Chapter 5:

DISCLAIMERS: Joss and I had so much fun at the movies last night! We shared a big bucket of popcorn and a jumbo Coke. I said I preferred the taste of Pepsi and this enraged Joss. He jumped up, screaming, “Coke, dammit! Coke is the One True Cola! Pepsi is a tool of the Devil!!” I asked him why he believed in the Devil if he didn’t believe in God, or the ‘Sky-Bully’ as he liked to call him. This enraged him even more and his face got even redder and puffier than usual. He started to splutter and cough and I thought it was because I had made a Very Good Argument but it turned out he had actually inhaled a big chunk of popcorn. Luckily I know how to do the Heimlich. Wow, Joss sure knows how to ruin a movie.

THANKS: As always, thanks goes out to little bit, the greatest beta of all.

LAST TIME: Spikebot showed up at Buffy’s house and tried to seduce her. Buffy was too hurt and sent Spikebot out to find gauze instead. Spike woke up to find himself vamp-napped by Warren and Andrew. Xander found himself seduced and left hanging by Spikebot. Spikebot yelled ‘cor!’ a lot.

************************************************************************

“I was bad, you see? Always bad. Cut a swath through society, I did. Women loved me and men wanted to be me...”

Andrew, curled up on the floor by Spike’s feet, sighed wistfully. “Really?”

“No.”

“Aw,” Andrew said, disappointed.

“Oh, who am I kidding?” Spike asked, “The men loved me too.”

“Yeah.” Andrew agreed.

“So I said to her, very menacing and all that, I’ll see you on Saturday. And she looks at me, sizes me up, and asks, What happens on Saturday? I know that she wants me already, the sexual tension is all over us, so I flirt with her. I kill you, I tell her, and I know she loves it...”

“Yes?” Andrew leaned forward a little, hands still wrapped around his knees as he stared up, eyes shining. “Then what happened? Did you kill her? ”

Spike raised a brow. “Obviously not, she’s still alive, isn't she?”

“Oh, right...and then what?” Andrew asked, breathless. “Why didn’t you kill her What happened? Did she kick your ass?”

Spike frowned. “What! No! Buffy’s never kicked my ass! She wishes she could kick my ass. No, I...let her get away. Yeah. Was obvious she had a crush on ole Spike and it was rather flattering. Plus, I'm only a man right?”

Andrew sighed, clutching his knees tighter. And what a man!

“I’d come to do her a spot of violence, but instead I find her on the dance floor, shaking that tight ass in my face. Looking at me with those big eyes, signaling her desires to me with those long looks in the alley...”

“Oooh...”

“Yeah, but I’m a Bad Man, had to have her...“

“Did you make out?” Andrew asked hopefully. “Instead of killing her you made sweet, sweet love to her all night long?”

Spike smirked. “A vamp never shags and tells, Andrew.“

“Oh,” Andrew said sadly.

Glancing over, Spike took in Andrew‘s slumped shoulders. “All night long,” Spike lied, grinning. Andrew sighed again and sat up, thrilled.

“Was it magical?” he asked, gazing wistfully at Spike’s mouth. “Did you know that you two were meant for each other? What about panties? Did you see her panties?”

Spike frowned. “That’s my girl you’re talking about there. Watch your mouth.”

Andrew’s face fell. “Sorry.”

Spike shrugged and nodded at the TV. “Besides, my show’s on, “ he said, thinking about Buffy’s lacy blue thong and grinning slyly.

“Oh! I love this show!” Andrew said. They watched for a few minutes in silence. “Hey, who do you like the best?”

Spike narrowed his eyes. “Well, I’ll tell you who I don’t like. That blonde bitch with her fancy hair and pricey clothes and cutting words. I’d bite her so hard her head would snap. God, she thinks she’s so smart and better than everyone else. Damn bitch.”

Andrew looked at him. “Isn’t that what you just said about Buffy? I think you like blondes,” he said, patting at his own hair.

Spike shot him a look and turned the TV up, ignoring the frantic smoothing.

“What about Jo?” Andrew asked, giving up on his hair. “Do you like her?”

“Too mannish. But she has spunk, and rides the bike, so that ups her a bit.”

“Tootie?”

“Too annoying. And I don‘t like braces. Unnatural.”

“Natalie?”

“Ugh. I’ve seen decayed corpses more attractive than her.”

“How about Mrs. Garrison?”

“I’d bite you before I’d bite her.”

“Yeah?” Andrew shivered. How kinky.

“Tell you what though,” Spike said, pointing at the screen, “This place reminds me of that boarding school Dru and I visited one time in London. Those tarts were fools for a vamp like me. Invited me in as I sat on their windowsill and chatted with them, opened the window and everything.” He rolled his eyes. “Pfft. Young girls, what do they know?”

“Girls. Pfft.” Andrew agreed.

“I taught them a thing or two about the facts of life that night,” Spike said wistfully, thinking of how much fun he‘d had, giving the girls love-bites that turned into just plain bites.

“Oh! And look, we’re watching The Facts of Life on TV!” Andrew pointed, excited. “What a clever pun you just made!”

Spike shot him a look. “Uh huh.” God he had to get out of here. When was Buffy coming to rescue him? Hanging out with the little poofter was starting to get old and he had a score to settle with Warren. That git was going to regret tying him up in this basement. He’d tear out his liver and wave it in his...oh wait. The chip. And the whole being good thing and not killing humans. Well, he’d get Buffy to tear the liver out, she has Slayer strength. Maybe she’d be so worked up from lack of sexual satisfaction that she’d beat the boy to a pulp on sight. Then again, the girl did date Angel for, how long was it? Talk about lack of sexual satisfaction.

Spike grinned.

Andrew, watching his every move, grinned back. “Wanna watch Revenge of the Nerds?”

Spike closed his eyes. He really needed to get out of here. Buffy needed...wait. His eyes shot open again. The other Spike. He’d forgotten all about that.

“Andrew.”

“Yes Spike?” Andrew asked happily, the movie tape in his hands.

“Right before you cowardly zapped me and knocked me out...”

Andrew looked uncomfortable. “Not me! Warren did it.”

“Right. Well, right before that there was another vamp. Looked just like me, in fact.” Spike stared at Andrew, who was shifting about, looking extra nervous. “Tell me about it.”

“Uh...” Andrew said. “I’m not supposed to talk about the Spikebot.”

“Spikebot?”

“OH!” Andrew covered his mouth, mortified. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you he was a robot, like the one Warren made for you cause...OOPS!” He whipped both hands over his mouth, eyes panicked.

Spike frowned. He needed to find out everything he could about this robot. Turn on the charm. Get Geekboy here to spill his guts. “Andrew,” he murmured, voice velvety. “Don’t worry about a thing. You can tell me anything you want. After all...” Spike strained at his bindings, making the muscles on his forearms bulge attractively. Andrew stared. “It’s not like I can get out. I’m trapped. I’m...” Spike lowered his voice. “I’m all yours.”

Andrew dropped the tape on the ground, mouth open. “Uh...uh...” he stuttered, staring at Spike’s strong jaw.

Spike gave him a slow smile. This was too easy. And more than a little disturbing. But, he had to do it for Buffy. God knows what that maniac Spikebot was doing at this very moment.

*************************

“So then Tara found the right incantation and we were finally able to stop the plant from growing! Oh, it was just so funny! And, well, a little messy cause the vines ended up covering all the walls of her dorm room and we...oh wait, could you hold your arms up a little higher Spike? The yarn isn’t taut enough. Yes, perfect, thanks.”

Spikebot pulled his hands higher.

“Oh, that’s better. I don’t want it to sag.” Willow wound the yard into a tight ball, chattering on. “Tara will love this scarf when I’m done. It’s really nice of you to help me with it.”

Spikebot looked at the rainbow-coloured yarn wrapped around his hands. “Cor!”

Willow smiled. “I never knew you liked knitting so much.”

“Buffy likes gauze,” Spikebot said with a naughty grin.

“Oh. Well, I guess she would like having gauze around, with all the fighting she does.” Willow paused from her ball-making and smiled. “You should make a scarf for her!”

“Blimey! Buffy’s cunny will be as wet as the ocean!” Spikebot shouted, leaping up to pose sexily. Willow pulled at the yarn, blushing wildly, and he sat back down again.

“Uh, how’s Buffy feeling?” she asked, trying to cover her embarrassment. Spike wasn’t usually that open about him and Buffy. Sure there were times he'd try to grab Buffy’s bottom or kiss the back of her neck in front of people, but that was mostly just to annoy Giles. But today Spike was bursting with...enthusiasm for Buffy and their sex life. Willow was pretty sure she didn’t ever need to hear about his ‘Queen’s’ ’cunny’ or how she gave him a ’cockstand’ ever again. Not to mention how the whole gauze thing was getting a little disturbing. All this and she’d hardly gotten a ball of yarn wound for Tara’s Wicca Winter Worship scarf.

“Buffy feels like silk, like satin, like soft, liquid velvet. Her quim is delicate and tastes like mulled wine-”

“I think we’re done for today,” she interrupted, hurriedly taking the yard out of Spikebot’s hands and putting it aside, avoiding eye contact. “I’m sure Buffy will be back from her class soon and you guys can, uh, talk. She’ll be really excited that you stopped by the dorm to see her,“ Willow kept chattering, hoping to divert any news that Spike was willing to share with her, and sat on the bed, smiling at him. “Tara is coming by soon, don’t tell her about her scarf.”

Spikebot blinked.

“Oi Willow,” Spikebot said slowly. “You’re dating Tara now?”

Willow looked over at him. “Um, yes. Why?”

Spikebot strode over, taking big, manly steps guaranteed to drive women wild. “You used to date that wolf. The one that played guitar and was pale.”

“Well...that was a while ago. And you’re pale too,” she pointed out, defensive.

Spikebot sat on the bed beside her, leaning in close. “I am indeed. You like pale men?” he whispered into her ear. “Cor.”

Willow swallowed and stood up, backing over a bit. What was Spike up to? If she didn‘t know any better she‘d say he was coming on to her. “Sure. I guess.”

“So you like men too then? Not all about the womanly parts, is it. Still have an itch for what a guy has to offer? Nothing quite like a man’s cockstand. “ Spikebot jumped up and followed her, slowly stalking her across the room.

Cockstand? Ewww. “This is really a private matter...” Willow bumped into her dresser and froze as the Spikebot grabbed her hips. “Whoa! What...!” she gasped as he lifted her onto the dresser, pushing her legs apart and sliding between them. What was Spike doing? It felt really, really good and she shivered. “Spike...stop...I mean, you can’t do this...we can’t...it’s...

“Willow,” he whispered, settling himself against her and grinding slowly. “It’s amazing is what it is.” He thrust harder, making her squeak. “Do you like that?”

“Okay, that’s enough.” Willow pushed at his chest but Spikebot grabbed her hands and wrapped her arms around his waist instead, holding them there. God he smelled good. And the feel of that leather coat! Just as sexy as she’d thought. No! Wait! This was wrong! Wrong wrong wrong wrong. Not sexy, just bad! And not sexybad either! Just plain bad! “Spike! What are you doing!”

“Just what you’ve always wanted me to do. What you dream of, late at night as you lay in your bed and touch yourself, thinking of me, imagining me doing this...” Spikebot’s mouth kissed Willow’s neck hungrily. “And this...” His mouth moved to hers. “And this,” he whispered, letting go of her hands, his thumbs rubbing against her nipples.

“Okay, now you really have to stop it!” Willow gasped, arching. Wow, that really felt nice.

“That’s right Willow. I want you. I want to taste your cunny.”

Spike’s mouth was against her ear again, his mouth against her skin, his lips kissing her, his words...well...his words were kinda odd, actually. She shoved him and he stumbled, caught by surprise.

“I expected more from you!” Willow shook her finger at him, furious. “You are a bad, bad vampire! You're dating my best friend! And I’m dating Tara! And I’m gay! And...and...”

Spike picked her up, tossing her onto her bed and jumped on top of her. “And you want me. Admit it.” She opened her mouth and he kissed her deeply. “Admit it Willow.“ Spikebot said, pulling back from the kiss. “Tell me you want me. I know you do.” He sniffed her neck, making her shudder. “I know it.” His voice dropped conspiratorially. “I can smell you.”

“Vampires can do that?” Willow whispered, beet red. Spikebot nodded. “Oh! I’m so embarrassed!”

“Because you want me? You want to know what it’s like to make love to a vampire. To be in the clutches of evil. To lose yourself in the passion and the feeling of being completely wild and bad. Don’t be ashamed.” Spikebot kissed her again, thrusting his tongue in and she responded despite herself. “Just tell me what you want.”

Willow’s head whirled. This was worse that her fling with Xander! It was bad enough to hurt Cordelia and Oz, but to betray Buffy, her best friend, the Slayer, the girl who’d saved all of their lives countless times...she was going to stop Spike right now is what she was going to do! Put and end to this crazy madness right this moment! Tell him to get off...

Spike licked her neck.

Oh! That was nice! No! Bad Willow! Not nice! Bad! Bad, it felt bad!

Spike nibbled her ear.

Mmmm...no! Wait! Why is he still on top of you, his hard...oooh, so hitting a good place there...stop it! Stop liking that!

“Do you want this, Willow? Cor baby, I have such a cockstand for you...you want it, tell me so. Tell Spike you want it.“

Willow buckled. She’d thought of these things, these exciting things, yes, she admitted it, it turned her on, it made her hot, she was curious, she wanted it, it was true...

“I want you,” she whispered, shamed. There! She’d said it! She was so going to hell.

Spikebot pulled his head out of her neck and grinned at her. Giving her once last quick kiss on the lips he leapt up, smoothing his coat. Willow leaned up on her arms, frowning. “Where are you going?”

Not answering, Spikebot shrugged and strode out. Willow stared at the door as it closed behind him, mortified.

“Oh wow. I am so in trouble.”