Chapter 37 - Finding It

Spike folded his fingers together trying to regain control of himself. Two of Sunnydale’s police detectives sat on his couch while Buffy was tucked behind him on the chair. He was worried, not quite sure if the bad day she was having would be a help or a hindrance to the interview the detectives were trying to conduct. She was mumbling about finding ‘it’ which was what they were looking for when the knock on the door had interrupted them. Spike had no clue what ‘it’ was and was doubtful even Buffy did. She had told him that it was imperative that they find ‘it’ so they had been spending the morning searching. The only thing he was hoping was that she wouldn’t start talking about things that would raise the police’s suspicion even higher.

“Mr. Blood is she always like this?” the detective (who’s rotund appearance put Spike in mind of Tweedledee) asked.

“Pretty much, this is getting to be the norm most days.”

“Convenient,” Tweedledum, Tweedledee’s partner, muttered. “Mrs. Blood, do you know who Nicole Rochester is?”

“Nicole, Nicole, Nicole, NICOLE,” Buffy chanted, while dancing her fingers along Spike’s arm,” Nicole, no, no Nicole,” she giggled, “no know no Nicole, Nicole.”

“Maybe you know her by Nikki?”

Buffy’s mood instantly changed and Spike bit back a sigh. Any happiness she’d exhibited was gone and her body stiffened. Spike glanced over his shoulder at her and winced at the storm that raged in her eyes-eyes that screamed accusations at him.

“Nikki,” Buffy whispered, her fingers drifting over Spike’s cheek. “She wanted what was mine but mine didn’t want her. Mine wants only me. Mine always comes back to me.”

Ignoring the others, Spike covered her hand, and kissed her palm. The tempest passed from his wife’s eyes and she relaxed. He smiled and was rewarded with a small smile in return.

“Did you want to hurt her for it?”

“She already lost,” Buffy answered, her eyes never leaving Spike’s. “She will never enjoy the feel of his flesh.”

“As you know, we did pull your bank records and there were two withdrawals for large amounts. What were those for?”

Reaching for the folder on the coffee table, Spike withdrew the two receipts that Angel had faxed to him and handed them to the detective.

“They were for Christmas presents,” Spike said. “Those are copies of the receipts.”

“Nice presents,” Tweedledee commented, reading the items that were ‘purchased’. “Do all right for yourselves, don’t you?”

Spike lifted one eyebrow and stared at the prat, refusing to be baited. The little twerp had been eyeing their home since he had walked in. Their comfortable living already branded them in his eyes as spoiled and willing to bend the law to suit themselves. Tweedledee would have been really surprised to find out that it wasn’t the wealth that made Spike willing to bend the law but the very nature of the beast within him.

“Mr. Blood, the two of you have other children, isn’t that right?” Tweedledee asked.

“What does that have to do with this?” Spike asked, his head snapping back to look at the detectives. He immediately remembered the conversation with Giles and could only hope the Watcher wasn’t stupid enough to threaten his family.

“If your wife is violent then it might not be safe to have the children around her.”

“My children are fine because Buffy isn’t violent,” Spike answered, his voice dropping to an icy pitch.

Tweedledum opened a file, glanced up at him before listing, “Expelled from Hemery High School for burning down the gym, she was a suspect in two murders while attending Sunnydale High, and her sister was removed from her care for neglect and child endangerment.”

“And all of that was years ago,” Spike said, fighting back the demon who wanted loose to protect what was his.

“Isn’t there a scar on your chest from her?”

“That is something that is between my wife and I and it was only brought up because the stalker mentioned it. Our children are doing quite well in spite of everything.”

Buffy plucked on his shirt sleeve and shifted to try to crawl over him. Spike put his arm up to try to keep her where she was. She whimpered as she stared at the two strangers. The smell of her fear teased at his nostrils and his features kept attempting to shift.

“They want to take me away from my babies. Spike, please don’t let them take me.”

Spike pulled her onto his lap and ran a soothing hand up and down her back. He kissed her temple while he pulled her closer. Her fingers clutched at his shirt and she buried her face against his chest.

“No one is going to take you away.” Spike said calmly with an edge of determination as he deliberately made eye contact with each of the men.

“Mr. Blood,” Del said from the doorway. “I’m sorry to interrupt but I’m going to pick up the children now.”

Relief ran through Spike as their friend stepped further into the room. He knew that Del has been listening in the kitchen and had chosen this moment to interrupt to them. Del had been steadfast in her loyalty to their family and Spike had come to count on her to handle things when he and Buffy couldn’t.

“Who are you?” Tweedledee asked.

Del snorted lightly. “I’m the nanny and household manager.”

“The nanny? The children have a nanny?”

“Yes, as I said I’m the nanny. I watch the children when Mr. and Mrs. Blood are unable to.”

“Do you live in?” Tweedledum asked, busily making notes on his pad. “And what is your name?”

“Across the street and the name is Delores Armstrong.” Del said. “If you will excuse me now, the children are waiting at the park to be picked up.”

Spike wanted to cheer her as she gave one last haughty look before exiting. His temporary mirth was quickly snubbed out by Tweedledee clearing his throat.

“Mrs. Blood is under the supervision of a therapist, correct?”

“Yes, she is,” Spike replied, giving them Sara’s name and office contact information. His hand closed around Buffy’s wrist as she once again attempted to leave his protection. “This is only agitating my wife and we have told you everything we know which isn’t much, so I need to ask you to leave now.”

The two detectives glanced at each and after apparently agreeing that they had gotten all the information they could for the moment, they stood.

“We’ll be in touch if we need anything else,” Tweedledum said.

Spike nodded as he followed them to the door. Buffy was tucked under his arm and when he tried to close the door behind the pair, she stopped him. She held onto the door until their car pulled out into the street before closing it with a bang.

“You should have snapped their necks,” Buffy said with a wave of her hand, “useless, useless, absolutely useless.”

A snicker escaped from Spike as his wife muttered and wandered down the hallway toward the kitchen. She was beginning to waddle from the pregnancy and he watched with interest the new movements of her hips. He supposed it was time to start looking for ‘it’ again and shook his head to follow her. Maybe he could distract her with some food and went to catch up to her before she got wrapped up in the search again.

~~~~~~~~~~

There weren’t many nights like this anymore. Quiet, almost serene. But something was wrong. Every Slayer instinct in Raven told her that blood had been spilled and the evil whispers of laughter played in the wind around her. Connor moved closer to her. The warrior in him was responding to hers and they could feel the air crackle around them as they prepared for battle. A glance over her shoulder reassured her that Dawn and Josh were close behind them.

The campus had many dark corners and wooded paths that were an invitation for vampires and other beasties to hide out to catch their human prey. Sacrifice the young and leave the old town people safe. Turn their heads against the strangers who came to the hellmouth with dreams and hopes of a future only to leave in a wooden box. Anything to save the future of this town that should have been destroyed years ago.

Raucous laughter sounded ahead of them and Raven allowed Connor to take the lead. He was her equal in every way and sometimes it worked better for their opponents to think she was a weak girl that wasn’t a threat to them. They turned off the quad toward the dormitories following the flickering lights of the lamps that brought little illumination to the path. The scent of blood and death were stronger here and their footsteps quickened. But answering footsteps accompanied by the laughter warned them that they weren’t alone. It didn’t take long to find the source, four young men, high on the kill and puffed with self importance. They blocked the path of the Slayer and her friends with smirks darkening their faces. Connor went to step around them but a hand laid in the middle of his chest stopped him.

“Where do you think you are going?” A tall boy asked.

“Back to my dorm,” Connor lied, his eyes flickering over the boys. “Why are you asking?”

“Haven’t you heard? There is evil in the night,” the boy said, leaning close to Raven and waggling his brows in an effort to frighten her. “All sorts of beasties that want to gobble up little girls.”

A sick feeling settled in her stomach. The scent of ignorance and death clung to this human and she wanted to vomit from the foulness of his aura.

“Why aren’t you inside then?” Raven questioned. She tried to appear timid hoping it would loosen his tongue.

“Because I fight the blackness,” he answered his chest expanding as he put his shoulders back. “I am a Soldier of Light, ridding the earth of the threat to humanity.”

“Hey, man, don’t tell them that,” one of his friends said. “Leave them here. If they are so idiotic to be wandering around out here they deserve what they get.”

With relief the four moved off, leaving Raven still shaken. It was only Connor’s hand on her shoulder that returned her to the mission once again and she was grateful that he was there. He had become her rock and with her parents so preoccupied with Buffy’s illness, she depended on him to keep her focused. She watched in wonderment as he lifted his head and sniffed the air. With only minimal eye contact with her, Connor turned and led them behind them Henderson Hall. The yard behind the building disappeared down into some woods. They trekked through the brush to a small clearing where the source of the death scent lay broken on the ground. Dawn shone the flashlight on the victim’s face and Raven gasped as she recognized, Dakmin, a young demon she had met through Clem. Visually he was human except for two small horns that sloped out of his temples and scales that ran along his spine. The two anomalies easily hidden by clothing were now exposed to anyone that happened upon his body.

Dakmin often visited the library on campus to study books on ancient architecture. His dream was to one day study his passion and was a gentle soul that only wanted to build monuments that would live beyond him. There was no evil in the creature that the SOL’s had destroyed but they would be allowed to live without punishment. They were human. Dakmin wasn’t.

Raven wrapped her hand in Dawn’s as she watched Connor scoop the body up. She felt Josh’s hand on her shoulder and together they followed Connor back to the demon side of town. Their small group brought attention and as they made their way to Dakmin’s family home they found their numbers growing as other demons joined them. Evil and good, united by the death of one of their own grieved together. Angry whispers reached Raven’s ear and she knew that she was unwelcome but she held her head high. There would be a time when it was only good against evil. And she would fight for that day with every fiber of her being.

~~~~~~~~~~

For a moment Raven stood quietly and watched her father play the Sega game with total intensity. She knew that he was aware of her presence and when he was ready would turn to her. She took a sip of her orange juice and slid onto the couch, tucking her feet beneath her. The room was dark and was only lit by the images on the screen. The light flickered across her father’s countenance in varying degrees, highlighting and emphasizing his chiseled features. His beauty was worthy of admiration and Raven felt the gratitude again that his heart was even more magnificent and was able to love this rag tag family as his own. She knew of his weaknesses and the pain he had brought her mother but she loved him in spite of it. In the end, he was here. His love evident in the gentleness that was shown to them and the fierceness of with which he protected them. It still amazed her that inside of him beat the heart of a demon that could be as cruel and as heartless as the humans that had taken Dakmin’s life. She only prayed that it would never be let loose in her time.

“What’s up, Princess?”

She smiled as her father settled beside her. His arm draped over the back of the couch. The patience in his eyes turned her smile into the tears that had been threatening for what seemed forever. Raven felt the strength in his arm’s as he gathered her close and allowed her to weep. Between her sobs she told him of her night and of the hurt that filled her heart. His gentle whispers and even gentler hands stroking her hair made her feel safe. As much as she loved Connor, in the end she was Daddy’s girl and sometimes only he could make her feel protected. Eventually her tears slowed and she backed away. Her hands wiping at her face as Spike waited.

“I don’t know what to do, Daddy,” Raven explained, looking away. “I’m the Slayer but I am one of them. Not quite human. I think it’s only you that clears my way down there. A vampire, even a domesticated one, for a father gives me a little leverage.”

“Hey, not domesticated here,” Spike joked.

“Yes, you are,” Raven said, smiling. “Not quite out there in the killing fields anymore.”

“What do you want to do?”

Raven shifted until her arms were wrapped around her legs. His hand rested on her back now and laying her cheek against her knees, she looked back at him.

“I took this gig to change the world but I’m only one person. I get so scared sometimes. I mean, Clem used to be this scaredy cat but now he’s become this one man army. He doesn’t care. He goes anywhere he wants to and is taking the harassment in stride. I’m afraid that he’s going to get killed one night. Those SOLs aren’t going to care. If they’re not human then it’s open season on them.”

“You know why he does it. A part of him doesn’t care if he lives or dies anymore. It gives him that recklessness. But you,” Spike said, tugging on a lock of hair, “are like your mother. You want to live. You want a future. The love that you want is still waiting for you.”

“I want to come out to the world. Tell them everything about demons and Slayers. Force people to see the truth.”

If she could she would slowly start shaking people one by one until they saw things her way. Impatience burned in her and she wanted to do a huge campaign to get them to see. The sound of her father’s sigh snapped her out of her reverie and she turned to face him again.

“It won’t work, little one. You can’t force them. It will only drive them further away. All you can do is keep trying and keep believing. It won’t be easy and it might not, well actually, probably won’t happen in your lifetime but you can make a difference. Just keep trying. That’s all you can do.”

Raven knew he was right. It was the calm voice of someone who had lived a couple of lifetimes that she had needed. Someone who knew more about life then she would probably ever know that could give her guidance. She had found what she was seeking and it calmed the frantic pace of her soul. She leaned back against him, her eyes closing as he hugged her and for a little while longer she was ready to continue the fight.

to be continued…

Chapter 38 - Discord and Harmony

Spike didn’t need the monitor to hear Buffy’s muffled cries. Dropping the mail back on the front table, he rushed up the stairs toward their room. She had been fine only a half hour ago; she’d been clear-minded and talking to the children in the kitchen about their day at school. The four of them had been laughing and discussing Buffy’s birthday among the complaints of homework and teachers. It was then that he had decided to sit on the front porch and breathe some air; get a few ticks alone. He hadn’t been gone twenty minutes and her state had fallen so fast.

The door was open just a crack thus allowing the sound of her tears to escape. Pushing it open, Spike stepped into the room and stared at the bundle huddled in the middle of the bed. Raven had her arms wrapped around her mother and she was crying along with her.

“I’m sorry, Mum, I thought you knew,” Raven said, patting the form in her arms. She turned startled eyes to her father and a deep flush covered her face. “I thought she knew about Willow.”

“It’s okay, not your fault. Should have told her myself days ago,” Spike explained, gesturing for his daughter to leave them alone. He closed the door behind Raven and crawled in behind his wife. “Buffy, talk to me. This last week hasn’t been the greatest and we were waiting until…”

“Until you thought I could handle it,” Buffy wailed, pulling away from him and sitting up. “It’s not what you think. I can handle it. I’m happy, absolutely ecstatic that she’s pregnant.” Buffy managed to get out before collapsing in sobs again.

Spike couldn’t quite figure out why she was crying if she was happy for her friend. Willow and Tara had stopped by a few nights before to share the happy news but Buffy had been lost in her own mind that night. There was no way she could have comprehended what the two witches were telling her so Spike had promised to let her know as soon as possible and he had every intention of keeping it. It was just every time Buffy became herself again, he wanted her to spend time with her own children, to spend time with him or just be able to have someone else with her for a short time. He should have told the others to keep quiet about it until he gave the all clear.

“If you’re happy, what’s with the tears, Love?”

After a few sniffles, she looked toward the window where they could hear Elijah and Del playing.

“I…miss my friends. There was a time that I would’ve known right away. Been one of the first two to know. Been there to share with the planning and the trying. Maybe even been there when she took the test, like I was with Tara.” Buffy whispered. “It hurts that life is passing me by and there is nothing I can do to stop it.”

Spike wanted to argue but what could he say? She was right. And the day might come when she would miss it all because there weren’t anymore good days.

“You’ve got today. Right now. Isn’t every moment that you’ve got worth living instead of worrying about something that isn’t even here yet?”

Startled green eyes met his and various emotions flashed through them. Anger, self-pity, hurt, and finally love. She sighed and dragged him into a hug.

“Okay, Mr. Optimistic, when did this happen?”

Spike kissed her and smiled up at her.

“Don’t know, but it sounded good didn’t it? Must be watching too many Dr. Phil reruns at night.”

They laughed and she crawled to the edge of the bed to pick up the phone. With one hand wrapped in his and the other dialing, she settled against the headboard.

“Willow, hi, it’s Buffy. I hear congratulations are in order.” Buffy said.

Spike kissed the back of her hand before slipping away. The sound of his wife’s laughter let him know that she was probably going to have a long overdue gabfest with her friend. Maybe having Willow pregnant would help Buffy deal with things. Give her something happy to focus on for awhile and give her some more fight. He pulled the door almost shut. It was time to go and find Raven to make sure their daughter wasn’t feeling too bad about letting the news out. His hands juggled imaginary balls as he ran down the steps. He never dropped the balls in the game he played in his head.

~~~~~~~~~

January 14, 2008 7:15 PM

With the sense of impending disaster, Angel hung the phone up. The brewing hurricane erupted before he could even turn around.

“You are not going to Sunnydale,” Cordelia stated, in a voice that was too quiet, signaling her rage at his decision.

“Yes, I am, please, don’t make this difficult,” Angel replied, turning to look at his wife.

“Me, make this difficult? It’s you that’s making everything difficult.”

Angel watched as Cordelia leaned against the kitchen counter. He took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. He had promised his Childe that he would be there when Spike or Buffy needed him and it was a promise that he was going to keep. The relationship was still too tentative to back down now and if Spike felt that he wasn’t going to be there then Angel didn’t think Spike would ever trust him again.

“I need to do this, for me, for them. Maybe it’s too much for you to understand or accept the role of family…”

“The role of family? Vampire family?” Cordelia exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. “You, Mr. I Want To Be Human, why are you suddenly screaming how important your vampire family is especially Spike, who you tried to kill several times including when he first got with Buffy and who had no qualms about torturing you to gain possession of a ring, remember?”

“It goes beyond that. They need me,” Angel said, cupping her face in his hands.

Cordelia pulled away from him, leaving Angel frustrated. He was torn between his family and responsibilities in Los Angeles and the family in Sunnydale. It wasn’t just his own desire to help out but also a link to his son. Spike and his family had become important to Connor and maybe by being there and helping them, he could finally have the relationship he wanted with his son.

“Or is it that Buffy needs you?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’ve always had this shrine in your heart for her; something that I can’t even knock down, even though I’m the one here with you all these years. Are you doing this so you can be the hero for her?”

“Back off, Cordy,” Angel snarled. It was the furthest thing from his mind. He loved Buffy but he wasn’t in love with her anymore. He turned to look at the window, staring at the lights and the cars passing on the street. “I love you. You have my heart, and my allegiance, no one else. If you believe that, then what’ve we been building together for all these years?”

He felt her hand on his shoulder and he turned to look at her. Her hazel eyes were filled with love for him and confusion over his decision. She was right. He was changing direction on her and it had to make anyone even someone as self-assured as his wife question his loyalty.

“I don’t understand, that’s all,” Cordelia said, quietly. “It’s never seemed to bother you before. Spike has always been a thorn in your side and now he is the most important thing in your life. We’re having these problems with the new vampire gang in town and first, you tried to send Wesley to France and now you’re taking off again.”

“Only for a couple of nights,” Angel reassured her, pulling her against him in a tight hug. “I won’t be gone long, I promise. And he’s not the most important thing to me, you are and our life is but in the end he is my Grand-Childe and I owe him this. After everything I’ve done to them I want to make amends to them.”

“So, no changing your mind?”

Shaking his head, Angel leaned his forehead against hers. He knew she still didn’t understand and eventually it would come back because Cordelia wasn’t the type to forget easily. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her to come with him but she was right about the vampires they were tracking. The LA crew needed as much help as they could get and it was best that she stay behind to contribute. He just hoped that Spike could make the trip as quickly as possible so he wouldn’t leave Cordelia alone too long.

Knowing that he didn’t have to leave until the next day, Angel backed up toward the bed bringing Cordelia with him. He had tonight to let her know how much he truly loved and needed her to make his world right. When she smiled at him and pushed him down onto the bed, he knew it was going to work out just fine and he surrendered to the love between them.

~~~~~~~~~

Even with the assurance from his Sire that it wasn’t a problem, Spike still felt uncomfortable asking him for help. To once again ask for help with watching Buffy made him feel that he couldn’t handle his life. But Spike had accepted that he couldn’t do it all and as he had surrendered the house to Del, he knew that the only one that could handle Buffy besides himself would be Angel. Anyone else would either have to put their own family on hold or make him too uncomfortable to have in the house unsupervised. Like Connor. Buffy had told him about the Christmas kiss and it angered him that Raven was taking steps into that relationship when she was still so young. She should be having fun and being a kid instead of kissing and talking claims. But that seemed to be something else beyond his control and Buffy insisted on keeping the lines of communications open instead of forbidding the two from seeing each other.

Spike sighed and leaned back in his chair as he tried to tell himself that he had made the right decision.

“Everything okay, Baby?” Buffy asked, from her position in his chair. She was ear marking catalogs with possible baby items that she wanted. She studied him for a moment while she waited for a reply.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Spike said, moving to sit beside her.

They scrunched in together with his arm around her shoulders and her legs across his legs. Everything was calm at the moment and she flipped through showing him the style of baby furniture that she wanted. He made a mental note to call Xander and set up the next construction day to work on the attic. It really needed to be done before the baby was born and that only left them a few months and the last thing he wanted to do was rush.

It was an unwelcome intrusion when the phone rang and he ignored it knowing that one of the kids would answer it. Sean did and bellowed from the living room for Spike to pick it up.

“Hello.”

“Hey man, not answering the phone there?” Max asked with a chuckle.

“Knew it was you and was trying to avoid which, by the way, is impossible around here,” Spike said, mouthing to Buffy who it was while absently playing with her ponytail.

“Not nice, not nice. How is it around there? Buffy okay?”

“We are all fine and Buffy says hello. She’s busy spending more of my money,” he grunted when she elbowed him and he quickly corrected, “Excuse me, spending OUR money.”

“Good boy. Always remember who the boss is. I called with good news anyway.”

His body flooded with relief ending the anxious state Spike didn’t even realize he was in. It would be nice to have some more good news. Anything to start turning the tide they had been drowning in lately.

“What’s up?”

“She’s getting careless. The last few phone calls from SB have all been made along the same stretch of highway at different convenience stores or gas stations. We are going to be making the rounds tomorrow at the times that she usually calls to see if anyone recognizes the composite we have.”

“Anything to get this tied up. Have they said anymore about Buffy being involved in the Nikki thing?” Buffy looked up at him, trepidation plain on her face but Spike nuzzled her cheek, “Its okay, Love, just checking.” She nodded and curled closer to him. Her trust in his ability to protect her evident in her manner and Spike hugged her tighter.

“Nope, no phone calls made from your house to the east coast except those to me. And nothing from the phone booth that would implicate her involvement in a set up so for now they are dropping it. Nothing more has happened with the girl. Nik moved back home temporarily and has security surrounding her. We are trying to find something to link it to the stalker too.”

The two men talked for a few more minutes, discussing SB and Spike’s trip. Max promised to show for Buffy’s birthday in a week and told Spike to email him with suggestions for presents. It was only going to be a family dinner with nothing really special planned because they still weren’t sure how she would be. After Spike hung up from talking to Max, he returned to catalog shopping with his wife. The small moment treasured before they had to stop to put Elijah to bed. It was something that he would see her writing happily about in her journal before she went to bed that night. Nothing it seemed was too small to be joyous about and every moment she had with them became all the more precious.

~~~~~~~~~

It took her a moment to adjust to the darkness that surrounded her. She rose from the bed as soon as she could see and wandered around the room. Her fingers ran over the makeup and perfumes that dotted the vanity table lifting several to inhale the scents. A candle was lit on the dresser so she could look over the pictures on the dresser top. She drank in the photos of the children, especially Elijah, dotting the surface. Her eyes welled up as she picked up and studied the photos of Spike. The one of him at Christmas surrounded by the children, the one of him on the motorcycle dressed in jeans and duster and the professional one with him in a suit. There were the photos of them sitting on the hood of the Desoto, arms wrapped around each other, the one of them kissing as if they would die without the touch of the other and the one of them on their wedding day. So, many promises and so much hope for the future.

Finally she turned back to the bed and stared down at him. Spike was lying on his back, the sheet low on his belly and his arms askew across the pillow and her side of the bed. She watched the rise and fall of his chest, marveling in the sight, and leaned close to listen to the sound of him breathing. All those years of sleeping with a beautiful statue now gone and here lay a man. Breathing and warm beneath her touch. She crawled back into bed, scooting close to him, her fingers drifting along his chest and stomach until he swatted them away before gathering her close. He never woke his actions instinctive to keep her near, even in slumber. All it would take would be one touch, one kiss, and he would make love to her, tousled and sexily sleepy and she would feel his passion and need for her. Sighing, she decided to let him sleep. There would be time later for them to mate. He was trying so hard to hold it all together until it was time and he needed his rest. She laid her head on his chest and wrapped her fingers in his. Everything was safe and secure as long as she was here with him and with that knowledge in mind, she allowed herself to go back to sleep.

to be continued…

Chapter 39 - Mirror Images

It was sickening to watch. Sean rolled his eyes as Raven giggled and flirted with the guy behind the counter at the bookstore. They only had an hour left before their parents picked them up after Buffy’s doctor’s appointment and his sister was wasting time. He thumbed the flyers in his hand as he waited for her to finish and catch up to him.

“What is wrong with you, Seanie?” Raven asked, leading the way to the next store. “You’ve been positively a pain since we left the house. You should be enjoying your freedom.”

“I wouldn’t have been grounded if you hadn’t ratted on me.”

Ignoring her, he pushed the door leading to the pet store open. It took only a moment and the manager gave the approval to hang the flyer in the front window. Raven taped it up while he held the supplies.

“It wasn’t my fault that you skipped school,” Raven said, smoothing down the tape. “I was worried and maybe if you had shared, I wouldn’t have told Dad.”

“Yeah, right,” Sean complained, holding his hand to help Raven crawl out of the display. “You just did it because I didn’t take you with me.”

His anger deepened when she laughed and he knew he was right. Raven hated being left out of anything and she had made sure he was punished for not including her in his self-proclaimed day off from school. The fact that he still hadn’t told her where he had been was only grating on her nerves more but that was fine with him.

“Oh, come on,” Raven said. “What was the big deal? You probably went to the mall and drooled over comic books or something.”

“Wasn’t drooling over comic books,” Sean muttered. He looked up and noticed the music store across the street. “I’m going to hit the music store and I’ll catch up with you down the street.”

“Mum and Dad told us to stay together.”

“And when have you been such the good girl,” Sean teased and dropped a quick kiss on her cheek. “Go on and I’ll be right back.”

Without waiting for a reply, Sean took off across the street. He didn’t even look back to enjoy the confusion Raven was most likely experiencing. His mind was focused on, Bryant, the clerk at the music store. Bryant was Sam’s roommate at UC Sunnydale and the two had met when Sam brought him along to a strategy meeting. In his sophomore year and nineteen, Bryant was an art major and everything that Sean had been looking for. The young man from Santa Fe had been out since he was fourteen and didn’t mind sharing experiences with the newcomer to the gay community.

No one knew about them yet and Sean wasn’t sure how Buffy and Spike would take to him dating someone in college. At first they had just been friends but it had quickly grown beyond them and they were teetering on letting everyone know they were a couple. It was both exhilarating and terrifying to the brownie and for the first time in his life, he wanted to be selfish and keep this a secret for as long as he could.

The small bell over the door rang when he stepped into the store and he smiled at the first sight of his friend. Bryant was helping a customer and Sean took the moment to just watch. Shaggy light brown hair fell over one eye as a crooked smile from full lips made Sean weak in the knees. It was freeing to be with someone like Bryant who threw social conventions to the wind. He sported two tattoos, one on his lower back and one on his arm and there was a small stud through his bottom lip. Yet, somehow the art major was in many ways very conservative and believed in family and loyalty having come from a large passel of kids.

As soon as the customer left the counter, Sean darted over.

“Hey,” Sean said, “I come bearing the flyers you designed.”

“Knew I was wanted for only one thing,” Bryant said, smiling and reaching for a copy. “I haven’t seen the finished product. You pick them up today?”

“Yeah, just before we came down here,” Sean replied handing over the newest flyer. It had a picture of Dakmin and detailed his death. It also described the attack on Chad. The new flyers weren’t just going up on campus. This new batch was being distributed all over Sunnydale and Raven and Sean had gotten the downtown detail.

“We?”

“Me and Raven. I sent her down the street and told her I’d catch up in a minute.”

“Oh,” Bryant whispered. “I’ll get this hung up for you.”

Something was wrong and Sean tilted his head, in a perfect imitation of his father’s tilt, and studied his friend.

“I just wanted to see you without the world’s nosiest female around,” Sean said. “It’s not like I don’t want her to meet you.”

“And that’s why you said the other day that you wanted to wait to introduce me to your family.”

Sean wanted this relationship to be theirs for awhile and Bryant wanted to shout it to the world. It was his first relationship, the first time he had kissed another man and he was afraid of losing it. And afraid that everyone would know that he wasn’t worth having when Bryant finally figured out that he didn’t want to be with a kid like him. That was why he had risked cutting class to spend time with Bryant. He sighed and studied the young man’s hazel eyes.

“My mom’s birthday dinner is Saturday,” Sean said. It was a risk but he had already told Bryant about Buffy’s mental illness in a weak moment of needing to talk to someone. There wasn’t much the young man didn’t know about the Blood’s. “Why don’t you come over? May as well meet the whole dysfunctional lot at one time.”

The smile that lit up Bryant’s face was worth taking the risk for and Sean wished they weren’t in such a public place.

“That your sister?”

Sean looked over his shoulder to see Raven watching them through the window and he laughed as he turned back.

“Yep, that’s the nosy one. Told you I couldn’t have a moment’s privacy.”

Bryant wrapped his hand in the front of Sean’s shirt and pulled him closer.

“So, let’s give her something to be nosy about,” Bryant whispered before meeting his lips.

If he hadn’t been so lost in the sensation of the kiss, Sean probably would have been able to hear Raven’s audible gasp. As it was the mouth on his was the only thing in his world that was important at that moment and he let everything else fade away. ‘

~~~~~~~~~~

“And they lived happily ever after,” Buffy said, closing the book of Lankasha fairy tales.

“It didn’t say that,” Elijah crowed.

“I know but it sounded good.”

They both laughed and Buffy scooted over so she could pull the covers over her son.

“Mommy, I want to play the game,” Elijah said, wrapping his hand in hers.

“I know but Daddy says no and we have to listen to him.”

“He’s mean.”

Buffy sighed and smoothed back a lock of Elijah’s hair. It was hard to explain to her son that the game was part of her illness and that she didn’t really remember everything they had done when they played. There was a part of her that was scared that she had actually been teaching Eli about vampires even if those vampires were family. Xander and Spike were both right. It was too much for a young boy to handle but she missed the bonding it had created between them.

“He’s not mean, Eli,” Buffy said, running her fingers along his cheek. “He loves us very much and he wants to protect us. So, we need to listen to him if he says it’s bad for us.”

“But we just got to the part when they were in China and you said somethin’ important was going to happen with Daddy.”

As Elijah spoke those words, Buffy’s could feel him. He was close by. The tingling along her spine and the tightening of her womb let her know and it angered her that he was standing in the hallway and listening to them instead of walking in. Did he forget that she could feel him? What was he doing throwing trust completely out by listening in on her conversations?

“It did and when you’re older, I’ll tell you all about it,” Buffy said, leaning down to kiss him. “Give Mummy a kiss good-night and I’ll see you in the morning.”

After getting her kiss, Buffy shut the light out and stepped into the hallway, closing the door behind her. She flashed an angry look at her husband and went to their room, knowing he would follow. As soon as the door was closed, she whirled on him.

“Why don’t you just put a damn microphone on me so you know everything I say? Or maybe put cameras everywhere so you can sit there and watch me?”

“Buffy, I’m sorry,” Spike said, reaching for her but she sidestepped him. “I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Bullshit, you wanted to find out if I’d say something that you could use against me.”

He stared speechless at her, pain and confusion marring his features. It hurt her more than she could bear and she strode to look out the window as she waited for his reply.

“I’m just trying to understand,” Spike said, coming to stand behind her. His hands ran up and down her arms in a gesture of comfort. “There is something going on that I don’t understand. Something that you and Elijah won’t share with me.”

She leaned back against him, letting his arms encircle her and his chin rest on her shoulder. This was where she belonged but she needed him to quit this inquisition. To let things lie for now.

“Spike, I love you but there are things that I have to hold onto. For me.”

The security was gone as Spike stepped away. It left her alone and vulnerable and her hand rested on the cool pane of the window. She traced an invisible pattern with her fingers as she listened to his breath that was coming in rapid spurts confirming the anger radiating around him.

“No, Buffy, there is nothing that you need to hold onto,” Spike said. “Right now, you need to be completely open with me for your own sake. And to have Elijah keep secrets from me is downright dangerous.”

As much as she hated doing it to him, it had to be this way. Buffy pushed her emotions aside and stared at her husband in cool detachment.

“You’ve been waiting for this for years, haven’t you?” Buffy whispered, her hand cupping his face. “Wasn’t that your fantasy? To have me completely under your control. To be able to watch me every moment. To know that I am dependent on you and if you wanted you could do anything you wanted with or to me.”

The horror on his face broke her heart but she needed him to stop digging and analyzing the nightmares in her mind. They terrified her with their magnitude. And as the meanings became clearer and knowing she was powerless against what was happening made her want to protect him as much as possible. Pushing him away was the best thing she could do for him. One day he would see it was the only thing that she could have done.

“That’s not true, Buffy,” Spike said, choking over the lump in his throat. “The only thing I want to do is make sure you’re safe and that Elijah is safe. If I don’t know what I’m fighting than I can’t.”

“There is nothing to fight. Nothing you can do,” Buffy said, a wry smile twisting her lips. “The expiration date is up on this package and all you can do is watch and wait.”

“Why are you doing this, Buffy?” Spike said his voice a hoarse whisper as he pleaded with her. “I don’t want to fight with you not when I’m leaving tomorrow.”

It was time for the final twisting of the knife and she turned her head so she wouldn’t see the pain she was going to bring.

“Why not? It will give you the excuse you need to have a dalliance while you’re gone.”

It worked. There were no words only the sound of the door closing behind him and Buffy covered her face in shame. She sat on the bed and tried to reassure herself that it was the only choice she had. The truth had to be protected and she slowly caressed her stomach. It would be all right once the baby came and it wouldn’t be long now. Everything would be understood once he was in the world.

~~~~~~~~~

January 16, 2008 11:25 PM

The channels flew by as Spike held the button down on the remote. He didn’t even see the flickering images. His mind was focused on the words she had spoken. Was it a test? Did she want to see if that was what had caused his lapse? That anger between them would make him want another woman? He searched himself trying to find the answer. Donna. Nikki. Nothing alike. Nothing similar that had attracted him. And neither was like the woman upstairs that he loved like no one else. Was it even love at this point? Two stars destined to collide and create a new system. All he knew was that he belonged to her and there was no one else that would ever replace her.

A hand covered his and took away the remote.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Angel asked, returning the channel to a movie he had been watching.

“No,” Spike answered, glancing briefly at his Sire. “It’s…she just…” He sighed. “Nothing.”

Angel nodded and they both turned their attention to the screen. It was reassuring to know that there was someone to talk to if he needed it. If he could just find out what Buffy and Elijah was holding secret then he might be able to do something. But neither would talk. Buffy pushed him away but never like tonight and Elijah just shut down. He was afraid to push the boy. Tara said he was developing his empathic and telekinetic abilities rapidly and emotionally he was vulnerable under the burden of his powers. Eli wouldn’t talk to anyone about it and if questioned, he only looked afraid and refused to talk.

It left Spike in a quandary. It was if the tighter he held on to them, the more they slipped away.

He glanced over his shoulder when he heard footsteps on the stairs. It was Buffy. Her face was serene but the smile flashed at him was almost predatory and he shivered under the feelings it invoked. Half expecting to see fangs flash under those lips dotted with a hint of pink lip gloss, he forced his gaze to move over the rest of her. She was clad in a long white negligee with an empress waist that left the silky material to glide freely over her stomach while her breasts were barely bound by a lace bodice. Her blonde hair swung freely around her shoulders and the scent of jasmine wafted on the air around her. His groin tightened as her tongue darted out to taste her lips. And a streak of possessiveness rushed through him as he watched her lean over to kiss his Sire on the cheek.

“Hello, Angel,” Buffy said, reaching for Spike’s hand. “Do you mind if I take my husband away?”

Even Angel was speechless and only shook his head in agreement. The two men exchanged a knowing smile as Buffy led him upstairs. It seemed that maybe the night wasn’t wasted after all as they made their way to their bedroom. She closed the door behind them and shut the lights off.

“Buffy…”

Her fingers pressed to his lips stopping his attempt to reconcile the Buffy of earlier with the amorous creature before him. He decided that these times were precious now and he wouldn’t waste it by holding onto something that was already gone.

“No talking,” Buffy whispered. “Just feel.”

He surrendered to her as she undressed him and escorted him to their bed. Her negligee was left to pool on the floor as she joined him. The only light was the moon that shone through the window as she directed him onto his stomach. A mere whisper of a kiss was placed on his lower back before massage oil was spilled across his skin. He moaned in anticipation as she began to work it in. It had been so long since Buffy had tended to him like this and he didn’t question her desire to please him. There wasn’t a part of him that wasn’t massaged or caressed, from his toes to neck. Fingers and kisses floated over his heated skin before she returned to his buttocks. Her tongue licked along his cleft before fingers stroked him.

Spike froze as she tickled at his opening. The only other time she touched him there was when she was pleasuring him orally and he wondered what she was up to. A finger slid into him, fondling and slowly thrusting. He groaned as a second finger joined the first.

“Do you miss this?”

Her murmured question was almost a sigh as he pushed back toward her plunging digits. Buffy chuckled as she picked up the pace and she guided him onto his side. She was still straddled over him as she encased his hardened length in her tiny hand. He had to know why she was doing this. Why she was pushing him to enjoy something that he hadn’t had in forever? Her hands were working in unison and he lost the power to think as he gazed into the passion filled pools of her emerald eyes. It was hypnotizing as the feelings took him to another time and place when it was Angelus fucking him.

The bedroom window was open over the garden letting the sweet scent of jasmine into that cold hell. Drusilla, his love, was there encouraging her Daddy in his rape. She whispered in her madness, encouraging him to let go and drown in their erotic nightmare. He was lost in the memories, of his weakness as he had surrendered to the familiar satisfaction that came only with pain. And he cried out as Buffy coaxed him to an orgasm bringing him back from the torment of other times. Turning onto his back he closed his eyes trying to sort through the past and the reality of the present until he felt the wet warmth of a washcloth touching him. He opened his eyes to watch as Buffy wiped away the evidence of his gratification.

That smile still danced on her face and he pulled her down to him. This time it was his game and his choice as he made love to her. Her eyes never left him as he moved over her, kissing and fondling her. He went out of his way to ensure that those small breathy sounds fell from her lips. The ones that washed over him and made him feel complete and whole in spite of it all. He positioned her on her side, molding himself to her back and slid so easily into that heated channel that was his heavenly escape.

Buffy dragged his hand to her stomach, drawing it over the mound that was their baby and whispered to him. “Our baby is the only thing that matters. He was created from our love, from this.” She pushed back against him, pushing him further into her and as he thrust against her womb, her head fell back exposing her neck. “Drink from me. Make our union complete.”

His fangs slid as easily into her neck as his cock had into her cunt. The intoxicating taste of her blood flowed down his throat at the same time as he filled her with his seed. The giving and taking of their life forces and Spike was lost to the power of the woman in his arms. Whatever happened, whatever was to come, he would stand by her, even if the eerie feel of evil hanging in the air around them was their future.

~~~~~~~~~~

The flight home had been hell. All he wanted was to be with Buffy. Spike couldn’t fathom everything that had happened between them the night before. They had made love over and over again and each time she had pushed him to a new height or…a lower depth. Sometime toward morning they had both been smeared with blood, his and hers, spilled in the frantic push for domination. Always the baby had been there with them protected and loved while she had whispered of the future. The family they would be and the love that would hold them together. More secrets and riddles that he had forgotten as soon as they were uttered as she played his flesh and brought him a bliss that he didn’t know was possible because it was given with the deepest parts of her heart and soul. His memories of the night were hazy and dreamlike as if he had been drugged. All he remembered clearly was the carnal lust that she had wrought so easily and he needed to see her and touch her to feel real again.

Spike had rushed them through the meetings promising to finish whatever negotiations were necessary by telephone and express mail. The foundations were laid though and the movie would go through without him writing the script but he had been given final approval. And after explaining a little of what was going on to Barney they had agreed to wait a year to discuss a new contract instead of closing the door completely.

The taxi pulled into his drive and Spike felt relief as he grabbed his bag and paid the driver. He smiled as he imagined the look on Buffy’s face when she saw him. He wasn’t due to be home until that afternoon but something was pulling him home. Curbing the urge to whistle he stepped into the house and stopped.

The aroma slammed through his senses and his stomach lurched as he recognized the scent that hung heavy in the air.

Buffy’s and Angel’s arousal assaulted every fiber of his being and he could hear muffled voices from the back of the house. On leaden feet he followed the sounds to his study. The door was slightly ajar and there was no mistaking the noises that echoed from that room.

“Buffy,” Angel moaned.

A murderous rage blinded him and he pushed the door open with every intention of staking his Sire. Of all the nightmares that haunted him this was the worst. And it had come true in spite of all the pretty lies he had been told to the contrary.

Buffy was straddling Angel while his hands were wrapped around her upper arms. Spike blinked hoping it would go away but it didn’t. His wife was leaning over her first lover. Her tongue sliding over his chest and when he gagged they turned to look at him.

“Thank God, you’re home,” Angel gasped. “Get her off of me.”

His words didn’t register with him as he watched Buffy giggle and lick his Sire’s nipple before sitting up. If he hadn’t been holding onto the door frame, Spike knew he would have collapsed as anger and pain seared his soul. He was thankful of the tears that blocked the sight of his deceiving wife but her next words shocked him even more than the act she had been about to commit.

“Look, Daddy, my little Spike is home,” Buffy cooed, clapping her hands together. “Can he play with us?”

to be continued…

Chapter 40 - Bright Star

It took several seconds for her words to penetrate the thickness of the pain surrounding him. Spike gazed into his wife’s face trembling with disbelief. Angel was staring at him, waiting for him to do something with Buffy, and as if in a trance Spike made his way to their side. He hunkered down and in wonder, ran his fingers across her cheek.

“Dru, is that you, ducks?”

Those hands, so warm, cupped his cheeks while those eyes brimming with love searched his face in return. Tears escaped from her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.

“You see me, my love, you really see me,” The words came from Buffy’s mouth but they weren’t hers. They belonged to his dark princess and she leaned over and caressed his cheek with her own. “It’s been so long and I’ve missed you.”

Her lips covered his and Spike was lost in the sensation. It was the lips that he had been kissing for years, the ones that loved him, pleasured him, and fed from him, but yet somehow they weren’t. They were soft as they moved over his and he fell forward to his knees. His hand clasped her behind her neck to deepen the kiss. Everything disappeared as he became lost in her. It was only when he felt Angel’s hand on his back that reality bit through the haze and he pulled back. He shook his head as he tried to concentrate on the woman still straddling his Sire.

Spike watched as the love shifted from her eyes to disbelief and horror as Buffy became aware of where she was and what she was doing. She looked from one male to the other and Spike could see her recoil in fear. Trying to crawl off of Angel, her foot got caught in the sheet and Spike had to lift her off of the bed. Carefully, he set Buffy on her feet and tried to soothe the panic racing through her. With a whimper she wrapped the robe tightly around her and ran from the room. Ignoring his Sire, Spike followed her, but was unable to catch her when she slipped on the rug in the hallway and crashed into the table.

“Oh, God, don’t touch me,” Buffy cried, pushing his hands away and took off running again.

Spike shoved his emotions to the side and only focused on making sure Buffy was safe. He still didn’t understand what had happened and cold fury simmered inside of him but whatever it was, Buffy didn’t instigate it. She couldn’t have from her reaction when she came back to herself. And in his heart, he realized that Buffy would never go back to Angel. Not willingly or knowingly, and relief slid through him as he acknowledged that fact. Somehow, he had healed and there was no blame for the small woman that was his wife.

Buffy ran into the bathroom and tried to slam the door in Spike’s face but he put his hand up to stop it. She slid to the floor in front of the toilet and threw up, induced by the force of her sobs. His heart broke and he knelt behind her, brushing aside her attempts to pull away from him and gathered her hair out of her way.

“It’s okay, baby,” Spike whispered, rubbing her back. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

“How can you say that?” Buffy asked, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “What was I doing? Oh, God…”

The door opened and Raven leaned in startling them both. “Is everything okay? Can I do anything?”

Spike shook his head and gathered Buffy against him. His daughter stepped into the room, wetting a washcloth and handing it to him before she slipped away again. He held his wife tightly and rocked her as she wept into his shirt. His hands continued to run over her back while alternating with fierce hugs as he reassured her over and over that it was all right. Their entire lives had exploded with this latest development and he knew the time had come to make decisions. And every one of them was going to be hell to make.

“Do you hate me?” Buffy asked, her voice revealing the fear and torment she was in.

“No, Love,” Spike whispered, kissing the top of her head, “Could never hate you. Nor do I blame you for that down there. I know you love me.”

It was true. And that certainty brought tears to his eyes. He sighed and pushed her away from him. His fingers wiped away the ravaging remains of her tears before letting his thumb brush across the lip that was still quivering from her emotions.

“You do?” Buffy asked, wonder coating the question and the light returned to her eyes. “I mean, I know you do but…”

“No doubts anymore.”

After all this time of loving her, Spike was finally confident that the woman in his arms loved him and only him. Of course, this awareness couldn’t have come at the worse time. The choices he had to make could permanently destroy what had just been fully accepted. His hands squeezed hers and helped her to stand. He kissed her cheek and waited while she brushed her teeth and washed her face. He stared at the rug that Buffy was standing on, tracing the patterns that swirled around her feet while she completed her toilette, anything to keep his mind from repeating the memory of Buffy and Angel. His scent intimately clung to her and the demon within wanted to erase it. He wanted to force her to obedience, to reclaim his territory and mark her as his.

“Spike?”

Torn from his reverie his eyes met hers in the mirror. He could see the uncertainty with a hint of fear simmering in hers. Her hands clutched a towel against her breast. He stood to take a step toward her and saw that he had switched unwittingly to his vampire guise. If she was truly his Childe, truly his mate, as the world he once dwelled in dictated then she would be punished for straying without his permission. Buffy knew it. Somehow she knew more than he had ever told her. Was it from the memories she had accumulated from him? Or was it from someone else? He didn’t know and he went to shake his head to change back when Buffy rested her hand on his arm. Submissively she came to him, pulled her hair back and offered her neck to him.

“Take it away, Spike,” Buffy whispered, her hand resting on his side, sliding beneath his shirt to knead the flesh there. “Make me yours again.

He nuzzled the softness of her throat, licking and nipping, until her hand pushed him against her.

“Please,” she pleaded. “We both need it.”

Buffy gave a small cry followed by a contented sigh as he broke through the skin. Spike pushed her robe off her shoulders and let his hands caress her body. She was his. He erased his Sire’s touch from her and felt the orgasm that rocked her as he did. Triumphant in winning back his mate, he slipped back to human guise, letting his lips skim across her face and kissed her. The last mouthful of her blood was shared with her and she licked his tongue clean.

“You need sleep,” he said, helping her to put her robe back on.

She nodded and allowed him to tend to her. He put her back to bed, tucking her in as if she was a child and waited by her side until she slept. As he brushed the hair back from her face his thoughts turned to vengeance and the vampire downstairs.

~~~~~~~~~~

The sweet smell of chocolate drifted on the air as Raven opened the microwave and pulled her mug out. She sniffed the contents and stirred it before glancing at the vampire she called uncle.

“So, what happened with Mum?” Raven asked.

Angel chuckled at the teenager trying to act so innocent and coy. The girl had the venomous bite of a rattle snake she just hid it well. He felt sorry for the vamps and demons that crossed her because he had a feeling she was deadlier than her Mum had ever tried to be. All that love and coddling and support that Spike and Buffy gave her had given her a confidence that would be legendary. Now, all she needed to do was work on her interrogation skills and he might hire her to work for him when she was older.

“Don’t think so, little one,” Angel replied, looking up at her over his own mug, except his held blood and not that sweet concoction Raven was slurping. “If your parents didn’t tell you than I’m surely not.”

“But something happened?”

“Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

Raven cocked an eyebrow at Angel and gave him a once over. He laughed again as the newest Slayer tried to intimidate him.

“That seems to be something for my parents to decide,” Raven said. “And if I’ve heard correctly when Buffy wasn’t much older than me, you didn’t seem to much care if she was in bed on time unless...”

Angel had to give her credit. She had found the wound and had kicked it with enough force to make him double over. He turned away from her, put his mug in the sink, and told himself to calm down. This was Buffy’s and Spike’s child and he couldn’t threaten her the way he would anyone else who was playing this game with him. A hand rested on his back and he turned surprised eyes to the girl who was now standing beside him.

“I’m sorry,” Raven said. “I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just getting scary around here and no one is telling us anything that will make it go away.”

“It’s not going to just go away,” Angel said, trying to be truthful. “And I think it’s going to get scarier before it gets better.”

Raven nodded and hugged him. She wrapped her arms around him and held on for dear life. Angel felt his reserve slip away and hugged her back. He could see why his son was so enamored of her. Raven was an amazing girl that once she worked out a few rough spots would become an unforgettable woman. As unforgettable and amazing as the woman she called Mum and he blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.

“Going to work your way through all the women in my life,” Spike snarled, standing in the kitchen doorway. His game face was back and he flashed his fangs. “Raven is about the age you like ‘em but if you don’t get your hands off of her, I’ll lose whatever reason I have left.”

Angel stepped away from her.

“Go upstairs, Raven,” Angel commanded.

“Daddy…”

“Raven, leave us,” Spike said. “Now,” he shouted when she hesitated.

The girl carefully skirted by her father before taking off at a run. The kitchen door swung shut behind her leaving the two vampires alone. Angel forced himself not to answer the challenge Spike was issuing. His growls resounded around them as Spike advanced on his Sire. Angel swore he wouldn’t fight his Childe. No matter what the personal cost was. Spike had every reason to be angry with him and even more reasons to need to release the emotional pain he was in. Spike was wound tight from the pressure he was under and since the trip to Atlanta he hadn’t made a peep of a complaint. Angel was forced back against the counter as Spike wrapped his shirt in his hands and pulled him closer to his Childe.

“What the hell happened?” Spike barked. “Why didn’t you stop her?”

“I woke up with her on top of me,” Angel said. “It was just a few minutes before you got there. I was afraid of hurting her and she kept fighting me.”

“So, what the hell were you going to do? Say, oops, she didn’t listen to me and oh, well, she just fucked me but I tried to stop her.”

“It wouldn’t have gotten that far,” Angel swore, looking away. It had seemed like a dream when he had woken to Buffy seducing him. A distant dream that was haunting him and he hated that a small part of him still wanted her. “I would have found a way to stop her.”

“Would you have? You’re weak, Angel and it had to seem like you had hit the fantasy jackpot to find her on top of you. You could’ve finally gotten what you wanted and it wouldn’t even have been your fault.”

Angel shoved Spike away from him. The truth hurt and he knew where Raven had gotten her bite from. He closed his eyes but it was too late. Spike saw it and the first punch wasn’t a surprise. Angel stayed down as Spike stood over him.

“I won’t share her,” Spike growled. “She’s mine. My mate and I won’t have you destroy her anymore.”

“She’s not Dru,” Angel fired back. “She’s Buffy despite what she said. I talked to the guards two days ago and Dru is still a prisoner. She could have nothing to do with this. Think, boy.”

Spike squatted beside him, wrapping his fingers in Angel’s hair.

“I do know its Buffy,” Spike whispered. “She’s my mate and now she has been fully claimed. You touch what is mine again and I won’t hesitate to kill you.”

“What have you done?” Angel asked horrified at his Childe’s words. “Buffy is mentally ill and is imitating Dru. Clinging to vampire rituals is only going to make it worse.”

Spike shoved Angel’s face into the ceramic tile of the floor with enough force to crack his cheekbone and still he didn’t fight back.

“Maybe vampire rituals are all I have to cling to,” Spike said. “Maybe it’s what she needs. Maybe it’s the only way.”

“Then you should have turned her when you had the chance but then you wouldn’t have been satisfied with that either. Just never really fit in anywhere did you? Always clinging to something or someone else to define you,” Angel mocked, trying to get through to Spike. “Your mother, Drusilla, the nickname, and you always think the grass is always greener on the other side. Even now you say you’ve chosen your mate but you sniff around other skirts. You still haven’t learned have you, Spikey, that you have to stand and fight where you are instead of looking for miracles elsewhere.”

“I have stayed through everything,” Spike cried. “Every damn wretched tortuous moment and every fucking pleasure, I’ve stayed and I’ve loved her and its still being taken away.” He slammed his fist into Angel’s chest. “And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

The fists from his Childe rained as hard as his tears and Angel accepted it. If Spike didn’t get the pain out, he would be unable to continue the fight. As a father sacrifices for his child, Angel offered his body as a recipient for the rampaging emotions. And when the tears were stronger than the need for violence he offered his arms as a refuge. When the need for comfort was the dominating factor he offered his throat and petted his Childe as he drank from him. Spike was right. Sometimes being a vampire was all they had to hold onto in a life where they tried to be more human than demon.

~~~~~~~~~~

Spike extracted his fangs from his Angel’s neck swallowing down the last bit of blood. He insanely thought that Buffy should have been there to taste the power of his Sire’s blood. It swirled in him. His Sire’s and a Slayer’s force surging along his veins and his mind and emotions cleared leaving a cold starkness to the reality around him. He stood and held a hand out to help Angel to his feet. They took a moment to stare at each other in the knowledge that they had come full circle. While Spike retrieved the whiskey, Angel cleaned the blood from his face and changed clothes. They met back in the kitchen and sat across from each other at the table. With a flourish they took the first shot and it was time to talk. To discuss the things that needed to be decided.

“Does she remember?” Angel asked, twisting the glass in one hand while the other hand held an ice bag to his cheek.

“She knows what happened. I don’t know how much of it is deduction from where she came to or from remembering what she did. I didn’t really question her. She was too upset.”

Angel nodded. “What now?”

“I’ll take her to Sara in the morning. See what she says about this whole Drusilla impersonation. It explains a lot though especially the familiarity that I’ve sensed when Buffy is…off.”

“Does it feel like Dru?”

“I don’t know,” Spike said, taking another drink. “I could point at things and say yeah, but it’s still Buffy. Still my girl no matter what she’s done.”

“Kind of like Dru covered Buffy,” Angel quipped, pouring them another round.

“Or Buffy covered Dru,” Spike said, glancing up with awareness dawning in his eyes. “Or Dru tempered by a soul.”

Spike quickly shut down the slim light of hope for an easy explanation. The implications and whys of what was happening had been all examined and researched so many times and always with the same empty results. What would be the use of traveling that same futile path again?

It was time to focus on the practical matters that needed to be handled. His wife’s insanity had led her to impersonate someone that he’d once loved. Someone who was purely evil and not prone to reason either and the repercussions of such a masquerade could be deadly.

“Are you considering finding…putting…” Angel floundered, waving his hand. “I mean have you changed your mind?”

“No, I haven’t. I couldn’t Angel,” Spike said. “Even if I thought she was lost for good. If she ever woke up and found that I had locked her away, it would kill her. Destroy any hope that she had.”

“What about your children? I know that so far they’ve been safe but…”

Angel was right. It had been there and it was one of those things he had to decide. But Spike knew he had made the decision already. Somewhere in the time since Thanksgiving he had known it would come to this. It had never really been a question of if but when. Spike drained his glass and met his Sire’s gaze.

“I’m going to ask Giles and Kate to take in Sean and Raven and Xander and Anya to take Elijah until I figure out a more permanent solution.” Spike said, with a laugh. “Maybe Raven was right. Maybe I will end up Mrs. Rochestering her. Fix a nice padded room for my wife up in the attic.” He put a finger to his lips for a second then turned toward the door. “Okay, you two. Get your arses in here.”

The door opened and Raven and Sean stepped into the room. His daughter crossed her arms defiantly and stared at him. Sean hovered behind her. Fear radiated off of the young man and Spike knew that he didn’t want to lose the home he had just come to find.

“It’s not permanent, Sean,” Spike said. “I’m not going to send you all away for good. It’s just Buffy has taken a turn and I’m afraid she’ll get violent.”

“She’s never done anything to make us afraid,” Sean said. “I’d rather stay here. So, would Raven and if something happens then we’ll go.”

“I’m not asking. I’m staying,” Raven said.

It was hard not to admire the determination of his two oldest children. They were both going to fight for the home they had and it made Spike love them even more.

“And Elijah?” Spike said, coming to stand in front of them. “He’s the one I’m most worried about. He’s too little not to be influenced by the games they play.”

“With Xander and Anya? And only for a little while? And can we still see him?” Raven asked, stepping closer to her father.

“Yes, yes and yes,” Spike answered. “I don’t want to but it seems to be the best solution for now.”

“Dad,” Sean interrupted. “Mum’s birthday party is tomorrow. Can he stay until then? Raven and I promise not to leave them alone until then. Please?”

“Actually, that would be good,” Spike said. “Xander will be here anyway and we’ll just send him home with them.”

It wasn’t what he really wanted but as he hugged his children to him, Spike knew it was the only thing he could really do. He kissed them both and sent them off to bed. After a few more attempts at conversation that went nowhere Angel left for home. They both felt that it would be better if he wasn’t there when Buffy woke up and she had time to deal with what happened before she faced him again.

Spike made his way upstairs and crawled in next to his wife. He wrapped his arms around her sleeping form and whispered his promises of love to her. As he drifted off to sleep, he felt his child move for the first time beneath his palm. It was just a small push as a tiny foot or hand tried to find more room in Buffy’s womb and everything he was fighting for became even more real to him. He scooted down and whispered to her stomach of all the things he wanted to do with his baby. It was fitting that Buffy would wake, her fingers drifting through his hair and they met the morning together.

to be continued…

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