Chapter 14

Waking up in bed, William’s head was pounding, trying to recall if he had been drunk last night. Last night… it came back to him in a rush… his in-laws… Prue… Buffy… Oh God Buffy, what had he done.

He lay in bed, arms thrown against his forehead. This wasn’t his day he had made a mess of everything. He wished he could fall back to sleep again and wake up realizing that everything was just a dream. But he couldn’t, because he knew it wasn’t and now he had to deal with the consequences of what he had done.

As he hauled himself into the shower he thought of all the things he should do today, what’s the first on the agenda? His stomach growled as if to answer his question. First thing, eat something. But he didn’t really feel like shoving anything inside him, like in just a couple of minutes it’s just going to come right back up again. But nonetheless he’s stomach was starving. He dried himself off and got himself dressed before agonizingly making his way down the stairs

Just before he took his first step, he looked to his left, down the hall he saw Prue’s door open ajar. He knew there was a chance that Buffy could be there. He probably should talk to her, but he didn’t know how. He knew he should apologize for everything he had said last night but he couldn’t bring himself to. Suddenly as if his legs were walking on their own, he saw himself nearing her room. As he entered the threshold he saw that the room was bare, she couldn’t have left could she? Not that she didn’t have the right to. The way he spoke to her, the words he had said… even he would want to leave him.

Then he saw Prue on her crib, she was standing, holding onto the rail for support, once she saw him her face gleamed and quickly said her greeting extending her hands up on the air asking for him to pick her up.

He walked over to her cautiously and hauled her up in his arms, he hugged her tightly. All this time he tried to deny that anything was wrong, actually that was false. From the moment he knew that he could lose Prue, he had visibly pulled away from her. Not wanting to get close, shutting himself off, because that way the pain would be less. If he pretended that she was just another person that he had to live with for the time being, and then it would be easier, he wouldn’t have to feel too much hurt if they take her away. But now it was already too late. He had already cared for her, accepted her as part of his life, he had learned to love her much as he had learned to fall in love with…

“Buffy,” William saw her enter the room, carrying a pile of folded laundry. For the first time in a long time, he became speechless, he didn’t know what to do, what to say.

“I’ll come back later,” Buffy began to retreat, it might seem a bit childish but she really didn’t want to talk to him, aside from that fact that she didn’t know what to tell him or how she should act towards him. Some part of her wanted him to apologize, to tell her that he didn’t mean any of what he had said, that everything was going to be alright. For short she wanted reassurance, assurance from him that things haven’t change between them.

“Buffy,” he called after her retreating figure, ‘Say it you git! Just tell her!’ “You should stay… I’m leaving anyway…” William placed Prudence on the floor beside his leg, she immediately look interest in the big stuffed animal on her left, crawling her way over to it.

“Oh…Okay…” Buffy nodded and walked over to the closet, placing the newly folded clothes in.

“So I’m gonna be busy in the office today… probably won’t be home until after dinner. You’ll tell Joyce?” He tried to come up with something better to say but he couldn’t find the right words. This couldn’t possibly be the right time to apologize.

Buffy didn’t seem to be paying him much attention as she was busy stacking the clothes up on the closet.

“Luv?”

“Yeah! Of course.” William almost walked up to her but halted when she immediately answered too chipper for his comfort.

“You know where to reach me if you need anything,” Buffy nodded, back still turned to him. “I better head off then…”

“Uh huh…” was her only reply as William retreated back down the hall.

As soon as she was sure that William was out of ear shot Buffy turned back to find Prudence hunched over one corner of the room seemingly very interested in her pink covered wall.

“Prue, baby,” Prue took the time and looked back Buffy’s way, “Come over here,” she urged her as she sat on the middle of the room, extending her arms out for her to reach.

“Buppy! Buppy!” she chanted as she crawled her way over to her nanny, face gleaming.

As soon as she was in the safety of Buffy arms, she scanned the room, worry etched on the little girl’s face. “Dada?” she frantically looked around. “Dada? Gone?”

“Yeah, princess…” she held her a bit tighter, “Daddy’s gone…” she looked near to tears as she buried her head in Buffy’s hair. “Shh… It’s okay, he’ll be back…”

Prue lifted her head, eyes boring into Buffy. Her tiny hand came up to cup Buffy’s cheek, eyes twinkling as if she perfectly understood how Buffy was feeling and then she did the most unexpected thing, she kissed her then placed her head back into Buffy’s shoulder.

For the first time that day, Buffy smiled as she held her little charge tighter, “I’m gonna miss you…” she whispered.

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“And she tells me the fucking examiner was there!” William half-shouted into the phone as she paced the confines of his office. He had been retelling Angel the predicament they were in and if his head wasn’t already pounding he’d think there somebody dropped something heavy on the top of him.

“Uh huh,” was Angel’s reply, seemingly very calm about the whole situation.

“Peaches! Are you listening to me? I’ve been yapping in here for the last hour and you have nothing else better to say than a bloody ‘uh huh’?”

“Will, calm it.” Angel tried to rationalize. William’s attitude was getting out of hand. He was letting blind panic get to him and those things would help neither of them.

“I can’t calm it!” William answered, almost breathless. Retelling yesterday’s event had made his nerves shake once again. The reality of the situation was fast catching up with him and he didn’t know what to do. “I don’t wanna lose her…” he whispered too softly as if he didn’t say it, it would mean that this whole thing wasn’t as real as he made it to be.

Silence befell on the line as neither said anything, “I know Will… and you won’t. You have my word.” Angel assured him, it was the least he could do.

“Anyway, the whole thing is nothing, nothing to keep you up in your toes or anything. Yeah… leverage for them but it’s a tiny thing nothing to really worry about…” he explained calmly, that little incident won’t stop them from winning custody. He made a living out of this and he damn well is gonna win this case if not for William the just to wash that smug smile off of Lindsay’s face.

“Unless of course, there’s something else you’re not telling me…”

“What!... of course not… why would I keep anything…”

“Good then everything’s perfectly fine… no worries.”

“Okay… you better be bloody sure of that…”

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Prue was tucked in, her room was sparkling clean and every single toy had been put away, she was tired. Buffy didn’t think she got any sleep last night, she just lied in bed eyes closed but achieved no rest. She thought it would be best if she catch herself a nap while Prue was snoring away in her bed. With the monitor in one hand Buffy decided to make her way over to the little cottage at the back of the mansion she and Willow shared. Just as she was walking through the garden she suddenly felt tears pricking the back of her eyes.

She took a deep breath, trying to force it back down, she had cried way too much already last night. She was all cried out if she do say so herself. But the tears didn’t seem to want to go away as they began tracking down her cheeks. She sniffled a little wiping her face with the back of her hand before she entered the cottage.

As soon as she got inside, she broke down, leaning on the back of the door sliding down on to the floor. She didn’t notice Willow who was sitting on the lounge. As soon as the redhead saw her cousin on the floor body curled up into a ball. She quickly ran to her side putting a hand around her trying to give as much comfort as she can to her. She didn’t know what was wrong with Buffy but that wasn’t really important right now, as she held her tighter rocking her back and forth.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

William sat in his office, deafening silence engulfed the room. There was a pile of work sitting right in front of him yet he didn’t seem to care or pay attention to it. His mind was thinking of something else, he may very well be in his own little world.

Angel had said that there was nothing to worry about, but he can’t help but worry himself, these things have a way of biting you in you ass if you let your guard down. Things may seem to be all perfect right now but you never know when the next thing would come out and surprise you.

He tried to think of something else but nothing seems to come to him, all that plague his mind was last night’s incident. He had really treated Buffy like she didn’t matter. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how she felt right now, guilt was creeping up to him and here he thought he loved her.

Just then he realized, he loved her… through all this he realized he loved her… he never expected that. But it really didn’t matter… she hated him. He screwed everything up just like he always does. Why does he never realize what’s in front of him until it was too late… or maybe it isn’t too late just yet.

With that thought in mind he picked up his phone.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Having cleaned herself up and finally getting herself together, Buffy sat on the lounge with Willow a pot of tea between them. She had just finished retelling her cousin the whole reason behind her little episode a while ago.

“Oh God… he never told us…”

“I didn’t think he told anyone really, probably didn’t want you guys to worry as long as he could have taken care of it.”

Willow agreed with a nod, she was still trying to process the information she had heard. Finally she understood William; that was probably why he had pulled back from Prue a little bit after Drusilla died, he didn’t want to relive the pain he had felt when Dru was taken away from him. “Poor him… So what do you want to do?”

“I’m gonna leave.”

“What?” Willow jumped from her seat, “You’re gonna what?”

“I’m going to leave.”

“But I thought you already rejected that job offer at Lakeside?”

“Yeah, I did.” Buffy rose from her seat, taking the pot and cups with her, trying to busy herself. She knew what was coming; Willow would want an explanation on why she suddenly decided that she was gonna leave. She didn’t feel like she needed to explain herself to anyone right now. She can do whatever she wanted to, she was a grown woman… it didn’t matter that she didn’t really have a good reason for her departure. “I can try and see if it were still available but… I doubt it.” She tried to smile at Willow but her cousin didn’t seem to be buying it. “Probably just go back to the US, there has got to be something there for me.” The truth was that she didn’t really think she could stay in the same city with William right now. It would be hard enough trying to forget the whole Bennedict household, but to risk running into any of them anytime soon wouldn’t really make her pain any less.

“You can’t leave, Buffy…”

“I don’t want to, Will.”

“Then why?” Buffy was about to answer when Willow cut in, “If it’s about what William had said, you do know he probably didn’t mean it… actually I know he didn’t mean it.” Willow walked over to Buffy at the kitchen island. “Buffy, you can’t just pack up and leave… he would be devastated, not to mention Prudence…”

At the mention of her charge’s name, Buffy’s heart immediately went out to her. “I know…” But she need not worry about Prue anymore; William would always be there for her, that much she knew. “But I can’t stay here, Willow. I just can’t. This was a temporary thing in the first place. Everything is better now… William treasures Prue like she’s everything to him. Things would be fine if I leave.”

“You have to give him another chance,” Buffy thought she had given him a chance and look at where it got her. “You can’t leave him now, he needs you.”

“What he needs is someone who can take care of his daughter, and it was apparent last night that it wasn’t me.”

“That’s not all you are to him.”

“Let’s not kid ourselves, Willow… I’m nothing to him, just someone who happened to be there with him; probably felt like he needed to thank me properly or something.” Buffy didn’t really like how Willow was breaking down everything for her to see. She didn’t need to know about who she was in William’s eyes, what’s important is that she had made up her mind. “But don’t worry, Will. I’m not gonna do a runner on them. I care still too much for Prue,” ‘and him’ she silently told herself she’d be damn if she let them know how she truly felt. “I’m gonna give him my two weeks notice… help find a replacement nanny. It’d be fine.”

“Buffy! Are you in here?” A call came from their door; it opened to reveal Giles behind. The occupants of the room turned to him in attention, “I need to talk to Buffy.”

“Come in, Giles” Buffy ushered him in, looking at Willow relaying that it was the end of discussion. She was actually glad that Giles came in when he did, she didn’t think she could take in more of Willow’s interrogation. “What’s up?”

“Umm…” Buffy motioned for Giles to sit but he politely declined, “Actually, someone has asked me to escort you somewhere.”

“Who?” Willow, coming out from the kitchen, asked intrigued.

“Where?”

“Those questions are both very relevant… but it’s not important right now. All I was asked to do was to take you and to not tell where our destination might be.”

“Whoa Giles! You’re getting all cryptic on me.” Buffy joked as she gave Willow an amused smile. It was pretty obvious who Giles was receiving his orders from. She knew she should probably decline the offer but it was very intriguing what he could possibly have put Giles up to.

“Yes well…” Buffy looked at Willow as if asking if she should go, and she just answered her with a shrug.

“I think we better be leaving.”

“Now?”

“Yes, I believe so.”

“Well… okay then,” Buffy shrugged as she followed Giles out the door, “Oh Willow?”

“Yes, I’ll look out for Prue.”

“Thank you.” She smiled at her before trailing off to follow Giles.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

“So where are you taking me, Giles?” Buffy asked for the hundredth time. She had tried to sat patiently and wait just like a good little lady. But with the silence, curiosity was getting to her. She had been trying to get something out of Giles but the old man wouldn’t budge, not even a bit. “Come on, can’t you spare me a little bit of a clue?” Giles just looked at her, and finally she gave up.

She sat at her seat in the front, looking out the window. They’d been driving for at least half an hour; she’d reckon they were already a bit outside of town. Her mind was wildly curious now on what William was up to. But she made herself believe that whatever it might be, she wouldn’t let it affect her decision.

As Giles pulled up into a stop, he walked over to Buffy’s side of the car opening the door for her. She stepped out, finally relived to have her legs stretched out. The structure before her suddenly caught her eye. Standing before her was a flower farm, Giles ushered her to enter.

She walked down a path, beside her were vines blossoming with flowers, as she continued to walk down to her destination, she could practically smell the sweet fragrance of the flowers calling to her.

At the end she came upon a circular patch, every corner there was a flower blooming, some she already knew some she had never even seen. Walking around, she in her surroundings, taking in every blossom, it was simply beautiful.

“I wanted to give you all of these, luv but I couldn’t possibly bring them all, so I thought I’d bring you to them instead.” She turned to the voice behind her. He had his usual cocky grin in place but his eyes showed it all.

“A petal for my petal,” he held a single long stem rose out to her.

“Yours?”

“If you’d allow me to, yes.”

to be continued...

Chapter 15

“Yours?”

“If you’d allow me to, yes.”

What did that even mean Buffy wanted to know, she stared up at him and he just stood there holding the rose out to her. She hesitated but took the flower from him nonetheless, smelling the fragrance and held it against her chest. “I-“

Before she could even start her reply, Giles came in and whispered something to William; they talked hushed for about a minute or two. Then he turned back to her and she knew what was coming.

“Pet, I’m sorry but I need to go…”

Buffy tilted her head in question, anger already building up in her eyes.

“I promise to make it up to you…” he held out a hand to touch her, trying to make her understand that he didn’t want to leave just yet but she flinched away wrapping her arms around herself. William nodded his head, accepting what he got, “Giles will take you home…” with that he retreated.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

“You know, that really wasn’t the best time to call for me!” William threw the door to Angel’s office open. “This better be good.”

“You tell me…” Angel rose from his desk, picking up a package envelope on his way.

William had a dubious look on his face as he grabbed the envelope and opened it, “Bloody Hell! Where did you get this?” He looked at the sheet of paper closely as if inspecting if it were real.

“In the mail, from our dear friends the prosecutor,” Angel swung his leg up on his desk as William sunk into one of the chair, the paper still in his hand. “From your reaction, I’ll go out of the limb here and say that it’s true?” Angel asked but he didn’t get an answer. “Why’d you do it, Will?”

“It was a long time ago,” William ran a hand through his hair; this was definitely not of the good. “I didn’t actually file the damn thing… how did they even get it?” he wondered as he laid the piece of paper on the desk.

“I can’t believe you can even think of doing that, William!” he shook his head, “That’s your daughter, your own flesh and blood… How can you even think for even one second-“

“I made a mistake okay! Can you bloody shut up about it!” William bellowed. He already had enough guilt screaming in him, he didn’t need Angel stating to him the obvious. He knew what he had done before wasn’t the smartest or even the most decent thing a father could do. It was something he did when he was grieving, though that’s not an excuse, it was never meant to be found out by anyone, no one was suppose to get hurt. He had been troubled by guilt since then. He had a hard time trying to forget it, though he never truly did, you don’t just forget about these things, and now it’s coming back to haunt him. “I know what I did was… bad…”

“Bad? It’s more than just bad, Will! We’re talking about abandoning your daughter! Prudence!”

“I know,” he said through gritted teeth, “I couldn’t even see myself even thinking of doing it now… never!” he whispered. “So stop lecturing me on it!”

Angel held up his hands backing off. “I’m just here to tell you what’s what… and as I see it now… we’re in major trouble.” That got William’s attention. “This is perfect for them! Say that you never wanted Prue in the first place… that’s what happened if through the course of time you would think that she was just a hassle… like you did before…”

“But I don’t! She means the world to me… You know that.”

“Yes… but now you have to make the jury believe that too…”

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Buffy woke up from bed; she came home from the farm successfully holding on to her emotions. There were all in a jumble, she didn’t know if she should feel anger, disappointment, hope, should she even feel happy? One thing was for sure though, what William did, didn’t make her decision any harder.

Pulling out a piece of paper from the desk beside her bed, Buffy sat down, she needed to do this while her mind was still set, no reason in delaying the inevitable.

Satisfied with what she’d written, she folded the piece of paper and tucked it in her pocket, she needed to check on Prue. Willow had been kind enough looking out for her charge while she caught up with some much needed sleep.

She walked into the kitchen, finding it empty and bare. Joyce and Giles probably retired to bed early. Looking at the kitchen clock, it was definitely not early… well it depended on how you looked at it.

There was a note on the kitchen island addressed to her, it was from Willow. ‘Buffy, get some much needed rest. I’ll stay in with Prue for the night.’ Then there was a little smiley face beside her signed name. Buffy smiled inwardly, she really was lucky to have a cousin like Willow.

She opened the refrigerator, deciding to make herself a sandwich. Just as she was placing the cheese on her snack she heard a bang but dismissed it, there was always something lurking around the garden, something must have fallen. Then she grabbed herself a bottle of water and began to eat in the dark.

CRASH!

She definitely heard that, it seemed like breaking of glass. She jumped from her seat and stealthily made her way out the kitchen. But she heard nothing… just silence. She must have just imagined it, with her being drained and tired.

BANG!

She definitely heard that, she crossed the stairs over to the east wing of the house and down the hall. She saw light seeping from under William’s study. She pressed her ear to the door and listened intently. There was an evident sound of clicking glasses. She opened the door ajar and saw William on the lounge, the night lamp beside him the only thing illuminating the room.

He didn’t seem to feel her presence as he continued to down the shot he had just poured. She walked over to him slowly as not to surprise him. As she neared she could see the shreds of glass on the floor by the burning fire, it looked as if he had threw the bottle of liquor at the wall.

“William…” she closed in on him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He flinched and turned his head her way, his features softening once he saw that it was Buffy. He offered her a half-smile before turning back and continued drowning himself in alcohol.

Something came over Buffy, it felt peculiar, yet strangely it wasn’t an unfamiliar thing for her to feel for William. She found herself caring for him, wanting to know what was happening to make him act this way. She went and sat beside him as he offered her a drink which she declined.

“What happened here? This place is a mess, William.”

He waved at it dismissively, “Why? Do you care…”

“William please…!” She was trying to help him and he wasn’t making it easy.

“Wanna make me feel better, luv?” He asked groggily and poured himself another shot downing the contents in an instant. “It’s not emendable… don’t make it your business.”

“So that’s how it’s gonna be? You’re gonna shut me out? Think that will help you? Think again.” Buffy grabbed the bottle of scotch away from him before he could pour himself another. “This,” she wiggled the bottle in front of him, “Ain’t gonna solve your problems.”

“Tell me what will then!” William snatched the bottle back, drinking it straight from the container. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, “’Coz nothing helps! Not a single damn thing… nothing…” he bent his head down, hand clutched on the bottle tightly. He drank another gulp down, “So tell me, luv… what will help. I’m dying to know.” He said each word, slowly looming over her, Buffy could practically feel his breath on her, the smell of alcohol in her face.

Buffy didn’t know what to say, she had no idea how to make his pain stop. She just knew she can’t keep seeing him like this… she can’t leave him like this.

But she needn’t worry about her answer for William continued on, “Because the whole world just thought that it would be a great time to fuck up my life, God knows I have enough problems! Everything I say… everything I do… it’s never good enough…it’s never right.”

Buffy couldn’t stand seeing him like this, he had the urge to wrap him in her arms, she opted to slipping her fingers through his, lifting the bottle from his hand and placing it on the coffee table as she intertwined his fingers with hers and giving his hand a squeeze.

William looked down at their intertwined hands, then looked up at her with question in his eyes, “It’ll be okay…” she whispered holding on to him tighter. “Whatever it is... that you did, it’ll work out.” Green met blue as she looked deep into him, but he shunned away shaking his head.

He untangled her hands from his and visibly moved away from her. “I don’t think so… what I did… it’s unforgivable.” Buffy placed a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t understand, Buffy. I thought of giving her up… I wanted to give her up. I wanted to abandon my own daughter. Let another family take care of her because I thought she didn’t deserve me… but that’s not true. It’s me who doesn’t deserve her… yet I’m being selfish. I don’t want to lose her…”

She placed her hands on his cheek, for the first time she saw vulnerability in his eyes, he was frightened, scared. Scared, that his little girl was going to be taken away from him. “You’re not being selfish. You love her… that’s enough.”

“Is it?” he tilted his head towards her warm hands, closing his eyes enjoying the comforting feeling he was receiving from her. “I didn’t before…”

“Of course you did,” she answered softly yet firmly. “No parent doesn’t love his own child.”

Resting his head on her shoulder, William moved closer to her, seeking comfort. “I didn’t want her…”

“Do you really believe that?”

“Why else would I have-“

“Shh…” she ran her hands through his hair, tousling his curls. “It doesn’t matter what you did or thought of doing before… it was the past. What matters is now.”

“But they-” he insisted.

“When did you ever care what they thought, huh?” She squeezed his shoulders, as if assuring him that she was there for him.

William gave out a raspy laugh, “Never. But it’s different now…” he argued, his eyes were starting to feel heavy. The alcohol was getting to him, his sight were getting blurry as he blinked fast trying to clear them.

“You’ll get through it… I know you will.” She scooted over to ease him to her lap, he was starting to fall asleep she could tell it from his voice, he was fighting to keep awake, fighting the pain inside of him.

“Why are you so good to me?” He ground his head on her lap, “After what I said...”

“Shh…” she settled her hand on the top of his head, playing with his hair, “none of that… not now…” He raised his hand to hold hers and she accepted it giving it a squeeze and kissing his palm before wrapping it around his sleeping body.

He weakly nodded his head from her lap, letting his eyes fall shut. “Don’t leave…” he mumbled through closed lids, snuggling deeper into her lap.

Buffy kissed his forehead, his hold on her hand tightening but she didn’t answer.

Time have passed as Buffy sat with William sleeping in her lap, she had allowed herself some shut eye in the process. The fire from the mantel had burned out; the sun was peeking on the horizon. She allowed herself to look down on William, tossing some of his curls away from his face. He was still fast asleep, breathing softly hand still clasped tightly on hers.

Slowly she eased him off her lap, he mumbled in his sleep. As if complaining from the lost of contact, he burrowed deeper into the couch. Buffy grabbed a duvet from one of the lounge chair and draped it over him. She gave him one last kiss on the forehead before walking around the couch.

She suddenly stopped over William’s desk, fumbling with the piece of paper in her pocket. She stood there for a good minute or two pondering her move. Finally coming to her decision she slipped her hand out of her pocket and placed the paper on the desk. With that she shut the night lamp off.

to be continued...

Chapter 16

It’s been a week or so since William’s drinking escapade. That week had not been good to any of the resident of the Bennedict mansion. William had been in Angel’s office day in and day out trying to work over their problem. Since that night with Buffy in the study, William realized that sulking and doing nothing about something he had done before wasn’t really helping. He woke up with a new perspective, instead of dwelling in the past he needed to work in the now and hopefully to shape up his and Prudence future.

But that was not all that he had realized that morning. He found a letter from Buffy on his desk, it was her two weeks notice… she was resigning from her job… leaving them. It has caused a rip in their already ripped relationship. She continued to do her job taking care of Prudence but she made an extra effort to avoid him.

Willow had mentioned that Buffy had begun looking for a replacement; he shouldn’t worry because Buffy wouldn’t leave Prue with just anyone. But that wasn’t what he was worried about; he was worried about losing her… and for good this time, and not just as his daughter’s nanny.

But despite this catastrophe, his in-laws wanted to throw Prue a little bash for her first birthday. They had been fussing about it since last week, getting decorators into the house and meeting caterers and party organizers. God only knew why they decided to throw a party now, not that Prudence didn’t deserve a good party, it is her first birthday after all, but could they have picked a worst time.

“So William, you don’t mind us digging a bit in your backyard right?” Darla asked him just as he was crossing over to the kitchen for a drink. “I just thought it’d be nice to ha-“

He cut her off with a hand, “Do whatever you want to do, Dar,” he cracked a smile.

“Is something wrong, William?”

“No, everything’s just peachy.” He replied as he swung the door into the kitchen open.

Joyce was sitting in the kitchen island, a cup of cocoa in her hand, “Well hello, William. They’re rather busy, no?” He shrugged as he sank down on one of the stools. “Hot chocolate?” she offered and he accepted with a nod.

“Darla’s just way in over her head you know… I’m not saying that little Prue doesn’t deserve a party, but now?” Joyce nodded as she poured him a cup.

William had decided to tell the whole household about what he was dealing with. There wasn’t really a reason why he should keep it from them. And much to his surprise they accepted it and supported him at it too. Especially Joyce, well he always knew she was special. She would have made a great mother, too bad she didn’t have any children.

“Maybe it’ll help lighten things up a bit,” she replied handing him over the hot chocolate not forgetting to mix in a couple of tiny marshmallows, his favorite.
“You seemed too tense about the whole situation, it’d be the perfect time to remember your priorities?” she hinted quiet vaguely.

She seriously thought that amidst all this William, together with Lindsay and Darla, are starting to forget who their first priority is. They were letting their bitter dislike for each other get the better part of them and forget that they all each have Prudence best interest in mind. They needed to work together to make sure that she have the best and well rounded life she deserves. And the sooner they figure that out, the better it was going to be for all of them.

“Priorities… yeah mine’s been shifting a lot these days.” He took a sip of the hot concoction just before the kitchen door swung open.

“Oh,” Buffy stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she saw William in the kitchen with Joyce. She turned back and spirited out of the room.

“Buff-“ but before he could even get her name out she was gone.

“What’s that about?”

William almost forgot that Joyce was in the room until she spoke. He raised his head and answered her question, “Nothing really…”

“You know, William” she placed her hand over his. “If I might give you a little bit of advice?” he nodded his head. “Women are not as complicated as you men seem to think. There’s only one thing a woman wants.” He looked at her expectantly, “They just want to be loved,” he patted his hand in a loving manner before rising from her seat and walking out of the kitchen leaving William to ponder with what she have just said.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Throwing open the curtains, Buffy walked into Prue’s bedroom. Her little charge was at her crib, holding on to the railing as she looked out for her, holding her arms out, her face gleaming with joy.

“Whose birthday is it today, huh?” she asked her as she came over to her, clapping her charge’s hand together and giving it a kiss in the process.

“Me! Me!” she answered, or at least that’s what it sounded like to Buffy. She had been teaching her that for the last few days thinking it would be adorable to show it off for her big party today.

She carried her over to the tall glass window, looking down into the garden where everyone was setting up. Tables and chairs were scattered through the yard with a big buffet table at the left. “Look at that castle… doesn’t it look lovely and it’s all for you!” A castle stood in the back of the stage, serving as a background. Darla had decided that the party needed a theme and what better theme than a princess one.

As she set Prue down in her playpen to get her clothes ready, she realized how fast time had flown. Her last two weeks were almost up. Everything was set, her replacement was coming in the morning after she planned to leave, with Willow scheduled to pick her up at the bus station. She looked back at Prudence playing with her toys ideally and she realized just how innocent she looked.

That was what she was… an innocent victim. To both her leaving and her father and grandparents’ fight for custody, she was the victim in it. She had no idea what was happening around her, no control over how things are going to change.

Buffy hated to leave her like this, she truly did, but did she really have any other choice. It would be painful to leave now but it would be more painful if she didn’t.

“How’s our birthday girl today?” Willow came into the room, chipper as ever. “You’re gonna have a big big party! Yes you are…”

“Hey, Wills,” Buffy turned around holding in her arms Prudence’s dress with a couple of pins.

“Is this her dress?” Willow grabbed the hanger from Buffy looking at it skeptically, “It looks adorable!” she held the lacy pink dress close to her, “Don’t you think so, Prue… you’d look smashing in this. Yes you will!” Willow threw the dress over a lounge chair carrying Prue up in her arms.

She giggled with enjoyment sharing Willow’s excitement , “Dada! Dada!” she bounced on Willow’s arm. Both girls followed Prudence’s line of vision to see William at the door. He looked like he had just risen from bed, his hair was a mess, his shirt crumpled.

“Hey,” he greeted them both, “Just wanted to see the birthday girl,” before Willow could offer Prue to her father, she practically jumped off her arms to her father’s. “Hey, princess… how’s my little girl today…”

“Yeah… I better get going,” Willow excused herself, but William didn’t seem to be listening to her for he was busy having an inanimate conversation with the little girl in his arms. “They might need me downstairs, preparations and all that… okay then.”

Buffy was just about to tell Willow that she was going to join her downstairs but her cousin was soon gone even before she could get a word in. She simply turned back to closet, desperately trying to busy herself with anything she can get her hands on.

She didn’t know why she needed to avoid him so much, maybe it was the guilt creeping up to her. ‘Don’t leave’, such a simple request. She knew he meant more to it than just that one night they had spent at his study. In the back of his mind, he probably knew that she was going to leave and he was right. She didn’t want to talk to him because she knew once he started talking to her, he would be able to find a way to work his way back into her heart… and she didn’t want that… she can’t have that.

“You really should stop avoiding me, pet,” Buffy turned, knowing very well who the voice belonged to.

She had a towel clutched to her chest, folding the piece of cloth, she answered warily, “I’m not avoiding, you…” he simply cocked a questioning eyebrow her way, “I’m not.” She placed the towel back into the closet and crossed over to the other side of the room trying to tidy some things, trying to avoid William’s gaze.

“Suit yourself…” He placed Prue back on the playpen and placed a stuff animal in with her. “I just wanted to give you this,” he held an envelope out to her.

“What’s this?” she strode over to him and accepted the white piece of paper.

“Your salary… for the time you stayed here,” She nodded folding it and placing it in her pocket, “I put in a little extra something-“

“Oh, you didn’t have to.”

“Yes I did,” he smiled at her warmly, something she realized she missed. “You’ve been very good to her,” he spared a glance towards his daughter, “… and to me too.”

“William…”

“Look, I’m just going to ask this once,” he didn’t know where he finally found the courage to do this, being rejected wasn’t his most favorite thing in the world. But he guessed wondering on what could have been would have been more unbearable. As the words left his lips, he knew he was walking right into heartache. “Stay...”

There it was, such a simple word yet it meant everything. Such a simple question… yet she couldn’t bring herself to answer it. “I can’t…”

William simply nodded turning his back to her and gave Prudence one last kiss goodbye before he headed for the door, “See you around then.”

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

“You’ve got quite a set-up here,” Angel observed as he took the seat beside William.

Guests were flowing all over the garden, mingling with others while the kids could be seen over by the stage playing games.

“Have to say, Darla and Lindsay outdid themselves this time,” William took the time to survey the place and he had to admit his in-laws have done quite an excellent job. He knew he could never have pulled off something like this in such short notice and his little princess did deserve the best.

“Yeah, I guess…” he took his attention away from the party and back to the drink he was nursing in his hand taking it down in one gulp.

“Not having fun huh?”

“Whatever do you mean, Peaches?”

“Heard about the nanny.”

“What about Buffy?” William kept his eyes focused on the centerpiece, away from Angel.

“Heard she was leaving…”

“Yeah… so what?”

“Oh please. Don’t act like you don’t give a damn, William.” Angel answered, “How many shots have you had?”

“I’m not trying to get drunk. Don’t worry.” He played with his shot glass, letting his fingers trace the mouth of it. “Just trying to have a bit of fun.”

“Yeah…” patting William on the back, Angel rose from his position. “I’ll go and take my seat, the puppet show’s about to start,” Angel left knowing that William didn’t look too good but that he would be fine. He might be hurting right now but he would eventually get over it… he had to. “I need to talk to you about something later, okay?”

With that Angel left as the emcee announced that the puppet show was about to start and for the guests to return to their seats. William saw the people piling into their seats ready to see the show.

Buffy was walking towards him with Prue in her arms, obviously to see the upcoming performance. She offered him a friendly smile which he reciprocated. Prue immediately crawled over to him and he let her seat in his lap as the show began.

In the middle of the program Buffy had excused herself, saying she would see if she were needed in the kitchen. William had let her go, not like he could have stopped her. Prudence was still with him though, she hadn’t move from her position in his lap since the show had started. For an easily bored one year old she sure was awfully engrossed with the performance.

“Is this seat taken?” Darla was hovering over William asking him permission, he simply nodded. She took her seat and sat quietly for a minute or two.

Prudence who noticed the new arrival beside them, climbed up from William’s lap holding on to his neck as she tightly hugged her father, shielding her face from, Darla, the show forgotten. William held her, soothing her back wondering what caused her sudden change of attitude.

“She’s awfully attached to you, isn’t she?”

“Yes, I believe so.” William answered. He tried to figure out what Darla was getting on to as he continued to keep his daughter calm as she started to whimper in his shoulder. “What do you want, Dar?”

“It’s just…” she stuttered, “Nothing.” But William didn’t believe her. “Can I hold her?”

“I guess,” William shrugged as he tried to hand over a very reluctant Prudence over to her grandmother. As soon as she lost hold of William’s neck she started whimpering and then her whimpers turned to wails.

“No… No…” she extended her arms towards William, her eyes were practically telling him to take her back. “Dada!... Dada!” she tried to call between cries.

Soon her cries were beginning to be noticed by the guest. Darla handed her over back to William and she immediately calmed down, her hold on William like a vice.

“She talks?”

“Yeah… a little,” William replied as he continued soothing her, bouncing her around. Prudence didn’t seem to want to stop, he could practically hear her sobs and his shirt was starting to soak with tears. “Look I think I need to take her inside, she can’t seem to calm down.” William said already rising from his seat.

“Do you need help?” William looked back at her and saw her face. He didn’t know what her visage exactly held, maybe it was guilt or it could be pity either way he nodded for her to follow him.

They made their way up the steps and into Prudence room in hopes that they would be able to help her on what was bothering her. But nothing worked, they had tried to feed her, change her, play with her yet nothing seemed to work.

“What’s wrong with her?” William asked as he continued to carry Prudence pacing around the room as he rocked her back and forth, desperately trying to keep her calm. Darla just shrugged, she to was clueless on the whole thing. Nothing seemed to want to calm her and she was running out of ideas.

“Shhh…” William cooed, “Princess, what is it? Daddy’s here… come on sweetheart, tell Daddy what’s wrong,” he practically begged his daughter, he couldn’t keep seeing her in so much pain, his little girl was suffering and he couldn’t do anything to help her.

“Maybe she’s tired…”

“I doubt it, I never heard her cry this much… something must be wrong.”

to be continued...

Chapter 17

“Maybe she’s tired…”

“I doubt it, I never heard her cry this much… something must be wrong.”

Soon they heard hurried footsteps coming from the hallway. It was Buffy, she had heard Prue’s wails from downstairs where she had left the monitor, forgetting to turn it off. “Hey, is everything okay?” She asked as she saw William and Darla pacing the room.

“She can’t seem to stop crying… I don’t know what to do,” William told her as he continued bouncing the crying infant in his arms.

“Let me see,” Buffy walked over to William, she asked for Prue but he hesitantly gave her as if he didn’t want to be away from her. But finally he did hand her over and Buffy felt for her temperature. “She’s warm… I think she has a fever.” William gave her a panicked look, “It’ll be okay.”

“Don’t you think it be better if we take her in… for the doctor to see?” Darla suggested as they heard Prudence wails subside.

“I think that would be best… right?”

“I’ll call the pediatrician, then.” Darla offered taking her phone out of her purse. “You guys go on ahead, I’ll take care of everything here… I’ll explain to the guest,” she held the phone firmly to her ear as she waited for an answer.

“Thank you.” William asked Buffy to follow him, looking at Prue once more before hurrying to the garage.

“Shouldn’t we call for, Giles?” Buffy asked as she tried to keep up with William’s strides.

“No, It’ll be faster if I drive.” He opened he passenger door for her before he jumped in the car and stepped on the gas.

“You should really drive slower,” Buffy suggested. William had been going over eighty kilometers per hour. With his driving they might just get into an accident, instead of getting to the doctor’s clinic faster. William didn’t seem to hear her as he stepped on the gas. “William,” Buffy placed a hand on his arm and the car slowed to an acceptable speed.

“You don’t understand,” he tried to explain as he continued to drive, “She’s hurting and I don’t know what to do!”

Buffy could almost laugh if he didn’t sound so helpless, “She’s just having a fever, she feels a bit worse right now but she’ll be fine,” he tried to make him understand but the problem still remained, they still had a crying baby in her arms.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

“I’m sure Prudence would be fine,” Darla had just finished explaining to Lindsay what had occurred. After the program she had calmly told the guest that the birthday girl won’t be able to join them for candle blowing. The guest had fluttered out saying their thanks and giving their care to the family.

Now they have nothing to occupy themselves as the caterers cleaned out the backyard. William and Buffy had been gone for over two hours now. The sun had set and Darla was beginning to worry. There was nothing to fear if what Buffy said was right that little Prue did just have a fever but how about if it were something else.

As they heard the sound of a car coming into the driveway, Darla immediately jumped from her seat and waited for William and Buffy to come into the door.

As they turned the knob on the main door they were met with Joyce, Willow, Giles, Darla and even Lindsay apparently anxiously awaiting their return.

“How’s Prue?” Darla immediately hovered over Buffy who had the sleeping baby in her arms.

“She’s fine…” Buffy answered question after question. They have seemed to let their imagination go wild while they were away.

“I think I better take her upstairs,” William took Prue from Buffy. The chatter of the household was bound to wake her up, either that or they’ll be getting a good shouting courtesy of him. He proceeded up the steps to tuck Prue in for the night.

Lindsay, who had stayed behind with Darla at the lobby soon got bored and decided to follow William upstairs. He had been meaning to talk to him something.

From down the hall he could hear a voice coming from his granddaughter’s bedroom. As he neared he recognized it as William’s.

He had Prue tucked in his arm, pacing the room as he hushed her to sleep. “Don’t you ever scare Daddy like that again, princess. You understand?” He was seemingly talking to the sleeping infant in his arm. “My heart almost stopped when I realized you were in trouble… Daddy loves you very much…” He slowly lowered her to her crib. “I can’t live without you, princess… Don’t you dare scare Daddy like that ever again.” He slumped down the lounge chair beside the crib, eyes not turning away from Prue.

Lindsay, having heard the little exchange, stood from the hallway utterly astounded. He had always pictured William as the uncaring father. He knew that he had wanted a baby from the beginning; Drusilla couldn’t have stopped talking about it. But after his wife’s death, William had seemed to pull back from his daughter he had held precious and to the work he had been most dedicated to.

He knew that one of the main reasons why William had worked himself into a success was because he had been searching for their approval. From the first day Drusilla have brought him home for them to meet, he had already disapproved of him and ever since then he had been pushing himself to meet their expectations.

They or rather he was blind, unable to see the man he had become, a loving husband and a dotting father. The sheer joy he could place on his most precious girl’s face just by his mere presence. He might have been wrong all along.

Looking back to where William had been, he saw him sitting at the lounge chair, sleeping as he quietly shut the door.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

The next morning, Buffy came up the stairs to check up on her charge. Last night, after she had answered all of Darla’s questions; she had wanted to check up on Prue. But Lindsay had come down saying that she and William were both fast asleep. Since she knew she was with her father, she thought nothing of putting off on it.

With a warm milk bottle at hand she opened the bedroom door. William was slouched on the lounge chair, in a seemingly uncomfortable position. Prudence on the other hand, she found wide awake on her back, fever forgotten. She had a big smile on her face as she scooped her up and fed her the bottle.

Just then she felt the sleeping body of William stir at her side. “Good morning,” she greeted him as she carried Prue around happily sucking on her bottle.

“Morning…” he stifled a yawn as he got off the chair and stretched his muscles out. “How is she?”

“Good as new, all cheery as if nothing happened.”

“That’s good…” he nodded walking over to them. She looked at Prudence encased in Buffy’s arms while she fed her and he didn’t know what came over him but as he looked at them, he felt a warm feeling surge up inside of him like the picture before him was how things should be. “Can I?” He offered and Buffy nodded handing Prue over to him.

“Dada!” she greeted him. William smiled down at her as she offered her the bottle once more.

“I think I’ll go and get her medicine ready, you’ll be okay alone with her?” Buffy asked as she finished making Prue’s bed. William was sitting on the lounge chair as he fed her, oblivious to pretty much everything around him. “Okay, I’ll go then,” she looked over one last time and William just gave her a dismissive nod. All she could do was smile as she went out the hall and down the steps.

“Oh hello Mr. McDonald” Buffy greeted as he saw Lindsay come into the front door, “Is Mrs. McDonald with you?”

“Oh yeah… she’s out back with Joyce, they needed to talk about something. Do you mind if I see Prue?”

“Oh… no not at all,” she smiled hesitantly, as soon as she knew about the fight for custody with William, Buffy had a very biased opinion on the couple but she tried not let it show whenever they were with her. She didn’t really want to meddle in business that she had no right interfering with. “She’s upstairs with William. Go on up.”

“Thank you.” He answered as he made his way up the steps, walking down the hall in front oh his granddaughter’s bedroom.

“What are you doing here?” William asked in a hushed yet sharp tone as to not disturb the little girl sucking her bottle in his arms. “The party was over yesterday… there’s no business for you to be here.”

William didn’t want to sound hostile; this is after all still his wife’s parent and his daughter’s grandfather. But he couldn’t help it, when someone plans to take your own daughter away from you, you really can’t be expected to act like your best buddies with them.

“Darla needed to talk to Joyce about something,” he walked over the threshold and stood over William sitting on the lounge chair. “I thought I’d see my granddaughter. It’s not a crime is it?”

William sneered up at him, “Now you’ve seen her… you can go.”

“Look, William-“

“What?!” he stood up holding a defiant posture before walking over to the shelves and placing the bottle on top as he held her daughter up over his shoulder. “I’m sick and tired of this bullshit you’re trying to play at. What the bloody hell is it that you want from us?” He tried to keep his voice as low as his he could. He didn’t really feel like arguing in front of Prue was the best example neither of them could give her.

“I just want what’s best for Prue.”

“Bollocks!” William snarled at him. “You think what’s best for her is taking her away from her own family?”

“We’re her family too, William.”

“Family… you’ve got some nerve. You have never treated me like family!”

“How can you say that! We treated you very well.”

“When?” William scoffed.

“We let you marry our daughter didn’t we?”

“Yeah...! After I had to practically beg to take her hand in marriage! Make sure that I had more than enough riches! Reach you expectations!” William trailed off.

“Nevertheless, we never treated you anything less than kin.”

“Bloody hell! You sodding ponce!” He placed Prue down on her playpen, their tone was still hushed but no one could deny the hostility each word delivered held. “I never felt like I was family! Never! Not even when we we’re already married. You knew that Drusilla held you very dearly and you damn well used it to you’re advantage! You made sure that my life was as close to hell as possible… that’s not what family does!”

“We wanted what was best for her,” Lindsay answered, teeth grinded together, jaw twitching.

“What was best for her was to treat her husband like crap? I don’t think so… so don’t come in here and tell me that you’re family!”

“Whatever you might think, William. You have to understand that it was never my intention –“

“Don’t feed me that bullshit!”

“Bullshit?! You wanna talk about bullshit? We were damn right not to trust you, William! Putting your own daughter up for adoption isn’t really one of your brightest moments was it?” he knew it was a low blow but he was right.

“That was a long time ago” he grinded his teeth together, this was something he could never get away with was it. There are just some decisions you make that haunt you forever. “I have paid my dues on it… you don’t know how much it kills me to even think of it.”

“What’s done is done… how do you expect me to trust that you won’t wake up one day and decided to want to rid of your daughter?”

“Because I love her, that’s why… She’s my world. If you really did give a damn… don’t do this,” his voiced softened. He didn’t intend to show how vulnerable he was, but he was willing to do anything to keep his daughter. If he had to beg then he would because nobody was more important to him than Prue and he knew that he wasn’t gonna be able to keep her if they kept this going. “You can’t just take her away from me… She’s the only one I’ve got.”

Silence befell as neither man said anything.

“You’ve got to understand what I’m saying, you’re a father too.” Lindsay shook his head as he looked down onto the floor, not wanting to look into William’s direction. He did understand… William had lain down his cards and now it was up to Lindsay to make his choice.

to be continued...

Chapter 18

People. People are like birds, they come and go. Come spring they visit our windows building their nest. Singing their tune to bring us joy, and sometimes pain. And much like people they have a purpose to be there. But once winter comes around, they pack their bags and begin their flight seeking somewhere else to stay. And much like when people leave us, we can do nothing but wait for them to return remembering the times spent before.

Riding the elevator up to Angel’s office, William thought what the hell had happened. Prudence was as good as new but as he looked back on the last couple of months, he had to wonder how the hell he had managed to screw up his life. He had neglected his work and his family because he couldn’t handle the pain of losing someone and now because of him yet again he’s going to lose someone he held dearly. And in the short span in between, he had felt a small flash of happiness, well he managed to ruin that too. They say life is like a wheel sometimes you’re up sometimes you’re down but why does it seem like it’s always his turn at the bottom.

‘When you finally learn how NOT to be poncy git’ his mind answered as he opened the door to Angel’s office.

Angel gestured for William to take a sit before placing the phone he had been on down. “So what do we owe this visit for?”

“Oh stop the formality crap, peaches. What is it you wanted to talk about? I really don’t have time, for unlike you I do have better things to do.”

“Why so bitter, Spikey?” Angel sneered as William cringed at the name. He came to think that he didn’t mind it as much anymore. It had always been Dru’s pet name for him, something he didn’t like remembering before but realized now that he didn’t really mind thinking about her every now and then. Things were certainly turning up. “Anyway, I just wanted to discuss a few things Lindsay has said to me the other day.”

William visibly cringed at the mention of his in-law’s name. He hated the guy more than ever now. Why did he ever think that he could have a civilized conversation with him? Oh yeah because he was desperate. Maybe if they had maybe talked it out, then he would understand. But because of the great wanker that he was, he simply dug up something more for them to disagree upon. Even when he had almost came close to begging he had simply turned his back and nodded away.

“What did the wanker want this time?”

“Well actually-“

“Cause if he plans to stir up more trouble, then I say bring it on!”

“Actually-“ William was about to interrupt yet again, “Would you let me finish?” William simply slouched down on his seat asking for Angel to continue. “He dropped the case.”

If it weren’t so unmanly, William would have had his mouth hang open instead he did what every self respecting British man would, he cursed. “What the bloody hell?!”

“Well apparently he… had come into the light and realized his mistake, his words.”

William blinked his eyes rapidly as he got up and paced.

“You could have imagined my surprise when his lawyer called.”

“So this is for real?” William stopped long enough for him to look at Angel who was ideally sitting on his chair playing with his pen.

William took a minute to ponder the effect of this decision. It meant that he and Prue were free to do as they please, his daughter will never be taken away from him, he may securely love and care for her without the fear of losing her.

“But he does have one condition,” William mentally cringed, he knew it was too good to be true… he should have known. “No way! It better not be something-“

“He just wants visiting rights.”

“Just that?” William raised his brow in disbelief, it seemed to be too easy… but who was he really to complain.

Angel simply nodded in reply, “That and maybe a few nights with her sometimes.”

William accepted the arrangement, he couldn’t be too picky. He was fortunate enough that Lindsay gave him another chance. “What do I have to do?”

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

As soon as he had finished signing papers and all the formalities Angel had needed, he immediately drove home wanting to share the good news. This was something he never could have seen coming. The main problem was over, maybe it was finally his time on the top on the wheel.

As he opened the door, the first thing he noticed were the suitcases at the bottom of the stairs. Immediately his mind raced. No this couldn’t be happening, not now… “Buffy? Buffy?” he bellowed as he took the steps two at a time, practically running down the hall in panic. If her suitcase were downstairs that meant one thing, she hadn’t left yet… and that was a good thing. It meant he could still do something.

He found her inside Prudence’s bedroom, she just had her on her arms as she set her back down on her crib. “Buffy…?”

“Hey…” she faced William, smiling at him as if it were any other day. “I was just saying goodbye…”

William froze, he didn’t know why. He knew she was going to leave, he had expected it, she had been very straight forward about it. But the reality of the situation didn’t hit him up until this moment, his mind was probably still in denial about the whole thing. He had been so used to her presence around them that he wouldn’t let himself believe that she was going to leave for good… because maybe in the back of his mind he was still hoping to convince her not to.

He knew the one thing he needed to say that would practically make Buffy his again. But it wasn’t a done deal, which was what was keeping him from leaving his heart out there in the open. He was just beginning to heal; he didn’t think he could risk getting hurt again.

What William didn’t know was by holding himself back, he wasn’t only hurting himself but her too.

“Please don’t make this hard,” Buffy pleaded before William could speak.

“So you were just going to leave…? No goodbyes?”

“I was going to leave a note,” Buffy cringed hearing for the first time how impersonal it was. They had shared something special at least on her part and he deserved more from her than just a note. But she knew it wasn’t going to be easy, he wasn’t going to make it easy that was why she opted to leave without a proper goodbye in the first place.

“Buffy…” he placed his finger under her chin, lifting her head up to meet his eyes but she flinched away, gathering herself together. She shouldn’t let him get to her; she needed to do what she must. ‘It was for the best’ Buffy tried to convince herself.

“I think you should have this…” she handed him over a leather bound journal. “I think it was Dru’s… I found it cleaning in the attic. I thought you should have it.” William bounced the book in his hand as he listened to Buffy. “Anyway, I should really go…”

“Do you have to…?”

“Wouldn’t want to miss my boat,” for a second a flash of disappointment burst behind his eyes but William quickly recovered.

“Yeah… wouldn’t want to have that.” He bowed his head as Buffy slowly retreated out of the room. Could he just let her go? Just like that… it felt wrong. He was damn sure once she got out that door and he didn’t do anything he’d regret that decision forever. “Buffy… wait.” She turned to look at him as he slowly closed the distance between them. “Don’t-“

She cut him off before he could get any more words in, “You said you’d only ask it once…” with that she turned her back to him and left.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Sitting inside her little cabin, she sat in the middle of the bed looking into the dark void of the turned off television. Suddenly she felt as if the walls were closing in on her. Alone sitting inside the silent room she decided to get some fresh air.

Buffy walked out into the hall, locking the door behind her. A little girl ran pass her and Buffy’s eyes lingered on her for a moment picturing Prudence with her shiny black hair bouncing about as she ran around the yard. She wouldn’t be able to see that anymore…

Walking around the deck, she knew that thinking about them wouldn’t really help her much. But she just couldn’t help herself. The few months she had spent in the Bennedict mansion had meant a lot to her. The people there have been special to her… especially him

As she stared out, leaning on the railing. The sky looked completely black from where she was. There was no star in sight, complete darkness engulfed her. She figured that it suited her situation… it seemed poetic when you think about it. But as she continued to look out onto the ocean, a sudden light came into to view from afar and as the ship sailed towards it, she saw that it was a lighthouse.

A lighthouse shows you the right path to take. Just like in life, everyone has a lighthouse…

Something or someone has to guide them. Or they would loose their path…

And then she realized… she had done her purpose… she had been his lighthouse… she had stirred him into the right path and now it was up to him...

to be continued...

Chapter 19:
*----*----*---- 4 months later*----*----*----*

In the cold autumn night, he walked the across the green grass, his little girl holding onto to his hand as they crossed the cemetery grounds.

He hadn’t come to see her in such a long time, he had been busy… he knew it was no excuse but he also knew that she would understand. His dark princess… God, how much he had missed her. First he tried to forget, try to block her from his memory but as the days and months pass he knew he shouldn’t… it would have been wrong. He couldn’t, she had been a big part of his life. They both had. Both women he loved and both woman he lost… he’d let himself love again but he would never forget them.

Slowly he sat down in front of the familiar gravestone, letting his little girl sit on his lap. He bent over placing the flowers in the middle, tracing her name with the tip of his fingers. He took in a ragged breath as he tried to hold his emotions in, fighting back the tears that are threatening to fall. No matter how long it had been since he had lost her it still felt the same, it still felt painful but he needed to be strong for his little princess was with him, he needed to be strong for her.

“Prudence,” she looked up at him from her position in his lap. “There’s your mommy…”

“Mommy…?” she repeated the word much like she always did whenever somebody talked to her but with a little hint of a question. Like she didn’t know what was in front of her could possibly be considered this word her father had said.

“Yeah… princess. Mommy… she loved you very much…” he trailed off as he felt tears pricked behind his eyes. He let a few fall wiping it with the back of his hand. As soon as he had gathered himself together, he took from his coat pocket a leather bound journal, opening it in front of him and Prudence.

He had made a habit of reading Drusilla’s journal day to day since the day he acquired it. It was a new insight into her views… sometimes it made him cry sometimes it made him mad and sometimes it made him laugh nevertheless it was something to keep her fresh in his mind, something to remember her by.

Dated October 6, 1999…

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

October 6, 2005

Buffy held the piece of paper in her hand as she sat outside the porch that night. The letter had been with her for the last couple of weeks, she hadn’t wanted to read it because she knew whatever it was it’d just make her remember. But she doesn’t need a letter to let her remember what she was desperately trying to forget… she couldn’t.

She had continued to live her life; she had gotten a job at the local hospital and a nice little place in the quiet side of town. She couldn’t have asked for anything more… but she was.

She had found the letter with her junk mail one morning, she had placed it in the middle of the coffee table and sat just staring at it, deciding if she would open it or not. She knew whom it came from and she was pretty sure she knew the message it held. In the end she decided not to open it, leaving it inside her kitchen drawer before she left for work. She told herself she’d get rid of it; she didn’t want to read it… she didn’t want to know. It was pretty easy for her to just throw it in with the trash, toss it into the fireplace or just simply lose it… but she didn’t.

And now sitting in her porch, she didn’t know what compelled her to get the letter from it’s hiding place… after weeks of fighting with herself, did she want to read it all along… the answer to that was pretty obvious as she tore the envelope open.

First she saw a picture inside, it was of Prudence, taken on the lawn… she was in the middle of a pile of leaves just like when she was smaller the first week she had taken care of her.

As she stared at the picture, for the first time since she had left England she let the tears fall. Keeping herself together she placed the picture aside making a mental note to place it on top of her mantel with the other photographs she had held dearly. And as she opened the piece of paper, her eyes rapidly read the words he had written but only one thing stayed with her.

I said I’d only ask it once… but I asked you twice, so what the hell I’m gonna ask you again. Buffy… please come back, we need you… I need you.

*********

When you try your best but you don't succeed,
When you get what you want but not what you need,
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep,
Stuck in reverse.

Buffy pays for her ticket and makes her way to the docks waiting for her boat to arrive. She has always figured herself as a courageous person but never this brave. She’s going to be walking into a cave not knowing what would be waiting for her at the end. It’s as if her legs had a mind of it’s own as it dragged herself onto the docks after she read the letter William had written over four months ago. Four months… a lot could happen in four months. A lot of things could have change… he could change, but she was willing to take the chance, she’s ready to get hurt… she just needed to know.

And the tears come streaming down your face,
When you lose something you can't replace,
When you love someone but it goes to waste,
Could it be worse?

William sits within the darkness of his study, it has been raining the whole night and he wasn’t able to get much sleep because Prudence has been restless; but her new nanny seemed to have managed her by now. The nanny was good to her; she cared for her, maybe even loved her to a certain extent but still Prue cries for Buffy’s love and affection. Through the extent of time, Prudence started to forget, forget that there was ever a Buffy that had been a part of her life, accepting this new change. How he wished he could do the same, how he wished he could move on, he tried he really did but when in times like this when he was all in his lonesome, that’s when he thinks of her again, these are the times he dreads most. How he wished things were different, how he wished she was here with him.

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones.
And I will try,
to Fix you.

Now she stands in front of the gates the rain pouring down on her, but she doesn’t seem to care as if she was numb to it all. She had come all the way from the US with no assurance of what to expect. Now she stands only a few meters away and she can’t seem to move. Can’t seem to make herself come closer neither can she make herself turn back and leave. Then suddenly the porch lights turned on. She froze, can’t move, can hardly breathe. She waited, until a shadow appeared and her heart quickened knowing already who the shadow belonged to yet she still can’t move, can’t shout out to him.

And high up above or down below,
When you're too in love to let it go.
If you never try you'll never know,
Just what you're worth.

As he came into the light, he saw her, bathe in the moonlight, until now she still looked like an angel, his angel. William’s mind filled with question and doubt. He didn’t know if what he was seeing was just a dream. It wasn’t the first time for it to happen, he had dreamt of her return every each way possible for the last four months and he would always wake up heartbroken because he knew it would never happen. And now as he moves closer, he tried not to blink in fear that when he opened his eyes ones more she would be gone.

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones.
And I will try,
to Fix you.

They stare into each other, neither moving and as if on cue the gates between them suddenly opened and they were left all alone. There were no more barriers between them, nothing to keep them apart. In that moment it was up to them to decide.

The tears stream, down on your face,
When you lose something you cannot replace.
The tears stream, down on your face tonight.

The tears stream, down on your face,
I promise you I will learn from mistakes.
The tears stream, down on your face tonight.

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones.
And I will try,
To Fix you.

The End.