Chapter 30 - Dancing Once Again

December 15, 2007 9:45 PM

It had his name on it.

Connor glanced at Raven before his eyes fell back to his gift. He ran a finger longingly across the name tag, sighed, and placed the present he was holding in his free hand against the one he had found.

Saturday night and he had chosen to help her wrap presents instead of going out with the guys or on a date. Of course, his father and Cordelia being in town had helped sway his decision but it was mostly the pleading in the petite fairy’s voice that had kept him here.

The whole afternoon and evening had been fun. Earlier in the day Connor had taken Raven and Elijah to the mall for some shopping. He smiled when he remembered the extra photo he had purchased of the siblings on Santa’s lap. His copy was hidden in his car while the duplicate was framed on the mantel for Spike when he returned. It wasn’t too far from the stocking Raven had bought him when she found out he had never had one; mimicking their positions during patrol. He knew it was ridiculous for someone his age to be taking such delight in the season but he had never spent a holiday done with such movie fanfare. Growing up he hadn’t even known things like this existed and when he had come home, no one in Los Angeles had gotten into it like they did in Sunnydale.

“Finger,” Raven said, holding the ribbon apart.

Connor placed his finger where needed, enjoying the view as she bent over to pull the bow tight. Guilt stabbed at him and he looked up to see if anyone noticed but Buffy was still upstairs while Angel was reading over Cordy’s shoulder as she leafed through a magazine. The contentment on his Dad’s face was a rare one as Angel’s fingers caressed his wife’s arm. Connor felt the nudge on his leg and turned back to Raven who was handing him another package to put under the tree. He grinned at her and scooted back.

“Do you know your eyes are keeping time to the music?” Connor asked, enjoying the effect of her eyes going from a deep blue to a lighter almost sky blue in rhythm to the holiday jazz that was on the stereo.

“It means I’m happy,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders as she reached into her shopping bag and pulled out a sweater. “I still don’t know if Dad is going to like this.” She replied holding up the red and black garment.

“It’ll look good on him,” Cordelia said. “Give it to him anyway.”

“Okay,” Raven said, smiling up at the other woman. “Hand me the gold paper.”

Connor handed her the requested paper as she moved her leg out to gain more room. He knew he shouldn’t but he moved so that his leg was closer to her foot and waited. It didn’t take long and her toes were against his thigh. There was a jolt of electricity at contact and he relished the small thrill. There couldn’t be anything but these small touches between them and once again he wished that she were older.

“Are you going to come and spend Christmas in LA with us?” Angel asked.

The question wasn’t unexpected. Connor had been waiting for it to come for days but the moment it was asked, he tensed up. No matter how he responded, he would be miserable. If he went back to Los Angeles, he wouldn’t be happy because he wasn’t where he wanted to be. If he stayed here then Angel would be upset with him and Connor would feel guilty for hurting him. In a gesture of defense, Connor drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around them.

“I’d like to stay in Sunnydale,” Connor answered.

“That’s fine,” Angel said, standing to walk into the kitchen. “I figured that was what you wanted.”

The door swung shut behind him and Connor looked up at Raven for courage and support. Beside him, Cordelia took a deep breath, and he knew the lecture was coming.

“Go talk to him, Con,” Raven said first, her toes stroking his leg. “You know he loves you so quit doing this.”

“He’s not going to understand.”

“He’s not until you explain it to him. Don’t tell him everything that’s wrong. He knows that. Tell him what you’re feeling and what you want.”

Taking her advice, he squeezed her leg and followed his father. In the kitchen Angel was pouring blood into a mug and Connor waited until it was in the microwave before speaking, taking the time to rehearse in his head what he wanted to say.

“I’m sorry. I’m not doing it to hurt you.”

“No,” Angel said. “That’s just an added bonus.”

“I know you’re not going to believe it but no its not. I want to be here for Christmas, that’s all. Did you see it out there? It’s like…”

“Santa’s workshop?” Angel finished. He gestured toward the kitchen table. “They even have Santa and Mrs. Claus salt and pepper shakers. Who would think that William the Bloody would sit down and eat with humans using Mrs. Claus to flavor his food? That’s really rich.”

“You’re the one that wanted to be human again.”

“True, but I guess I didn’t deserve that. No, my grand-childe gets the life I wanted.”

“You’re broodier than usual.”

Angel pulled the mug from the microwave and took a long drink before meeting his son’s gaze.

“Don’t take me wrong. I love that woman out there. She has stood by me and loved me when no one else would.”

“Even your son?”

His father nodded and looked away. It would only take three words to make Angel happy but Connor wasn’t sure he was ready. Instead he offered something else that might one day take them there.

“I’d like for you to be here for Christmas. I know you and Cordelia don’t really care about all of this stuff,” Connor said. “But I do and I want to be here with them.”

“With Raven?”

It was Connor’s turn to nod, still unsure of how much to let his father know. There wasn’t anything for everyone to get upset about yet and he didn’t want anyone to think there was. Raven was special to him and was always there to point him in the right direction when he got muddled. Like tonight.

“So, will you be here?” Connor asked.

A sound from outside prevented Angel from replying, sending the two men into defensive mode. A car was coming around the corner of the house and screeching to a stop in the back yard.

~~~~~~~~~

December 15, 2007 6:57 PM EST - Atlanta

The day had been long and grueling. Hour after hour Spike had signed books for people he once considered happy meals but was now putting food on the table for his family. His eyes hurt from all the camera flashes and his mouth ached from smiling. No one had been turned down in hopes that the stalker would make an appearance but nothing suspicious had happened. Every once in a while Max would nudge his leg to have Spike talk to a woman a little longer, get a little more information but nothing concrete had unfolded along the way. Now, he was frustrated, tired, and hungry.

The two men strode into the lobby of the hotel and while Max veered off for the elevator, Spike turned toward the bar. He didn’t stop when his friend called his name or asked him to slow down. His feet kept moving until he was sitting on a stool and had told the bartender, “Whiskey, top shelf, straight and make it a double.”

“You really should eat something first,” Max said, sitting next to Spike.

Spike stared at the television over the bar and tossed a handful of peanuts in his mouth.

“Happy now, Mom?”

“Why don’t we go upstairs, get changed and head out?”

“Now, you sound like my girlfriend.”

“Vodka and tonic,” Max ordered then sighed and reached for some peanuts. “This isn’t going to help, you know?”

“You never know, besides what else is there to do?”

“We’re in Atlanta. I’m sure we could find something to do.”

The words jolted Spike back three years to when he was talking Buffy into taking off for a few days. They had just finished destroying some super witch’s plan to open the Hellmouth and were both exhausted, physically and emotionally. In the end she had agreed and they had ridden off on his bike, riding along the coastal highway until they stopped in a small town. For three days they had stayed there, sleeping, shagging and drinking. As soon as it would get dark they’d hit the bar and when it closed they’d play naked in the ocean until the sun was threatening to dust him. On the last night, Buffy had been so free and happy that she danced on the bar with some other women. Her long skirt twirling seductively around her legs and to show all the men who she belonged to, she had dived off the bar, laughing and into his arms. She never doubted for a moment that he would catch her and they hadn’t made it back to the motel, instead they had made love on the motorcycle in some dense foliage off the highway.

“What do you say, Spike?” Max said, interrupting Spike’s reverie.

“Say to what?”

That time of freedom was as gone as surely as the girl he had spent it with. The woman he had left behind in California was desperately trying to hold onto reality and her life. And the laughter was now bittersweet as they forced themselves to have good times because tomorrow it might be gone for good.

Ignoring Max’s plea to go out, Spike held his glass up, “To Buffy, my long haul girl.” He drained the glass and knew there was a part of him that was already mourning her.

“Fine, then, lets get a table and order some appetizers or something,” Max said. “I’m starving.”

“Do you know that you whine like a girl?”

“And do you know you’re stubborn and at the moment really maudlin? This isn’t really you, by the way.”

“It is tonight,” Spike said, his attention drawn to two women at the end of the bar who were staring at them. “There are a couple of birds at three o’clock, checking you out.”

Spike smiled as his friend turned to look at the women. One was a redhead with delicate features and her friend wore her dark hair in a short feminine style. Both were attractive in their own way.

“I would say they are checking us out.”

“I’m married,” Spike replied, lifting his hand to flash his wedding band at them when he remembered the ring was in the hotel safe. Max had felt it would be better if he wasn’t wearing it at the signing, hoping that its absence would draw a comment from the stalker. “Bollocks.”

Spike rubbed his nude finger and felt the absence of its reassuring presence. It was something that he had never thought he would wear but had come to treasure it. A symbol to the world that Buffy loved him and they truly belonged together. So, intent on his thoughts, he didn’t see the women move and he jumped at the voice over his shoulder.

“Hi, I’m Amber,” the redhead said, “and this is my friend, Nikki. Would you like to join us for drinks?”

~~~~~~~~~~

December 15, 2007 10:20 PM

Screeching tires along the side of the side of the house had Raven and Cordelia racing through the house, closely followed by a barking Candy. They reached the kitchen entrance just as Angel was opening the back door while Connor backed him up.

“I didn’t know where else to go,” the man, standing on the porch said. There was blood pouring down his face from a gash on his forehead and his breath was labored as he tried to talk. “They were killing him. And I didn’t know…”

“Sam,” Raven said, dashing to the young man. “Who? Killing who? Are you all right?”

“He’s in my car. He’s hurt,” Sam answered and he waved his hand in the general direction of the vehicle that was parked haphazardly in the back yard.

“Get him in the house,” Angel ordered. “Connor, come with me.”

Raven took Sam’s arm and led him into the living room just as Buffy was coming down the stairs. When her mother saw the hurt young man, she rushed into the room.

“Cordelia there’s a first aid kit in the bathroom,” Buffy said, sitting on the ottoman as the brunette hurrying off as instructed. “What happened?”

“There’s someone else with him,” Raven informed her mother as Buffy checked the gash on Sam’s head. He winced when she prodded it with her thumb.

“Sorry, Sam,” Buffy said, smiling at him. “That is your name, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

Buffy reached for the kit and towels that Cordelia carried into the room. They all looked up when Angel and Connor returned with a badly beaten man between them. Raven grabbed the afghan and spread it over the couch so they could lay the injured man on it. As she took in the bloodied man there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that someone had been trying to kill him

“I was just leaving this bar near campus,” Sam relayed. “And I heard this noise and followed it. These two guys had him cornered and were beating the shit out of him. They kept saying he didn’t belong because he wasn’t human and they didn’t want his kind around. I jumped in and got him out of there.”

“Told him,” the man on the couch spoke up, “I’m half demon; got myself two hearts…couldn’t treat me in the ER.”

“His name is Chad,” Sam said. “He’s in my sociology class. I don’t understand why this happened.”

“Things like this you don’t,” Raven said. “He needs medical attention. We need to call Kate.”

If it wasn’t an emergency she never would have suggested it. But there weren’t a whole lot of places where you could get medical attention for a demon period, much less on a Saturday night. The flash of unease in her mother’s eyes made her wish that there were other choices.

“Do it now,” Buffy said, wiping the blood from Sam’s face.

Raven hurried to the phone and dialed the number as she watched the others galvanized into action. Cordelia situated Chad on the couch with pillows while Angel helped her. Connor left to move the car while Buffy continued to tend to Sam. She briefly explained the situation and was relieved when Kate said she would help.

“She said she’s on her way,” Raven said. “Mum when she gets her maybe you should wait upstairs.”

Her mother only nodded as she bandaged Sam’s wound. It was done and Raven hoped that Buffy could hold herself together while Kate was in the house.

~~~~~~~~~~

December 15, 2007 8:45 PM EST- Atlanta

McKendrick’s Steakhouse was one of Atlanta’s better restaurants and it made Spike uncomfortable with its lean toward formality. Max had picked it out in order to impress the two women. Amber was one of those women that reminded Spike of Harmony and it was irritating him as she giggled again at something that his friend said. He didn’t really want to be here and had protested when the suggestion of the drinks had moved to dinner but he had been overruled. Instead of spending the evening alone in his hotel room, he had tagged along after making sure that the girls knew he was married and not looking for anything.

Nikki was a nice enough girl and upon closer inspection was prettier than Spike had originally thought. Her mischief filled eyes were grey with a spattering of freckles across her nose. She laughed a lot, too; not an insipid giggle but a laugh that sounded like she enjoyed life. She was about the same height as Buffy but heavier with an ample bosom that her black shirt clung to. She was wearing a short grey skirt and her bare leg brushed against Spike’s every time she moved. He knew it wasn’t intentional and didn’t complain about the contact caused by the small confines of the booth.

“Yeah, we’re in town for a banking convention,” Amber said, tossing her red hair and trailing her fingers along Max’s arm.

Spike laughed at her overly suggestive mannerisms and a glance at Nikki showed her rolling her eyes at her friend. Maybe they weren’t as close as he had originally thought.

“So, where do you hail from then,” Spike asked.

“Not far actually,” Nikki replied. “I’m from Jacksonville, FL. Drove up yesterday for this thing. Need my certification in Current Lending Compliance Issues.”

Spike nodded to show he was listening and wondered how long he would be stuck with them. Nikki laughed, putting her hand on his arm.

“You don’t have to be polite,” she explained. “I know to the general populace its boring as hell.”

It was something in her personality that caught Spike’s attention. The ability to laugh and the forthrightness that made him relax and start talking to her. She wasn’t afraid to look him directly in the eye and when dinner was ordered, she didn’t hesitate to order a meal. Unlike Amber who insisted she had to watch her weight and had ordered a salad. As far as Spike was concerned the tall redhead was already too skinny and dismissed her as someone who was too fake for him to relate to. Nikki kept the conversation going and seemed interested in him and the things he liked. After months of pressure and frustration Spike found that he was free of it all as the girl next to him weaved a spell of enticement.

~~~~~~~~~~

December 16, 2007 1:12 AM

Outside a car started and Buffy slipped from her room. It had been hours since Kate and Giles had arrived and she was tired of being confined. She stopped in Raven’s room to check on Chad. The boy had been put there for the night when Kate had concluded that he was too injured to be moved. After pulling the covers further over the young man and a brief check on the sleeping Elijah, Buffy headed downstairs. She wanted to find out if Sean had enjoyed the dance and if anyone had heard from Spike. Over the course of her confinement she had made a few attempts to call him but had only gotten his voice mail and was becoming worried. It had been before dinner since she had received his last quick call when he had assured he would talk to her later.

At the bottom of the stairs, Buffy turned to head into the living room, when she looked up and saw Giles speaking with Angel. She froze, hating that she had something to fear, from this man.

“Buffy, I was told you were ill,” Giles said. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, I am,” Buffy replied, stepping closer to Angel. “It must have been something at dinner that upset my stomach. I came down to get some water.”

Giles reached for her and Buffy took a step backwards running into Angel who put his hand on her waist to steady her.

“What’s the matter? You look afraid of me.”

Maybe because I am, Buffy thought, looking up at the older man. It was ridiculous. It wasn’t like he was going to drag her off. Or would he? She knew there were legal procedures in order to commit someone but doubted that if Giles wanted to put her away he would go that route. She remembered what it was like being taken by the Council when she had been inside Faith’s body and took a step to run back upstairs but Giles grabbed her arm.

“No,” Buffy cried, wrenching her arm from him. “You can’t take me away from my family. They need me and I need them.”

“Buffy, what do you think I’m going to do?”

“You do want to have her committed to a psychiatric facility,” Cordelia said. “That might have something to do with her being afraid of you.”

Buffy sat on the stairs, breathing deep and hoping that wasn’t going to lose her grip on reality in front of everyone. She knew her breathing was too rapid and she wished that Spike was there to hold onto. She watched as Giles stood, flummoxed at Cordy’s statement, until he sat beside her and took her hand.

“All I wanted was for Spike to consider it,” Giles said. “I’m not going to have them drag you out of here, kicking and screaming. You’ve been through a lot in the last few years and maybe if you were under constant supervision you might be able to beat this thing once and for all.”

“You’re thinking I’m still having problems from when I came back?”

“Yes, actually I do, you’ve never been the same girl since then. Never quite as strong as you were before everything happened.”

“Being ripped from heaven might have something to do with that,” Angel said. “It would probably cause anyone’s personality to change.”

Buffy pulled her hand away from Giles.

“So, all these years of support and supposed happiness for me and the choices I’ve made, have been lies? You really think I’ve been sick since then?”

“No, not sick, more fragile and more susceptible to things,” Giles said. A sigh fell from his lips as he stood. “I’m sorry if you thought that I was going to force Spike to commit you because I’m not. I just think that, maybe, anyway it’s not my decision. Kate is waiting in the car.”

No one answered him and Giles left, closing the door quietly behind him.

“You okay?” Angel asked.

“I’m fine,” Buffy replied. She was when she took a moment to search herself. It was one less thing to worry about if Giles was telling the truth. And maybe if she had fewer things to worry about then she might find a way to overcome what was happening to her. She looked up at her friends. “Have either of you heard from Spike?”

~~~~~~~~~~

December 15, 2007 11:32 PM EST - Atlanta

The whiskey was smooth and Spike took another drink, enjoying the warmth as it flowed down his throat. Nikki was beside him at the hotel bar. As soon as they had returned from dinner, Max and Amber had gone upstairs leaving the two of them unaccompanied. Nikki had suggested the bar instead of spending the rest of the evening alone in their rooms.

“So, anyway,” Spike said, “Now my editor is saying they want to make a movie from the first book.”

“And here I am, humbly, sitting beside the next Stephen King,” Nikki teased. “Make sure you leave me your autograph. Oh, wait a minute here, sign this.” She pushed a cocktail napkin at him. “This way I can say I had drinks with you, too.”

Spike didn’t sign it, knowing she didn’t mean it because she was totally unimpressed at his new status in life. It seemed his companion was from a family that mingled with the upper echelon of society including celebrities. Her stories could out do any story he had from when he lived the life of a vampire. And she told them with a flair that had kept them talking for hours. Her banking career was only to please her father so that she could take over the family business when he retired.

Spike’s cell phone went off and he picked it up. It was home and knew this time he needed to answer it. When he had turned it on after leaving the restaurant, there had been several messages from Buffy and he hadn’t returned them yet. It was wrong but none had hinted at a true emergency just a desire to speak with him.

“Sorry, pet, it’s the wife again.”

Nikki nodded and turned her attention to the television.

“Hello,” Spike answered.

“Spike, is everything okay?” Buffy said. ”I tried calling you.”

“I’m sorry. We were at dinner and I had it turned off.”

“Oh.”

“Everything all right? Was there a problem?” Spike asked, the petulant tone in Buffy’s voice made him sigh and rub his fingers over his eyes. Just like that, everything came crashing back to him.

“No, nothing major. We have a beaten up demon sleeping in Raven’s room and Giles was here.”

Nikki picked up the pen and wrote a note on the napkin before standing. She kissed his cheek and slid her lips toward his ear and whispered, “No strings.”

Spike didn’t quite register what Buffy said as he watched Nikki walk from the bar, appreciating the gentle rocking of her hips.

“But everything is okay now?” Spike asked when he realized that Buffy had quit talking.

“Yeah, everything is fine. Just fine. I’m glad that you are having a great time there. Tell you what; unless the house is burning down I won’t call you. Talk to you when you get back.”

It took a moment for him to realize that Buffy had hung up on him and Spike dropped the phone on the bar with a low growl. He knew he should call her back and find out what had happened (and if Giles was trying to cause trouble) but he couldn’t force himself to do it as all the frustration came rolling back. Deciding to wait until he was in his room and was calmer, he signaled the bartender to bring the check. It was then that he remembered the note and looked down. All it had was her room number. Plain, simple, no complications and what had she said? No strings.

Spike signed the bill and headed upstairs. In the elevator his finger went to push the button for his floor when he hesitated. He leaned his head against the coolness of the metal above the number pad. He knew what was right and wrong, what he should or shouldn’t do, closing his eyes; he sorted through his conflicting emotions and stood, coming to a decision. Without another thought he pushed the button to follow it through.

to be continued…

Chapter 31 - Misty Morning Eyes

December 16, 2007 11:25 AM

The noise level from the kitchen could only be the Scoobettes in full battle mode or full eating mode. Buffy smiled as she pushed the door open and her suspicions were confirmed by the table of young people including Sam. She was greeted with hellos, and good mornings, as she headed for the refrigerator. After tossing and turning all night waiting and hoping for a phone call from Spike she hadn’t fallen asleep until right before dawn. Raven had whisked Elijah from her room earlier and had told her to go back to sleep which she’d gladly done. She pushed her hair back from her face and poured a glass of orange juice, glancing around to see if there were any leftovers from breakfast.

“In the oven, Mum, there is some pancakes and bacon left,” Sean said. “I hope you don’t mind but Del took Elijah with her to her to grand-daughter’s house. She has some kids Eli’s age and thought he might enjoy it.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said, pulling the door open and appreciating that the oven had been left on warm so the food would still be edible. “And it’s fine about Elijah. He probably will enjoy being with kids his own age for a change. How are you feeling, Sam?”

“Oh, fine Mrs. Blood. I went to the ER after I left here and they put a couple of stitches in me.”

“Ouch, but I’m glad that you’re doing better. Has anyone heard from Spike this morning?”

Buffy tried to hide her worry when she was told no by turning her back on the others. It wasn’t like him not to call her but then again she had said that she wouldn’t talk to him until he got back. But even Spike would know that wasn’t what she really meant. Pushing it aside she finished preparing her breakfast and she sat down to eat.

“So, what is on your agendas for the day?” Buffy asked, reaching for the flyers that had been printed out and stacked on the table. There was a large statement describing the attack on Chad and warning students to take extra precautions.

“We are going to spread this out at the university today,” Raven explained, pointing at the paper in her mother’s hand. “I talked to Chad this morning and he is going to report it to campus administrators tomorrow but we don’t want to wait for what they may or may not do.”

“Just be careful, okay? I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

Raven sighed. “We are going out in two groups. Connor is going with one and I’m going with the other.”

Smiling at her daughter, Buffy nodded. “Can’t help it, just doing the mom thing. Like my mother did to me and you will do to your daughter some day. Is Chad still upstairs?”

“Yep, that’s okay isn’t it?” Raven said. “Kate said she’d come by and check on him later and if he’s better we’ll take him home tonight.”

Buffy nodded but it was lost in the flurry of everyone gathering their things and heading out the back door. She sighed as she watched them leave, remembering the days when it was her and her friends that challenged the world.

“Makes you feel old, doesn’t it?” Angel asked, leaning on the doorway.

“You know, pregnant here, shouldn’t give me scares like that,” Buffy teased, taking her plate to the sink.

“Sorry, you doing okay this morning?”

Throwing a smile over her shoulder, Buffy washed her plate. “Doing great except for the feeling old part and the sleeplessness and the missing my husband and…”

“Whoa, all I was expecting was a, I’m fine, how are you doing?”

“Don’t ask then,” Buffy griped, turning to face the vampire. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to take it out on you. After all you’re here playing babysitter to the nutty ex-girlfriend.”

His eyes twinkling, Angel stepped closer to Buffy and whispered, “Well, you were kind of nutty when you were my girlfriend, too.”

Buffy’s laughter lasted only for a moment as it turned to tears and she found herself burrowed against Angel. His arms felt sure and strong when everything else around her was crumpling. She hated the fact that her husband was so far away when she needed him so much. It was unfair, she knew, to expect him to take care of everything and to always be there but that was what she was used to. That’s why she fell in love with him because he was always there and now he wasn’t.

Angel picked her up and carried her into the living room and set her down on the couch between him and Cordelia. He cradled her against him and let her cry it out. The storm began to abate and Buffy sat up, wiping at her eyes with the tissues that Cordelia handed her.

“Sorry,” Buffy said.

“Don’t be,” Angel said, his hand slowly running along her hair. “Is it everything or anything in particular?” Buffy shook her head and he squeezed her shoulder. “Now, come on, you can tell your babysitters anything.”

This time his joking only earned a smile. “I miss Spike. He didn’t call me back last night and that’s not like him. I know he’s okay because Max would have called me but…” Buffy threw her head back. “I hate this. I feel so weak and out of control. What happened to me? I was so strong before. I knew I could do it on my own and now I’m terrified if he isn’t in the room with me.”

“Because you trust him,” Cordelia said. “You know that his main priority is you and that you are safe with him. I wouldn’t be ashamed of that. It’s rare when two people reach that level of intimacy.”

“Like you and Angel?”

“Yeah, he had to be dragged every step of the way but he sees it my way now.”

All three laughed as Cordelia flashed her husband one of her patent smiles.

“Maybe he’s afraid of upsetting you even more,” Angel said. “He’s just giving you a break and figures when you’re ready to talk you’ll call him.”

“I hope so,” Buffy responded, her gaze turning to Cordelia. “Do you feel like getting out of here this afternoon?”

“Sure, where to?”

“I thought of something last night and I want to check into it. Maybe something that might help me.”

~~~~~~~~~

The four friends sat at the kitchen table in Willow and Tara’s kitchen. Cordelia and Buffy sat across from them and sipped the tea that was offered. The conversation so far had covered the holidays and the children and when Spike was coming back. Buffy still hadn’t heard from him but didn’t tell her friends. It was something that she would handle when she returned home and could try to call Spike when he was finished with his obligations for the day.

Toying with her napkin, Buffy looked up at the witches and blurted out her question. “I remembered last night about switching bodies with Faith. And Tara could tell that it wasn’t me in my body and I was wondering if…”

“If I could see anything that wasn’t right in your aura?” Tara asked.

“Yeah,” Buffy said, relieved that she didn’t have to spell it out. “Or if there were any spells or something on me.”

Her answer was already given when Tara clasped her hands. “Sweetie, we checked awhile ago. And a few times since. It’s nothing there, other than you and as far as we can tell there is no magic or thralls, either. I wish there was.”

Buffy nodded. “I figured you had but I wanted to ask.”

“We didn’t say anything to you,” Willow said, “because well, we thought it would only be more bad news on top of everything else. Spike knew and he agreed that it was best not to say anything.”

Buffy sat back in her chair. She knew it was too much to expect that her solution could be something that simple. It was just something that she had to ask even though a part of her knew that it would have been one the first things they would have looked for. It was time to accept the inevitable and quit fighting it. There didn’t see to be any hope of something that the people who loved her could fight and vanquish. She was schizophrenic and her life was slowly going to be taken away from her.

~~~~~~~~~~

He had spent hours walking the streets of South Beach, watching the multitudes of people without cares except for the next drink, the next dance or the next lay. It was a party atmosphere and Spike hated it. They were too tanned and too pretty for his tastes and once all they would have been good for was to fill his stomach. Now, they weren’t worth risking the life he had built. Besides his mind was to busy sorting through that life searching for answers that weren’t coming easily. His feet turned toward the beach to make the trek back to the hotel. He stopped to remove his shoes and roll up the cuff of his jeans. The water of the Atlantic Ocean was icy as it lapped at his feet. This body of water more powerful than he had ever thought he was or ever hoped he could be. Its power was raw and intense in its need to dominate the very life it depended on, the same life that relied upon it. It was the same life structure as Spike had once had with humans.

He searched through himself to find William the Bloody--Master Vampire, feared and respected by his own kind, terror to humans and conqueror of two Slayers--and could no longer find him. Along with William, Spike had evolved and merged into the being he now was, molded by his love for his once mortal enemy and now his wife. He laughed and shook his head at the creature he had become. Neither vampire nor human, straddling both worlds and not really belonging in either but yet, desperately trying to fit in the latter before this short life was taken from him. His need to belong, to be accepted, to be loved had led him to be pulled into Buffy’s dreams of normalcy.

Stopping behind the hotel, Spike faced the ocean; crashing violently upon the shore. Here Spike felt small and powerless as he did in his current life. Tossed and torn between his wife’s insanity, a stalker intent on disrupting their lives, his children and home. He didn’t feel regrets for his choices only the utter exhaustion of fighting to be happy in this life he had created. He had done this to himself, and no one could bear the blame for the trappings of humanity he had adorned himself with. The house, the career, the wife and kids, credit cards and even the damn dog, all making him what he had hated. And once when he was human before, it was what he had wanted because all those things came with the love of a woman and when it had come it was with a real woman, not a fantasy or a vampire mate, but a living, breathing ball of fire and heart and courage that was his Buffy. It wasn’t her or their love but all of the other pitfalls that came from their union that made him want to scream his frustration to anyone who would listen.

Digging his toes in the sand, Spike tried to stop the inevitable pull of the ocean but only found he was being towed deeper into the encroaching water. The cool night breeze wrapped around him and he searched through his soul for answers.

And all he could find was Buffy.

Along with that realization came calm clarity. His love for the woman would never cease and she would forever be the light that guided him. He twirled his wedding band on his finger as he accepted the man that he had become because he had been shaped by a power greater than he could ever hope to understand. His guilt tore through him as he thought of Buffy, three thousand miles away and unaware of his act of betrayal.

The decisions came as quickly as the tears and he wished he was already on his way home to her. The sand was cold and wet as he plopped down and dialed the number for home.

“Hello,” Buffy answered her voice cool and distant.

“Hey, Baby. Still mad at me?”

“You didn’t call back.”

The accusation ripped through him and he wished he could take back the last twenty-four hours or so.

“I’m a son of a bitch, I know.”

“Well, at least you realize that.” Buffy responded with a slight thaw to her voice. “What were you doing last night?”

“Nothing important,” Spike answered. “Max picked up some bird in the bar and she had a friend and the four of went to dinner. And when we came back we were hanging out and talking.”

Let it lie. The details could be given when he got home. The silence on the other end of the phone nailed him to the wall.

“Sounds like you were having a good time.”

“It was okay. Something to pass the time, that’s all.”

“It was the four of you all the time?”

“No, after we got back to the hotel, Max and this girl went upstairs. The other girl, Nikki and I stayed in the bar for awhile. When I was talking to you, she left and after I paid the bill, I went to my room. End of story. I just didn’t call you because…”

“You’re a son of a bitch?”

He laughed. “Yeah, that and, well, I guess only that.”

For a moment there was only that horrible silence before the quiet sounds of her tears reached him.

“Look, this is bullshit,” Spike said. “I’m calling the airport and I’m on the next flight home.”

“No, oh God, Spike,” Buffy said, sniffling. “I…I”

“Talk to me.”

“I missed you and I was scared and everything is out of control and I needed control…and.”

Buffy’s words sent chills through Spike. It had been almost four years since her last relapse into the cutting. He should have known there was a possibility of her returning when she was feeling so powerless in her life. It was always the trigger that made the act so tantalizing.

“I’m on my way, Baby…hold on until I get there.”

“You don’t need to come home. You’ve got the signing still to do tomorrow. I’ll be fine.”

“No, being separated is not what either of us needs right now. I shouldn’t have left you at all.”

“Come home, please.”

Those last words were spoken in a voice that revealed how frightened and lost she truly had been feeling. He hadn’t been there for her and she had returned to the comfort that was stronger than the comfort he could give her. In a moment when they didn’t feel connected, they had both looked elsewhere for the security that could only be given by their mate. Spike was on the phone and trying to make flight reservations before he reached the hotel. The next signing was in Los Angeles and he could drive to it after making Buffy feel safe again. And if he didn’t make it, well, then they could sue him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy’s entire being hummed. Spike was coming home. She was wrapped in a blanket on the porch waiting for him. He had called back to let her know what time they’d be landing. Nothing could contain her as she waited. Everyone else was asleep, otherwise she’d never be out here, it was too chilly and they’d worry about the baby.

“Daddy’s coming home,” she whispered, as the baby moved.

Headlights flashed across the yard as the taxi pulled in and she was on her feet and moving toward him before he even stepped out.

“Take care of it,” Spike said to Max, before rushing to her. His arms wrapped around her in a desperate hold of need for them both. “I missed you so much, Baby.” He walked toward the house, his suitcase in one hand and his free arm holding her close. Halfway up the stairs, they heard the front door close behind them as Max stepped into the house.

“Hi, Buffy,” Max said. “That’s fine. I’ll make myself at home. And, Spike, don’t forget the car will be here in five hours to take us to Los Angeles.”

“Night, Max,” Spike said.

Buffy didn’t acknowledge him. Her most urgent need was to bond with her mate again. The suitcase was deposited by the door while he drew her onto the bed. There would be no physical reunion until the words had been said and soothed over. She remained silent as Spike scooted closer to her and pulled her pajama top over her head. His fingers dusted over her body, searching, finding the minute cut under her left breast. His tongue ran over it in a soft caress. The horizontal stripes under her arm drew a frown.

“Are you putting antibacterial cream on these?”

She nodded and pointed to the nightstand. More was applied with gentle motions. His hands pushed her backwards so he could pull her pajama bottoms off. The cuts on her inner thighs elicited a soft growl.

“Mine.”

Buffy was a canvas as he moved over her, searching for her guilt on her flesh. Most of the cuts she gave herself would heal within a day except for the ones she reopened or made deep. The ragged one he found on her hip brought tears that rained on her.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how much I needed you. There was so much on you already and I was afraid of making it worse.”

Spike lay next to her side, his hand cupping her cheek. “Never, no matter what is going on, if you need me, you tell me. Promise.”

Buffy nodded.

“I want you to say it.”

“I promise.”

Finally he kissed her and she turned to him, a leg drifting over his hip, and his hand cupped her bottom pulling her closer against him. Her hands roamed over him, letting herself realize he was there, and he understood.

“Pet, I made a decision.”

Her eyes flew open, afraid it was going to be something that she wouldn’t like. Her anxiety deepened as Spike stood to look out the window. She waited for him to tell her what was on his mind and she sat up, wrapping the blanket around her. Candy, who had been sleeping on the floor, took refuge on her lap.

“There’s too much going on and I want to change some things.”

“Like?”

He turned to look at her, his gaze flickering over the animal in her arms.

“Like, the damn dog,” Spike said, fighting a smile, “That thing is nothing more than a snack. And what the hell is it doing sleeping on my bed? If the kids want it sleeping with them its one thing but I don’t want it with us.”

Buffy giggled, her hand petting Candy, and she bent her head.

“Don’t worry, precious, Daddy is just spouting off. You’re not going anywhere.”

Candy licked her face and Buffy smiled as Spike grimaced before turning toward the window again.

“I’m not doing any more books,” Spike said, his head bowed. “The new contracts are being thrown away.”

“Are you sure?” Buffy asked. “I don’t want you to give up something that makes you happy.”

Guilt furled through her at the thought that he was doing it so he could take care of her. It wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted him to still have a life outside of her. Spike returned to sit on the bed, his hands wrapping around hers.

“Writing makes me happy. This other stuff only irritates me. I don’t want to be signing books in other cities when I could be with you. We have enough in the bank that we don’t have to worry. I mean unless you went on a shopping spree while I was gone and bought the state of Montana or something.”

“No,” Buffy answered and tried to return his joking manner. “But are we going to be able to afford Raven’s clothing allowance if you’re not making at least five million a year.”

“She’ll just have to make it on a million a year instead.”

Candy was pushed to the foot of the bed while Spike pulled her down onto the bed and into his arms. She shifted back until she was tightly spooned against him. His words tickling her ear when he spoke and his hand covered her stomach. Sleep teased at her and she knew wrapped in her warm cocoon that she wouldn’t be able to fight it long but there was something she still needed to be sure of.

“Spike?”

“Yeah.”

“This girl that you were with Saturday? Did you like her?”

“Nikki? Yeah, she’s okay.”

“Was she prettier than me?”

“Uh, no and before you ask, I’m not placating you.”

“Big words coming from the big bad vampire.”

“I love you, Buffy.”

“I know you do,” Buffy whispered, her fingers running along his. “I love you, too but just be warned if Donnie Wahlberg walked through that door and wanted me. I’d kick your ass out.”

“Always did like the bad boys, didn’t you?”

“Yep.”

Spike chuckled in her ear and his hand covered her breast, squeezing softly. “And maybe if Donnie came through the door, maybe I’d just have to join the two of you.”

“Oh, yeah, my two favorite bad boys in bed with me, I could live with that.”

“Keep dreaming, baby, keep dreaming.”

Their laughter mingled together as Buffy let the security of her husband being home lull her into much needed rest.

~~~~~~~~

“Mummy,” Raven called.

Buffy heard her through a cotton cloud of sleep and she fought against waking up. A hand was drawn through her hair and reluctantly she opened her eyes to find her daughter sitting next to her on the bed.

“Hey,” Buffy said.

“I’m sorry for waking you up. Its six-thirty and Daddy’s on his way home. He called a few minutes ago and said they be here within half an hour.”

Sitting up, Buffy yawned and looked around the room. She had slept for a few hours early this morning and had gotten up to see Spike off. Mid-morning she had crawled back into bed after Del had assured her that everything was handled and had given into the exhaustion of the past few sleepless nights.

“It’s okay,” Buffy said. “I need to get up anyway.”

“If it’s all right with you, we’re going to take Elijah to the park. They’re having this holiday play at seven.”

“Who’s we?”

Raven counted off on her fingers, “Cordelia, Sean, me and Connor.”

“Ahhh,” Buffy said, smiling. Her fingers playfully pinched her daughter’s cheek. “Sounds like fun but don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“Noticed what?” Raven said, her eyes growing wide, feigning innocence.

“You and Connor spending so much time together even if it is always with other people around. And now that Daddy is going to be home, he’ll notice too.”

The teenager rolled her eyes, “Nothing is going on. We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, and keep it that way. Go, have fun. Is Angel still here?”

“He’s here and Del is cleaning the kitchen and is going to head home afterwards.”

Raven kissed her cheek, gave her a quick hug and dashed off leaving Buffy to force herself to wakefulness. She thought about Spike coming home and stood up, her body rested but still reluctant to move. With a smile, she pulled clothes from the dresser and changed into clean pants and one of Spike’s sweatshirts. The phone rang as she was brushing her hair and she reached for it, hoping it was her husband again.

“Hello.”

“He spent Saturday night with me.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re husband spent Saturday night with me in his hotel room.”

Buffy pushed the recording device on the small machine next to the phone.

“Just so you know these calls are being recorded and traced since your last one pushed you into criminal charges. And by the way, you’re crazy because Spike wouldn’t cheat on me.”

“He’s really quite an excellent lover.”

“Keep talking, easier to trace you.”

“You don’t believe me. That’s sad. Really. If I didn’t spend the night with him then how would I know he has a scar on his chest in the shape of a heart? Nice work and you call me crazy. And if that doesn’t convince you, the condoms we didn’t use are in the outside pocket of his suitcase.”

The woman hung up and Buffy stared at the receiver for a moment in confusion. Spike wouldn’t have cheated on her much less lied to her. But if he hadn’t then how had the woman known? Her eyes drifted to the suitcase and her heart sped up as she walked to it. It felt like she was still in a dream somewhere as she knelt beside it and unzipped the pocket. Her fingers searched and found nothing but as she moved to withdrew them she felt something and delved deeper. She pulled out three condoms and they lay in her hand, screaming their accusations at her.

to be continued…

Chapter 32 - Falling Like Rain

December 17, 2007 6:55 PM

Stepping through the door, Spike could see Angel ensconced in his chair and reading a book. For the first time in a long time, Spike felt like everything was good in his life. He was home with his family and he had made decisions so that their lives would be easier. Buffy had been happy this morning, smiling and affectionate, and he had fallen in love with her all over again. The holidays and even the dog that he was reluctantly accepting were sources of joy. And he just wanted to settle in, drink hot chocolate and bask in the respite that had been given him. Feeling generous he didn’t tell Angel to move and leaned against the mantel while Max settled on ‘his’ couch.

“Where is everyone?” Spike asked, looking around the empty house.

“Del went home,” Angel replied. “Buffy is upstairs and everybody else took Elijah to a holiday thing at the park.”

Hearing a noise the three men turned toward the stairs to watch Buffy coming toward them. Spike held his arms out to her but she stopped just out of his reach.

“SB called,” Buffy said.

“When?” Max asked, sitting up. “Did you record it?”

Buffy nodded but kept her attention fixated on Spike. “She said that you spent the night with her Saturday.”

His immediate thought was Nikki and he turned to Max with a question in his eyes. “It couldn’t have been Nikki. She gave too much personal information.”

“She said that you made love to her,” his wife said, ignoring his comment. Her voice cracked and tears welled up in her eyes as she spoke.

The pain in Buffy’s voice surprised him.

“Pet, I told you what I did Saturday. I didn’t have sex with anyone.”

“He didn’t…,” Max said.

“You stay out of this,” Buffy said. “Twice now, I’ve trusted you with my husband and both times you’ve failed me. I want you out of our lives and out of this house.”

It couldn’t be. After what they had gone through since the summer, Buffy couldn’t believe that he would lie to her. Not now and not over something like this.

“You don’t think I did it, do you?”

The hurt in her eyes said she did.

“If you didn’t then how did she know that you have a scar on your chest and that I gave it to you? Were you running around nude in Atlanta? And if you didn’t then how did she know these were in your suitcase?” Buffy asked, opening her hand to reveal the condoms.

“Oh, come on, Love,” Spike retorted, his hand gesturing toward hers. “If I was going to shag someone else, don’t you think I’d be smart enough not to leave these as evidence?”

“You weren’t supposed to come home last night. Maybe you were saving them for Miami or LA and forgot to get rid of them in your hurry to get back?”

Her doubt in him flooded his heart with pain. He tried to rationalize her accusations with the illness and the separation and even his willing confession as to his activities on Saturday night. But no matter what Spike told himself he couldn’t justify this lack of faith and anger followed the pain.

Angel and Max both disappeared from his mind as he bit out. “I didn’t nor have I screwed around on you.”

“Are you telling me that you spent an entire evening with some other woman and you didn’t do anything? That you’re so saintly that it didn’t even occur to you to fuck her.”

“Yeah, I thought about it. And yeah, I thought she was hot and fun to be with but I didn’t do anything about it.” It was then that he remembered Donna and realized where Buffy’s insecurity was coming from. Instead of calming him, it only made him angrier. “This is because of Donna isn’t it?”

“I believed and trusted you when you said never again.” Buffy was trembling in her own anger and stepped closer to him. “If you didn’t lie to me, then explain these.”

The condoms were thrown at him and Spike took a step back from her, shaking his head.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this. I’ve told you the truth about everything. Am I supposed to pay forever for caring about a woman that was a friend to me when you were off with another man? What are the rules? Explain them to me. Am I not supposed to look at another woman or think she’s attractive?”

“You’re supposed to be faithful to me,” Buffy screamed. “I’m supposed to be only woman that you want to be with.”

Angel appeared beside them. “Come on, you two, calm down. Buffy, come sit on the couch.” He put his hands on her shoulders to try and lead her.

“Get your hands off my wife,” Spike snarled. “Is this the way it’s going to be? One set of rules for me and one set of rules for you.”

“What are you talking about? Don’t turn this around on me.”

“No, I want to know. It’s okay to call me a liar and a cheat. What about you? Max is around the house all the time. You spent an afternoon in an adult motel with him. You even told me that you wanted him. Gee, did that just stop or are you enjoying having him around?” Spike stepped closer to her, ignoring his Sire trying to come between them. “And what about Angel? I go out of town and you insist on having your ex-lover here to protect you. He even gets invited to spend Christmas with us. Did anyone ask me? No, because I’m supposed to be the understanding husband. I’m supposed to accept these other men in your life while I get fucking crucified for fifteen seconds of indecision. It’s bullshit.”

Max took his arm and pulled him away from Buffy. “Stop it, remember she’s pregnant and this isn’t good for her.”

“I told you to get out of my house,” Buffy screamed as Angel turned her toward him.

It was when she stepped into his Sire’s arms that Spike lost the last thread of control he had.

“Tell me, wife, is it even my baby?” Spike said in a voice that was too calm. “What did you say? What’s wrong with you? Angel has a kid. Did you go to him to get knocked up?”

“How dare you?” Angel yelled. “Stop it now. Maybe if you’d learn how to control yourself these things wouldn’t happen.”

The fight had gone out of Buffy as she gazed at him. She only looked defeated as the heartbreak showed on her tear ravaged face. Spike wanted to go to her and comfort her but he didn’t think it was his right anymore. She didn’t have any faith in him and without that there was nothing between them. He knew it was his baby. The words had been chosen to wound her as badly as her mistrust had wounded him.

It was confusing to figure out these things in a world that was still foreign to him. A part of him had been serious when he had asked for the rules. The world he had grown up in was nothing like the world he lived in now. The life of a vampire had been simple compared to the complexities of living as a married man. There had been no dating, no social integration, just this family and this town. Out there in the other world, trying to navigate it as a human was hard for him and as always it was difficult for him to ask for guidance. And in the usual Spike way, he had once again fucked up and he was alone in the aftermath to figure it out.

Broken and hurt, the anger left him and he stared at the woman that was still standing in another man’s arms. There was nothing left to say and he simply walked away. No one tried to stop him as he climbed on his bike and drove away. There didn’t seem to be anything else that he could do except to leave.

~~~~~~~~

December 17, 2007 7:45 PM

Max clicked off his cell phone, grabbed his duffel bag and returned to the living room. He still couldn’t accept how the evening had turned out. And, unfortunately, he could see both their sides in the argument and didn’t want to have to choose sides. Not that it mattered because he was told to leave by Buffy and Spike had already left and was refusing to answer his cell phone. He took one last look around at the decorated living room and felt a pang of regret that he wouldn’t be here for Christmas. Instead he would probably be alone in some hotel room but he had made a mistake worse than Spike’s. He had let his friend down again and deserved the banishment.

Buffy was curled up in her chair staring off into space and Angel was pacing the floor. Neither of them looked very friendly but he stopped anyway making the vampire hover protectively over Buffy.

“I’m on my way back to Atlanta to check things out,” Max said and when neither responded, he offered an explanation that might help Spike out. “I know you don’t want to hear it but I don’t think he did anything with Nikki. He didn’t flirt with her or lead her on. He told both of them that he was married and not interested before we went to dinner. I wasn’t with him all night but when I was walking Amber back to her room, he was coming off the elevator after leaving the bar. He walked with me and we separated at the doors to our rooms.” He hesitated but there still weren’t any comments from the other two. “I’ll call when I know something. Have a merry Christmas.”

Swearing that he would find a way to stop this woman from harassing this family that he cared about, Max walked outside to wait for the taxi he had called. This time she had left too many clues and he would find her if it was the last thing he did.

~~~~~~~~

Spike leaned back against the headboard and idly flicked the remote control through the choices of the television. He didn’t have anywhere to go so after driving around for hours he had checked in at the Sunnydale motel. His cell phone rang and he looked at the ID. Nervous flutters invaded his stomach when he saw that it was home.

“Hello,” Spike answered.

“Daddy,” Raven said. “Is that you?”

“Yeah, Princess, it’s me.”

At his acknowledgement his daughter burst into tears causing guilt to flood his system.

“Come home, please, everything is a mess.”

“What’s going on?”

Spike grimaced when he realized that it was a stupid question. He was the problem and the source of whatever was going on at the house.

“Daddy, I came back from patrol and Angel and Cordy are arguing, Mum is hiding in the bedroom crying and Sean, Eli and Candy were all in my bed. Please, come take care of it.”

“You want me to come get your brothers and dog out of your room so you can sleep?”

“Daddy,” Raven wailed, sounding like the insecure girl she still was deep inside. “I don’t know everything that happened but we need you. The four of us outnumber everybody else. And even if she is upset with you, you know that Buffy needs you. And Christmas is in a week; our first Christmas together as a family.”

Spike sighed. She was right and he knew it. “I’ll be home in twenty minutes.”

He made it in fifteen. Angel and Cordy were still arguing in the kitchen when he walked in. Cordy stopped in the middle of a rant to stare in surprise at his entrance. Angel gave him the once over and started to open his mouth but Spike stopped him with a raised hand.

“Go home,” Spike said. “Angel, take your wife and go home. Buffy is my wife…”

“That’s what I’ve been telling him,” Cordelia interrupted.

“And I’ll take care of her and my family.”

“I don’t think she wants you here.”

“Well,” Spike said, laughing humorlessly, “She shouldn’t have married me if she didn’t want me around. You should know by now that in spite of it all I love her and I’m trying. And if you don’t know that then we haven’t done much to clean up the past.”

Angel nodded and Spike knew they would be heading home to deal with their own lives. He stopped at the kitchen door and turned to look at the couple who had taken care of his wife and home for the past few days.

“Thanks, for helping out. If you want to come back for Christmas, I’d like for you to be here.”

His shoes were kicked off as he crossed the living room and his socks were discarded on the way up the stairs. Barefoot he padded into his daughter’s room and smiled at the scene before him. Sean and Raven were lying facing each other, obviously deep in conversation, and between them lay Elijah and Candy fast asleep. Spike smiled and crossed over to them, pulled the covers higher over them, kissed Raven on the cheek and turned out the light.

“Go to sleep. You have school tomorrow.”

“Night Dad,” Sean said.

“Thanks,” Raven whispered.

Spike closed the door behind, took a deep breath and stepped into the bedroom he shared with his wife. Buffy was curled in a fetal position with his pillow held tight in her arms. Her eyes flashed when she saw him and she sat up.

“Go away,” Buffy said.

“No,” Spike answered, dropping his shirt on the floor and sat on the bed. “I’m not going anywhere. Angel and Cordelia are hopefully on their way home and the kids are asleep and I’m all you’ve got.”

“I want a divorce.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do, you arrogant pig. Get out of my bed and my house.”

“I paid for both so you can leave if you don’t like it.”

Spike caught her wrist before she was able to make contact with his face and when she tried to retaliate with her other hand, he caught that one too.

“Buffy, stop it now. You’re five months pregnant and I am not going to fight with you. And I’m too tired to let you beat me up.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child.”

Buffy scooted to the other side of the bed, drawing her legs up, and eyeing him like he was going to do something to her. Instead he kicked his jeans off and slid under the covers, recovered his tossed pillow and put it behind his head.

“I fucked up and I’m sorry.” Sighing, he turned to look at his wife. “The promise I made to you was to remain faithful and in the end I kept that promise. Sorry excuse I know but one of these days one of us is going to have to realize that I’m not your Prince Charming. I’m just a reformed evil vampire trying to make it in the suburbs and very prone to being human. But I love you, and sometimes it scares me with its intensity. And I look at other women and I wonder if they could take your place but I realize in the end they won’t. This time I didn’t get as far as I did the last time and maybe I’ve finally gotten it in my head that eventually you’re going to consume me and won’t even bother to fight it anymore.”

“Is this where I’m supposed to say poor baby and forgive you? Because I’m not.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to. I have to pay for the sins of every man that has come before me. Just promise that you won’t castrate me in my sleep.”

Spike turned on his side, leaving Buffy his backside to ponder.

“You’re being awfully flippant for someone who did what you did.”

“Too bleedin’ tired to be anything else.”

Her hand curved around his arm and pulled him onto his back again. He raised his arm and waited for her to settle against him before wrapping it around her.

“You’re only staying because I…we need you.”

“I know.”

“Don’t think I’ve forgiven you because I haven’t.”

“I know.”

“And I’m still angry with you.”

“I know.”

Spike kissed the top of her head and smiled at the small sigh she gave. He continued to rub small circles on her back until she drifted off to sleep. He knew it wasn’t going to just disappear because he came home and she allowed him to hold her. But they were both where they belonged and it was a start.

to be continued…

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