Chapter 21 - Hope and Devastation

July 10, 2007 7:45 AM

The small family accompanied by their friend made their way dejectedly through the tunnels toward home. When everyone had woken that morning the adrenaline rush of last night's flight had worn off leaving them dealing with the fear. For each of them the fear was a little different according to who they were in the family structure.

Spike was afraid for his family knowing that he was now a target to be discarded like yesterday's garbage. He was unable to protect them as he saw fit leaving him feeling less of a man than he wanted. Buffy would have to carry more of the load as protector of the house. His heart was finally opening to the idea of being a husband and father and to even entertain the thought that they would be pulled from him alternately made him want to run from them before the pain could even come or run with them. If he chose that path then he would pick the mode of transportation this time. Never again would he run in a damn RV.

Buffy could only see the arrow that protruded through her husband's chest making everything in her want to wrap her arms around him and never let go. She had tried to reassure him the night before but she knew that with these human adversaries he was completely vulnerable unable to fight back either for himself or them. Her hand tightened involuntarily on Elijah's as her fear and concern for the children came second to her. They had already lost their own parents, been on a cross country flight with someone they later found out had been inadvertently involved in those deaths, now to have to be afraid that their new home was no longer safe had to be overwhelming for them. Lastly the rest of the family moved through her mind. It had to be horrible for them to have to send their babies away even if it was to keep them safe. She wished silently that it were just some hell-raising demon they had to fight instead of this unfamiliar territory of humans.

Raven remained silent while walking behind her new parents and Elijah. She kept telling herself that nothing mattered to her but herself. It was safer that way because no matter what you cared about was eventually lost to you. Just as she had been letting herself become attached to these people, well mostly Spike, and this new life it seemed that it could all disappear in one breath. She resolved to build her walls again and only let Elijah close to her. Mommy wouldn't have it any other way and she wouldn't disappoint her no matter what else happened.

Elijah only knew that he was scared because the people around him were scared. Mummy and Daddy weren't taking the time to carry him or reassure him leaving him to feel left out of something. He just wanted to go home so that things could be the way they were before they left.

Finally Clem, taking up the rear position on the trek home, watched the small family ahead of him. Over the years Spike and Buffy had become closer to him than he thought was possible. They had taken him in without a second thought, treated him as part of the family and he vowed to help them in any way that he could in the coming fight. It was also a relief because he would now be living in the actual house with them and it would be easier to keep an eye on everyone, especially the children.

Everyone froze at the same time as they reached the tunnel directly under the house. The door leading into the basement, at least what was left of it was barely hanging on its hinges. Most of it was laying in pieces around the tunnel. With collective resolve they began to move into the basement with Elijah who was finally feeling better about things as he now rested on Spike's hip. Light poured down into the basement because that door was in the same condition as the one they had previously been through.

"Let me go up first." Buffy said hating the fact that that her words would only make Spike feel more useless. Although they both knew if anyone was up there that it had to be her first.

After he gave a terse nod Buffy climbed the stairs to the first level of their house. As soon as she stepped into the hallway she knew it was bad. It was worse than bad as she involuntarily gave a sharp cry at the destruction just in that one area. As her cry gave way to pain she felt Spike and the others behind her. Their reaction was the same as hers. As one they turned toward the living room gingerly stepping over the paintings and furniture that had once decorated their hall. Their front door had also been left open to the world.

It was in the main room of the house however that the full force of the Soldiers hatred began to dawn on them. Nothing was left where it originally stood. The furniture had been overturned, the pictures and paintings torn from the wall, and the television screen had been smashed in. The most heinous thing that they had done though was actually the least amount of damage. The heavy black out curtains had been torn from the windows in an act of making Spike's home unsafe for him to walk in safety. It was something that they would find had been repeated throughout the entire house.

No one spoke a word although Elijah began to sob and tears fell from both Buffy and Raven. They traveled together toward the kitchen then stood in the doorway as they cataloged the damage there. The dishes and glasses had been pulled from the cabinet and broken against the floor. The refrigerator doors had been opened and then the appliance had been turned face down onto the floor.

Spike suddenly handed Elijah to Buffy as his eyes turned toward his study. That was where his most precious items were along with copies of his first book and notes for the current one. Buffy could see the panic in his eyes as he started to walk that way. With a quick kiss she passed Elijah on to Clem and told them to wait there while she followed her husband into his study.

It was at this time that Raven thought of her new room and what little possessions she had left from her former life and she turned to run upstairs. Clem felt the call of his new imposed role and followed her.

"Spike," Buffy called to him softly as he knelt on the floor assembling papers. She looked around the room at the overturned bookcases and smashed computer knowing that this would hurt him more than most anything else would. After a century of a nomad existence this house and especially this room had become his stability.

"I guess I deserve this," he told her as she came to kneel beside him.

She reached out to start stacking the papers again and found a few files were still intact. The further they had gone into the house it seemed the less attention they paid to details.

"Why would you deserve this?" Buffy asked him softly knowing that he needed to open up about this before it tore him apart. She watched his hand reach for some papers only to pull back sharply as the sun hit his flesh but she remained silent waiting for him.

"I wanted to leave you and this house, wanted to be bloody free to do whatever I wanted, and now this. Didn't think it would hurt so much. It's just a fucking house, for God's sake." He bit back a sob as the pain ripped through him. They had worked on this house for so long, waiting to find each perfect piece before buying it and now it lay around them like rubble. "Or maybe it's payback for all the hurt and damage that I did before. Why hurt you though?"

A hand was run gentle over his head as he closed his eyes in an attempt to regain control. His hand reached up to cover hers pulling them down to his lap. His eyes opened as he looked around his study knowing that nothing in their lives was ever going to be the same.

Their silent reflection was broken by a piercing scream from upstairs and they stood to run toward it. It didn't take long for them to realize that it was Elijah that had screamed but was now crying.

"Rufus. I want Rufus." He repeatedly asked for the stuffed dog that Spike had bought for him the first time they had gone to the mall.

When Spike and Buffy reached his room they found him standing by the door crying while Clem and Raven were attempting to move the overturned furniture. Spike knelt by his son.

"Can't find Rufus, huh? Let Mummy and me try."

He quickly kissed Elijah on his forehead before turning toward the others.

"Let Buffy and me move this stuff."

Raven crawled back over the mattress to take Elijah aside as Buffy, Spike and Clem began to move the furniture. The mattress and springs were still intact but the bed had been splintered when it was flipped. After piling the bed against the wall and putting the dressers upright they found the stuffed dog in the corner. With a triumphant smile Spike held the untouched dog aloft and carried it to his son.

"Thank you, Daddy." Elijah hugged the dog to him as his thumb returned to his mouth. "You too Mummy."

Spike reached for Buffy's hand as they moved out of his bedroom to look at theirs. It was as bad as the living room in the destruction. Their mattress had been shredded and all the contents of their dressers overturned onto the floor before the drawers were smashed. Everything on Buffy's vanity had been swept onto the floor with many of the bottles broken. A quick glance into their closet showed that their clothes had been pulled from the racks and left on the floor.

"How bad is your room, Raven?" Buffy asked.

"Pretty much like this." She moved without realizing to stand closer to Buffy. "Why did they do this?"

"To try to put us in our place. To show that we are not good enough to have all of this." Buffy told her while slipping an arm around her shoulder. Raven sank into her for a moment then remembered her earlier decision and stepped away from Buffy.

"So, now what do we do?" Clem asked hesitantly noting the shell-shocked expression on everyone's face.

Buffy glanced down at her watch then looked over at the children.

"I'm going to cancel our appointments for this morning and reschedule. Then I guess we start cleaning up," she stated softly. It was going to be a major undertaking to get this house in order again. Buffy pulled her cell phone off the waistband of her jean to dial the number for Sara's and Denise's office. The appointments were rescheduled for that Friday after she quickly explained the circumstances. While she had been talking she had moved to the stairs taking a seat on them about halfway down.

Spike had followed her coming to sit on one side of her until Elijah squirmed his way in between them while Raven and Clem took seats behind them. The next call that Buffy made was to Giles.

"Is everybody else's houses okay? And the store and school?" She asked immediately after Giles said hello not giving into the luxury of any small talk.

"They are fine. I've talked to everyone this morning. What's wrong Buffy?"

"They ransacked our house, Giles. Most of the furniture and stuff is destroyed." Tears threatened to overwhelm her for a moment but she quickly pushed them away. There wasn't time for them. It was like she had told Raven the night before some things that took precedence over her need to indulge in tears. Lately though it seemed everything took priority over her need to grieve. Spike's hand slipped into hers to give her a squeeze in support.

"I'm sorry, Buffy and tell Spike that I am. Look I'll call everybody and have them come over to help as soon as they can. Is there anything that I can do right now?"

"Find the son of a bitches and string them up," she responded honestly to her Watcher's question. Then when met with silence she gave a bitter laugh and sighed. "Giles, would you call Angel and make the arrangements for tonight?"

"Certainly. And I will be over as soon as I can."

"Thanks, Giles. I appreciate it."

Buffy hung up the phone and laid it on the stairs next to her. It was time to plan a course of action for the clean up. Although at the moment it seemed too overwhelming and she dropped her head into her hands as she studied her feet. She wondered what would happen if she suggested that they leave it all behind and start over somewhere else. Not that she really wanted to leave this place where she and Spike had begun to build lives together. There wasn't really a choice but to buck up and start doing what needed to be done. As she raised her head she saw Max coming up the front walk. He smiled when he realized that he had been noticed.

"Max!" Raven exclaimed and ran down the stairs to hug him.

Elijah afraid that he was going to be taken away cuddled closer to Spike. Max returned Raven's hug while saying hello to the others. His eyes glanced curiously at Clem.

"Clem this is Max. Max this is Clem a friend of ours who is going to be sharing our house for a while." Buffy introduced the two men.

"Hi, good to meet you. Hey, Spike, Elijah." Max finished greeting everyone with one eye on the mess in the hall. "Looks like they left you a calling card."

"Yeah, they did." Spike said while watching him suspiciously. He hadn't forgotten that Buffy had met with Max while he was gone.

"I was in Los Angeles when I got your call this morning and thought I would just run the names up and see how you guys made out last night," he explained as if he could read Spike's mind. "The whole house like this?"

"Yeah, it's pretty bad." Raven answered. "Even the refrigerator got overturned."

"I’m hungry." Elijah piped up.

Max watched the look that passed between the couple that indicated that they were both on the edge of falling apart.

"Look, why don't I take the kids and pick up some breakfast for everybody? Give you two a few minutes alone to figure out what needs to be done."

Spike looked up at him getting ready to turn the offer down when he noticed how excited Raven was at the idea and even Elijah was beginning to relax again around Max.

"That would be great." Spike relented to the majority opinion as Buffy looked at Max in gratitude of the offer.

Max looked up and asked Clem to ride along with them surprising the demon with the man’s casual acceptance of him. He nodded his agreement because this way he could make sure this guy wasn't going to do anything to Raven or Elijah. Before they left Buffy asked Max if he minded picking up some blood for Spike.

"No problem. We'll be back in about an hour." Max told them as he started to shepherd everyone out of the house leaving Buffy and Spike alone.

Galvanized by the relief of suddenly not having three other people there Buffy moved quickly into the kitchen searching for the hammer and nails that once were kept in a drawer. After a few moments of kicking things around she found them and moved toward the living room. A loud sound of wood breaking reached her as she came through the doorway.

Buffy hesitated only for a moment as she watched Spike begin to move the broken furniture that he could reach without going into the morning sun that stretched halfway across the room. She pulled over what was left of a china cabinet and scrambled on top of it holding the curtains next to her. Spike stopped what he was doing to watch her as she pounded nails into the curtains leaving them haphazardly hanging but still keeping the sun out. As one area was now safe Spike came over to help her by moving her and her impromptu 'ladder' over as she needed it. The action alone of reclaiming some security for Spike began to make her feel in control again.

It didn't take long for them to complete the task and as she dropped the hammer for the last time Spike reached his arms up for her. She dropped down letting him catch her before placing her on her feet.

"It's ruined Buffy.”

"Not everything. Not us," she reminded him softly.

"You're right not everything." He responded while bending down to pick up what used to be a table leg. With a roar he raised it over his head bringing it repeatedly down on what was left of their television. When it was in pieces at his feet he began to throw the rubble into a pile in the middle of the room, breaking or smashing it even further before it landed.

"Come on Buffy release a little of that pent up tension," he told her when he realized that she was looking at him in something akin to horror.

"That's our stuff that you are finishing destroying."

Spike tossed her a partially demolished lamp telling her to smash it. Buffy looked from him then down at the lamp then threw it with everything she had against the wall. It broke into even smaller pieces with a satisfying crashing sound.

With a smile at Spike she joined him in the further demolition of what used to be pieces of furniture that they had thought would last forever. It felt good though just to let go and let the anger and pain out on something that wouldn't care if she did or not. The sweat ran down her back and between her breasts as she and Spike picked the couch up together and threw it into the entrance hall. As she let go Buffy lost her balance and landed on what used to be the coffee and end tables. On her way down she reached out to grab Spike and ended up pulling him down on top of her. For a moment she just wanted to lie there and catch her breath while Spike rested on top of her.

"Feel better?" She asked him as her hand drifted across his back.

He rose up with a cocky grin on his face as he shifted over her pushing his leg between hers. His knee came to rub against her as he whispered, "I am getting there", leaving no doubt as to what would make him feel better. After deciding that he had been right before and maybe he was right this time too. She raised her head while tugging his down so that their lips met, teeth and tongues both battling for dominance.

Hands began to tear at clothes as they both wanted to the feel of skin to skin. Hunger drove them on as his t-shirt willingly parted under her hands. Her shirt was roughly pushed up and her bra torn under hands needing contact with her. With a sigh he rested briefly on her letting their skin connect but it wasn't enough as he rose up again. Lips parted only momentarily for her to breathe then returned to their battle. His hands impatiently undid her jeans pushing them down her legs while she curled them to help.

Buffy laughed as she broke away from him after realizing her jeans were caught on her shoes. Then somehow the shoes were kicked or pulled off then she pedaled her way to being open for him. Spike pushed her knees apart and lay on top of her. They sighed in unison as their bodies touched, the anticipation that their need was soon to be quenched nearly unbearable.

"Now," Buffy implored not wanting or needing foreplay.

Spike had other ideas as he bent to suckle her nipple, pulling it gently with his teeth, then returning to suck on it. Desire darted from her breast down to between her legs making her wet with need. A moan fell from her as she arched up toward him trying without words to tell him how much she needed him inside of her. Ignoring her message his hands held her hips down as he moved to concentrate on her other breast wanting to torment her a little longer before taking her.

Buffy began to scratch lightly at his back trying to stop the teasing that he was forcing on her already aching body. Then as he kissed his way down her belly, nipping and licking, she wrapped her hand in his hair and pulled his head back to stop him in mid-motion. He grinned up at her in a way that infuriated her. Her desire took over and she yanked his head back sharply. A growl resounded around her as his fingers dug into her hips.

“Don’t wanna play, Buffy, so tell me what you do want?” Spike moved over her positioning himself at the entrance to her heat allowing the tip of his cock to slide teasingly into her.

“Fuck me.”

“With pleasure.”

With one forceful thrust he was all the way inside of her making Buffy bite her lower lip to keep from gasping aloud. Her feet tried to find a solid base so she could arch her hips to drive him deeper but ended up only scrambling uselessly on pieces of wood. Realizing that there was little stability beneath them she wrapped her legs around him in an effort to keep them together. But as he pounded ruthlessly into her the rubble shifted driving splinters into her back and bottom.

“Hold on,” she said before flipping them so she that could escape the pin pricks of pain. Not wanting to lose the momentum that they had she shifted to her knees so that she could slam down on him. The feel of him so deep inside of her only drove her to keep the relentless pace in spite of the wood that now dug painfully into her legs.

Freed from the responsibility of trying to keep them together Spike let his hands drift from her waist to capture both of her breasts that were swaying in time to the rhythm she was keeping. He cupped them softly at first listening to the mewling sounds that Buffy made. His thumbs drew circles around her nipples watching them harden. Buffy’s response to the violence earlier and now this heated response from her now was driving him into a primal need for pain. His fingers twisted one nipple only enough to cause her a twinge of pain just to see how she would react.

Without breaking her rhythm she arched away from him until her hands rested on his thighs. She smirked at the accomplishment of removing herself from his game momentarily.

“Yeah, think you got away,” he sneered up at her as his hands shifted to her sides so that he could tug her down against him. To hold her there one hand splayed against her back while the other wrapped her hair around his hand so that he could replay what she had done to him earlier. Spike was careful not to pull it too tightly so as not to hurt her.

Buffy refused to yield to his supposed victory as her fingernails gently dug into his ribs just enough to show him that she wasn’t defenseless yet. Her hair was wrapped a little tighter around his hand trying to get her to yield to his show of strength.

“Maybe I don’t want to get away,” she whispered in surrender but not wanting to relinquish all her power she left small ribbons of blood down his side as a reminder of it.

In this small respite to set rules and boundaries all movement below their waists had practically ceased. Spike, the conquering hero of the battle, turned them so he could now control their quest for mutual pleasure. His hands held him above her as he moved slowly within her. His eyes watched every nuance of her face as he took his time to rebuild the earlier desperate pace.

“Is that all you got, lover, because it feels like someone forgot to eat his Wheaties?” Buffy taunted.

Spike laughed as he pulled almost completely out of her then slammed back into her with everything he had. At her grunt of approval he continued the punishing thrusting as the sound of their flesh slapping together echoed around them. Buffy pulled his head down offering her neck to him but he refused the offer only nipping with blunt teeth. Her hands roamed his back down to clutch playfully at his ass before moving back up to cradle his head when he especially pleased her.

The rubble unable to take their movements anymore, slid with them. Buffy rolled them finally getting them to the security of solid floor. Once again on top she began to grind against him creating more friction for her aching clit. Her breath fell in heated bursts across his chest creating goose bumps in their wake. Everything around her was becoming a hazy fog as she concentrated on building the pleasure and the heat for them. Her breasts dangled just above him creating an electric anticipation between his flesh and hers. Unable to stand the teasing Spike pulled her down against him so that their bodies rubbed together making her nipples pebble up from the chafing. The building need for release began to grow in him and his hips thrust upwards trying to get more than the grinding movements she was making.

“No,” Buffy told him as she pulled off of him wanting to be in control only to find herself on her back again.

“Not this time. I won remember.”

As he tried to enter her again she tried to wriggle away from him while her hands pushed at his chest.

“I told you not this time.” His voice was menacing as he grabbed her arms pulling them over her head. After pinning them down with one hand he moved over her pushing back into her while she struggled against him. Once he was buried inside of her he released her hands confidant of her surrender but Buffy retaliated for his show of strength by slapping him. Spike’s head snapped under the force of her hand while his eyes closed for a moment before coming back to look down into her eyes.

“You are mine. Now and forever, don’t deny me what is mine.” His blue eyes glittered with emotion as he started to thrust forcefully into her again.

“Yours? I told you no.” Then she laughed up at him as she flipped them again. A gentle kiss was laid on his chest before she rose up so that she could give him the deep penetration that he seemed to be craving.

“Lost it didn’t you?” Spike asked as he looked up at her. “Just couldn’t stay in the game. What a little prissy girl you are.” His voice changed into a higher falsetto voice as his hands rested on her waist. “No, don’t do that. Good girls don’t do that. Oh, I can’t be bad like that.”

“I am not a prissy girl.” Buffy snarled at him before helplessly breaking into laughter again. “I love you, you big pain fetish person thingie.”

“Just need you, Buffy, need you so bad.”

Spike held his hands up to her beckoning her toward him again. When she was laying on him again he rolled them. This time the wall stopped them and Buffy was wedged between his body and the wall.

“Guess we ran out of places to go.” Buffy told him as she wrapped herself around him. Now all she wanted was gentleness and love.

“We will never run out of places to go.” Spike told her as somehow he managed to stand while still holding her. She was now propped against the wall as he began to thrust into her again alternating with grinding so that they were both getting what they wanted.

She squirmed against him trying to find her release which was somehow eluding her in the games they had been playing. Her hands touching everywhere she could while her lips kissed all the available flesh. Instinct began to take over as they moved together and her mouth closed over the flesh on his shoulder. She knew that he wouldn’t care if she did as her teeth sank down into him. Blood ran into her mouth and she sucked on it tasting for the first time his blood in such an amount. Memories ran through her mind of when she had tasted Dracula’s blood and wondered if she would get such a response from Spike’s.

At first there was nothing but the acrid taste as it flowed down her throat then she felt power and desire and her body came alive as never before. Every nerve and cell felt the sexual pleasure between them and she could hear the blood flow in her body and the beating of her heart. From a distance she heard Spike growl in response to her feeding and his fangs scrapped against her own shoulder but he never bit. Every sense was heightened and her cunt throbbed in need like never before. She moaned as she felt his cock filling her making her stretch to accommodate him. Every thrust was like an earthquake within her body and she felt her orgasm building rapidly. The blood flow started to slow and she couldn’t let it go yet and shook her head like a dog to tear the wound even more. Spike cried out in pain but she didn’t care as her release came upon her so strong that she finally let go of him and arched back into the wall screaming his name.

Spike held onto her as she trembled against him. He slowed his movements as her walls clamped down around him squeezing him like she never had before. Then his own release came and he leaned against her forcing her back into the wall while Buffy curled around him limply. Her face nuzzled against him as he held her.

“You were right;” he whispered “there is always us.”

TBC

Chapter 22 – Pride and Places

July 10, 2007 5:45 PM

The exhausted adults slowly collapsed into various places on the back porch while Raven plucked Benjamin from his play pen so she could free him from his forced confinement and Elijah took off running to his own freedom in the backyard. His dizzying run in ever enlarging circles made the others shake their heads at his excessive energy. Of course having been confined in the house most of the day made this display easily explained.

“I’d say we made pretty good headway today,” Max offered as a way to start the conversation rolling in the wake of stumped sentences and polite orders of the previous hours. The kitchen had been cleared of debris and was now ready for minor repairs and replacement items. Raven had been placed in charge of the lists, one for the repairs and one for the things that needed to be replaced. Unfortunately for her, she had also been responsible for sweeping the floors once they were clear of the larger pieces.

After they had finished the kitchen the children’s rooms had been next. Thankfully their mattresses and springs were left untouched so that all that was left to replace was the bedroom furniture. But since it was something that had already been planned on no one was as upset about the losses in those rooms. Most of their personal things were left untouched, such as their clothes, just having been dumped out onto the floor when the dressers had been destroyed.

Thankfully Xander had been pulling strings for them all day and a construction size dumpster had been delivered mid-morning so that they had somewhere to remove the debris to. Buffy and Spike’s room had also been cleared but the living room and dining room were waiting to be tackled. Spike’s study was something that he wanted to do alone so that was also left untouched.

“Yeah, it feels like moving day except nobody is coming or going,” Buffy said looking wearily at their helpmate from Spike’s shoulder. She had curled into him on the swing needing the comfort of his arms but as she did the tension that was coiling tightly in him again was easily felt. The brief explosions this morning hadn’t held through the afternoon as they had gone from room to room cleaning up the remains of their home. Buffy could only hope that when he exploded this time that nobody was in his way that shouldn’t be.

“Thanks mate,” Spike said honestly to Max.

All day he had been working as hard as they had when there was no need for him to. After coming back with nourishment for everyone Max had called his superiors and said he was going to stay in Sunnydale for a few days to help out. Max had liked Spike as well as Buffy from the beginning and admired the fact that no matter what happened they seemed determined to work it out.

“No problem.”

“I hope the pizzas and stuff get here soon.” Clem said as he felt his stomach rumble in protest. Buffy and Spike’s kitchen had always been his place to go for snacks and for now it was pretty much gone.

“Me too, I am starving,” Raven chimed in as she amused Benjamin with his rattle.

“Actually, right about now, I am looking forward to eating pizza myself,” Giles added drolly.

“I’ll go in the morning to buy the refrigerator and see if I can bribe them to deliver it tomorrow too,” Buffy said.

Spike tensed a little knowing that he couldn’t go with her but then relaxed because, after all, it was just a refrigerator. The need to get perfect items didn’t seem to matter as much as it did the first time.

“Okay, then we can go shopping tomorrow night to start on the kid’s rooms,” Spike agreed to her purchase of the refrigerator but let her know that he wanted to be included on the rest of the things. She gently squeezed his hand in acknowledgment.

“Daddy, come play with me.” Elijah stood in middle of the yard with the sunlight shining on him.

“I can’t Elijah. Not until it’s dark.” Spike called out.

“I’m sorry I forgot. Max come play.”

Max laughed as he stood to go out to play with the boy. Within a few moments he was involved in a game of tag alternately chasing or being chased by Elijah. Spike watched as this man played in the sun with his child knowing it was something that he could never do. He knew it was silly to be jealous of this innocent game between the two but he was, especially after the events of the last day. Unable to watch anymore he stood abruptly, announced he was going to work on things in his study, and then walked away leaving everyone else in the waning afternoon.

~~~~~~~~~~

July 10, 2007 7:45 PM

Spike was setting up a temporary table for him to work on after having cleared out the old stuff. The only break he had taken in the past two hours was when Buffy had insisted he join them for dinner. She claimed that everyone needed the reassurance that some things, like family time, couldn’t be taken away just because there wasn’t a table to sit at. He had been relieved and a little proud when Elijah had chosen to sit next to him instead of Max. The little boy’s conversation had been peppered with ‘my Daddy this’ and ‘my Daddy that’, the highlight was the rescue of Rufus.

Immediately after dinner he had returned to the study trying to rescue as much as possible. Not only had the monitor of his computer been smashed but someone had taken the CPU, printer and fax machines and thrown them against the wall to ensure that they would be broken. When he had spoken with Willow earlier by phone she seemed confidant that she could save what was on the hard drive for him. The CD’s with his work and other things on them had been stepped on but he was hoping that some of them could be saved. Another phone call to Barney, his editor, had a second set of needed corrections being Fed Exed to him with morning delivery.

“Hi Spike,” Willow tentatively said from the door.

“Hey Will. Come on in.”

Willow stepped gingerly into the room noting the piles of paperwork and CD’s into separate piles on the floor. She knew that each of them was probably to their likelihood of being saved or not.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered almost afraid to break the grief like silence in the room. Her life was also heavily recorded and filed on a computer so she knew the emotions that had to be going through her friend. The blue eyes that turned to her almost made her catch her breath as she saw the pain reflected there. Without thinking she rushed to his side coming to kneel beside him on the floor and engulfing him in a hug. His arms moved to hold her as he took the comfort that was offered. Never again would he take his family and home for granted again. If nothing else this devastation proved to show him just how much it really meant to him.

They huddled in the embrace for a few moments as Spike regained his sense of purpose before he pulled back from her.

“Thanks,” he told her. It was humbling as he went from one person to another thanking them for helping a former evil monster restore his home.

“You don’t need to thank me. As much as we have all been through I’m just glad to do something for you.”

It was pure Willow, underestimating how much her friendship helped everyone. If it hadn’t been for Tara’s constant support they probably would have lost Willow to the dark side on more than one occasion from her inability to realize her worth to the group.

“I brought you a laptop for you to use temporarily until you can get a replacement. There is also a printer out in the kitchen. If you like I can go ahead and start setting up for you.” Willow said already making room on the makeshift table for her to work.

Spike walked out into the kitchen to get the printer for her. It was set down where her hand absently waved as she was already engrossed in her work.

“Willow.”

“Yeah,” she looked briefly at the vampire than back at the screen then as Spike came closer she looked back up at him in bafflement.

His hand cupped her face and he kissed her softly on the corner of her mouth.

“Thanks, Love, I appreciate it.”

Then he turned and left her to work.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh balls,” Spike muttered as he walked back into his kitchen to find Angel waiting for him. His apparently angry Grand-sire was leaning back against the counter with arms crossed. Their eyes met in a quick clash of unspoken emotions before Spike looked away and made a beeline for the door leading to the living room.

“Not so fast,” Angel said reaching out to grab his arm.

Spike shook his arm free taking the unspoken challenge and stepping into Angel’s space. “Back off,” he uttered with deadly emotion.

“No. I want to say a few things. Things that could be over with now but you saw fit to hang up on me.” Angel refused to back away from Spike’s threatening stance. It was time that someone had the guts to tell this punk a few facts of life. Everyone in Sunnydale either seemed too afraid to lay it on the line or was totally blind to the blonde’s selfish ways. Except Dawn who was the one that had called him to complain about Spike’s recent behavior.

“Don’t need or want your advice.”

“Too bad because you are going to get it anyway. Buffy is too important to me for me to see her hurt because you are turning into a whiny baby.”

“She’s my wife. Stay out of it.”

Angel stepped back, needing to clear his head. It wasn’t really his intention to fight Spike physically and Angel could feel the adrenaline rushing through his grand-childe.

“Look, Buffy is going to do everything and anything that she thinks she needs to do to hold onto you just so she isn’t alone anymore.”

“And who caused that insecurity. You did. I’m the one who has stuck it out with her, been there to take care of her and loved her no matter what.” Spike emphasized that last part hoping that the knife would twist in the other vampire’s gut just a little.

“I wanted her to have a normal life. Not a circus freak of a life,” Angel retorted refusing to let his words distract him from his purpose.

“She has a normal life.”

“Which you gave her reluctantly. It’s always your way. Yeah, you said okay let’s try to have a baby then not once in those six months, which was your time frame, can she relax enough to get pregnant. Stress hinders the process as if you didn’t know. Then you all have a chance to adopt and you have to threaten her into it by telling her it’s this or nothing.” Angel began to pace as he listed all the wrongs he felt that Spike had done to Buffy. “She agrees and still that isn’t enough so you take off with some other woman. And lastly you deny her the wedding she has always wanted. Yeah, you gave her normal, buddy. I am so proud of you.”

Spike was shaking as the rage coursed through him. The guilt for all the things he had done wrong was there anyway without Buffy’s ex telling him how he had failed.

“She loves me.” Spike words were mostly to reassure himself and had nothing to do with the brunette pacing his kitchen.

“Why, I don’t know? I should have dusted you five years ago when this whole thing started.”

“Do you want to step in and take care of her? Like you did when she was sixteen and you ruined her innocence and her trust.”

Angel stopped his pacing and moved in front of Spike again.

“That’s always going to bother you, isn’t it? That I was her first.”

“It bother’s me just as much as you are hung up on the fact that it’s me she’s wrapping her legs around every night and it’s my name she screams out as she cums.” Spike took a step closer to Angel as he snarled out his jealousy.

“You crude little bastard, you disgust me.”

“Go to hell, Angelus.”

Angel grabbed Spike by his t-shirt and shoved him against the counter.

“You listen to me and listen good. I know you’re biting her and that you are trying to play sick little games with her. She’s not Drusilla, so if I hear that she is hurt in any way or forced into anything that she doesn’t want, I will destroy you.”

“Sick little games? The ones that you taught me how to play, lover?” Spike delved down into all his pain and frustration with this vampire and said the words that he knew would anger him the most. Then he laughed in the face of the one he used to fear just to prove he didn’t anymore.

With a growl Angel turned into game face forcing Spike to follow suit to keep his edge up.

“She’s not a vampire and she’s not a toy for you to use.” Angel snarled. “She loves you for some reason, why isn’t that enough for you?”

“You don’t think I appreciate her. Is that what this is all about?” Spike bravado slipped some as he relaxed back into human guise. “Buffy is everything to me. So, much that it scares me. I love her more than I thought possible to love anyone or anything.”

Angel released him as the sincerity of Spike’s words resounded around him.

“You should have let her go when she still had a chance to have a normal life. To have babies and be with someone who could protect her.”

It was those last words that were the final straw for Spike on this day that had been nothing but emotional stress. It was the inability to protect her and their family that was bothering him more than anything. He didn’t stop to think as he punched Angel in the jaw. Then he followed him down letting his frustrations, pain, and anger out on Angel.

“Oh my God, they look like cats fighting,” Cordelia exclaimed as she with the others came hurrying into the kitchen after they had heard the growling and sounds of flesh hitting flesh.

“Come on. Stop it.” Giles exclaimed attempting to reach out to separate them but was almost pulled down as the two vampires rolled on the floor neither holding back.

“If they want to act like cats then they will be treated like cats.” Buffy stated as she reached for the hose that was on the kitchen sink. “Watch out everybody,” she warned before turning the water on full force directing it at the fighting pair.

It took a few moments to realize that they were being soaked before they broke apart. They stood facing off as they panted needlessly and shook water off of them.

Buffy walked over to Spike laying a hand on his arm.

“Leave me be.” He scowled at her then turned to Angel, “I can protect my family,” before giving a quick look around the room then stomped off out the back door.

“What the hell?” Buffy stared at the door that her husband had left by.

“You interfered in guy business,” Xander told her. “I’ll go talk to him.”

As Xander headed out the back door Max turned to follow him. He didn’t know what was going on between Spike and this other guy but he was laying his loyalty with Spike. Plus he understood not being able to protect your family from harm so he figured maybe he could help Spike deal with some of this.

~~~~~~~~~~

Connor slipped out onto the front porch with a smile on his face. He had actually enjoyed seeing his Dad get his ass kicked by Spike. Might wipe some of the superiority off of his face for a change but most likely it wouldn’t because Angel thought for sure he was here to save the world. And damn anyone, including his son that got in his way. A sigh was issued for the night as he sat on the steps.

The front door opened and he knew it was her without having to turn around. Raven had been watching him ever since they had gotten here. It wasn’t that he wasn’t flattered or that he didn’t think she was pretty it was the fact that she was only fourteen. Okay, she would be fifteen in September but she was still a kid.

“Hey, mind if I sit?” She asked as she sat without waiting for a reply. “Do you want a cigarette?” Raven held her breath as she held Spike’s pack up for him to see.

“No thanks I don’t smoke. You do?” Connor was trying not to laugh at her attempt at being older and cooler by offering a smoke.

“Sometimes,” Raven answered laying the pack on the porch with relief. She had never smoked in her life and still wasn’t sure what possessed her to even snitch them. Hopefully Spike wouldn’t look for them until she could get them back in their place. “So, what’s up with your Dad and Spike?”

“You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“My Dad was Buffy’s first love and Spike can’t handle it.”

“Oh.” Raven processed that information while she began to think about the fact that Angel was a vampire too. “Your dad has a soul too. Do Spike and him have another connection?”

“Yeah, but it has nothing to do with them being souled. They were separate incidents. My Dad is Spike’s grand-sire.”

“Grand what?”

Connor looked at her with superiority having all the knowledge of the family and knowing that she was completely new to this completely insane incestuous group.

“Sire. A vampire sires another vampire or turns them. Angel sired Drusilla who sired Spike which makes Angel, Spike’s grand-sire.”

“Dru? Spike’s ex-girlfriend?”

“Yep, that’s her.”

Raven was looking more confused by the minute as she tried to follow the thread of history that was being opened to her.

“What happened to Drusilla?”

“Locked up somewhere in Europe the last I heard.” Connor offered enjoying this role of teacher. Might be something to be said for someone having a crush on him.

“Oh. Is Cordelia your mom?”

“No, just my step mom but she’s cool. Took care of me when I was a baby and when I came back.”

“Where’s your mom?”

“Staked herself so I could be born. She was a vampire. Yeah, I know two vampires shouldn’t be able to conceive but somehow they did.” He offered the last part before she could ask.

“So, if there is a possibility for a vampire to have a child, why didn’t Buffy and Spike have babies?”

This question threw Connor because he hadn’t expected her to take this direction with her questioning but he didn’t think it would hurt to be honest with her.

“They did try before you and your brother got here. Spike couldn’t get her pregnant and the next thing we knew you two were here.”

Raven was silent for awhile then more to herself then to the boy beside her she announced her conclusions in dire tone.

“So, Elijah and I are just the substitute children. If they could have their own babies they wouldn’t have us.”

It was then that Connor knew he had made a mistake and turned to look at the front yard unsure of how to fix the damage he had caused in his flippant need for adulation.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Spike, slow down. We mere mortals can’t keep up with you.” Xander called out to his friend who was walking as if the hounds of hell were after him.

Spike turned back abruptly, growling as he faced his friend.

Xander stopped by his heels as he noticed Max take a step behind him. To anyone who didn’t know would think Spike was about to attack but Xander had seen this side of the blonde too many times not to know that Spike was just fighting his own demons of pain and insecurity.

“Careful, there, you are scaring the newbie.” Xander said calmly. He wasn’t afraid of Spike attacking but there wasn’t any reason not to be cautious.

Yellow eyes flickered at the man behind his friend noting that Max didn’t really look scared but more was stepping out of the way out of respect. With a deep breath he shook his head so that he was back in human visage.

“Sorry. That bastard just gets to me every time.”

“I know. He didn’t have any right to be giving you a hard time,” Xander agreed.

“I just want to know who has been talking to him about things that are none of his business.”

“Not me. And I don’t know who has. Nobody has said anything to me about it,” Xander replied. If someone had told him they were talking to Angel he would have been the first to try to talk them out of it. Spike didn’t want Angel to know anything about his relationship with Buffy except the most obvious things. Xander agreed because there were things in his relationship with Anya that he didn’t think anyone needed to know but the two of them.

Realizing that he was opening himself up in front of a practical stranger who already knew too much Spike clamped his mouth shut.

“Sorry if I’m intruding but I came out because I didn’t think he was right telling you that you can’t protect your family,” Max explained softly. “Sometimes there are things beyond your control but it doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t die for them if it took that.”

Xander and Spike glanced at each other before looking back at Max. Apparently this man knew about pain but they wouldn’t ask until he was willing to volunteer. The knowledge alone would give him temporary admittance into their circle until they knew everything.

“Hey you guys.” Fred called out to let the meeting of testosterone know that she was coming. Angel was ready to load the van so they could leave and she had volunteered to come out and find Spike and Xander.

“Hello Fred.” Spike responded as he looked at the woman who had befriended him in the floundering first weeks after he had been souled. “Has the brooding pouf calmed down any?”

“Yeah, he’s all clamed up and hurrying us along now.”

Fred ignored the ‘leave me alone’ vibes radiating from Spike and hugged him tightly to let him know that she was on his side. Sometimes Angel just felt like he had to control everyone. She would fight beside Angel giving him all her loyalty but that didn’t mean she didn’t see his faults.

Spike melted at her affection and hugged her back. It seemed that everyone wanted to take care of him today and he appreciated every bit of it.

“How are you and Gunn’s wife getting along?” Spike had been sad when Fred and Gunn had been unable to make it work out. The two were just too different to blend well.

“Like you and Angel get along. She refers to his days with me as his slumming days,” she quipped trying to hide the hurt that it still brought when she thought of Gunn marrying someone totally opposite of her.

“Bitch.”

“Shhh, you are still Gunn’s friend too.”

“I know but that doesn’t mean that I am hers.”

“Really. Just something about that woman just, I don’t know, she doesn’t fit.” Xander offered his support of Fred.

“Thanks guys. I appreciate it.”

Max watched the exchange between the friends with a twinge of jealousy. It had been a long time since he had been in one place long enough to develop deep ties to anyone. While he was here he would enjoy the temporary inclusion with them but keeping a part of him separate for the time when he had to leave.

~~~~~~~~~

July 10, 2007 10:40 PM

Buffy watched herself in the mirror while she brushed her teeth trying to push away the memory of her friends’ sorrow as they watched the van carrying their babies pulled away. Benjamin, Jacob, Aidan and Jessy were now temporary residents at the Hyperion Hotel. She laughed as she thought of what Angel had to be going through living in the day care atmosphere that was going on there. Luckily Kate had been able to take family emergency leave to go with her son. Benjamin was only three months old and still nursing so no one had felt any resentment at her going with them. Not that they would have anyway.

After spitting and rinsing her mouth Buffy slipped on her pink flannel pajamas with poodles dotting it. Having Clem and Max staying in the house she had to stay completely covered when wandering the halls. A door opened and then a moment later another door opened and closed, Buffy getting suspicious went to investigate. Elijah’s door was open now so she turned to Raven’s room. After knocking and receiving an okay she opened the door to find Elijah curled up next to his sister.

“Do you mind him being in here?” Buffy asked.

“Why would I? He is my brother,” Raven answered. She pulled the covers up and tucked them around Elijah protectively. “Those are mine.”

Buffy was squatting by the bed looking at some photographs lying on the floor. She looked briefly up at Raven then back at the pictures.

“Are these your parents?” She asked softly already knowing the answer but hoping that Raven would open up to her.

“Yeah.”

“Your mother was very beautiful. You were right. You look just like her.”

“Thanks,” Raven hated it when Buffy did this. She was trying so hard to hate her new mother but then she would go and do something nice which only chipped at the wall she was trying to build.

“Are these the only photos you have?” Buffy looked up as Raven nodded her head. “How about tomorrow we take these and have copies made. A set for Elijah to have in his room,” she smiled as Elijah peeked his head out when he heard his name, “and a set to hang on the wall downstairs. I’ve decided that there is going to be a family picture wall and these should be included if you agree.”

“They’re not your family.”

“In a roundabout way they are. They are your family and you’re my family now so that kind of makes them my family too. So, may I hang a set on the wall?”

“Okay.” Maybe Connor was wrong but it seemed too much to hope for as Raven reached out to take the photos from Buffy.

“By the way what happened to all the stuff that was in your house?”

Raven shrugged her shoulders. They had to leave so suddenly that they barely had time or space to take anything with them.

“Tell you what I’ll ask Max in the morning if he knows.” Buffy reached over to smooth Raven’s wayward curls with a smile.

“Thanks.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Spike was lying on the pile of blankets that Buffy and he had made into a makeshift bed until they could get something else. Candles were the only lights in the room as he tried to read his latest Michael Crichton novel. He looked up as the door to the bedroom opened to find Buffy leaning on the door jamb. A smile crossed his face as he saw the ridiculous looking pajamas she was wearing.

“Can we talk?”

“Yeah,” Spike closed the book and laid it on the floor. “Are you coming in or staying there?”

“Just wanted to make sure it was okay otherwise I was going to go and see if there was anything resembling chocolate left in that kitchen.”

He held a hand out to her as she smiled and walked toward him. Buffy grasped his hand but refused to be pulled to him instead coming to sit cross legged next to him. Spike shifted onto his back with one hand tucked behind his head while he waited for her to speak.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” Buffy said softly as she played with the material of her pajama legs.

“It’s okay. Over with now.”

“You and Angel are never going to be friends, are you?” She looked up to see the reaction in his eyes.

“No.”

“Is it just because of me?” She didn’t want to think that she was the only thing preventing them from making a full truce.

“It’s you and Drusilla and everything else that Angel uses to try to make me feel small.” Spike reached over to cover her hands with his free one while his thumb caressed the palm of one. “Don’t feel that it’s your fault, pet.”

She nodded trying to understand but knew that she probably never would. Spike didn’t like to talk about those days except in vague terms. Not only from not wanting to share the darker side of him but also the pain and humiliation that he had suffered at the hands of the other vampires.

“What else?”

There was something else that she wanted to talk about and he suspected that the talk of Angel had only been a stalling tactic for what she really wanted to ask about. Spike would wait for her to ask even though he knew what it was about. Sitting up he moved to cup her face so that he could kiss her. It was soft in nature only meant to reassure her and make her feel safe. When he pulled back he saw the gratitude in her eyes. Leaning back on his elbow he waited.

“Did I hurt you when I bit you?” Her finger slowly outlined the bruising on his shoulder.

“Some but it’s healing. Should be gone by morning.”

Buffy nodded again. It was silly to be scared to talk to him when just a few days ago she was upset with him because he couldn’t talk about sex with her.

“When I bit you and I tasted your blood I felt things.” She spoke while staring at her hands and when he didn’t respond she snuck a quick peek at him through her bangs. “Everything kind of got heightened.”

Spike grinned at her tentative question. He had chosen to open his sexual desire for her and she had taken to it eagerly.

“When I drank from Dracula the only things I got from it was like a Slayer history and this power rush. I don’t understand.”

“That’s what he wanted you to see. Like this morning I wanted you to feel the pleasure. Vampires when we share our blood we can open and close parts of ourselves so the biter only sees what we want them to see or feel.”

Buffy only looked perplexed not fully understanding.

“Since vampires don’t have this huge expanse of soul to share, we can turn things on and off more than other creatures. Control parts of ourselves, our histories and our feelings. When you drank my blood I could open up the power and the history or my love or a hundred other things. Like project them onto you but I chose the sexual rush. I wanted you to feel really good. The other night, on our wedding night, you kind of did the same thing. You gave your consent for me to bite from your neck out of love and I could taste and feel that love, so powerful, when I drank from you.”

“Oh,” she understood it a little bit more now and wondered when they could do it again and what else she could see in him.

“Not too much, Buffy. It can get addicting and then the normal things don’t seem to be as good.”

She nodded again knowing that it was true. If she had an orgasm like that everyday then the normal ones would never be appreciated again.

“Why didn’t you bite me back? I could feel your…you at my neck but you never did.”

“Because to do that would be like doing a ritual that two vampires do. They have to be joined together sexually and then drink from the other at the same time. When you do that there is nothing that can be held back. It opens the flood gates between the two.”

“Can we do that? I want to know all of you, Spike.” Buffy asked eagerly.

“No, Buffy, no. It’s not meant for humans. I’ve only seen it done with a human once, a vampire we were hanging with fell for one of his…pets and wanted to do the ritual with her. She went insane from it. There was too much for her to handle. I won’t do it with you, Buffy. It’s either me or you doing the biting but never both of us at the same time. Do you understand?”

Spike waited for her agreement before turning to blow the candles out. After lying down he pulled her against him. Unfortunately he knew the matter wasn’t completely dropped. He could hear the wheels turning in Buffy’s head trying to figure out a way to get him to agree to try but he would never voluntarily go through with it.

TBC

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