Thirty-Four: Where Did the Darkness Go

By Annie

2003-05-22

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Day Twenty-Eight.

7.33 a.m.

Every time he woke with her in his arms was a cause for subtle surprise and pure pleasure. This morning was no exception and he turned his head to look down at her where she lay with one hand on his stomach and her head right below his shoulder. He could see the outline of her nose, cheek and of her chin; and the fact that he knew them all so well by now had a small smirk grace his lips.

What were they doing? Was he out of his bloody mind not caring how much he needed her? If it didn't work out... If she truly left him behind... The thought sent shivers of discomfort down his back and he held her slightly tighter to him as he brushed those fears aside.

He couldn't do anything to prevent it, if that day was up ahead of them. All he could do was enjoy the moment, and love her in a way that she would never forget, no matter what happened.

He was turning into that weak sod he had always praised himself high for not being. He had taken pride in his ruthlessness and evilness and obvious hatred with everything around him. He had sought out the parts of him that harbored the darkest shadows of his being and he had shoved them forward until those parts were all there was to him...

She had been right. The light in her had shone on parts of him he hadn't even known existed - because he had thought them vanished as he embraced the hardness of himself and let it protect him from everything that he had once been. Meek, gray, boring, average and frozen out of the society he had barely been born into. Ridiculed...

He let one hand stroke her shoulder gently.

For once maybe he had struck gold. If he could hold onto it. Hold onto her.

She made him feel as though he mattered, as though there was something good in him after all because she could sense it. He only wondered if she believed in it; in him...

She stirred and he laid his thoughts to rest as she turned her face to him and slowly opened her eyes.

"Hi," she mumbled sleepily and he smiled.

"Hi," he replied, pulling her up a little to kiss her and she returned it as she began to become more awake.

Moving her head back to have his gaze meet hers she smiled again.

"I can't help but think that something's going to happen to screw all of this up," she murmured and he smirked.

"'All of this' being the horror of waking up beside me?" he asked and she cocked an eyebrow as she adopted a face of actually thinking that question over.

He looked at her with the smirk growing and then she became serious as she replied:

"No," kissing him tenderly again and he closed his eyes, running one hand through her soft locks and relishing in the feeling of her. "'All of this' being the facts of... nature being tampered with," she then said and he chuckled at that, shaking his head at her. "What?" she asked; fake-insult in her tone and a small pout on her mouth making him bite his lower lip as he kept the smile on.

"Can you at least bloody well find a decent way of NOT finding a good enough explanation?" he teased and she smiled tentatively.

"Hate you," she mumbled, though her voice was much too soft for him to even frown over that statement and he put his mouth to her forehead, murmuring:

"And you know exactly how much I hate you too."

She closed her eyes, wanting to kill off the smile he brought forth on her lips, but failed as the soft touch of his kiss still lingered on her skin.

"I really have to get going," she sighed and he looked at her as she pulled herself back and into a seated position, meeting his gaze.

"Do you know what time it is?" he asked and she cocked an eyebrow, then shook her head and he reached out a hand, taking a hold on her right wrist and making her lie beside him and partially on him again. "So where's the bleeding rush?" he wondered and she groaned, resting her head against his shoulder before she sat back up, shaking the former.

Slipping over to the edge of the sarcophagus she got off it and to her feet, stretching her rather soar limbs before gathering her long locks into a ponytail and then simply letting them hang down her back. He propped his head into one hand as he observed her reach down and pick up her top.

"I could watch you do that all day," he stated and she paused before she turned her head to him with a smirk on. "Come on, love... You KNOW you don't wanna go," he added, moving his free hand invitingly over the spot she had just made empty and cocking an eyebrow meaningfully.

She gave him a look before she put the top on and then proceeded with her panties. He kept his gaze sliding over her body and when she bent down for her skirt he threw the sheet, which had been covering him from the waist down, off of him and jumped off the sarcophagus; approaching her with a look in those two blue eyes of his that she knew far too well and it made a suction appear in her stomach that had her legs quickly begin to grow wobbly.

"Spike," she tried to stop him, but he'd have none of it and as his hands slid up her arms before pressing her to him she let out a small moan right before his mouth met hers roughly.

She wrapped her arms tight around his neck and returned the kiss fervently.

"We can't keep...doing this," she breathed as he let his lips leave hers and travel down the side of her throat.

"Enjoy each other?" he wondered, kissing the place of her jugular before tracing her collarbone and moving further out to her shoulder, slowly walking around to stand behind her and brushing her hair away from her neck.

She licked her lips, tilting her head back when he bent his own forward and brushed his lips against the very place he had cleared, slipping his tongue out to paint careful patterns over her skin and she drew a silent breath as she slid her arms back and let her hands rest on his waist before she leaned back against him.

"No," she then disagreed, opening her eyes and forcing herself to take a step away from him before she turned to him, catching his gaze and holding it firmly as she added: "Pretend that the world isn't there anymore... 'Cause it is. And someday we'll have to deal with it."

He tilted his head slightly to one side as he took the step dividing them and put his arms around her again. She resisted, but only for a moment. Then she relaxed and put her forehead against his chest with a sigh.

"You wanna tell your chums 'bout us then?" he wondered, feeling how she once again turned rather rigid and trying to ignore the disappointment at the answer he could read in that alone. "So, I guess it's not just me who'd rather have the bloody world disappear, is it?" he added and she hesitated before she looked up at him. "If only for a night," he muttered, letting her go and stepping away from her before he gave her a small bow and moved one arm as an encouragement for her to get on with her dressing before he turned and walked through the room to the kitchen - to get himself some breakfast.

She watched him, grinding her teeth and then did as he obviously suggested, grabbing her skirt off the floor and tugging it up to her waist. Letting her hands rest there she then waited for him to look at her again. He didn't and she shook her head at him.

"I don't think they'd understand," she said and he slammed the door to the fridge shut, turning and walking into the room again, stopping a few feet away from her and looking both annoyed and sad.

"No," he disagreed. "YOU still don't understand what the hell's there between us, what it means... what might come of it. You're scared out of your sodding mind, Slayer. And you don't wanna label this something that it may never get to be, do you?" She looked at him, uncomprehending, and he smiled bitterly before he elaborated: "Something more than... this," as he made a gesture between their two forms and she looked away from him.

"I have to go," she murmured, grabbing her jacket and pulling it on before picking up her bag and slinging it over one shoulder.

"You running from me, love?" he asked and she turned her head to him again, her eyes somber as she shook her head barely noticeably. "Then give me a kiss good-bye," he said and she shook her head again, this time a little more visibly and he smirked.

She rolled her eyes, approached him quickly, stood on her toes and gave him a peck on the cheek. As she was about to turn from him again one of his hands slid behind her neck, grabbed hold and kept her in place before he joined their lips in a deep kiss. He ended it as he had started it, letting her go almost abruptly and she near enough lost her balance before she opened her eyes and glared up at him.

"You STOLE that one," she accused and he smiled widely at that.

"Did you really bloody expect anything else from me, pet?" he shot and she suppressed the smile successfully this time, keeping the impatience in her features before she swirled around and marched up to the door.

"I'll see you later, hon!" he called after her.

"Don't count on it, sweetie!" she yelled back, shutting the door with a pretty hard bang, which merely broadened his smile even more.

He knew her. And she knew that he did.

And, boy, did it bug her.

***

Willow looked up when the door of the room opened. As she saw it was Buffy who entered she directed her gaze back into the book she was reading for English class without so much as a hello and the former furrowed her brow as she closed the door behind her, watching her friend where she sat on her bed. When Buffy after a minute had passed still had gotten no reaction she grumbled and threw her bag on her own bed before she buttoned down her jacket.

"I looked for you yesterday," she stated, pulling the jacket off and letting it join the bag before she brought her top over her head. "It's not like I've been avoiding you," she added when Willow merely shifted slightly in her seat. "Where were you, anyway? I looked all over campus..."

"With Tara," Willow replied, tone short.

Then she slammed the book shut and looked up, her eyebrows rising as she added:

"Where were YOU - all night?"

Buffy hesitated before she gave a small smile, shrugging.

"I promised I'd be supportive," Willow said now, getting off her bed and to her feet as Buffy pulled a clean T-shirt over her head. "I know you need time and all that... But this is... It's... Were you with Spike?" she asked and Buffy stiffened before turning to her.

"What makes you ask that?" she wondered, trying to keep a cool surface though her insides were twirling like mad. "I mean, Spike? Spike?!" she added, realizing that she shouldn't when Willow's eyes narrowed and watched her closely.

"Why are you all...fidgety?" Willow inquired and Buffy took a step back as she pressed on another smile.

"I'm not..."

"You're all flushed and all fidgety!" Willow remarked, taking a step closer as she stared at her friend. "You WERE with Spike! What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Then why did you spend the night with him?"

"Wills, I..."

"What are you doing with him, Buffy?! Are you sleeping with him? I should've figured that whole House on Haunted Hill deal was way too easy to use as an excuse! But... why did you lie like that? I mean, if you're still sleeping with him, then...it had to be... Is it...? Is it MORE than that? Sorry to sound all shocked here but I'm just kinda... really shocked here!"

"Willow!" Buffy finally got a word in and the redhead seemed to wait for whatever explanation was to follow. "I didn't lie," the former said and Willow raised her eyebrows again.

"So... you're not sleeping with him anymore. You ending up in bed had everything to do with ghouls and bad things flying around in the atmosphere," she more or less stated, though the questioning gaze she gave her friend made the latter sink down on the edge of her bed.

Okay. The Talk. It had arrived, it was there. It was happening.

"I WANTED it to be true so badly," she murmured, not quite able to meet Willow's gaze, keeping her own on her hands as she continued: "I mean; I believed that it had to be true. I didn't lie 'cause when I agreed to what you said about what had happened - I thought that was how it had to be. I needed to have that be the reason... Otherwise..."

She trailed off, bending forward and resting her forehead in her hands as she drew a deep breath. Willow slowly sat down beside her, a disbelieving expression on her face that Buffy couldn't see.

"And something happened in the basement too, didn't it?" the Wicca asked, making Buffy swallow before she nodded, still in the same position. "That's where it all started... So, now you remember what happened, I take it," she added and at that Buffy raised her head with an incredibly guilty look in her eyes that made Willow frown.

"Oh," she murmured.

"Will, I was SO messed up when you guys got there, you have no idea... I couldn't believe I'd actually...! And when I saw Riley I just freaked. I thought maybe - if I made it so I could just put it behind me completely - then it'd go away."

Willow stared at her, incredulously, before she asked:

"You thought make believing that you had forgotten having sex with a vampire who you preached to me about that very DAY to be a threat and a liability - a vampire you'd have preferred it if he just 'disappeared' - if you pretended that it had never happened, it would be as though it never HAD?"

Buffy blinked; then looked away from her friend.

"It sounds a bit corny - spoken out loud like that, and by you. But I panicked!" she then tried and Willow merely raised her eyebrows once more, meaningfully. "I know," Buffy sighed. "I behaved like a regular jackass. Especially towards Riley. He never did anything to deserve that... And Willow," she whined, shaking her head a little, "I honestly think I'm losing my mind."

"So for nearly a month you've been lying to me, to all of us?" Willow asked, making Buffy lean her head in her hands again. "So... what did happen in that basement?"

There was a pause and then Buffy quietly grumbled:

"He seduced me."

Willow observed her in silence for a little while and then she asked slowly:

"In five hours? I thought you weren't all that receptive to the thralls a vampire might try to throw at you?"

"I'm NOT! And it wasn't five hours, not to us." Willow looked questioning and Buffy elaborated: "It was a little bit more like five days."

The redhead's eyes grew slightly.

"Wow... Five days? Well... whatever it was that he did... Did you want him to?"

"I don't know," Buffy replied, looking up. "I might've... I mean, no. No, I didn't. Or...yeah. Well, it's just that there was water and... him and... I'm so weak," she whined again, shaking her head.

Willow smiled empathically, reaching out a hand and stroking Buffy's shoulder comfortingly.

"You know that's only human, I hope," the former then said and Buffy returned her smile with some gratitude.

"I think - in this case - you're not really allowed to let your hormones get the better of you," she then murmured. "It's not exactly the average hello-sexy-guy-oh-please-just-..."

"Let's skip the rest," Willow interrupted and Buffy gave her an apologetic smile.

"Sorry..." she murmured, making Willow shake her head dismissively.

"It's just that it's sort of strange hearing you put 'Spike' and 'sexy guy' in the same context," she then explained.

"That's just it!" Buffy exclaimed. "See, I think it's strange myself! But when I'm with him... it's not."

At that Willow stared at her.

"So, there IS more?" she wondered, making Buffy grow self-conscious before she shook her head a little.

"There's something there..." she mumbled, slipping into her own thoughts as she continued: "He's... different from before. He cares, I know he does... He's funny - in an irritating and twisted kinda way... There's such gentleness in his eyes..."

As she trailed off the stillness crept into the room and settled between the two inhabitants in clear comfort. Willow letting Buffy's words sink in, and Buffy still lost in pictures from the past few days.

"When did all this really start?" Willow then asked and Buffy furrowed her brow slightly as she searched for the answer.

"For me? I honestly don't know how long I've been... I mean, subconsciously there's no way of telling just how I've been... I honestly don't know," she muttered, letting her hands slide through her hair.

"And for him?" Willow inquired, making Buffy look up and hesitate before she replied:

"He says... from the first time he saw me."

She tried to keep the smile back, but couldn't and it spread on her mouth as she looked down on her hands. Willow frowned again, observing the very obvious satisfaction on her friend's features.

"What else does he say?" she asked and Buffy cleared her throat, making the smile retract best she could before she met the redhead's gaze.

"I know this sounds absolutely bizarro world, believe me - it's not like I'M even done processing all of it," she started, but Willow cut in.

"It's not that there isn't chemistry," she said. "It's not that I haven't noticed it - as of late. When I saw you together that night, for example. And at your birthday party too. But... he doesn't have a soul. That's a major thing, isn't it?"

Buffy blinked, then got to her feet.

"Buffy," Willow said. "Are you sure you're not being set up? I mean, you're opening yourself up to him, I know you well enough to see that you are..."

"I've thought about all that," Buffy interrupted. "Over and over and over. It's just... he told me that he's... in love with me. And I don't know why, or how I even can - but I think I believe him. He makes me feel in ways I never could've dreamed that he would. But yeah, I still remember what he's done... who he's been in my life up until an incredibly short while ago and I admit, I can't help thinking... where did the darkness go, you know?"

Willow nodded her understanding.

"All that really matters to me is that you're happy," she then stated firmly. "Honestly, it's your decision. Spike is... I suppose in between the insistent kidnappings and coming-close-to-killings and tries-to-bite he can be pretty... dark."

Buffy smiled crookedly.

"It's the black clothes," she said, a fake-grave expression on; adding: "They can be SO misleading."

Willow smiled at that and then they both grew serious. Buffy sat down again, taking one of Willow's hands and asking:

"Do you really mean that part about me and the happy? You don't hate me?"

Willow smiled again, shaking her head.

"Of course I don't hate you!" she assured, squeezing the blonde's hand. "And I think I kinda get why you didn't tell me... You really did have to straighten it out for yourself first."

Buffy nodded, then frowned.

"I don't think I have yet," she murmured and Willow smiled widely.

"Are you in love with him?" she then asked and Buffy grew thoughtful before she answered:

"How could I be? He's so wrong for me."

Willow looked at her for a second before inquiring:

"Then how come he makes you feel so good? 'Cause he does, doesn't he?"

"Yeah," Buffy agreed quietly. "He really does."

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Thirty-Five: Softly We Tread

By Annie

2003-05-26

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Day Thirty-One.

12.33 p.m.

Willow took another bite on her apple, rolling over on her stomach on the floor of the dorm room to look at Buffy - who was lying on her back beside her.

"I would love you forever if you promised me you won't tell Spike I told you," Buffy said.

"You don't love me anyway?" Willow asked, mock-hurt in her tone and Buffy gave her a small shove in the side with one hand. "Okay, so why don't you want me to tell him you told me?" the former then wondered and Buffy raised one shoulder in a shrug before she replied:

"I'm scared he'll take it as some sort of... admittance."

Willow smiled.

"That you're 'into him'?" she asked and Buffy couldn't help but giggle.

"If you're gonna act the part of teasing-best-friend-when-huge-secret-has- been-let-out I think I'm just gonna get off this floor and go sulk in some darkened corner," she then muttered, smile still on though and it was Willow's turn to chuckle.

"Sorry... It's just - the thought of you with Spike is... complex. Are you planning on telling Xander anytime soon? And Giles...?"

"Look, I just asked you not to speak of your knowledge of this whole thing loudly or even in whispers to anyone - do you think I'm thinking of telling those two? Really?" she inquired sarcastically and Willow cocked an eyebrow.

"You know, actually you only asked me not to tell Spike," she then pointed out and Buffy gave her a look before she said:

"I did say that, didn't I? Alright, I will love you even more than I already do if you promise me not to tell anyone about this - ESPECIALLY Spike."

"I promise I won't tell Spike you told me that you think he's hot," Willow assured.

"Willow!" Buffy exclaimed, sitting up. "It's weird enough as it is - you don't have to act all okay with it," she then added and Willow grinned.

"Who's acting? I understand, okay? More than you know," she then added and Buffy frowned slightly just as Willow caught eye of the clock on her bedside table and sat up.

"We really should hit the library, Saturday afternoon's seem to be the national hours of studies and there's always the Finding of a Table part that grows trickier each time," she stated, getting to her feet and Buffy did the same, smiling.

***

9.53 p.m.

Buffy stopped before the doors of his crypt with butterflies fluttering around in her stomach and she braced herself. She couldn't keep this up. This falling at his feet whenever he graced her with a look, a caress... She had to be able to be in the same room as him without losing her head, because he was going to help them now. He was going to be at the meetings. She wanted him to be included if he was going to risk his... un-life for the sake of their mission. She was going to be seen with him by the Gang. By the people who knew her the best. They would see; they were bound to notice. Just as Willow had.

She drew a breath and opened the door leading into the small foyer. Proceeding up to the other one she opened it and walked through it with her head held as high as she could and her heart beating much too hard in her chest.

The room was bursting with candles and she stopped short at the sight of them. Their dancing flames cast a beautiful and warm glow about the room and she felt her decisiveness slide off her and land at her feet, light as feathers. She buttoned up her jacket and slid it off her shoulders as she took a slow turn to look around her.

"Spike?" she then called.

She jerked when his voice came from right behind her and then she relaxed as his hands glided over her waist, his arms following as he held her to him.

"I got you something," he said and she frowned slightly as he made her walk forward, following tight on her heels as he still held her.

"What is it?" she asked and she could almost sense the smile on him as he replied:

"Patience is a virtue."

She smirked, closing her eyes at the feeling of him close.

"Okay...almost now," he stated silently, making her come to a halt and then he let her go, moving to her side instead and taking her right hand in his - making her stretch her arm out and take another small step forward.

She frowned as her fingers slid over something soft. It felt like...

She opened her eyes and had a smile spread wide on her lips before she turned her head to him with her eyes shining her delight.

"You got me a mattress?" she asked, voice full of laughter and he smirked.

"Need to spare that back of yours, don't we?" he asked in return and she let the laughter out at that, taking the step parting them and wrapping her arms around him.

He put his around her too and soon enough the tenderness of the embrace began to grow apparent. She closed her eyes a second time and relaxed into it.

"I'm sorry 'bout how we left it," he murmured and she smiled a small smile at those words. "You know I meant what I said... I just didn't mean for it to..."

She interrupted him by pulling back slightly and then joining their lips gently. Deepening the kiss slowly she didn't break it for a long while; tasting him and letting him taste her. When she ended it in the same fashion by which she had started it she did it with another smile, looking up and meeting his gaze.

He looked quite wondering, as well as glad. She kind of liked that expression on him.

"I was barely annoyed over that," she then remarked about the slight argument they had had that morning.

"So... where've you been? Patrolling?" he wondered and her smile widened.

"Missed me bad?" she asked teasingly and he gave her a look which merely made her giggle. "I was studying," she then answered his question, "with Willow."

"Studying, eh?" he asked, kissing her on the mouth and she smirked. "I hate that..." he then mumbled, kissing her again, a second longer this time and she slid her hands into his hair as he made her walk backwards until her legs were against the now mattress-covered sarcophagus. "Except when it comes to my favorite subject," he added and once again he kissed her, this time deepening it as he had her lay back down, him following to place himself between her thighs.

"Me?" she asked and he pulled up to look down at her with a mischievous grin spreading over his mouth before he shook his head a little, saying:

"Sex ed."

Her own smile broadened before she giggled.

"You fiend," she grumbled right before their lips met harshly and the world slipped away - for another night.

***

Day Thirty-Two.

10.45 a.m.

The smell of food woke her and she opened her eyes, looking up at the rough stone ceiling above before she sat up and directed her gaze toward the so- called kitchen. She furrowed her brow, grabbing the sheet which covered her as she moved to the edge of the mattress and stood on the floor, wrapping the piece of fabric around her as she started toward the space where she could hear sounds of frying and silverware against plates.

She stopped a few feet behind the noisemaker, observing the muscles of his back move beneath his smooth skin as his right arm lifted the frying pan off the small stove - which was of the portable variety. She smiled a little.

"Did you get that for me as well?" she then asked and he didn't turn his head to her as he merely huffed.

Her smile widened and she took the few steps up to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind in the fashion he had her the night prior and resting her cheek against the place of his spine. Her hands slid up his torso and he stopped his movements at her touches.

"You're gonna make me burn the sodding eggs, love," he murmured and she chuckled at that, moving herself around him so that she could face him and he smiled a small smile when he met her eyes.

"Don't try to," she mumbled and he arched one eyebrow quizzically. "Make me all comfortable," she elaborated. "I'm not gonna stay here every night, you know?"

He merely smirked at that, bending down and kissing her, deepening it before he pulled away again and made her step aside.

"Go back to bed," he instructed. "I planned this to be breakfast in that very furniture and I'm bloody sticking to that."

"Don't need any help?" she asked and he gave her a look which made her back off with another smile spreading over her lips and then she did as he asked, going back up to the sarcophagus and climbing up on it. "This thing is comfortable," she stated, throwing herself carelessly down on her back on the mattress and he smirked, hoisting some eggs and a load of bacon over onto a plate.

"Sorry to be a bother then," he replied and she raised her eyebrows, still lying down.

"Bother?" she wondered and he grabbed a few pieces of toast in one hand, the plate in the other and then he walked in her footsteps up to where she now lay.

"I wasn't supposed to try and make you 'comfortable'," he reminded and she looked sheepish.

"My memory's not what it used to be," she muttered and he kept the smirk on as he set the plate down before her. "Or so it would seem," she added, her eyes staring at the mountain of food before her. "Am I supposed to eat all of that all by my 'itsy-bitsy' self?" she inquired and he laughed.

"I think your memory is more or less intact, pet," he remarked and she smiled at that, then shrugged.

"Still, are you trying to fatten me up, honey - should I be offended?" she asked, her tone only half sarcastic and he smiled with his eyes twinkling warmth before he leaned his upper body forward and kissed her gently.

"You're perfect," he stated, voice lowered and she felt shivers of well- being hurry through her. "You're gorgeous," he mumbled, letting his mouth journey down the side of her neck and she leaned her cheek against his. "You're drop-dead beautiful," he said and she laughed softly.

"I'm glad this isn't beating then," she replied, putting one hand over the place of his heart as he pulled back to look at her, "I wouldn't wanna..." she began, pausing as she suddenly grew self-conscious beneath his gaze and then she finished silently: "lose you."

He eyed her so closely at that small disclosure that she had to remove her gaze from his and then she stuttered:

"Lose you 'cause of the you dropping dead, I mean... I'm glad that... that isn't..."

Trailing off she shook her head at the idiot that she was and then forced herself to look back at him. He observed her for another moment and then he reached out one hand and let it glide down her locks before stopping by her cheek.

"I'm not expecting happily ever after," he stated and for some reason those words filled her with quiet discomfort. "But you make me believe in it. In something like that happening... even for two messed up beings like you and me," he added and she merely stared at him, very taken by those words and feeling the wanting to say something with equal serenity back.

However, she was stumped, though it wasn't the first time - was it?

"Stop," was all she could finally murmur, moving away from his touch and turning herself so that she dangled her legs over the edge of the mattress, closing her eyes and shaking her head a little.

She opened them again when he moved as well, only he got off the sarcophagus all together and came to kneel down before her, taking her hands in his and looking up and into her face - catching her gaze and refusing to release it. She swallowed. Waited. Observed him back and felt something tentative scratch the edge of her heart. And he was right. It DID scare her.

"I'm not ready," she whispered and he nodded, letting her hands go for moving his own to her waist - pulling her down to straddle him before he wrapped his arms around her and held her to him.

"I love you," he mumbled and she put her arms around him as well, nestling her face against his throat and feeling the net of sanctuary carefully entangle her.

"When I'm in your arms," she said, voice lowered, "I feel completely... safe. Like nothing in this world can ever touch me... Why is that?"

He smiled at the question, making her look up at him.

Then he tenderly kissed her, deepening it as she returned it and the sensation of his feelings for her as he needed to make them clear was all that filled her.

"Oh," he suddenly grumbled, pulling away and she opened her eyes with her eyebrows rising. "Bloody hell," he added and she couldn't help but smirk.

"You're sucha romantic, sweetie," she teased and he chuckled.

"Your food!" he replied. "It'll be all cold and nasty," he muttered. "Come on, love. I'll make you something else..."

"Hey," she stopped him as he was about to rise, smiling a small smile she added: "What's to say I don't like cold-and-nasty?"

He met her gaze and then smiled widely in return before he kissed her again. After a few minutes he did rise - with her legs still around his waist - and sat her down on the mattress before he slowly ended the kiss.

"I want you to enjoy that," he stated with a nod to the plate. "What's to drink? Water, juice... water?"

She sighed when he straightened his back, she was pouting and he smiled again.

"Juice will be fine," she then grumbled as he removed himself from her immediate presence. "Orange?" she wondered and he nodded, strolling over the floor of the crypt and up to the fridge. "I don't like orange," she stated, stretching out on her stomach across the mattress and watching him as he turned partially to her. "I only like grape," she added and he cocked an eyebrow.

"If you're suggesting I go get you some, milady, I have but one sodding thing to say: the-sun's-up," he remarked and she merely shrugged.

"I don't HAVE to have anything to drink," she said, picking up a piece of bacon from the plate and taking a small bite before she continued: "It's just that it'd be more like a real breakfast... WITH juice, I mean."

He blinked. Then he gave her a dark look which had a smile spread like a forest fire across her lips and he shook his head at her.

"Don't push me," he warned and she giggled, throwing the piece of bacon his way and when he ran up to her she was already ready for him as she had gotten to her knees.

He threw himself on her, making her fall backwards and wrestling her down as he grabbed her wrists and fitted himself between her thighs.

"Wouldn't dream of it," she assured; the smile still on and he had to return it. "Spike," she then mumbled and he raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Would you really have gone?" she asked and he hesitated a moment before he smirked.

"Would you have for me?" he retorted and she looked at him; then smirked as well.

"I really love my breakfast in bed," she said sweetly and he snickered. "Or - on mattress," she corrected. "Where did you get it, anyway?" she inquired as he rolled off her and sat up.

He turned his head to look at her and then tilted it a little to one side. The meaningful arching of one eyebrow had her huff as she sat up as well.

"Of course," she then muttered. "I forget - you're my Clyde."

"Clyde was human," Spike pointed out and she huffed again. "Clyde was psychotic," he added.

"He was a homicidal maniac," she stated. "And he was a bank robber, which was the parallel I was aiming for."

"Well, I don't mean to be picky, 'Bonnie' darlin'," he replied, "but comparing me with Clyde is lacking good sodding imagination. It's just sloppy, pet."

"Really?" she asked, mock-intrigue in her voice and he nodded.

"Hell yeah. I've never robbed a bank, for one. And you'd better bloody believe that I've never fired a gun or a rifle in my whole existence. And thirdly - he was a bum. He just chose the easy way out, didn't he?" Spike stated and Buffy giggled at that. "What's so bloody funny?" he murmured.

"You are," she answered him without hesitation. "You're saying that you're not taking an easy way out - stealing whatever you want? I know it's part of the whole 'evil dead' image you've got going for you and all, but honestly! Can you really say that you could hack it as anything but?"

He raised his eyebrows, truly offended by that.

"I could get a job!" he burst out before the words had even slipped fully through his head and his eyes grew as he realized that he had actually just uttered them. "Not that I ever would," he hurriedly added. "I don't work well with authority, Slayer," he continued as she crossed her arms over her chest and took to observing him. "And - I'm lazy," he finished matter-of- factly and she smiled again.

"No, you're incorrigible," she disagreed. "One of your less charming traits," she added and he shook his head.

"You have no idea how much you've..." he mumbled, cutting the sentence short and holding her gaze.

Her heart was slowing rather painfully, as well as time and she thought she could have heard a drop of water hit the floor - had there been one. Then she reached out one hand and slid it over his cheek gently.

"Make love to me," she asked of him, and he grew serious before he moved forward slowly, putting one hand on either side of her hips and then stroking his nose against hers as she slid her fingers up his torso and over his shoulders before burying them in his bleached curls.

He kissed her, softly.

And obliged her with ease.

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Thirty-Six: Twists and Turns

By Annie.

2003-06-02

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Day Thirty-Two.

11.35 p.m.

He held her as she slept, wondering if she knew. If she realized what she did to him. What having her relaxed, in his arms, meant to him.

This love - strange in origin, but strong, overwhelmingly so, as it took hold - was circling beneath his breast as he watched her face.

He wanted to be worthy of her and something deep down kept murmuring that he never would be. He was unclean before her, and he knew that no matter what good she brought forth from the forgotten and abandoned corners of his being - it wasn't up to her to cleanse him.

It never had and it never would be part of who she was, and so how could he ever, for even one second, think that he had a right to be?

The whole affair was rather hopeless, wasn't it? He just couldn't even fathom how he was to give her up.

He felt moronic that he after four days already was contemplating ways of leaving behind the best thing that had ever happened to him... No matter what - SHE was a part of HIM. Was he supposed to rip his heart out and still be able to go on?

The irony of that question hit him the next moment and he laughed silently to himself. After all, he hadn't needed his heart in over a century, had he?

No, there was no poetic analogy to create for what she stood for within him. His soul had been absent for as long as his heart had. His conscience was too flat of a likeness, it was too without emotion. She was so much more.

She was... his sun.

She was his sunrise and sunset; granting him what he had been forced to merely yearn for during the past one-hundred-and-twenty-five years. He hadn't even realized how much he had missed it.

Its warmth on his face.

Its light brilliant in his eyes.

The soft caress of heated summer breezes...

It wasn't the same in the shadows. It couldn't be. With her the darkness fled as though faced by a mighty flash of lightening. It scurried.

He was rather surprised at how little he actually wanted it back.

He also understood why his grandsire had fallen head over feet. This young girl must have eased his memories, stroked them away with her touch, made him feel real again. The younger vampire now let his gaze drift over her features and slightly furrowed his brow.

"How in the world could Peaches ever leave you?" he then whispered.

He was taken off guard by her voice as she asked:

"Angel?"

The silence seemed to speak louder than words because after a pause she opened her eyes and was the one who picked up the thread again, saying:

"He couldn't give me what I wanted, and he realized that. The best thing for the both of us was him leaving..."

"But in the basement..." he mumbled. "You seemed upset."

"I was," she replied. "I understood why he had to go when he did, but it still hurt so much... I guess I'm healing," she added quietly and he smiled tentatively at that before asking:

"'He couldn't give you what you wanted'...?"

She nodded.

"We could never have a relationship, you know? I could never have a normal life with him..."

"What?" Spike interrupted. "Kiddies, a doggie and a few acres of just-your- bloody-own?" he then scoffed. "You seriously saying you'd be content with that?"

She grew thoughtful; then shrugged.

"Mhm," she said. "Maybe not... Not now. But later, if I live to see that day, a family would be. not all foul and bad-tasty as you make it sound."

"You - a mom?" he wondered sarcastically and she gave him a push with one hand.

"Shut up," she grumbled and he smirked, though he soon grew serious as he eyed her for a few moments. "Maybe," she then continued, "the noble thing was for Angel to recognize our love for what it was - and let it go. I mean, in the end - cursed and all that he was - it was kinda... hopeless."

Spike blinked at that, his grip on her tightening ever so slightly as he said, voice lowered:

"Right... Hopeless..."

***

Day Thirty-Three.

8.45 a.m.

"Yesterday was a good day."

He looked down at her at those words, her hand sliding into his and he smiled a little. They had just stopped before the door of Giles' apartment and he could tell that she was incredibly nervous.

"I just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed it," she added and his smile broadened before he nodded his agreement, bending forward to kiss her on the mouth and then they unlocked their fingers, stepping apart slightly. "Okay," she breathed. "Here goes."

She walked up to the door, then turned around to face him again. He cocked an eyebrow and at the slightly mischievous expression in his eyes she gave him a warning glare.

"Please, no twists. No turns," she then grumbled and he smirked.

"Ladies first," he merely replied, giving a nod toward their point of entry.

She squared her shoulders, reached her hand out and knocked, with her eyes still in his. He kept the smirk on until the handle turned; then he stripped it off and took on a look of nonchalance as he completely discarded his previous statement and took the lead; brushing passed Buffy and then Giles - who had opened the door.

Buffy kept from rolling her eyes at him as she greeted her Watcher with a smile, following the vampire into the living room where Willow and Tara were already seated on the couch. They were talking, but raised their heads as the addition to the gathered joined them; Buffy saying "hey" and Spike barely glancing at them as he began to stroll about the room.

"I would very much appreciate," Giles said, watching as the unearthly being carelessly ran one hand along a row of books on one of the bookshelves, "if you were to refrain from touching my things," the former finished and Spike looked up, meeting Giles' gaze and holding it for a moment before he smiled with a shrug.

"You're the territorial type," he then stated. "'S all right, so am I," he then added, turning his eyes in Buffy's who merely gave him a look to cut it out. "Not in abundance," he finished and she forced back the smile before looking down at Willow instead of at him.

"Well, Spike, though all of us - I'm quite sure - do feel some confusion as to exactly why you have decided to help us in this matter, we are also... to some extent... grateful," Giles said, making Spike turn his gaze in his again. "We all have faith in Buffy," Giles added. "If she says that you by some mystical perchance have turned a new leaf..."

"There are no sodding leaves being turned," the vampire interrupted with a snort. "The Initiative made the bloody thing, right?" he then asked and Giles nodded, looking perplexed as to where the other was going. "Those soldier boys put the bleeding chip in me," the bleached grunted. "Figure I can give them a head ache of their own, destroying their master weapon and whatnot."

Giles observed him for a few seconds before he removed his glasses and began to polish them.

"Quite," he then said and Spike raised his eyebrows meaningfully at that.

The door opened and Xander stepped through it, Anya following close behind.

"Great," Spike muttered, turning from the duo to pretend to focus his attention on the bands of books neatly stocked behind the glass of the cupboard before him.

"What's Captain Peroxide doing here?" Xander demanded, stopping short five feet inside the room.

"You should bloody strip-search him for tuna-cans," Spike shot, turning his head with an impatient scowl directed the human's way. "He's a regular buggering menace to society," he added and Xander smiled humorlessly.

"You know, that's funny - you going around dealing out accusations right and left," he replied. "I mean, considering YOU being the angel of Death and all."

"I had a bump for three days on my bloody forehead from where you hit me!" Spike exclaimed, his voice bearing a tone of insult.

"Oh, listen to the previous Big Bad doing his boo-hoos!" Xander taunted, making Spike take a step forward and a split second later Buffy did as well, looking from one to another as she said:

"Oh, boys, let's not start the day with arguments and sour expressions. Spike - you should let the tuna-incident lie. Xander - try to get passed the... Just cool down, okay? You're behaving like two six year olds!"

"The whelp started it!" Spike huffed.

"I did NOT," Xander burst out, offended.

"What was the whole bloody 'peroxide' deal? I'd class that as harassment," Spike stated and Xander's eyes grew before he shook his head.

"Yeah? Well, what was that 'great' all about, huh? Didn't sound like you were thrilled to see me and Ahn, did it?"

"Should I be 'thrilled' that you come to infest my morning with never ending, pointless jokes and lack-of-brain?" Spike inquired sarcastically, Buffy merely rolling her eyes to the ceiling and backing off.

"Did he just say I make pointless jokes into eternity?" Anya wondered, looking up at Xander.

He ignored her, the rising anger too great.

"I was saying that YOU started this!" he then replied.

"With the 'great' comment? Boy, you're so darn touchy I think I might have to go stand on the other side of the room," Spike muttered.

"No, not with that comment! With you ever setting foot in MY town!" Xander yelled.

"'Your' town?!" Spike barked back, incredulously. "If this is anyone's bloody town, it's HERS," he then added, pointing his index finger at Buffy who had crossed her arms over her chest and now looked at him; then at Xander.

"She's my best friend; I've been with her through everything - including YOU. I shoulder the burden with her! Thus," the human stated, waving his arms in small circles before pointing his own index fingers to the floor as he added, " MY town."

"I try to make jokes," Anya said now. "Good ones. Not nervous ones like you, honey," she added, still getting no reaction from her lover as he glared with irritation at the fiend before him.

"You done?" Buffy broke the intensifying silence.

"Not by a long shot," Spike grumbled.

"Not even close," Xander agreed.

"Then could you take it outside?" she asked. "We need to get this meeting going," she added.

Spike and Xander exchanged another look.

"Another time, another place?" Xander wondered and Spike smirked.

"Any time, any place, mate," he replied and Xander gave a nod before taking Anya's hand.

"There was a man and a dog and a cat..." she started, addressing the assembled people and then she stopped herself, saying: "Or, at least I THINK there was a cat... Well, the dog said to the man... Or was it the two animals talking with each other...?" she then mumbled and Xander looked at her questioningly.

"What are you...?" he began, but she interrupted.

"Be quiet, honey, you'll ruin my attempt at humor," she said.

"Don't strain yourself, pet," Spike cut in. "That part of the insult wasn't meant for you."

"Oh, good," she smiled. "Thank you for clearing that up," she added and Spike smirked.

"No need to thank me, love," he replied, turning his eyes into Buffy's and noticing the rather stiff posture on her.

He frowned slightly and she gave him another look before turning from all of them and walking into the kitchen area.

Leaning against the counter she closed her eyes at the annoying jealousy gnawing away at her. So, he carried himself in this certain way around women. He always had! Christ, what was this? She knew how he was. She just wasn't used to him not being how he was... with her.

These past few days are playing tricks on your mind, she thought to herself.

"Slayer," he said behind her and she knew he was barely moving his lips as the low purr behind every word became apparent when he continued: "You're not out here 'cause of anything I said or... did, are you?"

She shook her head a little, turning to him with an ironic smile as she crossed her arms over her chest again.

"Don't flatter yourself," she muttered and he smiled back.

"Sorry," he replied, holding his hands out to the sides disarmingly as he took a step closer. "I've been told I'm incorrigible; and I wouldn't wanna call the lady who said that a liar."

She smiled with more feeling at that.

"Stop it," she then murmured, taking a step forward and turning her head to look out into the living room.

"Make me," he said, reaching out one hand and tickling her side, making her jerk with a giggle mixed with a yell of surprise.

Nobody had been paying them any attention up until that; now they all turned their heads their way - wondering.

Buffy pushed Spike's arm away with a glare laced with as much threat as she could muster, and then she shook her head dismissively before walking passed the vamp and into the small hallway leading to the bathroom and guestroom. He followed.

"I mean it!" she hissed and he smiled again, leaning into her and pressing her up against the wall.

"You're loving this," he whispered and she couldn't help but smile, suppressing it a little too late and then shaking her head again. "Can't you feel it?" he asked, his hand sliding up one of her legs and then stopping between them, making her take a shaky breath. "The rush..." he mumbled.

"Buffy!" Willow called and the Slayer pushed the Vamp away with a hard shove.

Straightening out her clothes she then answered:

"Coming!"

Giving Spike another warning look before she rejoined the Gang in the living room.

Jealousy becomes you, he thought as he slowly followed. Milady, he added with a smile spreading over his lips.

Leaning against the doorframe he casually listened to the conversation unfolding between the Scoobies. Buffy was sitting on a table which faced Willow and Tara, who in turn were sitting with their backs to the counter of the kitchen which also could serve as a bar - giving direct insight into that very room, in which Giles was now standing. Xander and Anya were to the two Wicca's right, Anya on Xander's lap.

They were discussing Adam... Willow filling the meeting-inexperienced Tara in on all the Scoobie talk. Buffy said something about there being a low kill-count during her last patrols.

Yeah, 'cause you've been patrolling for a lousy five minutes at a time, sweetheart, Spike thought to himself, keeping the smirk down as he watched her speak.

Okay, so he wasn't being fair. She HAD been patrolling. Being the dutiful one that she simply was... He watched how her hair fell softly down one shoulder as she moved her head to look at Xander. Then how she nodded her agreement and said something in return. Giles began to speak.

Snore.

Bloody bore much? Spike muttered in his mind, feeling as though he'd do best in leaving before he crumbled into a bag of bones on the floor.

What was he really doing there anyways?

And then her eyes met his, and a small smile, which he was pretty sure only he could see, formed on her mouth, and he remembered exactly why he was there.

Before he knew it everybody were rising and getting their jackets. He blinked.

"That's it?" he asked and Willow turned her head to him. "That's the whole bloody carnival? Fireworks and all? It took less then fifteen sodding minutes!"

She smiled sympathetically.

"Sorry to disappoint you," she then said and he gave her a look.

"It was just brainstorming, ho-..." Buffy began, almost pausing before she quickly continued the word with: "however, later on there'll be fireworks and ka-blam and... a parade, even. Are we done here?" she asked, turning to Giles who raised his eyebrows slightly, he was now seated on a chair by the very table on which she herself had been sitting.

"Yes, I believe we are," he answered and she smiled brightly.

"That's great. That's just... I have to go. Track... Adam and... study. Exams," she stated and Giles nodded, still looking at her rather oddly and she pulled her jacket on hurriedly.

"I have been rather meaning to ask you about school," he said, getting to his feet and she turned to him. "How is everything? Are you doing well?"

"With a little help from my friends," she answered and he smiled.

The sound of the door opening didn't stop him from continuing as he asked:

"I saw Mrs. Dunn the other day and she said something about trigonometry and I could hardly understand a word that came out of that woman's mouth... It's extraordinary how she ever..."

At the stunned expression on Buffy's face as she watched something behind his shoulder, and after observing that very expression on most faces of the group before him, he turned around toward the door. Soon he bore the same look as he stared at the person in the doorway.

"Hey," Oz said with a very small shrug, hesitantly awaiting their reactions.

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*********************************TRApPeD**********************************

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