Summary: Set after Same Time, Same Place. Buffy tries to overcome Spike's astounding news, feeling very undeserving of what Spike has offered up to her. Where will this lead them? This is my take of what I would like to happen between Buffy and Spike this season.

*~*Spoilers, chapter 1 from 7.4, chapters 2-4 from 7.5, chapter 5 possibly 7.6 and chapter 6 possibly 7.6 and 7.7. Chapter 7 and beyond are all my own, with a little help from my friends. =)*~*

A/N: Please read and enjoy. And, oh yeah, I want to know what you think and if I should continue on and on and on! Please review me, I'll even take some criticisms.

Disclaimer: Be forewarned, includes some *spoilers* from upcoming episodes. So if you are trying to remain unspoiled, don't go there! All these characters and spoilers that will really happen in the weeks ahead, all belong to one Joss Whedon and his affiliates. I'm just embellishing with the fluffiness because we all know Joss is not the fluffy spuffy type. **Definition taken from the Random House Dictionary.

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**protect to cover or shield from injury or danger.

Buffy wandered through the maze of hallways once again, her intent was to check up on the crazed vampire, who was once her confidante when she was pulled back to this world over a year ago. She kept telling herself it was just to make sure he wasn't doing anything else macabre to himself out of her sight. In actuality, she felt better just seeing him, being in his presence, even if he was stark raving mad. And why was he like that in the first place?

She pushed that question out of her mind constantly for she knew most of his insanity was because of her. He harbored a soul, a soul in which he took off last spring for, a soul he told her he got for her because he wanted to give her what he thought she deserved. What did she deserve? Not him now, she thought, who was more man than demon when you stepped back and looked at the big picture. He who loved her with all his heart and now with all his soul. This man who wanted her to be happy and to live, who would do anything for her, even go to the farthest reaches of this planet to find someone who would grant him the decency to return to him what was his over a century ago. Now his punishment on receiving his gift to her was sheer torture. Killing him from the inside out. Throwing pain into his face from countless victims he himself had taken the life from. Riddling his conscience from too many who he had decimated for his survival, for without their life's blood, he would not be living his undead life.

The thought of all the raw things she had ever said to him, called him, the punches, the kicks below the belt, flowed through her mind now. He had hurt her, no; the demon within him had hurt her, physically that night that seemed so long ago. She remembered the look in his eyes when she threw him off of her. He was, the man was, absolutely terrified and sickened at what almost happened. He could barely speak to her and he took off quickly when she told him to ask her again why she could never love him. That was the last she saw him pre-souled.

Now that she knew what he had done for her, to give to her, she felt guilt- ridden. One selfless act he performed for another, for her, because of his guilty conscience that was destroying his humanity. Surely he knew the trauma it would inflict upon him. He was around when Angel was cursed with his. Maybe he thought that by asking for his soul, he would not have to withstand the pain and guilt that ripped Angel apart. She wondered what he had to have done, or to give up for his soul returned. She didn't expect they were handing them out freely. And who were they to even be able to perform such a tremendous act? Those were questions yet to be asked of the one who had attained it, and probably would be unanswered until Spike was in his right mind, if ever he would be.

She rounded a corner and heard his voice, the ramblings of an insane person. When she reached the doorway, she could clearly make out what he was saying.

"Don't do it. I beg you, don't. Don't hurt the girl. She means everything to me. I know she has, but I deserved it. No, she is my light and I need that light. So dark here, so, so very dark, I need the light. Please, don't hurt the girl, don't hurt the girl, don't hurt the girl."

"Spike," she softly called him after walking into the room. He was sitting on his haunches rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, hands balled up at the sides of his head. She called him again, a bit louder. His head jerked up and he looked at her with fear and pain in his eyes. He stood abruptly, shaking his head no. He wouldn't look at her for very long, making eye contact rarely.

"No, no, no, shouldn't be here. No good. The light will go out if in the dark too long. Bad things trying to take the light away. Won't have it, but so weak. Don't hurt the girl, don' t hurt---" his distraught voice drifted off, like his mind had been swept over to another realm.

"Spike, please, I've come to check on you, to see how you are doing and to ask for your help again."

"I can help, help is good. I can do good, I can, really." He gave her a sideways glance, speaking like he was trying to convince her of his abilities.

"I know, that is why I'm here. I've had a student come to me. I think she may be psychic, she has foretold me of her death. I believe there are other forces at work here, though. Have you seen or heard anything?"

"Can't say, things here without permission. Need to check their tickets. The girl, she will die? Don't hurt the girl." He reached out and grabbed Buffy's arm tightly which startled her. He let go instantly realizing he was touching her and looked at her with an intense gaze.

"Don't hurt the girl," he repeated again.

"The girl? Cassie?" she asked him.

He placed his hands behind him and casually walked away from her shaking his head. Buffy let out a long sigh.

"I guess I will go then."

Spike whirled around then, panic in his face. "No, please stay. I---miss you."

Her face softened at his proclamation. "I need to go, I have to work. Besides, whenever I'm around you seem to get worse. I'll be back, I promise." She walked towards the door and stopped, turning her head slightly to watch him slump down against a few boxes.

"I miss you, too," she whispered before heading down the corridor of the basement.

Spike smiled slightly, as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

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A couple of evenings later, Buffy's suspicions had been confirmed when she found out about a secret cult that was using the school facilities to perform their rituals. Sacrifices were sure to be a part of the demonic rituals and Buffy planned on putting a stop to it right away, especially if human lives were at stake or demons were being brought forth. There were enough demons walking around good old Sunnydale already, no more needed to be resurrected from other dimensions or wherever else they should be called from.

She found them, in a secluded room in the basement. Red robed figures standing around a very frightened Cassie, chanting words that Buffy knew would bring no good. She had to act fast. Whoops, not fast enough. The ugly, bumpy, horned demon stood there in the center, not too far from the girl. Buffy ran towards the group of boys, throwing them this way and that. The rest scattered, leaving only the two girls and the not-so-happy demon. Buffy placed herself between the girl and the monster and told Cassie to leave fast. That did not make the demon any happier. It lunged towards Buffy, showing her his long, sharp claws and growling some obscenity at her. She reached behind her back and produced a long sword, preparing for the inevitable battle ahead.

She lunged, she struck, she ducked, and she kicked. The demon was not wearing down. Suddenly, Buffy noticed out of the corner of her eye that Cassie did not make it out of the room. She was slumped down on the floor, leaning against the wall. Her face was ashen. That quick look cost her a moment's distraction and the beast took it for granted. It swiftly approached her, swinging its massive arm at her head, knocking her off balance and almost unconscious. She landed hard on the cement floor, trying to shake it off. Her sight kept dimming though as she tried to will her self from passing out. Out of nowhere, a familiar figure flew through the air landing next to her. Spike was crouching over her, rolling out a feral growl that she could only guess was being used to ward off the attacker. He was protecting her and she was relieved. Spike slowly slid the sword out from under her as the demon tried to attack from a different angle. Spike was more clever and more swift. He feinted to the right but swiveled to the left, bringing the sword around with him in an arc, severing the head from the monster. It was a bit before its body followed the head down to the ground. Buffy sat up a little, amazed at what she had witnessed. Spike turned to her, and kneeling down next to her, asked how she was doing.

"I'm better than what I should be, thanks to you. That was---wow. Thank you, Spike."

"Couldn't very well have let him hurt the girl, could I?"

"The girl, Cassie." Buffy got up slowly and made her way over to her. She checked her over and found nothing, then looked over her shoulder at Spike who was standing next to the demon, kicking it with the toe of his shoe. He was mumbling something to it.

"Told you not to hurt the girl, mate."

"Spike," Buffy called. "Please stay here with Cassie. I'm going to get a blanket and I gotta go use the payphone upstairs to call 911. Spike, did you hear me?"

He looked up and shook his head yes as he headed over to them. Spike took Buffy's place next to her and he picked up her hand. She looked up him and their eyes connected.

"Don't let her worry about me. I told her I was going to die. Nothing that she could do. Don't let her blame herself, ok?" Spike shook his head yes. She gasped for breath and squeezed his hand tighter.

"One day, she will tell you." Cassie drifted away from the world into a peaceful, forever slumber.

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TBC?

A/N Let me know if you think I should go on with more. I was planning on making this a short fic, but I could write more Spuffy goodness.

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**trust unquestioning belief in the integrity, strength or ability of a person or thing.

A couple of days passed since the incident in the basement. The cult of students had been punished and released from the school. Buffy knew it would only be a matter of time before another would start up. They always did. She still carried the grief around from losing the girl who had come to Buffy with her problem. She knew she was dying, but had in her own anonymous way informed Buffy of the cult without really telling her about it. Buffy realized Cassie died of natural causes, but the weight of her death still bothered her. Spike had helped a little in the grieving department after he told her Cassie was gone. He waited with her as the ambulance came and went and continued to grace her company as she waited for the coroner. He stood close by as they watched them put the body bag in the back of the vehicle. He whispered to her that she wasn't in any pain anymore and she was better off. He then walked out of the room and left her.

Now, Buffy sat at her desk, daydreaming. Most of her thoughts drifted back to the blonde vampire. She wanted so much to help him, but what could she really do for him? She would talk to Dawn about some things and then she would talk to Spike. Which, in her mind, was total chaos most of the time. She never knew if he understood her when she spoke to him, or if he did, if she was the one misunderstanding what he was saying. He went way off the scale with his babblings most of the time. She knew there was much more to the rants than she could make out. If she could get him away from the hell mouth long enough, maybe he would start making sense. Maybe.

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The sun would be setting soon, at least within the hour. He liked fall, it was his favorite season. He'd been to New England in the fall, the most beautiful sight he had ever witnessed. Even at that time, to a vampire who lived in the dark, he was still drawn to the light. He would make his way to a small window that overlooked the rolling hills, and peer out of it as the sun rose, setting off a cornucopia of brightly colored fireworks. He loved nature, and the changing of the leaves were spectacular to him. The trees didn't change much here is sunny California and that made him sad. If only he could take Buffy and the Bit to Maine one fall, just to show them the beauty outside of this hell mouth. He laughed at himself. That would never happen.

"Would it?" He turned away from the wall and spoke to her. She was standing in the middle of the room with her arms crossed across her chest. She didn't answer.

"I'll always be here, stuck in this basement, listening to them talk on an on about how pathetic I am. Just until it swallows us all up, then I will never see another fall day, never see the beauty, the light."

"Never say never." Buffy finally spoke.

He glanced at her. "Oh, stuff and nonsense. We both know."

"Do you want to be in the light?"

"Yes, yes more than ever, in the light with you. But it will never happen."

"Never say never."

"Stop saying that. You actually believe I can come into the light with you? I can't do it on my own. So are you saying you want to help me?"

Buffy didn't answer. He looked up and she wasn't there. Another figment of his imagination gone wacky.

"I didn't think you would want to help me," he mumbled, feeling the pain of loneliness creep over him again.

"Do you want my help?" Her voice sounded different this time, louder and more solid. His head snapped up in the direction her voice traveled from, which was now in a different spot and she was wearing different clothes, wearing her hair in a different way.

He gasped, "Buffy, is that really you?"

"Um, last time I checked I was really the one and only Buffy. Is that really you?" She pointed at him.

He paused and his mouth drew up in a slight grin. He ducked his head as he shook it. "No, can't say that. Once I get the rest of my mind back, then I'll be real."

She laughed softly, "Can't wait for that grand day. Which is what brings me down here in a way. I want to be all helpy, in anyway I can. Thing is," she looks around the room he has been staying in. "it isn't going to be possible to find that piece of your mind that's lost with you living like this over the hell mouth. I truly believe whatever is going on underneath, is hurting you. So, if you trust me, I think we should get you out of here. Do you trust me, Spike?"

He looked at her with reserve. "I've always trusted you, Buffy. But I can't go back to the crypt. Too many memories, good and bad. I have nowhere to go."

"Well, that is what I've been doing all afternoon. What do you say about coming to my house and---".

"No, no, no, no." He walked away shaking his head and wringing his hands. "Not going there, can't go there, not worthy enough to be there."

"You know that is a bunch of, what do you call it? Rubbish! I don't mean to stay there indefinitely. Just come home with me, get cleaned up, get something to eat, get some rest and tomorrow we will find someplace for you."

"But, Buffy---."

"No, buts."

"But, Dawn---she's really scary now. What if---."

"I've talked to Dawn about the whole thing---everything, she knows everything. She wants to help, too. Let us help."

Spike shook his head yes.

Buffy smiled, a radiant smile that spread over to Spike who returned it. She felt better, for not only helping but seeing him look a little happy that someone did care about him. She knew it was going to be tough but she was ready to take the challenge.

They started up the walk to 1630 Revello drive when he froze. Buffy turned to see him standing still, looking down at the ground. She walked back over to him.

"Don't give up on me yet. We're about 20 feet from the front door."

He placed his hands behind his back and started swaying. "Why are you doing this for me?"

She sighed. "I want to help, I feel an obligation. I feel very sad seeing you like this and I know this isn't really you. I want to have a fresh start, a clean slate. I want to help in anyway I can, help you get better."

"Are you scared?"

"Terrified. You?

"Mortally. But I've overcome worse scenarios." He looked at her. "I'm ready."

They started walking again towards the door. He crossed the threshold without faltering. Dawn popped up next to them and squeaked out a hi. Spike jumped a little and took a step back. Dawn looked at Buffy quickly then turned her attention back to Spike.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I want to be friends again. Can we be friends again? Cause I've missed you."

Spike relaxed and reached out to run his thumb down the side of her face.

"I've missed my lil' bit. I'm sorry."

Dawn wrapped her arms around him and they hugged tightly. Dawn grimaced and pulled back.

"Not trying to be mean, but---you reek. I love you, but---will you go get a shower and burn those clothes?"

"I would love to get a shower, but---I'm afraid this is all I have."

"Not necessarily. Dawn went to the crypt today after school and picked up most of your stuff. Clem helped out. He asked about you, I think he misses you. I told him you were a bit under the weather and that you would visit later."

"Thanks, both of you."

Dawn tossed him a change of clothes as Buffy led him up the stairs to the bathroom. She went in to prepare it for him but he suddenly stopped in the hallway. She looked up to see him clutching his clothes to him and backing up against the opposite wall, eyes as big as saucers.

"Spike? Whats---." Realization hit her instantly.

He started ranting again. "Bad, bad place. Bad things, bad thing. It hurt the girl, I know it hurt the girl. Couldn't stop it. Wanted to, couldn't. Disgusting, vile, evil thing. I am---."

"*Not* that thing. It's over, in the past. Clean slate remember? I'll tell you what, how about you use the shower in the master bedroom? Sound good?"

Spike still looked lost but he silently agreed. Dawn showed up at the top of the stairs to see what was going on. Buffy lead him past Dawn to the room that was now hers. She turned and asked Dawn to warm up some blood, two mugs and have them ready for him. In the bathroom, she pulled clean towels out and turned on the water. As she walked towards the doorway, she noticed he was riveted in the same spot and looking in the opposite direction.

"Are you going to be ok? You know, you actually have to get into the tub to get a shower." She wanted to make the moment lighter.

He looked down at the clothes in his arms and she noticed the tears streaking down his face. She walked back, took the clothes out of his hands and sat them on the sink. She reached up to wipe the wetness from his face, and he cringed.

"You shouldn't have to touch me." He wouldn't look at her.

Buffy grabbed him under the chin and lifted his face up to make eye contact with him.

"But I can and I will. My decision, not yours. Do you need help? I mean, you do remember how to bathe, right?" she laughed softly.

He chuckled. "Yes, I think I can manage."

"Good, and lets have a private burial of those clothes later." She walked back towards the door.

"Buffy?" She turned at the mention of her name. "Thank you. This means--- means a lot."

Buffy smiled. "You're very welcome. What are friends for?"

She shut the door behind her and walked back downstairs feeling a bit better about herself. She knew this would be a rough road to travel but they were getting somewhere. Being on the hell mouth was sure to be a joyride, though.

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TBC?

Part 3:

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**forgive to cease to blame or feel resentment about (an offense or offender).

Buffy had joined Dawn in the kitchen and sat at the island while Dawn heated the mugs of butcher's blood in the microwave. To any other person, this would not seem normal to watch, Buffy mused. 'That's what happens when you live in good old Sunnydale, and make nice with the friendly neighborhood vampires,' she giggled slightly. Dawn turned to catch what was so funny. Buffy shrugged.

"Just how odd our lives are, but to us how normal. We don't think twice about heating up pigs blood in the microwave, even knowing how long to set the clock for so it's just the right temperature, or even the fact there is now a 120+ year old vampire, who used to be the scourge of Europe, taking a shower upstairs."

Dawn chuckled at this situation as well as the microwave beeped at her. Buffy glanced at the clock on the wall.

"Mind you, a rather long shower at that. I'll take that up to him." She intervened before Dawn made it out of the kitchen. "I've seen the "package" before, and I don't think my sister's virgin eyes need to go there." Buffy smiled sweetly at Dawn while she stood there, eyes wide, mouth in an 'oh'. She didn't want to accidentally see the "package" either.

As Buffy stepped onto the top landing, she noticed the shower was no longer running. She walked through her room and stopped outside the bathroom door, raising her hand to knock. That's when she heard the whimpering. She knocked quickly and softly but he didn't answer. Buffy slowly cracked the door open and saw him sitting in the corner, across from the sink. He was wearing his jeans but the shirt still hung over the shower curtain rod. Red, dark red liquid puddled on the floor next to him, and she lifted her eyes slowly, dreading. Blood, so much blood and from him. It ran in rivulets down his arm from his hand, which was curled into a tight fist. She threw the door open and it banged against the wall. Spike jumped out of his trance, and noticed her standing there, looking frightened.

"I'm sorry. Really. I'll fix it, no need for you to worry. Tomorrow, I'll fix it. So tired right now. Buffy, can I go to sleep now?" He was rambling again, out of fear maybe?

"Spike,---what happened?" She walked across the bathroom floor towards him, taking in account that something crunched under each footstep she took. She made it to him and knelt down, turning to look at what else was on the floor. Shards of shiny, reflective glass covered the sink and the tile surrounding it. She grabbed the towel he had used and began to wrap it around his injured hand.

"Don't touch the blood, it's tainted. It's all about blood,--- power, life, keeps you alive. This blood, my blood, it's bad, will consume you, drown you, snuff out the light. "

Buffy once again grabbed his chin to raise his face to hers.

"Spike, I need you to focus. We are going down to the kitchen and get this cleaned up. Come on, up we go. Good. Watch the glass."

As they walked down the stairs Buffy yelled to Dawn to get the first aid kit out. Dawn obliged, not knowing what in the world she needed it for. Her question was answered when Buffy and Spike strolled into the kitchen, the once white towel she held over Spike's hand stained with crimson. Buffy sat him down on the stool and removed the towel and prepared to play doctor. Silence filled the air before she noticed Spike's eyes were back to normal.

"Are you back with us now?" She asked him sincerely.

He turned to her and croaked out an affirmation.

"Good. Can you tell me what happened?" She sort of knew the jist of what had taken place, with the remains of the vanity mirror scattered all over the sink. He was quiet for a moment.

"I didn't like the look of myself." Buffy paused her bandaging and looked at him thoughtfully. He caught the gesture and sighed heavily.

"I mean, I didn't like what I couldn't see. There was nothing there, yet I feel solid, feel real, feel pain, loneliness, fear, love---." The last word drifted off. "Why can't I see? I see all of them, the ones, those I took away from their loved ones, those I hurt. I see them churning about in my head. Haunting me in my dreams, in my thoughts. I keep telling them sorry. Sorry for snatching them out of their normal, everyday lives and leaving them desiccated, leaving them for the blackbirds to finish off. Sorry," he chuckled. "Isn't that a funny word? What's another word? Apologize---seems like such a harsh word. Forgive, so weak, shouldn't be allowed. Can't ask for forgiveness. Doesn't seem right. Shouldn't ask for it, should be given. But who would want to forgive me?" He paused again like he was expecting someone to answer. He looked up at her through his lashes.

"Buffy,---I'm sorry. So very sorry for everything I,---it,---I've done. Sorry for hurting you that night. I'd do anything to take it all back, anything for you, to take all the pain and suffering from you."

Buffy looked at him softly. "Someone I love dearly once told me, 'Forgiveness is an art of compassion'. I'm trying to desperately live by that rule everyday now. Spike, you are forgiven. I forgive you, it's in the past." Dawn piped in.

"I forgive you, too." Spike smiled at his bit.

"You need to forgive yourself so you can heal. Will you?"

"I will try, there's a lot there to forgive. Over 100 years laid out before me."

"But it's a start. While we're on the subject, ---I'm sorry. Do you think you could ever forgive me?"

Spike scoffed. "Why would *you* need to be forgiven by *me*? Buffy, you've done nothing wrong."

She shook her head sadly. "Everything was wrong between you and me. You were becoming a friend, someone I trusted, someone who listened, so giving for a soulless demon. I was selfish, wanted more, wanted to feel alive again, wanted to know why I only felt safe and happy being around you while you listened to all my boohooing about life. I used you and tossed you aside. Friends don't do that. I gave you what you wanted, knowing that just my body was not enough to satisfy you. You wanted all of me. But I was uncaring. I needed you to make me feel alive and I believe---you needed me for you to feel the same, but you wanted to feel love and I wasn't prepared for that. That balance. We both needed it to live, the dark in you and the light in me. I still need it and you still need it more now than ever. We can balance each other and help one another. You're not beneath me, your not worthless and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise again. I want things to be different between you and me. I want to make a difference. Just tell me, I need to know,--- am I forgiven?"

Spike seemed astonished, but he answered her. "Yes, I do."

Buffy was glad to have that out of the way and she smiled at him. She was happy their friendship had been renewed. What they had when she came back to earth so long ago was actually nice and she was so ready to start where they left off, before the kissing and the "shagging" had commenced. She walked around the corner of the kitchen island and wrapped her arms around this man/vampire who she felt was heading out on the right path now. Spike hesitated at first, taken aback by this show of emotion from her, his Buffy. He lovingly wrapped his arms around her and held her while silent sobs wracked his body. Buffy tried her best to soothe him, while she shushed and ran her hand gently over his soft curls. Dawn had started crying as well and wanted to add her bit of comforting. She joined in the hug, rubbing both Buffy's and Spike's backs. They stayed in that position for quite a while, at least until his sobbing had stopped. He felt ridiculous, crying like a nancy boy in front of his girls, but their looks told him it made no difference to them. They were there to help just like they promised him. He would take them up on their promise, at least until he was strong enough to leave the nest on his own. He knew though that they would always be there for one another from now on.

TBC?

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Part 4:

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**comfort to soothe or console

Willow had come home while Buffy was making up the couch as a makeshift bed. She stood and watched her not wanting to interrupt. When Buffy pulled the drapes tightly closed, Willow figured out who she was making the couch up for.

"Where is he?" she asked, startling Buffy out of her deep reverie.

"Oh, Willow. I didn't hear you come in. Where? Who?"

Willow smiled and lowered her gaze. "Spike, you know that vampire we all love to hate."

"Oh, he's---he's in the kitchen with Dawn. Having some one-on-one catching up and drinking hot cocoa. Actually she's doing a bit of diversion. Keeping the delirious vampire sane and focused."

"Do you trust him in there with her?

Buffy straightened up and looked at Willow with disdain.

"Yes, I do. I don't know why but I just do."

"Good, I just wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth. How is he? He was totally off his rocker when I saw him last in the school basement. Do you know what is wrong with him?"

Buffy's jaw dropped. "Yes, I do. You went to see him in the basement? When?"

"Right after I found the skinned body. He kept talking like their was someone else in the room, something about glowing or whatever."

"Huh, you were there the same time Xander and I were there. Now it makes sense. Maybe he's not as insane as I thought. He could see you when we couldn't. He was talking to me about glowing."

"Oh, wow. So why he is acting this way?"

"He went out and got himself a soul."

"No way! He *decided* to get one? Why?"

"Well,---he said---for me." Buffy's voice drifted off. Willow stood and stared at Buffy, flabbergasted.

"Buffy, that's unreal. Is it because of what happened last spring? In the bathroom?"

"How do---. Do you know what happened?"

"Not really, but I had a feeling something not so nice went down between you two. Am I right?"

"Yeah, it did. He---attacked me. Thought he could make me feel love for him. He lost all grasp of reality I think. I threw him off of me. Willow- --I was so scared and angry at him. I didn't even give him a chance to say anything. He ran off and I guess left town. Next time I saw him was Dawn's first day back to school, when I had to go down to the basement to fight the---whatever they were called. I found out a week later that he has a soul. He told me---he said he got it for me---so he could give me what *I* deserve. I couldn't handle it, I couldn't handle what he had done. I mean come on, a soul. That's a big deal. He's been helping us though. And I think whatever evil is lurking around the hellmouth is making him worse. I just couldn't stand to see him in such pain anymore. I think---I know he was hurting himself. He needs help, he needs guidance. I feel like I should do this. Wanna help?

"Do you think I'm worthy enough to help? I mean, come on Buffy, I'm struggling with my own redemption at the moment."

"Yes, but you are at least on the right path. Maybe that will be good for him to see. Maybe just talk to him, let him know that you understand."

"Ok, I think I can do that. Hopefully I won't turn him in the opposite direction. Good night Buffy, I'll see you in the morning. Love you"

"G'night Willow. I love you, too."

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Dawn poured out a bunch of miniature marshmallows on the countertop between the two of them. Spike looked up at her giving her a sincere smile.

"So, does it hurt?" she asked earnestly.

He cocked his head slightly, then looked down into his mug of cocoa again. "Every minute of everyday."

"I'm sorry---sorry that it hurts so much. "

"Don't be bit. I deserve it."

"Maybe, maybe not. Do you want to get better, to be good, do good?"

"Do you think I could?"

"I think you can do anything if you really want to."

"Then just maybe I could." He smiled at her again.

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Not too long after Buffy had crawled into bed that night and just when she started drifting off, her bedroom door creaked slightly. Her eyes shot open and she listened more intently. A click. Her door had been opened and closed and now she felt that familiar tickle in her lower belly. She sat up quickly in bed. She couldn't see him even though she knew he was there.

"Spike, don't do this to me. What is it?"

"Buffy." His voice sounded so distressed. "Sorry." A pause.

"Buffy, can I just sit right here tonight? I won't bother you and I'll stay right here."

"What's wrong, Spike? What happened?"

"They're looking for me, it's cause I'm alone, I know. They prey on my fears."

"No one is going to bother you here, Spike. You're safe here, with us."

"But they creep into my mind. Please help me. If I'm really quite they won't find me. Help me?" His voice trembled and she realized he was actually afraid, he had started crying again.

She got out of bed and made her way over to where he leaned up against the door. Kneeling down next to him, she reached out and pulled his head over to her shoulder. It took a bit, but he finally relaxed and wrapped his arms around her tiny waist. She stroked his hair gently and rocked, shushing him until he calmed himself enough to stop the crying. He pulled away from her slowly and lowered his gaze once again feeling like a blubbering nitwit. One day, he thought, I won't have to cry in front of her.

Buffy stood and walked back to her bed. She grabbed a pillow and the extra blanket that laid at the foot of her bed. She tossed them onto the floor next to her. He just stared. She stared back.

"I'd rather you lay down and get some sleep than to have you sitting there up against my door all night. Spike, come over here and sleep. We'll talk some more in the morning and figure out where to go from here. I mean, a place for you to live."

Spike crawled over on his hands and knees to the pillow and blanket. Buffy giggled softly at watching him do this. She pulled the covers back up the same time Spike laid down. He turned his head and looked at her.

"I think I'm going to be telling you thank you a lot in the days ahead. If I don't ever say thank you, just know that I do. Good night, Buffy."

"Good night, Spike."

TBC?

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

**guidance the act or function of leading or showing the way to

The following morning was a Saturday. Buffy had left Spike on the floor in her bedroom after waking and quietly she slipped out to go downstairs. She paced the living room floor, chewing on her nails, trying to rearrange the words in her head for when she ended up calling Xander.

Buffy had remained awake for a while after Spike had crept into her room, watching him, her mind reeling with thoughts. She decided Spike could not stay with her. She wanted to help but felt him "shacking up" in her home would not help him in the long run. If he were to live somewhere else, preferably a cleaner, less evil place, she could---what could she do? Take care of him? Watch over him? Help him become sane again? Was he sane in the first place? She laughed outloud at the last thought. He may have been a crazy, quasi-evil pain in the ass before the chip, but she never thought of him as being insane. She knew Drusilla, and knew that was insanity.

Not too long ago, when he had shown up at her house to offer his help with the worm demon, he had mentioned he was not there to atone. Of course that was for another thing but could it have been for everything? Was it her right, her business to help him? She knew most of his pain and suffering were because of her, what she did to him, said to him and what he had finished. So she wondered now if she should just take the initiative and lead him out again, start him down this path. She had led him out of the basement. Would he follow her again? Was he a willing candidate for redemption? All of the questions were left unanswered, at least until she thought him sane enough to ask him.

She picked up the handset and quickly dialed Xander's number. She was ready to hang up after two rings but of course he picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Xander. Sorry to call so early."

"S'ok. What's up?"

"Well, I kinda have a favor to ask. It's sort of a request and you would be helping me out tremendously if---."

"Buffy, just ask already!"

"WillyouletSpikemoveintothespareroomofyourapartment?" She blurted it out so fast, there was silence on the other end.

"The what---with the who? Did you just ask me," Xander began to laugh.

Buffy joined in with the laughing. "Yeah, I did. Will you?"

"Buffy, you gotta be kidding? Why me? I mean, you know how I feel about him."

"Xander, he's changed. He needs help, my help, our help. He's---Xander, Spike has a soul. And I don't want to get into it right now but that's why I'm asking. I know you have the spare room and you're both guys and you would hardly see each other and I will be over to take care of him. So?"

"A soul? Oh, boy, Angel all over again. Buffy, I just don't think---".

"He's nothing like Angel.--- That's ok Xander. He can just stay here in the basement, I mean he crashed her last night. Of course he came up to my room later and---".

"Ok, ok, he can move in tonight. But there are rules he will have to follow."

"I'm sure he will follow the rules. And promise me, there will be no staking allowed, or beatings."

"I can't promise, Buffy."

"Xander?!?"

"Alright, geesh. I promise, no dusting or beating of said vampire. What time do you think you will show up?"

"Sundown, of course. And he doesn't have much. Do you have a spare bed?"

"The room is already furnished, even with a small tv which I'm sure he will enjoy. I guess that's good. He'll want to stay in the room all the time then."

"Thank you so much, Xander. This means so much, and like I said, I will be by to check on him regularly. See ya tonight."

"Good bye," Xander whined.

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Spike stepped into the kitchen around noon, just as Buffy and Dawn were sitting down to eat their lunches.

"Good morning, or afternoon. Feeling any better?"

Spike ran his hands through his hair. He hated the curls and was sure they were popping out all over the place. Always did after sleeping. Buffy noticed he was grooming, which brought a smile to her lips.

"Better, thanks. Slept without any added entertainment, first time in months. Guess it was the company. Slayer protecting me and all." He smiled gently in her direction.

"If you're hungry, we got blood in the fridge and you can help yourself. I'm sure you're capable of doing some things, right? I need to talk to you anyway."

Dawn pulled a seat out for him as he sat down, looking a bit bewildered. Buffy didn't want to scare him or cause him to panic. She had to find a right way to explain why he needed to move out.

"Well, I truly believe you are doing much better being out of the school basement. Do you feel better?"

Spike shook his head yes.

"Good. Please hear me out. I asked Xander if you could move in with him. He has a spare room in his apartement and it's already furnished even with a tv. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"Nice. You don't want me around, don't want me near you and Dawn. I understand. Buffy, I can just go back to the school. That was my home. I was fine---".

"No, you were not fine there. And it's not that I don't want you around. I just feel you will heal better not being around me all the time. I don't want you to think that, I thought we were past all of this, you know, with all of the explaining and forgiving. We need to move forward, not live in the past. You will be living in a real place, with your own room, your own stuff. You don't need to live underground anymore. Spike, I want to help you. Please, I think this is the right thing for you. At least try it out. Xander is willing to do this, why can't you?"

"So, Xander and I, roomies? Are you so sure he won't stake me at the first opportunity he gets?"

"I'm sure. He promised no stakings, no beatings of the poor defenseless vampire. But you gotta promise to behave as well, even with the verbal abuse."

"I guess I could abstain from hurting him. Like I could anyway."

"And I will come by to visit. And Dawn, too. You can call me anytime you need anything or just need to talk. And you can come over here, too. Just not at strange hours of the night." She smiled at him.

Spike cocked his head and looked at her. "Alright, I'll do it. If you think it will help me get better. If you think I can actually make it through all this."

"Spike, I think you are able to do anything you set your mind to. I believe in you. I believe you can do good things, can help others. You are strong in mind and body. You can accomplish whatever you set your mind to do. If you feel like you're going to fall, you have us here. We'll always be here for you. I'll be here."

Spike looked down for a moment. Slowly his gaze wandered to her. "You really are a guidance counselor, aren't you? I can see why the school hired you. You will be a wonderful counselor, Buffy.---Well, when am I moving?"

"Sundown, tonight? That ok with you? Do you need us to get anything else at the crypt?"

"S'ok. There might be a few things, but I can get them. That way I can see Clem and tell him he can have the crypt now."

"Sounds like a step in the right direction."

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Xander opened up the door to his apartment to find three smiling faces from three of his favorite people and one sullen looking, soul having vampire. Everyone had something in their arms. Xander stepped back to allow them entrance to his humble abode, trying to smile sincerely back at them. The girls bounced in but Spike remained in the hallway. Xander almost shut the door in his face before Buffy cleared her throat and nodded her head towards the open door. Xander turned and rolling his eyes, announced an invitation.

"Come on in, Spike. I have a feeling I'm going to regret saying those words," he mumbled the last bit.

Buffy wasn't sure he would come in, but he stepped across the threshold where once there was a barrier keeping him out. Xander led all of them to Spike's new room. It was small, but had all the conveniences of a comfy living area. He looked around, walked to the dresser, and emptied the paper bag of its contents into the drawer. He turned back to them, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"It'll do. Oh look, my very own telly."

Buffy laughed. "See, I told you. Gonna be fine?"

"Fine, yeah. I'll adjust."

"It's a good start in the right direction." Buffy smiled again.

"A good start to self-improvement." Dawn added.

"To self-healing and redemption, I should know." Willow sounded positive.

"And to male bonding---with an unliving, 120 something year old, ex-blood sucking former big bad, who now broods like the great Dead Boy himself."

Spike glared at Xander. "I *don't* brood."

Xander waved him off and walked out of the room. "Yeah right, I believe you."

The girls started to laugh. Spike huffed as they filed out after him.

"I don't brood," he yelled out to them. Pause. "Bugger it all."

TBC?

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

Part 6:

Part 7:

Part 8: