Restitution
by Limerickgirl

Chapter Four - Revelations


Willow's having one of her favourite dreams. She's back in high-school, in Chemistry class, and they've just been told they have a new teacher. Her breath catches in her throat as Tara walks into the classroom, her white lab coat fitting her beautiful form ever so nicely, her soft and wonderful eyes resting instantly on Willow, as if she's the only girl there. Her books are out and her bunson burner is on! And look at that, Tara is coming her way... Must. Look. Busy. Don't want to be too obvious. Oh, could always pull the old dropping-the-pencil routine. Willow smirks as she elbows the pencil in question and it falls to the floor. Ah, Tara falls for it and slowly swoops down to collect it up for her, and as she does Willow leans forward to smell the beautiful frangrance of Tara's hair. She peeks over her shoulder to see the wonderful curves of her face and as Tara turns to look at Willow, both girls eye to eye, getting closer and closer.... the bell rings.

And rings.

And rings again...

"Oh honey would you get that? It's on your side." Tara says groggily before she checks the clock, only to find that it's 3 AM.

Willow groans and grabs the phone, nearly disengaging it again, and knocks herself on the temple with it. "Ow."

"Willow? You have to get up!"

"Mmmm-hmmm." The caller is then treated to a symphony of snores.

Drastic measures are in order. "Willow they're hurting the puppies!!"

"What?? Don't hurt the puppies!!" Heh. That got her attention.

"Oh my god. I need you to do a spell. I can't find Spike."

"Buffy? Oh honey, sorry. Did I oversleep?"

Tara rubs Willow's back gently and whispers, "It's 3 AM."

"No, you didn't... a-and I'm sorry for phoning you so late, or early, or, you know what I mean. I went to see Spike tonight, and he's gone! And I mean GONE, gone, you know? His crypt is totally cleared out. And I've checked Willy's and a few other places... and I can't find him. Can you do a locator spell? I just need to know where he is, and then I can go home."

Willow sighs heavily into the phone. "C'mon over Buffy. It's no problem."

~~*~~

"Why would he leave? I mean, I would have been around more if it hadn't been for the barrier. He most know that right?"

"Maybe he just needed a change of scenery, Buffy. It happens sometimes when people get stressed. They need a change."

"Yeah, just like Reilly needed a change of scenery. And Angel. God, why do I keep doing this?" Buffy hangs her head and turns away from Willow and Tara. Everything is suddenly becoming so clear. "I can't keep pushing people away. I..." she pauses, "I. push. people. away. And I can't do it anymore. It's like, this is my deal, this whole Slayer gig, and nobody else could possibly know what my life is like, so why bother even trying to let them in? And that's so wrong." Buffy walks to the bed and sits down on the corner. "You know, I once told Spike he was beneath me. I told him the only chance he'd ever have with me was if I was unconscious. I practically spat that in his face, and yet, he still came back for more."

Willow and Tara sit on either side of her then, and listen.

"You remember that night they took my Mom in for a catscan? This is before the whole chaining-me-up-in-the-dungeon thing. That was the when that big ugly Iron Maiden reject Vampire got me with my own stake. I went out with Spike and asked him about the other slayers; the two he'd killed, because I needed to know why I got hurt, and how they died."

Willow and Tara each take one of Buffy's hands and continue to listen.

"Spike opened up to me and told me things I'm sure he'd never impart to another human. He made me see that there was so much more to this game than biting and blood and stakes and crosses. He called it 'the Dance', said we'd been dancing all along." Buffy smiles as she recalls the conversation. Her expression turns to one of sadness again rather quickly. "He told me that one day, when I was looking for death, he'd slip in, and have himself a real. good. day." She emphasizes those last three words. "And I got so angry, because I realized at some point during the evening, that if it meant one of us was taken out of the picture, which of course would obviously be him, because let's face it, I've got him beat," Willow and Tara both nod their heads vigorously in agreement, "then I didn't want to dance that dance anymore." Buffy lets go of their hands and rubs her face; smoothes back her hair. "He tried to kiss me that night. Well, at least I'm sure he wanted to. Oh my god... the way he looked at me. He absolutely floored me, and if I could have stepped out of my world for just a few minutes I would have dove right in. But, instead, as per usual... I knocked him down and beat him with words." She sniffles a bit. "He can take the punches, and the kicks, you know? He can take whatever physical blows you wanna dish out, but I beat him without hardly lifting a finger. I put him down so low with what I said, and I'll never forget his face. I swear I heard him crying when I walked away."

Tara and Willow each grab a hand again as Buffy lets the tears fall. "You see, the thing that really stung me after that was, he came back to my house later that night…" she chuckles grimly at the memory, "Oh, he was SO gonna kill me. I had hurt him so badly. But when he saw me out on the porch, crying? He asked me what was wrong, and if there was *sniffle* anything he could do." Buffy wipes at her eyes then, annoyed with herself for being such an idiot. "He just sat there with me, didn't say a word. Gave me a soft pat on the back here and there, and just kept me company."

Willow glances over at Tara then and her expression is at first one of surprise, as if she's been given a glimpse at a side of the Big Bad they've never seen. Soon though it turns to understanding and Tara nods as if this is something she's known all along. Together the witches put a comforting arm around the Slayer.

"I'd say it's high time for a locator spell." Willow chirps enthusiastically.

"Oh, thanks guys. I don't know what I'd do without you. I just need to know that he's around, you know? Then I can sleep." Buffy hands Willow the candle from the crypt and sits back down on the edge of the bed as Tara and Willow work their spell.

"Well, he's in Sunnydale."

Buffy breathes a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank god… where?"

"Looks like Harmony's old neck of the woods." Willow says that just a little too casually.

"Harmony? As in 'Come-Bite-Me Barbie'?" Ooh, now there's a bitter pill.

"Hey now, doesn't mean Spike's getting all shackety-uppy with bleached-bitch. Looks like he's just sortof in the region. 'Course, never can be 100% accurate with this spell. But it's pretty safe to say that he's in like, a mile radius. I mean, once I have this spell perfected we'll be able to nail people down to the millimeter, but till then, this is as good as I can give ya."

Tara giggles. "Come-Bite-Me-Barbie." She tries to hold it in, but another giggle escapes and Willow leans towards her and whispers that the subject of the funky name is Spike's ex. "Oh!"

Just as Buffy's about to make another surefire stellar comment about Harmony, Tara lets go an outright laugh, eliciting questioning glances from the others.

"Spill," Buffy says reluctantly.

"Well, I was thinking, if she's Come-Bite-Me Barbie, what does that make him?"

"Come-Stake-Me Ken?"

"Don't-Dust-Me Ken!"

"Crypt and crappy car sold separately."

"Guys!! Shut up!!" Buffy manages through the giggles. "I'm trying for broody here!" But oh, does it ever feel good to laugh. And sure, at least she knows that Spike's still around.

"We're sorry Buffy… sleep deprivation. Does things to the human brain. I can't be held responsible for my crazy chatter at 4:30 in the morning."

"Oh my god is that the time?? Oh I'm so sorry! I'll split." Buffy gets up off the floor and gives Tara a warm embrace. "Thank you," she says with a grateful smile. She hugs Willow with even more intensity and when she pulls away her smile alone is worth a thousand 'thank you's.

"That Harmony is gonna feel my wrath." Buffy just has to field the thought.

"That Harmony is long gone, I'm sure. Last I heard she was down in LA making trouble for Angel and Cordy."

Angel and Cordy. That's an awfully cushy phrase. Sounds eerily OK when said in a familiar, banterish sort of way. Doesn't bother her like it used to.

"Goodnight and morning you guys. Go back to sleep. I'll go searching for the wayward vamp in the morning."

"Nighty night Buffy." The witches watch as Buffy walks away, somewhat renewed in spirit compared to when she arrived.

"That girl is making progress." Willow says affectionately.

Tara sighs and snakes an arm around Willow's waist, urging her back towards their bed. "She's learning that she doesn't have to be alone in all of this. Being the Chosen One shouldn't stop her from living."

"Right you are Miss McClay," Willow says with a saucy wink, eliciting a wicked giggle from Tara.

~~*~~

'Hello, you've reached Xander's {And Anya's!} place… we can't come to the phone right now, because we're too busy fighting the forces of evil, {or quite possibly having sex!}, Anya! Now I'm gonna have to re-record this!! {Oh leave it; it's fine… I mean, we have se… *muffled protest* } Anyway, leave your name and number and we'll get back to you. Thanks!' Beeeeep.

"Xander? Pick up! It's like, 9:15 am. I mean, that's not too early! You guys are up, right? Hello? Xander?" Buffy taps her fingers impatiently on the desk. "Anya?? Are you there? Get off Xander and pick up the phone!!"

Xander and Anya, remarkably, snore enough for a hundred people. They've worn themselves out, for once, and Buffy's voice is but a fleeting whisper across a giant, still ocean of silence.

"Alright then, Scooby meeting!" Buffy looks at the clock again, need time to find the vamp, she thinks, "…at 6, Magic Box! See you there…"

~~*~~

'Hello…'

"Giles?? Oh good, listen…"

"Shit!! Oh, crap, did that record? Oh, whew, isn't done yet."

'After the tone, if you'd be so kind as to leave me your name and number…' Giles goes on, and on…

"Giles, we have to… *tisk* shit!"

And on…

'Thank you, and do call again.'

"Giles, we, ah shit!"

Beeeeeep!

"Note to Giles!! Record a shorter message! I coulda knit a sweater while I waited for it to finish! Now… it's about Spike, you see, he…"

Click!

"Shit!!!"

~~*~~

As he walks through the cemetery, Giles contemplates his objectives for this morning. He's going to check up on everyone's favourite vampire, see how he's progressing. He wonders if he should attempt to 'return' the poetry to it's rightful owner, but in all fairness, he's not entirely sure who that should be. Obviously they were written by Spike. That much is clear. But just as obvious is their intended recipient. If Spike were to find them back in his crypt, would that mean Giles has inadvertently goofed, and given Spike the mistaken message that his poetry was rejected?

As he approaches the crypt he lightly pats his jacket pocket, containing the poems, and stops… shakes his head and wonders what on earth he's gotten himself into. He quickly zips the pocket shut and boldly enters the crypt… to find it completely empty.

"Good lord."

"That's what I said."

Giles turns quickly to find Buffy in the doorway…

"Well, those weren't my exact words. But I was shocked."

"Buffy, do you know where he is? He must have left in the night."

"Looks like he left a couple days ago. I mean, nobody's really been around to check up on him, have they? Anyway, I had Willow and Tara do a locator spell. Seems he's now taking up residence on the other side of town."

"What, the mansion?"

"Nope… the Harmony side of town actually. I was just about to head out there now."

Giles' slightly cringes when he thinks about the Slayer visiting Spike. He's still a little wigged by the whole poetry thing, and not quite as ready to deal with it as he thought. "Perhaps I should go and speak to him first."

"You'd have to find him to speak to him Giles. And I want to find him too; so any speakage? It's coming from both of us."

"Right. It's just… Well, I just thought, …" Giles decides to throw a thought on the table and see what Buffy says. "He seemed so beaten, before… and you know how he is, well with the whole pride issue, especially when you're around."

Buffy glows a little at the thought, but then remembers that really, the last words he said to her were, 'Leave me alone.' So she's really not sure what Giles is getting at, because maybe Spike really doesn't want her around anyway. She feels a wave of heartache at the possibility.

All too quickly, Buffy loses her resolve. "Maybe you're right. I just… well can you just let him know that I was asking about him? T-tell him I'll uh, drop by for patrol tonight. Would you do that for me?"

As Giles watches her he sees a range of emotions play across her face, and part of him feels as if he's interfering in something more than just a possibly mutual casual attraction. He can't help but wonder if there's more to Buffy's concern for Spike. Maybe she wouldn't reject his poetry at all, he thinks… and as it did before, he finds the thought scares him, more than just a little.

Giles gives Buffy's arm a delicate squeeze and he looks at her with a fatherly gaze. "I'll tell him."

The pair leaves the crypt, each casting a glance back as they get further away, each missing the vampire in their own way, although Giles would never admit it.

"Oh, by the way… I tried to call you this morning. We need to have a Scooby huddle. I tried to leave you a message but your machine pooped out before I could finish. And hey, you just gotta record another greeting on your machine."

"Oh? I rather liked my personal greeting. I sound welcoming and appreciative. Good lord, have you heard Xander's? Mine is infinitely better."

"Giles I could have knit a sweater waiting for that thing to finish. Geeze, were you reading from a script? Do all British people leave long messages like that? It's like, 'Hi! I'd love to chat, but I'm not here, although, stay in your seat cuz I'm gonna bore you to death with my greeting!' And yes, I heard Xander's too. You'd think they'd be up this time of the morning!"

"Lord knows what they're up to." No, mustn't go there, he thinks… Images! Images! Crikie!

~~*~~

Giles decides to start with Harmony's lair in his search for Spike, and is rewarded when he sees the old DeSoto parked off in the woods nearby. Perhaps this won't take long at all, he figures. He quietly enters the lair and sees the huge table and chairs that Spike must have used ages back. He wonders if he wrote poetry when he was with Harmony and quickly chastises himself. Of course he wouldn't write the bimbo poetry. Only Buffy would deserve such an outpouring of emotion… and good god, where are these thoughts coming from?? Quickly he shelves anymore thoughts about poetry and Buffy.

There, at the far side of the lair, is a huge bed. In the darkness he can make out the shape of a person. Must be Spike. Slowly he walks over, not wanting to wake him, and as his eyes adjust better to the dim light he sees that a fully clothed Spike is lying very awkwardly. He notices a bedspring sticking out of the mattress behind Spike's back, and another by his chest. In fact, the entire mattress is an absolute disaster, and it's a wonder that Spike can sleep at all on such a thing.

As he inspects the vampire a little closer, he notices that Spike is clutching what looks like a small piece of paper. He's grasping it with such intensity, and if the expression on his face is any indication, as if he couldn't be without it. Giles cranes his neck a little to see what it is and as he bends down further he's startled by a sudden hand to his throat.

"Gah! Spike… let go!"

"Watcher? What the bleedin' 'ell are you doin' here? And hoverin' so bloody close to me too? Coulda snapped you in two if I wasn't payin' attention." Spike sounds thoroughly pissed. "And how the heck did you find me? Wasn't plannin' on tellin' any of you lot about the move…" He releases the Watcher then and sits up, hissing in pain when he nicks his thigh on one of the pointier springs.

"What's going on Spike? Why shouldn't we know where to find you? What if Buffy needs you? Or any of us for that matter? You can't just give up helping Buffy with patrolling you know, she appreciates your help. As do I."

"Slayer's just fine without me. And I'm doing my part; so don't go getting your togs in a tangle. I've been taking out my fair share of nasties."

"Yes, well, Buffy did say there's been a marked decrease in the so-called nasties of late. I just don't understand why you'd leave your crypt and not tell anyone. Surely you didn't want anyone to worry about you?"

Spike just can't let that comment by without a bitter laugh. "Worry? About me? You must be off your bird, mate. What's this all about? I thought you in particular would be jumping for joy at the prospects of me pushing off."

Do you see me jumping? "Of course not Spike. Much as I hate to admit it, you've earned a place among us. Your actions at the tower…"

"Were weak, and pathetic and completely fucked up. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to be left alone. Need my sleep, right? Got things to be doin' tonight. Lots of important things. Lots of things that don't involve you, or the Scoobies, or… or Dawn… and certainly not the Slayer." Actually gonna be playing kitten poker with Clem, but like I'd tell you that Rupert…

As Spike adjusts himself on the mattress he puts his hand down for support as he shifts. It happens to be the hand holding the picture. Giles thinks at that moment, as he looks at the image of Buffy, that if he could spare an ounce of compassion for anyone, it should be for Spike. As much as he refused to believe that soulless vampires could have any feelings at all, this one certainly proves otherwise. Perhaps it is simply the fact that Spike is unique among his kind. Wouldn't the council have a field day with this creature?

"Can I tell Buffy you'll patrol with her tonight? She was asking after you when I saw her earlier."

Well, that was unexpected. Spike clutches the picture even tighter. "Well, I guess I could get to doin' my own thing after. Not like it's gonna get up and crawl away." Actually… he pictures a basketful of kittens indeed crawling all over the lair, but he could put the game off for a little while.

"Tell her I'll meet her at the docks. We can start there." And we'll stay the bloody hell away from my old neck of the woods, thank you very much.

"Right. Well, I'll let you back to your…" he points at the torn up old bed, "…sleep. How do you manage on that thing? It's in shreds."

"Manage just fine, mate." Spike sticks out his chin in the old challenging manner. "Sleep like the dead on this baby." Spike rolls his eyes at the poor wordplay. As does Giles.

"Look, push off, will you? Let a fella get some shut-eye."

Giles gives him an awkward smile, and as he walks away he wishes that there was something he could do to make things even a little bit easier for the reluctant ally.

He turns around before he clears the entrance… "Spike, is there anything I can do for you? Anything you need?"

He hears a resounding "Piss off!!" and chuckles as he walks away.

~~*~~

Buffy's been pacing back and forth in her room for over an hour, wondering what Giles has discovered in his search for Spike. She wants so much to be able to talk to him, and let him know that she's there for him, and she's pissed off that she let Giles take the wind out her sails like that. She should have stood her ground and went after Spike herself.

Still, she has another task that she really needs to see to, something she's been considering since seeing Willow and Tara last night, and if she's completely honest with herself, something she considered during the de-invite too. She'd really love to ask Angel about Spike, see if there's anything he could offer her that would help get through to him in some way. She swallows her anxiety a little and walks over to her phone.

Buffy feels the familiar butterflies as she dials Angel's number, only this time, it's for an entirely different reason. This time, instead of whispering her regrets at how life has dealt them such an unfair lot, she's secretly telling her first love 'goodbye'. Whatever happens with Spike, everything has changed now, and she can't hold on to a thread of hope that Angel will one day be free to love her completely. She doesn't want that anymore, and admitting that, while painful, is one of the most liberating inner confessions she's ever had.

Plus, if she can snag a few pointers on netting herself a certain bleached vampire, she figures that's a bonus!

Seems like an eternity as she waits for someone to answer. C'mon people, can't be half as busy in LA as it is in Sunnydale… I mean, we got you beat for the nasties, hands down!

"Angel Investigations, Wesley speaking."

"Wesley? Uh, hi! It's Buffy… I need to speak to Angel. Can you wake him up for me?"

"Hello Buffy, well, he's having lunch with Cordelia actually, can I get him to ring you back?"

"Just get him Wesley."

"Alright. Just a minute."

Ages pass by and if she was to tally up her record for successful phone calls for today, this one will most certainly be added, making today an all around stinker, phone-wise.

She hears the usual scuffley noises as someone, Angel, she hopes, picks up the phone.

"Buffy? What's up? Everything OK?" Well he sounds the same as always…

"Angel. H-how are you? Sorry to interrupt your lunch." Liar, liar, she fumbles a bit, because even though she played this over and over in her mind, her well rehearsed lines have suddenly taken an all expenses paid trip to amnesia, complete with her reserves of nerve and tact. "… lunch with Cordelia." She gives the name a little more emphasis than needed.

"Yes, Cordelia." She can practically hear him roll his eyes. "Is there something wrong? Is it Dawn?"

"Dawn's fine." Oh this is gonna be tough. "Look, here's the deal. We're having some trouble with Spike."

"Bastard!! What's he done now?? I told you he was bad news Buffy, but you wouldn't listen."

"Are you quite finished with the tirade, because I'd like to get on with the issues."

Silence.

"OK, see, remember the whole Glory deal? Well, Spike helped us out. A lot. And Glory beat the unliving shit out of him, and he totally protected Dawn… and she was tied up on this tower, and… and…"

"Buffy, slow down. OK So Spike helped. Which is… interesting. Go on…"

"Well, anyway, there was the tower, and Spike went to rescue Dawn, and he kinda got launched off the thing by this snake doctor, or some snake who looked like a doctor, or a doctor who was a snake? I'm a little fuzzy. Anyway… ever since he's been so down. I mean, lower than low. And he doesn't even want to patrol with me really anymore, and see… I need him to, I mean, well, I don't need him to obviously, but…" Somebody stop me!

Angel senses a little too much emotion in her voice for comfort, and he stops her right there. "Since when do you care whether Spike's a happy camper or not? I mean, what difference does it make whether he's up or down?"

"I care, alright? Things are different now."

"Spike will never change."

"But he has changed. You haven't seen him, Angel. He's done so much good, and we need to help him."

"Why do I sense that there's a little more to this call than a bit of concern for Spike's fragile state of mind? I mean, Buffy, he's a ruthless killer. I know this. So should you."

"He's not anymore. He's so much more." She whispers this and Angel feels a sudden wave of anger.

"Oh. My. God."

"What?? Oh my god what?? Geeze, Dawn does that!! What??"

"You have feelings for him," Angel says with a tinge of disgust.

OK. This was what she's sure she didn't want to get into, much, but since they've reached this low there's only one place to go, and that's up.

"Look, I don't expect you to understand, but I thought you could maybe help. Guess I was wrong."

"Why would I want to help him? I've got my own things to worry about."

"I'm in love with him."

Silence.

Buffy holds the phone away from her ear, waiting for the inevitable shouting part of the conversation, but it doesn't come.

"Well," Angel hesitates, "that was unexpected." She hears him release an awfully deep unneeded breath and feels just a little bit bad.

"Angel. I don't want an argument. I don't want us to be odd with each other because of this."

"Well, sorry Buffy, but feeling really odd here! I mean, he hasn't got a soul."

"Yes, I noticed that. Amazing isn't it? How he can do so much good without a soul?" That was a bit of a low blow.

"I should get back to Cordy."

"Oh right, run back to Cordy. Better than having a real conversation with me. I mean, when did you start having lunch with Cordelia anyway? Is this a new thing?" Oh, that was SO lame.

"Oh, don't start! You tell me you're in love with Spike, and then you razz me on my choice of lunch companion? Hello! Not the issue."

"I don't care if you have lunch with Cordy, or Pamela Lee, or the whole freaking cheerleading squad of the Dallas Cowboys! Got it? I'm calling because I need your help. You do whatever you want. And whoever, for that matter."

"I'm in love with her."

Suddenly it's Buffy's turn to be silent.

"Did you hear me Buffy? I'm in love with her." There now, how'd ya like them eggs?

"I heard you." Buffy can't help it, but for some strange reason, her reaction is not what she expects. Hearing this from Angel hasn't jarred her as she would have expected. She suddenly feels so free.

"Look, I don't want to fight either. Buffy, I will always love you. God, I found myself in you… but I know we've both moved on now… and if you are entirely sure you're not on drugs, not being held at gunpoint and nobody's threatening any of your loved ones to make you say those things about Spike, then I'll respect it."

Buffy can't help but laugh. "I love you Angel. I always will." There's a warmth in her tone that calms him, as always, and she can picture him smiling… "Now, about our favourite bleached vamp. Any suggestions?"

"Well, much as I hate to help him, if it means you'll be happy, then I better. You know he's all about his pride. That's as important to him as blood."

Buffy closes her eyes and thanks her lucky stars that this is going so well. Deep down she knows that Angel would never deny her.

"He loves crappy music. Remember that. He loves blood red roses, and they gotta have lots of thorns. He needs to feel like he's the hero, you know? Well, obviously you do or we wouldn't be having this conversation. If he feels useless he'd rather take a walk in the sunlight. You have to give him something to fight for. You know that yourself."

"What else?"

"He loves poetry, and he writes his own. Oh, hey here's a good one. He's incredibly ticklish. God I can't believe I told you that!"

Buffy laughs and laughs at the image in her head of the Big Bad doubling over in giggles whilst being tickled mercilessly.

"He loves old movies, black and whites… mostly gangland style thrillers and westerns. He also likes handcuffs."

Buffy blushes ten shades of red. "Um, OK... Anything else?"

Angel pauses and Buffy hears another voice in the background. It's Cordelia and she's asking Angel if he's coming back to lunch.

"Be right there," he says to her… "I have to go, but there's one other thing he loves, and that's the ocean. Sometimes we'd find him at the seaside, just breathing it all in, like he could still breathe or something. It always fascinated us."

"Oh, thank you," Buffy wishes she could hug him, "You don't know what this means to me."

"You're welcome… oh and Buffy? If he hurts you, in anyway,"

"He won't. He can't. He doesn't even know, Angel."

"Oh. Look I better split. Take care of yourself Buffy. Say hi to Dawn for me; oh and one more quick thing, about the blood red rose… I cannot believe I'm telling you this…"

Buffy blushes for a hundred people as he tells her a particularly saucy Spike tidbit.

"Ho-wow... That's just... I'm just gonna hang up now.

"Yeah."

"Thank you so much Angel, for understanding. Take care of yourself for me…"

"And you..."

Buffy and Angel never say goodbye.

~~*~~

Giles rolls his eyes as Anya shoots him a particularly evil glare. What is her problem this while? I've done absolutely nothing wrong!

"Xander, we're out of coffee!" she shouts, as Xander's downstairs sorting through boxes.

"Be right up!" she hears him answer.

Giles sees this as the perfect opportunity to escape for a few minutes. She's been giving him the glares ever since he came in. All he did was point out that his office was untidy, when he'd left if perfectly neat the night before. She's been giving him the silent treatment ever since!

"I'll go for the coffee. I'd like to pick up some tea as well, seeing as nobody else has for so long."

"I've gone right off tea for some strange reason." Her emphasis on the word tea leaves him with little doubt that she's got his number, all right. But for what?

"It's ok G-man… I'll get it." Oh thank god, never thought he'd be so happy to see Xander, but he is.

"No, it's quite all right. I need a bit of fresh air." Warm air, he thinks, it's so terribly cold in here.

Giles doesn't give anyone an opportunity for argument as he grabs his jacket off the hook and heads out the door. A nice stroll with do him a bit of good, and he'll get tea, and some nice biccies, not those god-awful coasters Xander buys that only look like biccies. Taste like bloody cardboard, they do.

As he makes his way along the lane he spots a furniture shop up ahead and is immediately struck with a thought. He strides in and heads for the small bedroom furniture area, stopping at a display of mattresses. An attractive woman comes up to him rather quickly and asks if she can be of any help.

"Oh, yes, I'm looking for a bed, actually, and I was hoping maybe I'd find one here."

"We have lots of different styles. What did you have in mind?"

"Nothing too fancy, really… maybe just a mattress. We already have a frame." He was quite sure there was a frame holding up the bed when he looked.

"What size were you thinking? We have an offer on one Queen size mattress at the moment. It's the last of the stock actually."

Giles has a quick look and sees the price is more than reasonable. "Perfect," he says, and gives her his credit card.

The woman is stunned at how easy that was… "Will I charge for delivery as well?"

"Well, my shop is only around the corner. If someone could bring it to the back entrance of the Magic Box I'd be more than delighted."

"Oh, I love that shop! That's no problem. I'll get the boys to bring it over." She hands him back his card and he signs. "It's a pleasure doing business with you Mr. Giles."

He gives her a warm smile, and reaches out his hand, feels the warmth of her skin as she accepts it and squeezes slightly. "Have you been here long? This shop, I mean?"

"I've been here for years. It's just my nephews and me. This shop is my everything… I love interesting furniture." Giles notes the interesting pieces indeed, and thinks that another day he'd like to have a better look around.

"And your name is?" he asks with a smile…

"Katherine. But you can call me Kate."

"Very pleased to meet you Kate. And you can call me Rupert."

~~*~~

6:00 PM finally arrives and Buffy bursts into the Magic Box with Dawn. Everyone's there thank goodness, so they can get on with the talks.

"Hey," she says as she sits down at the table. Dawn drops her bag by the candle display and takes a seat by Buffy.

"So what's this all about? You've been ultra silent girl the whole way over." Dawn absolutely hates it when Buffy goes into silent mode.

"Yeah, Buff… you weren't exactly clear with the message." Xander feels a little embarrassed that she heard that greeting that he was determined to record over, if Anya hadn't tackled him down and did that thing with her tongue. After that he was pretty much useless for anything else but the pleasuring. He kinda smirks at the thought.

"It's about Spike. For anyone who hasn't been filled in yet, he's moved out of his crypt."

"Oh my god. That doesn't make sense."

"What do you mean Anya?"

"Well, Spike's settled. Nested, for want of a better word. Vamps don't just up and leave for no reason. They have territory issues."

"Right. Well, see… so this is big news, right? We should be worried."

"Buffy, he's a big undead boy. He can take care of himself." Trust Xander to make that comment.

"I know, but he wouldn't just leave, like Anya says, so there must be something else. Giles, you found him… what did he say to you?" Please tell me he asked for me…

"Nothing much really, apart from telling me to piss off. He did say he'd patrol with you tonight. You're to meet him at the docks."

Oh thank god!!! Buffy can barely contain her bright smile!

"He did? Oh, that's great! I mean, sure, there's been some activity down at the docks, that's a good call."

"So, Giles… where's he hiding out?" Willow just has to know.

"Well, he's uh, taken up Harmony's old lair. Well, their old lair I guess. He did live with her there once."

"Oh that was so brief! I mean, he saw what a bimbo she is."

Xander turns and gives Buffy a dumb look. Willow just grins, because if she tweaks this conversation just slightly, she could see quite a hilarious outcome.

"And we care, why?" Xander's biting, and Willow's suppresses a giggle. Tara gives Willow's hand a squeeze, as if to say, 'Take it easy.'

"We care because we should care, Xander. He's done a lot for us. He's one of us now."

"Oh. My. God." Anya stares at Buffy with her mouth agape.

"Oh my god what?? Geeze if one more person says that to me I swear I'm gonna explode!!"

"You care about Spike!"

"What? Anya! Don't jump to conclusions here. It's a bit of worry, nothing more." Xander just refuses to take the thought any further and Willow rolls her eyes.

Giles would like to take issue with that, but lets it slide, gives his jacket pocket a slight squeeze.

Buffy takes a deep breath and looks Xander in the eyes as she answers Anya.

"Yes, I do care about Spike."

"I knew it!! I knew there was a thing!!"

"What?? What thing??? There's no thing!!" Xander suddenly feels the room become very warm. "Is it warm in here? I find it really warm. Maybe I should get some air."

"Stay put Xander," Anya orders, "See, I knew we'd be hearing about Buffy and Spike sex before long!"

"Oh god… I'm traumatized for life!! Anya, you can't put the words Buffy and Spike and sex in the same sentence!! You just can't!"

"Holy crap!! You're in love with Spike!!" Dawn shouts out, "See!! I TOLD you he was HOT!!"

"Dawn!!"

"Oh, dear lord." Giles rolls his eyes and suddenly feels the need to sit down.

"Oh, god, sex with a vampire is phenomenal!! They can go for hours!!"

"ANYA!!" comes the collective shouts from Xander, Giles and Buffy.

"HEY!! Let's get off this thought train before it crashes into a brick wall!! I'm worried about Spike! Now I know you all are totally aware of what he did for us when we fought Glory! I need input! I want to know you're all gonna help me bring him back… here! Home! Whatever! I just want him back with us! OK?"

Willow squeezes Tara's hand and thinks that Buffy's doing ever so well.

"Now, Angel said that he needs to feel like…"

"Wait a minute, Angel?"

"Yes, Xander, I spoke to Angel."

"About Spike? And he offered advice? But he hates Spike!"

"Yes, he did. Now…"

"How is he Buffy? What's he up to?" Willow just has to ask.

Buffy figures she'd better deal with the questions first and then she can get on with the meeting.

"He's fine, Will, he's uh, doing really well." Buffy looks away then.

"And?" Willow just knows there's an 'and'.

"You are so not gonna believe this. But, he and Cordelia have a thing."

"WHAT?? CORDELIA??!"

"Geeze Xander, take a pill!"

"Xander!! You said we wouldn't talk about her!! Now I'm all moody!!"

"Cordelia's with Dead Boy?? I don't believe it!"

"Believe it Xander. Now. Can we get on with it?"

"Certainly never pictured those two together. She is rather insufferable. Still, I suppose… she could do wonders for his wardrobe."

"Giles!" Buffy tries to bite back a laugh, but can't and suddenly she's overtaken by the moment. Soon, they all join her, even Xander, for when he thinks about it, Angel and Cordy really do deserve each other… Everyone laughs, but Tara.

"Who's Cordelia?" She really wants to know because it's totally unfair to exclude her from the joke!

"Oh," Buffy attempts to clarify through the giggles, "she's Xander's fashion-queen ex. She was born for the big screen, but now she's vision-girl. She helps them out in LA, and apparently, is canoodling with my ex."

"One of these days I'm going to have to actually meet these people. Even if it's only to find out why this is so funny." Tara adds another name to her list of Scooby acquaintances that she has yet to be acquainted with.

"Are we done? Can we get on with the meeting?" Giles looks at his watch and wonders if the bed will arrive soon.

"All right," Buffy turns serious again, "I say it's high time we show Spike what he means to us. I mean, I'm not the only one who recognizes his sacrifice, right?"

Xander's too blown away with images by the Cordelia tidbit to answer just yet, so Anya answers instead. "What he did for us was incredible, really. I mean, you wouldn't catch me up on that tower. Oh, no offence Dawn."

"None taken." Dawn rolls her eyes and folds her arms over her chest. She smiles then when she thinks that Buffy might really be in love with her favourite vampire.

"We all made sacrifices that night. But indeed, Spike's was remarkable," Giles says with a hint of unease.

"I think we need to show him that he's one of us, you know? He deserves so much more than what we've been dishing." Tara looks to Willow for support.

"I agree with Tara. He's one of us now. Time to make him believe it."

Just then there's a knock on the door and Giles rushes over to answer it. It's Katherine.

"Hello, Katherine…" Giles fumbles a bit. "Oh, the bed?"

"The boys are just taking it around back." She gives him a warm smile, and thinks that the way he says Katherine? She wouldn't ask him to call her Kate again. Something about his voice, and his accent makes her feel very special.

"Right then, would you like to wait inside? I'll meet them out back. No point in standing outside if you don't have to."

"I'd like that, thanks."

Everyone watches as Giles brings the stranger in. He doesn't stop to make introductions, and escorts her over to the books display where she appears to wait for him as he deals with whatever it is out back.

Moments later he returns, folding a piece of paper and tucking it into his pocket. He walks back over to the woman and puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. His actions are not missed by the rest of the Scoobies, and they all look back and forth at each other, wondering if Giles is actually showing interest in someone. It's been so long.

After showing her to the door and saying a quiet goodbye he returns to the table and acts as if everything's quite normal.

"Giles? Something you want to share with the boys and girls? Boy! Boy, and girls?" Xander quips.

Giles smiles a little and shakes his head. "Nothing at all."

Buffy figures she'll have to catch up with Giles later, but she really needs to get going. She wants to be totally ready for Patrol, and her encounter with Spike.

"Right, let's talk again tomorrow, OK? I've got to get ready for Patrol."

As everyone breaks away from the table Giles takes Xander aside. "I need you to help me with something this evening. Can you take the time?"

"Sure, Giles. What's up?"

"Well, can you borrow a truck?. We have to make a delivery…"

~~*~~

Buffy steps into the hot stream of water, welcoming the shower after her quick workout. She's spent the entire evening thinking of what she'd say to Spike, and her conversation with Angel replays in her mind as well. As she lathers her hair with her fragrant shampoo she remembers when she saw Spike in his shower, and how she reacted to seeing his gorgeous form.

She steps forward to rinse the shampoo from her hair and as the water beads down her back she imagines it's Spike's fingers. She presses her hands against the shower wall and stands in imitation of him that time she watched him, enjoying the caresses of the water on her skin. She turns around then and lets the water course down over her chest, feels little streams trickle down over her breasts and her breath catches in her throat as she wonders how it would feel if it was Spike's fingers caressing her there, or Spike's tongue. Oh god, that tongue. She remembers what it was like to feel his wonderful tongue entwining with her own, his kiss telling her just exactly how much he loved her, wanted her.

And then the thoughts in the shower are no longer enough, and she has to see him, has to touch him, even if it's only briefly, just to know he's still really there. She has so much to make up for, so much to mend. So much to give.

~~*~~

Giles and Xander sit in the car and wait. They're parked in the bushes a little bit away from the lair, and waiting for the wayward vamp to leave. Shouldn't be long, Giles figures.

"So, why are we doing this?" Xander asks.

"Good god Xander, if you only saw the way he's living. Nobody deserves that."

"I get that, but this?" he points to the flat bed of the truck he borrowed, "Isn't this a bit much? I mean, it must have cost an arm and a leg. And it'll just get all damp and moldy, won't it?"

"Wasn't too expensive. And Xander, at least try to get into the spirit of what Buffy was saying will you? I do agree with her that we need to change our tune in regards to Spike."

"I hear ya, Giles… I mean, I'm not blind." Xander pauses and looks away. "I think he would have died to protect Dawn."

Giles smiles at Xander, who's still looking away, and thinks that perhaps there is nothing written in stone at all. Boundaries are not so cut and clear. How difficult would it be to accept Spike into the fold and regard him as he would any of the others? And what if Buffy really does care for the vampire? What would change?

"You know, when he took that beating from Glory? I almost felt like, I'd like to beat her down a bit for what she did to him. Just a bit. The feeling didn't last too long, but it was there, you know? He was so thrashed, and he protected Dawn right down to the very last. Even made me kinda jealous that I couldn't do that for them too, you know? But ever since I've seen him a little differently. I just don't agree with Buffy/Spike sex. That's where I draw the line."

Giles chuckles, "I must say I agree with you there, although, to be honest, Buffy is perfectly capable of making her own judgments."

"Yeah, I guess."

Just then Giles puts a hand on Xander's arm and gestures to the opening of the lair. Spike is finally leaving.

Together they watch him disappear up along the path, and when they are quite sure he's gone they get out of the truck and get to work.

Minutes later they carry the brand new bed into the lair, replacing the broken down mattress Spike's been using for a bed. Giles looks so pleased then, and even Xander feels so much better that he's helped in some way to make Spike just a little more comfortable in the world.

~~*~~

Buffy cuts through the old park to get to the docks just a little bit quicker. She's dressed in her slaying best, she's wearing a touch of her favourite perfume, and she's ready as she'll ever be for Spike.

She wonders how he'll look after all this time. And in reality, it's not so long, but it feels like she's waited forever. She doesn't think she'd be able to hide her smile, and she wonders what he'd do if he knew how she felt.

Buffy is completely unaware that above her, from the rooftop of one of the warehouses, Spike is watching her.

She's so beautiful, he thinks. God, if I could just touch her… never gonna get her. Fuck!

Where is he? she wonders, he should be here by now. Please show up Spike. Please don't hide.

Spike continues to watch her, making sure that she can handle the nasties without him. He's prepared to jump down to help if she needs him, but he's totally overwhelmed by the thought of being close to her. He watches her for two hours from the rooftops, following her as she makes her way back and forth along the docks. Finally, she seems to give up and heads back into town. Satisfied that she's on her way home, and to safety once again, Spike makes his way back to the lair.

When he arrives, he's taken aback by the view of what appears to be a brand new bed. He doesn't know what to think or feel.

He walks over and reluctantly sits down on the edge… notices a note.

"Well, well, Watcher."

Spike tucks the note into his duster pocket and takes off, destined for Willy's and big bottle of Jack. Can't deal with this right now. And, he wonders if, ever.

~~*~~

Buffy steps into her dark bedroom and decides that she doesn't want a light on. She strips slowly and throws her clothes in a pile in the corner, not bothering to fold anything or put it away. She grabs one of her dad's old t-shirts from her drawer and slips it on, and slowly draws down the covers of her bed to get in.

Everything feels harsh and difficult and dark. Nothing seems to be going to plan and she wonders if it's really just her. She's never really pursued anyone before, except maybe Parker, and he doesn't even count. This is so different. There's so much history between them and she can't give up. She just can't.

She thinks again about what Angel told her. That Spike needs something to fight for, and then she wonders if she's been going about this all wrong? Maybe being pursued is not his thing at all. Maybe she has to find a way to make him come to her? She mentally kicks herself then when she thinks that he was there for her all along.

She decides to talk about it with Willow and Tara in the morning. Maybe they can shed some light for her, because as much as she hates to admit it, she's drawing nothing but blanks. She does know one thing though, and that's that she doesn't give up that easily. She only hopes that Spike doesn't either.

Chapter Five - Reflections - an Interlude

"Clem?" Spike asks as he lies back on the hilltop, taking in all the stars… There was still so much night left, and he didn't feel like being alone. And he felt uneasy about leaving Buffy to her own devices like that.

"Yeah, pal?" Clem is also lying back, looking up, searching the skies…

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?"

"Oh... that's a toughie." He takes a moment to think, rakes his claws along the abundant flesh of his ear. "I guess the worst thing would be the time, oh this is way back when I was just a whelp... I snuck into the neighbor's back yard with a sack and kidnapped all their kittens. I just had to have them... they were mewling and crying and driving me nuts. And, there's nothin' like fresh meat you know? But the neighbors' little girl cried for days. Course, I didn't know any better back then, but it kinda hit me later on how she musta felt."

"Ever killed a human?"

"Nope. Never."

"Oh." Bloody good for you Clem…

"What's it like?"

"You don't wanna know. Stick with your kittens, mate."

"Are you sorry? Oh hey, you know, don't answer that. It's a bit like asking the lion if he's sorry he killed all the pretty little gazelles."

"'Cept that lions aren't evil. So it really doesn't count, Clem."

"Oh right. Well, I mean, you're the evilest, baddest guy I know! Hands down! But still, are you sorry? Bet the chip made you stop and think about all you did."

"The chip didn't make me sorry at the time at all. I'm a vampire. It's what Vampires do, right? Hunt, feed... The chip didn't stop me from feeding as such. It just changed the menu." Spike takes another swig of his whiskey. "It's funny, but when I think of the thrill of the fight with a demon, compared to the thrill of the hunt for a human? I'd take the demon fighting in a heartbeat. No challenge in a human."

"Yeah, and humans are OK too. I know some fines ones. Guess you're kinda sorry now, right?"

"S'pose, in a way, you're right there…" Spike thinks about Giles, and the stupid bed, and Xander and the stupid lighter and he wonders how the hell things got so turned around. He knew where he stood when they all hated him. He knew his lot in the world. Sure, he wanted nothing more in this unlife than to have Buffy Summers, slayer of vampires, look upon him as anything other than monster, but he never really held out hope that it would happen. Still, even then, he knew his place. Evil, disgusting, thing. She said it plain and simple. Evil, Disgusting, Thing, that would do anything to help her.

And then there's Dawn, who used to look to him for understanding, because there wasn't anyone else who'd give her the time. Spike misses Dawn, but he figures she's snapped out of it since he failed her on the tower. Sure, she coulda cut his head clean off with her cool tongue that night in the cemetery when she was snooping around with her friend. She'd been so cold. Who'd have thought she'd have learned the icy tongue so quick from Big Sis? He thinks maybe it's a Summers gift.

He hates to think that these people can hurt him. He disgusts himself sometimes if he lingers on the thought too long. Why should he, in all fairness, give a shit? But he does… "Tell anyone and I'll clock you."

"Yeah, your secret's safe with me. Hey Spike… it's OK to do good, you know? I mean, sucks in the eyes of the larger demon community, but still… it's OK. You're giving something back, on your own terms of course."

"Of course."

Clem takes out his wallet and flicks through his various cards till he finds what he's looking for. "See this card?" he hands it to Spike, who vamps out so he can read it better in the dark, "That's me giving something back. It's a small gesture I know… could be doing a lot more for the cause, but it's something."

Spike reads… 'Sunnydale Animal Shelter. Valued Donor! Thank you for your support!' and smiles, fangs and ridges and all.

"You're a strange one, Clem. Wouldn't see me carrying a card for anything. 'Cept maybe A-Neg-A."

Clem looks at Spike in his game face and burst out laughing. "A Neg Anonymous! Hah! Good one, buddy!"

Spike allows his face to shift back and he watches Clem peel in laughter over something he didn't think was that funny. How come Clem can be so easy to be around? And being with the Scoobies has always been like walking willingly in front of the firing squad, except their bullets never quite kill him. He wonders if the Scoobies would like Clem, and then kicks himself for even thinking such a thing. He'd never do such a thing to Clem; let them abuse him as well. No, he'll keep his friend to himself. A fella's gotta have some things decent for himself in this life.

"Don't know about you, mate, but my bottle's empty, and the clouds are comin' in. Can't see the stars anymore. And I hate lookin' up and seein' sweet F.A."

"Strange that it's so cloudy all of a sudden, don't you think? I mean, it was blistering earlier today. Of course, you were safely asleep in the lair, and it probably wouldn't bug you anyway, but ho man was it ever hot." Clem had spent the entire day fanning his many folds of skin. It hadn't been fun, and it hadn't been pretty. "And now this? Doesn't make sense."

"Mother Nature never makes sense Clem. Wanna head in?" Spike suddenly senses an unwelcome change in the air.

Clem rolls over and gets up, dusts himself off. Ah, nothin' beats stargazing! "Sure, Spike, lead the way!"

As they head back down toward the lair the clouds begin to swirl and roil. And as he looks back toward the sky one last time, Spike feels an unsettling chill and suspects that perhaps something other than a bit of weather is coming. And he knows what this'll mean. Scoobies will be 'round soon, he thinks, and although he hates himself for it, he allows himself the briefest of smiles.

 

~~*~~

Buffy shivers slightly as she walks towards town, amazed that she'd need a sweater in the midst of the summer, but when she woke up this morning the room was so chilly, and when she looked out her window it was so strange. Not a spot of blue sky in sight, just a thick layer of grey cloud. It wasn't like a typical storm cloud scene either. And she knew in her heart and soul that this had nothing to do with any storm… She had called Giles who was equally suspicious, and he'd asked them all to meet at the Magic Box. She'd have to have her talk with Willow and Tara a little later.

As she passes the florist on her way to the Magic Box, Buffy spots a display of the most beautiful red roses she thinks she's ever seen. She just has to stop and smell them. The deep crimson blooms are only very partially open and they look so perfect, so unspoiled. She carefully takes one from the deep, narrow bucket and suddenly finds herself thinking of what Angel had said about Spike and his favourite flower. She almost cautiously lifts it to her nose, as if smelling it's beautiful fragrance is so sacred… and when she does finally breathe it in deeply, she feels such an enveloping warmth take over her body. Her mouth opens slightly as she shuts her eyes and thinks of him. The fragrance, mingled with the image of his beautiful face send waves of pleasure throughout her body and she gasps at the sensations and opens her eyes.

"My god, honey, it's just a rose…" says the smiling shopkeeper. She's obviously watched Buffy and her show of something more than appreciation for her beautiful roses.

Buffy's a little embarrassed at first, but can't help smiling at how thinking of him and smelling the rose made her feel. "It's not just a rose, actually…" she says quietly. Oh god, if you only knew. She blushes a deep shade of red at the thought.

"Ah, I see. It's that kind of rose… Honey, you keep that one. It's on me. I don't think I've ever seen such appreciation for my flowers."

"Oh, no I couldn't… I'm sorry. How much are they?"

"Honey, you take that rose, and you go home, and you let that man of yours see just exactly what I saw just now…" she grins a wicked grin, " and then you send him to me for more."

"Oh, there's nobody at home," Buffy! Too. Much. Info! "Well, I mean… he's somewhere else, and I, well, it's just…"

"Say no more, sweet girl… go on. Take the rose. Think of your love. Show him what you just showed me."

If it's possible, Buffy blushes more! "Um, thank you… I think."

"No, thank you honey." The lovely shopkeeper giggles then and Buffy feels a little better.

"How long will this rose last? I mean, if I take care of it? Put it in water?"

"Three or four days, not much more. Plenty of time to give it that man of yours." She winks and walks back into the shop, shivering a little as a chilly breeze picks up.

Buffy carefully holds the very thorny, beautiful deep crimson rose as she rushes to the Magic Box. An even chillier wind envelops her and she shudders, knowing that this is more than just foul weather. There's something much darker at play.

She looks down at the beautiful flower and then shields the bloom with her palm, mustn't let it suffer the elements. She has to keep it alive, has to let it mean something. Symbolize something for both herself and Spike. She's determined to give it to him, make it something so memorable for him that he'll never ever be able to look at another rose and not think of her.

Secretly she thanks the evil that's brewing, because now Spike will have no choice but come out of hiding, and fight at her side. She'll get her chance to give him this special gift, and make him see just exactly what he means to her.

~~*~~
 

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