Chapter 32 – Tonight I Sleep Alone

August 6, 2007 8:42 AM

The space was too confining making Buffy curl tighter into a ball as she tried to return to the blissful darkness of sleep. Someone moved behind her pushing their knees into her back and she finally abandoned any attempt at further needed oblivion and opened her eyes. Buffy blinked a couple of times before realizing she was still in Raven’s room. She sat up immediately and wondered where Spike was, why he hadn’t come for her.

At first she didn’t think anything of it because the past few days had been an emotional roller coaster and she figured that Spike had probably just given into exhaustion and ended up sleeping alone. With a smile she made her way across the hall to their bedroom thinking of the new bond that would be between them now. There was hardly anything that wasn’t known between them and she was confident that their union would only be stronger and more invincible.

However, when Spike wasn’t asleep in their bed as she had anticipated, fear began to twist in her belly. She searched the second floor and hurried downstairs when he wasn’t anywhere around. Trying not to wake Max she quietly moved through the bottom floor but by the time she was done and still hadn’t found Spike she was near to panic.

“Max, wake up, Max,” Buffy called to him as she shook his shoulder. “Please, wake up.”

His eyes flew open from years of never fully sleeping to find Buffy standing over him, her hands wringing against the other and tears streaming down her cheeks. Max immediately stood so he could put his hands on her shoulders to help steady her.

“What’s wrong, Buffy?”

“It’s Spike, I can’t find him. He’s not in the house.”

Max sighed and looked around quickly, hoping that Spike would come around the corner.

“Did you check everywhere? The attic and the basement?” He asked still hoping that Spike was just off doing something, hiding the way he had been since Faith’s death.

When Buffy shook her head no, Max told her to go wake Clem and find out if he had seen him while he checked the basement and the crypt. As she took off back upstairs, Max prayed that Spike was somewhere around so that he didn’t have to tell his wife that he had gone out earlier and might not have come back.

Fifteen minutes later the entire household minus Spike met back in the living room. Buffy began to cry again when Max came back from the basement without Spike in tow. She was quickly pulled into the Guardian’s arms.

“Buffy, after he put you all to bed last night Spike went out to get cigarettes. I never heard him come back.”

“Why? He quit,” she asked in confusion.

“He needed to get some fresh air, clear his head a little, said he was going to go to the store on the corner.”

Buffy pulled out of his arms and took off up the stairs, “I’m going to go down there and check to see if he was there.” She only took the time to pull on a pair of jeans, a jacket and a pair of sandals before hurrying back downstairs.

When she returned Max had already gone out to his car to start it, Clem told her Max was waiting for her and that he would watch Raven and Elijah while they were gone. Buffy quickly kissed both of her children and told them she loved them. She wished she had the time to talk to them knowing that if these blows kept coming they might never recover but the urgency in finding her husband took precedence at the moment. The car door was open when she ran outside and before she could even pull the door closed behind her, Max was already backing up the drive.

As they pulled into the parking lot of the convenience store, they both saw Spike’s motorcycle still parked on the side of the building. Buffy began to climb from the car to rush over to it when Max grabbed her arm, “There might be evidence. Let me call someone. Wait for me and then we’ll go in and talk to the clerk.”

Numbly she nodded her head as she crossed her arms in front of her, as much as she didn’t want to face it, something horrible had happened to Spike. Hysteria teased at her but she refused to give in to it, knowing she needed a clear head to find him and bring him home.

Max clicked off the phone and said someone would be there in a few minutes. “Come on, Buffy; let’s go talk to the clerk.”

The clerk told them that he had only been on since 7 AM and didn’t know anything. Max explained that a man had disappeared and they needed to speak to whoever was on duty, a call was placed to the young woman who had been working when Spike would have come in.

“Yeah, I remember him. Real good looking guy, came in around six, bought a pack of Marlboro reds and a couple of candy bars. Left and that’s all I saw.” The clerk told Max after he explained what he needed.

“Was there anyone else around? Any other customers?”

“Nope, no one else came in the store…” she said but stopped as something clicked. “Wait a minute there was a white utility van that came through the parking lot but pulled off into the side street without stopping. Did hear some screeching of tires but that’s it.”

Max thanked her then grabbed Buffy’s hand to pull her back outside. They walked to the side of the building where there were a couple of Guardians searching for clues.

“Max, what’s going on?” Buffy pleaded as she looked from him to the two men searching the ground.

One of the men stood and came over to them. “Hey Max, doesn’t look good.” Then when he saw the look on the Slayer’s face he changed his tone to a gentler one. “I’m sorry, miss, but there appears to have been a struggle. Probably four other people besides the one miss…Spike. There was a vehicle pulled up to the side and someone was dragged into it. You can see the tracks where the feet were dragged along the ground. Found a pack of cigarettes that were dropped, Marlboro reds.”

“They took him didn’t they?” Buffy’s asked. Spike was the one she always turned to when she felt lost and without him here she felt completely adrift.

“It looks that way.” Max turned her to face him, “At least we know they took him alive so we have a good chance of getting him back. Hang onto that, okay?”

She nodded her head slowly as she swallowed back her instinct to give into the emotions warring in her. There was another feeling in her and she sorted through the others to grab onto it, knowing that it would be the one that would carry her through: white-hot anger. Buffy closed her eyes for a second and let the emotion wash over her and force all other feelings aside and when she opened them again, she was ready.

“Let’s go, Max, we’ve got work to do.”

On the way back to the house Max called his superior to find out what was going on with Riley and to fill him in on the kidnapping. Buffy used her cell phone to call the family to tell them to meet at her house. She was still on the phone with Giles when they reached the house, “Call Dawn, let her know what happened. If she wants to help tell her to come over, if she wants to rejoice, tell her to stay the hell out of my sight.”

Clicking off the phone she made her way to the kitchen where Clem and the children were attempting to eat breakfast, she took a seat at the table with them. With both of the children’s hands in her own she quickly relayed that it appeared that Spike had been taken by the Soldiers but they were already working on getting him back.

“Is he dead?” Elijah began to cry as he reached for Buffy. She cradled him to her and reached for Raven to give her a hug too.

“No, he isn’t dead. If they had wanted him dead they would have killed him outside the store. He’s still alive and we’ll find him.”

Buffy gave them each a kiss on their heads and told them they had to be good for her because it was going to be really busy with the search.

“Can we help?” Raven asked.

“Yeah, you can help.”

Max poked his head in the doorway, “Everybody’s here.”

“Come on,” Buffy told them and holding Elijah’s hand walked back into the living room. She noted the grave and frightened looks on everyone’s face and Dawn crying in the doorway.

“Tell her,” Josh said to Dawn as he pushed gently on her shoulder. Dawn shook her head and tried to turn so she could leave but her husband held on to her. “Tell her now, Dawn. She is going to find out eventually and you need to be the one to tell her.”

“Watch him,” Buffy handed her son over to Max before turning to walk into the center of the room. “Dawn, I don’t know what it is that you have to tell me but Josh thinks it’s important to what is going on. So, tell me.”

At her sister’s words and knowing that it was going to be bad for her no matter when she told Buffy, Dawn finally turned back to walk over to meet her halfway.

“I’m sorry, Buffy. I’m so sorry.”

Everyone else in the room had fallen silent as they watched what was going on between the two sisters.

“Sorry for what, Dawn? I don’t have time for your pity party so please just say it.”

“The other night after what happened at Kate’s house, I was with Janice at the Student’s Union and we were talking about stuff,” Dawn hesitated as she took a deep breath. “I was talking about what happened and this guy joined us. Someone that Janice had met at one of the meetings. Oh, God, Buffy, I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Didn’t mean for what to happen?” Buffy was holding onto a thin thread of restraint as Dawn dragged her story out.

“I was talking about Spike, not even saying about him being a demon, but about how he was hurting you and that I thought he was beating you. I said he needed to be punished. That’s all. I didn’t know this guy was part of them until Janice told me after the party.”

The sound of the slap resounded around the room as Dawn collapsed to the floor holding her cheek. Buffy had reacted and didn’t hold back much strength as she hit her sister. Josh tried to make his way toward his wife but was held back by Giles and Xander who told him to stay out of it.

“You little whiny bitch, how could you do this to him? To the man who loves you more than life itself. The man who endured hours of torture to protect you and you sell him out. You betrayed him.”

“I’m sorry, Buffy; I thought he was hurting you.”

Buffy crouched on the floor next to her sister.

“No, I’m sorry. I thought you were mature enough for me to talk to but apparently you’re not. I just don’t get how you could honestly think that Spike would hurt me. Spike? I don’t stay with him because I’m afraid of being alone, or because I’m cowered by him, or because I’m weak, I stay with him because he’s worth the effort. I have never met anyone who has endured so much to try to change who he is.”

“Yeah, you know that now. After you did the ritual, Willow explained it to me.” Dawn said defiantly.

“I knew that before. Why do you think it was him I turned to when I was falling apart? If he really wanted me in the dark or to hurt me then he would have done it when I handed him a fucking knife and begged him to cut me. He would have done it when I was so hurt and broken that I would have let him do whatever he wanted to me because I felt I deserved it but he didn’t. He fought against what his demon was telling him to do to push me back into the light. And now he’s struggling, and making mistakes, am I supposed to turn my back on him? Is he not allowed to make mistakes, to be…?” Buffy hesitated as she realized what she was about to say.

“Human, Buffy, the word is human.” Giles finished her sentence for her.

“Thank you, Giles.” Buffy stood again staring down at her sister. After a deep sigh and a quick glance around the room, “Dawn, it is going to be up to him to forgive you. Because ultimately he is the one you hurt the most. You have two choices, get up off that floor and help us find my husband and the father to my children or you get up and walk out of the door and keep your ass moving right on out of town.”

“Buffy...” Dawn cried.

“No, get up and help or get out of my sight for good.” With that said she dismissed her sister from her thoughts. “Okay, the only clue we have right now is a white van and that these guys came from the Initiative. Willow, start going through everything we knew on them, see if you can find anything we missed. Anya, Dawn and Raven start calling the Chickies and see if they’ve seen a strange white van in their neighborhoods.”

“Who?” Anya asked.

“Sunnydale Chickies, Raven will explain. Josh and Xander, I need tactical information. These guys are human, where are they getting their weapons? Get me things I can use against them. Kate, we might end up needing medical supplies, can you set up something?” After receiving a nod Buffy turned her attention to Tara and Giles, “Magic. Any spells, locator or something to use against them, research for me.”

“What about me? I want to help, Buffy.” Clem asked. “I can do more than just be a babysitter and fetch the food. These guys took Faith from me and Spike is my friend, I want to fight.”

“You’re right, Clem. I’m sorry. Xander, Josh, you now have an apprentice. Train him well. Clem, you are now in the weapons division. Everybody, you are now responsible for your own children. Keep communications open if you need help. Thanks and let’s get working.”

August 6, 2007 10:56 AM

“Buffy, it’s Angel, he wants to talk to you.” Dawn held the phone out to Buffy.

“Hello.”

“Buffy, anything I can do to help? Now, I’m sorry we went ahead and left last night instead of waiting.”

“How did you know?”

“Dawn called me.”

Buffy threw a menacing look at her sister. “So, she is the one who has been squealing to you.”

Angel sighed. “Look, I know you don’t want me to know everything but no matter what you believe, I do care. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know.”

“I know you do, Angel. I’m sorry. I just feel sometimes that I have to choose sides and…”

“You’re loyalty is where it needs to be. He is my grand-childe and in a way will always be my responsibility.”

“I did the ritual with him, the one where I saw everything that he is. I know, Angel, I know it all now. The reason he resents you and hates you and still loves you in spite of it all. You were his father in so many ways and he never felt he measured up to your expectations.”

“Shit, Buffy. You should never have seen that.”

“Never seen the truth?” Buffy laughed at Angel in his feeble attempt to still try to protect her. “I needed to know. It makes me respect you both a hell of a lot more and love you more, too.”

“Sometimes I think I was wrong. I underestimated you, Buffy. You are so much more than that girl I saw you as. And Spike. He is the right person for you and if there is anything I can do to help you both. Let me know.” Angel said.

“There is something you can do.”

“Name it.”

“When I get him home tell him that and give him the absolution and love that he needs from you.”

There was a silence on the other end of the line as Angel contemplated her request. In the end he agreed because he knew, had always known, that he was the one who needed to make the first step toward reconciliation to the other vampire. It was his pride and position as the grand-sire that had kept him away but as life continued to change he knew their relationship had to change with it. That the two of them needed to learn to work and live together without the tension and undercurrents of competition that had always pulled them apart.

“Thanks, Angel, I’ll call you if we need anything and when we find him.”

“I love you, Buffy.”

“I love you, too.”

August 6, 2007 2:22 PM

Max hurried back into the living with a grin dancing on his face, “Buffy, everybody, good news, one of our agents has been following Riley since last night. Well, this morning he had breakfast with a couple of our suspects. One of them showed up in a white van with Tennessee plates.” The grin left his face as he caught Buffy’s eyes, “one of them was overheard saying that they had the ‘animal’ captured and everything was going according to plan.”

“And the good news is where?” Xander asked.

“The good news is that William T. Blood is a naturalized citizen of the United States since 1996, an established and respected celebrity, husband and father. A kidnapping complaint has been lodged with the Sunnydale Police Department and the FBI. Search warrants are being drawn up right now to search our suspect’s houses and vehicles and Riley Finn has been detained at the airport for suspicion of kidnapping.”

Relief flooded through Buffy that something was finally moving. After hours of research and trying locator spells, nothing had been turned up so far. She motioned Max to follow her unwilling to let the others see the doubts and questions that were bothering her.

“What happens if they catch these guys? Spike can’t stand up to the scrutiny of a trial. That’s why we didn’t file a complaint about the house.” Buffy asked once they had reached the privacy of the porch.

“After the searches we are hoping we find links to the murders, then the kidnapping charges are dropped because of lack of evidence or something. They get put away for the murders and Spike is never brought into it.”

Buffy nodded, “What about Riley?”

“He isn’t involved in the murders or kidnapping but we’re hoping even with the military training he’ll be smart enough to tell what he knows if his superiors don’t get him out before he talks. The FBI agents being brought in to do the questioning are old buddies of mine from when I was there and won’t be afraid or not knowledgeable enough to ask the right questions.”

August 6, 2007 3:35 PM

The weapons division came pouring through the front door, laughing and slapping each other on the back but their antics stopped when they saw the frustrated looks on the faces of the others.

“Sorry, but Clem just walked into the surplus store like he belonged and they waited on him. We were just a little high from it and that we found where the guys have been buying some of their supplies.” Xander explained sheepishly.

Buffy smiled and walked over to Clem to squeeze his hand. “All victories even the small ones need to be celebrated. Congratulations on taking a small step for your world.”

“Thanks,” Clem said, his face alit with a grin.

“What did you bring me?” Buffy asked.

“A couple of Taser guns and some tear gas.” Josh offered.

“The clerk said there have been some military types coming in making jokes about specialized hunting they were going to do and buying equipment.” Xander explained.

“Like what?”

“Stun guns, Taser guns and tear gas along with ammo and hatchets.”

“Looks like they were planning on doing some hunting. Max, maybe some inquiries need to be made about the ammo they bought. See if it matches with the bullets that were shot at us the other night.”

Max laughed, “I’ll send some men right over there, Agent Buffy.”

She turned to smile and wink at him. It was good to have someone around who had inside connections that they had never had access to before. Maybe if they had some of their fights may have been easier.

August 6, 2007 4:11 PM

“Mu..Buffy, I’ve got something.” Raven called out.

Her mother hurried over to where Raven was hanging the phone up. “What’s up?”

“I finally got a hold of Mrs. Davis. She said that she has seen a strange white van driving up and down her road a lot.”

Buffy bit her lip trying to figure out how to tell Raven that with the warrants the location of the van was mute at this point.

“Buffy, listen, Mrs. Davis lives on Baker Wood’s Circle. The van has been driving in and out of the woods access near there.”

A broad grin broke out over Buffy’s face at the news turning she located Willow who was already on her way to her computer.

“I’m on it.” The red head said as she began to go back over the Initiative’s records to see if there were any tunnels located near Baker’s Woods.

Enveloping her daughter in a hug, Buffy kissed her on the cheek, “Thank you.”

August 7, 2007 5:25 PM

“Got it, definite tunnels ending at Baker’s Woods Bluff.” Willow announced.

“Okay, everybody, take a break, feed the kids, and eat something yourselves. After dinner pack supplies because we are moving everyone to the safe house. There we develop plans, so start thinking of any suggestions, and then Giles, Willow and Xander will go with me to find him. Any questions?” Buffy looked quickly around the room but only received nods in reply.

Clem moved off by himself at her words taking a seat on the stairs. Startled he looked up from his hands to see the Slayer in front of him.

“Don’t take it personally. I know you want to be there but the others have been with me since the beginning. There is no thinking among us. We move as one. Too many years of watching each other’s back.” Buffy reached and covered his hands with one of her own. “We’ll get you trained and you can help again. Even if we get the main guys and rescue Spike, the battles with these Soldiers have just started. You’ll have your chance to make your stand, okay?”

With tears rolling down his cheeks Clem nodded and wrapped his arms around his friend as she offered him a hug.

August 7, 2007 8:41 PM

Buffy leaned over the map that Xander was showing her. They were planning their route to the Baker’s Woods when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Buffy, I know everything is in high gear but I think Raven really needs to talk to you.” Tara said.

With an apologetic look to the others, Buffy turned see where her daughter was. Raven was curled up on one of the couches with silent tears running down her face.

“I’ll be back.” Buffy told the others. Xander, Giles, and Willow turned their attention back to the map as Buffy made her way over to the teen.

“What’s going on?” She asked as she sat next to Raven.

“It’s my fault. I’ve been hiding it all day but it’s my fault.” The girl looked at her mother with such guilt in her eyes that it made Buffy catch her breath.

“Why would you think it’s your fault?

“If I hadn’t been smoking then he would never had to go out to buy a pack. He would have had some at home.”

With a trembling hand Buffy wiped tears from the girl’s face before pulling her into a hug. “It’s not your fault. We all made mistakes that we could use to blame ourselves for him being there, including him, but it all comes down to one thing. The Soldiers are the ones to blame. They were the ones who did the wrong thing and they are the ones who will pay.”

Raven nodded and wiped her nose on her knees before looking back at Buffy, “What will happen to Eli and me if you can’t find him and something happens to you.”

“Come on,” Buffy stood and took her daughter’s hand, pulling her toward the middle of the pit. “Hey, everybody take a break and come here for a second.”

After the others were gathered, Buffy had them move into a circle, and took Raven with her to the center. She put her hands on the girl’s shoulders and moved her around so she could look at everyone that was there. Raven blushed at being the center of attention but was consoled some by the smiles of everyone.

“Look, Raven, this is your family. Spike and I have already made arrangements, actually about a page and a half of descending order of who will take you in if something happens to us. After these people it goes to the LA gang. These people are not related by blood but by love, just like you and Elijah are related to Spike and I. You are also related to them by love too. These people will be here for you, to support you, to be your friend, your parent, whatever you need. Some times we fight among ourselves but we always come back to each other. You and Elijah will never be alone again. Okay?”

Raven began to sob as she hugged Buffy to her, and then found herself being comforted and hugged by everyone else.

“Buffy, I’m really sorry. I was wrong.” Dawn came up behind Buffy to try one more time. In Buffy’s speech when she had said they always came back to each other gave Dawn the fortitude to approach her sister.

“I know you are. I love you, Dawn, and always will but it’s going to take time for me to get over this.” Buffy turned to her sister. “We’ll talk again later after Spike is home.”

Max came over to Buffy interrupting any further communications between the sisters. “I know you’re ready to go but I’m going to ask you to wait.”

“Why?’

“Everything is ready to search the house of the guy we think is in charge. The van is in the garage. I’m going over to help out and I want you to wait until we’re done. Let me see if anything is there. I don’t want you going off on a wild goose chase.”

Buffy looked into Max’s face trying to decide what to do, the men they were looking for hadn’t been found yet. Which could only mean they still had Spike hidden somewhere and could be doing anything to him.

“I don’t know.”

“Buffy, I think there might be information that will help. I don’t really know myself but let me see.”

Finally Buffy agreed to give him a little while knowing that this would also give everyone to have some family time and put the children to bed before they took off.

August 8, 2007 12:10 AM

Tapping her cell phone impatiently Buffy willed it to ring again to give her some news that her husband was safe and sound and was waiting for her at home. A couple hours ago Max had called and told her they had hit pay dirt on information with the Soldiers and to give him a little more time before leaving. She jumped when the phone rang beneath her hand and fumbled it on the way of putting it to her ear.

“Hello.”

“Go, Buffy. The guys evaded us and there might not be much time. We are headed to the main entrance and one side entrance.” Max told her before hanging up.

It was then that she realized that in a way Max had duped her. He had kept her there because he was playing by the rules of the Guardians and the government and not hers. It was only when he realized that he had made a mistake and could have cost Spike his life had he called to tell her to go.

Anger flashed through Buffy as she barked the order to get the weapons together. She made her way to her bag pulling it over her shoulder as Giles, Xander and Willow did the same.

“Mummy,” Raven called.

Buffy froze momentarily then turned in surprise to her daughter.

“Bring Daddy home, please.”

“I will, Princess.” She told her, deliberately calling her by Spike’s nickname, before she turned back to the others. “Let’s go.”

Then with Buffy leading the way, the Scoobies marched out to bring back one of their own.

TBC

Chapter 33 – Invested Too Much Time

August 7, 2007 1:25 AM

The ground had been uneven, littered with rocks and twigs making the way difficult for them. It was inevitable that someone was going to get hurt eventually. Willow was following Giles and stepped on a stick that rolled under her making her fall and twist her ankle. The red head looked at her best friend apologetically but Buffy only nodded and returned to surveying the terrain while Giles and Xander tended to the Wicca. There was a ridge about a quarter mile away and making a decision she turned back to her friends.

“I’m going to go ahead to the ridge and see how much further it is. Call me if you need anything,” she told them and before they could protest her decision Buffy began the trek, the urgency to find her mate pushing her on. In the last few hours she had come to think of Spike as exactly that, her mate. A vampire term that she had always been to him but it was one she was now willing to adopt as her own. He was everything that it entailed to her, companion, friend, comrade and lover. He wasn’t her boyfriend, never had been. They were more than lovers or husband and wife, he wasn’t just her trusted ally in battle, and he was more than the keeper of all her secrets. Spike was everything to her, the beginning and end of her world and her very being.

Over the years they had invested trust, time, blood, and love into cultivating a relationship that was truly unique in the annals of time. A Slayer and a vampire, truly matched, making a life together. It was a life that appeared to be modeled after a human nuclear family but was actually based in the darkest corners of humanity. When you stripped everything away and they stood naked and connected by blood, the demons that existed between had made peace and developed a bond. A bond that if let come to its full power could rule the world with its force. Evil and goodness welded together as it was in the beginning. Balanced in it’s true form would give existence a Garden of Eden again. It was only in the struggle of one to rule the other that the world developed chaos.

This need to keep the balance pushed Buffy to fight exhaustion, her own need to cry in pain, and the need to protect her cubs to find him. The only one to whom she could truly give her love and body to. The only one who was worthy of her and the one that gave her the security to be who she truly was.

As she stood on the ridge looking out over the forest searching for the boulders that would mark the entrance to the Initiative she was the embodiment of the primitive Slayer. But it was the human in her that caused her to miss the prickles that signaled she was not alone. It was the cracking of a twig that made her turn her head to find herself staring down the barrel of a gun.

“So, the demon whore has come,” the man said. “Not the smartest move you ever made but it has definitely made my job easier. Start walking.”

Buffy gave him a look of disdain before going the way that he indicated. If he was alone then she would allow him to lead her to Spike and then he could be discarded. The entrance they had been seeking was only a few yards away and Buffy was ushered in as the Soldier quickly glanced around to see if they were being followed.

The hallways were like a maze as they descended deeper into the earth when they came to the end of a long corridor with a massive door to mark it. Buffy watched carefully as a card was run through the reader and a series of numbers punched in. She ran the numbers through her head until she felt confident they were stored in her memory.

Buffy found herself in what appeared to be a laboratory with a series of cells lining one wall. There was the sound of something repeatedly being thrown against a wall in the last unit. Fear clenched at her as she cautiously made her way along the row. There were small walls jutting out between them that kept her from seeing what was in the last one. As she came to it she peered around the corner and found herself looking at Spike. It was his body that was hitting the wall as he continued to crash against the door of his cell in an attempt to free himself.

The sight of her there only intensified his apparent rage and now not only his body but his fists beat against the partition that separated them. An unholy growl from the very depths of his being filled the air around her as his demon fought to get to her. A tear ran free down her cheek as she looked at him. In the time they had been separated he had apparently endured untold torture leaving his body as covered in pain as hers had been a short while before. His jeans hung in tattered rags from his hips, the only thing he now wore to conceal him from their view.

Unable to deny the call between them even now she approached the partition that separated them as his fury only seemed to increase the closer she came. In the yellow eyes she could still read the emotions that ripped through him, rage, hurt, pain and humiliation. The events of the past six months and the things he had gone through in the time since they had last touched had taken his spirit to the very brink of being broken. Spike was fighting not only his body but his very soul to stay intact as he threw himself at what held him prisoner but there was something else that wasn’t quite right in his behavior.

With only a quick glance she looked at the man who thought he held her prisoner, “What else have you done to him?”

“Just a little extra something to make him more aggressive plus the fact that he is probably feeling a little hungry from the lack of blood.”

“Why would you do that?”

The man laughed evilly, “Like I said running into you in the woods only made my job easier. See, if this helps you understand. We deactivated his chip.”

Tears flowed copiously down Buffy’s cheeks as she stepped closer to the cage that held her mate and placed one hand against it. At first he continued to throw himself against it but somehow her presence began to have a calming effect on him.

“You people are fools,” she whispered, “his chip hasn’t worked against me for almost six years now.”

“Well, it won’t matter anyway in a little while.”

“I’m sorry I’m not giving you the dramatic reaction that you were looking for, the tears as I beg for my life, because you just can’t comprehend something a million times more powerful than anything your pathetic group could ever hope to have.”

“What? An animal like him?”

She laughed low in her throat at his question. “I knew you wouldn’t understand. I’m talking about love. A love that is magical enough to take people who are so different and make them a family that is so strong that they are capable of saving the world over and over. Love so wondrous that it can take children not born of your body and make them so much a part of you that it is as if they are born from your very soul. And love that is so sacrificial that one mate would willingly give their life to ensure the safety and life of the other.”

“Your right I don’t understand the bullshit of freaks like you all. Move over there.”

Buffy moved further away from the keypad that would free Spike and waited patiently. Even Spike seemed to calm down with an air of anticipation surrounding him. The Soldier punched in a few numbers and then hurriedly began to back away toward the exit. As the partition began to slowly open Spike roared distracting the man as Buffy took the opportunity and kicked the gun from his hands.

“And you know what, asshole; I forgot to mention the love that is so strong that one mate will kill to ensure the safety of the other.”

Buffy held the struggling Soldier as Spike stepped from his cage and once he was free she pushed the man toward him.

“Eat, Spike, you need to eat something so you can start healing.”

“You can’t do this, bitch.” The coward in her arms argued.

Spike made eye contact with her then his eyes flickered over the meal she was offering and with almost a gentleness he took the man against him and Buffy also. His hands holding her waist as the Soldier fought to live between them.

“I think I can.” Buffy answered as Spike sank his fangs into his first living meal in years.

She laid her head against the Soldier’s back and her fingers moved through Spike’s hair as he fed slowly, relishing every drop of warm human blood that flowed down his throat.

“Whatever you need, Baby, I’ll get for you. However many you need.”

Spike opened his eyes to look at her as she smiled tremulously at him. His mind was still fuddled from the drugs they had given him. Emotions crashed through his system as he struggled to regain his sense of self. He knew, though, that this woman was his mate but something wasn’t right with it. He withdrew his fangs and stepped back as the Soldier fell to the floor between them. Neither paid him any mind as he weakly crawled away from them.

“Mine?” Spike asked.

“Yes, Baby, I’m yours.”

His fingers pushed back her hair looking for his mark and felt the warmth of her skin, the blood flowing in her veins and his hand moved to cover her breast feeling her heart beat beneath it. He gave her a quizzical look not understanding how she could be his and not be like him, an animal, and a beast that only deserved to live in the shadow of night.

Slowly, things began to right itself and the frustration and humiliation that he had endured began to take precedence. No matter what he had done, no matter how much he had tried it didn’t seem to matter because he was only reduced back to this. Mocked at, beaten and told he wasn’t worthy.

“I’m sorry, Buffy, I can’t…I can’t do it anymore.” Sobs ripped through him as he let go of everything that he had tried to become.

Her arms pulled him to her as she ran her hands through his hair and softly kissed his cheek. She knew that now without the chip he had choices. Choices that he hadn’t had in years and she knew that these few years with her couldn’t out weigh the years that he had ruled as a master vampire. If he had truly given up trying then he would return to the night, the one place he had felt confident. In this realization she made a decision because no matter where he was that was where she belonged.

“I can, Spike.”

Buffy stepped back from him and when she knew she had his attention she pulled her hair back and tilted her head offering him her throat.

“Are you sure?”

His fingers ran over the skin of her throat as the magnitude of her offer hit him.

“Yes.”

Spike looked into her eyes briefly and saw only love and total acceptance in their depths. Relief flooded him as he pulled her close to him enjoying the feel of her body next to his as if they were made to be one creature. He could be everything that his nature called for him to be and with her they could rule the night. His nightmares of spending centuries without her would never have to come true now.

A light kiss was placed against her lips before they laid a trail to her throat and as he bit into the softness of her skin he felt love overflowing his heart.

TBC

Chapter 34 - In the Eyes of His Woman

August 7, 2007 3:45 AM

In the blood was life and with each life there was hopes and dreams and love. Buffy’s life was laid out before Spike as he drank from her in brilliant colors that were blinding in their demand for his attention. Her love was like warmth he had never known before keeping him safe as he saw what made her life so valuable. Their children flashed before his eyes, their laughter and tears, their fears and their hopes to have a stable home again. The Scoobies and her memories of them and the way they were today reminded him that she was the core of all of them. The people she had saved screamed to him of the ones she had yet to save. Other people’s lives that she touched in some small way showed him that without her things would be thrown off kilter.

In a rage he pulled her closer telling himself that he deserved to have her for his and only his. The world had no claim on this woman that was stronger than his. To justify his taking of her he reached back for the anger and pain that he always carried but found it was gone. In her love, acceptance and desire to protect him, she had healed his heart. In the act of laying his shame and guilt open for her scrutiny it had been vanquished and it no longer held him in its vice like hold.

Tears flowed from him as he pulled back from her but found something opening to him that he had never heard of in the drinking of the blood. The future. Buffy’s future, one small moment of time that would change his world forever. She sat in a rocker by their bedroom window bathed in the sunshine. Her small hand lovingly rubbed against her belly that was swollen with child and as the babe kicked her she laughed with delight. Her free hand reached to the man that sat near her on the windowsill. With obvious claim to her the man allowed her to lay his hand over their child so he could feel its movements. It was a moment of true peace between a couple in love and the child they had created from that love.

Spike released her and as she collapsed in his arms he was afraid that he had ruined everything for her. His legs gave out beneath him and they fell to the floor with her still cradled in his arms.

“Wake up, Baby, wake up,” Spike begged as he ran a hand over her face trying to bring her back to consciousness. As he rocked her back and forth he realized that Buffy was not going to be his forever. The father of her child couldn’t be him. The sunlight they were bathed in was literal not part of a vision lighting effect. As he accepted this he also knew that he wanted it for her, no matter whom this man was that she ended up with she was happy, and that was what was most important.

“Please wake up, Buffy, don’t do this to me.”

Finally she shifted against him trying to get closer to him.

“I’m okay,” Buffy whispered and opened her eyes. With a smile she reached her hand up to cup his face. “You didn’t do it.”

It was something in her eyes and her smile that told him that Buffy had believed he would never go through with changing her.

“You knew? You knew I wouldn’t do it? How?”

“You taught the grasshopper well, Master. When you bit into me I opened myself to you, all of my heart and all the things that are important to me. I trusted you enough to make the right decision for us and if that was for me to be a vampire then,” she shrugged her shoulders slightly, “I would still have you.”

Spike hugged her to him, “Oh, my God, Buffy, I could honestly beat the shit out of you for doing this to me.”

Her arms tightened around him, “I will always be yours, Spike, no matter what incarnation that happens to be.”

There was nothing he could say to answer that because he knew that it wasn’t true. He felt like he was dying inside as the pain of losing her took hold of his heart.

“Come on, we need to get out of here before that guy brings help.” Spike stood bringing her with him. Both of them were still weak and they held onto each other for a moment until they felt comfortable enough to begin moving.

Their arms around the other they moved through the bowels of the Initiative. There were a few moments of trying to decide which direction to take but soon they recognized the hallway that would lead them to the exit at Baker’s Woods.

“We have a lot to talk about. A lot seemed to happen while you were gone.”

“Dawn? I know about that one. Those bastards took great pleasure in telling me that my own sister-in-law thought I deserved to be punished and was nothing more than an animal.”

“She’s sorry and she helped to find you.”

Buffy hated this. Her first loyalty was to Spike but Dawn was her sister, the one she had sworn to protect until the end of the world, just like Spike had but Dawn’s betrayal was hard to just let go.

“Buffy, it’s going to take more than a tearful apology to make this go away.” Spike said sadly. He had tried so hard not to believe the Soldiers but his wife’s confirmation only made one more rip in his already broken heart.

“I know, baby, I know.”

The exit door was standing wide open and they stepped through it cautiously. There was no one around, human or otherwise, as they left Spike’s prison behind and moved into the woods. Spike was thinking rapidly trying to devise a plan for getting away from Buffy. There was no way he could go home with her and pretend he didn’t know that it was almost over. There in the horizon was the first flicker of daylight fighting its way through the inky blackness of night. In resignation Spike looked around him and made his plan.

“Buffy, I’m feeling pretty weak. Why don’t you go find the others? Let me rest a minute.”

Spike could hear Willow talking to Xander not too far away. All he had to do was get Buffy away form him and then he could take off in the other direction and stay away from her until the sun found him. That was the only way she would be free from him. If she thought he was alive she would never rest until she found him. In order for her to find that man or accept him Spike had to be dead.

“Sit here and I’ll be right back,” Buffy told him as she helped him to sit with his back against a tree. He was already beginning to heal with the aid of the human blood he had drunk, especially hers, but his body was still deeply marked from his torture.

Before she left he pulled her back to him for a moment and kissed her gently, “I love you, woman, I always will.”

“I know. I love you, too.” Buffy replied in confusion. It almost sounded like he was saying good-bye but that was impossible. They had gone through too much to lose each other now. “I’ll be right back.”

As soon as she was gone, Spike struggled to his feet and stumbled in the other direction but found he was still too weak to make it on his own. Finally he began to crawl on his hands and knees trying to do the right thing for her. The sobs ripped through him as he prayed for help. He prayed for Buffy, for her to have all the things she deserved in a mate, all the things he couldn’t give her. He prayed for his children, that they have the kind of father he couldn’t be. And he prayed for the babe that Buffy would someday bear. He prayed for his death so that Buffy would be free to find everything that would make her happy and he prayed for the man that she would someday love.

“You’re prayers have been heard, William.”

Spike looked up to find himself staring at a woman with a kindness he had never known before in the gentle brown of her eyes. She smiled at him and he saw the ageless wisdom that shone in her eyes. Her body seemed to be lit from the inside, bathing her in a brilliant glow that was yet soft and warm. For a moment Spike was sure that he was imagining things.

“I’m not a figment of your imagination.”

“Who are you?”

“A friend,” she shrugged her shoulders lightly. “Someone who wants to help give you what you deserve and what she deserves.”

Spike looked again and smiled slightly at what he saw, “So, you are.”

She returned his smile then turned serious again, “Are you sure that this is what you want? Once it has been done it can never be undone.”

~~~~~~~~~

Buffy was quickly relaying her news to the others as she led them back to where she had left Spike. Once Willow’s ankle was feeling better they had been searching futility for her. Only a short while ago they had decided to head back to the safe house and get more help in order to find her and Spike.

“Buffy, who is that with Spike?” Giles asked as they came to the edge of the ridge.

They all turned to look at Spike kneeling on the ground in front of a strange woman. Buffy stared at the brunette with her husband but shook her head when she realized that she had to be wrong. There was no way it could possibly be anyone they knew.

“I don’t know,” Buffy replied.

~~~~~~~~~~

Spike turned to look at Buffy still too far away to see clearly but he could feel her confusion and the fear as she tried to figure out who was with him. The options had been laid before him and knowing that Buffy’s happiness was the most important thing to him, he made his decision.

“I choose death,” Spike said softly.

“Very well,” the creature responded as she stepped forward and held her hand out to Spike. He accepted it and was gently pulled to his feet.

A smile was exchanged between them as she laid her hand on his chest. The touch of her hand against him was initially warm but quickly turned to a burning heat and it was like nothing Spike had ever felt. It didn’t take long for the soothing heat to transform into pain and it slammed through his entire being, wracking his body with convulsions as it snaked through his flesh.

And right before the merciful blackness overtook him, he thought, “It didn’t hurt so bloody much to die the first time.”

~~~~~~~~~

At first Buffy moved cautiously toward Spike and the woman with him. Then when she touched him and Spike’s first scream tore through the morning Buffy tried to run to him and found she couldn’t. A field surrounded the area and prevented her from going anywhere. The others felt the wall as they too tried to go to their friend.

“Willow, do something, break through it.” Buffy commanded as she saw her husband convulsing, “Damn it she’s killing him.”

The Slayer threw herself against the invisible barrier over and over and it was not lost on her the similarities to Spike’s struggle to tear down his cage a short while ago to get to her. Her screams echoed his as she saw the pain he was in. Giles and Xander tried to hold her back but it wouldn’t do any good. The instinct to protect him was stronger than any reason to reserve her strength. How could she just stand there and watch him die? It was better that she destroy herself in an attempt to save him no matter how feeble it might be.

After what seemed an eternity Spike was released from this woman’s touch and collapsed to the ground. She looked briefly over at the mate that this vampire would sacrifice all for and saw and felt the matching love in the Slayer and knew the right decision had been made. And without a word or gesture she disappeared.

The moment she was gone, Buffy took off running, knowing that the barrier would be gone. Giles, Willow and Xander were right behind her.

“Spike, Spike,” Buffy cried as she gathered her husband in her arms. He didn’t respond to her and the only thought that crossed Buffy’s mind was how hot he felt to the touch.

TBC

August 24, 2007 9:45 PM

It’s been almost three weeks since that morning out at Baker’s Woods and each day is more blessed than the one before it. Days filled with wonder and new discoveries. And today will be no different.

I had woken that morning cradled in Buffy’s arms with her tears baptizing me. Her voice called to me through the blackness I had hidden in but was happy to relinquish to be with her again. As I fought the fog I heard the Watcher pronounce my change in a voice filled with awe.

“Buffy, Buffy, listen to me,” he called to break through her sobs. Then I felt her small hand on my chest covered by his. “His heart is beating. He’s alive.”

I think I scared the crap out of them because I laughed. I couldn’t help it. All I could hear was that line from the old Frankenstein movie of, “He’s alive, He’s alive.”

“Spike, are you all right?” Buffy asked. Her brows knitted together as she tried to figure things out, mainly if I was still sane.

Opening my eyes I looked straight up into those bright hazel eyes still filled with tears. “Yeah, I think so.”

Looking around I saw Willow and Xander kneeling near my feet. Willow’s face was crinkled with worry and Xander was grinning at me. He got why I had been laughing. Sometimes friendship needs no words. Finally I looked at Giles and his eyes were filled with tears too.

I shook my head trying to clear it some. This was going to take some explanation and I wasn’t even sure of it all. Buffy sniffed and I tried to sit up but my body wasn’t too steady about taking commands from me yet and I ended up leaning against my love with her arms still around me.

They all waited impatiently for me to say something. I could feel the questions ready to bombard me as they waited to find out how the hell my heart was beating and my skin was warm to the touch.

“I’m not human.”

I had decided to just get that one out of the way and kill any ideas they had on that one.

“I’m still a vampire.”

Now they were really confused. The options that were given to me by this ‘angel’ were to remain as I was, to become human, or to become a hybrid.

When I chose death I opted for the last choice. A hybrid. I gave up my immortality. I became a vampire inside of a living body. My body would age as a human’s would, I could now walk in sunlight but I still have the demon sharing my body.

Because…

I am the demon and the demon is me.

We have shared the same body for over a century now. I have come to accept him and realize that he is an integral part of who I am. For me to just banish him in an attempt to become human I would lose half of me and I would be lost.

And I wouldn’t be who Buffy fell in love with either. She has come to accept and love that part of me.

The demon is the one who gives me my edge and my darkness and my strength and my ability to stand beside my lady in battle. To try and just keep his assets without keeping the darker part also would throw me off balance even worse then when I gained my soul.

This is going to be enough to adjust to and I didn’t want to leave Buffy confused any more than she has to be. I am never going to lose her again or give her a reason to feel that she has no place in my life.

Regrets?

What is there to regret?

Am I to regret that I will live one life beside the woman who was created for me? That I will grow old with her and share each changing season of our lives with her? That I won’t spend centuries walking this world alone after watching her and our friends succumb to the demands of age and to life?

Or am I to regret the fact that I can now go to the park on a Saturday afternoon and sit in the stands with my best friend and cheer for our sons as they play pee-wee softball?

Should I regret taking my daughter to her high school orientation and then shopping for new clothes just as any other parent would do on a weekday afternoon?

Maybe I should regret being able to take my family to the beach for a Sunday afternoon or to Disneyland for a weekend?

Most of all should I regret that the seed I now leave deep in Buffy’s body is no longer cold and dead?

I turn my head slightly as I hear her enter our room. A smile is dancing across her face as she comes toward me. Her arms slide around my waist while her face rests against my back.

“Everybody asleep?” I ask as I move my hands to rest on hers.

“Elijah is but Raven is still up planning out her birthday party,” Buffy tells me as she squeezes me a little tighter.

“I have a present for you.”

She giggles and her hands go down to cup me, squeezing me gently.

“Not that, you insatiable wench, that is always yours.”

I turn in her embrace so that we are face to face and I reach down behind her knees and pull her up so her legs are around my waist. She rains kisses across my face as I walk toward the bed.

“I love you,” she breathes in my ear as I lay us down with her on top. Her tongue requests entrance to my mouth and I open to her welcoming her, playing her tongue with mine.

While she works at seducing me I reach under my pillow and pull out a small box that is wrapped in very regal Christmas paper. It was all that was in the house. I’m a guy, sorry.

I break free from her mouth and push on her shoulders until she is straddling my stomach and her eyes open wide when she sees the box.

“An actual present? What’s this for?” She squeals as she takes it from me and begins to shake it.

I laugh up at her, “because I love you more than life itself.”

Our eyes meet because we both know that statement is truer than either of us is comfortable with.

Carefully she unwraps it but when she sees what I have given to her she drops it back on my chest. Her eyes fill with tears, “How could you? What kind of cruel joke is that?”

Buffy starts to scramble off of me but I grab her wrists.

“Love, you’re late. Five days late.”

Then it dawns on her that the home pregnancy test I gave her might not be a joke and her eyes widen with hope.

“What’s the date?”

“August 24th.”

She counts off on her fingers, grins broadly at me then takes off running with the test in hand. Unwilling to be left out I am right on her heels right until she tries to slam the door in my face.

“Buffy, let me in,” and when she refuses to let go, “I’ve seen you pee before. And remember last year with the food poisoning and your ass was on the toilet and your head...” I got the response I wanted. The door opened and I was hauled into the bathroom with her.

“You swore that would never be mentioned again,” she tells me indignantly as she pulls the test out of the box and lays the stuff on the edge of the sink.

I grin at her as she gets everything ready to find out if we are going to be parents.

“Look, the other way,” my modest little wife tells me as she undoes her pants.

In the first couple of days after my change we reveled in just being together. The realization that our love was strong enough for us both to be willing to sacrifice so much for the other that it was all we could do to get out of bed to take care of business.

It hit us a few days later when Tara made a comment about the possibility of us getting pregnant that we realized that we hadn’t even considered it. Of course, it was one of the reasons I had made my choice but it was a future thing for when we were ready. After the talk in my study that night we had both pretty much decided that we would wait on the baby factor but we hadn’t been using anything. We had another talk after my change and decided that after Buffy’s next cycle she would start on the pill. It seems fate might have another choice for us. And in the giddiness of that bathroom I realize that in our hearts we really did want a baby but it was our heads being logical that had said wait.

I turn back to Buffy as she lays the stick on the back of the sink and washes her hands.

“We need to talk before we know,” I tell her. I guess I sounded a little too dire because when she looks at me I see insecurity in her eyes. “Come here.”

Buffy comes willingly into my arms. “What’s wrong?”

“Raven and Elijah, we just have them accepting the fact that they aren’t going to be replaced and that we love them as our own. I don’t know how they are going to accept this change. I mean if you’re pregnant.”

“IF we are then we’ll just need to make sure that they are included in everything. And that they aren’t neglected because of our planning.” Buffy hesitates and lays her forehead against me. She realizes that I’m right. In our excitement about the possibility of being pregnant we could hurt the children that we already have. After a few moments she looks up at me, “We’ll just have to keep talking to them and watch each other to make sure we don’t do anything totally stupid.”

It’s inevitable that there are going to be moments as with any children competing with a new baby but all we can do is try. It’s like that night we talked to Raven and Elijah about this, it was meant for them to be with us. In the weaving of our lives they were meant to touch us. It just hurts that they had to lose their parents to come to us but I’m glad that they are here.

I glance down at my watch and Buffy pulls away from me to look at the results. She closes her eyes as she picks the stick up and barely cracks them as she looks.

“Well?”

“We’re pregnant,” she shouts and launches herself at me. Even wrapped around me somehow she is still jumping up and down with joy. I laugh and hug her to me. We try to stay quiet and not disturb the children as our celebration continues. We are kissing and laughing at the same time. Words of love flow between us as we congratulate ourselves in doing one more thing we had thought was impossible.

A small knock interrupts us and we glance at each other trying to calm down. Buffy opens the door and Raven and Elijah are both standing there. After looking at us Raven looks down at Elijah and says, “They know.”

“We know what?” I ask cautiously before stealing a quick glance at Buffy.

“The baby.” Raven states matter-of-factly. “Elijah told me two days ago. He felt it.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Buffy asks then sighs softly as she reaches to scoop Elijah up in her arms as it dawned on her. “I love you and Spike loves you and this baby is going to be your baby brother or sister. Okay?”

Elijah nods and Raven looks carefully from Buffy to me. “Raven, I love you.” It’s as simple as I can say it.

My daughter glances at the floor and dances her foot back and forth as she does when she’s nervous. I wasn’t sure at first that I heard it but then she does it again. Raven giggles and when she looks up at us she is grinning.

“I love you, too, Daddy.”

She hugs me to her as her hand reaches for Buffy. Soon, we are all hugging. My family. We end up back in the master bedroom with Raven and Buffy chattering about baby stuff and Elijah sleepily curling up next to me. Soon we are under the covers as Raven drifts off to sleep beside her brother.

Buffy reaches across the bed to take my hand and we both feel the need to make love to cement this new bond but we stay as we are. This is one of those moments when you have to sacrifice for your children. They both need this togetherness in the first moments of the new changes.

“I wish I could call Dawn,” Buffy whispers to me as her eyes filled with tears. After we had made it back to the safe house Dawn had left and hasn’t spoken to us since. The only contact she has with any of the family is with Kate and Giles. The rest of us are ignored. And it hurts Buffy the most. Now that she‘s pregnant it will be even worse not being able to share everything with her little sister.

“I know. I’m sorry.” I tell her wishing I could change things. It was too soon for me to try to make peace knowing that my Niblet’s actions could have helped contribute to my kidnapping. But my heart was also telling me that I needed to settle it one way or the other.

I am thankful that everyone else took the news of my change and the deactivation of the chip as well as they did. It felt good that no one panicked or suggested that I would go on another killing spree. Even Xander. Even though he is like a brother to me now, he was the one I was most worried about dealing with the changes because of the past with Angel. But he was silent for a few moments then looked at me and asked what he was going to do now that he couldn’t call me Fangless anymore.

It’s funny that it was only nine months ago that Buffy and I embarked on this journey to have a baby and we have ended up with a full family and one more on the way. The road here has been hard and full of heartbreak and hurt but it has been also filled with love, forgiveness and discovery. We had been going through the motions of being happy and in love while on the inside we had carried doubts and secrets that kept a wall between us. There is no wall now. No secrets and no shame. Whatever happens now is a fresh slate to be built on. I pray that we keep the openness between us because I never want to feel that I have to hide from my mate again.

And one day I will have to tell Xander he was right. This is what life is about as I look at my wife and my children. I’m just glad that I learned it before it was too late.

And when the day was ended
I was very satisfied.
Though I knew everything I touched
would wither and would die.
And love was all that would remain
and grow from all these seed.
Mother Nature's a quiet lady
and you're the one I need.
Flesh and blood
needs flesh and blood
and you're the one I need.
Johnny Cash

The End