Chapter Three: The Spy

Her mind was working double-time. She had made a *horrible* mistake coming here, and he'd caught her. There were no words to describe her actions because not even *she* understood her wacky impulsiveness. But she had to say *something*. He was waiting for her to speak. She could feel his eyes burning into her back.

Come on, think! You've lied to your sister, your best friend, and your Watcher in the last 72 hours. It shouldn't be too hard to lie to Spike.

Spike waited patiently for her to explain, a humorous grin on his face. He had gone out only a few short hours ago to get his usual pint of blood from the butcher. She had been in his thoughts the entire time, which was why he ended up getting home a little later than normal.

As soon as he was within fifteen feet of his crypt he could smell her. The faint perfume she wore and the natural feminine smell of her skin and hair lingered in the air. He had figured she was out patrolling, and as he walked he'd debated whether or not he should go out and help her. When he reached his crypt and still hadn't made a decision, he realized the scent had grown stronger.

Curious, he'd stepped into his home and was greeted by a fresh wave of her intoxicating fragrance. He'd hastily put the blood in his refrigerator and climbed down the stairs. He was half expecting her to be poised with a stake in her hand, ready to dust him. What he saw shocked him to the core.

She had been curled on her side, tucked neatly underneath the clean white linen. Her golden hair was spread in wild disarray over the pillows. Her lips were slightly parted; her breathing deep and even.

He'd taken a few steps closer to watch her as she slept. She twisted and moaned, clawing at the sheets like a wild beast trying to get out of a cage. He remembered with a smile the strong urge he'd had to gaze into her hazy, heavy-lidded eyes as she awoke. He'd tried to wake her by softly calling to her. She'd responded by flipping onto her back and in her sleep crying out his name.

Had his heart been beating, he knew it would've skipped a beat at that moment. She was dreaming about him! The thought was so incredible he'd gone completely speechless.

Now, here she sat, blushing with her back to him, embarrassed that he'd caught her.

"Planning to answer me tonight then, luv?" He asked, cocking his head to the side.

Buffy flinched at his voice. She couldn't think of what to say to him. She'd forgotten why she'd even come to see him in the first place. The heat from her cheeks crept down to her neck, turning it a bright scarlet. She continued to chew on her lower lip, hoping that some excuse would magically pop into her head.

Spike continued to watch her, amusement etched plainly on his features. It was quite humorous to see the big tough Slayer, who always seemed to have some scathing remark, at a loss for words. He had seen her embarrassed before; that wasn't new. Normally when she was backed into an uncomfortable situation, such as this one, her defenses were raised several degrees. It seemed to him the more on edge she was, the better her snappy come-backs were. In fighting especially, her words and her fury gave her fire. Now, she was just a scared little girl caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

He chuckled. She can kick the ass of any nasty that walks into town no problem. I catch her in my bed and suddenly she's all tongue-tied.

Her jaw clenched and her muscles tightened at his laughter. He was *enjoying* this! Here she was, frantically trying to make up some dumb excuse to save her ass, and he was laughing at her!

She turned to face him and gave him an icy glare. All thoughts of her recent discomfiture were pushed to the back of her mind. Her Slayer attitude was back, and it was pissed off.

He noticed the sudden change in her behavior a little too late. His body was sprawled on the ground, having been forcefully pushed off his own bed by a furious Buffy. He struggled to get up, his limbs suddenly feeling very wobbly. When he was finally on his feet, he stared at her with disbelief. "What the bloody hell was that for?"

Buffy glowered at him, her eyes shooting daggers. She was standing in front of his bed, slightly crouched in a fighting stance. Her face was a mask of rage. For a while she simply stood there, waiting for him to fight back. When he didn't move, she straightened, lifted her head haughtily in the air, and turned on her heel.

"Buffy!" Spike called after her, but she was already heading up the stairs. He hesitated a second and then ran after her, swiftly climbing up the stairs just in time to see her disappear out his door. His mouth opened to call her name again, but she was gone. He stood in front of the door, watching her stomp off into the dark. He leaned against the frame and dragged a hand through his hair.

That went well, he thought and mentally kicked himself. He sighed heavily and closed the door, wondering absently how long he had before she charged back in and staked him.

Remembering his blood, Spike opened the refrigerator and grabbed the brown paper bag. He pulled out the container of sticky red liquid, twisted off the top, and gulped down a third of the contents. The bones in his face shifted, the demon part of him fighting its way to the surface at the bitter, copper taste. He closed the refrigerator and carried the container to his armchair, plopping down onto it with a soft grunt.

Nursing the container of blood, Spike's thoughts wandered to the glorious night he'd spent with the Slayer on the very chair he now sat in. He could remember every little detail about that night. In his mind's eye he saw her above him, her eyes melting into gold fire, her lips parted and her head thrown back as she gasped for breath. The image of her was branded into his memory.

He could still feel her damp skin, pressing against his and then pulling away; giving and in the same breath resisting. He rubbed his hand over the plush of the chair, trying to get rid of the sensation. It stayed with him, glued to every fiber of his fingers.

He inhaled deeply, the tantalizing scent of her invading his nostrils. She was floating all around him, tempting him to take her, but drawing back at the last moment. She invited him in, beckoning sweetly until he followed, then threw him out and buried her feelings. She wouldn't let him see her...the *real* her.

For a few brief moments spaced far apart, her shield fell away and he could see raw emotion building in her. She never let that cover on her feelings slip all the way off, however. She kept it clutched tightly to her, clinging to it as if her life depended on it. She was afraid to let him see how strongly he was affecting her.

Spike frowned and set the container on the table. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. The demon within him retreated, smoothing his face into its human form. He was so confused. One minute, she was kissing him and everything around them stopped. It was just the two of them. The next minute, she was pushing him away and blaming him for everything that was happening between them. She knew it wasn't all his fault, but blaming him made it easier to deal with herself.

The funny thing was, he didn't care who she blamed or how it happened. When she was in his arms, his world was perfect. He wasn't a demon when she was near. For those few moments when she freed herself from whatever restraints were holding her back, she treated him like a man. She seemed to forget what he was then, and everything evil in him disintegrated.

He opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. Why was it so hard for her to admit what she was feeling? He knew exactly how *he* felt, and he'd made sure she knew it too. Did she think it was easy for him? He had tried his hardest not to love her. He'd tried to hate her, to kill her, to make everything miserable for her because she could make him feel this way. But he couldn't bring himself to go through with it. He finally had to admit that he didn't *want* to do it. All he wanted was to be with her.

A low growl emanated from his chest and he stood up and began to pace in frustration. He couldn't figure her out and it was driving him insane. She swore she didn't love him, that she could *never* love him. The words ripped at his insides and made him feel sick every time she said them. But then she came to him in the middle of the night. She kissed him and wrapped her arms around him. She did things to him he never would have imagined, and she let him do things to her he had only dreamed about. There was no way she could still hate him and yet be so intimate with him.

And what about the dream? She had never said his name like that, even in the throes of passion. In her sleep, she'd said it with longing and pain; two feelings he was becoming very well acquainted with of late. Something in her dream had made her call out his name like that. Then again, what could you tell from a dream anyway?

He gave a short laugh as he remembered dreaming about her the first time. "Oh god, Buffy, I love you so much." He grabbed her and pulled her to him, ravaging her mouth with a savage kiss. That's when he'd woken up. He'd jolted into a sitting position, bathed in cold sweat. Harmony was asleep beside him, blissfully unaware of the torment that wracked his body. All he could do was stare ahead of him and mumble, "Oh god, no" as thoughts of the Slayer whirled inside his mind.

That dream was one of the first signs pointing out his feelings for Buffy. After that he'd gone to more extreme measures: stealing bits of her clothing, building a shrine to her, and who could forget the BuffyBot? Even though he had to admit these were slightly scary extremes, it only proved how deep his feelings for her really were.

Was it possible that her dream, like his, was pointing out how she really felt? He didn't know anything about the dream, but something inside him was almost positive that it was telling her she loved him. Now if only she would listen. Buffy was very stubborn and often didn't listen to the things she should. He had a horrible sinking feeling that she wouldn't listen to this dream either.

Then again, perhaps it was only his wishful thinking that lead him to believe her dream was a sign. He longed to hear her say she loved him. The possibility that this dream would make her see it was probably just making him wistful.

He shook his head. No, he had to remain positive. He had to believe there was something inside her that felt the same way. He had to believe she would understand it. That hope was the only thing keeping him going.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Buffy paced back and forth in the kitchen, her hands balled into fists at her side. She'd gotten home a little over an hour ago, and since then had been pacing and thinking. She was furious with herself for going to see Spike and mortified that he'd found her asleep in his bed. What the hell had she been thinking? That was probably the worst thing she had ever done in her entire life!

"God, Buffy, what the hell is wrong with you?" She asked herself as she paced in tighter and tighter circles. "I mean, first you sleep with him, and as if that wasn't bad enough, you go back and do it again! Then you go to see him to tell him that it's over, and you end up falling asleep in his bed!" She stopped pacing for a second to close her eyes and take a deep breath. When she opened them again, she clenched her fists and looked up at the ceiling. "He's supposed to be my enemy!" She fairly shouted. "I'm not supposed to have an attraction to him! I'm supposed to hate him!" She gestured helplessly with her hands as she continued, "He shouldn't have any effect on me. He should not be able to make me feel those things..." Her voice tapered off to almost a whisper at the last part. Her eyes fell to the floor and tears sprang up unbidden. She muffled her sobs in her hand and let the tears wash away her frustrations.

At the top of the stairs Dawn sat with a hand to her mouth. Her eyes were wide with shock at what she'd just heard. Her mind was frantically trying to process this information at the same time her body was trying not to scream.

Buffy slept with Spike. Buffy. Spike. Together. Not killing each other. Buffy. Slept. With. Spike.

These fragmented thoughts flew through Dawn's mind at ninety miles an hour. It was the only thing she could understand right now. The rest was still garbled information waiting for her to get past this first piece of astonishing news.

She hadn't meant to overhear her sister. She'd heard the back door open and wanted to ask how the slayage went. With all the new monsters creeping around Sunnydale, she got wigged a bit easier at night. Plus, twice already Buffy hadn't come home until morning...although now she knew the real reason why.

Still, Dawn couldn't help worrying about her. She knew her sister could handle it, being the Slayer and all, but accidents did happen. Like the time Buffy let a vamp stake her with her *own* stake. Dawn had covered for her and ended up having to do Buffy's chores until she was better.

But even with all the scrapes her sister managed to get into, Dawn had never expected anything like *this* to happen. Buffy hated Spike. Why would she want to sleep with someone she hated?

She listened quietly to the muffled sounds of her sister's sobs and felt her heart break a little. Whatever had happened between Buffy and Spike had really hurt her. She wanted to go down into the kitchen and comfort her, but she knew that would only bring up the subject of *why* Buffy was crying. She didn't really think Buffy was ready to talk about that yet. It was obviously something she wasn't proud of since she had lied to Dawn, and probably Willow too. She wasn't sure about Giles and the rest of the Scooby Gang, but she guessed that if Buffy had talked to them after the thing with Spike happened she had lied to them too. This was definitely a big deal.

"Stop crying," Buffy commanded herself. Hastily she brushed away the tears with the backs of her hands. She took a deep, shaky breath. "Just don't think about him," she suggested. "Think about anything else." She glanced at the clock on the stove and sighed. "Think later. Time for bed now." As she walked to the stairs, she mumbled, "Yeah, sleeping will get my mind off Spike." The dream she'd recently had popped into her mind and she groaned. "I hope."

Dawn barely had time to scramble up and duck into her bedroom before Buffy started up the stairs. She hid behind her door, hoping that her sister wouldn't check on her. As Buffy passed by, still mumbling to herself, she let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She crawled into bed and stared at the glowing stars on her ceiling. Somehow she was going to find out what had happened. Tomorrow night she would go talk to Spike and make him tell her everything...well, a PG rated version anyway.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The cemetery was dark and quiet. Gnarled trees twisting towards the sky cast ghostly shadows on the black blanket of grass. A faint breeze chased the leaves among the rows of tombstones. The only sound was the soft crunching of footsteps and the occasional rustling of the leaves as they whipped past.

Dawn barely dared to breathe in this eerie place. Her eyes kept shifting from left to right as her legs tensed and prepared to flee at any sudden movement. The graveyard was not a safe place to be at night. Especially not when the Slayer wasn't on duty. Unfortunately, it was where Spike lived.

She held a flashlight tightly in her left hand, trying to keep it steady on the path even as her hand shook. Her other hand gripped the strap of her backpack. Inside the little leather bag she kept a stake, a cross, and a bottle of holy water. Buffy had always told her never to go anywhere in Sunnydale without these things, especially at night when most demons and vamps were lurking about.

The brooding form of Spike's crypt was in sight. Dawn picked up her pace and in a few short moments found herself standing slightly out of breath at his door. She clicked off the flashlight and knocked.

A very haggard looking Spike opened the door and stared down at her. "Dawn? What're you doing here?" He stepped aside to let her in and sudden panic gripped him. "Is Buffy okay?"

Dawn pulled off her backpack and dropped the flashlight inside. As she zipped it back up, she glanced at him and noted the worried expression on his face. "Buffy's fine." The worry melted away and she added, "Well, actually she's really confused and upset. Which is why I'm here."

Spike's shoulders slumped. "Guess she told you, then." He trudged over to his armchair and slouched down into it. It would all be over soon. Buffy had told Dawn everything so it would not be long before the entire Scooby Gang came to dust him.

Dawn sat down on the floor across from him. "She didn't tell me anything."

He closed his eyes and placed a hand to his aching head. "I don't understand, Bit."

"Buffy came home very late last night. I heard her come in and I was going to ask how slaying went, but I heard her talking to herself and stopped." She blushed a little and ducked her head. "I didn't mean to listen, but she sounded so upset. I wanted to make sure she was okay, but when she started talking about you I just couldn't leave."

A little unsure how to react to this information, Spike nodded and said, "Go on. What'd she say 'bout me?"

The blush crept up Dawn's cheeks and receded into her hair. "She said that she slept with you twice, and she fell asleep in your bed waiting for you so she could tell you it was over." She stopped abruptly as she sensed Spike become very still. Slowly her eyes rose to rest on his face.

"She came to tell me what?" He asked in a whisper. A tear slid down his cheek. He snarled and shook his head, anger forcing his demon to take over. He jumped up and growled, turning his back to her.

Dawn gasped and slid backwards away from him. Her eyes grew wide with fear at the sight of his game-face. "S-Spike?" She asked in a high, frightened voice.

With his back to her, Spike fought to control the anger and force the demon back down. He could smell her fear and it was driving him crazy. But the man inside him was stronger than the demon, and with great effort he pushed it down where it belonged. He took a few shuddering breaths and turned back around. "I'm sorry, Bit." He crouched down and looked at her, his eyes pleading for forgiveness. "I'm sorry."

She studied him, the fear slowly seeping away. This was Spike again. He would never hurt her. Finally she relaxed and nodded. "She makes you crazy, huh?"

Spike smiled. "Yeah, but I like it that way." He shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a sucker for pain and punishment."

She smiled back. "Guess you picked the right girl to fall in love with then. Buffy dishes both those out pretty well."

He nodded and stood up, reaching down a hand to help her to her feet. "Didn't pick her though. If I'd had the choice, probably would've picked anyone *but* her."

Dawn frowned. "What do you mean? You don't love her?" A hint of fear crept into her voice.

Spike shook his head. "I love her; god do I love her. But I knew it would only end badly. She being the Slayer and me being the Big Bad, we shouldn't go together. Evil and good don't mix. We both knew it from the beginning. I don't know how things got where they are now. Can't say I don't like it, though." He gave her a sly smile and she giggled. The smile faded as he continued, "S' all over now, though. Slayer finally realized what she was doing I guess."

Dawn's face fell. She could tell this was really hurting Spike, and she didn't want to see him hurt. He was like a hero to her, and he deserved to be with someone he loved. Suddenly her face brightened. "It's not over yet, Spike. Buffy hasn't told you yet. Who knows, maybe she was just really upset when she said that."

"What're you saying, Bit?"

Dawn smiled mischievously. "She has an attraction to you."

"Does she now?" Spike replied with a lopsided grin. The fear he'd felt when Dawn told him Buffy wanted to end it began to dissolve. Maybe she was finally starting to realize how she felt about him. Admitting she had an attraction to him was the first step.

"She also said you can make her feel things that she shouldn't be feeling. And she said she's supposed to hate you, and you're not supposed to have any effect on her." Her grin widened as she saw the relief flow through Spike.

He couldn't help grinning like an idiot as he murmured to himself, "She doesn't hate me. I can make her feel something." Of course, he'd guessed all of this before, but to have it proven was a huge revelation.

"Spike?" Dawn asked quietly and dropped her eyes to the floor. "What exactly happened between you and Buffy?"

Spike choked and coughed, surprised by her blunt question. When he had recovered, he said, "You heard what happened, Dawn. What more do you want to know?"

She blushed and looked at him. "None of the sweaty details, thanks. I just don't know how it happened. I mean, I thought Buffy hated you and then all of a sudden she sleeps with you. It just doesn't make sense."

He laughed. "To be honest, Bit, I don't know how it happened either. She came to see me one night and...one thing lead to another I suppose. She ran out before I woke up so we couldn't talk 'bout it. I didn't think it would happen again, but then it did. She came by the next night, blaming me for getting her drunk and taking advantage. We fought and eventually I convinced her I'd never do something like that to her. Next morning she woke me up, we fought again, and I told her to leave. I didn't want to fight with her; I wanted to know what was going on. But she was intent on making everything out to be my fault, so I let her." He stopped and took a breath. "That brings us to the night I found her asleep in my bed. She was dreaming 'bout me," he said with a grin, "moaning my name and thrashing about. I woke her up, she got all mad and ran off again." He paused and smiled at her. "Your sis is not one for talk."

Dawn giggled. "No, she's more Action Girl." Immediately after the words came out of her mouth, her face turned scarlet. "I mean, with all the fighting she does..."

Her attempt to cover up the accidental innuendo she'd just made caused him to burst into laughter. She was trying so hard to ignore the physical side of his new relationship with her sister. Unfortunately, everything she said ended up reminding her of that aspect of the relationship.

She cleared her throat. "Um...what are you going to do now?"

Spike stopped laughing. A slight frown tugged at his mouth. "Not sure. Guess I should probably stay away from her for a bit."

"Yeah, I guess that's best."

A wicked grin curved his lips. "Although, I really can't do anything 'bout it if she comes to see me."

Dawn made a face at him and crossed her arms over her chest. "I really don't think that's a good idea. I think Buffy needs time to think. She was obviously really upset last night, but she also obviously has *some* type of fuzzy feelings towards you. I mean, this whole situation would never have happened if she still hated you. I think you should stay away from her for a little while. If she comes to see you, tell her to leave. She's just confused right now and time apart will let her think clearly."

Spike sighed. "Not sure how well that's gonna work, Bit. Seem to have a hard time telling your sis no."

"You did it once. You can do it again."

He shrugged. "I can try. She comes to see me though it's in God's hands."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Please, Spike." Suddenly an idea popped into her head. Her eyes glinted with mischief as she said, "I can spy on her!"

"What? Dawn, you can't do that. Buffy would kill you if she found out..."

"She won't find out," Dawn insisted. She hopped up and down with excitement. "I'll just watch her and see how she feels. I can keep her away from you at the same time I'm figuring out how she feels about you. I can even try to convince her that she loves you. *And* I'll bring all the information back to you so you don't have to wonder what's going on with her!"

Spike considered this for some time. It was a pretty good idea when he thought about it. The Bit would keep Buffy away so he could relax, and she could figure out how Buffy felt about him at the same time. Plus, she would secretly relate the information back to him so the Slayer wouldn't know a thing. He'd know all her moves and she wouldn't have a clue what was going on! The more he thought about it, the more he liked it. With a crafty smile he said, "All right, Bit. You can do your little spy job. Find out how she feels 'bout me and all that."

Dawn giggled with excitement. "No problem." She unzipped her bag and pulled out the flashlight.

As she headed towards the door, Spike called out, "Just don't get caught! Slayer would stake me in two seconds if she found out I had you spying for me!"

"Don't worry, Spike!" Dawn yelled back. "Buffy won't even know what I'm doing!" She opened the door and walked out into the cold night air.

This is going to be so fun! She thought with a bright smile.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"So, we Bronzing tonight, Buff?" Xander asked as he closed his text book.

"I don't know..." Buffy replied and sighed. "I kinda just feel like staying home tonight. Maybe watch a movie with Dawnie or something." She glanced over her shoulder at her sister, who was busily dusting old jars stacked on the shelves of the Magic Box.

"You could bring her with," Willow suggested. "I'm sure she'd love to go."

"Love to go where?" Dawn asked as she bounded happily to their table.

"The Bronze. We're thinking of dragging you and Buffy there with us tonight," Willow replied with a mock-sinister grin.

"Really?" Dawn's eyes grew big with excitement. She turned to her sister and pleaded, "Can I go, Buffy? Please. I promise I won't be annoying. Please!"

Buffy's tired expression went soft. "Dawnie, the reason I've never taken you to the Bronze is not because you're annoying. There's a lot of bad-guy activity that happens there. It's a big hang-out spot for the vamps. Lots of people crowded together, getting their blood flowing and their hearts pumping. Plus, nobody realizes what they are until it's too late." She smiled up at Dawn. "I just don't want you to get hurt, that's all."

Dawn smiled back. "I know, Buffy. But if I stay with you guys I'll be safe, right?"

"Darn tootin'," Willow replied. "We're always ready for the baddies."

Buffy closed her eyes with a groan and rubbed her temples. There was apparently no way she could get out of Bronzing tonight. She might as well just suck it up and hope that it would take her mind off her more current affairs. "Okay, Dawnie. You can come with us tonight."

"Yes!" Dawn squealed. She bounced up and down a few times, clapping her hands. "Thank you, Buffy!"

"We don't pay you to jump around, Dawn," Anya said from behind the cash register.

Dawn ceased her jumping and turned to face the former vengeance demon. "You don't pay me at all."

Anya considered this for a moment. Finally she said, "Well, you do happen to be holding a duster, and the books on those shelves do need dusting."

"All right, all right. I'm going," Dawn replied and rolled her eyes. She moved to the shelf Anya had indicated and began to dust the tattered volumes. She couldn't get rid of the smile on her face. Not only was she going to the Bronze tonight, but she was going to spy on her sister like some undercover detective working on a mystery. This was going to be the best night of her life!

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The Bronze was dim and smoky. Music blared from the stage where one of the bands stood rocking out on their instruments. People were crammed everywhere. The stage was surrounded by a mob of surging people. The pool tables were also smothered with people, some playing the game and others watching with a casual interest. Still more people were crowded around tables talking and drinking. It was a hot, sweaty, pulsating room, and Dawn was loving every minute of it.

"Come on, Buffy! Come dance with us!" She yelled over the roaring of voices.

Buffy glanced up from her Coke and surveyed the dance floor. It was choked with sweaty bodies colliding into one another. She looked at Dawn and whimpered, "Dawnie, look at that! There's way too many people out there. I really don't feel like having my toes broken by a bunch of clumsy, drunken creeps."

"I'll keep 'em off ya, Buff!" Xander shouted from the dance floor. "No broken toes for you! Whoa! Not while I'm around! Oh, uh, excuse me."

Buffy couldn't help but laugh. As he'd shouted this to her, two large men had bumped into him and knocked him sideways. He'd recovered just in time to keep from falling flat on his face and being trampled by a group of four other oblivious people.

"Please, Buffy!" Dawn said and pouted. "Come on, you can't just sit there all night!"

With a sigh, Buffy stood up and walked to the dance floor. "All right. One dance and then it's back to the table for me."

Dawn beamed and grabbed her arm. They pushed through the crowd of people to where Xander and the others were waiting. As a new song started up, Buffy swayed to the beat and lost herself in the rhythm.

An hour later, Buffy was sitting alone at the table. She sipped at her drink as her eyes passed over the crowd on the dance floor. She started as Dawn plopped onto the seat beside her.

"Buffy, can I talk to you about something?" Dawn asked and stared intently at her sister.

Smiling, Buffy reached across the table and took her sister's hand. "Of course you can, Dawnie. What's up?"

Dawn looked away from her. She stared into the sea of writhing people and tried to figure out how she could say what she had to say. Finally she gave up and decided to be blunt.

"I know about you and Spike," she said quietly, her eyes never leaving the dance floor.

Buffy frowned and shouted, "I can't hear you! What did you say?" She held her breath, hoping she hadn't just heard what she thought she'd heard.

Dawn looked back at her. She repeated the sentence, louder this time, and dropped her eyes to the table.

"How - how do you know about that?"

Without looking up, Dawn replied, "I heard you talking to yourself last night." She locked eyes with her sister and continued, "I didn't mean to, Buffy. I just wanted to ask you how the patrol went. Then I heard you talking about Spike and I...just couldn't leave. I didn't mean to."

Buffy didn't know what to say. She was angry and relieved at the same time. She knew Dawn hadn't meant to overhear her, but it still made her mad that she had waited until now to tell her. After a long period of silence, she found her voice. "Why didn't you tell me?"

The blasting music made it hard for Dawn to judge the tone Buffy had used. She guessed by her sister's stony face that she wasn't too happy. She sniffled and tears welled in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I wanted to tell you, but you sounded so upset. I figured if I told you then, you would've been mad at me."

The shining tears in Dawn's eyes softened Buffy's face. She grasped her sister's hand tighter. "It's okay, Dawnie. I'm not mad. I'm just...surprised. I didn't think you were awake."

Dawn sniffled again and forced the tears back. "Are you sure you're not mad?"

"I'm sure."

Taking a deep, encouraging breath, Dawn asked, "Will you talk to me about it? I mean, it's obviously bugging you. You're acting all weird and distant. I think it would help if you told someone what happened."

"Dawnie, not here, okay?" Buffy said, a warning note in her voice. This was not the type of subject she wanted to discuss with her little sister. She didn't want to discuss this with *anyone*.

"Can we go for a walk then? Please, Buffy?"

With a heavy sigh, Buffy agreed. She grabbed her bag and they headed out the door. With a half-smile she mused how Dawn could be as stubborn as she was sometimes. Little sisters are such pains, she thought and rolled her eyes.

"What exactly do you want to know?" She asked as they began to walk down the alley. "Don't even ask me for details because you're too young to know."

Dawn made a face. "Gross. I don't want to hear about *that*." She paused and studied her older sister in the moonlight. The tired expression and dull look in her eyes told Dawn that Buffy was mentally exhausted. She had been dwelling on her encounters with Spike for the past few nights, and keeping everything to herself was killing her. She hoped talking about it would help. "I just want to know how you feel about...everything."

How did I know this wasn't going to be easy, Buffy thought with a grimace. She hesitated for a moment, trying to decide what she wanted to reveal. Concluding that she really didn't want to reveal anything she said, "There really isn't much to tell. I'm disgusted with myself."

"Buffy, this will only help if you're honest," Dawn scolded. "I'm just trying to help you get this off your mind. I can tell it's driving you insane."

"What do you want me to say, Dawn?" Buffy asked with a shrug. She stopped walking and faced her sister. "Do you want me to tell you how Spike can make me feel alive? Do you want me to tell you how I don't hate him anymore? Or maybe you'd like to know how I can't stop thinking about him and have the strongest urge to go see him again, but I can't because I'm just using him?" Her voice rose with every sentence.

"That would be a start," Dawn replied softly, ignoring the angry tone in Buffy's voice.

Buffy sighed in exasperation. "Dawn, I really don't know what to tell you. I don't know how *I* feel right now, so it's kinda hard for me to explain it to you."

"That's why I want you to talk about it," Dawn insisted. She moved to stand closer to her sister and placed a hand on her shoulder. "If you keep this all to yourself you'll never figure out how you feel. You need to talk to someone about it. You need advice and second opinions."

For some time, Buffy was silent. She knew Dawn was right. Keeping her feelings bottled up inside was driving her crazy. She had been longing to tell someone, but afraid of how that person would react to this shocking news. Nobody really liked Spike. Telling her friends that she was sleeping with him would not go over to well, she imagined. Fortunately for her, the one person who knew about her little secret also happened to like Spike.

After what seemed like an eternity, she said, "I don't really know what's going on right now. I mean, I'm supposed to hate Spike. He tried to kill me and everyone that I love. But I can't. I can't hate him. He understands what I'm going through, and he cares. After everything that happened I still don't understand why he loves me. But I know he does. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. It scares me." She paused and reflected on the nights she'd spent with him. "I'm not sure why I went to see him that first night. I guess it was because he showed a certain kind of compassion to what I was dealing with. He was the only one who understood. I don't know why he can make me feel so alive when I'm around him. That's why I keep going back, though. I need to feel."

Dawn thought about all of this for some time. It must have been terrible coming back from Heaven and not being able to feel any emotion. She could understand why Buffy would want that back. How strange that her supposed enemy could make her feel it, though. Ironic really. Somehow it seemed to fit though. Like all of this was a big plan. Spike fell in love with Buffy, Buffy died and was resurrected. She came back from Heaven feeling nothing and Spike was given the chance to make her feel something. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe these were all subtle little signs showing Buffy that she loved Spike.

"You said you don't hate him anymore, right? So how do you feel about him now?"

"I don't know, Dawnie," Buffy replied and closed her eyes. Talking about this was bringing out some strange emotions within her. She couldn't identify them, but they seemed familiar. It almost felt like her dream.

"Do you think you might love him?" Dawn asked in a whisper. She wasn't sure anymore how to deal with everything. Buffy had been going through so much. She wanted to help her, to make it all easier. The only problem was, she couldn't tell Buffy how to feel. She couldn't make her see something she didn't want to see. In the end, it was all Buffy's decision what she did and how she felt. True, she couldn't change what she was feeling, but she was stubborn enough to ignore it and make her life a living hell. Dawn just hoped she wouldn't be that blind.

Her first instant reaction was to say no. Spike was a demon residing in a man's body. How could she love something like him?

She thought harder. He loved her. Could a purely evil demon love? No. That wasn't possible. There had to be *some* good in Spike if he vowed he loved her. But even if there was good in him, was it enough to sustain a relationship?

"Honestly, Dawnie, I'm not sure," Buffy said. "I feel something for him. I don't exactly know what that something is. There's a lot of...tension between us. I don't know if that's what's making me feel like this, or if he is. I'm so confused right now. I wish I knew what I was feeling."

Dawn patted her shoulder reassuringly. "I'm sure you'll figure it out, Buffy. Maybe you just need some time away from him for awhile. You know, to figure out if he's making you feel whatever it is you're feeling?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, well you know what they say: abstinence is the best policy." She smiled over her shoulder at her little sister.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "I think what they say is: *honesty* is the best policy."

Buffy shrugged. "Honesty, abstinence, what's the difference?"

The two sisters burst out laughing. After their giggling had subsided Dawn said, "I'm glad you told me, Buffy."

"I'm glad you made me tell you," Buffy said. "It feels so much better having all that off my chest."

"Don't worry about it for a while, okay? Give yourself some time to think about everything that's happened. And don't be afraid of what you feel. I know it might not be easy to admit it once you figure it out, but you can't change what you feel. If you ignore it, you'll only feel worse."

Buffy grinned. "When did you become the grown-up here?"

Dawn giggled. "Apparently since you decided to take a vacation."

"I wish," Buffy said. She yawned and checked her watch. "Wow. It's getting late. We should probably head on home."

"Yeah, I think we've had enough excitement for one night," Dawn said in agreement.

"Enough thinking for one night, too," Buffy added as they started on home.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"She loves me?" Spike asked incredulously, his blue eyes wide with shock. A huge grin spread across his face and he laughed. "She loves me." He liked the sound of that.

"Boy, you only hear what you want to, don't you?" Dawn said and rolled her eyes at him. "I said *I* think she loves you. She talked to me about everything...without getting into the sweaty parts. From what she told me, I think she loves you. She's just confused and afraid to admit it right now."

Spike's face fell. "So she doesn't love me?"

Dawn sighed. "Would you listen for once?" She crossed her arms over her chest and waited.

"Sorry," he grumbled. "I'm paying attention now."

"Good. As I was saying, Buffy and I talked and I'm almost positive that she loves you. She admitted that she has some feelings for you, she's just not sure what they are yet. She said there's a lot of tension between you and she thinks that might be what's making her feel so weird. I suggested she stay away from you because that will prove to her that it's not the tension between you two that's making her feel it, it's *you*. It might take her a while to admit her feelings because, well, nobody really likes you, Spike. Telling her friends she loves a creature they hate is a scary idea. But I believe she already knows she loves you, it's just all this fear that's stopping her from admitting it."

"So, basically what you're saying is, she loves me," Spike said with a cocky grin.

Dawn threw her hands up in defeat. "Yes, fine, that's what I'm saying. That's all you wanted to hear anyway, wasn't it?"

"Gotta feed my ego, Bit," he replied. "I mean, been in love with the girl for a bloody long time. Feels good to finally hear she loves me too."

"Well, I could be wrong you know. She has to admit it to you before it's chiseled into a stone tablet, okay?" Dawn said sarcastically.

"Guess I better go tell that to my stone-chiselers, then."

Chapter Four: Coming Clean

"I love you, Spike," Buffy whispered and pressed her mouth against his. She felt her heart expand as her head sang the words she had feared for so long: I love Spike.

Buffy bolted up in her bed, a gasp wrenched from her throat. Her wild eyes roamed over her room as she panted for breath. Her body was shaking, her heart pounding blood in her ears. She shivered as a trickle of cold sweat dripped down her back.

This was the third time she'd had this peculiar dream: the one where she staked Drusilla and confessed her love for Spike. The third time in just a few days. Could it be a sign? Was there a reason she kept having this dream?

She shook her head vigorously. It was just a dream, nothing more. Dreams weren't real. They were simply images thrown together in no particular fashion by the subconscious mind. They didn't mean anything, and they certainly weren't signs pointing out one's feelings.

She jumped as a knock sounded on her door. "Come in," she said, a slight waver in her voice.

"Hey," Willow said as she stepped in the room. "I um, heard you wake up and wanted to make sure you were...you know...okay?"

Buffy nodded. "I'm fine, Wills. Just a bad dream." She shivered again and rubbed her arm.

Willow sat down beside her and smiled. "Tara's making pancakes for breakfast. You want some?"

"Sounds good. I'll uh, be down in a minute."

Willow nodded but didn't get up. Her green eyes were filled with concern as she looked at her friend. "You sure you're okay, Buffy? Do you maybe want to talk about the dream?"

"No!" Buffy replied, a little too quickly. She shrugged and clasped her hands in her lap. "It's not a big deal. Really."

"Are you sure it isn't one of your prophecy dreams? Maybe we should tell Giles..."

"It's no big, Will. Just a normal bad dream." She glanced down at her hands and said quietly, "Besides, Giles would freak if he heard I was having fuzzy dreams about Spike."

"What?"

Buffy's head snapped up. She hadn't meant to say that out loud. Her mouth worked for a second, opening and closing like a fish gasping for breath. "Nothing," she said finally. "I just said Giles would freak if he thought I was having another prophecy dream. You know Giles. He'd go all book wormy searching for another apocalypse. I don't think he needs the added stress. Plus, I'm pretty sure this was just an average dream."

"Well, he does get a little research-happy when the world is about to end," Willow agreed, "and he has been wound a little tight these days...or tighter. Those British guys are always like that, I guess."

"Yeah. I wonder why that is?"

Willow shrugged and moved off the bed. "I don't know. Maybe we should ask him sometime." She smiled and headed for the door. "I'll tell Tara you'll be down in a little while."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The morning went by fairly swiftly. Buffy was a bit dazed as her mind was still contemplating the reoccurring dream. She had tried to push it away and not dwell on it, but no matter how hard she tried it kept forcing its way back.

She had taken Dawn's advice and stayed away from Spike for two whole days. It didn't seem like much, but when she considered how hard it had been, she was very proud. Of course, admitting it was hard to stay away from him had given her a slight wiggage.

It should've been easy, but there was something between them now that drew her to him. She couldn't deny anymore that she wanted him. She had done that for a long time, and look where it had gotten her: in his arms and in his bed. Denying things seemed to get her into more trouble than admitting them, so she had decided it was high-time to start being honest with herself.

"Find something interesting, Buff?" Xander asked, breaking into her thoughts.

She stared up at him, confused. "Huh?"

He indicated the book that sat open in front of her. "You've been staring at the same page for about ten minutes now."

Blushing, Buffy turned the page. "I'm spacing out again, aren't I?" She checked her watch. It was nearly seven. "Giles!" She called, and twisted in her chair to face the back room where her Watcher was busy doing inventory. "I'm going on patrol!"

Giles appeared in the doorway, a crystal ball in one hand and a jar of chicken feet in the other. He noted the table where Buffy and Xander sat, piles of books scattered around them. "Have you checked all those books? I need them sorted by tonight."

Buffy and Xander exchanged a look and glanced at the mountain of books before them. When Giles had asked them to help with the Magic Box's inventory, they hadn't expected to sit at a table for hours on end, sorting books into the "safe for customer use" pile and the "Scoobies reference only" pile. It was taking forever to skim through all the books and make sure there were no historical references to apocalypses or other Slayer- related prophecies. Selling a book that told when and how the world was going to end would definitely be not of the good.

"Look at how many there are, Giles," Buffy whined.

"Yeah, I mean, we're only two people," Xander agreed. "You can't expect us to have *that* big an attention span."

Giles rolled his eyes. "No, I suppose that would be asking a bit too much, wouldn't it?"

Buffy pushed away from the table and turned to face him, hands placed firmly on her hips. "It's almost seven, Giles. Does the word Hellmouth ring a bell? Evil things don't wait until I finish sorting books to kill." A pout formed on her lips. "Please, Giles. The books *will* get sorted, I promise. Dawn will be here soon, and so will Willow and Tara. They can help. You don't really need me."

"Hey!" Xander protested. "What about me?"

"That's right, Xander's still here. He can keep sorting while I go save the innocent people of Sunnydale."

"Oh, way to watch my back there, Buff," Xander grumbled and reached for another book.

She flashed him an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Xand. It's every man for himself right now."

Giles sighed and gave up. "All right, you can go. But as soon as you come back I want you in here sorting!"

Buffy hurried out of the shop, ignoring the last comment from her Watcher. She had more important things to do than sit at a table sorting magic books, and way too much on her mind to concentrate anyway. Fortunately for her, killing things had a tendency to make her forget the whole maelstrom of emotions and thoughts thing.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Spike sat in his armchair, one leg thrown over the armrest and a bottle of beer in his right hand. The television was on in front of him, some sappy soap opera that would normally have driven him nuts. Now, however, his mind wasn't even on the show.

He could sense her. She was on patrol again, as she had been for the past two nights since he had last seen her. He could hear her movements: the soft rustling of her clothing, the little grunts she made when she lashed out, the dull thud of the stake plunging into a vampire's chest. He could smell her too; the rush of adrenaline was seeping through her pores and rolling off her in waves. She was getting closer.

He closed his eyes and willed himself to block her out. Every night she had come near his crypt had been torture. His body ached for her. Staying away from her as the Bit had suggested was so very beyond hard. She was in his system, just as he knew he was in hers. He could sense it as she drew even closer. She wanted him as much as he wanted her.

"I think it's been long enough," he said to himself as he got up. He set the beer on the table and picked up his duster from the back of the chair. Shrugging into it, he hurried to the door and flung it open.

Buffy faltered at the sound of the heavy metal door swinging open. The stake missed its mark and grazed the shoulder of the vamp she had been fighting. Too late she realized how closely she had been listening for him. She found herself flat on her back; the wind was knocked out of her and a hungry vampire strained for her neck.

Spike lunged forward, knocking the vampire to the ground and rolling quickly back to his feet. He risked a quick look at the Slayer and said, "You all right there, luv?"

Buffy picked herself up and glared at him. "I'm fine." She stepped forward as the vampire struggled to its feet and plunged the stake in its back. It turned to dust and she tucked the stake into the waistband of her pants. She turned away from him and began walking the way she had come.

Spike hesitated a beat and then jogged after her. "So, what's the big bad tonight? Something specific or are we just going for any little nasty?"

"*We* are not doing anything," Buffy said caustically. "*I* am on patrol, and *you* are leaving."

"Am I now?" Spike said and stepped in front of her. He looked down at her with a sinister grin and said, "And just how do you plan to get rid of me, pet?"

She narrowed her eyes and tried to maneuver around him, but he stepped in front of her again. She sighed in exasperation and said, "I don't have enough patience for this, Spike. Get out of my way or..."

"Or what?" Spike interrupted. "What're you gonna do to me, Slayer?" His eyes raked down her body in a very familiar way.

Trying hard to ignore the tiny spiral of heat in her belly, Buffy replied, "Just get out of my way."

"Why don't you make me," he said as he took a step nearer to her. He bent his head down to kiss her, but she pulled away.

"Don't," was all she said.

Rejection, Spike found with a grimace, still hurt like hell. He backed away from her, hands in the air. "Have it your way, then."

Buffy was about to reply when out of the corner of her eye she saw movement. She spun to the right just as a vampire coiled to pounce on her. She delivered two hard punches to its chest and a final kick to knock it down. Before it could roll over and get up, she stood poised above it and slammed the stake down into its chest cavity. The vampire screeched and exploded into a pile of dust.

Buffy groaned as she noticed the dark smears on her white pants. "Great," she said and tried uselessly to brush the dust off, "now I'll never get these pants clean."

"That's the trouble with us vampires," Spike said with a smirk as he watched her struggle to clean her pants, "you can never stake us without a little mess."

Over her shoulder, Buffy scowled at him. "Are you done now?"

Spike's eyes widened innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about, Slayer. I'm just out here to kill vampires and the like. Forces of darkness beware and all that rot."

She smiled despite herself and straightened to face him. "If you insist on tagging along, fine. Just don't get in my way." Without waiting for a reply, Buffy started off into the dark cemetery once again.

With a grin of satisfaction, Spike fell into step beside her. He knew she would never admit it to him, but he could tell she enjoyed his company. Well, maybe not so much as enjoy, but she definitely liked slaying with him there better than slaying alone. If nothing else, she went home a little less bruised and sore if he was there.

He gave her a sideways glance, trying to decipher the puzzling code that was Buffy. Maybe she just liked having someone there with her. Being the Slayer got awfully lonely sometimes he'd wager. But he couldn't help thinking that there was another reason she wanted him with her on patrol.

She grabbed his arm suddenly and looked warily about them. "Did you hear that?"

He stood still for a moment, his ears straining to catch any tiny sound. All he could hear was the faint whistling of the wind and her short, quick breaths next to him. He shook his head. "What was it, pet?"

"I-I don't know. It sounded like some wailing thing. Is there a demon that wails?" Buffy shook her head and let go of his arm. "Nevermind. Just forget it."

"Not getting spooked on me, are you, luv?" Spike asked, unable to resist the quip.

She glowered at him. "I am *not* scared. I just thought I heard something, that's all."

They started walking again. Buffy could have sworn she heard something, but maybe she was just a little on edge because of Spike. She did tend to get kinda wiggy around him. Everything that had happened between them was making her jumpy in his presence. It was as if she was scared to be alone with him. She was afraid that the things he made her feel would cloud her judgment and make her do something she'd regret. But hey, so far so good. Scary to admit, but she didn't regret sleeping with him. It had all felt so right, good even.

"So how 'bout that dream you had?" Spike said. The silence between them was thick with tension and suppressed fear. He wanted to break it...with anything. He realized too late that this subject was only bound to bring up even *more* tension. But the deed was done, and he was getting pretty desperate to find out what she had dreamed about him anyway.

Buffy quickened her pace. "I don't want to talk about it," she said quietly.

Spike hurried to catch up with her. "I think I deserve to know, Buffy." He tilted his head to look at her and glimpsed the anger on her face.

"Why?"

He gave a short laugh. "Because it was about *me*. And you were in *my* bed. A bloke's got to wonder at all that."

Stopping abruptly, Buffy turned slowly to look at him. Her eyes were wide with fear. "How did you know it was about you?" She asked, her voice barely audible.

Spike shrugged. "Figured it had to be 'bout me if you were acting all scared and panicky like that. You could've just staked me right then, but you were too spooked by the dream to worry 'bout me. Only thing on your mind right then was getting the hell out so you wouldn't have to explain anything to me."

Buffy's hands went to her hips and she narrowed her eyes at him. "How do you know I wasn't just acting like that because...the other stuff that happened."

A slow smile spread across his lips. "That was a different kind of fear."

"What the hell is *that* supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means, pet."

Buffy rolled her eyes at him. "Well spare me the cryptic bullshit, okay?"

"Fine," Spike replied and crossed his arms over his chest. "It means you have two very different types of fear coursing through your little body right now. The fear of being caught, which is why you're so quick to run off after we..."

"Moving on," Buffy interrupted, raising a hand in protest.

Spike smirked at her obvious discomfort with the subject. How quick she was to forget, or perhaps to ignore. He continued his explanation. "The other one, which you probably haven't recognized yet, is the fear of feeling something for me."

She opened her mouth to object, but was silenced by a wave of his hand. He was analyzing her so closely, it was almost as if he *knew* everything that she was feeling and thinking.

"That dream was telling you something. There was an obvious point to it, one that you're bloody horrified to find out." He canted his head and his eyes roamed over her face, judging the fear in her eyes. His assumptions were dead-on, and she knew it. "You're afraid of falling in love with me."

Buffy's eyes went wide. Her mouth fell open in shock and the color drained from her face. Suddenly her eyes narrowed and her mouth became a grim line. A muscle in her jaw ticked away and her hands clenched into fists. She swung out with her right arm and knocked Spike to the ground. As he hit the dirt, she stepped over him and looked down. "I am *not* in love with you!" She screamed. Her fist came back to hit him again, but she suddenly found herself sitting on top of his chest. He had knocked her legs apart and she had lost her balance and fallen on top of him.

Spike grabbed her wrists and held them firmly with both hands. "Did I scare you, luv?" He asked and chuckled as she attempted to jerk away.

She fought to tug her arms free, but his grip on her wrists was merciless. Planting her boots firmly on the ground, she pushed herself up and was standing over him again. "You're disgusting, Spike," she whispered harshly. Then, straining the muscles in her arms, she yanked him up and hurled him to the side.

He landed hard and rolled to his feet. A dark scowl contorted his face. "*I'm* disgusting?" He advanced on her, a predatory glint in his dark blue eyes. "What does that make *you*? If I'm so disgusting, why do you keep coming back? Why do you like it so much?"

Tears stung the backs of Buffy's eyes. He was getting too close to things she was not ready to examine yet. First he had laid her entire heart bare, forcing her to stare at everything that was so obvious, yet obscured by her vision. Now he was questioning her, turning the whole thing back to her, making it out to be her fault. He was forcing her to see what he knew was true, what she was too scared to admit.

"Stop it!" She yelled. She dropped her chin to her chest and the tears spilled down her cheeks. "Please, just stop."

The anger melted away. Spike stared at her helplessly, torn between staying where he was and pulling her into his arms. She was terrified. Somehow, he'd made her understand how everything she was going through added up, and she was terrified by it. She'd been running away from the truth for so long she'd actually managed to convince herself that the lies she told *were* the truth. Now, not only would she have to convince her friends, she would have to convince herself. This was not something she could adjust to in one night. This was going to take time and patience, but most of all it was going to take her cooperation. He couldn't make her want to see the truth. All he could do was show her that this was right.

"Buffy," he said softly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so brassed off." He sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

Buffy took a deep breath. "I don't want to talk about this anymore." She squared her shoulders and walked past him without even glancing in his direction.

Spike looked up at the starry sky and exhaled deeply. He blinked several times, wishing silently that he hadn't been so harsh with her. Finally he turned in the direction she had gone and ran after her.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

A small figure sat in the center of a dark room, surrounded by glowing candles and a circle of white chalk. In front of the figure sat a porcelain bowl. A piece of paper leaned against it, two names scrawled neatly on the lines, separated by a heart. As the candles around the sacred circle flickered, a tiny hand dribbled pig's blood into the bowl and chanted a strange phrase in a foreign language. It then picked up a silver cross, kissed it, and dipped it into the bowl. The cross dripped with blood as it was pulled out and dangled in a tight circle above the bowl.

"For you, Buffy," the figure said. "To make you see. To make you understand." The necklace was draped around the bowl. "I conjure this spell for you. I summon this creature for you. To make you see."

The figure picked up the piece of paper. "For you, Spike. She will see. She will understand." The paper was ripped in half, one name on each half and the heart ripped in two. The figure dipped two fingers into the blood and smeared a sticky cross on each half of the paper. Then, carefully folding them into tiny squares, tossed them into the bowl. A sudden gust of cold air smelling of decay pitched the room into complete blackness.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"I swear I heard something that time," Buffy said, pulling out her stake. She and Spike had been walking in silence for several minutes now. She figured he felt guilty for making her cry, and that was fine with her. As long as he didn't bring up the subject again, she was just peachy. A little on edge still, but at least she wasn't mad anymore, or being forced to scrutinize her feelings for him.

"So did I," Spike replied, searching the darkness for some sign of movement.

"See, I *told* you I heard something before," Buffy said triumphantly, flashing him a smug grin. As the wailing and screeching intensified she said, "That's exactly what I heard the first time."

"Where's it coming from?" Spike asked, craning his neck to see farther.

Buffy looked around them. There seemed to be no sign of life...or un- life rather. The cemetery was silent and still. Nothing around them was moving, including the wind. She closed her eyes, trying to sense where the noise was coming from with her Slayer-skills. Slowly she turned until she seemed to be facing directly in front of the sound. Opening her eyes, she pointed ahead of her and said, "Somewhere down there."

The blonde duo cautiously headed in the direction in which Buffy had pointed. The path they had been walking on twisted, but they continued in a straight line, veering off into the overgrown expanse of grass. The noise seemed to grow louder with each step they took, which proved that Buffy had chosen the correct direction. The mixture of wailing and screeching made the hairs stand up on Buffy's neck. She shivered and cast a wary eye on Spike. "What do you think it is?"

He shrugged, pulling out his own stake from somewhere inside his duster. "Not sure. Never heard anything like it."

"Me either."

Buffy's grip on her stake tightened. Fighting things she had never seen before was a definite challenge. Often not a very fun one. She sometimes enjoyed slaying the vampires of Sunnydale because they presented no challenge. She knew exactly what their weaknesses were and she struck out at those weaknesses. With new monsters, she couldn't count on the same methods she used killing vampires. A new creature like this one was unpredictable.

"Well this is just dandy," Spike grumbled. "Creature's got itself a nice little cave."

"Guess that means we have to go down there, huh?" Buffy said, cocking her head to the side and peering inside the cave. "Think it lives in there?"

"Yeah, that'd be my guess since the sound is coming from there," Spike replied sarcastically.

She ignored his comment and began climbing inside. "Let's go find this thing."

"You don't know what's down there," he called after her and grabbed her shoulder.

"Well I can't just stay up here and do nothing. Something evil could be down there." She shrugged him off and continued down into the cave. "You coming?" She asked over her shoulder.

He sighed and shook his head. "So much for protecting you from the unknown," he mumbled as he followed her retreating form.

Inside the cave was dim and damp. The noise they had been following was growing progressively louder and more annoying. The path they seemed to be traveling down was very narrow. Buffy could see a distant shimmer of light ahead of them. She looked back at Spike. "I think it's down there."

Spike nodded. "Sounds like it might be. Bloody hell that thing is annoying!"

Buffy smiled back at him. "Tell me about it."

His eyes softened. "Buffy, what I said before..."

"Shh...not now, Spike." She glanced at him and indicated the light. "We have more important things to take care of right now." She turned back around and said quietly, "We'll do the whole kiss and make up thing later."

A tender smile touched Spike's lips. He decided against baiting her with that statement she had just made, figuring getting into battle-mode was probably best. After the battle though, well, that was another story.

They stopped abruptly as the narrow path widened and became a small cavern. They noticed that the light they had followed turned out to be a few glowing torches in the cave wall. They had come to a fork in the road. Dark winding tunnels were on either side of them, and the noise seemed to be coming from both.

"Should we split up?" Buffy asked as Spike came up beside her. "The noise seems to be down both tunnels. Maybe there's more than one of these things."

Not wanting to lose sight of her, Spike said, "If there's more than one I'd wager it'd be easier to fight them if there were more than one of us. Neither one of us knows what's down there. Could be any number of nasties."

Although she had a feeling the only reason Spike did not want to split up was to drag out being with her, he did have a good point. More than one beastie would be hard to fight alone, especially when she had no idea what beastie was down there. "Let's take the right one first."

Together they started down into the dark tunnel. The screeching and wailing fluctuated from seeming very near to very far away. Buffy held her stake at the ready, her eyes darting around for some sign of the demon. Spike was a bit more casual. His stake was held loosely at his side; his eyes kept straight ahead of them. As they neared a bend in the tunnel, the noise stopped, and so did they.

"Do you think it knows we're here?" Buffy asked, craning her neck to see around the bend. "Maybe it heard us."

Spike didn't answer, but he did grip his stake tighter. Whatever was down there probably had at least some clue they were there.

Cautiously, the two of them headed around the bend. Buffy was wary of the unexpected silence. She was suddenly very glad that Spike had come with her. Not that she couldn't handle this thing alone of course. It was oddly comforting, though to have him beside her.

Battle tactics, she told herself fiercely. Stop thinking about him and concentrate on the screechy, wail-y demon down there.

She blinked several times and shoved thoughts of Spike away for the moment. How strange that she always seemed to think about him when things got rough, or when she was lonely. Briefly she wondered if there was a reason for that.

Demon!! Her mind screamed, and she forced herself to pay attention.

The tunnel was beginning to straighten. Ahead, Buffy could see another dim glimmer of light. She hoped it would not lead them into another tunnel. She wanted this thing over now. The longer she had to wait to kill it, the more apprehensive she became.

Spike sensed her distress and shared the feeling. He had never really enjoyed this game of hide-and-seek. Hunting was all about the kill for him, or it used to be, before he fell in love with Buffy. Now it was all about protecting her and saving the world. Funny how love changed everything.

Finally, the end of the tunnel had come. Buffy looked around for the big bad they had chased. It was nowhere to be found. From what she could see, there was no one else in the cave with them. They stood now in a large cavern with a high ceiling and rocks jutting from the floor. The glow of light she had seen earlier had grown brighter, but the source of it could not be seen. She peered up at the ceiling, praying there wasn't a hole filtering in some nice sunshine to burn her companion to a crisp. All she could see were more jutting rocks dripping with water and making puddles on the ground. The place appeared to be empty; save for the two blondes staring curiously about them.

A soft rustling of the air around her made Buffy jump. Something flew past her face and landed with a dull thud behind her. She whipped around, looking for the object that had very nearly hit her. "Did you see..." She asked Spike, but stopped instantly when she saw him.

The shaft of an arrow protruded from his chest. His azure eyes were huge with pain and shock. He looked at her and tears slid down his cheeks. His mouth worked as he stumbled backward, but all he could say was, "Buffy." He hit the wall of the cave and exploded in a cloud of dust.

Buffy gaped at the empty space Spike had just vacated. Her mouth hung open in horror and a sharp pain constricted her chest. Slowly she moved forward, her eyes drifting down to the pile of dust that was now Spike. Her lips trembled as she formed his name and she called to him in a whisper. Tears welled in her eyes and began spilling down her face. She let them flow, too stunned to care. "Spike?" She croaked, her throat constricting from the pain blossoming in her chest. "Spike?" She fell to her knees, sobs wrenching her body with their force. She rocked back and forth, murmuring his name repeatedly as the tears continued to flow unchecked. Her chest was burning and heaving for breath. She ignored it and closed her eyes and sobbed into her hands.

How long she sat there crying, she never knew. She stopped when there was no more tears left and her throat was raw and scratchy. Moving as if she was in slow motion, her hands came away from her face and she stared at the remains of Spike. The pain in her chest had not gone away, but it was now joined by another burning emotion. Buffy recognized the anger brimming inside her as she stood up and looked around. Something inside this cave had killed Spike, and she was going to find it.

She bent down and picked up the stake she had dropped sometime during the commotion. Her eyes searched the cave with a fierce, predatory glint and her ears strained for any sound. She heard a faint shuffling in a far corner and she grasped the stake so tightly her knuckles turned white. Stealthily she stalked forward. The shuffling seemed to be coming from one of the large rocks protruding from the ground. Buffy crouched behind it, her body poised for the kill.

Just as the cloaked head of the demon poked out from behind the rock, she pounced. She knocked it down, grappled with it for a few seconds, and finally pinned it to the earth. Bright, iridescent green eyes stared at her from within the hood.

Buffy brought the stake back as her eyes locked on the demon. She prepared to release all the anger and pain Spike's dusting was making her feel in one fluid movement. She fervently hoped that avenging his staking would make her feel better.

As she pulled her arm back even farther, the demon spoke. "My task has been accomplished." With that said, its eyes glowed even brighter, making Buffy squint, and it vanished.

She landed in the dirt and sat there for a moment, taking in what the demon had said. Task? Someone wanted Spike dusted? Who would do that? Who would summon something like that to kill her Spikey?

Shakily, Buffy got to her feet. She stumbled over to Spike's ashes, her limbs feeling numb. Falling to her knees again, she began to scrape the dust together in a pile. She pulled off her backpack and dug inside for something to hold his remains. She found an empty bottle of holy water and quickly dried the inside with her shirt.

When she was sure there were no more droplets of water left, she scooped the dust into the bottle. She was careful to get every last bit of him inside...she didn't want a partial-Spike; only the whole Spike would do.

Finally she twisted the lid closed and smiled sadly at the jar. "It'll be okay, Spike," she muttered. "Everything's going to be okay."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Buffy pounded on her door, too distracted to hunt for her keys. She saw lights turn on and heard Willow as she rushed down the stairs.

"Buffy! Are you okay?" Willow exclaimed as she thrust the door open. "It's late. We've been worried sick about you. What is that?" Willow pointed to the jar Buffy held and gazed quizzically at her.

Stepping inside her home, Buffy gave her friend a tired smile. "I know it's late," she said dazedly. "I'm sorry I woke you up. I didn't want to search for my keys."

"It's okay," Willow assured her and led her to the couch, "as long as *you're* okay."

Buffy nodded, not hearing a word Willow said. She sat down, clutching the bottle to her, and stared around her, almost as if she didn't recognize anything. Finally she mumbled, "Is Dawnie asleep?"

"Yeah, for a couple of hours now," Willow said distractedly. She pointed again to the bottle. "Buffy, what is that?"

Eyes brimming with tears, Buffy shook her head. "Later, Will. There's something...there's something I have to tell everybody."

Willow could sense that something was wrong. A thread of panic crept through her. She frowned. "What's wrong, Buff?"

Buffy gazed at the floor, her mind numb and her insides twisting into knots. "I need to tell them," she repeated. "They have to know. They have to help."

"Help? Buffy, what's going on? Buffy?" Willow's voice was steadily becoming more frightened.

"I have to tell them," Buffy said again as she glanced at Willow.

"Okay, there's something you need to tell everyone, I got that," Willow replied as she watched her friend with increasing alarm.

Buffy frowned and looked around the room. "Where are they?"

Willow placed a hand gently on her shoulder. "They're sleeping. Can you tell them in the morning?"

"They have to help," Buffy whimpered and pressed the jar closer against her. "They *have* to."

Sensing the despair that Buffy was going through, Willow told her to stay put. She dashed up the stairs and burst into her room, startling Tara.

"Willow! God, what's wrong?" Tara asked in alarm.

"It's Buffy," Willow explained. "She's downstairs with a bottle of I- don't-know-what and crying about telling everyone something."

Tara slid off the bed and shrugged into her robe. "What's wrong with her? I mean w-what happened?"

Willow shook her head. "I-I don't know. She was...she's just..."

"Shh, baby, it's okay," Tara murmured and smoothed the hair back from Willow's face. "We'll help. Whatever it is, we'll help."

Sniffling back her tears, Willow nodded. "Yeah, we'll help. You go downstairs and keep her company, see if you can get anything out of her. I'll wake up Dawnie and call the others."

Both women moved out of the room. As Tara neared the stairs, she turned around and asked, "Should we tell Spike? I mean, maybe he'd want to be here?"

Willow considered this. "I guess. Maybe he could help or something?"

Tara nodded. "Should we send someone over there to get him?"

"I'll tell Giles to stop by there," Willow said and smiled dryly. "I would tell Xander but I'm afraid he wouldn't relate the message to Spike."

"That's probably best," Tara agreed and started down the stairs. She found Buffy in the same disoriented state Willow had described. She tried her best to get something coherent out of her, but Buffy was too dazed to say much.

Meanwhile, Willow woke up Dawn and called the rest of the Scoobies. She explained as much of the story as she could and quelled any fears that Buffy wouldn't be okay. She didn't need to express how urgent this was; everybody seemed to understand that their friend was in trouble and needed them right away.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Within the hour, the rest of the Scooby gang was assembled at the Summer's house. They sat in the living room, quietly watching Buffy as she mumbled to herself and clutched at the bottle of dust. A strong feeling of anxiety overcame everyone as they studied her strange behavior.

Giles was the last to arrive. He burst through the door, looking wildly about for his Slayer. When he saw her seated safely on the couch, he let out the breath he'd been holding.

"Giles," Willow said as she came to meet him. "Where's Spike?"

"I'm not sure, exactly," Giles said as he entered the room and took a seat next to Buffy. "He wasn't at his crypt when I went there."

"We don't *really* need Peroxide Guy here, do we?" Xander asked.

Willow flashed him a look that said pointedly, "Shut up or I'll have to hurt you."

Xander obeyed and crossed his arms over his chest. He was definitely worried about Buffy and would do anything to help her, but he figured bringing Spike into the whole situation would just make things worse. She didn't seem to like talking about him these days, and he was inclined to believe that was entirely Spike's fault. Besides, he happened to hate that particular vampire with a passion.

"Buffy, are you all right?" Giles asked gently as he looked at her.

She turned her head to face him and smiled. "Hi, Giles."

He smiled back. "Hello, Buffy." He glanced down at the bottle of ashes and asked quietly, "What're you holding?"

Buffy sniffled and hugged the jar tighter. "I have to tell everyone."

Willow moved closer to her friend and gently squeezed her shoulder. "We're all here, Buffy," she said and indicated the full room. "You can tell us now."

Unsteadily, Buffy got to her feet. She held the bottle closely to her chest as she looked around the room at all her friends. They were all in their pajamas, waiting nervously for her to speak. In the back of her mind she understood that they must care a lot about her to come so quickly. She hoped she wouldn't disappoint anyone when she had said what she needed to.

"S-Something happened on patrol tonight," she started, her voice shaky with emotion. She closed her eyes and willed herself to stay calm. Breaking down and crying in front of everyone would only make the story harder to relate. She took a deep, calming breath and continued, telling them everything that had happened in the cave. At the point of Spike's death, her throat caught and she had to pause as a few tears slipped unnoticed down her cheeks.

Silence filled the room as she concluded. Everyone, even Xander, was shocked to the core. As Buffy gazed around at them, she tilted the bottle a bit to bring everyone's attention to it and said, "This is...this is..." But she couldn't get the words out. She choked on his name and more tears streamed down her face.

Willow pulled her into a hug. "It's okay. It's okay, sweetie," she mumbled soothingly as she stroked Buffy's hair.

Grateful for the comfort, she sank into Willow's arms and cried.

"Buffy, there's something I have to tell you," Dawn said shyly as she approached them.

Buffy gently tugged herself free from the embrace and wiped the tears away. "What is it, Dawnie?"

Dawn took a deep breath and prayed for courage. "I cast the spell that summoned that demon," she said in a rush. "I swear I didn't know what would happen! I swear!"

It took a moment for this news to sink in. Once it had, Buffy's eyes were hard as they looked at her sister. "How could you do that? Spike was good to you. How could you, Dawn?"

Tears ran swiftly down Dawn's cheeks. "I didn't know what would happen! The spell said it would make you understand. I never wanted to hurt Spike! I promise!"

With great effort, Buffy forced herself to calm down. Dawn had gotten into trouble before without knowing what the consequences were. She was just a kid, after all.

"Make her understand what, Dawn?" Willow asked.

"The way she feels," Dawn whispered and looked sheepishly up at her sister. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I just wanted everything to work out between you and Spike."

Puzzlement was written plainly on everyone's face, except Buffy's. She forced a half-smile as she whispered, "I do understand. It wasn't the spell, Dawnie. I knew before then, I was just too scared to admit it."

Dawn gave her a worried little smile in return. She knew that Buffy was still very upset at everything that had happened, but she also knew that Buffy had just forgiven her. Or, at least partially forgiven her. Spike was gone and now that Buffy understood she loved him, he wasn't there for her to tell. More tears rolled slowly down her cheeks as she whispered an apology.

"I know you are, Dawnie," Buffy said softly.

"Is anyone else here really confused?" Xander asked as he watched the exchange take place between the two sisters.

"I am, sweetie, don't worry," Anya said beside him and patted his arm.

Buffy turned away from her sister and faced her bewildered friends. "We have to bring him back," she announced.

The entire room erupted in objections. Buffy stood silently, a stony look on her face. She had made up her mind a long time ago. Spike was coming back, even if she had to do it herself.

"You want him back?" Xander cried in disbelief. "Why do you want him back after all that he's done to you?"

Buffy looked down at the bottle of Spike's ashes pressed firmly against her chest. A soft, serene smile touched her lips as she said, "Because I love him."

"You *what*?" The entire room erupted at once.

"I don't have time to explain," Buffy said. "We have to bring him back before it's too late." Her eyes drifted to his dust and she mumbled, "I don't even know if it's already too late."

Willow stepped forward, a determined set to her features. "We'll bring him back, Buffy. I promise."

"Do you know of a spell?" Giles asked. "I've never read of a spell that can bring...vampires back."

Willow nodded. "There was a book at the Magic Box...it deals with Black Magic. Maybe there's something in it about this kind of spell."

"Even if there was a book with this spell, I'm not sure we could cast it." Giles took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. All this excitement was going to give him a headache. "If there was a spell, it would be very dangerous. We'd need all sorts of supplies that I haven't the faintest clue if I own."

"Please, Giles," Buffy pleaded, her hazel eyes filling with tears. "Please, we have to try."

"Am I the only sane one here?" Xander asked and gestured around the room. "Do any of you remember what Spike put us all through? He nearly killed us! Quite a few times!"

Buffy faced him, her eyes hardening and her mouth set in a grim line. "Xander, practically everyone in this room has put us all in danger and nearly killed us."

"But Spike is..."

"Spike is no different," Buffy snapped. "I love him, just as I love you and everyone here." Her voice softened a little but her eyes were still unwavering as she said, "We've given everybody else a second chance. I think we owe Spike that."

Xander calmed down and gave her a small smile. "You're right, Buff. I'm sorry. I'll help you in any way I can."

She smiled. "Thanks, Xan. I know you don't like him, but it means a lot to me."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Willow was right. The spell was briefly mentioned in one of the Blackest Magic books at the shop. There were no accounts of it having been completed successfully, which didn't inspire much hope among those gathered.

Buffy was unshakable. She had sworn to bring Spike back, and she was willing to do anything to fulfill her promise.

As the last of the ingredients were gathered, a hush fell over the Magic Box. All those present sat in the sacred circle, holding hands with their heads bowed. Willow said it would take everyone's energy combined to make the spell work. She, Tara, and Giles sat in the center with Spike's ashes in the middle of them.

Willow and Tara began reading from the book as Giles spread Spike's dust on the ground. Everyone else started chanting, their eyes shut tightly and their hands beginning to sweat. When the ashes were spread, the three in the center joined hands and lifted their faces to the ceiling. They called out, asking for Spike to be returned. A flow of heat passed through the circle. They called out again, louder and more demanding. Another wave of heat, hotter and more intense. They screamed out a third time as an unseen force shook the building and Spike's ashes began to smolder. Suddenly there was a blinding flash of heat, so hot it felt as if it were burning them alive. Then, the circle collapsed, exhausted from their spell-casting.

When she had regained enough strength to move, Buffy opened her eyes and sat up. Her head was pounding and her skin felt sensitive to the touch. She glanced down at her arms and saw they were blistered red. Her eyes snapped up and locked on the center of the circle. A sob caught in her throat and tears streamed down her face.

Spike sat in the center of everything, one hand to his head and his eyes closed. He figured he must've been out for some time and wondered if he'd frightened Buffy fainting like that. Slowly his eyes opened and he stared around him. "What the hell?"

"Spike?"

He turned at the sound of his name. She was staring at him as if she hadn't seen him in days and tears were running in rivulets down her cheeks. He felt a pang of guilt in his gut. "Buffy, I'm sorry, pet. I didn't mean to scare you like that."

She pushed herself to her feet and dove into his arms. "You're okay," she murmured as she lavished his face with kisses.

Spike hadn't the faintest clue what was going on, but he really didn't care. He hugged her tightly to him and captured her wandering lips with his. He tasted the salty tears on her lips, mingling with their original sweetness. The combination made him hunger for more. He growled low in his chest and danced his fingers up and down her spine.

It felt so good to be in his arms again, kissing him without a care in the world. The ache in her chest was gone, replaced by the comfortable swelling of her heart. Buffy didn't want to break contact with him, but she needed to tell him. Gently she pushed away and twined her fingers in his. "Spike, there's something I need to tell you."

He frowned. Talking with Buffy usually led to fighting with Buffy, which was not at all what he wanted to be doing with her at the moment. As her fingers twined around his, he looked into her eyes and wondered what was going on.

Buffy smiled and planted a soft kiss on his lips. Her eyes passed over his face as she memorized every curve and slant. Finally she said, "I love you, Spike."

Spike closed his eyes as the words echoed in his head. He smiled serenely and when he opened his eyes, they were shiny with unshed tears. He dipped his head and kissed her, a thorough, claiming kiss that told her plainly she was his. As he broke away and wrapped his arms securely around her, he asked, "When did you finally realize it, luv?"

Buffy laid her head against his chest and placed a hand over his unbeating heart. "I had a dream..."

~~~The End~~~