What Is To Be

-Fifth-

By Annie

2003-09-12

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤

He noticed her stolen glances, he noticed how she seemed to want to talk with him, and he also saw the hesitation, which in the last moment had made her back off again more times than one. He wanted to talk with her, too. But a week until the end of the world seemed to be getting a bit in the way.

It was two and a half hours after Angel had delivered the ominous message and in that time they had all been sitting around the table in the small room used for research and regular brainstorming. The first hour spent talking and discussing and going over notes and theories, filling the Slayer in even further on the blanks which had been left at the other meeting.

Every time he looked up and caught her gaze in his there seemed to be a momentary pause in everything and he had to catch his breath.

His breath.

It was so strange to look at her and not have the sound of her heart beat in his ears, or the scent of her blood running through her veins in his nostrils. It was even weirder how the thirst for her was unchanged. He looked at her and saw everything he had ever wanted, would ever want on this earth.

He had been brought into human form in a state of pure disorientation. He hadn't even been certain that he wanted it. He had been so reminded of Buffy's words as she had returned from the grave that he had cried long and hard sobs over how much he craved her there.

Everything was so harsh. So bright. So violent.

And in the end she had always stood right by him. She had been a support and a power source as the memory of her kept him standing when he felt as though he was about to crack in two. She was this without even having to be there and after reading some of her letters to Angel he realized he had no right to once more be a hurricane in the fragile life she had obviously built for herself. He couldn't come crashing in the way he always had before, disrupting her existence.

He had told Angel to not under any circumstances tell her that he was alive.

And Angel had honored that request to the extreme, not even telling her when she bloody showed up at his sodding doorstep!

Spike rose from the chair he had been seated in, feeling the need to move or the constant whirl of thoughts in his head just might take over completely, leaving his soul without a home and nothing left of him but an empty shell.

He turned and was about to leave the room when Susannah's voice stopped him as she asked:

"Where you going?"

"For a walk," he answered her and as she was about to rise he made small gesture with one hand for her not to. "Alone, love," he added and she looked clearly disappointed before she smiled a little that she understood.

Buffy watched him leave with widening eyes.

She wanted to call out to him, make him stop and stay. The moment he disappeared from sight she felt a gnawing worry start up. Where was he going? What if he didn't come back! What if something happened to him? What if he just disappeared and she'd have to spend a lifetime knowing that she could have saved him?

She stood so quickly that her chair tipped over, balancing gracefully on two legs before slamming into the floor with a loud bang.

Fred jumped slightly at the sound, looking up from the book she was devouring; as did the rest, turning their eyes on the rather flustered Slayer. She smiled disarmingly, bending down and putting the chair back on all fours before she said:

"Excuse me for just a second, I... thought I heard a noise."

"I'll come with you," Angel offered and she shook her head.

"No, no, that's fine. I think I still remember how it's done. Sneak down hallway, peek around corner, if there is bad there, kick bad over the head," she then stated and Angel gave her an appraising look before he smiled.

"Right," he nodded and she returned the smile with a hint of relief before she headed to the door. "Just don't forget that the bad might get a concussion now, WAS it to actually GET kicked in the head," Angel stopped her by saying and she turned her head back to him with a not so amused expression, which merely had him smirking. "Just a small advice," he excused himself and she rolled her eyes at him.

"And it's well taken, but I really DID hear a noise," she stated and he nodded.

"Of course, I'd never call you a liar, Buffy! And the noise... it came from upstairs, right?"

"Yes," she replied quickly and he smiled again.

"Okay, good. Just so I know where I have you. Oh, and don't worry, Will is perfectly able to take care of himself. I mean, since he was 'going for a walk' I assume he won't be anywhere near the 'noise'. But, just so YOU know that there won't be any problem in case the bad should venture out into the streets," Angel then informed casually and Buffy's eyebrows rose before she put on an innocent expression.

"Good. Good to know," she stated, pausing for a second longer before she merely turned and swiftly left the room.

"What IS the story with those two, anyways?" Gunn inquired and Angel gave a small shrug before he answered:

"All I know is that it's not quite finished yet."

He wasn't able to resist glancing at Cordelia once the sentence was finished, and when she met his gaze he smiled a little before looking away again.

***

It wasn't until she had hurried two blocks in search of him that she remembered she couldn't reach out her senses for him in the way she could before. There would be no tingle, no sign of where he might be...

She stopped, looking the ways she had to choose from, and then set out a new course as she got herself moving again.

She wasn't sure how long she had been half-running through the streets, but suddenly the sound of waves hit her ears and the smell of salt in the air became even clearer as she rounded the corner of a large building and was greeted by the stretching view of black, billowing ocean.

She smiled to herself, kicking off her shoes and picking them up in one hand as she walked onto the beach. The sand was cold beneath the soles of her feet, but she loved the feeling. She couldn't think of anything as relaxing as the soft song of the sea.

Then she turned her head and corrected herself, because to her right stood the one person on the whole planet that she would ever think of as home... and the tranquility she felt just by resting her eyes on him made her feel light as a feather.

She had found him.

Without any paranormality she had found him and she knew that she always would.

She collected herself and slowly approached him, stopping by his side and then facing the view in the same manner he was.

"I was looking for you," she said.

"Didn't hear me then?" he wondered.

"The 'alone' part being what you're referring to?" she asked back and he nodded slightly before answering:

"Yeah, that's it."

"Oh, I heard you... But you weren't talking to ME, were you?" she then inquired and he turned his head to her as she did the same. "Of course, you always did call me 'love' a lot, perhaps I should've thought it was directed to me as well? Or all of the ladies in the room? I sincerely hope you don't go around calling the men that nick."

He merely observed her and she swallowed, her nerves beginning to fail her as she looked up at him.

"No, I wasn't talking to you," he then said, facing the ocean once more and she wanted more than ever to wrap her arms around him tightly, have all of him against her body and just feel with every fiber how he was close.

"Want me to leave?" she asked and he was silent for a short while before he shook his head. "If you say: 'It's a free country', I'm seriously gonna hit you," she stated and finally he smirked.

She smiled as well.

"How's the bit?" he asked and she felt a surprisingly fast refill of her tears rise to her eyes at the mention of Dawn.

"She's good. She's doing really well in school and - what do you know - she likes it. I guess you Brit's know how to hook them when they're young," she answered and he laughed, the sound taking her so off guard that she simply stared at him.

"It's all a matter of bait," he then said, looking at her with such a familiar twinkle of tease in his azure blues that she couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "Hey, now," he mumbled, reaching up a hand and softly brushing at the liquid. "Not exactly the reaction I was looking for."

"Spike..." she said, trailing off as she slipped one hand up to grace his, taking it in a tight grip.

"Hurts," he said and she furrowed her brow. "HAND - hurts!" he elaborated and she let it go immediately.

"I'm sorry!" she said with true agony in her tone as she saw how he gripped the presumably aching hand with his other. "God, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

The sudden grin on his face made her give him a shove in the chest.

"That wasn't funny!" she exclaimed, though she couldn't keep a wide smile off her lips.

She was overcome by the sense that he had never left. He had never gone anywhere. She had seen him last the day before and the ease she felt with him now was a mere continuance of days and days of friendly banter.

"Sorry," he now apologized, bringing her out of her musings. "I just can't stand to see you cry," he added and she grew serious again, remembering all the nights she had lay awake for hours as she tried to put a blank where his face was - never succeeding.

Now that face turned solemn as well, and they looked at each other for a moment.

"Where were you six months ago," she then murmured to his previous sentence and he frowned.

"What?" he asked and as she realized he really hadn't heard her she shook her head dismissively, putting her arms up around herself as a rather bitter wind tore in over the shore. "You're cold," he said. "We should head back."

"Yeah," she slowly agreed and they turned, starting to walk the way she had come.

As they got off the sand and she stopped to put on her shoes he pulled his sweater over his head, a black T on underneath, and carefully placed it on her shoulders, making her look at him and she returned the trying smile he bore.

"Thank you," she said, their fingers brushing lightly against each other as she reached up to keep the piece of clothing from sliding off.

"You're welcome," he replied.

The moment stretched, then ended and they once more started up their walk.

After a minute of silence Buffy reached out one hand and cautiously slipped it in one of his. It seemed words were unnecessary after that and they continued on in an almost too comfortable silence.

He didn't have a clue as to what she wanted, but the way he time and again caught her looking at him... In those forests of green seemed to be the search for answers, the quiet traces of suffering and something yet undefined.

It was so funny - with all the things still pushing to be said, he felt more content just walking with her than he had for the entire extent of his time back. He wanted to tell her this, but had a stubborn thought telling him that in a way she already knew.

They slowed their steps without realizing it as they neared the Hyperion, and then stopped completely a few steps before the entrance doors.

"What do you think is gonna happen?" Buffy asked, turning her head to him with a rather curious, yet dreading, expression. "Who do you think is gonna die this time?"

"Buffy..." he murmured, looking for words to stroke away her worry, but he seemingly just did the opposite as her eyes widened and then she burst out:

"Me?! Well, I guess I should be used to it by now, shouldn't I?"

He looked shocked, then regretful as he shook his head; about to voice his protest when he caught the sudden mischievous look in her eyes. And then she smirked, which caused him to mirror it.

"That wasn't funny," he grumbled.

She merely smiled sweetly and then the door to her right opened and Angel stepped through it. He looked from one to the other, at Spike's sweater still draped over Buffy's shoulders, and then at their hands, still entwined.

"We're in for an early start tomorrow," he said meaningfully, turning back around and walking inside once more, leaving them alone again.

This time there was a tremor of gentle tension in the air as they both grew very aware of how little they had spoken of anything, and of how they still had a lot to speak about.

They slowly let the other's hand go and Buffy smiled, trying to lift the heavy atmosphere as she slid the sweater off her and reached it out to him.

"We need to talk," he said, taking the sweater from her and she met his gaze.

"Yeah," she agreed. "We do."

They both hesitated, and then walked together up to the doors, opening the left one and stepping through it, Spike holding it open for her and she smiled her thanks. He returned it and when they entered the foyer the lights had been turned out and the stillness told of a home slowly filling with sleep.

Buffy felt how tired she was, but she was still very reluctant to say good night.

"You hungry?" he asked and she swallowed her much to willing yes, simply nodded. "Okay," he said, taking the steps and leading their way to the kitchen.

She observed his back, watched him move as he walked in front of her, trying to ignore the small fire burning within her when she remembered how well he actually knew her body... and how well she knew his. It wasn't a consuming desire, it wasn't something that was impossible to ignore because most of all she wanted to feel him, have him with her... And he was. With her.

He flipped the switch of the room they had been headed to, walking up to the refrigerator and opening it up. Beginning to look through its contents he was partially blocked out by the door, despite this she couldn't take her eyes off him and she sat on one of the barstools by the high table in the middle of the room still watching him.

He finally dove out of the fridge with his hands full of various ingredients for...

"Sandwich?" he asked, eyebrows raised and she had to smile at the completely boyish look on him, then she nodded.

"Yes, please," she said and he smirked, obviously pleased as he kicked to door of the fridge closed and then put the ingredients down on the table.

He was on the opposite side from her and she refrained from pouting only by mustering all her self-control. Then she casually slid off the chair and moved around to his side. All the while he was bringing out the bread from one of the cupboards and a knife from one of the drawers.

She sat on a different stool, this one being on arms length from where he was starting up his creating. She watched the movements of his hands in silent fascination as he easily applied all the layers to the two sandwiches he was making.

One side of her was frightened half the time that it would wake up and have its fears realized as it came to know that it was all a dream. Everything, from first blue eye to last bleached strand.

But another side shook its head and claimed that fear was overrated. That reality was all that mattered. And that no dream, even her Slayer ones, had ever been this detailed, this filled with emotion.

"There," he said, adding the finishing touches of the top halves of the sandwiches before he turned to her. "Dig in," he added, sliding the plate containing her food over to her.

She looked down at it, then reached out to take it as he jumped up to sit on the stool next to her.

He took his first bite, closed his eyes and thoroughly enjoyed it; this was evident. She found herself unapt to do anything but stare. He took a second bite, chewing intently, and then he opened his eyes to rest them in hers with a quizzical expression in them.

"For someone saying she's hungry you don't eat much, do you? I'd hate to see what you do with the food when you're starving," he said and then smiled, making her laugh at herself before she once more grew serious, shaking her head as she replied:

"It's just... You're..."

"Yeah," he said, putting his two-bites-into sandwich down as he finished, "I am."

She swallowed. Butterflies and splinters of ice in her veins and that close to overpowering rush and butterflies everywhere and...

"Oh, thank God!" Susannah's voice was heard and Buffy felt a very hard fist of irritation in her chest at the sound of it, then she turned her head to the door; Spike did as well. "I'm so glad I'm not the only one up. Then again, you're usually down here at this hour, Will, aren't you?" the girl added in such a happy and knowing tone that it scratched the Slayer's ears.

The brunette came into the room and un-bashfully walked up to the two, her eyes going to the food and a wider smile took its place on her mouth as she asked:

"Showing her how to make the famous ten-layered?"

Buffy got to her feet at that, as well as at the sight of Susannah's hand tenderly placing itself on Spike's arm. The Slayer had never felt more off- territory, though she seriously wanted to claw the other's hand away from him. Get it off her former...

Former enemy, former ally, former lover, former nothing. She had NO right.

"I'll save this," she said, making a gesture to the sandwich. "It looks fab, but I just realized it's almost one in the morning and if I eat that I'll really screw up my breakfast tomorrow and you know what they say: it IS the most important meal of the day." Spike was about to make an objection and so she hurriedly added: "Thanks, though. Really. I'm just tired. Flight and Apocalypse Now and, well, YOU and everything... I'm just gonna turn in and see you - both - in the morning. Okay?"

He wanted to tell her no, it wasn't okay. They still had too much to say for her to 'turn in'. But with Susannah there he knew they couldn't talk anyway, and she was clearly beat. Therefore he answered:

"'Course... Good night."

She held his gaze for just one moment longer than necessary and then she smiled.

"Good night, William," she said and he watched her leave the room with a softness around his heart that was sure to cushion any blow delivered to it for some time to come.

**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************

What Is To Be

-Sixth-

By Annie

2003-09-13

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤

Spike hung up the phone, looking over at Buffy with a rather huge smile on his face and she giggled, getting to her feet.

"Didn't expect her to be so happy," he admitted and Buffy raised her eyebrows as she came up to stand before him.

"Don't underestimate my sister," she then said, "she'll surprise you any day."

He smirked at that.

It was seven o'clock in the morning and Buffy looked ravishing in a pair of worn, gray pajama bottoms and a big pink sweater. Her hair was loosely put up in a ponytail, and he loved how it swayed whenever she turned, or even moved, her head. They had been talking with the old homeland for nearly half an hour, the receiver being passed around from an astounded Giles to a happy Willow - wanting to know all about the spell which brought him back, how it felt, how it was now - her inquiries turning into an endless stream, finally stopped by a whining and begging Dawn who started her conversation with a squeal of a joy she did nothing to quiet down.

"Sleep well?" Spike now asked and it was Buffy's turn to smirk.

She had noticed it too, that silence which kept ending up between them as their eyes seemed to always get stuck in the other's and they simply looked at each other; waiting for some sort of revelation, perhaps. Of where they were supposed to go from here.

"You already asked me that," she now pointed out and he smiled, shaking his head a little at himself.

"Right," he said, jumping down from the desk he had been seated on and she looked up at him, her hand brushing against his and she felt her heart skip a beat.

He bit his lower lip, almost leaning into her to bury his nose by the side of her neck and breathe vanilla and moisturizer and that sweet shampoo she used. But she broke eye contact and walked passed him, making him take a small breath to shake himself out of the place that was her. Then he followed her into the foyer, where the others were gathered.

Angel was talking with Cordelia and Wesley, and as the two blondes walked through the doorway they all looked their way with rather grim expressions on their faces.

"Whoa, love fest in the room," Buffy grumbled and Spike chuckled.

"Doesn't bode well, does it, Slayer?"

She stopped, turning her head to him and he could see in her eyes the turmoil within her at the mention of her old nickname. He also remembered. All the times he had used it. She seemed to see it on him and her gaze grew warm right before Angel called her name.

"Here goes," she sighed, giving the man at her side a meaningful eyebrow raise and he smiled again, watching her join the group of three.

"It must feel so strange," Susannah said as she came up to his side.

"What?" he asked, turning his head to her.

"Well, haven't you noticed the way she acts around Angel?" she wondered and he furrowed his brow. "I think she's the only one to have a reason to be happy about this whole world-coming-to-a-close situation," she added. "It brought her back here, didn't it?" she finished at his very skeptical expression.

"To Angel?" he asked and she nodded, a very sober expression on her face.

"Trust me, hon, a girl never, NEVER forgets her first true love," she stated, nodding to the vampire and Slayer and Spike looked back at them just as Buffy smiled at something Angel was saying to her by leaning forward and placing his mouth next to her ear.

Then she shook her head a little, giving him a small push on one arm.

Spike swallowed hard.

"She could've come back anytime," he murmured, looking to the side where there was nothing but air as Susannah had already left the spot vacant. "She could've," he repeated firmly, looking back at the two and feeling a stinging, weakening apprehension tear through him.

What if all the small reasons he had for hoping she felt more was brought on by her happiness at having him be all right? What if all the very small signs he thought he kept seeing was brought on by his much too big need for them to be there, his want for them to exist? What if he was fooling himself into believing that she...

Not a good idea to jump to conclusions.

No, exactly, not in any aspect. He wasn't who she had once known, but he wasn't someone else either. Whatever was there he wasn't going to rush it. They could be friends, he knew they could. If Angel was who she wanted, then he would be happy for them.

Sod that! He couldn't even imagine the hell it would be to have to see those two together!

"You okay?" Fred brought him back to earth by asking and he looked at her, trying to not look too caught off guard. "You look a little pale..."

"No, I'm good," he assured. "Just... wondering what the bloody crisis is this time," he added with a gesture to the small congregation still having their meeting.

"Oh," Fred said. "Personally, I hope it ISN'T something 'bloody'," she added and he was about to open his mouth and explain that that hadn't been how he meant it when he came to the conclusion she was merely teasing him.

"Witty," he muttered with a mock-sour expression and she smiled.

"Actually they're discussing an outing tonight. They want Buffy to patrol, look for anything she might see as unusual. A fresh pair of eyes can be all it takes, according to Gunn," Fred stated and Spike gave her a look of ill- contained surprise before he thanked her for the information and stalked up to his former grandsire.

"Hey," he said.

"Hello," Angel gave a nod and Spike shook his head before grabbing the others arm, making him put all his attention on the former.

"You planning on sending her out there by herself?" he asked and now he also had Buffy and Cordelia's eyes on him.

"As a matter of fact..." Angel began, but Spike cut him off, letting his arm go harshly as he said:

"You're crazy! Bloody hell, we don't know what's out there! It could be anything!"

"Lack of credit not appreciated," Buffy chimed in, Spike ignoring her completely.

"What - you gonna equip her with a stake, some holy water and then send her on her merry way?" he demanded, Angel getting an extremely serene look on his face before he replied:

"Actually I had planned on blessing her with at least an axe."

Spike's eyes widened at that.

"Should I perhaps remind you of all the nasties I've slain, pretty much by myself and sometimes in a very huge lack of any kind of weapons?" Buffy asked. "The list is extensive."

"An axe won't slice and dice a question mark, Angie!" Spike exclaimed.

"Good grief, whatever happened to Peaches?" Angel replied sarcastically and Spike's eyes grew hard with impatience at the interruption in his tirade, then he continued it with:

"She can't fight the un-known and it'd be bloody suicide sending her out there without back-up!"

"Murder," Cordelia corrected. "It'd be murder."

"You guys!" Buffy said. "I think I should at least have a say in the matter!"

"'I can fend for myself' or 'I have the skill to pull it off' or 'I don't need your protection' will be sentences best stuffed back in that dusty compartment in the back of your throat," Spike stated and she frowned, crossing her arms over her chest in dislike.

"I CAN fend for myself, Spike," she shot. "And I DO have the skill to pull 'it' off, I patrolled the streets of Sunnydale for SEVEN years! And I really don't need your protection, don't patronize me!"

"I'm NOT patronizing you! You haven't been here the past few months! You don't know how long we've tried to figure this out, and we still have practically ZERO!" he retorted.

"THAT'S why I wanna get out there, see if I can't help turn that zero into some other number - preferably one higher than just one or two! And EXCUSE me, by the way, for not BEING here while all the bookworm-y stuff went down, but SOMEONE forebode the asking of me to join in!" she barked and his jaw line grew set as he gave her a glare.

"You're still too bloody stubborn for your own good!" he then yelled.

"Yeah, well, YOU'RE still too damn much of a know-it-all!" she yelled back and there was three seconds of silence as they seemed about ready to go head-to-head on the matter.

Then they both smiled, so suddenly it made Angel and Cordelia exchange a wondering look. Buffy giggled, shaking her head slowly, and Spike chuckled.

"I'm not telling you what to do," he then said.

"I know," she replied. "I know you're not."

"I didn't mean to sound like I don't know you," he stated. "'Cause believe me, I remember every last facet of your strength, and..."

"Spike," she interrupted with another smile. "I..." She trailed off and he smiled back. "I'm sorry," she said and his smile widened slightly.

"Me too," he agreed.

"Now THAT was intense," Cordelia said, looking from Buffy to Spike. "Do you usually fight like this, 'cause next time I wanna bring some popcorn."

Spike gave her a look and she smiled brightly before she turned and left the three.

"I was GOING to say," Angel now spoke up, "that as a matter of fact I was thinking about you showing her the sights. If you don't mind a late night out under town," he added and Spike cocked an eyebrow before he turned his eyes on Buffy again.

"No, I think I can stomach it," he then replied and she gave him a slap on the chest before she said:

"See. Don't you feel stupid now? Next time get all the facts BEFORE you pick a fight."

His eyebrows rose high at that and then he asked:

"And deprive this group of the first real speck of entertainment they've had in all the time I've known them?! Never!"

She merely smirked.

"So, what sights are you taking me to?" she then asked.

"You'll see," he answered her, seemingly leaving the subject at that.

***

Six hours later Buffy rose and stretched.

They had been gathered around the research table for the past four-and-a- half hours and she was less than the average stiff.

"I think it's time for lunch," she said and the others were not late to fall in line with that idea.

The seven of them left the stuffiness of the conference room for the ventilated air of the kitchen. The conversation quickly picking up as their brains got a rest from the strain of looking for clues unwilling to show.

Buffy began to chow on her left-over sandwich from the night prior, looking over at Spike who was digging in on one freshly made, and she nodded her approval to the one she was tasting which made him smile at her.

Susannah was sitting beside him, talking about something which he listened to with somewhat faked interest, or so Buffy thought. Or maybe it was just what she WANTED to think...

She sighed, turning to Cordelia who was taking another bite of her salad.

"So, what's the deal with Susannah anyway?" the former asked and Cordelia finished chewing as she looked up at her.

Swallowing she then replied:

"She works here, helps out, and in return gets food and housing." Buffy gave her a meaningful look at that and Cordelia smiled. "Of course, that's not the deal you're curious about," she said and Buffy shook her head.

The Slayer hesitated, but couldn't keep the question back any longer.

"Is she and Spike...? I mean, are they...?" she asked quietly and Cordelia raised her eyebrows before she seemed to realize the end part to the question, filling it in as well as answering when she said:

"...together? No. Not at all. Though Susie seems to want him bad enough."

Buffy cocked an eyebrow at that, looking over at the two.

"They look so familiar with each other," she murmured, fighting to keep the jealousy out of her voice, but feeling rather certain that the other could hear it.

"They're good friends," Cordelia admitted. "They've gotten close, you know? Living so close and everything you tend to."

"Yeah," Buffy agreed. "'Course. You tend to."

But tonight I'll have him all to myself, she then thought and she had a small smile of contentment spread over her lips as she took a second bite on her sandwich. And little miss Interruption over there'll have no way of barging in on us then, will she? Nope. Zero-one to the Slayer. Yeah, I'm bad. And... I'm actually ready to get into a catfight over him.

This thought was so amusing that she couldn't help but let out a laugh.

***

That evening she left the hotel with Spike at nine o'clock. Her most trusted weapon tucked at the small of her back and in a sheath behind her back rested a sleek sword. He carried the same choice of protection, though his sword was heavier.

She glanced at him where he walked by her side, his concentration seemed to be at its peak as he kept his eyes faced forward. He reminded her of nights they had done exactly this... with the exception, of course, that she then had considered him a liability and a pain in her ass for insisting on following her every move.

She smiled at the thought, turning her head forward again.

Spike gave her a brief, side-ways glance as he noticed her take her gaze off him. Seeing her small smile he asked:

"What?"

It widened and she turned her head to him, making him mirror the movement.

"Just... thinking," she replied and he cocked an eyebrow.

"About?" he encouraged an elaboration and she smirked.

"Wouldn't you just love to know?" she teased and he smiled as well.

They grew quiet again, walking as such for a few minutes and Buffy having a stream of questions flowing through her head. There had been no time for them to talk about anything, and the fact that Susannah hovered as something of a shadow whenever there might have been a chance that the Slayer got to spend some time with him alone hadn't exactly improved the matter.

"Susannah's nice," Buffy spoke up and Spike once again looked at her.

"She's been there," he then nodded and at that Buffy stopped, he did the same.

"WHY didn't you contact me?" she asked and he shook his head at her hurt expression.

"I didn't think I should," he murmured.

"HOW could you think that?!" she exclaimed.

"It's a long story..."

"I've got time," she cut him off.

"It's not a story meant to be told in a back-alley..." he tried and she sighed.

"What are we doing here anyway?" she then asked, looking around at the place he had taken her.

"Well," he merely said, bending down and after a short second of struggling he got the lid off the tunnel leading down and into, what she assumed, the sewers.

"Oh, now I get what Angel meant by 'a night UNDER town'," she said as Spike gestured for her to take the lead.

He merely smirked, watching her as she climbed down and then not being late to follow.

"Wonderful smell," Buffy stated as he jumped down from the ladder to land beside her. "What is this - Odor Number Five?" she quipped and his smile widened.

"We'll take this way," he then said, pointing down the tunnel to her left and she nodded, starting up as he did.

"So, what are the sights?" she asked.

"Just some hang outs that Angel usually checks out if he needs information... They know me now, so it's pretty safe," he answered and she raised her eyebrows.

"'Pretty' safe?" she asked and he gave a small shrug with one shoulder.

"When's anything completely safe?" he asked back and she merely gave a nod saying that was very true.

"So, what do you think this prophecy is all about?" she asked.

"Aside from the obvious 'destruction of all life' clause on the final page?" he wondered and she smiled at that. "I dunno," he admitted. "I've been scanning the books and I haven't been able to find anything on this blind demon about to wake..."

"Hold it," she interrupted, stopping and he halted as well, looking around in search of the threat she seemed to have picked up the vibes from, realizing there was none when she looked up at him and he met her gaze as she asked: "Did you just say the words 'scanning' and 'books' in a sentence? Have YOU been sitting with your cute little nose tucked into actual bound pages containing rows and rows of letters forming words forming a picture in which YOU'VE sought to find the proper details, is this what you're telling me?"

"Well, yeah. But I think you did a much better job at it," he replied and her face split in a grin.

"You are a man of astonishments, Spike," she stated and he tilted his head slightly to one side before he said:

"And you're the only one who's called me that name since I was brought back."

Her face turned solemn, and she suddenly looked regretful. He smiled reassuringly, tentatively reaching up a hand and sliding it into her locks, through them and to her cheek. She leaned her head into his touch, then returned his smile.

"Old habits die hard," she murmured and he chuckled, removing his hand and then nodding.

"Your voice calling me that is the only one which won't send shivers of discomfort through me, reminding me of what it stands for," he then said and her gaze grew tender at this admission.

"It's not that I can't see you as a 'William'," she assured and he smirked. "'Cause I can!" she added. "It's just... it's a lot to get used to and just being able to see you again is huge..."

"It is?" he wondered and she gave him a look.

"You know it is," she answered. "And changing your name on top of that... I mean, I guess it's more of a changing it BACK, since 'William' is your ACTUAL name, but I..."

"Did you miss the part where I said it was okay?" he interrupted gently and she looked sheepish.

"No," she then replied, voice slightly drifting and his smile broadened. "I just want you to know..."

"I do," he said.

They started walking again.

"I heard about your traveling," he said after a few moments and she nodded. "That's good, that you got to do that... Where have you been?"

"Everywhere," she mumbled.

"Favorite city?" he asked and she smiled at how the topic of conversation had turned from heavy to light in the blink of an eye.

"London," she then answered, looking at him in a way that made his throat dry up and his palms sweaty and his heart beat just a little bit faster. "I could live there," she added silently and he thought he sensed a second meaning to those words in her eyes, but a sound behind them made him drop any further musings into it as he turned around, Buffy doing so in the same moment and their hands going for their weapons.

It was, however, quite a lot too late.

From the shadows all around them stepped a group of demons, twelve in plain sight, but the Slayer got the feeling that there were more lurking in the darkness.

"'And on the sixth day there shall be silence as the people arises in acknowledgement and trust'," Spike recited quietly, making Buffy look at him again.

"Which means?" she asked, turning her eyes back on the attackers.

"That we're in trouble," he grumbled. "Big and real bloody trouble."

**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************

What Is To Be

-Seventh-

By Annie

2003-09-15

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤

"What do you suggest we do?" Buffy asked, the demons standing perfectly still with eyes observing the two mortals keenly.

"The second we reach for our weapons they'll be on us," Spike murmured. "We'll have to be quick and merciless and then..."

"Yeah?" she asked, feeling her heart beat elevate in her chest as the adrenaline began to pump through her veins.

"Then we run like hell," he finished and they shared a glance, then she nodded. "On three," he said and she smiled a little.

"Never thought that was used in real life," she said and he gave her a look before he grumbled:

"Not a lot of demon face-offs going on in 'real life' either, now are there?"

"Okay," she nodded, getting back into focus. "On three."

"One," he said.

"Two," she filled in, taking one last glance around at the threat she was about to face and then they both finished:

"Three."

Everything happened so incredibly rapid it was as though someone was fast- forwarding the next chain of events. Buffy reached for her sword at the same time as Spike did. She slid it out of its sheath when two of the demons quickly approached her. Spinning around she kicked one foot out and hit the right one in the stomach while she let the blade of her weapon sink through the ribcage of the other.

Ducking when she heard the sound of a fist moving through air behind her she rolled on the ground and then got to her knees, grabbing the sword with both hands and ramming it into the heart of her assailant. It grabbed its chest with a spurt of blue blood from its mouth. She pulled the sword out as she quickly rose, hearing the sound of Spike fighting furiously to her right.

She met the blow of a third demon, swinging her weapon and cutting its head off without much more ado, and then she jumped up and kicked another on the chin. Landing gracefully she drew a breath and spun around as she suddenly heard Spike let out a cry of pain.

"No!" she screamed, running up to him as he sunk to his knees and then jabbing the sword to pierce the demon responsible through its throat.

She looked around and noticed that a brawl had sometime during the fight started up between the demons themselves and at the moment more attention was directed to their own disagreements than to the two intruders.

"Can you stand?" she asked and he looked up at her, then nodded, his face beginning to grow awfully pale and she felt a rush of panic pour through her nerves as she saw the blood coming out of his side.

She encircled his waist, making him put one arm around her shoulders as she helped him to his feet. She got them moving, and though he could help she felt how the sting from his wound rippled through him at every step.

"You can do it," was the words she kept repeating, listening for the sound of treading feet behind them as she took them back to the place for their descent.

There were none, only silence.

'And on the sixth day there shall be silence as the people arises...'

What kind of prophecy WAS this?

Reaching the ladder she made him lean against the wall as she bent down and took a look at the gash. It was deep and she straightened her back quickly, tearing the strap of the sheath, which hung over her shoulder, over her head before she let her hands go to her shirt. Ripping it open she tore it down the back and had it in two pieces. The first one she bundled up in a tight bunch and then she pressed it against the wound before she took the second half and put it around his waist, securing it by two tight notches.

"Buffy," he mumbled and she nodded.

"It's gonna be okay," she said. "I'm gonna have a regular, hysteric shout- out at Angel for putting you in this situation, but it's gonna be okay," she added, once again supporting the bleached blonde as she led him up to the ladder. "Now, climb."

He put his hands on the steel-bars and looked up. His view was simmering and clouded, but he pulled himself up and did what her voice instructed.

***

"Angel!" Buffy yelled as she kicked the door of the Hyperion open and stumbled inside, holding a nearly unconscious Spike up by means of her own strength. "Angel, you wank!" she yelled and soon enough he came storming to see what all the noise was about.

"What happened?" he asked, running up to her as she was carefully putting Spike down on the floor.

"He became human, that's what happened!" she replied stiffly. "He needs to get to a hospital."

"We can't," Angel shook his head.

"What?!" she sputtered.

"He has no records, Buffy," Angel answered her, making her absolutely loathe the matter-of-factly tone of his voice.

Fred, Gunn and Cordelia came rushing down the stairs and Susannah came in through the doors leading to the garden, her face tightening as she was met by the disturbing sight at hand.

"Oh, my God!" she said, coming up to the three ahead of the others, and getting to her knees beside the fallen. "I TOLD you!" she then yelled, glaring up at Angel. "I TOLD you this would happen!"

Tears were quickly forming in her big, blue eyes and they kept the accusation in them for another long moment before she turned them back on Spike.

"'He has no records'?!" Buffy demanded, disbelieving. "You think I'm actually gonna stand by and watch him die on those grounds?! I'd just as soon kill myself!"

"Calm down!" Wesley cut in as he and the other two women joined the group. "I'll call Darren," he added with a look at Angel, and the latter nodded.

"Who the hell's Darren?" Buffy asked.

"Someone who can help," Angel replied coolly, then he nodded to Spike. "Let's bring him upstairs," he said.

***

"There were different demons there," Buffy stated two hours later.

She was surrounded by Angel, Cordelia, Fred, Gunn and Susannah as they were all sitting by the research table.

"Different species working together?" Wesley inquired and Buffy nodded.

"The only time I've seen that happen was at the hands of a madman. Or... demon," she said. "And I have a feeling he'd have trouble rising from the grave," she added, then she furrowed her brow. "It has something do to with the countdown. Spike... I mean, William, said something about the sixth day..."

"Of course!" Wesley nodded, rising and walking up to the shelf running along one wall on which books and heaps of paper, as well as notebooks, were gathered.

He immediately got the one of the latter he had been aiming for, opening it up to the page where he had written down the translation as well as their own interpretations of the prophecy.

"'...There shall be silence as the people arises in acknowledgement and trust," he nodded, reading the passage out loud as he once more faced the group. "You were right, Fred," he added and the girl looked up with a slightly surprised look on her face. "You thought the 'people' might be a reference to something other than the human race. Now it seems quite obvious that the prophecy points to a more demonic view of the text. They have risen together as their Elders must have told them of what is to come."

Buffy frowned once more, not sure that she was following this train of thought.

"It makes sense," Wesley continued. "A prophet documented in the underworld, going by a demonic name... Of course his prophecy will have major ties to the world from which he stemmed. If not all of the text was for his kin, if some of it truly was meant for the human world to know of, then why is there not one record of it anywhere?"

"Not all prophecies were meant to be known," Fred cut in.

"No," Wesley agreed. "But this one was."

Buffy rose quietly, meeting the eyes of Susannah as the former was about to leave the room. Buffy smiled tryingly and the brunette returned it, all be it reluctantly. Then she nodded a little and Buffy knew that she would want to know how he was doing. Buffy returned the nod and then slipped out of the room.

She walked up the stairs to the third floor, which hosted his bedroom.

Darren Walker had proven to be a gem of an acquaintance. He was half demon and skilled in a vast variety of medicine and remedies. He had spent half an hour with the injured and concluded that he had stopped the blood-flow successfully, but that the bandages needed to be changed every five hours over the next twenty-four hours. Then he had given Spike a few drops of a potion which Darren explained would make up for the blood loss.

Buffy paused outside the door of his room, placing her hand against the worn wood and wondering what had possessed him to go with her. Why had she let him?! She was such a fool. She had nearly forgotten that he could get hurt. And as a reminder he had. She didn't even want to stray in the outer boundaries of what would have happened if he had died. Again. God, she wouldn't have been able to take it.

She slid her hand to the doorknob and turned it carefully, pushing the door to stand slightly ajar before she poked her head inside.

His eyes were closed. He was sleeping.

She was about to retract when his voice stopped her.

"It's like someone dropped a box of bloody needles inside me."

She smiled at the sound, opening the door and stepping through it, proceeding up to his side. She looked down at him for a moment before she slowly sat down next to him.

"It must be the blood-back-in-body treatment," she replied, voice lowered. "The good thing is it'll have you back on your feet in no time."

"Feels like I've been lying here forever," he murmured, opening his eyes and turning his head to look up at her.

She slid her hand into his, and he held hers back.

"Good rescue," he grumbled and she smiled. "Made me feel like less of a hero, but..." he added and she shook her head.

"You'll always be my champion," she said, moving his hand cautiously to her lips and closing her eyes as she kissed it softly.

He bit back the sudden lump in his throat at her gesture, at her words.

She let their hands move to her lap as she opened her eyes again.

"I was so scared," she then said, not able to hold back her tears. "It would've been my fault all over again!"

"It was NEVER your fault," he shook his head, trying to sit up which only resulted in a mask of pain and he sighed, meeting her gaze and holding it.

"What we're you thinking?!" she now asked. "You had no business coming with me tonight! And ME! God, how the hell could I forget that you could get dead in a fight these days?! I feel so SELFISH! I should've made you stay here, then nothing would've happened to you..."

"Enough!" he stopped her. "Bloody hell, Buffy, you do think high of yourself. You think you - or anyone else - could've made me stay and just watch you go out there alone?"

"Angel could've..."

"Yeah, he could've. But he asked me 'cause he knows I can't just sit on my ass doing nothing, and 'cause he knows I can handle it. Usually. And 'cause he knew I'd rather have gone through fire than do the ass-sitting while you were out there - alone or no. So stop with the self-blame!" he finished and she blinked at her tears before she smiled a little through them.

She hesitated, then let his hand go and carefully climbed up on the bed, placing herself along his side and he looked at her rather quizzical and with a hint of surprise before he opened his arms so that she could place her head on his chest.

He gently put his arms around her and she slipped her right hand up his chest and to the crook of his neck, pressing herself closer as she nestled her face against his throat.

He closed his eyes, holding her tighter and then he moved his head so that he could bury his nose against the top of her head, breathing her scent as casually as he could, but unable to stop himself.

Buffy had closed her eyes as well, her mind filled with nothing but growing relaxation as she finally let her head rest from worries. He was all right, he was healing, and nothing bad would ever happen to him ever again. Not if she had any say in it.

And finally his arms were around her, at last he was close. She had longed for this, ached for it.

She was home.

"How much do you remember?" she murmured, moving her head back so that she could look up at him. "I mean, from your era as a vamp," she added and he smirked.

"Is that what you wanna call it?" he wondered and she smiled a small smile back before she waited for his real reply. "Well, it depends on which part of it you're talking about," he added.

"I mean, from those last moments," she grumbled quietly. "Before you... died."

He held her gaze for the longest time and she swallowed unnoticeably, feeling the tug to move her head forward and grace his lips with hers growing practically overwhelming.

"I remember..." he said quietly, his fingers brushing her cheek again and she closed her eyes as she knew he was about to grant her what she craved.

"You guys won't believe this!" Cordelia's voice shouted as she came up the stairs, continuing down the hallway.

She sounded very excited, but Buffy's curiosity did nothing to prevent the very heavy disappointment as she pulled away from Spike and sat up. He looked at her for a moment, then he smiled and she returned it before turning her head to the door as the other woman burst through it with a wide smile on her face.

Couldn't have waited just five more minutes? Buffy thought glumly. Soap ahoy, whenever things seem to be growing a few degrees warmer... whenever on the brink of some sort of break through... WAM! Here comes the cavalry to blow it off and bring those thoughts to close.

She smiled to herself at that, shaking her head a little and meeting Cordelia's glittering eyes.

"What's with you?" Buffy asked, her smile widening as Cordelia replied:

"We're going to a ball! Can you believe it?! I haven't been out in ages! I have to get a new dress! Us girls can go out for a shopping spree tomorrow! God, this is gonna be SO much fun!"

Buffy furrowed her brow slightly.

"A ball?"

"Well, we're going there to work, but it's still gonna be music and food and people and..."

"Cordy, you do know you need to come up for air sometime, don't you?!" Buffy interrupted with a laugh, rising to her feet. "I have to go see what this is about," she then said, face turned to Spike and he nodded. "I'm betting Angel just might be a bit more coherent," she added and Spike chuckled at that, Buffy grabbing Cordelia's arm and pulling the latter with her as she exited the room.

Spike closed his eyes as the two disappeared from view.

His heart was still beating very hard in his chest.

He had almost kissed her... and she hadn't seemed to have any complaints about it.

He couldn't understand why he felt so unsure around her. He just didn't want to screw it up, not again. He was so scared of ruining the frail structure of their relationship... Well, the moment would present itself where it was time to choose a side of the road. All he really knew was that that side would always be the one she was walking... no matter what happened.

But she had seemed ready to return his kiss, hadn't she?

He was afraid, though. Afraid that whatever she was feeling WAS brought forth by his sudden return into her life, and nothing else...

The answer was out there.

He just needed to find it.

**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************

What Is To Be

-Eighth-

By Annie

2003-09-15

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤

"The Twilight Gathering is THE event in upper-class demon world," Cordelia stated, fluttering about the vampire and Slayer like some overly hype butterfly.

Angel gave her a look to just take it down a few notches, but she didn't seem to notice.

"She's right," he then said to Buffy. "There'll be a lot of people there with links to someone or something who just might know something useful, IF the people in question don't know anything themselves. We'll need to be prepared for some rough hours of hardcore digging."

"And it's hosted?" Buffy asked and Cordelia made a small jump with excitement as she answered before Angel could even open his mouth:

"By Gary Forte! At his amazing flat! It's huge, seriously. I saw pictures of it in Vanity Fair and it was like... three stories, white and black marble, pleather furniture - 'cause that's supposed to be so in right now or something - and oriental rugs as far as your eyes can..."

"Cordelia, PLEASE," Angel stopped her and she swallowed the last words before she gave him an annoyed glare.

"Could you let me be happy for two seconds?" she muttered, her mood level sinking ten notches in one single moment.

"Hey," he said, making her meet his gaze. "I'm sorry, all right? Be happy, just... take it elsewhere."

She shrugged, her smile growing on again and she turned her head in search for a willing victim; finding it in Susannah, rushing over to her flailing the hand which was holding a blue and black invitation.

"You have a good hand with her," Buffy commended and Angel smirked at that, his eyes had followed the dark-haired as she left his side, but now he turned them back on the blonde still before him.

"I try," he then replied, continuing: "About this ball... I think it might be a good idea if we went."

"Duh!" she smiled, gesturing to Cordelia. "I think it's obvious now that she'll set this building on fire if you for some reason said we shouldn't."

"No, that's not what I mean," he said hesitantly. "I mean that you and I should go. Together. As a couple."

Cordelia, though six feet away, quieted down considerably at this revelation. Her head turning to Angel and her eyes looking rather shocked. Buffy had no way of not noticing this, though she didn't show it as her eyebrows rose with the very surprise she herself felt.

"What?" she then asked.

"Giles called me," Angel began to explain. "Seems he took that plea of yours this morning, for some of his expertise, very seriously and he managed to come up with - Gary Forte. Seems Mr. Forte is a Changer, he changes his appearance to suit his means."

"A demon?" Buffy asked and Angel nodded.

"He's built himself an empire to seduce the eye of the mortal world, but every coin has two sides and this one is pretty dark. He is obsessed with the future, anything and everything that has to do with what is to come... His hobby, of course, includes..."

"Prophecies," Buffy filled in.

"Yes. I think we might have to get ready to go further than simple asking around," Angel stated.

"You mean we might need to break and enter, say, his study?" she asked and he merely had an expression on his face saying how right she was. "How convenient then, that this party is held at his flat... But I still don't understand why you'd wanna go with me."

"It's hard to understand why anyone would like to escort you to a ball?" he wondered, a trace of tease in his voice and she smiled.

"You know what I mean," she answered.

"If we're going to get into that room without being detected we'll need to use every skill in the book," he said, voice sober. "Our senses will be our primary tool in order to get us passed eventual guards. There might even be traps, I have no idea and we don't have the time to figure it all out."

"Wait, when is it?" she cut in.

"Tomorrow night," he replied and her eyes grew.

"Are you crazy?" she asked and he shook his head.

"We can do it. We have to! We're running out of time, Buffy. We can't afford leaving any possible solution behind. I need you to do this with me, and if we arrive together it'll be less of a risk that anyone thinks any more of it if they see us walking down a hallway together," he now said.

She really wished she had some argument to come with that would change his mind. Especially since she looked to the side just in time to see Susannah disappear up the stairs, the Slayer having a gut feeling to who's room the brunette was headed. But Buffy knew that Angel was right, and so she grumbled slightly before she answered him:

"Of course I'll go with you."

He smiled his thanks, turning his head and seeing Cordelia walk out through the doors of the garden.

"Excuse me," he said and Buffy watched him go after her.

It was almost strange to think of them together, but on the other hand their care for one another seemed close to palpable and Buffy knew they had been through a lot. It was inevitable that feelings arose, impossible to ignore no matter how hard they might be to interpret in the beginning.

She turned her head and looked at the stairs. She wanted to go up there and stop whatever Susannah was saying to him. She knew that she had lost this round.

She didn't know why she was still uncertain what he felt for her - he had almost kissed her before. At least she thought he had. Perhaps again it had all been in her head... She had to struggle with her insecurity all the time as of late. It was as though the closer she felt she got to him, the more nervous she was that it was all just one wrong move away from falling apart.

And she couldn't let it, not again.

***

Spike turned his head when Susannah entered the room. He returned her smile and watched her pull up a chair to sit down next to the side of the bed. She reached out and took the same hand Buffy had held in hers just a few minutes earlier, in a gentle grip before she said.

"Hey."

"Hey," he replied. "You okay?" he then asked and she shook her head slowly.

"That's supposed to be my question, silly," she said and he smirked.

"What - this? It's just a scratch. Promise," he assured and she looked at him with a warmth in her gaze not difficult to read before she sighed.

"I thought you were done for. I was so angry with Angel," she said and Spike shook his head.

"Don't be mad at him, 's not his fault, love."

"I never thought he should train you, you know that. And now look where it brought you. God, I knew this was gonna happen," she grumbled and he squeezed her hand.

"Then be upset with ME," he said. "Or better yet - don't be. I just can't be anyone else than who I am, and I refuse to sit back and watch everyone else do all the sodding work. Especially after the sort of life - or un- life - I lead. I'm not someone passive, pet. I need to be able to join in."

"Even if it gets you killed?" she asked and he shook his head.

"It hasn't so far," he disagreed. "And look at it from my point of view for a second. If Angel HADN'T trained me, I'd be dead for sure."

She seemed to ease off at that, her face softening and then she smiled.

"Fine, I won't complain anymore," she said and he returned her smile. "Did you hear about the big 'happening' or whatever tomorrow night?"

"Tomorrow night?" he repeated. "Yeah, I think I saw this blur of a human come running in here to jump on the spot, mumbling and screeching about something like it," he then added and Susannah laughed.

"Well, yeah. It's a ball. You know, you in a suit - me in a gown..." she then mumbled tryingly, looking just slightly embarrassed and he didn't want to hurt her, he didn't want to tell her that if he was going, there was only one woman he could even consider escorting.

"It sounds nice," he nodded. "It's just..."

"Angel asked Buffy," Susannah said as he trailed off in search for the right words and something dreadfully cold clasped his heart, growing colder still as Susannah added: "She accepted, naturally."

Susannah could see his expression change, his complexion as well; she could see how he looked like she had just stabbed him a fresh wound in his side and she felt so bad for him. But she also knew that she could make it better, if he would just give her one chance.

"I just thought that you might like to... go with me," she said, putting her other hand over his as well, having him look at her again.

"Get all posh for you?" he asked, a real smile showing on his lips and her mind jubilated at the sight of it.

Half the win was already hers, it seemed.

"Yeah, and have me get beautiful for you," she then said and he smiled ever warmer at that before he squeezed her hand again.

"You're always that to me," he stated and she looked at him for a moment, feeling her heart flutter with hope. "You have a good soul, it can't help but shine through," he added and the hope was slightly quenched at that rather friendly sentence.

"Neither can yours," she said and he smiled again.

"Thank you," he replied, voice soft and she wondered for the billionth time what kind of an idiot this Buffy was who hadn't loved him from the second she laid eyes on him.

He would have been different back then, certainly, but could he really have been THAT different?

"So..." Susannah said, getting to her feet. "It's a date, then?" she added and he looked up at her before he nodded once more.

"That it is," he agreed and she left the room with a blossom of satisfaction in her chest.

Perhaps all was not lost quite yet after all.

***

It was dark where she was. It was pitch black and when she suddenly stumbled she drew a sharp breath in fear of falling without ever stopping, afraid of being swallowed by the night. She was lost, though she knew she had headed out in search of something. If she could only find it...

She stopped and listened as she thought she had heard a noise behind her.

There was only silence.

What was this place?

It smelled of earth and rock and age.

She carefully reached out a hand and soon it touched the rough surface of a stone wall.

A cavern.

Yes, she could smell water.

She had the most overwhelming notion that she had been there before...

Not much further. No, not much further now.

She steadied herself and began to move forward again, listening to the rhythmic thumping of her pulse in her ears and the slight scratch of her feet as she placed them tentatively on the ground with each new step.

The suddenness of light stinging her eyes made her freeze and raise one hand to shield her face from the unfamiliarity of it as her sight quickly adjusted. She squinted, lowering her arm again as she stared at the well in the cavern floor before her. The water in it glittered invitingly and she realized how incredibly thirsty she was.

She must have been walking for hours.

The light came from below the still surface and as she approached it a ray shot up and gently graced the ceiling. She furrowed her brow as she tilted her head back and looked at the spot on which it now rested. There was an "A" carved into the stone and around it glowed a white ring. It was as though the light imbedded itself into the carving of the latter, circling within its dents and crannies and making it shimmer.

She sunk to her knees, her eyes once more going to the water and her throat drying up even further at the thought of letting the liquid slide over her tongue. She had a moment of hesitation, feeling like she shouldn't give in to the need, but failing to stop herself. Bending forward she plunged her hands deep beneath the surface, letting the coolness of the water envelope her fingers before she cupped her palms and brought both of them as a bowl to her lips.

She drank greedily but deeply, her eyes closed and her mind filling with growing dizziness.

She didn't know where the sudden urge came from, but it overpowered her completely and before she had a chance to truly react she had thrown the last of the liquid away from her with a yell of disgust and as she opened her eyes they grew wide with that very emotion.

The well was glimmering red as the blood it now contained rippled from her movement. The coppery taste stuck to every single cell of her mouth and she stared in abhorrer as she scrambled backwards.

The light had been extinguished, but an eerie residue seemed to linger against the walls and she could still see her surroundings as she got to her feet.

She blinked and then raised her gaze to the ceiling again.

The "A" was smudged in a very strange way and the ring had turned black.

Suddenly the surface of the blood gave way for something. The darkened shape of something now bopped calmly on it and she eyed it in suspicion before it hit her. She recognized it and it wasn't a something at all - it was a someone.

She was by the edge in the next instant, reaching out her arms and grabbing the shoulder which was all that was really showing. Pulling the body forcefully to her and dragging it up, the legs still in the thick liquid as she rolled it over and stared down at the pale face of someone gone forever.

But he was there...

Oh, God, let him be okay. Let him live.

She was trembling as she bent over him and let her hands gently stroke his cheeks, his brow, his hair.

Open your eyes. Look at me. Spike...

He coughed and stirred slightly before he did as she pleaded and eased his eyes open. They looked at her in wonderment, disoriented for a second before he smiled and reached up one hand to slide it over her cheek.

"Buffy," he whispered and she returned the smile as the tears that had been building ran over.

"Spike," she said. "I have to tell you..."

But he shook his head, cutting her short before he caught his breath as his gaze grew pained and he got out:

"Watch out for the big, black bird."

Then his eyes closed as his head lolled to the side and she could feel his body growing warmer. Her eyes widened as he began to glow and then he burst into flames in her arms, turning into nothing but soft dust slipping through her fingers.

She bent her head and let the sobs rip through her.

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