Chapter Fourteen

Note: Thanks to Chelle for the beta-job ^_^. And sorry this chapter's up later than intended - hopefully I'll get myself cracking and become more consistent about this update thing.

***

Faith stood on the patio outside a half remembered house and hoped that Giles hadn't moved in the past eight months. Setting her shoulders and putting on her very best 'I'm Buffy' face, she pushed the door open and headed in.

"Giles! You won't what believe what just happened!" Faith marched into his living room, where she found the Watcher and Buffy's little friend, Willow. "Faith is out of her coma! We have to stop her!"

Instead of the shock and amazement she had expected, Faith's pronouncement was met with only a sigh on Giles' part, as he turned to admonish Willow. "I thought you told her last night."

Willow turned a very, very bright red to match her hair before muttering, "I, uh, forgot."

At that, Giles made an annoyed clucking sound before turning back to Faith. "If Willow had told you like she was supposed to, you would have known that Faith has been awake since yesterday. I hope she didn't give you too much trouble?"

"Of course not. I'm the good guy. I always win."

"Yes, well, that's reassuring. Can you tell me the specifics of your encounter? How did Faith act? Where did she find you?"

Faith sat down, sprawling out in a chair, legs akimbo. "Not much to tell. I was walking along, minding my own business like a good little Slayer when Faith came along, I kicked her ass, she turned tail and ran."

"And Faith? How would you describe her?"

Faith shrugged, but inwardly smiled. This was the perfect moment to start setting up dear old B for the fall. "I think she's lost it, Giles. She's a 100% guaranteed psycho."

"When hasn't she been a psycho," Willow remarked. "I mean, check out what happened the last time. Teaming up with Mr.I-Wanna-Be-An-Evil-Demon and all? I'm just glad you're okay, Buffy."

Faith's fists clenched involuntarily as she fantasized about driving a knife into the little witch's gut. Instead of acting out her fantasy, she faced Willow and said, "I'm glad too. Faith is a very bad person. We should track her down, make sure she pays for her crimes. She shouldn't be allowed to be free."

That sounded appropriately self-righteous, Faith thought, as Giles and Willow nodded their heads in agreement. Feeling that her work there was done, she got up to leave. Spending the rest of the day with these losers when she'd just rejoined the big, wide world was not in her plan. There were so many other fun things to do. Maybe she'd start with Buffy's little beefcake boy. He looked doable. And dumb enough not to notice if anything didn't match up with Her Perfectness.

"Well, now that I've done my Slayerly duty, I'm off to patrol."

Giles looked up at her oddly. "It's the middle of the day, Buffy."

"All the better to make the vamps go poof."

"If you meet up with Faith again, she isn't going to go 'poof'."

Faith pretended to think a moment, then shrugged. "Nah, I think it'd be more of a crunch."

Giles pursed his lips at his Slayer's flippant attitude. "Be that as it may, I'd rather you not go looking for her alone. If she's as unstable as you've indicated, she will be exceedingly dangerous and - "

"I can handle myself," Faith snapped before bolting.

The two watched her go. Turning to his companion, Giles asked, "Did she seem out of sorts to you at all?"

Willow shrugged. "Not particularly. I think I'll go try to talk to her."

"I hope you don't forget, this time?"

She reddened. "No, I won't." As she left, she muttered, "Buffy, you had so better spill all the juicy parts."

***

Willow caught up with Buffy halfway down the street. Her friend seemed to be making as if the not-so-proverbial hounds of Hades were at her heels. Finally at her side, Willow asked, "Did everything go okay last night? And you can be honest, we're away from Watchery hearing."

"Last night?" Buffy frowned a moment, as if surprised by the question. "Sure. Went fine." She kept walking.

"You are so not going to hold out on me like that," Willow teased gently. "I want details. 'Cause I ran into you two last night, and you guys were big with smoochies. C'mon. How far did you go?"

"Oh! Smoochies, last night. Well, we, uh - that's not any of your business."

Willow rolled her eyes. "We're roomies. I saw the both of you making like bunnies on Viagra. I discreetly left for Tara's and now want the scoop. So give."

Buffy gave her a little smirk. "Bunnies on Viagra, huh? Surprised you didn't stay for the whole show; bet you could have learned a trick or two."

"Not exactly my kind of tricks anymore, you know," she pointed out. "So - "

"Tara's. Tricks." Buffy cocked her head, examining her.

Willow fidgeted. What was up with mood-swing Buffy?

Examination done, Buffy burst out laughing. "Never thought you would have had it in you, Will. You playing for the other team now?" She leaned forward, pursing her lips, "Wanna play with me?"

Willow pulled back from her suddenly very freaky friend. "Buffy? What's up with up with you?"

"Nothing is 'up' with me. I'm the Slayer. I'm always five by five. Maybe I'm just not interested in some lame girl talk, okay? Maybe that's why I'm not playing spill the beans. So why don't you go home and suck face with your little girltoy." With that, Buffy marched off, leaving Willow behind with a trembling lower lip and the strong feeling that something was horribly wrong.

As Faith strode away, she smirked. That might not have been in keeping with B's squeaky clean image, but the barbs were too easy to dig into the little witch's flesh. Payback was sweet. Now to go see what other fun things she could do. With any luck, she might find Mr. Bunny on Viagra for a round two. Beefcake boy, anyone?

***

Ow.

As Buffy slowly regained consciousness, that was all she could think. Ow. Her head was throbbing. It reminded her of her cheerleading days, when the marching band would be blasting in their semi tuneful glory straight into her ear. That constant cacophony pounding on her skull.

Buffy forced herself to ignore the obnoxious drumming as she opened her eyes. Where was she? Sitting on the campus path where she'd met Faith. Some time had passed since then, judging by how low the sun had sunk. Why was she here? Going out on a limb, Buffy would guess something to do with that device Faith had been holding. What had it done? Buffy had no idea. It obviously hadn't killed her - if she were dead, wouldn't she notice? And all body parts felt attached. In fact, barring the drumline and various aches and pains, Buffy would say she was fine.

Now that she'd established the basics of the situation, Buffy decided she could risk standing. Carefully, since the world still had that annoying tendency to spin at the moment, she pulled herself to her feet. And looked down.

And realized something was wrong.

Buffy did not consider herself flat-chested by any means. She had a figure to be proud of and she knew it, based on the admiring looks she got. But these - Buffy reached up to cup them - definitely weren't hers. Too big. And the shirt covering them was the wrong one, too. And the hair that fell down, obscuring her vision, was darker than even her roots ever were. In fact...

It was Faith's. Everything was. The hair, the chest, the skanky shirt. It all belonged to the Queen Slut Bomb herself. Buffy bit her lip. So if she was in Faith's body, that meant -

Faith was in hers. And doing god only knows what with it.

Okay, she had to get her body back. Stat. Giles, here I come, and you had so better know it's me.

***

I want you, let's get married. Now I hate you, let's get divorced. Now I like you, let's go on a date. Let's have sex. Nope! Too fast. Let's slow down.

Spike took a generous swig of his beer. Could she ever make up her mind? Talk about mixed signals. In all the time he'd known her, Spike had never seen the Slayer be remotely consistent in what she wanted.

Except for punching him. She always seemed game for that.

"Girl problems?"

Spike looked up, saw the bartender standing there, a sympathetic expression on his face. He downed the rest of the drink and gestured for another, saying, "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

The bartender handed him a fresh bottle. "Makes you wonder what we see in them, huh? None of 'em are really worth it."

Spike grunted.

"Though some come close," the bartender relented. He nodded towards the dance floor. "Like that chick over there. Guy might put up with a lot for the kind of good time she could give."

Spike turned around to see who the bartender was pointing at. It was Buffy. Let's Slow Down Buffy. The same girl who's had second thoughts the morning after was dancing like she wanted a morning after with every guy in the place. A crowd of men and boys surrounded her, trying to get in on the action she promised with every movement of her body. Spike's lips tightened as he watched Buffy, his wife, dammit, lean forward to rub herself suggestively against one particularly drunk looking frat boy, only to allow another one to press himself against her back. The crowd around her hooted and made catcalls at the sight.

His fists clenched, barely able to restrain the desire to rip the wankers to pieces and claim what was his. But obviously, judging from how she was acting, she wasn't his. He stood up, grabbed his beer, and made his way to a dark corner, planning on getting as drunk as possible. Guess their little chat this morning has made up her mind. To seize the day with anything with a dick. Why settle for one when she could have them all?

Out of the corner of her eye, Faith saw the punk rocker wannabe storm away. He intrigued her. The only testosterone carrier in the whole joint who wasn't panting like a dog over her. A pity. Blondie over there looked like a Grade A Hottie, even if he was a vamp. Faith's lips curved up in a wanton smile. No way was she gonna back down from a challenge like that. Pulling away from her pathetic, drooling admirers, Faith sashayed over to Hottie.

"You'd make a girl feel lonesome, sitting here all by yourself," she purred.

Spike glared at Buffy. What was she thinking, coming over here after she'd dry humped every guy in the place? "Slayer, get lost."

Slight change of plans. He knew who she was. Or at least, who she was pretending to be. Faith put on her best Buffy smile and leaned over. "C'mon, don't you wanna play? Bet we could have a real good time."

Spike felt the warning twinges of his chip as he fought for control. She's running hot now, all right, but hot for anything male. Growling, he asked, "You know what I hate about you sometimes, Slayer?"

She smiled cheerfully and said, "I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun?"

He smirked. "I wouldn't say that. You and I both know you can be reaall fun."

Faith thrust her chest forward to display what goods Buffy had been blessed with as she said, "That I could do anything I want, and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness?" She shrugged, "I mean, I could be rich. I could be famous. I could have anything. Anyone."

Spike stared at this girl oddly. Something was wrong here. He could feel it, buzzing at the edge of his senses.

Faith dismissed his confusion as that of a vamp wondering why the Slayer was coming on to him. In a sultry, seductive voice, she continued. "Even you. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you pop like warm champagne and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't?"

He watched her with interest, as it slowly dawned on him.

She forged onward, mistaking his interest for the sexual kind. A perverse desire in her told her to tease him just a little bit more. Her glossy lips slowly forming the answer to her own question. "Because it's wrong."

And then it clicked in Spike's head, as he stared into the girl's eyes. This wasn't his Buffy. Not only was she completely oblivious to the fact that he and the Slayer were married and had spent the last night together (which was quite the tip-off), her eyes were wrong. Buffy's eyes were full of passion and light.

This one had passion. But it was the dark, dangerous burn that reminded him of Drusilla, an inferno that destroyed everything in its path. His Slayer's passion was tempered by experience, a steady flame in the hearth, full of warmth that reached out to encompass those she cared for.

Faith leaned back, smiling at having riled up the vamp. One moment, she was savoring her victory, the next -

"Let go of me before I stake you!"

Spike only tightened his grip, just barely inflicting pain. "Who are you and what have you done with her?" he snarled.

"What are you talking about?" she snapped. This shouldn't be happening! How could a lousy vampire recognize the truth? "I'm going to break you into pieces, you bastard!"

He stood up, pulling her with him. "Tell me! What have you done to Buffy?" Spike shook her, desperate for answers. He was relieved that it hadn't been his girl playing the whore earlier, but now that he had realized something had happened to Buffy, he was terrified. "Tell me or I'll - "

Spike never had a chance to finish the sentence. In his anger, he was shaking her so much the chip fired.

"Aarghhh!" Spike let go, overcome with the sudden, incredible pain.

Faith was no fool. She had no idea why the vamp was screaming in pain, but she took the opening and made a break for it, running out the door.

After the agony had receded, Spike realized she was gone. He flipped a mental coin over tracking her or finding Giles and telling him what was happening. The Watcher won. Hopefully, he could get some answers. As he left, cold worry churned in his gut. Was Buffy still in there, only possessed by some sort of demon or witch? Or was she gone altogether?

***

Faith ran down the street. What the hell? She can pull off the act for Buffy's father-figure (admittedly brief it had been), Buffy's best friend (who had just assumed she was in a bitchy mood), but not for some vampire? She had to get out of here. Maybe she could fake her death, blame it on B. That could be very satis -

Crash. Faith stumbled.

"Buffy, are you all right?" a concerned voice asked. Faith looked to see Beefcake Boy himself, the one she thought was B's boyfriend.

Faith straightened and slipped her smile on. "Oh, I'm fine." Leaning in slightly, she asked, "And how are you? I didn't hit you too hard, did I? Because that," she added flirtatiously, "would be awful."

Riley blinked. Then blinked again. Buffy hadn't acted like this with him in months. "I'm, uh, I'm fine too."

"Good." Faith smiled sweetly, holding that innocent expression for a beat, then another. Beefcake Boy responded with a goofy grin. He was interested. Without being obvious, she assessed him. Nothing like the hot hunk she'd just lost out on (she was still pissed about that - that was the first vamp she'd ever seen worth doing), but he looked like he could get the job done. She slid into his personal space slightly. Nothing overt, but enough to get the guy thinking.

Riley was confused. Was Buffy coming on to him? "Buffy?"

"That's me." Faith let her hand trail up and down his arm slightly, her eyes growing a little suggestive.

"Are, are you," he blushed slightly, "are you flirting with me?" Then he stopped talking, clearly shocked with himself for asking such a thing.

"Do you want me to be?" she asked with a smile. She almost had him...

"You know I've always liked you," he said honestly. "Even after I found out about you and Spike."

"Spike?"

He grunted. "You know, that bleached asshole of a vampire who insists he's married to you?"

Oh. That Spike. Faith's eyes widened. Buffy was married? To a vampire? And not just any vamp. The one from the Bronze (which explained a lot). Huh. Live and learn. Things sure have changed. Will's a lesbian, B's married to a vamp that ain't Angel... what was next, Xander's shacking up with some demon chick? Whatever. Adjustment of plans, here.

"I have no idea where you got that idea. There's no way some vampire could compare to you," she purred. True. Spike was so far above this guy in the hotness scale, there really was no comparison.

"But you said - "

"I said what? That this Spike had my undying love? That we were together forever? If I did, I don't know what I was thinking."

Riley preened a little. "Really?"

"Really. Something was obviously messing with my mind if I thought, I, a Slayer, should be with my mortal enemy, a vampire. That's just... wrong." Faith's lips forming the last word slowly, giving it the same caress she had earlier.

"I knew you were better than that," Riley told her, overjoyed to hear Buffy say all the things he wanted her to, thinking all the things he wanted her to.

"So now that we've cleared up my past stupidity, you want to go someplace quite and, maybe, talk a little?" The way Faith said, 'talk', implied anything but talking. Riley nodded, entranced by this seductive blonde beauty who seemed focused on him and only him, all his dreams coming true.

"You and Spike are through?" he asked, hopefully.

"Totally," Faith promised. "In fact, maybe you and I can stake him together. Sort of a joint project. But first," she whispered into his ear, "let's get reacquainted."

Riley grinned.

Chapter Fifteen

“Giles, I think there’s something bothering Buffy.”

“So you’ve been telling me for the past three hours,” Giles muttered, as he marked one more number off his list in the Finding Faith campaign. So far, he knew that no one remotely answering to her description had been seen at the bus station, train station, the Bronze, the Fish Tank (probably - he might ask Buffy to go in person and check for sure), and thankfully Joyce hadn’t seen her, either. The last he’d politely asked to make herself scarce for the next few days, in case Faith got the wonderful idea of going after Buffy’s mother.

Which left him with no idea where the deranged Slayer was. Though he was tempted to join her, as Willow was once again obsessing over some little spat she had had with Buffy. While he did agree that she had been a little bit out of sorts earlier, he hadn’t found Buffy’s behavior to be particularly unusual. As much as he loved Buffy as though she was his own daughter, there was no denying that when the mood took her, she could be quite - what was the word? Ah, yes. Bitchy.

“ - It’s just that she was being all avoidy and not in a let’s-talk-later- way but in a get-lost-way. Which wasn’t very nice because I was *so* covering for her last night. And to not - ”

“What were you doing for her?” Giles asked distractedly as he tried yet another possible lead.

“Um, forget about that part. See? I’m doing it again.” Willow jumped up out of her seat, sending papers full of possible Faith plans flying. “All I wanted was a couple details, nothing that juicy and she was all ‘this is lame’ and ‘go back to Tara’, except she was really mean in how she said it and - ”

“Yes!”

Willow stopped mid rant to turn to Giles. “You’re agreeing with me now?”

Giles ignored her, as he listened to the description from the man at the campus security center. “Thank you for telling me. Two girls getting in a fight? Terrible, terrible thing. Are both okay? As far as you know? M- hm. And what did they look like? Yes, well thank you for your time. I hope you get that cleared up. Have a nice day.”

He hung up the phone as he got to his feet. “Faith was spotted on campus earlier today - ”

Willow rolled her eyes. “We knew that. How else did Buffy meet up with her? Doesn’t mean she’s there now.”

Giles slumped back into his chair, visibly deflated. “I forgot about that. Well, I guess we’ll have to do this the old fashioned way and send out search parties. It’s not like she’s going to suddenly march in here.”

“GILES!”

As Giles leaped to his feet, wary at the sudden appearance of the infamous rogue Slayer, he wondered to himself if there wasn’t some cosmic force of irony at play in his life. But the thought was quickly pushed aside as he tried to figure out what to do. Faith was standing only a few feet away, her face bruised and her eyes burning. There was no telling what she was here to do.

Unsure of how to treat her or what to say, Giles settled on the cautious acknowledgement. “Faith.”

Instead of attacking him, Faith simply stood there and met his eyes. “That’s not me. Look, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’m Buffy.”

Giles and Willow exchanged glances. Actually, yes, that did sound crazy. Willow started to focus her power as quietly as possible for some sort of defense spell.

Faith noticed. “Will, you don’t have to do that. I’m not going to hurt you, because I’m not Faith.”

“That’s very hard to believe at the moment,” Giles said, as he tried to sidle closer to the weapons chest. He was almost there.....

“Giles, if I was Faith, do you think I’d be letting you anywhere near the sharp pointy stuff?” Faith inserted herself between him and his goal, holding her hands out to him. “Don’t get all weapons happy on me. Just listen for a second. I am not Faith. I’m Buffy.” She tried to take a step forward, but found herself stuck. She turned her head to see Willow put the last finishing touches on some sort of paralysis spell. “Was that really necessary?”

Willow tried not to sigh in relief that her spell had worked as she answered. “Yes, I think it was.”

Giles stepped away from the bound Slayer, studying her. Of all the things he had thought Faith might do, coming here and declaring herself to be Buffy had not been one of them. “If you really are Buffy, you’ll understand we have to take certain precautions.”

“Screw precautions,” Buffy said as she struggled against invisible bonds. “If this is Buffy in Faith’s body, then where exactly do you think Faith is right now? My body! Do you see where I’m going with this?”

Willow went to stand next to Giles, arms crossed against her chest. “You mean we should let you go even though you look an awful lot like a psycho killer right now?”

Buffy growled. “Yes! Faith’s out there in *my* body doing who the hell knows what with it. She could be - ”

Whoever was currently speaking didn’t get to finish the sentence.

“WATCHER!”

Spike came barreling in, skidding to a halt just inches away from a shelf of priceless books. Giles winced.

“Something’s happened to Buffy. I don’t know what, but I think she might be possessed. We have to help her!” Spike gasped out. He’d run all the way here from the Bronze, his panic growing with every step. When Giles didn’t jump up with the questions, Spike snapped, “Are you deaf? Buffy might be hurt!” Waiting for a response, Spike took stock of the situation. He recognized Giles and Willow, but the angry looking brunette..... he couldn’t place her, but he was sure she looked familiar.

“Who’s that?”

Giles flicked his eyes over to Faith? Buffy?. “That’s what we’re trying to figure out.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “As I’ve been trying to tell everyone, *I’m* Buffy. Faith did some freaky thing that switched us. I got her body; she got mine. Now that we’re all up to date, could we fix this little problem of FAITH HAVING MY BODY!”

Spike peered at her. “Buffy?”

“See? Spike believes me.”

“Which really isn’t much proof. If you are Faith, you could very well have put Spike up to this,” Giles remarked, ignoring the dirty look Spike shot him as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on. Faith said she was Buffy, and Spike agreed, though he really didn’t trust Spike that much, but the real key was why would Faith lie about being Buffy? And exactly what did that make of whoever it was that looked like Buffy who was here only a few hours ago? He felt a headache coming on.

Buffy was feeling equally frustrated. Of all people, she would have thought Giles would be able to tell it was her. He was like her father for crying out loud! The same went for Willow, too. Best friend and roomie here! But no, only Spike believed her. Hell, he knew some thing was up with the Buffy currently out there! And she so wanted to know what Faith did that made him figure it out. There was no way Buffy trusted her with anything boyfriend-like after the Angel incident.

“Why can’t you tell it’s me?” she demanded.

“Because you have no real proof,” Giles pointed out. “And Faith is disturbed enough to possibly try this.”

Buffy had to concede a point there. “Okay, so ask me a question only Buffy would know.”

Giles frowned. Hmm, a question that only Buffy could answer......

Willow, for the first time since this drama began to unfold, piped up. “If you are Buffy, what happened last night?”

Buffy turned red. “Will!”

Willow watched her reaction. It occurred to her that if Spike and Faith were in a big conspiracy, then Faith would know. But then she wouldn’t be all blushy and embarrassed. No, she’d be rude and sneery and - just like Buffy was earlier.

Willow smacked herself on the forehead. “Five by five!”

Everyone stared at her.

“Giles, remember when I said Buffy was acting all weird? See, earlier, when I was talking to her, or actually now I realize that it was Faith in Buffy’s body, and I wanted to know about last night, she was all really vague and obviously lost and now that I think about it, the reason it seemed so weird to me was because that wasn’t Buffy but Faith. Because they switched.”

“Now do you believe me?”

Giles and Willow nodded in unison.

“Sorry about the whole spell thing.” Willow closed her eyes and muttered the correct couplet to remove the spell. “You should be good to go now.”

Buffy rolled her shoulders back, glad to be able to do more than turn her head.

Spike laid a hand on her back before glaring at the witch. “You cast a spell on her?”

“I thought she was Faith! And therefore psychotic and evil!”

Giles blinked. This was confusing. “So, Faith is in Buffy’s body, which is why Buffy acted so oddly earlier, and now Buffy is in Faith’s body, and we have to find out how that happened and return everyone to the correct body. Am I following this so far?”

“Yes.”

“Then my only question is, exactly what did happen last night? You are all acting as if it was something important!”

Willow stared at the walls. Buffy opted for the ceiling. Spike suddenly found his shoes to be fascinating.

“Nothing important.”

“It wasn’t anything special.”

“Hey - !” Spike glared at the Slayer, who glared meaningfully back, before mumbling, “I mean, I wouldn’t know.”

Giles studied the three of them intently. They were hiding something from him. But finding out would take attention away from the issue here, which was finding Faith and making sure she was put back in her own body. Not to mention, with Faith loose in Buffy’s body, the chaos she could wreak was a frightening thought, indeed.

“Well then, if that’s settled, Buffy, could you describe exactly how Faith switched your bodies?”

***

Faith lay on the bed in Riley’s dorm, as he snored beside her. Well, that had been an entertaining five minutes. No wonder Buffy dropped him in favor of Spike. Satisfied that this little incident would screw things up nicely for B, she stood to leave, quietly gathering her clothing. As she slipped her shirt back on, Riley stirred. He opened his eyes to see the girl of his dreams trying to sneak away.

“Buffy?”

“Yeah?” Faith answered as she finished dressing, sliding her feet into the shoes. Man, those things were uncomfortable.

“Why’re you leaving?” Riley sat up, letting the sweaty sheets spill everywhere.

Faith looked him over, wondering what would be the best thing to say. Should she give him the love’em and leave’em line or something else? On the off chance that she got de-switched, Faith opted for the something else.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, sitting next to him on the bed, “but if I stay out all night my friends might get worried.” Faith rested a hand gently on his thigh. “I’ll make it up to you, okay? I promise.”

Riley sighed. “I understand, but I don’t want to let you go. You run off every time we get close, run off to *him*.” From his tone, it was obvious to whom exactly *him* was referring to.

Faith smiled. “Not this time. Tell you what, next time you see me, I’ll have a nice pile of Spike ashes for you. That good enough?”

Riley seemed slightly mollified. Faith leaned in close to him, putting on her best sweet and girlish face. “I don’t want to lose this, Riley.” She brushed her lips against his cheek. “I think I love you.” She stood, leaving Riley with a stunned and ecstatic expression.

Outside of his room, Faith smirked. Man, that guy was easy to play. The little bomb she’d just dropped will screw things up great should B get her body back. And if not? It’s not like Faith cared. All she wanted now was to see how Mexico was this time of year.

***

Buffy sat slumped on Giles’ couch, staring at the wall as she tried to process everything that had happened. Off in the kitchen, she could hear Giles, Willow and Tara (who’d been invited over due to magical expertise) discussing how to reverse the body switching spell. They told her this little problem should be figured out by the end of the night, if not sooner.

Buffy sincerely hoped for sooner. It felt wrong, sitting here and seeing Faith’s hands in her lap, Faith’s face in the mirror. Not to mention, the worry that clenched in her gut over what Faith could be doing while wearing her own face. Was she going to get her own body back to find it wanted for murder? Because that would seriously be a Faith-like thing to do.

Spike sat down next to her, his hand reaching out to rest lightly on her back, his expression concerned.

And another thing. Spike actually had met Faith-while-Buffyfied. What had Faith done that had tipped him off? Giles and Willow hadn’t noticed anything was seriously wrong, so how had Spike? Buffy started to panic. What if Faith had tried to have sex with him? What if she had had sex with him? She’s skanky enough to do it and that would explain how Spike figured it out. What was worse, Faith screwing him and he realizing, or Faith screwing him and he not realizing?

Buffy felt sick inside.

“What’s on your mind, pet?” Spike asked, noticing her face change from contemplative to disturbed. “You don’t need to be worried about being stuck like this. The witches will fix this soon enough. Not that this body isn’t without its charms,” he joked, pretending to check her out, eyes lingering on her breasts (Okay, so that part wasn’t pretending. But he was a healthy male and this *was* his wife, after a fashion). When Buffy didn’t even respond with her usual knee-jerk cracks to any of his innuendoes, he started to get worried. “You all right?

Buffy turned to him. “Spike, how did you know it wasn’t me? When everyone else didn’t?”

Oh. So that’s what she’s fussing about. “I am your husband, after all. I’m supposed to know you best.”

“Spike, an honest answer, please.”

“Hey! That was honest. For me, anyway.”

Buffy mock-punched him. “Spike.”

“All right. A serious answer. Love, she didn’t act like you. I mean, at first I thought it was you at the Bronze, but then she started talking to me and I realized that wasn’t true. Didn’t know who was behind the wheel, but knew it wasn’t my Buffy.”

Buffy’s lips quirked up at being called his Buffy before asking, “Did she hit on you? Kiss you?”

He sighed. “Yes to the first, no the second. I figured out the truth right quick before she tried anything.”

“Oh.” Buffy was quiet for a moment. “Were you the only guy she hit on?”

Silence. In the kitchen, the two could hear the brains having a Eureka moment.

“Spike?”

He didn’t answer. Inside, he was wondering if Buffy really needed to know about Faith’s bitch in heat act.

“Let me take a guess. Do the words slut, skank, or ho come to mind? I know Faith. You don’t have to lie to me.”

Spike nodded. Buffy sighed. “I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“She hadn’t done anything serious with them,” Spike offered. “I would have smelled it.”

Buffy wrinkled her nose at the thought of Spike being able to smell *that* sort of thing on anyone. “Ew! That’s disgusting.”

“Hey, I thought knowing that would make you feel better.”

“No.” Buffy reached out to hold his hand. “What makes me feel better is knowing that you knew it wasn’t me. And that you were worried enough to run all the way to Giles to ask for help.”

“I couldn’t let you stay body snatched, could I?” Spike pointed out, while smoothly using her little gesture as an excuse to swing his arm around her and hold her close.

“We’ve got it!”

Hearing the others coming, Spike quickly disengaged from Buffy, who then stood up to receive the news that would hopefully clear up today’s episode of Tuesdays in Sunnydale. “What have you got for me?”

“This.” Willow brandished a device that vaguely resembled the one Buffy had seen in Faith’s hands. “The way we figure it, you use this to put the whammy on Faith and presto! Everybody’s back in the right body.”

Buffy took it gingerly and slipped it onto her hand. “Good. That’s good. So all I have to do now is find Faith.”

Willow grinned. “We even got that covered. While I was working on that, Tara did a tracking spell. Faith should be somewhere on campus right now. If you hurry, you should catch up with her, no problemo.”

“Thanks Will.”

“You’re welcome.” As Buffy hurried to leave, Spike at her heels, Willow called after her, “Just promise me details when this is over!”

“Sure!”

After they left, Giles turned to her and asked, “Details?”

“Long story. Maybe tell you later.”

***

It didn’t take long to find her. In fact, it was remarkably easy. With Spike helping her, Buffy found Faith only a few yards away from the spot where they had had Round One of the Switch.

Faith spotted them the instant they saw her. She ran. Without a word exchanged, Spike sprinted after her and tackled her, careful not to hurt. He pulled her up and held her steady for Buffy to come and finish this.

As Buffy approached, Faith arched up against the vampire and smirked. “I’ve got to tell you B, it was quite a shock to me when I learned you were doing a vamp. Not that I blame you. He’s hot.”

“Thanks.”

Faith tilted her head about. “No problem, Blondie. Of course,” she mock- sighed, “you weren’t exactly accommodating me. Had to look elsewhere for thrills.”

“Elsewhere?” Buffy demanded. “Where elsewhere?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.” Faith surged forward and grabbed Buffy’s hand. Bright white light engulfed them as the magic was activated. A few seconds later, Faith was back in her own body. With Spike still holding onto Buffy, she blew them a kiss and blasted out of there. Somewhere right now there was a train ticket with her name on it.

Buffy (also back in her own body) and Spike untangled themselves and jumped to their feet, but Faith was gone.

“Should we go after her?”

“Probably. I know I want to. If only to find out exactly what kind of thrills Faith decided to have.”

Spike took a deep breath and growled. “Bitch could teach Angelus a trick or two about mind games.”

“Huh?”

“The thrill was Riley. I can smell it.”

Buffy collapsed to the ground, a rush of violation and anger overcoming her. “Damn.”

***

“ - I’m so happy Buffy’s finally come to her senses,” Riley told his friends over breakfast that morning, for the twentieth time. “I knew a girl like that wouldn’t let herself go for some animal.”

“That so?” Forrest asked, raising an eyebrow at Riley’s proclamation. The way that girl played with him was shameful......

“Yes, that’s so.” Riley nodded firmly, his heart bursting for joy that yes, he finally got the girl. Spike may have had her for the interim, but no matter. With Buffy’s help, Spike would soon be in a cage or dust. And then everything would be perfect. *** Note the Second: There will be another chapter tying up some loose ends from this storyline before we move on.

Note - hanks to Chelle for beta'ing, her suggestions gave this chapter a much-needed boost

Chapter Sixteen

“Buffy?”

Buffy ignored the concerned voice and stared up at the ceiling of her dorm room. You know, if you squinted funny at the paint swirls, you could make out the shape of a mermaid doing the tango with a shark. Or maybe it was an octopus. Buffy couldn’t tell. Either way, debating that was easier than doing something crazy like dealing with the world. Paint swirls were so much easier to interpret than your own feelings.

“Buffy, I’ve let you be all avoidy since you came in. Now it’s spill time and you know it,” Willow chided gently. “You’ll feel better once you talk about it. I mean, body snatching is sorta big with the issue causing. And talking about issues makes issues better......or at least that’s what they tell me......”

Buffy rolled over, deciding that the paint swirls had nothing to do with underwater and instead made one big shooting star.

“Buffy? This is the part where you start talking.”

“Do I haveta?” she whined.

“Yes. You’ve gone through like the topsy turviest twenty-four hours ever.”

“Not *the* topsy turviest. Pathetically enough, I’ve had worse,” Buffy remarked as she turned to face Willow on the other bed. “Of course, it’s a close contest at the moment.”

Willow nodded sympathetically.

“I mean, sending Angel to hell will probably hold the place as Worst Ever. And I really, really hope that never changes. But Faith’s little game - ” Buffy cut herself off abruptly, fists clenching as she thought of the other Slayer. Through gritted teeth, she said, “Faith’s little game is running a close second.”

“Body switching does do that.”

Buffy let out a humorless laugh. “Faith didn’t leave it at body switching. She didn’t even leave it at playing skanky ho in the Bronze.”

“Omigosh, did she kill someone?” Willow asked, panicking.

“No.”

“Well, that’s good,” she offered awkwardly.

“She had sex with Riley instead.”

Okay, Willow wasn’t expecting that. “You sure?”

“Spike is. And I believe him. Not to mention, there are,” Buffy’s hand trailed up to a sloppy hickey marring her neck, “marks.”

“And you’re sure those aren’t ‘marks’ from any other extra-curricular activities?”

“Yes,” Buffy answered without hesitation. “The other ones, they, ah, they tingle.” Her eyes got a distant look as she thought of the only thing that had gone right recently. Spike had offered to stay with her after the Faith incident, but she had refused. Mostly on account of the very real possibility that she would have given into his suggestion of finding Riley and punching the daylights out of him, just because she needed someone to punch.

Willow got a gleam in her eye. This was a perfect segue into the question that had been burning in the back of her brain since the night before.

“About those tingles......”

“I thought we were still on a Faith is Evil rant.”

“We can go back to that. So. Spike and tingles?”

“Uh-huh.”

Willow settled herself in, eyes sparkling. “C’mon. Details.”

Buffy smiled a little. This switch into classic girl talk was just what she needed for the moment. “It was - wonderful. I mean, yeah, when we were under the spell we well, you know, but this was completely magic free. I mean, magic magic free. But there was still - ”

“Another kind of magic going on?”

“Yes. Everything just felt......right. Like now was the time. Of course, I didn’t feel the same way the morning after, but while we were together, it was perfect. Not to mention,” Buffy added impishly, “Spike can be *very* creative.”

“Creative, huh? How so?” Willow teased.

“I thought a lady isn’t supposed to kiss and tell,” Buffy teased back. “Though can I say that a century of experience? Definitely of the good.”

“So he’s a keeper?”

Buffy thought a moment. “I don’t know if this is a forever thing, but even with the screwed up mess that is my life, I’d say that having Spike there is one of the better accidents that have happened to me. We’ll see what happens next.” Her eyes softened. “But I think it’ll be good. When I was freaking out about going too fast, his libido’s disappointment aside, it sounded like he was willing to slow down. Not in a bad way, but in an I- want-to-have-a-real-relationship way. And that says a lot for him.”

Willow nodded. “It does.”

They sat quietly for a moment.

“You know you’ll still have to talk to Riley about Faith.”

“I know. Not looking forward to that.”

***

Buffy stared at Riley, standing across the room stacking students’ papers. Psychology class was over and only a few stragglers were left behind chatting as they slowly migrated towards the door. At that moment, Buffy wanted to run and bury her head in the sand, pretending nothing had happened.

As if sensing her friend’s faltering courage, Willow gave her an encouraging push in the TA/Secret Agent Man’s direction. Reluctantly, Buffy approached him.

When Riley saw Buffy coming towards him, his face became covered in an enormous smile. “Buffy!” He moved to kiss her. “Buffy, I missed you.”

Buffy swallowed, avoided his lips, and imagined driving a spike into Faith’s skull for making her do this. Or getting Spike to do it for her. “Riley, we have to talk.”

He nodded. “Sure.”

There was a pause. Buffy wondered what was the best way to tell an ex- boyfriend that the last time he saw her (and had sex with her!) she had been somebody else. There should be how-to guides on stuff like that. On the hellmouth, it could be a big seller.

Riley noticed Buffy’s awkwardness. She must be nervous, especially after her declaration of love last night. But it was okay. Soon she’d see how wonderful everything was going to be. All he had to do was explain it to her.

“Buffy, last night was amazing. You have no idea how happy I am that you came to me like that. I’m so proud of you for breaking whatever sick hold he had over you,” Riley said earnestly. “And I promise you that if you have any problems getting rid of Spike, I can help. The resources of the Initiative are at your disposal.”

Buffy cringed inside at his words. This was going to go even worse than she’d thought.

Riley continued his speech. “We have a chance to build a relationship here. As soon as Hostile 17’s out of the way, we can forget your lapses and really start something. Who knows? If Forrest’s willing, maybe you could even move in with me, if that’s what you want. I understand that you might want to wait a few months before that, but - ”

“Riley, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Whatever you thought you heard me say or do last night, it wasn’t me,” Buffy tried to be as gentle as possible. “An enemy of mine did this spell - she switched our bodies. I looked like her; she looked like me - ”

Riley stared at her. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that it wasn’t me. It was someone who looked like me, sounded like me, but she wasn’t me.”

“What? It was you.” His expression crumpled for a moment, before becoming angry. Buffy really couldn’t blame him. “You, you came onto me. Said you and Spike were through, that it was a mistake you were done with. We had sex! You, you,” he paused, unable to speak for a moment. “You practically said you loved me!”

“Riley, you have no idea how sorry I am about this.”

“It’s always a spell with you, isn’t it? Always some reason why whatever we share is meaningless. It’s always nothing. In the end, I’m the idiot left behind as you turn around and go back to whoring for that vampire. You’re still with him, aren’t you?”

“We’re married.”

“It’s not just that. It’s not just some other spell gone wrong with him. With me, the spell’s always an excuse to end it. Not with him. You want it. You want to give yourself to a demon. I can tell. You make me sick.”

“Riley - ”

“Don’t. Just don’t.”

He turned and left, leaving Buffy standing there alone, desperately wishing for something to kill. Preferably Faith.

“How did it go?” Willow asked, as she quietly came up to her friend’s side.

“About as I expected. Turns out Faith didn’t just screw him, she said she loved him.”

“Ouch.”

And the Understatement of the Year Award goes to Willow Rosenberg.

***

Riley stormed back to Lowell House, his gut churning with rage. At whom, he didn’t know. A tiny, rational part recognized that this was the fault of Buffy’s unnamed enemy. But in the maelstrom of emotions that swirled inside, that part was forgotten. To him, this was the last straw.

Walsh had been pressuring him to turn in not only Hostile 17, but the Slayer as well. But no, he had argued with a superior officer on Buffy’s behalf, saying that despite a lapse in judgement, she was still a good human. That even though she bound herself to a monster it didn’t make her one as well. Hell, who knows. Maybe this whole roller coaster she’d taken him through has just been a game to screw with him. Demons did that, didn’t they? Mock the mortals of the world.

And when you got down to it, a Slayer must be like a demon. No real human should have that kind of power. Just like the witches and werewolves that the Initiative occasionally studied, Slayers had to be like them too.

What did Walsh call them? Humanoid, but only just. Not the real deal.

His anger and confusion congealed into a single mass of hate. To the Slayer who screwed him over and the demon who helped her do it. Maybe now was the time to take Walsh up on her offer.

***

Buffy had a funny déjà vu feeling. Once again, she found herself staring at the ceiling searching for patterns. And once again, it was easier than making sense of her life.

Riley had been crushed by her revelation. Everything else Faith had done had been survivable, but her little encounter with him would screw things up for who knows how long. Buffy certainly didn’t. She hoped he wasn’t going to be correcting any of her tests any time soon.

With a bit of luck, she could avoid him. Avoidance was always a good strategy when dealing with yucky problems.

A niggling voice in the back of her head said avoidance wouldn’t cut it. Some of Riley’s speech - even if she had slept with him, chosen him over Spike (as if she would), would have bothered her.

But now wasn’t the time to worry about that. Her plate was full enough today and she hadn’t finished digesting it yet, thank you very much. Buffy’s plan was to spend the rest of the night digesting (aka vegging) in an effort to get her life under a semblance of control.

As she lay there, finding pictures in the ceiling plaster, someone knocked on the door. Buffy sat up slightly. Willow had slipped off to get appropriate snacks and wouldn’t knock on coming back.

“Come in?”

The door swung open, revealing Spike standing there, a pint of ice cream in one hand and a box of chocolates in another. He stood there uncomfortably a moment before crossing the threshold. “Red passed me in the hall and told me to bring’em up......” his voice trailed off uncertainly as he gestured at the food.

“Oh. Thanks.”

He walked over, handing her the ice cream. Buffy ripped it open and started searching around for a spoon. Spike spied one and gave it to her, a smile playing on his lips as she dug in. “How are you?”

“Better now that I’m back in my body. But still feeling crappy after trying to clean up Faith’s little party-o-fun.” Buffy ate a spoonful, not wanting to dwell on that. “Where’s Willow?”

“I think after she saw me coming along she decided to give us some private time.” He shook his head slightly, chuckling.

“What?”

“Just surprised one of your friends trusts you alone with me. Especially the one who I’ve actually threatened a few times before.”

“If it makes you feel better, Xander would freak if he knew.”

Spike settled beside her. “Thanks.” He produced a spoon of his own and stole a bite. Buffy mock glared at him and punched him in the shoulder. “So, what fascinating things are you - ” Spike broke off, noticing a distinctive gleam on her left hand. He reached out and captured her wrist, fingers lightly caressing the golden band. “When did this come on?” he asked quietly.

She smiled. “This morning. I don’t know yet if it will stay on, but as long as we’re married, I think I’ll keep it.”

“Why?”

“You recognized me when no one else did. I think that’s reason enough to admit I’m married, right?”

He nodded and placed a gentle kiss right above the ring, his tongue dancing a quick pattern on her skin. “Good enough for me.”

Buffy blushed and pulled her hand away. Spike let her go.

“So,” he said after a moment, “what are you doing to entertain yourself?”

“Not much. Just staring at the ceiling and seeing if there are any pictures in the plaster,” Buffy admitted.

“If you’re that bored, luv, I know some games we could play,” he said with a wink.

“Spike, do you ever think of anything besides sex?”

“Who said I was? You’re the one seeing all these innuendoes,” he teased.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Only ‘cause you put them there.”

“Did not.”

“Did to.”

The two were practically in each other's face, eyes flashing with the fun of a good fight.

“Did not.”

“Did to.”

“Did to.”

“Did not - hey!” Buffy scowled, realizing her slip.

Spike leaned back with a smirk. “I win.”

She relaxed against him, muttering, “Did not.”

Spike let it go. They sat there a moment, just cuddling. Then Buffy started pointing out her mermaid and shark dancing in the plaster. Of course, Spike saw something completely different.

“Where are you getting an elephant from? Can’t you see the mermaid’s tail?”

“At least I can see, as opposed to some people, Slayer.”

“Yeah right, you elephant spying vampire.”

And the argument continued, the playful banter going back and forth. Neither would have it any other way. Peaceful cuddles were okay for a little while, but no fun in the long run. What they needed was the zip and zing of a proper match.

Interlude

“The subject’s responses to external stimuli are most intriguing. There appears to be little or no reaction to heat or silver, as is the case for most subterrestrials. However, recent tests have indicated an aversion to substances made of - ”

Walsh hit the pause button on the recorder as someone entered her office. Dictating her notes on Hostile 42 would have to wait. It seemed that Agent Finn found it fit to interrupt her studies.

“Finn, explain yourself,” Walsh ordered, coolly assessing her most valuable, and most unstable, agent. He had planted himself directly in front of her desk, eyes forward and body taut. “You better have a good reason for disturbing me.”

“We spoke earlier about recapturing Hostile 17 and possibly the Slayer, ma’am. At the time I informed you it was against our interests to take her. I have since reconsidered.” Riley paused, then added, sharply, “ma’am.”

Walsh leaned back in her chair, the leather creaking slightly from the movement. So he had changed his mind regarding the Slayer. If the rumors were true, she knew why, but it would be interesting to hear his spin on this. “You told me the Slayer was on our side, Agent. What’s changed?”

Riley grew even more rigid. “I realized she was no better than the HSTs she claimed to fight. It is our duty to stop her.” In an outburst of passion, he added, “She sleeps with a vampire. A vampire! What kind of human would do that?” Pause. “Ma’am.”

Walsh had wondered when he would reach that conclusion. It had only really been a matter of time. The rogue Slayer’s actions (yes, she had heard of the other one’s appearance) were just what were needed to push him to the breaking point. A bit of manipulation here, a touch there, and Finn finally realizes the difference between his beloved Slayer and the rest of humanity. Namely, that the Slayer wasn’t. That was the delightful aspect of these black-and-white world soldiers. Introduce them to a hint of gray and they fall back on their basis for existence. It was so perfect, Walsh wished she had planned it herself. Unfortunately, she had been unable to contact this Faith during her tenure in Sunnydale. A pity. Faith the Vampire Slayer sounded so much more amenable to the sort of things Walsh would like to have a Slayer for.

Oh well. Best not to mourn lost opportunities. Instead, focus on the present ones.

“Agent Finn, what do you propose we do with this problem?”

He answered unhesitatingly. “Capture and kill the hostile. Capture the Slayer and ensure she does not continue to endanger the human population.”

A good start. Now to test the depths of his convictions.

“An excellent plan. I’ll add only one thing. Be sure to capture the hostile alive. Its relationship with the Slayer, whose future designation will be,” Walsh checked her notes, “Hostile 95, is what currently makes it more valuable than the other HSTs we have like it. I want to perform tests on both Hostiles 17 and 95. So they must be taken intact and with little damage.”

Walsh waited to see how Finn reacted to this. If he still harbored any weak feelings to Hostile 95, he would balk at it undergoing any tests. He had overseen enough of them to realize what they entailed for the subject.

“I understand, ma’am.”

He hadn’t even blinked. Walsh was pleased. How far her boy had come!

“Good. Now have a seat, Agent, as we prepare to take down these two dangerous threats.”

Finn complied. Walsh leaned forward as she began to dictate exactly how she wanted this mission carried out.

***

An hour before sunrise, Spike headed home with a satisfied smile on his face. Buffy and he had spent the night together. Not in the way he would have preferred, per se, but enjoyable nonetheless. They had simply cuddled together, talking. And arguing. Then arguing some more. Mostly about little things, like the merits of Monty Python (Spike was shocked to hear Buffy call it ‘stupid’) or the best way to make hot chocolate (Buffy thought Spike was being snobbish about refusing to drink instant).

Suppressing the desire to whistle like some fool in a golden age musical about rain, he walked into his crypt, ready to get a good day’s sleep.

“Finally! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you?”

At the sudden, shrill noise, Spike vamped out and spun around, searching for the source.

And found it in Anya.

She was perched on the edge of the sarcophagus, an expectant expression on her face. “I’ve been waiting for six hours. It’s very boring. Xander refused to come so I could pass the time by having sex in a graveyard. Cosmo says that sex in unusual locations heightens the pleasure. All I’ve had to entertain myself is watching your TV. You should buy a new one. The reception is very bad. All I can get is an infomercial on hair care products.”

She gestured at the television, quietly blaring the charms of Insta-Hair. Apparently, for only 19.95 (paid in monthly installments), you could have luxurious locks like the model.

Spike blinked. Still in vamp face, he demanded, “Anya, why are you here?”

Anya stared at him as if the answer was obvious. “To discuss the current state of your relationship with Buffy. Xander told me that Willow told him that Buffy had switched bodies with the evil Slayer Faith and then they switched back. How do you feel about that? The self-help books Xander makes me read on humanity say you should be very aware of your feelings.”

Spike edged away slowly. He was too tired to deal with Anya. “I feel fine. Go home.”

Anya jumped off the sarcophagus but didn’t otherwise move. “I’ve sat in an unpleasantly cold and somewhat damp tomb for six hours. I *will* be compensated with information.”

“Sorry. No can do. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Spike jumped onto the thankfully Anya-free sarcophagus and lay down, closing his eyes.

Anya remained standing there. “You still haven’t replaced your door. You should. It creates very uncomfortable drafts.”

Spike pretended he didn’t hear her and tried to sleep.

“Are you avoiding me because you do not want to confront your issues? That is what the self-help books say. And they should be correct. Otherwise I have lost a great deal of money on an item of unequal value.”

Self help books should be outlawed, Spike decided.

“Where were you? Were you in a bar getting drunk? Xander has informed me that you drink when you are feeling depressed. I think he’s right because I often see you drinking when you are mooning over Buffy.”

Spike shot up. “I do not moon over Buffy!”

“Of course you don’t,” Anya soothed patronizingly, “you simply imbibe large amounts of alcohol while brooding about your relationship with Buffy.”

“I don’t brood either!” he insisted.

“As long as you believe that. So,” Anya reseated herself next to him, “if you were not growing inebriated in a bar, what were you doing?”

Spike sighed, realizing Anya was not budging until he satisfied her curiosity. Bloody annoying bint. “I was with Buffy.”

She waited patiently for more, her eyes watching him intently. “Were you sharing orgasms?”

Spike devoted a moment marveling the intensity of Anya’s focus. Next to her, he sometimes felt positively celibate. No, wait. As long he was taking things slow with Buffy, he was celibate. “No.”

There was a pause as Anya processed the idea of not having sex. For a vampire to do that was impressive, she decided. “So what did you do?”

He shrugged. “Talked. Argued. Discussed ways to kill that bitch Faith. Tried to convince her to apply same to Riley.”

“Why?”

A growl. “Faith fooled ‘round with Captain Cardboard while on the Buffy Express.”

“So there is something bothering you!” she accused.

“I’m not upset or anything,” he protested. “Well, not with Buffy. Not her fault or anything, y’know? Sort of thing I might of cheered on, back in the day. It’s just that Buffy talked about explaining this to Riley. Doesn’t sound like he took it too well. I think there might be trouble.”

“Does Buffy agree?”

Spike gave her a Look. “We’re talking about a *perfectly upstanding* human here.”

Anya nodded sympathetically. “Buffy does favor humans over demons, doesn’t she? But I thought she was in the vengeance stage of her relationship with Riley.”

“Not really. She says it’s just over and that’s that. Trick is, I think he’s not as civilized about it.”

She thought a moment. “Males do have strong vengeance tendencies. They’re not as creative in my experience, but I have seen some work out a good vengeance.”

“I’m going to take that as a you agreeing with me.” Spike leaned back with a sigh. “Only good thing out of this is that she’s wearing my ring now.”

“That is an encouraging sign, though highly backwards. Woman should not be made to be seen as property of men.”

“And the patron of scorned women live,” he muttered as Anya continued talking.

“Though I’m not sure that would be for the best. Public admittance of a new relationship often increases the level of vengeance.”

“Thanks for the thought.”

“You’re welcome,” Anya said perkily.

“Will you leave now?”

Anya considered it. “No.”

Spike wished he had a pillow to pull over his face. Maybe he should invest in a bed. Hey, that’s a good idea. Give him a place to bring Buffy. Lost in thoughts of Buffy + Bed, he easily zoned out the rest of Anya’s cheerful babblings

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