Chapter 49 – Home

 

 

Take me somewhere we can be alone

Make me somewhere I can call a home

Cause lately I’ve been losing my own

            Zero 7

 

 

 

Dancing Queen was blaring in static rhythm over the cheap hotel radio.  Raven didn’t care.  She loved the song.  Her hips were moving along to the beat as she applied her makeup.  She glanced in the mirror, smiling because Connor was watching her with eyes filled with love.  And other things.  She giggled, double-checked her mascara, before hurrying back to the bed. 

 

“I missed you,” Connor said, pulling her close to his naked body.  “You were too far away.”  He kissed her forehead.  “Don’t leave again.”

 

“I won’t.”

 

Raven stretched out beside him.  She wished they could play all day, but knew they couldn’t.  They had to get back to the Hyperion to check on the aftermath of the night before.  They also had to get back to Sunnydale some time, and figure out where they were going to go now.  There was no way she wanted to keep living with her parents.  She just wasn’t sure Connor wanted the same thing.

 

“What are the plans?”  Connor asked, startling her.  It took her a couple of seconds to realize that he meant for the day, and not their future.  He hadn’t changed.  Like his father, he was a man of few words when it came to the future.  Raven sighed.  It would all work out.  He’d taken her to bed, so she knew that he was fully committed to her.  She just needed to be patient and trust him.

 

“I guess breakfast,” Raven answered, twisting so she could look at him.  “Then head over to the school, check in with everyone and my parents, and then back home.”

 

“Okay,” he said, still not taking the hint. 

 

Raven let it go.  It was one thing she’d learned in their relationship, and that was not to push Connor.  When he was ready, he’d either say or do something, and not a moment before. 

 

“Do you think everyone is all right after what happened?”  Connor asked.

 

“I don’t know,” Raven replied.  “They were pretty hyped up last night, and then everything exploded.  Damn, the First was right there in the hotel.  God only knows what other trouble he’s caused.  There are so many dead slayers for him to imitate, not to mention everyday people that we wouldn’t even suspect.”

 

“Yeah, he is everywhere.  I just hope everybody can hang on until we can discover what his plan is this time around, and once we know what they are we’ll be able to work together to defeat him.”

 

“You…solitary man?” Raven teased.  “Hope everyone can work together?”

 

“It seems what he wants,” Connor continued.  “To divide us, so it would seem logical that the way to defeat him would be to work together.”

 

“Yes, Mr. Spock.”

 

Suddenly she was flat on her back with Connor looming over her.  She giggled again.  He pinned her hands over her head.

 

“You are a brat,” he declared.  “One of these days, girl…”

 

Raven wrapped her leg around his waist.  “What are you going to do?  You going to spank me?”  She used her lower body to flip them so that she was straddling him.  He didn’t fight her when she pinned his hands.  “You know you love me being a brat.”  Without losing eye contact, she kissed his chest. 

 

“I just love you,” Connor whispered. 

 

“I know you do,” Raven said, sitting up.  Her hands rested on her thighs.  She tilted her head, and smiled, “Yeah, I do.”

 

“Sounds like a revelation.” He interlocked his hands under his head.  “Did you doubt me?”

 

“For awhile.”

 

“And now?”

 

“No doubts…not about us anyway…you know being together.”  She stared at some spot on the wall behind him.

 

Connor sighed, grasping her hands.  “Don’t worry.  We’ll get it all worked out.  I promise.  Don’t rush it.”

 

“It’s what you said before.”  She turned her gaze back to him.  He’d been right. So why was she allowing any doubts to interfere at this point?  “I guess I want it all now.”

 

“So, do I,” Connor said, with a wink.  “I think right now we need to concentrate on defeating the First, keeping everyone together and then we can decide what we’ll do from here.”

 

She wanted to ask how he could be so patient, but she already knew.  It was survival instincts culled from his childhood.  Sometimes it grated on her nerves, because she wanted to know the ending already.  She wanted him to say that he wanted to live with her, that one day he planned to marry her, but he wouldn’t.  Not until this crisis was over with, and they weren’t even sure what the threat was yet.

 

Crawling off him and the bed, Raven started to pick her clothes up from the floor.  If the battle was going to come first then they may as well get to it.  She sighed as she pulled her jeans on.  Connor didn’t come to her, didn’t say anything comforting.  He just followed her lead and started to dress.  The conversation was over.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

“Would you care for some more tea?”  Wesley asked, looking over his shoulder.

 

“Um…excuse me?”  Giles replied, startled from the text he was trying to decipher.  He glanced up at his fellow watcher who was waving the teapot at him.  “Oh, uh, no, no, I’m fine,” he continued, and then sighed.  “I feel like we’re going in bloody circles on this prophecy.  Just when I think we’ve made some sense of it…it becomes more convoluted.”

 

“What do we have so far?”  Wesley asked, taking a seat across from Giles at the conference table.  Spread out between them were their notes, Tanja dream details, and texts covering everything from the beginning of the world to the end.

 

“It just shouldn’t be this hard,” Giles grumbled, spreading papers around trying to find the sheet with the words they’d translated so far.  “Ah, here it is.  Two winged creatures born of hope, one shall fly and one shall burn with righteousness, thrice tempted…”

 

“Wait a minute,” Wesley interrupted.  “The thrice tempted part…could that be referring to Spike?  I mean there was Donna, then that girl in Florida and now Dylan.  It would fit into the text, plus he seems to be favored by the First.”

 

“Yes, it would,” Giles said, scribbling down some notes furiously.  He didn’t want to take the chance of losing any insight they may gain.  “I still don’t get the two winged creatures though.  Birds?  Demons of some sort?  Dragons perhaps?”

 

“Or maybe angels?” 

 

“Or angels?”  Giles laughed, leaning back in his chair.  “That would certainly be something original in our battles.”

 

“Don’t forget Spike’s lady in white?  The one who offered him the choice of remaining a human or becoming a hybrid.  Wasn’t she an angel?  At least that’s the way he refers to her presence.”

 

“So, is she coming back to help us out?  Or is she someone we need to protect?  We’ll have to ask him more detailed questions about her when he comes in this morning.”

 

“Excellent idea,” Wesley said, reaching for one of the books.  “Now the last part of the prophecy…the part about the sacrifices and penance?  Is it referring to particular people or to all of us in general?”

 

“I don’t know,” Giles sighed.  “It doesn’t refer to any bloody battle, or soldiers, but just individuals.”  He pulled his glasses off, and threw them on the table.  “Maybe we’re just not supposed to get it.”

 

It was something that kept replaying in his mind.  The world’s fate always seemed to boil down to one person’s choice to lay down their life for everyone else.  The faith of one that changed the way the world turned and it seemed to be this way again.  Or rather, several people if he was making any sense of the prophecy.  It was just frustrating not to know who they were, what they were supposed to do and why.  There were few people he would not only put his own life but that of family’s fate in their care.  He just hoped in the end he had a chance to offer his input, but who really wanted an old man’s opinion. 

 

“Maybe I can decipher it at Wolfram & Hart,” Wesley offered.  “The explanation might be in their records.  Maybe if I…”

 

Giles laughed.  “I appreciate the offer, Wesley, but to consult an evil reference material to research something holy just doesn’t seem to bode well for the getting the right answers.”

 

“Well, what the hell else are we supposed to do?”  Wesley asked, standing up.  “This whole thing is ridiculous.  We’re totally useless.”

 

“In the end, Watcher’s usually are,” Giles said.  “We stand by helpless while our chosen one fights and inevitably dies.”

 

“You’ve never stood by and let Buffy fight alone.  Why now?”

 

“Because I can’t very well do anything else,” Giles yelled, standing up so abruptly that his chair rolled back.  “Tell me, Wes, what are we supposed to do?  This whole damn thing is falling apart while you and I are trying to solve a riddle that doesn’t make any sense.  It just seems we would be better off dealing with the things that we can, and leave this particular problem to higher beings.”

 

It was over for him.  There were almost two hundred girls in this institution they called a school.  After the events of the night before it was clear they were falling apart in loneliness, mistrust, and confusion.  Them he could deal with, and knew that his experience would help.  For the first time in his life, he knew his mind wasn’t going to change a damn thing.  His heart could, and he was going to use it.  He walked away from the months of research he’d been working on to head back out amongst the living. 

 

The lobby was busy with the slayers congregating before classes, and training.  He smiled at them, stopped to say hello to a few who smiled back.  They were his charges, and it was time he started to act like their headmaster and friend.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Buffy stretched her arms over her head before reaching over to find Spike.  He wasn’t there.  Reluctantly, she opened her eyes to scan the room for him.  It was then that she heard the shower running.  Thoughts of continuing their night of passion made her leave the warm cocoon of the bed and head for the bathroom.  She turned the light on, and was surprised to find it was almost noon.  She took a second to listen for her children, mentally reaching out to Elijah.

 

“We’re fine, Mum,” he sent to her with his mind.  “We’re playing in the family room.”

 

“Love you, baby,” she sent back then felt him close the wall between them. 

 

With them safe, she could indulge in a few more minutes with Spike before facing the day.  Grabbing some clean clothes, she headed for the bathroom. 

”Spike, it’s me,” Buffy called, closing the door behind her.  “May I join you?”

 

Pulling the shower curtain back, Spike peeked out at her.  “Morning, love.”  The wicked gleam in his eyes was enough for Buffy to hurriedly pull her pajamas off.  He reached his hand out to help her into the tub, his arms wrapping around her to bring her under the warm spray with him.  “Glad you decided to wake up.  I was feeling a bit lonely.”

 

“Were you?”  She wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers threaded through his curls.  “I was kind of lonely myself when I woke up all alone.  You left,” she pouted.

 

“Sorry, pet,” Spike replied, planting kisses from her cheek down to her neck.  He nipped her ear lobe.  “And I’m afraid I’m going to have to do it again.”

 

“What do you mean?”  Buffy asked.  She put her hands on his chest, praying it wasn’t what she thought.  It was supposed to be over.  Her husband wasn’t supposed to be leaving them again.  “Where are you going?”

 

Spike cupped her face, and rubbed his nose against hers.  “Stop, baby, it’s only for today.  Okay?  Jake needs a favor, something picked up in San Diego.  I’ll be back tonight, and we’ll head home together.”

 

“Promise?”

 

“Yeah, I promise.”

 

Buffy smiled.

 

“Do you have any idea of how much I love you?” 

 

“Yeah,” Spike said, running his hands down her slick body.  “I love you, too.”

 

Everything was going to be all right.  Spike always kept his promises.

 

 

 

to be continued…

 

Chapter 50 – This is How a Heart Breaks

 

 

 

And I’m steady but I’m starting to shake

And I don’t know how much more I can take

This is it now

Everybody get down

This is all I can take

This is how a heart breaks

You take a hit now you feel it break down

Make you stay wide awake

This is how a heart breaks

            Rob Thomas

 

 

 

The dining hall was crowded with Slayers called together for an afternoon assembly.  The events of the night before had left its mark upon all of them in one way or another.  Some were angry, some scared, some depressed, and some were forming new alliances as they sought companions they could count on in the coming days.  Raven felt the tension the moment she entered the room.  No one looked at her.  There were no waves or welcoming smiles, and for the first time since Willow had called forth the powers of the Slayer for all the potentials, she felt like an outsider. 

 

Straightening her shoulders, Raven stared over their heads toward the front of the room where Giles was speaking.  She slipped into an empty chair at the back of the room, trying to ignore the rustling of the others as they turned to look at her while pretending they weren’t.  She couldn’t keep her mind on Giles’s words as he spoke of the bonding they needed to do.  Like the plans for dividing slayers by their abilities and desire of duties.  It sounded perfect, and it was what she and Connor had been discussing when they were staying in the cabin. 

 

Some of the slayers from the country, didn’t even like the city, and hated the training and patrolling they needed to do in Los Angeles, while others adored the city, and hated the country.  They needed to expand, build on this new generation of warriors, and make evil truly afraid of the army of goodness.  It was the only way they would continue to hold onto this world.  Raven jotted down a few notes to bring up to the Council later, becoming lost in the ideas that were busy flowing from her pen.

 

“Hey, Rave,” she heard a voice.  Once a friend, but Raven wasn’t sure of that now as she looked up at Rona.

 

“Hello, Rona, what’s going on?”

 

The speech was over and the girls were leaving the room except for those that now surrounded Raven.  She quickly stood up so that she could face them.  There wasn’t going to be a fight, at least not a physical fight, but she still wanted to be on their level. 

 

“Not much,” Rona replied, glancing around to make that the others, Kennedy, Molly, and Amanda were still with her.  They were.  “You disappeared last night.”

 

“Sorry, I went with Connor.”

 

“Oh, Connor,” Kennedy said.  “You two back together?”

 

“Yeah,” Raven confirmed, giving a nod of her head.  “We are.”

 

“Finally got him in bed,” Rona commented, smiling at the twittering giggles of her companion.  “I guess getting sex is more important than being here to help put your friends back together.”

 

“It’s not like that,” Raven declared.  She looked at each of them, hoping to see some sort of friendliness toward her, and she didn’t.  She sighed.  “It was a rough night.  I know, I should have stayed but I needed Connor.  It was my parents and my family under attack, and I was freaked out.”

 

“You here for the day?”  Amanda asked. 

 

“Well, actually I need to head back to Sunnydale, and do some patrolling.  You know check on things there.”

 

“With Connor?”  Kennedy asked.

 

“He lives there,” Raven snapped.  “What is this all of a sudden?  You’ve never minded my involvement with Connor before.  My god, we’ve been together forever.”

 

“You’ve never made us feel less important before,” Molly quietly added.  “It’s…like you think you’re above us or something.”

 

“I don’t…really I don’t,” Raven said.  Then she realized in a way that she was whether she wanted it to be true or not.  She was the third Slayer in line, more independent, and maturing at a faster rate than they were.  It was a troubling thought, because there was a part of her that wanted to live here at the Hyperion, be a part of the group and still have fun without the intimate knowledge that she had of the future.  She sighed.  No matter what she did, she was going to piss someone off.  “Look, why don’t I call Connor and have him head back to Sunnydale without me.  I’ll stay here for a couple of days, and spend it with you guys.”

 

The four grinned, nodding their approval.  Raven laughed.  It actually felt right to be hanging out with them, even with the niggling of guilt in the back of her mind.  It would be fun to be a part of them for the night.  She slipped her arm around Rona as they headed toward the lobby.

 

“I say we find ice cream,” Amanda suggested.  “Or maybe we can go to the movies or something this afternoon.”

 

“Sounds good,” Raven agreed, reaching for her cell phone.  She only prayed that Connor wouldn’t be too angry with her.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

 

The big book was still blank.  No matter which word combination he used to describe the prophecy it came up blank.  He hated to admit it, but it seemed Giles had been right.  The resources at Wolfram & Hart were not going to help them solve the riddle of the prophecy.  It had them stymied.  The message at the gate of hell was only visible to one slayer who couldn’t remember it all, and to one little boy coached not to tell anyone what he knew of it.  It was frustrating.  How could Buffy really think it was better for them not to know the truth?

 

Wesley sat back in his chair, staring at the unblemished white pages and cursed the Powers That Be.  The games they played were often stacked against humans, or nearly impossible for them to defeat.  Time after time, they fought the same battles except with different demons and gods, and they always defeated or at least pushed it back for another day.  Yet each time they had some kind of clue of what they were battling.  There were plans made, positions decided, and strategy formed so they could each use their strength to fight the battle.

 

“Have you ever considered that maybe the prophecy can only be made worse by us knowing what it is?”  Fred asked, in that soft voice of hers.  She was leaning against his doorjamb, and merely looking at him.

 

“Like my actions concerning Connor?”  Wesley fired back, playing with his pen as he returned her stare. 

 

“Possibly,” Fred said, her chin lifting a fraction.  “Sometimes I think we need to let things play out.”

 

“And sometimes that’s a good way for us to all die.”

 

“Maybe.  It seems though that we’ve all tried to solve this riddle, and we’re not even close.  Let’s do what we can, okay?”

 

“That’s what Giles said.”  Wesley said, standing up and shoving his hands in his pocket.  “So, what do we do, Fred?”

 

She giggled.  “Right now, we go see Angel.  He’s asked to see us in his office.”

 

“That’s odd.  I thought he wasn’t leaving home until…”

 

“I don’t know,” Fred replied, already knowing what he meant.  “He says it’s urgent though.”

 

“Well, then let’s go see what boss man wants,” Wesley said.  He joined Fred, kissing her cheek before taking her hand as they walked toward Angel’s office.  He was curious as to what Angel was up to these days.  It seemed like everyone had their own agenda, and teamwork had fallen to the wayside.  It would be so easy for evil to come in and defeat them. 

 

Angel wasn’t even sitting at his desk.  Instead, he was standing behind it, shuffling through paperwork, and it took him a moment to realize they were there.  His usual pale complexion was almost ashen with a drawn look about his eyes that had suddenly caught up to the years he’d been roaming the earth.  There was no greeting as Angel’s glance flickered between them.  He reached down on his desk and picked up a large envelope.

 

“Inside are two tickets for London,” Angel said.  “It leaves in four hours.  I want both of you on it.  There is also information for your hotel and a bank account for your use.  Don’t come back to Los Angeles for a few months.”

 

Angel dismissed them as he returned to stacking papers in random nonsensical stacks.  Wesley and Fred didn’t move.  Wesley looked through the envelope.  Everything Angel had said was in there was along with another envelope.

 

“What’s this?”  Wesley asked, pulling out the sealed white envelope that only bore the name Journey on it.

 

“Don’t ask questions.  All the explanations you need are in there.  Now go.”

 

“No, we’re just not going to leave,” Fred protested.  “What about the team?  If there’s a problem, let us help.”

 

Angel slammed his hand down on the desk, making them both jump.  “There is no team.  If you get the hell out of town right now, you won’t matter to them.  I’m doing the best I can here to protect you.”  He glanced down at his watch.  “There is only two minutes left of confidentiality in this room.  Wesley, I know you don’t trust me and you never have, but I’m telling you if you love Fred get her the hell out of Los Angeles tonight.  Otherwise…”

 

He didn’t finish.  He didn’t have to.  Wesley saw the desperation in Angel’s eyes, and the deadness that didn’t come from being a vampire.  Their friend and boss was planning something that could kill them all.  Giles had said take care of what you can, and Angel was telling him to get out of town, and it was exactly what he was going to do.  He did love Fred and he wasn’t going to watch her die in some power play between good and evil he didn’t understand, much less have a chance of winning.  Wes grabbed Fred’s hand, pulling her when she protested, but then he hesitated at the door.

 

“Thank you, Angel, I know you didn’t have to do this, but I appreciate it.”

 

“I didn’t do it for you,” Angel said coldly.  “After Connor I don’t owe you a damn thing.  I’m doing this for Fred.  Take care of her.”

 

Wesley nodded.  It was the truth, and he would try his best, to the point of dying to protect the little Texan next to him.  He didn’t think he would ever see Angel again, and for some reason it brought a bit of relief to him.  Four hours later Wesley stared over Fred’s shoulder as they left California, his hand clasped in hers, and he wondered about everyone they’d left behind.  Would they make it?  Would there be anything left to come back to?  He didn’t know, and Fred’s tears made him realized that she thought the same thing.  But there was always a reason, and he knew the world was a better place with Fred in it then without her. So he pushed back his guilt and concentrated on making plans to keeping the Council and the fight against evil alive in the aftermath of what was to come.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Spike had to piss.  The trip to San Diego wasn’t quite the easy deal Jake said it was going to be, and it was now approaching nightfall.  He really wanted to get back to his wife and kids.  Like he promised, but his body was demanding release, so he looked for the next exit to pull off and find a loo. 

 

Dylan laughed.  “You’re such a wuss.”

 

“Shut your hole, mate, or I’ll remember that next time you need to take a potty break.”

 

“Been around your kids too much,” Dylan snorted.  “Potty break?  The big mean vampire has to go potty.”

 

Spike made him regret his teasing as he took the exit on two wheels.  Dylan slammed into the door, making him groan while Spike merely laughed.  He knew the young man wasn’t seriously hurt, and he didn’t like it when Dylan teased him about his kids.  He’d agreed not to, but Dylan still did it every once in awhile. 

 

“Sorry, geesh,” Dylan groaned, righting himself.  “Take a joke once in a while.”

 

“Told you to leave my kids out of this.”

 

“I know, I know when you’re with me you prefer to pretend you’re all single dude and stuff.”  Dylan winked when Spike glanced over at him. 

 

“You’re mixing your fantasies up with your reality.”

 

“Maybe that’s because my reality sucks.”

 

“Aw, wittle Dywan, doesn’t have anyone to love him,” Spike teased, reaching over to ruffle the long blonde hair of his companion.  “Maybe if you played nice somebody would realize you weren’t such a bastard after all.”

 

“Smart ass.”

 

“Jerk,” Spike countered as he pulled into the parking lot of a convenience store.  He hopped out of the Navigator as soon as it stopped, and turned to yell at Dylan over his shoulder.  “Get me something else to drink, would you?”

 

Dylan merely flipped him the bird, but Spike smiled as he charged for the bathroom.  The kid would do it.  It was what partners did.  Take care of each other.  It wasn’t something that Buffy understood.  He and Dylan were partners, not lovers, and yeah, their relationship was close but they needed to be to stay alive in this game.  Thankfully, there wasn’t anyone else in the john, and he hurried his way through his business. 

 

Buffy was waiting for him, and he knew if he kept his promise and was home in time to take her to Sunnydale then she would give him lots of sweet loving later tonight.  Ten years of being monogamous and he had no regrets.  Not with making the right choices, and staying with her even when it was tough.  She was his soul mate.  With thoughts of the night ahead, Spike was whistling when he walked back into the store.  He glanced around for Dylan, not noticing him at first.  Then a soft cry made Spike look in the far corner, and he could see the top of Dylan’s bent head.  Sensing trouble, he hurried over to see what was going on.

 

“Boy, you sure did turn out pretty,” a short, but muscular man was saying in a low voice to Dylan.  “I remember that sweet ass of yours, up in the air taking all the fucking you could get.”

 

“Stop it,” Dylan begged, looking over his shoulder.  He froze, eyes wide, when he saw Spike.  There was stark terror and shame on his partner’s face making Spike angry.  Apparently, the stranger didn’t realize that Dylan wasn’t alone.

 

“Man, I miss the days you worked the rest stops,” the man said.  “I’ve got a bed in the back of my rig.”  He stroked Dylan’s hair.  “Why don’t you ride with me for a few days?  I’ll take real good care of you.”

 

“Why don’t you leave him alone?”  Spike snarled. He batted the man’s hand away from Dylan, and pulled his partner backwards.  “He doesn’t seem too happy to see you.”

 

“You his new sugar Daddy?  I remember that bitch that you used to live with, Dylan.  What ever happened to Marguerite?”

 

“She’s dead,” Dylan mumbled. 

 

“Hmm, how much you charging for him?”  The stranger asked Spike. 

 

Spike didn’t understand the conversation, or who the hell this guy thought he was.  The only thing he knew was that Dylan was being hurt.  He slugged the stranger, sending him crashing into the coolers.  Spike didn’t wait around to see what happened.  He grabbed Dylan’s hand, pulling him out of the store at a run.  There was shouting behind him, but he didn’t stop, he yanked open the door to the SUV, and shoved Dylan through the driver’s door.  It took only a couple of minutes for them to be back on the highway.

 

“Who the fuck was that?”  Spike asked, glancing over at Dylan.

 

His partner was hovering near the door where apparently he landed after Spike shoved him in.  He wasn’t moving.  Just half lying there with eyes closed and his face crimson red in shame.  Spike reached over and grabbed the younger man’s hand.

 

“Hey, I don’t give a shit what you’ve done in the past, okay?  I’m a vampire so I don’t have any room to talk.”

 

A loud keening cry filled the vehicle, making Spike jump.  Not caring about technicalities, he pulled off on the shoulder of the road.  By this time, Dylan had wrapped his arms around himself and was rocking back and forth, as he sobbed.

 

“They fucking raped me,” Dylan cried.  “I was only eight when it started.  The neighborhood kids, my mom’s boyfriend, I wasn’t supposed to tell.  Never did.  Just did what they told me to do as they passed me around like candy.  Marguerite took me in, she loved me damn it.”  He wiped his nose.  “She made me work but she took care of me.”  The crying got louder, and then he started kicking the dashboard.  “God damn them, why won’t they let me alone.  Why?  Nobody’s ever fucking cared about me except in bed.  Damn mother fucking assholes, they hurt me…they always hurt me.”

 

For a second Spike was stunned.  He could only stare at the little boy across from him.  Now, he understood why Dylan was the way he was, and it broke his heart.  He reached across the console and pulled Dylan into his arms.  There on the side of the highway, he cried along with the little boy who’d been so hurt.  And with every tear that fell, he felt like he was betraying Buffy.

 

~~~~~~

 

“I won, mummy, I won,” Journey crowed as she took her final move in Candy Land.

 

“Yes, you did,” Buffy said, with a smile.  She tugged on her daughter’s ponytail.  Faith was smiling at them from across the board, and Elijah just rolled his eyes.  They’d been playing since the little girl had taken her bath after dinner.  Spike should be here soon, and they would be leaving for Sunnydale.  There wasn’t any reason, as far as she could tell, to put them to bed if they were just going to be leaving soon. 

 

“Can we play again?”  Joy asked, looking around at the others.  “I want to play.”  Her lower lip protruded even as she crossed her arms. 

 

“Okay, okay,” Faith said, with an indulgent smile.  “One more game then how about a new movie?  I think we’ve got Tarzan.”

 

“Okay,” Elijah said, enthusiastically. 

 

Buffy just laughed at her children’s antics.  It had been an enjoyable day, playing on the beach and relaxing with them and Faith.  Sometimes she felt that Faith was storing away as many memories as she could.  Their conversations were heavy as they talked about love and life, and the things they wanted to do.  The only thing that was off limits was Max.  Buffy mentioned him once, and Faith’s eyes filled with tears.  She’d refused to say anything and Buffy didn’t have any choice but to drop the subject.  It frustrated her though because she knew they’d be a good match, but she couldn’t make Faith love someone she didn’t want to love.

 

The game was set up and Elijah was getting ready to make the first move when the phone rang.  Buffy’s heart skipped a beat, and her face lit up as she scrambled to grab her cell phone.  It had be Spike.  It was.

 

“Hey baby,” his voice caressed her when she said hello.  “You being good for me?”

 

“Always am,” Buffy whispered, as she took the phone into the kitchen for privacy.  “Where are you?  Almost here?  We’re packed, ready to go, and I feel like swinging with you tonight.”

 

She waited for Spike’s response.  For that sexy growl that told her, he wanted her as much as she did him.  They were going to be together…forever. 

 

“Pet, I’m sorry…”

 

Those three words were all it took.  He wasn’t coming home.  He was staying out there somewhere with Dylan.  She only half listened to his explanation, Dylan was having a crisis and needed him.  He was truly sorry, and would be home later that night or in the morning.  They were staying in a hotel.  He gave her the name and she forgot.  She didn’t care. He’d broken his promise, and her heart.  She clicked off the phone in the middle of his ‘I love you’.  It didn’t work anymore.  Fighting back the tears, she made her way back into the living room, watching for a second as her children played.

 

“Faith, would you watch them for a little while?”

 

Faith didn’t even look surprised by her request, only sad, and it made Buffy wonder if everyone else knew before she did that Spike wasn’t in this marriage all the way.  It only added to her humiliation.

 

“Yeah, sure,” Faith replied.  “Everything all right?”

 

“Yeah, just fine,” Buffy said.  “I just need to get some air.”  She knelt by her children, and hugged them with a kiss to each of their cheeks.  “I’ll see you all later.  I love you.”

 

“Love you too, Mummy,” Elijah said, holding her tight for a moment.

 

“Will you wake me up when you come back?”  Joy asked.

 

“Yes, yes, I will,” Buffy promised.  She looked at Faith.  “I shouldn’t be too long.”

 

The tears were going to start falling, so Buffy rushed away.  She grabbed her purse, and started toward the front door when Faith grabbed her arm.

 

“Buffy, just think, please, before you do anything you might regret.”

 

“You know, don’t you?”  Buffy looked at her in anguish.  She ached all over as she realized that she would be the object of everyone’s pity when Spike finally left her for Dylan.  Why did she ever think that Spike would stay?  Why should he be different then from every other man she’d loved?

 

“More than I want to,” Faith said.  “Please..”

 

“I’ll try,” Buffy said.  But she forgot that promise as she started one of Angel’s cars in the garage.  The only thing that was on her mind was that she’d wasted too much time trying to keep a vampire monogamous.  Well, she decided, two can play that game, and she headed for Max’s apartment.

 

~~~~~~

 

Joy was sleeping in the bed next to him.  Soft snores drifted through the space between them, making Elijah smile.  His sister could sleep through just about anything.  Of course, he didn’t think she really understood that tonight everything was falling apart.  Mummy and Daddy were fighting again, and this time Elijah was really scared they wouldn’t make it back together.  The prophecy was unfolding, and unraveling everyone around them.  He said his prayers, hoping that things would work out, that they would all do what needed to be done.  No one else knew the extent of the prophecy.  No one but him, and the ultimate powers who’d set it all up. 

 

“Hello, Elijah,” his mother said, appearing in the corner of the room.  She walked into the light, her smile just like the one he remembered, and he wanted to believe it was really her, but knew it wasn’t.

 

“Go away.”  He turned his head away, staring at the door, and wishing Faith would come back to check on them again. 

 

“They’re not doing very well,” The First said.  “They’re all falling just like I said they would.  Your gods are really naïve thinking that they had any heart at all.  They’re all egotists, in the fight for the glory it will bring them, and not for the right of the world.”

 

“That’s not true,” Elijah exclaimed, then cursing himself for falling into its trap.  He should have kept his mouth shut.  He sighed.  “They’ll come through in the end.”

 

“Did you know that right now your Mummy and Daddy are both in someone’s else arms?”  The First transformed into Drusilla.  “They should have let me keep you, like I wanted.  We would have been so happy.  Now, you and your little sister will get passed back and forth, weekends with Daddy, and you won’t see him during the week.”

 

“No, they love each other,” Elijah protested, but he couldn’t believe it, not after the way Mummy had taken off.  For the first time he had real doubts about what would become of them.  “They wouldn’t do that to us.”

 

“They already have.”

 

Sobs took him over, and he squished his eyes closed, as he wished that it were already over.  The little boy in him was scared.  A hand slipped into his and he opened his eyes to see Journey crawling in beside him.  She hugged him, letting him know he wasn’t alone.  Then warmth enveloped him in a loving embrace, and he knew it was Cordelia’s essence giving him strength.  The future conduit for the Powers That Be shone through the frightened little boy.  He sat up straighter, and faced the ultimate evil.

 

“Go away.  I won’t give up on them.  Not ever.  I believe in them.”

 

It was all it took.  Faith.  And he hoped that the others could find the same strength.

 

 

To be continued…

 

 

Chapter 51 – Epiphany

 

 

I am nothing more than a little boy inside

That cries out for attention

Yet I always try to hide

‘Cause I talk to you like children

Though I don’t know how I feel

But I know I’ll do the right thing

If the right thing is revealed

            Staind

 

 

Sometimes her parents just really pissed her off, and there was nothing she could do about it.  Raven fiddled with the car window, rolling it down a bit then back up.  She wanted to be back in Los Angeles, and hanging out with the other Slayers.  But no, her parents had to fuck things up, and she needed to go back to Sunnydale to patrol.  Buffy hadn’t listened to her pleas.  Raven didn’t have any alternative except to obey.  Yeah, it was her gig, but why couldn’t she get a night off just to be a girl? 

 

“It’s not going to help anything to be all pissed off,” Connor commented.  He was smiling and it irritated her.  The last couple of weeks had been intense, and she’d forgotten what it was like just to hang out.  It would have been fun to stay and giggle, eat junk food and talk about boys. 

 

“Well, it’s not going to change anything to be mature about it, is it?”

 

“Whatever, Raven, you just keep flipping back and forth.  I thought you were over that.”

 

“Why?  If I’m all grown up then I wouldn’t care about having a little fun?”

 

“I didn’t say that,” Connor replied, reaching for her hand.  “I really am sorry that your night was interrupted.  I wasn’t mad that you were ditching me for the girls.  I just don’t want you to lose sight of what’s important.”

 

“How could I with you and my parents shoving it down my throat,” Raven groused.  She squeezed his hand as she realized she wasn’t being fair with him.  He had responded well and hadn’t been mad when she’d told him the change of plans.  If Buffy hadn’t called and ordered her to Sunnydale then everything would have been fine.  She glanced over at her companion.  “Sorry, Con.  I know I’m being a brat.”

 

“An adorable brat.”

 

She smiled at him.  “Thanks.  I’ll try not to yearn for things I can’t have.”

 

It was still there though.  It had been her choice, but she wondered what it would be like to be able to take off like Dawn had, go to college and just have fun.  Raven scooted over and put her head on Connor’s shoulder, fantasizing about a different life for them the rest of the way home.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

It was just one of those nights.  Max was tired.  He’d spent his day pouring over ideas with Giles and Kate, trying to figure out the best way to proceed with the school.  His television was on some crime show that didn’t really interest him.  The burrito he’d nuked earlier was cold and congealing on the plate resting in his lap.  His second beer was almost gone, and he wished he could just be numb. 

 

The nights were getting harder to get through.  They were filled with dreams of a sexy brunette slayer who wouldn’t give him the time of day, but made his nights an exercise in frustration.  He scratched his taut belly as he shifted the plate to the cushion next to him.  Then he stretched, his back arching against the cushion and his arms rising to the ceiling as he tried to work out some of the kinks. 

 

The doorbell rang startling him.  He muted the TV, and headed for the front door.  He double-checked, ensuring his gun was right there on the table, and he contemplated putting on a shirt but decided against it.  It was night, he was home, and he hoped it was someone he could get rid of quickly.  Max glanced in the peephole and was startled to see Buffy standing there.  A million thoughts of trouble filled his mind as he yanked the door open.

 

“Buffy, what’s wrong?”  He asked, taking in the tear streaks down her cheeks, and the red swollen eyes.  “Spike?  The kids?”

 

“Spike,” Buffy mumbled, gesturing toward the door.  “May I come in?”

 

“Is he hurt?”  Max asked, stepping aside to let her in.  He closed the door behind her, waiting with arms folded across his chest.  “Buffy, what happened?” he prodded when she didn’t say anything.  All she was doing was wandering around his apartment.  There was a smile when she saw the burrito, then she moved to glance out the window before she finally stopped by the breakfast bar.  Fresh tears were falling, and suddenly he knew.  “God damn it.”

 

“Did you know?”  Buffy asked, turning to look at him.  “Did you know that he’s involved with Dylan?”

 

“He’s not,” Max protested.  Defending his friend was innate, but he wondered now if it was ignorance.  He rubbed his face.  “Oh, god, Buffy, he can’t be.  He adores you.”

 

“He promised that he would be with me tonight,” Buffy said, sinking onto a barstool.  “He promised that we would be starting all over, that it was only going to be us, and that he didn’t want Dylan at all.”  She sobbed, holding her arms out to him.  He didn’t think.  He went to her, wrapping his arms around her, and rubbing her back while she buried her face against his chest.  He could feel her tears as they made their way down his belly.  “He called, said he wasn’t going to be home after all.  Dylan is having some sort of problem and he has to help him through it.  He said, please understand, Buffy, I need to be a friend.”  Her nails dug into his back just as her tears slipped beneath the waistband of his jeans.  “What about me?  I’m his fucking wife, and I need him too.”

 

“I know, Buffy, I know,” Max whispered.  One hand went to tangle in her hair while the other continued to rub her back.  She shifted so that he was standing between her spread legs, and he felt his body respond to hers.  He tried to back up, but she only held on, and he gave up.  She needed to be comforted.  “He’s a good man.  We both know it, and he cares about Dylan.  Maybe more than we would like, but I honestly don’t think he’s gone off to sleep with him.  There probably is a problem, and he’s just trying to help.  It’s just Spike.”

 

“Bullshit,” Buffy said, lifting her face to look at him.  “Spike is selfish in a lot of ways.  It’s about what he wants, and when he wants it.  Don’t take me wrong.  I love him.  I still do.” She wiped the back of her hand across her nose.  “Don’t you remember when we first met?  What he wanted most was for us to live in that house, and fight evil and fuck without ever getting married or having kids.  I know he loves me, but he didn’t want to be tied down.  It was only because of his stupid crush on Donna that we took Raven and Eli in, and got married.”  Her hand settled on his waist, low enough that a mere fraction of a move of her fingers would have them on his hips.  “It was my idea to get pregnant.  Not his and now Dylan is here, offering the things I can’t.  Freedom, and fun, and power, and I can’t compete against that.”

 

Max cupped her face, grateful for the chance to look into her eyes, and try to forget that the warmth of her flesh was against his.  He wiped her tears away with his thumbs.  “Spike is scared of losing everything.  A woman never loved him when he was human, and it frightens him that you do love him.  He doesn’t understand how someone like you can love him so much.” He glanced over her head as he tried to find a way to explain it to her.  “If he lets himself believe that you can love the man in him, then he is as vulnerable to you as he was to Cecily.  She destroyed his humanity and you could do the same.”

 

Buffy ran her hands to his belly then upwards to his chest.  “He’s already destroyed that love.  He’s free now.”  Her thumbs stroked his nipples, sending a charge of sexual awareness through his cock, and he was getting hard.  The urge to kiss her was strong, but this was his friend’s wife.  It wouldn’t be right on so many levels, but it’s what he always wanted.  Max leaned his forehead against hers, where he can feel her soft breathe caressing his face. 

 

“Buffy, why did you come here?”  He asked, even when her fingers were encircling the back of his neck.

 

“Because I need you.”

 

Her lips were almost touching his, and he wanted to say the hell with being right, and kiss her while he carried her to his bedroom.  Loneliness was for the birds, and they were both alone in so many ways.  Rejected by the ones they truly wanted.  Was it really so wrong to find comfort with one another?  They were friends, too.  Never in all the time they’d known each other, had they’d gotten so close to fulfilling the attraction they’d always carried.  Realizing that they may be better suited for each other than the mates they’d chosen, he wanted to give in to this moment.

 

“Think carefully,” Max whispered.  “If we do this, then I’m taking it all the way.  I’m going to make love to you tonight, let myself fall in love with you, and I’ll never let you go.”

 

Buffy pulled back, studying his face, but she didn’t take her hands away.  She smiled, and whispered, “Max…”

 

~~~~~~

 

Spike stared out over the cheap motel’s parking lot, smoking while he listened to Buffy’s voice mail again.  She wouldn’t answer the phone, and Faith had said that she’d left the house.  He knew she was hurt, and angry.  He would be too if he were in her shoes.  Yet, he knew that for whatever reason, he needed to be here.  Sighing, he ground his cigarette out in the plastic plant on the corner of the balcony.  A hundred other butts littered the base of it, and he wondered why they just didn’t supply ashtrays. 

 

The room was dark as he slid the glass door shut behind him.  Dylan was lying on the bed, curled on his side where Spike had left him.  The scratchy blanket pulled over his naked body.  Dylan had showered after they’d gotten there, then he came out nude, silently offering his body to the vampire.  Spike had refused.  Instead, he’d gone to the little convenience store on the corner, and bought them some beer.  Just a couple to take the edge off both their nerves.  Dylan hadn’t moved, hadn’t drunk the beer, he just lay there watching Spike with soulful eyes full of need. 

 

Spike sat on the edge of the bed, reaching over to tuck Dylan’s hair behind his ear like he had a thousand times to Buffy.  The thought hurt, but he pushed it aside.  “You feeling any better?”

 

“No,” Dylan said, grabbing Spike’s hand and holding on with a strong grasp.  “Come here, and hold me.  You know you want to.”

 

“If I wouldn’t lose everything else in my life, maybe I would,” Spike responded with a smile.  “You’re a beautiful person, Dylan, inside and out, but I love Buffy.  You know that so why do you keep trying to tempt me?”

 

“Because she doesn’t love you,” Dylan spat, flopping onto his back.  “You’re an idiot for holding onto her when I could give you everything you want.”  He sat up in the bed, and even in the darkness, Spike could see the lines of his body, and the blanket dipped lower showing the curve of Dylan’s cock. 

 

Spike forced himself to look away.  He closed his eyes, imagining the house that he and Buffy built together, the sound of her laughter, the feel of her body, and images of his children, desperately trying to ignore his body’s response to the other man.  He stood to look out over the parking lot again.  Not this time.  No, he wouldn’t be tempted.  His love was waiting for him, and the moment he could get out of here, he would.  The only reason he came was because he was frightened that Dylan would kill himself if he faced another rejection.

 

All he wanted was to be home with his family.  This life wasn’t him anymore, and William demanded the chance to be the man he could have been.  It’s his demon, the whoring bastard taught under Angelus’s tutelage that wants to crawl into that bed, and make Dylan his in every possible way. 

 

“Do you know why she wants another baby?”  Dylan asked, interrupting him.  He was standing too close, right behind him, and Spike felt his hand coming to rest on his back. 

 

Please, please make this go away…I don’t want to know…I don’t want my eyes to be opened…not this time

 

“Why?”  Spike asked, remembering Drusilla, and the kidnapping of his precious Journey.  He can’t imagine life without his little girl.  He hated himself for asking, but the demon was panting for a chance to take what he wanted.  All he needed was a good excuse to defeat the weakness of William.  He laughed. “Go ahead, and tell me.  Make it believable,” he added sarcastically.

 

“It was when we were at that cabin,” Dylan said, slipping his arms around Spike’s waist.  “She told me that she could give you the one thing I can’t…children.  That’s the only reason.  Man, she turned you down about a baby before, and sent you away.  Now that her perfect little life is on the line, she wants that baby.  Everything she does is a desperate move to keep you on the hook.  Look, at your past together.  She’s used your attraction to her to ply you with pity to hook you, guilt to keep you, and now she’s offering you another baby.  She needs someone to take care of her, and you’re the handiest sap.”

 

Spike hated that Dylan may be right.  They were all thoughts that had crossed his mind over the years, but then he forced himself to think of the good times.  The love between them, the gentleness of Buffy’s touch, the way she smoothed his brow when he’s tired, the smile she shows every morning, but he knows the dark side of their relationship, too.  Her fear of being alone and he wonders who she’s with now.  It makes his gut turn with disgust because he knows.  Dylan kissed his shoulder, his hand sliding lower on his belly, and Spike forced his partner away.

 

“Even if you’re right, doesn’t mean I’m ready to jump into bed with you,” Spike stated softly.  “Get dressed.  I’m starving.”

 

When he turned around Dylan was wearing a shit-eating grin, because he’d won.  He thought that in the end, Spike will belong to him, and Spike wondered if he’s right.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Angel knew Buffy was in Max’s apartment even before he knocked on the door.  It sickened him as he smelt her sweet perfume in the hallway, and as he waited for Max to answer the door he could smell their arousals.  It only made the job he came to do easier.  He smiled.  It would be over in only a few more hours.

 

“Angel, hey,” Max said, as he opened the door.  He looked guiltily over his shoulder where Angel could see Buffy sitting on the couch.  They both looked disheveled, and Angel wondered if this was the first time or if this was an ongoing affair. 

 

“Hello,” Angel said.  “May I come in?”

 

Buffy didn’t move, just stared up at him with a touch of fear in her eyes.  He knew what she was going through, and felt sorry for her in many ways.  Spike wasn’t an easy man to love, and it was his fault.  Yet, she’d chosen to stick by Spike through all the other times, and he wondered what had happened to make her finally choose to go to Max.  His eyes flickered over both of them.

 

“Angel…,” Buffy started to say.  She stood up, smoothing down her hair, and pulling her blouse down.  A blush stole across her face, and he realized this was the first time; she was too open, and still too innocent to play this game. 

 

“Buffy, I’m not going to judge you, but I will tell you that Spike will kill you both when he finds out.”

 

“He won’t care,” she declared, her chin lifting in defiance.  “He has someone else to consider.”

 

Max turned to stand beside her, pulling her into an embrace as he returned Angel’s stare.  It almost made the vampire smile.  At least they weren’t in this for a quick fuck, and maybe, just maybe Buffy was right.  Spike was becoming more confused by the day by that brat Dylan.  He had hoped his childe wouldn’t be so stupid as to fall for it, but maybe he had.  Unfortunately, his plans were going to interfere in this burgeoning love affair. 

 

“Actually, I’m not here to rebuke you,” Angel said.  “I need Max’s help.  There’s some stuff at Wolfram & Hart that I need you to do for me.  Can you meet me there in about an hour?”

 

“What kind of stuff?”  Max asked, raising his eyebrows. 

 

It was out of the norm for Angel to ask him for anything, and Angel smoothed his face into a pleasant smile.

 

“I need to get some stuff to Giles to help with the prophecy,” Angel replied.  “They won’t be as suspicious if you take paperwork out then if I did it.  So, will you?”

 

He waited as he saw the questions ran through Max’s head and the looks between the couple, before Max shrugged his shoulders.  “Sure, I can be there.”

 

“Great,” Angel said, with a nod.  “Meet me out front.  Okay?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Max said.

 

Angel nodded one last time at them.  He pushed aside the twinge of guilt as he looked in Buffy’s eyes.  It was better, and Max didn’t have any right to take advantage of her sorrow.  Spike wouldn’t care once he knew, and would probably applaud him.  Angel waited until he was outside of Max’s building before he pulled out his cell phone.  Gunn answered on the second ring.

 

“Me here,” Angel said.  He looked up at Max’s apartment window.  “The lamb is ready and willing for the sacrifice.”

 

 

 

To be continued…