What Is To Be
-Thirty-Second-
By Annie
2004-02-15
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The echoes of battle still rung in everyone’s ears, but the absolute silence
which now surrounded them seemed to enhance it, make it grow ever louder.
Something which had been awaited for so very long, which had been anticipated
and dreaded, which had caused so much worry - was over in less than ten minutes.
The world had once more slipped through the fingers of destruction and stood
victorious in its still lingering winter shroud.
Inside the Hyperion was this gathering of fragile, confused, uplifted, shocked,
disbelieving, joyous, invincible beings and they all stared at the one still
lying on the rubble covered floor. The one who had changed.
Angel had his gaze in Cordelia’s, held her eyes with his own as though he never
wanted to look away from her again. He had expected death, he had reconciled
with the thought - at the pivotal moment he had even embraced it - and here he
was, so filled with the force of life that it was difficult for him to see. But
he did see, and he saw her.
There was surprise in him, and yet it was as though an invisible hand was
stroking his head gently, and as though a voice from another reality was telling
him that all was as it should be; that he shouldn’t question it, or ponder over
it; that it was what it was and as it was in that way he should merely let it
wash through him.
He slowly reached up a hand and touched Cordelia’s cheek. She smiled through her
tears, though he knew the latter were shed from happiness. Her eyes were
sparkling with the very emotion. His fingertips took in the incredibly smooth
and soft skin of her jaw line, his thumb grazing her lower lip. She felt
different. More... real, somehow.
He slowly sat up. The feel of how his abs had to work to get him into that
position was a sensation which had him feel in awe as he was suddenly very aware
of his own body, of how his heart was pumping, of how his lungs were filling
with air, of how he was a design brought to its perfection in order to carry him
through life.
There it was again, that word.
Life.
For so long had he mused how it would be to step into the sun. For a year had he
watched his younger former blood-relative as the bleached blonde enjoyed
countless hours in the sun-drenched spots of the small yard. He had felt envy
and a longing to remember exactly how the sun felt on his skin. He hadn’t been
able to.
He had been so certain that he was going to die, but now he felt a strange
insight as to why he had felt that way. In the larger scale of it all, it had
been Angelus who had known, all along, that his days were numbered. Projecting
this emotion into the soul of Liam...
Liam.
...until the soul couldn’t tell where its own feelings started and the demon’s
ended.
Angel had needed to be cleansed through the blood, he understood that; but he
had needed this so that he could release Angelus. It was all so clear, like a
bright pattern before his eyes. He smiled, feeling tears rise as well and then
Cordelia’s arms wrapped around him tightly. He could feel her press herself
against him and he closed his eyes as she softly whispered:
“Thank God.”
Buffy watched them with a sense of incredulity. Not over seeing them together,
not over Angel being alive, her brain had already processed that and she felt
slow tears of building happiness and relief softly form in her eyes because of
that. No, the reason she felt so astonished, frankly, was because of the fact
that it was over. The dust had settled, the drama was done, and she hadn’t swung
one punch. Her glory days were gone with this final clash, she had known it all
along. Felt it in her bone marrow. The very last stand of the true Slayer. She
was ready for it, and yet she had thought that she’d at least be able to...
Her gaze met Spike’s and her mind was laid at rest. He had a small smile on and
she mirrored it.
She looked at him and knew she had been wrong, her glory days weren’t gone.
They were just about to begin.
***
“Are they going to do that much longer? It was amusing for about three minutes,
but now it’s starting to seriously get on my nerves,” Faith stated half an hour
later, hiking a thumb toward the spot where Aatoch had appeared and around which
the order of Amon were seated chanting, and had been so for the passed twenty
minutes.
“It’s a ritual born probably three millennia ago,” Wesley pointed out. “You
can’t really tamper with that.”
“All they’re doing is repeating the same stupid sentence over and over. Is this
Aatoch dude deaf or just slow?” she muttered and Wesley smiled a broad smile at
that, which had her return it mischievously. “Maybe I should join them?” she
suggested, about to rise when Wesley promptly stopped her, shaking his head.
“Please, don’t even joke about it,” he said and she cocked an eyebrow.
“We really need to loosen you up,” she stated and to that he merely smirked.
They were all sitting on the steps leading up to the front door. Buffy wrapped
in Spike’s arms, leaning her head back against his chest and watching Angel and
Cordelia, who were seated in the exact same position. She wasn’t sure she had
ever seen two people looking more relaxed with being close to each other, taken
that they’d never truly been so before. Angel’s fingers were playing leisurely
with Cordy’s as they both looked at the spectacle of the order, and finally
Buffy turned her eyes that way as well. Then she felt Spike’s lips against the
top of her head and she smiled a little.
None of all of them had said much of anything to each other, apart from
commenting on the sudden need to buy some serious buckets of paint. And probably
some sort of plaster as well. The foyer looked as though it had been hit
randomly with a wrecking ball.
Now the chanting abruptly stopped and the twelve members of the order stood as
one and then began to move toward the others assembled. They all rose as well
and Forte looked up at them, a smile on his face.
“You fought bravely,” he said.
“We?” Fred asked. “We didn’t do anything but run, duck and cover.”
“You fought a very hard fight within you as you watched your friends fall.
Satoch felt how much you cared for them, and so did Aatoch,” he replied. “In
fact, he wanted you to have this,” he added, holding out his hand in which a
blue crystal, big enough to rest on his palm, lay.
He looked directly at Willow when doing this and the Wicca’s eyes widened
slightly.
“What?” she asked, taken aback.
“He knows you will take good care of it. It will come to your aid, should you be
in need of its power,” Forte stated and Willow stepped down, reaching out one
hand and taking the crystal.
She looked at it, and then at Forte. She didn’t say anything, but Buffy got the
feeling that they were communicating out of range from the others.
“I hope you don’t mind,” Forte said, once Willow took a step back again, and
this time he addressed Angel, “that I take my trinkets with me,” he finished and
Angel smiled, shaking his head.
Forte gave a nod, turned around and reached out his arms, holding his hands out
and making the bottles fly up from the floor, across the room and into his
grasp. Then he turned back to the group and gave a small bow before he began to
walk up the steps, his followers filing in behind him.
“Why was he sad?” Willow asked, and Forte halted, turning his head to her and
holding her gaze for a few seconds before he replied:
“Satoch was his brother.”
***
“Will?”
He looked up as Buffy entered the bedroom, then back at Susannah where they had
placed her in her bed. She was pale, but looked peaceful, only somehow this fact
made it even more hurtful to watch her, remembering her last words.
He turned from the sight and walked up to Buffy, following her as she walked
back out through the door and then leaning a little against the wall to the side
of it as she closed it. Once it was done she faced him, but didn’t say anything
as she understood he treasured the silence at the moment, waiting patiently for
him to speak.
“I should have done something,” he finally murmured and she placed a hand gently
on his arm, shaking her head a little.
“What could you possibly have done?” she asked softly.
“I could have... stopped her,” he stated and Buffy smiled a melancholy smile
before she replied:
“How? And to what end? It wouldn’t have stopped Satoch....”
Spike turned his eyes in hers.
“I could’ve stopped him,” he grumbled stubbornly and she grew serious, moving
her hands to put them on either side of his face and making him focus on her.
“No,” she said. “You couldn’t.”
He closed his eyes and leaned forward, her arms enfolding him in a tender
embrace and she comfortingly stroked his hair as he buried his face in the crook
of her neck, his arms slipping around her as well and holding her tightly.
“Poor baby,” she said quietly, kissing the side of his throat and wishing there
was some more definite way, than showing her support, that she could ease his
pain.
***
“Is anyone hungry?” Wesley asked and everybody looked up at him where they sat
around the conference table an hour later.
Thirty minutes earlier the power seemed to have been switched back on because
all the light-bulbs had flickered and then regained strength, bathing the
interior of the Hyperion with the console of electricity.
“Not really,” Gunn now answered Wesley’s question and there were murmurs of
agreement from the rest.
“I feel like I have a bunch of things to say, but there are so many thoughts in
my head I can’t get it straight,” Fred said.
“I know what you mean,” Faith sighed, shifting in her seat.
They were all quiet again and then Buffy asked:
“How do you feel?”
Angel turned his gaze in hers at the question and then he smiled a half smile.
“Tired,” he replied. “But in a surprisingly good way,” he added and they all
shared a laugh at that, feeling as though the weight of the day was slowly being
lifted, and the joy they had felt as they realized that they stood triumphant
began to make itself remembered.
“We’ve suffered a great loss today,” Wesley stated and the severity came back,
though this time it was with an awe and love that made the feeling of lightness
stay in the atmosphere. “But through Susannah’s sacrifice we were also saved, so
let’s not dwell in sorrow and grief, but remember her as the heroine that she
is, and be glad to have known her.”
“Who’ll take care of the funeral arrangements?” Spike asked, his voice strained
and Buffy linked her fingers with his.
“I will,” Cordelia said.
“No,” Fred shook her head. “You shouldn’t have to...” she added, trailing off
and then having a slight smile on before she finished with: “I’ll take care of
it.”
Cordelia returned her smile.
“You sure?” she asked and the former nodded.
“So, what’s with the giving of gifts to only the super-supernaturally inclined?”
Buffy wondered and Willow turned her head to her before she smirked.
“Changing the subject?” she asked, and when Buffy glanced briefly at Spike
Willow didn’t wait for a reply before she continued: “The crystal contains a lot
of Aatoch’s power. He’s a peace-seeking demon, if you recall, and he decided to
put his strength into the crystal to save him from further call- to-arms, so to
speak... I was a bit shocked that I was to have the crystal, and I’m still not
sure why. Guess time will tell.”
“While we’re on the subject of Forte, did you receive an explanation during your
little tête-à-tête as to what he meant by the ‘four times four’ remark?” Wesley
asked.
“Yes,” Willow answered. “He told me... Susannah’s bloodline has gone through
four different stages in each of which four important changes have occurred in
the history of her family. He didn’t give me any specifics, but I guess he
didn’t have to.”
“What else did he tell you?” Buffy wondered.
“He said the reason we weren’t instantly killed by Satoch was because of Aatoch.
His presence kept us safe until he could appear in his real form.”
“The bottle of Ritha, then?” Fred spoke up. “What did it actually do to Satoch?”
“Nothing except release him,” Willow stated.
“And Forte... who is he, really?” Gunn inquired.
“He’s one of the good guys,” Willow answered simply.
They drifted into conversation about the fight, about the Hyperion and the world
and it wasn’t until hours later that they began to rise, deciding it was high
time to head to bed.
***
Cordelia hesitated in the hallway outside Angel’s bedroom, where they both had
come to a tentative halt. He looked as she felt and she smiled a little to try
and get the nervousness away from her. It didn’t really work. The nearness of
him had been wonderful, almost exhilarating, during the past hours; but now the
intimacy of the mere thought of entering his room made her feel like blushing.
She wanted to; boy, did she want to. But...
“So...” she said and Angel nodded.
“So.”
“If you were tired seven hours ago I’m pretty sure all you wanna do now is get
some sleep,” she stated and he cocked an eyebrow, a gesture which made her heart
beat elevate almost painfully in her chest.
“Yeah,” he then said, though she could hear in his tone that that wasn’t what he
wanted to offer as a response.
“Yeah,” she mumbled. “So...” she repeated and he smiled at her insecurity.
He wasn’t exactly the pillar of calm himself at the moment, but he knew he
really didn’t want to sleep alone, and he didn’t care if that meant only holding
her, having her close at all seemed to him the very essence of Heaven and he had
no desire of giving that up for a mere few hours of sleep.
“Good night,” she said, moving to walk passed him and he was about to stop her,
but instead found himself watching her walk down the hallway.
“Cordelia,” he then said and at the sound of his voice she came to a slow stop
before turning back to him.
She smiled a small smile, which he mirrored before he stepped through the door
of his room. It didn’t take longer than half a minute until her form appeared in
the doorway. She walked inside as well, closing the door quietly behind her and
then having her eyes in his. The moment stretched, prolonged itself as though it
was the most important in the history of time, and then her smile split it three
quarters of a second before she said:
“So...”
He smirked at that, approaching her with a sudden caution as he wanted nothing
to ruin the carefulness of her stature. He wanted her just like that, open and
unabashed at showing him her pounding heart and her weak knees. Knowing that he
felt the exact same way. As he stopped before her she tilted her head back and
looked up at him, her gaze warm and expectant and he smiled.
“I love you,” he said, voice low and she felt a swarm of flutters near her
heart.
“And I love you,” she whispered, closing her eyes as he leaned forward.
His lips took in her upper one softly, her arms moving up and around his neck as
she stepped into him. Then the kiss deepened gently and he held her to him. He
took in the feel of her tongue, the sensation of her hands first in his hair and
then her arms around him again, taking him in the way he was drinking her up and
he smiled in the midst of the kiss before he ended it the way it started.
Then he took one of her hands in one of his and led the way to the bed.
“Stay with me tonight,” he implored, voice still lowered and her smile widened
before she nodded.
Her fingers unbuttoned his shirt, taking their time with the task as her eyes
still rested in his. Her hands slipped up once the job was done, under the
cotton and over his shoulders, pulling the shirt down and having it fall to the
floor. He pulled her sweater over her head before moving closer and they
embraced as their lips once more joined.
They somehow removed each others pants, though the kissing this time refused to
give way for trying gropes and silenced giggles. His hands took in her curves
and she breathed into his mouth, her heart hammering against his chest, but his
was beating just as hard. The rapture of a different familiarity which occurred
in every new touch and taste had him utterly transfixed. As had she, when he
pulled away to look at her.
She smiled at the expression on his face, then with clear self- consciousness
removed her bra. He kept his gaze in hers, but returned her smile before placing
his fingertips by her collarbones, and then letting them move down to her
breasts, teasing her already hard nipples and having her close her eyes. He
wrapped his arms around her again, kissing her neckline as he placed her on the
bed.
Kissing his way down to her stomach he pulled her underwear off and then moved
up again, putting his face by hers and looking down at her. He could see how
ready she was for him, how much she wanted him, and loved him.
But now it was his turn to grow self-conscious. He grew tentative for yet
another set of moments, and then he got rid of his own underwear as well. When
he lay back next to her again she rolled over on her side so that they were
pressed together and he closed his eyes as she kissed him deeply, her hands
roaming his body freely now.
He rolled her over on her back again, moving so that he was between her legs and
she parted them invitingly.
Pulling back he waited until she opened her eyes and having her gaze once more
locked in his own he delicately began to make love to her.
***
“Are you okay?” Buffy asked, turning out the bedside lamp before getting into
bed and cuddling into Spike’s waiting embrace.
His arms closed tight around her as she put her cheek to his chest, listening
intently to his heart.
“I’m okay,” he murmured. “I’m just gonna miss her,” he added and Buffy moved her
head to look up at him.
“I know, honey,” she said empathically. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, love,” he replied and she felt as though she should
consider the topic dropped.
Perhaps it was for the best.
“It seems a bit unreal, don’t you think?” she wondered and when he merely raised
his eyebrows she elaborated: “That it went by so quickly.”
“Yes,” he agreed.
“But we’re alive.”
“That we are.”
She was silent for another minute, then said:
“I feel like you’re annoyed with me.”
He closed his eyes, then pulled her up so that they were face to face, catching
her gaze and holding it as he answered:
“I’m not annoyed with you. I’m sad, Buffy. I’m sad she had to die, that I
couldn’t help her. I feel like I didn’t spend enough time, like I wasn’t paying
enough attention. Like if I’d only done that, she’d bloody be alive!”
He made himself shut up when he realized his voice was growing louder, but then
Buffy’s small hand slid into his and squeezed it knowingly. He understood that
she understood exactly what it was he was saying and when he looked back at her
he could see it written in those greens of hers.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she said. “None of it was your fault, William. Do you
hear me? Hon? Can you get that through that thick, pigheaded skull of yours?”
When he finally smiled she mirrored it, a small ray of relief spreading its
light within her.
“Susannah wasn’t meant to be saved,” she continued softly. “It’s terrible and
awful, but she wasn’t meant to be. Just like you weren’t meant to be... Maybe,
if you look at the history we have with a lot of dead folk, we’ll see her
again.”
“I’m sure we will,” he stated. “No matter when or where,” he added and Buffy
gave another small smile at that before moving near to him again, kissing his
jaw line before nuzzling even closer.
He held her to him and closed his eyes.
“I’m sorry you had to have such a terrible birthday,” she whispered and he shook
his head slowly.
“You’re still with me, sweetheart. That makes it not seem so terrible,” he
murmured and she smiled faintly.
“We’ll make it up next year...” she said and he squeezed her a little.
“Don’t fret over it, love,” he replied. “I didn’t even think about it being
today ‘til you mentioned it. I haven’t celebrated it in such a long time.”
She was silent at that, regretting that she didn’t wake him that morning in a
nicer manner, or that she didn’t say anything sooner. But the feeling vanished
as she understood it didn’t matter. Today he hadn’t thought of himself for one
moment, and so trying to stress the fact seemed to violate his actions.
“I’m so tired,” he grumbled.
“Then rest, my love,” she whispered and a faint smile reappeared on his mouth.
“Say that again,” he asked and she frowned, then smiled as well.
“Rest... my love.”
***
“This morning’s top news - it seems a wave of unnatural climate variations have
occurred all across the globe these past forty-eight hours. The inexplicable
phenomenon seems to have started droves of discussions, not only in the homes of
families around the world, but in the halls of congress and the rooms of the
White House as well. A UN spokesman said today that a group of scientists have
been ordered on the case and are currently conducting studies as to whether
these astonishing events may have something to do with global warming.”
Cordelia huffed.
“Here we go,” she muttered, shaking her head.
“As the weather is rapidly growing back to its normal temperature, the worry of
the end of the world as we know it has been put at ease. In related news - the
worldwide sightings of unidentified creatures have been dismissed by the
Secretary of Defense today. He states that it is most likely to have been a
group of environmental extremists who wished to cause a stir as debate began
regarding the reason for this weeks alarming change in nature.”
“So there they go, slipping back into their quiet, comfortable little corner of
blissful ignorance,” Buffy sighed and Cordelia turned her head to her as she hit
the off-button of the TV-remote.
“Did we expect anything else?” the brunette asked. “Can you even imagine a world
where everyone knows what actually goes on behind the scenes? People would
hijack space shuttles just to get away from this place.”
“That’d be a sight,” Angel smiled and Cordelia looked at him before smiling back
and giving him a kiss.
She was seated on his lap, her arms firmly around him, and the two humans looked
as though from now on they would be literally inseparable.
“Are you going to do that every time I open my mouth?” Angel now inquired and
Cordelia gave it a second’s thought before she leaned forward and gave him
another kiss. He smiled again. “I think I can get used to this,” he said and she
smiled as well, their lips once more joining.
“Ah, to be young and in love,” Wesley said as he walked past the scene, coffee
cup in hand.
“It’s not too late for you, old chap,” Spike offered with a smirk and the
watcher stopped to give the former vampire a slight glare.
Buffy laughed, giving Spike a kiss on the cheek as she got to her feet and then
she proceeded into the kitchen.
“Buffy!” Fred called from the foyer and the Slayer continued on her way in order
to go and see what the former wanted. “It’s a call for you.”
Buffy raised her eyebrows and then walked into Angel’s office, taking the
receiver and putting it to her ear.
“Yeah?” she said.
“I can’t believe you didn’t call me the first thing you did after you realized
the planet wasn’t exploding!” Dawn exclaimed and Buffy’s eyes widened.
“But, Dawn...” she tried, only her little sister wouldn’t hear it.
“Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been? I could barely sleep all night
‘cause I was scared you had DIED again. I mean, I didn’t feel like you had died
and I think - being your sister - I would’ve at least FELT something, but I was
SO scared anyway and the least one would expect is for you to CALL your only
sister on your death bed!”
“I’m not dying.”
“Yeah, well, that’s a good thing ‘cause if you had been, man, had I been mad at
you!”
“Dawn,” Buffy repeated. “I never actually told you about what was going on here.
I assumed you didn’t know. I was going to call Giles in an hour or so, because I
know he usually is out on town between one and six, and it’s only ten o’clock in
the morning over here. I’m sorry, Dawnie, really. I thought you’d be in school.”
Dawn seemed to calm down at that, then replied dryly:
“In case you hadn’t noticed there’s been a lot of stuff going on not just in
L.A.”
“No, I had noticed,” Buffy stated.
“Yeah, well, did you know that it was hailing here for about a day-and-a- half?
It’s not the easiest thing to go outside when you’re facing bits of ice as big
as fists raining from the sky. I tell you, this country is cursed when it comes
to the weather.”
Buffy laughed at that.
“Buff,” Dawn then said, and the slight longing in her voice made Buffy ache to
be there, with her; and not so far away from her. “When are you coming home?”
“Soon,” the Slayer assured. “Very soon. I have a few more things to deal with
here, though. But in a week, Dawn. I promise it won’t take longer than that.”
“I love you,” Dawn said and Buffy smiled.
“I love you,” she agreed.
“Oh, Giles is home,” Dawn said before she bellowed: “Giles! Buffy on the phone
for you!”
Buffy held the receiver away from her ear, but had the smile still plastered on
her face.
“Buffy! Are you all right?” Giles asked as he had taken the phone from the
younger sister.
“Most of us are,” she answered him. “It’s a bit crazy, this whole thing with the
world, isn’t it?” she added.
“All my life I’ve waited for something like this to happen. I’ve dreaded it as
well, thinking what it might do to the commoners if they were to understand the
danger they suffer every day...” he replied, trailing off before continuing
with: “And now - well, I take it you’ve seen the news? Yes. I could never in my
wildest dreams have thought it would be this easy to cover something of such
grave importance up, but they managed it. It’s all for the best, I suppose.”
“Yeah,” Buffy agreed slowly. “I mean, there’d probably be a panic, and then mobs
trying to hunt the demons down on their own accord, then war... Yeah, I’d say
it’s all for the best, definitely.”
“It’s good to hear your voice,” he admonished and she smiled again.
“It’s good to hear yours too,” she said.
“When are you coming home, Buffy?”
“Soon,” she repeated her answer. “Very soon.”
***
The day of Susannah’s funeral was a fitting gray. The sky was stocked with white
clouds and sheets of lukewarm rain dragged through Los Angeles. The ceremony was
simple, but beautiful, and Spike stood by the grave for a long while once
Susannah was beneath the earthy surface. Buffy walked with the others, feeling
as though she should leave him to say his goodbye.
He didn’t know where to start.
The tumultuous past days - past week! - was hard to understand as it was. His
whole life had gone through major changes in most of its aspects, and now, here
he stood at the foot of a grave in which rested a truly beloved friend.
“I remember our first conversation,” he finally said. “You told me that you
didn’t have anything to talk about, since all your memories seemed dull and
dark. Painful. And I said that talking about something which seems hopeless and
hurtful, sometimes brings it into a different light. Blimey, could you talk.” He
smiled to himself, looking at the name on the headstone and feeling his throat
bundling up with emotion. “You told me about your whole life, and I wasn’t about
to be less candid. You grew into one of the closest friends I’ve ever had,
Sannah, and I’ll miss you everyday. And I’m... I’m sorry I couldn’t love you the
way you wanted me to. But you have to know that I did love you, so much.” He
paused, swiping at his tears, then he finished silently: “Be happy.”
He then followed in the footsteps of the others back to the cars. Buffy snaking
an arm around his waist as he came up to join at her side. He gave her a weak
smile in assurance that he was doing alright, and then they all climbed into the
vehicles, setting their sights on the Hyperion.
The day transpired in quiet reflect, a hush which were brought forth out of
respect of the deceased. But there was no hesitation in the smiles they shared
once those occurred, since they knew that if Susannah from somewhere was able to
look down upon them she would surely frown if they couldn’t share the happiness
which also - irreversibly - sailed the halls of the hotel as love’s brilliantly
white dove seemed set on staying within its walls.
***
Three days later Buffy, Spike and Willow boarded the plane which would take them
across the country and to England.
The farewell had been bittersweet and heartfelt with truthful promises of a
get-together very soon.
“So, the Slayer shroud comes off?” Angel had asked Buffy as they shared a hug
and she had laughed, nodding.
“Yeah, I think it’s officially found a hook,” she had admitted. “But I’ll put it
on from time to time.”
“I’m sure you will,” he had nodded.
Buffy had taken his hand and then Cordelia’s, looking at the couple with real
warmth in her eyes before she had smiled brightly.
“I’ll see you soon,” she had said and they had both returned her smile before
embracing her.
“You bet your ass you will,” Cordelia had stated, her eyes glazed with tears as
they pulled back again. “Only this time it’ll be YOUR place we’ll be crashing.”
Buffy laughed again, nodding her sound agreement to that before turning to Spike
and Willow, who were waiting for her.
Now it seemed on the border of surreal that she had left England only a
week-and-a-half earlier, and that she had gone feeling lost and alone, but
returned with the one thing which she had been in want of.
She felt like the luckiest being when she looked into the blue of his gaze, and
she knew that whatever was to be from this moment on, it would only get better.
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What Is To Be
-Epilogue-
By Annie
2004-02-19
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Dawn came running from the drawing room when she heard the front door open. She
was latched to Buffy the next moment and the Slayer laughed as she hugged her
sister back, the formers luggage rumbling to the floor as she lost her grip on
them.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Dawn stated and Buffy smiled.
“Me too,” she agreed as they let each other go and Dawn turned to Willow.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” she repeated with a giggle, embracing the Wicca who
laughed as well.
“Buffy,” Giles said, coming down the stairs to join in the reunion.
She smiled up at him and then hugged him hard.
“It’s good to be home,” she said as they stepped away from each other and he
returned her smile.
Dawn turned to Buffy with a questioning look as the third party had yet to
arrive. Buffy looked seriously at her sister for a moment, and Dawn’s eyes began
to grow worried, but then the door swung open and Spike stumbled through it
-weighed down with luggage, which was his own fault since mostly all of it
belonged to him.
“Spike!” Dawn squealed with delight, jumping on him and hugging him so hard that
he lost his balance and they tumbled to the floor. “I can’t believe it’s really
you! Say something, quick! No, never mind. I have to feel your pulse! Wow,
you’re so warm. No ‘ripping my head off and drinking from my brains stem’ now,
huh?” she laughed and he joined her, shaking his head at her as he struggled to
get the bags away from him in order to look at her.
Finally he was able to rest back on his elbows and she gave him a radiant smile
where she sat straddling his thighs.
“Niblet,” he said, staring at how grown she looked in only a year.
At the mention of the well-known nickname Dawn hugged him again, on the verge of
tears.
“You’re back, you’re really back!” she repeated over and over until Buffy had to
stop the spectacle and help them both to their feet.
“Let the poor guy breathe,” she reprimanded, but she was still wearing her smile
as well. “Come on,” she added, addressing Spike. “I wanna show you around.”
“I wanna come too!” Dawn chimed in and Buffy nodded, reaching out a hand to
Spike who took it in one of his and had Dawn gape at them both.
She followed in teeth-gritting-with-curiosity silence as they began up the
stairs, and after Buffy had shown Spike around the third floor the younger
Summers couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“You never said anything about you two being together!”
Buffy stopped, turning to her sister with her eyebrows raised.
“I wasn’t sure it was any of your business,” she replied and Dawn flushed with
indignation.
“Not any of my business - are you completely crazy?! I watched you guys...
evolve from... banana flies to... butter... flies!” she tried at a retort, but
it merely had the two blondes exchange a glance and then a fit of laughter.
“Or... something,” Dawn grumbled, annoyed with their humor at her expense.
“Come on, Lil’Bit,” Spike said, seeing her sour expression. “It’s not something
your sister wanted to discuss with you over the phone, you have to understand
that.”
Dawn’s features grew a shade lighter as she looked at him, and then she smiled.
“I still think it was a rotten thing to do!” she withheld, but Buffy smiled as
well and it seemed the matter was settled. “But I’m glad,” she added and Buffy’s
smile widened before she kissed her sister’s cheek.
“So are we,” she assured and Dawn smirked, watching them mischievously and when
they finally leaned forward and shared a soft kiss her smirk turned into a grin.
“Wow. It’s so weird to think that two years ago I’d have bet twenty bucks
without even blinking on you two never getting along, especially like this,” she
commented and at that both Slayer and ex-Vamp smiled widely.
“That’s exactly what Faith said,” Buffy stated. “I can’t see how we were able to
establish such lack of belief in us, in everybody.”
Dawn merely rolled her eyes at that before walking passed the two, who shared
another smile and then followed her.
***
Buffy looked at herself in the mirror. Her nerves were dancing the jitter- bug,
but she didn’t mind it at all since it was in such a nice way this evening.
It was Saturday, and she knew that Spike had been waiting for her downstairs for
nearly fifteen minutes.
What? She had to let him sweat a little bit, what kind of first date would it be
if she didn’t? Of course, he knew that she was coming down. And of course he
didn’t for a moment think that she might have changed her mind. But she still
liked the suspense. He didn’t know that she was wearing a new dress, and she had
no idea what he would be in. Probably a nice suit...
Her own garment went in a soft, blue tone. It stopped an inch below her knees
and had a flow-y feel to it as the fabric was light silk for the first layer,
and on top that were two layers of see-through material colored a lighter blue.
The cut was simple, but enhanced her figure and plunged steeply to show off her
back.
She wore her hair let out, her blonde locks cascading over her shoulders in a
way that she knew he loved.
She smiled at a memory before grabbing her pocketbook, deciding that it was time
to join him.
Walking down the stairs she drew a small breath to steady herself. When he came
into view, looking up at her, she smiled at his taken expression. He was wearing
a suit, indeed. A charcoal one and a blue tie which went wonderfully with the
color of his eyes. He was the handsomest creature she had ever seen and she
smiled again, this time at him. He returned it and reached out a hand to escort
her down the last few steps.
“You look absolutely stunning,” he murmured. “Though that’s nothing new... Wow.”
Her smile broadened with satisfaction.
“You don’t look all that bad yourself,” she remarked warmly, standing on her
toes to give him a peck on the cheek.
He smiled at the movement. She seemed set on keeping their relationship low- key
this evening, making the feel of the first date all that more palpable. He
didn’t mind. He loved the way she looked, he adored her aloofness since it made
him want her even more, and he looked forward to making this night something
special. After all they had been through to get here, they deserved it. She
deserved it.
“So,” she said as he hooked his arm for her and she slipped her hand through the
loop. “Where are we going?”
“That’s a surprise,” he replied and she smirked.
“I knew you were gonna say that,” she stated and he returned her smirk before
walking with her up to the front door.
“Can’t I take ONE picture?” Dawn’s voice was heard from the drawing room.
“No,” Buffy replied. “We’re not off to prom, for crying out loud. Now, good
night.”
“I won’t wait up!” Dawn called as the two stepped out through the door and
closed it behind them.
Buffy drew a breath of the fresh May air and looked up at the stars spangling
the sky with their far away might.
“Look at that,” she said, her voice filled with a dreaminess he found
fascinating.
He looked at her instead and she must have seen it out of the corner of her eye
because she smiled and remarked:
“You’re not looking.”
“I’m looking really hard, Slayer,” he mumbled and she turned her gaze in his at
that. “Couldn’t you tell?” he added and she felt her cheeks blush slightly under
his prodding eyes, wondering when he would ever stop being able to do that to
her.
“Are you driving?” she changed the subject and he smiled slightly before he
shook his head, and as though it was timed to perfection a horse-drawn buggy
stopped by the sidewalk in front of the steps leading down to it.
“Oh, no,” Buffy mumbled. “Don’t tell me you’re gonna be doing this all night?”
she added, but her eyes shone of merriment and delight and he merely smiled at
her question before ushering her down the steps and helping her up in the seat.
He took his place by her side and then told the driver they could move along.
The driver nodded and got the horse into a light pace, the sound of its hooves
connecting with the pavement echoing between the houses.
“This is so nice,” Buffy mused, resting her head on Spike’s shoulder and he put
an arm around her, pulling her close.
“And still it’s only the first treat,” he said and she smiled widely with
anticipation.
They arrived, twenty minutes later, outside a nice and romantic little
restaurant by the Themes. The light in the windows tattled of the interior being
friendly and welcoming, and that it was. The building was a replica of an old
Victorian Inn, and the ceiling was low, the tables made of polished wood and the
only light available was that of burning candles positioned everywhere in the
room.
They were shown to a table and Spike pulled out Buffy’s chair for her, making
her smile at him before she took a seat. He moved around and sat down opposite
her.
He couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was so beautiful it made him ache with
the thought of her sitting there, before him, loving him back. He had thought,
but not dared to hope that this day would ever actually present itself where he
could reach out and touch her hand without having her flinch back in disgust and
fear. And now there she was, looking at him in the same way that he felt for
her. He could never make her understand how much she meant to him. But he would
try.
“I remember the first time I saw you,” he said and she tilted her head a little
to one side, questioningly. “The very first time... at the Bronze. You were
dancing and for one second something inside me was convinced that I had never
lived for a moment, until THAT moment... You scared me, Buffy; but not as much
as I scared myself. This history we have... without it, we wouldn’t be sitting
here.” She shook her head, her eyes once more filled with tears and he smiled a
small smile, reaching out one hand and taking one of hers. “You’re the most
amazing, incredible, talented, funny, intelligent, beautiful woman I’ve ever
known, and there will never be anyone else for me.”
She swallowed, trying to have the liquid his words produced not ruin her
carefully applied makeup. She was failing.
“For me either,” she then got out, thinking it sounded immensely meek. “I mean
it,” she added, taking his hand in a firmer grip.
He smiled.
“I know,” he said just as the waitress came up with their menus.
They ordered, enjoyed the fabulous meal they were served, and talked. They
talked about their past and their present, for hours. For some reason they
avoided diving into the future.
Buffy guessed she was a little bit freaked out by the idea of getting their own
place. Of actually living together. What if something happened and they didn’t
make it? What if he tired of her? She knew she was being ridiculous, but she
couldn’t help it. The step was too big NOT to worry over. They had been on ONE
date after this evening. True, they had lived together in very intimate and
close proximity now for over a week’s time, but...
“Are you done?” he asked and she glanced down at her half-eaten chocolate
mousse.
“Yes,” she then replied and he nodded.
He paid the bill, and they left the restaurant with many compliments to the chef
about a fantastic dinner. Getting back into the buggy they were off again, Buffy
still clueless as to their next destination. They drove down a quiet street, and
then stopped. Buffy looked around, quizzical.
“What’s this?” she asked and he smiled, getting out and helping her to do the
same before he made a gesture to the building before which they stood.
“This,” he answered, “is where I was born.”
She stared at him, then at the large brick house, and then she smiled.
This was truly something.
She had another look around the street.
“Does it look the same?” she asked and he nodded.
“Pretty much. There are some new houses... the trees weren’t here when I was
little... and the pavement wasn’t either,” he said and she had the cutest
picture of him as a little boy running around playing with his friends before
her eyes.
It had her smile widen once again and for some reason it felt as though the mere
act he had performed in taking her to such a personal place brought her even
closer to him. They walked down the street and he pointed out a few spots to her
which carried specific memories to him. She soaked it all up with an interest
that never wavered, holding his hand in a tight clasp and watching his face as
he spoke just as much as she was their surroundings.
“Thank you,” she said when they stopped as they were back at their original
position and he tilted his head to one side, the glint in his eyes making her
smile.
He smiled back and then he pulled her to him, hugging her close to him and she
held him back. They pulled apart, looking at each other before laughing a little
at how they kept getting so caught up in the other. Climbing back into the buggy
they then were once again moving.
“Know something?” Buffy whispered.
“What?” he whispered back.
“I really love you,” she said, brushing the tip of her nose against his and he
smiled.
“I really love you too,” he replied and she mirrored his smile before their lips
met carefully.
The kiss deepened and she slipped her arms around his neck.
This was living!
She sighed as they eventually pulled apart, contentedly.
“We going home now?” she asked, her eyes veiled with a sudden desire which had a
suction occur in his stomach, not at all unpleasant; but he shook his head.
“There’s one more stop,” he said and she didn’t push for more information,
merely rested back into his arms and enjoyed the ride he so neatly was taking
her on.
They entered Hyde Park, slowly maneuvering on the promenades and then coming to
a halt at a spot where the moon was painting silver in the grass, the soft dew
making the green glitter. Weeping willows were scattered toward the horizon of
their view and their branches hung heavily to the ground.
It was perfectly enchanting.
The two lovers once more got out of their equipage and Spike again took Buffy’s
hand, thanking the driver and asking him to return for them in an hour. The
driver nodded and drove off. Buffy looked around and then spotted something in
the middle of the grass.
“What’s that?” she asked and Spike smiled, pulling her with him as he began to
walk towards it.
As they got closer she realized it was candles, their dancing flames spreading a
tentative glow in the blue shadow of the park. They surrounded a blanket and
Buffy felt her eyes well up as she looked at the scene, being filled with a
gratitude toward the man at her side that she didn’t know if she had ever truly
experienced before. Gratitude for his love taking him to the place where he
wanted to do this for her. She knew she would treasure the memory for the rest
of her life.
“Spike,” she breathed, and he smiled at how she dropped back into the use of
that name.
He couldn’t be anything but warmed by how tenderly she said it now, as though it
was her own nickname for him, and like she didn’t connect it at all with his
past except for the good or important moments they had shared together.
He made her sit down and then splayed himself out beside her, putting his hands
behind his head and looking at her. She gazed back, smile still on, and then she
lay down as well in the same position; having him chuckle before they both took
to, for a second time that evening, gazing up at the stars above them.
“They’re pretty,” Buffy stated and Spike smiled widely before he nodded.
“That they are,” he agreed.
They easily slipped into conversation about the earth as it was, with demons and
people in two different worlds, and weighing the pros and cons. Half an hour
passed and then Spike gently kissed her. She kissed him back and deepened it
languorously. Putting her forehead to his she then took a breath and he gave her
another quick kiss before saying:
“Buffy...”
“Yes?” she asked, her focus still on the taste of his lips.
“There’s something... here!” he suddenly exclaimed as there was a growl and a
body threw itself over them. “Bloody hell!” he added as he managed to put a foot
in the being’s stomach and throw it over his head.
Buffy was on her feet in the next instant, watching as the vampire rose to its
feet, showing its teeth and growling.
“Sorry to disappoint,” she said. “I never cared much for being considered as
fast food,” she added, bringing out the stake she had put in her pocketbook.
“Slayer!” it hissed. “What the bugger ‘re you doin’ in England?”
“I’m afraid I’m moving in,” she replied and the vamp’s eyes grew slightly right
before it attacked.
She took its blows easily, spun around and sunk the tip of her sharp weapon into
the lethal spot of its ribcage. It turned to dust and she moved out of the way
for its ashes before turning back to where Spike had risen.
“Are they morons?” she asked. “Haven’t they noticed during this passed year that
there’s probably... ten other slayers in this country?”
Spike smirked at that, watching as she threw the stake aside and then came up to
him.
“Now,” she said, “where were we?”
He grabbed her hands when she was about to slip them up his chest and she cocked
an eyebrow, wondering.
“I brought you here ‘cause this was a place we’ve never been to together... I
guess you always bring a piece of the past with you, though,” he said and she
still looked inquiring as to his point, so he continued: “I wanted this place to
be the fresh setting for... a new start. But our friend,” he emphasized the last
word and had Buffy smile before he went on: “made me conclude that there’s no
need for it. We are who we are, and we’ll always be this way. There will always
be this knowledge of another dimension, of other creatures... Our new start
happened the moment you said that you loved me. The rest is irrelevant. Buffy, I
need you more than anything else. I need to see your face everyday or I feel
like there’s no real meaning to waking. I need to feel you close to me ‘cause
otherwise it’s like I lose touch with myself. You’re this part of me now that I
can’t live without and now you’re crying,” she smiled at the remark, brushing at
her tears, “but I think that you know I’d never hurt you. And I want to spend
the rest of my life with you.”
A small sob escaped her, though it was just as happy as her tears and she
sniffled a little before she replied:
“And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
He looked at her for a long moment, then as he put one hand in the inside pocket
of his jacket he asked:
“Are you sure?”
She nodded, not picking up on the movement until it was the hand being brought
out again, holding something. She blinked at the liquid obscuring her sight and
then her gaze fell on what was held between his thumb and index finger. She
swallowed; her heart slowing down until she could barely feel it.
White cold fitted a beautifully cut white diamond.
She knew no words. Language had eluded her in quiet mockery of how sure she was
of what she wanted.
She had her eyes in his again.
He didn’t think; his whole existence was made out of waiting for her reaction.
He wasn’t sure how to interpret her silence. Was it good, or was it bad? Was she
not ready? Was he moving to fast with this?
“You... don’t like it?” he finally asked and it was as though the mental clasp
was broken and she finally got word over tongue.
“Yes,” she said and he smiled tentatively, though with obvious relief.
“Good. I wasn’t sure of what cut you wanted and the clerk went into a lot of
different styles which pretty much spun my head but...”
“No,” she cut him off and he blinked, staring at her. “No. What I mean is...
yes,” she then said and now he truly stared at her. “Yes!” she repeated and his
face finally split into a smile she had seen on him once before and that memory
had her almost laughing.
God, it was real this time! That amazing ring was for her, and HE had picked it.
HE had taken the time to plan this whole thing so that she would be able to look
back and say to their grandchildren “And when grandpa asked grandma to spend the
rest of her life with him it was in a beautiful place and it was the first time
they were there together. There was a vampire there for about three seconds, but
since grandma made it go to... a warmer place, it doesn’t exactly count. The
moment was perfect and all because your grandpa loves your grandma so very much,
and THAT’S what you all should be looking for.”
Somewhere between “God” and her speech for her so far non-existent offspring’s
offspring she had moved into his arms and she drew a deep breath of his scent
before pulling back and finding his mouth with her own. The kiss deepened
immediately and then she ended it softly, taking a small step back as he took
her left hand in his. She watched as he held the ring ceremoniously before the
finger on which it belonged
forever and ever
and then he cautiously slipped it on.
It fit like flowers in a vase and she smiled another bright smile before he
pulled her to him once more, joining their lips in a lingering kiss.
***
They snuck into the house at half past one, keeping quiet as they made their way
upstairs (Dawn had apparently made good on her promise not to wait up) and
closing the door of the bedroom they had been assigned. Giles had merely said he
didn’t want to hear any funny business in the making, and Spike had said under
his breath that they had better keep it down then, which had forced Buffy to
stifle her laughter.
They got undressed slowly, enjoying every movement and every silent noise that
their clothes made falling to the floor. Their hands ran the others body with
care and knowledge of what spots to choose in order to get the preferred effect.
Spike moved to lean her against the wall and kissed her neck before catching her
mouth and kissing her fervently. She put a leg up and around his waist and he
entered her, filling her to the edge of driving her clear over the edge, having
her breathing grow deeper as she clung to him.
They didn’t sleep that night.
***
“You know that I’m not expecting us to get married in three months,” he said the
next morning.
They were lying face to face and hadn’t looked away from each other for over two
hours. She smiled now, nodding a little.
“Yeah, I know,” she said. “And you know that I feel the same way, right?” she
added and he returned her smile, nodding as well.
“Yeah. We’d better find a place to live first and... live there for a while.
Right? Just be... together,” he finished and her smile grew.
“Right,” she concurred. “Just be together. Pick out furniture. Grow some roots.
Have a baby.”
His eyes lit up at that input.
“You’d want that?” he asked and she laughed.
“Well, duh!” she replied. “Of course I want a family, we already had this
discussion!”
“Yeah, I remember. But a real, actual baby?”
She laughed again, moving forward and kissing him on the mouth.
“Yes, a living breathing replica of YOU,” she stated and he cocked an eyebrow.
“No, no, of YOU,” he disagreed and she smiled.
“Let’s say he or she can have your smarts and my vigor,” she suggested and it
was his turn to laugh.
“I think that if our son or daughter has all your traits he or she will be a
perfect little person,” he returned and she smirked.
“We’ll never agree on this,” she pointed out.
“Better let nature have its course,” he said and she smiled again.
“I want to go back to school,” she then stated and he raised his eyebrows, this
time a little surprised. “You don’t mind that, do you?” she asked and the mere
look on his face gave her all the answer she needed.
“What do you want to be?” he asked and she gave a little shrug.
“I don’t know. Something fun like... a food critic,” she answered and he smiled
widely at that, which she returned. “I’ve been thinking a lot about it for the
past few days since there was so much talk about the Slayer’s last fight and how
I’d somehow put that part of my life aside, and I recall something Kendra once
told me, that the Slayer isn’t what I do, it’s not my job - it’s who I am.”
“She was a smart lady,” Spike mumbled, feeling rather shameful as he knew what
end the smart lady faced in his demonically screwy ex-girlfriend.
Buffy gave him a smile to tell him that she hadn’t brought Kendra up for the
sake of her demise and then continued:
“She WAS a very smart lady, but the thing is that even though she said the
words, I was the one who taught them to her. I made her realize that this is the
truth of the slayers nature. I’ve just forgotten about it for a while,
especially since the nature isn’t solely my own anymore. What I’m trying to say
is that I will always be her, I’ll always be the Slayer. I’ll always put on the
‘good fight’ and be the protector for those who might need it... but it’s not my
job. And I NEED a job. I liked college. I hated giving it up. I want to make
something more of my life. I’ve always wanted that. I think you know that.”
He smirked his affirmation and she smiled back, entwining their fingers.
“We’re facing the really scary deal of the whole package,” she said. “You, me
and the really real world. Think we’ll make it?”
“I know we will,” he replied with conviction and she leaned forward to grant him
yet another kiss.
***
“Could you hand me the jam, please?” Buffy asked an hour and a half later,
seated at the breakfast table to the left of a paper-reading Giles, to the right
of a croissant chewing Dawn and a bread-buttering Willow, and with her still not
official fiancé before her.
He gave her a smile and then reached across the table to give her what she
wanted.
“Thanks, hon,” she said sweetly.
“Your welcome, darling,” he replied and there was a low click of a tongue behind
the paper.
Buffy rolled her eyes and then put the jam down on the table as she asked:
“Do you have any objection against William?”
“What was that?” the Watcher inquired, bringing the paper down and looking at
her quizzically.
“Against William,” she repeated. “Any objections against him being here? Or my
being with him in every sense of those two words?”
“This is a place for eating and reading and I shall not tolerate crudeness,” he
stated reproachfully. “We can discuss this a little later.”
“No, we can discuss this now,” Buffy shook her head. “Do you disapprove of Will?
And if you do I’d like a liable explanation why you won’t let the old hatchet be
buried once and for all.”
Giles sighed, putting down his paper completely and then looking from one to the
next.
“I don’t disapprove,” he finally admitted.
Buffy looked rather disbelieving but he smiled a genuine smile and then looked
at Spike, who seemed rather taken aback by the conversation all together.
“You don’t?” Buffy now demanded.
“No,” Giles answered, growing a bit serious and then having a streak of sadness
in his features before he cleared his throat and said: “I’m happy for you. For
the both of you. It’s seems it’s been a long time coming, the two of you calling
each other such affectionate names... I surely do remember the first time I bore
witness to such events.” Spike and Buffy shared a humorous glance at that, but
it was interrupted as Giles finished: “I shall miss you, is what I want to have
said.”
Buffy frowned, not following.
“I suppose I will be able to come and visit you,” he added. “And you me. Once
you’re settled. Will you be living in California once more, or will you be
looking for another state altogether? I believe a house in any part of New
England can never be considered a bad idea.”
“Oh, no,” Dawn spoke up, looking a little worriedly at her sister. “Are we
moving back to America? Really? I mean, I know I’m from there and I love it and
everything, but all my friends! And school! And...”
“We’re not leaving England,” Buffy cut her short and Dawn closed her mouth.
“You’re not?” Giles asked, not able to filter out the hope in his tone.
“No,” Buffy stated. “In fact, we’re not leaving London. Well, at least I don’t
think we are, and if we are then we’re not going very far.”
Spike nodded his agreement and she smiled at him.
“What’s that?” Willow suddenly asked, staring at Buffy’s left hand with widening
eyes.
“What’s what?” Buffy wondered, oblivious to her friend’s growing fixation with
what so prettily acted as decoration.
“That huge sparkly thing that’s sitting on your finger!” Willow exclaimed,
rising from her chair and coming around the table to have a closer look.
Dawn rose as well, her very being seemed shaken to the core that she herself
hadn’t been the first to notice and she grabbed Buffy’s hand in a hard grip as
she stared at the testimony to what had been going on the night prior.
“Oh my God!” she yelled. “You’re getting married!”
“You’re getting married?!” Giles asked and Buffy clenched her jaws together as
her arm was jerked back even farther and then she pulled it out of the grasp and
massaged her wrist a little as she replied:
“Yes, eventually we hope to have a beautiful wedding. But for now you should be
screaming ‘You’re engaged?!’”
Spike smirked at that and she smiled back before being brutally embraced by two
of the closest people she had in the world.
“This is amazing!” Dawn squeaked, jumping up and down.
“It is,” Willow nodded. “But I swear I’ll kill you if you make me wear the same
kind of bridesmaid’s dress as Anya did.”
Buffy laughed at that.
“You’ll be astonishing, I promise,” she then replied. “I promise I won’t go for
teal or anything loud in color and you’ll get to choose the cut yourself, sound
good?”
“Lovely,” Willow nodded.
“We’ll have to plan the whole thing! Have you set a date?” Dawn asked and Buffy
smiled at her excitement before she answered:
“No, hence the reaction-should-be comment. We’re engaged, indefinitely. We’ll
set a date when we’re ready.”
“But you ARE ready! You are! Oh, a summer wedding would be terrific! Out under
the trees. Good thing you don’t have to worry about the deadly rays of the sun
anymore, huh, fangy?” Dawn teased and Spike gave her a friendly glare before she
continued to rant. “Or maybe a winter wedding would be better. Inside with a big
party and snow outside. It should even be snowing, that would be the perfect
setting!”
“Mh-hmh, and you plan on ordering a few hours of snowing from...?” Buffy asked,
but Dawn was too caught up in her own musings that she didn’t pay any heed to
her sister.
Buffy shook her head at her and then turned it to Giles, who looked one the one
hand shocked and on the other truly happy for her.
“Let me see that,” he said and she held out her hand to him. “Nice choice, if I
do say,” he stated with a glance at Spike, who smiled tryingly.
“Congratulations,” the Watcher then added with his eyes in his Slayer’s and she
had tears glisten in them before she rose and went to embrace him.
“Remember what I asked you the first time?” she asked as they pulled apart and
his eyebrows rose. “I want you to give me away, Giles. I’d be honored if you
would.”
“No,” he shook his head. “I will be honored TO.”
She smiled widely at that and then embraced him again.
Spike was just being attacked by his sometime to be sister-in-law and the Wicca,
who were both apologetic for not hugging him sooner and therefore hugged him all
the more harder. He didn’t mind it in the least. It was one of the happiest days
of his existence and he would savor every last facet of it, even if one of them
were him being slowly suffocated by two pairs of slim arms.
Half an hour later they had toasted in champagne and were just finishing
drinking out their glasses when there was a ring on the doorbell. Willow went to
open and there was a cry of surprise in the form of the visitors name, which had
the rest also rush out into the hall.
“Xander!” Buffy exclaimed as the man himself stepped through the door, putting
down his bags for embracing the Wicca. “What are you doing here?!”
“I was in the neighborhood,” he replied with a smile, letting Willow go and
opening his arms for the Slayer and her sister who hugged him tight and then
stepped back. “And that wasn’t just a sarcastic remark either,” he added. “I’m
actually here on work for a few months.”
“That’s so great!” Buffy said and he nodded before reaching out his hand to
shake Giles’.
“Good to see you,” Giles said and Xander smiled, taking a step forward and
giving the Watcher a hug as well.
“The same,” he then replied, stepping back and turning his gaze in the former
vampire’s.
There was a long moment of tension, and then Xander reached out his hand to the
bleached blonde as he had Giles. Spike looked at it for a short second and then
he moved forward and took it in a firm grip.
“Good that you’re back,” Xander said, his voice carrying only a small hint of a
strain, but the words sounded as though he meant them, especially when he added:
“Buffy was a mess when you were gone. Sorry, Buff, but you were. So it’s good...
that you’re here,” he finished, and Spike gave a nod before they let each
other’s hands go.
Buffy looked from one to the other and then she took a step forward.
“We have some news,” she said.
Xander smiled, moving a hand to take her left and having his fingers grace the
ring before he stated:
“I noticed.” She smiled back and then he put his arms around her in a warm hug.
“I know it sounds like the most unoriginal thing to say, but I’m happy for you.”
Buffy’s smile merely widened and her eyes landed in Spike’s, his face reflecting
her expression.
They were gathered again. The small tightly knit group who had seen it all
begin. It was as it should be, and Spike was glad that Xander had been able to
join up with the posse. The Scoobs under one roof once more. A past, a present
and a future was what Spike knew they would share. The people he looked upon now
were his family, as they were Buffy’s family, and something light and fuzzy
tickled his heart at the thought of growing old with them. Of seeing Dawn
develop into the bright woman he could already see in her. In following Willow’s
progress within her coven. In seeing if the whelp... no, if Xander finally found
the happiness he so clearly had been lacking since he lost his truest love. And
in working out his relationship with the man who Buffy considered her father.
And then... creating with Buffy a family and a solid base for that future which
stretched out before them as a wide and vast sea. What a journey that still
awaited them. He was looking forward to it more than he had anything ever
before. It was exhilarating to think of the opportunities they would most surely
have and the choices they would have to make.
He felt as though a few memories were somehow already imbedded in his mind.
Buffy in an unbelievable creation of white.
The sound of a baby’s loud crying.
Lifting that baby as it had grown into a child high in the air. For some reason
he found himself seeing it being a daughter. She had Buffy’s bright smile and
his own blue eyes and she laughed loudly when he put her on his shoulders...
Yeah, he saw their future.
And it was nothing but what he had always known it would be.
Perfect.
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******************
I can barely believe that it’s over. I guess you noticed that the “one” chapter
more or less turned into a sixteen pages extravaganza and so I divided them up
since there were so much I wanted to get in to the ending. Which I very, very
much hope that you enjoyed.
I’m very apologetic for how long it’s taken me to update, but it’s been partly
because of lack of time, and partly because of a slight reluctance in taking on
this final task when it comes to this story. I’ve had a lot of fun writing it,
and I hope you’ve had equally as much fun reading it! I know, I know, all your
feedback testifies to it, so once and for all Thank You All, so much, for your
never ever failing support and warmth and energy in pushing me forward! It’s
been a privilege, truly.
I’m very regretful to also have to admonish the fact that I’m closing up shop
indefinitely. I really feel like I have to focus on my personal writing and
though I have loved the two years I’ve spent with you and with the cast of this
sort of fiction, it simply takes up too much time. I hate that I feel it
absolutely necessary to do this because I still have ideas to develop and an
unfinished story!, but the fact is that I hope to go to college this fall and
until then I feel I need to focus on myself and what I want to get out of my
writing.
To all of the readers of In the Dead of the Night - my deepest, most earnest
apologies. I realize that this is like reading half a book and then having the
second half not be there, and I feel AWFUL, but I can’t give you a promise that
I’ll be able to finish the story in any near future. For a long while I truly
did think that I would, but as of late, my life taking the course it seems set
on taking, I find myself forced to make a choice - and I simply have to make
this one.
I dislike giving all of you up, giving this wonderful community that we have up,
but I have to! *sob!!!* I’ll miss all of you dearly, I really will, but who
knows, we might still see each other again! :) What I want to have said is Thank
You times ten billion thousand trillion! Without you guys, and though it sounds
so corny it’s very true, I wouldn’t be at the juncture I’m at right now!
Warm and special thanks to
Wolf116 (hehe, I’m smiling widely over here! I’m really happy that you were
hoping and in that hope was so sure that the Angel deal would have that outcome!
Hey, did you think I’d fail you? :) Thank you for all your love and support
through all my stories, girl, it’s mean more than I can say! I so very much hope
you liked the two concluding chapters!!! All My Love!) :)
Maribel (I’m sorry that it ends, but I’m really glad you feel better! Hope you
liked the last chapters! And may I say my heartiest thank you for sticking with
it throughout! All My Love!) :)
Winters1 (ah what a pleasant sight it is in seeing names one recognize as old
friends! :) I’ve been reading The House of Mirth and feel some very old English
dripping into my vocabulary. Wonderful, ain’t it? I hope you enjoyed the follow
up! I hadn’t anticipated my brain having so much left on this story! A personal
thank you to you now for everything! It’s always been a treat to read your
thoughts! All My Love!) :)
Darklover (Well, I’m very happy to hear that you liked it and as I’ve said and
said again, one line of good or bad is always sufficient, though I admit the
long rants are always welcomed! ;) Thank you for all of your encouragement,
girl! It’s been duelly appreciated! All My Love!) :)
Ali-Lou (Well, I think I accommodated to your wish pretty well, eh? Lot’s of
Spuffy and celebrations? I couldn’t sign off without a wedding! :) I’m really
glad you liked the last chapter and hope you enjoyed the VERY last ones as well!
Thank for all the beatiful support and feedback I’ve recieved! I’m forever
grateful! All My Love!) :)
Lilmamaday (I love it that you adore it! I felt I couldn’t just ignore that, and
I have to admit that I really do want those two to end up together. Angel and
Cordy, I mean. Well, the Spuffy thing goes without saying! I very much hope you
liked the last two chapters! Thank you for never faltering in your honest
encouragement! It’s meant the world!!! All My Love!) :)
Blackeyedgurl (It’s more than okay that you didn’t review, but I’m glad you did
this time! It’s a sad goodbye, but I guess all good things must. ;) I’m so happy
that you’ve enjoyed the story and I certainly hope the ending wasn’t a detour
from that path! Thanks for all the insight into Egypt that you supplied and for
all your enthusiasm toward that aspect of the story, it was great fun to
receive! And I hope you enjoyed the Epilogue!!! Thanks for everything, girl. For
joining the ride and for not failing to tell me what you thought of it! All My
Love!) :)
Timeends (I’m very glad that you liked the chapter!!! And I really hope I was
able to quench some of that Spuffy thirst with the last chapter!!! Thanks a lot
for all your comments, it’s been so good to see your name up there, and thanks
for reading on! All My Love!) :)
Ekmw511 (And last but not least I get to say hello and goodbye to a new reader,
which is rather sad! It was awesome to read your review, though. Can’t believe
you spent all that amount of time on something I’ve written, makes me feel like
a million bucks! And there was a bit more to the story! :) Thanks a lot for
letting me know what you thought, and I’m thrilled you liked it!!! All My Love!)
:)
To those of you who haven’t reviewed but read, or who have sent me emails, I BOW
DOWN before you, truly! You’re the reason I posted this story, all of the
readers, and I know you know that! Been there through thick and thin you have,
miss you I will! *smirk* Nah, but really, this story I dedicate to ALL of you.
Thanks for making me feel... good enough! ;) You’ve invested time in me as I
have in you and the mere thought is so huge to me that you’ve done that. You are
wonderful!
This is me signing off. I’ll really miss you guys!
A.M.L, Annie.