Chapter 36 – Rocky Mountain High

 

 

 

 

He was born in the summer of his 27^th year

Comin’ home to a place he’d never been before

He left yesterday behind him; you might say he was born again

You might say he found a key for every door

 

When he first came to the mountains his life was far away

On the road and hangin’ by a song

But the strings already broken and he doesn’t really care

It keeps changin’ fast and it don’t last for long

                        John Denver

 

 

 

It was a disaster. Raven was laughing so hard that her sides hurt and tears were streaming down her face. As fate would have it, this could only happen to her. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity for that special magical moment with the man she loved, she should have known that something would happen to spoil it. It was becoming the story of her life, but this time it was the colossal goof of a sitcom.

 

“Would you quit laughing and help?” Connor barked, but his lips twitched as he fought back his own amusement at the situation.

 

Up to the point where they reached the front door it had been a very romantic gesture. Connor sweeping her off her feet to carry her toward their private cabin in the woods. Both of them staring in the other’s eyes filled with desire until he kicked the door open letting a large cloud of smoke escape. The flame on the gas stove had flared up and turned the chili he made in to a scorched mess. The pot had been flung into the front yard before Connor started to run around to open all the windows.

 

Raven couldn’t do anything but giggle even when he sent her a scathing look. She ended up sitting on the floor, rocking with laughter, as he handled the situation. After all the tension, the fighting, and the heartache she was beyond accepting any more pain. She had to see the humor in this awkward situation or break down completely.

 

“I can’t…can’t help it,” Raven replied. Her arms were wrapped around her middle as she gave up trying to stay upright. She lay back, kicking her legs up as she continued to shake with laughter. “Oh goddess, Connor, it’s the most frickin’ hilarious thing to happen to us ever.”

 

“You think so?” Connor asked, standing over her with his hands on his hips. “It’s funny that the dinner I slaved over all afternoon was ruined? Or that we were finally going to have sex and now…”

 

“Now what?” Raven asked, putting her foot behind his knee and bringing him down on top of her. “A little smoke going to get in the way of your big manly seduction?”

 

“That’s it, wench,” Connor said, laughing as he started to tickle her. “You’re going to pay for that disrespect.”

 

Raven squirmed beneath him before getting the upper hand and flipping them so she was on top. “You, sir, are no gentlemen,” she sniffed. “And you sound like Mum with the dinner thing. She can’t cook worth a damn even after all these years.”

 

“And you sound like Spike,” Connor retorted, flipping them again. “With the horn dog routine.”

 

“I am not a horn dog,” Raven giggled. “I’m a healthy eighteen-year-old female who is madly in love with this really hot stud.”

 

“Yeah,” Connor laughed, nuzzling her neck. “I am kind of hot, aren’t I? Just like my Dad.”

 

Raven couldn’t help but tease him. It was just too easy of an opening. “Your father is pretty studly.”

 

“Hey,” Connor said, pulling back to look into her eyes. “That’s my Dad you’re talking about.”

 

“You brought it up.”

 

“You didn’t have to agree.”

 

“He is very good looking,” Raven said, sliding her hands along Connor’s arms. “But unlike my mother I prefer my men a little closer to my age instead of centuries older.”

 

“Well, then it’s a good thing that I meet my lady’s requirements,” Connor said, slipping to the side, keeping one hand on her stomach while he propped his head up with the other. For a split second Raven felt rejected but she saw the seriousness on his face. There were so many things they hadn’t discussed yet. Subjects danced around but never really explored. Like the heritages they had inherited. Like Connor’s time in Quortoth.

 

“Do you ever worry about having vampires for our paternal figures?” Connor asked.

 

“Paternal figures?” Raven asked, entwining her hand with his. “I think our Dad’s are pretty cool for what they are. It kind of makes us special, you know? You especially with the whole both biological parents being vampires.”

 

“It’s really something to be proud of,” Connor said, with a trace of sarcasm. “I mean like how many thousands of people died because of my parents.”

 

“And how many have been saved because of them?” Raven asked. “Destiny is a funny thing. There’s got to be a balance.”

 

“I’ve come to an understanding with my father,” Connor said. “I know that he loves me and he is devoted to the family, but one slip could change everything. I know there’s a few that still can’t fully relax around him. I understand that, too. All of that evil is a part of me. It can never be erased.”

 

“You are good, Connor,” Raven stated. “You have a soul. It’s what made your mother sacrifice her existence for you. All we can do is the best that we can. Try to make things right. Use the gifts we’ve been given.”

 

“Where did this come from? This from the girl who loves to shop and dance?”

 

“I chose when I was fifteen to be a slayer,” Raven explained. “Buffy and Spike would have prevented it if I had told them to.” She shrugged. “It’s just harder than I thought it was. I want a few good times, too. I want to experience all that life has to offer.”

 

“Is that one of the reasons you’ve been pushing so hard for us?” Connor asked, brushing her hair behind her ear. “Don’t you know that I love you? I’m here for you no matter what. I just want things to happen when they’re supposed to happen.” He pulled away to lie on the floor beside her. His hands folded across his stomach. “My life was taken away from me for so many years. Holtz stole my childhood and my family from me. Nothing will ever bring that back.” He turned to look at her. “Once we take that step…we can never go back to this time of innocence. It’s not that I don’t want you because I do more than you’ll ever know, but I want things to go naturally. I want to enjoy this part of our lives for as long as possible.”

 

“And if we die before we get to that part?”

 

“My heart is already yours, Raven Blood,” Connor whispered. “Nothing will ever change that. Things are changing all around us. We don’t even know what we’re fighting yet. I think that maybe we should prepare for the fight. Become the best that we can be and then do this the right way.”

 

For the first time in a long time Raven let go of her fear.  If she decided to go ahead with what was interrupted, she knew Connor would go along with it. It was her call. She thought of her parents. Of the years they struggled to keep their marriage together. Of the time they spent apart to become stronger for each other in the very beginning. But it had already been too late. Their relationship had a bloody and painful beginning that had never fully been erased from their hearts. She didn’t want that. She wanted to come to Connor fully prepared for their life together.

 

“Then we wait,” Raven said, knowing in her heart it was the right decision.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

The mountain road wound ahead of them like the proverbial stairway to heaven. The sky was a clear blue with only a few fluffy, white clouds floating along. If he’d ever journeyed through this part of the world, then his demon prevented him from appreciating its majestic serenity for what it was. It was beauty. And it brought peace to his heart. Spike could hear prose being formed in his mind as he took in the wildness that surrounded him. For once he was thankful that Buffy insisted he carry a journal with him wherever he went. He wanted to stop, breathe it all in and try to commit it in writing so he’d never forget.

 

Ted rode by them on their right. He laughed, jerking his thumb back to the others straggling along. Spike glanced back. Dylan and Bob were trailing a ways behind them. He looked forward again to see Ted saluting them farewell then speeding off in roar of the mightiest. It was a challenge that Spike could hardly ignore but Buffy was behind him. He shook his head in defeat until he felt Buffy’s thighs close on his hips and her arms gripped him even tighter. She was giving him the go ahead. He opened the throttle, building speed that sent them hurtling along the country back road.

 

His prized motorcycle came to life beneath him.  A demon in its own right as it raced toward their comrade. They pulled along side one another, a standoff, neither one losing or winning to the other. The two men screamed in laughter at their sheer joy of the ride as it sent adrenaline pumping through their veins. Opening the throttle Spike took off again. A curve appeared ahead bending to the left with a cliff to the right. Spike didn’t slow; instead he leaned into it, the bike almost sliding along on its side as they sailed around it. Buffy laughed behind him. This was flying, a sexual ride that left his heart pounding. Here, in this brief moment, he was who he was supposed to be. Freedom was singing its sweet song to him. If he had to describe what he was feeling, all he could say was that it was like coming home.

 

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Faith threw the sopping towel into the bathtub even though she knew she would have to deal with it again later. At least for now the floor was dry again. She shook her head as she headed down the hall to Journey’s room. How could one small child turn taking a bath into a tidal wave? Everything in the bathroom had been soaked by the time she felt that Joy was clean enough.

 

“Joy, time to get into your pajamas,” Faith said as she stepped into the room. However there was no full of mischief face peering up at her. The room was empty. She hurriedly looked in the closet and under the bed to make sure she wasn’t hiding but there was no sign of the girl. “Damn it,” Faith muttered, hitting the hallway at a near run.

 

Whoever had thought this gig would make her realize what she was missing by not dating Max was definitely nuts? This was enough to turn her off of motherhood forever. “Yeah, yeah, I know,” she groused in the general direction of the air above her. “I’m learning as fast as I can here.”

 

Elijah’s door was closed. Faith knocked out of respect first but she didn’t hear anything except the sounds of the television and opened it just a crack. “Eli, is Joy in there with you?”

 

“No,” Elijah said. “I thought you were giving her a bath?”

 

“I was and she disappeared,” Faith replied.

 

“She probably went downstairs to get something to eat or something,” Elijah said, continuing to play his video game. He acted bored by the whole situation.

 

“Fine,” Faith said, closing the door and headed for the stairs. She took them two at a time wishing that Journey would just show up. The two kids had been wound up all day. In her opinion, Buffy and Spike shouldn’t have left them. They were both just as affected by the events unfolding as the adults and were less equipped to handle it. “But then that’s why they left them with family, dumb ass,” Faith scolded herself darting into the kitchen. It was empty. A glance at the back door let her know that it was still locked so Joy hadn’t headed into the backyard. “Max, Hey, Max, need help,” Faith hollered, knocking on the study door as she passed. “The little one has gone missing.”

 

“What happened?” Max asked, running out of the study and down the hall on Faith’s heels. “Who’s missing?”

 

“Journey, I was giving her a bath,” Faith explained, checking the front door. It was locked too. “She soaked the bathroom so I sent her to her room while I cleaned up. When I got there she was gone.” Faith opened the dining room doors, looked around the obviously empty room then closed them again. “Elijah hasn’t seen her either.”

 

“She has to be around here,” Max said, following her back up the stairs. “Did you look in all the closets? Under the beds?”

 

“No, just hers,” Faith said, stopping so quickly that Max bumped into her. “Elijah isn’t in his room now.” She turned in a circle. “The two of you have two seconds to get your little butts into your rooms before I go psycho Slayer on you. Do you understand me?”

 

No answer. No giggles. No running feet. Nothing. She was starting to get worried.

 

“Faith, check this floor,” Max instructed. “Look everywhere a small child could hide. I’ll check the attic.”

 

Faith nodded, starting with Elijah’s room. He wasn’t there. Soon she developed a pattern as she systematically went through each room and closet. Her fear and frustration grew exponentially with every step. They were no where on the second floor. She headed up to see if Max had found them. He was disappearing into the Blood’s closet. She followed him in as he started to search through the clothes on Spike’s side so she started on Buffy’s side.

 

“Faith, did you ever hear about a secret room up here?” Max asked, feeling along a panel in the wall.

 

“You’re kidding, right?” Faith asked, then jumped back in surprise when Max hit the right spot and the panel slid back.

 

Max felt around inside the door for a light switch. “Aha,” Max said. He froze when he saw the contents of the room.

 

Faith peeked over his shoulder then started laughing. “Holy shit,” she said, stepping into the small room. There was mirrors on the walls and in the center of the room hung a swing. Faith pushed it, letting it hit Max on the side.

 

“This is like…,” Max said, pushing the swing aside.

 

“High kink factor,” Faith said, noting the shelves with various sex toys on it. “Guess they do need the privacy with all the rug rats around.”

 

“Yeah, and we need to find those rug rats before they get hurt,” Max said. “Where the hell are they?”

 

“Max,” Faith said, grabbing his arm. Any amusement over Buffy and Spike’s playroom was shoved aside as she was filled with dread again. “The basement. We didn’t look down there yet.”

 

“Shit,” Max uttered. “And from there they can go anywhere in town.”

 

Neither one of them bothered to close up the room. Faith took the lead as she bounded down the stairs then almost leapt from the second floor to the ground floor. Her fears were confirmed when the basement door swung open. It hadn’t been firmly shut. Max was right behind her as they headed into the basement. They both skidded to a stop when the door leading into the tunnels was wide open. By this time the children could be heading almost anywhere.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

The room reeked of an evil as ancient as time. Its stone walls wept with the misery that the occupants had caused the human race over time. It was as close to hell as the earthen walls that contained its evil malevolence. Angel knew he was in grave danger of losing his soul by coming here. Angelus roared within him, fighting for control like he hadn’t in over a decade. It was only the image of Cordelia that gave the soul ultimate power. Love was the strongest force in the universe and Angel clung to it with every ounce of strength he possessed.

 

“Come on in, man,” Gunn invited, sweeping his arm out. “You passed the last test when you refused to give in to Cordelia about giving this opportunity up.”

 

Angel nodded while trying to hide his surprise. Somehow they knew everything. More than he ever thought they did. He would have to contact Willow later to have a stronger protection spell placed around his home. These piss ants would know the full wrath of his demon if they dare to hurt his wife. Their transgression would not go unpunished for disturbing their tranquil home with their prying eyes.

 

“Some things are stronger than this world,” Angel said, determined to be non-committal in his answers. He wasn’t ready to sign his life away just yet. This was a chance to see who he was up against.

 

“Welcome, Angel,” Vail said, being the first to reveal himself.

 

“Thank you,” Angel replied. He wasn’t surprised that Wolfram & Hart’s go-to warlock for magical tampering was a member of the legendary Black Thorn. It only made sense that the sorcerer capable of memory reconstruction and temporal shifts would be placed in such an esteemed position. To show respect Angel offered his hand and allowed Vail to be the one with the stronger grip. Play the game, Angel thought. Just smile and play the game.

 

Angel looked around the room at the other members. They were mostly all members he recognized as clients of or employees of Wolfram & Hart. Izzy, his frequent racquetball partner, was the next to welcome him. In his hand was a glass of champagne which Angel accepted.

 

“Let me introduce you around,” Izzy said, taking Angel by the elbow. “Some of these folks you know and some you don’t.” He led the vampire over to the table where hors d'oeuvre was set out. “Of course, you’re acquainted with the Archduke.”

 

“Kudos, child,” Sebassis said, turning to Angel. “I must say it’s gratifying to see you’ve returned to form, Angelus.”

 

“It’s still Angel.”

 

“Ah,” Sebassis replied, with an indifferent wave of his hand. “Well, what’s in a name, eh? In the spirit of our new alliance, you must allow me to throw a dinner party in your name.”

 

“You know how I love parties,” Angel said, with a smile. He tipped his wine glass toward him then took a sip. It would be the last thing he would do if he could help it. Being with these people was making him nervous, but he had to do this. He had to be accepted.

 

“Hello Angel,” Senator Helen Brucker, a client of the law firm approached the small group. “It’s nice to see you again so soon.”

 

“Senator,” Angel replied with a tilt of his head. “I had no idea you were so well…connected.”

 

Laughing, she shook her head then said, “Well, I’m not going to take the White House in 2008 on just my sparkling wit and funding from hostile governments.”

 

“I expect not,” Angel said, laughing along with her.

 

“It’s quite a turn out for your initiation,” Izzy said, patting Angel on the back and effectively dismissing the Senator. “It seems that everybody is here.”

 

“Really,” Angel said, absently. He took a look around the room and mentally began to take notes on the members. He nodded when his gaze met Gunn’s then quickly moved on. It wouldn’t do to stare at anyone for too long or think about anything for more than a scant moment. They would be waiting for him to do something suspicious or for one of their psychics to detect a disloyal thought. If they did then his entire plan would be all for naught.

 

All he had to do was remain strong and he would accomplish his mission. Maybe then he would finally have a reward for all the sacrifices he and his family had made over the years. Maybe just maybe the universe would be on his side for once.

 

to be continued…

 

 

 

Author’s Note: Dialogue and circumstances borrowed from Angel episode: Power Play. Information on the Black Thorn obtained from the official 2004 Angel Yearbook.

 

Chapter 37 – Cowboy in Me

 

 

I don’t know why I act the way I do

Like I ain’t got a single thing to lose

Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy

 

I got a life that most would love to have

But sometimes I still wake up fighting mad

At where this road I’m following might lead

 

The urge to run, the restlessness

The heart of stone I sometimes get

The things I’ve done for foolish pride

The me that’s never satisfied

The face in the mirror when I don’t like what I see

I guess that’s just the cowboy in me

 

Girl I know there’s times you must have thought

There ain’t a line you’ve drawn I haven’t crossed

But you set your mind to see this love through

I guess that’s just the cowboy in you

                        Tim McGraw

 

 

Buffy threw the last shirt into the dresser then shut the drawer with a bang. Irritation simmered within her begging to become full blown anger. They’d arrived at the cabin an hour before and Spike had been missing for almost forty-five of those minutes. He’d mumbled something about having to take care of things outside then he vanished, leaving her alone to unpack their gear while putting up with the crass jokes and conversation from the guys. Dylan was deliberately trying to provoke her with comments about how wonderful the single life was. The others seemed to encourage his boasting by adding their colorful twists about the women they’d known.

 

Determined to give her husband a piece of her mind, she strode through the living room, ignoring the others as she swung the door open. The motorcycles sat in a perfect line next to the utility van with the rest of their gear but there was no Spike in sight. Buffy sighed, venturing down to the edge of the clearing to see if she saw him. He didn’t seem to be around. She stood perfectly still, cleansing her spirit of the anger that prevented her from finding him. He wasn’t far. She turned around, following the directions her instincts gave her until she found him sitting by a lake about a half a mile from the cabin.

 

Spike sat with his journal open across his lap while he wrote upon the pages. His brow was furrowed in concentration while his lips followed the words his mind gave him. It had been so long since she had seen him lost in his own private world that she instantly forgave him.

 

He was in what she called his ‘William mode’, tuning out the world, listening only to the prose that filled his heart. Back when he allowed himself this part of himself, he could be lost for hours or days, locked away in his study creating another life. Sometimes he even forgot to eat or sleep until he reached the end of whatever particular journey he was on. Exhausted he would stumble back to reality and into her arms with the need of a young child to be loved. It was those moments that she would come face to face with the man he’d once been.

 

With a smile she approached him, and without a word sat beside him. She hooked her arms around her legs, waiting for him to speak, or acknowledge her presence. Instead of bothering him she looked around at the scenery around them. The sun was beginning to set over the mountains to the east sending a brilliant display of orange and purple splashing across the sky. Birds flew over the pristine water of the lake in hovering circles looking for fish foolish enough to break the surface.

 

Here in this place was a peaceful contentment that was working its magic on her soul. She felt like she could open herself up to the world around her without fear of taking on the ugliness of life that she picked up from the humans and demons around her. She thought of their son, Elijah, wondering if he would feel the same here. The child spent too much time behind the wall of protection he erected around himself that Buffy feared he would eventually become cutoff from the good things that life could offer. She exhaled with a wistful sigh as the pressure of home invaded her mood.

 

“It’s different here, isn’t it?” Spike said, slipping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her close.

 

“It’s beautiful.”

 

Spike pressed a kiss to her cheek, and then nuzzled his chin in her hair before nipping at her ear lobe. “Not as beautiful as you are,” he whispered. “I wish I could make love to you.”

 

“Here and now?” Buffy teased, turning so that she could kiss him with gentle strokes. “I think our roommates might come looking for us.”

 

“I know,” he responded with a sigh. He pulled away to lie back on the grass. His hand held onto his journal which was now closed.

 

“What were you writing about?” Buffy asked, curious as to what he was thinking about that would make him put business second. “Anything I can read?” She tugged playfully on the book.

 

He smacked her hand without hurting her. “About you…us, our family and…about this place.”

 

“Oh,” Buffy said, lying on her side by him. She tucked her arm under her head as a pillow, letting her other hand rest on his arm. Her thumb made idle strokes along his flesh.  “You seemed happy on the ride up here? Do you have a yearning for the country life that I don’t know about?”

 

“Maybe,” Spike said. “What if I did?”

 

“You’re my husband,” Buffy said. “Where you go, I go.”

 

His head tilted, staring at her in contemplation before he asked, “Just like that?”

 

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “Just like that.”

 

Seemingly in surprise one brow raised in reply to her affirmation. Spike shook his head and sat up. His body curled into itself as he imitated the pose she previously had assumed. He stared out over the lake while she searched her mind for what she could have done to upset him. It was absurd for him to be angry that she would follow him wherever he would go. They were a couple, married with children, why would she stay behind? She sat up, staying beside him, but not touching.

 

“Did I do something wrong?” Buffy asked.

 

“What if I said I wanted to move to China?” He turned to search her face. His brows furrowed. “Would you just say okay?”

 

“Spike, that’s crazy,” Buffy laughed. He didn’t laugh with her.  “What’s going on? I’m your wife, of course, I would follow you.”

 

“Don’t you have any thoughts on it? Other than sure, we’ll move, turn our whole lives upside down, just because I have a whim?”

 

“I’m not even going to get into this,” Buffy snapped. She stood up, brushing off the seat of her jeans. “It’s stupid.” She started to walk off then turned back around to face Spike just as he was standing. “Once again you’re starting this shit. I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t. Woe is you, Buffy doesn’t love you enough, Buffy is smothering me and, guess what now I have an excuse to play all Mr. Insecurity.”

 

“Excuse me,” Dylan said, startling both Buffy and Spike with his presence. They both whirled to look at him. He was barely hiding a smirk. “Jake wants everyone together for a strategy meeting.”

 

“Any excuse to interrupt us?” Buffy asked sarcastically then let her shoulders droop in dejection.

 

It was too much. Her husband’s temptation was there in front of her offering something she could never give. All of her love led to dreams of a home, stability, and a life with one person. And for some reason the man she loved had never been comfortable with that. He’d flat out told her from the beginning that he didn’t want it, but somehow over the years he’d accepted her dreams. Allowed them to happen, but he never gave up yearning for what he didn’t have. For his dreams of their life together, except now he looked to others for those dreams.

 

She had chosen what she wanted, and now she had to live with the choices she made as a young woman with a heart full of hope. The hope was dying because she knew the signs. The restlessness that drove Spike to seek out that balm for his demon’s urges. The temptation had been offered too much, too openly, and wrapped in a beautiful package.

 

And she had never hated anyone as much in her life. Dylan had youth, beauty, and freedom that teased at her husband’s libido. To think his heart was tempted was too much for Buffy to take. It couldn’t be. A sob rose unbidden, getting caught in her throat as she tried to push it back. With one last glance of hope she turned to run back to the cabin leaving Spike to walk back with the enemy.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

The tunnel was dark with a smell that burned at her throat. Every once in awhile there was a scratching sound that made chills run along Journey’s spine. Elijah was pulling on her hand, forcing her to follow him through the scary place. She wanted to go back.

 

“Stop,” Journey cried, trying to yank her hand away. “I don’t like it here.” She sniffled. “Faith said I could have hot choc’lit before I went to bed.”

 

“Quit being a baby,” Eli said, not even looking back. “You wanted to play hide and seek.”

 

“You scaring me,” Joy stated. This was a game she didn’t like and she wished she hadn’t agreed to go with her brother. Mummy and Daddy would be very angry knowing that they were in the tunnels alone. It was a grown up place. “I don’t like it down here.”

 

“I don’t either,” Eli whispered. “It’s not much further.”

 

“Where we going?”

 

“I have to check something out. There’s a message of some kind at the first crossroads.”

 

“What kind of message?”

 

“I don’t know,” Elijah said, sounding exasperated with her questions. “That’s why we’re down here.”

 

“Who told you it was here?” Journey asked, not caring if Elijah got mad at her. Hearing his voice was helping to make her feel safe. The beam of the flashlight wasn’t enough since it was in front of him. She refused to try to see in the inky blackness. There could be monsters around them.

 

“I dreamed about it,” Elijah said, stopping suddenly. He flashed the light over the walls that dripped with water that smelled funny. Joy shivered, stepping closer to him.

 

“Well, well look who’s being bad little children,” a voice called out to them. “You will surely be spanked.”

 

They both turned to see who was there in the darkness with them. A woman stood, illuminated in the glow of the flashlight. Journey thought she was very pretty with long black hair and big brown eyes. Her red dress looked like one’s that were worn only to fancy parties.

 

“Are you a princess?” Journey asked.

 

“Eli, tell the little one who I am,” she said, clapping her hands.

 

“Don’t listen to her,” Elijah ordered, stepping between Journey and the woman. “She’s not good.”

 

“I’m your grandmamma, Drusilla,” the woman said, coming closer. “Aren’t you the pretty one, precious? Not the little prince we expected but you would have served quite nicely.”

 

“You my mummy’s mom?” Joy asked, curious about this woman that said she was family, but she’d never heard of before.

 

“No, your father is my boy.”

 

“Oh, Daddy is a vampire,” Joy said. “Are you one, too?”

 

“Yes, I am,” Drusilla said with a soft laugh. “One day you will be, too.”

 

“No, I won’t,” Joy argued. “No one is going to drink my blood.”

 

“Joy, quit talking to her,” Elijah said, trying to drag Journey away. “She’s evil and will be mean to us.”

 

“She’s nice,” Journey said, tired of listening to her brother. He was always bossing her around and she liked this lady. She was pretty and wasn’t treating her like a baby. “Do you want to come back with us? Mummy and Daddy aren’t home…”

 

“Damn it, shut up,” Elijah hissed, pushing his sister.

 

“Stop that,” Drusilla said. “Your sister is very smart. And I like her, too.” She turned to Journey. “I bet you don’t like that Mummy and Daddy left you. Do you?”

 

“They went away to be all mushy,” Joy said.

 

“Why don’t you come with me?” Drusilla said. “I like to play. I won’t leave you like your parents did.”

 

“They’re coming back,” Joy insisted with a nod hard enough to send her curls flying.

 

“How do you know?” Drusilla said. “You’ve been in the way haven’t you? They’re talking about having another baby. One to replace the bad girl you’ve been…doing naughty, naughty things like running away. Mummy’s and Daddy’s leave little girls who don’t listen.”

 

Joy grabbed her brother’s hand. Her lower lip trembled as her eyes filled with tears. Daddy had gone away, now Mummy was with him, what if this lady was right and they didn’t come home? Who would take care of her, Elijah and Candy?

 

“I want my mummy,” Journey said, as the tears began to roll down her face. “She’s coming back and so is Daddy.”

 

“Its okay, Journey,” Elijah said, starting to lead her back home. He glanced over his shoulder.  “Don’t listen to her. She’s bad.”

 

“I want Mummy and Daddy,” Journey wailed, tired of being strong. She wanted someone to pick her up and cuddle her. She wanted Daddy to read her a bed time story while they drank hot chocolate and Candy sat on her lap. When Elijah started to run, she didn’t even mind. Her little legs were pumping hard as she tried to keep up. The path was too rough for her to run in the slippers she had on. She tripped and went flying. Her arm caught her fall as she hit the ground. Letting out a wail that came from deep within her, she cried out for her parents.

 

“I’m right here, princess,” Mummy said, kneeling in front of her. “You really need to stop this crying. It makes Mummy mad when you act like a baby. Stand up. Right now.”

 

“It hurts,” Journey protested, but still trying to do as she was told.

 

“It’s not Mummy,” Elijah said. “It’s the bad one again.”

 

“Shut up, Elijah,” Mummy said. “You are a bad boy and I don’t think we want you anymore.” She turned to Journey. “Either of you.” She stood up. “I’m going away with Daddy and you’re never going to see us again. All because you are a disappointment to us.”

 

“Shut up,” Elijah screeched, pulling Journey against him. “Leave us alone. You’re not our mother. She loves us and you aren’t going to make us hate her. Go away.”

 

Joy held onto Elijah with everything she had. This had to be a nightmare. It had to be. Mummy and Daddy had to still love them. They wouldn’t go away and leave them alone. She started to cry harder as she wished her parents would come home.

 

“Elijah, Joy,” they heard Max calling for them. “Are you there?”

 

“Yes, we’re here,” Elijah called out then glared at Mummy. “We’re not alone anymore so you can’t do anything to us.”

 

“They’re not going to love you anymore,” Mummy said. “You’re spoiled rotten little brats who only disgust them.”

 

Then she vanished as Max and Faith came running up to them.

 

Joy hadn’t been so happy to see anyone in her young life. “Faith,” she cried lifting her arms so she would be picked up.  Faith swept her up just like Mummy would, hugging her tight while Max held onto Elijah.

 

They were safe again.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Spike stared after Buffy’s retreating form while he wrestled with his guilt. His words had come out all wrong. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. He had wanted an honest dialogue of the possibilities of moving someplace. Maybe a little daydreaming together, but Buffy had just agreed. He should be happy that she loved him that much. For some reason, though, it irked him. He sighed as he started to trace her footsteps. Dylan didn’t say a word to him just began to follow him.

 

No matter how many different ways he said it, Buffy had a problem believing that he’d changed. He loved her just like he always did. Their past problems weren’t her fault. She was never anything but honest with him after that morning in the cemetery. The morning they faced how seriously fucked up their relationship was. Now, he knew the time they spent apart was good for them both. It was just his insecurity of being loved by Buffy that had always left him looking for affirmation outside their relationship. He didn’t need that anymore. He was honest with himself though. Dylan was beautiful. Playing with him would give his demon a rush, but it wasn’t something he even considered.

 

Buffy was his wife and the love of his life. She was the only one he wanted. He just wished she would accept it and learn to trust him again. He shook his head as he approached the cabin. Of course, if she never did then he had no one to blame but himself.

 

“Sorry, for interrupting back there,” Dylan said, as they crossed the clearing to the cabin. “Probably should have sent someone else to fetch you two.”

 

“Not your fault,” Spike said, glancing over at the young man beside him. “It’s just been hard with the two of us separated the last few months.” He chuckled. “It’s thrown a little excitement into the routine we’ve fallen in since Joy was born.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Dylan said, stopping on the steps. His tongue curled against his front teeth for a moment before he generously added, “If there’s anything I can do to help or if you need to talk. I’m here for you.”

 

“Thanks,” Spike said, reaching for the door. “I appreciate the offer.”

 

It wasn’t the time or place to tell Dylan to back off some. Not with everyone waiting on the other side of the door. Later, Spike promised himself and after that was settled he’d make sure Buffy would know what he did.

 

Spike strode into the cabin, putting his shoulders back, preparing to go into mission mode. His personal life needed to be put on hold for the moment. Buffy’s laughter interrupted his thoughts. He searched for her in the room curious as to why she sounded happy. She was angry the last time he saw her. He heard her giggle again. This time he traced it to the kitchen. He walked over to find her leaning on the counter, talking to Ted, or rather flirting with Ted. She flipped her hair back before she caught his gaze. Rage started to boil within him then he saw the confusion in her eyes and let it go. She may be flirting but he knew she wouldn’t let it go farther than that.

 

“Trying to steal my woman?” Spike joked, moving to slip an arm around Buffy’s waist. She was stiff beside him then relaxed.

 

“Maybe,” Ted said, with a smile. He tipped his glass toward them. “Just assessing my chances at the moment though.”

 

“Just so you know I’m not going to let her go…ever.” Their eyes met and he saw the happiness fill them. He kissed her cheek.

 

“Mmm, I was coming to that conclusion myself,” Ted responded with a shake of his head. “You two are too glued together for me to ever think of interfering.”

 

“Glad you see that,” Spike said, squeezing her a little tighter. “We better get into the living room before Jake calls the dogs out to find us.”

 

He started to take a step, but Buffy didn’t move. She started to shake as she stared down at her arm. He froze when he followed her gaze. It was raw from wrist to elbow and blood was oozing from the open wound. He stared in stupefaction as he wondered what had happened. She’d been fine when he walked into the room, but it looked like she had scraped it somehow.

 

“Buffy?”

 

She started to cry. “It’s Journey. She’s hurt.”

 

 

 

to be continued…

 

Chapter 38 – Serenity

 

 

Tragic visions slowly stole my life

Tore away everything

Cheating me out of my time

I’m the one who loves you

No matter wrong or right

And everyday I hold you

I hold you with my inner child

            Godsmack

 

 

 

It sickened him to watch as Spike fawned over his poor excuse of a wife. Buffy wasn’t strong enough…good enough for the creature that was William the Bloody. She wanted him domesticated. Nothing more than a man like millions of others that never knew the power that they could possess. Dylan knew he could give Spike his freedom. Let him be the god that he was. Shaking his head, Dylan backed out of the room before turning to stride outside. He grabbed a pack of smokes on the way and with one last nauseating look behind him, he strode outside.

 

Dylan walked away from the cabin but stayed close enough so that he could still see its light. He lit a cigarette, letting it burn deep into his lungs. It reminded him that he was still human. Still mortal and he hated that more than anything.

 

“You’re losing him,” a soft melodic voice said just over his shoulder. “Dylan, my boy, I thought I taught you better.”

 

“You did,” Dylan replied, not even bothering to move his eyes from the ground. He knew who it was. Margeaux, the only one who ever really cared about him. The one who had showed him how to use his assets to survive. The one who loved him so much that she had found a way to return from death to help him. “It’s like she has a spell on him.”

 

“Why do you hesitate?” Margeaux asked, kneeling before him. “Use what you know will work. Seduce him.”

 

“He’s more complicated than that,” Dylan replied, tears shining in his eyes. He wanted to hold Margeaux; wanted her to hold him like she used to when he was so young. It was only there that he felt safe. “Spike is in love with love. Sex will only make him feel guilty, driving him back into her arms. I have to find a way to make him distrust her. If she betrays him then he will be easier to seduce.”

 

“You fool,” Margeaux hissed, backing away from him, leaving him with only the sweet scent of her perfume to comfort him. “You’re falling in love with him. Love will always let you down. Fuck him until there are no other thoughts in his head. You were blessed with those looks and body. Use them as they were intended, as I taught you to use them.”

 

“Is that what you did with me?” Dylan asked. He hated the truth even though he knew it. “Used me?”

 

“My dear boy, of course not, you know how much I loved you. It was me and you against the world, remember?” It was only half truths she uttered, but he wanted her words to be truth so he didn’t argue and…

 

He did remember. Margeaux was the only one who was kind to him. She understood who he was and what he needed. Cordelia reminded him so much of his Margeaux except Cordelia was true in her affection. If only she could have been the one to take him off the street instead.

 

“I know,” he whispered, hating that despite everything being with Margeaux had been the best time of his life. “I just wish you had never left me.”

 

“I wish for that, too,” Margeaux said gently. “But I’m here now to make sure that you get all that you deserve.”

 

“I appreciate it,” Dylan said, staring up into her beautiful green eyes. Once they were vivid with life, but now they were cold. A shiver ran through him as he looked away toward the warmth of the cabin. All he wanted was to belong somewhere. “I’m going to make you proud,” he said, echoing the words he told her the first night she turned him out to work the streets. “Just like I did before.”

 

“I know you will.”

 

When he looked up she was gone. He stubbed out the cigarette he hadn’t smoked after all and headed back toward the cabin filled with a determination to win the heart of the man he was falling for. Nothing would ever make him go back to the lonely and lost boy he’d once been. Certainly not a slayer who had a certain vampire by the balls.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

The contrast in the children after their ordeal was pronounced. Elijah was being stoic while Journey sniffled trying to garner as much attention as possible. Max watched as Faith cuddled the little girl to her before setting her down on the counter.

 

“Don’t move, Joy,” Faith said. “Let me get something to clean your arm up with.”

Keeping an arm in front of the little girl, Faith reached into the cabinet for a clean towel and antiseptic soap. A staple in a house filled with warriors. While Max watched the two females, Elijah sat down at the table staring down at his hands. At some point Max knew he had to talk to the boy to find out why he’d left the protection of the house and also took his sister with him. It wasn’t going to be an easy conversation from the look on the boy’s face.

 

The phone rang making them all jump at the interruption. Max and Faith glanced at one another before he reached over to answer the phone.

 

“Hello.”

 

“Max, is Joy all right?” Spike asked without preamble.

 

“She’s fine,” Max replied, looking over at the little girl who was sniffling as a bandage was applied to her arm. “She fell and got her armed scraped up, but other than that she’s fine.”

 

“How did she fall?”

 

Max wiped at his face because he knew that he would have to confess everything to Spike whether he wanted to or not. Most likely Buffy knew enough to pinpoint that Elijah was involved. It was just the details that were probably blurred. He looked over at the boy with an apologetic look before telling the truth.

 

“Elijah took Joy down into the tunnel,” Max said. “They were running back toward the house when she tripped and fell.” He paused for a moment to take a deep breath. “Apparently they had an encounter with the First.”

 

“Bloody hell,” Spike exclaimed. “What made him go down there? He knows it’s off limits.”

 

“I haven’t talked to him yet.”

 

There was a moment of silence that made Max squirm with the guilt of failing not only his friends but his charges. If he hadn’t been going over his email from the school he would have seen the children leave.

 

“Let me talk to him,” Spike said.

 

“Hold on,” Max replied, turning to hand the phone to Eli, but it was knocked from his grasp when the boy jumped up.

 

“No, I won’t talk to him,” Elijah screamed. “None of you understand what’s going on.” He ran from the room without a backward glance, but the sound of sobs echoed behind him.

 

Max reeled with the pain that Elijah was in. No one understood what he dealt with everyday. Knowledgeable about the world around him,  Max was often overwhelmed by its harsh truths. What Elijah endured had to be its own form of hell that left him in quandaries of what was right or wrong.

 

“Sorry, Spike,” Max said. “Let me go and talk to him then I’ll call you later. Okay?”

 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Spike said. “Will Joy speak with me?”

 

“Hey, baby girl,” Max said, turning to look at the little girl. “You want to talk to Daddy?”

 

“Daddy,” Joy cooed, holding her hand out for the phone. Her little face lit up with happiness just thinking about speaking with her father. It caused a pang of jealousy somewhere in Max’s heart but he pushed it away as he returned his thoughts to the hurting little boy upstairs.

 

Once father and daughter were speaking, Max slipped from the room. He wasn’t sure what to say to Elijah but knew he had to try. Each step he took up the stairs seemed to be another echo of failure or self-doubt. Once his confidence was as inbred as his looks but lately life was chipping away at it. He knew it was costly not only to him but to the ones around. He just wasn’t sure how to change it. With a sigh he knocked on Elijah’s bedroom door.

 

“Eli, may I come in?”

 

“Go away.”

 

“I just want to make sure you’re all right?” Max asked, opening the door just a bit. Elijah was huddled on his bed holding onto the teddy bear he’d gotten when he first came to live with the Blood’s. “Eli, I’m not going to yell at you or punish you. Let me help you.” He stepped into the room. “I know I don’t understand but let me try.”

 

“It’s here all the time,” Elijah said. “In my head and in my dreams. I was trying to find a way to make it go away…to leave us alone. It said there was magic in the tunnels if only I could find it.”

 

“The First?” Max asked in disbelief. “You’re talking to the First?”

 

“Yes,” Elijah snapped, sitting up to stare at him. “He gloats at me. Tells me things I don’t want to know, but I do. All of it is inside me and I don’t want it to be anymore. Nobody understands what’s happening, but I do.” Suddenly he clutched his head. “Shut up,” he screamed. “I wasn’t telling…I wasn’t…stop.”

 

Max didn’t know what to do to help Elijah. The boy was lost in a world that only he could see. Something Max realized that no one other than Eli would ever comprehend the reality around them. He reached for Elijah, pulling him against him to rock him, hoping somehow that his love would reach inside that private place that Eli was lost in.

 

“I’m here,” Max whispered. “You’re not alone. You’re not alone.” He kissed the top of the curly haired head. “I’m here for you…always.”

 

He kept repeating the phrases over and over while Elijah sobbed in his arms. It wasn’t fair that one small person would have to hold so much inside him. If he carried the words of the most evil then he must also bear the words of good to balance them. It was a burden usually given in history only to gods, prophets and messiahs.

 

The truth of the battle they were facing was beginning to dawn on Max. It wasn’t just a soldier of evil with a scheme for world dominance they would be facing but a showdown of the ultimate fight between the forces of light and darkness. He shivered wondering if they would be able to win this time.

 

~~~~~~~

 

“Hello, pumpkin,” Spike said. “Do you miss me?”

 

“When you coming home?” Joy demanded. “I got hurt and you weren’t here to kiss it and make it better.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Spike said, squeezing Buffy’s hand as she leaned against him so she could overhear the conversation. “We’re going to be home soon. Tomorrow we’re going to face the bad ones then we’ll be heading home.”

 

“You promise?” His little girl demanded.

 

“I promise, baby,” Spike vowed, nodding his head. “Now, you listen to Faith and Max and be a good girl for Mummy and Daddy.”

 

“I try,” Joy mumbled. “Elijah said I had to go wif’ him to the tunnel. We saw this bad lady and then it was Mummy. I was scared.”

 

“It was a lie to try and hurt you,” Spike said, letting his lips drift over Buffy’s forehead as she stifled a sob. It was tearing her apart that they hadn’t been home for their children. “Remember we love you no matter what.”

 

“You’re not mad?”

 

“No, I’m not mad. Neither is Mummy. We’re just happy that you’re all right.”

 

“Is Mummy there?”

 

“Yes, I’m here,” Buffy said, barely keeping the trembling from her voice. “I love you, Joy, with all my heart.”

 

“I know,” Journey whispered. “I didn’t believe the other Mummy when she said she didn’t.”

 

“Good,” Spike said. “Tell Faith to call us back when you’re tucked in bed and we’ll tell you a bed time story. Okay?”

 

“Okay, Daddy, love you,” Journey said, finishing off with a few kissing sounds before she clicked the phone off.

 

Spike pulled Buffy into a tight hug, rocking her back and forth as her arms came around him. He could feel her tears soaking him through his t-shirt. Never before had they left their children at such a tumultuous time. It was eating at him too except he knew they needed the time away to work at their own relationship. Not that the situation they were in was the ideal environment.

 

Footsteps sounded in the doorway to the kitchen and he looked up to find Dylan there. Spike closed his eyes as he buried his nose in the gold locks of his wife and whispered to her, “I love you, baby, I’m here for you…always. We’re going to get through whatever this is together.”

 

“I know,” Buffy mumbled. “It’s just not fair that the children have to suffer in the middle of this. We should have been there.”

 

“They’re safe. Max and Faith will protect them until we get home then I’m not leaving anymore,” Spike said, looking up at Dylan. “I promise I’ll be there to protect them and you from now on.”

 

Relief went through him as Dylan turned and left without saying a word. Maybe this time his words had sunk in with the other man, but Spike didn’t see the smile that his partner wore as he walked away.

 

 

to be continued…

 

Chapter 39 – Walk That Line

 

Never believed in the straight and narrow
Always took the rocky road
Spread my wings like a wayward sparrow
Where the wind blew I would go
Thought no one could ever tame me
And no chains could tie me down
But your love put my feet back on the ground

            Martina McBride

 

 

 

I promise I will never let you get lost again.

 

 

If there was one thing in Raven’s life that she could count on was the promises made by her father and Connor.  Both felt it was a sign of dishonor to break your word and would rather die than have the disgrace associated with their name. Of course there were always circumstances in which promises were broken despite the efforts to keep them. This time, though, Raven was clinging to the positive side of the promise made to her by Connor.

 

Somewhere out there Connor was watching her, protecting her, if she became hopelessly lost. Early that morning, blindfolded, she’d been led deep into the woods. Her other senses distorted by the lack of sight and her body deprived of sleep she couldn’t keep any sense of direction. She’d been tied to a tree, given a kiss and his promise, then left to find her way back to the cabin.

 

All it would take was a loud scream and he would be there. But she wasn’t ready to see the disappointment in his eyes at her lack of survival. He’d done it and he’d only been four when Holtz had tested him. So, why couldn’t she do it when she was eighteen?

 

Because you’re a spoiled little girl who has always had Daddy to bail your ass out of trouble, she muttered to herself as she took a deep, calming breath.

 

Never before in her existence as a Slayer had she’d been totally on her own. Spike said it was family and friends that kept Buffy alive for so long. They gave her a link to the world, and given her a reason to fight so hard. Giles said it made a Slayer weak to be so dependent. Apparently, Connor agreed with the Watcher because he was the one who had pushed for this exercise.

 

Getting loose from the ropes was easy. Her strength was enough to help cut through the expertly tied knots, and with a little pride she admitted that she’d been paying attention when Connor had shown her how to tie them. So, now she just had to remember the other things he’d told her to figure out how to get back to the cabin.

 

It just wasn’t that easy though. The woods seemed to stretch out forever in a sea of sameness. Tall trees, prickly bushes, crackling leaves were all Raven could see. She considered climbing a tree to see if she could recognize anything but she hadn’t climbed one since she was a kid in Lankasha. Looking around, she studied a tree with some decent looking branches. She was blessed with Slayer strength and flexibility so climbing a tree should be easy.

 

Fear at Connor laughing at her kept her on the ground. She knew it was ridiculous. It was such a girly thing to worry about, but she didn’t want him to see the side of her that wasn’t perfect.

 

You’re getting to be a real idiot, Raven told herself as she forced away her embarrassment away to grab the lower branches. He’s seen you in the worst possible moments of your life. Why let it bother you now?

 

It did though. She wanted to make Connor happy. She wanted to give him that sense of security that he so desperately needed. If she wasn’t perfect then how could she? Only by being the best could she gain the love she needed so badly from him.

 

Sounds a bit like a selfish deal you’ve got going there. Still wanting him to take care of you and love you even to the point of trying to be something you’re not, she argued with herself as she climbed the tree.

 

It wasn’t as hard as she first thought it would be. Her natural slayer abilities were there to guide her as she moved from one branch to the other. The sense of accomplishment filled her with pride as she ascended the tree. However, the further up she went the more the branches were spaced out. Finally there weren’t any within grabbing distance.

 

Using a hand on the trunk to steady herself, Raven slowly shifted to balancing on the balls of her feet on a branch that seemed sturdy enough to hold her weight. She glanced around but there was too much density for her to view anything that would help her gain direction. Above her, just out of arm’s length was another branch that seemed to stretch outwards without anything to block the scenery around it.

 

Okay, Rave, you can do this, she encouraged herself as she inched a little further out. Her hand slid away from the security of the trunk. Just hold steady, she whispered when she realized she resembled a circus performer on a tightrope. Everything is going to be just fine, were the words she used to give herself the courage to reach upwards and crouch down enough to her body the momentum it would need to leap. On the count of three…one, she stared at the target above her, two, she jumped without waiting for the final count, three, she yelped as she flew through the air.

 

With a triumphant grin, Raven swung on the branch for a moment before swinging her body to a sitting position on her perch. It felt wonderful to have done it totally without assistance or encouragement. She took a deep breath as she looked around at the landscape far below her. For the first time she noticed the beauty of the forest surrounding her. The peaceful aura filled her, reminding her of the home she’d left behind years ago. A lot had happened to her since those days, changing her into someone that scarcely resembled the girl she’d once been.

 

For a moment she just sat there letting the last few years flood her mind with memories. Then her childhood came back to her, bringing a broad grin to her countenance. The forest had been her home in Lankasha. Daily, she and Sean would run through the trees, swim in the lake, and ride horses through the mountains. It had been an almost idyllic way to grow up even with the harsh realities of life around them. The less-than-modern existence the Lankasha preferred to live. The elders said it kept them in closer contact with the magic of their ancestors.

 

The grin faded into tears as she remembered her parents trying to fit in but never really succeeding. Their home had been filled with magic and the learning of the old ways, things Raven realized she had let go of in order to be what she thought Buffy and Spike wanted her to be. She was trying to be a normal American teenage girl when she was anything but. She was Lankasha, a slayer, the girlfriend of the son of two vampires, and the adopted daughter of a slayer and vampire. Her brother was a strong empath with telekinetic abilities and her younger sister was just coming into her own in their extraordinary family. Almost everyone she was close to had some sort of ability outside the ‘normal’ human realm and they accepted it as who they were.

 

So, why did she fight it so much? Why had she let herself forget the strength of being special? Why did she try to deny that she had led an army to save the world?

 

You’ve never forgotten, Raven told herself letting her mind open that time that shaped who she was today. They were all there, the slayers that poured into their home to help fight the battle against the First. The ones that were killed before they could find them, their names diligently entered into Giles’ journals so they would always be remembered. Chloe; unable to withstand the First’s mind games hung herself in the upstairs bathroom, Rebecca; too young, too innocent to ever find the drive to fight died in one of the earlier battles, only a couple in the long list buried during that time.

 

It’s time to move on...

 

Easy enough to tell herself, but it was harder to actually put into practice. She shook her head and wiped away the tears. There was a new battle to fight and in order to win it she would have to face who she was and become stronger than ever. Raven shook her head to clear it of all thoughts. She breathed in the serenity of the forest around her letting it calm her spirit.

 

It was there. It had been all along. The mountainside she often gazed at from the back porch of the cabin. It was distinct. Near the top there was an open field upon which grew three threes in a small cluster. Raven smiled as she turned the other way. Cupping her hand to shield her eyes from the sun, she saw the stream that they fished from. She quickly scrambled down the tree to the ground, took a second to gain her bearings then took off.

 

There was no doubt this time. She allowed the child she’d once been, the Slayer that she was and the woman she wanted to be take control. Once she let go of the fear it didn’t take long before she broke through the clearing to home and like she knew he would, Connor was waiting for him. His grin showed how proud he was of her. She threw herself into his waiting arms.

 

“I found my way,” Raven whispered, right before she kissed him.

 

~~~~~

 

 

The nightlight was on, Candy was curled close against Journey, and the bedtime story had been read. There was only one more thing to do to complete the ritual to make the little girl feel secure enough to sleep. And all it took was Faith leaning over to kiss Joy’s cheek.

 

“Good night, little one,” Faith whispered, smoothing back the curls that fell over the girl’s face.

 

“Good night,” Journey said, slinging her arm over her dog and snuggling down into the bed. Before she closed her eyes, she gave a small wave to Max who was standing in the door waiting to see if he was needed.

 

He wasn’t. Faith had taken care of Journey while Max had been spending some more time with Elijah. They felt that the children needed a little more attention after what they’d been through in the tunnels. Faith didn’t mind. She needed the reassurance of knowing that Joy was dealing with it. If anyone knew about going to bed scared and alone it was Faith. Growing up with an alcoholic mother who would rather party than care for her child still haunted the slayer’s night.

 

“Everything okay?” Max asked when she hesitated at the door.

 

“Yeah, she’s fine,” Faith replied with a shake of her head. “It’s a wonder that kid doesn’t have nightmares all the time.”

 

“She’s resilient,” Max said, smiling. “And she knows that her parents will kick anyone’s ass who tries to hurt her.”

 

“This is true,” Faith giggled. It wasn’t something she didn’t do very often, but the image of Journey standing up to a demon with her family behind her ready to do battle was just too cute for words. “The girl is well protected.”

 

Sadness filled her again as another memory cut through her. A long night of listening to her mother and another one of her boyfriend’s fuck cut through the thin apartment walls. She’d hidden down in her bed until everything was quiet, but the nightmare hadn’t even started. It was after her mother passed out that she found out how alone she really was. The man slipped into her room, silencing her sobs while he forced her to touch him. No one knew and no one cared. It was always that way.

 

“Faith?” Max said, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “What’s the matter?”

 

“Nothing,” she whispered, wishing desperately that she could be free to love this man. “I’m fine,” she reiterated, turning to head to her room. She was caught though by Max’s hand on her arm. It held her tight, but yet it was gentle. The silent tears became a sob as she allowed him to pull her against him.

 

There was safety in his arms and for a moment Faith allowed herself to be comforted by him. Closing her eyes, she allowed her senses to take him in; his warmth, his kindness, his scent, and his love for her. It ached through her, then remembering why she pushed him away. Their eyes clashed in a silent war of wills that he was determined to win.

 

“Why do you have to keep fighting me?” Max whispered right before his lips descended on hers.

 

Faith wanted to push him away. She knew she should. It was the right thing to do, but it was more than she’d ever had before and she wanted just a taste. His tongue seduced her mouth open then when she succumbed to him it was a sweet plundering. She whimpered, leaning closer until he was holding her up. Her fingers slid through the softness of his hair, bringing him closer to her mouth.

 

“I love you so much,” Max said, breaking contact with her lips to trail kisses along her jaw. “Let me love you…”

 

“No,” Faith said. “I can’t…oh, god I’m sorry.”

 

Reality crashed all around her bringing the end to her fantasies. This couldn’t be no matter how much she wanted it. No matter how much he wanted it. Faith turned and ran. It was what she was good at after all. She closed the bedroom door behind her with a firm push. No matter what she did or how hard she tried, she always hurt someone.

 

“Why?” She cried to no one. “This isn’t fair.”

 

“Now, now,” the Mayor said. “Didn’t I tell you before that no one is going to take care of you except for me?”

 

Faith jumped before turning around to face him. It appeared to be him. It sounded like him, but she knew it wasn’t.

 

“Get out.”

 

“Well, gosh,” he laughed. “I think, you know, a ‘hello’ or a ‘nice to see you’ might be a little more welcome.”

 

“You’re wasting your time,” Faith declared, crossing her arms. She knew the game the First played from when it had made its original appearances the year before. “I know who you are, what you are.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, taking a step closer to her but still keeping out of touching time. “Nobody's explained to you how this works, have they?” He shrugged and started to pace from her to the window and back. “You see... I am part of the First, as you kids call it, but I'm also me, Richard Wilkins III, late mayor and founder of Sunnydale. Here. I'll prove it to you. Ask me a question only I know the answer to. Something like...,” he laughed. “Where did I hide the moon pies in my office? Or... who was my favorite character in little women? Meg. I know. I know. Most people guess Beth, but Meg, she's such a proper young lady. Remember when Jo burned her hair?”

 

I know what you're doing, and it's not going to work,” Faith said, sitting on the bed and leaning back on the headboard. Her heart might be breaking, but she wasn’t going to give this evil being the satisfaction of playing his game. “But feel free to keep talking, 'cause, hell, I could listen to you yap all night.”

 

“Now, now, that’s no way for a young lady like yourself to talk,” the First said. “I’ve come to make you an offer and if you’re smart you’ll take it.”

 

“Not interested.”

 

“You really need to learn to respect your elders,” he laughed. “Now just listen. You said you could listen to my yap all night, remember?”

 

“Whatever,” Faith said, shrugging. “It doesn’t matter.”

 

“Now, that young man out there really does love you. He’s the kind of partner you need and if you’ll smart you’ll take him up on it. I can promise you safety for the both of you if you do.”

 

“I told you I’m not interested,” Faith mumbled, hating the part of her that wanted to at least hear him out. She turned her tear filled eyes to her hands that she was holding tightly in her lap.

 

“Oh, yes, you are,” the Mayor said. “Why should Buffy get to have the Cleaver existence and not you? It’s really not fair and I can give you what you want.”

 

It was tempting. He knew which buttons to push, but she wasn’t the girl she’d once been. This time she wouldn’t give in and disappoint herself but also the people around her that believed in her.

 

“I said get out,” Faith said, standing and straightening to her full height.

 

“All right, all right,” the Mayor said, holding his hands up. “I know when I’m not wanted, but the offer stands any time you want to take me up on it.”

 

With that proclamation he vanished. She sunk down onto the bed and gave in to the heartbreak that was taking her over. For the first time in forever she started to pray.

 

 

to be continued…

 

 

Author’s Note: I borrowed dialogue from the Season 7 episode entitled Touched in the scene between Faith and the Mayor. No infringements are intended.

 

Also, I would like to apologize for the delay in updates. I’ve had some serious family issues to deal with in the past month, but I think its behind me and things should get back to regular updates again.