Shaken - Part 1

Setting: Buffy has been returned from the Great Beyond for a few months. Spike, who had been working with the scoobies and was just starting to get accepted, finds himself an outcast again when his chip suddenly stops working. (How or why the chip malfunctioned is not important for the purposes of this story)


INT. SPIKE'S CRYPT - NIGHT

Spike is slouched in his chair, staring at nothing, when he hears a faint knock at the door.

Spike: (loudly) Oh, don't get all polite on me now, Slayer!

A moment passes, then the door opens slowly and Buffy steps in, looking sad.

Buffy: Spike.

Spike: (without looking at her) So, I'm to be kicked out of Sunnydale then?

Buffy: (softly) We all agreed that you've done a lot for us. And it's probably not fair to think you'd go right back to your old ways. But without the chip, the others... all but Dawn... they just don't feel safe.

Spike sighs and puts his head down. He expected this, but it still hurts. Buffy looks away, not wanting to see his disappointment. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Spike stands and starts to walk toward her, slowly.

Spike: So, all of a sudden I'm the boogey man again. What about you? Are you afraid of me, too?

Buffy backs up unconsciously.

Buffy: Of course not.

Spike: Because you know I'd never hurt you or because you're the slayer?

Buffy: (honestly) A little bit of both.

Spike: (heavy sigh) I wish you would just bloody tell me what it's going to take to convince you.

Buffy: There's nothing. I'm sorry, Spike, I really am. I do realize that you've changed a lot. I see that. But I don't know if... I'm not sure if that was you or the chip. And I can't stake my life and the lives of the people I love on a promise from someone who has, in the past, tried several times to kill us all. Don't you understand? It's not that I don't believe you, it's just that...

Spike: ...you don't believe me.

Buffy shrugs an apology.

Spike: All right, then. Guess I can't really blame you.
(his voice trembles) Goodbye, Slayer. It was fun while it lasted.

Spike turns and starts to walk away. Buffy is caught off guard.

Buffy: You... you're leaving right now? What about... your stuff?

Spike: (turning back) Well, as you might have noticed from one of your many visits here, I'm not exactly burdened with "stuff." So, I travel light. Everything I need I put in the car before you got here. (off Buffy's look) What can I say, you're a predictable lot. Say goodbye to the Niblet for me.

He moves to turn around again.

Buffy: Wait!

Spike: (hopeful) What?

Buffy: I... I just want you to know that we took a vote and it was really close. So that means some people voted for you to stay.

Spike: Did you?

Buffy: (ashamed) No.

Spike: Well, thanks for that. A little slice if Sunnyhell to take with me on the road.

Buffy: No, wait. Just wait. (long beat) I didn't vote for you to stay because... if you stayed, and if you ended up hurting someone... I would have to stake you. You know that I would have to. But--

Spike tries to interrupt.

Buffy: But, after all that's happened, I don't know if... I'll be able to. And I really don't ever want to have to find out. So it's just better this way. Okay?

Spike is floored. He can only nod in response. Understanding passes between them and Buffy nods back. Spike turns and walks out the door.

When he is gone, Buffy looks around the crypt which seems even more empty than usual. She slumps sadly into Spike's chair and begins to cry softly.

EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT - SEVEN MONTHS LATER

The scooby gang is out patrolling with Buffy. They are out-numbered at least three to one. They're doing okay, getting in some lucky shots, but they're all getting very tired.

Willow: It's times like this that I wish we had Spike back.

Buffy gives Willow a look.

Willow: Sorry. I just... you know.

Buffy: I know, but you can't do that. We're doing fine without him. Ow!

Buffy gets punched in the face by a skinny vampire. She retaliates.

Xander: And even if he was here, he's not the chipped wonder anymore. He wouldn't be helping us dust his pals. He'd be helping his pals dust us.

Willow: Except, we don't dust. But I see where you're going with this. He's probably already back playing for the other team as we speak. I mean, it's not like he has much of a choice, since we rode him out of town on a rail and all.

Buffy dusts her vampire and looks over at Xander. They share a twinge of guilt.

Xander: Hey, it was a preemptive move! If we hadn't sent him packing he'd be here right now, laughing at us as we got our collective asses kicked and waiting to move in for the kill.

Buffy: (unconvincing) Right. Absolutely. Oof!

Buffy is suddenly rammed by a large vampire and they both go careening into the wall of a crypt.

Buffy: (struggling) See, like this, for instance! He would so think this was funny.

The large vampire seems to be getting the best of Buffy until he suddenly turns to dust in front of her. She takes a moment to brush dust from her clothes and looks up, seeing Xander nearby, his head whipping around looking for more vampires.

Buffy: Thanks, Xand.

Xander: What?

Behind him, Willow is just getting up from the ground, shaking out the vamp dust from her own clothes.

Willow: Thanks, Xander. I was in trouble there. But, I guess that's it. Looks like the rest of them ran off.

Buffy: That's... weird.

Xander: But good. Very good, as they are not the only ones sucking tonight.

Buffy: What are you talking about? You guys were great!

Xander: We were?

Buffy: Xander! You saved my butt like three times. And Will dusted like two whole vamps on her own!

Willow: I did?

Buffy laughs.

Buffy: You guys really need to start keeping score. We'll make it like a little game. Whoever gets to fifty first gets a steak dinner.

Willow: Can I have pancakes instead?

Buffy: Pancakes it is. But how about a big yummy muffin to tide you over till then? The walnutty kind, from The Bronze.

Xander: Are we Bronzing?

Buffy: I think we deserve it for all our hard work tonight.

Xander and Willow exchange a look and shrug.

Willow: Xander once told me never to refuse free food, so I'm in.

Xander: That's the best advice you'll ever get, missy. Save your life someday.

Buffy: Or maybe not... 'cause... with the strangers and the candy.

Xander: Oh, right. So maybe I'll add an amendment...

As the three friends leave the graveyard talking, Spike steps around from behind a crypt with a stake in his hand. He's breathing heavily and has a cut on his forehead. He looks like he came through a hell of a fight. He watches Buffy and the others leave, then looks down at the stake. After a moment, he drops it and sadly walks away.

INT. MAGIC BOX - THE NEXT DAY

Buffy is training with Giles. Throughout the scene, Giles is wincing with every blow Buffy delivers. She is getting stronger and he is getting older.

Buffy: So, they're doing pretty well. I think we should think about really training them. You know. Like me.

Giles: Yes, I agree it's a good idea to train Xander and Willow, but you have to understand that they will never match your level of skill and agility.

Buffy: Well, shucks.

Giles: (exasperated) You know what I mean. They're not slayers, Buffy. Or vampires.

They exchange a very subtle look.

Giles: You can't expect an ordinary human being to be able to take the same kind of abuse you do. Or to become as strong as you are.

Buffy: I know, but training can't hurt, right? And, I mean, humans can be trained to do amazing things. You're good. You can be all grasshopper and train them to run up walls and fight with ladders and stuff... like Jackie Chan. He's just a human, and he's all old and everything. Time.

Buffy pauses to tie her shoe, giving Giles a much needed break.

Giles: Who is Jackie Chan?

Buffy rolls her eyes, stands and punches hard at one of Giles' padded hands. Giles yelps in pain.

Buffy: Someone who doesn't yipe like a sissy when you hit him.

Giles frowns at her and slowly pulls off his padding.

Giles: Training is over. Please go away now.

Buffy bows.

Buffy: As you wish, Grasshopper.

She giggles at the mildly annoyed look on his face, then bounds out of the room. Giles is about to leave as well, until he notices a cinderblock sitting on two saw horses in the corner of the room. It is meant for Buffy's training. Giles goes to it and strikes a pose like he's going to karate chop the block. After a moment, he drops that stance and reels his head back, keeping his eyes on the block. He takes a deep breath and then... lets it out again.

Giles: Yes, the appropriate thing to do is to smash your face into a block of concrete.

He turns and walks out of the room, chuckling softly and dabbing his sweaty forehead with a towel.

Giles: Anyway, Xander is a much bigger sissy than I am.

WILLOW AND TARA'S - SAME DAY

Willow: I don't know. When we're just straight patrolling and no magic is involved, I feel like I'm less of a help and more of a... huge, heavy, burdening albatross around their necks. I mean, at least Xander has his Army training. All I do is get in a few good kicks to the shin and then someone else usually has to do the staking. Well, except for last night when I apparently dusted two vamps by accident without even knowing. It's so embarrassing.

Tara puts a comforting hand on Willow's shoulder.

Tara: Oh, sweetie. It's not true that you don't pull your weight. I've seen you. You're really in there, fighting the fight. Staking the stakes. Buffy wouldn't ask for your help if she didn't think you could do it. I almost couldn't believe it the first time I saw you fight. I was really impressed.

Willow: Really?

Tara: Yeah. It was pretty sexy.

Willow: (devilish grin) Really?

Tara: Yeah.

Willow: (shrugs proudly) I'm tough.

Tara: You are.

Tara beams at Willow and Willow leans in. It looks like she's about to give Tara a soft kiss. Instead, she grabs Tara by the shoulders and pushes her roughly down on the bed.

Tara: (pleased) Oooh! Willow.

A newly confident Willow covers Tara's mouth with a deep, passionate kiss.

THE BRONZE - THAT NIGHT

Buffy is unwinding after her training session. Just as she's about to walk toward the dance floor, she notices Spike, moping at the bar. Her eyes bug out. She is astonished! For a tiny moment she actually seems glad to see him. But then a scowl replaces her fraction of a smile and she moves up behind him, waiting for him to turn around.

When he does, his facial expression changes three times in an instant. First, he's elated to see her, then he's worried what she'll do to him, then, he puts on his usual mask of cockiness.

Spike: What?

Buffy: I can not BELIEVE YOU! What do you think you're doing here?!

Spike: Having a bloody pint. What's it look like, Slayer?

Buffy: I am not playing with you, Spike.

Spike can't hide a small grin. Even with her scowling at him, he realizes how much he'd missed her. Buffy doesn't seem to notice.

Buffy: You promised never to come back to Sunnydale and here you are. So, since you're back to breaking promises, I guess I can assume you've taken up the rest of your old habits, too.

Spike's grin fades.

Spike: Look, I'm not up to "no good," Sheriff. So if you could just holster your attitude for five seconds, I'll explain.

Buffy: (folding her arms) Please do.

Spike: Aren't you gonna sit down?

Buffy: No.

Spike sighs.

Spike: Nothing changes, I see. Okay, I'll just get to the point... something's up. I don't know exactly what, but I've heard things. Bad things. Something very nasty is on it's way. There are demons... I'm talking big, fear-no-evil-'cause-I'm-the-biggest-evil-out-there type demons... even they are scared of whatever this is. And it's coming here. To Sunnydale.

Buffy: Naturally.

Spike: So, I just thought you could use a hand when whatever it is gets here, and why are you looking at me like you don't believe me?

Buffy: Could be because I don't believe you.

Spike has no response to that.

Buffy: Is there any reason why I should? You're back in town after promising to never--

Spike: (talking over her) I never promised anything. I never said the word "promise!"

Buffy: --come back here. And now you're telling me you've got friends in low places who are scared of some big, conveniently non-specific nasty and I'm supposed to go, "Welcome back, Spike. Thanks for the info. Let me turn my back on you now so you can sink your fangs into me and then go kill all my friends."

Spike: Is that really what you think?

The wounded look on Spike's face softens Buffy a little.

Buffy: Well, what exactly did you expect me to think?

Spike: Look. I know the fact that I broke the deal and showed up here doesn't paint me in an altogether trustworthy light. And I realize the story I've brought with me is a bit hard to swallow. I knew I'd have a hard time convincing you or even getting you to listen. But I still had to come, because you're gonna need my help.

Buffy: (lying) Well, you wasted your time, because, to tell you the truth, Spike, we've been doing just fine without you.

Spike: Right. Yeah. I saw that last night when you could barely keep the witch and the whelp from getting chewed on.

Buffy: They did perfectly fine without my help. We were a little outnumbered at first, so I was... wait...

Spike looks caught.

Buffy: You were there?

Spike: (stammering) I... was out walking... and I saw you... and there were a lot of vampires so I... I didn't get in the way! And I saved your bloody life, so just stop looking at me already.

Buffy: You dusted that big vamp on top of me by the crypt wall. That's why Xander looked so confused. How did you...

Spike: (shyly) Had a lot of time on my hands lately. Been working on my speed. Trying out some cool vampire tricks I haven't used in a while.

Buffy: (suspicious) So you were testing them out on us? That's why you were sneaking around?

Spike: Sneaking around? You're bloody mad! I helped you, Slayer. Without being invited to the Bronze afterward for my hard work. Without being promised a bloody walnut muffin. And without that sodding chip that you're all so sure is responsible for every decent thing I've ever done. God Dammit! Why the hell did I come back here?!

Buffy: I don't know, Spike. Why did you, really?

Spike: Because I'm a daft git, that's why. I thought after all these months, you might have softened just a little bit. Might have realized that you don't have to keep shoving me away all the time. But you're head is as thick as ever and I just remembered I don't have to deal with it anymore. So, I'm leaving...

Buffy: Good.

Spike: ...forever this time.

Buffy: Great.

Spike: Good luck with the big nasty, Slayer. At least try not to die again!

Buffy: Yeah, well why don't you try remembering that when you say you're leaving "forever" it means like... a really loooonng time... longer than like... seven months, even.

Spike turns to face her, staggered by her harshness.

Spike: You unbelievable Bi--

Spike's venomous insult is cut off by no less than an earthquake. All around them, the Bronze is a-shakin'. Glass smashes, chairs topple over, people scream, and in the middle of it are Buffy and Spike. He instinctively runs to her to protect her from falling and she does not reject his help. The earthquake dies out after a minute or so, leaving everyone... em... shaken. Spike and Buffy both know what the earthquake could mean - the big nasty may have just arrived. They lock eyes, but do not let go of each other. There is the briefest flash of heat between them and then:

Spike: See? What did I tell you?

Buffy: Don't even start.

She pushes Spike off of her and starts to leave the Bronze. Spike follows close behind.

Spike: I just hope you're satisfied now.

Buffy: I'm not listening to you!

They exit, leaving a few dazed Bronzians curious about their strange reaction to the quake.

End of Part One

Part twp:

MAGIC SHOP

Buffy and Spike are stand in front of Giles. They are in mid-conversation. Giles eyes Spike, warily.

Giles: No, just a regular earthquake. Knocked a few things off the shelves, but luckily Anya forced me to get insurance.

Buffy: So, no world endage is afoot? Seriously?

Giles: No, Buffy, it is actually the end of the world. I'm just having you on a bit. Clever you.

Spike: (laughs) What's your problem?

Giles: My problem, Spike, is... Buffy, what is he doing here?

Buffy looks at Spike and sighs.

Buffy: (sarcastic) He's on a mission from God.

Spike: Oh, shut up. (to Giles) I'm here because--

Buffy: He claims he's here to help us with some big hoogedy boogedy that's on it's way.

Spike: Can I speak for myself, please?

Giles: (to Spike) You've been privy to information? Stirrings in the underworld?

Buffy: Allegedly.

Spike: Ooh, "allegedly." That's an awfully big word for such a tiny person.

Buffy: Hey. You're standing here because I'm allowing it to happen, so I think you might want to back it off a little.

Spike: Or you'll stake me, right? That threat's got cobwebs, Slayer.

Buffy moves menacingly toward Spike.

Buffy: Yeah, well the best way to take care of cobwebs is to do little dusting.

Spike laughs in her face.

Spike: Ooh, I see you've spiced up your material. It's real good. I'm frightened for my life, yet intrigued by your wit.

That was a burn. Buffy whips out the pointy stick.

Buffy: You're gonna be intrigued by my stake in about three seconds.

There's a pause while Spike considers whether or not to keep pushing Buffy's buttons. Then:

Spike: Thug.

Buffy pulls back on the stake and Spike defiantly puffs out his chest.

Giles rolls his eyes.

Giles: Fabulous. I've missed this.

Buffy turns to Giles, embarrassed. She lowers her weapon.

Buffy: Sorry.

Spike: You should be.

Buffy: (glaring) I was talking to Giles!

Spike: Look, can we get back to the point here?

Giles: Which is?

Spike: Which is I don't know what you've been reading in those old books of yours, but something bad is definitely going down. (to Buffy) And I'm coming to the rescue whether YOU like it or not!

Giles: (removing his glasses) Yes, but why?

Spike is derailed.

Spike: Because... it might be the end of the world and... you know my policy on that. I don't... want it to.

Giles searches Spike's face for a few moments, then turns to Buffy.

Giles: Buffy. Would you mind getting me the Book of Anoush from the shelves at the top of the stairs?

Buffy: Anoush. Check.

Buffy's no fool. She knows Giles wants a word in private with Spike. She eyes Spike sympathetically before walking away. As soon as she's out of ear shot:

Giles: You're still in love with her.

Spike: (nervous) I... I didn't come back for--

Giles: Listen to me very carefully. I will look into this catastrophe of yours. If I find nothing I want you gone, do you understand? A decision was made, no matter how hard it was to come to. If you really do care about her, you'll put aside your feelings and do what is right for both of you. And so help me, Spike, if this is some trick to make us trust you again, Buffy won't have to worry about staking you, because I'll do it myself.

Spike nods and says nothing, like a child in trouble with his father.

Buffy: This the one?

Buffy walks up hands Giles a book. Her eyes dart back and forth between the two men. She's dying to know what was said.

Giles: Yes, thank you. I'll try and cross reference today's astrological date with the Book of Prophets, see if there's more to this earthquake than I had originally thought.

Buffy: If so, the apocalypses are running closer and closer together. Pretty soon it's just gonna be one big old marathon of chaos.

STREET OUTSIDE MAGIC BOX

Xander: Chaos!

Xander, Willow, Anya and Tara are walking down the street on their way into the shop. Xander is in the middle of a story that the others are listening intently to.

Xander: I mean, the quake hits and suddenly it's every man for himself. So much for all those safety videos they made us sit through. But, anyway, the forklift had the guy pinned and I was the only one standing there when it happened. So without even thinking I just went over and dug my feet in and--

Anya: (excitedly) It lifted right up! Like it didn't weigh a thing!

Xander turns to Anya, and pouts.

Xander: Anya! My Story.

Anya: Sorry. It's just so exciting.

Xander: Well, yeah! I mean, it was like I had super-human strength or something.

Tara: I've read about that happening. It's adrenaline.

Willow: Yeah. In crisis situations, humans can exhibit strength ten times what they're normally capable of. You were probably running on pure adrenaline.

Xander: Whatever - the point is, they think I'm a super-hero now. It's awesome. I already have this mysterious alter ego that fights vampires and demons at night. I am so totally Clark Kent.

The four friends ENTER THE MAGIC BOX.

Anya: You're not gonna start wearing those stupid glasses are you?

Xander is about to answer when he notices Spike standing in the middle of the shop. Everyone stops.

Willow: (confused) Oh. Spike's here. Everything... okay?

Xander walks right up to Spike, cautious but angry.

Xander: Oh, man, you got a lotta nerve. What the hell do you think you're doing here?

Spike: I couldn't stay away. I've missed you so much, Xander. Please stop denying our love.

Xander looks ready to kill.

Buffy: (to Spike) Why do you always have to do that?

Anya: Yes, that's not even a funny joke. What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you'd be long gone by now, celebrating your... vampireness.

Giles: Spike seems to think this recent earthquake is a precursor to some terrible event.

Willow: Something hellmouth-y?

Spike: Yeah. And your team needs another ringer, so here I am.

Xander: Oh, give me a break. Nice try, Evil Dead. Now, hit the road.

Tara: Well... wait. I mean... are we really in danger?

Willow: Yeah, Xander. Spike could be telling the truth. Buffy? What do you think?

Buffy looks around nervously at all the expectant faces. She's not sure what to say.

Anya: Well, I hope he's not. (to Spike) Because if you are telling the truth, that's just pathetic. In all my years as a vengeance demon, I've never seen someone so sick with love he'd deny his natural tendencies and keep trying to help a bunch of people who don't even want him around.

Everyone but Xander winces at this very blunt comment. Spike is stung, so he fights back.

Spike: (to Anya) I can't believe you of all people can act so bloody superior. Do you really think these people would let you stick around if you ever got your mojo back?

Anya looks a little unsure. Some of the others look away uncomfortably. Spike does have a point.

Spike: Maybe Xander would fight it at first... because, as the official bouncer of the scooby gang, he gets to decide who stays and who goes, right? And hey, with his track record, he might get off on making it with a vengeance demon for a while...

Xander: Hey!

Spike: (continuing to Anya) But then again you probably wouldn't want to stay. I remember all the whining you did about getting your powers back. Everyone thinks I'm the turncoat, but I think it's you who'd be the one to eviscerate the lot of them first chance you--

Xander: All right, that's enough!

Xander steps in front of Anya and pushes Spike away from her. To everyone's surprise, Spike goes flying across the room. He hits a wall and then falls to the floor, coughing.

Everyone stands in stunned silence looking from Spike to Xander and back again. Finally:

Xander: Whoa! Did you guys see that?

MOMENTS LATER

Giles is pouring over his books. He looks up at Xander.

Giles: So, when you lifted the forklift, you say it was light as a feather?

Xander: (smiling) Just like Spike.

Spike huffs and walks away, holding his back and limping.

Tara: So maybe that adrenaline thing never wore off?

Giles: That doesn't seem likely. But there's got to be some explanation for it. Did you exhibit any kind of super-human strength before the earthquake hit?

Xander: No. I mean, I don't know. I don't think I had it on patrol last night. I did okay, but I certainly didn't feel super!

Buffy and Spike exchange a look.

Giles: (thinking) Come with me a minute.

Giles leads Xander into Buffy's training room. Everyone follows as though they were invited. Giles leads Xander over to the cinderblock positioned over two saw horses in the corner of the room. Xander realizes what he's being asked to do.

Xander: Wait a minute... this is... I don't think so, Giles.

Buffy: Giles, he'll break his hand.

Giles: Well, then we'll have a little more insight into this matter wont we!

Xander: Hey! You're talking about my hand here! My fragile, very breakable hand. I need my hands.

Anya: He really does. Like... really.

Everyone tries to pretend that wasn't about sex.

Spike: You heard the poofter. He's too tender and fragile. Why don't you start off with something easier for him to break. Like a biscuit.

That did it. Xander smashes his hand into the block, shattering it to smithereens.

The gang is even more astonished than before. Giles looks a little concerned. After a few moments, everyone starts talking at once, excitement buzzing around Xander who is loving the attention.

Tara: Wow. That was amazing!

Willow: (to Xander) Your hand is okay? (then) It's not broken? Giles, how did this happen?

Anya: I changed my mind. You can wear the stupid glasses as long as we can get you one of those tight little suits. You know, for night time.

Buffy: I don't know what this is, but it's great. We can team up. Major vamp dusting action!

Giles: Hang on, hang on, lets everybody just calm down a minute. We don't have any idea what's causing this or how long it will last. Xander, you don't know your own strength. Literally. You could wind up hurting someone-- or yourself. I think it would be a good idea for you to lie low for a while until we can figure out what's happening to you.

Xander: No offense, Giles, but hell no. I've been the regular joe of this group for too long. Now I have all this power and you want me to lie down?

Giles: I said lie low, and I--

Xander: I'm ready to patrol! Let's slay some vamps! Maybe Anya's right. I should get some kind of suit or something... like a disguise...

Anya: A tight disguise.

Xander: And maybe a sword.

Buffy: I want a sword!

Xander: No sword for you. You're a girl.

Buffy slaps Xander in the back of his head.

Buffy: OW!!

Everyone looks at her.

Buffy: What? His head is like a rock! I broke a nail. I never break a nail.

Xander raises his fists in the air.

Xander: I HAVE THE POWER!

Anya: Okay, Xander, enough.

Xander immediately calms down.

Giles: Thank you, Anya. Now, like it or not, I'm going to have to look into this. It seems too much of a coincidence that this happened to you just after the earthquake hit, so I'm inclined to think the two are connected.

Spike: Really? How interesting. Because that would mean that - say it with me now - Spike was right.

Giles: Spike, if you're going to help, please do it quietly.

Giles throws him a book. Spike is barely able to hold on to it, because it knocks him back three feet.

Spike: OW!! Bleeding Christ, what the hell is the matter with you people?! You all have an extra bowl of Wheaties this morning or what?

Giles pales. Buffy looks at him with fear in her eyes.

Buffy: Giles, what's going on?

ONE HOUR LATER

Xander: So you're saying the Hellmouth has... an overbite?

Giles: Well, that's a good way of putting it. It's prophesied, here. (gestures to an open book) I just didn't... well you'd have to be looking for it to find it. It's terribly vague.

Willow: But who's affected?

Giles: Everyone.

Buffy: But what about me. If this thing gives super - strength to all the regular humans, than what does it give me? Super-super strength?

Giles: I'm afraid not Buffy. I think the reason all of Spike's demon friends were so afraid is that everyone or thing that had any kind of power is now powerless. That includes you.

Buffy: Well, how can you tell?! I mean, give me a test like you gave Xander. I'll smash whatever you want.

Giles: (gently) Buffy.

Their eyes meet. It's clear that Buffy is frightened.

Giles: You can feel it can't you?

Buffy looks down and nods.

Spike, who has been silent for quite a while, finally pipes up in a high-pitched voice.

Spike: Well how to we fix it? You must know how to fix it, right? We can't go around like this forever!

They look at Spike as though they'd forgotten he was there.

Xander: Ohhhh yeah. This is must be your worst nightmare huh? Especially with just getting your bite back and everything. I mean... even Tara could kick your ass now.

Spike tries to ignore Xander.

Spike: Giles, can I talk to you for a minute please?

Giles seems irritated.

Giles: What is it?

Spike: No, I mean... alone. Please?

Giles sighs like a put upon man and moves away from the group. The gang watches curiously. Looking skittish, Spike goes over to Giles and whispers:

Spike: Giles, I have to go to the bathroom.

Giles recoils in disgust. A few others who heard the comment giggle to themselves. Buffy stays curious.

Giles: And you're sharing this with me because--?

Spike: You don't understand. I haven't had to go to the bathroom for over a hundred years.

There is a long pause while this sinks in and then:

Giles: Oh.

End of Part Two

Part Three:

BUFFY'S HOUSE - TWO DAYS LATER

Buffy is sitting on the couch, reading a magazine rather aggressively. She turns each page with a quick, loud snap while her leg bounces anxiously up and down. She seems to be annoyed by the only other sound in the room, which is Spike's heavy, labored breathing. When she looks up at him, we see that Spike isn't doing anything more strenuous than sitting in a chair.

Buffy: You're concentrating too hard again. Stop thinking about your breathing and just do it.

Spike: I can't. It's strange. I hate it. Stupid earthquake.

Buffy: Do you think you might take a break from the whining at some point today?

Spike: I don't know. Maybe I'll give it a try after my fifteenth trip to the bloody bathroom!

Buffy: Here we go.

Spike: Do you know how awful it feels to be human?

Buffy: Uh...

Spike: It's horrid! It's torturous!

Buffy: Oh my GOD, will you just get used to it already! It's been two days and it doesn't look like there's any end in sight. So, do us both a favor and just EMBRACE the humanity.

Spike: Oh, you mean follow the great example you're setting? Because I can see that you're just sailing through this with flying colors.

Buffy: Hey, it's not the same for me. I'm sitting here like a lump when the rest of the gang is off fighting demons... or crazed super-humans... or whatever... the bad guys! It's not fair. I used to take them patrolling with me. I don't see why I can't go along with them.

Spike: Oh, boo hoo. Little Miss Everything feels inadequate. That's a real shame, Slayer, but it hardly compares to the fact that my entire bloody world has just turned upside-down! (Spike puts a hand to his throat as if to check it) I'm going to die.

Buffy: Uch, will you stop being such a drama queen?

Spike: No, I mean, I'm really gonna die.

For the first time since she's known him, Buffy sees real fear on Spike's face. She swallows her insult.

Buffy: Well... yeah, we're all gonna die, Spike. But not for a long time, we hope.

Spike: That's just it. We hope. But that's all we can do. We have no control. It could happen at any time. Without warning or preamble. I could die in the next few hours, you don't know. I could have a brain aneurysm or get some kind of hideous disease that drags out over a number of months. Human bodies are disgusting. And they deteriorate!

Buffy: Spike, you're not going to have an aneurysm. You're young, healthy and in perfect shape. All you have to do is give up smoking, and...

Spike: Give up smoking? You must be daft! That's the only thing I have left.

Buffy: Of what? Your cool, bad boy image? Please, you are so beyond that now.

Suddenly, fear is replaced with curiosity.

Spike: Now, what the hell is that supposed to mean?

Buffy: (whoops) I don't know. You're just... you seem different now.

Spike: I don't understand you. Not seventy-two hours ago you accused me of being back in town with some sinister plan to stamp out you and yours. Now suddenly I'm not so evil anymore? When did that happen?

There is a pause while Spike studies Buffy's face. Buffy does not meet his eyes. Spike gets it.

Spike: You're racist.

Buffy: WHAT?

Spike: I'm not different. What your saying is that I'm human now. This is so typical. I was exactly the same as a vampire, but now that I'm human it's okay for you to love me.

Buffy: Excuse me? Did we skip a chapter? Who's talking about love?

Spike: Oh, knock it off, Slayer. No one's around to be impressed. You know and I know what... we know.

Buffy: (shaky) I have no idea what you're talking about. I think all the breathing is making you light headed.

Spike watches her for a minute and Buffy can't handle the pressure. Her eyes drop to the floor. Spike smiles as he slips out of his chair and crawls over to her. He kneels on the floor next to her, runs his hand over her knees and rests it on her hip. She jumps slightly, but makes no attempt to move away. Slowly, he rises on his knees, bringing his face so close to hers that they can feel each other's breath. But Buffy is now the one breathing heavily. When their lips are a centimeter apart, Spike says:

Spike: See, I told you. You would never let me kiss you if I were still a vampire.

Buffy blinks a few times, in shock, then comes the fury and she pushes Spike away as hard as she can without her Slayer strength.

Buffy: UGH!

Spike sits back on his legs, giggling.

Buffy: (hurt) I was not going to let you kiss me! I was waiting for you to get close enough so I could punch you. But then I remembered I was all ordinary now and I would probably hurt my hand and your not even worth the effort anyway.

Buffy is flushed and babbling. The fact that Spike is now watching her with open desire is not helping her think any more clearly.

Buffy: And I was so wrong. Being human certainly has not cured you of being a complete jerk-off. Stop looking at me like that!

Spike has something to say. As he opens his mouth to speak, they hear a noise and turn to see Dawn bounding down the stairs, carrying a knapsack and pulling on her coat.

Dawn: Going over to Anya's to stay for a few.

Buffy is a little dazed, as if she forgot Dawn was even in the house. She shifts her eyes nervously to Spike and back.

Buffy: What? Why?

Dawn: Look, I love you both. But being cooped up in a house with the two of you while you work out this thing between you... it's a little too much for my fifteen year-old brain to deal with. I'm the one that's supposed to be full of insecurities and behaving immaturely, but you two are throwing me off my game. So, I have to get out of here for a while. You guys should be alone anyway. For when the dam breaks.

Buffy: (shocked) DAWN!!

Spike clears his throat and pretends he hasn't heard the last part.

Spike: Who's taking you to Anya's? You know it's not safe.

Dawn: Xander's gonna take me. He thinks I'll be good company for Anya. We can commiserate over the fact that we both got jipped on getting powers 'cause of that minor technicality that we're both slightly other than human.

Buffy: Dawn, you don't have to leave. Spike can go.

She turns to Spike.

Buffy: Get out!

Spike looks amused.

Dawn: Where's he supposed to go, Buffy? He can't live in his crypt.

Buffy: I don't care. What am I, his mother?

Spike: (mock earnestness) Mommy?

Dawn: (to Spike) Stop it. You're making it worse.

Spike: She's the one--

Buffy: No he--

Dawn: Hey, SHUT UP! Both of you! Jeez, you guys are incredible!

A car horn sounds from outside.

Dawn: That's Xander. Listen, I don't know what to tell you guys, just... try to be honest with each other.

And Dawn is gone.

And there is silence in the room for what seems like hours. It's the kind of silence that speaks volumes and neither Buffy nor Spike are ready to listen to what it's saying.

Finally, Buffy breaks the silence and changes the subject in one fell swoop.

Buffy: I'm gonna make dinner.

Spike: I'm not hungry.

Buffy: You'll be hungry when I'm finished making it.

She gets up and goes to the kitchen. Spike follows her.

Spike: Can't we order a pizza?

Buffy: I can make a pizza.

Spike: I don't want some old house pizza. I want a real pizza, that comes in a big, greasy, cardboard box.

Buffy: You know half the city is shut down anyway and why would we order something when I'm perfectly capable of making it on my own?

Spike: Because it's gonna take you forever to make it.

Buffy: I thought you weren't hungry.

Spike: Well now that we're talking about pizza I'm hungry for one.

Buffy: Then I'm making one.

Buffy starts pulling stuff off of shelves and getting ready for cooking.

Spike: Why do you have to be so bloody stubborn? This is totally unnecessary!

Buffy: No it's not! We need to eat! I can make food. That's what I can do and I'm doing it!

Spike: You just have to be in charge of something, don't you? Fine... you can be the grand high poobah of dinner and I'll just wait here and starve until you've made you're little point.

Buffy is trying to open a jar of sauce and having a hard time of it.

Buffy: You said... (grunt)...you weren't even... (grunt) hungry.

Spike: Well I changed my mind!

Distracted by her actions, Spike grabs the jar from Buffy and twists it open easily so that the lid makes a popping sound. When he moves to hand it back to her, Buffy's eyes go wide and she takes a step back, pointing at the jar.

Buffy: Oh, no! What the hell is that supposed to be?

Spike: (completely confused) Huh?

Buffy: Who do you think you are, opening jars for me? You don't open jars for me! Who are you, some big tough guy now? Opening jars for the poor little lady in the kitchen who can't... open her own jars!

Spike: Buffy, calm down, it's just...

Buffy: Don't you dare tell me to calm down! I do not need your help!

Spike: (worried) Okay.

Buffy: I don't! I can do everything for myself. And I could even patrol with those guys if they would just let me. Maybe I don't have the strength, but I still have the moves! And I wouldn't forget my limitations and get hurt like Giles said because I am perfectly WELL AWARE of my limitations. And I know I could've opened that jar in a minute if you hadn't taken it from me just to show off.

Spike: I--

BuffY: You're not stronger than me, so just don't even get any ideas about that.

There is a brief pause while Spike takes this in.

Spike: You're really losing it aren't you?

Buffy slams her hand down on the counter.

Buffy: I AM NOT LOSING IT!!!

Buffy whimpers and draws her hand back to cradle it. She hit it too hard. She turns away from Spike and begins to cry softly. For a moment Spike stands there, unsure of what to do. When he hears her crying, he tentatively moves to help her.

Spike: Hey... Slayer?

Buffy spins and whacks him in the chest.

Buffy: Stop calling me that! That's not who I am.

Spike turns Buffy to face him and holds her by the arms. She does not try to pull away.

Spike: It's who you are to me.

Buffy: Well, you've always been pretty stupid. It may take a while, but sooner or later you'll realize that I'm nobody special anymore.

Spike: (smiling) I never said you were anyone special. I just said you were the Slayer.

Buffy almost laughs.

Buffy: (half-hearted) I hate you.

Spike: No you don't.

Buffy pouts and stomps like a child having a tantrum.

Buffy: But, how do you know that?

Spike: Because I know you better than anyone.

Spike pulls Buffy closer to him. She pretends not to notice and looks at his shoulder, rather than his face.

Buffy: That's not true.

Spike: Who knows you better than I do?

Buffy: Willow, Xander, Giles, Angel, the mailman, my third grade science teacher--

Spike: They know what you let them know. But I know the things you won't even admit to yourself.

Buffy gets up the courage to look into Spike's eyes and actually manages to appear cocky.

Buffy: Well, if you're so big with the mind-reading, then tell me what I'm thinking right now.

Spike holds her gaze for a moment, studying her. Buffy almost looks away from the intensity of it, but before she can, Spike presses his mouth over hers. She does not even try to resist him. The second their lips touch, she simply sags against his firm body and gives herself up to the feeling of his kiss. It is like nothing she has ever felt before in her life. Strong, pure, erotic and full of a love she didn't believe existed.

After a little while, Spike pulls away, still holding Buffy as her eyes flutter open to meet his. The first thing she notices is that Spike seems to have lost a little of his trademark confidence. He looks shaken, and is obviously nervous about what she's going to say to him. The humming in her ears and the tingling all over her body make it difficult for her to say anything, but she manages.

Buffy: Okay, so you know me. Let's order a pizza.

At first, Spike is thrown. He didn't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't that. Then he sees that she is smiling at him, and her eyes are shining. It is the first time since before he can remember that he has ever felt actual hope.

Spike: I'm not hungry.

Buffy: Yeah, me neither.

They both stand there grinning at each other for a few seconds, before bursting out laughing. The pent up tension that has been building between them since the day they met is draining away, and in it's place is giddy relief. Spike pulls Buffy to him and throws his arms around her, rocking her back and forth. Buffy squeezes back and buries her face in his neck. Spike closes his eyes and enjoys the feeling of her in his arms. It is quite possible that this is the happiest either of them has ever been.

BOOM!!

There is a crash in the living room.

Giles: Tara! For God's sake!

Willow: Giles, don't yell at her, she didn't mean to.

When they hear the voices, Buffy and Spike instinctively jump away from each other and then take a minute to notice that they both had the same idea. It almost makes them start laughing again. They hide their smiles and go to investigate.

As they enter the living room, Tara is just putting the front door back on it's hinges.

Willow: (embarrassed) Sorry... she only meant to knock. She's having a little trouble with the whole super-strength aspect.

Tara: I'm such a spaz. I'm so sorry, Buffy.

Buffy: No, don't worry about it. I'll fix it. Um...

She tries a little too hard to not notice Spike standing next to her.

Buffy: What's going on? What are you guys doing here?

Willow: Sustenance.

Giles: Yes, we were wondering if you'd be interested in... em... hosting dinner tonight. I'd like to hold a meeting to keep us all up to speed on what's happening, so we should get Xander and Anya over here as well.

Spike's smile fades.

Buffy: (disappointed) Sure. Absolutely. Not like I had any big plans or anything. Spike and I have just been bored out of our minds. If we had our powers back we'd probably have killed each other by now just for fun, right Spike?

She makes big eyes at Spike, urging him to play along.
He pauses to make her suffer and then:

Spike: Yeah.

Buffy looks at him angrily.

Spike: So do you have any tools, Slayer? I can fix that door if you want. I've been known to tighten a hinge in my day.

As he walks past Buffy to go see about the door, he whispers to her:

Spike: Less is more.

Willow: Buffy, are you sure it's okay we're here? Giles thought you'd like to be included.

Willow gets a look from Tara.

Willow: I mean, not that you're not still a part of the team or anything, I... have to stop talking now.

Buffy realizes that she is not bothered by what Willow is saying. She's too interested in watching how calm and collected Spike is being. How handsome he is and how much she enjoys the fact that they're sharing a secret. She smiles softly at Willow.

Buffy: Will. It's okay. What do you feel like eating?

Willow: Anything, I'm famished.

Spike: (standing by the door) Pizza?

Willow: Mmmm, perfect!

Buffy has to look away to fight the laughter. Giles notices this.

Giles: Where's Dawn?

Buffy: Xander's place. She... she uh...

Spike: ...needed a change of scenery. And Anya was lonely.

Giles: So, you two have been... alone all day?

Buffy: Not all day.

Giles: For how long?

Spike: Giles? What ARE you suggesting?

Buffy: Whatever it is... eew!

Spike: (to Buffy) Hey! I have feelings you know!

Buffy: Yeah, I care.

Giles breathes a sigh of relief. It appears nothing has changed.

Giles: I only ask because I'd like Dawn to be a part of this meeting as well. Tara, can you make the call and get them over here?

Tara: Sure.

Willow: I'm gonna go raid the fridge for appetizers.

Tara goes to the phone, Giles and Willow head for the kitchen. Buffy turns to Spike.

Buffy: If you're really gonna fix that door, the tools are in the closet. Dinner will be ready in half an hour so you'd better hurry up. I'm not keeping it warm.

Spike: I'm doing this as a favor to you, you ungrateful bint!

Buffy: So what do you want? To be knighted? Fix it, don't fix it, I don't give a rat's.

Buffy has to cover her mouth to hide her laughter.

Spike: Irritating bloody woman!

Spike winks at her and it's all Buffy can do not to run to him and pull him into another kiss. She sighs longingly instead, and kisses the air in his direction. Spike falls back against the door, holding his chest in an exaggerated gesture. This delights Buffy and she bounces up and down, laughing silently.

Willow: (from the kitchen) Buffy?

Tara, who is talking to Anya on the phone, turns around to see Buffy and Spike smiling happily at each other before Buffy waves good-bye and heads into kitchen. When Buffy is gone Spike watches the place where she was, grinning and lost in thought. After a minute, he sighs, runs a hand through his hair, then turns and gets to work on the door.

Anya: (through the phone) Tara? Are you still there?

Tara jumps and quickly turns around, knowing that she just witnessed something she wasn't supposed to.

Tara: (quietly) Uh... yeah.

End of Part Three

Part Four:

LATER THAT SAME NIGHT

Buffy, Willow and Giles are in Buffy's kitchen preparing dinner. Tara sits on the sofa in the living room, reading the same magazine that Buffy was flipping through earlier, and Spike is putting the tools he used to fix the front door back in the tool box. As he stands to put the box in the closet, he notices Tara watching him from over her magazine.

Spike: So... how's it going?

Tara: (caught, looking away) Nothing. I mean... f-fine. I was just... I feel like such a dork about the door.

Spike puts the box in the closet.

Spike: Nonsense. It was an easy fix. Not really your fault, anyway. It's just a crazy situation all 'round.

Awkward Silence.

Tara: H-how are you guys dealing? You and Buffy I mean.

Spike: (scratching his head, searching) Oh... uh... well, who knows what the Slayer thinks half the time, you know she's pretty closed down about stuff. Especially to me. So you'll have to ask her about it. But me, I'm okay. Being human is... kind of growing on me, I think.

Tara studies Spike's face openly which makes him a little uncomfortable.

Spike: Tara... we've never really talked, but -- in light of the fact that you're now probably capable of pounding me into a bloody pulp -- I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for punching you in the face that time.

Tara laughs sweetly and Spike smiles.

Tara: You don't have to apologize for that. Actually, I should have thanked you a long time ago.

Spike: (uncomfortable) Well, lets not get carried away, now. Just because I'm human doesn't mean I'm gonna make with the pleasantries anymore than I have to. I may just be a man, but it doesn't mean I have to be a nice one.

Tara: Actually, I think you make a very good man.

Spike is caught completely off guard by this and barely has time to look at her with curiosity before the door gets blown off it's hinges again, this time by Xander. Both Spike and Tara look around to see Xander step into the house with great flourish. Anya and Dawn follow behind looking bored.

Xander: Enter... the dragon.

Spike just stares at him, open-mouthed, for a beat, then:

Spike: You TIT!

Dawn giggles from behind Xander.

Xander: Hey, watch your mouth! There are children here.

Spike: Yeah, and you're one of them. Who do you think you are, kicking in my door like that?

Anya: Your door?

Spike: I-- I meant... Buffy's and Dawn's... I just finished fixing it!

Tara raises her hand sheepishly.

Tara: Had a little accident.

Xander: Hey, no prob. I can fix it this time. I used to do that stuff for a living. Remember?

Dawn: Your asking us if we remember two days ago?

Buffy, Willow and Giles enter.

Buffy: What happened now?

Anya: Xander thought it would be funny to make an entrance.

Long, silent pause.

Giles: (deadpan) Hilarious.

Willow: Guess you had to be there.

Tara: Not really. We were here.

Spike laughs out loud.

Spike: Ha! Nice one.

He puts a hand up for a high five and Tara meekly slaps it.

Xander: All right, look, I said I could fix it.

Buffy: Well, hurry up. Dinner is ready.

Spike: Yeah, and she's not keeping it warm.

Buffy: No one asked for your two cents.

Buffy turns quickly and heads back to the kitchen, but not before flashing Spike a little smile. Spike's newly active heart thumps in his chest. He quickly glances around to make sure no one noticed and is satisfied that no one has.

No one except Tara that is.

DINING ROOM

Everyone is sitting around the table, eating mostly in silence. There is tension in the room but no one is really sure where it's coming from. Buffy and Spike sit across from each other and try very hard to hide the fact that they are no longer in hate mode. Unfortunately, throughout the meal it proves to be very hard for the former vampire and slayer to keep their eyes off of one another.

Anya can no longer stand the silence.

Anya: So I've been watching a lot of this daytime television and I've come to the decision that I'm going to have my own talk show.

Everyone pauses to look at her.

Willow: You're own talk show. That's a lofty aspiration.

Anya: Not really, I mean, I'm over a thousand years old... I know a lot of stuff. I can give great advice. And there won't be any whiny crybabies on my show. I'll tell them like it is. You have a problem? Husband's a slouch? Doesn't appreciate you?

Buffy: You're not going to tell them to disembowel their husbands, are you?

Spike looks up from his plate to smile at Buffy. She pretends not to notice.

Anya: Of course not! For some reason, there's a law against that these days. Don't want any legal troubles on my new show. But I will suggest a some very proven remedies on how to keep a man in line, and they'll appreciate --

Xander: What remedies?

Spike leers at Buffy while using his fork to trace lazy, seductive patterns on his plate.

Anya: Xander, don't interrupt me.

Xander: (sheepish) Sorry.

Buffy, suddenly feeling warm, takes a sip of water and lets a droplet roll down her chin. Spike licks his lips.

Anya: (to the rest) See? I'm a natural.

Willow: (sarcastic) Look out, Oprah.

Buffy wipes the drop with her hand, then circles the rim of her glass with her wet finger, caressing it before letting her hand slip slowly down the sides of the glass. Spike inhales deeply and shudders.

Anya: Oprah! Please. I have so much more experience with vengeance than she does.

Buffy bites back a laugh when she sees Spike's reaction to her little glass trick.

Willow: Are you trying to tell us that Oprah was also a vengeance demon?

Anya: What do you mean was?

Xander looks around to gage the reactions of the scoobies, ready to apologize for his embarrassing girlfriend again. But there are four people at the table who did not hear the entire last half of Anya's rant. Buffy, Spike, Tara and Giles. A disturbed Giles drags his eyes away from the Buffy and Spike show and clears his throat.

Giles: Well, it looks like everyone's about done and I think we should get started on the meeting. Specifically, what I wanted to talk about this evening, is what to expect when the situation in which we find ourselves reverses itself.

Xander: What do you mean, reverses itself?

Giles: Well, the Book of Anoush is rather cryptic, but it does talk of a recanting.

Xander: No! It can't recant!

Xander grabs the crossbow he brought to the table with him and hugs it to himself.

Buffy: Giles, do you really think it's just going to go back on it's own? We talked about reversal spells, you said nothing was strong enough.

Giles: And that is true, Buffy. But this power-reassignment is something that has happened before, here on this very hellmouth, and things obviously returned to normal that last time. Even the universe is not above... falling back on old habits.

He says this last line rather pointedly and Spike shifts in his seat.

***

The rest of the night drags on with little incident. Xander keeps trying to deny the fact that he may have to go back to being an ordinary again, Buffy and Spike continue to flirt silently, dying to get a moment alone, and Giles, knowing this is probably the case, drones on as long as possible until the entire subject is talked into the ground.

Out of desperation, Buffy fakes a yawn.

Buffy: Oh... excuse me. I guess all this scooby meeting stuff is taking it's toll on me. Not used to it now, being a civilian and all.

Xander: Yeah, and you know... it's time to start patrolling. I can't be evil's worst nightmare just sitting her on my duff.

Anya: Well, I'm not going back to that apartment alone. Dawn, are you coming over?

Dawn: Absolutely. (to the rest) We rented the bloodiest movies we could find. I'm gonna try to get through both of them without covering my eyes.

Anya: And I'm going to try to watch them from the victim's point of view. Although, they'll probably be less funny that way.

Giles: I wonder if perhaps you shouldn't both stay here in the house, with Buffy... and... Spike.

Anya: Eew. I'm not sleeping on a pull out sofa!

Giles: Spike can give up Buffy's old room.

Spike: Why should I?

Giles: (angry) Because you will.

Dawn: No, Giles. It's okay. We'll be fine at Xander's. He won't be out all night, he can protect us.

Anya: And I can't sleep if I'm not near all my stuff.

Giles sighs heavily, having lost this battle.

The scooby gang makes a mass exodus, excited to get on with the rest of their evenings. Tara is the last out the door and can barely contain her giggles.

Tara: Good night, you two. Have... uh... have fun.

Buffy furrows her brow good-naturedly.

Buffy: ...okay. Thanks. We're just probably gonna go to bed... I mean... sleep. In our rooms. Roomsss. Yawn. Tired. Bye!

Tara laughs again and gives Spike a knowing glance before turning to leave. Spike is at a complete loss. Buffy closes the door and turns to him.

Buffy: What was that about, I wonder.

Spike: You know what? I think she has a thing for me.

Buffy laughs and rolls her eyes.

Buffy: Oh, you wish.

Spike: I'm serious. She's been giving me these looks all night.

Buffy: What kind of looks?

Spike: You know. ...LOOKS.

Buffy: You're imagining it.

Spike: What, is it so impossible?

Buffy: Well, you're not exactly her type, in case you haven't noticed.

Spike: That's what's so cool about it. I single-handedly changed her mind about the opposite sex.

Buffy studies him like she would an alien fungus.

Buffy: Is there a limit to how much you love yourself?

Spike: Jealous?

Buffy: Of Tara? Please! (pause) Should I be?

Spike: HA! You are!

Buffy: Shut up! I am not. You're an idiot. I'm going to take a bath.

Buffy starts up the stairs.

Spike: Need any company?

This stops Buffy in her tracks. She turns around, slowly, to face him. Her long, smoldering gaze makes Spike uncomfortable. He swallows hard.

Spike: What?

Buffy: I want you to tell me something.

Spike: (voice-cracking) Okay.

He clears his throat.

Spike: (deeper) Okay.

Buffy starts to move slowly and deliberately toward him.

Buffy: We've known each other a pretty long time, haven't we? And over the years, you've said a lot, and I mean a LOT of suggestive, lurid and downright naughty things to me. What I want to know... William... is can you back them up?

Spike is shocked beyond words. He can barely form thoughts in his mind. He watches a small grin spread across her face and can feel the heat rising within him. She is so close. So beautiful. Sooooo damned sexy. He inhales her scent, and on the exhale he whispers:

Spike: I want you.

Buffy tiptoes up and touches her lips to his. Instead of kissing him, she speaks softly against his mouth.

Buffy: Then catch me.

Suddenly, Buffy turns and bolts up the stairs, laughing.

Spike watches, stunned, for a half-moment, then grins broadly. The hunt is on. He lets out a little maniacal giggle of his own and gives chase up the stairs.

End of Part Four

Shaken Part 5

After a vigorous chase throughout the upstairs, Buffy manages to lose Spike by ducking into the hall bathroom. She sits on the edge of the tub, panting, and trying not to giggle as she waits for him to find her. Eventually, her giggles fade, and she's still waiting. And waiting. After about five minutes, she gets impatient.

BUFFY
(to herself)
Oh, come on.

She gets up to peek into the hallway. No sign of Spike.

BUFFY
(calling out)
You're not giving up that easily are you?

No answer. No Spike. The house is deadly quiet. A prickly fear nags at Buffy as she steps into the darkened hallway.

BUFFY
Spike?

Nothing.

BUFFY
Spike? What happened? Are you okay?

Still nothing. And she's getting a little worried. She enters Dawn's room and quickly snaps on the light. Nobody there. Next, she steps gingerly into her own room, snaps on the light, walks to the middle of the room and looks around.

BUFFY
Spike?

Nothing. Now she's getting pretty wigged out. She turns and is about to leave the room when...

WHOOSH!!

...Spike leaps out from behind the door and tackles her on to the bed. Buffy shrieks with laughter, very surprised but relieved to see him. He holds her close, with his arms around her from behind. She puts up a bit of a struggle... but it's clear she's not trying very hard.

SPIKE
I've got you now, Slayer!

BUFFY
You cheated!

SPIKE
Did not. I'm just better at being stealthy than you are. Don't think I couldn't hear you twittering away in that bathroom. Amateur.

BUFFY
Amateur? I don't think so. You just had to pull a sneak attack because you couldn't catch me.

SPIKE
Hey. I move like the wind, baby.

BUFFY
(mocking)
Like the wind, huh? Well, that's pretty darn fast.

Spike smiles and buries his face into Buffy's hair, speaking in a low growl against the back of her neck.

SPIKE
Don't believe me? Watch this.

He lets go of Buffy, who immediately tries to get away, but before she can even sit up, Spike flips her on to her back, pins her wrists over her head and straddles her.

SPIKE
See?

Very aroused butterflies are zipping around in Buffy's stomach, making it impossible for her not to giggle as she pretends to struggle.

BUFFY
Get off of me!

Spike advances, his face sinking closer and closer to hers. Buffy wriggles beneath him, shooting a current of pleasure through both their bodies. This only causes Buffy to laugh harder, as though she were being tickled.

BUFFY
(dramatic)
Unhand me you beast!

Spike pauses. Then with mock politeness:

SPIKE
Okay.

He moves to get up but Buffy grabs him by the shirt...

BUFFY
NO!

...and pulls him back down on top of her. They lock eyes. The old Spike smile slides across his face and she responds with an equally mischievous grin.

BUFFY
I changed my mind.

Spike can't take it anymore. He moans loudly and then crushes her mouth with an explosive kiss. The only thought he can manufacture in his head is, "I'm kissing Buffy." He lets go of her wrists to caress her face, almost needing to reassure himself that she's actually there. Buffy lets her newly liberated hands travel up his strong arms, over his shoulders, and then into his soft and slightly crunchy hair.

Suddenly, Buffy shifts and somehow manages to roll over on top of Spike, taking charge of the kiss. Deepening it. She's been waiting a long time for this. She can admit that to herself now. Four and a half years of repressed lust is being unleashed and this is no time to be timid. Slowly, she moves her hand down the front of his chest and dips the tips of her fingers under his waistband. She hears him groan and smiles against his mouth. Her hand reaches just far enough to catch hold of his tee shirt and pull it up, over his head. They have to break the kiss to remove the shirt, but as soon as it has cleared the kissing zone, they lock lips again, unable to bear the separation.

Buffy is amazed at how controlled and gentle Spike is being with her, only touching her face and stroking her hair as they kiss. It's unexpected and very sweet, but she's about to burst. She wants more. She takes his hand and gently presses it to her breast. He removes it and touches her face again. With some impatience, she takes his hand again and puts it back on her breast. Spike breaks the kiss.

SPIKE
Buffy.

BUFFY
(anxious; out of breath)
What? What's the matter?

SPIKE
I - I have to... There's something you need to know.

Buffy looks down at him curiously.

~MOMENTS LATER~

Buffy and Spike are now sitting up on the bed, side by side. Spike looks down at his hands, embarrassed. Buffy looks a little stunned.

BUFFY
Wow.

SPIKE
Yeah.

BUFFY
Wow.

SPIKE
You said that already.

BUFFY
I know, but... wow!

SPIKE
Bloody hell! It's not that big of a deal. You act like I told you I was a sodding eunuch!

BUFFY
I'm sorry.

Buffy puts her hand on his shoulder, but he shrugs it off.

BUFFY
Hey. I'm sorry, okay? It's just a little hard for me to... comprehend. So... you're sure?

SPIKE
Of course I'm sure. I was there, wasn't I!

BUFFY
This isn't a joke.

SPIKE
If you think this is my idea of a joke then I must not be as funny as I think I am.

BUFFY
Drucilla was your first?

SPIKE
After I became a vampire, yeah.

BUFFY
And you never...

SPIKE
Not as a human. Or with a human. No.

BUFFY
But as a vampire you were... like...

SPIKE
Well, yeah, of course! Dru and I had some really wild times, right? And then Harmony, she was... well we did some pretty crazy stuff too, so it's not like I'm--

BUFFY
Wait a minute... just Dru and Harmony?

SPIKE
What's that supposed to mean, "JUST Dru and Harmony?"

BUFFY
Well, they were your 'steadies' or whatever you want to call it, but you've been with other female vampires, haven't you?

SPIKE
Do you really think Dru would have let me live if I'd shagged some strumpet while I was still with her?

BUFFY
But I would think she would encourage that kind of thing. The vampire world being so... erotic and all.

SPIKE
(rolling eyes)
Oh God. Deliver me from Anne Rice.

Buffy watches him a moment. Completely nonplused.

BUFFY
So no one before you met Harmony, either?

SPIKE
Buffy, I only started dating Harmony because she reminded me of you.

BUFFY
Okay... not so much a compliment.

SPIKE
You know what I mean.

BUFFY
So you're serious.

SPIKE
I'm serious.

BUFFY
Why are you telling me this?

Spike gathers his courage.

SPIKE
Because... I'm bloody human now. And If what I think is going to happen between us is really going to happen, it will be my... first time... as a human. And I'm just worried about doing something stupid. God only knows if I can keep this ridiculous body under control. So, I just wanted you to be aware that, if I do screw up, it's only because I need a little... practice.

Buffy watches his face long enough to make him a little uncomfortable. Finally:

BUFFY
If this is some scam to get me to fall for you--

Spike starts to protest.

BUFFY
--it's working.

Spike finally looks into her eyes and is beyond relieved when he sees her smiling sweetly back at him. He allowed his vulnerable side to show and everything turned out all right. There are no more distractions, now. He reaches out, puts his hand behind her head and pulls her mouth to his for another intense kiss. When they break apart, she presses her forehead to Spike's.

BUFFY
(breathless)
You sure do kiss well for a virgin.

Spike laughs good-naturedly and Buffy follows suit. They kiss again, mid-laugh, and it turns into something less funny. Buffy puts Spike's hand on her breast again. Spike removes his hand... so that he can slide it up under her blouse and caress her bare skin. With his free hand, he lays her down on the bed and starts to place baby kisses her along her jaw line as he strokes and teases her sensitive flesh. Buffy is flying.

BUFFY
(gasping)
Oh, Spike.

MAIN STREET - SAME TIME

WILLOW
WHAT?!

TARA
Shhh!

Willow, Tara and Xander are on Patrol in one section of the town. With Xander out of earshot, Tara has just updated Willow on the status of Spike and Buffy.

WILLOW
(whisper)
What exactly did you see?

TARA
Nothing really. Just a couple of looks. But it was so obvious.

WILLOW
Well, apparently not that obvious, because -- Hey! In the dark!

TARA
Don't take it personally, Sweetie. They'll probably let us in on it eventually. I think they were kind of enjoying their little secret.

WILLOW
Why are you so happy about this? Do you think it's a good idea? I mean... they may just be regular humans now, but she's still Buffy and he's still Spike.

TARA
But, don't you think they're kinda... right for each other?

WILLOW
Buffy and Spike are right for each other? How can you... well... okay I can maybe see how you might think that, but... actually, I've never really thought about it before... they kinda are, aren't they?

For a moment, Willow is lost in thought, romanticizing, but she quickly shakes it off.

WILLOW
No... because what if things go back to the way they were before the earthquake? Spike will be a vampire again and Buffy will be a slayer. Two things that are so not right for each other... like... at all.

TARA
Well, wasn't Angel a vampire?

WILLOW
Yeah, but... witness the him not being here anymore.

TARA
I guess you're right. I don't know. There's just something about those two.

XANDER
(walking up from behind)
Something about who two?

WILLOW
Nobody!

TARA
Just these... two people we know... from school. They're trying to keep their relationship a secret.

XANDER
Why? What's the big?

Xander is only sort of paying attention. He's busy scanning the perimeter of Main Street, looking for crime to fight.

WILLOW
Well, they're from different... worlds.

XANDER
Ha! Different worlds? Anya and I aren't even from the same dimension and look at us. There is just no impediment to true love.

WILLOW
You really believe that?

XANDER
Sure I do.

Beat.

WILLOW
Buffy and Spike are getting it on.

Duty forgotten, Xander stops abruptly and focuses on the girls.

XANDER
WHAT!?

TARA
Willow!

WILLOW
He said 'no impediment.'
(to Xander)
You said 'no impediment' didn't you?

XANDER
I didn't mean them! Not them! They're not from different worlds they're from... opposite sides of... something really huge!

TARA
You guys! Buffy and Spike are not getting it on! At least... they weren't an hour ago.

XANDER
Oh my God! What do you know? Do you have information? Is that why the fake yawning? I thought Buffy was just bored with Giles' incessant yammering. Because, hey, weren't we all... but... I'm going to Buffy's.

TARA/WILLOW
No!/Why?

XANDER
I'm going to stop her from making a huge mistake!

WILLOW
XANDER!

XANDER
What?

CRASH!!! The sound of heavy glass breaking.

They all whip around to see a balding man in his late thirties hop through the store window he just smashed, grab a vacuum cleaner from the display and hop out again with his booty.

WILLOW
I was just gonna say... maybe we should take care of this looting problem first.

Xander narrows his eyes at Willow, then turns his attention to the looter.

XANDER
Hey! What are you doing there?

LOOTING GUY
What do you care, man? Mind your business.

XANDER
Last time I checked, stealing was still illegal.

LOOTING GUY
(laughing)
Who are you, McGruff the Crime Dog? You gonna take a bite out of my ass, now? I just needed a vacuum cleaner.

XANDER
(advancing on him)
So buy one.

Looting Guy realizes he's being challenged.

LOOTING GUY
I don't feel like it.

He takes a few steps toward Xander and throws the vacuum aside... smashing it.

LOOTING GUY
Forget it. I heard that one sucks anyway.

XANDER
HEY! You're not allowed to use vacuum related puns! Only the good guys get to use puns.

LOOTING GUY
Oh, I get it, you're the good guy, right? Well, hate to break it to you pal, but around here... everybody's Superman.

This strikes a nerve with Xander and he attacks. Really attacks, using moves he learned from his day as a soldier that would stop a three-hundred pound demon in it's tracks. Looting Guy holds his own for a while, but ultimately falters under Xander's experience. He's getting the crap kicked out of him.

After a few tense moments, Willow decides to intervene before Xander does something he'll regret.

WILLOW
Separate!

Xander and Looting Guy fly apart. Xander looks over at Willow angrily, but when their eyes meet he realizes what what he was doing. Dazed, he looks over at the Looting Guy who is holding his side and wiping a bloody lip.

LOOTING GUY
What the hell's the matter with you, man? It's just a frigging vacuum cleaner. Get a grip.

XANDER
I - I'm sorry.

LOOTING GUY
Yeah, you're sorry all right.

Looting guy starts to walk away.

XANDER
(feebly)
Stealing is wrong!

Looting guy waves him off as he stumbles out of sight.

LOOTING GUY
(mumbling)
Frigging boy scout.

When he's gone, there is awkward silence among the three super-scoobies. Then:

XANDER
(quietly)
I don't know how she did it.

TARA
Who?

XANDER
Buffy! Every day, she walked around with this power, and she never let it get out of hand. She could literally do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, but she kept it under control. I never thought about how hard it was for her. I guess that's why they don't hand the power out to just any Tom, Dick or Xander that comes down the pike. I mean, from this perspective, even Spike looks like Mr. Restraint. And you know I've lost it when I start saying stuff like that!

Willow smiles and goes over to put a hand on Xander's shoulder.

WILLOW
Sounds like you're about ready for things to go back to normal, huh?

XANDER
I hate to say it, but yeah... I definitely think I'm ready.

BUFFY'S BEDROOM - THE NEXT MORNING

Sunlight peeks through the curtains of Buffy's bedroom window and falls softly on the hills and valleys of the rumpled bed. Buffy is curled up, asleep on her side. Spike is facing her, but his eyes are open, he's watching her sleep. After a little while, Buffy stirs slightly and senses him. Slowly, she opens her heavy-lidded eyes, and smiles.

BUFFY
You're looking at me.

SPIKE
Yeah.

BUFFY
Do I have bed head?

Spike reaches out to run a hand through her hair.

SPIKE
Yeah. You look like hell.

Buffy snorts out a surprised laugh and gives Spike a good hard whack on the chest.

SPIKE
OW!!

She snuggles back down into her pillow.

BUFFY
You deserved it.

Spike takes her hand and intertwines it with his own, then kisses the tips of her fingers.

SPIKE
Actually luv, you've never looked more beautiful.

BUFFY
Mmmm. That's better.

She scooches closer to him and he envelopes her in his arms, letting her nestle her face against his chest.

SPIKE
Knew that'd get you.

BUFFY
Yeah... I mean... hey! I think I have to hit you again.

SPIKE
Well, go on then, I can take it.

Buffy thinks about it, then closes her eyes and gets more comfortable in Spike's arms.

BUFFY
This is more fun.

Spike gives her a reassuring squeeze.

SPIKE
I really have to agree. You're so warm.

BUFFY
Ninety-eight point six, even.

Spike chuckles softly.

SPIKE
Guess I'm not used to that. (thoughtful pause) I think I'm still waiting to wake up.

Buffy pulls back to look at him.

BUFFY
What?

SPIKE
This is too good to be true. I have to be dreaming.

Buffy looks deeply into his eyes, then presses her mouth to his for a sweet, lingering kiss. When they pull away:

BUFFY
Morning breath. That real enough for you?

Spike laughs out loud and shakes his head at her.

SPIKE
You're so odd... I love you.

Buffy stops smiling. Spike picks up on the mood change.

SPIKE
Sorry. I - I shouldn't have--

BUFFY
No, it's okay, it's just... been a while since I've heard you say that. Kind of stopped my heart there for a second.

He looks at her, unsure.

BUFFY
Say it again.

Spike's own heart leaps in his chest. He props himself up on his elbow so that he can look down into her eyes.

SPIKE
I love you.

He leans down and kisses her forehead, then her eyebrow, then her earlobe, then her chin. Each time telling her:

SPIKE
I love you.

She allows a shuddering sigh to escape her body, the last of the tension draining away as Spike nibbles at her neck and shoulder and slides a hand under the covers, resting his palm on her bare thigh.

BUFFY
(dreamily)
Spike?

SPIKE
(could this be it?)
Yeah?

DAWN (O.C.)
HELLO!

They hear Dawn's voice from downstairs and both sit bolt upright in bed. Frantic, they look at each other, realize they're naked, and cower back down under the covers.

DAWN (O.C.)
Where is everyone? Buffy? Spike?

Buffy is gesturing wildly for Spike to get out of bed but he draws attention to the fact that he is stark naked by throwing the covers off of himself and quickly covering back up again. Buffy thinks for a minute... then starts pushing Spike over the side of the bed until he falls ungracefully on to the floor.

SPIKE
(hoarse whisper)
Bloody Hell!

BUFFY
Shhh! Shut up! (calling out) In here Dawn! (under her breath) Don't move.

SPIKE
At least give me a bit of sheet!

Buffy quickly balls up a sheet and slam dunks it over the side of the bed, right onto Spike's stomach. He coughs!

BUFFY
Will you be quiet!?

SPIKE
(whimpering)
My spleen.

BUFFY
Dammit, Spike, I don't want Dawn to know about this yet. This is not a good example to be setting for a fifteen year old girl. So will you, for God's sake-- Hi Dawn!

DAWN
Who were you talking to?

BUFFY
Uhhh... you! I said, "I'm in here... for God's sake."

DAWN
Where's Spike?

BUFFY
(too casual)
I don't know. I thought you weren't coming home till this afternoon?

DAWN
Anya was driving me nuts. She had me up half the night pretending to be different guests on her talk show. She's kind of unraveling I think. Cabin fever or something. Xander was there this morning, so I took my cue to bail. I think they wanted to have sex.

BUFFY
DAWN! GOD!! Just because two people are alone in a house together, it doesn't mean they're going to have sex!

From his hiding place, Spike hears this and rolls his eyes. Buffy is really over-doing it and Dawn can sense the weirdness.

DAWN
Yeah. Okay. Well... I was gonna make those pancakes with the cute shapes again. You hungry?

BUFFY
Starving! You go ahead and get started, I'll be right down.

DAWN
Okay.

She turns to walk away then stops, turns back, and addresses the room.

DAWN
Hey Spike, I know you hate pancakes, so do you want scrambled eggs or that disgusting cereal you always eat?

Buffy is flabbergasted. She has no words. Spike pokes his head out from his hiding place beside the bed, careful to remain mostly concealed.

SPIKE
Um... eggs would be nice. Thanks, Niblet.

DAWN
No prob. See you down there.

Dawn smiles at Buffy and skips happily away. A stunned Buffy looks over at Spike who shrugs.

SPIKE
Observant little tike, isn't she?

END OF PART FIVE

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