Chapter 5 - Cake and Karaoke

September 22, 2007 5:15 PM

Her first thought was ‘ugh’ and she hates that she even thought it. Waking up surrounded by heat, with her back sticking to Spike’s chest and his groin pressed into her bottom, Buffy pulled away almost hearing the sticky glue made of their sweat giving away in the separation of their flesh. The second thought was thanking God that they didn’t have sex and she didn’t have hot stickiness between her legs and then her stomach rolled. She sat up on the edge of the bed and quickly stuck her head between her knees commanding her stomach to stay still. She heard Spike rustle, woken from not having her there, she could feel his eyes on her, then the inevitable touch of his hand on her back and she flinched from the heat. Since the brief incident in the van she had returned to the now inevitable lack of sexual desire and the intense need not to be touched at all.

Guilt poked at her as he removes the offending hand and she peeks at him through the curtain of her hair. The hand covered his face and his Adam’s apple moves as he swallows away his hurt and tears. She hates herself for this. The refusal of him. Because to him it was a rejection of all that he was and not just his flesh that currently makes her skin crawl. She longs for the return of the cool flesh beneath her and wonders if they were right after all. That she has a thing for only vampires and now this one more human than vampire was the reason for her body’s rejection and not just her hormones.

Her stomach refuses to cooperate and she runs for the bathroom, throwing her robe on as she goes. This time he didn’t come to check on her like she expected. He wasn’t there to hand her a washcloth and hold her hair back as she emptied her stomach.

Spike walked into the bathroom behind her. He didn’t ask, didn’t sympathize for her, he simply grabbed his razor and turned to leave again.

“Gee, thanks, hon,” Buffy threw out sarcastically. One hand rested on her porcelain altar as she held the other one over her mouth.

She heard him sigh as he hesitated under her words.

“What can I do?”

“Nothing, I’m sorry.”

Buffy opened her eyes to find him kneeling next to her, “Is there something you need, Buffy?”

His hand came closer to her as if to touch her and she closed her eyes bracing herself and then he was gone.

“Spike,” Buffy called out to him but it was too late as the bedroom door closed behind him. “Damn it.”

Buffy couldn’t stand an argument right now. Actually she just wanted to curl up somewhere in something cold so she turned to the one thing she could: a cold shower.

By the time she got out from under the cold water her teeth were almost chattering. She hurried through the rest of the things she needed to do and moved across the hall into the bedroom. Spike was lying across the bed with his eyes closed and she watched him warily hoping that he wouldn’t start anything as she pulled clothes out and got dressed. Finally she sat at her new vanity table to comb out her hair and hurriedly piled it on her head with a clip. She couldn’t remember the last time she had worn it down or had taken the time to really fuss with it.

“Why don’t you have it cut?” Spike said.

“Because you like it long.”

“And it’s impractical for you and you don’t like it anymore.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Buffy moved to grab some shoes from the closet and sat on the far edge of the bed. They both knew she was trying to keep from making contact.

“It’s okay if you do. You’re not the girl you used to be.” Spike softly said as he propped himself up on one elbow.

“Thanks, anything else you want to throw out.”

“Didn’t mean it be rude. I just meant you’re all woman now. More than you ever were before. In a good way, taking care of everything, more assured and you’re moving forward, knowing what you want, and having a baby.”

His words only made her guilt more than it already was and she wished that she wanted to throw herself on him and ravish him. Buffy buried her face in her hands unable to look at him.

“I’m sorry, Spike, I love you so much. The doctor said…”

“Don’t okay,” Spike said. “Don’t tell me what the doctor said, I was there. Don’t tell me you’re sorry, don’t tell me it will all pass, don’t tell me you’re trying and that Anya has ideas. I don’t want to hear you trying to placate me.”

He lay back down on the bed with his arm flung over his face. And she wondered how they could go from a compliment to a tirade in such a short amount of time. They were both feeling the lack of communication that they normally had in each other’s arms. And now once again they had withdrawn to neutral corners both hiding their faces from the other.

There was the slightest touch on her arm and then it was withdrawn.

“Buffy, look at me.”

She pulled herself out of her hands so that she could meet his eyes and they were filled with love and pain.

“Buf, I know you love me. I know that as much as I know I love you. And as long as I know that I’ll deal and I also know that you’re worrying its other stuff. Don’t. Get through this phase and if it doesn’t return we’ll deal with other possibilities then. I can’t really bear to think of it right now and you don’t need to be. So, we blame normal pregnancy hormones and as long as my hand doesn’t break up with me, I’m not going anywhere.”

Buffy laughed and took his hand, held it up and began to speak to it. “Be nice to him until I can. He’s a good man who deserves better than I can give him right now. And tell him when you satisfy him that I love him more than anything.” She put it back on his stomach and patted it.

A quick glance at the clock and she realized that she had only an hour and a half to get everything done and she wasn’t going to ask Spike for help. Not now.

“I need to go and finish stuff up. I slept too long.”

She was halfway to the door when he spoke to her again.

“Give me ten minutes to take a shower and I’ll be down to help.”

“Thanks.”

As Buffy hurried down the stairs her mind shifted from Spike to the list of things still left to do before the party. When she heard voices in the kitchen she moved even faster and then came to a full stop at the doorway.

Mrs. Armstrong, their neighbor and one of her students was sitting at the table fixing a vegetable tray, Raven was standing at the counter mixing a dip, Connor was washing dishes, and Sean was covering a completed meat and cheese tray while Elijah was busy being a taste tester.

“Hi, what’s going on?” Buffy asked.

“Hello, did you sleep well?” Mrs. Armstrong asked and then after receiving a nod she continued, “I came over to see if I could help and Sean put me to work. Your list is almost completely done.”

“As soon as I’m done here, Connor and I are going to go pick up the wing trays,” Raven said.

“Sean is a lovely boy. A beehive of activity and just got everybody moving to help. But that is a Brownie for you. Never met one before today but have heard a lot about them.” Mrs. Armstrong said.

“A Brownie?”

“Of course, dear, did you really think that I have lived in Sunnydale for sixty-four years and not know about these things? Like that your lovely husband is a vampire. Someday you really must tell me everything and like how he can go into sunlight now. Fascinating.”

“I need to sit down.” Buffy said as she moved to the table in shock. She looked over at the older woman sitting across from her. “You know about these things? And they don’t bother you?”

“Well, of course not. I also know you’re the Slayer. Well, I just learned the term today but I’ve known there was something different about you. My granddaughter went to school with you. Told me all about you. That’s what got me to take your class; knew the class protector would know how to teach others to protect themselves.”

A cup of tea was placed before Buffy along with a sandwich and when she looked up she found Sean smiling down at her.

“Thank you, Sean.”

“You’re welcome. Is there anything else that needs to be done other than what was on the list?”

“No, that was it.”

“Everything is done then. It will just need to be put out when the time is ready.”

“Thank you very much. Everyone, I appreciate it.” Buffy smiled at everyone as she leaned back in her chair feeling some of the tension leave her body.

“You appreciate what?” Spike asked as he walked over to the table then as if he remembered ‘no touching’ turned the other way to head toward the refrigerator.

“Everything is done, Dad. Sean took over the list, delegated it out and we are ready for tonight.”

Spike turned toward the boy in surprise, “It seems a thank you is in order. So, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, sir. Raven is very important to me so that makes her family important, too.”

“And something else, Spike,” Buffy said. “It seems Mrs. Armstrong knows all about you being a vampire and me, being a Slayer.”

“Take a nap around here and everything changes.”

“That’s life.” Mrs. Armstrong said.

Sean took his tray out to put in the rented refrigerator on the back porch followed by Raven with the bowls of dip that she had made. Spike looked into the refrigerator, shrugged his shoulders and poured his blood out. If the neighbor knew then there was no need for secrecy.

“Hello, anyone home?” Cordelia’s voice drifted from the front hall. “We’re here.”

“Back here, Cordy,” Buffy called out.

“Great,” Spike muttered as he put his blood in the microwave. As far as he was concerned it would be good to see everyone but Angel.

“And look who we brought along. Showed up in LA yesterday.” Cordy said as she walked into the kitchen followed by Angel, Fred, Lorne and finally Max.

“Uncle Max, you came,” Raven said as she launched herself at him.

“Well, it’s nice to know we where stand,” Angel commented.

Raven laughed as she finished hugging Max then turned to Angel. She knew her father had tension with this vampire but he was Connor’s father so it was, “Uncle Angel, it’s good to see you.”

The others laughed at the expression on Angel’s face as he found his arms full of teenage enthusiasm and being called Uncle Angel.

As Raven finished greeting everyone else, dispensing hugs and being followed by Elijah looking for attention. The guests were greeted and then introduced to Sean and Mrs. Armstrong, who insisted that everyone call her Delores since they weren’t just neighbors anymore.

Buffy looked around at everyone that was crowded into her kitchen and when Cordy came to give her a hug, she stood and started backing up.

“Cordy, it’s not you,” Spike explained. “Buffy is going through a ‘don’t touch me phase’, the only one getting any affection is Elijah. So, don’t take it personally.”

“Everything’s okay though?” Fred asked.

“Yeah, everything is fine,” Buffy said. “I’m just feeling prickly all the time.”

Buffy leaned back against the wall as thankfully everyone’s attention turned elsewhere and she watched her friends and family greet one another. Finally she began to relax and she looked up to find Spike watching her. He came over to her and whispered in her ear. “Why don’t you and I go get the rest of the stuff and let you get some air?”

She nodded gratefully and in a moment she was blessedly outside and able to breathe again.

“Love those people but my God, not all at one time and not all in one room,” Buffy said as Spike helped her into the van. “Thank you, Spike.”

“Don’t give me too much credit. I was hoping riding in the van might trigger some more horniness.”

She laughed as they pulled out of the driveway.

~~~~~~~

The party was in full swing. There were people everywhere, teenagers screaming and running around, the food was being eaten in large quantities and Raven was having the time of her life. And that to Buffy was the most important thing. She took another sip of her drink and ran her eyes around the festivities again. She spotted Angel alone by the porch and made her way toward him. After sitting on the steps she patted the spot next to her and he sat down.

“How are you doing?” Buffy asked.

“Don’t do the party stuff much.”

“I remember.” Buffy smiled as she looked around again.

“Could have stayed in LA with Gunn and Wesley working on that case but wanted to do the family thing for Raven. I didn’t want her to feel unloved on her first birthday with us besides this gave me an opportunity to check on Connor without checking on Connor.”

“Parenting is best done when they don’t even know it.” Buffy laughed. “I can’t believe I did this much for her fifteenth birthday.”

“I do.”

“And what would that be Mr. I Know Buffy more than Buffy does?”

“It’s because when you were in high school all of your birthdays were bad. One of them thanks to me.”

“Angelus, not you.”

Angel nodded unwilling to argue the point with her. It was the past and couldn’t be changed now.

“You are going to do everything that you can to see that Raven gets as much normal as she can in her life.”

“Yep, that I am.” Buffy nodded.

“So, what’s up with Spike? He hasn’t been rude to me all night.”

Buffy searched through the crowd to find her husband. He was standing with Max and Xander watching the kids gyrating on the dance floor.

“He’s fine. I think there is just too much going on to be willing to take you on too.”

“I’m still trying to deal with what he did.” Angel said. When he had first found out it had taken him a few days to work up the courage to speak with Buffy or with Spike. The burden that he carried that he had given up Buffy and humanity to fight for the cause and Spike was given the choice that he was, it didn’t seem fair to him. Spike had what he had once wanted, humanity, the ability to still fight the fight and Buffy. It hurt like hell and Angel had needed time to deal with it.

“He’s an amazing man.”

“Sounds like a woman in love.”

They exchanged a smile as they once again acknowledged that everything they had gone through was only a stepping stone to where they actually belonged.

“Mum, come on, it’s time for us to sing,” Raven said as she reached for Buffy’s hand. When her mother resisted she pulled on her. “You promised and you can’t break a promise to the birthday girl.”

“She’s right.” Angel agreed before leaning over and softly kissing Buffy on the cheek. “Go on, Mum, make your daughter happy.”

“Yeah, you just want to see me make an ass out of myself,”

He watched Buffy and Raven walk off together then looked around to find Spike glaring at her before turning it toward him. Angel sighed and swore that he would talk to Spike somehow before he went home.

Lorne had agreed to be the DJ for the party with some time set aside for Karaoke. So, that no one would suspect that he was actually a demon they told everyone that it was a disguise and his name was ‘The Green Machine” and the kids loved him. Suddenly the music stopped and Lorne called out for attention. “Okay, kiddies, it’s time for Karaoke and first up is the birthday girl, Raven, and her Supremes doing ‘Stop, In the Name of Love’.

Raven followed by Buffy, Willow and Tara went up on the small stage and were soon stumbling their way through the song. They put their hearts into it though and appeared to be having a good time. Everyone applauded when they were done with Spike doing the latest clapping and whistling for his girls.

“No time like the present,” Angel decided and headed toward Spike.

On the way toward the blonde vampire he saw Lorne waving him over so Angel changed direction and headed toward his friend.

“What’s going on?”

Lorne turned his back on the microphone and stepped toward Angel. “Has Spike or Buffy said anything to you about something bad going down? Or something wrong with the baby?”

“No, why?”

“Then, Cupcake, we’ve got a problem.”

“What kind of problem?”

“It’s Buffy. Her aura was screaming at me. That little girl is in danger and if something doesn’t change she’s not going to live long enough to be a mother to this baby.”

TBC

Chapter 6 - Confrontations and Relief

September 22, 2007 9:35 PM

The birthday girl and the three women filed off the stage feeling relief that their embarrassing moment in the limelight was over. Raven ran toward her father and Buffy watched as he swung her around in a bear hug telling her how wonderful she was. She quickly kissed him on the cheek before running back to her friends while her mother approached Spike cautiously.

Buffy was hoping that when she had seen Angel walking toward Spike that they were going to talk but she could see he was talking to Lorne instead. With a sigh she came to stand in front of her husband.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hey.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” Spike said with sarcasm dripping heavily from his words.

Buffy looked around for a moment to gear herself up for what was to come before looking back up at him. “What was the look for then? The glaring look at me when I walked by a little while ago.”

“You kissing someone else.”

“God, Spike, are you ever going to get over this thing with Angel?”

She was tired of it, tired of defending herself and defending Angel and their past and tired of defending Connor.

“It wasn’t the fact that it was Angel. It was the fact that you kissed someone else, anyone else, when I’m made to feel like I’m repulsive.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“For what? Jumping to conclusions? You should be.”

“You’re not repulsive.”

“To you I am and you are the only one that counts.”

Buffy saw the hurt in his eyes and hear them in his words. Taking his belt in her fingers she pulled him closer, “Don’t touch me,” she whispered as she rose on her toes and pressed her mouth to his. With only their lips touching she was able to give him some of the affection he was craving and still not overwhelm herself. He took her offering for what it was and kissed her back. And when they realized that this could only go so far without bringing him more frustration they broke it off. Spike left several lingering brief kisses behind him, reluctant to end this gift from her.

“I’m going to run an errand.” Spike said.

“Now? We’re going to cut the cake in just a minute.” Buffy protested.

“I’ll be back in time but right now you have something else to deal with.”

He was pointing behind her and Buffy turned to find Dawn and Josh standing awkwardly by the corner of the house. And as Spike slipped off, Buffy made her way toward her sister with Raven coming to join her.

“Hi,” Buffy said giving a quick look at Josh then turned her full attention to her sister.

“Hey,” Dawn said with nervousness underlying her words. “Spike said I was invited and you left a message, so here we are.”

“I’m glad that you came.”

“I brought a present for Raven,” Dawn said as she handed a gift bag to her. Then she reached forward to hug Raven grasping her close for some sign that she was still welcome here.

“Thank you. I’m going to go put this with the other ones. We’ll talk later.” Raven said and then after receiving a nod ran off with her present.

“I’m going to go and get a drink. Catch up with you in a few.” Josh said. He gave his wife a quick kiss on the cheek before walking off to give the sisters a chance to talk.

“I’m glad that you came. I’ve missed you.” Buffy said.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

Buffy pulled her sister to her in a welcoming hug knowing that Dawn needed to be hugged more than she needed not to be touched. It filled Buffy with hope that things between Dawn and the family were going to be settled. As it was she could feel the looks that were being sent their way as everyone else wondered what was going on.

“Come on let’s go find your husband.”

“And lead me through everyone so they know that you’ve welcomed me back into the fold,” Dawn said with a slight touch of sarcasm.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Buffy arched her eyebrows delicately as she looked at her younger sister. The last time that they had seen each other Buffy had thought that they had settled things and that embarrassment that had kept her away.

“Spike said you were pregnant. Congratulations.” She hesitated for a moment then, “I’m sorry, it’s just a bit uncomfortable being here.”

“It’s okay.” Buffy said with relief. It was embarrassment after all. “Let’s go in the house first. I have got to show you the sonogram picture of the baby. You know Spike cried when he heard the heartbeat?”

Buffy changed the subject to something that Dawn seemed interested in and gave them a respite by taking her into the house until at least they were comfortable with each other again. Later Dawn could face the family again.

~~~~~~~

The cake had been cut and Dawn was making the rounds talking to everyone, letting go of the past month and a half of estrangement. After talking to Buffy, she was reassured that she was really missed and was eager to get back into the flow of things. Everyone had welcomed her back at Buffy’s blessing and now were catching up on the time apart.

Spike had kept his promise and had returned in time to sing Happy Birthday to Raven along with everyone else. They were now sitting together on the porch eating birthday cake and discussing when to tackle the mountain of presents.

Observing what everyone was up to, Buffy slowly walked through the guests, making small talk as she went. Every once in a while she could feel Angel’s eyes on her but she ignored it. If he needed to talk to her then he would. As she spoke with Mrs. Davis, one of the Chickies, she overheard a conversation behind her between Xander, Willow, Anya and Tara and they were discussing her baby.

“If the baby was conceived before he changed, is the baby going to be half vampire?” Anya asked.

“No, of course not, the baby is human. Vampire aren’t born they are turned.” Tara replied.

“Yeah, but it could still have like super powers or something.” Willow says.

“What would you call it if it did? A slampire or a vlayer? “Xander jokes.

Although Buffy had wondered if the child would be completely human or possess some of her and Spike’s abilities the cavalier way her friends discussed her baby and referring to him or her as an it, just made her angry. Buffy quickly excused herself from Mrs. Davis to head to the house for a moment alone, fighting the urge to yell at them. She told herself that she could talk to them later and not ruin Raven’s evening. As she climbed the steps Raven called out to her.

“Mum, we need some more ice.”

For an instant she wanted to tell her to get off her butt and get it herself but Buffy pushed it aside as she watched her daughter and Spike on the swing eating cake and laughing together.

“Okay, give me just a second,” she said, not really wanting to break up the father / daughter moment.

Buffy headed for the freezer and grabbed another bag.

“Damn it,” The cubes had frozen into a solid mass and she put it in the sink to break it up. It was just one more thing that was irritating her as she grabbed a knife and started to break it apart. Buffy started to think about the comments made about her baby and without realizing it her breaking up of the ice became a frenzied stabbing.

“My baby is perfectly normal. How dare they? They were making my baby sound like some kind of freak. I’m not a freak. Spike isn’t a freak. And, God damn it, my baby is not a freak.” Buffy repeated the litany as the ice flew apart under the force of the knife.

“Buffy, are you all right?” Connor asked as he came toward her cautiously. His hand covered her wrist to still her movements. “I think the ice is ready. And the sink doesn’t need to be stabbed.”

His presence broke her out of her fog and embarrassment flooded through when she saw what she had done.

“Shit. I think I killed it.”

Connor laughed softly and started to fill a bowl with the ice.

“They were joking, you know that, right?” he said.

“I know they were but it still hurt.”

“They think I’m a freak,” Connor turned to concentrate on the ice away from Buffy’s intense stare.

“You’re not a freak just a very special gift. Thank you for reminding me of that.”

“You’re welcome.”

The relief on his face and his attempt at consolation showed Buffy how alone Connor still felt in the world. Not only that but he had still been unable to accept the love of his father and family.

“I think you’re going to play a very important part in this baby’s life helping him adjust.”

He smiled and with the bowl of ice left her alone to pull herself together.

~~~~~~~

“Dawn, I love the outfit, thank you, thank you,” Raven said as she hugged her aunt. “I’m so glad that you came and not just for the prezzie but because I’ve missed you. There has been so much going on and I could always talk to you.”

Dawn laughed at Raven’s enthusiasm but it made her feel good to know that she had been missed. Even though Buffy had done everything to reassure her that she really was needed and a vital part of the team, it was hard to read everyone. The Scoobies had welcomed her but a part of her still felt that it was because they had to because she was Buffy’s little sister. Raven’s openness was genuine and it definitely helped put her more at ease.

At least until Spike looked at her again. She still couldn’t believe she had told him how she was really feeling. Those feelings that she had been holding onto for what seemed forever and was supposed to have been a secret and would continue to be so if he only would keep his mouth shut about them. Dawn was more afraid that Buffy would find out or the others and they would pat her on her head and tell that she needed to grow up. She was a grown up and now having a grown up love she knew what those feelings meant and she knew that they had been more than just a puppy love crush but no one else would ever see it that way.

She shook her head and pulled her mind from her ‘forbidden zone’ and tried to concentrate on what Raven was rattling on about. High School. Slaying.

Dawn laughed at the appropriate moment and then grew sober when Raven asked about the Human club at school.

“Yeah, they are still around unfortunately. They’re planning a protest in a couple of weeks. Makes me mad that they are still around.” Dawn was actually more embarrassed that the scene of her major family betrayal was memorialized apparently for good.

“Protest? What kind of protest?”

“They are going to be protesting what they consider a breach of their humanhood by allowing some demons onto campus. And the funny thing is that the new students look human so I don’t know how they even know for sure if they are really demons.”

Raven suddenly snapped her fingers, “Let’s do a counter protest. An equality for everyone kind of deal.”

“You’re joking right?”

“No, I’m serious. Come on. If we let this go then the Soldiers are just going to take foothold again and everyone that they even suspect are demons are going to be run off. Like me or Sean or Connor. Get into this with me and the family will back us. I can’t do it alone.’

“Yeah, I’ll do it.” Dawn agreed. Not only was Raven’s enthusiasm catching but maybe if Dawn started fighting for the rights of demons she could redeem herself in the family’s eyes and show everyone, including Spike, that she wasn’t just a kid.

“Oh, cool, this is going to be so great. Let’s go find the guys.” Raven grabbed Dawn’s hand and led her off to find them.

~~~~~~~~

The party was breaking up and Angel realized that he needed to do something now. He searched the backyard for Cordelia and when he spotted her he set a path toward her.

“Angel, darling, meet Mrs. Armstrong,” Cordelia said with that smile of hers that showed her surprise and tolerance while her eyebrows were high. “Mrs. Armstrong, this is my husband, Angel.”

“Very nice to meet you, Mrs. Armstrong,” Angel grimaced. This was why he avoided parties. Unless they were in trouble and in the very select few, he still preferred to avoid the company of humans especially ones that were going to be for a short span and was only for a polite show. “I don’t mean to be rude but I need to speak with my wife. It’s important.”

Delores smiled her acquiesce and moved off as Angel grabbed Cordy’s arm and started to pull her off.

“Thank you, Angel, I love people. Really do but I was beginning to feel grilled. Hey, ease off on the arm there.”

Cordelia pulled back from Angel as he finally stopped. She began to rub it as her husband looked around to make sure they were alone.

“I need you to get sick.” He said as if she would understand what he meant.

“Excuse me. I feel just fine.”

“Look Lorne, read Buffy while she was singing. She’s in danger.”

“And I’m supposed to get unattractively ill, why?”

“Cordelia, honey, tonight is their daughter’s birthday party. The first one they have had a chance to celebrate as a family and I don’t want to talk to them about impending doom tonight.”

“So, you want me to appear ill, so we can stay here and protect your ex-girlfriend.”

“Well, yeah.”

Cordelia sighed and looked around. “Fine, point me to the bathroom.”

~~~~~~~~

September 23, 2007 12:30 AM

The house was finally blessedly quiet. Buffy was seriously beginning to think about buying the lot next door and building a hotel on it. As much as their house was constantly filled it would be a worthy investment. She padded across the hall and stepped into her bedroom. Her mouth dropped open as she looked around and knew this was why Spike had disappeared during the party.

There were two pedestal fans, one for each side of the bed, which would blessedly blow cool air over her body while she slept. Buffy wandered over to the nightstand and picked up one of the boxes stacked there. There were ten Cool Packs there for her to put on her body if she was still too hot. Tears filled her eyes at her husband’s thoughtfulness.

“Now, where is he?” She muttered to herself as she looked around for a note or something but there wasn’t any. “Okay, fine. I’ll go find him.”

Buffy went first to Elijah’s room, quietly opened the door but only Fred was there curled up in her son’s bed. In Raven’s room there was only her and Elijah curled in the middle of the bed.

“Everything okay, Mum?”

“Yeah, just checking on everything before going to bed.”

“Night.”

“See you in the morning.”

She closed the door, quickly checked the store room then headed downstairs. Nope, he wasn’t in the dining room.

”Hi guys, have you seen Spike?”

Max and Sean turned away from the movie they were watching. For a brief moment she saw panic on Max’s face as he remembered the last time she had asked.

“It’s okay. He’s around him somewhere.” Buffy reassured him.

“Nope, he hasn’t been through here. If we can help let us know,” Max said.

“Thanks again for letting me stay.” Sean said.

“You’re welcome, Sean. I appreciate all the help you’ve been giving.”

The teenager had been allowed to spend the night so that Lorne could go home with the witches and have an actual bed to sleep in instead of the floor where Sean would be sleeping.

Buffy moved down the hallway toward the study where Angel and Cordelia had been put to spend the night. She was about ready to knock on the door when she heard the springs of the pull out couch squeaking and Cordelia giggling. Quickly she turned and headed toward the kitchen.

“Am so not going to even ask,” Buffy said as she checked out the back porch. She knew he wouldn’t leave the house without letting her know. Not since they had found out about the baby had he been very far away.

The only place she hadn’t looked was the attic. The two staircases were taken as fast as she could as she hoped that he was there. And as she opened the door she was relieved to find him. Spike had made a bed in the middle of the room apparently thinking she would be more comfortable without him in their bed. She studied him for a moment, the moonlight making his skin paler than it actually was anymore. A sheet was pulled up to his waist and she could tell by the way it laid against him that he was nude under it.

Slowly she walked over to him and as she came closer she realized he was awake and watching her. Buffy thought about calling him on the fact that he had left her alone but she didn’t want a confrontation. She wanted the company of her mate.

She sat on the edge of the sheet with her legs curled under her and her hand resting on his stomach.

“Do you have any idea of how amazing you are?”

Spike’s eyes opened a little wider in surprise but didn’t say anything. He wanted her to say more. To reassure him that she still loved him as much as ever. Inside he knew it. He just wanted to hear it.

“A few months ago we would be fighting over this and even though you sometimes get grouchy about it, you keep fighting forward instead of pulling back. It makes me love you even more.”

She felt him relax under her hand. The words were becoming important now in absence of the physical. Buffy bowed her head as she thought for a moment. Then she let her hand pull the sheet back exposing him to her.

“I want you back downstairs with me. I refuse to sleep without you.” Her hand began to stroke him, enjoying the feel of him hardening in her palm. “I need you beside me. My safety and my security.” She shifted to kneel between his legs as he drew one back to give her more room. The look of surprise and anticipation on his face only filled her with more love. “I love it when I look at you and I see all that love and patience and raw need for me. Only me.”

Then she bent over him, taking him into her mouth, and she smiled around him as he moaned in need while his hands clutched at the sheets.

Buffy gave him everything, all of her love, licking and sucking his length. She loved the taste of him, the power she had over him as he submitted to her, the feel of his sac in her hand, and the small entrance way giving way to her finger as she stroked him to fulfillment.

When she had swallowed all he had to give her, Buffy moved over him, kissed him softly and whispered, “This I can give you. Can we go to bed now?”

TBC

Chapter 7 - Here We Go Again

September 23, 2007 10:15 AM

The room was quiet except for the sound of cups rattling as everyone got settled. Lorne had taken over Spike’s chair, Angel and Cordelia were sitting on the couch, Buffy was sitting cross-legged on the corner of the desk and Spike was leaning back in his desk chair with his feet propped up next to Buffy.

Spike was trying to take the call for a meeting as coolly as he could. Sunnydale was his town now and he didn’t appreciate Angel pulling everyone into his study because of something dire. If something was wrong wouldn’t he know it? Wouldn’t he have been the one to be told and not them?

Not Buffy though, she looked on the precipice of panicking just because Angel said something. It was natural. Angel was the ultimate doom and gloom guy for the PTB and Buffy would always take him seriously. Even though she knew it, she would never admit that he was just a flighty ponce who couldn’t have a good time if it bit him in the ass. And as far as Spike was concerned even when he was getting bit on the ass he couldn’t have a good time.

Buffy’s hand came to rest on his ankle absently caressing it as if it was a good luck charm. Spike put his mug down and decided to take things out of Angel’s dramatic hands.

“So, what’s up? New demon, new apocalypse, LA going up in flames or what thing do we have to deal with now?”

“Don’t be so flip,” Angel responded.

Buffy squeezed gently on his leg, silently asking him not to get angry and with a sigh Spike leaned back in his chair.

“Didn’t mean to be flip, Peaches, but come on, just spill it. There isn’t much we haven’t handled before and we’ll handle whatever this is.”

“Is there something going on with you two that you haven’t told us?” Lorne asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Something going on between you two or with the baby that you haven’t shared with anyone else?”

“Everything is as normal as normal gets around here.” Buffy said.

Lorne leaned forward, “Cheesecake, last night when you were singing, I got a good read on you. And there was some bad mojo going on.”

Spike could see that Buffy was immediately tense at the demon’s words and quickly moved to sit behind her. He stayed far enough away as not to be leaning on her but close enough to lay a hand on her waist to let her know that he was there for her. They both knew to take Lorne’s readings seriously.

“So, what am I getting into now?” Buffy asked, and gripped Spike’s hand.

“Buffy, Lorne saw something inside of you, something black, that was slowly consuming you.” Angel said.

“Like eating me from the inside out?”

“No, darling, it wasn’t a like a creature inside of you that I saw. It was just this blackness that was slowly taking you over.” Lorne said.

“And my baby?”

“The baby was fine. It was like it was protected or loved by whatever the blackness was.”

“And this blackness? Do you know what it was? Was it evil?” Spike asked.

“Blackness usually is evil.” Angel replied.

Buffy moved away from Spike to stand to look out the window to look at her children playing in the backyard. Sean, Fred and Max were there joining in the fun. Spike and I should be out there. Time is so short. Why are we in here discussing this? , she thought to herself as she held her hand protectively over her baby.

“Buffy?” Spike stood so that he could be next to her.

She rubbed her temple then dropped her hand before turning back to him. “If the baby is fine then we have until spring to figure something out to stop whatever this is. I’m going to go outside while you all hash this out.”

With that Buffy left without looking back.

“Well, she took that a lot better than I thought she would.” Cordelia commented.

“Spike, we have no idea what this is.” Angel said. “But I personally would rather figure this out now.”

“Oh and gee, I want to wait until it’s too late to save her.” Spike retorted.

“We’re only trying to help.” Lorne said.

Spike moved back to his chair, slumping down as he threw his feet on the desk again. “I’m sorry. I know. Is there anything in this vision of yours that might give us a clue as to where to start?”

“No, and that’s the bad thing. It was weird because it was like she was filled with all this light and then slowly this blackness crept through all of her except for the womb holding the babe. And then she disappeared leaving only this ball of light behind.”

“The baby?” Spike asked.

“It looks that way. Maybe something wants the child.”

“Could be,” Angel agreed.

“Go ahead and go home as planned.” Spike turned his attention to Angel, “Start researching things on your end and see if you can find anything out. I’ll call everybody here and have ‘em come over this afternoon and get them looking into it.”

“We’ll stay long enough so that Lorne can be here for them to talk to.” Angel said.

“How about I take Buffy shopping this afternoon while you guys do this? She doesn’t seem to want to deal with this right now and frankly, she doesn’t need the stress.” Cordelia said.

“Sounds good,” Spike said as he reached for the phone.

~~~~~~~~

Gathered around the kitchen table were the current adult male occupants of the Blood house, Spike, Angel, Lorne and Max all holding a mug of their choice of beverage in their hands. All were wearing a bleak expression as they discussed the lack of advancement in Buffy’s fate.

The meeting that afternoon hadn’t shed any more light on the current problem. Giles had suggested it might be an illness that Buffy would contract and with the baby her Slayer powers couldn’t heal her fast enough or that there might even be complications in childbirth. So, they were stalled until something else showed itself although they would continue researching.

The front door slammed and they heard the voices of the women along with Sean and Elijah returning from the shopping trip.

“Hey guys,” Cordelia said as she walked into the kitchen followed by Fred. “What’s up?” She moved over to quickly kiss Angel before heading for the coffee pot.

“Where’s Buffy?” Spike asked.

“She headed upstairs saying she wanted to get changed. She’ll be down in just a minute.”

Spike nodded, “Was everything okay this afternoon?”

“Let me tell you we put quite a dent in your credit card, Spike. I’ll deduct my stuff from the bill,” Cordelia said.

The two women having gotten something to drink went to join the men at the table.

“Cordelia, its family. We don’t charge family.” Angel said.

“If you can find a way to keep Buffy safe I’ll give you everything I have,” Spike said quietly. Demons, vampires and hell gods were all things he had confidence in fighting but this blackness left him in fear. How did you fight something when you didn’t even know what it was or if it even had form? If it was an illness or complications then he was totally helpless when it came to Buffy.

“We are going to find out what’s going on.” Angel said. “Nothing is going to happen to her.”

Everyone fell silent as Buffy walked into the room. Her new shoulder length hair couldn’t distract them from her strained and tired appearance. She hesitated for a moment in the doorway as if she knew they had been talking about her.

“Hi everyone,” she said as she watched as her husband stood and approached her. “Hello Spike.”

His hand went to slowly run down hair, twirling the end around one finger. “I like it. It looks like it did when I first saw you.”

“Thank you.” she whispered. Then with a mischievous smile she added, “I brought the pony tail home for you. We measured it and it was over a foot long.”

“Damn, I guess it goes in the family album for prosperity.”

Spike deflected her fingers as they reached to tickle him by wrapping his own hands around them then twisting her until her back was against him and his arms were around her. Thankfully she didn’t push away from him but relaxed a moment before gracefully stepping away.

“We looked at things for the baby. There is so much out there and so many themes to choose from to decorate the nursery in.”

“Definitely need to start choosing the nursery theme,” Cordelia said.

“Giles and the others are going to start looking….” Spike started.

“I’m thinking something bright for the nursery, like maybe yellow with ducks all over the place.” Buffy said interrupting him.

“Buffy, did you hear me?”

“Or maybe lambs but I thought you’d like the ducks better,” Buffy said as she opened the refrigerator. “What are we going to do for dinner? Maybe order something in since there are so many people.”

Spike and Angel exchanged looks as they realized that Buffy was deliberately avoiding what was going on.

“Buffy,” Cordelia said, “whatever you want to do for dinner is fine. We can order something if you want, maybe pizza.”

“I really need to eat something better than that,” Buffy said. “If you order that than I’ll make a salad or something. The baby needs nutrition.”

“Definitely need to keep the both of you healthy, Cupcake.” Lorne offered.

“Maybe we can do more than pizza,” Angel said. “Why don’t we just go out?”

“Sounds good,” Spike said before turning his attention back to his wife. “Buffy, can we talk for a minute?”

Everyone jumped as the refrigerator door was slammed shut and Buffy advanced on Spike with anger marring her face.

“No, we can’t talk if you want to talk about this afternoon. Don’t bother me with it until you have an answer. If you haven’t noticed I’m a little busy right now. I have two children here that need to be taken care of and one on the way. They are the focus of my concerns right now.”

“I wasn’t saying they shouldn’t be, Pet, but we do need to discuss some things,” Spike told her as he reached a hand out to stroke her face when she batted it away.

“Don’t touch me,” Buffy screamed. “God, haven’t you figured it out yet that I hate having you touch me?”

Then she turned and ran from the room. They followed the sound of her feet running up the stairs until the bedroom door finally slammed shut.

“Spike, I’m sure she didn’t mean it like that,” Fred said.

“Yeah, she did,” he replied before retreated into his study, turning his stereo on to mask his weeping.

~~~~~~~

September 23, 2007 5:25 PM

“Is Mum and Dad okay?” Raven asked as she tentatively stepped into the kitchen. It had been a while since her parents had really fought and when they had been fighting it had meant trouble. A lot of trouble.

“Just a misunderstanding,” Max answered. “Batten down the hatches and hide the dishes until they’ve calmed down.”

Raven smiled at Max’s attempt at reassuring her. “Third set since we’ve been here,” she quipped back. “Mum’s been kind of jumpy lately and Dad keeps saying its hormones.”

“It is,” Angel said. “Plus I think a lot of it is just there’s been a lot of change lately and she’s feeling…”

“Overwhelmed? She’s been that way since we moved in. Is Mum ever calm and happy?”

“No, not really,” Cordelia said. “But with you being the Slayer now, I’m sure you’ll be the same unhappy, stressed out way soon.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that but I plan on breaking the mold. Smile today because tomorrow will inevitably suck is my motto. Well, going back to my movie, now that I know everything is normal. And I vote for the going out if anyone cares. No dishes that way.” Raven smiled before she sashayed out the door.

“Well, even for their mercurial personalities they have done a good job with the kids because Raven is definitely well-adjusted and comfortable here.” Max said.

“Nice way of saying she’s a little smart ass,” Cordelia countered.

“Yeah, she is but she’s a well-adjusted smart ass.”

“Spike’s influence no doubt.” Angel said as he almost cracked a smile and the others laughed.

“Not to change the conversation and it’s probably really none of my business but,” Fred started.

“But what?” Max asked.

“If Buffy doesn’t want Spike touching her, well…” Fred said unsure of how to proceed.

“Why did she buy that fancy, expensive negligee? I had the same question myself.” Cordelia finished.

Suddenly all eyes at the table turned to Max.

“Why are you looking at me? How would I know?”

“You are here an awfully lot and Spike said that you two spent an afternoon at a motel together,” Angel said quietly.

“An emphatic ‘no’ to that. Besides, there is no way she would with anyone. She is crazy for that guy.”

“It doesn’t add up, does it? The ‘hate you touching me’ and the buying of negligee does not quite equal snog fest with my husband.” Lorne said.

“And maybe she bought it because she’s hoping that things will change and they’ll get a chance to use it.” Angel said.

“Yeah, that has got to be it because they have already done the straying thing once before and if they do it again it would be really old.” Cordelia agreed.

~~~~~~~~

The cemetery was almost eerily quiet as the Grand-sire and Childe moved through it. Both seemed intent on not speaking to the other as they kept separating to follow imaginary sounds then would return when they realized it was nothing. It had been almost an hour since they had left the house, leaving a disappointed Slayer behind, when Angel asked if just he and Spike could handle it.

“I know you don’t like me,” Angel finally said to break the silence. “And you’re having problems with me being around.”

“Did you rehearse that much?”

“Yeah, actually I did.”

Spike smiled as he headed for an above ground tomb to sit on top of it. “Why bother?”

“Because it’s time we ended this,” Angel replied coming to sit beside him, “for everyone.”

“Buffy?”

“She’s part of everyone.”

“So, consider it settled.” Spike said, torn between not wanting to upset Buffy and not wanting to talk things over with Angel.

Anger teased at him as Angel sighed. Of course poofter couldn’t just let it go. It wouldn’t be enough that he said it was over. Angel had probably promised Buffy a glorious reunion and he wouldn’t want to fail her.

“What do I have to do to get you to see I’m sorry for everything that Angelus did to you?”

“That’s really funny,” Spike said as he laughed. “When are you going to quit using that sorry ass excuse of Angelus? That’s one of the things that really pisses me off. It was Angelus, you’re Angel now, and so, the slate is wiped clean. I sure as hell don’t refer to myself as Spikelus and Spike. And no one else just excused me because I had a soul. I had to earn my way into this family. Still do.”

Spike watched as the older vampire hopped off the tomb and walked a few feet away before turning back with his hands on his hips. “Okay, I’m fucking sorry for everything I ever did to you.”

“Everything?” Spike asked with one eyebrow raised.

“No, not everything but do we have to discuss it?”

Spike laughed again, “I just wanted to see if you remembered. It’s not really the things you did when we traveled together. Not anymore.”

“Dru? Buffy?”

“Them and your self-righteous champion attitude.”

“Dru was mine first and actually so was Buffy but if it’s worth anything to you I’m sorry for hurting them the way I did. Neither of them deserved it.”

“No, they didn’t.”

Angel gave up and returned to sit next to Spike. “Spike, I can’t change what I’ve done…”

“Just atone for it, right?”

“Yeah, and try to do better. Like with Cordelia.”

“Bet you’re glad that you found a way to anchor your soul in.” Spike said trying to divert the conversation to something that wouldn’t easily seduce him into anger and another fight.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Must be nice getting laid every night for a change.” Spike had to ask. It was something that had teased at him for a long time and all he wanted was a straight answer. “Would you have tried to get Buffy back if you had found it earlier?”

“I had Buffy back but it was at the wrong costs and I walked away again.”

It took a moment for the words to register then surprise overcame Spike as well as the pain that were behind Angel’s words. And as blue eyes met brown ones, Spike could see the pain was real. “When? How? Buffy never has said anything.”

“She doesn’t remember. The day was erased. I was made human and I couldn’t fight and there was something bad coming.”

“And you chose to fight instead of being with her.”

“Yeah, and I don’t want her to know now.”

Angel’s admission changed a lot of things for Spike. It was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back so to speak. Although he now knew in his heart without a doubt that Buffy was his, the confession from his Sire released the last of the poisonous jealousy that he had held onto.

“Never would tell her but maybe you should. Secrets aren’t good.” Spike replied. “Did it piss you off that I was given both?”

“Yeah, it did but it’s what she needed and I’m happy for you guys now.”

“After a lot of brooding.”

Angel only smiled at his comment because they both knew it was true.

“You know that’s why it never would have worked between you two with you both being who you are.”

“Enlighten me.”

“It’s simple. The lack of emotions it takes to do what you all to do, to lead the fight. Buffy was like that before she died. Even went on a retreat to get back in touch with herself. And now the kids even know that when Buffy is in Slayer mode to leave her alone. You both need people like me and Cordelia in your lives. People who remember that life is for living and pull you back into it and remind you that you are loved to balance out the other side.”

The surprise was evident on Angel’s face. Apparently he had never thought of it that way.

“You may be right but it doesn’t seem that Buffy is having problems with emotions, right now.”

“Not after six years with me except for that time with that punk. By the way if you ever become Angelus again, can I add Richard to the kill list?”

“And ruin your good boy image? Don’t think so but I’m sure Angelus will remember that he has some gripes about the fool, thinking he can take Buffy away from Sunnydale.”

Spike fell silent as he was slowly drawn into all that went into winning Buffy’s heart and now something was going to destroy her and he had nothing tangible to fight. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“We’ll find a way. Buffy isn’t going anywhere.” Angel said as he pulled his hand back and stood again. “Come on, obviously the demons and vampires are cowards in this town and hid when they heard us coming.”

“Nah, they thought my daughter was on her way.”

“How is that working out? And what is going on with her and Connor?” Angel asked as they started to walk back toward the house.

“Better be nothing going on.” Spike responded.

“Agree with you there.”

It wasn’t completely settled nor would it probably ever be between them but they both felt that they had made strides in working out their relationship. It was almost as if they knew that it would take them working together that would give Buffy any hope of fighting the blackness that threatened to consume her.

TBC

Chapter 8 - Just For Today

September 24, 2007 6:15 AM

Everything hurt as he stretched, or tried to stretch, on the too small couch for his frame. Spike sighed and gave up, slumping back into the cushions. After Max and the LA gang had left last night, he had hidden himself in his study to avoid the politeness that was his wife. Finally sometime after midnight he had thrown himself onto the couch and fell into an exhausted sleep.

He sat up and started to swing his feet over the side but stopped as he realized that Buffy was curled on the floor sleeping beside him. She was wrapped in the comforter from their bed with her hands tucked under her head.

“Buffy,” he called softly as his fingers lightly ran over her hair.

“Good morning,” she whispered and rolled over onto her back. “I wasn’t sleeping very well.”

“Why are you down here?”

He knew why but he asks anyway because he wants something to wipe away the hurt and humiliation from yesterday.

“You know I can’t sleep without you,” Buffy whispered. “I’m sorry for being a bitch yesterday.”

“Yeah, you were. It hurt.”

Her eyes closed as she accepts what she had done to him. As she started to speak Spike laid a hand across her lips.

“No, don’t. You were and I understand to a point but that is the first time that you have made it personal. Do you really hate having me touch you?”

Buffy shook her head, “No, just the usual not wanting to be touched and being frustrated and scared.”

It was enough. He would accept her words as truth because they have come too far to bury themselves in lies and secrets.

“You were right to a point though. You do have enough to worry about without this too.” Spike turned so that he was lying on his stomach and looking down at her. “I shouldn’t have been pushing you.”

“It’s okay. We’ve handled everything together and I should have just opened my mouth and said that it was too much.”

“Yeah, better than lashing out.”

“Yeah, you the king of lashing out giving advice to me.”

“Yeah, I am giving advice to the bitch.”

They both laughed and knew they were okay again. Their eyes caressed the other’s face with all the fervor of making love for the first time relishing that they had come through so much that it took so few words to understand and make amends.

“I want you to do something for me though,” Spike said. “I want you to call Dr. Parker and have every test that they can do on you done. Let’s rule out the physical.”

“Okay, I’ll do that.” Buffy closed her eyes for a moment. “Spike?”

“Yeah?”

She opened her eyes and looked up at him almost sadly. “Nothing, I’m just tired from this weekend. It’s kind of making me out of it.”

“You sure? You know you can tell me anything.”

“I know, baby. Like I said I’m tired and I’m feeling kind of wonky. It’s probably just the baby and everything going on.”

“Probably but go on upstairs to bed, Pet, and get some more sleep. I’ll get the kids off to school this morning.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with the kids this morning? Shit,” Buffy pushed her hair back as she sighed in frustration. “Sean, we didn’t call his parents last night.”

“So, what do you want to do?”

“Take him to school and register him? We’ll talk to his parents later and if we need we can send him back but we don’t want him to miss anymore school just in case.”

Spike sat up with his feet resting on Buffy’s legs. “You know when I agreed to try for a baby I didn’t agree to become Pa Walton.”

The sound of her laughter was good as she struggled to get out from under his feet. “We’ll just call him Sean Boy.”

“Funny, Ma.”

She pulled him down for a quick kiss before standing up and wrapping the comforter around her. “If you’re sure that you can handle everything then I am going to take you up on your offer and go back to bed.”

“Yep, I can, get the kids and the chickens fed before I go on out and cut some lumber and dispense with some parental advice.”

Buffy started down the hallway as she said, “Good night, Spike.”

But Spike didn’t hear her as he headed for his computer to check his email before rousing the children.

~~~~~~~~~~

The fourth bedroom upstairs had been used as a storeroom before they had pretty much decided that another teenager would be living with them. So, after spending the day taking the kids to school, getting Sean registered for classes and cleaning the house, Spike was now trying to clean out this room so the boy would have someplace to sleep besides the couch.

“What’s going on?” Buffy asked softly as she leaned against the doorjamb. After taking her husband’s advice she had spent the day sleeping on and off and had just come from taking a long soothing bath.

“Hey, thought we’d put Sean in here.”

“Oh, I thought we were moving Eli in here and turning his room into the nursery.”

He furrowed his brow as he turned to look at her. “We were? Don’t really remember the conversation. It must have been the same one when we decided for you to start on themes for this nursery.”

“Are you saying I imagined it?”

“No, pet, just don’t remember it, that’s all. There were a lot of people around this weekend maybe you talked to someone else about it.” He moved some boxes next to the wall. “We have accumulated a lot of junk over the last few years. Do you want to go through any of it or just move it to the basement?”

“Why not move it to the attic?”

Spike stood and put his hands on his hips. “See, I was thinking that we’d go ahead and talk to Xander about the attic. By the time the baby gets here we could move up there. There’s plenty of room to add a nursery in the corner. Then when he’s old enough he moves into Elijah’s room who by then will have moved into our room.”

“Do we want to add an actual room up there for the nursery?”

Laughing he moved to stand in front of her, “Buffy, the way we are multiplying kids at this point we are going to end up like the Gilbreths instead of the Waltons.”

“Only a difference of four,” Buffy wickedly smiled at him. “So, Mr. Blood are you saying you want eight more children? The big bad vampire has memorized children from movies and television and wants to emulate those kinds of families.”

“Actually, I watched them and fantasized about eating my way through the whole family. Would have kept Dru and me fed for days.”

“Eeew, major eeew,” She grimaced then her eyes flew open, “You aren’t even considering…”

“Oh, good God no, Buffy, how could you even think that?” Spike turned back to the boxes, “Actually, was an only child and when I was human I used to dream about meeting the perfect woman and having lots of kiddies. Don’t know how I thought I was going to do it. Too shy too approach anyone much less make babies with anyone.”

Buffy felt her eyes tear up at his confession. Whenever he talked about the dreams he used to have it always tore at her because most of them had been broken somewhere along the line.

“Well, good luck on finding the perfect woman but I think the lots of kiddies part is coming true,” she quipped.

Then as if they had conjured them up the front door slammed.

“Mum, Dad, we’re home. Got Eli like you asked and something got delivered for you, Dad.” Raven’s voice bellowed up the stairs.

As Buffy looked at him, Spike shrugged his shoulders, “Didn’t order anything. Let’s go find out what it is.”

With him leading the way they moved down the stairs and followed the sounds of voices and the slamming of the refrigerator door as the children found something to eat.

“Mummy, you never told Daddy about the checklist. I almost went to school without it,” Elijah announced as his parents came into the room.

“Bad Mummy for not telling him about it. Did you set him straight?” Buffy asked as she went to hug and kiss him hello. Every morning she played a game with her son, to make sure he had everything for school and it was dubbed the checklist game.

“Yep, he knows now, even about telling me not to use powers.”

After quick hellos, Spike asked about his delivery and Raven pointed to a long floral box on the counter. His brows furrowed he approached it as if it was going to explode.

“We ran into the delivery guy outside, so I just signed for it. Was it okay?” Raven asked.

“Yeah, should be,” Spike said as he pulled the card free. He looked at Buffy who was standing by him. “Did you send these?”

“Not me,” Buffy said with an undertone of jealousy. “Who’s sending you flowers?”

He slowly pulled the card out of the envelope as if he didn’t really want to know. The words were printed and he knew that it had been written by the clerk at the store and not by the person who had sent them. All the card read was ‘Soon it will be as it should be’.

“It’s got to be from her, the one that was sending letters to the publishing house.” Spike said as he handed the card to Buffy. “I’m going to go and call Barney.”

Hurrying toward his study he didn’t see Buffy lay the card down and follow him. As the study door started to close behind Spike, she pushed it open again to step into the room and quietly she shut it behind her.

”Are they from her?”

“From who,” Spike responded as he picked up the phone and started to dial.

“Are they from your whore? Are they from the bitch who tried to take you away from me?”

The venom in Buffy’s voice startled Spike and he turned to her. His eyes widened at the fury that marred her face and made her body tremble. He clicked the phone off as she advanced on him, her stride almost seductive in its intent.

“Don’t lie to me. Max said she was out on bail. Are you seeing her again?” Her voice had dropped to an icy whisper as her eyes dropped to his crotch then slowly made their way back to his eyes.

“No, Buffy, you know I wouldn’t do that.” He defended himself as he fought the disbelief that she would really think that he would even look at another woman at this point much less gauge in an affair. They had offered their lives for each other. How could she think that anyone else could even interest him now?

“How do I know that? How? You did before.” She walked forward as he stepped back until he is pressed against the desk. ”Are you feeling overwhelmed? Or is it the fact that I won’t fuck you every five minutes?”

“Don’t do this, please. I love you, you know that. I wouldn’t look at another bird. Not now. Everything’s been so good between us.”

As fear clutched his bowels that she might not believe him, she pushed him backwards until he sat on the desk. Spike searched her eyes for a sign that this might be a joke or something other than what it was. But there was only jealousy and anger in her eyes as she leaned close to him, softly nuzzled his face with her nose before she kissed him harshly.

“I won’t share you again.” She whispered as her hands kneaded at his hips.

“I know, Love. Don’t want anyone but you.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that because I wonder if the torture you like so much would feel as good now as it did when you’re body was cold and dead.”

“What are you talking about?” Since his transformation and her pregnancy the games they had played had been pushed aside. Spike had tried more everyday to stay in the light, to act and be more human than ever before. But her words brought back reminders of the blackness that still tempted him.

Spike tried to back away from her but she clutched at his shirt to keep him where he was.

“Don’t, Baby, I would only hurt you enough to remind you that you are mine and I’m the only one who truly knows who you are.” She kissed his neck and scraped her teeth slowly along his flesh. “But the bitch who is trying to take you away, I’ll drain her a little more everyday and make you drink her. Do you understand me?”

“Yeah, I do.” More than you’ll ever know because I’ve done it before, he thought as she kissed him one last time before turning and leaving the room.

~~~~~~~~~

After his wife had left the room Spike told himself to breathe and to calm down. It had to be hormones and some of that ‘not feeling right’ from this morning. He sighed and closed his eyes as he replayed the previous scene again wondering why she would get jealous when she already knew about the letters. Somehow the woman who had written them had tracked him down, not that they had ever really tried to hide. His books were published under the only legal name he had. Eventually anyone could find them but now he was thankful again that the security system had been installed just in case the woman decided to visit.

He picked the phone up and called Barney. His editor told him that he would call the police, explain the situation and have them come out to take a statement. Not that it would do much good, he explained, except to chronicle the woman’s advances. Until she did something threatening or showed up there wasn’t very much they could do. The letters had come from a PO Box and the person who had taken it out had given a false address. Thus the reason she had probably switched her method of contact. As Barney explained things to him, Spike hoped that Buffy hadn’t destroyed the flowers or cards in her jealous tantrum.

After a few minutes, Spike hung up from him, and tried to call Sean’s parents. All he got was an answering machine, so he left a message explaining the situation and his name and phone number. After he hung up he laid the phone on the desk, his fingers almost caressing it as he tried to talk himself out of what he wanted to do. Then before he changed his mind he quickly picked it up and dialed.

“Angel Investigations,” Cordelia answered.

“Hey, Cordy, can I speak to Angel?”

“Everything okay?”

Her voice switched to worry mode after hearing Spike’s voice because he never called unless there was something wrong.

“No, everything’s fine. Just want to talk to him, that’s all.”

“Hold on.”

It took only a couple of seconds before Angel was on the phone, expressing his wife’s concern on finding out that his Grand-Childe was on the phone.

“Nothing’s really wrong. Did you find out anything?”

“Not yet. Wesley and Fred are researching pregnancies and vampires but nothing yet. What do you mean, not really wrong?”

Spike sighed again and leaned back in his chair. He hated his weakness for needing to talk to someone, especially Angel but it was if in this situation he was the only one who would understand. The only one he wanted to unburden to instead of the friends he had made over the years. Maybe because Angel was the only one who had ever loved Buffy as much as he did and knew what it was like to lose her.

“You know the woman who was sending me letters at my publishing house.”

“Yeah, did she send more?”

“Kind of,” Spike laughed mirthlessly. “She sent flowers to the house this time. Buffy went ballistic, accused me of having an affair. She even thought it might be Donna sending them.”

“Was it Donna?”

“No, God, I was wrong to even call you,” Spike started to click off the phone when he heard Angel calling for him. “What?’

“I had to ask. I believe you if you say its not.”

“It’s not.”

“What did Buffy do when she went ballistic?”

“She threatened to torture me to remind me who I belonged to.”

Angel laughed, “Come on, Spike, that’s sounds like something you’d actually enjoy.”

“It wasn’t that. It was when she threatened whoever was trying to take me away from her. She threatened to kill her. A human.”

Neither of them spoke for a moment as both contemplated Spike’s confession. Finally, Angel broke the silence.

“Spike, she has tried to kill a human before. Faith.”

“Yeah, but that was different.”

“How? Because Faith had tried to kill me first. Buffy thought about it, planned it and went after her.”

“True, but she also threatened to feed this woman to me…yeah, Faith again. I’m sorry I’m probably over reacting.”

“Spike, look, I’m not telling you to dismiss it because it has precedence but keep track of the weird things she says or does. It might have something to do with everything that’s going on with her. Okay?”

Talking to Angel had helped to put things into perspective and had taken the edge of panic off of Spike. Buffy probably was just making sure that her territory was safe. Things had changed and now there were four children involved and it wasn’t something that Buffy would just let go of for anything or anyone. She could be as fierce as any lioness protecting her young and maybe that’s all this was. This afternoon was just a reminder that she would fight for him if she had to.

“Thanks Angel. I appreciate you listening to me.”

“That’s what I’m here for. Just add the time to your bill.”

And with that Spike hung up on him.

Laughter floated to him from the kitchen and he made his toward it. He watched them for a moment as Buffy talked to them about school and homework. It was a total switch from just a few moments ago when she had threatened him. There was no trace of the earlier anger as she relaxed with her children.

When she spotted him she gestured for him to join their circle and he went willingly to her and the warmth she was offering again. He sat down at the table beside her as Sean launched into a tale of his first day in gym class and Spike felt an almost surreal atmosphere around him as he listened to their conversations and wondered briefly if he had imagined Buffy’s jealous tirade.

TBC

Next