Chapter 12

Memories of the night before came flooding back as William lay, half-awake, in the dim early -morning light and listened to Buffy's soft breathing. He felt the heat of her skin where it touched his, her hair tickling his face and all around him the lingering scent of her perfume. And he breathed it in and allowed himself a moment of utter, uncomplicated contentment.

It wasn't the first time he'd woken up naked, and in bed with a woman, but it was the first time he'd realised that being this intimate with someone had to be the deepest form of trust you could place in them. Yet, in the past he'd done it with strangers, with no more thought than of having a few hours of pleasure.

It had taken Buffy to show him just how profound an act this really was. And Mandy to show him just how vulnerable it could make you.

At least Buffy had realised the value of the gift she'd tried to give Liam, even if Liam hadn't. William couldn't even remember what colour Mandy's eyes were. And worse than that, he didn't care either.

He slipped his arm around Buffy's waist and stroked her stomach as she stirred and settled back against him. The trouble with what had happened to him was that it made him think in extremes. It was all or nothing. Women either loved you unreservedly, or they betrayed you. You either trusted someone with your life, or you didn't trust them at all. The only good sex was sex with the girl you were going to be with for the rest of your life.

It was way too complicated to think about at this time of the morning, yet just then, in that quiet, space, he found himself able to think more objectively about his life than he had in a long time. Fear and panic had twisted things so out of proportion that he'd end up not knowing where, or who he was any more.

It's hard to count blessings when you're faced with overwhelming horror. And so easy to beat yourself up for the mistakes you think you've made. When bad things happen you tie yourself up in knots looking for a reason. And if there isn't one, then you find one.

Every night in prison he'd gone over it until he'd convinced himself that what had happened was somehow his fault, even if he'd never worked out why. It had taken a long time to get through that, and to a point where he'd realised that his only crime really had been one of thoughtlessness. He shouldn't have got so drunk, or so stoned. Should have realised how inexperienced she was, and he shouldn't have let her wake up alone and leave.

He'd gone home thinking a bunch of flowers and an apology. She'd gone home thinking revenge, or something. William had never been able to work out why she went for him the way she did. Even after he'd met her father.

Buffy moved again and rolled over so that she was facing him. When her eyes opened, they softened in recognition and her mouth curved into a knowing smile.

William closed his eyes as her fingers circled the hard length of him, a state he seemed to have been in for most of the night, and he lost himself in the sheer joy of knowing that she was really there and that she wanted him this much.

"Thank you," was all he could think of to say and Buffy giggled at the formality in his tone.

"You're welcome, William," she replied, equally as formally and without breaking her slow rhythm.

That made him laugh too. Rolling her over he pinned her beneath him and pushed her hair out of her eyes.

"I mean it," he said. "And every single word I said last night."

"Including the bit where you said you wished we had condoms?"

"Yes," he said settling himself into the cradle of her hips and knowing that was where they had to stop. "Right now," he whispered. "That most of all."

-----------------------------------------------------

"Will, we don't really need the condoms, do we?"

"I guess not." William lay beside her, staring up at the ceiling. "Waited this long, think I'll survive a bit longer."

"That's not what I meant, Will." Buffy moved closer, leaning her head on his shoulder. "If we made love now, there's nothing I'd regret about it. Whatever happened as a result."

William twisted himself around so that he was looking at her. "Me neither."

Buffy sighed and relaxed against him. "But?"

"Do you realise what we're saying, here?"

He was smiling, which was good, and she knew what he was trying to say.

"It's alright, Will, my common sense hasn't completely deserted me. Just wanted you to know how I felt."

His smile grew broader. "I'll go out and find a drugstore as soon as they're open. You got anything planned for today?"

"No," she grinned back. "Reckon we deserve a day off after yesterday."

"Gotta warn you," William said, picking up his watch and holding it close to check the time. "Two and a half years of abstinence to make up for."

"Sounds good to me. Will," she began, "I really meant what I just said, but I don't want you to think I'm pushing you to do this. I'm not, am I?"

"Gee, let's see." William frowned. "Gonna have to think about that one. Am I being forced into making love with the girl of my dreams? Umm…"

Buffy slid her hand over his waist. "Okay, you've made your point," she said tickling him and making him jump. "Just need to know I'm not being pushy Buffy here. Because I'm good at that, and I don't always realise I'm doing it."

"Buffy, I don't mind, really," he said. "Of course I want to do this. I couldn't imagine I'd ever want to again, have to admit it, but that was before I met you."

"I'm sorry. Just want to get this right, you know that."

"Me too. Look at me Buffy."

"I am," she said turning herself towards him and propping herself up on one elbow. "How do you manage to get more handsome every time I look at you?"

"Stop that," he said, clamping his hand over her mouth and making her giggle. "S'embarrasing. Now, where was I? Oh yes, now listen carefully." He took a deep breath and counted off his fingers.

"I want to make love to you, sleep with you, know you - in the biblical sense, have you, lay with you, make you mine, what else?" William closed his eyes and thought for a moment. "Oh yes."

He opened his eyes again then leaned very close to her and ran his tongue around the rim of her ear before continuing in a gravely whisper. "I really really want to fuck you. Am I making myself clear?"

Buffy's eyes widened at the use of the word, her whole body tingling in response. She heard it from the top of her head to the tips of her toes and she heard him chuckle at the effect it was having on her.

His laugh always sounded a little rusty as if he hadn't done much of it for a long time, and she knew that was true. Perhaps you did have to learn to laugh again when you'd forgotten how, and perhaps you had to re-learn this too?

"Coming through loud and clear," she managed in a squeaky voice, because he was still breathing very close to her and it was setting her nerve endings on fire.

"I'm glad we had a chance to plan it like this," she said. "Sounds odd, but I think we both needed to know for sure that we were doing the right thing. It was a spur of the moment thing with Liam, I saw him leaving and followed him out. Spent all evening flirting with him and when I saw he was going, I guess I just kind of panicked."

William pulled her into a hug, fitting himself against her and holding her close. She felt his lips on her shoulder, but it was more a kiss of reassurance than anything else.

"You're not exactly looking at an expert in relationships here," he said. "We'll just have to make our own rules, do what's right for us. Yeah?"

"Sounds like a plan," she said, snuggling back against him. "Suppose we ought to get up some time?"

"Suppose so."

Neither of them moved because it was important to have quiet, still times in between the revelations and declarations and the passion. Time to be and just think about things. Lying still with him, in his arms and listening to his heartbeat, feeling his warm breath on her shoulder, the heat and strength of him surrounding her was as much a joy as the kisses and the caresses. Maybe even better, she thought, unable to decide what she liked best about him.

Attraction was usually physical to start with, for her anyway, but with him it hadn't been. He was a good-looking guy, but he'd definitely been hiding that part of himself when he'd first arrived. It was barely more than a week later, but he didn't even look the same any more. Or maybe she was just looking at him differently?

Rose-tinted spectacles had certainly coloured her view of Liam, but she knew she wasn't doing that with William. She'd fallen in love with who he was, as well as what he looked like, and she counted herself lucky. Lucky that she'd had the opportunity to see something of his vulnerabilities as well as his strengths before they went on to this. She laughed out loud, thinking what a boring speech this would make if she was giving it to someone else. Get to know the real person first. Very old-fashioned, but good advice, none-the less.

"What is it?" William asked her.

"I was just thinking what a lovely Victorian couple we'd make."

"They weren't as prudish as it's made out. Not by a long shot."

"I know," she said and rolled onto her back. "I've got this wonderful collection of Victorian erotica. Found it in granddad's desk drawer. Don't know if mom knows about it, but it just goes to show you never really know people, do you? Some of it's bordering pornographic, and I just can't see gran and granddad looking at that sort of stuff together."

"Know what you mean. You gonna show me then?"

"If you like."

"Bet you were disappointed in him when you found them?"

"I was. I'd always thought of him as this genial old man, but I suppose he had to have been young once."

"And I bet your gran was a right cracker. There must have been a time when he couldn't keep his hands off her."

"Euww, that was a visual I didn't need." Do you want breakfast?"

"Sounds good."

They were quiet for a moment and then she said, "I'm happy."

"Me too, but it's not all going to be roses, you know that?"

"I know," she said looking at the pile of clothes they'd discarded so carelessly the previous night. She jumped up and he must have realised that she was feeling a little shy away from the privacy of the bed, because he suddenly found something very interesting to look at on the ceiling while she slipped into the old shirt.

"Breakfast in bed?" she said as she buttoned up.

"You're going to spoil me." William sat up and had a good stretch, then he took a moment to appreciate the sight she made wearing nothing but the shirt.

Buffy gave him a twirl. "Stay put," she said. "I think there might be some waffles in the freezer, but you've got to promise not to get maple syrup on the quilt."

"Would I do that?" he replied widening his eyes in mock indignation.

"Yes, you would," Buffy replied. "I already know that much about you."

But not much else about his actual life, she realised as she searched for the waffles. Here they were taking steps toward a commitment to each other and she really didn't know anything about him outside of the circumstances that had brought him to the house in the first place. Just a few snippets about his gran and his parents, really.

It seemed simple. If you loved someone you wanted to be with them, right? Did it matter that they hadn't written each other a report on their pasts? And just how many people did that anyway?

She'd fallen in love with William, but William was Spike too.

And the words they'd told each other last night? Simple enough to say, but it was what came after that was important. What they did next.

She closed the freezer and opened the packet. There were no guarantees, not really. Life was what you made it and it required effort and commitment to the things you believed in if you were going to get the most out of it. Otherwise you just drifted along and if you weren't careful the tide would leave you high and dry, marooned somewhere you didn't want to be, and with no idea of how you got there.

Buffy hugged herself as she waited for the toaster to pop up the waffles. It did feel as if she and William had come a long way in a very short time and given both their pasts that should have been surprising, but it wasn't. Right then she couldn't think of a more logical way for this story to end, but for them to be together. She felt warm all over when she thought of him waiting for her upstairs, in the old brass bed and she knew she'd feel the same about it tomorrow and the next day.

And for as far forward as she could see.

This had happened with Liam, after their first date she already had it all planned. The wedding, the house, how many kids. It was human nature for the mind to latch on to hope and then run on to future possibilities.

William was reading when she went back up, propped up on one elbow, wearing one of his black tee shirts and staring intently at the page. He didn't notice her as she stood in the doorway and watched him. As she imagined all those possibilities with him.

A lump formed in her throat and her heart turned over.

"Looks good," he said as she put down the tray and climbed back onto the bed. "Can't remember the last time I had breakfast in bed."

"Me neither." She leaned over to kiss him, her hand resting lightly on his shoulder. Just a quick peck on the lips to re establish contact. Reassurance for her as well as him. "Let's do this often," she said.

William pulled her back for a kiss of his own. A little longer than hers, slightly more passionate, but not much. Telling her that he understood what she was trying to say.

"I'd like that," he said. "I'd like that a lot.

-------------------------------------------------------------

William didn't make it to the drugstore. By the time they finally dragged themselves out of bed the morning was nearly gone. And then Buffy had a call from a client who wanted to come for a sitting, so he took himself off to the study and spent most of the afternoon doing some of the work that was his reason for being there.

Then it seemed indecent to make a special journey for condoms, and much as he wanted to make love to Buffy properly, he had to admit to being more than content right then. It was somehow reassuring to be able to find out as much as he could about what she liked before they took this final step.

It made him smile as he worked. She was sexy as hell and that, combined with the costumes, had given last night a strangely surreal edge. And the seduction had worked perfectly, not that she'd have had to work too hard at that, he thought with a laugh, but it had been nice putting himself in her hands, quite literally, and not having to worry about whether he was overstepping the mark.

Concentrate, he scolded himself and refocused on the screen. The pictures from the open house day were looking good, and he wanted to do the best job on this that he could. He needed that, for him as well as her. She needed to sell herself and widen her audience. It was a unique product that she was selling and William had a feeling that, with her talent, she could be really big. But he also knew that all the talent in the world meant nothing if you didn't get the right breaks.

And he had a new impetus to make something of himself too, because getting by was no longer an option. With his prison record, no matter that he'd been innocent, it was always going to be difficult for him to get a regular job, so he had no option but to do this on his own. And if he was going to make a life with Buffy he'd have to pull his weight in the earning department.

Time for a screen break, he thought, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. And a coffee to keep him awake, because yet again, he was sleep deprived, only this time not for the usual reason. That thought had him grinning again and he pushed the chair back from the desk and sauntered out to the kitchen to make himself a drink. Buffy still hadn't appeared so he made her one too and took it out to her studio.

They'd made their declaration, both hinted at commitment and he, at least, couldn't imagine that he'd ever find anything better than this for himself. But it was still in the tentative early stages. Still something that existed in the perfect world of this house. Tonight was going to be the first real test of what they really had. The first time they'd be together in front of people who possibly weren't going to give it the wholehearted approval that Buffy's friends had.

And Liam was going to be there. That bothered William more than anything. The thought of seeing Buffy confront her demons and of Liam seeing them together was something he would gladly have avoided if it hadn't been something that they both needed to do before they could truly move on. Pushing open the door to the studio, he arranged his mouth into a smile and called out her name because she was engrossed in her work and he didn't want to startle her.

"Oh, thanks Will," she said dipping her brush into a pot of mineral spirits and swirling it around. "I was just thinking the same thing." She took the coffee from him and moved over to the sofa. "Come sit down for a moment. I've nearly finished the underpainting, then I'm thinking the hot-tub, you with me?"

"Sounds good." William crossed the room and sat down next to her. "Looking forward to tonight?"

"Sort of," she said. "But I've kind of liked it being just the two of us. Let's go live on a desert island, or somewhere far away from everything, wouldn't that be great?"

"Yeah, it would." William put down his coffee and gave her hand a squeeze. "Used to live in this wonderful place where the sun always shone and there were castles and everyone rode around on bloody unicorns."

"Really?" She looked at him curiously.

"When I was inside. Spent hours lying on my bunk imagining I was somewhere else, in this fantastical place I made up in my head."

"Will you take me there, Will?"

"Wish I could, but unfortunately it's not real." He glanced down at Buffy who was staring thoughtfully into her cup. "Besides, you'd never leave this house, would you?"

Buffy opened her mouth, but he stopped her. "No, don't answer that, I wasn't expecting you to and I'd never ask you to. So the desert island option is out of the question, and so is unicorn-land, I'm afraid."

"I would if you really wanted me to."

She wasn't looking at him anymore, but she sounded as if she meant it. William thought about what they'd said earlier, in bed. How they'd started to hint at a future together. "Thanks for saying that, but you wouldn't be happy anywhere else," he replied.

"It's just a house," she said in return. "Bricks and mortar and wooden boards. Yes, they hold memories and they're important, but people are a heck of a lot more important."

"They are," he said, "but I know how much this place means to you."

"No," Buffy said quietly, "you don't. Because if you did, you'd know how much what I just said meant."

William was glad then that he hadn't gone out for the condoms. There were still things to say before they took that final step, things that he might never hear if they rushed this. "Then I'm the luckiest man alive," he told her. "Buffy, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it. Taking you away to a place where no one knows us and starting all over again, but you'd always miss this house, wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would, but life's about compromise, right?"

"How about more like getting your priorities straight? Knowing what you want and going for it?"

"I want you." Buffy leaned her head on his arm.

"And?"

"And I want to live with you in this house."

"What else?"

"I'd like to be a successful artist I suppose. Gotta pay the bills. What do you want, Will?"

"The same, only not the bit about being a famous artist, obviously. I'd settle for earning a decent wage to keep us. Hell, I'm even thinking of asking my parents to put some work my way. Oh, and if Manchester United could win the Triple again, then life would be complete."

"Two nations divided by a common language," Buffy said laughing at his soccer reference. "Thanks. I've thought about moving too, but I do love this place." She sighed and he lifted her hand and kissed the back of it.

"It's important to have a place where you feel you belong, somewhere you can always come back to."

"It is, and I want you to feel it too, Will."

William put his arm around her shoulders. "I already do, told you I felt it the moment I walked in through the door."

"That's just the house's way of saying this was meant to be then."

William laughed at that, but Buffy shook her head.

"Don't laugh," she said seriously. "If you weren't meant to be here, you'd have known it by now. This house doesn't like everyone, believe me."

William tipped back his head, still smiling. "Then I guess I have to say thank you to it, for letting me share you. I'll take good care of her," he told the beamed ceiling.

His voice echoed in the space and it almost seemed as if the house did breathe a sigh of approval for them.

A sanctuary and a refuge, but not a hiding place, never that. They couldn't hide from the outside world, neither did he want them to. Rather it was somewhere to be, with someone he loved, and it was exactly what he needed.

A place to call his own again.

-------------------------------------------------------------

William disappeared into the bathroom around nine o' clock and after an extraordinarily long time emerged looking exactly the same as when he'd gone in. Clean clothes, but still in his trade mark black tee shirt and jeans. Buffy guessed that tonight of all nights he needed to feel secure and not stand out too much. The only thing that was different was his hair.

"Love your hair like that," she said, watching him pick up his jacket and check the inside pocket for cash.

"It's set like concrete," he said running a hand over it. "Here, feel."

Buffy stroked his head and let her fingers linger a little longer than necessary. William took the opportunity to grab her round the waist and planted a sloppy kiss on her mouth.

"Hey, get off," she protested cheerfully. "Now I gotta re-apply my lipstick."

He did it again then wiped his mouth clean with the back of his hand. "Guess we better get walking," he said and opened the front door.

She could see that he was nervous. They hadn't descended the steps before he stopped her for another kiss. She held on to him when he finally let her go.

"Will," she said. "We really don't have to go if you don't want to."

"Yes we do, but we're not going to get very far if you keep kissing me like this." He winked then slipped his hand into hers and pulled her along after him.

"Aren't we taking the car?" she said, practically having to run to keep up with him. "Will, wait up, I can't run in these shoes."

"Sorry," he said stopping while she regained her balance. "Thought we'd decided to walk?"

"You decided, I'd never have worn these if I'd known we were walking," she grumbled. "Think I'll go back and change."

"No, don't do that," he said. "They're dead sexy."

And so was he when he looked at her like that. All wide-eyed innocence with just a hint of naughty little boy. She wondered if he was even aware that he was doing it.

"I don't know what possessed me to buy them," she said, eyeing the red stilettos and wriggling as she pulled down her skirt. "Are you nervous?"

"You've noticed then?" William raised his hand and she saw that it was shaking slightly. "Look at that," he said. "Daft, isn't it? Not like I haven't been to a club before. And we've got to walk so I don't have to drink alone. Come on, promise I'll go slow."

He held out his hand again and she took it. True to his word he slowed down and they made the leisurely walk into town. The night was still mild enough for her to feel comfortable in such a short skirt, but she knew she was going to feel it when they came out. The look on his face when he'd seen what she was wearing had been worth it though. She'd wanted him to know that she'd made an effort for him and he seemed to appreciate it.

"I'm sure Xander will join you in the drinking," she said as they approached the town centre, "don't worry about that, and I, for one, don't intend on getting drunk tonight."

William nodded in agreement. "You're right, don't let me drink too much either. I'd still like to be upright at the end of the evening."

Buffy giggled and nudged him with her elbow. "I can't believe you just said that."

"What?" He cocked his head at her then his eyes widened. "Oh, I didn't mean…you know what I meant."

"I do, Will, and I definitely want you upright this evening."

"Bloody hell, now I've got performance anxiety as well. Can we stop for a bit?"

They were at the end of the boardwalk, the club behind them, already packed out and rocking by the sound of it. Every time the door opened Buffy heard the thumping music and noise of the large crowd enjoying themselves. William leaned against the railing and Buffy wrapped an arm around his and tucked herself into his side.

"Sounds like the party's well and truly started," she said. "Shall we go in?"

"Just give us a minute," he replied. "Trying to pluck up some courage here."

"Yeah, me too." She looked at her watch. "Willow rang to say she and Tara couldn't make it, but Xand and Anya will be here. At least you know them."

"Yeah, they're nice people. I suppose he'll be here too."

"You mean Liam, yeah, Cordy said they'd be coming."

"How are you going to feel about seeing him with her?" He spoke quietly and without looking at her. Instead he was staring at something way out to sea.

She looked too, but all she saw was an inky-black shape that shimmered with dappled moonlight. "I used to think that all sort of fantastic creatures lived in the sea, fairies and things," she said. "Thought they'd come for me one day and take me away."

"Would you have gone with them?"

"I don't know, I think there was a time when I would have."

"I'm glad you didn't."

"Well," she said. "It was kind of like I was waiting for something, or someone, only I didn't know what, or who. And I got it completely wrong. Will, Liam is well and truly in the past, he can date Cordelia, or anyone for all I care. I just want you."

"I know. Just worried about how you're going to feel when you see him."

"Worried for me, or worried for you?"

"Bit of both, I suppose. He was a big part of your life. And he'll know about me," William added quietly.

"He was and it's over. Come on," she tugged gently on his arm and to her relief he let her lead him away from the rail and towards the club. His reluctance was understandable as well as his anxieties about coming face to face with the ex love of her life, but the only way to slay demons was to meet them head on. It was what she'd always done and what she was going to do now. Walk into the club, holding William's hand and if necessary look Liam straight in the eye and dare him to say anything.

Buffy very much doubted whether Liam would even care if she had another boyfriend, and reminded herself that this wasn't really about her. It was about getting William back into the swing of real life. Doing normal things like going dancing and drinking with friends. Being proud to be seen with him, letting him know that it didn't matter what people thought of him. And then going home and making love.

Which reminded her that neither of them had remembered to buy any condoms.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't nearly as bad as he'd been dreading and after a few drinks William felt relaxed enough to follow Buffy onto the dance floor when she asked him to. The first thing he'd done when he'd gone in was to excuse himself to the men's bathroom and load up on condoms, which was one anxiety out of the way. The other one, Liam, was nowhere to be seen

"Perhaps they're not coming," he whispered as he fitted Buffy against him. It wasn't a slow dance but there was no way he was going to make an exhibition of himself, the evening was going well, nice and low key and he wanted it to stay that way. And Xander and Anya were doing a wonderful job of drawing attention away from them with their outrageous jiving.

So what does this Liam guy look like then?" He said it as casually as he could, but Buffy wasn't fooled.

"Stop worrying about Liam," she said. "He's over there, big guy, dark hair. The beauty on his arm's Cordy."

"You didn't say anything." William couldn't resist a look, but Buffy twirled him around so that he was facing the other way and then held him firmly in place.

"I've managed to completely ignore him, Will. You do the same. Now dance with me," she commanded.

William did for a few moments, and then he surreptitiously manoeuvred her round again.

"He's brooding," William said, narrowing his eyes so that he could see better. What he needed were his glasses so he could take a good look, at last, at the guy who'd so callously broken Buffy's heart. No, he corrected himself, what he really needed to do was to march over and punch him in the mouth.

"He always looks like that. Don't you start going all caveman on me," Buffy said teasing gently. "I'd like to see more of Spike, but perhaps later, when we get back?" Raising herself on tiptoe she whispered something in his ear that made him blush to the roots of his hair.

"Buffy Summers," he said in mock indignation, "I am not that kind of guy."

"But I'm guessing Spike is," she replied with an enigmatic smile.

"'Fraid not," he said shaking his head. "Spike's still technically a virgin, in fact."

"Oh?" Buffy narrowed her eyes.

"Think about it," he said and sneaked another look across the room. Yes, the man definitely was staring.. And it was Spike who stared back. William closed his eyes and tried to squash down the feeling, but when he opened them Liam was still there, still blatantly looking at them, one arm leaning casually on the bar.

Buffy thought. "Oh, you've only known Spike since you've been in prison. Ahh, then tonight is going to be very interesting."

He managed to laugh at that, although it wasn't really helping with the performance anxiety. Then he started to worry that he hadn't bought enough condoms because Buffy seemed to be having rather high expectations of him.

The song came to an end and they sat, out of sight of Liam and Cordelia. William took a long draught from his beer bottle and kept drinking until Buffy reminded him that he wasn't supposed to be getting too drunk, so he put it down again.

"Having fun?"

"Yeah," he wanted to kiss her, but he wanted to march her across the room and do it in front of Liam. Wanted the jerk to see just what he'd let go.

"Liam's really bothering you, isn't he?" Buffy twisted around and scanned the dance floor, then she turned back. "You were definitely glaring just now."

"Was not. Okay, maybe a little. I'm sorry Buffy," William picked up his beer bottle again. "I didn't think he'd get my back up as much as this."

Buffy placed a reassuring hand on his arm. "I'm okay with it, and you've got to be too. Come on, it's not as if he's doing anything, is it?"

"I know." William slumped in his seat feeling like a sulky little boy. Buffy tilted her head and gazed at him appealingly.

"Cheer up."

Hell, could I be more of a idiot? he thought and shook his head. He couldn't erase the past, but they didn't have to think about it all the time. "Okay, all cheered up. Have I told you how gorgeous you look tonight?"

"A few times, but you can say it again if you like."

Buffy smiled sweetly and his heart did a little waltz. Then she wriggled her hips and smoothed her hands down her thighs, very slowly while he watched, wide-eyed. His hand went automatically to his chest as his heart attempted to do the tango. He coughed forcefully, then took a long swig of his beer and swallowed hard to stop it turning into a panic attack.

Buffy didn't seem to notice and crossed her legs, causing her skirt to ride even higher.

"You look bloody amazing," he told her, "and thanks for putting up with me. You're right about Liam and I'm just being a jerk, I'll get over it."

"Glad to hear it," she said resting her hand casually on his knee. "Wanna see what I've got in my bag?"

William breathed a calming breath, pushed Liam out of his mind, then settled back to enjoy the flirting. A nice prelude to what they'd promised themselves later on and she was doing a very good job so far of getting him hot. His jeans were actually starting to feel tight for a change.

"Yeah," he said and leaned forward, wondering if it was the same as he had in his pocket.

"Ooh, can I see too?" Anya appeared, seemingly out of nowhere with Xander in tow. "What've you got in there that's so interesting?"

William sat back abruptly and folded his arms. Buffy snapped her purse shut.

"Nothing," they both said in unison.

----------------------------------------------------

"He doesn't like it."

"Leave it alone, An. Liam knows better than to start anything here."

"I tell you, he's glaring. I know glaring when I see it and that is definitely it."

Xander twirled Anya around and pulled her in close. "He's with Cordelia, and they look like an item to me." Squinting, he peered across the room and then followed the trajectory of Liam's gaze. It wasn't Buffy he was looking at, he realised, it was William.

"Oh crap," he said as William picked up his cigarettes from the table then leaned across to kiss Buffy on the cheek. They had a short conversation, she nodded, then William made for the exit. Xander swivelled around almost knocking Anya over in his haste to see where Liam was. "Double crap," he said as he watched Liam do the same with Cordelia, only without the cigarettes. He didn't leave by the same entrance as William but Xander knew exactly where he was going. Buffy watched William leave by the front entrance while Liam slipped out the back.

"Look, An," he said, "just going to keep an eye on William, see if he's okay. Keep Buffy busy and if she asks, tell her I've gone to the bathroom."

"Okay, but you will call me if a fight starts, won't you?" Anya said, rather too gleefully for his liking.

"It's not going to come to that," Xander replied grimly, and set off for the exit that Liam had taken. "Not if I have anything to do with it."

----------------------------------------------------------

William lit up, took a drag and blew the smoke out to sea, glad to be away from the noise for a short while. Propping his elbows on the boardwalk railing, he thought about Buffy and how bloody sexy she looked. It was an effort not to drag her home right now and make love to her until neither of them could stand up, but she seemed to be enjoying herself and he didn't want to deny her a night on the town. And the instant dislike he'd taken to Liam? That had taken him by surprise even though he'd been fully prepared not to like the guy.

The smoke calmed him enough so that he could think rationally about it. Liam wasn't a threat so why was he getting so worked up about it? That wasn't a hard one. Liam and Buffy up against the wall in the alley behind him, the picture just wouldn't leave his mind. And now that he'd see the guy, he hated him even more for what he'd done to her.

He also knew exactly who it was that had just followed him across the road.

"Mind if I bum a cigarette?"

The voice was deep and self assured and exactly how he'd thought Liam would sound. William breathed then reached in his pocket.

"Sure," he said taking the packet and offering it. Liam took one and then leaned forward as William flicked is lighter.

They smoked in silence for a few moments and William waited, wondering what the hell Liam was going to say to him that would make one jot of difference to him and Buffy.

"Heard all about you," Liam began, then he laughed. "Cordy never could keep her mouth shut."

"Oh yeah?" William stared out to sea at an errant seagull that didn't seem to have noticed that it was dark and it should be asleep somewhere with its head under its wing.

"It's kind of all over town," Liam continued. "Word is that you were wrongly accused."

"Is that right?" William continued to stare at the bird that had now landed on the sea and was a small black shape that bobbed up and down. And the hell if he was going to defend himself to Liam. He took a long, deliberate drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke out as slowly as he could. The people who were important knew the truth and he didn't give a shit, right now, what Liam, or anyone else thought.

"There are always people who talk though, small towns," Liam flicked his ash into the sand below. "You know what they're like."

William shrugged. "Is there a point to this conversation, or are you going to keep telling me stuff I already know?"

"You're from England, right?"

William frowned and shot Liam a sideways look.

"I still care about her," Liam said. "Don't want to see her hurt."

"You mean any more than she already was?" William felt his temper rising and he turned away because he was that close to lashing out, and a fist-fight with Liam was the last thing he needed . Buffy seemed very keen to meet Spike, but she wouldn't like him if she did, William knew that much. And he definitely needed to keep him under control tonight of all nights.

"Hey guys." Xander's voice cut through the tension and both William and Liam turned round as he ran across the road. He flicked them both a quick glance then resolutely inserted himself between them. "So," he said, giving each of a pasted-on grin. "How's it going?"

"Xander." Liam moved aside to let him in and the three of them stood in a row looking out to sea.

Part of William mentally thanked Xander for his intervention , but another part, he had to admit, was disappointed. Bottling up feelings invariably meant that, at some point, the container got too full and you either emptied it, or it exploded. William had been a pristine example of tolerance itself, but since prison he'd learned the value of the hard, fast pre-emptive strike. Get them before they get you, hit as hard as you can, then bugger off and deny all knowledge. That was how he'd survived it.

He closed his eyes as Xander and Liam made small talk and wondered if he'd ever be fit for normal society. The world wasn't full of nice people who carefully took your feelings into account and only had your best interests at heart. Survival, that's what it was all about, out here, as well as in there. Getting by the best you could.

So he raised both hands, palms forward and backed away. "Going back in," he said. "Buffy'll be wondering where I am." He couldn't resist saying her name, but he didn't wait for Liam's reaction. And now that he'd met the man, that damned image of him pounding Buffy into the wall would be stuck in his mind for good.

She was chatting to Anya when he went back in and her face lit up when she saw him.

It was hard not to over react. Buffy had told him she loved him and that should have been enough. And she hadn't done anything to make him think that she had any feelings left for Liam at all. But this, with her, had been a gift. One he knew the real value of, and that was a truly scary thing.

He fumbled in his pocket for some gum to freshen his breath and gave her a restrained peck on the cheek before sitting down. Still in full flirting mode, she continued to give him the works and when Anya left them to dance with Xander again, Buffy proudly showed him the contents of her purse.

Performance anxiety didn't come into it. Her last sexual experience had been in a dirty alley with a man who'd left her without a second glance and walked away. And William knew that she was expecting him to put it right for her. Replace the bad memories, wasn't that what she'd said? She was expecting Casanova, when all he wanted to do now was get drunk, then go beat the crap out of Liam. Or anyone that looked at him the slightest bit sideways, it really didn't matter.

Buffy lifted an elegant foot, sliding it sensuously up and down his calf.

There were other ways to channel the aggression. Hard and fast and a quick-fix, instant relief from all the tension, but he didn't want it to be like that, not the first time with her.

He'd seen a dog on a freeway once, running in and out of the traffic in panic, trying to dodge the cars and sometimes he felt just like that. The world was turning and he wanted to jump on, but it just wouldn't stop for long enough. And now he was starting to feel a real wuss. The adrenaline crash was kicking in and all he wanted to do was have her hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay.

Instead he stuck his tongue between his teeth and continued to play the game, matching each sexy look she gave him with one of his own. He could sit and sulk or he could count his blessings, it was his choice. Ultimately it came down to him.

"Think I'd like to go home now," he said. "Do you mind?"

Buffy jumped up, the anticipation clearly written on her face. William finished his drink while she mouthed their goodbyes to Xander and Anya and then they were walking home, arm in arm like any normal couple in love. The moon had disappeared behind a bank of cloud and William felt a little calmer as they made the transition from the noise and lights into the quiet and the dark.

There was a single light on the front wall, illuminating the entrance and before Buffy opened the front door William took hold of her and kissed her.

"Wish I'd known you when you were sixteen," he whispered.

"Come inside," she replied. "I don't want to wait any longer."

She'd have stood here with Liam, breathless with anticipation, stealing kisses that, at that age, always meant the world. And William wished with an aching heart that it could have been him doing that with her. If he'd met her then they would have rewritten history together.

The door closed and the house embraced them once more. Buffy wriggled out of her jacketand let it fall to the floor, then she reached up and slid his from his shoulders. It dropped at his feet as she pressed her burning mouth to his and took his breath away.

-----------------------------------------------------

It wasn't working.

Buffy reigned in her lust and would have broken the kiss completely but William wouldn't let her go. Instead she slowed it down and eased back until it was sweet rather than passionate and William started to relax against her.

"Make us a couple of drinks," she said when they finally pulled apart. "I'll join you in a minute."

William nodded and disappeared into the kitchen while Buffy climbed the stairs to her bedroom and sat down at the dressing table. Comb the hair, re-apply the faded make-up and perfume and brush her teeth. Then go down, all guns blazing for a night of passionate sex. That's how she'd thought it would happen. Hadn't they been giving each other all the right signals in the club? She'd been tingling with the anticipation of it all the way back, but he hadn't said a word to her. And when she'd kissed him in the hall he hadn't been with it at all, until she'd slowed it down and let him catch up.

Oh crap, she thought. I've scared him off with my pushy Buffy routine. But she didn't really believe that and when she tried to pinpoint the emotion in the kiss he'd returned to her just now, the only words she could think of were reassurance and need.

Which meant that the poor guy wasn't ready for this at all, despite what he said. And seeing Liam seemed to have done a number on him too. Buffy kicked herself mentally for her insensitivity because she surely should have seen that coming?

Mental re-group, she thought and then there he was, standing at her bedroom door holding two drinks and looking very much like he had when she'd first met him. Like a man who's terrified that he's going to put a foot wrong and ruin everything. And like someone who tries to cover their terror with a brave face, but just can't quite manage it.

"Hey, come in," she said, waving to him. "I'll show you my teddy bear collection, well it was mom's really, but some of them are mine, come see."

William listened politely as she named the bears for him and then he walked across the room and pulled up the window.

"Do you mind? Like listening to the sea at night."

"Yeah, so do I." Buffy kicked off her shoes and sat down on the bed. "Talk to me, Will. What's up?"

"I don't know." He sat down beside her on the bed then lay back and stretched out his arms. ""Just feeling a bit spaced out, that's all."

Buffy lay back too so that her head was resting on his arm. "Am I going too fast again?"

He rolled his head towards her. "It's not you, Buffy, it's me. Just scared I'm going to lose control, I guess."

"And why should you think that?"

"I wanted to beat the holy shit out of Liam tonight, and I thought I'd got over all that. Bit of a shock to find out I could still feel it so strongly."

"It's normal, Will. We've all got our flashpoints, things that make us irrational. Liam's obviously going to be one of yours." Buffy's mind ran on then to possibly the same thing that William was thinking.

"You will be able to find a way to live with it, won't you? This town has to be big enough for the both of you."

William laughed. "You make it sound like the gunfight at the O.K. corral."

"Would it help if I stuck the two of you in a room and let you slug it out?"

"Yeah, it would."

"Never figured you for a fighter," Buffy moved closer until she could feel his uneven breathing on her face.

"You have no idea."

"I guess not," she said, getting a small jolt out of him as her palm flattened on his stomach. "Do you still want to do this, Will?"

"Of course I do."

"But what?" Buffy moved her hand so that her fingers were toying with his belt buckle. William tried to sit up, but she pushed him back down. "No, stay where you are," she said. "Are you nervous? About this?"

"Little bit. Are you?"

"No," she said truthfully. "I thought I would be, but I'm not."

"Just gave me a shock when I saw how many condoms you'd bought."

Buffy giggled as she undid his belt buckle. "I panicked, didn't know which one's you liked."

"Wow, pile on the pressure, will you. God, do that again."

"What this?" Buffy slid her hand over the front of his jeans, tracing his hard outline. William lifted his hips and let out a half sigh, half groan. "You don't feel nervous to me," Buffy observed.

"Well, it's kind of got a mind of its own, especially when it's near a beautiful woman."

"You gonna take these off?"

"Do it for me."

Buffy gave him a slow, lazy smile. "Your wish is my command," she said.

------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm going to come the minute I'm inside you." William said as she pulled his jeans off along with his boxers. He sat up and slid his tee shirt over his head and then he reached for her. "Not going to last ten seconds."

"Better think of something to slow you down then. Want to see some of granddad's erotica?"

"That's going to slow me down?" William reached for her again, but she rolled out of his reach and slid from the bed. "Hey," he said. "Only one that's naked here."

"You won't be for long, don't worry."

William willed himself still while she looked at him. He'd never really felt shy in front of her, not even with all the scars he had. She'd understood from the start about them, so there was no need for explanations and excuses. And the alcohol he'd drunk had been just enough to loosen him up without making him feel too drunk.

"Very nice," she said looking pointedly at his painfully hard erection.

Her appraisal made him a little desperate. "Come back. Don't care how fast it is." Holding out his hand to her, he said quietly. "Just need to be inside you"

"I know, Will." Buffy squeezed his hand briefly then she let go. "Just got to find this," she said, opening her dressing table drawer and sifting through the contents.

She returned with a small book and threw herself back down on the bed beside him. He reached for her eagerly, because he was, now, to his great relief, very much in the mood.

Buffy batted his arm away. "Wait," she said. "And look at this, it's hand written. Maybe gran or granddad's work, probably even older, I don't know. There's no date. Thought we could read some of it."

William took the book and squinted at it. "You'll have to, don't have my glasses."

"I want you to, Will." She was off the bed again and running out of the door. "Don't go away," she shouted as she disappeared to his bedroom.

William looked down at himself. "Well," he muttered. "That takes care of the slowing me down." Picking up the book he had a quick flick through the pages but with the faded ink and elaborate copper-plate script it was impossible to make anything out.

Buffy bounced back on to the bed and handed him his glasses. Then she took the book and searched for the page she wanted. "Put them on, Will," she said when she saw that he hadn't.

"Feel a prat lying here only wearing these," he grumbled, but put them on nonetheless.

"Dead sexy though." She took a moment to appreciate the sight then went back to her task. "Here, this page." Handing him the book she ran her finger under the first line. "I've always liked to think that this was a description of someone's wedding night. Read it to me."

William sat up, starting to feel self-conscious. As distraction techniques went, this one was being spectacularly successful.

"You could read it while I undress you," he said handing her the book hopefully, but she wasn't having any of it.

"No, I like the sound of your voice, you read it," she insisted. "I'll take care of the other thing."

Definitely getting interested again, William thought, feeling himself stirring and hardening once more. Buffy started on the buttons of her top while he sat staring and mesmerised by the sight she made. A sudden urge to comb out her long blonde hair popped into his mind, but that would have meant taking his eyes off her and he didn't want to do that.

"Read," she commanded. "Or I'll stop."

"Oh, yes, yes." William hastily scanned the page. "I mean no, don't stop. I'm reading, I'm reading."

It was hard to make out the words at first especially with the distraction of Buffy teasingly disrobing in front of him, but as he read, they seemed to flow and synchronise with her actions almost as if a couple just like them had done this before.

Buffy unhooked the last button and the silky top fell away. William glanced up, swallowed hard, then quickly found his place again.

Always the sound of the sea.

Buffy was down to her underwear and he'd been so engrossed in the reading that he hadn't noticed her taking off her skirt. And he didn't say anything because he didn't want to break the spell.

"Carry on Will," she breathed, her fingers on the front clasp of her bra.

"Amen." William threw down the book, aching with desire again. The beautiful sight of her kneeling naked in front of him making his senses spin.

The day seemed to have come full circle. Two people lying together. Expressing their love in the closeness of their bodies and the sincerity of their words. He'd never really doubted her. The painful emotions he'd experienced at the Bronze had been, William suspected, a necessary step on his road to recovery. A reminder that Spike was a part of him that wasn't just going to go away because he wasn't in prison any more. The trick was finding a way to live with him, he knew that now.

There was no greater trust you could place in someone than this. And he did trust her, no doubt about that. When they did this they were saying things that went way beyond the physical. And he lasted exactly as long as he needed to tell her how much he loved her.

It was a place that he'd gladly come to again and again, and a lesson he would happily study for the rest of his life.

tbc....

Chapter 13

I remember every cold, hard detail. It stung as the knife sliced across my skin. There wasn’t any pain, at first, and all I could think was that the bastard had ripped my shirt. Everyone just stared at me. Silently, waiting for the blood. It seemed to take a very long time for it to appear and the stain was huge before anyone, including me, moved. Then there was this madhouse all around me as I fell to my knees and thought, ‘I’m dead, Mandy’s killed me, hope she’s happy now.’

I really thought I was going to die.

------------------------------------------------------------------------


Some things are just destined to be remembered. Times, places, people. Special moments that fate decides will form part of the photograph album of our life. Snapshots that make us laugh and cringe and sigh. Some make us nod knowingly as we relive them in glorious Technicolor, with all the sounds and smells still fresh as the day they happened. Others we have to stare at long and hard until we spot that one small detail that moves us and reminds us why it’s there.

Buffy was glad that William didn’t wear after-shave. Too much of an association with Liam. She’d always thought it was such a grown-up thing, used to love it on him. But these days it just made her feel sick. And she was glad that she’d met William at the end of the year. Liam was a summer-time memory of endless days and blues skies. Lying in the surf to cool down. Bare skin begging to be touched. Nights so hot and humid that all she could do was lie awake and think of him.

William, she’d always associate with the cosiness of a chill autumn evening in front of the fire. Walks on deserted beaches bundled up in jackets. Hair whipped into a tangle by the ceaseless wind and nights spent cuddled up in the old brass bed listening to the rain spattering against the windows.

It was exactly the right time to have met him. A quiet, private time of the year when all the holidaymakers had gone home, the weather decreed that everyone start to think about hibernating, and a time when they could just be with each other and learn what this funny little thing called love really was all about.

She settled her head back into William’s lap, burrowed her feet into the sand and tried to concentrate on the task in hand. Three weeks since he’d arrived and still they hadn’t got very far with the story for the website. Too many distractions, she thought with a laugh.

William looked down at her with a questioning lift of his eyebrows.

“Better not,” she said, knowing full well what had just crossed his mind, and seriously thinking that she needed to go on the pill. Condoms weren’t nearly effective enough for the way they’d been going at it. “We need to get this story started, Will, now concentrate.”

He leaned back against the wall and plucked at a stalk of grass. “Well, stop that suggestive wriggling and I might be able to,” he said. “Now, how did you like my idea?”

“Loved it,” she said trying to picture Tristam, the love-lorn younger son writing poetry for Cecily, the undeserving object of his devotion. “Let me get this straight. Tristam loves Cecily, but she thinks he’s a jerk. And Elizabeth is secretly in love with Tristam and he’s too blind to see it.”

“S’about right,” William said, stopping to tickle her nose with the grass. “But we keep it light, sort of a spoof thing. We could illustrate it with some posed black and white shots, like stills from a silent movie. Give it a farcical air, with captions and things

“And a soundtrack.” Buffy sat up. “Will, could you record some piano music to go with it? Make it sound like one of those old saloon pianos.”

“Suppose so. Gotta get it just right to capture the audience. Fancy a bonk then?”

Buffy thought about it for all of ten seconds, then she looked at her watch. “Mom said she’ll be here around two. That gives us just over an hour, she said she wouldn’t be early.”

William jumped up. “Plenty of time, come on, been thinking about this all morning.”

“Do you think about anything else?” Buffy said, taking his hand and allowing him to pull her up.

“Not much,” he said with a laugh. “You’re pretty insatiable, you know. Tire me out, you do.”

“I like to think I’m well motivated.” Buffy followed him through the gate, already feeling her body responding to the subtle messages he was sending her. This was perhaps the sexiest time in a relationship. They’d got over the initial shyness, made the decisions. The first time always holds a special place in the memory, and they’d made love with a restrained, almost reverent regard for the occasion. It had been an awakening of passions simmering under the surface. A giving of permission to let go and enjoy, and, most importantly of all, a learning experience.

She’d slept with men before, but that hadn’t necessarily equipped her to know what sleeping with William was going to be like. Both of them had issues to work out and a minefield of disasters that was their past love-lives to negotiate. But, they were discovering, much to their mutual relief, that it could also be a loving expression of physical need.

And it hadn’t yet become routine. Not that it ever could, she thought. But it was nice to be this relaxed with each other and still have the thrill of knowing that there was so much more to find out and explore.

She’d never been kissed so much and there wasn’t an inch of her body that he hadn’t touched with his mouth. He kissed her by the gate, a sweet, slow build up of what was to come and it was her who dragged him to the house, unable to wait a minute longer. She stopped him for another on the porch, more passionate this time, stepping up a gear. This time with words whispered urgently between sharp intakes of breath.

As she fumbled with the key in the lock he told her, in words she should have been shocked by, how much he wanted her. Crude, sexy words, interspersed with poetry. An erotic litany that made her insides catch fire.

She ran on ahead of him, shedding clothes as she went, and he did the same. Both of their jackets on the hall floor. His sweatshirt on the stairs and her shirt on the landing, so that by the time they got to the bedroom they were already half undressed and halfway to where they wanted to be. One minute careening towards the bed in a frenzy of lust, the next everything slowing down as they fell onto the mattress and remembered just how delicious a prelude to lovemaking a slow, passionate, bone-melting kiss could be.

It was turning into something of a game, seeing how long they could make it last. Seeing who was going to be the first to give in and take it on to the next stage. And they took it in turns to torture each other. Sometimes Buffy would pin him down and tease him with her mouth and tongue, fingertips and hair until he was begging her never to stop. And then William only had to breathe on her and she was utterly at his mercy. She’d never been caressed with words before. Never had them softly spoken against her skin in between velvet kisses that made her shiver with delight.

Perhaps when you’ve been burned in love you take extra care. Perhaps you learn from your mistakes. Or maybe it was just what they were making between them that took this to a level Buffy had never experienced before. What it was too soon to say, they showed each other instead. There are many ways to tell someone how much you love them, and Buffy had never really appreciated before now how effectively it could be expressed in a touch, a kiss, or simply just by lying in someone’s arms.

Somehow, before, all this had passed her by. A caress had never really touched her heart before, and sex had been just that. She’d never had a man say I love you just before he pushed inside her and had never realised how much it added to what they were doing.

He always went very quiet just before he came, almost is if he didn’t want it to end and then afterwards she held him, like she always did, and reassured him that everything was okay, and that this was all she’d ever wanted. He was all she’d ever wanted.

And every time she said the words, they became more and more true.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Things were getting serious. They both knew it, and the only reason he had left to be at the house was that they both wanted it.

“Mom’s going to be here any minute now.”

William rubbed his eyes and sat up. “Suppose we ought to get up?” Swinging his legs from the bed he located his jeans and underwear and pulled them on. “Are you going to tell her?”

“About us? Yeah, we need to do that.”

William slipped into his tee-shirt, then remembered that his sweatshirt was on the stairs, or wherever he’d thrown it in his haste to get upstairs. The thought made him smile.

“What’s so funny?” Buffy crawled across the bed and draped herself over his back. “That was nice, Will.”

He twisted himself round for a kiss. “Only nice? Thought I’d be doing better than that by now.”

“Well,” she said, looking around for her own clothes. “I don’t have your way with words. Come on, what was so funny?”

“The thought of your mum arriving and finding our clothes strewn all around the house, that’s what. What the hell would she think?”

“She’d think that we’d fallen passionately in love, and that we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.”

“And she wouldn’t be far wrong?” It was part statement, part question. William knew what he wanted out of this, but he was still wary of asking for it. Still felt the pacing was up to Buffy because it was her house and her territory they were on.

“No Will, she wouldn’t be wrong at all, but,” Buffy jumped down from the bed with a laugh, “probably not the best way for her to find out. I need to get a shower. Why don’t you go remove the evidence?”

This was the whole package. The real thing, if ever there was one. Instead of going downstairs, he leaned back on his elbows and watched her getting dressed, knowing it probably still made her a little self conscious when he stared at her like this, but not being able to help himself. She flashed him a grin as she wriggled into her underwear and he winked at her. It was lady luck smiling at him, for some reason now finding him deserving of this, when only a few years ago she’d turned her back on him and refused to listen to his pleas for mercy.

It made him feel helpless if he thought about it too hard. You could do everything right and still end up fucked. And everything was going so well. Didn’t that mean that disaster was just around the corner?

“Hey, not smiling anymore?” Buffy asked him, one leg in her jeans. “I don’t think she’s going to mind, us being together.”

“Are we?” He held out his arms, hating to have to ask, but needing to know. She’d told him, but he needed to keep hearing it.

Buffy zipped up her jeans and then walked into his waiting arms. “Yes we are, Will. You’ve just got to believe it.”

“I know.” The lace of her bra tickled his nose when he buried his face between her breasts and he felt himself stirring again as she looped her hands over his shoulders, encouraging him with small movements. Then she was pushing him away.

“William, she’ll be here any moment,” she said in mock indignation.

And he laughed and then pulled a face as he adjusted his jeans. It made her laugh too. Lightened the mood, but he couldn’t resist one last moment before he went to rescue their clothes from discovery. A quick embrace. An intense look. Still searching for the truth of her words, even though he told himself over and over that he believed them. The fault wasn’t hers, she said them as often as he needed to hear them, and he knew she meant it. He just hoped that one day he’d hear them and not have to worry that he wasn’t hearing it right.

She seemed to know what he was feeling. Leaned her head briefly against his chest and then nodded. He went off to find the clothes, reassured. Picked up her shirt and threw it into her room, onto her bed. Then went in search of his sweatshirt.

When he thought about it later, he knew he should have noticed that their jackets were now neatly hanging on the bentwood coat-stand, rather than on the floor where they’d left them. He’d even stopped to wind the grandfather clock because he worried that if it stopped, then it would be a bad sign. It was his good luck charm, something concrete to measure this by. As long as it kept ticking away, then he had nothing to fear. And if it helped him to believe, what did it matter, he thought as he walked into the kitchen, his sweatshirt halfway on, covering his face.

It clicked when he pulled it down and saw Joyce sitting at the kitchen table, a half finished cup of tea on the table in front of her. Telling him that she’d been in the house longer than the few seconds it would have taken for her to hang up the coats. He wondered frantically if his face was as red as it felt and whether he looked guilty, or not. And whether he needed to be. Making free with her daughter hadn’t ever been part of this deal.

“We didn’t hear you come in.” It was a daft thing to say and made him feel even guiltier and his face even hotter. But she didn’t seem to mind. In fact her hand was in front of her mouth, almost as if she was trying to stop herself laughing. Eventually she put him out of his misery.

“Obviously not,” she said standing up. “Where’s Buffy?”

“In the shower, look Joyce…” He wasn’t sure whether he ought to say it without Buffy, but suddenly he felt like an intruder who’d taken advantage of this woman’s extreme generosity. And in the worst possible way, given his history.

Panic attacks were made just for occasions like these. It was bewildering when they came out of the blue, and for no reason at all. But this made perfect sense, so instead of fighting it, he just let it happen, because he deserved it.

Joyce’s expression turned from amusement to concern and she was across the kitchen, her hand on his arm.

“I’m okay with it, really I am.”

He heard the words and his heart slowed almost back to normal. She said them again and he managed to get himself under control.

“Let me make you a drink,” she said, patting his arm. “Then come have a chat with me. And William.” She turned back to him as she waited for the kettle to boil. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

William wrapped his arms around himself and waited. Then why did he feel as if he had?

---------------------------------------------

Hanging the coats had been a bad call. Joyce cursed inwardly as she read William’s body language, then she smiled reassuringly.

“This must have crossed your mind,” he said.

That made her laugh. “Logically, it should have, but you didn’t see the hoops I had to get Buffy to jump through just to talk to you. I have to say I’m surprised at the speed of it.”

She waited while William went through the ritual of finding his cigarettes and lighting one up. And she resisted the urge to comment on the fact that he was still smoking.

“So, what are you saying, Joyce?”

It took her back to the days they’d spent going over evidence. William sitting in front of her, chain smoking, hands shaking. Trying to put on a brave face. She’d got to know him pretty well and after a while he’d stopped hiding and let her see what he was going through. And he was doing it now. Looking at her candidly and honestly and expecting her to be the same.

“I already told you I trusted you with Buffy’s life. That hasn’t changed.”

“So, you don’t mind?”

“Of course I don’t mind. Would it matter if I did?”

William didn’t have to think about that one. “Yes, it would.” He leaned back and patted his knee and Napoleon jumped up and made himself comfortable.

“He likes you,” Joyce observed.

“Well, sucker for a hard luck story, probably. That, and I feed him.” William scratched the cat’s head and Napoleon purred ecstatically.

Joyce noticed how familiar they were with each other and how, despite his earlier panic, William looked at ease in his surroundings. It made her smile again.

“You’re looking well, William. It suits you here.”

“It’s a nice place. I love her, Joyce.”

“But what?” Joyce relaxed as they slipped into the old routine. He liked to pick his words carefully so she waited.

“Heck, I feel like I’m taking advantage. Me moving in here wasn’t part of the original deal, was it?”

“No it wasn’t. But if things change for the better, then that’s a good thing, surely?”

William finished his cigarette and stubbed it out in his coffee cup. “Kind of looks bad, whichever way you view it. I don’t deserve this.”

“You know,” Joyce tipped her head and gave him a long, hard look. Being in love suited him. Not just because he was looking healthier. He looked different in a way she couldn’t pinpoint because she’d never known the William he was before the trial. “I think it’s more that you’re too scared to accept what’s happening,” she continued, waving away his protest. “You may want my approval, but you don’t need it. You wouldn’t leave if I said I didn’t approve, would you?”

“No, I wouldn’t,” he replied.

“I’m glad to hear that. And I appreciate your loyalty to me, William, but it’s not necessary. Although,” she added with a chuckle. “It’s always a good thing to get on the right side of family.”

The blush that covered William’s face told her that she wasn’t far out in that assumption. He made a big show of stroking the cat for a moment before looking up.

“Bit too soon to be thinking along those lines.”

“Perhaps, but don’t be afraid to take what life’s offering you. Buffy’s not the type to do this casually and neither are you. Finding love is a gift, believe me.”

“People will talk.”

“They will anyway. Then they’ll get fed up and go on to something else.” Joyce stood up, thinking that she’d put him on the spot for long enough. “Think I need to go talk with my daughter, is she upstairs?”

“In the shower. And thanks Joyce, what you just said means a lot.”

“Oh, William, I nearly forgot. I’ll be just one moment.” She went into the kitchen and retrieved her purse from the counter. Walking back to the veranda she opened it and handed William the letter that had been the real reason for her visit.

“It’s from Mandy. She called me earlier in the week and then I received this letter for you.”

For a moment he didn’t look as if he was going to take it, then he extended his hand warily. “What does she want?”

Joyce walked across and put a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t move, neither did he make any attempt to open the letter. “I was hoping she was going to come out and tell the truth, at last. Sorry to spring this on you now, but it’s what we’ve wanted, isn’t it?”

William threw the letter on the table and raised his hands, palms forward as if fending it off. “No way, not going through all that again. Just let it go, Joyce.”

“She wants to meet you, said she was feeling guilty.”

“Well, it’s about time she did. No, Joyce, not going there. Just tell her no.”

Joyce knew well enough when to withdraw. The lawyer in her was warring with the friend and she wasn’t sure which one would win. “Think about it, then do what’s right for you.” She patted his shoulder, willing him to pick up the letter, but he didn’t, and was never going to while she was there.

She left him on the porch, feeling bad for upsetting him but knowing that, as his lawyer, she couldn’t have done anything else but give him the letter, as she went in search of her daughter.

Buffy was on the phone when she found her, sitting on her bed, a towel wrapped around her head. She waved her to sit down while she finished her call.

When she was done, they both spoke at once. Then they both backed down and there was a silence which Buffy eventually broke.

“Have you spoken with William?”

Joyce nodded, thinking it prudent to let Buffy have her say first.

“I don’t intend to hurt him in any way, mom. That’s what you’re worried about, isn’t it?”

Joyce relaxed her features into what she hoped was a benevolent look. “You wouldn’t do that.”

“Then stop thinking it.” Buffy slid across the bed so that she was sitting next to her mother. “Mom, I know you love him almost like a son, but I love him too, and together we’ll take good care of him, right?”

Joyce nodded slowly and took Buffy’s hand, a lump suddenly forming in her throat at her daughter’s generosity. Buffy laughed.

“You weren’t expecting that, were you?”

“No,” Joyce shook her head. “No, I wasn’t expecting any of this, it seems to have happened so fast. And I have to admit I thought you’d come out all guns blazing. But thank you for what you just said, I’m very fond of him, and I love you very much, even if I perhaps, haven’t always showed you as well as I should have.”

“What kind of talk is that, mom?”

“Well, since your father left I know I’ve thrown myself into my work somewhat.”

“Since dad left?” Buffy gave her a sideways look, eyebrows raised.

Joyce gave a small, dry laugh. “Alright, it’s my passion, always has been. I admit it. But that doesn’t mean I love it more than I love you. I’ll always be here for you sweetheart.”

“I know that mom, and I have to admit there were times when I missed you, but that’s all in the past. What’s important is what’s happening now. Do you trust me with this?”

Buffy looked her in the eye and there was only one answer Joyce could give. They needed her support and there wasn’t a single reason why she shouldn’t give it. And she was truly touched that they had cared so much about her opinion. That part hadn’t surprised her though. They were both generous spirits and despite William saying that he would have stayed either way, she knew that neither of them would have wanted their happiness at the expense of someone else’s. She folded Buffy in a hug, holding back the tears when she felt how tightly she hugged her back.

“I told him I trusted him with your life, and I’ll say the same to you. You know how much this will mean to him, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Buffy said in a muffled voice. “We love each other, mom.”

Joyce leaned back and wiped her eyes. “I can’t decide whether to be surprised at this or not, but I wish you better luck than I had.”

Buffy nodded her acknowledgement and hopped from the bed to find the hairdryer. Joyce stood and watched her for a while, as she pottered around the room that she’d first occupied as a toddler, and now, here she was a young woman about to embark on the greatest adventure of her life. Not an easy one, by any means. Love could be a rocky road, but all you saw in the first flush was the rose- strewn path. They were both strong, though, and she’d felt the sincerity of their words when they’d said they loved each other.

And she knew that they were in for testing times. “I’m very impressed at the way you’ve taken this on, sweetheart,” she said.

“Mom, he’s not a project anymore.” Buffy dropped her towel and picked up the silver comb. “Hasn’t been for a while, and I know it’s not all going to be roses. We’ve both been honest with each other.”

“Always a good thing,” Joyce replied trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. “He may look normal on the outside, but he’s still going to need a lot of support, you do realise that.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows. “Already worked that one out, mom. And I know that relationships are as much about helping each other through the bad times as going to clubs and enjoying yourself. You said you trusted me. Right back from the start you said you trusted me. And he’s getting better every day.”

Joyce nodded. “Certainly looks as if you’ve been feeding him, but I have to tell you, I’ve just given him a letter from her, the girl who accused him.”

Buffy froze, the comb halfway through a strand of hair. “What did you say?”

“Mandy wrote him a letter. I think she wants to speak to him.”

Buffy started for the door, but Joyce stopped her. “He needs to decide for himself what he’s going to do about it.”

Buffy looked at Joyce’s hand on her arm and let out a long breath. “I know. Hell, this isn’t just going to go away, is it?”

“For better or worse, sweetheart.”

“You’re right mom.” Buffy kissed her swiftly on the cheek, and ran out of the room before she could protest.

Joyce listened to her daughter’s retreating footsteps as she ran downstairs and she sat herself at the dressing table and sighed. It was hard letting go, but they’d do it their own way. She picked up Buffy’s silver hairbrush and inspected the intricate pattern on the back. Great-granny’s brush, handed down through the generations. The old giving way to the young, letting them take their place on the stage. And now it seemed that it was Buffy and William’s turn.

Births, marriages, deaths, this old house had seen them all over the years. Joyce remembered all the wedding parties she’d attended here. As a child, running around the garden while the adults talked and laughed and clinked their glasses. As a bridesmaid, feeling so sophisticated and grown-up. And as a bride, nervous and hopeful, waiting for her prince to arrive and carry her off.

William was right, it was too soon to start thinking about fancy hats and white dresses, but Joyce indulged herself in the fantasy for a few moments as mothers are prone to do. She hadn’t consciously brought him here for this, but perhaps on some level had she been hoping for this to happen? Replacing the brush, she arranged it neatly with the comb and left the room, determined to give them both all the support they needed on this, and wondering if William had opened the letter.

----------------------------------------------------

When Buffy found him, he still hadn’t read it. Twice he’d picked it up and the second time he’d got as far as opening it, but it was still there, on the garden table, waiting.

“Mom told me about the letter.” She slid into the seat opposite him and the envelope sat between them, like a barrier. She hadn’t kissed him and she looked wary, almost as if Mandy herself was sitting there, a physical manifestation of his past come back to ruin his life because things were looking too good.

“What did she say?”

William swallowed down his anger. It was a breezy day, the wind coming from the sea in sharp, salty blasts. He breathed it in and tried not to look at the envelope with its cute little animal motif in one corner. How dare she, he thought. Still hiding behind the poor little girl act.

“More lies, I expect.”

“Have you read it?”

“No.”

“Mandy wants to see you?”

“She can go to hell.”

“Can I give you a hug?”

“You have to ask?” Displaced anger. He knew it. What he really wanted to say was god, yes, but self pity and what was left of his battered pride wouldn’t let him.

“Oh.” Buffy slumped back in her chair, there was a short silence and then abruptly, she pushed it back and walked away.

No, she didn’t walk, she ran, out through the gate onto the beach while he sat watching her, powerless to follow because his legs wouldn’t obey the command his mind was screaming at him.

Amazing how much you can cram into a few seconds of thought, when you have to. He didn’t know what to do with the letter, but neither did she know how to react to it. And he’d forgotten that. She was just as vulnerable and unsure of all this as he was, yet, here he was expecting her to read his mind and solve all his problems for him. And wasn’t hiding behind pride a bit redundant by now?

William kicked back his chair, relieved that his limbs had finally started working and jumped up. The chair fell over as he ran towards the gate and the wind took the envelope and blew it into his path, almost as if it was a sign that he needed to read it. He’d stepped on it before he realised it was there, so he picked it up and crammed it into his pocket. They needed to read it, together. Because whatever Mandy had to say affected both him and Buffy now.

It was high- tide and she was standing just on the edge of it. Stepping back with the practised ease of one who is entirely comfortable in their surroundings. The water never quite catching her as she stared out to sea. She gave him no indication that she’d heard him coming, apart from a soft gasp when he spun her round and a slight widening of the eyes as he kissed her.

It was the only way to tell her what a jerk he’d been, and how sorry he was for making her feel bad. She must already know what a prat he could be, didn’t need to hear the words again.

They’d kissed with lust and passion and love, but he’d never felt such a sigh of relief in a kiss before, or been held so tightly. Misunderstanding to apology. It had taken hardly any time at all, but they’d both learned something from it.

William held on to her when they finally stopped kissing. “Was going to do that From Here to Eternity thing and roll you in the surf,” he said, “but figured you wouldn’t appreciate it.”

“Bit cold for that.” She gave him a ghost of a smile. “Oh, Will, I’m so sorry for running off. “Don’t know what it was, jealousy, resentment. I don’t even know the girl and I want to beat her stupid brains out. She’s caused enough trouble for you, and now she wants to spoil this too.”

William listened to Buffy’s speech, knowing he needed to make one of his own. Past relationships had just drifted along under their own momentum. Some had lasted longer than others and he’d never really questioned why they always and inevitably ended. Until now. He just hadn’t met the right person, it was as simple as that.

And once you realised that, the real work started. Telling someone you loved them wasn’t enough, you had to show them and remind them and keep on doing it for the rest of your lives. He took out the letter.

“Throw it in the sea,” Buffy urged him. “Get rid of her once and for all.”

He shook his head regretfully, because that’s precisely what he wanted to do. Throw his past into the waves and let them carry it off. Free him from the burden of it. But he knew that the tide would only bring it back and fling it at his feet.

“Let’s go sit down,” he said slipping his hand into hers and leading her to what he considered their spot by the wall. He sat her between his legs so that he could wrap himself around her and keep her warm. And because he needed to be close and show her some love to make up for the way he’d behaved in the garden.

“The sex is great,” he began, and that got a bit of a chuckle out of her. “No, let me re-phrase that, the sex is phenomenal.” And just saying it made him heat up. Her face and wet hair rubbed against his arm as she encouraged him to continue. “But this is the hard bit, isn’t it? The real-life stuff. That desert island is starting to look bloody good just now, I can tell you, but we can’t hide from life, can we?”

“Wish we could.”

“I know.” William kissed the cheek she offered him and tightened his arms around her. “Wish we could stay just like this and sod everyone else, but it’s not going to happen. Would you read the letter with me?”

She only hesitated a moment before nodding. It wasn’t a wholehearted agreement, more of an acceptance that this was something he needed her to do for him, so she’d do it.

“Thanks,” he said and took it out. The notepaper had the same cute little animal smiling back at him from the corner, looking every bit as if it was a chatty letter to some dear friend, and not something that had the potential to change someone’s life, yet again. They read it together and in silence, and as he scanned through it the words started to blur. Whether it was anger at what she was asking, or tears that it wasn’t what he expected, he didn’t know, neither did he care.

If Buffy hadn’t caught the letter it would have blown clean away. And if she hadn’t made him get up, he would never have bothered moving again. Forgiveness. Mandy wanted him to forgive her? She wanted him to tell her that everything was okay, and that she wasn’t going to go to hell for what she’d done.

Buffy turned and held on to him while he shook with an anger he hadn’t felt in a long time. Not even seeing Liam had made him feel like this. Then the anger had motivated him, made him want to get up and punch the guy’s lights out, but this? It just seemed to drain all the fight out of him. This had almost taken his life, and still she wanted more.

“The hell if I’m saying it, Buffy.” William looked over her shoulder and far out to sea. “I’m not that noble. She sent me there, and she can go rot there for all I care. I don’t care how hard she begs me, I’m not saying it.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Buffy really had thought that once they got past the ‘I love you stage’ everything was going to get easier. She could see that William was shocked by this turn of events, or rather outraged, and she was too. But what to do next, she had no idea.

Sitting and listening was all she could offer him.

“I don’t know what to say, Will.”

“I know.” He gave her a consoling pat on the shoulder. “Don’t expect you to have all the answers. Just be here, it’s enough.”

“But I’m supposed to be helping, saying wise things.” She leaned back against the wall. “She’s got some nerve.”

“Bloody right, she has. What the hell am I suppose to do?”

“You could offer to forgive her if she’ll come forward and tell the truth.”

“That would leave a bad taste.” William leaned back too and made a sound halfway between a groan and a sigh. “Forgiveness, it’s such a wonderful thing to be able to do for someone, but you’ve got to mean it if you’re going to do it. I guess there’s some special place you have to get yourself to first, though.”

“You’re saying someone’s got to deserve it?”

“I don’t know, never been that religious, but I’ve always thought that forgiveness is more about the person doing the forgiving than the person being forgiven.”

Buffy thought about it. “I can see that. You’d want to do it for you, not for her.”

“And that makes me sound selfish.” He turned to her. “Shouldn’t it be freely given? Can’t see it’s worth a damn otherwise.”

“Maybe you’ll get there one day, where you can do that?”

“How likely is that?”

Buffy stood up and held out her hand. “Mom’s good at this sort of thing, do you want to go talk to her?”

She wasn’t sure whether he was agreeing or not, but he let her pull him up and fell in step beside her. Buffy guessed that forgiveness had to come from the heart and that it just wouldn’t work if the heart wasn’t in it. It might give him some peace though, help lay the ghosts to rest once and for all. She flicked him a glance, but he was lost in thought and neither of them spoke until they got back to the house.

“Wait here,” she told him, indicating one of the chairs on the veranda. “I’ll go call mom. Can I show her the letter?”

William looked around and patted his pockets in panic.

“It’s okay, I’ve got it,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”

Her mother was hovering just behind the door, as Buffy suspected she would be. She glanced at Buffy’s face then took the letter.

“Not good news then?”

“Not really. Mom, William needs your help on this.”

“Damn.” Joyce read through the letter and handed it back. “Not what I thought it would be at all. How’s he taking it?”

“I don’t think he knows what to do, and I don’t either. Come do what you do best, mom.”

“I can’t make the decision for him.”

“Neither can I,” Buffy said. “Thought it would get easier the closer I got to him, but the more I care, the more I have to worry about him.”

“Welcome to being a grown-up, sweetheart.” Joyce opened the door. “Come on, let’s see if we can get some resolution on this.

------------------------------------------------------

Two days later William still hadn’t decided what to do. And he knew it wasn’t going to be an easy decision.

He finished up his coffee and took the cup to the dishwasher. “Buffy, can I borrow your car for a few days?” he asked her. “I need to go home.”

She looked up, a frown on her face.

“It’s okay, I’m coming back,” he reassured her. “Just need to touch base, pick up the utility bills and some more clothes.”

Buffy disappeared to the hall, without a word, and reappeared with the keys. “There you go,” she said brightly, folding them into his hand.

He kept hold when she tried to pull away. “Come with me,” he said.

“Can I?”

He didn’t have to look at her to see the concern, he could hear it in her voice. “Worried that I won’t come back?”

“Yes.” She moved so that they could hold each other. “It’s not a good time for you to go back to that place. Do you really need to go?”

“Got to pay the rent, love. Otherwise I’ll lose the apartment, and my deposit. But it would help, if you came too.”

“Would it worry you, if you lost the place?”

William pocketed the keys and stepped back. “I’d be kind of homeless.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” Buffy moved with him, pinning him against the kitchen counter. “Move in with me properly, Will. I want you to.”

“Do you?” He looked down at her, carefully watching her expression. They’d talked about him staying, but he still thought of himself as a visitor. Much as he wanted to live here, all he’d been able to do was hang around in the hope that she’d soon put him out of his misery and say the words.

“Yes, I do. You didn’t have to wait for me to say it, Will. I thought you’d realised.”

“Felt wrong to just assume.” He felt his mouth curving into a smile and he didn’t try to stop it, because what she’d just said made him as happy as he’d ever been. Even more so than when she’d said she loved him, in a strange kind of way. Love is an abstract concept. It tells you what someone is feeling without telling you very much at all. When she’d said it, he’d heard the words, but he was still left wondering how much, and why and for how long.

It’s human nature to want to measure the depth and breadth of it. Weren’t actions supposed to speak louder than words?

“You know me,” he said with a shrug. “Was always going to need a formal invite.”

“I’ll write it out in copper plate,” she said, running a finger across the front of his tee- shirt and watching him anxiously. “I’m absolutely sure about this, tell me you are too.”

William flattened his hands just above the curves of her breasts and took a deep breath. “I’ve never been more sure about anything,” he said. “It’s serious stuff though.”

“I know.”

Buffy moved against his hands and he squeezed gently, feeling her responding to his nearness and his touch. As he was to hers. Pulling her into his arms, he held her snugly against him and rocked her back and forth.

“I wish I could tell you how much this means to me,” he said.

“I think I already know. Let’s go and pack up your stuff. We’ll do it together.”

“That won’t take long.” He was glad she couldn’t see him, because he was grinning like an idiot now. Napoleon watched him from his perch on one of the kitchen chairs and William gave him a conspiratorial wink.

“I’ll meet her, Buffy. See what she has to say and take it from there. How does that sound?”

“Sounds good William, just as long as you’re sure.”

“It’s got to be done, otherwise she’s never going to go away. Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“Where do you think?”

“We’ve only just got up.”

“We’ll do it in here then.” In one, swift movement he lifted her up on the kitchen table.

“Someone might come.”

“Then we’ll have to be quick,” he said, reaching into his pocket and producing a condom.

“Convenient,” she observed.

“You bet,” he said, sliding her to the edge of the table. “You’re okay with this?”

“More than okay.” She reached for the button of his jeans. “And Will, you don’t have to be quick. We’ve got the rest of our lives, haven’t we?”

It stopped him in his tracks. This exceptional woman wanted to be with him and her generosity overwhelmed him and made him want to get down on his knees and spend eternity thanking her for it.

“Answer me.” She ordered him and laced her fingers with his in a gesture that reminded him of the first time she’d done it, here at the kitchen table all those weeks ago. When she’d said she’d be here for him and all he had to do was believe it.

And how could he not believe when she said the things she did and when she looked at him like that? He gave her the answer she wanted and then he showed her just how slow he could go. And afterwards they had a laugh as they wondered how many other couples had had sex on the old oak table.

“Think we might be the first?”

“Maybe,” William said as he fended off Napoleon who was taking a very enthusiastic interest in the proceedings. “Maybe not, guess we’ll never know. Want to do it today?”

“What, get your things? Yes I do.”

“I’ll forgive her,” he said. “Want to get on with my life. Need to let her get on with hers. She’s said she’s sorry and it doesn’t matter if the rest of the world hears it or not.”

Buffy rested her face on his shoulder. “You are noble then, and I’m glad, Will.”

“No I’m not,” he said. “If I was noble I’'d have done it without her asking. But this is good too.”

William hadn’t realised how much of a burden it had been. Not until the moment he’d spoken those words and the weight of it had just rolled away. He’d meet her because she needed to hear the words, spoken by him, and he wanted to apologise for the way he’d treated her that night, because he’d never had the chance to say sorry.

But for him, they’d already worked their magic.

Maybe he should forgive them all while he was feeling so generous. All those people who’d ever done him wrong. His parents especially, for doing such a bad job of it. Hell, they’d tried to love him, in their own way. It was time to let it go once and for all.

Time to start truly looking forward to this new life opening up before him.

tbc...

 

Next