Chapter 30

"So Alex, what do you think?"

"It's a beauty Lady C, this is some gun collection." Alex lifted the gun and sighted. "Bet she fires like a good 'un."

"She does Alex. We'll organise a shoot, tomorrow perhaps. How did it go with Mr Giles?"

Alex put down the gun and picked up another. "Think 'e said 'es found some girl Caleb got involved with. William wants Buffy to talk to 'er."

"Hmm, that's a good idea." Lady Carlington stopped and thought for a moment. "I think I shall host a ball. Would you like to go to a ball Alex?"

"Don't know, never been to one," Alex replied, opening the gun and inspecting the insides. "What with dancing and stuff?"

"Yes, Alex." Lady Carlington folded her arms. "And many pretty girls."

The mention of pretty girls brought a distinct blush to his face so he snapped the gun closed, pointed it out of the window and changed the subject.

"So, when are we going to meet this Caleb person then?"

He saw Lady Carlington smile to herself, but thankfully she didn't ask him the question he'd been dreading. That of the secret business that he'd had planned in Plymouth.

"I've tried to discourage any visits of his here but I will invite him to the ball, then you and William can get the measure of him. But don't underestimate him, he's sly, and clever, and has my brother in his pocket." She walked over to Alex as she spoke and put her hand on his shoulder. "Enjoy your stay here Alex, but be on your guard. None of the servants must suspect your connection to Elizabeth. If Caleb were to find out he might bring the wedding forward or something worse."

"Right you are Lady C. Want me to talk to William?"

"Please. I'll talk with him too. He's with her now but they have to act as if they've just met. What we do in the next few weeks will be very important. I will see you all safe in this."

"William don't want to go to America, know that for a fact."

"He may not have a choice, Alex, but I'll shoot Caleb myself before he marries Elizabeth. He will not win this one."

"And I'll be right there beside you, Lady C." Alex sighted again and fired off an imaginary shot.

"Right between the eyes."

As he put down the gun he realised that it was the first time he'd seen Lady Carlington with something other than her usual amused expression on her face. To see her so serious was rather unnerving as she'd been a solid presence in all this, and they'd never have got this far without her.

"Leave it to me, Lady C. Got nothing to lose. I'll sort it if I 'ave to."

She looked back at him, rather wearily shaking her head. "No Alex, it was just a figure of speech. We'll stay within the law and hope that Mr. Giles will come up trumps for us. You must promise me you'll not do anything rash."

Alex walked back over to the gun cabinet and took out a pistol. "Is there somewhere I can 'ave a go with this then?"

"Of course. I'll talk to the gamekeeper and he'll show you where you can safely shoot. Oh, and I've a tailor coming tomorrow to measure you up for those new clothes I talked about. Are you listening, Alex?"

"I did 'ear you, Lady C. Won't be shooting anyone."

She nodded and left the room muttering about balls and arrangements thereof. Alex held up the pistol and cocked back the hammer.

"Don't worry. Won't be shooting anyone. Unless they deserve it, that is."

He said it softly, under his breath and tried to conjure up an image of Caleb as he gently squeezed the trigger. Would he be able to shoot anyone in cold blood? He'd shot Ethan, but that, somehow, seemed different. If he did this and they caught him, he'd hang.

As he lost himself in his thoughts he was aware of someone appearing in the doorway and for a brief moment he found himself face to face with a young lady with a rather startled face and long brown hair. He heard a small shriek, saw her eyes drop to the gun, which he was pointing right at her, and then she disappeared just as abruptly as she'd appeared.

For a few seconds he just stared at the now empty doorway, wondering if he'd imagined it, but he definitely remembered her making a noise. And she'd looked scared to death. He cursed under his breath, silently berating himself for pointing a gun as he had in the house, and he moved quickly to the door. Peering round, it was his turn to jump as he almost bumped into her.

For a while they just looked at each other. He hastily hid the gun behind his back, not wanting to scare her further, and desperately racked his brain for something coherent to say to this vaguely familiar, and very attractive young girl who seemed to be recovering her composure far quicker than he was.

"Are you Alex?"

"Was last time I looked." He cringed inwardly as the words came out, thinking that it must sound like a terribly stupid thing to say.

She seemed to find it amusing however, and stepped away from the wall. "You made me jump."

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." As he spoke he realised that he was still peering round the door so he straightened up, and stepped out into the hall. The girl now had a decided twinkle in her eye, as if she was thoroughly enjoying having him at such a disadvantage.

"I'm Dawn."

As she spoke she bobbed him a little curtsey and then he got himself terribly confused and couldn't remember what Lady Carlington had said you were supposed to do when you met a young lady, so he slipped the gun into his pocket and extended his hand, as he'd seen William do.

"I've 'eard about you."

She shook hands with him, looking slightly bemused at the gesture, as if no one had ever shaken her hand before. "And I've heard a lot about you," she said, eyeing the pocket containing the gun. "Will you teach me to shoot? Buffy says you're an expert shot and you taught her. So will you teach me, please? It's not fair you know, Aunt Joan never lets me use a gun. She says I'm not old enough. You think I look old enough, don't you? And you didn't scare me just now, you merely made me jump. There's quite a difference you know. I don't scare that easily."

She paused to draw breath at last, cocked her head and raised her eyebrows indicating that she wanted an answer, but he was still taking in the fact that she was Dawn and that's why she looked so familiar. She was a little like a brown- haired version of Buffy. Taller, but rather more like Lady Carlingon if anyone. Maybe this is what Lady C. was like as a young girl? He thought, knowing that he ought to answer her, but not being able to remember a single thing she'd just said.

He pushed back his hair wishing that he'd combed it, and wondering what kind of fool he must look standing there and gawping at her as he was. Her smile was starting to waver a little as she waited for his reply, but he couldn't think of anything sensible to say in return.

She looked down then, as if she was realising that she had thoroughly overstepped the mark with her outburst, appearing, he thought, utterly charming as self consciousness overtook her.

"Aren't you going to speak to me?" she said in a small voice while still inspecting her feet closely.

He closed his eyes briefly thinking that it was up to him to rescue her from this predicament, and to his relief, a few words formed themselves into a coherent sentence at last. To his surprise he actually managed to articulate them too.

"Er, what was that first bit again?"

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"You are pleased, aren't you William?"

"Of course I am, my love."

He snuggled her closer not daring to tell her just how overwhelming the news had been. In the last few weeks life seemed to have been hitting him hard from every direction, each blow changing him a little more until he hardly recognised himself.
Shy, reclusive William was disappearing fast as the burdens and responsibilities of the real world intruded on his formerly eventless life. And now he was to be a father.

She lay very still against him almost as if she was afraid of what he was going to say next. He knew he should say something, but at that moment he couldn't seem to find the words to express just what this meant to him. He needed to try though. She was waiting for reassurance. Waiting for him to tell her that everything was going to be alright, but how could he say that with any certainty?

"Because, you've been very quiet since I told you."

"I know, and I'm sorry. It's just hard finding the words to tell you how I feel about it."

"Oh."

He felt her fingers tighten on the lapel of his jacket as if she was clinging to him for dear life and he covered her hand with his and gave it a squeeze.

"It's almost like a sign, isn't it? That this was all meant to be. God, or whoever is in charge of all this wouldn't have sent us a child if we weren't meant to be together. Would they?"

"That's a nice way of looking at it. I like that idea." She pulled herself up so that she was sitting beside him and turned his face to hers, framing it with her hands. "I love you, William. This child is a gift, isn't it?"

"It is, Buffy. God, I'm not handling this very well, am I?" He took her hands in his and looked into her eyes. Eyes that were still clouded with anxiety. Eyes that reflected just what he was feeling at that moment.

"Listen to me, Buffy. I won't pretend that this hasn't been a shock. It would have been in ordinary circumstances, let alone those we find ourselves in. But this baby is the greatest expression of our love. It's something that we made between us and it belongs only to us. Do you know how happy that makes me? After being invisible for so long it makes me realise that I do exist after all." He gave a little laugh then, and leaned over to kiss her.

"Do you know, in all the time we were sharing a bed, it hardly crossed my mind that this would happen now."

"Tara mentioned children but I always thought they'd be in the future. It's still rather hard to believe isn't it?"

He cocked his head and looked at her. "You don't look very different. A little thinner perhaps. How do you feel?"

She settled back against him, her body feeling a little more relaxed than before. Her hand slipping inside his jacket, fingers moving over his shirt making the muscles beneath twitch in anticipation. He sighed and relaxed too as his body responded to her touch.

"The sickness is rather unpleasant, but it is mainly in the morning. And I feel very tired, but that is all right now. In time I will become unpleasantly fat and you will find me terribly unattractive."

"How could I ever do that? I will always want you." Sitting up he shrugged off his jacket and let it drop to the floor, then he lay down and pulled her back into his arms, completely forgetting his promise to Lady Carlington that he wouldn't stay long because someone might see or hear him.

"Come here Buffy, let me show you how much I want you, and how much I've missed you."

He rolled her gently onto her back and propped himself on one elbow so he could look at her properly. "Your hair is always such a mad tangle when you wake up," he said, finger combing it away from her face. I'm sorry I shouted at you that night I tried to burn my journal. I didn't want you to see that side of me."

"And, I'm sorry I left you the way I did. I really thought there was no other way.
Let's forgive each other and put it behind us shall we?" Her face moved against his caressing hand as she spoke, her eyes turning dreamy with desire, a faint smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

There they were. All those things about her that drove him to the edge of reason. Making him forget that there was a big bad world out there waiting to crush them if they made so much as a false step. As he moved over her, his mouth tasting her sweetness, his fingers twisting open the buttons of his trousers, he remembered everything she'd ever meant to him. And he forgot, just for a short time, that their future was so much in the balance because, when they were doing this, it filled his whole world, and there was no room for anything else.

She suddenly stopped him, pressing her hands against his chest, the anxious look returning. "You didn't burn it, did you?"

"My journal? It wouldn't catch. So all my inane wittering has been preserved for posterity."

She settled again, pulling him over her once more. "I'm glad," she whispered against his cheek. "Shall we hide it for someone to find in the future? So they'll know how much we loved each other?"

"If you'd like. Oh Buffy, I've missed doing this with you. It won't hurt the baby, will it?"

She didn't answer, cutting off his question with a kiss that told him exactly how urgent their situation was. She seemed to suddenly catch fire beneath him, demanding that he respond in kind, opening herself to him. And it was a sweet kind of agony as he made love to her, and went with her to that special place that only the two of them knew.

It was hard to come back. Hard to leave her soft embrace and watch her expression sadden as he tucked his shirt back into his trousers and made himself presentable again. For one, mad moment he'd wanted to leave there and then. Go anywhere. Just get as far away as possible. Go back to the mansion, grab the money and take the first ship to America, South America, anywhere as long as it was away from Caleb. But she'd talked him out of such reckless action.

And the rather stunned reaction that he'd felt on hearing about the baby was being fast replaced by a kind of strength he'd never experienced before. As he re-buttoned his trousers he felt it surging through him and filling him. A continuation of the feeling he'd had when he was packing his bag only that morning. It made his movements more decisive, his step more determined, and as he leaned over to kiss her goodbye she seemed to know it.

Her smile told him that she had every faith in him and that she knew he'd keep her and the baby safe, and for that he was grateful. Her confidence in him was the one thing he really needed to get through this. And then he remembered that this meeting had started with him trying to tell her what Mr Giles had found out.

"I've got to go, Buffy. Lady Carlington doesn't want anyone suspecting that we know each other, but I wanted to tell you that Mr. Giles has found a witness. A young lady who hates Caleb as much as you do. She won't talk, but perhaps if one of us visits her, tries to persuade her to make a statement?"

"I'll do it," she replied without hesitation. "How can she not want to help us when she hears our story?"

"If anyone can do it, you can. I must go, Lady Carlington will be wondering what's keeping me."

Buffy slid from the bed and held out her arms for one last embrace.

"She'll know exactly what's keeping you. It's going to be so hard having you here and not being able to do this all the time. Can you visit me tonight, after everyone is in bed?"

He gave her one last kiss and then turned to unlock the door. "I'll try, but Lady Carlington is right. We can't risk anything at this stage. Let's hope that Mr Giles can persuade this girl to see you. I'm sure Caleb sees himself a bishop in the future and he'll never gain that ambition if this becomes public."

"Caleb as a bishop. Oh, William, it doesn't bear thinking about, he'll be even more powerful than he is now. Who knows how many more young women's lives he'll be able to ruin?"

"You can't save them all, Buffy, even though I know you'd try given the chance." He gazed one last time into her sad, earnest face and then carefully checked the corridor to make sure no one would see him leave her room.

"Just have courage and let me make this right for you, yes?"

He left thinking that she'd never know how important that little nod of agreement she'd just given, was to him. And as he walked down the stairs he wondered if the baby would be a boy or a girl. Whether it would look like him or her. Whether it would be like him in other ways and inherit his condition.

He'd never wanted children for that very reason but now it was beyond his control he found himself wanting this one with an intensity that grew by the moment. He hadn't told her how much because it was only just dawning on him. As was that other thing he'd always been worried about, the risks of childbirth. He hadn't come this far to lose her to that, surely? Suddenly he was overtaken by a rather unaccustomed urge to pray.

Fate could be cruel and fickle. He'd read enough stories about it. Prizes dangled tantalisingly in front of you only to be snatched away as you reached for them. A much desired goal achieved at the expense of something dear. Motherless children, so many stories about those. He checked himself before his mind ran on any further. Buffy was strong and healthy. Nothing was going to happen to her, and they were going to live a long, happy life.

The thought calmed him as he paused to get his bearings. If success was measured in part by your determination to achieve it, then he would win, because nobody wanted anything more than he wanted this.

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"Has this been very hard for you this past week, Elizabeth?"

"Having William and Alex here and having to pretend I don't know them? Yes it has been hard." Elizabeth gave her aunt as small smile as she spoke. "But thank you for putting him in the room next to mine."

"I thought you might appreciate that. As I appreciate the discretion that you've both exercised in public. It shows a great degree of maturity."

Elizabeth moved along the sofa as her aunt sat next to her, mentally willing away the mild waves of nausea that overtook her periodically. Her aunt gave her a sympathetic look.

"I'm very pleased with you both, and you are going to be very happy together. William has passion, but it is tempered by good sense, and you did not tell me what a fine musician he was. Did you say he was self taught?"

"He is, and plays mostly his own compositions. There wasn't much else to do at the mansion. When will Tara join us?"

"She won't leave the mansion even though I've sent some trusted retainers to take care of things. Perhaps they will persuade her to change her mind?"

"Perhaps." Elizabeth thought back to the harsh words that she'd exchanged with Tara before Ethan's death. "I must make things up with her, she was very good to me when I needed help. Has Mr. Giles contacted you yet?"

"He has Elizabeth, and it's not good news, I'm afraid. The girl's family don't want to get involved."

"Oh." Elizabeth turned away, not wanting her aunt to see how disappointed she was at the news. The girl was their best hope and now it looked as if America was to be their only option. One she knew William wanted desperately to avoid.

"Don't lose heart my dear. Look at me now, was I ever one to give up?"

"You weren't, Aunt, but what can we do if she won't co-operate?"

Elizabeth turned back and sighed. "Shall we just leave? It would be better for everyone, would it not?"

Her aunt gave a little chuckle and patted her hand. "No-one is running away, and you didn't let me finish. I said the girl's family didn't want to get involved. The girl herself may be another matter. I'm wondering if it would be possible to go to her direct. Perhaps if she hears it directly from you she may be able to persuade her family to let her help you? Now how can we go about this?"

"A visit?" Elizabeth felt a small surge of hope as she watched her aunt contemplate the problem.

"I have it. A small gathering here, perhaps a luncheon, just for us ladies. What do you think?"

"And I could offer to show her the garden, and then talk to her?"

"I like the way your mind works, my dear. And while you are doing that I shall have a quiet word with her mother. I'll organise it immediately."

Elizabeth had a sudden thought. "But they won't want to come here knowing my involvement with Caleb?"

"But that's the beauty, my dear. They don't know. Mr Giles has been most discrete in his enquiries and surprise is always a good tactic. Does this make you feel a little happier?"

"It does, Aunt, I just hope she hates Caleb enough to want to help us. I never want him to be able to do this again."

"Neither do I, now, let us talk about something amusing. Have you seen the way Dawn follows Alex everywhere?"

"I have, Aunt. The poor lad, it must be very trying to be bothered by a silly young girl all the time."

Aunt Joan arched her eyebrows at this. "Elizabeth, have you looked at Dawn lately? I do not think that Alex sees a silly young girl when he looks at her. And he does look at her."

Elizabeth frowned at this. "I can see how she would form an infatuation for him, it's only natural, but she doesn't know the things I do about him. He's had a very sad life and needs someone who understands all this."

"You can't have them both, Elizabeth. Now, don't look at me like that. I do not know what happened at the mansion but I can understand that you all grew very close and your protectiveness of him is laudable, but don't you think he deserves the kind of happiness that you've found with William?"

"But Dawn's head is full of such nonsense and Alex is so innocent of things. He will take it all very seriously and she will leave him broken hearted."

"I think you underestimate them both, come here."

Elizabeth followed her aunt to the window knowing that she was right. Alex did deserve happiness, and Dawn in the short time she'd met him already seemed devoted to him. But she was young, and who knew what might take her fancy in a weeks time? Tara had already broken Alex's heart, Elizabeth didn't want it happening again.

"He's a good man, Elizabeth, honest, steadfast and loyal. And perhaps Dawn is a little infatuated, he is after all very handsome. Look at them, do you not think they would be happy together?"

Elizabeth looked out to the source of all the shrieking that had punctuated the conversation she'd been having with her aunt. Dawn was on the swing and Alex was pushing her very enthusiastically. Every time the swing jolted Dawn gave a scream and Alex laughed long and loud.

"I should like to see you and William laugh like that, my dear."

"Perhaps we will one day. They do look happy, I suppose," Elizabeth conceded.

"And so will you be, I just know it. Come now, help me to write some invitations for the luncheon, and then you can help me sort out the menu for the ball. So much to do."

Elizabeth took one last look at Alex and Dawn before following her aunt. That was something she would never be able to do with William, play outside in the sun. It wasn't William's fault and she'd long ago accepted that it would be like this, but it still made her feel a little sad. It somehow hadn't been so bad at the mansion but seeing him here, in the outside world with all it had to offer made her realise just what he'd be missing.

But you had to take from life what you could get, and it was no use crying over things you couldn't have. Better to spend precious time counting the blessings, she thought, catching up with her aunt. A man who adored her, a child and a future together. It was more than enough.

"We will remember to be happy, Aunt," she said linking arms with her. "And thank you for all you've done. We'd never had got this far without your help."

"Happy to give it, my dear. Will you be married in Bath? I would love to host the wedding for you."

"William told me he'd ordered a special licence, but he hasn't spoken of where he wants the ceremony to be. I can't imagine he'll want a huge crowd watching him."

"Wherever it is, I want to be there my dear. Don't go running off in secret like I did."

"Of course we won't. You will be guest of honour. We just need to get there," Elizabeth replied, turning serious again.

"You will my dear. The end is in sight, now what shall we serve to these ladies? We need to impress but not overwhelm, this needs to be done just right."

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"Thought I'd find you 'ere." Alex peered round the entrance to the gazebo, then stepped inside. " How's it going then?"

William put down his book and nodded at the gun Alex was carrying.

"Alright, I suppose. You've been out shooting again?"

"Yes, you should see Lady C's gun collection. Best of everything."

He slipped the ammunition bag from his shoulder and put down the gun down as he sat himself opposite William. "What's up? You look glum."

"Nothing, everything, you know how it is?"

Alex narrowed his eyes. William hadn't looked very happy since they'd arrived. He felt a sudden pang of guilt at the fact that he'd been enjoying himself so much when perhaps he should have been paying more attention to their immediate problem. But there didn't seem to be anything useful that any of them could do right now.

"You 'eard from Mr. Giles?"

"The girl's family won't help, but Buffy's going to try and talk to her. Lady Carlington's invited them here tomorrow and Buffy's going to see if she can persuade the girl to make a statement for us." He leaned his head against the window frame as he spoke, looking out at the sunny garden. "I wish I could go outside. I've never felt it this bad before."

Alex just shrugged his shoulders. There wasn't anything he could do about that, and offering sympathy wouldn't do any good either. He picked up the gun and bag, and stood up, taking a last look at William who was still determinedly staring out of the window. They'd never had much to say to each other, particularly when it came to personal things. "Couple of moody buggers," Ethan had called them. He could tell when things weren't right though, and where he was a master at hiding things, William never had been able to mask his feelings.

"You said it yourself. If anyone can persuade 'er, Buffy can."

"She's going to have a baby."

"Who, the girl?"

"No, Buffy."

"Oh." Alex sat down again and there was another long silence. William still wasn't looking at him, but he seemed to want to talk, so Alex stayed where he was.

"Is that good or bad?"

"I don't know, Alex. I want it, but it's so bloody dangerous."

"Don't know much about it."

"Women die in childbirth all the time."

"Oh." He didn't know anything about it. Hadn't had the benefit of William's book-learning to find out about these things, so he really had no idea what to say.

"Bloody hell, a baby, eh? But she's 'ealthy enough, sure she'll be alright."

William just nodded, rubbed his eyes and sighed. "It's a complication we didn't need, Alex. If something doesn't happen soon, I'm taking her away."

"I'm with you there. Look, let's just go see this Caleb. Take this with us." He held up the gun. "This'll persuade 'im."

"I wish we could, but the more I learn about the outside world, the more I know that's not an option. Shh, here comes Dawn."

Alex looked around as Dawn appeared in the entrance. "Buffy's coming so I thought I'd better be here so you're not alone together. Oh hello, Alex."

"Dawn."

She gave him a coy smile and sat herself down next to him. "I like your new clothes."

The compliment caused him to blush as he usually did when anyone paid him any attention. He hadn't quite managed to control the stammer that overtook him when he was in the company of pretty young ladies, but at least he was getting to the stage where he could have something approaching a normal conversation with this one. It didn't help that he had nothing interesting to talk about, apart from guns, though. He knew Dawn didn't find them very interesting, even though she pretended to.

"You too, William. I'm having a new gown for the ball. Will you be my escort, Alex? Do say you will."

"Can't dance, or nothing." A sudden panic raced through him at that thought. Dancing was possibly the most alien concept he could bring to mind, the last thing he ever thought he'd find himself doing. "I'll go as long as I don't 'ave to dance."

"I'll teach you, it's not that hard. Well, actually it is, but I'll teach you some simple steps. Can you dance, William?"

"No, I can't. Did you say Buffy was coming?"

"She said she was bringing lemonade. Are you two alright?"

They both nodded at the same time, but she didn't look convinced.

"Why do conversations always stop when I arrive? You are still taking me with you when you go, aren't you? You're not going to leave me here, are you? Alex?"

She appeared so young and innocent when she looked at him like that, and he wasn't quite sure what it was, but it seemed to touch something deep inside him. He'd felt it a little with Buffy, but Buffy had never looked at him the way Dawn did. She wasn't a helpless female by any means, none of the Summers women were, but Dawn was such an appealing mixture of woman and child, one minute dazzling him with her wit and knowledge and the next turning her heart melting, brown eyed gaze on him and making him want to fight the whole world for her.

He wasn't so naïve that he didn't know that part of the reason she seemed so attracted to him was simply because he was there. It was the same for him. She was pretty and charming, and it would have been difficult not to have been attracted to her.

And it left him so thoroughly confused that he didn't know what to do. Perhaps, as Buffy had initially done with William, she just saw him as a way out of her present life and that's what all this flattery was about?

He gave her a small, lopsided grin in response, but William got in first.

"Of course you must come with us, Dawn. Will that cause a big problem with your father?"

"I'm sure he'll make a huge fuss, but I don't care. Are we going to sneak away during the night? I could knot some bed-sheets together. I read about it once, in a story."

"I don't think that will be necessary. When we leave it will be with our heads held high. I'm not sneaking away with my tail between my legs."

She looked disappointed as William spoke, the little girl coming to the fore once more and Alex couldn't help smiling at her.

"We must make a dramatic statement then. White horses. We'll have them waiting at the door and we can all gallop away into the night."

She turned her excited face from one to the other as she elaborated on her plan, then looked rather crestfallen as the two men both started laughing at her.

Alex immediately felt contrite. "Don't look sad, we didn't mean to laugh, did we William?"

"We didn't Dawn. I can't ride a horse, and neither can Alex. So you see we wouldn't get far that way, would we?"

"I suppose not. But we do need a plan? You do agree with that?"

"I suppose so."

"And Amelia and Constance will be at the ball. I so wanted to do something to make them jealous. The Angelus coach then. It is the stuff of legends, is it not?"

William held up his hands. "I don't think so, Dawn. I want to distance myself as much as possible from those old stories. It's time they were put to rest."

All three of them lapsed into silence then. William leaned back against the window frame looking out for Buffy and Alex sneaked another look at Dawn, who was deep in thought, her legs swinging back and forth beneath her long skirts.

He wondered what was going on in that mind of hers. Sometimes her thoughts moved so fast, and so randomly, that he had difficulty keeping up with her. Perhaps it was no coincidence that all the women he'd met to date were the type who liked to be in charge of things. He'd already accepted that he would probably spend the rest of his life sitting quietly in the background, and even when he'd been alone with Dawn she'd always done the talking. Which suited him fine. In fact it had been perfect. They'd spent many an hour with her prattling on about everything and anything and to his relief she never really pressured him to talk, or actually join in the conversation.

He couldn't remember half of what she talked about, but he always tried to look as if he was listening. Or he simply just looked at her and let the words flow over him while he enjoyed himself in contemplating the way her nose tilted just at the very tip, or the way she had of flicking her hair over her shoulder to add emphasis to what she was saying. Just some of her endearing little traits that he found quite fascinating.

It was like a puzzle, he decided. And every time he thought about it another piece fell in place. But what if he was wrong about all this? William had been devastated when Buffy had left, and he didn't want that happening to himself.

She made him jump when she suddenly snapped out of her contemplation, and called his name.

"I have it, Alex. We must wait until Amelia and Constance are watching, then you must sweep me off my feet and carry me out in front of everyone. They will be green with envy. What do you think?"

William put his hand over his mouth, and Alex could see that he was trying to stop himself laughing. Dawn could see it too.

She didn't play fair though. Her gaze dropped for a moment and when she looked up again it was to treat them both to the full force of the 'damsel in distress look' that the Summers women did so well.

"I've just said something silly again, haven't I?"

"I'm sorry, Dawn. I wasn't laughing at you," William said by way of apology. It's just the thought of Alex making such a gesture. Well, you have to admit, it's amusing."

They both turned and looked at him expectantly and he found himself bristling a little at William's words. It had been all right for him to carry Buffy about that night they'd rescued her, and poor Dawn was starting to look very embarrassed about what she'd just said.

He wanted to tell her that he'd do it. Sweep her up and carry her out in front of everyone. Like some handsome prince rescuing the beautiful princess in the games they'd played as children. Only William had never let him play the hero, and there was his problem. He just didn't see himself as the heroic type, and no-one else ever had, either, so therefore he wasn't.

"It would be a very grand gesture," she said, folding her hands in her lap as she sat demurely beside him, every so often flicking him a small glance as he desperately thought of a way out of this predicament. If he said no, she'd be disappointed, but she was going to be anyway, because there was no way he would ever do such a thing.

And there was William still smirking at him, eyebrows raised as if challenging him to say yes.

"Umm…Dawn, I don't…I mean maybe…" Dammit, if only she'd stop looking at him like that, he might have a chance. He'd stood up to Ethan, yet this slip of a girl could reduce him to a nervous wreck with just a look. How did women do that?

"Oh, thank you Alex." She was bouncing up and down in her seat now, clapping her hands together and before he knew it, she'd slid alongside him and taken hold of his arm.

"It's going to be so much fun."

He opened his mouth to try to explain to her that it probably would cause a monumental scandal if they did such a thing, but as usual the words wouldn't come, and she wasn't listening anyway. Her mind had already run on and she was now gleefully describing just exactly what shade of green Amelia and Constance were going to turn when she swept by them in his arms.

He closed his eyes as she babbled on. William had had trouble keeping up with Buffy and he was a lot brighter and more learned that Alex had ever considered himself to be. And Dawn was, if anything, more outgoing than Buffy was, so what chance did he stand?

Then he opened his eyes and found her gazing at him with a look of such adoration and hero worship that it quite took him aback. How as he supposed to resist this? He had no experience of the world and precious little of women, and he remembered full well the caution he'd told himself he needed to exercise after his dalliance with the twins. But it was always going to be a risk, he realised. Love was a complicated matter, but if you didn't take those risks then you would never know what rewards it might bring.

He lifted his hand and tentatively patted hers as it rested on his arm. For all her bravado and chatter she still had a charming air of vulnerability about her, probably because of her youth, but also because she wasn't half as confident as she made out.
It was obvious that she expected something from him though. Perhaps he should take that risk?

Her head was on his shoulder now and he held himself very still, not knowing what to do next. William stood up as Buffy approached and Dawn wriggled herself comfortable, sighing contentedly. And that was how Buffy found them as she stepped into the gazebo with her lemonade.

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Dawn stayed where she was, resting her head against Alex's arm. She'd felt him stiffen as she'd taken hold of him and knew that she was being very forward in doing so, but he was just so shy that she knew he'd never have initiated such a gesture himself. He'd walked out with her, pushed her on the swing and listened patiently as she'd told him all about herself. She'd even managed to get a few answers out of him when she'd asked him about life at the mansion. But in the past week it hadn't gone anywhere beyond that. All he seemed to see so far was a friend, and she didn't want to be just that.

She thought about him all the time, lay in bed at night and dreamed about him. Her stomach was full of butterflies when he looked at her, so there must be something to all this. She knew she'd been expecting to like him, Willow hadn't been wrong when she'd teased her about that, and it had been agony waiting to see if he was actually going to be as nice as she'd pictured him to be. She snuggled a little closer, feeling him jump as she did so, and she smiled to herself. He just needed a helping hand, that was all. Not that she was very experienced in these things, but he seemed to know nothing at all about courting a woman.

Buffy had given them both a mildly scandalised look as she'd entered the gazebo, and she'd realised that it had probably made Alex feel uncomfortable. He was close to Buffy and wouldn't want to upset her, but she couldn't have him and William, it just wasn't fair.

She watched as William took Buffy's hand and sat her down beside him, slipping his arm around her back and pulling her close. It was all very spontaneous and they did seem to love each other very much. It was the small gestures that told her how comfortable they were with each other. The way he placed small kisses on the top of her head, her fingers making patterns on his thigh as she rested against him. The way they seemed to be in a world of their own now that they were together. And suddenly she felt like an intruder.

She stood up and slipped her hand into Alex's, pulling him out of his seat and gesturing to the entrance with a tilt of her head. He didn't catch on straight away, but luckily his initial confusion turned to understanding as she motioned towards the lovebirds at the other side of the gazebo. He nodded, looking back at the gun but she shook her head so he left it where it was and followed her out into the sunshine. There they stood together, still holding hands, neither of them speaking.

She'd already decided to leave the next move up to him, but after a good few minutes of standing in silence she was, as usual, the first one to speak.

"They look very happy together, don't they?"

"They do."

"So that must mean that they are happy?"

"Reckon so. I should fetch the gun."

"William will take it back. Are you happy, Alex?"

He frowned, which was not the response she'd been expecting.

"What kind of question is that?"

"A perfectly simple one. Are you happy?"

"S'pose so. Are you?"

"I am, Alex, I'm very happy. Do you know why?"

"No." He favoured her with one of his puzzled looks, as if he had no idea what she was talking about, so she dropped his hand and turned to him.

"Do I have to spell this out to you?"

"You want me to spell something? 'cos I told you, I can't read."

"Goodness, Alex. You can't be this dim, you just can't."

She turned her back on him to hide the frustration that probably showed all too plainly on her face. How could he be this blind to what was happening between them? When she turned back to him he'd stuffed his hands in his pockets and had a rather wary look on his face, the way he might look at someone who'd gone a little mad.

Well, she thought, making up her mind. It was now or never. She'd never been very patient and Alex struck her as the type that might quite happily sit and wait a whole lifetime for something if he had to. Drastic action was needed or this would-be relationship was going nowhere.

"Listen carefully, Alex," she said, turning round slowly as she spoke, trying to look determined but not too overbearing. "I'm going to run away now, and hide somewhere in the grounds." Then she batted her eyelashes a few times, because she'd read that men liked women to do that, and put her hands behind her back, letting her hips swing just a little. "If you want me, Alex, you're going to have to come and find me."

And with those words she lifted her skirts and took off across the lawn, leaving him standing there, hands still in his pockets, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. She didn't look around until she'd got the small copse of trees on the far side, and when she did sneak a look at him he still hadn't moved a muscle.

So all she could do was keep running, because whatever happened next, was definitely up to him.

Chapter 31

"What were Dawn and Alex doing?"

William lifted his head, pausing for a moment from the very enjoyable task of kissing Elizabeth's neck.

"Tactfully leaving us alone, I think. Now where was I, think I missed a bit just here."

He pushed back her hair and leaned over to continue, but Elizabeth wasn't about to keep still, so he sat up again.

"But she was all over him, and he looked very uncomfortable. I think I shall have a word with her, because her behaviour is most unbecoming for a young lady. Do you not think so?"

William sighed and leaned back against the wall of the gazebo, taking her with him. He'd been trying to get her to relax since she'd appeared, but to no avail. And he was getting no response to his kisses, so he contented himself just holding her instead.

"She's safe with Alex, if that's what you're worried about. Poor thing, I think he was hoping for some success in that quarter when we went to Plymouth, but nothing happened."

"Whatever do you mean, William? Surely he wasn't going to…?

William giggled, nodding his head. "I think he was, but all he did was sit and get drunk and blush like a girl every time a woman looked at him."

"Then I'm glad Aunt Joan took you to a reputable establishment, with no such women. I don't want that for Alex."

"Oh they were there, that wasn't the problem. Alex was."

"You mean there were," she whispered the next word in a scandalised tone, "prostitutes, at the inn?"

"It was hard to avoid them."

"Was it, now?" She seemed to cheer up a little as she turned to him, smiling wickedly. "And how would you know about that?"

He felt himself going red then, and remembered that he had a confession to make. But how on earth was he going to make it sound right after the conversation they'd just had?

"Ahh, I, well it was like this…"

She lifted her hand and covered his mouth before he could finish. "William, I'm teasing you, you do not think I'd suspect you of anything? You know I trust you, don't you? But what do we do about Dawn and Alex?"

To his relief the moment for confessions seemed to have passed. He would tell her eventually about the girl he'd kissed at the inn, but not yet. Life was complicated enough just now.

"Why don't we just let them be? They look happy enough together. Do you not think they would be?"

"That's just what Aunt Joan said." Elizabeth replied, standing up and pouring them both a glass of lemonade." I worry about him, that's all. Dawn was so convinced that he was going to be some kind of knight in shining armour. I think love should be spontaneous, not forced. She seems so determined to like him, but just because fate has thrown them together it doesn't follow that they must fall in love."

He took the glass from her, set it on the window ledge and pulled her down again, settling her on his lap. "Do you remember that night I carried you into the coach?"

"How could I ever forget?" she said, sliding her arms around his neck and leaning her head on his chest. "I sat like this and pretended to be in a faint so that you would take me with you."

"And I was terrified that you were going to wake up and jump out of the coach when you realised what I looked like. So you were just pretending?"

She nodded against his chest. "Mostly, I was quite determined that you would take me, I was so terrified by what I thought I'd done. And then when I saw the coach I really believed it was your father coming to take me to hell."

"And I was quite determined that you should come with me. Fate threw us together that night, but it was up to us to make something happen from it. Dawn is just doing what we did, really. They seem to like each other and that's a good start. And believe me, Buffy, Alex is so clueless that she's going to have to dance naked in front of him to get him to notice her. He can be very hard work."

"Dance naked? Oh, William, she wouldn't?"

He back-pedalled hastily but was unable to suppress the grin that the image conjured. "Bad example, I've been reading too many of my father's books, but you know what I mean, don't you? The poor girl will have to make all the effort in that relationship, and perhaps, develop a morbid fascination for guns. He doesn't have any other conversation but that."

Elizabeth looked over at the gun that Alex had left on the bench. "It's not like him to leave them lying about, he's usually so careful about that sort of thing. Do you think he likes her?"

"As much as I can tell, he's not one for letting his feeling show. And love makes us do foolish things, Buffy, and sometimes very wise ones." He kissed her cheek as he said that. "And you're forgetting that Dawn is a Summers. You Summers women don't seem to have a reputation for holding back when you want something."

He watched her thinking about what he'd said, loving the way she crinkled up her nose as she concentrated. Then he traced the line of it with his finger causing her to tilt her head and look at him from under her lashes. A look that made him want to sweep her up and carry her straight to bed. Life at the mansion may have had its disadvantages but they were more than made up for by the freedom they'd had there. Here, in the world there were so many rules and conventions to live by. It was almost as if people went out of their way to restrict their lives as much as they possibly could. And of course their present circumstances made it all even worse.

"It would be nice to keep the family together, I suppose. But I hope he realises how young she is. She's too young to marry him yet."

"You know more about these things than I do, and I think it's rather premature talking of marriage and those two as yet. Buffy, is there somewhere we can sneak off to? I want to make love to you right now, enough talk of Dawn and Alex."

To back up his words he let his hand start a slow sweep from her shoulder, trailing his fingers down the front of her gown, but before he got to her breasts she stopped him yet again.

"They might come back," she said, putting his hand firmly back onto his lap. "Or the gardener might come in. We have to be careful, you know that."

He looked at her, shaking his head and thinking that he was going to die of frustration before this affair was over. "Elizabeth Summers, you need to marry me as soon as is humanely possible, I'm in agony here." And with that he took her hand and showed her just how much of a problem he had, just then. She let it linger for a moment, lightly caressing him, which made him realise what a mistake that had been, because now he felt even worse than before. Then she slid from his lap and made a big show of tidying up the lemonade and glasses.

"Shall I leave them some? I think I shall, do drink up William it's delicious."

She almost dropped the glass she was holding as he jumped out of his seat, grabbed her from behind and spun her around. Then he kissed her until she was clinging to him and kissing him back with such abandon, that he had difficulty keeping up.

"I want to paint you naked," he whispered to her, when they finally broke apart. "Lying on silk sheets, would you like that?"

"Such scandalous talk," she replied, eyes wide and trying to affect an innocent look, but it wasn't working. She always looked ravishing when she'd just been kissed and being with child, despite her sickness, seemed to have given her an extra glow which he found quite irresistible.

"I like it when you flirt with me. I've never seen a pregnant woman before, where will the baby grow, exactly?" As he spoke he smoothed his hands over her stomach wondering how on earth a baby would fit there and, even more so, how it would come out.

"Just there, I think. And I was not flirting with you."

"Yes you were, madam." He leaned his chin on the top of her head as he pulled her back into his arms, content to just hold her once more. Talking about the baby had dampened his ardour a little, reminding him that she was in a very delicate condition and would become more so as the baby grew. And it was up to him to look after her.

"I want to be there when it's born. Will it be very painful?"

"I heard a woman giving birth once, and yes it did sound painful. I'd like you to be there."

She was putting on a very brave face, but he could hear the slight edge of panic in her voice. As he reassured her that everything was going to be alright he realised that they didn't just need to get married for themselves, they needed to do it for the baby's sake as well, and before the baby began to show.

"I hope everything goes well tomorrow. Do you think this girl will help us?"

"I've no idea, we can only pray that she will. And I forgot to tell you that Tara is coming to the lunch. She's finally been persuaded that the mansion won't fall down if she's absent for a couple of days."

"There are some valuable pieces there and she's always been protective of the place. We must go back before we leave, and choose some things to take to the house in Rossendale. Some paintings perhaps, and some of the better furniture. I've no idea what will be waiting for us when we go north."

"This is nice, isn't it, William? Planning things together. Mundane things like furniture and such. It has always been so serious and intense between us. Aunt Joan says we should laugh more." She fiddled with his coat as she spoke, smoothing back the lapels of his jacket. "I like your new clothes, they suit you." She stepped back then, letting her hands slide down his arms until she'd taken both of his hands in hers.

"Look at you, you're in the modern world at last. What a long way you've come, in so short a time."

"I fear I still have a long way to go Buffy, but with you beside me who knows how far we'll travel?" He looked at her hands as he spoke wondering if she'd want her ring back. He'd found it in Ethan's pocket but he'd left it at the mansion. "We may not be able to see the end of the path right now, but when I'm with you, like this, I feel as if I could do anything and go anywhere. Just as long as you're with me."

"Then I shall never leave you again, William. I'll always be with you."

He closed his eyes as he held her because her words had suddenly made him choke up with tears and he didn't want her to see them. She made him so happy that he sometimes had difficulty accepting it. He kept thinking that he should have done something to deserve this but he couldn't, for the life of him, think what it was.

All he knew was that they had both worked very hard to get to this stage, and he could only mutter a prayer of thanks and hold on to it as tightly as he could. She was real, and she was there with him, and just then that was all that mattered.

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Shell Cove House was a large Regency - style building originally built by the family of Aunt Joan's third husband. It wasn't the largest of her residences, but it was her favourite. She'd added a large conservatory at the back so that they could sit and admire the rolling lawns that swept down to a line of trees that marked the edge of the cliff. After that it was a sheer drop down to the beach below which was reached only by a narrow cliff path that zig- zagged its way down to the shore. The small cove was very picturesque with several strangely shaped rocks that all seemed to have names and stories associated with them. One was shaped like a horse and another was said to be the petrified body of a highwayman who had foolishly tried to evade the law by jumping from the cliff. Every large house seemed to have stories and legends associated with them and Shell Cove House was no exception.

They'd all been down to the cove, even William had been there after the sun had set. All except for Alex, that was, who'd always declined the invitations to accompany them. He'd managed to make what he hoped were believable excuses but the real reason was that he was, and always had been, quite terrified of heights. He'd never used the cliff path at the mansion, always preferring to go through the meadow path, which didn't involve negotiating any steep drops. And he'd never had to explain it to anyone because no-one had ever noticed.

At the mansion he'd done as he pleased, and as long as he'd completed his chores his time had been his own, to spend as he liked. No one ever asked his opinion, or cared about what he wanted. His appearance was of no interest to anyone, and as long as he'd avoided Ethan as much as possible, life had been relatively carefree.

Since he'd left the mansion it had been one thing after another, coming at him so fast that it made him quite dizzy. He'd always dreamed about the outside world and was enjoying himself here at Shell Cove House, but a few days with just his gun for company, was starting to sound quite appealing. He would always need time alone, he realised.

When he'd seen Dawn take off across the lawn he knew where she was going. She'd probably be half way down the cliff by now, and although he knew she'd be waiting for him, there was no way he could follow her. Just watching anyone on the path made his stomach churn, but he did need to talk to her. For the first time in his life he felt the need to explain himself. He wasn't anything like the person Dawn seemed to think he was and she needed to know this.

He stood as near to the cliff edge as he dared and peered cautiously over. The world spun round a little as he did so and he had to grab hold of a tree trunk to steady himself, but he'd seen that she wasn't on the path. He was just steeling himself to have another look when he heard his name.

"I'm up here, Alex."

He looked all around but he still couldn't see her. She called him again and then he spotted her sitting on the branch of a large tree that grew very close to the edge. She seemed totally unconcerned that the branch she was perched on projected right out over the cliff, and there was nothing beneath her but a very steep drop to the beach below.

"Climb up, Alex. The view is wonderful."

She beckoned to him, swaying as she dipped down to speak to him, her skirts lifting in the light breeze, and his stomach lurched as she grabbed hold of the branch above to steady herself.

"Come on. I'm sorry I ran off, do you forgive me?"

"Of course I do, Dawn. I think you should come down, it doesn't look safe."

She gave a giggle. Leaning over to look at the beach below. "I've been climbing this tree since I was a little girl, and I haven't fallen off yet."

"There's always a first time." His heart was starting to race uncomfortably as he watched her and he didn't dare take his eyes off her. "Come down and I'll talk to you. That's what you want, isn't it?"

"No, you must come up here. I said you had to find me."

"And I have. Come down, for God's sake, you're making me nervous."

"Are you scared, Alex?"

"No." He stuck his hand in his pockets and tried to look nonchalant, but it was difficult with her dangling only inches away from death.

"Scaredy-cat."

She folded her arms and when he saw that she wasn't holding on to anything he shouted at her much louder than he'd intended to.

"Come down, right now."

She stuck out her lip and swung her legs. "I've already told you, If you want me, you'll have to come and get me," she replied in a sing- song voice. "I'm not coming down until you do."

He took his hands out of his pocket and shaded his eyes against the glare of the sun. They were all mad, these Summers women and there was no way he could leave her up there by herself. She seemed to have no idea how precarious her situation was. Taking a deep breath, he took hold of the lowest branch and swung himself up.

That bit was relatively easy. It wasn't something he'd done very often but he had climbed a tree before. Just never one hanging over the edge of a cliff. He moved up to the next branch as she nodded encouragingly at him, and he inched his way across to where she was. Then he made the mistake of looking down.

As he did so the beach seemed to make a violent lurch towards him, his stomach turned over and then everything froze. His arms and legs suddenly stopped working and he was left clinging, in a very un-manly fashion to the branch above, unable to go neither backwards, nor forwards.

She patted the branch beside her and shuffled along, making a space for him, but all he could do was stare at her.

"Come on Alex, you've got to let go if you want to sit with me."

"I don't." He said holding on even tighter. The world kept making very sudden movements around him, and his head was starting to spin most disconcertingly. "Want to, that is. I'm fine, just here."

"What's wrong?" She peered at him, a slight frown on her face. "You've gone a funny colour."

"I 'ave?"

"Yes. Hold on, I'm coming over."

She shuffled herself along towards him, and then he felt her arm around his waist.

"I've got you, Alex, you can let go now."

"If I let go we'll both fall. Bloody 'ell, I can't move." He'd never felt so foolish, and this coming from him was saying something. "I don't like 'igh places."

"Then why did you climb up here, silly?" She was smiling at his predicament, but not in an unkind way.

"Because you asked me to. Can we go down now?"

"You climbed up here for me? Even though you're obviously quite scared to death of heights?"

"Always been a stupid bugger." He found himself relaxing a little as she held him, glad that she wasn't making more of this. Ethan would have made great capitol of it, and the old Tara would have probably given him one of her disappointed looks before grudgingly helping him down. They'd only ever seemed to have noticed him when he was doing something daft. No-one had ever noticed the things he was good at. And he was glad William or Lady Carlington weren't here to see this, it wasn't very manly.

"No, Alex, it's not stupid at all. I think you're very brave."

He had to laugh at that. "I'm not the man you think I am, Dawn. Only thing I'm good at is shooting." He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them she was still looking closely at him but her expression had softened. There was a sympathy there, a look that he'd rarely seen directed at him and for a moment he found himself becoming even more flustered. It felt as if she was looking right through him at that moment, and the panic that he was starting to feel no longer had anything to do with being scared of heights.

"I can't even read."

For some strange reason her sympathy was hard to bear. When you'd never been shown affection it was hard to suddenly start accepting it. He hadn't known how to react when his mother had reached out to him and now Dawn was doing the same, bringing out feelings that he didn't know what to do with.

She'd spent the last week running after him in her typically hysterical fashion. Making him laugh, teasing him, trying to impress him and it had been flattering and amusing to see her. She'd very obviously had great expectations about what he was going to be like, as he'd had of her. And it had all been starting to run a little out of control. But this calm, more grown up Dawn was a side of her he hadn't seen yet.

"Would you like to learn?"

"Suddenly everyone wants to teach me to read."

"Only because we care about you."

She was still holding him, making him forget that they were perched on the edge of a very high cliff so he lowered his hand from the branch he'd been holding on to and to his surprise, nothing happened. He didn't fall and he didn't feel as if he was going to any more.

"Aint nobody cared about me before."

"Buffy said you've had a very sad life."

He had to close his eyes again then, because now tears were threatening and he'd thought he couldn't make a bigger fool of himself than he'd already done.

"Don't you go feeling sorry for me. Don't think I could stand it." He just about got the words out, but she'd noticed the break in his voice. She very wisely didn't press him any further. Just sat beside him offering quiet understanding. And that he could cope with.

"Dawn," he began, after a few moments of silence. "I'm not the romantic hero you thought I'd be, am I?"

"No."

"Oh." He hadn't expected her to say that, but he wasn't surprised that she had.

"Sorry if I'm a disappointment."

"I didn't say that." Her fingers were playing lightly over the palm of his hand as she spoke and he kept his gaze firmly on them as he waited for her to finish.

"You're different to how I expected, but that doesn't mean I don't like you."

"But what if you only think you like me because you thought you would?"

She nodded. "I was quite prepared not to like you, you know. Am I pretty?"

She shook back her hair and turned her full gaze on him but he didn't have to look at her to answer that.

"Course you are."

"No, you must look at me Alex. Don't say anything, just answer the question in your mind."

So he looked at her and she kept very still as he took in her large brown eyes and hair of the same colour, the breeze gently lifting it about her face. Her teeth gnawing at her bottom lip as she waited, a little anxiously, for him to complete his scrutiny. She had beautiful skin, but there was nothing of the porcelain doll about her. Her strength and determination shone through it all and that, he realised was her most attractive feature. She may be flighty and impulsive but she attacked life with such passion. What on earth could he have to offer her?

He was glad she hadn't asked him to say it out loud, but he had to ask her the same question.

"What do you see when you look at me, then?"

"Someone who's handsome, and kind, and thoughtful. Someone who listens patiently to my silly prattling. Someone who doesn't treat me like a little girl."

"Sounds boring."

"It sounds perfect."

"I just can't go that fast, Dawn. And you're only seventeen, you'll 'ave loads of men after you when you're a bit older."

"I won't always be just seventeen. And I may run too fast sometimes, but you can slow me down. You can be my anchor and I will stop you falling out of trees."

"You don't give up, do you?" His fingers closed over hers and she rewarded him with a dazzling smile. One that warmed him and allowed a small spark of hope to build deep inside him. Trusting some one was hard and risky, he'd already decided that. But what did he do? He could sit in this tree for the rest of his life and be too scared to move, or he could let her help him down and just take what was being offered. She might disappear with the next man who took her fancy, or she might be the best thing that ever happened to him. He'd never know unless he took the risk of finding out.

He sat quietly next to her as she leaned against him and there didn't seem to be any thing else he needed to say so he just listened to the rustling of the leaves, and the crashing of the waves onto the beach below.

And then out of the blue he suddenly heard Ethan's voice in his head. That slightly mocking tone that always coloured everything he'd ever said to him, and he remembered that his father was lying cold and lifeless in an unmarked grave because he'd killed him. He hadn't thought about it all week because he'd had no reason to. And the feeling of contentment that had been slowly washing over him now vanished in the blink of an eye.

He'd been right in thinking this was all too good to be true. Dawn needed to know what he'd done, because only then could she truly know whether she wanted to be with him or not. Buffy had understood, but Dawn was younger and seemed much more idealistic. And she needed to know sooner rather than later, it just didn't seem fair to lead her on and make her believe he was someone he wasn't. But how could he say it so she'd understand? Just how did you tell someone you were a murderer?

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Tara arrived early the next morning. Elizabeth was already up having spent a bad night, being terribly sick. William had sat with her but she'd sent him back to bed eventually in case anyone else in the household heard her, and came to see what was wrong. Only the servants were up and about so Elizabeth ordered some tea, and she and Tara took breakfast together in the conservatory.

"Oh Tara, it's so good to see you. How are you?"

They'd hugged and exchanged formalities but with the servants hovering about them there hadn't been a chance for more intimate conversation.

"I'm well, my dear," she said settling herself into one of the wicker chairs. " The two ladies that Lady Carlington sent were very good company and Agnes' husband has joined her to look after the mansion while I'm away. I didn't want to come until I knew I could trust them, but I have missed you all. How are the boys?"

"They survived their visit to the inn, and they've seen Mr Giles the lawyer. I'll tell you all about it. You won't recognise them in their new clothes."

"I can't wait to see them. And you, Buffy? You were sorely missed, you know."

"I'm well Tara. Would you like tea?"

"Thank you, but let me do it. Are you sure you're well? You do look a little pale."

"I was wondering when you were going to notice that." Elizabeth sighed thinking that this baby was turning out to be the worse kept secret in history. "Have you guessed why?"

Tara stopped what she was doing and looked at her for a moment. "Oh Buffy, you're not?"

"I am, Tara. We're going to have need of your nursing skills for I have no idea what to do."

Tara seemed to have a remarkable ability to take startling news in her stride, and this was no exception. She handed Elizabeth a cup and sat back down again.

"That's wonderful news. When are you to be married?"

"As soon as this business with Caleb is sorted. Have you forgiven Alex for what he did?"

"I've tried, Buffy, but I'm not sure he wants it. Oh, he's been polite enough, but I'll never get those wasted years back. What did William say about the baby?"

"He's pleased, I think, but also a little worried. What's it like, Tara. Having a baby?"

"Drink your tea, my dear and I'll tell you that nearer the time. You've enough to worry about just now. Lady Carlington has a lovely home."

"It's hard to be impressed, after the mansion, isn't it? But it is nice here. I wonder what the house in Rossendale will be like?"

Tara sighed. "I shall miss Devon. I've been here all my life."

"But you are coming with us?"

"Of course I am, especially now with the baby. Oh who is this?"

Elizabeth looked up as Dawn entered the conservatory.

"This is Tara, Dawn. Tara, this is my sister, Dawn."

Tara pulled herself out of her chair as Elizabeth made the introductions, giving Dawn a genial smile but Elizabeth noticed that Dawn wasn't half as forthcoming. She stared at Tara with something approaching disdain, only giving her a small nod of the head before throwing herself into a chair. Tara sat back down and they all sat in silence for a few moments. Then suddenly Dawn spoke.

"What baby?"

Tara glanced at Elizabeth then quickly gulped down her tea and stood again, muttering that she ought to go and see if the boys were up yet. She squeezed Elizabeth's hand briefly, then bustled out leaving the two sisters together.

Elizabeth watched horrified, as Dawn stuck her tongue out at Tara's retreating figure, so she quickly rose from the chair and closed the door.

"Dawn, why were you so rude to Tara?"

"Because she was horrible to Alex, you said so yourself. I'm not going to be nice to her, she doesn't deserve it."

"Dawn." Elizabeth composed herself, folding her hands in her lap and trying to look like a sensible, older sister about to give sage advice. "It's much more complicated than I made out. You have no idea what went on at the mansion."

"Then tell me. No one ever tells me anything. I'm seventeen, Buffy. You'd already gone to America by the time you were my age. I've only ever been to Bath and back. And who's having a baby? Why does everyone always think I'm too young to understand things?"

As she watched her sister leaning forward, eyes shining after her passionate speech, Elizabeth tried to remember what she herself had been like at that age, and how frustrating it was to feel like a woman, but be treated like a child. It was the year she'd let that boy kiss her, and although she remembered how revolting it was, she realised now that he'd been young and inexperienced too.

She had been going to give Dawn a lecture for her rudeness and then tackle her about Alex, but instead she took a moment to look at her properly. Aunt Joan was right, as she usually was. When she looked at Dawn all Elizabeth saw was the little girl who had followed her around begging to be allowed to join her games, and constantly asking to borrow her things. There was barely three years between them but Elizabeth had always thought of herself as so much older than Dawn that she would always see her as a little girl. Unless she looked harder.

As she stared back at her she tried to see what Alex might see when he looked at her and the realisation startled her. Just as it had that day in the garden at the mansion when she'd looked at him properly for the first time.

She tilted her head as Dawn waited expectantly. "I was going to give you a lecture."

Dawn huffed, folded her arms and flung herself back into the chair. "You're always giving me lectures."

"Let me finish Dawn. I was going to say that I was going to give you a lecture, but instead I shall give you some advice."

"This still sounds like a lecture. You're jealous because Alex likes me. You don't want him, but you don't want anyone else to, either. How is that fair?"

Elizabeth looked at her pointedly. "Are you going to let me get a word in?"

Dawn affected an air of nonchalance, raising her eyes heavenwards and inspecting her nails. "Go on then, but I don't want you telling me you don't approve of me and Alex. We like each other and that is enough for now. I've spoken with him and we've agreed to do this all properly. He's taking me out for a walk this morning and he's going to be my escort to the ball. We're not going to rush headlong into things like you did with William. He's not like that. So you see, I can be sensible when I want to be."

Elizabeth still had her mouth open, as she'd been ready to speak before Dawn had begun her speech. She blinked several times as she tried to take in the unlikely fact that her sister had just said something that actually made good sense. And she knew full well that the best way to push someone headlong into something was to tell them they couldn't do it.

"Do you really like each other?"

"We think so. But we need to find out, that's why we're going to do this slowly. He knows I'm young Buffy, and I know I've acted rather foolishly this week. But we've sorted it, we really have."

"This is scary, Dawn."

"No it's not Buffy. It's the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me."

Elizabeth smiled at her sister. "No, not that. The fact that you are talking sense. Does this mean you are becoming a young lady at last?"

Dawn blushed at the compliment, then she jumped up and gave her a hug. "I suppose it does. Thank you, Buffy, does this mean that you approve?"

Elizabeth hugged her back. "Just don't go breaking his heart. Ethan and Tara did a good enough job of that between them."

Dawn sank to the floor and sat back on her heels "Ethan? Who's he?"

"He was Alex's father. Has he told you anything about him?"

Dawn looked puzzled. "He's never mentioned him. Will he be coming here too?"

"He's dead, Dawn. And Tara has made it up with Alex. If you are going to have a relationship with him you really should cultivate one with his mother. She's coming to Rossendale with us."

"Oh dear, I didn't think of that. Do you think I should apologise for my rudeness?"

"I do, Dawn. And if there's anything you need to ask me about affairs of the heart then feel free to."

"Because, you're an expert?" Dawn arched an eyebrow rather cynically at this but Elizabeth only shook her head.

"You will never know how much. I seem to have experienced every emotion there is in the past few months. I've been to heaven and to hell without leaving this earth. So yes, it makes me something of an expert."

Dawn must have seen that she looked a little sad as she spoke because she got up and hugged her again. "But it's all going to come out right, isn't it? I can see that William adores you and would do anything for you, and, oh my god…"

She stood back and Elizabeth saw the realisation drop into place on Dawn's face.

"It's you, isn't it? You're going to have the baby."

"I am." Elizabeth smoothed out her skirt, suddenly feeling rather self conscious. "Now you can be scandalised."

"No, Buffy. It's wonderful. I'm going to be an aunty. That makes me feel really grown up and now I've got to hug you again. Is this why you've been so ill?"

"It is. William's already told Alex and Willow, Tara and Aunt Joan know. It isn't much of a secret any more is it? But don't tell anyone else, please."

Dawn sat herself back down and Elizabeth was amused to see that she sat rather more demurely than her usual sprawled out position. As if she really was making that effort to be grown up. "It's safe with me, but surely you must tell Caleb that you can't marry him now?"

"Don't press me on this, Dawn, but he must think everything is as normal. Surprise is our best tactic right now, trust me. He must not know we are planning anything."

"Then let's hope you are successful. The ball is only next week, I know Caleb will be there. Will you have what you need by then?"

"I hope so. Now, you must excuse me. I need to get ready to see a very important visitor.

---------------------------------------------------

"It's Anya, isn't it?"

Elizabeth already felt a little sorry for the girl who was sitting nervously on the garden bench because it suddenly felt as if they were using her. Hadn't she already said she didn't want to co-operate? It didn't seem right to pressurise her like this. But then again when she thought about the alternative Elizabeth knew she had to do it.

"I'm Elizabeth. Would you like to come for a walk around the grounds before lunch? Lady Carlington is showing the other ladies her roses."

The girl stood up. "She told me to wait for you. Do you really have a private beach here?"

"Would you like to see it?"

Anya nodded and they fell in step. Elizabeth found she quite liked her, and by the time they got to the gate that led to the cliff path they were chatting like old friends.

"The path is very steep."

Anya peered over the edge. "Good, I like a challenge. Shall we?"

By the time they reached the bottom they were both out of breath and laughing. Despite being sick in the morning Elizabeth found that by lunchtime her symptoms had lessened somewhat. She leaned over holding her side.

"I don't think we should have run quite so fast. Let's sit and catch our breath."

They sat down on the rocks that marked the edge of the bay and Elizabeth tossed a few pebbles in the water. Having found that she liked this Anya, she now felt even more guilty at what she was about to do.

"Anya, can I ask you something?"

Anya turned to her, smoothing her hair out of her eyes where it was being blown by the wind. "Of course you can. I wish we could be friends, Elizabeth. Do you live here with your aunt?"

"For now, but I'll be leaving soon. And I need your help."

"My help? I don't understand."

"I know about your involvement with Caleb."

Anya stared at her, wide-eyed for a moment. But she was surprisingly calm when she replied.

"Ahh, so that's what this is all about? Poor Mama, she was so flattered to have been asked to one of Lady Carlington's lunches." She stood up and shook the sand out of her skirt. "I wish I could help you, but I can't. I've nearly caused one scandal. My parents would never forgive me if it all started up again."

"But Caleb's reputation is still intact. What happened, Anya?"

Anya looked at her long and hard, then she sighed and sat down again. "I fell in love with him," she said picking up a shell and inspecting it closely. "Did you?"

"I though I had. But then I found out what kind of man he was. If he's played you false Anya then this is your chance for vengeance."

Anya gave a small laugh looking at her sideways. "I like that word. That and I wish. I wish for vengeance. I wish things could have been different. I wish he'd loved me back."

"You're not still in love with him, are you?"

"Perhaps a little. He has something about him that's so attractive. I was just so dazzled by it all. And you know how powerful he is, and that's why I can't help you."

"He's threatening me, Anya."

Elizabeth had to fight to control herself as she spoke. She needed to state her case plainly and without becoming hysterical. But it was hard when she was talking about the man she hated more than anything in the world.

"We've got to counter attack and you're our only hope. I promise this won't become public. We just need to scare him into backing off, and I promise you, he won't want a scandal either. I think he means to rise in the church and he want that more than he wants me. We only need to scare him a little."

Anya thought about it for a moment then she shook her head.

"I'm really sorry, Elizabeth, and I'd help you if I could. But my parents would never let me. They've made that plain enough. But I wish you well. Shall we go back?"

Elizabeth could only watch as Anya left her and strode purposefully back to the cliff path.

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"Lady Carlington, it's so good of you to invite us here. You have a lovely home."

"Glad you could come my dear, why don't you step into the drawing room, I'd like to show you something."

Lady Carlington ushered Anya's mother into the drawing room and closed the door, noticing the look of mild anxiety that crossed her face. She'd obviously been quite overwhelmed by her invitation and was clearly out of her depth socially.

"Sit down, the others will be fine without us."

Anya's mother did as she was told, hovering over the chair until Lady Carlington was seated. They sat and smiled at each other for a few moments then Lady Carlington spoke.

"I'm going to cut straight to the chase my dear. I brought you in here for a reason. Now don't panic, a friendship with me can be very advantageous. You would like to be my friend, wouldn't you?"

The woman could only nod and look confused. At one point she looked as if she was going to stand up but Lady Carlington motioned her back down.

"You've been approached about helping a young girl in a matter regarding a certain Reverend Caleb. Is that correct?"

The woman couldn't have looked more startled. She opened her mouth but no sound came out, so she just nodded instead.

"I also need to tell you that I know about the baby."

"You do?" The woman found her voice at last. "Oh Lady Carlington, please don't tell anyone."

"Calm down my dear. Your secret is quite safe. Anya had a child with Caleb and he pays someone to look after it, is that correct?"

"He does, Lady Carlington. But not out of love for the child, he doesn't acknowledge it as his own, but he does provide money for its upkeep. It would be such a scandal if this all came out. Poor Anya had to go away to have the child. He arranged it all of course. She's such a silly girl."

Lady Carlington took out a handkerchief and handed it to the woman. The news about the child had come through just this morning and it had been like the answer to a prayer. She spared a moment of pity that she had to inflict this on this poor unsuspecting woman, but then she refocused on the task in hand.

"We need Anya to state legally that Caleb is the father of this child, and that he is the member of several dubious societies. I am right in thinking that she was seen at several of these places with him?"

The woman mopped at her eyes and turned her face to Lady Carlington. "He said he would stop paying for the baby if we ever told anyone. This scandal is going to break us."

"There isn't going to be a scandal, so stop worrying." Lady Carlington moved to the sofa and sat down beside her. "I will foot the child's expenses, it's the least I can do, and with the threat of exposure hanging over him Caleb will not want a word of this to be breathed in public. I just need him to see that we are stronger than he is. I would be most grateful for your co-operation in this matter, and, as I said, you would find it most advantageous socially to be considered my friend. We could do this without you now that we have this information, but making it legal would add considerable weight to our argument. Will you help us?"

The woman sniffed loudly and made an attempt to pull herself together. "It seems that you leave us no choice," she said still looking rather stunned at Lady Carlington's words.

"But what has Caleb done to this girl, that you need to take such drastic action?"

Lady Carlington patted her hand and looked at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry if I scared you, my dear and I'm truly grateful for your help. But Caleb has made the mistake of threatening those I love. And nobody does that while I'm here to stop it."

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