With this Ring, I thee Wed

Disclaimer: If you believe I own these characters, there is a lovely bridge I can sell you in Brooklyn.

Summary: During Something Blue, Buffy and Spike actually do get married. Some dialogue freely borrowed from the episode.

Pairing: B/S

Feedback: Insert witty plea here. : )

***

It was nine o'clock. Admittedly, not exactly the wee hours of the morning, but still a time when people weren't supposed to be banging on your door. Danielle Addams, justice of the peace, seriously wondered what the world was coming to.

        She opened the door. Two blondes stood outside, a fluffy haired woman who obviously favored good quality hair dye and a man who obviously skipped the good dyes and used peroxide straight from the bottle. They were holding hands and exchanging radiant looks. Young love. It had to be.

        The woman spoke up. "Will you marry us?"

        ***

        Danielle waved at the departing couple, now Mr. And Mrs. William Montgomery. It was a little unorthodox, to be certain, but she was a hopeless romantic at heart. She had been unable to resist their request when the man - Spike, he called himself - had said, "I want the whole world to know she's mine". And then Buffy had beamed at him, "I've always been yours."

        After that, she had happily performed the ceremony. A couple that in love deserved to have it legalized. They assured her they wanted a more formal ceremony later, but were too impatient to wait on the vows. Danielle had a strong feeling their next stop was the closest motel for the honeymoon.

        Ah, to be young and in love.

        ***

        As Spike drove them back to Giles, Buffy stared at the ring now on her finger. On their way to the justice of the peace, Spike had stopped and gotten them two rings from a pawn shop. He swore to her that they had been bought legally. Buffy doubted that, but part of their love would involve trusting him about these details. Besides, as simple as the gold band was, what it represented was beautiful.

        And this was beautiful. Buffy couldn't believe how wonderful she felt. It was if every song of true love was bursting to come out of her. She was happy, she was wonderful, she was loved. The last time she had felt close to this was Angel.

        At that thought Buffy looked guiltily over at Spike. They still had some issues to work out, the former mortal enemy thing and all, but nothing could keep them apart now. They were married. She was now Mrs. Buffy Summers Montgomery.

        Being in love with Spike was wonderful. What she had shared with Angel was wishing dreams come true. What she had with Spike was waking up from the dream and it being true.

        Spike was pulling into a motel parking lot now. Buffy glanced worriedly at him. Giles was still blind, maybe they should head back straight to his place. But then she saw the look he gave her. Giles would be okay for a little while...

***

        At an hour closer to dawn than not, Buffy and Spike finally returned to Giles'. Before entering, Buffy went through a quick checklist.

        Shirt on straight? Check. Buttons done properly? Check. Hickeys, etc. all covered up? Check. Buffy hugged the red silk shirt Spike had lent her close.

        "C'mon, luv, we'll have to face them sometime."

        Buffy made a face. With the exception of Danielle Addams, everyone had treated her newfound love with Spike as a mistake. But it was real! It had to be - how could something so good not be?

        She gave Spike a kiss for luck. A few moments later they broke apart, as it grew in intensity.

        "Check on Giles, then leave," Buffy panted. Spike nodded enthusiastically. Not that he particularly cared about the Watcher, but whatever his Slayer cared about was now what he would at least try to be bothered with.

        They entered the apartment, hand in hand.

        "Buffy! You're back!"

        Xander and Anya were facing the door, loaded crossbows in hand. The corpse of a lesser demon lay at Anya's feet. Giles was still on the couch, his eyes still looking ahead blankly.

        "Willow did a spell!" Xander said frantically. "She's making all this weird stuff happen and now there's a bunch of demons chasing me and you're under it too!"

        Buffy blinked. Paused a moment, then blinked again.

        "Is this why Giles is all blind now?"

        "Yes and why I've got demon problems and why you're all touchy feely with Spike right now," Xander said. He grimaced at the last part, as he noticed all the snuggliness the two had going. There was something wrong with Spike tracing little patterns on Buffy's hand. And what was she doing with his shirt on all buttoned up? Ahh! Bad images!

        Buffy frowned. "I'm not under a spell. I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer. Some kind of natural immunity."

        Xander stared at her, disbelieving. "Yeah. Right. You're marrying Spike because you're so right for each other."

        At that, Buffy and Spike shared a knowing look. Spike pulled her close against him and whispered in her ear, "Tell them."

        With her honey backing her up, Buffy prepared to share the wonderful news of her marriage when Anya's voice broke in, demanding, "We have to find Willow! Xander and I can't have sex until the demons stop trying to kill him!"

        "Now that Anya has set our priorities straight," Giles came in dryly, "could you go find Willow and get this damned thing reversed? I'd rather not be experiencing this incapacitating blindness, thank you."

        Buffy sighed. Her happy news would have to wait until this mess had been cleaned up; now was not a good time to announce "I married Spike!".

        "Let's go then."

        "Hey! What about our - "

        Buffy cut Spike off with a passionate kiss. Xander tried very hard not to look, Giles wished he was deaf, too, and Anya wondered what the big deal was.

        "We can talk about that later, honey. I have to go do my job."

        "About that, luv, we have to talk. I don't like the idea of you working."

        "What, you want me to stop working?"

        "Let's see - do I want you to give up killing all my friends? Yeah, I've given it some thought."

        "I am a woman of the twentieth century and if I want to work then I damn well will."

        The two blondes continued the argument as they went out the door. Xander followed, deciding that the bickering was better than the lovey- dovey act. Though did they have to punctuate every other word with a kiss or some similarly disgusting thing?

        By the time they had reached Buffy and Willow's dorm room, Xander had watched three arguments, each followed by a make up and make out session. Which was admittedly impressive to do, when you consider the whole thing was periodically interrupted by fighting with various demons. If they couldn't reverse the spell, he wondered if Buffy and Spike would survive being married to each other. They still fought - they just necked in between and did they really have to do that in front of him?

"Hands above the waist, Dead Boy! Or better yet, hands away from Buffy!"

***

        "Let the healing power begin. Let my will be safe again. As these words of peace are spoken, let this harmful spell be broken."

        Buffy suddenly realized several things all at once. She was a) on top of a guy, b) she was kissing said guy, and c) said guy was SPIKE!

        "Oh, ughh!" What the hell had come over her? Spike. No, no, no, don't even go there. She had just...She was...Oh my gosh...

        "Spike lips! Lips of Spike!" Control gag reflex. Also control all memories saying gag reflex is unnecessary. Such as the one saying Spike lips are very nice. "Ugh!"

        At least Spike was having a similar reaction. He was spitting and sputtering as if he just had gotten a mouthful of brine. Buffy felt better. Except for the very bad part which wanted to know what was so wrong with the lips of Buffy. But that part was being told to be very quiet and go sit in a corner.

        "Hi, guys."

        Willow, if you were not my best friend, you would be so dead.

***

        "Don't I get a cookie?" Spike was still sulking about being tied to a chair. Not that he'd admit he was sulking - Master vampires do not sulk! Nor do they marry Slayers, an annoying voice told him.

        "No."

        Bitch. "Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth." The same annoying voice whispered, and what a good taste that is. He told it to shut up. The only good thing that came out of this was that he now had something to lord over the Slayer. She couldn't act so high and mighty with him now, not after all they did together. Then his mind went to a happy place about all that they did get to do - Snap out of it! The only lust for the Slayer should be of the blood kind.

        "You're a pig, Spike."

        She kept that up, it would be easy to go back to the bloodlust and hatred. Yeah, that's the ticket. Focus on what a self righteous little (wife) bitch she was.

        "Is that anyway to speak to your - "

        Buffy gave him a warning look. It quite clearly said, "If you mention wife, marriage, or any related words, I will stake in the most painful fashion possible."

        " - fiancé."

        Buffy's eyes narrowed, deciding to let it go. Spike rolled his eyes. He'd let her win this round. But just you wait, Slayer, you'll get yours.

        Provided he escaped from his bonds, tracked down whoever messed with his head, and returned triumphant to drink the Slayer's blood.

        Spike licked his lips at that thought, remembering how willing a certain Slayer had been just a few hours ago. Reminding her of those memories could make his waiting all the more enjoyable.

***

        Buffy hummed happily on the way to the college post office. She'd just managed to reestablish her relationship with Riley and he seemed to be willing to ignore her whole "I'm marrying a guy named Spike" phase. It wasn't like she was married. The justice of the peace had probably just humored them with a little ceremony; didn't an actual marriage take all kinds of paperwork?

        La, la, la. Pick up her mail, read her mail, return her rings to Spike - she hadn't gotten around to doing that yet. Dealing with Spike was something she was soo not into doing lately. He'd get this gloating expression on his face, then he'd start leering. Then she'd start remembering a certain motel room, turn bright red, and he'd leer some more.

        Staking was becoming a viable option. As long as he got staked (but he's pretty good at the staking himself) and she so needed to talk to Will about a forgetting spell.

        Junk mail, letter from Mom (we're still in the same town, why does she write letters?), a flyer about a self defense class (not like I'd need that) and an official looking envelope.

        Buffy had a very, very, VERY bad feeling about that last one.

        She opened it. It was the marriage license for one William Blood Montgomery and Buffy Anne Summers.

        Oh no.

        There was a notice saying this was only a copy; the actual license was filed in the Town Hall. There was some more stuff on the legalities of changing your maiden name. Some secretary had tucked in a note reading "Congratulations Mr. And Mrs. Montgomery".

        Apparently Danielle Addams had actually married them. Buffy stared at the unreturned ring on her finger, flashing back to that night.

        A husky British voice, meeting her eyes with a look full of adoration, whispering, "With this ring, I thee wed."

        Buffy collapsed against the wall. How could she be married? To Spike? And more importantly, how could she get unmarried?

Chapter Two

        "Giles!" Buffy stormed into his apartment, papers in hand. "Giles, I need to talk to you!"

        Giles looked up from The Mythos of Central America (a fascinating read) and wondered, with some concern, what Buffy was panicking about. Was there some new demon emerging in Sunnydale? He profoundly hoped not; the so-called "commando guys" were causing him enough worries.

        "Yes, Buffy?"

        Buffy stopped in front of him, panting from having run all the way from campus. Now that she was here, though, she seriously didn't want to admit what a Big Problem she had. Everything was weird enough with the engagement - did she have to say it was now a marriage?

        Yes, you do, her conscience whispered. If you want guilt free Riley dating, you have to get a divorce. Her bad voice piped up with, are you sure we want Riley dating? Buffy decided to ignore the bad voice.

        "Remember when Willow did her will-be-done spell?"

        "Yes."

        "And she made Spike and I get engaged?"

        "Yes." Giles wondered where this was leading.

        "Spike and I kind of went beyond the engagement part."

        Giles frowned. Was she saying what he thought she was?

        "We got married."

        Dear lord. She was saying what he thought she was. Giles had a sudden need for a drink.

        "How could that possibly have happened?!"

        "Well, remember how we went out to get the spell ingredients and didn't come back for a long time? When we couldn't get the stuff, Spike suggested that we elope and have a formal wedding later because so many people were giving us a hard time and then I said yes and then we found a justice of the peace and she married us and I didn't tell you before because I thought that she was just humoring us and we weren't really married and how do I get unmarried?"

        Buffy paused to breathe. "Giles, I can't be married! He's Spike! My husband is SPIKE!"

        At that moment, since things always had to get worse, Spike ambled into the room.

        "What's going on? Something nasty about to jump out of the shadows?"

        "The only nasty thing here is you, Spike," Buffy snapped automatically.

        "Really, luv, you weren't saying that a few days ago."

        "It was a spell!"

        "The aftereffects of which I am only recently learning," Giles broke in. It was always wisest to head them off before they began a full fledged spat. "Spike, are you aware that you are legally married to Buffy?"

        Spike was very grateful he didn't have to breathe; otherwise he would be doing some very undignified choking right now. While he had been amused with the idea of being married to the Slayer, he hadn't actually expected the ceremony to have been fully legal.

        "Married?" He squeaked, shook himself out of his stupor, repeating the in a more normal tone, "I'm married?"

        "Yup," Buffy replied, "Check out the license for William Blood Montgomery and Buffy Anne Summers. Apparently it's all nice and filed away at the town hall."

        Spike stared at the piece of paper she held. It was very official looking. Bloody hell! He. Was. Married.

        Huh. Oddly enough, he didn't feel as grossed out as he ought to be. Having this sort of tie to the Slayer could potentially be interesting. Maybe even a little fun. Spike checked out Buffy, looking all flustered and upset. Make that VERY fun.

        "How do we fix this?" Buffy asked desperately. "I can't be married! I have a date with Riley next week! What am I'm going to say, guess what I did marry Spike?"

        "Well," Giles started slowly, "you could get a divorce. I am not sure about the legalities of getting one, but a visit to a local divorce lawyer would shed some light on the situation."

        "Okay, I can do that. How long does it take to get a divorce?"

        "Some time. A few months, perhaps, for all the paperwork to be processed. I imagine that if you want to file one so soon after marriage it would be a good indication that you two are unsuited for each other."

        Listen to Giles. Giles is making sense. And if you start divorce proceedings, doesn't it make it, like, legal to date and stuff? That's what her dad had said, anyway. Not that her dad was the best judge of these things - he started "dating" about two years before her mom filed for divorce.

        Talk to a lawyer, sign a bunch of papers, and this could be fixed by the end of the year. No problemo.

        "What if I don't want a divorce?"

        Of course Spike couldn't make this easy for her.

        "What? I thought you were all about 'eww, Slayer cooties'. Why would YOU want to stay married?"

        "Maybe I like the idea of being married to the Slayer." Spike leered at her. "There could be some definite benefits."

        "Like what?"

        "I'm your lawfully wedded husband, Slayer." He smirked. "Maybe I like the idea of seeing if you'll keep your vows. Since we're married and all, you really shouldn't be making dates with other blokes. Guess you'll have to tell this Riley fellow to get lost. Can't have you going off and committing adultery, Little Miss Righteous, now can we?"

        If eyes could shoot daggers, Spike would be a pincushion. The problem was, he was right. As long as she was technically married to Spike, Buffy wouldn't be comfortable dating Riley. After watching her parents' marriage break up, she had too much respect for the institution to do that.

        Buffy sometimes wished for an infusion of more Faith-like morals. Of course, if she was channeling her inner Faith, she'd be doing Spike and Riley. And she was not going to dwell on how fun it had been to do Spike.

        Spike smirked, as if he had read her mind. Buffy flushed and focused her mind back to the situation at hand.

        "Giles, I so need a divorce." And was it just her, or was there something wrong with that statement? She was nineteen, dammit; she shouldn't be married in the first place! Especially to evil, neutered (sexy) mortal enemy vampires. This sort of thing was supposed to happen on the soap operas her mom was addicted to. Not in real life!

        "It is possible to get a divorce even when one party is against it," Giles reassured her. "It will simply be more difficult."

        Buffy nodded, thanked him, and grabbed her papers before heading to the door.

        "OW! Watch the nose, Slayer!"

        Buffy smiled as she stepped off the stoop. Punching Spike always made her feel better.

***

        "Hello, Riley? It's Buffy," she twirled the phone cord in one hand, listening to his effusive greetings and inwardly wincing as he spoke about how eager he was for them to go on their date.

        "Riley, about dinner next week, I can't make it."

Murmurs of concern and suggestions for a new date.

"Something's come up."

What to tell him; something that would keep her options open without breaking her vows. Wait! Group date. Perfectly non-threatening dating action.

"Instead of going out to dinner, why don't we hook up with some friends of mine at the Bronze?"

Pause.

"Yeah, it'll be a group thing."

Another pause.

"Of course I want to spend time with you! It's just that my last boyfriend, we went too fast and I don't want to - "

That's sweet. He was cheerily bashing Parker and assuring her they had nothing in common. Points for that.

"Thanks for the thought. See you around? Good bye."

        With a sigh, Buffy put the phone back into the cradle. With any luck, she could keep her relationship with Riley at a non-state long enough to obtain a divorce.

        She flopped onto her bed, wondering what the hell to do with this mess.

You know, logic voice told her, if you staked Spike you're troubles would be over with. He turns to dust, you're a widow, and you can go off and date whoever you damn well like.

        Moral voice decided to put in its two cents. Killing Spike while he's defenseless is wrong. Not to mention he's your husband now. Isn't there a law against killing your husband? Like, it's extra special bad to do that?

        But Spike is evil, logic voice insisted. How can killing an evil vampire be wrong?

        The bad voice decided to pipe up. Why do we want to kill Spike? He makes life interesting. Not to mention if he gets dusted, there will be no more motel fun activities. And we liked motel fun activities! And the real thing would be much, much better than our dreams.

        We are having no dreams! Moral voice started freaking. Logic voice nodded emphatically. There will be no more Spike centered thoughts! Bad bad voice!

        Buffy groaned. At this rate, she'll be as crazy as Drusilla. Which, given she was now married to Spike, had a certain irony about it.

        "What's wrong, Buffy?"

        Buffy opened her eyes to see Willow standing over her with a concerned expression.

        "Spike and I are married," she announced.

        "You're not married. You were going to get married and I'm so very sorry about that but I broke the spell before any marrying took place!" Willow insisted frantically.

        "Nope. In our lovely spell induced haze, we decided to elope. I just received a copy of the marriage certificate today. You are now speaking to Mrs. Buffy Summers Montgomery."

        "His last name is Montgomery?"

        "Apparently. But that's beside the point. Will, you've got to help me find a lawyer. I can't stay married to SPIKE!"

        "Okay. Calm down. Whatever you say, Buffy. Would you like some more cookies? I still have leftovers."

        Willow began to mentally tally how many cookies she would need to bake. Maybe a mountain's worth? Making your friend get accidentally married to her mortal enemy was definitely a major league cookie event. She might even have to take out her great-aunt's recipe for triple- chocolate mousse. A situation like this required the big guns.

***

        A few days later, Buffy entered the offices of Edward Marcus Harmon, Attorney-at-Law. She carried the assorted papers detailing her marriage and sent up a plea to the Powers-that-Be that Harmon would be able to help her.

        "Mr. Harmon will see you now," the secretary told her.

        Buffy entered his office nervously. Ed Harmon was sitting at his desk, a pleasant looking man with hair graying at the temples and a generous paunch.

        "Miss Summers, it is? Please, sit down."

        Buffy sank into one of the chairs gratefully. This was even more nerve-wracking than facing the Master.

        "Now, what seems to be the problem?"

        "I want to get a divorce." Simple enough, right?

        "On what grounds?"

        Good. He was being all businesslike about this.

        "It was a mistake."

        "So, irreconcilable differences?"

        "Totally. That's the understatement of the year. Not just the year, the millenium. We are absolutely NOT supposed to be together." Could she stress that strongly enough? Irreconcilable differences basically summed up why a vampire and a Slayer couldn't be married. Especially the un- souled kind. Vampire, that is, not Slayer.

        "If you feel so strongly that your marriage was a mistake, why did it happen in the first place?"

        That would be a tough question, but she and Willow had worked out an acceptable excuse. It wasn't exactly flattering, but it would hold up better than a do-thy-will spell.

        "We were drunk. Someone suggested it and we went along with it."

        " 'We' being you and your husband? What is his name?"

        "Um," Buffy checked her papers for it. "William Blood Montgomery," she read.

        Harmon was confused. "You have to look up your husband's name?"

        She shrugged. "I normally call him Spike. Besides, the only reason he's my husband is because I did a VERY STUPID thing."

        "How long have you been married?"

        "Maybe two weeks?" Buffy hazarded. "I started looking for a way out A.S.A.P."

        Harmon nodded. That fit in well with her "we were drunk" story. He proceeded to ask her some relevant questions - Had it been consummated; Was there any risk she was pregnant; What was William's views on her desire for divorce?

        "Yes; absolutely not; really complicated."

        What did she mean by the last one?

        "I don't think Spike's doing back-flips over our marriage. But he thinks it's funny that I'm trying to get a divorce. He'll want to make it as hard as possible. Spike can be a real jack-ass like that."

        Interesting. After asking a few more questions, Harmon established that, according to Buffy Summers (she refused to use Montgomery) that she and William had gotten married while under the influence. They had known each other for some time; the bulk of their relationship was antagonistic. Her tone concerning him was a measure of respect mixed with a great deal of loathing. She was vague on their precise association; from what he understood William was the relative of her ex-boyfriend. Ms. Summers wanted her ties with him dissolved as soon as possible; she had begun a relationship with another man prior to her marriage with William and wanted the freedom to continue it.

        Harmon had to admire her for her adherence to her moral code - many women would have viewed this as a nuisance and continued the relationship.

        Assuring her he would start the proceedings, Harmon finally let the young woman leave. Within a few months she would be a free woman.

Chapter Three

        The Bronze. Spike slouched against a wall, occasionally taking a sip from his beer (American, unfortunately). Before he'd lost his bite, so to speak, he would have been trolling for a meal. Plenty of bubble gum girls happy to follow the sexy guy with an accent into a dark alley. Just pick some girl, smile at her, flirt a bit, and then, have yourself a proper meal. He smiled at the thought, mouth tingling at the memory of all that warm, delicious blood just waiting for him to drink. None of this pig swill. The real stuff, hot and rich and powerful. Slayer blood.

        Mmm, Slayer blood. Pity he hadn't gotten a taste while she was under Red's spell (oh but he had - passionate kisses, fangs descending, a tongue slips and is cut, shy smile and a whisper, "go ahead", sweet sweet blood). That taste had gotten him even hornier. And then the motel room -

        Lost in his memories, he almost didn't see Buffy come in with a boy. But sure enough, there she was, dancing with a big block of a boy. It was almost amusing watching them. Buffy was twisting to the music, her innate grace evident, obviously caught up in the beat. The brick wall was standing near her, attempting to match her skill and so obviously failing. He finally gave up and slid behind Buffy, curving his arms around her to hold her close as she continued dancing.

        Spike growled. It was one thing to watch the wanker's pathetic attempts to dance, but this! What was he thinking, pawing her, touching her? Buffy was HIS! His Slayer. His wife. 'Till death do us part and all that rot. What was she thinking, for that matter? Dancing with a bloke who wasn't her husband. Not just dancing. No, sliding along his body, swaying her hips, doing little shimmies like some cheap whore.

        Spike made his way over to Buffy and the idiot, with only one thought in his head, "MINE!"

        Halfway there, he stopped. Why did he care what the Slayer did? Who the Slayer did? Some spell makes them get hitched and now it's his business? HELL YES! Be it bond of mortal enemies or matrimony, he was going to stake his claim.

        Mind made up, he marched over to confront his wife.

        MINE!

***

        Buffy leaned against Riley, enjoying the sound of his steady, beating heart. The warmth of his body gave her a nice, comfy feeling. His arms were holding her close - and they were very nice arms. The sweet awkwardness he'd displayed earlier was nice, too. This whole date had been - nice.

        She wondered when the other shoe would drop. Where was the demon? The sudden attack that would destroy her tranquil evening? When would he turn out to be a vampire or a demon or a psycho robot?

        And why was she hoping that would happen? That SOMETHING would happen? Why was she so BORED?!

        Not to self - NEVER wish for something to happen. Spike was striding towards her, a seriously pissed off expression on his face. As a rule, Buffy didn't care if Spike was cranky. But if he and Riley talked, there went her nice normal boyfriend. Somehow "yeah, I'm married," always sent them running.

Okay, quick, Buffy. Plan of action. Get Riley to leave so you can go kick Spike's ass and make him go away.

"Riley, could you get me a drink?" she asked, turning slightly in his arms. Smiling, she added, "All this dancing is making me thirsty."

Riley, sweet guy that he is, grinned, "Sure. What do you want?"

"Um," Spike was almost upon them, "a diet coke?"

"Okay."

Buffy let out a sigh of relief as he went to order her drink. With him safely gone, she turned around to face Spike.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed.

Spike smirked. "Watcher cut me loose. Said I was annoying him." His tone changed. "Who was that?"

"None of your business."

"None of my business? In case you've forgotten, Slayer, we're married. You're dancing like a bitch in heat with another guy. It IS my business."

"I am so not a bitch in heat!" Buffy protested. "Only a perv like you would say that. Not like it matters. In case you've forgotten, bleach brain, it was a SPELL."

"That's your excuse? Oh, it was a spell, I'll just go act like a slut now. But wait, you did that before Red's spell. How many have notches have you racked up on the ole headboard, luv?" Spike looked her over, eyes lingering on all the interesting places, "Have to say, never thought I'd be one of them. Tell me, Slayer, did you give it the poof like that?"

        Buffy flushed under his stare and the memories it aroused. The few hours she had spent with Spike had definitely been the most sexually adventurous in her life. Angel and Parker had nothing on Spike in that department. And apparently Spike wasn't unimpressed with his share, either...

        Stop it, bad voice. Spike & sex thoughts are to be stopped immediately. Riley will be coming back any minute now, so GET RID OF HIM!

        Who? Bad voice couldn't help a last parting shot. Riley or Spike?

Ignoring her bad voice, she snapped, "Get over yourself, Spike. I've already talked to a lawyer. We'll be divorced as soon as he can arrange it."

        "Doesn't matter. Until then, you're mine," he growled.

Do all guys have this giant, inner Neanderthal? Even bad voice was pissed at Spike now.

"I am in no way, shape, or form yours, Spike," she hissed back. "You are just a pathetic vampire I'm not staking because it's no fun to kill a neutered loser like you. That's it. Anything else is all in your head."

"So you won't mind if I introduce myself to the git, will you? Make sure he understands he's dating a married woman?"

"Do it and you're dust."

"Wonder how that's going to look, killing your lawfully wedded husband."

"You should be careful, Spikey. One quick thrust and this whole mess will disappear."

Leering, Spike angled his head to get a better view down her top. "That a promise, luv?"

        "You bet it is," Buffy snapped back, too caught up in the argument to notice Spike's focus.

        "Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty to me." Spike grinned. This was starting to get fun! He wondered how long he could keep baiting her without getting staked.

        "You pervert!" Balls, she picked up on the innuendo. And possibly the cleavage peeking. Spike knew he should start retreating, but he couldn't help himself.

        "C'mon, Slayer, you know you like it."

        Countdown to nose punch begins. Five, four, three, two, o-

        "Buffy, is this guy bothering you?" Riley had arrived, ready to play the role of protective boyfriend.

        Inwardly, Buffy was pouting. Riley's arrival squelched all current nose punching opportunities. Not to mention, sparring with Spike was always FUN! In a bad, will deny if ever asked, way.

        "He's no one important. Let's go." Buffy grabbed Riley's arm and steered him away. Dealing with Spike would have to wait until later.

        Spike watched them go, his anger returning with full force at the reappearance of the brick wall. Didn't Buffy see what an utter git that guy was? He looked like a cheap Angel knock off. Big and brawny, probably had the intellect of a flea. The sort that Spike wouldn't bite even if he could, for fear of contracting terminal stupidity.

        Just look at them. What was the Slayer doing with a guy like that? Idiot was acting like he was the big strong manly man. Didn't he see she was a warrior? She didn't need to be treated like some china doll; she needed to be given a challenge. She needed someone who would fight her every step of the way and love every minute of it.

        Someone like him.

        Spike scowled. Where did that thought come from? He hated the Slayer. Really, he did. All he wanted to do was bite into her neck and drink deep. Anything else was just to pass the time until he had one good lay. Er, day. One good day. Until he killed the Slayer and danced on her grave.

        So why did he want to rip the git from Buffy's side and take his place? Had to be a territorial thing. Yeah, that's why. Dru goes and cheats on you, so the next time you've got a claim on a girl, you get extra sensitive. Standard vampire territorial instincts. Nothing to do with memories of spell-induced love and being happy just by making her happy and wanting to compose poetry for a sun-gold goddess. Nothing at all.

        He wondered how many beers it would take before he believed that.

***

        Ever the gentleman, Riley insisted on walking Buffy back to campus. Buffy couldn't decide to be touched by his concern or annoyed by his patronizing attitude, 'a gentleman always takes care of a lady'. Okay, so he wasn't up with the fact she was the Slayer. But did he have to treat her like a complete weakling in need of a big strong man? That was so last century.

        After some serious consideration, she decided it was sweet and endearing. Definitely not something that a certain bleached blond would do. Of course, that's because he knows damn well that she didn't need protecting. And why was she comparing Spike to Riley?

        "So, uh, the band was good, wasn't it?"

        "What?" Buffy hadn't been paying attention. Riley had been talking?

        "The band. At the Bronze. Was good."

        "Oh, yeah, it was pretty good."

        "You go there often?"

        "The Bronze? Ever since I moved to Sunnydale. Pretty much the only place worth going to around here."

        "Oh, when did you move here?"

        Yawn. Could this conversation get more boring? And would it be like this all the way back to the dorm?

        Thankfully, a scream ripped through the air. Buffy started to takeoff in that direction, before remembering her companion. Crap, how was she going to dump Riley?

        "Uh, Buffy, it's been a nice night but I have to go now. Bye!"

        "Riley, I had a great time but I just remembered something I had to do!"

        Simultaneously apologizing, the two headed off in different directions.

        Once she was out of Riley's sight, Buffy sprinted to where the scream came from. It was one of those countless back alleys of Sunnydale. A young woman was struggling with a drunken frat boy. Looks like yet another vampire trying to have dinner.

        Buffy yanked the woman off the frat boy. "Go!" she snapped, sending the boy running. He staggered away as fast as he could, leaving Buffy to face the vampire.

        The vamp glared at Buffy, bloodied fangs gleaming in the streetlight. "You stole my meal, Slayer."

        Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed. "And you broke up my date. We can't have everything."

The vampire hissed and lunged at her. Buffy responded by a quick one-two punch, followed by throwing the vamp into the wall. The vamp bounced back, getting in a good hit across the chin. The two battled for a few moments. The vampire wasn't more than a fledgling, but Buffy was in the mood for a good fight. After all, she was still pumped from her interrupted bout with Spike (thanks a lot, Riley).

While she toyed with the vampire, Spike watched from the shadows. He'd abandoned his plans for getting drunk in favor of following the Slayer. Ostensibly to see what she did with Riley. Anyone who suggested it was to look out for her was welcome to jump off a cliff.

It was fun to watch her in action. Ever since he sent that idiot of a vampire after the Slayer all those years ago, he'd enjoyed the skills she displayed in combat. To his experienced eye, it was obvious she was in no trouble at all and was merely letting the battle draw out for the fun of it. Spike always appreciated that she didn't mind a good spot of violence. One of her more attractive traits, that.

However, Buffy found herself getting tired of trading blows. Pulling out her stake, she unceremoniously dusted the vamp. She didn't even bother with one of her trademark quips.

With the vampire dusted, she turned to leave. Then paused. Buffy peered into the shadows; her senses telling her she was being watched. Spike slid back, deeper into the darkness. Seeing no one, she shrugged and continued on her way.

Spike followed her every step of the way.

***

        "Sir, this is where we detected the hostile."

        "But there's nothing here."

        "No bodies. But sensors identify some debris as that of a recently destroyed hostile."

        "What could have happened? This isn't the first time we've seen this."

        "Unknown, Sir. There may be another HST we have not identified with this MO."

        "Possible. I want you to look into that."

        "Yes, Sir."

        Agent Riley Finn sighed as the recruit marched off to look into the newest mystery. He had too many issues to juggle. Keeping his identity secret from Buffy. Finding the escaped Hostile 17. And now, determining exactly what else was attacking the HSTs. He would not enjoy reporting this to Walsh. She wanted results, and she wanted them yesterday.

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