Fifty-One: Just About There

By Annie

2003-08-15

**************************************************************************** *

Day Forty.

12.14 p.m.

"Willow!" Buffy called and the redhead turned to the sound as the blonde came rushing up to her. "I can't believe it!" the former added with a happy skip right before she reached Willow and unceremoniously thrust a paper beneath her nose. "Look!" she exclaimed and Willow blinked, making the other remove what she was showing at least an inch. "Look!" Buffy repeated.

"I'm TRYING to!" Willow replied and Buffy looked apologetic before she pulled her hand back and then straightened the wrinkled paper out.

"See?" she asked proudly. "I ACED it, Will!"

A smile split Willow's face as she realized what it was Buffy was holding out and then she hugged the Slayer hard.

"Congrats seem to be in place!" the Wicca stated and Buffy nodded firmly as they pulled apart.

"With whipped cream and baby marshmallows on the side," she agreed and Willow frowned slightly before she merely let that comment slide and hooked arms with the other as they began to walk again. "I feel so good now! I wanna go to... Hawaii. Can I go to Hawaii?" Buffy asked with a pleading look at her friend who merely smiled again, this time with a rather meaningful look and Buffy sighed, pouting. "I know," she grumbled. "Well, can I go to New York, then? I feel like kicking up my heels and I've heard they've got a lotta heels to kick up over there."

"You're not spending one cent on shoes on my watch, missy," Willow replied reproachfully and Buffy smirked. "'Sides, if you even wanna get to the Big Apple I have a feeling you're gonna need to save all the cents you can get your hands on, don't you?"

"Hey," Buffy grumbled, frowning, "de-pep much?"

"Sorry," Willow said, squeezing the other's arm before adding with mock- cheer: "Of course you can go! There's always a way... You just have think of h-... I know! Spike can treat you!"

Buffy turned her head to her friend with a rather amused frown and Willow seemed to ignore it as she continued:

"No, really! He's bound to have cash lying around, isn't he?"

"Why would he?" Buffy asked, halting and pulling her arm out of Willow's hold as her face grew quizzical. "It's not like he's out robbing people every night. It's not like he thinks 'Oh, on the way home I might as well make myself a few bucks. Let's pick that defenseless young girl over there'!"

"I didn't mean..." Willow tried to apologize with an expression in her gaze to match the regretful look on her face, but Buffy shook her head.

"No, that's how you see him, isn't it? That's what he'll always stand for with you guys. Well, I can tell you that he's NOT like that. He doesn't just show up with money or-or stuff! In fact, he's never given me anything, nothing at all, no gifts, no flowers. You know, I think if he ever WANTED to give me flowers he'd pick them himself. He's that kinda guy."

Willow nodded as Buffy turned the knob of their dorm room and then stepped inside; coming to a rather sharp stop in the doorway and Willow paused before she gently pushed her way passed the other.

"What are those?" the redhead asked and Buffy shook her head, making Willow have to fight back the smile at the extremely flustered look on the Slayer's face as she stared at what decorated her bedside table. "Is there a card?" Willow now wondered and she couldn't keep the teasing tone out of her voice as she entered the room and walked up to the cause for the statue- like position of Buffy. After a short search the former found what she was looking for. "Oh, look," she cooed and this got Buffy moving.

She was at the others side in the next instant and grabbed the card as Willow was about to flip it open.

Her heart was racing. He couldn't have sent her the flowers! WHY would Spike EVER send her flowers like this?

Her hands trembled slightly as she opened the card and stared at the single letter written there. A very distinct "S".

"They're absolutely beautiful," Willow stated as she leaned forward and buried her nose amongst the petals of the crimson roses. "Say what you want about the man, but he has got very good taste."

Buffy gritted her teeth.

It was all too easy, wasn't it? To believe in him. She supposed that was why the sudden thought of slight betrayal on his part hurt her so much. She couldn't help but think that Willow might be right, that it actually made sense that he was still earning his money the easy way... She recalled the abruptly finished topic of him not having a job a while back, and his quiet statement that he didn't work well with authorities. How would he live, how would he get his beloved smokes and life-preserving - or something like it - booze of he didn't steal it one way or another? God, if he was human would she even look twice at him? He'd only mean trouble, wouldn't he? Didn't he?

Her heart was picking up its pace and she couldn't hear what Willow was saying as she clasped the note in a tight fist and swirled around.

"Buffy," Willow attempted to stop her, but it didn't work.

"I'll be back later," the Slayer merely replied as she pulled the door open and continued through it.

"I've heard that before," Willow sighed as she turned back to the roses and got a smile displaying itself on her mouth at the thought of Spike tiptoeing into the room with the former in a carefully picked out vase, making sure they were standing straight and evenly in it before tiptoeing out again.

***

12.46 p.m.

She tried hard not to let her fears run away with her as she walked swiftly to the crypt. She fought not to let her mind flood with worries and whispers of foreboding and condemning and a small part of her telling her insistently that it had known, all along, that this would happen. It was all too good to be true. A tiger doesn't lose its stripes, and Spike had never been anything less than that.

But I... she thought as she slowed down before the door of his home.

You what? a voice in the back of her head snorted. Don't even try to fool yourself that any of this was ever unexpected. He's lied to you. You CAN'T trust him.

Innocent until proven guilty, she grumbled as a reply and drew a short breath before she pushed the door to the small hall open before proceeding through the second one.

He turned around as he heard her enter, eyebrows raised questioningly. At the tight expression on her face he sighed.

"You don't like roses?" he wondered, walking out of the kitchen to meet her halfway adding: "Or you wanted another color? I just thought that red would..."

"Stop," she shook her head.

"What's the matter, love?"

She swallowed, the feel of the note still clenched in one hand pushed her on and she replied:

"Tell me that you don't..."

But the words wouldn't find the right course out of her mouth and she paused. What was she about to ask him? What did she want to hear?

"Do you steal, Spike?"

He tilted his head slightly to one side as he eyed her, then he smirked and she suddenly felt herself blushing under his gaze. For the very first time she felt young in his presence, she felt small and little and ignorant.

"It happens," he answered her question, and she battled back the conflicting emotions within as she squared her shoulders and held his gaze firmly.

"How do you get money? How did you pay for the flowers?"

"Buffy..."

"Spike," she cut him off sharply, making his smile fade as one eyebrow was arched. "I'm serious. I want to know. I need to."

He stared at her now. Then blinked and shrugged before he nodded and walked over to the kitchen counter.

"I've had my own line of business set up for a while... I've been in the... trading market, I 'spose you might call it," he said, pulling out a drawer and getting a velvet bag out of it. Once that was done he turned and came back up to her again. "Merchandise for money," he finished as he handed her the bag and she frowned.

"This is..."

"Yup," he nodded, watching her face as he added: "Three-thousand dollars, to be exact."

"Three-th-...?!" she breathed, then shook her head as she reached the bag out to him.

"What are you protesting against?" he asked, not taking it from her. "It's not blood-money, pet. I've earned it. Doing demons dirty-work, sure - but there's been no stealing involved. Okay, granted I may have ripped off a few of them, but..."

"The Black Market is dangerous!" she exclaimed, throwing the bag away from her and beginning to pace before him. "One day you'll come across something you can't control! It's STUPID, is what it is!"

"I know," he agreed and she halted as she turned her head to him with a disbelieving frown. "Really - I do," he assured, approaching her cautiously and when she didn't seem to be moving he stopped right before her. "That's why I've ended it. I swear to you, Buffy. No more of it."

She looked into his eyes and then shut her own. Feeling his arms close around her she leaned her forehead against his chest before wrapping her own arms around him as well.

"I'm sorry," she grumbled.

"It's okay," he mumbled gently. "I know this whole thing... us... is still so new. We're BOTH adjusting, you know? It can't work... Hey," he made her look up at him and rested his eyes in hers before he finished: "it won't work if we're not honest with each other. We both need to trust the other, love, or this ends before it's even begun."

She observed him in silence for the longest time, standing in his embrace she saw the world fall away and she realized that she needed him in more ways than she could ever have imagined. Deep, deep down she knew that he would always be there for her, no matter what happened he'd be faithful to her and she knew that he loved her for who she was - for everything there was to her.

She had a sneaking suspicion that the whisper of distrust would forever be imbedded in the darker corners of her thoughts, but who was ever completely without suspicion? Who was ever completely without some kind of guard? And if there was any such someone, how could they possibly survive even the tiniest of hit? No, she didn't wish that whisper gone - it had to stay where it was. She DID trust him - to not cause her pain intentionally, but nobody's perfect and there was the always the not dismissible possibility of un-intentionally.

Spike looked at her and was brought back to the arguments they had had in that basement about three-hundred-and-fifty-six years ago; was brought back to the hatred and disgust and annoyance he had felt whenever he looked at her, heard her speak, noticed her MOVE. And he also remembered how powerfully all this had triggered his understanding of how badly he wanted to have her, to own her and make her his. And here she was, and all he could feel was gratefulness toward whatever higher power that had decided to twist their fates to fit so perfectly with each other.

Thankfulness toward whatever power that had brought Drusilla into that alley; that had persuaded her to see something other than less in him, that had had her choose him. She had blessed him right then, because her bite and her gift had been what had brought him to this moment, to Buffy.

"Is there anything you wanna change?" he asked quietly and she seemed to hesitate before she smiled a little.

"No," she answered him, standing on her toes and kissing him on the mouth. "Not one thing."

"You always were the most awful liar," he remarked and she giggled.

"I thought I was headed for an encore of Most Heated Buffy-Spike Arguments - take twenty-two," she said and he smirked. "Wow, how wrong was I?" she added, leaning closer into him and his smirk grew into a grin.

"Isn't this the last week of school?" he then asked and she nodded. "I thought you wanted to 'show some dedication', 'put some effort into it', 'give it your absolute b-...'"

"All right, all right," she interrupted with a smile. "But this is our first official non-fight and so I think I'll just cut class; go buy some ice-cream; come back; get into bed - with you, by the way - and show you just how torture-bearable I can be."

After this statement she kissed him deeply before she ended it softly and stepped out of his arms, as she was heading for the door he chuckled and shook his head, turning it to look at her as she paused and turned back to him.

"Just remembered when I said you couldn't stand torture..." he said and she smiled as well.

"No," she then disagreed. "You said I couldn't stand TO torture," she added with a mischievous expression in her eyes that simply made him warm all over, having him even more eager to see exactly what it was she would do with that ice-cream.

***

4.55 p.m.

"I've been wondering," Buffy said, placing a gentle kiss on his chest before resting her chin against it, glancing up at him.

"About?" he asked.

"About Dru..."

"Another one of these conversations? Really?" he inquired, making her smile before she shook her head.

"No, I just wanted to know..."

"What! Come on!"

"Okay! If you really have no idea why she left you?" she replied, rather tentatively and he let one hand slide through her hair as he thought of what he should tell her.

Finally he decided and said:

"She never... explained." Buffy nodded her understanding of that, but he wasn't quite ready to let the subject lie and so he added: "After Angel... Or Angelus... Well, we left this place, we left for Australia straight away... She could hardly look at me at first. She didn't talk to me for the entire trip... Unless she wanted to call me a traitor or scum or something loving like that. She was quite good at coming up with imaginary nicks, actually. Anyways, we got there and we went to Sydney first, but she complained about it being too bright. And then we went along the coast to this godforsaken place. Reminded me of Sunnydale, only it was about the twentieth of its size and it was in serious lack of... you." She smirked and he smiled at the sight before continuing: "And it seemed Dru saw what I was thinking 'cause one night she just... told me. What had been on her mind... She said that all she could see now, looking at me, was you. And it hurt so damn much hearing her say that. 'Cause all I had ever done I knew I'd done for her. I'd left Sunnydale, I'd gotten her out of there to be with me. And now... she stood there...

"I couldn't even grasp a bloody fragment of what she was insinuating. All I could see was that she was fooling around on me and I had to get the hell away from her. So I ran. All the sodding way back here. To the place I'd started out failing myself in the first place. Failing her. I returned to heal myself, to get the bruises outta my system... And I came up with the brilliant plan you're all too familiar with." She rolled her eyes and it was his time to smirk widely. "All that time I couldn't see that what I was running from and running straight back to was you, Buffy. I had a valid excuse - lingering love for Dru. But in the end all of it came down to nothing and no one - but you."

"Stop it," she mumbled before she smiled brightly. "You're gonna make me cry."

He smiled a small smile back before he mumbled:

"Wouldn't that be something...? Happy tears..."

She pulled up and kissed him, making him stop whether he wanted to or not, and he returned the kiss as gently as she gave it. They pulled apart slowly and relished in stillness for a short while until he asked:

"Willow KNEW about me before the other's did, didn't she?"

Buffy raised her eyebrows, putting on such an extremely innocent expression that he had to laugh.

"What tipped you off? The..."

"...casual way she acted when you and me showed up at the Watcher's holding hands... Yeah, something like that," he filled in and she laughed as well.

"Well, you know what a math-freak she is! She just put two-and-two together," she then replied.

"Easy as that?" he wondered.

"Easy as one-two-three," she stated and at that he tilted her over, nestling his face against her throat as he tickled her sides and she squirmed with a cry of frustration as he pinned her down.

"I was asking you a SERIOUS question," he said as he moved his head to look down at her and she kept a straight face as she nodded.

"If you let it slide," she said, moving her hips against his and his face softened as she added: "I'll make it worth your while."

"Say 'please'," he mumbled as his face drifted closer to hers.

She smiled and then heaved him off her in one quick movement, scrambling off the bed and turning around as she stated:

"Sorry, I'm not the begging kind!"

Running up to the armchair she once again swirled around just as he reached the other side of it and she smiled sweetly as she watched for his next move. He returned the smile easily enough and she squinted at him, estimating. He made as to go to her right and she moved to the left. He followed her movement immediately and she froze, then the smile grew onto her lips again.

"We gonna stand here all night?" she asked and he cocked an eyebrow as he let his gaze travel down the parts of her body not covered by the armchair.

"Not sure I'd mind," he answered.

"Didn't know you to enjoy the looking-and-not-touching approach, honey," she said meaningfully and he seemed to stiffen considerably as one of her hands traveled from her neckline, down over one breast and further to her bellybutton where it began to slowly circle.

"Come here," he murmured, reaching out to grab her, but she was too fast and put one forefinger up, wiggling it in a very reprimanding fashion.

"Say... 'please'," she demanded and the teasing glitter in her green eyes made him swallow.

"Buffy..."

"Yes?" she asked, clearly waiting and he bit his lower lip in aggravation as well as need to pay her back for this, every inch of her, then he said:

"Baby, please... Please, come back to bed."

This time her smile was truer as she sidestepped the piece of furniture and reached out a hand to him. He took it and they walked together up to the sarcophagus.

"You know this isn't a bed, right?" she asked and he smiled, nodding. "I'm just checking 'cause a second ago you asked me to 'come back to bed'."

"I remember," he assured, pulling her close. "I'll GET a bed."

"We're not wasting that money on a BED!" she stated and he raised his eyebrows in fake-shock.

"I thought you didn't want anything to do with MY cash!" he exclaimed and she giggled.

"Yes, but then you explained their heritage so very prettily and now I feel as though they're a little bit part of the family," she said and he shook his head at her.

"Fine. What do you suggest we do with it? And I am actually PRAYING it doesn't involve a mall here."

"No, I was thinking a plane and a beach and a private bungalow somewhere. Just you and me and a couple of mai thais," she said and he observed her for a short minute before replying:

"How does Honolulu sound?"

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Fifty-Two: Epilogue, The

By Annie

2003-08-24

****************************************************************************

Day Seventy.

11.23 p.m.

On a beach not so often frequented by tourists somewhere along the coast of Hawaii.

"You know, I actually like vacationing... at night."

Spike smirked at that comment as he rolled over onto his stomach on the blanket and watched her approaching across the sand, her naked form bathed in silvery moonlight and she looked somewhere close to ethereal. She smiled back as she sunk down on her knees and then leaned forward to kiss him deeply, moving around to stretch out beside him with her lips still locked with his.

"Sorry I can't be part of getting you a fantastic tan," he murmured as they finally broke apart, but she merely smiled again, shaking her head.

"You're making every other part feel 'fantastic', honey," she assured and this time his smirk was filled with self-confidant contentment.

"Happy to hear that, cuteness."

"Happy to say it, lover."

They looked at each other and then both laughed softly before sharing another kiss.

"Wow, I can't believe we're here," she sighed, getting onto her back instead and he moved to lie in the same fashion next to her, both looking up at the almost surreally clear night sky. "I've never been... anywhere... I think."

"I've been everywhere," he replied. "Someday... I'll show you all the places you were meant to see."

"Meant to?"

"A beautiful woman is meant to be shown to the world, love," he stated and she chuckled. "I'm bloody serious!" he cut her off, propping his head in one hand to move and look down at her. She was still smiling. "You were meant to travel. To see..."

"And be seen."

"Naturally."

"And where would we go first?"

He thought for a moment; then tilted his head a little to one side, eyeing her as he answered:

"London."

She observed him back, then reached up a hand and touched his cheek gently.

"Yes," she agreed. "I'd like that. To see where you were born... where you grew up... I'd really like that."

For a moment everything seemed to grow still and there was the sudden sense of unspoken views of feared futures that inevitably passed between them. Both of them knowing that anything could happen between right then and forever. The life they lead, so be it apart or together, was far from normal, wasn't it? And their danger level exceeded that of an average being by eons.

Of course, neither one of them had any actual saying in the matter.

So the moment passed without comment, and they let it go in peace.

He wrapped her in his arms and she closed her eyes as she nestled closer, fitting her body against his.

It felt as though she was dreaming. As though what her mother had predicted would happen had been followed literally as some cosmic joke and in any given second she would wake up and the beach, the ocean noises and the salty air would give way for her bed, for her room and loneliness as she realized none of it had actually taken place.

Then his embrace grew tighter and she knew that she would never have to wake up alone again.

Suddenly she remembered something.

"You know," she said on account of that, "you never did claim your prize."

There was silence for a short minute and then:

"I will."

"'You will'?" she repeated and he nodded. "When?"

"When... it's time to name our first child."

She had to giggle at that, but then she grew serious as she said:

"Spike, we can't..."

"We will," he stopped her sentence and she bit her lower lip as she opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"Have I told you that I love you?" she asked silently and he turned his face to meet her gaze.

"No," he then replied slowly.

"William," she said and he smiled a small smile as she pulled herself up to have her face above his, holding his eyes firmly. "Spike... I love you."

He didn't say anything, merely looked at her for the longest time. And then he held her to him and she rested her head against his chest. Feeling protected and safe. Feeling at home on a blanket on a beach a thousand miles away from where she had created an everyday for herself.

Feeling - more than ever - whole.

***

11.55 p.m.

In Xander's basement.

(Which was only inhabited, for the time being, by a young Wicca in training.)

Willow fought to keep her hands from trembling as she put the thick volume of a large book down on the floor. She knelt down before it and glanced around at the candles she had set out in a square, two on either side across from her and two behind her. They were her only light as she tried to make out the ancient text on the aged pages in front of her.

She couldn't remember a time when she had actually been this nervous about doing a spell. She supposed it was because she had never tried a spell of this caliber before. And she had no real idea if she would be able to pull it off, which also added to the nerves-on-top-of-skin agenda her body obviously had set for her this evening.

She could at least find some comfort in the fact that it had been long and difficult work to find a spell that seemed to suit her needs; she hadn't just taken the first one she happened to come across. She had looked through half the books in Giles' apartment before she thought she had even found the right category.

Now she read the spell one last time, checking that she knew it more or less by heart before she moved to sit with her legs crossed instead.

What she was attempting to do was something none of the others had the slightest clue of, not even Tara. And certainly not Giles. If he had known he wouldn't have let her do it, she was pretty sure of that. But she had to! She had to make sure, for all of their sake. For Buffy's sake. What Angel did to her... it almost destroyed her. And if Spike broke another piece off of her heart... Willow shuddered at the thought. What she had gone through with Oz was enough to spur her in her decision. She wanted to protect her friend, just this once. Buffy was so in love it seemed to take the ground away from under her feet and Willow just had to make sure it didn't come rushing back, tripping her.

Spike... She couldn't trust him. She could like him for who he was now, for whom he had obviously become with Buffy, or whatever forgotten aspect of his being she had managed to wiggle forth. But Willow simply could not trust him.

"Holy Goddess of the Earth," she began to chant. "Bless me with your sight; bless me with your wisdom. Holy Goddess of the Earth, mother of what was and what is to be, bless me with the knowledge of their future."

As she said the last sentence she reached out either hand and touched a picture of Buffy and a T-shirt of Spike's, which he had left at the dorm once. She closed her eyes and reached out with everything in her, praying for a reply.

And suddenly she heard Buffy's voice as clearly as though the owner was standing right beside her. Willow opened her eyes and looked around. Finding herself standing in the living room of Buffy's house.

"...I just don't know what to tell her," Buffy finished and Spike reached out a hand to place it on one of her shoulders comfortingly.

"You'll know when the time's right, love," he said gently and Willow watched Buffy's face slowly put on a smile before the front door suddenly opened and all three of them turned their heads that way.

A young girl walked inside, her expression grim as she stopped and looked at Buffy.

"Great," she muttered. "Thought up a billion other ways to make my life hell; have you?" she added and Buffy raised her eyebrows before the younger simply huffed and continued into the kitchen.

Willow stared. What was going on here?

"No, just the one," Buffy murmured as a reply to the obviously rhetorical question from the younger girl, and Spike shook his head a little.

"You need to have a talk with her... Soon," he remarked and she sighed.

"How do I tell her, Spike?"

"She's still your sister, Buffy. No matter what you have to make her believe that, right?"

Willow stared a bit more.

Sister?

"Of course," Buffy said to Spike's former inquiry before she suddenly looked weary. "I just don't know how."

"Don't worry, cuteness... It'll come to you..."

"...'when the time is right', yeah - you said," she cut in, then she smiled a brighter smile as she stepped into him and he held her to him. "What would I do without you?"

"There's something you definitely needn't waste time frettin' over, pet," he smirked and she looked up at him. "I'm not going anywhere."

Willow smiled a little. She was still profoundly confused by the sister bit - Buffy had never even mentioned siblings of any sort... in fact, Willow was pretty certain that the Slayer had always said she was an only child. But the redhead also knew she needn't dwell on details and when there was a light breeze about her as the scenery changed she simply rolled with it.

Before her was what looked like a badly kept construction sight at the break of day.

She felt such a harsh pang in her chest when she looked up and saw herself crying that she drew a sharp breath. Then she slowly looked around and saw Giles, Xander and Anya, even the sister-figure - all of them in the same state. She couldn't catch the reason until she turned around and saw Spike.

He was cradling Buffy in his arms, his face buried in her blonde locks as his shoulders shook from the expression of his grief. Buffy's face was pale and motionless, yet so very untainted and tranquil. As though all she was doing was sleeping... But she wasn't. She was...

"Oh, my God," Willow whispered, her chest jumbling into a tight bunch as she felt the need to cry as well, but couldn't. "Buffy."

Buffy was dead.

How? How could she be dead? And Spike... Oh, no. No. He looked so lost, so broken, so completely ripped apart as he pulled away to be able to gaze down at his beloved. Willow wanted to reach out to him, to soothe his pain somehow - even when she didn't know where to start with herself.

"I love you," he whispered before gently kissing his Slayer for the last time. "I can never stop loving you... Don't leave me. Please... don't. Buffy!"

And then the sister was by his side, doing what Willow had been unable to as she put her arms around him and cried against his back as she tried to calm him.

Buffy.

There was the sensation of flying as the scene once more changed, this time catching Willow off guard as she had thought the tour to be extremely over. Her heart leapt as she found herself at the foot of the stairs of the Summers residence, looking at Spike who had an expression of complete shock and absolute happiness and glimmering disbelief etched on his face, in his eyes.

At first Willow didn't feel as though she fit the picture together, but then she moved her gaze to what had Spike so stricken and she almost took a step back as what she saw was Buffy - alive. Cautiously walking down the steps and then stopping, staring at Spike as though it was the first time she saw him; but Willow could still see it. That shiver of clear recognition in the others eyes. Still, it was so tentative, so unsure.

Willow didn't even reflect over the fact that she knew what date it was, what time it was, and that it was more than certain that this was after the Slayer had actually been put into the ground. She also had the strangest feeling that she somehow played a part in the acts which had put Buffy back in the center of stage. All of mentioned things she simply knew and therefore found nothing strange about them.

Spike had said something about a coffin, commenting some nasty cuts on Buffy's knuckles and he told... Dawn... to get something to clean the wounds with.

The Slayer and the vamp moved into the living room and sat down facing each other. Buffy on the couch, Spike on the edge of the coffee table. He gently moved his hands to take hers as he kept eyecontact and Willow was utterly fascinated with the mixed emotions circling between them. The air was thick with tension and wonderment and surprise and...

"How long was I gone?"

Willow felt the need to cry again at the sound of her best friend's voice, but merely listened as Spike answered:

"A hundred-and-forty-seven days yesterday... A hundred-and-forty-eight today... Only today doesn't count, does it?" He paused, watching her in stillness before adding: "How long was it for you?"

Buffy rested her eyes in his still, not answering right away as she seemed to want to say something else. Then she replied:

"Longer."

The world spun around the Wicca so fast that she almost lost her balance and she was suddenly in an alley she couldn't at all place.

"You never showed," Spike said and Buffy looked tired as she shook her head a little.

There was a difference to her now than from before. She seemed stronger, more confident. It seemed some of her old self had slipped back in place. Willow felt oddly glad over this fact and wasn't quite sure why, only that it was a good thing to have Buffy be... Buffy. Now that very Buffy was looking at the vampire with an impatient expression in her eyes that felt almost weird as Willow had grown so accustomed over the past month seeing the two lovers so extremely sweet to one another. It had actually bordered on ridiculous at times.

"I'm sorry, okay?" the Slayer said.

"No, it's not," he stated.

"Gonna let me pass?"

"No," he replied firmly. "You can't keep running from me like this."

"Oh, God! Know what? I don't feel like listening to another one of these lectures!"

"Lectures?" he asked, clearly agitated, but also clearly hurt.

"Yes! I'm sorry if you think I'm giving you the cold shoulder, but guess what - being dead does that to you. You just have to learn to deal with it, Spike. I am."

"And all I want is to help..."

"Don't you get it, dammit?! I don't want... I can't..." she trailed off as he had approached her and by the last word came to stand before her, looking down at her.

"I know there's something that's scaring you, Buffy," he murmured. "The few kisses we've shared... I just don't understand what it is. I love you. More than ever, can't you see?"

"Stop it!" she snapped, sidestepping him and continuing on her way. "You don't know me, Spike. No one does. Not anymore."

"I do know you. Is THAT what terrifies you so much? That I might know you better than you know yourself right now?" he stopped her, reaching out a hand and grabbing her arm.

She spun around so fast Willow had a hard time keeping up and in the next instant the Slayer's fist had connected with the vampire's chin. He let her arm go as he seemed to react out of reflex and hit her back so hard she took a step backward. She straightened herself, turning her head so that she could face him again, her eyes wide with questions and rage.

"Don't bloody take it out on me, Slayer," he murmured, meeting her gaze defiantly. "This time I can give back whatever you bloody hand out. I'm not as toothless as you've thought, not anymore..."

"It's a trick," she said in utter abhorrer as well as disbelief. "You did something to the chip. It's a trick."

"It's not a trick. It's not me - it's you. JUST you, in fact... You came back a little less human than you were, didn't you? And that's what has you so sodding spooked!" he gritted through clenched jaws.

"I'm warning you," she replied, voice as low and strained as his was.

"Now, where have I heard that before?"

"Don't push me, Spike."

Willow felt like clamping her hands over her eyes as she could virtually feel the build up for one of their notorious fists-in-faces brewing dreadfully close to the surface now. But she was hypnotized. She had never seen them like this before, not really. And she had to admit that she thought she could sense why the attraction had been born out of the forbidden and shushed. How would they be able to resist each other when...?

Her thought was ended as Buffy delivered the first punch. Spike seemed to hesitate, but then the now furious Slayer went into full-blown attack and he really had no choice but to counter. Buffy grabbed him by the collar and pushed him through a door, bringing them both inside a large building that could be nothing if not partially condemned.

Willow hesitated. It seemed as though she actually had a choice this time. To follow or not to follow was the question. She moved one leg tryingly and when it took the intended step forward she paused again. Looking at the place where the two others had disappeared and feeling torn between performing what she felt would be an enormous invasion of privacy, and...

Why was she questioning it? She had asked to see this.

And in the next instant she had been transported to the room within the building which the Slayer and the Vamp were successfully demolishing.

Spike had just been pushed off the Slayer roughly and she got up and threw herself over him, making him stumble backwards before falling to the floor with her on top of him.

"This brings back memories," he murmured and she got herself propped up on her hands as she looked down at him.

"No happy ones," she replied and his eyes softened noticeably before he remarked:

"I can think of a few."

"If you don't stop..."

"What? You'll hit me some more? Do it, I don't care. Get it all out of your bloody system and once you're done maybe you'll look at me and SEE me, Buffy. I can take anything you do to me, except the silence I keep getting from you."

"Yeah? Well, this isn't sharing hour and I didn't ask to know, did I?"

She got off him and to her feet, he rose as well, observing her keenly as she shook her fall of blonde behind her shoulders and glared at him.

"No, you sure didn't," he grumbled. "But I won't stop pushing you 'til I get some kinda reaction from you, pet."

"My foot in your chest wasn't enough of a reaction for you?" she snapped and he smirked.

She moved forward, but he was faster. He easily ducked away from her swing, grabbed her by the shoulders as he straightened himself up again, and then he tossed her backwards so that she landed hard on the steps of a staircase. He was on her before she could even catch her breath.

"I wasn't planning on hurting you," he said and she hit him over the chin, fighting to get loose.

"You haven't even come close to hurting me," she then hissed with her face put up an inch from his.

"Afraid to give me the chance?" he inquired and she got him off of her with one last upheaval of strength, pushing him away from her as she rolled off the stairs and stood on the floor to face him. "And if you gave it to me, do you honestly bleeding believe I'd take it?" he added and her face was cut in stone as she stared back at him and then he said, with eyes suddenly glistening with tears: "When you died - I died."

"Stop it," she demanded, taking a step back as he took one forward.

"I love you."

"God... don't."

She had stopped moving now, merely glanced up at him wearily as he came to a slow stop before her.

"I'm not her," she whispered. "You're right... You always are, aren't you? I'm different. I FEEL different. I'm not..."

His fingertips slid over her cheek and she closed her eyes, barely shaking her head, though the movement was there.

Time came to a clicking stop as he looked at her for a stretching minute, and then he moved his head forward, joining his lips with hers in a deep kiss and a small noise rose out of her throat before she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Willow smiled a little at the sight, feeling bashful and yet privileged. To witness one of their defining hours was quite intense.

An overwhelming rush poured through her, like chilled rainwater slipping inside her veins, and then she found herself standing in the kitchen of Revello Drive. She knew instantly that this was taking place a few months later and she felt a gush of worry as she listened to the words being exchanged.

Chapter Fifty-Three: Epilogue, End

By Annie

Fin. 2003-08-27

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"And what if I said I wasn't surprised?!" Buffy was screaming, Spike's eyes growing wide with rage before he retorted:

"You said you trusted me, Slayer. I guess it's been too long for you to actually remember if you meant those bloody words or not, hasn't it?!"

"I DID mean them!" she burst out.

"But not anymore, right?"

"What the hell do you expect? Everything Riley said about you turned out to be true, didn't it?!"

"Perfect. Sodding splendid."

"Don't go huffing at me like that, Spike! I saw the eggs with my own two eyes, you can't dismiss it."

"No, I bloody can't, can I? And I'm not going to. But you're not listening to ME. I told you years ago that I'd given up that part of my life... remember?"

"Yeah... I remember."

He stared at her as she glared back, and then he shook his head in disbelief.

"And you don't believe it anymore, do you?"

She hesitated, then squared her shoulders and answered:

"I can't see how I could."

"So soldier boy swaggers back into your life for one day and whatever he says goes, yeah? You still love him..."

"I barely had time to fall in love with him," Buffy cut him off, but Spike was looking close to disgusted and Willow knew that if she could see it, then Buffy most certainly could as well.

"But you DID, didn't you?!" Spike yelled and Buffy's eyes grew before she took a step forward, her posture rigid and her voice trembling with emotion as she replied:

"If you truly believe that... then you don't know me."

"Maybe I don't," he agreed. "Hell, maybe I never did. The Buffy I once THOUGHT I knew wouldn't run straight into the sodding arms of an ex-lover without telling her current one! What were you afraid of? That I'd kick his lily ass for even looking at you, for presuming he could come back here and think..."

"The whole jealousy bit's been done now, Spike. Drop it!" she shot and his mouth hung agape as he was stopped mid-sentence. "You're so unfair."

"I'M unfair? What the bloody hell do you call what you're being then - completely and utterly understanding?"

"What's to understand?!" she wondered, voice growing loud again. "You had demon eggs hidden in your crypt! They were hatching! They could have killed all of Sunnydale TONIGHT! I helped blow them up... it's all pretty basic isn't it? What else could there possibly be to get about this situation?"

"I'm not operating as the Doctor again!"

"If you ever stopped," she muttered under her breath and his eyes once more widened with disbelief.

"So that's all it took to blow away what shred of faith you had in me, huh? I guess that show's just how much our love is worth."

"It shows me exactly how much YOUR love for ME is worth, yeah," she nodded, her jaw set as she met his gaze firmly.

"I have never lied to you," he stated, voice lowered. "But I guess it doesn't matter 'cause no matter what I do I'll never be enough... I'll never be good enough for you, will I?"

She didn't answer, merely eyed him in tightening silence before he nodded and turned around. Walking up to the door he looked back at her before saying:

"This... is over."

He turned the knob and stepped outside. As he closed the door Willow turned her eyes on the Slayer who seemed to be frozen to the spot. She stood like that for such a long time Willow began to wonder if she'd gone into some sort of a shock, but then the Slayer's legs suddenly folded under her and she dropped to the floor.

Willow tried to run up to her, but once again she found she couldn't move. She was merely there to bear witness.

Buffy hid her face in her hands and began to cry.

Willow looked to her right and was surprised to see the scenery had changed once more, this time without her having the slightest hint of it. She wasn't exactly sure where she was, but when she moved her head back to its original position she saw Buffy standing in the doorway of the room the former was in.

"Spike?" Buffy said and Willow frowned, then turned her head to look at the vampire sitting huddled against the wall. "What is it?"

"I shouldn't have... come back," he whispered. "I'm... sorry."

"No," Buffy said gently, coming into the room she didn't stop until she could sink down against the wall beside him, resting her back against it in the manner he was. "Don't ever regret coming home."

Spike moved his head and looked at her with such frailty in his eyes that the Wicca got the feeling Buffy's words would either heal or kill at this point. The Slayer seemed quite aware of this as well as she met the vampire's gaze tentatively.

Willow was so sure that something had changed, something big, but she couldn't put her finger on it.

"I wanted to be strong for you," Spike mumbled.

"You were," Buffy said gently. "When you left... I can't... believe you did what you... did," she added, watching him as he rose to his feet and took a few steps forward before stopping and turning back to her. "Spike," she tried when he looked torn between wanting to hit something and needing to melt down completely.

"I'm so bloody messed up!" he exclaimed and she quickly rose as well, coming up to him and making him remove his hands, which he had clenched before his eyes, and then she forced him to look at her.

"So am I," she said softly, entwining their fingers as she brought his hands down to rest along his sides.

"Buffy..." he mumbled as he closed his eyes and carefully leaned forward to put his forehead against hers.

She closed her eyes as well, their bodies drawing nearer to each other without them having anything to do with it as they soon stood close together.

"I missed you when you went away. I missed you so much," she said, voice lowered. "The fight we had..."

"Shh," he interrupted gently, shaking his head.

"No, you were right," she stated firmly, pulling away slightly as she opened her eyes to look up at him and he did the same, meeting her gaze. "I was shaken up and I took it out on us - on you. I should've listened to you, but... Seeing Riley made me realize how much I... Seeing him with his... wife... It made me..."

"You don't have to explain," Spike once more stopped her, but she was determined and therefore drew a small breath before she said:

"All of it made me understand exactly how much I needed you in my life and it made me feel ready to... To take one more step... I wanted us to be in the same house, I wanted you to truly be there all the time... And it freaked me out how much I wanted it 'cause every time I come close to having what I want - something happens that takes it away." She paused, then huffed. "Guess that time it was my own doing. And that has hurt more than anything else. I was so scared I'd never see you again."

He wrapped his arms around her at that, pulling her hard to him.

"No matter what happens I will ALWAYS find my way back to you," he said and she held onto him as tightly as he was her. "If I didn't love you I wouldn't be standing here like this... My memories are killing me - more."

She smiled a little at that, then grew serious as the other aspect of what he had said hit her and she moved out of his arms to have his gaze in hers again.

"Would you do something for me?" she asked quietly.

"Anything," he assured and she nodded.

"Say you forgive me."

He stared at her, then replied:

"I forgive you. But..."

"I love you," she said, making him completely lose what he had been about to say. "And I can't be apart from you anymore... I can't stand to see you suffer like this," she then sobbed and he bent down and kissed her cautiously.

She returned it tenderly before deepening it slowly.

Willow looked away, feeling more than ever like an intruder.

She had had an almost intuitive notion of why everything was the way it was. Spike must have, somehow, gotten his soul back. A thought that was so foreign to the Wicca that she simply couldn't grasp it even looking at the two lovers. And yet...

"I promise you," Buffy said as they had ended the kiss and merely held each other. "I will never fail you again."

"You NEVER failed me," he disagreed.

"Yes. I did. When I saw my dependence of you as something bad, and my love as something threatening," she added and he frowned slightly.

"Okay, maybe you kinda did, then," he consented and she had to laugh softly before looking up at him.

"Never again."

Willow sighed happily. So it all turned out for the best. In spite of the Powers clear wish to screw everything up for these two they still found each other in the end.

I can go home and...

She was missed only by an inch when a huge block of what could be nothing but rock landed right next to her. She jumped with a small cry of surprise and then she ran a few paces forward, getting another shock as she realized that she could move and then having to duck as sand and dirt fell from above her. She looked around, scoping the place she this time was in, and furrowed her brow as she came to the conclusion that it was a humungous cave.

She turned around and saw Spike. He was glowing with what looked like fire from deep inside of him and Willow felt her heart catch in her throat as she saw Buffy sitting before him. Spike reached out a hand and Buffy's fingers entwined with his tightly, small flames dancing about it but the Slayer didn't even flinch as she rested her eyes in the vampire's.

"Time to go, love," he said and she shook her head.

"I made a promise and I intend to keep it," she replied.

"Not a good time to dose me some of that stubbornness," he shot and she gave a faint smile before her eyes filled up with fresh tears. "But honor your promise then. Go."

"You can't ask that of me," she stated. "You have no right to ask that of me."

"You started this," he retorted. "It's up to me to finish it this time. The world needs you."

"No, YOU need me. I need you... You can't leave me."

"You don't get to choose when to leave. It's outta your hands, Slayer."

"No!"

"Buffy... I love you."

"I love you too... Spike..."

"Don't cry. And don't look back."

"I can't..."

"You can't have all the glory, love. Besides, I'm kinda curious to see how all this ends."

"William..."

"I can feel it, Buffy."

The tears were falling now as she looked at him, at the expression of actual happiness on his features.

"What can you feel?" she asked quietly and he fixed his gaze in hers before he replied:

"...My soul."

She smiled again, blinking at her tears as she seemed to come to a decision.

"I'll love you all my life," she whispered before slowly letting his hand go as she moved backwards.

Turning around she then ran out of the cave and Willow stared with her own eyes brimming with tears at the scene of the dying vampire.

And then blackness.

It enveloped her in both comfort and fear as she felt how she was floating through it in no real care of where it was taking her.

There was a light ahead of her and she squinted before she realized that it was approaching rapidly. That she was falling towards it and that she was going to crash head first into it. She put her arms up and was about to scream when she felt a hand touch her shoulder and she looked up sharply.

She was in another unfamiliar room, only this time her eyes fell on the completely shocked expression of Buffy as she stared at...

"Spike?" Willow said, wondering exactly what the heck was going on now.

But then she understood as Buffy said:

"What is this - some kind of a sick joke?"

Turning her head to a fourth body - Angel - who shook his head with a deeply apologetic look on his face.

"Buffy..." Spike said and she looked as though she had been slapped in the face as she turned her gaze back in his.

Then she merely put up her hands for him to stay quiet as she walked up to the doorway in which he was, pushed passed him and hurried out of sight.

In the next moment Willow found herself standing in the bedroom where the Slayer had run off to. The latter was pacing wildly and didn't event take notice to Angel's slow appearance in the doorway. He leaned against the post and watched her for a few seconds before asking:

"Are you upset?"

She stopped at that, shooting him an enraged glare and he smiled a small smile before he entered, hands in pockets.

"Who is that? Or WHAT is it?" she demanded and Angel observed her for another couple of seconds before he replied:

"He was brought back, Buffy."

"I don't know whether to laugh or cry," she murmured, a touch of sarcasm in her voice before she huffed. "Or scream at you or... It can't be true. That can't be Spike down there," she added, facing the window and gazing down at whatever was below it.

"William," Angel said and she turned her head back to him. "We don't call him Spike anymore," he elaborated and she stared at him before shaking her head.

"This is way too much for me to deal with right now. Was THIS why you wanted me to come to L.A.?"

"No. We have a very serious situation on our hands here and I needed your expert opinion on..."

"Enough," she cut him off. "Fine. So then - how long? How long have you been lying to me? How long has he been 'back'?"

"Alive," Angel filled in and Buffy raised one eyebrow. "Buffy," Angel said, wiping the look off her features as he added: "Spike's human."

"Willow!"

She was torn so roughly from the place where she had gone that she lost her breath and fell backwards with her legs still crossed. One of the candles tilted over and spilled its whiteness to melt into the carpet.

"Woah, there," Xander said, bending over her and looking at her through narrowed eyes. "You okay?"

"Um... yeah," she nodded, sitting up and then getting to her feet abruptly as she looked around the room in order to find what she was searching for.

A part of her was tugging to go back, to see what else was in store for the Slayer and her... human? No, the part wasn't tugging - it was pulling as hard as it could from pure curiosity. But the spell had been broken and Willow couldn't help but wonder if perhaps it had been meant that way. Coincidences rarely happened so conveniently, did they? She had seen what she had been supposed to see. She had seen enough, and thus the larger part of her was perfectly content with that.

She finally stumbled over what it was she had been looking for, grabbing the pen and the notebook she had made sure to have out before she sat down to perform the spell. She now quickly scribbled down one single sentence.

"What have you been doing, Will?" Xander inquired and she smiled dismissively.

"You don't have to worry," she assured. "It worked."

"Was it a dangerous... one?" he asked and she smiled wider, then she sighed.

"Soon it won't matter."

He frowned questioningly at that as she blew out the remaining candles and began to gather up her trinkets, shutting the heavy book as she looked up at him again.

"Soon I'll have forgotten all about it. It's part of the deal, if you decide to do the spell."

"Okay, lost and lonely un-witchy over here saying: huh?"

She gave him a friendly slap on one arm for that comment as she put the book down on the bed and sat down beside it, patting it gently before she said:

"It's not healthy, you know; to know too much about the future."

"Future? You did a future spell?!"

"Hey, un-witchy - chill," she replied and he made a face which had her laughing. "I got to know what I wanted to know."

"And what was that?"

She looked at him and then she smiled again.

"That no matter what, love finds a way."

He looked uncomprehending, but that was as far as she would go in the explanation department and soon he simply let the whole thing lie as they sat down in front of a healthy hour of knee-slaps and laughing fits. Supplied by the TV, of course.

***

The following morning.

Willow stretched and sat up on the sofa bed. Looking over at Xander, who seemed to have a jolly good time on the hard mattress he had been gracious enough to take on as sleeping quarters for the night.

She moved to the edge of the bed and got to her feet, yawning as she walked up to the stairs and stopping on the first step as her eyes landed on something placed neatly on the fifth.

She blinked, picking up the notebook and reading the sentence written in her handwriting on the page opened. Then she smiled, putting the notebook down again before she continued upstairs.

That sentence had given her all the comfort she would ever need and it read:

...They will be fine.

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