~Chapter Fourteen: Missing~

The sun had already begun its long ascent into the bright morning sky when William awoke. He rolled out of bed and splashed some cold water on his face from the basin beside his bed. Drying off, he glanced at himself in the mirror and frowned. Unruly curls of white-blonde hair stuck up all over his head, refusing to maintain any semblance of order. He ran his fingers through the messy strands, trying to force them to lay flat but to no avail. The stubborn locks refused to be tamed, and he gave up with a sigh, moving to his dresser to pick out some clothes.

Now fully dressed in a pair of comfortable gray slacks and a dark blue shirt, William walked silently to the adjoining door of his wife’s room and cautiously opened it. Sunlight poured in from the open curtains, bathing the room in a shimmering golden glow. As his eyes came to rest on the bed in the center of the room, William’s face fell. Buffy was not lying asleep under the covers as she should have been, nor did it appear that she was anywhere in the room. He checked her bathroom just in case she was taking a bath, but she wasn’t there either.

‘Must already be downstairs,’ he thought as he exited her room.

He heard voices coming from the kitchen, so he headed in that direction, hoping that maybe she was talking with Willow. For the second time that morning, William found himself disappointed. Buffy wasn’t in the kitchen at all, though he did spy Willow and Giles having a heated discussion in the corner. Curious, William strolled over with his best amused grin and greeted them.

At the sound of his voice, the pair immediately jumped away from each other. Willow’s face reddened to match the color of her hair, and Giles began to vigorously clean his glasses. Both had guilty looks on their faces, and William’s curiosity increased.

“What’s going on?” he asked as casually as he could.

Willow looked away from him. “I-I think Giles has s-something to tell you.”

William glanced at the older man, eyebrow raised.

Giles spared Willow a brief scowl before turning to William and saying, “There is a matter of some importance I would like to discuss with you, but it isn’t imperative at the moment.”

“You just said it was ‘a matter of great urgency,’” Willow quoted, using her best Giles-voice. “A-and I think Count William deserves to know!”

William was becoming increasingly nervous. First Buffy was nowhere to be found, and now Giles had some secret that was apparently very important. He had a sinking feeling the two were related, and from the way Giles was glaring daggers at Willow, he was certain it was something he wouldn’t like in the least. “What is it?” he asked quietly, almost afraid to hear the answer.

“What?” Giles asked as if he’d just noticed William was there. He shook his head as he remembered what had been going on and said, “Oh, right. Well, it-it’s about Buffy.”

The color drained from William’s face. “What ‘bout her?”

Gazing sympathetically at him, Giles stated softly, “She went back to America.”

For a long while, nothing was said. Giles and Willow glanced nervously at each other and then at William, trying to gauge his reaction. William was staring straight ahead of him, his eyes glassy and unfocused. Willow took a step forward and placed a tentative hand on his shoulder. “Sir?” she whispered, almost afraid to speak to him.

“When?” was the raspy reply.

“I’m not certain. I took her to your mother’s late last night, and when I went back there this morning, Joyce said she had taken Buffy to the docks,” Giles explained quietly.

William’s face was now carefully blank. “Did my mum know ‘bout this?” he asked coolly.

“I-I don’t know, William. I suppose you’d have to go and ask her.”

Without waiting for further incentive, William stalked out of the room. Willow and Giles followed closely at his heels, worried that he was about to do something rash.

“I didn’t mean now,” Giles said quickly as he hurried to catch up to the younger man.

“You haven’t even eaten breakfast yet,” Willow added.

Whirling to face them, William said roughly, “‘M going to get answers, *now*.” Before either of them could reply, he stormed out of the manor.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Rebecca was in the parlor, her needle and thread in her lap, when William burst in. Startled, she dropped the sample she had been stitching and yelped in surprise. Pressing a hand to her rapidly beating heart, Rebecca glared at her son. “Don’t do that ever again, William! You scared me to death!”

William wasn’t in the mood for small talk. “Where’s Joyce?” he asked, his tone cold.

“What’s wrong?” Rebecca asked quickly, her motherly instincts kicking in.

“I need to speak with Joyce,” was all William would say.

Becoming increasingly worried, Rebecca sent for the nearest servant to go fetch Joyce. After the young girl had gone, she forced William to sit beside her and asked softly, “What’s going on, William?”

He refused to tell her, staring blankly at the wall before him, his eyes hard. As soon as Joyce entered the room, he shot out of his seat and marched toward her. “Where is she?” he asked lowly.

Joyce knew what he had come to speak to her about the moment she saw him. His reaction didn’t surprise her; she had been expecting him to be angry and worried when Buffy was nowhere to be found, and this gave her a bit of hope.

Knowing she couldn’t sit idly while her daughter was in pain, Joyce had decided it was time the truth was told. She knew it wasn’t her place to step in on Buffy’s decision to leave London, but she knew also that sometimes her daughter was too stubborn for her own good. It was obvious to Joyce that Buffy felt something for William, though she was aware her daughter would never admit to it. The only question on her mind now was how William felt, and she aimed to find out.

“I think we need to speak privately,” she told him, her eyes flickering to Rebecca for a second.

A barely imperceptible nod was her only answer as William got the hint. His mother had no idea what was going on, which was small consolation considering his wife was missing. Still, William waited for Joyce to exit the room and then followed close behind her. She led him into the den down the hall, and he shut the doors after them once they were inside.

“Sit down, William,” Joyce said, pointing to the chair opposite hers. “There’s a few things I have to explain to you, and I want you to listen quietly until I’m through, then you may ask questions.”

William complied and sat down across from her. He waited patiently for her to begin, his features impassive.

“I’m not sure how much you already know, so I’m just going to start from the beginning,” she explained. “Giles brought Buffy to me crying last night. She was very upset and very confused. At first, she couldn’t form complete sentences she was crying so hard. Eventually, I calmed her down enough, and she explained to me everything that has happened between the two of you since we came here. Some of it I knew, and some came as quite a shock to me. She told me about your mistress, Drusilla, and about your rival, Angel. She told me how you were both at each other’s throats most of the time until that night when you found out Drusilla was working with Angel, relating everything you told her back to him. Buffy said you were hurt pretty badly that night, and she volunteered to care for you. After that, she said things between you two began to change. You were able to have civil conversations, and she even started enjoying your company. Her feelings towards you were changing in a positive, amiable way, and she was fairly sure yours were heading in that direction as well. Unfortunately, she ran into that Angel fellow, and somehow he convinced her that you were only using her to produce an heir. He also told her that you were still, and always would be, in love with Drusilla. I believe that’s what influenced her decision to leave the most.” Joyce studied him carefully. “She was just beginning to trust you, to maybe even feel for you, and then she found out you had been lying to her all this time...”

“I wasn’t!” William protested. “I never lied to her ‘bout Dru and me, and ‘m sure as hell not in love with her anymore! And everything Angel told her was said deliberately so this would happen. None of it’s true!”

Joyce shrugged. “I’m simply telling you this from her perspective, William. This is how she felt when she came to me.”

William locked eyes with her, imploring her as he said, “You have to believe that I would never do anything to hurt Buffy.”

“You have in the past,” Joyce reminded him gently.

He sighed and looked away from her, his gaze drifting out the widow. “‘S different now.”

Thoughtful, she cocked her head and studied him. “Why is it different now?”

Another sigh, and he shrugged. “Just is I guess.”

‘The moment of truth,’ Joyce thought, and she took a steadying breath. What she was about to ask could have a few different answers, and whichever one he gave would be the one to influence her decision. She prayed he would not give her the wrong one.

“Do you love my daughter, William?”

Shocked into silence, William could do nothing but stare blankly at her. Such a simple question she had asked, yet it delved so deeply into himself that he wasn’t sure of his answer. Feelings had developed for his wife, of that there was no doubt, but was he ready for such an emotional roller coaster? He was scared just thinking about it, which didn’t inspire much confidence in himself. He had been burned by love before, and he sure as hell didn’t want another broken heart, nor did he want to hurt Buffy the way Dru had hurt him. He’d really been hoping to take things slow with Buffy after their abrupt arranged marriage, of course. He wanted to take the time to get to know her, and he wanted their love (if their feelings took root that deep) to grow in its own time. He didn’t want to rush anything for fear of getting in too deep and not being able to pull himself out when everything fell apart.

Shaking his head, William said softly, “Don’t rightly know. I feel something for her, but...”

“You don’t know if it’s love,” Joyce finished for him, her tone carefully devoid of emotions.

He nodded slowly, already understanding that this wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear. “‘M sorry.”

She forced herself to smile at him. “Nothing to be sorry about, dear. You can’t help what you feel...and what you don’t feel.”

They fell into an awkward silence. Joyce’s heart felt heavy. She had known when she first decided on a course of action that he would either confess that he loved Buffy, and she would send him to America, or he wouldn’t, and she would have to admit that Buffy was right in leaving him. Perhaps she was wrong about the whole thing and neither one of them felt as strongly as she’d initially thought. Then again, what if they did and they were throwing away the chance of a lifetime? Could she stand by and watch while both of them suffered?

‘It’s not up to me anymore,’ she reminded herself. ‘I’ve meddled enough in their lives as it is. Now it’s time for them to grow up and start making their own decisions, no matter how hard it is for all of us.’

William felt empty, like a part of him was missing. He’d felt this way since he’d learned Buffy was gone, but he knew there was nothing he could do about it. She was probably better off anyway after the way he’d treated her. They were both probably better off in the long run because now neither of them would be hurt by the other. There was still the pain he felt now, however, but he knew in time the ache would subside and his life could return to normal. Actually, it would never be normal again. Somehow when he hadn’t been looking, normal had become sharing his life with Buffy. He still half expected to wake up from this horrible dream to find her curled against his side. It didn’t feel right knowing that she would never be near him again, and he asked, as if to confirm his fears, “She’s really gone, isn’t she?”

Joyce glanced at him, tears glistening in her eyes. ‘She doesn’t have to be,’ she thought sadly, but to William she said, “Yes, she really is.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Buffy stepped up on the porch of the old brown house, her heart thumping nervously in her ears. She knocked softly on the door and waited for the familiar sound of footsteps approaching. As the door slowly creaked open, she smiled. “Tara Roberts?”

The young woman on the other side came forward, tilting her head. She had shoulder-length dark blonde hair and soft brown eyes that reminded Buffy of a doe’s eyes. Though she was probably only a few years older than Buffy, the woman had a very caring, maternal look about her that made her seem older and wiser. “What can I do for you?” she asked quietly.

“I-I’m Buffy Sum...uh...Edmonton. I’m Joyce Summers’ daughter.”

Tara’s brown eyes lit up in surprise. “Why, Buffy, I wouldn’t have recognized you!”

Buffy was perplexed. “Y-you know me?”

“We used to play together when we were little. Our mothers were good friends, you know,” Tara explained kindly, stepping aside so Buffy could enter her home. “My mother died when I was quite young, so I doubt you would remember me. I didn’t see much of you after she passed away.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Tara shrugged and led her to the kitchen. “It was a long time ago, but thank you. Would you like some tea?”

Buffy accepted the offered cup of tea and sat down at the small table.

“So, what brings you here, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Not at all,” Buffy replied. “It’s sort of a long story, though.”

Tara nodded and set her tea down, leaning forward expectantly.

Feeling as if she could trust Tara with anything, Buffy began her long tale. It felt good to get everything out, even though she didn’t know Tara very well. The other woman was a good listener though, and that made Buffy feel more confident as she continued on. Soon, the whole story had been told, and she waited quietly for Tara to speak.

It took a little while for the whole story to sink in, but once it did, Tara found herself feeling sorry for Buffy. The poor girl had gone through an awful lot of traumatic things in such a short amount of time. She felt a strong, motherly urge to care for Buffy and her baby, and with that thought, her decision was made. “You’re certainly welcome to stay here with me as long as you like. It will be an adjustment for both of us, but I think we’ll get along just fine.”

“And the baby?” Buffy asked uncertainly, her left hand straying to her swelling tummy.

Tara smiled gently. “You’re in good hands, Buffy, don’t you worry.”

Finally relaxing a little, Buffy gave her new friend a shy smile. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, dear,” Tara replied cheerily, patting Buffy’s hand. “I’ll go make up the guest room for you.”

Buffy nodded and watched as Tara left the kitchen. She yawned and stretched in her chair. It had been a long trip, and she was looking forward to a nice long nap. Glancing around her, she smiled softly at the cozy home, suddenly feeling safe and content. For the first time since she’d left England, Buffy felt like she had done the right thing. There was still a part of her that hurt every time she thought about William, but she refused to dwell on it. She wanted desperately to stop missing him, to stop the ache in her heart, but she knew she couldn’t. The truth was, he *had* hurt her, and she *had* felt something for him, no matter how hard she’d tried to deny it. But all that was different now. She had made her decision, and she was going to stand by it. In time, the pain would dissipate, her feelings for him would fade, and she would finally be able to move on with her life. Until then, at least she had one little reminder of him deep within her.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

TBC....

 

~Chapter Fifteen: Deserving~

“For the last time, Will, get your lazy ass out of that bed right now before I come in there and drag you out!” Xander shouted from the hallway. He banged his fist several times on the closed door to emphasize his statement and then fell silent, waiting to hear his friend’s footsteps approach the hall. Nothing. He sighed heavily. “All right, I warned you!”

William’s gaze barely flickered to the door as it swung open violently. He stared up at the ceiling, his hands folded behind his head, lost in his own dreary thoughts. For six long months he’d been living like this. He shut himself up in his office during the morning, hardly speaking to anyone unless absolutely necessary, and then after dinner he retired to his bedroom where he lay still just thinking. Since Buffy had left, he’d had a lot to think about.

Xander came beside the bed, his arms crossed angrily over his chest. “Did you not hear me pounding on your door?” he snapped.

“I heard you.”

“So you just decided to be an asshole and not let me in?” Xander fumed.

William shrugged.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Xander threw himself into a nearby chair and glared at his friend. “It’s been six months, Will. You can’t keep going on like this or you’ll kill yourself. Either that or I’ll kill you.”

“What would you have me do, Xander, just forget the whole thing? Just forget that she’s gone and there’s not a damn thing I can do ‘bout it?” William asked harshly, sitting up so he could glower at the brunette. “Don’t you think I’ve tried?”

The anger completely vanished from Xander’s system. He shook his head sadly and said, “I know you’ve tried, Will, and I know how hard it must be for you to forget.”

“No, you don’t,” William said quietly. “You have no idea what it’s like to feel something and then have it all just slip away the next instant.”

Xander nodded slowly. “You’re right, I don’t know what it’s like. Maybe it’s time you told me the whole story.”

Closing his eyes, William leaned his head back against the wall. “Things were just starting to turn around. We’d gotten past all the petty arguments and lies, and we slowly began to trust each other. I actually started thinking I could learn to love her in time, but then that damn Angel had to step in and ruin everything. He convinced her that the only thing I wanted from her was an heir, and that I was still in love with Dru. She didn’t even give me time to explain. Hell, she didn’t even stay and tell me what *happened*. She just *left*. Not that I blame her. I never really gave her a reason to trust me. The things I said to her, the way I acted...’m surprised she didn’t leave sooner. In a way, I saw it coming. I mean, she had gone through all the trouble of threatening to do it before we got married, but that was before everything changed. I really thought it was all gonna be okay.” He sighed and shook his head, his eyes still closed. “I know I deserved it though. ‘S my fault she’s gone.”

“Wait just a second,” Xander interrupted, holding up an objecting hand. “I thought you just said it was Angel who told her all those lies?”

William opened his eyes and gave his friend a confused frown. “Yeah, but...”

“So how are you supposed to control the idiotic things that come out of his mouth? You know how much he hates you, and you know he’ll do practically anything just to destroy you. So why in hell would you think for a *second* that this was your fault? The way I see it, this is completely his fault, and I think you know that. You’re just blaming yourself because you think it’ll help ease your pain. Well, guess what, Will, lying to yourself is only going to make things worse.”

“She wouldn’t have believed him if I hadn’t given her a reason not to trust me,” William protested reasonably.

Xander sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “You both said things you shouldn’t have, and you both did stupid things just to annoy one another. You were thrown into marriage three days after not seeing each other for fourteen years, so your whole relationship was basically an issue of non-trust. And believe me, trust is a difficult thing to gain. It takes hard work and understanding, things which you two working towards before Hair Boy decided he wanted to get some laughs at your expense. Buffy’s trust in you hadn’t completely developed to begin with, and *that’s* why it was easy for her to believe Angel.”

After pondering that for a moment, William said, “Fine, but you still can’t say I didn’t deserve this. Not after everything that happened.”

Becoming slightly tired of the whole pity act, Xander said, a bit more harshly than he’d intended, “What do you want from me, Will? Do you want me to tell you it was all your fault and you deserve to have your heart broken into a million pieces and then shoved down your throat? Okay, fine, that’s what you deserve. Happy now?”

William had the grace to look embarrassed as he said, “Just tell me the truth.”

Relaxing, Xander grinned and replied, “Truth I can do. I’m not very good at the whole ‘pity me’ routine you were pulling back there.”

Mirroring his grin, William joked lightly, “So I noticed.”

Xander chose to ignore that comment as he continued, “You don’t deserve this kind of pain. Okay, so you and Buffy didn’t exactly hit it off and fall madly in love at first sight, but you didn’t kill each other either. You traded insults and fought a lot, but you pulled it all together in the end and developed a mutual trust that would have turned out to be something much greater if stupid Angel hadn’t screwed it all up. You don’t deserve to go through all that and not come out on top. What you deserve, Will, is to be with the woman you love. You deserve to hold her and kiss her, to grow old with her and watch your children tear this beautiful house to shreds. You deserve to be happy. The only question now is, are you willing to prove you’ve earned that?”

A sad smile crossed William’s face. “Don’t think I know how to prove that.”

“Do you love her?” Xander asked.

His first reaction was to recoil in fear, but then William thought. Fear had been ruling his life for half a year, and he was finally sick to death of it. He’d been down that path before with Joyce and the only things it had brought him were pain and misery. He wanted everything Xander had told him he deserved, and he wanted it all with Buffy. Deep inside there was still the fear of being rejected, but he was ready to move past it and take a risk in order to get what he’d earned. And after that, he knew proving he’d earned it would be much simpler. With a soft smile curving his lips, William replied, “I do love her.”

Xander chuckled. “And it only took you six months.” He ducked under the playful punch William threw his way and instantly turned serious again. “You know we’ve still got a ways to go?”

“At least the worst is over,” William answered. “Uh, it is, right?”

Clapping him on the back and laughing, Xander said, “I sure hope so, for your sake.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“What is it you wanted to see me about, William?” Joyce asked tiredly as she stepped into the parlor where William sat. She really wasn’t in the mood to see him right then, being far too busy with more important matters like her daughter. Joyce had received a letter from Tara a few days ago, congratulating her with the news that she was now a proud grandmother. Buffy’s new baby girl was happy and healthy, and Buffy was doing just fine, too. She had been in the process of making arrangements to go to America and visit when William had asked to speak with her. She couldn’t help but wonder what he was there for, considering she hadn’t spoken much with him in the past six months.

William motioned for her to sit down and smiled shyly. “Actually, ‘s ‘bout Buffy.”

Joyce looked a little surprised but covered it well by saying, “I believe we’ve already discussed my daughter, William. Now, if you’ll excuse me...”

“Wait!” he protested, shooting out of his chair and grabbing her arm as she stood up to leave. “Please, Joyce, just hear me out.”

Her eyes studied the determined look on his face carefully. Easing back into her chair, she said, “All right, go ahead.”

He took a quick breath and began, “There’s no real easy way to tell you this after what I said before, so I guess I’ll just come right out and say it. I love your daughter, Joyce. Think I’ve loved her for a long time but was too scared to admit it.”

Joyce sucked in a sharp breath and her lips pinched into a thin line. “It’s been half a year, William. Do you know how long that is?”

“‘S been the longest six months of my life,” he replied. “Being without Buffy was harder than I’d ever imagined. I tried to get on by myself, but I can’t do it anymore. I was afraid that after all the fights we’d had and the hate we’d felt, that’s all our lives together would ever be. I didn’t want to end up hurting her, so I figured letting her go would be better. But ‘s killing me a little more everyday. I need her, Joyce.”

Still skeptical, Joyce asked, “What makes you think your lives will be more than just hatred and fights?”

“‘Cause I love her, and I believe we can make it work. Before when you asked me if I loved her, I was afraid. I made the mistake of letting fear guide me instead of my heart. I won’t make that mistake again because I know I deserve her, and I can prove that to her if you’ll just give me a chance.”

“Why do you think you deserve her?” Joyce asked quietly, searching his face and finding the sincerity in it.

William smiled a bit. “Look what we’ve been through already, Joyce, and yet I still love her. ‘M willing now to do whatever it takes to have her. Besides, would you have had us betrothed if you didn’t think I deserved her?”

A fleeting smile passed over Joyce’s face, but it quickly vanished as she said, “I don’t know, William. I believe you when you say you love her, and I imagine it was hard for you to come to that conclusion after what Drusilla did to you and after what you and Buffy went through. But six months....it’s a long time to wait for someone. Buffy is living her own life in America, and I don’t know if it’s fair to her to send you there. She’s already had to adjust twice in her life, and I’m not sure she’d be willing to do it a third.”

His face was a mask of resolve. “I appreciate that you want to do what you think is right for your daughter, Joyce, but I’ve already wasted half a year without my wife. ‘M not willing to wait any longer. I love her, and ‘m not afraid anymore. I can be what she needs now.”

Silence fell over the room as Joyce scrutinized the young man before her. She had waited a long time to hear him say those things, and she was certain he meant them. It would definitely be a shock for Buffy when her husband came strolling back into her life, but she couldn’t let her granddaughter grow up without a father, could she? Besides, maybe now that William had finally admitted his feelings, it would be easier for her daughter to do the same. As a slow smile crept over her face, Joyce said, “I’ve already made arrangements. I was going to visit Buffy and the baby, but I think it’s better this way.”

William’s mouth dropped open. “The-the baby?”

Joyce’s smile widened, and she said innocently, “Why yes, dear, didn’t I tell you? You’re the proud papa of a beautiful baby girl.”

Stunned way beyond words, William stared at her, mouth agape. A tiny giggle escaped his throat before Joyce was pushing him toward the door.

“Go on home and pack your bags, William,” she told him. “The ship leaves tomorrow morning.” She watched him stumble a few steps, a goofy grin on his face, before shouting, “And don’t forget to bring my daughter and granddaughter back home with you!”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

As the ship docked, William looked out at America with wide blue eyes. He had never really been away from England, except one summer he had spent in the south of France. It was exciting to him to see new places, and this place was especially intriguing. He’d heard stories of how beautiful America was, and he couldn’t wait until morning to see it all for himself. The ship was only docking for a short time, however, so he moved away from the rail and hauled his luggage off behind him.

He managed to catch a ride on a horse-drawn carriage through town and deeper into the woods where Tara lived. As the driver pulled up beside the small brown house, William climbed down, paid the man a few coins, and thanked him for his help. He watched the little carriage hurry away into the dark before turning back to the house nervously. His palms were slick with sweat as he grabbed his bags and carried them up to the door. His heart was beating quickly beneath his breast, and he was anxious to see his wife again. He wasn’t sure how well she would take his presence, but he hoped he could convince her to come back to London with him. Rapping sharply on the door, he stepped back a bit and waited.

Tara opened the door, a sleeping baby in her arms, and a tired look on her face. She looked William up and down once before asking, “May I help you?”

Tearing his eyes away from the tiny bundle in her arms, William smiled and said, “‘M here to see Buffy. ‘M her husband, William Edmonton.”

Surprise was written all over Tara’s face as she gazed at him. “Y-you’re William?” she asked, bewildered.

He nodded. “Buffy does live here, yeah?” The way she was looking at him made him feel very self-conscious, and he started to hope this wasn’t the right house.

Tara seemed to remember her manners as her face flushed red. She moved aside and beckoned him in with her free arm. “Yes, Buffy does live here. I’m sorry, you’ll have to excuse my manners, it’s just...well, I wasn’t ever expecting to meet you.”

William was about to ask her what she meant by that, but the baby in Tara’s arms began to fuss. He watched in awe as the woman gently rocked the tiny child back and forth, murmuring soothing words and cooing softly.

“Excuse me for one minute,” Tara said. “I’m going to get Buffy. I’m sure you two have a lot of catching up to do.” She smiled at him and hurried off, still cuddling the baby to her tightly.

Making himself a bit more comfortable, William set his luggage on the floor and sat down in a nearby chair. He looked around at the homey little room and smiled. This was a nice place to raise a baby, and Tara seemed very responsible. It was obvious Buffy had gotten the care and attention she needed, and he was glad that someone had been there to help her when he hadn’t been. Of course, all that was different now. He was here, and he was determined to prove to Buffy that he loved her and could take care of her and their baby.

“William?”

Turning his head sharply at the sound of his name, William stared into the wide hazel eyes of his wife. He smiled gently at her, his eyes skimming over her curvaceous form. She hadn’t quite gotten her figure back, but he wasn’t complaining. She looked as beautiful to him as she had the day she’d come back to London. “Hello, Buffy.”

Buffy struggled to form words as her eyes roved over her husband’s body. “I-I don’t believe it’s you,” she whispered. “Tara told me, but I didn’t believe her. I h-had to come see...” A single, pearl tear slid down her cheek.

In one swift movement, William was in front of her, pulling her into his embrace. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, reveling in the feel of her pressed so close against him. He didn’t notice she had stiffened until she spoke.

“Get out,” she told him through gritted teeth. When he didn’t move, she shoved at him until he let her go and looked him square in the eye. “I said, get *out*.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

TBC....

~Chapter Sixteen: Hope~

William blinked, reality crashing in on him as he looked at her angry face. Those weren’t happy tears she was crying at seeing him again. His face fell. “Buffy...”

“You h-heard me,” Buffy interrupted, trying desperately to keep her voice steady despite the wave of emotions that threatened to consume her. She felt more pain-filled tears prick her eyes, but she blinked them back, unwilling to let him see her cry again. “Just leave, William. There’s no place here for you.”

Her words stung, but he wasn’t ready to give up yet; too much was at stake. Sucking in a sharp breath, he closed his eyes and asked quietly, “Can we just talk?”

She sighed in exasperation. “I really don’t think there’s anything to say.”

“Will you let me try?” he begged, opening his eyes to stare imploringly at her.

Buffy’s resolve began to crumble under his gaze. She could feel herself being pulled toward him by the magnetic blue of his eyes, and she almost had to shake herself to break the spell. Though a little unnerved by his apparent thrall over her, she nonetheless found herself wondering why he’d come. She supposed she at least owed it to him to listen to what he had to say after he’d made the long journey to see her. Besides, it was very late, and she somewhat doubted he’d made arrangements to sleep somewhere. “Fine,” she said finally, crossing her arms over her chest. “Why don’t we start with you telling me what the hell you’re doing here?”

William sighed. This was not going the way he had planned at all. He really didn’t want to fight with Buffy, but there seemed to be no way around it. Their past was steeped in anger and suspicion, and the only way to get past all that would be to finally have it all out. He could only hope that it wouldn’t make things worse in the end. Running his fingers through his hair, he asked, “Why do you think ‘m here?”

She laughed bitterly. “Well, considering I haven’t seen or heard from you in about six months, I really can’t say.”

He flinched a little at her harsh tone. “Buffy, what I did...there were reasons for it. Granted, not the very best of reasons, but you have no idea what I’ve been through these past six months.”

“And you have no idea what *I’ve* been through,” Buffy snapped. “So why don’t you just cut to the chase.”

Hesitantly, he began, “After you left, I didn’t know what had happened. Thought things had been going fine, then the next thing I know, you’ve up and left for America. So I spoke to your mum, and she told me the whole story ‘bout what Angel said to you and how you decided to leave England.” He paused, glancing at her in disappointment. “How could you have believed him, Buffy? You saw what he did to me.”

Her chin rose a notch in defiance. “I remembered that little deal you made with your father. How could I trust you knowing that all you wanted from me was an heir?”

His voice was quiet, almost a pain-filled whisper as he replied, “We made a truce. Did that mean nothing to you?”

“Of course it meant something to me! I was the one who came up with the idea, remember?”

Slowly, he nodded. “Well, it meant something to me, too. That deal wasn’t important to me anymore, Buffy. What I cared ‘bout was you.”

She allowed his words to sink in, her eyes glossing over with fresh tears. When she spoke next, her voice was meant to be brutal but it came out as more of a plea instead. “Then why did it take you so long to come here?” she inquired.

William’s voice softened as he explained, “I was scared. You left before I had time to figure things out. Didn’t wanna end up getting hurt again, and I didn’t wanna hurt you either. Wasn’t sure what I felt at the time, and when you left, I figured it was better that way. Thought I was protecting both of us from getting hurt by letting you go, but I’ve only been hurting myself.” He took a step closer to her, his cerulean eyes looking deep into her hazel ones. “I’ve missed you, Buffy,” he whispered.

A few salty tears slipped down Buffy’s pink cheeks. “You think you can just waltz in here a-and expect me to swoon over you after everything that’s happened?” Her voice was shaky, on the edge of breaking with the emotions she felt tumbling around inside of her. “You put me through hell for half a year...”

“I know,” he interrupted quietly. “I know everything I did to you because I did it to myself. All the pain you felt I felt, too. All the anger, sadness, everything.” He closed his eyes for a second, gathering all the strength he could muster to finally tell her what he’d come here to say. When he opened them again, he held her gaze. “‘M sorry it took me so long to realize it, but I love you, Buffy. I love you, and I want you and our daughter to come back home with me.”

Buffy shut her eyes tightly, trying to block out his words. She tried to steel herself against the flutter of emotions in her belly, but she couldn’t stop it. His words kept echoing in her head, ringing in her ears, and reverberating through her entire body. She couldn’t stop the effect they had on her, and she turned away quickly in her best effort to ignore it. “It-it’s very late,” she said, her voice quavering. “I think--I think I should go to bed now.”

William placed a tentative hand on her shoulder, but she jerked away. He stared at the back of her head as he struggled to find words that would make the shock disappear. All he could come up with was, “Buffy, ‘m sorry.” It was a pitiful attempt at atoning for her chaotic emotions, he knew, but it was all he could think of short of taking back what he’d said. And he wasn’t even going to consider doing that. He’d meant what he’d said, and to take it back now would only make things worse. This was just something she would have to accept, no matter how difficult it may be. At least, he *hoped* she would accept it.

Tara approached them then, looking warily between the two. “B-Buffy?” she asked hesitantly, staring at her friend’s tear-stained face. “I just came to t-tell you that Hope is in bed.”

Nodding her head absently, Buffy replied, “Thank you. I was just heading off to bed myself.” She paused then, as if weighing what she was about to say next. After a moment, she said quietly, “Please fix up the spare cot for our guest, Tara. I need some time to think, and I’ll speak to him in the morning.” Without another word or even a backward glance, she walked briskly to her bedroom, closing the door firmly behind her.

William and Tara stood awkwardly in silence for a few moments before Tara finally asked, “Are you hungry?”

Giving her a half-hearted smile, William answered, “Starved.”

She led him into the kitchen, pointing to a chair in the corner of the room. As she busied herself fixing up leftover meat and vegetables, she said, “It’s not really my p-place to ask, but what happened between you two?”

He exhaled deeply. “Told her I loved her. Didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.”

Setting the plate of food before him, Tara offered him a sympathetic smile. “Give her time, William. You’ve got to understand that she’s lived without you for six months. That’s a long time to not see someone.”

“Maybe too long,” he added dejectedly, stabbing at a piece of meat with his fork.

“Maybe not,” she countered, a small smile playing on her lips.

He arched a scarred eyebrow.

Tara leaned forward and gave him a sly grin. “I think she m-misses you sometimes, although she’s never said anything to me. She’s had dreams about you, though. I hear her talking in her sleep at night.” Her smile fell away to be replaced by a sad frown as she added, “Sometimes she cries when she doesn’t think I can hear. I’ve never asked her about it, b-but I think it’s partly because she misses you and partly because she’s angry with you.” She sighed. “It’s not something she likes to talk about, but I can tell she feels something for you. It’s just going to take her some time to work up the courage to tell you that.”

A faint smile blossomed on his lips. “You think so?”

She nodded. “Just be patient.” Then she stood up, clearing her throat as she said, “Well, I should go check on Hope and then fix up the cot for you.”

“Can I see her?” William asked, tilting his head to look at Tara as she stood.

She bit her lip in indecision. “Hope? I-I don’t know if Buffy would approve...”

“Please?” he begged.

Tara looked at his pleading face, her heart melting at the sight of him. She couldn’t imagine how horrible it would be to never see her children (if she had any), and she didn’t want to deprive William of seeing his. Laughing softly, she joked lightly, “You’re going to get me into a lot of trouble, Mr. Edmonton.”

He grinned. “That’s a yes then?”

She simply smiled at him, beckoning him to follow her. When they had reached Hope’s nursery, she opened the door for him and ushered him in. Hope was lying quietly on her back, one tiny fist clutching her blanket, the other resting by her side. Her wide blue eyes were staring in fascination at the ceiling as if she could see some intricate pattern. With a small wave, Tara exited the nursery, leaving Daddy and baby alone at last.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Buffy tossed and turned in her bed, sleep evading her no matter what she did. She kept thinking about what her husband had said to her earlier, and the feelings returned the more she thought about it. Confusion seemed to be her only friend at this late hour, and she began to resent it. She didn’t want to think about what he’d said, and she definitely didn’t want to think about the way it had made her feel. All she wanted was to pretend that this had never happened and to continue her life as she had been, far away from William.

A little twinge in her chest told her she was only lying to herself. She didn’t really want to be away from William. It was easier with him in London, yes, but it was also more painful. Even she could admit that seeing him hadn’t been entirely unpleasant. Sure, it had surfaced old, not completely friendly feelings, but it had unearthed other feelings as well, feelings that hadn’t been given enough time to properly develop. She couldn’t help but wonder where those feelings would lead. She could admit also that she’d missed him and that seeing him again had stopped that lonely ache.

Still, it wasn’t fair of him to barge in on her life after six months of absolutely no contact. She had just begun to readjust, to finally start to settle down in the comfort of Tara’s home and her company, and then whamo! William was back in her life, and this time, he had a little confession to make. Only it wasn’t little. It was a *huge* confession, one which could change her life forever if she chose to let it. And therein lay her problem: did she want to let it? Did she want to return with him and go back to the way things used to be? Could she give up all that she’d known here? Would she ever be able to love him despite all the heartache he’d caused her?

The answers to these questions, Buffy didn’t know. She almost felt split down the center, half of her wanting her old life with her husband in London and the other quite content to live her new life here in America. She needed a distraction, something that would keep her mind far away from William...at least until she’d calmed down enough to think rationally. Slipping out of bed, she tugged on her dark blue robe and hurried across the hall to her baby’s nursery. A beam of pale yellow light glinted from behind the half open door, and Buffy peered in, curious. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight before her.

Sitting in the corner of the nursery, Hope held closely to his chest, sat William, rocking his baby girl to sleep. He was whispering something to her, pausing every now and then to lay feather-light kisses on her forehead. She lay still in his arms, her eyes open and staring in wonder at his handsome face.

Buffy came closer, straining to hear what he was saying.

Hope began to fuss, and William patted her back gently. “Hush now, luv. Daddy’s got you.” She squirmed a bit in his arms, and he smiled down at her. “Want a story, do you? Right then, let’s see...how ‘bout I tell you the story of how your mum and I met? Would you like to hear that, Hope?” She cooed softly, and he placed a tiny kiss on her nose.

Buffy’s heart fluttered in her chest when she heard him say “Daddy.” She was mesmerized by his affection toward Hope, watching him in awe as he cuddled her close and spoke so gently to her. She had never seen him with a baby, and the fuzzy feelings she’d begun to feel when he’d told her he loved her came back full force. Only this time, she wasn’t distressed by them; quite the contrary, she felt completely content.

“She’s an amazing woman, your mum is,” William was saying, the tale of how he and Buffy had met drawing to a close. “Fiery temper, stubborn to a fault, and absolutely gorgeous. One day you’ll grow up to be just like her, and Lord help the man who falls in love with you.” He chuckled lightly as he nuzzled her cheek. “And now, little one, ‘s time for bed.” Placing her gently in the crib, he bent down and planted a loving kiss to the top of her head. “Good night, Hope,” he whispered as he turned away.

Before Buffy could move away from the door, William’s eyes landed on her. Embarrassed that he’d caught her spying on him, she smiled bashfully. “Hi.”

He nodded his head at her as he stepped out of Hope’s nursery and shut the door behind him. “What’re you still doing up? ‘S late, thought you’d be fast asleep by now.”

She shrugged. “You gave me a lot to think about.”

“And did you?” he asked, unable to keep the expectation out of his voice.

Buffy hesitated, her eyes searching his eager face. She replayed his words from earlier, and as her mind echoed them back to her, she saw him standing in Hope’s nursery, a proud smile on his face as he held her in his arms. Thinking back to the traumatic events they’d shared in England, she pictured the two of them fighting, angry words and accusations flying back and forth without thought. And then she remembered that awful night when he’d confronted Angel, how Xander and Giles had nearly carried him home. She’d decided that night it was time to reconcile their differences and start over. Perhaps now it was time to do the same.

“I had been thinking about what you’d said to me,” she began. “I tried ignoring the way it had made me feel, and I tried convincing myself that I didn’t want to have anything to do with you anymore. It wasn’t fair of you to come waltzing in here just when I thought I was finally over you. I hated the fact that I missed you, and I hated you for making me feel so awful.” Her voice broke as tears welled in her eyes.

“And at the same time, I didn’t feel lonely anymore. I’d felt like a part of me had been missing, and when you came back, it felt like that piece had finally been found.” She sniffed, wiping at her eyes and tucking an errant strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “There are so many questions I don’t know the answers to yet, and I don’t know if they’ll ever be answered. I’ve thought about the good and the bad, and I’ve lost track of which had more. I’ve thought about our past and our future, and I honestly don’t know which scares me more. But seeing you with Hope...” she trailed off, a soft smile blossoming on her lips. “It was like my head suddenly cleared and all my inhibitions just completely fell away. I saw what it would be like having you in my life again, and I think that’s what I want now.” She paused and glanced at the floor. “I’m scared to let you back in, but I think I’m more afraid that you’re already deep inside me. I’ve tried getting you out, but I can’t, and I’m tired of trying.”

Another tear slid down her cheek, and William stepped forward, carefully enfolding her into his embrace. He worried for a moment that she would pull away, but she only melted into him. His heart swelled, and he rested his cheek on her hair. Stroking the golden locks with one hand, he remarked quietly, “Take it that means you’ll come home with me?”

She nodded against his shoulder and pulled away slightly to look at him. “I don’t know if I love you, William,” she said gently. “Everything’s jumbled up right now, and it’ll take me a while to sort through it all. It took me a long time to let go of my fears and agree to go back with you, but I’m still afraid of falling in love with you. I just need to spend some time with you and figure out if this is real.”

William nodded. “I can wait.”

Buffy relaxed a little, settling more snuggly into his arms. After a while, she lifted her head and said, “You know, I’ll probably need some help taking care of Hope...”

“Yes, Tara can come along too, pet,” William chuckled.

A slow grin crept over her mouth. “Thank you,” she said before extracting herself from his embrace to go find Tara. His hand on her arm stopped her, and she looked back at him quizzically.

“I love you,” was all he said.

“I know,” she replied, a half-smile forming on her lips.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

TBC....
 

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