Chapter 6: Hollywood Soundstage.


The divorce was not swift. Buffy had this image of walking into court and hashing out the problem and the judge telling them to sign a paper or maybe two and then everything would be over.

It would be a neat, easy, fast ending.

But Joyce gave Angel the gallery.

And Angel wanted to give it back, as a partnership with Buffy.

And Buffy didn’t know if she wanted it. Any part of it. But it was a part of her mother. A part that she knew Joyce would want the girls to own. So contracts had to be drawn up. And Buffy knew that she and Angel’s lives would be connected once again. Once again.

She wasn’t sure if this was something she really wanted. When you divorce isn’t that supposed to final? Wasn’t there supposed to be a giant The End sign? Wasn’t that it? The End? And everyone goes on their own marry way and all is right in the world once again?

Why cant life be like that?

But it never was, and Buffy knew that. If it was she and Spike would be friends and or lovers. She would never have left him. And she and Angel would not be going through this.

Or she could have loved Angel as much as he needed to be loved. As much as he deserved to be loved.


LA. 2000.


She felt someone behind her. Following her. Buffy fought the panic rising inside of her. She fought her body telling her to run. RUN NOW. She knew that if she lost her state of mind she could get hurt. ‘Stay calm.’ She thought. Her feet started moving faster. ‘Stay Calm. Stay Calm. STAY calm. STAY CALM.’ She was running. Down the street. Looking for an open door, a club, or a gas station, or anything with lots of lights and lots of people.

‘STAY CALM!’ Her mind screamed. ‘STAY-“

Suddenly Buffy rounded a corner. She didn’t even see the wall.


“Hey wanna open those pretty eyes for me?” The voice was soft. Full of concern. Buffy wanted to comply. But her eyelids were so heavy.

“Everyone back up.” The voice ordered.

She felt hands moving under her body.

“Back up.” She heard the commanding tone in his voice. That was when she realized it was a man talking.

“Are you sure you should move her?” Someone farther away spoke. The hands under her lifted her body up into strong arms.

“I think it is just a concussion. She hit the wall hard.” There it was again. That voice.

Buffy tired again to open her eyes. She whimpered.

“I think she’s coming around. I am going get her to the hospital.”

“ooohh” she moaned. Buffy felt them moving. She knew she was still in his arms, even after he positioned them inside a car. She groaned again when the car shook after the door closed.

She opened her eyes- to the most amazing brown eyes she had ever seen in her life.

The man smiled. “See I knew you had to have the most beautiful eyes.”

Buffy tried to move, but the man held her tightly.

“Who?” was all she could force her mouth to say.

“Angel” was his quite reply.

“Ohh.” She closed her eyes again.

“Oh no you don’t. Gotta keep you awake. You’ve got a nasty cut on your head.” Her hands flew to her head. She felt the warm thick liquid on her fingertips.

“Angel?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.” And with that everything went black.

When Buffy opened her eyes again, she was surprised by the pain. The fluoresce lights above the bed were too bright. The room was to white.

“Oh god.” She groaned closing her eyes again.

She heard a chuckle from the corner of the room. The only part of the whiteness that was in the shadows.

“Hurts.” She mumbled.

“I know Buffy, but I really need you to keep your eyes open this time. You have a concussion; the doctors said you could fall into a coma if you fall asleep.” He moved from the shadows. The owner of the voice- he was beautiful.

“How did you know my name?” Buffy asked.

“It was in your billfold. The nurse found it. Buffy Summers. Age 19. Blond Hair. Hazel eyes. 105 lbs. And after carrying you tonight I can vouch that is your real weight if not slightly higher than what you really weigh.”

She would have blushed. But the lights still hurt so much.

“Can you…”

He leaned forward. “Can I…?” His face was so close to hers.

Buffy felt her lips dry out. Felt her mouth dry out. Felt him so close to her. “Can you turn out the lights?” she whispered.

A large grin spread over his face. “Cant wait to be in the dark with me? Is that it?” He said as he reached for the switch on the side of the bed. Once the lights were dimmed, Angel leaned forward and met her lips gently. The he was gone.

“Ok lights are down, and we have to find a way to keep you awake.” His voice was full of mischief. And Buffy found herself liking that.

That night the two strangers became friends.

Soon they became lovers.

And then they were married.


It was all so fast. And Buffy just barley managed to hang on for the ride.

Present time

Looking back now. Buffy knew she saw Angel as a knight in shinning armor. She knew it was wrong. Angel was just a man after all. No prince charming. But he was so strong.

And good.

What woman wouldn’t want that? Sure he had problems. She found that out soon enough. He drank too much. A habit formed to avoid thoughts of a harsh childhood. A melancholy vibe that seemed to excel his appeal.

If Buffy could make him feel better than she could make herself feel better.

Because she hurt.

Buffy knew that Angel’s problems were his. Just as her own issues were for her alone. But if she could just fix him…….. fix him……. Then maybe just maybe she would be fixed in the process.

And it was good for a while. For a while Buffy could lose herself in this man.

And she did.

Then Spike came back.

During the wedding she knew she should have just stopped it all. No one would fault her. Not her Mom, not her sister, and not Angel. When Buffy felt the panic, she should have just turned and said, “This doesn’t feel right.” And Angel would have let her walk away.
But she saw Spike. And she knew…… she knew she had to do this. Marry Angel and sever all ties to William.

End any possibilities of being with Spike forever.

End it and be done. As she said her vows, Buffy felt the end as if it really was a black and white sign being lowered on some sound stage in Hollywood.

“But life is not like the movies. And now I am alone. And I think that may just be how it was meant to be.” Buffy said to the empty house she no longer shared with her husband. “This isn’t the end. I have to live my life.”

And she knew that was true.

Buffy was Buffy Summers once again. And she was ready to start living.

And Buffy threw herself into doing just that. Living. Calls to her sister for wedding plan details. Going out with friends she lost years before. Being happy for the first time in so long.

And then the calls started.

Chapter 7. If you only knew. You could save me too.



Dear Spike.

I know you may not want to hear this. But I need to talk to someone, and you are the one I always turn to when I need to figure something out. I have to tell you now, you should be surprised if you even read this letter. Because I know there is a big possibility I might rip it up at any point. With that let me just say it. Or in this case write it.

Buffy and Angel are divorced.

I know it surprised me too.

I didn’t even know they were having problems. I didn’t know a lot of thing I do now.

I know about you and Buffy. I know you slept with her. I know it happened again after mom died. I cannot CANNOT believe that you two did it on the dinning room table! I mean can you say ewww? Gross. I had breakfast on that table the next morning. God I hope you at least washed it afterwards.

Anyway. Angel and Buffy apparently had been going to therapy, but it didn’t go so well so they stopped. And Buffy said that things were fine for a few months. But then they started fighting again. Some of it was about a baby, some of it was about you. And then Angel packed up and left. And now they are divorced.

I just don’t know what to do. I mean I know you probably don’t care, but something is wrong with Buffy. She doesn’t talk much. And she isn’t eating like she should. She was fine right after the divorce. She went out and had fun. And we talked. God Spike, we talked about so much stuff. We talked about Dad, and Mom, and you, and Angel. We talked about so many things, I never knew about.

I felt like I had Buffy back. You know. The old one. The one that laughed and smiled smiles that would light up her whole face. And I told her about everything I felt. We became close again. Like it was before. Before she went away.

We talked about everything but that. Why she left like she did. I still don’t know why. I don’t even know if she knows why.

Anyway. Whatever her problem is, she isn’t sharing. And I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what I want from you. I just know that I am losing her again. I don’t know if I can handle losing her again. Like I said I don’t even know if I should send this letter. But it does feel good to get it all out. Maybe I should start up a diary again.

Love always,
Dawn.

Spike folded the letter. The opened it and reread it. Angel and Buffy are divorced. He didn’t know what to make of that. Spike wanted to jump up and down. He wanted to drown in a bottle of something bad tasting. He wanted to burn the letter and forget he ever read it.

Spike put the letter aside. He had been so happy to hear from Dawn. Months had passed since his last pink infusion of life from Sunnydale. Now he wished she had torn it up. He pushed the letter away. With his head in his hands, Spike leaned over the large desk.

Something is wrong with Buffy. When isn’t there something wrong with Buffy? With a sigh, Spike got up and poured himself a glass of JD. He lit a smoke and washed the burning smoke with burning liquid.

A quick telephone call later, Spike went and packed a bag.

Buffy may be a bitch.

But she was his bitch.



He dozed on the plane. He was barley awake when he drove into Sunnydale. His eyes were almost closed when he pulled into Buffys driveway. Then he realized what he had done. Buffy is in trouble, so what does Spike do? Reverts back into William. As he opened the door, he smiled and hummed the theme to mighty mouse. “Here to save the day.” Spike sang softly as he pulled his bag from the trunk.


He didn’t bother ringing the doorbell. Why when the back door is always unlocked. Spike let himself in and called softly. “Buffy? Pet? Where are you?” A quick search showed Spike was alone in the house. So he sat down on the couch and flipped on the TV. Soon he was fast asleep on the couch.

His shoulders were shaking. It took Spike a moment to realize someone was shaking them for him. “Spike? Spike? What the hell are you doing here?”

“Buffy?” he said. “What are you doing here pet?” Spike asked stretching his arms over his head. His neck hurt.

“Umm, I think you have that wrong. What are you doing here, in my house, in California, in the United States? Shouldn’t you be on the other side of the ocean?” Spike opened his eyes and smiled.

Then frowned.

Buffy looked like hell. Her skin was pale, as though she hadn’t been in the sun in weeks. Her face was tired, as if sleep was too tiring so she skipped it. Her hair was the most telling. Buffy had almost two inches of roots growing out on the top of her head.

“Dawn said something was wrong, but hell Buffy, you look like shit.” He would have wished he could take it back. If it hadn’t gotten him the results he was hoping for.

“You little bleached piece of shit!” Buffy lunged toward him.

She fought with her fists, teeth, and feet and Spike knew he would sport more than one bruise before he pinned her under him.

“Give to me good love, you know how I love the pain. After all nothing but pain when it comes to you.” Buffy jerked under him. He smiled. “Oh baby yea.” His tongue took a swipe around his mouth moistening his lips. “Now that I have you where I want you why don’t you tell ‘ol Spike—“

Buffy closed her eyes when she saw the man in the background pull Spike off her. “Damn it Angel!” She screamed. “Let him go! NOW!”

Angel threw Spike up against the wall. “ANGEL!” Buffy rolled off the floor and ran to Angel and Spike. Spike had Angel pinned to the floor now, his fist flying into Angels nose.

“SPIKE! STOP IT!” Buffy was pulling as Angel pushed Spike. One of Angel punches went stray and popped Buffy in the jaw.

Everyone went still.

Buffy clutched her jaw. “FUCK” she swore. Buffy stared down Spike and Angel. “I don’t know what the hell you two are doing here, but if one- just ONE- more person hits or does anything else that might cause a loss of furniture or limbs, I am calling the cops. Angel you are dripping blood on the carpet.” She waved one finger to the stairs. “Bathroom now. Spike Kitchen, get two bowls of ice and some towels.” When neither moved Buffy screamed again. “NOW!”

They both started running.

Buffy would have laughed. But her jaw was already about to swell. With a moan, she sat down on the couch. Spike was the first to make it back into the living room.

“God pet, lemme see that.” She turned her face away from him. Without saying anything she grabbed some of the ice cubes from the bowl and put it in a towel. Once it was on her face, Buffy turned to lie down on the couch.

“What are you doing here Spike.” She asked quietly.

“Yea Spikey, what are you doing here boy?”

“I don’t think where I go or what I do is any of your business, Pops.” Spike growled.

“That is it!” Buffy yelled. “Angel SPIKE! I don’t care where you go, but get out of my house.

“Buff?” “Pet?”

“You have two seconds before I call the cops.”

They were both gone in three.



“I just can’t help it. I love her so much. I kept thinking” Angel was slurring by this point. Spike grabbed him another beer. “I keep thinking if I can keep her close she’ll………. She’ll you know.”

“She’ll what? Fuck you?” Spike asked tipping his own beer back.

“NO! I don’t care about that.” Spike snorted. “No Really. I could live the rest of my life never having sex with her again, if I could just sleep next to her. Just hold her close.”

Another snort.

“I know it sounds stupid. But I just wish we could be friends. That she could let me in. that I could hold her.”

“You're not friends.” Spike said tossing his empty bottle into the trash can behind the bar. “You'll never be friends. ”You'll be in love with her 'til it kills you. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends.” He drew his hands together in a mock prayer pose. “Real love isn't brains, children. It's blood. It's blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.”

He stood and started to the door.

“I know what you think.” Angel called after him. Spike stopped but refused to turn around. “I know you think I am just some crazed love sick fool. But she is my wife.”

“You mean she was your wife.” Spike stood still, afraid if he moved he would kill the bastard.

“No, I mean she is. Buffy will always be mine. She married me. Not you. Ever wonder why that is? Ever wonder what it was she could find in me that you were found lacking?”


“You’re just a sad pathetic old man. I don’t think you understand Angel. Buffy chose to marry you, but she also chose to divorce you. Ever wonder why?”



He tried not to stumble. Spike knew Buffy would be sound asleep this late at night. He knew this, but as he tripped on the back steps he wished more than anything that she was awake.

Spike was tired of all the games. He was tired of feeling so lost. He lost everything. His Mum. His Da. Joyce. All gone. Dru left after she realized he could never love her. Buffy left. Dawn was getting married soon. Her name was another name to added to the list.

Everyone left him. William. Spike. It didn’t matter. They all left. Maybe if he started over again. Maybe if he got a new look. A new name. Became a new person. They would love him enough to stay. Love him enough to hold him close. Love him.

Love HIM.

“Shhh Spike.” His eyes were closed, but he felt her near. Her arms felt so warm against his cold skin. “Stand up, William. I cant carry you inside.” He stood. Opened his eyes. Spike pulled her close.

“Buffy, why cant you love me?” He was a little boy lost. A child alone.

“I do. You know I do.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do. Don’t you know that?”

“But only as a friend right?” They were still on the back porch, so Buffy began tugging him inside.

“Come in Spike.” Spike could feel the tears in her voice. Could taste the pain in her heart.

Blindly he followed her inside. Up the stairs. Into her room.

“Buffy please.” Begging had never seemed so perfect from his lips. He would beg. He would plead. Spike would do anything to make her love him.

The room was dark, no lights on. And no matter how hard he tried, Spike couldn’t see her face.

“Buffy, please let me-“

“Shh Spike.” He heard her moving around the bed. She pulled his arms until he was lying on top of the cool crisp sheets. “Just sleep Spike.”

“Are you going to—“ Spike felt her pull the covers over him. He was quite when he felt her craw inside the sheets next to him.

“Just sleep Spike.”




He woke up mid afternoon. And it hurt. His head hurt. His mouth felt like something had not only died, but shit in it also.

And he was alone.

Spike knew it was Buffys room. It smelled like her. It looked like her. It was her.

And she wasn’t there.

Spike was fully dressed already. He didn’t even take off his shirt before crawling into her bed. He pushed off the covers and sat up. “Shouldn’t have done that Spike. Big mistake.” Another mistake was talking. It made the pounding behind his temple roar. Feeling slightly sick Spike made his way to the bathroom. He didn’t even bother turning on the light. Kneeling down, Spike was surprised he didn’t vomit. After a few minutes of holding onto the toilet seat, Spike lifted himself up and moved to the sink. Within seconds he turned on the faucet and dunked his head.

The water felt wonderful streaming down his face. He cupped it and drank it from his hand.

“You know I have glasses for that. I guess I could just put a bowl down and let you drink it off the floor.”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you.” Spike growled. “You’d like it if I rolled over and played dead. Or let you rub my belly till my legs shook.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Last night.”

“Spike, I don’t know what you think happened. But we didn’t have sex.”

“I know. And that. Buffy is the problem.”

Buffy flipped on the light. “Wait. Are you pissed off because we didn’t sleep together?”

“NO Buffy. I am pissed because once again you changed the rules on me.” Spike moved to the bath tub.

“What are you doing?” Buffy didn’t understand.

Spike turned and looked at her. He really looked at her. “I don’t know why I bother.” Sigh “What does it look like? I am taking a shower.”

“Wait a second, we are having a conversation.”

“No I am going to shower. Stay. Leave. I don’t care. But Shut. Your. Mouth. Cause unless you are ready to say something I want to hear. I don’t want to have to listen to you speak.” He flipped on the water. Only the cold. No heat at all.

“Spike I don’t-“ He started unbuttoning his shirt and Buffy turned and left the room.

“Not gonna cry again.” The room was empty, but Spike still whispered.


Buffy pulled a box from the shelf. Spike always liked sugary stuff for breakfast. She didn’t know how he did it. If she had anything that sweet after she first got up she would get shaky. But Spike always seemed to be moving anyway. She placed the box on the table, went to the frig and grabbed the milk. Skim.

He liked whole. Always said the other stuff tasted like water.

The milk went next to the cereal.

She waited. He didn’t make her sit long before he was downstairs dressed in fresh clothes. He still smelled like alcohol.

Spike ignored the table and Buffy. He went to the cabinets and started pulling various items from it.

“What are you doing now?”

“You look like shit and I know you don’t eat that crap. So I am making lunch.” His tone told her a lot. It said to leave him alone. It said don’t speak. It said listen to what I am saying bitch. She was silent as he started lunch.

Pasta was easy. Being with Buffy wasn’t anymore.

Once he was finished, Spike filled a plate almost past capacity. He put the heaping plate in front of Buffy. “Spike I cant-“

“Shut up and eat. Your sister is worried sick. You have lost at least ten pounds since I was hear last, and you couldn’t afford to lose those.” Spike sat down across from her.

“Aren’t you going to…”

“No.” Once Spike was satisfied Buffy would eat, he started talking again. “Angel told me what he was doing. He told me about the calls and the plots to get you around him again. He thinks if you two spend time together again, you’ll fall back into his bed and all will be right in the world. Is that what has you so upset.” It wasn’t a question. Buffy already knew Spike had figured everything out. “Are you going to?” She knew how much it hurt for him to ask.

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“What about me. Tell me now Buffy.” Buffy put down the fork. “EAT.”

“God Spike, give me a second to answer.” She took a drink of the water he had set in front of her with the plate. “You’re my friend.” Spike hated this. His words from last night echoed in his head.

“We will never be friends.”

“We were before.”

“No. I loved you. I wanted to marry you. I wanted to have children with you and build a life with you. YOU wanted to fuck.”

Buffy stood straight up. “IS that what you want? Do you want to fuck? Is that way you came here like that last night? Christ Spike, you flew all the way from London to screw? Aren’t there whores in England?”

“A whore.” Spike repeated. “Yes, Buffy that is what I want. I want a whore.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. He tossed it at her. “IS this enough? Is this enough for you? Enough to make you my whore?” He went for his coat and grabbed his wallet. He pulled out more money. “Then this should be enough in advance for when I come back. Two months Buffy. I will be back for Dawns wedding. I expect you to put on every bit of weight you lost over that pounce and maybe even a few more so you don’t look like a ten year old boy. And I expect you to be waiting for me. Keeping your bed warm for me. Because I EXPECT to get all my moneys worth from you.” Spike pulled the coat over his shoulders. “You know what I like this. I like you being my whore.”

 

Chapter 8. I’m not waiting anymore. By the way.





Once Dawn asked him why he was always with Buffy, Williams reply puzzled the young teen. “I like to think of it as an investment.” His answer was confident. His voice never wavered. How arrogant youth are. Unknowing the future and sure Buffy would soon be his wife, William refused to allow anything to happen to her. He would protect her from everything in the world.


The party was too loud. Crowds of recent graduates and students from both the college and the younger class congregated inside and around the Bronze. After her first few drinks paid for by a freshman at Sunnydale named Parker, William kept sight of Buffy at all times. Which wasn’t unusual. William always kept an eye on his dearest friend. When Parker decided that his hands should be plastered to Buffy’s bottom, William pulled Buffy aside and asked her to walk outside for a few moments. He smiled when she took his hand without a moment’s hesitation.

They made it a few feet away from the club, before Buffy stumbled. Laughing she put her arms around William. “I think I am drunk.” She declared.

“I would agree. Maybe we should get you home.” William used his free arm to steady her.

“NO! Not ready.” She knew he could never resist a patented Buffy pout. “Let’s go to the park.”

“How about we go home. I promise to fix you a nice glass of water and give you some aspirin so your head won’t kill you in the morning.” Buffy snuggled into his embrace.

“Nope the park and then home.” She looked up slightly and batted her eyes at him.

“OK. Park first then home. And nowhere in between, love.” With a finger wagging sternly at her, William started towards the park. After a few steps he turned and looked back. “Well?” She was standing in the same spot.

“Carry me.”

With an exaggerated sigh, William pretended to be irritated. “Piggy back, or Princess.”

“Come here piggy.”

“oink oink.”

“You’re such a pig.” Buffy said giggling. Within moments Buffy was situated on Williams back. “Giddy up piggy.”

“Wrong animal love. And stop kicking or this pig may just buck you off.”

“Pigs don’t buck.”

“And pigs don’t giddy up or anywhere else” Their cheerful banter continued till they reached the park.


Once they reached the swings, William suddenly knelt down on all fours. “Ok, off.” He ordered laughing.

“Nope, more!” She screamed. William laughed harder when he felt her hand softly slap his ass. He turned slightly causing Buffy to fall from his back. Suddenly he was hovering over her.

“Now you’ve done it love, gonna get you now!” They had been friends for close to ten years. William was eight when he moved into Sunnydale. The Summers moved in next door one year later. During that time William learned all of Buffy’s weak spots. Especially how ticklish she was on her stomach. He used that knowledge too bring tears of laughter to her eyes.

“Stop! Stop! Stop!” She shrieked.

“Promise to be nicer to your pig!” He laughed, drawing his hands away from her.

The moon was full, illuminating his light brown hair. She turned serious. “You know I love you right?” her words were soft, but to William, they were as clear as if she used a megaphone.

He wanted to scream the words back so loud that the heavens would hear. Instead he leaned forward. “Can I….” he whispered, his face close to hers. Her answer was to wrap her hands around his neck and pull his face to hers.

The kiss was soft, the next slightly firmer. Her hands moved down his neck, down his spine where she began kneading his shirt. Within moments she had the back of his shirt pulled from his pants. A few seconds later the front was lose. His knees started to buckle when he felt her hands across his abdomen.

“Buffy?”

Her eyes were half closed, her face flush as though she had a sudden fever. “William.”

“Yes.”

“Will you make love to me?”

He pulled away and stood. Distancing himself from her. “I love you.” His chuckle was harsh mixed his panting. He was harder than he had ever been in his whole life. “We kiss for the first time tonight and you want me to make love to you.” He held his hand out towards her. “You’re drunk. Let’s get home so you can sleep it off.”

“There wasn’t anything in the cokes except ice. I wasn’t drinking tonight. I told the bartender I was underage, and he switched out my rum and cokes. After that he just charged Parker for the rum and coke, but left out the rum.”

William looked at her. He only kept track of how many drinks she was taking, not what was in them. He licked his lips. She didn’t taste like alcohol. She tasted like strawberry lip gloss. “Then why?”

“Because I love you. You love me. And I want my first time to be special.” She stood in front of him. “I want my first time to be with you.”

Suddenly he was on her. Hands gripped her back, pulling her close to him. “God I love you.” Buffy tugged his shirt off his body, as his hands tried to unbutton hers. He lost control as her mouth caught his neck. “Christ!” He went still. Focusing on nothing but her teeth on his tender flesh. Before he understood what she had done, William felt her breasts soft against his chest. He looked down, surprised that she had already removed her shirt. Once again Williams’s hands snaked around her body, this time he lifted her against him. Bringing her mouth once more to his, William begin walking them over to a small grove of trees. Once there he gently laid Buffy on the soft ground, his lips never leaving hers.

She pulled away first. “William?”

He was afraid to speak. Afraid his voice would betray the intensity of his desire.

“Have you ever…?”

He shook his head.

The smile she rewarded him was so bright, William couldn’t help but return it with one of his own. He felt her hand on his. She lifted it high and entwined her fingers with his. William couldn’t take his eyes off their intertwined hands as she brought them down over her neck, there she moved her fingers from his and laid her palm on the top of his hand. “Touch me.” William stared in awe as she moved his hand down her throat, towards her breasts.

She was still, under him, afraid if she moved he would bolt. Knowing she made a wise choice in giving her virginity over to the best man she knew, Buffy wanted to make sure he understood that …. that… God the things he was doing!

One finger circled her dusky rose nipple, not quite touching the sensitive flesh. She moaned panting hard when he finally touched her nipple. Encouraged William brought his mouth teasingly over her breast. The skin was ridged and firm. Buffy wove her hands in his hair pulling him closer. “Oh God MORE!”

William moved his other hand down her stomach. His hands found the button on her jeans. He looked up, still keeping his mouth over her breast he whispered, “Can I?”

At her nod, William began unbuttoning her pants. He slid the zipper down slowly, the teeth of the zipper vibrated in his hand. “Lift your hips love” Once she moved he lifted his body up with hers, positioning himself between her thighs. Gently, afraid to move to fast, William pulled the jeans from her body. Under her hips, down her legs, where they got tangled on her shoes. He stopped only for a moment, as though confused by what to do. They were light brown boots with a zipper on the sides. He looked at Buffy’s face, suddenly smiling. “Guess I need to take those off first.” Reaching down he unzipped the side and repeated with the other boot. He tossed them behind his head and started on her socks. She laughed when he repeated the action with those also.

“I’ll never find them again.” She giggled.

Once again serous, William removed her pants. Her feet had red marks from the boots, and William took a moment to lavish the slightly reddened skin with gentle kisses. Moving back up her body, stopping to kiss her knees, William made his way back to her breasts. One hand started towards the line of soft fabric covering her sex.

“William wait.” She sounded startled.

“Do you want to stop?” He felt frustration scream inside him.

“NO! I want to do this…. I just..” He looked down at her. Her expression was unsure, Buffy was even biting her lower lip.

“You just?” He prompted.

“Aren’t you going to take off your shoes and … and stuff?” Her eyes were closed when she asked. William pulled her close against him again. So close he could breathe in her sent. With a smile he remembered the smell of her shampoo.

“If my pants come off, I think I may start rushing. I am so ready, that I may hurt you.”

“I’m ready too.” Her voice was defiant. As though she felt he was ahead of her. But the truth of how unready she was was obvious when his hand snaked inside her silk panties.

Williams’s heart was almost crushed when his fingers felt her dryness. “Oh God, Buffy. I want you so much, but please if we are going to do this, then let me make sure I don’t do anything to hurt you. I don’t think I could stand it if I caused you any pain.” He moved the final layer of clothing from her body, but this time, when he made the journey back up her legs, William paused just above her knees.

“Open for me love.” His eyes locked with hers, begging her to allow him to do this. To taste her. To give her as much pleasure as he could before he gave her any pain. At Buffy’s nod, William settled himself down in her thighs. With one arm used to prop himself up, William opened her with his other. He was surprised by how pink she was. He licked two fingers and began exploring her. At his first touch Buffy jerked.

As though talking to a started animal, William began speaking in soft soothing tones. “You’re so beautiful. I never knew a woman’s body could ever be so amazing.” His fingers moved again. Up against her lips. “All soft and glowing. So warm.” He was rewarded with a soft moan and felt her start to moisten around his finger tips. He moved one finger father inside. She tightened around him. “I can feel you getting wetter around my finger. The thought of being the first inside you. Touching you like this. I can’t tell you how it makes me feel.” Her hips started to shake as he added another figure inside her. “Can I taste you? Will you let me taste you? Cause you smell so amazing. My mouth is watering just at the thought.”

“Yes, William.” Without stopping his fingers inside of her William leaned in and took one experimental swipe of his tongue. She tasted musky. Tasted like salt air. He felt her hands reach for his hair again. At first he thought she would pull him away, in a panic he surrounded her clit with his teeth. Surprised Buffy jerked.

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” He asked backing away.

“NO! NO! It felt amazing!” She was panting hard, inside her something was welling.

“Can I…” William didn’t know how to ask for what he wanted. “I know this is my first time, but can I try and….” He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. It was so hard to think.

“William, you can do anything you want. Don’t worry about it. If it feels half as good as that did, then I will love it.” Buffy said reaching out for him again.

“I want to try and make you come, with my mouth. I want to know if it will taste like this or even better.” He tried not to look to eager at her nod, but failed when he practically dove back into her thighs. He never heard her giggles which soon turned into moans as he began using his fingers, lips, tongue and teeth on her cunt.


Watching her over her damn nest of curls and stomach, William reveled in the power he suddenly had over her. As she finally came, twisting and arching her body into his mouth, William asked himself why they hadn’t tried this sooner. He had always known there would be no other woman for him than Buffy. No other woman for him.

As she calmed from her orgasm, William carefully began removing his pants. He was too worked up to fight with his shoes, so he left his pants around his ankles. “Buffy are you ready? Can I… can I” She saved his uncertain question by opening her arms to him. Carefully he moved over her again. One hand still inside her, she was so slick now. His cock was hard, oh so hard, he was afraid that he would hurt her. He knew he would hurt her. She was so small. So tight. SO WET. His shoulders shuddered as he positioned his cock just outside her entrance. “Promise me Buffy.” His voice never sounded so weak, never sounded so needy. “Promise me that if I hurt you will tell me.” Buffy nodded her head.

She felt his finger leave her body. Not a second later she felt something larger enter the small opening of her body. Instinct caused her body to tense. William began talking to her as he had before. Soft soothing tones. Once sure the very tip of his cock wouldn’t slip, William brought his hand to her breast. He caressed her. Brought her to a moaning withering woman beneath him again, when suddenly she shifted under him, bringing him farther inside her. He could feel it now. The piece of Buffy so deep inside her. Protecting her from the world. Protecing her from harm. Protecting her from ….. from…. an invasion of man. With a silent prayer to god, William vowed to take the place of her maidenhood, and always protect his love.

“DO it, Do it William. Please.” He didn’t need to be asked twice, but was surprised when there movements synchronized, breaking her barrier together.

He thought that was how it would be with them. Thought that no matter what the barrier, no matter what the conflict, they would face it together. He never knew what went wrong.


Tonight he would find out. He was so tired. So tired of loving a woman who only chose him once. Once then left his alone, sleeping on a damp bed of earth, under a small grove of trees.

Spike was no longer William, but…..

Spike was no longer William. But both were tired of being left alone.



The wedding was over.

It was all that everyone had hoped for. Dawn came down the isle looking like a princess marrying her prince charming. Spike was surprised when he saw Angel at the end of the isle. No one informed him that Buffy’s former husband was the best man. Although he refused to show any negative emotions on Dawns wedding day, at least till the loving couple was long gone on their honeymoon, Spike was angry with the realization that Buffy and Angels lives would once again intertwined. He wanted to scream, telling the world how unfair it was. Knowing that no matter how the day turned out, Angel would still be family to his women.

Family that Spike wasn’t sure is was a part of. Wasn’t sure he still wanted to be a part of.


He stood away from the crowd as they waved the couple on. Connor opened the door to the limo, but just before she moved to the car, Dawn turned and rushed over to Spike. With a quick kiss on his cheek she whispered, “No more anger, no more holding the past over either of your heads. Whatever your problems are, I want you to have it worked out tonight. Either way. Just figure it out.” Not being able to refuse her impossible request, Spike nodded. Then turned and walked farther from the crowd. Farther down the street.

A nice walk would do nicely about now. A nice walk to her house.

He was sitting on the front porch when she found him. With a soft sigh she sat down next to him. Time never flies in moments like this. Time stands still. Time refuses to move. Time stops.

Then moves again.

“Do you want me to grovel? Down on my hands and knees? To beg forgiveness for all the sins I caused against you?” Her words were angered, pronounced slowly and profound. But she wasn’t angry.

He wanted to smile. He wanted to say ‘yea and while your down there why not give ol’ Spikey a little blow.’ He just shook his head. “You look good.”

“Someone told me I looked like a preteen boy. Not what any woman wants to hear.”

Silence.

“What are we doing Buffy?” Spike reached for his smokes. One day he will stop. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow he will be dead so it doesn’t matter anyway. “I don’t want you to anything except explain to me why you left me.”

She sighed and pulled the cigarette from his mouth. Spike was surprised when she lifted it to her own mouth, inhaled deeply and blew out the foul smoke. Without a second thought Spike took the white tube from her mouth and tossed it to the ground. After his boot stamped it out, Spike pulled his pack out. With one hand he crushed it and tossed it to the side. ‘Solved that one. No more cancer sticks for me. No more for you.’

With a lonely smile on her face, Buffy started. “You fell asleep. I gathered our clothes and was going to make us a pallet. I found the ring.”

Stunned. Spike was stunned. She wasn’t supposed to find it, he had a whole speech planned. He was going to get her home and then, once he had her safely in her room, William was going to get down on bended knee. William would have told her how much he loved her. William would have read his words of poetry. William would have kissed her lightly and make love to her on her bed. William would have loved her forever.

What would Spike do?

“It was just a ring. Not a big deal. Not enough for you to run away.”

“I found the speech.”

Damn.

He stared at the stars. Stared at the heavens above. Stared anywhere but at her.

“So instead of being honest. You decided to leave me naked, alone, to wake up cold.”

She moved so suddenly he never saw her hand as it slapped his shoulder. “I wasn’t ready! You weren’t ready! We would have ruined everything!” She stood and walked closer to the front door. Her hand reached out to turn the knob. She stopped just before her hand touched the handle. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to say no. I didn’t know then…”

Spike waited. William locked so far deep inside of himself cried to allow her this escape. William cried out to Buffy’s pain. William wanted to once again protect her from the big bads of the world. Spike pushed him farther down inside. “Then what Buffy? Then what?”

“I didn’t know how much I loved you. I DIDN’T KNOW HOW MUCH IT WOULD HURT TO NOT HAVE YOU ANYMORE.” Tears flowed freely down her face. Over her nose and down her chin. “I was young, and stupid, and I was so afraid of losing my best friend. And yes, Spike. I know I was selfish, I know I hurt you and everyone else. I know I hurt Angel and I know I hurt Dawn, and I know I hurt my mommy. It wasn’t time.”

“You didn’t waste time with Angel.”

Buffy turned back to him. With a half chuckle half sob, Buffy searched deep inside herself to find the words. “Another mistake. You want to know why I could say yes to him, but ran from you before you could say the words? Because I knew with Angel it wasn’t going to be forever, I knew it wouldn’t be a happily ever after. I could make the mistakes with him that I could never make with you.”

“YOU NEVER GAVE ME THE CHANCE!” He didn’t mean to scream. He didn’t mean to scream again either. “DID YOU THINK I COULDN’T LET YOU MAKE MISTAKES? WHAT KIND OF MAN DO YOU THINK I AM?”

“William, I couldn’t risk it. If I said yes to you, or stayed in Sunnydale, it would have been forever. I wasn’t ready for forever. I wanted now, and I wanted it…. I wanted to find myself. I wanted to figure out who I was before I became yours. All yours. I wasn’t ready for that. And you know what? I don’t think you were either.”

“Of course I was. I had everything planned. I had the ring and the words and I loved you.” Spike wanted to shout that he still had the ring. That he still had the words. That he still loved her. He bit his lip.

“You were 18 years old. Where were we going to live, where were we going to get money? We were so young, William. We were so damn young. What were we going to do after we got married? Have kids we didn’t know how to raise? Live with our parents? What was the plan Spike?”

She was right. Looking back all Spike could remember was thinking of telling everyone they were getting married. He never once looked past the wedding. He didn’t think of children except in the abstract ‘years from now’ way.

“So you left.”

“So I left.”

“You could have come back. I would have understood. You could have said no or that you weren’t ready. I would have understood.”

“I could have. I could have done a lot of things.”

“So where do we go from here?” The words sounded bitter even to his own ears.

“I don’t know. We could try and be friends again. Like before.” Buffy smiled at his growl. “I hoped you would say that. Cause the truth is, I wasn’t ready for you before, but I can’t spend another day without you.” Buffy sat down next to him again. The stars were full in the night sky. Neither noticed. Slowly, Buffy held her hand out to him. It took a moment for Spike to absorb all that had happened. Everything for the last eight years leading up to this moment. This moment when Buffy was offering not only a chance in her life, to be a part of her life, but center stage in her life.

He took her hand, stood, and pulled her from the stoop. After opening the door, Spike held it open for her. He put his arm out in front of her, blocking her path.

“By the way love, I’m not waiting any more. I want to wake up with you in the morning, and I will stop at nothing to get that.”

Her head thrown back, Buffy laughed. “Then I guess you will just have to wear me out tonight then. Love.”


A/N This is the end. I wanted to show a story where Buffy and Spike grew up together and away from each each other. I think I also wanted to get some issues I have in my own marrage. Sometimes it is hard to explain why I feel like running away from such a wonderful husband.

I also wanted to do a story that had a long time span shown in a shorter story. This has been a dear story for me. In a way I hate that I showed so much of myself in this one. And in a way I feel greatful to it because i purged things that I think were holding me back in my life. I dont know, only time will tell.

My many thanks to my beta Smithers, who rescued me from misspelling supposed (suppost) Thanks to Zeta for all her enouragment along with Nikita, and Miss Kitty. Also I dedicate all the smut in this story to Prank. He always seems to be around when I need to ask a guys POV for my writing.

Anyway, please review