! I don't think Riley's going to be experiencing any matrimonial bliss for a while."

I know I was stupid then. I trusted 'my mate', and I got done. Never even got paid the money I was promised. I don't even feel like I can face Dawn.

I don't know what's happened to my preternatural hearing. The next thing I know, Dawn's put a hand on my shoulder, and she's turning me around.

"Spike, it's ok," she's telling me. "What's wrong? Buffy knows you weren't trying to make money out of killing."

I don't talk, just walk towards the door. "Time you were in bed," I mumble, and go into the kitchen.

There was a time when Dawn would have stomped off in a fury at being dismissed that way. To my surprise, she follows me into the kitchen, puts her arms round my neck and kisses me on the cheek.

"Goodnight, Spike. It'll be ok, wait and see. She's just so stubborn, but she'll realise it in the end. She loves you. Maybe not as much as I do," she grins cheekily at me as she says that bit. "But she does love you."

I swipe at her arm as she retreats, and I know my voice is gruff. "Goodnight, Niblet."

I can hardly believe the nerve of the man. He ran out on me, married someone else, yet he still thinks he knows best when it comes to my life. I walk away from him, doing my best to seem calm, when I'm anything but. He never understood me. Not even when we were together. He always wanted to protect me, keep me safe, when he was the one who needed protection. Still, I reckon I've made my point now. I just saved his life. Like he said, it's what I do.

I still cringed as I told him that I'd changed. That I'm no longer human. I was waiting for the look of revulsion which my admission must have caused. I don't love him. I never really did, but there was a time when I cared, when I valued his opinion, and it hurts to know that I'm now classed with all demons without regard to their present or history. I know how Riley feels about demons. He calls them 'hostiles', or even worse, 'sub-terrestrials'. By definition, anything non-human is beneath contempt.

I expected it. Revulsion, but I didn't see it. I saw, … disbelief. Yeah, that's what it was. He didn't believe me. But, I'm not sure whether I should be grateful that it's easier to imagine me a liar than it is a 'sub T'.

I'm calmer by the time I reach Revello Drive. The walk's done me good, giving me time, so why are my steps getting slower the closer I get? Because I know that at the end of my journey waits the man who suffered most through all our actions last year. Mine and Riley's. I don't know how to face him, I really don't.

I wonder if Dawn'll have told him about Riley's visit. I suspect she will. She tells him things she tells no one else. So why not? So, he probably knows now, that I knew Riley so little, that I couldn't spot that he was lying. And I should have known.

I open the door, and walk into the lounge. He's watching something on TV, and doesn't raise his head to acknowledge my arrival.

"Hey, Spike," I say surprised how soft my voice sounds.

He can't ignore that, so he lifts his head and smiles at me. His face is looking a little haunted again.

"Bit's in bed," he tells me. "Went up a while ago, so she should be asleep."

I nod, watching his face.

"She told you," I state, quietly.

"About Riley? Yeah, she did. Times like this I wish I could be rid of this bloody soul and just tear him to pieces."

"If it's any consolation, some vampires tried to do just that."

He looks surprised. And pleased. "What, Captain Cardboard got jumped by some vampires?"

"Yeah, there were seven of them, and they beat him up a bit. They were planning on feeding him to a fledgling, but I stopped them."

I can see it's on the tip of his tongue to ask me why, but then I see acceptance.

"Bet it hurt more being rescued by you that it would getting killed," he comments.

I stifle a giggle. "Probably."

When the danger of giggling is past, I manage to say what's on my mind. "I'm sorry."

Now he looks surprised.

"What for?"

"For not believing you about the eggs. For believing Riley. For not seeing he had an ulterior motive."

"Not for not telling me he was married?"

I shrug. "It wasn't important."

"Not important?"

"No, because I was never going to get back with him, wife or no wife."

He's nodding silently.

"Why did you want the money?" I ask.

He looks confused.

"The money for looking after the eggs," I clarify.

"Oh, you know, fags, booze, the usual."

"And where were you going to get the money so I wouldn't have to work at the Doublemeat Palace?"

He shrugs, and I see the truth in his eyes. Just when I think I couldn't care more about him, I find that I can.

I've been standing during the conversation, while he continued to sit. It's given me an advantage I don't often have at five foot two, but I don't need it any more. I walk towards the sofa where he's sitting, and sit down beside him. I take both his hands in mine, and I say, "Thank you."

He's shaking his head. "You don't have anything to thank me for."

"You're wrong. I've got so much to thank you for, that I tend to forget it, take you for granted. Everything you've done for me, or tried to do for me, or for Dawn."

"I don't look after Dawn for you. I do that for myself," he points out.

"I know. And it doesn't matter why you do it, just that you do."

He's looking at me now, straight into my eyes, and it's difficult not to lose myself in just being close to him. It feels, … right. I can't help myself, I lean forward and kiss him on the lips. The kiss is gentle at first, but the heat builds quickly as he responds. Soon, we both need to break for air, and he pulls away. To my surprise, he stands up.

"Buffy, I'd … I'd better go. I don't want you to be grateful to me. I don't want you to do anything you'll regret later, and we both know that if we go on with that, I won't be able to stop. And I won't do that to you again. Never."

Before I can answer, he's gone, out of the house. I was going to say that I didn't kiss him out of gratitude. I kissed him for the same reasons I did before. I want him. So much, his leaving has me feeling almost unbearably alone. But, there was also another reason why I kissed him. I love him. I love him so much, that the prospect of being without him is unbearable.

I scared him. I scared him by offering him something he wants, but without making sure he understands how I feel. I told him once that I didn't trust him. He's managed to earn my trust. Now, I've got to find a way to earn his.

*-*-*

My thoughts are in turmoil as I get into my car. She kissed me. And, immediately I was back there, wanting nothing so much as to take her there, immediately, satisfying the ache that her presence causes. Needing her, so badly it hurts. One kiss, and it ignited everything I've tried to subdue since I got back.

I ran. I'd never have considered myself a coward, but this is one battle I'll never win. I can't have her as a sign of gratitude, and then leave it alone. I can't start something like that if I can't finish it. I can't taste her again, just to lose her. It would kill me. It would kill her. That's what she told me before. That being with me was killing her.

I drive away. I need to do something. I need to fight, to kill. I think about Riley, and I consider what I'd do if I met him. So, it'd be best if I don't meet him. Not for a long time.

Instead, I drive for a long time, not knowing where I'm going. I pass the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign, and feel no inclination to drive over it. I have no real inclination to do anything, just keep driving, turning off the road at a junction I've never noticed before. I find my way to a car park next to the ocean. It's deserted, and my senses tell me I'm completely alone. On a whim, I strip off, and head for the water. If I can't kill Riley, then I need something else. A cold shower might work, but, a late night, no, early morning swim might help too.

The water's cold. I wade until the water's waist deep, then dive forwards, pulling myself through the water, further and further from the beach. I keep going, not caring how far out I'm going, not caring about anything other than the cold, and the ache in my muscles. I'm swimming at a punishing pace. I haven't felt anything like this since, since, the last time I fought Buffy. I almost laugh at the idea. I pause, treading water, thinking about my life. I consider just swimming until I can't swim any further, but knowing my luck, that benighted child would just send me back again. I've still got a job to do. I've still got to keep Dawn safe. I know that whatever happens, I'm not going to get out of this easily. I turn around, and swim back to the shore, my progress much slower this time as I try to quell the insane giggling that's bubbling through me. I'm imagining what I'd say to explain killing myself after all that I promised to do. I pull myself onto the sandy beach, helpless with laughter.

It's funny, really funny. I was on the verge of ending my existence, when I realise I just got one of my dearest wishes. Buffy. She kissed me. She isn't afraid of me any more. She isn't disgusted with me. There was a time that would have made me the happiest man on earth. It's not her fault it's not enough any more. I need her to love me, just a fraction of the way I love her. I need her to want to spend the rest of her life with me. To live with me. To be in every part of my life.

I ignore the sand covering my body, just walk to the car. I pull on my jeans, wincing as the sand scratches, then drive home.

When I park outside my flat, I sit for a moment, and the laughter starts again. I laugh until I'm aching, and then I laugh some more. I'm scared to stop laughing, because that's when I'll start to cry.

I force myself out of the car, keeping the laugher to a minimum, opening the door of my flat and locking it behind me. I turn on the shower, cold, of course, and rinse off the sand, drying myself roughly. My control is slipping with every moment.

I throw myself on my bed, desperate to sleep before the tears start. Of course, I fail. It's what I do. I fail.

The information arrived earlier today. Jimmy sent me a copy of some more of the references I'm looking for. Strangely, the final book isn't there. It seems to have gone missing from the Council library, and he doesn't have time to track it down.

I intentionally left it until Willow went to bed before looking at it. She's been back at school for a while now, and she's settling well. Academically anyway. She doesn't seem to have made any friends. I know it's difficult when she's living off campus, but I had hoped for better.

Xander visited tonight. He didn't seem too happy, telling us about what happened at Buffy's earlier. It seems Riley Finn's back, and his wife let slip that Riley's not been too generous with the truth.

I can understand why Riley did what he did. There was a time when I'd have considered a similar action in order to keep Spike away from Buffy. Of course, the risk of lying in that situation, is that if the lie's discovered, it'll backfire. And it sounds like that's exactly what's happened.

The surprising thing is that Xander doesn't seem as upset as I expected. It's as though he's almost comfortable.

All of that seems unimportant now. When Willow went to bed, I pulled out the information Jimmy sent me. I read it, and read it again, willing the meaning to change. Needless to say, it didn't.

It's late. Very late. My glass is empty again. I don't know how many times I've refilled it, but the level of whisky in the bottle by my side is dropping alarmingly. I don't know how long I've been staring at the words in front of me, but I'm not seeing them any more. I don't have to, they're burned into my mind.

"The Orb of Fire has been hidden. It must be kept safe, away from interference, lest it be destroyed before its time. If this happens, the Key will be unable to compete its task, and the evil will be loosed and permitted to increase."

"The time will come when the Orb can no longer contain the threat. Early in the new millennium, the Orb will dissolve, loosing the terror and pain inside. Keep the Key close to the source of evil to keep destruction to a minimum. At that time, the vessel of the Key will fade, as must be. She is kept in that time only by the power of the Key. Without it, she will wane to rejoin her own time."

If I read that correctly, then it is an intrinsic part of the prophecy that Dawn will not survive. And, that , if everything happens according to the plan of those behind this, it will happen soon. If something goes wrong, it could happen before the Key is complete. If we can come up with a way to prevent it, we risk consequences even more dire.

How can I tell Buffy? How can I tell her that her sister has such a limited life? That she'll never see her fully grown? That she might never even graduate from High School?

And Spike. He was sent back to protect her, but is his purpose over so quickly then? It seems that his job is simply to keep her safe until the Key is strong enough to completely destroy the evil.

I remember the last time we thought we had to kill Dawn. I remember Buffy's anger. Her obstinacy that killing Dawn was not an option. And she was right. Someone wanted us to believe that killing Dawn was the only option. But, Buffy died in her stead. Saving the world not only from the threat we knew about, but also another as yet unknown.

I get up from my chair, and pour myself another scotch. I drink it quickly, desperate to feel less than I do.

I know I'm not going to sleep, so, despite the hour, I go into the lounge and take the bottle with me.

Suddenly, well, it seems that way to me, Willow's in the room too. One look at me, and she knows something's wrong. I've got to talk to someone, so I tell her what I've found.

She takes the news silently, but the colour drains from her face. Inevitably, her thoughts turn to magic, as she eventually speaks. "There might be a spell. A spell that'll keep her safe. I could start to research …"

I shake my head. She looks surprised. "Willow, the implications of that are dire. If we protect her, it could be that the Key energy won't be able to do its job. Even if we can think of something that would allow the Key to do its job and keep Dawn safe, there's the other side of things. It says that Dawn must rejoin her own time."

Willow reads the excerpt again, nodding her head in agreement. "Where are the other things you've found?" she asks.

I go back to the study, and pull out the sheets with my notes from previous volumes. She reads them carefully, frowning as she does so.

"Wait, Giles. This 'existing out of her time' thing. That means she's either already lived and died, or that she's …."

"Yet to be born," I finish her sentence. "So, if she isn't destroyed by the Orb of Fire, she may never actually be born."

The magnitude of this causes both of us to remain lost in our own thoughts. The silence is broken by Willow. "So, who is she?"

"I don't know. She must be close to Buffy in some way, or the portal Doc opened with Dawn's blood couldn't have been closed by Buffy. So, I think it's safe to assume she's a blood relative. Maybe the child of a cousin, something like that?"

"Or maybe a daughter." Willow's voice is quiet. The same thought had occurred to me, but I refused to give it credence. Slayers do not reproduce. They never have. But there's an even better reason.

"Willow, remember. Buffy's no longer human. Dawn is. So, how could that be? Unless it happened before Buffy was changed, and we know that's nonsense."

"Or, maybe, Buffy can regain her humanity!" Willow seems excited by the prospect.

"I suppose so," I admit. "Certainly, whatever force changed her in the first place could change her back again. However, we need to agree exactly what we tell her. I don't want her spending the rest of her life wishing for something that might never happen."

"I don't think she would," Willow replies.

"Would what?"

"I don't think she'd wish for humanity. Not any more."

"But surely, …." I remonstrate.

"No. Before, yeah, I mean, she would have been horrified if she knew she wasn't human. But she's changed. I know I haven't talked much to her since I got back. She doesn't seem quite comfortable with me any more. But, I've watched her since she heard the news. She's comfortable with it. There's no squickiness."

I think about what Willow's just said, and I realise she's right. Buffy has accepted her own status in much the same way as she's accepted Spike's change.

"So, what do we tell Buffy?" Willow asks.

"Well, we certainly give her the wording of the prophecy. There's no point in hiding that. I think we just keep our extrapolation to ourselves."

"And, if she puts it together for herself?"

"Then, we'll have to deal with that when it happens.

Willow agrees silently. "And Xander?" she asks.

"The same."

"And Anya?"

Now, that's a difficult one. "I think she'll work out the same possibilities we have. She's remarkably bright. I think I should tell her what we think, and ask her to keep it quiet."

Willow nods her agreement as she stifles a yawn. "I should get back to bed. I've got an early class, and I've got to get in an hour's swim before that."

"You go on, Willow. I'll tidy up here, and then I think I could do with some sleep too. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Giles," she answers, getting up and heading back to her room.

*-*-*

It's surprising. This early morning swim that started out as part of my therapy has become so much a part of my life, that I don't know how I ever started my day another way.

I'm half way through my hour, and, as usual, the time spent in the water is time to think. I've done a lot of that lately. For a change, this time I'm not thinking about Tara, Warren, or me. I'm thinking about Dawn and Buffy. I'm wracking my brains for a way out of this whole disaster, but I've come up with nothing. There's a horrible logic that says that if Dawn continues to live in her current form, then she'll not be able to come into the world as she should. If we knew who she was, then, maybe, we could think of a way around it. I know Giles has set up some tests for Buffy, Spike and Dawn, to try to understand how Buffy and Spike have changed. He's already started the physical tests, and they're supposed to go to the Doctor's office tomorrow for further tests.

I make a mental note to make sure to remind Giles to ask for a DNA analysis on Dawn to try to determine just how close a relative she is to Buffy. I know Giles said that the blood test he wants from Dawn will have to wait until she's completely recovered from the vampire attack, so there'll be time to get an extra sample for the extra tests.

I get out of the pool, and experience the familiar leaden feeling in my legs as they take my weight again. I head for the showers. The pool is normally busy at this time in the morning. A lot of students take advantage of the pool before classes, but it's quiet this morning. I wonder idly if there was a big party last night. That's normally the reason for a quiet start to the day.

The water's hot, and I've got it turned on high, so I feel the spray like something solid, pummelling my back as I shampoo my hair. I hear someone outside, and wonder which of the regulars managed to make it after all, when I see something fall at my feet. It immediately starts to hiss, and a yellowish gas seeps out. Before I can react, I know I've inhaled it, and everything starts to go woozy, before turning black.

I open my eyes, and look around me in surprise. I'm in a large space, disused factory at a guess. It's gloomy but light enough to see I'm alone. I'm tied to a chair, and, while the ropes are tighter than I'd want, I'm not too uncomfortable. I'm pleased to note that I'm dressed, even if the clothes aren't my own. I immediately consider a spell to free myself, and remember one which turns rope to a consistency of plasticene. I mutter the words, and nothing happens. I go through the spell again, trying to work out what went wrong, but I'm disturbed by a mirthless laugh.

"You won't do any magic when I'm around," the voice continues. It belongs to a demon, not as tall as many I've seen. He's just over six feet, and approximately human in build. The skin tone looks a little overdone - reddish, and there's no hair. It's wearing clothes, but it's not much of an advertisement for its shopping choice. The trousers are baggy and checked in a loud geometric pattern, and the shirt is striped.

"I'm what you might call a 'sink' for magic," he continues. "I soak it up. Of course, I can unleash it again when I want. One of the reasons you were the ideal candidate."

The reality of the situation hits me. He wants Dawn. But, if he wants Buffy to swap me for her, he really doesn't know Buffy very well. There was a time when she'd have been torn, it's true, but even then, she'd never have traded. Now? I'm not even sure she'd miss me.

"She won't trade," I state. He looks pleased.

"I'm not looking to trade," he informs me. "You're going to work for me."

"Never," I tell him.

Now, he's laughing hard. He's coming closer, and his eyes. Why didn't I notice his eyes before? They're dark, so dark, and getting darker, until they're black. His whole body seems to be sucking light into it. I know what he's doing, and I'm powerless to stop it. He's reaching inside me, to the place where the dark magic is hidden.

My stay at the coven cleared it out of my system, I thought it had cleared it out completely. Now I know it didn't. There was a tiny reservoir left, so small, I didn't even know it was there. Now, it's filling, I can feel it filling, expanding, taking over my being. My thoughts are being taken over by it. I'm back to holding Tara's body. I'm looking for revenge.

Then it changes again. I'm feeling the pain of the world. And there's only one thing I can do. I've got to end it. I've got to end the world. And this creature in front of me has the ideal solution. All I've got to do is kill Dawn. Then, the end of the world will be inevitable.

I get up early next morning. Not that I've slept well. I can count on one hand the number of times I've slept without Riley since we were married. Last night was awful. Finding out what he did last time. He's still so involved with Buffy that he doesn't even see that it was wrong. How could he marry me feeling that way?

I force my mind away from my personal problems. A transport leaves for the dig site in half an hour, and I'm going to be on it. I'll unearth the sphere I've been working on in another couple of hours, I reckon, then I'll bring it back and start work on it.

I shower quickly, and pick up some coffee and a danish from the mess. Then I'm on the truck.

Everything's as we left it, as usual, and I continue my work. I wanted to finish last night, but Riley wanted to do something and dragged me away. Now I know he wanted to visit Buffy. I'm not sure what he really had in mind. Maybe it was just an innocent visit, but I'm not sure I can trust him any more.

I work carefully, but the excitement's growing with every moment. The more of this sphere I've uncovered, the more interesting it's looked. It’s now obviously pinkish/purple in colour - or more accurately, magenta. The movement inside is …. Violent. It looks like it's trying to get out. I shake my head. That's obviously not the case. I mean, that would imply intelligence.

At last, I finish the job. I make the appropriate notes on the dig log and take it outside to have a closer look. I'm just in time to catch a transport back to the lab, so I wrap the sphere carefully, and head back.

Riley's in his office when I get back. A glance through the glass in the door shows him, head down, reading something. His face looks, well, a bit bruised. I wonder what happened, but not so much that I want to talk to him. I know we've got to talk, but not yet.

Once in the lab, I get the technicians to set up the standard raft of preliminary tests. They haven't told us anything about any of the other artefacts we've brought back, so I've no great hopes, but I've got to stick to procedure.

While everything's being set up, I take the sphere to an examining bench, and give it the once over. In good light, it's even more interesting. The surface is incredibly smooth to the touch, but there's evidence of crazing - probably of the inner surface.

The sphere was tested at the dig site for radioactivity, and that was clear. The magenta energy - that's what it looks like - is in perpetual motion. It doesn't seem to favour any particular direction, unless you count 'out' as a direction. It certainly doesn't come towards my hand as I hold it - if anything it seems to shy away from me. I'm obviously imagining that. If it were an electrical discharge, it would arc towards my touch.

I get a call to say they're ready for the sphere next door, so I go in, and, rather reluctantly, hand over my prize to a technician.

I'm reading through some of the earlier reports while I leave them to finish the more mundane tests, when Riley comes in. He looks sheepish, as well he might.

"Didn't expect you back so soon," he comments.

"I unearthed the sphere. You know I'm keen to get on with analysing it." I can keep to business too.

"About last night," he starts.

"It's not about last night," I tell him. "It's about the last time we were here. You went out of your way to interfere in Buffy's life. Now, what I don't understand is why? If she's just a friend, why would you spin her that line? You knew Spike was useful to them. You knew he was chipped and couldn't hurt her. So why? Because the only reason I can come up with is good old-fashioned jealousy."

He shakes his head, but I don't think he's arguing with me.

"It's not as simple as that. You know, when I left here, left her, I thought I was heading off to die. That was the plan, well, sort of. I didn't think I could live without her, so I didn't really want to live. I blamed Angel for the fact that Buffy couldn't love me. Well, I did at first. Then, well, I knew Spike was obsessed with her. Then, when she tolerated him, even seemed to trust him, I wanted to kill him, to get him out of her life forever. But, she wouldn't let me. Another sign she cared about him. She insisted it was just because he was helpless, but I didn't believe it. There was more to it than that."

Riley pauses as someone comes in to put something on my desk. The intruder leaves without speaking. I wonder if everyone on the base knows we argued last night. If there's one thing I know about the military, it's that you can't keep secrets like that.

When we're alone again, Riley looks at me, expecting some sort of response. "So, you're telling me you don't love her. That you didn't love her when you married me, 'cos from where I'm sitting, it doesn't look that way."

He has the grace to look embarrassed at that. "Look, Sam, I love you. I wouldn't have married you if I hadn't loved you. But, yes, I love her too. There's no way she would look at me, and I'm resigned to that. It doesn't make me love you any less. It's just, different. What I felt for her wasn't something to build a life on. I know that now. It was, well, it was like the way you feel when you're sixteen and in love for the first time. Except I left it a bit late. I want to be with you, Sam, I really do. As soon as we get out of this hellhole, I'll forget about her, like before. It'll just be you and me, I promise."

"So, you love another woman. She's the one you feel the first flush of love for, but you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Is that it? Because, it doesn't seem such a good deal to me. I'm second best, but you're willing to settle, because the competition winner isn't available."

"I love you, Sam. I can't bear the thought of losing you. I need you. Please, give me a chance to prove I love you. Please."

"I'll have to think about it," I tell him. I turn back to my reading, and he knows better than to carry on. He leaves the office, and I allow the tears to fall.

The problem is, when I first met him, I was drawn to his vulnerability. It was the first thing I noticed about him. He was hurting, and I took it as a challenge to put him back together again. And, seeing him today, he's back to the same Riley I met. He's hurting, and I'm itching to make it better. So, maybe he's going to get another chance, but I'm going to make the most of it. If he's not the most attentive, generous husband on the planet, he's going to know all about it. But, I don't have to tell him that yet, do I? I think I deserve another day or two of keeping him stewing.

I get a call to tell me that they're ready for me in the lab, so I head along the corridor. The lab's overlooked by a control room, and I see Riley's there. I know he's as fascinated as I am about this sphere, and I'm relieved he's decided to watch things from up there rather than crowding me down here. He might outrank me, but this is my baby, and he'd better not get in my way.

In many respects, he'll actually get a better view anyway. Not only can he see what's happening directly through the glass partition separating the two rooms; he can also watch in detail on one of the closed circuit monitors. There's even a facility to over-ride the controls we have down here, but there's no reason for that to be used today. It's just a safety feature, and we really don't expect trouble.

As I watch the routine tests, including various types of spectroscopy, electron microscopy and output characteristics, I let my mind wander.

This whole lab's an amazing place. To think it's just part of what used to be an amazing complex. Riley doesn't talk much about the Initiative these days. It wasn't a comfortable time for him, and he thinks it's better forgotten. The Initiative complex was the last word in safety and security. Of course, it didn't withstand what was effectively a saboteur in the person of Adam. Still, even the mistakes learned from that particular debacle were incorporated into the renovations for this part of the complex - the only part not destroyed.

Each lab and room can be hermetically sealed - no chemical, be it liquid or gas can escape from a room once the lock down procedure has begun. The complex has state of the art security too. There's no way for anyone to get in here without proper authorisation. Which is probably just as well, since the materials we've found at the dig site would be worth billions in the right hands.

The first set of tests is complete, and I can't say I'm surprised. The other artefacts we've tested seem to be sinks for any sort of energy we throw at them. They absorb everything - it doesn't matter what wavelength, from microwave or radio wave, through visible, into UV, x-ray, even gamma, nothing comes back. Of course, the object, whatever it is, just heats up. We've taken some to temperatures of several hundred degrees Celsius, and there's been no sign of melting, or any other change in properties.

The sphere is different. Of course, it looks different. While everything else is black and opaque, the sphere is clear. And the results are different. The light coming from the sphere is specific to two wavelengths - one in the red part, another in the blue part of the spectrum. In terms of what we're throwing at the sphere, it's like a mirror. Everything but those two wavelengths is thrown back at us. The sphere looks like a perfectly reflecting mirror, and initial tests imply it's an unreasonably perfect sphere too - well beyond our ability to manufacture.

I take the first printout back to my office, telling the technicians to carry on, alerting me if they find anything significant, or when they've finished.

Within ten minutes of my arrival in my office, Riley's there too. He's all business, which is just as well.

"What do you think?" he asks.

"You've seen the results?"

"I was following them from the control room. What else do you think we should try?"

"I don't know. We should certainly try some sort of abrasion - diamond, or one of those ultra-hard ceramics we've got. Heat it up, freeze it, check its output characteristics, same as we've done before."

Riley's nodding. "Some sort of chemical tests would be good, too. We'll try some acid and base solutions, start with something not too corrosive, and work our way up. Chlorine gas, or even Fluorine, if we don't get anything else to react."

"Have you tried Chlorine on anything else?" I ask.

"Not yet, we've had our hands full just putting everything through the standard tests. Now, I think we should concentrate on a single sample of the black stuff, and this sphere. I don't know about you, but the sooner we can get something out of this, the sooner we can hand the whole project over to someone else, and get ourselves out of Sunnydale. And that can't happen too soon for me."

There's a bit of pleading in his voice as he says the last bit, and I can't help but agree with him. If there's a future in our marriage, the sooner we get out of Sunnydale, the better.

Anya and I have spent the day putting the last touches to the Magic Box. I can’t believe we’re actually ready to reopen. When I think how it looked after Willow ... and now, it’s better than ever. We took the opportunity to do some minor redesigns around things that didn’t work as well as they could. And, as a special gift for Buffy, I’ve had a shower fitted in the training room. I know she’s always hated having to go home to shower after training.

Xander’s been a great help, too. I suspect it’s in part an excuse to be close to Anya, but, since she doesn’t seem to object, I certainly don’t.

Talking of Anya, the closer we get to opening, the more excited she becomes. It’s as if the whole world of retail has taken over her whole being. I could understand that to a point when she was human, but now, she’s got another whole career, and it’s still this humble little shop that has her scurrying around like a child.

I have to say that her energy makes me feel old. I know she’s impossibly older than I am, but it’s true. Even after dealing with Buffy all this time, dealing with Anya leaves me an exhausted, quivering wreck, and all we’ve been doing is checking shipments of merchandise. I can’t imagine how she and Xander would get on now, even if they managed to break down the barriers between them.

And, thinking about Buffy reminds me of the office I have to perform later. She needs to know about my most recent findings, and I'm expecting her and Dawn to come into the shop after school. I spent hours last night, worrying my way through the information, desperate to see a way out of what I read. But I found nothing. I suspect this really is an insoluble problem. It might be possible to lighten the blow for Buffy if she knows just who Dawn actually is, if I can hold out some hope of them meeting again, but how do I break it to Dawn? I think the answer is, I don’t. It’s got to be Buffy’s decision.

Dawn’s been back at school for three days, and she seems to have settled well again. At least, she doesn’t seem too worried at being back there after the attack.

From what I’ve heard, Spike’s been busy too. Xander may not have been involved, but you don’t keep secrets in the building industry. He’s had parts of the basement of the school more or less rebuilt. And, he’s trying to work out how it got built like that in the first place. I’ve got to agree that it’s important, too. Because, if we can find out who arranged it, we might get some advanced information on who’s behind the threat to Dawn.

Willow arrives, telling us that her last class was cancelled. She’s not looking too well, but when I comment, she shrugs it off.

"Didn’t sleep too well last night," she says.

"Really? I thought all these early morning and late evening swims were keeping you right in that respect."

"They were, no, they are. It was just one night. It’s no big."

Willow seems to know instinctively what needs to be done, and, without instructions, she’s helping to arrange some of the spell ingredients. I suppose it makes sense, that she would know the best arrangement. She’s keeping those ingredients most likely to be used together close on the shelves, and ensuring the better, more expensive options are more obvious than the cheaper alternatives. I leave her to it.

At this rate, there’ll be nothing to do when Dawn and Buffy get here. Well, that’s not true. There’s a lot of work still to be done on the training room. A lot of the equipment’s still in Buffy’s basement, but I’ve managed to wangle a few replacements on the insurance, and they need to be unpacked and set up. I think Spike’ll be coming with the girls, so he might help with that.

He seems reluctant to let Dawn out of his sight these days. I’ve heard mumblings from Xander on the subject, but I’ve got to say, he’s more relaxed about it than I’d have expected.

I finish arranging a case of Romanian crystal orbs, and look to see what’s next. As I turn around, I hear the bell announcing the door, and in they walk. Three of them, looking completely natural together. Well, no, not quite. Spike’s looking comfortable around Dawn, but he’s keeping his distance from Buffy. I've had the impression that's how things are recently, and I wonder why. One glance at her face tells me she's aware of it, and she’s hurt. I know I shouldn’t interfere, but I can’t help myself.

"Buffy, can I have a word?" I ask, gesturing towards the training room.

"More news on the prophecy?" she asks. She looks so hopeful. "In a moment," I reply. "But, first, can I have a word with you alone?" She looks puzzled, but follows me into the training room. Spike remains with Dawn.

The truth is, that although I know Buffy promised not to keep secrets from Dawn, I want to tell her what it says alone, at least at first. Then, she can decide how much to tell Dawn. I read the passage aloud, and have it snatched out of my hands as I finish, so desperate is she to read it again and see something different to what she just heard. Just as I did.

"Giles, there’s got to be something we can do," she says, her eyes pleading with mine. She wants hope, and I have none to offer.

"We’ll keep looking for something," I promise.

She nods, and I can see her face awash with indecision.

"Are you going to tell her?" I ask.

"I … I promised. I promised I wouldn't keep secrets. But how can I tell her this?"

"I don't know, Buffy, and I really can't guide you on this. You know Dawn better than anyone, you know how she's likely to react."

There's silence for a few moments. "I have to tell her," she whispers. She turns to go, but I hold her back. "There's something else I wanted to say," I add.

She looks surprised, but relieved to have her conversation with Dawn postponed.

"What happened with you and Spike?"

She’s surprised at the question, and tries to pretend she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

"Something happened. And, not today. He’s looking rather skittish around you, and you’re obviously not happy about it."

"It’s nothing, Giles. Seriously, the only important thing is finding a way to make sure Dawn’s around for a long time to come. You sure you haven’t got any more ideas?"

"Don’t change the subject. If it’s none of my business, then tell me so. But, don’t tell me there’s nothing going on."

She deflates in front of me. It’s an unusual sight. "The night Dawn got home from hospital," she starts. "The night I realised how unfair I was to Spike over the eggs. Well, I told him. I wanted to show him that everything’s changed. He’s done so much for both of us, and he didn’t deserve to be treated the way he was. The way I treated him. I realised I love him. I mean, I realised it a while ago, but I was going to tell him, and I kissed him, and he ran."

The last part comes out in a torrent, and I almost miss it.

"You kissed Spike and he ran?" I’m still not sure I heard that part right.

She nods miserably. "I think he still loves me, but, it’s as though he doesn’t trust me. He thinks I’m going to kiss him today, and go back to hurting him tomorrow. And, since then, he’s made sure there’s always someone else around when I meet him. I haven’t had a chance to tell him, and I don’t think I’m going to get that chance."

"I must admit I’m surprised. The picture of Spike running from a kiss isn’t one I find it easy to envisage. But, it’s to be expected that he’s feeling unsure, emotionally. His soul must be having a huge effect on him, and how he views the world. I can certainly believe that he’d be reluctant to embark on a purely physical relationship with you again. Especially if he loves you, and I believe he still does."

It always surprises me how the Slayer, the terror of demons everywhere, can look like a small child in need of a hug. That’s exactly how she seems now, and I do my best to supply the need. I can’t help thinking I’m a poor substitute, though.

I turn to go, and she calls after me. "Can you ask Dawn and Spike to come in. I might as well get this over with."

"Are you sure you want Spike too?"

"Well, you can try separating him from her if you want, but I don't think he'll listen. And, she might take the news better if he's there."

I nod my agreement as I walk back into the shop.

It's times like these, I wish I was blessed with vampire hearing. I want to know what's going on, but I thought it would be easier on Dawn if I'm not there. If she wants to cry, she'll feel less intimidated without me.

They're a long time. Longer than I expected. I have to admit I fully expected a hysterical Dawn to come running out of the room several minutes ago. When they do come out, I make a point of not looking. I notice Xander's watching them curiously. Of course, he doesn't know yet, and neither does Anya. I'll fill them both in later if necessary.

Dawn looks tearful. Buffy looks pale. Spike looks … furious. It's the only word I can think that fits. He looks fit to kill anyone and anything that threatens Dawn.

I drag my mind back to the present. Willow’s gone down to the store room, and Anya seems quite put out by the fact. I suspect it’s just that she’s not waiting for instructions.

When she sees me, Dawn looks away. Spike's hand is on her arm, and she's leaning towards him, soaking up his strength. They're sitting at the research table, and Buffy's on Dawn's other side. I go back to displaying goods on shelves, and try not to worry about her. It’s difficult, though. Buffy’s always had so much on her shoulders, and she’s never really had anyone to share it. It occurs to me, that, while Spike wouldn’t be the partner I’d choose for her, especially in the current situation, he’s the one most likely to be able to really share her burden. He's certainly single minded in his need to keep them both safe.

Willow’s come back upstairs, and she seems excited about something. She’s carrying a jar of biticus weed, and when Anya spots that, she scurries over and tries to take it from her.

"Put that back, Willow," Anya insists. "Biticus weed’s too potent an ingredient to have lying on the shelves up here. We need to keep it downstairs so we can be sure it’s going to be used responsibly."

Willow ignores her, and approaches me, Anya flapping behind. "Giles, remember when Glory was after Dawn? Tara and I did a spell so that we’d get warning if someone tired to get in here?"

"I remember," I reply, putting a, hopefully, comforting arm on Anya’s.

"Well, I’d like to do it again. It’ll need some changes. We’re not trying to keep out a Hellgod this time, but I think we can assume those behind the threats are demons of some sort. We just need to set up a spell that’ll set off an alarm if a demon tries to get in. We can even do the same at the house."

Anya stiffens, and I can see she’s about to explode. Really, Willow can be rather obtuse at times. Before I can speak, Anya starts the tirade I could see building.

"I can’t see how that would help. I certainly don’t want an alarm going off any time I walk through the door of the store I manage. It just isn’t right, and I won’t allow it."

"Then," I add, "there’s Spike and Buffy too. They need to be able to come and go at will."

Willow looks exasperated. "Of course they do. And, that’s one of the changes I have in mind. I can key the spell to the three demons we allow in here, and I can even arrange for the alarm to be heard by them, even if they’re elsewhere. Think how useful that’d be. I know you don’t like Buffy patrolling alone, and that’s all she’s doing recently. One of them is always with Dawn. What if they could leave Dawn here sometimes, knowing that if anything tries to get in, they’ll have their own private alarm system? They could patrol together again."

I have to admit, it has possibilities. The spell Willow and Tara did before was certainly of a type which shouldn’t harm Willow in any way. And if she can make the changes ... And, after my little chat with Buffy, maybe, if she and Spike can have some time alone together, maybe they can sort out their problems. I don’t know if I’ll like the outcome, but it’s got to be better than what’s going on at the moment. She needs his strength, that much is clear. And, he needs, has always needed her love.

"That sounds good, Willow," I tell her. "Have you got everything you need?"

"Apart from the biticus weed, everything else is pretty standard. The only other thing I’ll need, is something to key our three demons. A strand of hair should be enough."

"Good," I approve. "Why don’t you go and explain what you’re planning to Buffy, and we can do the spell for the shop tonight. There’s no point in waiting."

As soon as Willow’s out of earshot, I turn to Anya. She’s standing open-mouthed with indignation at the fact that I’m allowing this to go ahead. "Anya," I plead. "You don’t want anything to happen to Dawn, do you? This spell could be very useful, and, ..." She’s about to interrupt, so I hold a hand out, "You’re always so generous when it comes to helping us. I knew you wouldn’t mind."

Anya exhales slowly. I think she realises she’s been outmanoeuvred. I glance over to where Xander’s putting the finishing touches to some shelves, and I see he’s been watching carefully. The look he’s giving me is one of open admiration, and I suspect he’s filing that tactic away for future use. I’m loath to tell him that I suspect it’s a tactic that’ll only work on Anya once.

Half an hour alter, Willow’s ready to do the spell. She’s taken a hair from each of the demons, and has her other ingredients arrayed in front of her. She’s drawn the appropriate symbols around the various entrances and exits, and she seems to have been thorough. She holds the hairs in her hand, over a metal dish. She sprinkles some biticus root into the dish, and adds some rosemary, sage, and three salamander eyes. She lights a candle, and holds it in her other hand as she starts to chant. She drops the hairs on top of the other ingredients, and sets everything alight.

I can’t be sure, of course, as my glasses were a little dirty, but I could have sworn there was a red hair in the dish as well as the two blonde and the darker one from Anya. It may have been accidental, of course. One of Willow’s hairs could have simply fallen from her shoulder, or I may have seen it wrong.

The spell is complete, and Willow is clearing things away. Anya looks nervous, so I suggest she goes outside and tries to get back in again. She manages it, and looks much more relaxed. No alarms sounded. Now, if only we had a friendly, but unkeyed demon to try out the spell on.

"Do you think Clem would like to pay a visit?" I ask.

Spike looks momentarily surprised, then realises what I mean.

"For Dawn, I reckon he’d walk on hot coals," he states, his eyes lighting on Dawn as he speaks. And I know, Clem’s not the only one who’d risk burnt feet.

"I’ll see if he can meet us here when we lock up. He can try out the alarm system then."

"Maybe you’d better ring him now," I suggest. "We’re just about finished here. And Anya and I have an early start in the morning. There are some things you really need to do at the last moment."

Spike makes the call, and Willow’s trying to chat to Buffy. I notice that Dawn has put as much space between herself and Willow as she can. That’s one breach that’s going to take some fixing.

As soon as the call is over, Spike takes up his place close to Dawn, and the two put their heads together, looking for all the world like a couple of conspirators. I see Buffy watching them, and I feel a pang as I see her wanting to be a part of their group.

Suddenly, there’s the most awful noise. It’s everywhere, and Anya, Buffy and Spike all have their hands over their ears. Willow’s grinning, and goes to the door, opening it to reveal a very surprised Clem. There's a barrier in the doorway, and he can't get in.

"Finis," she says, and the noise stops.

"What did you say?" Anya demands. "I run this shop, and I need to be able to switch off the alarm."

"I said ‘finis’."

"Red, I’m not trying to be funny, but it’s not much of an alarm if all you’ve got to do to switch it off is say ‘finis’," Spike points out.

"Well, it wouldn’t work if Clem said it. It’ll only work if someone who was present when the spell was cast says it. Otherwise, it’s just a word. And, all it does is stop the noise. It doesn't affect the barrier."

Spike nods his approval, and walks outside to talk to Clem. The others follow, leaving Anya and I to lock up. When we emerge, only Xander remains.

"Buffy wanted to get Dawn home, and Willow’s wants some alone time. I think she's gone to the cabin.

"The cabin?" I ask, mystified.

"She never told you?"

"Told me what?"

"When Buffy was …. Gone, Willow and Tara offered to move into the house to look after Dawn. I mean, they didn't have to do it, they just did. But, they still wanted somewhere that was just theirs. So, they came across this cabin. I'm not even sure where it is. They never said. I suspect they hid it anyway. They used to go there when they wanted some time alone. I don't think she's been there since she got back from England, and she wants to make sure it's ok."

I take this news in silence. I'm surprised she never told me. All those quiet chats we had while we were in England, and she never mentioned this place. But then, maybe it's a good sign that she can go back there now. If the healing has started, she can deal with going back.

"So," Xander says a little nervously. "Anyone for a drink to celebrate the imminent reopening of the Magic Box?"

Anya’s face brightens visibly. "Yes," she answers. "That would be quite appropriate."

She looks to me, obviously expecting agreement.

"Well," I tell them, "it may be appropriate, but I’m afraid I’ve got a bit of reading I need to get through before it’s too late. So, I’ll leave you to it."

I walk away, leaving, I suspect, a very pleased Xander, and a slightly irritated Anya behind me. Well, I tell myself. They need to sort things out too.

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