Chapter 16:

A/N: Merry Christmas everybody, hope it was good to you all. Loving all the reviews, even if you do all hate me now. Trust me, it will all come together eventually. Now on with the next chappy. Enjoy.

I changed my clothes and headed to the bathroom, needing to shower. Being in the same room with Parker had caused my skin to crawl, I needed to get clean. The shower lasted nearly a half hour. I got out and headed back across the hall to my room, I pulled my robe on and headed to the darkened portion of the first level of the house. I had heard Tara head to bed, she had an early shift the next day and needed some sleep before hand.

I walked into the kitchen, getting myself a glass of juice. I had no appetite, which really was nothing new. I hadn't actually had the drive to eat since before it happened, half the time I only ate because my body need food to survive. I made my way to the living room, intent on watching some late night tv. The lack of sleep contributed to me seeing plenty of old horror movies that they aired in the wee hours of the morning.

I grabbed the remote and went to sit on the couch. I screamed when I came in contact with a body on the couch, that definitely wasn't Tara. Without thinking I lashed out, hitting the man in the nose. "Bloody hell," the sleepy voice of Will registered after I had turned the light on. Tara had made her way downstairs after hearing my scream.

"I'm sorry, it's my fault, I forgot she always comes down here to watch tv." Tara looked horrified that she had scared me and caused Will to get a bloody nose.

"No, I'm sorry, I should have just headed home, probably not a good idea for me to have been on the couch without telling her."

"Fuck." I shook my head and stomped to the kitchen. I returned with a washcloth, a bowl of water and a towel with ice in it. "Tara, I'm sorry I woke you, you should head back to bed, I know the early shift is hell on you."

"You'll be okay, and I'm so sorry I didn't tell you he was down here."

"Yeah, I'll be fine, I even promise not to beat him up to much more." I grinned. Tara made her was back up to her room. "Sorry," I motioned to the blood on his hand. He was holding his nose over the coffee table trying not to get blood on anything else. "Would you sit down so I can clean that up?" I asked.

Will complied, sitting on the couch beside me. He wouldn't let his nose go though, being a big baby. "If you don't let me see it, I can't clean it." I shook my head at his glare and pried his hand away from it. I wiped the blood off his hand first, then proceeded to clean what had dripped onto his face and neck. He watched me while I cleaned him up. I was a little unnerved with his gaze fixated on me.

"So, um, why are you on the couch?"

"Got kicked out of the dorm, and I couldn't go home, Dad was a little busy."

"Oh, when did you get kicked out of the dorm?"

"Last week." He replied.

"You didn't say anything."

"You had a lot on your mind."

"Will, I always have a lot on my mind." I handed him the ice. "If you want to sleep, I'll head upstairs."

"No, I think I'll be up for a while, the pain is a little distracting, I wasn't entirely tired either."

"Well, Dracula is on tonight, want to join me?"

"What do you got to eat?"

"I don't know," I replied.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I give Tara the money, she does the grocery shopping. I don't have much of an appetite, but if Tara buys the food, I know that at least there is healthy stuff to eat."

"Come on, I'll fix us something." He took my hand and led me to the kitchen. I sat at the table, watching him move around the kitchen, preparing a midnight snack. It got pretty involved. He made pasta and what smelled like it would be a delicious meat sauce. He set two plates down and we ate in silence.

"This is great." I commended his culinary skills.

"Thanks love." We finished eating and moved to the living room. Will had kept getting me to eat until I refused, due to the explosion factor. I reached to turn the tv on, but Will stopped me. "What happened in court today love?" He looked me in the eye, a serious expression flitting across his face.

I got up and began pacing, wringing my hands together, itching to hit something. I didn't look at him as I began to explain. "He's free, basically, his father's money got him lawyers that convinced the jury that I was a drug addict who liked kinky sex. Nothing is going to happen to him, he gets off, no warning, no jail time, not even any fucking community service."

"How the hell did that happen, I thought Anya was the best?" His voice had raised in his outrage.

"Oh, Anya is the best, Parker's daddy just had more money and liked to lie. I only did it with Angel once and I get called a kinky slut. I could live with that as long as that asshole gets put in jail, but no, he gets off scott free, and my name gets dragged through the mud. But what's funnier is that he gets to be all noble, play the cool rich fuck on campus when he gets to come back for the semester starting in September. " I had kept pacing, I couldn't sit still, I had way too much energy inside of me. I needed an outlet, but I also needed to vent.

"Buffy, could you sit?" He asked me and I stopped pacing, taking a seat on my favorite armchair. "He just gets off, not even a complaint?"

"Oh, no, I can make a complaint, logged at the campus security building, but hey, what difference does that make? There are already complaints there, maybe I'm not the first that he's done this to." I put my head in my hands. That last bit, along with sitting down drained me. I started crying, my body shook. I was tired of being strong, taking back my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I had done this, and become my own person again, but I needed to lean on someone sometimes too. Will moved and gathered me to him. He put his arms around me allowing me to cry into his chest. I was relieved it was him that was there. I was glad he had gotten kicked out, because after today, I needed the one person who saw what he had done to me. The one person who had seen at my lowest point, and still was my friend.

"He can't hurt you." Will whispered. "You could even probably kick his ass."

I giggled a little at that, still with my head buried in his shirt. I sniffled back my tears, getting a whiff of the scent that was purely Will. It was a bit of cigarettes, a bit of alcohol, a bit of leather, and mostly him. It had become the most comforting smell in the world to me. That was the one thing that stood out in my memory, after hearing his voice, it was his smell as he untied me and I passed out. I moved my arms around him as well, holding him as if he'd disappear and I'd be alone once again.

I didn't know how long I cried. We had shifted positions to watch the movie, I didn't want to let go of my comfort yet, so we spooned on the couch, Will behind me, holding my waist protectively. I only remember seeing the opening credits, before falling asleep.

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I woke with a start, I gathered my bearings and found myself in Will's arms, still laying on the couch. I groaned as I heard the phone ring. I didn't want to move, it was warm and safe where I was. Reluctantly I got up and headed to the kitchen barely making it to the phone on the forth ring.

"Hello?"

"Buffy, oh my god, hey." I recognized the voice it belonged to a red head that had been gone since before the beginning of summer session.

tbc...

Chapter 17:

"Buffy, oh my god, hey." I recognized the voice it belonged to a red head. One I had thought was my best friend. Before she left, we had promised to talk to each other constantly. She hadn't called, but neither had my mother. I hated her with such passion. We had arranged to see each other at the airport before she left. It was funny how she simply had dismissed my ditching her. I had the urge to simply hang up. I could not be near Willow's perky self, not now, and I didn't think I'd ever be able to truly handle it again. My best friend had forgotten me. I had nearly died when I was still in that hell hole twenty four hours after her scheduled flight. I had thought she may have been concerned, but no such luck.

I came out of my haze when Will walked into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, scratching his belly, and still being half asleep. His hair was mussed into little curls and his clothes were in disarray. I had to laugh at his appearance.

"What's so funny?" I heard Willow say, she must have been talking and I missed a large chunk of it.

"Just Will, he walked in morningized, you know bed hair and things." I replied.

"BUFFY!!!, why didn't you tell me you were seeing someone, not to mention living on your own, wow. What about the dorms, now I'm going to have to find a roomy." Willow was complaining now, and one could only stand so much of babbling, whiny Willow.

"I. . . " I started and didn't know what to say to her. I couldn't just hang up on her, she was my best friend right? At least she was before leaving me to Parker. "Willow, I have to go." I hung up the phone, paniced, before she could say anything else and leaned against the wall, sliding down it as I stared at the wall. My breathing became erratic, as my vision clouded with tears. I hadn't truly cried in some time, using the punching bag to release my feelings upon. Willow was the one who I took the pity date for, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't know Parker. Then she left, she left me with him, that day when he asked to talk to me for a moment. She never came back, and she left Sunnydale, total abandonment.

I was broken from my memories by the phone ringing again. I didn't get up, stayed seated, curling in on myself, bringing my arms around my knees, curling into a fetal position. I heard the phone continue to ring. It stopped, I was glad it stopped, I couldn't stand that sound. I was vaguely aware, that Will had crouched beside me, he was saying something, but I didn't understand what he was saying, my vision clouded, and I was soon unconcious.

When I woke up, I was on the couch, Will was sitting beside me, he was putting a cool washcloth on my forehead. I sighed at the comfort it brought. "How long was I out?" I asked, groggily trying to sit. It took a few tries, but I was finally sitting up, propped against the back of the couch.

"About twenty minutes." He shrugged, allowing me to hold the cloth to my head. "Her name's Willow right, she's the one that called when you had just hung up, she called a few times, wanting to know if you were alright."

"What did you tell her?"

"That you were fine, just had a fainting spell, up too late, studying and not eating proper. She took that and just wanted to know if you had woken. I told her I'd call when you had so she'd stop calling." He grinned at me when I rolled my eyes. "She the one you hung up on right?"

I nodded, closing my eyes and leaning back on the couch. "Yeah, she was."

"She the reason you met Parker right, cause of some pity date?" He asked.

"How..?" I began, confused that he knew all the details.

"You were mumbling when you were in the kitchen, when you slid down the wall." He replied. "Buffy, you should tell her." Will frowned, searching my face for something, I wasn't sure what.

"I can't, she left me there." I stood, making my way to the kitchen, I got a glass of water, letting the mindless task, calm my nerves. I had had a panic attack, it was happening because I feared something that was about Willow now. She scared me, the fact that she could leave and let Parker do what he did. I heard protests, from somewhere inside my head saying she couldn't have known, I squashed them immediately, she had seen me walk off with him when he asked to 'talk'.

Will followed me into the kitchen, taking the glass from me, lifting my chin, forcing me to face him. He was searching again, trying to find, something. I was slightly startled at his gaze, no one had ever looked at me like he was right now, with such understanding, compassion, and his own fear, with something else which I couldn't describe because he was stuffing it so far back, masking it, hiding it.

He looked away after seeing something, or needing to hide something within himself from me. I couldn't understand why he would hide, not from me. He had seen me at the bottom, he knew me on a level no one else could. He looked back at me, once again forcing me to look at him as well. "Buffy, she's your friend, I am too, but sweets you are still hurting so much. You have faced so much of this, beating it down, until you are the victor, but you're not done. I'm always here for you, I saw it, I won't ever forget, it's not something you can. I know you can't forget either, more so, much more so than I, but you also have so many more demons to face than me." He led me to the table, allowing me to sit, yet I knew he wasn't done.

"Love, you had to be in the same room as Parker, but did you actuall face him, confront him yourself? Until you do, you won't heal, even you know that. You also know that Willow is your friend, something inside you knows it, and it's screaming to be able to face her, to tell her your secret like you did when you were younger. There's also that voice there that needs to confront her, just like there's a voice in there that wants to confront Parker. You talked to your mum, I know when she came back you felt something like what you are now, maybe not to such a degree, but pet, you let her in, why not Willow, she probably knew more of your secrets than mum did. She may be a big support part of this recovery. I'm not going anywhere, neither is Tara, or any of us, but your other friends, your chums from before this happened, they care about and love you like we do. If you don't want to confront them, fine, I'll be here, you can talk to me and there's that therapist, but love, she knew you, before this, cared about you before this, she'll still care after she knows."

I stared at him, tears streaming down my cheeks, he knew me, he saw the truths inside me, that I was afraid that I'd be tainted to them, that even though I felt abandoned, that I felt more hatred for the situation and the events that twisted my perspective, than the simple fact that they didn't, couldn't have known what had happened. I looked into his eyes, seeing that he was sincere, that he wouldn't leave, not like they did, not like my mom had done even before this. He had said we when he said he and Tara and all the people in my life loved me, but I felt that he had meant himself in a different way than everyone else. I didn't see how though, and I didn't think he really did, because no one could love me, not when I had been tainted the way I had been.

The previous day had taken it's toll, reminding me that even with all the progress I had made, that I still couldn't look at myself in the mirror for more than a few moments before the sight bothered me. I could never seem to feel clean enough. Will moved to hold me as I cried, and I let him. With him I felt safe, with him, I wasn't as dirty as with anyone else, because he had seen me, what Parker had done. He saw how dirty I was then, and didn't care when he had saved me. I clutched him as I cried, I didn't hear the knock on the door, I didn't hear the door open, and I didn't see the redhead standing in the doorway, confused, and angry at the scene that greeted her. I was crying, in the arms of a man she had never met, so obviously in pain.

"What is going on here?" She demanded, breaking into my comfort bubble. "What did you do to her?" Willow demanded, Xander moved into the entryway, just as Willow had stormed over to us and practically ripped me from Will's arms.

"Willow," Xander called, "stop, I know him." He grabbed Willow away from me, knowing something else was wrong, he knew William wasn't the type to make a girl cry like I was.

"How?" She demanded, glaring at Xander for taking her from her best friend. I had stood stunned, tears still streaming down my cheeks, worse after my supposed friend had taken me out of the only current comfort I seemed to have.

"He's a friend, I asked him to check up on Buff, cause we hadn't seen her for a few before we left. I guess they became friends when we were gone. Hey man," he nodded at Will, who had moved toward me, touching my arm, but not wanting to get the redhead angry enough to stun me more than I already had been.

"You alright love?" he whispered. I looked up into his eyes, conveying things without words. He saw the fear there, the pain, and the hurt. I wasn't ready to face Willow, not yet, I couldn't even be near her at that moment. He nodded his head in understanding and motioned for me to leave the room find a place more comfortable. I headed to the basement door and went to let out some emotions on the bag.

"Wait, where's she going?" Willow demanded, moving to follow. Will stepped into her path, blocking the way.

"NO! You will let her go, she is not in the mood right now." Will glared at the redhead.

"You can't tell me what to do, she's my friend, I know her better than you." She nearly yelled. Xander pulled her arm, trying to get her to back off, knowing the look in Will's eyes, as one you didn't want to mess with.

"Excuse me, but no, you really don't." Tara had entered the kitchen, no one had heard her come in.

"Who are you?" Xander asked, simply searching for the information, whereas when Willow had spoken the same words at the same time, her's came out more of a demand.

"I live here too." She replied, moving to join Will.

"I though you had to work?"

"Nope, they had enough people, didn't need me, I can see it was a good thing I came home."

"Yeah, ducks," he nodded.

"Sorry, but who are you?" Xander asked her again, knowing that she lived there, but not knowing her name.

"Oh, Tara McClay." She smiled. "Buffy is a little emotional right now, and I'm not going to explain it, as it isn't my place, but I really think you should leave." She pointly said this to Willow, who glared in her direction.

"Why, we're her friends?" Willow was worried, what could have possibly happened to make Buffy afraid. Willow had seen the look I had given to Will before disappearing downstairs.

"No," I shook my head. I had come back up the stairs as I wasn't exactly dressed for a round with the bag, and had stayed in the doorway in hopes that Willow would leave soon.

"Buffy?" she asked, looking pained.

I had no sympathy however, as I had been hurt so much more than my friend simply not being there for me. "I can't talk to you right now, I can't even look at you right now. I was abducted and raped, and you didn't even have the decency to try and find out where I was for three days before you left, you didn't see me at all, and didn't think it odd enough to call the police, or even my mother. Parker drugged me, kidnapped me, and raped me. Now get the hell out of my house. Xander, thank you for at least having the decency to have someone look for me, but right now, I can't stand to look at you either, so please leave with Willow."

I saw the hurt flash across Willow's face, she didn't want to go, hell, she didn't even plan to move. It wasn't until Xander pretty much forced her to move that she did. She was in shock from what I told her, and she would have to deal with it herself. I wasn't about to coddle HER on HER issues over what had been done to ME.

Chapter 18:

Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews, I love them, they keep me writing. Also a great thanks to Natalie Elizabeth for taking over beta-ing from my friend here. Silver is the best Site Momma ever and her little Elves are great for the help. Keep it up, we wouldn't be here without you. Thanks again, now on with the story. :)

I walked out of the kitchen, heading up to my room, not even waiting to see that Willow and Xander had left. I skipped my room and instead took a long, scalding shower, scrubbing my skin until it was raw. I hadn't done that in some time, Willow and Xander coming had resurfaced all those memories. After I had made all of my skin red, I slumped against the wall, sliding down to the floor of the tub, much like I had when I was in the kitchen after Willow had called. I curled my arms around my upraised knees. I sat there, not even noticing when the water started to run cold.

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Finals week was fast approaching, Tara and Will were both working the night I went to the library to research my psych paper. Since midterms, my marks had stayed fairly steady, the whole confrontation from last week had shaken me slightly, distracting me from focusing on my finals, which simply pissed me off because I had no reason to feel guilty about any of it.

I had dozed off in the library at some point in the evening. It was after two am and the librarian was coughing loudly at me. I woke with a start and groaned. I looked into the angry eyes and quickly grabbed the books I was using as well as my notepad. I made my way out of the building, I reached the doors to the quad, but they were locked. "Shit," I rolled my eyes and headed to the main door. I had forgotten they locked those doors because there was access to the dorms through the building. The administration didn't want to have strange people wandering in in the middle of the night.

I hated having to use the other entrance, it was further away from home, a longer walk, and being half asleep already, I wasn't in the mood for a longer walk.

I made it to the doors and started on my way home, I wasn't fully awake until the cool night air hit me. I breathed in the refreshing scent and began the walk. I had only made it back around to the set of doors that led from the library to the quad when I could swear I was being followed. I shook of the feeling and picked up my pace, hoping I was wrong, yet also hoping that I wasn't in serious trouble.

I was walking on the deserted street towards home when someone grabbed me from behind. Instinctively I kicked behind me and tried to scream but a hand on my mouth stopped the sound from escaping. I bit the hand and when the person let go I turned. At the same time I turned, my attacker had moved to knock me unconcious, but his fist instead connected with left my cheek and eye area.

I didn't grab my eye, I saw Parker's face, through the blood that was beginning to cloud my vision and knew he was trying to hurt me again. I shut my emotions off and quickly used what I had learned from self-defense and the power I had gained from releasing tension on the bag. I let go and immediately kneed him in the groin, he doubled over. I didn't stay to see what was going to happen next and instead grabbed my bag once more and fled. I ran back into the building I had just left as it was closer than anything else.

I ran up the stairs to the dorms, I ran towards the room I had shared with Willow without thought. I knocked on the door and was met with a tall brunette's. "Hi, oh, god, what happened? Are you okay?" She asked in a voice that was too sugary sweet.

"Willow?" I asked, blinking to try and clear my eye of the blood that had clouded my vision.

"Buffy?" She got off her bed and pushed past the brunette. "Why are you bleeding? What happened?" Willow was panicking, it was a little disconcerting, I was dizzy from the wound on my head making me think Parker may have had something on his hand when he hit me.

"Can I come in? Please?" I asked.

"Of course." Willow moved an allowed me to pass, I headed straight into the bathroom to clean my wound. I looked into the mirror, seeing blood still running down the left side of my face from a cut above my eyebrow. I had blood in my eye, and it had dripped down onto my top. I looked at it and it was deep, he must have been wearing a ring, maybe two. I wiped my face, clearing it of blood. The cut continued to leak blood, it would need stitches. I put a piece of gauze on it and taped in place until I could head over to the hospital. I walked back into the main dorm room and Willow was alone.

"Buffy, what happened?" Willow was worried. I looked at her, there was worry there, but guilt also, none of the things that had been in her expression the last time I had looked into her eyes.

"Um, Parker, he," I touched the bandage, "he attacked me just off the quad, I was heading home, I had fallen asleep at the library and I was heading home. He grabbed me from behind, but I’ve been taking some self-defense stuff, um, I need to go to the hospital, do you think you could walk with me, or drive over there?"

"Yeah," she nodded, grabbing her coat.

I followed her out the door, we knocked on Xander's door and he drove us to the hospital. I walked in and signed in at the desk, Tara was on and she saw me, immediately coming over to my side.

"Shit, what happened?" She took the bandage off, inspecting the cut before leading me over to a bed to wait for stitches.

"Parker." I replied simply. "Get the cops kay? Could you call Will too?"

"Of course sweetie. I'll be back." She rushed off the get the doctor and make the calls. I sat alone in the room until Dr. Anderson came in to stitch me up.

"That's a nasty cut, you gonna be okay for work tomorrow?" She smiled joking.

"If I survive my philosophy test I should." I smiled back. Dr. Anderson had been the one who had taken care of me after I was found.

"Major yuck there." She smiled and finished up the work. "The cops are here, they want to talk to you."

"It's okay if we talk in here?" I asked.

"The room is yours as long as you need it."

The police entered, I spoke with them for over an hour. Relaying all the details I remembered, three times. Each time telling the exact same details. I sat in the room, after they left, I didn't really feel like seeing anyone right now, not Willow, not even Tara. I sat there, staring out the window, hoping that I would finally be rid of him, though knowing a simple assault charge would not have him gone for long, not with his father's money anyway.

I looked away from the window when I heard the door handle move. I breathed deeply, preparing myself to face Willow most likely. I turned and found Will standing in his work uniform. "You are going to have a black eye." He grinned.

"Yeah, battle scar above my eyebrow too, if it had been lower, we'd match." I joked.

"Hey, I did say you could probably beat him up didn't I?" He grinned, getting a laugh out of me.

Will smiled and we sat there in a comfortable silence, neither of us feeling as though we had to fill that void. We finally left the room, I noticed Willow and Xander still sitting in the waiting room. I left Will so I could speak with them.

"Buffy, you are okay?" Willow asked, guilt firmly plastered on her features.

"I'll be fine. Thank you for earlier and bringing me here." I said with little preamble, and no room to further the conversation at this point beyond goodbye.

"Buffy, could we talk?" Willow look almost as if she were ready to beg.

"No, not now. It's after three am, I'm tired, I have a final in philosophy tomorrow, and I have to try and sleep tonight. I can't talk right now, we will though." I replied. "You've been my friend for a long time, but right now, the feelings are still too raw, and I have too much going on right now."

"Promise we'll talk?" She asked.

"We will." I nodded, we bade each other goodnight, and I left with Will and Tara who had waited for us to walk home with. I was silent the entire walk, Tara said goodnight to us both before heading to her own room for the night, trying to rest before the test as well.

"So, you alright now, not going to have the baddies join you in the dreams?" Will asked.

"I hope not." I sighed as I drank the hot chocolate he had made.

"Well, I should probably be heading out, have a test in a few hours don't we?" he groaned.

"Will?" I asked as he had reached the door.

"Yeah love?" He asked returning to the kitchen table where I was seated.

"Could you stay, at least until I fall asleep?" I pleaded with him much like I had the night of our first real encounter.

"Sure love." He nodded. I led him to my room and gave him blankets. I curled up in bed, having changed into my pajamas in the bathroom. Will was in his shirt and boxers, under the blankets I had given him. I reached over the side of the bed, searching for him. He took my hand and held it. We shared a look, telling many things with no words. He was there for me and I was grateful, no one had ever been as supportive of me as he had. I gave him a weak smile before I drifted off. Will and I held hands all through the night, him giving comfort and me allowing it to keep the nightmares of what could have happened at bay.

Chapter 19:

Will was still there holding my hand when I woke up, he had been awake for a while, but he didn't want to move and wake me. I smiled shyly at him and we went on with our day. The beginning of finals week started that day with philosophy. I worked on my psych paper, finishing it that night, and turning it in to the teacher the next day.

With finals finally over, I had a month of no school, just getting to be a regular college girl on summer vacation. That is until a week after when Willow decided I had had enough time to deal with finals and I should talk to her.

I met her for coffee at the Espresso pump and we did the small talk thing. I stayed away from anything other than that as it was inappropriate to discuss a rape in that setting. She had attempted to bring it up when we were driving to the movie theater, but I didn't want to discuss it with her yet. I had to work that night and I left right after the movie.

I didn't see Willow for two days after that. Tara and Will had dragged me to the beach with a bunch of the other students from our psych class to celebrate the end of the term. I stayed in as much clothing as possible on a beach, a tank top and shorts that were a little on the longer side. I was still very self-conscious about the marks that would always remain marring my skin. I did have fun though, we partied. Everyone played volleyball and had a cookout. We were just getting ready to have a bon fire before some of the guys were going to light some fireworks when Willow walked over.

"Buffy can I please talk to you for a minute?"

I followed her away from the group, "I didn't know you'd be here, is Xand with you?" I asked still a little annoyed at the intrusion. I was having fun, a little forgetting for a time about the whole thing, and Willow's face told me she was ready to demand answers here and now.

"Buffy, why are you here? How can you seem all carefree with what happened to you?" She looked hurt, confused and scared.

"I'm here because I need to be." I replied. "I am enjoying the fact that I am done school for a month, and I am not dead, or worse, still there, I'm enjoying my friends and having fun."

"Am I not your friend?" She asked a pained look on her face.

"Oh, god, Willow." I nearly screamed.

Will headed over toward us, having heard my frustrated yell. "Everything alright love?" He asked putting a reassuring arm on the small of my back.

"Yeah, I'm fine, go back to them, I'll see you in a bit kay?" I nodded to him, reassuring him that I was fine, and that I could handle Willow.

"Sure love, just give a shout if you need anything." He smiled and headed back to them. I turned my attention back to Willow.

"Why Buffy?"

"Because they were here." I replied, no preamble, no sugar coating. "I met him because of you, and I realize you had no idea what he would do, but in a way, I still see it as you being the one that introduced him to me. I'm sorry if you think I should be at home alone sulking and crying in my room. I did that, why do you think the dorm was empty. I destroyed my side, had a hard time not to take your innocent little things with it when I went on my rampage. I wasn't about to steal your innocent little life when mine was completely screwed over, I thought that it would be rude and mean, so just allow me my own time to work what I have against you out on my own. I don't need to be pressured, and frankly I need to be here, without you. I have done the poor me part of this, I have done the hiding part, hell I've even tried doing the 'I'll tell you everything but only because I'm seeing it as what happened to someone else'. I have been in denial, I have moved past that part of this hell. I have scars that will be a part of me forever, emotional ones, and physical ones unless I get plastic surgery." I sat down on a bench, Willow following my lead.

"I was raped, he kidnapped me and he raped me. Is that what you want to know? Or is it the details you want like the fact that he drugged me and I came to being raped, dry, I bled for hours after he would finish, he burned my flesh, he carved things into my skin to make sure I was branded, that this would stay with me forever. Willow, I forgive the fact that you left not saying goodbye, and deep down I know I can't blame you for what happened and I don't, not really. The only thing is right now, I feel incredibly betrayed simply because you didn't bother to call and see how I was, you didn't send a postcard saying how you were. You left me here alone all summer, I tried calling the camp, I had nightmares, I wanted to talk, you were not around any of the times I called and you didn't return the messages I left. I feel betrayed because you claim to be my best friend, but you need me to comfort you about what happened to me. I can't change the past, and I don't really want to. Tara and Will have been there since the night Will rescued me. They saw what he did, they have an understanding of it that you won't be able to, and that's fine, just let it go. I have to do these things, move forward in life, I can't dwell on it, I did, for a time and I nearly killed myself not eating, not sleeping, but I had people here and they saw what I was doing and I got better."

"Buffy how can you say you don't blame me, and you forgive me, you are being all high and mighty, why, you think you're the only one this sort of thing has happened to. Lots of people go through it and they tell their best friends, or they don't and they still seek comfort from their best friends, but you're pushing me out. We know each other, we know every little thing, you should be at the dorm with me, sharing this experience and healing, letting me help you heal."

"Willow, I know you want to help, and I appreciate it. I love that you are here, trying to get me to open up about it. It shows some caring. I just can't be that person for you again. I can't let you mother me. I'm not a child, cookies won't make this better, not like a first break-up, or a fight with my parents. Willow, I have healed, I'm still healing, I won't ever be truly fixed, I know that. I'm kinda glad I'm not that girl anymore. I have to face adult issues, live my own life, I grew up Wills, and I don't want you to think I'm leaving you behind because I am really not. I want to be friends again, but we both have things we need to work out before that can happen. I don't want you to have to hear everything, it'll make you grow up faster than anyone should be forced to. If you want to know some of it, go to a group thing that Mr. Giles holds every Thursday I think it is, I went before, but I was still hiding then. I'll come with you and you can see some of that world if you really want to, but trust me, until you see it first hand, see the person after the fact, and I mean right after the fact, it's harder to understand. The truth is, I don't want you to have to."

"I just want to know what's going on with you." She pleaded.

"I'll come with you to group, and I'll talk to you, but let me think about how much please?" I asked.

"Thursday?" She asked.

"Yeah, I promise, I'll let you in, but you have to understand it's not a place you really want to be."

We spoke a little more, and I asked if she and Xander wanted to join us for the bonfire, dinner, and fireworks. They agreed, and spoke with a few of the classmates they knew. I avoided them for the remainder of the night having had my fill of sharing for the time being.

"How was the talk with Red love?" Will asked when I joined him at the barbecue, he was being one of the chefs for the night.

I took his beer out of his hands and had a large gulp before returning it to him. "She thinks she wants to know, why would anyone want to know what that was like. I don't even want to know and I'm the one it happened to."

"She's your friend Buffy, she cares for you, she wants to help you, understanding what happened, or at least knowing to a degree what happened will allow her to understand the motivation for your current behavior which I'd wager is different that when she left for her little summer camp." He explained while watching the meat sizzle, hiding his own gaze from me.

"You probably kicked my ass on the psych paper." I glared jokingly at him, poking him in the ribs to get him to look at me. He squirmed and I grinned at a new knowledge. "Is someone ticklish?" I grinned evilly, advancing towards him. He took off running down the beach away from the group. I gave chase, having fun, enjoying the break from all parts and seriousness life forced upon me.

Will allowed me to catch up to him, only to scoop me up into his arms, fling me over his shoulder and head for the now cooler water. "Oh, you wouldn't dare." The sun had set taking it's warming rays away from the water, drastically changing the temperature.

"Wouldn't I?" he asked, pulling me to face him before he flung me further out into the water. I glared at him before I landed in the cool liquid, causing a splash to resonate through what had been calm water.

I resurfaced and glared, diving under the water once again, I used the strength I had gained and pulled him under by his legs. He held onto me when he was submerged. We surface together, holding onto eachother. I looked at him, he was soaking wet, his hair was mussed and his muscular frame could be seen through the wet white tanktop he was wearing. I suddenly became aware that I was in a very strong mans arms. I liked the feeling of his strength holding me to him, I liked him.

Our eyes met and we separated, knowing that we should head back. I didn't want to completely lose the contact of the strength that I had found in Will, so I shyly kept my hand in his. He smiled and allowed the contact to remain, enjoying it as much as I was. Our impromptu game of tag had gone on longer than we thought because the fireworks were going off when we returned to the group. Tara smiled at me with a raised eyebrow at the hand holding, but her eyes held that look that said 'we are so going to be discussing that later'. I blushed and nodded, wanting to talk to her about it as well.

Most of the group was staying at the beach camping, I asked Will to take me home. I was enjoying celebrating, but I wasn't comfortable out in the open at night with no real walls around to protect me, and keep others from hearing the odd scream that sometimes still woke me once in a while. Will and I drove in silence, enjoying it as it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable.

He walked me to the door, like a gentleman would after a date. I grinned at how he was being very sweet after our game. "You want to come in and watch some T.V, I'm not really all that tired now?" I asked.

"Sure," he nodded, we made popcorn and settled in to watch an old movie that was just starting on T.V. I sat on the couch and laughed as Will sat a respectable distance away, whenever we had watched these old movies we usually sat together with my head on his shoulder.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked, grinning at his blush.

"Nope, why?" he responded shrugging as if nothing were out of the ordinary. I grinned and moved beside him, curling up next to him as we always did. The movie was a long one and I was falling asleep not ten minutes into it. I woke up from zoning out when Will lifted me into his arms and was carrying me to my room.

"What are you doing?" I asked, still half asleep.

"You can't keep your eyes open I'm taking you up to bed."

"Oh, okay," I nodded, curling into him once more.

Will put me under my covers and stood watching me for a moment. I opened my eyes and caught him, causing him to blush. I held out my hand and he took it, sitting on the edge of the bed. I pulled him down beside me, "I had fun today." I kissed his cheek, shocking him, but not in a bad way.

"Me too love." He had this goofy grin on his face.

"You can stay on the couch if you want, that way you don't have to drive home, it is kinda late."

"It is," he nodded.

"Or, you could hold me until I fall asleep." I replied, still holding his hand from when I had pulled him down beside me.

"May I?" He asked, becoming some sort of shy little boy that seemed to both fit him and not fit him at the same time.

"I feel safe in your arms." I nodded, already falling asleep once more.

"Then I'll keep you safe." He replied to my sleeping form as he spooned behind me. "For as long as I can."

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