Chapter 13

Buffy stared at the phone as if she’d never seen one before. It was ringing. That meant she had to answer it. All day she’d waited, waited some more and was just getting to the bit where you start replaying all the conversations in your head. Had he really said this, had he meant that? Had she dreamed it all? And now that could be him.

She picked it up with trembling hands, and hit the green button. If he’d phoned earlier, she would have flown to it, grabbed it off it’s cradle and jammed it to her ear. But she’d had too long to think. About the possibilities. Of what? Of him not coming back, not finishing with Dru. Realising he’d been foolish? She pressed it carefully to her ear. It might not be him at all. Please let it be.

"Spike?" He knees went a little wobbly as she heard his voice. A whole day’s worth of tension released at the same time. As he spoke, all she could think of was that it was okay, it was okay. The words went over and over in her head, as he spoke, told her how to find his flat. He wanted to see her. And she wanted to see him so much. The way you do at the start of a new relationship. When you haven’t quite convinced yourself that it’s real yet. A new future? She reigned in those galloping feelings. Too soon to tell, but it held such possibilities. Little by little she was breaking free of her old life. Finding out who she really was. Granted, she still lived the luxury life-style, so she was cheating a little, but hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Once it had sunk in that what she’d been waiting for all day had finally happened, she went into overdrive, rushing upstairs like a lunatic, flinging the contents of her wardrobe on the floor, brushing her teeth, checking her make-up. He deserved a bit more that workout -Buffy, after what he’d done for her. She overdid the perfume and had to rush back to the bathroom, coughing, and wash some off. Only one earring. Hell, where had it gone? Which shoes? Was she walking or taking the car? Then she was standing at the front door, locking it behind her.

As she walked out of her exclusive housing estate she thought of her father. He’d have a fit if he saw her now, walking, unescorted, at night. He’d have sent her in the chauffeured Limo. She giggled to herself as she imagined the conversation. Darling, Johnson will be waiting outside while you have sex with your lover. Take your time, I won’t be needing him tonight. Of course, her dad would never say such a thing. Not about the sex, anyway.

Then why had she thought of it? Is that where she was going, to have sex with her lover? Yesterday she’d been having all sorts of fantasies about it, but that was okay because she knew they wouldn’t. Spike’s sense of honour had seen to that. But now? There was nothing to stop them, and she was suddenly really nervous about it. Weird, mixed up feelings. That was love for you.

And there he was coming towards her. Cocky walk, black coat swinging, shocking hair, beautiful smile. Hers.

He opened his arms as she ran towards him, and lifted her off the ground. Swung her round, staggered a bit as he put her down. Grinned sheepishly as he held his head.

Buffy looked at him, concerned. "You okay Spike?"

"Yes and no. Had a disagreement with a bottle of bourbon. Better for seeing you though." He gave her a swift kiss on the lips and took her hand. "Come on, I’ll show you how the other half live."

When they got to his flat, he led her down the stone steps and unlocked the door, pushing it open for her. "Bit of a mess, I’m afraid. Must have a word with the housekeeper. Throw your coat over there, I’ll make us a drink."

So this was where Spike lived. One sofa, an old armchair, a table stacked with books and papers. Shelves, with more books. The obligatory TV and stereo. Cd’s scattered on the floor. Buffy stood, soaking it in. Trying to get a feel for the place. This was Spike, and probably a bit of Dru too, she realised. But it felt just right for Spike. She somehow knew that he wouldn’t be interested in material things. He walked back into the room and caught her staring at his stuff.
Coming up behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"What are you thinking, Buff?"

She leaned back into him, running a finger along his bare forearm. "I was thinking that all of this would fit into the foyer of the house back home."

"And that matters?"

"No, no, of course not. I just don’t want you to think it does."

"I don’t." He turned her to face him. "What’s brought this on then?"

"I don’t know, sometimes I feel like such a spoilt brat. I thought I was being so grown up, leaving America...I’m still just playing at it really."

"Hey now." He led her to the armchair, sat down and pulled her down on his lap. She settled against his chest, hoping she hadn’t offended him with her comment. It didn’t matter one bit that the flat was small and scruffy. But it did bring home to her just how lacking in independence she really was. Daddy was still controlling her and she was still letting him. He hadn’t even asked her if she’d wanted that stupid sports car. And she hadn’t questioned it being there. It was no less than she expected.

"Buffy, money is something you have or you don’t. If you do, great. If you don’t, not so great. You don’t have to feel guilty for being rich. I’d want you whatever. You do know that, don’t you?"

"Yeah, I know. " She lifted her head and studied his face. He really had the most expressive eyes. Right now they were shining with a simple tenderness and understanding. The way he looked at her, so open and honest. His hand was caressing her back, soothing her, letting her know it was safe for her to be opening up like this.

"Bit weird isn’t it? Starting a new relationship. All raging hormones and physical attraction. Then finding out there’s a person behind it all, someone you don’t know very well. But every time you’re with them you learn a little more about them. That’s the fun bit, right ? Don’t get me wrong Buffy, I am after you for your luscious little body, but I want to know what goes on in here too." He smoothed his hand over her hair, then trailed it down the side of her neck, stopping and flattening his palm over her heart. "And in here. Everything."

Buffy was mesmerised. The things he said, the way he talked. She’d never gone out with a poet before. Never realised quite how sexy the spoken word could be. That little bit of huskiness that crept into his voice when he was being intense. It went straight to the core of her. There was no need to say anything. She leaned in and kissed him, pulling back to see how she was doing, leaned in again when she saw that she was very obviously doing okay.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, intensity slowly building, hands exploring until they both needed a breather. Spike flopped his head back against the chair.

"Do you know how good you are at that? You kiss like an angel."

"And how many girls have you impressed with that line?"" He looked tired, Buffy thought, and more than a little hung-over. Just how much had he had to drink?

"Just thought of it. So none. But I saw one once."

"When?" she settled against him, thinking how nice it was just to talk.

"Week or so back, in a car park. Some guy whacked me with a bloody champagne bottle. Got rescued by an angel." His expression turned a bit more serious. "Haven’t been the same since."

Neither have I, she thought, ridiculously pleased at the compliment. "How did it go with Dru today?" She’d almost been too afraid to ask, but she needed to know.

"Not sure really. Hard to tell with Dru."

"Oh." She didn’t want to push it, but he wasn’t telling her what she wanted to hear.

He seemed to realise it. "It’s finished Buffy, don’t worry about that. We said we’d do this properly, didn’t we? Now, how about that cuppa I promised you?"

He was doing it again, changing the subject. He was good at that. And she let him. He’d tell her about Dru in his own good time. The important thing was that she was here, now, with him, and that was what she wanted more than anything in the world.

~*~*~*~*~

Willow was feeling very pleased with herself indeed. And, judging from the look on his face, so was Xander. "I guess this makes me all growed up," she said, drawing circles with her finger on his chest. Then she sat up, pulling the sheet with her and looked serious for a moment. "That was amazing Xander, thank you. Do you think we could..."

"Do it again?" Xander lifted the sheet and looked under it. "There’s a distinct possibility. Do that thing again."

Willow let the sheet fall and leaned towards him, her tongue slowly sweeping across her bottom lip. "What, this?"

"Yep, that’s the one." He lifted the sheet again. "Thunderbirds are definitely go."
Willow collapsed onto his chest in a fit of giggles. She had no idea what he was talking about, but he made her laugh all the same. And he’d almost made her cry when they’d made love, it had been so perfect. I’ve come halfway round the world to meet the man of my dreams, she thought. And I’m not wasting a precious moment of it.

He’d brought out a Willow that no-one knew existed. She hadn’t even known it herself. Yet here she was, feeling all satisfied, and womanly, and very horny. If anyone had mentioned that last one in the same sentence as her name, she would have turned bright red and run a mile but here she was, in bed with her lover, propositioning him even. Getting all kinds of interesting responses. Thinking all sort of very strange and naughty thoughts. Wondering what he’d look like in a Batman costume. Wondering if he’d ever made love outdoors. In his car?

She lifted her head and did the tongue thing again, and he rolled her over onto her back, coming down on top of her with a groan. He let her go for one moment while he grabbed a condom off the bedside table, and then she had nothing else to think about but the wonderful thing they were doing, right there and then.

~*~*~*~*~

Spike fished the tea-bags out of the mugs and threw them in the sink. His headache was really getting into gear now, and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to stay awake much longer, but he didn’t want Buffy to go. Grabbing a packet of cookies and tucking them under his arm, he made his way back to the room. She was browsing his considerable book collection, and she turned as she heard him return.

"Liked your poem. Have you had many published?"

He handed her the mug, dropping the cookies on the chair. "A few. You?"

"One. Competition win. That was the prize, you know, getting published." She took the mug, then pointed to the cookies. "Can I? Haven’t eaten much today."

"Oh," Spike handed her the packet and pointed to the kitchen. "I could make you something. As long as you like baked beans that is."

"No, the cookies will be fine." She took one and he watched her as she ate it. It was getting late and they were both tired, and they’d suddenly reached that awkward bit of the evening. The ‘are you coming in for coffee’ moment that was code- for- something- else. The words of a song popped into his head, should I stay or should I go? Would she stay? He desperately wanted her to, but he didn’t want to frighten her by coming on too strong.

The silence stretched between them as they sipped at their drinks, the air heavy with expectation. She was looking at him, over the top of her cup, with those gorgeous eyes of hers. It was definitely his call. She couldn’t very well invite herself, could she?

He put down his cup and walked the few steps towards her. Taking the cup out of her hand, he put it down on the table and took both of her hands in his. "Buffy, stay with me tonight."

She looked a little startled, he thought. Had she really not been expecting him to say that? He quickly qualified it. "Just to sleep, I’m not up to much else at the moment." He let his hands slide up her arms to her shoulders. "Be nice to wake up with you tomorrow morning."

She hadn’t taken her eyes off him. And they seemed to be growing larger by the minute.
"I don’t have any stuff with me." Her voice almost wasn’t there.

"I’ll lend you a tee-shirt." He nodded encouragement.

"Yes Spike, I’ll stay."

She looked away as she said it, almost as if she were gathering her courage, but when she looked back up at him she was giving him such a slow, sexy smile that it sent his pulse racing. And he found that despite his massive headache and desperate need for sleep, a certain part of his anatomy was definitely getting other ideas.

~*~*~*~*~

Buffy’s heart was doing funny things too. The samba, the waltz and now the tango. It was hard to breathe when it couldn’t make up it’s mind how to beat. "I get to choose the Tee-shirt, right?"

"Yeah, as long as you like black or white." Spike gave her shoulders a quick squeeze. "Go through. I’ll lock up."

Buffy picked up her purse and went through to the bedroom. It was sparsely furnished too - just a bed, a wardrobe and a bedside cupboard. A small wooden chair strewn with clothes. It should have felt bare and strange, but it felt - cosy. She flicked on the bedside light, picked the quilt up from the floor, and arranged it on the bed. Then she opened the wardrobe, wondering where he kept his tee-shirts. Looking at his clothes like this gave her a strangely voyeuristic thrill. Clothes were sexy, yes - when they were on the person, but Spike’s managed to be sexy on hangers, and folded on shelves. She couldn’t see any tee-shirts so she took out the blue shirt that she’d seen him wearing in the library. Another little fantasy of hers, wearing men’s shirts. God, they were all coming true at once.

He hadn’t come into the bedroom yet, and she realised that he was probably giving her some privacy, so she quickly stripped off her clothes, leaving on her panties, and slid the shirt over her head. It covered her quite decently, except that the sleeves were much too long so she turned them back and started to fold her clothes in a neat pile.

"It looks nicer on you."

He was standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets. Watching her. How long had he been there? And why did she keep going all shy when he looked at her like that? They’d kissed. Passionately. He’d touched her, she’d touched him. But every time they were apart, for even a few moments, she felt as if she was starting again. Maybe it was that she just couldn’t believe that she’d got this far, so soon. In his bedroom, wearing his clothes. It was strangely surreal and wickedly exciting.

"Bathroom’s free." He walked over to the bed, stripping off his tee-shirt as he went. Stopping when he saw her looking, turning round to give her a better view.

And she looked. Who wouldn’t want to look at that? Strength and beauty. Power and grace. All in one, perfect package. His hands went to his fly and she whirled round and fled to the bathroom. She used the toothbrush on the sink. It was probably his. Then she padded back to the bedroom. He was already in bed. He switched off the side light as she slipped in beside him and reached over to pull her close. She wriggled until she was comfy and he brought his other arm around her. Nearly - naked Spike with his rough, hairy legs tangled in her satin - smooth ones. Hard muscles. His breath in her hair. Another step in their relationship, she thought. There was so much to learn. His breathing steadied as he relaxed, but she couldn’t get hers under control. It was enough just for now, lying here with him, but her mind was racing all over the place. What was he really like? Would her dad like him? Did he snore?

Then he spoke.

"Buffy, would you do something for me?"

A little tingling started up in the pit of her stomach. He didn’t move, and neither did she. "Anything Spike. Just tell me what you want." And she meant it. She felt as if she was hovering at the edge of a cliff. He only had to say the word, and she’d jump.

"Get rid of that car of yours."

"Oh." Not what she was expecting.

He shifted himself to face her. "Yeah, gotta worry about you, out in that thing."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"That’s nice - you worrying about me."

"But?"

"But what?" She snuggled back into him, glad that he couldn’t see her face. "Not exactly what I thought you were going to say, that."

"Ahh, sorry love, am I a big disappointment tonight?"

"No, Spike, you’re... you’re, more than I’d ever dreamed of." She lifted her head and tried to make out his features in the darkness. "It’s just that I’m so new at all this. Do you know what I’m trying to say?"

"Yeah. S’why I figured we’d go kinda slow. That, and this monster headache." He laughed. "Never thought I’d hear myself use that excuse. But never, ever think it’s ‘cause I don’t want you, ‘cause I do. Thought you might like to set the pace is all."

Buffy felt herself relaxing properly for the first time that evening. "I like the sound of that. Do you have, umm, any special requests?"

"You still got that leather top?"

"Yeah."

He cleared his throat. "And the stockings?"

"Many pairs."

"Then hold that thought Buff."

It wasn’t fair. How was she going to sleep after what he’d said? And, could he be more perfect? Suddenly all the nervousness was gone, replaced by a warm, content feeling.

"Thank you Spike."

"My pleasure."

"I sure hope so," she thought as she finally drifted off to sleep. "I sure hope so."

Chapter 14

Buffy woke up some time during the night, needing the bathroom. It took her a few moments to remember where she was, the unfamiliar clock ticking, the traffic outside and the warm body next to her were not what she was used to at all. Her clock didn't tick, very little traffic passed through her exclusive enclave and she definitely wasn't used to hearing another person breathe when she was in bed. She slipped from under the quilt, shivering a little as she padded to the bathroom. The main room - she didn't know quite what to call it - still smelled vaguely of cigarette smoke and bourbon. Probably in the furnishings, she thought, hurrying back to bed. By the time she got there she was shivering in earnest, so it seemed natural to cuddle up to the nice, warm body that was Spike. He'd rolled onto his side, so she wrapped herself against his back and concentrated on getting warm for a few moments. Then, as she relaxed once more the feeling changed to one of simply enjoying the feel of him.

She loved the way he looked, but this was something different. The texture of his skin, the way his muscles moved as she trailed a finger experimentally across his back, the hair on the back of his neck tickling her nose. Everything concentrated into touch and smell. It was intoxicating. Now she realised why people closed their eyes when they kissed. To feel the pleasure of that one thing alone, blocking out all the other distractions. Her leg slid up and down his calf. Would it be mean to wake him? He seemed pretty out of it, his breathing heavy and even, and he'd really looked like he'd needed a good night's sleep. The trouble was that now she was all excited. Her roving fingers were enjoying themselves far too much for it to stop there. The darkness and the fact that he was asleep, and helpless made her feel giddy and reckless, and it was suddenly too damned hot. With a wicked smile, she wriggled out of his shirt and pushed it away. That was better. Now she could feel most of him. Apart from the bit covered by his boxers - but that would definitely wake him. Of course, she didn't plan to fall asleep this way. The plan was to put the shirt back on, at some point, but it felt so nice that she found herself not wanting to. Just a few moments more, she thought, rubbing herself sensuously against the muscles of his back. Knowing that he could wake up at any minute and catch her made it even more thrilling. And that was her last thought before she drifted away.

~*~*~*~*~

It was about seven a.m. when Spike woke up. His headache wasn't quite as bad as he remembered from the night before, but the inside of his mouth felt like the Sahara Desert. And Buffy was . . . almost-naked in his bed? He remembered the going to bed bit, but surely that had involved the wearing of some shirt or other. Hadn't it been blue? She was curled up beside him, one arm spread over his chest, the quilt barely covering her shoulders. And she definitely wasn't wearing the shirt. He wondered what else she wasn't wearing. No, he'd definitely remember that. Just what had the wicked little minx been up to while he'd been asleep? She was such an adorable mixture of innocence and sexiness, he thought. One minute bumbling around incompetently in her car, the next giving him the biggest early-morning hard -on that he'd had for a long time.

And that was without her doing anything. If she moved, he was going to lose it completely, so he eased himself carefully out of her arms and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

He took a few calming breaths, then made his way to the bathroom, turning up his nose at the stale smell of booze and cigarettes. Funny, he hadn't noticed that last night. He brushed his teeth and grabbed himself a couple of painkillers before going back to bed. When he got there, Buffy was stirring. He slid in beside her, and took her in his arms and magically the hard- on came back, full force. Clever girl, he thought. It was a long time since he'd just enjoyed the simple pleasure of lying in bed cuddled up with a woman he could trust. To be fair to Dru, she'd taught him about passion, and taken him places he'd never been before, and for a while it had been just what he'd needed. But it had all got too tangled, and kind of desperate. Now, he realised, he just wanted someone who would love him, be nice to him and make him happy. He was more than willing to give back. She gave another little moan and wriggled into him, pressing her breasts against his chest, and muttering something incoherent. Then she opened her eyes.

~*~*~*~*~

Buffy blinked, trying to focus in the dim morning light. Spike's bare chest, his hand trailing slowly up and down her arm, rain spattering against the window pane. The remnants of her dream faded away as she came to and took in the sounds and sights of the morning.

"Morning cutie." Spike twisted himself so he was facing her, his hand still moving across her arm and shoulder.

"Morning," she said sleepily. "Umm, this is a nice way to wake up." Better than an alarm clock, she thought. His hand moving lightly over her bare skin was sending lovely little shock waves right down to her toes. She'd had a very naughty dream in which she'd explored every part of his body, in great detail, and he'd done the same to her, sliding the shirt off her shoulders so he could see more of her. Oh heck, the shirt. The memory of her little nocturnal interlude came flooding back to her, and she wasn't sure whether to be embarrassed or not. He sure as hell didn't seem to mind finding her like this.

He was watching his hand intently, as it travelled across her skin. When it got to her collar- bone he stopped and looked at her, as if asking permission to go further. She nodded mutely, his slow, sexy grin causing her breath to catch in her throat, and arched up ever so slightly to encourage him. Not that he needed it. His hand had already found her breast, the fingers teasing the nipple, his mouth following. Pulling the quilt away as he dipped down, causing her to shiver both with the cold, and with anticipation of where his mouth was headed. When he finally lifted his head she felt totally boneless, and her extremely expensive designer-panties were soaked through. And she didn't want him to stop.

As he crawled back up her body she shifted her position, capturing him between her thighs, a hand on either side of his face so she could really look at him and tell him what she wanted. He'd said it was her call, so she was calling it. He liked words, so she was using them.

"Make love to me Spike. I don't want to wait any longer." It felt strange to hear those words coming out of her mouth, but it was okay because it didn't sound like her. Her voice had a honeyed silkiness that she didn't recognise. Everything she did was changing her, and this, most of all. She gently thrust her hips upwards, just to back up her message. Not that he wasn't getting it. He was biting his bottom lip and looking deep inside her. Looking for the truth of it.

She nodded. "Please Spike, I'm going to die if you say no now.

By way of response his mouth crashed down on hers, followed by the full weight of his body, grinding into her. For a few moments they were both totally out of control, completely swept away by the sheer lust of it all. She groped at his boxers, he was yanking down her panties. Then he was talking, trying to say something between ragged breaths. She grabbed his face and dragged it back to hers, trying to silence him with kisses. no more talking, only this. But he pulled away again.

"Buffy." His voice seemed to be coming from a long way away. "Buffy, are you...are you on the pill?"

"Pill?" She tried to pull him down again, but what he's said was sinking in. Contraception. She'd forgotten all about it in her headlong rush into lust. But he'd have it sorted, right? Didn't men always have bedside tables full of condoms?

She shook her head. "No...I've never..." Then it struck her that perhaps she should have made it clearer that it was her first time. What if he was expecting someone more experienced? Had he just assumed she'd be on the pill?

More words. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her erratic breathing. He was a good listener, gave her all his attention when she talked, and he was doing it now. Still looking at her with that soulful gaze that told her that her words would be safe with him.

"I've never done this before." It was still hard to say it. How could you get to nineteen and not have done it? "But I really want to do it now. With you Spike. You're the first man who's ever made me want to say these words. I want you inside me. I want you all around me. I want to forget where I end and where you begin."

He was still searching her face in a kind of awe-struck wonder.

"And now look what you've done." She gave a little laugh. "I'm a straight talking American and you've got me spouting poetry like, well, like you."

"Don't sell yourself short love." He leaned his head down so that his forehead was resting on hers. "Have you any idea what those words do to me? I don't care if I'm the first or the last. I just love the way you told me that you want me. Always be that honest with me Buff. It's all I ask."

They both lay still for a moment, each absorbing the other's words. Then Spike kissed her again.

"Are you ready Buff?"

"Yeah, and some."

He rolled over and groped in his bedside table drawer. "Bollocks." The drawer came out of it's runners, the contents scattering on the floor. Spike leaned over and sorted frantically through the mess. "Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks."

Buffy hitched herself up and draped herself over his back, looking down at the things littering the floor. "Don't tell me you don't have..."

"Damn. I was sure there'd be one left. Haven't bought any for a while."

Buffy dropped her head onto his back and giggled, letting go of all the tension that the last few minutes had built up. "Can you go buy some?"

"Not until the supermarket opens at eleven. Sunday opening hours. He looked so disappointed. Buffy hugged him, and he twisted round into her arms.

"Hey, no laughing missy. Fragile male ego issues here."

He tapped her on the end of her nose with his finger, and she caught it in her mouth, sucking at it gently. She let it go and moved on to the next one. "How long till the shop opens?"

"Two hours."

"Two hours, eh?" She lay back and stretched her arms over her head, batting her eyelashes innocently at him. "Now what on earth can we do to fill all that time? Any suggestions?"

"I might just be able to think of some." He was cheering up fast, the sexy grin re-appearing. "How about we start with this."

~*~*~*~*~

Two hours later, Buffy lay, completely boneless again, in Spike's bed while he yanked on his jeans. He pulled on the blue shirt she'd been wearing, and leaned down to kiss her again as he did up the buttons.

"Be as quick as I can love. Need anything else while I'm out?"

Buffy was glad she didn't have to leave the bed. His flat wasn't very warm.

"Something nice for breakfast. Waffles, maybe, and, maple syrup. Does that sound good?"

"I'll see what they've got." He walked to the door, then ran back and kissed her again.

She pushed him off. "Go already. The faster you go...know what I'm trying to say?"

"Okay, I'm gone." He grabbed his coat from the chair and disappeared through the door.

"Don't drive too fast," she called out after him. The state he was in, he was likely to be picked up for speeding, and she didn't think that I was rushing back to have sex with my girlfriend, officer would go down too well in his defence.

The front door slammed shut and she was alone. All by herself in her boyfriend's flat. That sounded nice. She snuggled into the quilt and smiled as she remembered just how they'd managed to kill those two hours. He really was very creative, and so, she'd discovered, was she becoming. Of course, he was a very inspirational teacher. She lifted her head as she heard the front door open and close once more. He was never going to get there if he kept coming back for kisses. She wasn't going to give him one, she decided, not until he...

The bedroom door opened and Buffy ducked under the covers, stifling a giggle. Let him find her. She strained to hear him approach the bed, but there was nothing. What on earth was he doing? After a few seconds she peeked out and she came face to face with one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen. And she knew at once that it was Drusilla.

~*~*~*~*~

The woman folded her arms and leaned against the door frame.

"Hello, Buffy Summers."

"Drusilla?" Buffy sat up, pulling the quilt with her. What on earth was she doing here? Spike had said they were finished.

"So what story is he using this time?" Dru studied her fingernails, as if she was already bored with the conversation. "The old, my girlfriend doesn't understand me routine? Poor little Spikey."

Buffy felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickling. There was something very scary about Drusilla. She seemed to be looking right through her, almost as if she could read her mind. "What are you doing here? I thought he'd..."

"Finished with me?" Dru laughed. "Naa, he tries. But he never quite means it. You're not the first, you know. He does this. One woman - not enough for my Spike. But I don't mind." She stalked towards the bed. "Never did mind a threesome myself. You're not exactly my type, but hey, beggars can't be choosers."

"Excuse me?" Buffy recoiled slightly as Dru came towards the bed. She wasn't exactly at her fighting best with the being naked and all.

"Dru put her hand on the quilt and gave a little tug. "What's wrong love? Am I scaring you? He always did like easy little wimps like you." She tugged again. "Boo."

That did it. Buffy knew that if she backed down now, the spectre of Drusilla was going to cloud every moment she spent with Spike. She had to stand up and fight for him, even if it quite likely meant that he was going to find the two of them rolling around on the floor, scratching each other's eyes out. She was shaking as she did it, but she managed to slide out of the bed and take the quilt with her, so she at least had a modicum of decency. She shouldered Drusilla out of the way and turned to face her. She was quite a few inches shorter than Dru, and for a few moments she thought her courage was going to fail her, but the image of Spike, and what they'd been doing for the last few hours spurred her on. Dru opened her mouth to speak again but Buffy got in first.

"It's my turn, I think." All the honey had gone from her voice. Now it was pure steel. "Just who the hell do you think you are talking to? No, don't you dare interrupt me. I am the person that emptied a whole mall, by setting off the fire alarm because my dad wouldn't buy me the doll I wanted. They had to mobilise a whole division of Canadian Mounties to find me when I ran away from summer camp, and -I haven't finished yet - I once ate an entire birthday cake, just so my cousins couldn't have any. So don't think you've come anywhere near to scaring me." She had to stop because she needed to take a breather. And, she was pleased to see that Drusilla had actually taken a step back.

"So, you, are going to give me that key," Buffy had just spotted it in Dru's hand. "And you are going to leave me and Spike alone." She held out her hand, wondering what kind of idiot she was going to look like if Dru didn't hand it over. Would she have to fight her for it after all?

Dru looked at her, dumb-struck for a few seconds, then she burst into a high pitched laugh. The keys flew across the room, missing Buffy's head by inches, and then her shoulders sort of slumped. "He used to love me, you know." She looked around the room, as if she was remembering. "He wants to stay friends. They always do, don't they? Want the best of it all, men do." She looked at Buffy again. "We'll never just be friends. Me and Spike, we're like that." She crossed her fingers. "I've got his soul, little one. You'll never have it."

Buffy almost felt sorry for her. She was, after all, fighting for the same thing she was. "You'd better go Drusilla," she said it gently this time. The girl obviously needed help. "Spike'll be back soon, you won't want to be running into him."

"You going to tell him I've been here?"

Buffy thought about that. Spike didn't need to know about this, it would only cause more trouble. This one, she was going to handle by herself. "No. I won't."

Drusilla walked through to the front door. Buffy watched her, still blazing inside from the confrontation. "I just want to make him happy," she called out after her. Wondering why she felt she had to justify this. "He deserves to be happy."

Dru didn't give any indication that she'd heard. The front door slammed and Buffy slumped down on the bed. She'd forgotten what a tiger she could be when she was on the defensive. For a few moments, in that confrontation with Dru, she had been the little girl who never, ever gave up, until she got her own way. Convent school had knocked that out of her, but it was nice to know it was still there when she needed it. Spike wasn't a bone to be fought over, but she was damned if she was going to let Drusilla intimidate her into running away.

Buffy climbed back into bed as she heard the front door open and close once more. Large amounts of adrenaline were still pumping through her. Every nerve ending tingled. She'd almost forgotten what Spike had gone out to buy. But not quite. As he walked into the bedroom she knelt up, letting the quilt fall away, and held out her arms. "Hello lover." The honey-voice was back, only this time a little bit of the steel remained. You could be strong, or you could be weak. Nothing new in that. Only now, she realised that she genuinely had a choice. Spike had told her to take control, and she was. And it felt good.

They didn't break eye contact once as he walked across the bedroom, and put down his package. She knelt up to meet him, as he sat down on the bed, and pressed her lips to his. Her hands went to his shirt buttons and his slid around her bare back.

"Come to back bed, Spike," she whispered between kisses. "I missed you."

Chapter 15

She was different. Spike couldn’t pinpoint it exactly, but suddenly it was like the woman of his dreams had met the woman of his wildest fantasies. She was sweet and sexy, willing and in control, all at the same time. He’d expected to find her curled up in bed, waiting. A little nervous perhaps. He was a bit shaky himself. Felt like he’d been gone for ages. Starting to wonder if he’d imagined it all. But here she was. Sliding the shirt off his shoulders. Undoing the buttons on his jeans. His hands were shaking as he ripped the condom packet open, but hers weren't as she pushed the jeans down his legs. No fumbling. No hesitation. She wanted control, and bloody hell. It was exciting.

But it was all going to be over too fast. He wanted to do it slowly, carefully, but she had other ideas. She thrust her hips up sharply when he entered her, making the decision herself, how she wanted it to be. And he came in such a rush that it seemed like an eternity before he could do anything but just lie, sprawled over her, trying to breathe. Trying to come back from the amazing place she’d sent him. Trying to form some kind of coherent words, and ask her if she was okay. A moment like this called for poetry. Sweet words of endearment. But the only words he could think of were fuck and sweet Jesus and what the hell’s she going to be like when she’s had some practice?

~*~*~*~*~

She’d done it. Buffy Summers was no longer a virgin. She wanted to put an ad in the New York Times. Better still, get one of those skywriters to fly over her home town and announce it to everyone. For a moment she just lay there, stroking Spike’s head as he struggled to control his breathing, and savoured the moment. This was something else. More than turning eighteen, more than passing your driver’s test, more than moving into your first house. Spike rolled off her, and flopped down on the pillow beside her, turning his head to give her a slightly wonky grin. She smiled back at him and brought her hand up to caress the side of his face. Her beautiful, sexy Spike who’d made her feel like no-one had ever come close to. She felt like she was flying a million miles above the earth. Dizzy with elation.

This was why it had been so important to wait. She’d never quite understood why she’d held off, when all her friends seemed to be doing it like bunnies. There’d been lots of times when she could have got it over and done with. Ticked it off on a list of things to do. But she’d always known she’d regret giving it away so casually. She’d given Spike her heart, her body, and if he didn’t stop looking at her like that, he was damned well going to get her soul as well.

And then she felt her face crumpling. It was too much. All these feelings at once and she couldn’t hold them. "Spike." She groped for him as the tears started to flow and felt his arms come round her and pull her close.

~*~*~*~*~

"Hey baby." Oh god, he’d hurt her. Gone barrelling in like a bloody prize stud. He should have had more control. He hadn’t even asked her how she was. "Buffy, look at me." He was too scared to ask. "Did I hurt you Buffy? Should’a been more careful, should’a..."

Her hand came over his mouth and silenced him.

"No Spike, don’t ever think that." She gave a little hiccup, and wiped at the tears with her other hand. "It was just, I don’t know, too wonderful. You’re just..."

"Shh, baby." Spike closed his eyes tightly and let the words sink in. He hadn’t hurt her. When he’s seen those tears he’d nearly...

"I’ve just gone all, " she hiccuped again, her mouth making strange shapes as she tried to talk. I've gone all wobbly inside. Don’t know why. One minute I’m up there, and then..."

"It’s okay Buffy." He’d messed it up. Her first time, she’d told him it was. And he’d made a complete cock-up of it. Should have said sweet words, insisted they go slow, held her. Anything other than make her cry. The last person he’d want to make cry.

She was still shaking a little as he held on to her. And he was holding on to her. As if she’d disappear if he let go. He was holding her so tight, he was shaking too.

"Spike." Her voice was muffled by his chest. "I can’t breath." A little laugh. That was good. He loosened his hold on her and checked out her face. She was smiling again, thank-god. It was a very wobbly one, but it was there. He settled her on his shoulder and pulled the quilt up round them both.

"Tell me Buffy." He wanted reassurance, but she needed to sort out her feelings too. Guessed it was different for a woman, the first time. He remembered his. Had walked around like he owned the place, for days after. It had made him feel ten feet tall, and he couldn’t even remember the girl’s face. Then, it hadn’t been important. But it was now.

He felt her breathing calm down, and her hand coming up to his chest. Her fingers moving restlessly over his skin. She’d scared him with those tears. Maybe there’d been too much of a build up to this, and they should have waited. Sorted out their feelings. This wasn’t just a fuck, he realised. This was making love. A heck of a lot harder to handle. He hadn’t known it till now. Thought he knew what love was. How it felt. Well, now he knew. It felt like this.

~*~*~*~*~

"I’m just a bit overwhelmed by it all, I guess." She was feeling a lot calmer now. Didn’t quite know what had come over her. "I just wanted you so much, Spike. These last few days, I’ve been so wound up. Guess it all just came out at once. But," she shifted herself onto her elbow so she could look at him. "You were wonderful. Is it always like this?"

"No, love, never made a girl cry in bed before."

"But it’s happy crying, Spike. Anyway, you’re looking at the girl who cries at television commercials. You know that one for that animal charity? Gets me every time. And that one with the cute little animals and the toilet rolls. Every time I go to Disney World, when I see Mickey Mouse, see I’m starting up again. And don’t even mention Bambi."

She wiped the remnants of the tears off her face. "Are you worried I won’t want to do this again?"

"Kind’a."

"Then don’t be. I just need to sort this out a bit, that’s all. And thanks for letting me talk. You’re good at that, you know. Have to call you Saint Spike, if you get any more understanding. Do you have any faults?"

"Yeah, plenty love. You don’t want to know."

No, I don’t, she thought. Not right now. This was enough. Spike had let her set the pace, but she’d been too impatient. It had been his first time, of sorts. The first time with her, and she’d let her fear of Drusilla spoil it for him. That confrontation had got to her more than she’d realised. When he’d got back from the supermarket, she’d just wanted to claim him. Prove to herself that he was hers, and she was as good as Drusilla. Must have scared him to death when she’d burst out crying. He was still holding her too tightly, the muscles on his arms and shoulders bunched up. Didn’t look or feel at all relaxed.

"Spike. You’ve got to help me in this. I know you said I could set the pace, but, you’ve had more experience than me. I want things - too much - sometimes. I go rushing in...

This time, he silenced her. "I get it Buffy. You did scare me with the crying, but the fu..., the love making. That was bloody amazing for me too." He picked up her hand and started kissing her fingers, one by one. "And I promise it can only get better."

"You also promised me waffles." She let out a small gasp as he bit down gently on the finger he was kissing.

"I’d rather have you."

"Waffles first. Then me?" This was majorly weird. Two minutes ago she’d wanted to wait, sort out her feelings and now she just wanted to jump his bones again?

"Okay." He let go of her hand and sat up. "You just stay there. Gonna feed you up, then..."

"You’re gonna make love to me, nice and slow. Yeah?"

"Yeah." He leaned in to kiss her, but she twisted away. "Waffles first, go, now."

He swung his legs out of the bed and pulled on his jeans. Then slipped his bare feet into his shoes. "Left the bloody things in the car. Was in too much of a hurry."

"Guess we both were." She pulled the quilt back round her. The cover definitely needed changing. Perhaps she’d buy him a new one, with matching pillow cases. Ahh. There was the old Buffy back again. She hadn’t changed that much if she was still able to think about interior design, when she had a semi-naked Spike sitting next to her.

~*~*~*~*~

Spike picked up the crumpled shirt and shrugged into it, doing up the buttons as he walked out of the bedroom. They should have waited. What the hell had made him think that he could have spent the night with Buffy and not wanted to go all the way? He wasn’t anything like the ‘saint’ that she thought he was. The last couple of days had been torture. He shook his head to clear the thoughts. It can only get better. And it would. Right now, put the kettle on to boil, then get the waffles, then...what was that?

Something clinked against his shoe and he bent down to pick it up. Dru’s keys. When had they got there? He used them to let himself out of the flat, and took the steps two at a time. Perhaps she’d dropped them yesterday? Surely he would have seen them? Had Dru been in the flat, spying on Buffy? Too many questions. Buffy would have told him if Dru had been there while he was out. Surely?

~*~*~*~*~

Oscar Wilde. That’s who he looked like. Buffy settled herself on one of the tables in the small lecture room. The professor gave her a cheery smile and she gave him a little wave back. He really had gone out of his way to make sure she’d settled into the department. More than a little motivated by her father’s gift to the library, she suspected. Still, he was a nice man, and she had no idea what Oscar Wilde looked like really. Just thought he looked Oscar Wildish.

As the room began to fill, she moved over so someone could sit next to her, groaning inwardly when she saw who was making a bee-line towards her.

"Buffy." The girl hitched herself up and wriggled to get comfortable, almost pushing her off.

"Hi Anya." Buffy wriggled back, trying to reclaim her territory. "You’re going on the trip?"

"Yes, isn’t it exciting? Oh god, he’s here." She dug Buffy in the ribs, almost pushing her off the table again. "William Giles. Isn’t he dreamy?"

Buffy looked up to see Spike enter the room, carrying a stack of papers, which he plopped down on the table. She immediately felt herself colouring and looked down, then sideways at Anya. Who, she noticed was all but drooling. Anya leaned behind her and spoke in a staged whisper.

"I think he fancies me. Gonna be a verrry interesting weekend."

Buffy’s eyes widened. Anya had the hots for Spike? Anya, the nosiest and most annoying student in the whole department. And she was coming on the field trip. They weren’t going to get any privacy at all!

"Don’t you just want to run your fingers through that hair?" Anya giggled like a five year old and Buffy had a real struggle to keep a straight face.

"I suppose so." She tried to sound non-committal, but she’d been doing just that a few hours ago. A lot more than that. He was sitting chatting with the professor, waiting for the last few students to arrive for the meeting. Looking cool, and very business-like. Nothing like the hot, sweaty body she’d showered with, just this morning. The man she'd watched putting his contacts in. Who’d almost made love to her in the car in the university car-park. Now she had to sit here and pretend he was just another person going on the field trip. Her tutor, in fact. Forbidden territory. He looked up and caught her eye. Gave her a wink. Anya jumped.

"Did you see that? He winked at me."

Buffy almost choked on the laugh she was trying to cover up. It turned into a coughing fit, which made everyone in the room turn and look at her. Including Spike, who had a mystified and slightly worried look on his face.

Buffy flapped her hand in the air as she fought for control, trying to indicate that she was okay, and that the prof should start. But she couldn’t concentrate on a word he was saying. Anya was like a leech when she’d decided she was going to be your friend. If she’d got it into her head that she had any chance with Spike, they were never going to get rid of her. The prof started on the car-sharing arrangements and Buffy heard her name.

"Miss Summers, I expect you would like a lift, being new to this country." He gave her a nod. "Now who would like to volunteer their services?"

Every male in the room put their hands up. Except one. Andrew, a short, blond-haired lad, who, Buffy noticed, was also gazing lovingly at Spike.

"I’ll take her." It was Spike. He said it very calmly, staring pleasantly at the group of students. One by one the hands went down, and a disappointed murmur rippled around the room. Anya’s shot up.

"And me too. I don’t have a car."

Buffy’s head shot round to look at her.

"Neither do I." It was Andrew, being unusually assertive.

Buffy’s head shot round the other way to look at him. Perhaps if they chopped Spike into little pieces they could all have a bit? At this rate there wasn’t going to be any romantic weekend at all. They were going to have to spend the whole weekend hiding from Spike’s fan club.

The prof nodded in agreement and finished organising the rest of the group. Anya talked all the way through Spike’s bit, so Buffy didn’t get to hear any of it. Then she insisted that Buffy have lunch with her, during which she spent the whole time planning her ‘Seduction of Spike’, as she called it. When Buffy finally got away, she was almost late for the appointment she’d made. She checked her watch and hurried across the campus to the University medical centre. And that was where she finally caught up with Willow.

~*~*~*~*~

She checked in at the desk and sat down by her friend. "Willow, are you sick?" She scanned her friend’s face, but she didn’t look particularly ill. In fact she was positively glowing.

Willow looked equally concerned for her. "I’m fine, Buffy, how are you?"

"Fine." Buffy sat herself down next to Willow, wondering what she was doing here if she wasn’t sick. They both sat in silence for a moment, then Willow picked up a magazine and held it in front of her face.

"I’m going on the pill."

Buffy sat, stunned for a moment, then picked up a magazine of her own. "So am I."

Now it was Willow’s turn. They both stared at each other for a moment, hidden behind their magazines, then Buffy started giggling. "So, have you done the dirty deed yet?"

Willow looked positively radiant. "Oh Buffy. It was just so perfect. The first time, well I just seemed to know what to do. It was absolutely amazing, right from the word go. We spent the whole day in bed, you know, just laughing and well, you know. I’m so happy Buffy."

She gave a little nod, indicating it was Buffy’s turn to spill.

Buffy just stared back at her friend. It had been perfect from the word go? Shy, nerdy, Willow and disaster-date Xander had made perfect love from the word go? And she’d managed to make Spike think that he’d hurt her. She felt a totally uncharitable twinge of jealousy, and immediately squashed it flat. They’d more than made up for it over the course of the day, and Spike had told her over and over that it was okay. She was okay. But the spectre of her little emotional collapse wouldn’t leave her alone. She’d kept re-playing it in her mind. Wishing she could turn back the clock and start again. Do it differently.

Willow was still looking at her, expectantly.

"Yeah." Buffy managed a smile. "Like you said. Right from the word go. Perfect."

"You were right Buffy. You do have to make things happen. If you hadn’t dragged me to that club, you wouldn’t have met Spike and I wouldn’t have met Xander. Oh, how did it go with Dru?"

"Finished, but Willow, she turned up."

Willow’s eyes widened. "Not while you were..."

"No, but she nearly did. There’s something about her Will. I don’t think she’d going to give him up that easily."

"But Spike told her to go, yeah?"

"Spike wasn’t there. He’d gone...shopping. He doesn’t know, Will."

"But you’re going to tell him right? Buffy, you can’t keep that from him."

"I don’t know. Maybe. Does Xander know, you know, about me and Spike?"

"No. Haven’t said a word. Do you want me to?"

"No. Not yet. Oh crap."

Willow looked round, "What?"

"By the door. Look who’s just come in."

"Oh no."

Willow sank down in her chair, bringing the magazine right up to her face. Buffy did the same. They both cowered there for a moment, trying not to laugh or be seen.

Then a hand came over the top of the magazines and pushed them down.

"Ha. Thought it was you two."

They both stared up into Anya’s face, as she stared triumphantly down at them.

"So, you’re both sick?"

Willow and Buffy nodded in unison, both still in their cowering-from-Anya positions.

"You too?" Buffy managed to speak.

"Oh no, right-as-rain. I’m here for other reasons." She winked and nodded her head knowingly.

Buffy sank even lower in her chair. And watched Anya bounce perkily to the desk to check in. Other reasons?

Willow lifted her magazine again and raised her eyebrows. "Anya has a boyfriend? Oh-my-god. Can you just imagine what he looks like?"

"Yeah," Buffy replied, all hopes of being alone with Spike for even five minutes next weekend flying out of the window. "I can."

~*~*~*~*~

Spike sat on a bench in the courtyard outside the medical centre, waiting for Buffy. He’d offered to go in with her, but had been mighty glad when she’d refused him. Doctor’s waiting rooms - not his idea of fun. This was the most sensible option, he supposed. Didn't like condoms, although in the light of what he suspected, he was glad he'd had to use them with Dru. Pill hadn't suited her she'd said. Couldn't remember when they'd used the last one up, though It had been that long since they'd slept together.

And Buffy had absolutely insisted on doing this, today. He smiled to himself. Buffy was one determined cookie, when she wanted to be. She must have given her parents hell, growing up. And the nuns. He wished he could have seen that.

He stood up to greet her as she came out. Feeling the familiar stirring down below that he seemed to be getting every time he set eyes on her. Just as well she was going on the pill. Condoms required a certain amount of forethought and planning and the way he was feeling...well, he could imagine more than a few spontaneous moments in the near future, and the last thing he wanted was to get Buffy pregnant.

He was imagining one right now. She looked kind of shy as she came towards him. She did that. Just for a split second, every time they were apart. That coy, sideways look. As if she wanted reassurance that what they were doing was real. He grabbed her, and lifted her off her feet. Kissed her. Forgetting that it was him that insisted they be careful about being seen. Wondered if she’d come back to his little closet-like study with him. Wondered where the nearest men’s toilets with a condom machine was. Her legs were creeping round his waist. His hands, hitching her up by her bottom.

Someone whistled, and she slid down him, burying her head in his chest. Giggling with embarrassment. They weren’t going to make it, at this rate. He took her hand and almost dragged her across the courtyard. Into the building. Taking the stairs two at a time. No-one about. Stopping at the top for another, out-of-breath kiss. Pushing her through the door of his tiny office. Kissing her again. Fumbling in his pocket for change, as he deposited her on the desk.

"Back in two secs. Buff." He had to peel her off him. Leaving her sitting there with a dazed look on her face, as he desperately tried to remember where the nearest men’s bathroom was. He took the stairs again, coat flying behind him, turned the corner and banged straight into someone coming the other way. It took a moment to register who it was.

"Xander?" Not now please. The computer game was the last thing on his mind. He tried to side-step him, but Xander moved with him, blocking his way. "Can’t stop man. Catch you later." He side-stepped again, but Xander wasn't giving way. Christ, he hadn't seen them had he?

"What’s up Xander?" He didn’t really need to ask. The look of cold anger on his friend's face, told him everything he needed to know. Spike held up his hands, palms forwards. "It's not what you think."

Xander, folded his arms, and looked him straight in the eye.

"Okay Spike. My best buddy. My pal. You’re the one with the words. Explain it to me. Feeling a bit dim today. Just why were you and Buffy practically shagging in the courtyard? When you are supposed to be going out with my sister?

Chapter 16

Willow left the medical centre just in time to see Xander disappearing into one of the buildings at the end of the courtyard. She called after him, but he showed no sign of having heard. Just kept on walking. Hitching her bag full of books onto her shoulder, she hurried after him. This was one bit of news she wanted to share straight away. Boy, was this going to put a smile on his face.

~*~*~*~*~

Buffy leaned back onto her elbows and looked around Spike’s study. He was one messy puppy, she decided. Stacks of stuff everywhere. Files, books, papers. Dirty mugs, empty cigarette packets. He very obviously wasn’t much with the housekeeping. She wondered whether she ought to have a quick tidy up for him. No, that was so old Buffy, she decided. She leaned right back so she was lying down, staring at the ceiling, legs swinging over the side of the desk. New Buffy would lie here, spread across the papers and half-written notes, and wait for her lover to return.

Ten minutes later, she was still waiting. Where on earth was he?

~*~*~*~*~

Spike sat on one side of the stairwell, Xander on the other. Their positions were a mirror image of the other. Elbows on knees, hands hanging loosely in between. Heads bowed. Spike, for once, was at a loss for words. How did he explain this to Xander? There was no rational explanation for what was happening. You saw someone, fell in love, then moved hell and high water to be with them. Regardless of who you hurt? You swept your old life aside to make room for the new one. Wasn’t that how it worked? You couldn’t have it all. There was always a price, and his friendship with Xander? Well, that had always been in the mix. From the moment he’d set eyes on Buffy, this had been going to happen. No-one had to like it though.

He raised his head slightly, and looked at his friend. Not just his friend, his best friend. The blue folder dangled from his hands. A couple of months hard work. Xander, the computer buff, Spike, the creative genius. They had a good thing going. Work partners, best mates. And right now it was all hanging in the balance.

~*~*~*~*~

Xander looked fixedly at his shoes. Dru. What the hell was going to happen with her now? Spike had been good for her. The one thing grounding her. When she found out about this, she wouldn’t be able to handle it. God know what she’d do. He let the folder drop, wondering what the point was any more. How could he trust Spike after this? He’d let him make an ass-hole of himself on that date with Buffy. God, that must have given them both a good laugh. Bloody Spike. Wasn’t one woman enough for him? He always had to have a bloody harem following him around. And Dru, sitting at home, all dolled up, waiting for her boyfriend. Whatever she’d done, she deserved better than this. Spike could have at least had the decency to do this properly. The bastard.

~*~*~*~*~

The smile on Willow’s face faded as she looked first at Xander, then at Spike. Oh my god. Her first thought was of Buffy. Something’s happened to her. Then she realised it was Buffy - but not in the way she’d first thought. He’d found out. The thing they’d all been carefully keeping from him. And she’d been a part of the deception. He would have realised straight away that she must have known. She sat down quietly beside him, offering comfort, but not knowing whether he’d want it from her now. He didn’t acknowledge her. She wanted to put her arms around him, but she didn’t dare. Not until he gave her permission. The prescription burned a hole in her pocket. It didn’t seem important any more. The only thing that was important right now was Xander. And would he forgive them?

~*~*~*~*~

Buffy checked out her watch for the twentieth time. Where on earth had he got to? Maybe the prof had cornered him somewhere and wouldn’t let him go? She blew out a long breath and swung herself up, thinking she might go and find him. Realised she should probably stay put. God, she’d been hot for him. But where the hell was he?

She got up and rubbed the back of her neck. Picked up one of his papers. A half-finished poem. Was it about her? No. She let it drop. Wandered about the small space idly plucking at books. Wondering if she had time to leave him a love-note in his desk drawer. Deciding she had. Opening the drawer, finding the photograph.

Spike and Dru. At a fun-fair, it looked like. Both pulling funny faces at the camera. They looked happy. She put the photo back and shut the drawer. Time to find him. It was getting late, anyway and their spontaneous moment seemed to have passed. She picked up his keys and locked the door after her. Which way, corridor or stairs? She decided on stairs and almost tripped over them as she ran down. Spike, Xander and Willow. Looking like they’d just been to a funeral. What the heck was going on?

"Oh, here you are."

Xander flashed her a brief look. Not his usual cheery grin. Willow gave her a watery smile, and Spike didn’t look up at all. Just held out his arm to her. She sat down next to him and he pulled her in, his hand gently squeezing her arm.

"So," she said looking round. "What’s up?"

Xander looked up again, this time looking her squarely in the eye. "I thought you might be able to answer that."

"Me, why should...Spike?"

He ran his free hand through his hair. "He saw us Buff, outside."

"Oh." It was all she could think of to say. Yes, he had a right to feel slightly annoyed that Spike had chucked Dru for her, but they weren’t doing anything wrong. Had gone well out of their way to do this properly. Then it dawned on her. She’d told Willow that Dru wouldn’t give up that easily. Maybe she wasn’t.

"Xander, what’s Dru been saying?"

"Not a lot. Mostly crying, really."

He was still staring at her. Resentment, that’s what it was. "Look," she was choosing her words carefully. "I can understand that you might be a bit upset..."

"A bit? Are you for real? My sister, my sis..." He shook his head and closed his eyes, then tried again. "My sister is waiting at home for him and what do I see? You two practically having it off, in front of everyone out there. How long has this been going on?"

Buffy looked at Spike. He didn’t seem in any hurry at all to join in with their defence. "Spike, tell him."

"What’s the point? He’s already got me pegged as the bad guy. Come on Buff, we’re going."

He started to stand up, but she pulled him back down. "No, Spike, you can’t just run away from this. You two have to talk, sort this out. " Spike was still pulling away from her but she had him anchored by a handful of his coat. He could have broken free at any time, but thankfully he didn’t. She saw the blue folder lying on the floor. There was more at stake here than a friendship. And poor Willow looked terrified. No-one seemed to be taking any notice of her at all.

She felt Spike relax a bit as he sat back down. Good. Neither of them was leaving here until they’d had this out, she decided. Drusilla, much as she felt sorry for her, was not going to spoil the best thing that had ever happened to the four of them. She wriggled out of Spike’s hold and handed him his study keys.

"Here." He didn’t take them at first, looked slightly mystified, so she took his hand and folded them into it. "You two are going upstairs, and you are going to sort this out. Me and Willow, we’ll be waiting here." She nodded encouragement at Spike, who was giving her a strange look. Perhaps it was too early in their relationship to be bossing him about like this. Perhaps he wouldn’t go, and she’d be left here looking stupid. But, spoilt rich kid that she was, if she walked away with him now - and that would be by far the easiest option - it would be the most selfish thing she’d ever done.

He stared at the keys for a few moments, pushed himself up, patting her shoulder as he did so, then started up the stairs. For a moment she thought Xander wasn’t going to follow, but to her relief, he got to his feet at last. He grabbed Willow’s hand, pulled her up and planted a hard kiss on her lips. He was gone before she had a chance to react, following Spike up the stairs and leaving them alone.

Willow put her hands to her lips, her eyes wide and bright with unshed tears. Buffy stood up, pulling her into a hug and they clung to each other. Dru wasn’t going to spoil this. What the hell had she been telling Xander? Buffy suddenly didn’t feel sorry for her at all. Dru was a manipulative bitch. Their one meeting had been enough to show her that. And if she thought there was anything that she could do that would make her walk away from Spike now, then she was wrong. So wrong.

~*~*~*~*~

"Okay, who’s going first?" Spike sat himself down on the corner of his desk and indicated the chair to Xander.

"I’ll stand." Xander remained stubbornly by the door.

"For god’s sake, sit down." Spike pulled out his cigarette packet and lighter. Never gonna give up at this rate. "Last thing I need now is the poor little hard-done-by Xander act."

"Oh, that’s right. Make fun. Bloody hobby of yours, right? Let’s all laugh at Xander. Hey, let’s just shag right under his nose. He won’t notice."

Spike thought about the cigarettes, then threw them down on the desk. "You finished?"

Xander just glared at him, his face still slightly red from his outburst.

"Okay, this is how it is. Me and..."

"Dru’s at home waiting for you. Do you know what this is going to do to her?"

"Will you let me finish?" Spike was hanging onto his temper by a thread, but he knew that if he messed this up now, there’d be no going back. Xander could be stubborn as hell when he wanted to be, and he had the added complication of family loyalty to contend with. He tried again, more calmly this time. "Make up your mind. Am I talking, or you?"

Xander grudgingly stomped over to the chair and sat down. He waved his hand indicating that Spike should continue.

"Right. This thing with Buffy. It just happened. Wasn’t planned this way. But we moved hell and high water to do this properly. Drusilla and me are finished. Been finished a long time. You know that Xander."

Xander shook his head. "Then why’s she waiting at home for you right now? Just come from there, and she’s screaming the place down. Mum’s crying. Dad’s disappeared into his shed and won’t come out. It’s like a bloody mad-house."

"It’s finished Xan. Not my fault if she didn’t hear it." It felt a bit cold saying it like that, but it was the truth and needed saying.

"But how...?" Xander ran a hand through his hair. "She would have said..."

"Would she? You know what she's like Xan." Spike chose his words carefully. Xander needed to hear this, probably wouldn't be surprised. But it would hurt him all the same. "I finished with Dru. Spelled it out to her. And no, she didn't take it well, but I left her with your mum and dad and...I want to move on with my life Xan. She's in with a bad bunch. There's this guy, Johnny. He gives her stuff." Spike didn't think Xander needed to know the whole sordid details. But he did need to know what Dru was up to. For all their sakes. He continued. "Like I said, Buffy and me, we both tried our best to do this properly."

"But she needs you Spike." Xander’s face was crumpling. "You were the best thing that happened to her. You know what she was like before. If she goes there again...she’s not coming back."

Spike should have felt sorry for him, but instead all he felt was anger that they were still trying to dump the solution to Dru’s woes on him.

"I am not the answer to Dru’s problems. I am not her salvation, and I won’t be held responsible for what happens to her. You know I did what I could, right?"

Xander didn’t answer.

"Right? Answer me Xan. Yeah, me and Dru were happy once, but she was always going this way. I’ll help in any way I can, but I’m not being emotionally blackmailed by you or your family. That’s what this is Xan. If anything happens to Dru, it won’t be my fault. Just like it won’t be yours, or your mum and Dad’s. We’ve all done what we could. God help her." The cigarettes suddenly looked damned inviting. Spike lit one up, savoured the calming effect of the first drag, flicked the ash into a dirty mug.

"No-one’s laughing at you Xan. Do you know what it took for me to set that date up with Buffy for you? I was willing to stand back and let that happen. Gotta give me some points for that."

"Oh yeah." Xander picked up one of Spike’s papers and stared at it. "You’re a right saint, aren’t you?" He threw it back down on the desk. "But you knew you had nothing to worry about, right? Knew we wouldn’t last the one date."

"Is that what this is about? You still fancy Buffy?"

"What? No! Christ Spike, how could you think that?"

"Well, you just virtually said it."

"I bloody well did not."

"Good, just checking. ‘Cause if you did, well, then we’d have to do the whole manly, fighting thing and..." Spike touched the scar on his eye and gave a small laugh. "Well, I just did that."

Xander pulled a face, which turned into something vaguely resembling a smile. "You never did know when to back off."

"What, and you never beat seven types of shit out of me virtually every day when we were at school?"

"Yeah, well you were such a poncy bugger."

"Happy days eh? Wanna ask you something Xan."

"Yeah, well I’m not sure I wanna answer."

Spike felt himself relaxing. God that had been hard, but he could tell that Xander was coming back. Whatever shit he’d come in with, he’d worked through it. He envied him that. Xander was stubborn, but he was also incredibly resilient. He always seemed to bounce back from whatever life threw at him, pick himself up and move on. Spike was counting on that now.

"If I asked you to give up Willow, would you?"

Xander looked a little confused. "Why should I...you don’t..."

"Cool it man. I don’t have the hots for her. It’s just a question. Would you?"

"No, I wouldn’t." Xander sounded very sure of himself on that one. "Can’t think of a single reason would make me give her up."

"Then put yourself in my shoes, Xan. Would you give up Willow to stay with Dru?"

Xander stood up. "Okay, you clever sod, you got me there. This is the bit where I say yeah, Dru’s a loony and you’re better off out of it. Can’t blame you for wanting Buffy instead. But I’m into this conflicted family loyalty crap and you can’t blame me for shooting my mouth off about it sometimes. Does that cover everything?"

Spike stubbed out his cigarette and stood up. "Pretty much." He indicated the door. "Shall we?"

~*~*~*~*~

Buffy went in search of a coffee machine and came back with two cups. She handed one to Willow and settled down opposite her.

"Do you think they’ll talk, Buffy, ‘cause men aren’t big with the talking are they?

"Cheer up Will. Spike is very big with the talking. If any-one can sort Xander out, it’s him."

They both sipped their coffee in silence for a moment.

"He looked so angry Buffy. Didn’t even seem to know I was there."

"And that kiss wasn’t straight out of a romantic novel? Don’t worry Will. He wouldn’t have done that if he was going to dump you."

"You think he might dump me?" Willow’s eyes went very wide. "Buffy, I couldn’t bear it if he did."

"Calm down, will you?" What a stupid thing to say. "He’s not gonna dump you. It’s pretty clear he’s mad about you."

"You think?"

"Well, yeah, duh."

"And you and Spike, you looked really, together."

"I guess so. And this is worth fighting for Willow. I’m not letting Dru spoil this for any of us."

They lapsed into silence again as a troop of students made their way down the stairs past them.

Buffy picked up the folder that was still lying where it had fallen. She opened it and peeked inside.

They were all there. Neatly sketched out, the characters for the new game. Spike the vampire, Willow the witch, Xander the fearless vampire hunter and Buffy the maiden in distress. She slid the paper back in, a lump forming in her throat. She'd been in England so short a time, and already there were things here more valuable, and precious than anything back home. Even her dad, as central to her life as he'd always been, was someone she was learning to live without as she found herself really growing up.

"So you’re sure he won’t want to dump me?"

"Calm down Willow, any minute now they’re going to walk down these stairs, all best buddies and all sorted, and...oh god, they’re coming. Smiley face, quick!"

Buffy managed a tentative smile, Willow, a very wobbly one.

"How does he look Buffy?"

"He looks..."

Xander swept past her, walked up to Willow and picked her up. She gave a little squeal as he spun round and carried her off towards the exit.

"Like he’s just stepped out of that romantic novel," Buffy finished. Then she spotted Willow’s bag full of books. "Wait..."

"I don’t think they’re going to be wanting that." It was Spike. "Got other things on his mind, I think."

"Spike." Buffy spun round and flung herself on him, nearly knocking them both over in the process. Spike grabbed her round the waist, and pulled her in for a kiss.

"Isn’t this where we came in?"

Buffy kissed him back, her heart flooding with relief. Xander and Willow seemed okay, and Spike wouldn’t be smiling if it hadn’t gone well. Would he?

"Spike," she managed between kisses. "How did it go with Xander?"

"He’s cool." Spike was lifting up her hair and placing light kisses on her neck. "Let’s go home."

Buffy wriggled as he hit a sensitive spot. "Cool as in okay?"

"Yeah, no problem, god I want you Buffy."

"As in problem solved?"

"I want you so much, it hurts. Let’s go." He took her hand and pulled her down the corridor after him.

"Did you tell him you finished with Dru?" Buffy suddenly remembered Willow’s bag, and broke free, running back for it. Spike grabbed her again as she ran back to him and guided her through the doors.

"Have to be my place, never make it to yours."

Buffy was having to run to keep up with him. "What do you think Dru will do?"

"No idea, where are the bloody keys?" He searched his pockets, found them and unlocked the car. "You make me so bloody hot, Buffy, do you know that?"

"Yeah, I was beginning to get that impression." She shimmied into the car, all thoughts of Dru evaporating with the look he was giving her. "What’s with the caveman stuff, Spike?" She leaned forward suggestively. "I like it."

He hooked a hand around the back of her head and pulled her in for another mind-blowing kiss. Buffy forgot about Dru completely. They both had adrenaline to burn off, and what better way to do it than this?

"Let’s go to my place," she whispered. "Gotta Jacuzzi."

She nearly laughed out loud at the look he gave her.

"Condoms." He was definitely having trouble breathing. "They’re at my place."

"We can stop off."

He nodded and strapped himself into his seat belt. "Bloody hell Buffy, if I had one on me now, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself."

"In the middle of a car park?" Buffy tried to sound scandalised, but she was finding the idea more than a little thrilling.

Spike started up the engine. "Didn’t stop those two."

"Who, oh-my-god." Buffy’s hand went over her mouth as she realised which car he was pointing to.

"Yeah," Spike grinned broadly as he manoeuvred the car out of the space. "Looks like the Love Machine got christened at last."

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