Chapter 13 – The Past is Never Completely in the Past

Spike hated to lose sight of Buffy and Nina. He was worried about Nina, whether she was okay, if she was injured, but he trusted Buffy would take care of her. But bugger, he was worried about Buffy, too. Of course he could write it off as concern for a comrade in arms, but that just wasn't true. No denying it anymore. Double bugger. He was concerned for Buffy, the woman. Trying to shrug it off, Spike walked back towards the main chamber, but only made it a few steps before turning back. He joined Angel to watch the girls until they were out of view and then the two males stretched out their senses to check on them as long as possible.

Buffy tried to concentrate on the search, but she felt like there was a string stretched between Spike and herself that was being pulled thinner and thinner, trying to pull her back to him. And that wasn't good. Definitely not of the good to get too attached to him. At least not yet. She loved him. She had gotten used to leaning on him for strength in Sunnydale, but he was making it loud and clear that he no longer loved her. No, she refused to believe that. He had loved her all through the years that she hated him, treated him like trash. And she knew, just knew that he still loved her. She just had to remind him, the hard-headed fang face. Regardless, she could feel her eyes tearing up just thinking about the situation. Time to change the channel. She looked over at the pretty blonde walking next to her. "Nina. So, how did you meet Angel?"

Nina's smile was bright enough to light their way in the tunnel. "I was bitten by a werewolf. Angel tracked me down and gave me a place to stay on the full moon." She looked over at Buffy. "You can't believe how much I looked forward to full moons so I could see him. Finally I was able to talk him into breakfast, and things progressed from there. No offense, but thanks. I'm glad he didn't see you in Rome and that Andrew sent him away."

Buffy laughed softly. "No offense taken. I'm happy for Angel and for you. I just wish..." Nina would never know Buffy's wish. "Look..." Holding up her lantern, Buffy pointed towards the wall. "There's a handprint. Yay me!"

Nina was already turning around, "I'll go get the guys."

Nina must have flown, Buffy surmised, because she could hear them returning at a fast pace. Spike and Angel must have made it through the demon changing chamber without anymore grrh. As she waited, she looked at the carvings closest to the handprint. "Reborn for a goddess." She wondered what in the world that meant.

When everyone was together, Buffy pointed out what she had found.

"Reborn for a goddess?" Angel thought it sounded interesting but didn't know what it meant.

Spike took it a face value. "Hera, Aphrodite?"

Everyone thought for a minute. Finally tired of the tension, Buffy knew that she wasn't very good at puzzles, but she could eliminate people. "Well, Nina has already had her turn, so she's probably out of the running. Me? You could probably say that my being resurrected was a type of being reborn."

"But who was the goddess?" Nina asked.

Buffy shrugged. "That's it. Willow resurrected me, but as much as I love her, she isn't a goddess."

Spike slapped Angel on the back. "Batter up, peaches."

"Me? No! Reborn, yes in a way, but Darla was absolutely, positively not a goddess."

"Got to agree there, brood highness." Spike paced from one wall to the opposite wall, "but that would leave me. Drusilla was no more a goddess than Darla."

Biting her lower lip, Nina thought she had a possible solution but hated to say. "But wait. It says 'made for' not 'made by.' I once heard Illyria ask Spike about the trials you went through to get your soul back. She asked you if it was so horrific and supposedly impossible, why did you do it? You were quiet longer than I had ever heard you before you replied. 'I did it for a goddess.'"

Everyone looked at Spike, who was intently inspecting his boots.

After listening to Nina, Angel knew who the "goddess" must be and that Spike wouldn't want to admit it, but he couldn't help a little ribbing. After all, the blonde vamp had only gone through three weeks of insanity compared to his decades. His grandchilde could take some teasing. "Spike, do you want to share with the class, or do you need to write it down and pass a note?"

At that point, Buffy knew. When he had returned from winning his soul, he had told her in his own convoluted way. He had told her that it was for her. She had a hard time swallowing over the lump in her throat. She was his goddess, at least back then if not now. And he was going to have to admit it --not just to himself, but to everyone. Buffy decided that that was a good thing.

Nina was getting impatient for Spike to confirm the story. "Spike? Who?"

Now Spike was looking at the wall mumbling. "Bumph."

"Who?" Buffy asked, anxious to hear him speak her name. Maybe, just maybe this would remind him of how much he used to love her, and maybe those feelings would come back to stay.

There was a long pause, and then they had to strain to hear his voice. "Buffy." Spike looked up, and his eyes sought out hers. "Buffy was my goddess."

Angel had suspected as much. Ninety-nine percent sure actually. Nina's smile grew from a slight tilt of her lips to her teeth showing as her gaze darted between Spike and Buffy, and what she saw gave promise. She wanted Spike to be happy and she made an educated guess that Buffy was the only one who could do just that.

Buffy continued to stare at Spike who had now turned his back on everyone again. By his stance she knew he was feeling some thing he didn't want seen. Could he still feel the love? Could she still be his goddess? Dare she hope? Yes, she hoped. Oh, how she hoped, but she wasn't cracked enough in the head to think he was about to stand there and admit it.

"Oh, balls, I was the fool back then. Let's just do this." Spike wanted to take the coward's way out and hide from view. 'Don't think this backpack will give me enough coverage,' he thought with a snort. He finally turned back to them, walked over, slit his hand so that blood dripped, and slapped it on the imprint.

*****

As the four stepped simultaneously through the portal, they unexpectedly stopped in a row, frozen in place in a wide doorway facing what appeared to be a large, spacious greenhouse. Funny how each felt compelled to stand still and let quiet prevail, but it was true.

Because of the dim light, Buffy could tell that it was night wherever they'd ended up this time. There were three rows of plants in front of them, and to the right was an extensive work table with a couple of chairs tucked underneath.

As if mesmerized, Angel stepped into the room and stopped at the far side opposite the table. Buffy again felt a compulsion to stay still, but she stood amazed. Before her eyes, Angel's hair grew out to his shoulders, his long coat turned from black to a charcoal with thin stripes, and his shirt's ruffled cuffs peaked out. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Spike also take a step forward. Instantly worried for him since she still didn't know what was going on, she tried to take a step with him, but couldn't. Why not? She just couldn't. She tried to call out but was unable to do even that simple act. When Nina didn't mover either, Buffy assumed she was in the same predicament.

Spike's transformation was even more bizarre than Angel's. His black jeans and black t-shirt was replaced by a brown suite. His hair also grew out but not as long as Angel's and was in disarray. However, the biggest difference to her was that the white-blonde hair dye was replaced by an undoubtedly natural mousy brown. He looked so completely different in this guise, it really threw her for a curve, but she got it. She was looking at the past. This was not Spike; this was William. And she didn't know for sure, of course, but she guessed that Spike wouldn't want to be seen this way by her. Regardless, she soaked up the additional information about her love, gathering insight. She watched entranced.

In what appeared to be a daze similar to Angel's, Spike walked over and stood in front of the work bench, and as if on queue from a film director, the scene began.

Angel's face contorted in fury. "Give up, boy."

"I'm not your boy, and I'm not giving up." Spike took a defensive stance, hands balled into fists at his side.

Realizing another difference, Buffy noticed that William's accent was very unlike Spike. His words retained a British accent but was now crisp and clear. Actually they fit his new look.

Catching her attention again, Angelus growled. "Boy, don't cross me tonight. Even with those kills littering the parlor, I'm not of the spirit to take your insolence. I didn't come all this way to Spain to miss such a tasty, Spanish treat."

Nina was fighting her immobilization more than Buffy. She got it, too. Angel had told her about just this scene. The men were in Spain, and Nina assumed that this little show connected them to Mexico through Spain's influence on that country. That had to be the connection as was the Mayans that connected them to Mexico. But what she hated through and through, was watching Angel revert to such a vicious demon that she knew he hated with his whole being. She knew this just as that he would hate for her to see him that way. And even worse, she just knew that if she could get to him, she could help.

Seemingly unperturbed by the older vampire's anger, William held his ground. "Then be happy with what you've had, Angelus."

"I'm never happy with anything concerning you. Listen to you. You've slipped back into your pansy accent, William." Angelus wasn't sure which ate at William more, being called a pansy or being caught using his upper class accent. What he was sure of was that either one would goad a reaction out of the young vampire, and it did.

Spike saw Angelus through a red haze. With a roar as a battle cry, he rushed his grandsire.

Buffy watched as Angelus ducked Spike's first punch, and using his shoulder, lifted Spike up and flipped him into the closest row of plants. Spike was up as soon as he landed and back at Angelus again. To Buffy, it was obvious Spike's fighting skills had not developed anywhere near far enough yet to take on the older vampire, let alone win. It was Spike's heart that gave him any chance to survive. Buffy cringed as the brunette landed two punches and then a third round house punch which sent Spike to the ground. When Angelus started walking towards the worktable, Spike grabbed at his ankles and held on, tripping the irate vampire to the floor.

As Angelus fell, a small motion under the worktable caught Buffy's eye. Squinting, she could just barely make out a small child, a girl judging from her lacy, white skirt.

Changing to his demon façade, Angelus pointed at the girl. "What, William, you are fighting me over that? She's nothing, William."

His grandsire kicked Spike in the face, but Spike absorbed the blow and still held on. William shifted into game face. "You're not going to turn her."

Buffy cringed. Evil and hate charged the air with an underlying scent of compassion from Spike.

Angelus lashed out with his shoe again, but Spike was able to move out of the way this time. "William..." The name came out a growl.

Spike spit his words out. "I'm not William, and I am no longer that pansy poet. I'm Spike, and you're going to leave the lass alone. I don't care if Darla wants to give the girl as a fledgling to Dru for a living doll. You're not turning her."

Angelus scoffed at the younger vampire. "Just because your attempt at turning your mother was a failure doesn't mean this will be. Besides, not only will I enjoy it, unlike you I will do it right."

Nina was horrified. Angel had told her about Angelus, but seeing him was different. The demon was evil personified. No restraint whatsoever. But who was she to talk? Once every month, she changed into a killer that had to be locked up. At least Angel has his demon locked away all the time.

Spike was able to gain his feet and get between Angelus and the young girl again. "At least kill her instead of turning her. A three year old would never understand our existence."

Buffy felt like crying. Turning a three year old? Sick-o to say the least. And her heart went out to Spike. She realized how much he was going against his demon's cravings to let the girl slip away.

"William, the bloody awful poet's sensitive side in you is coming out again." Angelus started to circle to Spike's right. "What are you going to do? Write her a poem? That would scare her to death." Angelus lunged, but Spike had been expecting him, ducking under and getting a punch in himself. Regardless, Angelus started beating on him. "You're weak, boy, but I love fighting you. Do you want to know why?" He connected with a kidney punch, knocking Spike to his knees. "You just keep coming back for more. Never give up and that way I get to keep beating on you." As predicted, Spike struggled to his feet. "And this time, after your beating, I get to turn this little baby girl." Angelus slowly stalked the girl.

Spike picked up a hoe and moved to hit Angelus on the back of the head. As his hands swung down, the hoe turned into a deadly, golden sword. Angel and Spike were back to their present selves. Regardless of the change, Spike had swung half way down with fury still clouding his eyes. He raised the sword back up again, and Buffy could tell that he wanted to lop Angelus' head off right then and there. Even worse, Angel looked up at him and made no move to save himself. Guilt was written all over his face. But when the portal opened up behind Buffy and Nina, Spike seemed to deflate. He lowered the sword, and a somber group of four walked through the portal.

As before, they stepped into a new room in the temple where their back packs and lanterns were in the corner. All made a move to collect them except for Angel. His eyes were glazed over.

Spike walked back to him and shook him out of his stupor. "You knew what we were. Why be surprised?"

Angel looked down at his shoes. "I forgot how much I tried to change you, make you a killer and only a killer."

Shaking him again, Spike tried to clear his throat. For some reason, he needed his grandsire to understand. Angelus had been a right bastard, but he had had an evil agenda of his own. "I didn't want to be William."

Looking up at Spike, Angel's eyes conveyed his understanding. "But you were. You never killed children."

After the few words passed between the two men, they shouldered their packs and disappeared into separate tunnels.

Left behind, Nina looked over at Buffy and shrugged. "I guess they want to be alone."

"I think you're right." Buffy sat down and unrolled her sleeping bag. "Why don't we get some rest while they mope."

*****

TBC

 

Chapter 14 – Out in the Air

Buffy woke up, and still half asleep, hastily glanced at her watch. Two and a half hours had passed which made it mega concerned time on her part about the missing men. She reached over and gently shook Nina awake. "Hey. You get some rest?"

Nina should say so. She had only expected to sleep an hour, but the men still hadn't come back to wake them up as she had expected. She rubbed her face and glanced over at the tunnel Angel had disappeared down. "Yes, and I think the men have had long enough to brood."

"Me, too." Smiling, Buffy stood up and brushed herself off. "Before I go looking for Spike, I'm going to go talk to Angel."

Jumping to her feet, Nina's voice conveyed her instantaneous concern. "I don't know if that is such a good idea...I'm a good listener. Angel told me all and so has Spike. Anyway, after those last days in Sunnydale and Angel and Spike thought they had a chance and then Rome, they were crushed. I was there for Angel, caught his fall and helped him move on. Spike didn't have anyone. He just fell."

Buffy's expression slightly hardened. Just hearing her words hit home and broke her heart. "That's exactly why I have to see them. Look, this is my determined face. Those two hard heads have been mad at me for long enough." Buffy took a couple of steps towards the tunnel but looked back. "After that greenhouse scene, they got the chance to clear the air between them. Well, it is my time to do some air cleaning with them."

"I don't..." Nina paused to consider. "You know, I think you are right. Go get him, girl." Nina gave her the two thumbs up.

Even shored up by Nina's encouragement, Buffy knew getting into a conversation with Angel at this particular time would be tricky, requiring a soft touch. However, there was one problem with that strategy. She wasn't known for a soft touch or even a medium touch. Regardless, she was going to try.

With a smile now planted firmly on her face, Buffy headed down the tunnel that Angel had disappeared. Her feelings were incredibly mixed. Even if it was platonic now, she loved Angel, but seeing Angelus again brought back anger and revulsion for the monster. And the scene she had watched just added to her hatred. Even though Spike himself had been evil at that time, Angelus was even despicable to the younger vampire. As a result, now she was having a little trouble separating Angel from the Angelus. She still cared about him as a cherished friend, and she felt their relationship was well worth saving.

Buffy finally found him standing up, facing the wall and leaning his forehead against the stone. The stance reminded her that this was pure Angel, full of guilt, not any evil running rapid inside of him, all of which helped her push her memories of Angelus away. "Angel...?"

He didn't even bother to use his energy to turn his head towards her. "Go away."

She took a few steps closer, determined to not be brushed off so easily. "Sure, I'll be glad to...Ha, ha. Trick or treat. Let's pick treat, and I'll stay."

Not amused, Angel let out a long, suffering sigh, and he still shrugged her off. He knew she had come to talk, and he didn't want any of it. "Go away." The words were carefully enunciated this time.

Hands on her hips, Buffy shifted smoothly into slayer mode. The gentle touch just sailed out the window. "Ok, Angel. If it's a fight, then it's a fight. But let's have this out now."

Angel let loose another very audible sigh. "I don't know what you are talking about." He never looked up from the floor as she stepped closer.

Only two feet separated her from her prey. "Oh, denial man, you know exactly what I'm talking about."

Angel stayed quiet, not even one lone muscle moving, a talent of his. Buffy had no way of knowing how he did it to such perfection, but she remembered it well. No matter, now or then, it was just creepy.

Buffy growled before speaking again. "Let me guess. Five letters. Starts with T. Let's see. Is it 'Trust?' In Cleveland, you said you trusted me, but you don't act that way now."

Glancing over at her, he gave in and responded. "What you did over the insane slayer, it's hard to forget such a slap in the face. You didn't even come in person. You sent Andrew instead. Andrew of all people." Angel was still incredulous that Buffy chose the wimp of all people to go after to retrieve the dangerous slayer.

"I'll give you that. Total insensitive girl, and I'm sorry." Buffy relaxed her stance. "Angel, I am so sorry."

However, Angel wasn't done. "And the Immortal...?"

Buffy held her hands palms up in supplication. "It was a spell."

Angel looked sharply up at her. "A spell?" Then he let himself relax some. "Spike and I thought he did something like that."

"Ok, what else?" Buffy crossed her arms and waited, tapping her foot.

Not that he would admit it at this point, but Angel was actually relieved to get everything out on the table. Being honest with himself, it had been hard staying angry with Buffy. He loved Nina now, but Buffy was still a love if only as a friend now. But he still had some issues. "You slept with Spike."

Not flinching, Buffy had been expecting that one. "Yes."

Angel studied her eyes, searching for the truth. "But you didn't love him."

"No." Buffy's eyes dropped to the ground. She knew she deserved this one.

Angel's stand and voice softened. "But he loved you."

Her answer was slow in coming, and her regret of the circumstance was self-evident. "Yes."

Angel closed his eyes and sighed again. He felt for his sensitive grandchilde who with all his whole heart felt passion. "Poor William. His heart twisted yet again."

Buffy's heart twisted at the thought. She had treated Spike so badly in those days long ago as Drusilla had done before her. And a Cecily had been mentioned, but Buffy didn't know anything about her.

"But what makes me angriest, Buffy, is that you were kissing me, talking cookie dough garbage while Spike waited for you back at your house." Angel straightened up and faced her. "You told me good-bye and went to him. You played both of us and then jumped to the Immortal. Quite the little player you've become."

Resenting his assessment, Buffy started to seethe. "I never played any of you..."

Angel nodded. Typical Buffy. Oblivious as to how her actions affected others. "Yeah, you did. Think about it. All of us waiting for you, even the Immortal. He's waiting for you now, isn't he, back in Rome?"

Buffy's eyes fell to the floor again. "Yes, but..." Truthfully, she hadn't thought about that situation since before seeing Spike again. All she had been thinking about Spike. What a mess.

Waving her off, Angel relaxed. He knew the answer. "Don't get me wrong. I'm happy with the way things worked out. I love Nina."

She took a step closer and placed her hand on his arm. "And I am happy for you, but I can't tell you enough how sorry I am..."

After several moments, he covered her hand with his own. "Thank you, but you should also be telling that to Spike."

"That's where I am headed to next." Feeling bold, she hesitated a second before giving Angel a hug and was relieved when his arms encircled her.

Mischievously, Angel started to give her a little ammunition against Spike, the fact that he had messed around with Harmony on the day he found out that he was corporeal again, but he was the same side with Spike on this. He would just keep that little tidbit to himself, at least for now.

******

As Buffy hurried to meet Spike head on, she thought again about Angelus and William. She was still so amazed and proud of Spike. He had kept a strand of his humanity even when he was trying to overcome William and turn bad, not to mention fighting the instinctual evil behavior of a vampire. That was her Spike, even before he won his soul, trying to hide his softer side. Now if only she could get that loving side pointed her direction again. Angel may have taught her about look, but Spike had taught her how to burn.

Turning a corner, Buffy spied her quarry sitting down, leaning against the wall. Buffy rapped her knuckles against the stone. "Knock, knock." She stayed where she was, hoping that Spike would make the next move.

He didn't. He continued to stare at the floor with his shoulders slumped, defeatist posture breaking her heart. But she wasn't surprised by Spike's reaction to the scene with Angelus that had played out earlier. She knew better than anybody how sensitive he could be, and it looked to be ten fold in this case. First, he had wanted to protect the little girl when he shouldn't have. A big bad vampire wouldn't have done that. Second, he knew that Buffy had seen the side of his personality he strived to hide. She knew he didn't want her to see the true William, see the weak vampire, see William the Bloody Awful Poet. After all, he had lied to her that he had always been bad, but instead, he had moments of being atypical as a vampire from time to time. And a poet? How evil could a poet be? She made an educated guess that Spike was now beating himself up about what had happened with Angelus, but she also knew he shouldn't. Well, she would have to do something about that.

Spike had felt her coming before she came into view and had dreaded the sound of each footstep. It was a cliché, but true. How was he going to face her? He wanted to melt into the stone and flow far away.

No such luck in the response department. Stepping forward, Buffy closed half the distance between them. "I'm here because Angel suggested I come...Angel wants you to feed, make sure you are tip top." Well, that was a little white lie. Angel hadn't asked Buffy to feed Spike, but she knew he would have if he had thought about it. Right? She smiled her own secret smile.

"Not hungry, pet." Listening to him, his voice sounded rough to Buffy's ears. He might have been crying. In fact, she wouldn't be surprised if the sensitive man that she loved had been. Buffy closed the last bit of distance between them. "Not hungry? Naaaay, wrong answer." Putting her back against the wall, she slid down to sit next to him. She decided to shelf the feeding issue for now and thought they needed to clear some air first. But how to start the clearing? "I thought your hair would have been darker than that."

Spike had no doubt she was talking about his confrontation with Angelus, but he gaped at her. "With all that you saw, you comment on my bleeding hair. You daft bint."

'Ok, this is better,' Buffy thought. 'Got him talking. For Spike, insults are a good sign. Now I think I'll be brave and ambitious.' "Yeah, darker hair. You know." She ran a finger tip along his scared eyebrow and was rewarded by his quick intake of breath. "Your eyebrows are practically black and the other ones...uh... from what I remember the short and curly ones are the same."

At first Spike looked up at Buffy with a blank expression, blinked a couple of times, and then slowly grinned. Actually grinned. Success. Buffy was ecstatic and wanted to actually bounce up and down. She didn't but kept up with the tease. "Ya know. Those down there." She glanced down at his lap.

His eyes followed her gaze, and he gave a short laugh. Memories of his intimate times with Buffy, his cherished memories, made him smile. But then Spike sobered up again. Buffy let him break the silence when he was ready. "Oh how I hated that fucking bastard."

She didn't need to be told that he was talking about Angelus. "I could see why." She hoped that would encourage him to say more but not be too pushy with this incredibly sensitive subject. Regardless of Spike's and Angel's feelings, she was glad she saw their little scene. She had gained valuable knowledge about their relationship back then and how that influenced the present as well as each of them individually. Angelus, the bully, evil personified, and William, the vampire with feelings. She could feel her eyes tear up. It must have been so hard being with someone that was pure evil when you were left with some human sentiments. But then again, Spike had always been a very different vampire. He had always had tender feelings. For her mom, for Dawn and for herself. And what was that about his own mom that was mentioned in the scene? Maybe she would save that for later along with Cecily.

"Even knowing he wasn't Angelus any longer, I wanted to take that sword and lop Peaches' head clean off." Spike was silent for a moment. "Bloody awful poet." He shook his head. "I did get my nickname Spike from using railroad spikes on victims." Now Spike's voice was full of disgust. "But the 'Bloody' part was because when I was human, a wanker said that I was a bloody awful poet. Hence, William the Bloody. Peaches gave me that moniker to remind me of my humiliation."

Debating if she really wanted the answer, Buffy asked, "Did you kill the gentleman jerk?"

"Yes, the arse was on the receiving end of one of my famous spikes." Spike looked her in the eyes as he said it, daring her to judge him.

Buffy was chilled by his voice, and she was hard pressed to make out any remorse from him. Definite time for mood change. Choosing to be playful, poked him in the ribs. "You told me that you had always been bad." Enough dark share time.

"Yeah, well I had a lapse once or twice." Despite his low chuckle, there was no way he was admitting to anymore. He stood up and started walking down the passage way in the opposite direction from the chamber with Nina, Angel and the supplies.

Buffy quickly followed. "Ha. Or five lapses or six..." Chewing her lip for a moment, Buffy finally had to ask. "When was that? Did the girl survive?"

Spike snorted. "It was 1892 in Spain. I guess the Spanish part is how it was connected to our little jaunt here in Mexico in this pile of rocks. Angelus was a bloody wanker, especially when Darla was egging him on. Whatever, I was able to knock Angelus out and took the little bit away from that house, but there was hell to pay afterwards. I couldn't walk for a fortnight."

"Was it worth it?" She wanted to hold his hand, comfort him during this painful memory, but she wasn't up for rejection right then. Instead, she could feel her eyes fill with tears on his behalf.

They walked in silence for a few moments before Spike spoke quietly. "It was worth it."

"Good, I'm glad." Her mind was going a mile a minute. She was finding out about the real William, which she had been discovering was his closely guarded secret. She loved the sensitive side and knowing more about William helped explain a vampire that cared about humans. Actually she realized that she had been seeing William in Spike since she had first met him. It was just part of the whole package that she loved. Buffy smiled warmly at him. "As with Dawn, you've always had a soft side."

Surprisingly, his sideways glance towards her was more of a glare. He promised himself that he wasn't going to make any more lapses around her. "I never made the mistake again...until Nibblet...well...and Joyce. "

"But Dawn wasn't a mistake, was she?" Buffy was relieved when the corners of his mouth tilted up. "She loves you."

He nodded his head with the pleasant memories of being with Buffy's little sis washed over him. "And I love Platelet. I must have a soft spot for the Summers women."

Oh, oh, please may she be including her with her sister and mom. What a great opportunity to talk about the pleasant past. "How did you and Dawn first bond?"

Spike's small smile grew. "It was your birthday." Buffy was thrilled when he turned his smile her way. She quickly returned his before he returned to staring forward. "The Bit was sneaking out of the house."

"What were you doing there?" Curiously, Buffy couldn't understand his mumbled reply. "Translation?"

"I was bringing you a gift." He was going to be so thankful if she didn't ask what it was.

Buffy lightly touched his arm. "It is a little late now but thanks for the thought."

Her touch was like an electric shock shooting up his arm but in a pleasant way. "Well see, Bit had snuck out. We broke into the Magic Box, read Rupert's journal, and found out that she was the Key. I guess us finding out together was when we really bonded." Spike paused, lost in the past. "Then the next day you came barging into my crypt, messing up my nail polish. The rest you remember."

"You set me straight." Buffy kicked herself. Now there was a chill in the air again. Here she ruined a good moment by reminding him of one of her bitch fests. He, of course, was on the receiving end which he was on all too often whether he deserved it or not. This time it was an "or not."

"Well, I guess you should have dinner." When he nodded, Buffy offered her wrist for Spike to feed. When his head began to descend, she whispered in his ear, "Will you at least agree that I care for you?"

Pausing, Spike thought about his answer. Did he believe her? He had spent so much of the last few years thinking she had no feelings for him, at least not of the tender type. Then that last year in Sunnydale, she had even gone so far as going out on a date with someone else, that principal git, right under his nose. And that doesn't even count her swapping spit with his grandsire. After that episode, she came back to him, wanting to make with the cuddles before that final fight, but still...things had changed since being with her on this adventure. She had changed, and he had to admit it seemed to be for the better. He could see her emotions shining in her eyes. No hiding them any longer. It was in her eyes for all to see. She saw him, really saw him. Better yet, she appreciated him. Consequently, he had to admit that she cared for him, but he just couldn't bring himself to admit it out loud. Nothing good had ever come from his declarations of his feelings to this woman. So this time he held his traitorous tongue. But he couldn't help giving her a small smile.

*****

 

Chapter 16 - The Ice Melts

'This was it; this was it.' That thought ran around and round in her head, never tiring. She could easily read desire in his clear blue eyes. She could have crowed for joy when his eyes slid down to her lips. And that she could feel his arousal pressed against her stomach felt like one of her erotic dreams come true.

Spike watched Buffy lick her lower lip and was so tempted to touch tongue to tongue, lightly nipping the tip of hers. He could practically taste it.

However, with much effort and poor resolution, he rolled her off of him and somehow made it to his feet on shaky legs. Brushing off the dirt that covered his front, he tried to calm his breathing and racing heart, not to mention the erection bulging in the front of his jeans. Turning his back to her seemed the best option.

As Buffy made it to her feet, her smile grew, but then she hid her emotions the best that she could. She didn't think it would be very good for him to see her gloat. He wanted to kiss her. The signals were screaming at her. Even after his comment about tasting like the Immortal earlier, as disgusted as he acted, she now knew with certainty that he still desired her. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

Time for action, she told herself. His back was to her, but that didn't matter one bit. She wasn't going to pass up such a good opportunity. Quickly walking up behind him, she slid her arms around his waist.

Shocked, Spike wasn't sure what to do. Her arms felt wonderful as they wrapped around him, but that didn't compare to her body pressed against his back and her head resting between his shoulder blades. A small portion of his brain wanted to push her off. 'You're right. Any wanker knew better...Who am I kidding?' What he wanted to do was turn around and envelop his arms around hers and hold on tight.

Buffy felt him stiffen when she slipped her arms around his waist, but that was ok. She knew better than Mr. Denial that he did want her. When she rested the side of her face on his back, she could hear his heart pounding.

"Thump, thump...thump, thump," Buffy chanted in a stead rhythm.

With the ice broken, Spike had to laugh. "My heart beat. Surprising, luv?"

Yes! 'Luv' again. Buffy squirmed a tad, getting a better hold. "No actually, it sounds...nice. It fits you. You always did feel so passionately about people like Dawn. You had to have some kind of heart back then." Buffy listened for a moment more. 'And still me! Please, please, please,' she pleaded to the Powers That Be.

"I think it does, too, pet." Spike again wondered at their current position. Feeling her front pressed against his back. He couldn't help but think how well she fit him, even from behind. All the curves in the right place and all the dips and valleys nestled in the right places. "Thanks for saving me."

"I couldn't lose you again, not again." She rubbed her face against his leather clad back while she ran her hands into the front of his jacket, feeling his chest, and seemingly accidentally across his hardened nipples. She was pleased that he was aroused as she was. Hugging him a little tighter, she slowly swayed left and right, rubbing her chest, her whole body against him.

Oh, he wanted to lay her down on the spot and ravish her, sink into her heat, but his need just seemed to stick in his craw. However, his reasons to resist seemed to be fading in intensity. At this rate, he was going to forget that blighter in Rome's name. He carefully stepped forward, leaving a few inches between them and with her arms still loosely around him, but he did it in such a way that it wasn't a rejection.

She felt him start to pull away so she reluctantly loosened her hold on him. She wanted to hold tight, but she knew that wasn't going to work with him. Before she could even be disappointed in her loss, Spike slowly turned around in her arms, and his lips descended onto hers, an action that was both graceful and completely natural. At first his tongue didn't seek entrance into her mouth. He couldn't bring himself to make that next step just yet, a step to a higher familiarity that he had been fighting so very hard. However, he grew less and less content and ran the tip of his tongue along her lips. He tasted a spot and then kissed the same place. He repeated this until Buffy moaned in pent up frustration.

Pulling back and looking at her, he wasn't quite sure what did it, her beguiling smile or their growing camaraderie, but whatever it was, he capitulated. He gave into his driving desire for this siren, his siren. But the why didn't matter any more; what was important was the how. Why he didn't want to be intimate with fading. He wrapped one arm around her waist, the other hand behind her head and pulled her against his length again.

Finally, Buffy had had enough of his teasing. She returned the gesture, reached up and held Spike's head in place. Her tongue slipped out of her mouth and sought entrance into his. With a groan of his own, Spike gave in, and his tongue met hers. To him, she tasted like forbidden fruit, the sweetest of sweet ambrosia. He had surmised that their coming together would be intense, but the actual act blew him away. To her, he tasted like life. He was the center of her universe, and she was finally back in balance. He grounded her.

'Air,' Buffy's body told her. She needed air, but there was no way she wanted it if it meant ending this kiss. Her world was being shaken. Wasn't the ground trembling? Her tongue dueled with his, becoming familiar with him again, hers battling for more. But air, damn it. Her fuzzy brain finally worked out that she had to have oxygen, or she wouldn't be able to kiss him again. Whoops, Spike needed air now, too. With great reluctance to say the very least, she pulled back from him. Her eyes immediately sought out his. She had to know how he felt about their renewed intimacy, and Spike's eyes were always so expressive. Did he enjoy the kiss? Did he regret it? And most of all, did he want to do it again? Actually, his expression looked...stunned, like he hadn't seen it coming. Buffy chewed her lip. Stunned. Was that good or bad? Well, he was still holding her. That had to be good, didn't it?

Suddenly, while she was striving to judge his reaction, his lips crashed down on hers again. In any other circumstance, this would be rather comical. Spike's tongue found easy access between her lips because her jaw was hanging slack from shock. Lips of Spike were on hers again. Yum, Spike's lips. As the reality of his enthusiastic reaction sunk in, she melted in his arms. Not wanting to miss an opportunity, nor even a moment, she pulled his shirt tail out. Her hands roamed swiftly, desperately all over his smooth back, sometimes using her nails, an impulse due to the intensity of their kiss. She sucked lightly on his tongue, wanting as much as she could get, but she couldn't help but think the kiss was a poor second to his member inside of her, completing her. But some baby steps.

He pulled back for air again. Spike knew he had lost his tenuous control. No doubt about it. He wanted her, needed her and now he had her in his arms. Spike's eyes were drawn to where Buffy was worrying her lip. Actually, he should be worrying his, too. He wasn't quite sure of what all the ramifications of the kiss were, even so far as a relationship between them again, but he didn't think he regretted the action. No...No, he didn't regret anything. To kiss her had been a path of coming home. No, no regrets, but he wasn't sure how fast he wanted to head down that road with her yet again, and he knew he wasn't ready to open himself up, making himself vulnerable to her again so soon. He'd take it slow...but one more taste couldn't hurt.

This kiss, he took his time, melding their lips together. Buffy felt hope in this kiss, and she might be wrong, but she thought he felt it, too. She wrapped her arms tight around his neck as if she were going to fall into an abyss if she wasn't in his arms. She moaned in disappointment when the kissed ended.

When he let go of her completely, Buffy assumed she'd read him wrong, that she had done something wrong. That she didn't please him anymore. "What...?" But the slight tilt of his lips up took the sting out of the movement. She relaxed a little.

In the next instant, Spike jerked back from Buffy. A whistle shot through him like an arrow. It was Angelus' whistle, but now it was Angel's. Angel's. Spike had to remind himself again. "Angel is paging us. He and Nina must have found the hand print."

"Let's go see." Buffy had a smile plastered on her face, and she desperately wanted to grab hold of his hand. However, she was sure that was pushing things. It was enough to know that he had enjoyed the kisses. And possibly more soon? Oh, yes.

*****

Nina and Angel made their way down the tunnel they were scouting, scanning the walls on both sides. Having stopped to study a particular hieroglyph on her own, Nina trailed behind.

When she couldn't stand the silence anymore, Nina broached the subject which had been floating in the air between her and her boyfriend, namely Buffy and Spike and their relationship, or lack of. "Angel, I'm worried about them."

After a quick glance, Angel again focused on the tunnel ahead. "Who?" he absently threw over his shoulder.

"Buffy and Spike, of course." She wanted to smack him one for being so dense. Then she gave into her desire.

"Omf...No, I meant which one of them." Giving her a dirty look, Angel rubbed his injured side. "What I meant was which one are you talking about? The vampire or the slayer?"

Nina stopped and tilted her head in thought as she laid her hand on his arm. She stood in front of him just for good measure. "Now that you ask, I'm not sure. I am definitely worried about Spike. Even though he would never admit it, he has such a sensitive side, especially concerning her, and I don't want to see him hurt. I didn't know how much until I saw them together. But Buffy? I feel sorry for her." She got out of his way so that they started walking again. "You can read her face so clearly. She loves him and isn't trying to hide it."

Throwing up his hands, Angel paused again and gritted his teeth before speaking again. "But he doesn't believe her, and you know what? I'm not so sure I do either."

Nina threw up her hands, imitating her infuriating, hardheaded love. "But why?"

"The truth? You really want the truth?" He stopped and looked at her with an eyebrow raised.

Nina eagerly nodded. "Duh! Yeah."

Putting a hand on his head for a moment like he was trying to get rid of a harsh headache, he tried to explain something he didn't want to. "You know this, Nina. Alright already. Buffy shouldn't have been kissing me when she knew Spike would be waiting for her at home. She played him and me."

"She didn't mean to..." Nina attempted to defend Buffy, but Angel cut her off.

"No, Nina, I talked to her about this. She may have told herself that she didn't mean it, but deep down, she knew." Trying to diffuse and put behind the subject, he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "My opinion? She deserves what he serves up."

His little speech would have more impact if his next step hadn't spun him around, ending him on his ass. His first thought was he hadn't said anything that bad for Nina to hit him again.

As he kept spinning, Nina laughed so hard that she didn't see the spikes coming out of the side walls. Instead she watched Angel, stand, tilt over taking another step and spin on another disk hidden in the dirt on the floor. She laughed harder until one of the sharp pikes slit the shoulder of his leather jacket down to his skin, leaving a red cut.

"Ow. Huh?" Angel's eyes widened as he finally noticed all the spears pointed at him. Contrary to self-preservation, thinking only of her, Angel practically yelled even though she was only fifteen feet away. "Nina...Nina, don't take a step this way, not one step." With his stillness, the floor stopped spinning him.

As he was from her, Nina was terrified for him. "But you're not spinning anymore." Lifting up her foot, she was desperate to get him back to her.


"You don't know if..." As soon as he shifted his weight, the disk start spinning quickly again. "Now we know. Movement triggers the spinning." He barely dodged a spear aimed at his chest before he stood up and took a few more steps and spins.

"Angel, come back." Growing desperate, Nina went ahead and took one step forward. "Please."

"No, you stay there." Nina gave him a wobbly smile at her very own overly protective vampire but was still worried for him. Angel, though, was ready to move on. "I'm already half way through the pikes, so I'll go ahead." Angel matched her smile with what he hoped was his sexiest smile, striving to put her worries to rest. "I won't get hurt when you are watching over me."

She started to take another step forward but thought better of it. "But I want to help." She so wanted to be useful. There had to be something she could do.

He inadvertently shifted his weight and spun but ended up facing her this time. "Nina, you know that I love you. I couldn't stand it if you're hurt." His usual stoic demeanor aside, Angel spoke with feeling, "But I've got to see the tunnel beyond this chamber." Thinking about it again, Nina decided that having faith in Angel was the better path.

Angel whistled sharply again. "What is keeping that boy so long? Just my luck and his hard headedness, he must be ignoring me." Before he could curse his grandchilde any further, Buffy and Spike came into view. Their responses varied to Angel's predicament. Buffy was confused but also concerned. Spike, however, came to an abrupt halt next to Nina, greedily taking in the scene. "Bloody hell, Peaches, you're hurting my ears with those girly whistles for help. 'Help poor, pitiful me!'" Spike looked like he had hit the Angel teasing pay dirt. "And what's with the over-grown, pointy tooth picks?"

"Look, brain bucket head..." As soon as he moved, the section of the floor that he was standing on spun which only gained him more ribbing from Spike. "I don't want to hear it, Spike."

"Oh no, gelled one, this is the perfect situation for ribbing." Spike tried to curb his laughter. "Now we go to the judges for their scores. I give you a four."

With Spike's levity, Nina relaxed somewhat and joined the fun. "I don't know, honey. This might really be an up and coming sporting event." She let Angel's black look bounce off of her. "I would give you a seven."

"This isn't funny..." In his irritation, Angel shifted his weight, spun and fell down. One of the pikes ripped the edge of his pants.

"I give that one a six, but I only give your costume a two. Lacks originality." Spike held up the appropriate amount of fingers in place of a score card. He was pleased when Buffy joined the impromptu game.

"No, no. That was definitely a six. My score was going to be seven. Compared to Nina's score of five, I give you an extra point for your tilting, and another point for grace, but then I took one off for getting scratched by the spear." Buffy laughed as Angel puffed up.

"Grace! Grace? I'm not graceful. Men aren't called graceful..." Angel sputtered as he carefully stood up.

"Good thing you're a vampire then. Yep, graceful." Buffy suspected that Angel would have tried to strangle her if he could stride back to her without spinning out of control.

"That's it. Ha, ha. Some of us have better things to do." Angel mumbled under his breath. The sorely teased vampire turned his back to them, and brushed off his clothes. Enough was enough. "I'm going to go down the tunnel and look for the handprint."

While spinning, it was near impossible ducking and dodging without injury. After only two more jabs from the pikes that made contact and from Spike, he made it to the end. Walking and with a wave, he left to scout the rest of the tunnel, thankfully leaving the ribbing behind. Twenty minutes later, he came back at a jog. "Found it. It's about a hundred twenty-five yards down."


TBC
 

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