Chapter 3:

A/N: I know it's been forever, and I'm so sorry, but life got hectic there for a bit. I hope people are still reading this, let me know that I haven't lost you. Review and I'm sure I'll be compelled to write faster. This is the end of the Spander, and the beginning of the end Liam/Buffy. Even so, only Spuffy smut will be found here, I hope you enjoy.

-"N'ere Will I Roam"

Buffy had been trying to write her note to William for almost an hour now. She'd only slept for about an hour before she woke up and decided she needed to go to Liam and decide what to do with Will and Xander. She was pretty sure that she could convince him to keep them alive, she knew he loved her and would do just about anything for her. She hated using that to her advantage, but there was nothing she wouldn't do for William.

She turned and looked at him again, sighing. He looked so beautiful in sleep, just as he always had. She didn't want to leave him, she really didn't want him to wake up alone, but if Liam found them there, things could get difficult.

She sighed again and turned back to her note. She'd gone from sappy, to angry and bitter, to neutral, to so obviously still in love it hurt. She didn't want to be any of those things. She just wanted to let him know she cared without giving too much away. She didn't want to hurt him, she didn't want to give him hope.

Mostly, she didn't want to leave.

This was his thing, not hers. He was the poet, writing her verse that she still had to this day, hidden away with the rest of his things in her mother's house in California. She couldn't bear to look at his things anymore after a while. Apparently she should have just shipped it to him.

Now the bitterness returned.

She shook her head to clear it and put her pen to the paper again.

She thought over the lines for a few more minutes, wondering if it sounded too cold. After another twenty minutes she decided to screw it all and just write. He could think what he liked. He'd left her high and dry without a word for years, she could leave him for a few hours with an imperfect, although heartfelt, note.

***

Spike woke the next morning and immediately knew she wasn't there. He reached out anyway and imagined wrapping his arms around her again. She'd felt so perfect against him, his body ached to touch hers again. He rolled so that he could bury his face in the part of the pillow she'd used and inhaled.

She still smelled the same after all these years. He'd know it anywhere. He heard something crackle and looked down to see a scrap of paper under his arm. He pulled it up to his eyes and immediately recognized the handwriting.

"'Least you left a bloody note this time," he muttered with more anger than he felt.

He read it over a few times before he allowed that last bit to fully sink in. In spite of himself, he felt hope swell in his chest.

***

***

Buffy sneaked into Liam's room and crawled under the covers hoping he wouldn't wake and notice how late, rather early, it was. He stirred but didn't wake, and wrapped his arm around her waist. She flinched and then cursed herself for it.

She wasn't going to start anything new with Will, she couldn't. They may love each other, they may have a history, but he'd left her without so much as a goodbye, and she couldn't forgive him when he wouldn't even try to apologize.

She fell into a fitful sleep for a few hours until she awoke to Liam's kisses on her neck. He looked up and smiled and she tried to smile back but it was weak. He noticed and stopped.

"What is it?"

"I didn't get much sleep last night."

His expression darkened and he rolled onto his back. "You were with him for quite a while."

"Liam-"

"Don't, Buffy. Just don't. Did you fuck him?"

She was so angry that he could think something like that, that she forgot any guilt she had been feeling and sat up, pulling on her robe and cinching it tightly. "I can't believe you just said that."

Liam rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry... just... what do you expect me to feel? The love of your life walks back into it and you spend the first night he's here with him. Are you leaving me?"

He looked so dejected that she had to lean over and kiss his brow before reaching up a hand to caress his cheek. "Liam, he left me... he left me a long time ago, and I haven't forgiven him for that. He doesn't want me back. I love him, yeah, but Liam, I'm not in love with him anymore." She looked away and tried to keep her tears from falling. She could lie to everyone, but it was getting harder and harder to lie to herself.

"I still love you, I'm not leaving."

He smiled sadly and kissed her before sitting up. "Just as well anyway, I think he and the other one..." He turned to look at her. "You know."

Buffy stared at him for a moment, he couldn't possibly be saying what she thought he was saying. "What?"

"What's the other guy's name? Harris?"

Buffy nodded slowly.

"I'm pretty sure they're more than friends. That's what Anya thinks anyway. Harris kept asking for him and so this morning she's taking him in. She's never been wrong."

Buffy tried to hide her reaction. This was worse than just leaving her, he'd left her for they're best friend. Both of them had lied to her.

"I'm going to breakfast." Buffy kissed his cheek absentmindedly and walked in a daze out the door.

***

Xander looked up when he heard the door open. Anya stood there watching him as another woman with a gun brought Spike in. Cordelia, he thought that's what her name was. She didn't look like one you could fuck with.

Spike's eyes misted over when he saw Xander on the bed. His head was bandaged, he was hooked up to an IV and he was paler than Spike had ever seen him. Cordelia untied his hands and left.

"I'm going to be right outside the door. I'll leave you alone, but if you try anything funny, friends of Buffy or no, we'll kill you."

Anya walked out stiffly and locked the door.

Spike fell to his knees next to the bed and cupped Xander's face in his hands. "Xand, God, we knew.. I couldn't fucking admit it, but I knew and I let you down."

Xander brought up his hand that wasn't connected to an IV and stroked Spike's hair. "It wasn't your fault. I'm not that bad, I'll be fine. The girl..." he swallowed, "she was the one. Did you see her?"

Spike nodded. He'd recognized Anya the second he'd set his eyes on her. "She being good to you?"

Xander nodded slowly. "She's alive. She lost her eye, but she's alive."

"Does she recognize you?"

Xander shrugged. "I'm not sure, sometimes I think she does, but she's so kind to me sometimes, when she thinks I'm not awake. I don't see why they haven't killed us." Xander started and Spike looked frantic, trying to understand what had his friend upset. "Wait a minute, Buffy?!"

Spike shook his head. "Got a lot to fill you in on, mate."

***

"Holy... Holy fuck, Will."

Spike leaned back against his chair next to Xander's bed and nodded. "Yeah."

Xander looked up at his friend and his heart broke at the pain written across his face. Xander had been the only friend Spike had truly had during his time trying to get over Buffy. When her letters stopped coming, and they learned that she had moved back to California, Spike had gone into a depression so deep Xander wasn't sure he'd be able to get him out of it.

Seeing it happening all over again killed him. For some reason he couldn't seem to muster up as much anger at Buffy as he had been able to when she first left. Something here didn't fit, none of it made sense.

Most of all, Spike was still deeply in love with her, and unless she was playing him for information, which would be pretty foolish, she seemed to be just as in love with him as she always was.

He reached out his hand tentatively to Spike and was relieved when his friend grasped onto him, holding on tightly.

Spike turned suddenly and kissed Xander hard but both of them felt the desperation in it.

The weight of Buffy on his mind.

He broke it almost as quickly as he started and buried his face in his hands, sighing loudly. "I'm so sorry, Xander."

The brunette had always known this time would come. He could always feel Buffy whenever he and Spike were together. It was only a matter of time before he would lose him to her.

Knowing it all along made it easier to accept, easier to keep from getting bitter and blaming people. It didn't make it easier to take. He loved Spike, could have loved and taken care of him forever, but Buffy would always have a part of him that Xander couldn't touch.

"Hey, it's ok, man. I'm not... it's not like winning the lottery over here, but I'm ok."

Spike looked up and realized just how amazing his friend truly was. Xander had long ago accepted Buffy's role, her permanent role, in Spike's life, even if Spike hadn't. Fuck him if he wasn't a total bastard for not understanding that Xander had known all along.

Spike leaned over and kissed him softly this time. A goodbye.

"I'm gonna get us outta here, Xand. I swear."

"I know you will."

"Even if things won't-"

"I know, Spike."

Spike nodded and ran a hand through Xander's short hair. He turned to go but Xander's voice stopped him.

"It was good though? While it lasted anyway?"

Spike returned the sad smile Xander was giving him. "Bloody brilliant, pet, and I still meant it. I do love you."

Xander nodded and closed his eyes, trying to get some sleep. He wasn't sure what the next few days would bring. "What's not to love, bleachboy?"

Spike snorted and walked out to meet Anya.

***

Xander woke hours later when someone knocked on the door to his room. He thought it not a little odd that his captors would knock before entering. After muttering a sleepy "come in" and seeing who it was, he understood.

"Buffy."

"Xander."

They stood silently for a moment, unsure of what to say, where to begin, or if they should speak at all.

"Are you feeling ok?"

Xander nodded and gestured for her to sit in the chair near his bed. She sat and clasped her hands together in a nervous habit he thought she'd lost years ago.

"What's going to happen to us?"

Buffy closed her eyes and sighed softly. "I'm not sure yet. Liam and I have been talking about it all day and we're still trying to find a solution that doesn't end in two bodies being dumped." She looked at him suddenly, hard, and he remembered all the reasons he'd ever trusted her. "I won't let them hurt you anymore than you have been already, Xander. I swear."

He nodded and they sat in silence for a while longer.

Finally, Buffy found the courage to ask what was really on her mind. "You and Will?"

Xander started and looked at her with a mixture of shock, embarrassment, anger, and pride. "What of it?"

Buffy wrapped her arms around herself and cleared her throat. She really didn't have a right to question either of them about it, but she needed to know. "Xander... I'm not... I just want to know. It's not like I have any kind of claim on him anymore. I just... I want to know."

Xander understood that, and he still cared for Buffy, no matter how callously she'd treated them. There was still something inside her that drew him in. He loved her too he supposed.

"It's over, Buffy, you should have figured that."

There was a moment of joy, then grief, finally an odd numbness. "Did he leave for... Nevermind, I should go."

"Wait, Buffy, what are you-"

"Xander, I'll find a way to get you guys out of here. I'm sorry about all this, about everything and the way things have turned out."

She reached the door and turned the handle.

"He still loves you, more than anything, and that's the reason Buffy."

Her body stiffened and then she relaxed, leaning against the door. "How did we all get here, Xander?"

"I'm not sure, Buff. But for whatever reason, he's here, and so are you, and you guys both still love each other as much as you did when he left, so maybe you should take advantage of it."

Buffy took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Thanks."

She walked out in the direction of the room Spike was being held it.

Xander watched her go and hoped for both of their sakes that they could figure out what went wrong before it was too late for them.

"You're welcome."

Chapter 4:

A/N: Well, I guess it's been a while, but I was having a hard time deciding where I wanted to take this story. I finally decided, and I'm going to try to work hard and finish this one up before picking up a new one that's really been pushing it's way into my head. I hope you enjoy this, I'll probably have more up soon, this chapter is a bit of a two parter, so the wait should be shorter. Enjoy, and reviews are always deeply appreciated.

I had a true love if ever a girl had one
I had a true love a brave lad was he
One fine Easter Monday with his gallant comrades
He started away for to make Ireland free

For all around my hat I wear a tri-coloured ribbon, oh
All around my hat until death comes to me
And if anybody's asking me why do I wear it
It's all for my own true love I never more will see

He whispered "Goodbye love, old Ireland is calling
High over Dublin our Tri-colour flies
In the streets of the city the foe man is falling
And wee birds are whistling "Old Ireland arise"
-Peadar Kearney, "Tri-Coloured Ribbon"

Buffy paused before opening the door to Spike's room. She asked Cordelia to give them some privacy and ignored the look she received. Finally, she drew a deep breath and pushed the door open, closing it partially behind them.

"Will?"

He was sleeping on the cot but stirred at the sound of her voice. He sat up suddenly, ready to fight, but his eyes cleared and when their eyes met his softened and he managed a weak smile.

"Buffy, hey."

An awkward moment passed between them, both staring anywhere but at each other, the only sounds the shuffling of her feet and their breathing.

"Will-"

"Buffy-"

They both smiled and looked down. "Go ahead, pet."

She shuffled some more and Spike moved to the side of the cot, motioning for her to join him. She sat, her hands clasped on her knees.

Spike couldn't help but lean closer to her as she gathered her thoughts and tried to find a way to tell him what was on her mind. By the time she turned to speak to him his lips were close enough to hers that if she leaned forward just a bit they would be kissing. She remembered what it was like to kiss him, how at home she always felt when she was touching him.

By the time she'd decided to go for it, he was already on her. His lips moving slowly against hers, his tongue coaxing her lips open. She moaned into his mouth and he slid his hand from it's place on her knee to his waist. He pulled her closer, their kisses becoming more and more passionate.

Somehow she ended up in his lap, his tongue drawing intricate designs on her neck. It was too much, it had been too long. God she missed this. She felt his arousal pressing into her thigh and the thought of how far this was about to go brought her back to herself.

"Will, oh God, Will, please..."

He pulled her closer to him, his hips coming up to rub himself against her, attempting to ease the pressure building in him. "Buffy, yes, I missed you so much, oh yes pet-"

She cupped his face in her hands and he leaned forward to kiss her, she allowed him to for a moment before pulling away and closing her eyes, trying to regain control. "Will, we have to stop."

His hands ceased their exploration of her back and right breast, his hips stopped moving and the look in his eyes almost made her rethink her decision. "We've got to talk, we can't fall back into something that ended like it did."

Memories of the months spent waiting for Buffy to write to him, to return his calls, anything, rushed back and he looked away from her.

"You're right."

She didn't move off of his lap, and he didn't want her to. What had happened in the past hurt, but he couldn't deny any longer that he was still completely in love with her. He'd forgive her anything if she asked him to. He just wanted her back.

He buried his face in her neck and she held him to her tightly. She didn't understand how things had gotten so out of hand. Her talk with Xander had made it plain that denying her feelings for Spike was stupid and the fact that they'd been given a second chance was more than a sign to Buffy, it was like a command. Everything in her called out to him, and she couldn't ignore it.

"Will, I missed you too."

He turned his head to kiss her neck lightly and hold her closer. "You don't know how much that means to me, pet."

They sat like that for a while longer, just happy to be back in each other's arms after all the time apart.

"What are we gonna do, Will?"

"Lot of that depends on you, Xand and I aren't exactly free men at this point."

Buffy sighed. She hated this situation, it was cruel to bring them together again only to have everything conspire to break them apart again. Only this time, he would die if they didn't work out. This thought only made her more urgent to clear things up between them.

"Listen, Will, I don't know why this all happened, at this point I don't care. I can't care, I love you too much for it to matter. I forgive you for everything, I don't even want to think about it, I just want us to figure this out and start over."

Will nodded immediately against her. "I love you too, Buffy so much, and I. . ." he pulled back and looked at her. "Wait a minute, you forgive me?"

Buffy looked at him for a minute and nodded slowly. "What do you mean?"

"I didn't do anything wrong."

Buffy stood, confusion and burgeoning anger vying for dominance. "What do you mean you didn't do anything wrong. It's your fault we haven't talked in years, you lied to me!"

"I lied to you? I never lied to you, I never wanted you to go, and I never did a damn thing to make you think any of that!" Now Spike was yelling too. He didn't understand how she could blame any of this on him, he'd begged her to talk to him, sacrificed all of his pride to reach her, and nothing. Not a damn word from her, and now she expected him to apologize for it?

"You should be apologizing to me! I've given up everything for you, I'm willing to leave the life I've built, the life I sacrificed everything for to be with you! How the fuck can you say any of this to me?!"

"Yeah, you did sacrifice everything, including me! I must have been out of my mind to think that any of this had changed. I love you, yeah, and you love me, but sometimes that isn't enough."

All the blood drained from his face at her words. He was angry, yeah, but that didn't mean he could live without her. "Buffy, wait-"

"No, just... Just leave me alone, this time make it permanent!"

She ran out the door and slammed it behind him. By the time he reached it, he could hear it lock and he sank to the floor, more hopeless than he could ever remember being. None of this made any sense. Something was wrong here, and Spike was damned if he wasn't going to figure it out.

***

"So you're feeling better then?"

Xander nodded and sat up on his cot. "Thanks to you, I can't tell you what this has meant to me." He looked at his feet. "After what I've done, I'm so sorry."

Anya rolled her eyes. "Xander please, all's fair in love and war, and since we're done with the war part..."

Xander didn't know what hit him.

***

Liam heard that Buffy was going to see him again. He didn't like it, but he had faith in her. She'd been so broken when he'd first met her. So afraid to trust anyone, especially some Irish rebel who wanted her heart, but eventually he'd gotten through to her, and he wasn't about to lose her to the jerk who'd left her the lonely and angry woman he'd first met.

The door wasn't closed when he came to it, and he wanted to make sure she was ok. Who knew what these bastards were capable of at this point.

Liam felt his heart break, he could actually feel it happen. He saw her, in his arms, kissing him, touching him. She loved him. She fucking loved him and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

He leaned against the wall and slid down until he could wrap his arms around his legs. He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but when he stood he knew what he had to do.

***

"So what's the deal with Buffy and Spike, I know what happened to break them up, but I don't see how she can take him back, I mean, she's all over him. I would have been moved to take some serious vengeance if someone did that to me."

Xander was still in a slight post-orgasmic haze, but the last part of what she said knocked him out of it.

"Wait a minute, what he did to her?"

"Yeah, hello, he told her he was dead. She mourned him for over a year."

Xander shot up in bed. "Oh fuck."

***

Buffy ran straight to her room and stood in the doorway refusing to cry. She wouldn't let him make her cry again. He wasn't worth it anymore. He obviously cared more about his job than her. He couldn't even admit what he'd done. Did he have no idea what that had done to her, how much it hurt when he was gone?

Buffy ran a hand over her face and thought back to his words. Of course it had meant a lot to him to hear she had missed him. He knew what kind of power he had over her, and he must get off on it.

She shook her head and looked over to her bed. There was an envelope sitting there. She picked it up and noticed Liam's messy script. "What the-"

Two sentences into his letter she was running.

***

Liam hadn't been to Mahoney's in a while. It was good to talk to some old friends. It was good to be drunk. It was good to try to forget about Buffy.

He loved her, he really really did. But she'd never really been there for him. Her heart had always belonged to that bleached Brit. He didn't really understand what she saw in him, but whatever it was, it was what she wanted.

He thought maybe she could have loved him if he'd had some more time with her.

He shook his head and shrugged, picking up another shot he called out a toast.

"To Freedom, in every damn sense of the word."

The bomb went off before the liquor touched his lips.

***

Chapter 5:

A/N: I need to say again that I’m not trying to press any particular political agenda, although I think my bias is fairly clear. This fic is about choices, believing in something, and the consequences of both, and this particular situation just happens to be one that interests me and I know something about. Oh yeah, and this is fiction. Reviews are appreciated and loved. Thanks to all who have reviewed so far.

“Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling

From glen to glen, and down the mountain side

The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying

'tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.

But come you back when summer's in the meadow

Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow '

tis I'll be there in sunshine or in shadow

Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying

And I am dead, as dead I well may be

You'll come and find the place where I am lying

And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me

And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be

If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me

I simply sleep in peace until you come to me.“

-”Danny Boy”

Willow and Tara watched with worried faces as Buffy ran past them and out the door. Something had happened with Spike, and now Liam was upset. Even though they loved Liam like a brother and hated to see him in pain, they couldn't help but be glad that Buffy had finally started to deal with her feelings for Spike.

Against Tara's better judgment, she allowed Willow to drag her into Buffy's room to see if they could find a clue as to why she ran out like she did. They nearly missed the letter lying on the floor. When they did read it, their hearts broke for Angel, but they could sense his relief at having finally been given some closure.

Willow looked at Tara and shook her head. “Have you ever, in all your life, heard Liam so calmly give something up?”

Tara took the letter from her and read it again. “He knew this was coming.” She met Willow’s eyes. “He knew before Spike showed up here that Buffy would never really be his. I think he’s relieved that he can stop worrying about when it’s finally going to happen.”

“I guess, he does sound really resigned to his fate. What do you think Buffy’s going to do?”

“Liam knew this was coming, but Buffy kept denying it. Something happened with Spike earlier, something she didn’t like. If I know her at all, she’ll try to get Liam back, just to prove to Spike that it’s what she really wants. Hopefully Liam doesn’t let her use him like that.”

Willow and Tara exchanged a look, then took off after Buffy.

***

Spike scrambled up from his place on the floor when he heard someone at the door. He wasn’t going to let Buffy get away this time without clearing up this whole mess.

“Buffy, listen, I-” He looked up and sighed. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Yeah, don’t get so excited, I only have the whole reason Buffy stopped writing to you.” Xander said, stepping into the room shakily with Anya holding his arm.

Spike grabbed his shoulders, looking from him to Anya and back again. “How, when... Wait, what did you find out?”

Xander chuckled softly and pushed Spike back so that he could sit on the cot. His sexcapades with Anya and the shock of finding out the truth about Buffy had left his newly healed body weak. Anya eased him onto the bed and when Spike moved toward him again she stepped forward and without words told him to back off.

Spike put up his hands slowly and backed away. Xander could tell his was chomping at the bit for information, and he toyed with the idea of making him wait, but decided he’d waited enough.

“Maybe you should sit too, man, I don’t think you’re gonna like this.”

Spike shook his head. “Can’t, mate, waited too bloody long for this.”

Xander took a deep breath and let it out quickly. “All right, well first off, I think someone was seriously fucking with you.” He looked over to Anya who nodded and took another breath. “They told Buffy that you’d died, they told your uncle the same thing. I think maybe they stopped letting your letters and calls through. Every time they told you that no one had answered, I’m guessing that was shit. Buffy stopped writing because she thought you were gone, she moved to California to mourn you and try to move on and she got caught up with these guys on a trip back to England. Spike, they wanted to split you guys up-”

“Those bloody bastards! They told her... oh fucking hell what she must have thought.” Spike did sink down onto the cot at this. His mind was racing and his heart beat a painfully quick staccato in his chest. He ran his hands through his hair and then stood abruptly. “Well I’ve got to bloody find her, explain. She thought this morning that I’d... Fuck, get me out of her!” he yelled at Anya who merely raised an eyebrow before standing to look him in the eye.

“And why would I do anything you asked?”

Spike sputtered for a moment before Xander stood and spared him having think up a decent answer. “Because he’s my friend, Ahn, and he’s waited long enough.”

She looked at Xander hard for a moment before her eyes softened and she smiled slightly at him. “I guess this is really helping Buffy too, and maybe if I do this, she’ll remember she owes me that money.”

Xander grinned at his.. he didn’t know what, lover, enemy, caretaker, friend? He shook his head and stood, wrapping his arm around her waist. “Let’s go find her.”

***

When Willow and Tara found Buffy, they knew that their prayers that the smoke was not coming from Mahoney’s had gone unanswered.

She stood back, far enough away that she wouldn’t draw attention to herself, she was well known enough by this crowd that it was dangerous to be close to the scene of such a crime. Even if it was obvious she could not have committed it.

They approached her quietly. Silent tears made their way down her face and her foot tapped impatiently. As they got closer they heard her whispering something barely audible. “Please not Liam, please God don’t let Liam be in there.”

“Buffy?”

She turned and stared at them with wide eyes. “Gunn said Mahoney’s, he said he came here, he said... How did this happen? Don’t we have people watching this place, don’t we...” She turned back to the one time building that was now reduced to a pile of smoking rubble. “God Willow, there were so many people in there... But not Liam, I know Liam couldn’t have been in there.”

Tara exchanged a glace with her partner before moving to Buffy a putting an arm around her. “Let’s go back, we can have someone find out where Liam is, ok? We should get out of here, Buffy, it’s too dangerous.”

Buffy shook her head and gripped the wall next to her. “Sean, he, umm, Sean O’Connor. He’s over there, he’s looking for Liam, he’s coming here when he finds...” Buffy pulled away from Tara and walked a little way from her hiding place.

A young man with dark hair and sad eyes approached her. Willow recognized her, though Tara did not and she turned to seek comfort in Tara’s arms. “He’s gone.”

Tara pulled her closer and watched as Buffy collapsed into the stranger’s arms.

***

Anya and Xander thought it best to leave Spike in his room while they fetched Buffy to avoid any problems with the rest of Liam’s crew.

Now that Spike had been left waiting for a few hours, he realized that it had been a bloody stupid idea. He had no idea what was happening outside his door, he had no clue if Buffy was refusing to see him or if they just hadn’t been able to find her.

He didn’t know which option frightened him more. If she didn’t want to speak with him, it may mean she may never want to speak with him again. If they could find her, it may spell more trouble for both of them. It could mean she’d been captured, it could mean she’d been killed, it could mean a million things and none of them were anywhere near good.

He’d paced, he’d tried to sleep, he’d banged on the door and screamed at them to let him out until his voice was rough and his fists were bloody.

Now he was sitting against the door, alternately sulking and banging his head against it. The sounds of a key in a lock didn’t penetrate his melancholy and when the door opened he spilled out into the hallway. He looked up to find a teary eyed Anya looking strangely apologetic.

“I didn’t mean to leave you in there all day. Something’s happened, Spike. It’s bad.”

Spike scrambled to his feet and gripped her shoulders. “Where’s Buffy, is she alright?”

Anya looked at her feet and Spike felt his heart clench painfully. “Oh, oh God.”

Anya’s eyes met his and she shook her head. “No, Spike, not that, she’s fine, physically. There was an attack today, someone bombed the pub down the road.”

Spike shook his head slightly. “I don’t... what does that mean for Buffy.. I mean, I know, that’s bloody awful, but-”

“Liam was inside.”

Spike swallowed hard and shook Anya to draw her out of daze she’d fallen into. “Anya, where is she?”

“I don’t think it’s a good id-”

“Where is she?”

***

Buffy didn’t stir when the door opened. She didn’t want to move for a long while. If she sat still enough, and concentrated hard enough she could be in a place that wasn’t so full of death.

She was tired of it, tired of doling out punishment and death, and tired of seeing good people die. Liam wasn’t perfect, she wasn’t under any delusions about it, and he’d been sure to die in this war. She had just figured he would have been fighting, he would have known what was coming, and she always thought it would be by her side.

She felt the tears begin again, they slid down her cheeks and irritated her by falling in her ears but she didn’t have the will to stop it. He was gone, and though logically she shouldn’t have felt guilty about him being the that pub, she did, and she hated both herself and Will for driving him there.

“Buffy?”

She closed her eyes. “Get out.”

She could hear him stepping closer to her until he stood right next to her. She knew he wanted to reach for her, but he was restraining himself. She was glad, she couldn’t bear the thought of him touching her now. She never wanted to see him again.

“Buffy, please, talk to me.”

She opened her eyes and stared at him with enough poison to make his blood freeze. “I don’t want to see you now, I don’t want to see you ever. You’re free to go, I don’t know how far you’ll get, but you can get going.”

“Look, I know you’re upset, and-”

She sat up abruptly and he saw the fire in her eyes. “You know I’m upset? Let me guess, you feel my pain? I should be used to this now, huh, Will? Liam probably isn’t even dead, just faking it until I’m finally getting over the pain, and then he’ll show up again.”

“Buffy, listen to me, that isn’t what happened, I didn’t do that, I don’t know who decided to make everyone believe I was dead, but it wasn’t me!”

Buffy stared at him for a minute, and he was sure that in her eyes he saw a glimmer of hope before she forced it down again. “Don’t fucking lie to me, not anymore.”

When she made to turn from him he grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him. “Buffy, I swear to you, I swear I’m not lying, I wouldn’t do that to you. You’ve got to believe me pet.”

She turned her head and refused to look at him, but she couldn’t the sobs that wracked her body or the tears that escaped her tightly closed eyes.

“Look, I know you’re upset, and I can’t say I know exactly what you’re feeling, but when I thought I’d lost you, when I thought you and Giles had stopped caring, I shut down. I couldn’t deal with it, Xander barely pulled me out. I know what it is to lose someone.”

“Will, please don’t-”

“Don’t what? I love you, Buffy, I do, and I’m furious that this happened, and my heart is breaking seeing you like this. I didn’t know Liam, I probably wouldn’t have liked him just on principle, but I know that you cared for him, and you know I can’t stand to see you cry. Buffy-”

“Why didn’t you try to find me?”

“What?”

“You didn’t think to find me and ask why I would just stop writing you? I thought you were dead, Will, you just thought I stopped caring. Why didn’t you fight for me?”

“Buffy, pet, c’mon-”

She wrenched herself out of his grasp and pushed him away from her. “Fuck you, Will, that’s the most pathetic lie I’ve ever heard. You would have tried, the old Will would have tr-”

“Shut-up!” He grabbed her again and held her tightly. “You don’t know a goddamn thing about it. I fucking fell apart without you, and I did try, but I couldn’t exactly leave could I? Couldn’t exactly fly off to California and track your ass down. Don’t try to cheapen what I felt, what I feel for you because you’re hurting!”

Buffy squeezed her eyes shut and covered her face. She’d been so fucking selfish, always worrying about she and William without a second thought to Liam. He was dead, he was fucking dead and she was crying because her ex-boyfriend wasn’t as big an asshole as she thought.

Spike felt her tense in his arms and he tried to soothe her, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. “Buffy, I’m sorry about Liam, I-”

“It’s our fucking fault!” she screamed at him suddenly, pounding her fists against his chest. “We’re always so concerned with ourselves and we couldn’t even think about what he might feel. If I hadn’t gone to you, if I had talked to Liam first, he would still be here! You son of a bitch! You don’t even care!”

He stilled her fists and held them against his chest, pulling her against him. “Shhh, Buffy, I care, I’m sorry, I’m so bloody sorry, but it’s not your fault. Blame me if you want, but it’s not your bloody fault, you didn’t plant the bomb, you couldn’t have known. This is not your fault.”

She stopped resisting him when he released her wrists and wrapped his arms around her, whispering words of comfort into her hair and planting soft kisses against her temple. “Shhh, so sorry, luv, so sorry...”

“God, Will, he didn’t deserve this, such a meaningless death.”

“No, luv, not meaningless. He believed in something, he fought for it, he did a lot, hell I’ve been hunting him down for years, people are going to remember what he did for his cause, yeah?”

Buffy clutched him to her tighter. “I thought I would be there, I thought-”

“Shh, Buffy you need to rest.” He couldn’t bear the thought of her death, not when it was so real to him right now. He pulled her toward the bed but she stopped him.

“Not here, I can’t be in his room.”

Spike nodded she led them into a room that they reserved for Doyle, Liam’s cousin, when he would visit. She allowed Spike to hold her as she drifted off into sleep. Even as guilt and despair over Liam’s death plagued her, being back in Will’s arms made it possible for her to find peace, if only in sleep.

***

A/N: I was wondering if people would fall for the mislead at the end of the last chapter, and I’m pretty glad that worked out.

A/N: I know it's been forever, but I hope someone is still with me. This story will be wrapped up in two or three more chapters, and they'll be coming very soon as I have the break to finish this and Professional Distance. Please, please review and let me know if this is a lost cause or not. Hope you enjoy.

-"Slievnamon"

Buffy woke first the next morning. Her eyes were itchy from crying herself to sleep and she was a little sore, perhaps from all the crying she'd been doing the day before. However, the arms around her, and the body pressed against her felt so perfect that she could almost forget the rest.

Her heart still ached where she felt Liam's loss, but a part of it, the part William's superiors had ripped apart was starting to heal. She could tell by his breathing that he was still asleep and she turned slowly and carefully in his arms so that she was facing him.

Even in his sleep he looked worried. The past few days must have taken an awful toll on him, they had on her. She reached up and touched his face. All the guilt she'd felt over Liam's death was still there, but William was right about the irrational nature of it.

It was inevitable that things would have ended with him, and according to his letter he was hurt but resigned. She didn't like to think of Liam that way. He was so strong, so amazing at her side. They were an amazing team, but that's all it had really ever been.

With William it was like half of her was missing without him. She'd known him, and loved him for most of her life, and when she'd thought he was gone a part of her died with him. Slowly it was coming back. The planning for the future, the way she actually started to wonder where she'd be in her personal life, not just how she'd be furthering a cause.

It changed so much. Especially as there was no way they would have it easy. He was their prisoner, though willing at the moment, but he couldn't walk away from the military anymore than she could walk away from her new family.

There was a time when she would have believed that love could conquer all. Somewhere along the line she'd lost that.

But she wanted so badly to believe in William again. She needed to believe in him again. It was all she had left of the old her.

Buffy leaned forward and kissed his lips softly. She felt him stir against her and he began to return the kiss. She pulled back before it could get too deep and smiled sadly at him.

"Did you get any sleep?" he whispered, his voice still rough with sleep.

Buffy nodded and snuggled deeper into his embrace. He kissed her temple softly and rubbed his hands up and down her back, entwining his legs with hers.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

She felt him take a deep breath and pull her tighter to him. "Last night, when you asked me why I didn't come for you-"

"I know why, I'm sorry, I was just-"

"No... no, I should have. I should have just left, if I had loved you enough-"

She pulled back and covered his mouth with her hand. "Please don't apologize to me. If you do that... it will mean I'm just as guilty of Liam's death as you are for what they did to us."

She buried her face in his chest and let her first tears of the morning come.

"I'm sorry Buffy, God I'm so sorry."

"Shh... Will, just.. just..."

She brought her face up and allowed him to kiss her. It was soft and hesitant, their first real kiss since the air had been cleared. Their tongues met and the kiss grew in passion quickly.

William's hands trembled as he ran them up Buffy's sides up to her breasts. She moaned lightly at his first brief touch and he snaked them under her shirt to unclasp her bra and touched her for the first time in too long without any barrier between them.

"Oh, God, Will..."

He let his lips wander to her neck and sucked lightly at the pulse point as he gathered the hem of her shirt and pulled it up. They broke apart for a second as he removed her shirt and then allowed her to do the same to him.

Her nipples hardened painfully as they came into contact with his bare chest and they both groaned as he ground his erection between her thighs.

"I've missed you, this, so much," he whispered before kissing her again and taking her breath away.

They lost themselves in each other and didn't realize that someone had opened the door until they spoke.

"Interesting way to mourn him, Buffy."

Buffy's eyes shot open and she sat up suddenly, pulling the sheet up to cover her breasts, and dislodging William so quickly that he almost fell to the floor.

"Oh my God, Doyle?!"

The brunette looked grim as he regarded the two in the bed. "We're meeting downstairs. I guess I'll see you in a moment?"

Buffy's face flamed and she opened her mouth to explain but didn't know how. She just nodded and averted her eyes and he stepped out of the room.

The couple that remained were silent for a moment until Spike sighed and ran a hand through his hair before standing and grabbing his shirt.

"Liam's cousin?"

Buffy nodded and tried to blink back tears. "I've got to go, I'm sorr-"

Spike shook his head and pulled on his boots. "Don't worry about it. I'll go see about, Xander."

"Will, please-"

"I'll see you later, Buffy," he said curtly as he left the room.

Buffy buried her head in her hands for a moment before shaking her emotions off and got dressed.

***

"So we're not going to retaliate?"

"Don't you think that's what whoever's responsible wants us to do?" Willow asked. "We've got to find out who it was, specifically, and then maybe we can do something. Other than that, we wait."

Anya nodded and stood. "We all know that whenever something like this happens, if we go out and fight back right away with something large scale, we'll get the worst press. We're the bad guys in every scenario as far as the international, even the national community is concerned. We've got to lay low and try to let the police take care of this for now."

Gunn shook his head and walked out. Fred smiled apologetically. "He's still really upset, he knows what the right thing to do is, it just doesn't seem like enough right now."

Doyle, who had been silent throughout put a hand over hers and smiled back. "We're all hurting. Losing Liam is something that we'll never forget, but at a crucial time like this, when the peace process is heating up, we've got to keep our heads." He swallowed hard and pulled out flask, taking a swig before continuing. "I want to go out and find the bastards responsible. We won't be sure of which group until we get our contacts in or someone claims responsibility. After we find out, we'll go after individuals, and we'll do it quietly."

"What are we going to do with the two we've got?"

Buffy glanced at Doyle and found him staring back. "I'm not sure yet. I'll let you all know by tonight."

Willow and Tara looked for a moment at Buffy and tried to give her a reassuring smile. "For right now, I want Willow to go out and meet with some of our contacts in town, and Fred, you find out what the press have. Everyone else get some rest, we'll need to make some arrangements for Liam's burial later."

The group dispersed quietly, the sense of loss still hung heavy in the air. Only Anya, Doyle and Buffy remained.

"So what's the word about the prisoners?"

Buffy took a deep breath and looked up at the man she'd at one time considered as close an ally as Liam, and now there was so much pain separating them, it was no better than when he was away. "What you saw earlier-"

"None of my business. None of my concern really. I want to know why we have these two and what Liam's plans were."

"He was waiting for Buffy to decide," Anya said quietly. "And.. me as well, lately."

Doyle took another drink from his flask and sighed heavily. "Jesus Christ, not one but two sleeping with the enemy. This is priceless."

Buffy blushed and Anya chuckled. "You know he's the one that did this to me?" she said, gesturing to her eye patch.

Doyle stared at her for a moment. "Are you jokin'?"

She just shrugged. "Love's a funny thing."

"That what's going on here?"

Buffy looked unwilling to speak so Anya broke in. "I'm not sure about me, could be, but Buffy's got a much bigger story to tell."

Doyle's gaze shifted to her and she saw that it had softened some. "It's William, the man I thought was dead. There were some things done to keep us apart on the part of his superiors, we had no idea about each other, and now he's back."

"The plot thickens. And so you just said adios to Liam the second this asshole comes back?"

Buffy flinched at the coldness of his tone. "I wasn't sure about what I was going to do." She paused and looked back into his eyes. "Liam made the decision for me... This morning.. It was crazy, I just found out what had happened to Will and Liam was gone and I needed something to make things simpler for a moment."

Doyle was silent for a moment before he finally reached for Buffy and she went willingly into his arms. There were no words needed between them. Things would be ok, at least as far as they were concerned. Months before, she'd confided in Doyle the whole William story and how she didn't think she was able to really love. He knew how hard all of this was, and he knew that she was mourning Liam just as much as he was.

They remained together for a moment, silent tears coursing down their faces until they finally regained their composure. "What are you going to do, then?"

Buffy wiped her eyes and shook her head. "I don't have any idea. This is the worst mess I've ever been in. I can't give this up, he can't get away, and we're stuck. No matter what, our pasts are going to keep us apart, I can't live knowing he's out there and we're on opposite sides."

Doyle kept his arm around Buffy as he looked to Anya. "And you?"

"I don't want to kill him, I don't want to send him back. I want him to stay, but if he won't, I just want to let him go, but somewhere new, not back to the military."

Doyle thought for a moment before standing. "I'm going to make some calls. You two go get some rest. I'll come discuss this after I've figured out some more options."

Buffy stood and hugged him again, kissing his cheek. "Thank you for understanding."

He simply nodded and left, his pain too much for him at the moment.

***

"Will?"

Spike looked up from his cot and opened his arms when he saw Buffy standing there. "C'mere, pet."

She went, grateful that he seemed less angry now. "Are we ok?"

He nodded against her hair. "I'm sorry about earlier. Too much going through my head."

"Me too."

They lay together silently for a moment, enjoying the feel of each other without all the worry for a while.

"What do you want to do?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, propping his head up on his hand so that he could look down at her.

"Do you want to go back?"

"You think I could do that, knowing what they took from me?"

"What else can you do? You don't want to fight here."

He was quiet as he looked into her eyes. "No. I wish I could say that I believe in this just because you do, but I can't. This whole situation is insane. I don't want to have anything to do with either side."

Buffy swallowed hard and nodded. "What are we going to do?" she asked, tears forming for the hundredth time that day in her eyes.

William leaned down and kissed her before burying his face in her neck and holding her close as she cried for their doomed future.

***

Buffy walked into she and Liam's old bedroom and found Doyle and Anya already there.

"I think I've found something, but there are some choices. Are you both ready?"

Anya and Buffy exchanged a glance before nodding.

"First choice, you can try and convince them to stay."

"I can't ask Will to do that."

Doyle nodded, he'd suspected as much, and looked to Anya.

"That's a possibility. Xander and I have talked about it, what's the other choice?"

"Well, I talked with some people today. We can give them a new identity, or at least get rid of their records and give them altered ones. Problem is, we can only get them to one place safely, and then they're on their own as far as moving about goes."

Buffy's heart sank. She'd expected something like this, but she wanted to believe that there would be a way for William and she to be together without compromising anything. It was stupid, she knew it, but it was killing her.

"And there's more. I won't let them go back to England. They betray us and I'll kill them. I know you understand that that's not an idle threat."

They both nodded solemnly.

"But," he added reluctantly, "there is one more way for things to work out." He sighed. "I don't want to say this, but I believe in fate," he looked directly at Buffy then, "and there's a way, if you decide to do it, to send you with them."

Buffy stopped breathing. He couldn't be giving her that opportunity. How could she leave this, how could she leave William? It would be the most difficult and heartbreaking decision of her life. If she sent him away, it would be the end of them, for sure that time, and she would probably die sooner rather than later, but at least she would have died doing something for the greater good. But she would be without that part of herself that William held onto.

Doyle touched her hand and she looked up at him.

"Talk to him, Buffy, and let me know. But I've got to know by tonight."

He kissed her forehead lightly and led Anya out of the room. Buffy remained behind, unable to move.

Chapter 7:
A/N: This is it.

“Of all the comrades that ere I had, they're sorry for my going away,
And of all the sweethearts that ere I had , they wish me one more day to stay,
But since it falls unto my lot that I should rise while you should not,
I will gently rise and I'll softly call, "Goodnight and joy be with you all!"
Oh, if I had money enough to spend and leisure time to sit awhile
There is a fair maid in this town that sorely has my heart beguiled
Her rosey cheeks and ruby lips, she alone has my heart in thrall.
So fill me to the parting glass. Goodnight and joy be with you all.”
-The Parting Glass

Buffy made her way slowly to the room where William was being held. It seemed a little ridiculous to her for them to be keeping William and Xander in holding cells, but she imagined that Doyle didn't want to give too much away about their captives to the rest of the crew. It was bad enough that they weren't using them for the reasons they'd originally intended, but she and Anya were involved romantically with the enemy. That certainly wouldn't boost morale after Liam's death.

When she reached the door she hesitated. She still wasn't sure what she was going to tell him. He had to leave, that much was certain, but she wasn't sure that she could leave with him. Not at the moment anyway. The loss of Liam had hurt them all enough, but if she trounced off with William now it would be like she never really cared at all. She had worked too hard with all of these people to just leave them when so much needed to be done to fix things.

She took a deep breath as she reached a decision and opened the door to William's room. He was asleep on the cot, but as she moved to sit next to him after locking the door he woke.

"Hey."

She smiled back at him sadly and when he opened his arms to her with a worried frown she settled into them and buried her face in his neck.

"What is it, luv?"

She didn't answer, just started to place small but insistent kisses on his neck. He seemed liked he might pull away for a moment, but her lips covered his and he moaned into her mouth. He allowed her to roll him onto his back and didn't resist when she tugged his shirt out of the waistband of his pants and over his head.

When she reached for the button on his pants he finally covered her hands with his.

"Buffy, wait."

Spike pulled himself into a sitting position and tried to catch her eye, not letting go of her hands. "What's going on?"

"Will... I just-"

"This is goodbye."

It wasn't a question, and she wasn't surprised to hear the anger and pain in his voice. "Jesus Christ, Buffy," he cursed, swinging his legs over the side of the cot and pulling his shirt back on.

"I'm sorry."

"Not sorry enough though, are you?"

Buffy stared at him for a moment before feeling her own anger and frustration take over. "What the hell do you expect me to do?"

"What do I expect?! I expect a chance, just one fucking chance. Do you think people usually get the break we've managed here? I mean, we were sure that we'd never see each other again, and suddenly we're thrust back into each other's lives. It's too perfect for us to give up!"

Buffy swallowed back tears and glared up at him. "Do you think I haven't thought about all this? Do you think this decision was easy for me? It's not just us that I have to think about, it's not just what I want to do, what I desperately want to do. I love you, Will, I love you more than anyone, anything, in my life, but I have responsibilities. I can't just leave everyone here."

Spike knelt in front of her and grabbed her hands. Buffy could see the desperation in his eyes. "Please, luv, please don't do this. They don't need you half as much as I do."

She bent her head and kissed him hard trying to make him feel all the love and longing that she felt for him. They parted to breathe and he leaned his forehead against hers. His heart sank when he felt her tears falling on his cheeks and he closed his eyes with a sigh of resignation.

"Please understand why I have to do this."

He nodded against her and kissed her, letting his tears mingle with hers. "When?"

"We'll start getting ready tonight. Early tomorrow morning we'll get you out." He assumed as much, but it still hurt to hear that in so little time he would be separated from Buffy again, possibly forever. "Where will you go?"

He was surprised that they were giving him a choice. He'd figured they would drop him in the middle of nowhere so that they couldn't be implicated and he couldn't get back to his government. This complicated things even more.

"Can't go back to England, that's a given."

She nodded against him. "Maybe... well, we're going to have to change your appearance a bit, give you new papers.. actually we're kind of going to a lot of work for you."

He smiled and held her tighter. "I guess it helps to have friends in high places."

"Will-"

"Maybe I should go back to California," he whispered, interrupting her. He didn't want to talk about them, he didn't want to discuss the inevitable death of their relationship.

"Are you serious?"

"If I could hide out for a while I could probably start over. I suppose Rupes would be happy to see me."

"Don't tell him what I've been doing, Will."

"He doesn't know?"

She shook her head against him. "He and my mother think I'm teaching out here. I can't tell them, for more than security reasons, I feel like Giles would think I've betrayed him."

"He loves you, you could never disappoint him."

"But you won't stay, you can't approve, how can he?"

Spike swallowed hard. "It's not that... Buffy, I can't stay because I have no idea what I think about any of this anymore. Part of me wants so much to stay because you're here, and because if you believe so much in something, then it must have some merit. Another part of me is terrified that if I stay I'll hate myself for it, be completely torn all the time, and eventually resent you for it. It's killing me to leave, but I have to figure some things out."

She knew he was right, but she couldn't stand to hear anymore of his reasoning. "Will you..." she paused and looked into his eyes. "Can we just be together for a while, forget about all this?"

He nodded and pressed his lips to hers softly. The kiss was incredibly tender, perhaps the most tender kiss they'd ever shared. She broke away a moment later to place tiny kisses all over his face. They moved so that he was lying underneath her on the cot, their hands moving slowly over more and more uncovered skin.

It felt strange to have such an ache in his heart while his body responded to hers so eagerly. He tried, as hard as he could to push everything out of his mind as she made love to him with her mouth and hands, but he couldn't seem to manage it.

When she took his aching cock in her hands and allowed her wet slit to slide over him he gasped and all thoughts vanished.

"Buffy!"

She smiled down at him and slowly slid down until he was fully seated inside her and they both let out a strangled moan. "Are you with me?" she asked breathlessly, her fingers stroking his cheeks.

"Always, luv." He pulled himself up so that he could wrap his arms around her and kissed her softly, his tongue meeting hers almost hesitantly. "I wish I could stay."

"Shh..." She rode him slowly, the only sound their labored breathing, interrupted occasionally by low moans.

He felt his orgasm approaching and held off, refusing to end things so quickly. If this was his last moment of peace with her, he wanted it to last as long as possible. His hands gripped her hips tightly, and he thought idly that he might leave bruises there.

She slowed down, seemingly understanding his need for time. It was too much for her at that moment, the reality of what was happening and he buried her face in his neck, unable to stop the tears from falling.

"Shhh, luv, shh..." Spike stopped his movements within her and changed their position so that she was on her back. "It's going to be alright."

She shook her head and pulled him against her tighter. "I've been trying to hard to believe that," she whispered, half sobbing, "but I can't lie to myself anymore."

Spike balanced himself on his forearms and wiped her tears away with his thumbs before kissing her softly. "This doesn't have to be the end, Buffy."

She shook her head again and cried harder. "Please don't ask me to leave again, I won't be able to say no."

He turned his head and swallowed, trying not to beg her to do something that would only make her hate him in the end. "That's not what I mean."

She looked up at him and he smiled sadly down at her. "Come find me."

"What?"

"In a year, or a few years, hell twenty years from now.. whenever you finish here, when you think you can leave, please come find me." As he finished he thrust deep inside her and hit the sweet spot inside her, causing her to arch up against him.

"Yes!"

He kissed her hard and pulled almost all the way out before pushing in again. "Is that an answer to my question, luv?"

She matched his hips' movements with her own. "I'll find you, Will, I swear I'll come for you."

By the time she had finished her promise, he was pounding into her harder than he'd ever remembered. She met each thrust with as much force as he was giving and too soon they were crying out each other's names, both unaware of their tears.

***

Spike didn't remember much after that, but he awoke later to find Buffy placing soft kisses on his chest.

"How much time do we have left?"

"About an hour," she whispered, not stopping her ministrations.

He sighed and bent to capture her lips with his. "It won't be twenty years," she whispered as they broke apart.

"What?"

"I won't make you wait that long."

He pulled her against him and buried his nose in her hair, trying to memorize the smell of her, the feel of her body against his. "I'd be lying if I said I was fine with you taking your time, but I don't want you to leave until you're sure you won't feel like you have to come back, or that you left something unfinished."

"A year."

"Buffy, don't set-"

"A year, I promise you, Will, I won't make you wait more than a year. I just can't leave right away, not after what happened to Liam. I can stay and help Doyle get settled and then they won't need me as badly here. If I can manage to survive-"

"You'll survive. Don't ever even bloody consider giving up like that. We've waited too long. Buffy," he whispered, his voice going from stern to desperate in seconds, "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you again. I don't think...."

He didn't finish, just kissed her and pulled her tighter against him, wanting to spend his last few hours with her in relative peace.

***

Spike looked in the mirror and had to laugh. He was basically back to his former self. His hair was brown again, though darker this time, his curls had grown a bit and he was foregoing the gel. He was wearing glasses again, and make-up hid the scare on his eyebrow. He was dressed in tweed, and he looked so much like Giles that it was slightly unnerving.

He glanced back at Buffy and saw that she was attempting to hide a grin as well.

"Don't say a word."

"Oh, I definitely was saying nothing."

He turned and pulled her against him lightly. "So this is it then?"

She nodded against his chest and he fought for the millionth time the urge to ask her to go with him.

"Can't wait to see old Ripper's face when he sees me."

"God, Will, he might have a heart attack."

"Wouldn't that be bloody perfect, the kid he's practically raised as a son whom he'd thought dead shows up alive, and he kicks it. It'd be typical."

She chuckled against him and kissed his jaw. "I'll miss you."

"Goes without sayin' both ways, luv. But you made me a deal, and if you're not back in a year I'm coming here and dragging your gorgeous ass back with me."

"I wish there was a more reliable way for us to stay in touch without it being such a danger."

"I'll just be getting home ready for you. Everything we talked about, it's gonna be yours. When those bastards back in England believe I'm dead they'll have to send everything home, and won't they have a hell of a time explaining where the extra cash is coming from to Rupert."

There was a knock on the bathroom door and Doyle stuck his head in. "You ready?"

Spike nodded and wrapped his arm around Buffy's waist as they moved into the garage. Xander stood next to the car with Anya, a sad smile on his face.

"Can't believe you're staying. Actually, I can't believe they'll keep you."

Xander shrugged and squeezed Anya's hand. "Not much to go back to. And I make at least one person here happy." He smiled at Anya, who grinned back before placing a kiss on his cheek.

Spike and Xander stood regarding each other for a moment before they both released their ladies and hugged each other. "Take care of her until she gets back to me."

"She'll be the one taking care of me, and you know it."

Spike smiled and let his friend go. "And take care of yourself, maybe we'll see each other again."

"I've been trying to escape you for years, what makes you think I'll let that happen?"

They smiled sadly and shook hands one last time before Xander let Anya lead him away, and out of his best friend's life forever.

Spike turned to Buffy and before he could get a word out, her lips were on his. Only when Doyle's not so subtle cough interrupted them did they break apart.

"I love you, Will. Wait for me."

"I love you too. One year, baby."

She nodded and he got into the car.

***

1 Year Later

William knew something was wrong. He'd been feeling off all day. It had been a year since Buffy had made her promise to find him, and he still hadn't heard from her. He refused to let it worry him that she had stopped sending anyone letters a month before. He figured she needed to find a way to get away from everything, to disappear for a while before she could come home, but he thought he would at least get a little bit of a warning.

Ever since he'd left Belfast, he'd been trying not to think too hard about Buffy's absence, and just get ready for when she'd be home. They'd talked for a while before he'd left about what they wanted in the future. They'd decided to settle down in Sunnydale, like their original plans when they were still teenagers.

With the right fake papers, they could make the kind of life they'd been missing. They wanted kids, and steady, safe jobs, with the possibility of children. It might sound boring to most people, but after being surrounded by death and destruction for most of their lives, they were ready for a change of pace.

That was, of course, dependent on Buffy's return to California.

So, when William walked into his uncle's home and saw his future mother-in-law in tears and his uncle fighting them back, he got a little panicked.

"What is it?" he whispered, his voice emotionless.

"William, I think you should sit-"

"Don't you dare tell me to fucking sit down," he said harshly, his voice rising. "Is it Buffy?"

"We aren't sure if-"

William was outside and running for his car in seconds. He refused to believe that Buffy had gotten herself into a mess. She wouldn't do that to them, she couldn't. It was too close to the time when she would be coming home. He knew he was driving like a maniac the short distance to his home, but he didn't care. He parked haphazardly in the driveway and ran inside.

If he was going to see Buffy’s picture plastered all over the news saying she was dead or worse, he was going to do it alone. His hands shook as he watched his worst nightmares play out in front of him. The blonde American and the one eyed Irish woman, both suspected of being heavily involved with illegal Republican activity, found dead after an attack. Ambush. Attempt to escape the country. Shoot-out. Four dead.

He fell to his knees, his whole world crashing around him. She’d been coming home. She was coming home to him.

And now she was gone.

He didn’t remember grabbing the bottle of whiskey, but it was almost completely gone now, and finally things were getting a little dimmer. He was finally approaching the numb nothing he was hoping for.

Somewhere his phone was ringing, but he was too far gone. Drunk out of his mind and lost in memories of her, he wanted to waste away.

He finished the bottle quickly, and passed out.

***

Three days later, William still hadn’t left his house. His uncle had stopped by before, but he refused to answer the door and he was glad that out of habit he’d locked it.

After the first bottle of whiskey, when he’d come to, he retreated to the basement with more liquor. This was the place where he kept some of Buffy’s things that he wasn’t sure what to do with. They were pretty much all little sentimental things. Gifts he’d given her, pictures of them and their friends.

He hadn’t cried yet. He didn’t think he ever would. If he ever decided to get over Buffy, he would leave this place entirely. He would sell everything and start over, because this was the last time he would open up his heart.

If he didn’t get over her... This would be the place to end it.

He brought the near empty bottle to his lips and took a swig. It was enough and he felt himself slipping back into sleep until the sound of footsteps on the stairs jolted him back to consciousness.

“I told you to leave me the fuck alone!” he yelled as he staggered toward the landing.

“And I told you that I wanted hardwood floors in the master bedroom.”

He closed his eyes, sure he was either asleep or hallucinating, but when she touched his face he had to look. She smiled sadly. “I’m so sorry, Will.”

That was all it took to break him. He dropped to his knees and pulled her against him. “Oh God, luv...”

She knelt next to him and stroked his hair, trying to comfort him while she let her own tears fall. She hadn’t meant to have such a messy exit, but it was what had to be done, and by the time she was able to alert everyone at home they had already seen the news. But none of that really mattered anymore.

“I’m here now, I’m so sorry. I’ll never have to leave again.”

She wasn’t sure how long they stayed there together, but eventually she was able to coax him into the bathroom. She filled the tub with lukewarm water, not wanting to overheat his body after all the drinking. She helped him undress and settled him into the water before undressing herself and joining him.

He was silent as she ran the washcloth over his skin, taking special care when she came to his knuckles which were bloody and bruised. He hissed when she tried to clean them and she shushed him gently. She stepped out and grabbed some disinfectant.

Finally, when she was satisfied that he was clean and beginning to approach sobering up, she broke the silence.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen this way, please believe me.”

He turned in her arms slightly to that he could face her, if awkwardly. “You think I’m angry?” When she avoided his eyes he brought his hand up to cup her cheek. “You came... I honestly don’t give a bleeding fuck about anything that happened before.”

When he kissed her she finally felt like she was home.

***

A/N: Wow, this has been one weird experience. I’ve never had people react so strongly to anything in my fic until this one. I’m glad I could entertain some people, and to all those who reviewed, thank you so much. I just have to apologize that it took me so long. I hope it ended with the majority satisfied. I had a hard but happy time writing it, so please let me know what you thought. Thanks for reading.