***

Chapter 19 - A World Without

Spike stared at the figures on his screen, not really connecting thoughts to what blinked before him. With a disgusted sigh he pushed away from the desk and stood. Two days. He hadn't seen Buffy in two days, and it was driving him insane. What was he going to do for the rest of his life?

He shook his head in reprimand. It didn't matter. It didn't matter what he felt, or what *he* needed. He was doing this for her. To make sure she go the life *she* deserved. Besides the feelings would pass soon enough. Wouldn't they?

*ring*

Spike lunged for the phone grateful for anything that would take his mind off the girl he was determined to keep a distance from. "Spike," his greeting was abrupt.

"Hey Spike! How's it going?" Xander asked cheerily.

"Hey Xan. 'S going." Spike grumbled back.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Is it the Crypt?"

"No."

"Your parents?"

"No."

"Giles?"

"No."

"You gonna use one word sentences this whole conversation?"

"No."

"O...k...a...y." Xander waited a beat.

"Bloody Hell, Xan!"

"Wanna talk about it?" Xander was hopeful although his friend wasn't usually known for many emotionally cathartic speeches.

"No!"

"O...k...a...y." Xander waited another beat. "So, how's Buffy?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it." Spike spit out through gritted teeth.

"Uhmmm," Xander muttered. "I didn't know we were?"

"Just because I showed her around town, took her for a drive or two," Spike rubbed the back of his neck vigorously, "doesn't mean we have to spend every minute together does it?"

"Uhmmm, no?" Xander hoped that was the right answer.

"Too right!" Spike echoed the sentiment. "I never promised her anything. She shouldn't expect anything."

"Does she expect something?" Xander asked tentatively.

"How the bloody hell should I know?" Spike practically shouted into the phone. He was up and pacing as far as the phone cord would allow as he spoke to his friend. Finally he stopped and let out a large sigh. "It's just not right Xan. She doesn't belong here." The last was said in a defeated tone.

"But you want her there?"

"Doesn't matter what I want." Spike said softly. "She deserves better than that."

"Better than what? A great guy?" Xan countered. "Someone who cares about here?"

"Yes!" Spike was vehement. "She wants it all. She deserves it all, the house, the kids, everything! That means I'm not the guy for her."

"Why? Why can't you be that guy? And are you even sure that's what she wants?" Xander asked.

"Xan, you've known me for what? 10 - 15 years?" Spike asked, rubbing his closed eyes with thumb and forefinger. "Do you think I can be that guy? I haven't had a relationship that lasted longer than 5 weeks, let alone the 'til death do us part gig." He sighed wearily.

"People change Spike." Xander answered.

Spike was silent, contemplating Xander's words. Finally he decided to change the subject. "So, what did you ring for anyway?"

"Oh, uhmmm...nothing." Xander hedged.

"What's up Xan?"

"Actually, I just called to check on Buffy." Xander finally blurted. "She wasn't in her room, so I thought I'd check with you. But obviously that was a bad choice."

"She wasn't in her room?" Spike wondered where she'd gone to.

"Well, she wasn't answering the phone at least."

"Maybe she's with mum?" Spike offered.

"I already tried there. Joyce hasn't seen her since breakfast."

Spike was getting worried now. Where was she? "Did you page the Casino?" He asked, even as he scanned the monitors in front of him.

"Yeah, she didn't answer. I'm sure she's just out shopping or checking out the strip." Xander replied.

"Hmmm...yeah. I gotta go mate." Spike hung up without waiting for a reply.

***

"No Will, I'm sorry I don't know where she is." Joyce crossed her fingers behind her back. "I'm sure she'll be back soon." She wished Buffy hadn't made her promise not to let Will know where she'd gone. Maybe if he knew that she'd planned to stay long term, he wouldn't be so reticent about their relationship. For the life of her, Joyce could not figure out her wayward son.

"What about da? Has he seen her?" Spike's brow was marred with worry. Where could she be? "You're sure she didn't say anything at breakfast?"

"For someone whose been too busy to even say hello to her in the past two days, you seem to be overly concerned over her whereabouts." Joyce raised an inquiring eyebrow at him.

Spike's head whipped around at that. "Did she say something?"

"Only that you've been busy." Joyce shrugged.

"I have." Spike resumed his pacing. "'Sides it's better this way."

"Is it?"

"Yeah." The one word answer came out in a whoosh of breath.

"For her? Or for you?"

"Where did you say da was again?"

Joyce gave her son a compliant smile, letting her own question go, "I didn't. He said he had some business to take care of. He'll be back by dinner."

"Hmmm...okay. I gotta go mum." He kissed Joyce on the cheek before walking rapidly out the door.

***

"What do you think Mr. Giles?" Buffy spun in a circle taking in her surroundings, while Rupert walked the room with her.

"I think I told you to call me Rupert." He smiled at her to take the sting out. "And I also think that it's lovely."

"I know I could probably afford some place bigger, but when I saw this house I knew it was the one for me." Buffy took in the desert view from the second story balcony they stood before, the bright sun shining through the glass doors. "It's even got a basement I can convert into a home studio!"

"Yes, I imagine that's something you'd have to take into consideration." Rupert commented as he followed her back down the stairs. "I take it my son hasn't seen your soon to be residence yet either?"

"No." Buffy's voice quieted. "He's been busy."

"I suppose that's true." Rupert replied.

"I'd like to show him though," Buffy continued absently. "I'd love for him to see the studio." Her voice was slightly wistful.

"They're both excellent choices." Rupert assured her.

"I hope so." Buffy sighed. She'd fallen in love with both buildings the moment she'd seen them. She'd also fallen hard for the desert. She knew that she'd be happy to live there the rest of her life. But if Will didn't want to be part of that life? Could she truly be happy here? Where he was?

Rupert laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. "He's a fool." He gave her a small squeeze. "Much like his old man." He smiled reassuringly. "He just hasn't learned to admit it."

Chapter 20 - Home Is Where the Heart Is

Buffy was chewing her bottom lip in thought as she entered her suite. Before she had a chance to let the door close behind her, she was wrapped up in cool arms. "Will?"

He knew he shouldn't be here. It was the worse kind of breach of privacy to have entered her rooms without her permission, but he couldn't think of where else to go. She wasn't anywhere in the hotel. He thought that if he had any chance of seeing her he'd have to wait right here, in front of her door.

"Where have you been?" The words came out harsher than he'd planned.

"I was out." She answered slowly, confused over his obvious anger. "I thought you were busy today?"

"I was," Spike let go of her and began to pace the room. "But Xan rang up to see if you needed anything and he couldn't find you. I checked all over the hotel, but couldn't find you. You hadn't said you were going out." He admonished her.

Now Buffy was getting angry. "I didn't know I had to ask permission."

"Of course you don't!" He snapped back at her. "It's just that, nobody knew where you were. Mum said you hadn't told her you were leaving either, and I couldn't find da."

"Of course you're mother knew. I told her this morning at breakfast." Buffy answered without thinking. "And Rupert was with me."

Spike's head whipped around to focus his gaze on her. "Mum knew? And da was with you?" His brow scrunched in thought. "Why didn't she tell me?"

Buffy was chewing on her lip again. She'd forgotten that she'd asked Joyce not to tell Will because she'd wanted to tell him herself. She let out a deep sigh before answering, "I asked her not to."

"What? Why?"

"I wanted to surprise you." She answered softly, turning her face away from him to hide her disappointment. "There are a lot of things I've wanted to tell you, but you've been busy."

Spike's heart wrenched in his chest at the sad tone to Buffy's voice, but he steeled himself against it. "I have been busy," he softened his voice as he asked, "what did you want to surprise me with, luv?"

Buffy's mood perked up at the inquiry. "Oh Will! It's wonderful! I've bought a new studio. I've missed having my own students. It needs some work, but that'll just make it all the more mine."

Spike felt a stab of pain lance through him. "A new studio? I'm happy for you, luv."

Buffy noticed Will's expression and her enthusiasm ebbed. "What's wrong Will?"

"Nothing." He shook the feelings from his head. "We should have dinner, celebrate! You can tell me all your plans." He came up to stand beside her, his hand reaching up to cup her cheek. "We'll miss you."

"Miss me?" Buffy was having trouble concentrating. This was the first time in days she'd been this close to Will.

"Yes," Spike's voice was husky, from desire or dejection he wasn't sure. "When you leave."

"Leave? I'm not going anywhere." Buffy was confused. "I mean, probably a few days up to the Sunnydale Castle. Giles wanted to go over some things with me regarding the purchases, but I'll be back."

Spike's hand dropped abruptly. "There's no need for you to come back, Buffy." His eyes were a cold ice blue.

"What? Of course there is. This is my home." What was going on?

"You can't keep living in a high roller's suite, luv." Spike let out a false chuckle. "A high roller you're not."

"Oh!" Buffy hadn't thought. Of course, he was running a business she couldn't keep using up all the privileges. "I'm sorry. I'll book another room when I get back. I didn't mean - "

Spike cut her off again. "There's no reason for you to come back. The Crypt is *my* home, not yours. Why don't you find a place close to your new studio."

"But that's what I've done!" Buffy was getting frustrated now. "It's just not ready yet. The realtor said a few weeks maybe."

"You've bought a house?" Spike could feel the knife in his gut twisting.

"Yes." Buffy answered tentatively. Will's moodswings were confusing her.

"Then I don't understand why you insist on coming back to the Crypt?"

"I told you it wasn't ready yet!"

"I know that, luv." He reached out a hand to her shoulder. "Why don't you make the move after your trip to grandda's? Wouldn't it be easier then?"

"I don't think it will be ready then. Besides the Crypt is the perfect location. It's in between the studio and the house, so I can drive back and forth to check the progress and - "

"What?!" Spike was thrown. "You bought the house and the studio here? In Vegas?"

"Yes." Buffy was confused again. Why was he so angry? And then it dawned on her. She felt the first crack in her heart as she whispered out the words. "You're not just kicking me out of the hotel, are you? You're kicking me out of your life."

"Nobody's kicking you out of anything." Spike answered absently, still reeling from the news. "Buffy, what were you thinking of?"

Buffy's anger snapped. "Myself! It's a new concept for me, and I like it!"

"This isn't bloody monopoly. You don't just land on some property and make a 2 minute decision on whether to buy it or not!"

"I'm not the idiot you think I am! I know how to buy property, and I've done it." Buffy answered hotly.

"Buffy, this isn't the place for you, don't you understand? You have no business buying a house in Vegas."

"Oh! You're insufferable." Buffy began to pace the room. "Do you think you own the whole city now?"

"No, but - "

"Well, don't worry. The desert is plenty big enough that you won't have to see me ever again. I didn't buy the house to get in your way. And I definitely didn't buy it so that I could keep chasing after a man that doesn't want anything to do with me." She whirled on him. "So you're safe, Mr. Giles. You won't have to worry about me. I'll book another hotel when I return."

"Now wait a minute, I - "

"No, you wait a minute, *Spike*," she spit his name out with venom. "Don't make this any worse than it already is. I'm grateful for all you've done for me, but I don't need placating. I fully intend to maintain a relationship with your parents, your family, and I don't want to put anyone in an awkward position." She strode to her door and opened it, waving him out. As he passed her and entered the hall she turned toward him. They locked gazes for a few moments.

"You didn't have to do it this way Will. You hurt me and you didn't have to." The door closed before Spike could form an answer.

***

"So, we're agreed on the settlement then? And we've comped the rooms, and the boutique purchases? Have you setup the limo service for them tomorrow?" Rupert was watching his son carefully. "Will?"

"Hmm?" Spike's mind was a million miles away. "The limo? Yes, yes. I've arranged for everything."

"Good." Rupert stood and headed toward the small bar. He poured them each a scotch and then sat down across from his son. "Now, tell me what's on your mind."

"Nothing." Spike answered before taking a swift swig of the drink.

"You were never one for talking out your problems, were you? We always had to poke and prod before you'd tell us anything." Rupert sighed. "But in this case it isn't necessary. Problems with Buffy?"

"No." Spike shook his head. "Yes." He shrugged. "No." He threw up his hands and stood. "I don't know."

"What's happened?"

"She bought a house for god's sake!"

"Yes, I know. And a studio as well, I believe." Rupert answered calmly.

"You knew?"

"Of course. She took your mother to see the studio the day you were 'too busy' and she took me to see the house yesterday. They're both excellent purchases."

"Why didn't you stop her?"

"Why should I? She's perfectly within her rights to buy them, they're both in good locations and reasonably priced." Rupert shrugged.

"Good locations! They're here! In Vegas!"

"Yes."

"She doesn't belong here!"

Rupert stood and made his way over to his son. He placed a warm hand on Spike's shoulder and asked, "What's the real problem here?"

Spike only shook his head in silence.

"Will, are you in love with her?"

"That's not the point."

"It's the only point that counts." Rupert replied.

"I'm the wrong person for her. This is the wrong place. She'll see that soon enough."

"Why? Why are you wrong for her?" Rupert eyed his son carefully. "I thought you quite complemented each other."

"I run a casino. She's been sheltered her whole life. She'd never even been in a casino before she'd hit the jackpot! She wants a husband, children. I can't be that for her." Spike slumped forward in defeat, rubbing the back of his neck. "She's just starting to discover herself, her dreams, I can't interfere with that. She needs a chance to really figure out what her feelings are."

"I think you underestimate her. I think she knows exactly what she wants and how she feels. But regardless, aren't your own feelings important?"

"I've already given into my own feelings when I should have controlled them. She walked in here untouched, and I changed that. For my own selfish reasons, I couldn't stay away from her." Spike looked up at his father, guilt and shame streaking his face.

"You're both consenting adults. You cannot punish yourself for being human."

"She was dazzled. And I took advantage."

"Will, Buffy is an extremely intelligent young woman. She wouldn't have *let* you take advantage of her." Rupert led his son back over toward the leather chair and sat him down. "Now, I think you're both old enough to make your own decisions. If you don't want her, that's a whole other matter."

"I can't stop wanting her." The ache never left.

"Wanting's easy. Loving's hard. The first time I saw your mother, I wanted her and never stopped. But when I realized I loved her? It terrified me. It still does sometimes." Rupert chuckled.

"What? You make it look so easy."

"You're seeing us as a matched set. But it wasn't always that way. When we met, I was an ex-con who'd gotten lucky. She was a spoiled heiress. Long odds on a pair like that Will."

"You're saying I made a mistake." Spike dry washed his face with an open palm. "I'm not sure anymore."

"There aren't any guarantees Will. Loving a woman is the biggest gamble of all. You either put up your bet or throw down your hand and leave the table. But if you keep leaving the table, you'll never give yourself the chance to win. So is Buffy the woman you want?"

"Yes."

"Do you love her?"

"Yes." Admitting it was like lifting the bands that had been constricting his chest. His breath came easier and his heart sped up.

"How badly did you bollocks this up?"

"Pretty badly. She shut the door in my face." Spike winced at the memory.

"It's probably going to take some fast talking to get her to open up again."

"So I'll talk fast."

"What are you going to do?"

"Get her back."

***

Chapter 21 - The Chase Is On

Spike made two stops before heading up to Buffy's suite. He knew he'd hurt her and could just imagine her sitting up in her rooms alone and upset. He wanted to kick himself for having been so stupid and hurting Buffy in the process.

By the time he got to her door he was loaded down with a large bouquet of red roses, a bundle of "I'm sorry" balloons, and a pair of small pearl earrings he'd seen in the shop and thought Buffy would like. His father had told him that there was no such thing as going overboard when apologizing to a woman, and he believed him.

He freed one hand and pushed the small button that rang the bell. He waited but heard no sounds coming from the other side of the door. He pushed the button once more and then rapped on the door loudly. "Buffy, luv?" He expected to hear a "go away!" or something of the sort, but still nothing.

So, now what? He wasn't going to make the same mistake and enter her suite without permission. But was she there and not answering? Or had she gone out? Where would she have gone? He knocked again hoping that she might feel some pity and open the door. When there was still no result, he sighed heavily and glanced up and down the corridor.

He could wait here all night, he supposed, but didn't think that was prudent. If she was in the room, he'd probably *would* be waiting all night. And if she'd gone out, it would be better if he tried to track her down. He could start with his mum. She probably knew where Buffy was, and this time he would drag it out of her! With that thought, he tied the balloons and the flowers to her suite door, and then strode quickly to the elevator.

***

"What do you mean you don't know, mum?" Spike asked, desperate. "That's what you said last time, and you did bloody well know!"

"Don't you raise your voice to me young man!" Joyce answered back. "When I make a promise to someone I keep it! And I'd like to think I've taught you the same thing."

Spike dry washed his face and let out an exasperated breath. "I'm sorry mum. It's just that I've really messed this up, and I want to fix it before it's too late." He gave her soulful puppy dog eyes. "I need to get her back."

"I know love." Joyce answered, giving the crown of her son's head a quick peck. "Everything will work out."

"How do you know?" Spike asked. "Did she say anything to you? Have you seen her?"

"She came by." Joyce nodded slowly.

"What did she say?"

"Not much. I could tell there was something on her mind, but she didn't seem inclined to talk and I didn't want to push."

"She didn't say anything about it?" Spike's heart was sinking. He knew Buffy, and the fact that she hadn't shared any of their recent argument with his mother did not seem like a good sign.

"No. I'm sorry Will." Joyce bowed her head slightly.

They spoke quietly for a few more minutes before Spike left his parents' suite dejected. He wandered back to his office, unsure now what his next step should be. When he opened the door he encountered his father studying the monitors eyeing the casino floor.

"No luck I take it?" Rupert asked mildly.

"No. She's not up in her rooms." Spike answered curtly, no energy left for pleasantries. Had the damage been too high? Was she out of his life permanently? Absently he rubbed at the ache in his chest.

"No she isn't."

His da's words penetrated the fog surrounding him and caused him to make an abrupt turn. "You know where she is?" Spike demanded.

Rupert inclined his head, indicating monitor 3. Spike's brows drew together as he peered at the black and white screen. What he saw made his heart race and his anger flare. Buffy was there in the midst of a crowd blowing on dice, and wearing a triumphant grin.

***

When he arrived on the casino floor, Spike's anger had ebbed slightly. So she wasn't in her room sulking, why had he expected that? But when he got close enough to see her in full color another emotion washed through him and flooded his senses; pure, white hot, jealousy.

She stood at the head of the craps table wrapped in the little red dress she'd worn their first night out. It clung to her body and left little to the imagination. She was laughing and smiling and every time she leaned over to throw the dice all the men surrounding her were gifted with a close view of her tight ass and smooth legs. Spike had no doubts that the other side of the table had an excellent view as well.

He pushed through the crowd, now at least four men deep. He reached her just in time to see a man in his late forties pat her on the ass just before she rolled the dice again. He threw the man a scowl, then grabbed Buffy's elbow. "What the bloody hell are you doing?"

"I'm kicking your ass!" Buffy answered without qualm.

"Cash in," he demanded through gritted teeth.

Buffy tried to pull her arm away, "No. I'm on a winning streak."

Not allowing her escape, Spike leaned forward and grabbed her chips. He threw them forward and ordered the croupier to cash them in.

"You can't keep me from playing!" Buffy yelled as he pulled her from the table.

"Yes, I can. This is my casino. The house always has the edge." Spike answered calmly.

"Fine! Then I'll take my business elsewhere. And I'll be sure to let everyone know that the Crypt can't handle a run of honest luck!" She pulled away now, spinning to face him head on.

"Buffy, come upstairs with me. We have to talk."

"No. We've talked enough already. My bags are already packed, I'm leaving in the morning."

He grabbed for her arm again. "Buffy, please. I'm asking, please come upstairs with me. We need to talk about this."

Buffy sighed and turned away. "There's nothing left to talk about. I told you, I won't bother you anymore. I'm leaving. I won't make a scene. Please," the last words were whispered out, and Spike could hear the tears that threatened in her husky voice, "please just leave me alone."

"Okay, it's the hard way then, luv." Spike answered, moving forward and wrapping his arms around her waist. He lifted her and slung her over his shoulder. He began to walk back toward the elevator that would take them up to her penthouse.

Buffy panicked. What was he doing? Why wouldn't he leave her alone? Wasn't breaking her heart enough for him? She couldn't take anymore of this. She couldn't take seeing him, being near him, and knowing that he didn't want her. The panic grew until she began to lash out physically just to get away.

Spike was wary of Buffy's skill as a fighter, which was why he moved quickly to secure her into such an awkward position. It would be difficult for even her to maneuver out of it. "Buffy, luv, I just want to talk. We're both so stubborn I don't even know how.oomph!" His sentence was cut midway when the toe of one of Buffy's heels accidentally connected with a very sensitive spot. They both fell to the ground, Buffy rolling away as quickly as possible. Spike sat on the floor a bit dazed and gently cradled his abused dangly bits.

"Will, please leave me alone." Buffy entreated one more time before dashing into the open elevator. The doors closed before Spike could even stand. He banged a closed fist on the door, and then turned around to slump against it. What now?

Suddenly an idea came to him and his mouth twisted up in a grin. Pushing himself off the elevator doors he headed toward's his mum's suite.

***

Upstairs Buffy was frantically putting the last of her things in a carrying case. She wouldn't wait until tomorrow; she'd leave tonight. She *couldn't* see him again. Her last task before stepping out the door was a quick phone call.

"Hello?"

"Giles?" Buffy's voice was hesitant. "I'm sorry to call so late."

"Buffy? What is it child?" Thomas asked, worry in his voice.

"I know we'd planned my trip for the weekend, but do you think I could come tonight instead? I'd start the drive right now."

"Now? But it's late, won't you be tired lass?" Thomas was no fool, he knew the child was running away from something, or someone. And he had a feeling he knew who that someone was.

"No. I'll be fine, I promise. I just would like to get started. If that's okay with you?"

"Sure, lass. You know you're welcome anytime. Just be careful."

"I will. Thank you Giles!" Buffy thanked him earnestly before hanging up the phone and grabbing her bags.

***

"Thanks mum." Spike called as the door closed behind him. He knew his mum could help him, and now that he'd called the realtor all he had to do was find Buffy and convince her to go with him. He just had one more stop to make.

He was in the Crypt's small jewelry store when the page rang out for him. He strode to the courtesy phone across the hall and picked up the line. He was immediately connected to a waiting phone call.

"Spike."

"Is that anyway to greet someone?"

"Grandda? What are you doing calling this late? Is something wrong? Is it grandmum?" Spike asked with growing concern.

"No, your grandmum's fine. I was actually calling to see if I could catch Buffy." Giles hid a grin behind his hand as he spoke.

"Buffy? What do you mean?"

"Well, she called me a few minutes earlier and asked if it would be okay if she came down early. I told her that would be fine but I'm worried about her making the long drive so late at night. I don't want her falling asleep and crashing." Giles stated innocently.

"What?!" Buffy was leaving? Tonight? Without bothering to say goodbye he hung up the phone and raced toward the elevator. By the time he'd gotten to Buffy's door he already had his passkey out. Without hesitation he used the key and entered the suite.

"Buffy?" He called as he sped from room to room. His heart sank as he noted the emptiness of each room, and the missing clothes from the closet. He sank onto the bed taking in the vacant aura permeating the penthouse.

Buffy was gone.

***

Chapter 22 - On the Run

Buffy let the tears fall now. She was safely on her way out of town, her small car racing down the highway and out of Will's life. She had meant what she'd said to him. She didn't want to get in his way. She wasn't going to keep chasing after him, not when she knew how little he must care for her.

She thought back to their first meeting. What a fool she must have looked! Fainting before they'd even said hello. She blushed remembering how she'd awoken, in nothing but a shirt and panties. Knowing that he'd been the one to undress her, and she hadn't even known his name yet!

As she thought back through the days they'd spent together her heart lurched and broke just a bit more. How naïve and stupid he must have thought she was. Had it all been an act? Had he cared nothing for her at all? No, she couldn't believe that. He hadn't wanted to sleep with her. He'd told her before hand that he couldn't love her and he hadn't wanted to lead her on. It was her own fault that she hadn't believed him. He'd cared enough to not want to hurt her. Was it really his fault that he had?

She swiped at the tears on her face, blinking her eyes to clear them enough to drive safely. Suddenly a car swerved around her, sending up a spray of dust and grime from the road. It sped past her and then quickly turned stopping in the middle of the road. Buffy slammed on her brakes jamming her wheel to the right, her heart trip-hammering in her chest at the near collision. Her breathing began to even out as she found herself safely on the side of the road.

The fear that had been slowly ebbing kicked up a notch when she realized that the car she'd nearly hit was reversing and pulling in to the area just in front of her. Once the dust from the car's latest move had settled, Buffy gasped when she found Will standing in the beam of her headlights, anger evident on his face.

Spike was breathing hard, his eyes cold and mouth thinned in an angry line. Once the shock of her absence had worn off Spike had taken action. He wasn't going to let her get away. He'd torn through the hotel jumped in his car and raced down the highway. There was only one highway she could have taken to his grandda's and Spike intended to catch her. He'd probably broken several laws and was surprised that he'd escaped being pulled over.

Now that he stood here, watching her through the windshield his anger flared. She'd been running away. She wasn't even going to give him a chance to explain. She'd left without even a goodbye. He let the anger surge through him, replacing the crushing despair he'd felt earlier.

Buffy stepped out of the car, her own anger rising. "Are you crazy? Are you trying to get me killed? What are you doing here?" The questions shot out of her mouth in rapid-fire succession.

Spike's jaw clenched as he tried to control his anger, or was it fear that had him so rigid? Fear that he'd really lost his chance? "I told you we needed to talk. To straighten things out." He took a step forward, reaching toward her.

"So you try to kill me?" She asked, exasperated, she stepped away from him. "I told you, there's nothing left to talk about."

"Buffy, please, you don't understand." Spike tried to reach for her again, but she cringed away from his touch taking several steps backward.

"See? That's the problem right there. You don't think I understand anything! You think I'm an idiot that doesn't know anything about the 'ways of the world'." She added air quotes to the last of her rant.

"I don't think you're an idiot." Unable to help himself, Spike smiled. He loved the way Buffy looked when she was in full battle mode. Her eyes were sparkling, her cheeks were flushed, and he could see the warm puff of her breath in the desert's cold night air.

"You're definition of naïve, seems to be the same as my definition for idiot!" She responded scowling at him. "But I'm smart enough to know when I'm not wanted. Smart enough to realize that you got tired of me and wanted to brush me off in the quickest way possible." Her voice had gotten quieter and quieter.

"Tired of you?" Spike repeated in amazement. How could he ever get tired of her? She was a constant source of amazement to him. "Buffy, no - " His hand snaked through his hair in frustration. "Bollocks! Let me explain."

"No need." She turned away. "You don't want me. I get it. Don't worry, I'm not going to drive off a cliff over it. I'm young, I'm rich, and you're not the only man in the world."

"Just hold the bloody hell on!" Spike demanded.

"No." She turned back to face him, their gazes locking. "You were the first. That doesn't mean you have to be the last."

Spike flattened his palms against his trousers, his jaw clenched. The thought of Buffy with anyone other than him had rage coursing through his body and clouding his mind. Ridiculous when that had been one of the reasons he'd repeatedly told himself to let her go. She needed more experience. How could she know whether she loved him, when he was the only man she'd ever been with? But now that he was faced with the prospect it incensed him, terrified him, and nearly broke him. It was no longer an option he was willing to allow her.

"Watch your step, Buffy."

"I'm done watching my step. I'm going to stop looking before I leap. It's my decision. So far I've been landing on my feet. If one day I end up falling, it'll be my problem and no one else's."

Fear made it's way up Spike's spine and he shivered. She was determined; he could see that. He was fast becoming afraid that he would have no ability to stop her.

"You know damn well you're in love with me." He said that only thing he could think of.

"Why because I slept with you? Please." Buffy tried for a derisive snort, but didn't think she quite pulled it off.

He stepped up to her once again, this time not allowing her retreat. He grasped her around the wrist and pulled her close. "I know you. You wouldn't have slept with me otherwise." Their faces were only inches apart. She could feel the hot rush of his breath on her lips. "If I tasted you now, put my mouth on yours, you'd tell me without having to say the words."

Defeated her gaze fell to the ground around their feet. Her heart cracked and crumbled in her chest. "You knew." She whispered. "You knew and you used it." She chewed at her bottom lip, determined to not let the tears fall.

"Maybe I did. It's one of the things I've had to work out with myself. I've made a lot of mistakes, hurt you, because I couldn't get past it." Spike tried to explain.

"Are you feeling guilty or angry Will?" She sighed wearily. "You broke my heart Will. I laid myself out for you, would have given you my heart on a platter. It wasn't even enough for you not to want it. You ignored it, and then you shoved it away. Shoved me away." The tears spilled hotly down her cheeks now. She wiped at them in angry haste.

"I told myself I was doing it for you." His words sounded like a plea.

"Oh." She sniffled. "How very considerate of you."

He reached for her again, but she cringed away. He felt as if a knife was twisting its way through his guts. "Buffy, please look at me. I won't touch you," he swallowed hard, "just look at me, luv."

She turned to face him, her cheeks glistening, and her nose red. "What do you want from me Will? You want me to tell you it's okay? That I don't hold it against you?" She clenched her fists by her side as she spoke, her voice getting louder. "Well, it's not okay! I'm *trying* not to hold it against you, but I don't understand. You didn't have to love me back," her voice broke just a little. "But you could have been kind."

"Oh, Buffy, luv," Spike's own heart ached at the sound of despair in her voice. "If I'd trusted myself, my own feelings, we wouldn't even be having this conversation."

Buffy tried to hold back the sob, but it broke loose and she gasped in air.

"Luv, -"

"Stop calling me that!" Buffy couldn't take much more. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? She wanted to wail. She wanted to run. She just wanted this to be over.

"Buffy, 'm sorry. Let's not do this here." He pulled her toward him, this time without any resistance. Pushing her toward the passenger side of her car, he buckled her in before pulling out his cell phone. "Yeah, it's me. We're on our way."

"Who did you call?" Buffy asked, perplexed.

"You're realtor, lu -, pet." He answered as he buckled himself in.

"What? Why? It's almost 1 in the morning."

"I want to see your house."

"Now?" She asked, incredulous.

"Yes. Now."

Buffy stared at his profile for a moment, studying his features, his quiet look of determination. She didn't understand what was happening, what he wanted from her. But she had a strange feeling that one way or another it would all be over soon. So she sat back, closed her eyes, and let Will take her for another leap.

***

Chapter 23 - Taking the Plunge

They stopped in front of a house Buffy didn't recognize. So far the trip had been made in complete silence, furtive glances being exchanged every once in awhile. Buffy had sat sullenly in the passenger seat, wanting to convey just how much she resented the fact that Will had essentially kidnapped her. If she hadn't been hanging on to the last few shreds of her dignity she might just have demanded he pull over and let her walk back to the Strip on her own.

She watched as Will stepped up to the front door and rang the bell. She wasn't exactly surprised when she saw her realtor, Laura, answer the door. They had a brief conversation before Laura handed Will a set of keys and said a polite goodnight. Buffy sighed inwardly as Will began the short walk back to the car.

"Well you're obviously a very powerful man. Proud of yourself?" She asked as he took a seat behind the wheel.

Spike remained silent, though he spared her a hard glance. Before he'd found out she'd gone, he'd had a hunch. He knew what he had to say to her, and that the Crypt wasn't the place to say it. Standing on the side of the road with her, he'd remembered his earlier plans and knew in his heart that they were right. He was glad that he'd made most of the arrangements before he'd embarked on the wild chase to stop his girl.

Now, driving quietly down the road he marveled at the contrast of the still suburban street compared to the bright bustle of the Strip. Only a few minutes away there would be hordes of people walking along the streets the sounds of slot machines tinkling in the background. Here, on this quiet street, there weren't even any other cars in motion.

Spike loved Vegas. He loved the desert, both for its beauty and its solitude. But he also loved the fact that he had a choice. He could spend any given night out on the tranquil sands just enjoying the peace or he could spend it in the midst of a crowd, laughing, gambling, and just generally being alive. He supposed he could understand how easily Buffy had found herself enchanted by the magic that made up Las Vegas. He was, in fact, supremely glad of it.

He chuckled silently when he turned to catch her sulking in her seat. The bottom lip that he'd first noticed the day she'd fainted in his arms protruded in a sexy pout. And for a moment a stab of longing shook him, making him shudder. He remembered that night; he hadn't even known her name yet. He'd felt the first stirring of desire as he undressed her, though he'd ruthlessly suppressed it at the time.

Spike glanced up as they arrived at the address he'd been given. The house wasn't overly large, just comfortable. From what he could see it stood two stories high, the outside painted a dusky rose, almost the color of a glowing sunset. There were a few sparse flowers sprinkling the front yard and bordering the meandering walkway that led to the front door. They said nothing as they made their way down that walk, until Spike reached into his pants pocket for the keys.

"Ask me in," he demanded.

"You've got the keys." Buffy bit pack.

Fishing the ring out of his pocket, he handed them to her. "Ask me in."

She debated on whether she should, or whether she should just march back to the car. In the end she took the keys, turning to place them in the keyhole. Maybe if she went along with whatever he had planned this night would finally end.

"It's different at night." She mused aloud as she unlocked the door. "But just as beautiful."

They walked into the foyer together, Buffy flipping the house lights until the hall and the sitting room were flooded. Buffy felt a pang in her chest. Just a day ago she'd been here, wishing he'd been with her. And now that they were, she only felt confused and anxious. Why had he brought her here?

"It's quite large. A lot of space." Spike commented as they made their way through the hall, toward the back half of the house.

"I've discovered I like a lot of space. Anyway, it won't seem quite as large once the furniture's all put in." Buffy answered, worrying her bottom lip as they trudged toward the kitchen.

The kitchen was done in cheerful colors, peach walls, and white counters. There was a sliding glass door leading to a wooden deck with a western view of the desert. Spike could picture her there standing on the deck leaning against the railing while watching the sunset, the light framing her dainty figure. He could see her there, laughing, turning toward him with that pixie's grin on her face. Then the picture changed, shimmering until she was no longer standing alone. Instead she stood, smiling, while she bounced a baby with golden curls and hazel eyes on her hip. Spike's stomach dropped and he drew a deep breath in.

Turning to her abruptly he asked, "Is this what you want?" His arms swept the room.

Nodding she answered, "This is what I want."

"There's a cellar?" He'd noticed the extra door in the kitchen.

"Yes." Buffy wondered what they were doing there fervently wishing he'd get on with it.

"I suppose you'll use it as a studio?" He raised a brow at her.

"Yes." Buffy ached a little that he'd know as much.

"You never did give me a demonstration."

It was Buffy's turn to arch a brow. "We we're otherwise occupied. And then you were busy."

Nodding absently, Spike ran his fingers roughly through his bleached hair. "Buffy, I'm sorry." He began. "I want you to know how glad I am for you. That you've gotten your studio, this house, everything. I'm sorry if I spoiled your fun."

The chagrin he wore was genuine and Buffy found herself wanting to just let the whole thing go. "It doesn't matter."

"But it does matter, luv."

Oh, would he ever stop calling her that? Didn't he know that it hurt? She closed her eyes and turned away.

Spike stepped up to her, grasping her arm he turned her until they were once again facing each other. "Let me explain, luv."

Buffy squeezed her eyes shut and tried to step away. "Please," she whispered, "stop calling me that." She swallowed back a sob. She would not cry in front of him.

He let her go but forced her to remain close. He waited until her eyes were open and he was sure she was focused on him before continuing. "You turned my world upside down, Buffy, the day you fell into my arms, literally." He smiled ruefully. "You were overwhelmed, and vulnerable." Spike stopped dry wash his face with an agitated hand. "And so bloody desirable I almost took you that first night!"

He began to pace then, his long strides eating up the kitchen floor in front of her. "You were so tempting. But I'm good at resisting temptation that's why I'm so good at what I do. But I couldn't resist you." He sent a pleading look her way.

Buffy shook her head. "You didn't seduce me. I wanted you too."

"But it wasn't an even hand. You were inexperienced. I took what I wanted because I could, because I needed to. Even knowing that you wanted more, deserved more, I took you anyway, knowing that I wasn't prepared to give you anything." Spike's words came out harshly as he berated himself.

"But you were honest from the beginning. I didn't go in blind. You told me before we were lovers that you didn't want marriage or love." Buffy answered, defending him without conscious thought. "That was the chance I took."

Spike looked up, incredulous. "You gambled on changing my mind?"

"The odds against you falling in love with me may have been long, but they weren't infinitesimal!" Buffy shouted, her anger back. "Giles thinks I'm perfect for you. So does your mother, and your father!"

"You spoke to mum and da about us?" Spike asked.

"I love your parents! Aren't I allowed to have someone to talk to?" Buffy asked, anger still radiating off her small frame.

"Yes. No. That isn't the point. We're getting off the subject." Spike strode toward her, his hands waving in irritation. He stopped just shy of her and began again. "Pet, the way I saw things you needed time. You said yourself you'd never even been outside of Trader's Corners. I figured you'd do a little exploring, have fun, indulge yourself. Something you'd never been able to do before. Maybe gamble a little, spend some money, splurge on yourself. Discover sex."

"What?! So was that all that was? You were tutoring me? How much more insulting can you get?" Buffy huffed out.

"I'm not trying to be insulting. I'm trying to tell you what I thought, and that I was wrong."

"You haven't even begun to say that you were wrong. Maybe you should start." Buffy gave him a menacing glare.

"You've got a nasty streak, luv. Never noticed it before." Inwardly Spike was smirking at Buffy's sass.

"I've been saving it up!" Buffy shot back her reply. "So the little country mouse comes to the big city and the clever city mouse gives her a little taste of sin, then shows her the door before she damns her soul to hell? Is that it?"

"A long, wide nasty streak." Spike answered, shaking his head, his palms flat against the legs of his trousers. "You were alone and over your head."

"So you thought you'd wade in and keep me floating just until my feet touched sand? Then what?"

"Oh, bloody shut up!" Spike demanded, exasperated. "Nobody ever gave you a choice, Buffy. You've always had to play by somebody else's rules, until you got here. Since you've arrived you've had a hold of your life, making up your own rules as you went. How was I supposed to take that a way from you? How could I expect you to live at my hotel, wander my casino, and tie yourself to me? When you've never been with anybody else? I didn't want you to choose me just because you didn't know any better."

"Big of you to make such a sacrifice. To decide that I didn't know any better and wasn't capable of making that kind of choice. Funny that you should treat me exactly the way you say everybody else has!" Buffy fumed at him.

"I know. I'm sorry." Spike apologized quietly, knowing now how foolish he'd been.

Buffy's hands shot out over the meager distance that separated them. Her palms flat against his chest, she pushed until he staggered back and cleared her path. "So am I." She began to march back toward the door.

"We're not finished yet." Spike grabbed for her, grasping her elbow and pulling her to a stop.

Buffy whirled on him. "What's the point?! Do you want a tour of the house now? Do you want us to pretend to be friends?" She threw up her hands in exasperation. "What are we doing here?"

"I wanted to finish this here," Spike's arms swept the room. "Because it's not my place, it's yours." His eyes bored into hers. "The house always has the edge."

"What are you talking about?" Confused now, she waited for his answer.

"Da told me something today. Something I hadn't considered before. He said wanting was easy, but loving was terrifying. Buffy - " He wanted to sweep her in his arms then, but she looked so fragile that he was afraid he'd shatter her. "You terrify me. When I see you, luv, I'm scared senseless."

"Don't do this. You're not playing fair." She hugged her arms tightly around herself, radiating misery and confusion.

"That's what I tried to do, Buffy. I tried to play fair, but all I ended up doing was hurting you and making myself miserable. I'm playing a new hand now, and when the house has the edge I can't afford to play fair." She backed away from him, edging herself toward the door. "There's no point in running, I'll only come after you." And he did just that, grabbing onto her once more. "You brought this on yourself, Buffy. I would have let you go. I was prepared to let you go."

When he pulled her close, she was trembling. He kissed her gently on the forehead. "You're shaking, luv." His kisses trailed down to her cheek and chin. "Scared?" He let himself indulge in one brief chaste kiss on the lips. "That must mean you still love me."

"Stop!" She tried to push him away, but her arms felt weak and tired. "I don't want you feeling sorry for me." She nearly sobbed. "I don't - "

Tired of words, he pulled her closer and let himself go. His lips landed atop hers and nearly devoured her. Buffy felt all the air whoosh out of her leaving her gasping for more. Her heart beat double time and slammed against her chest.

"Is that what you think this is?" Spike asked, gasping for breath himself. He swooped down and took her lips once more. "Bloody hell, this dress drives me crazy!" Buffy hadn't had time to change her clothes before her hasty flight. Now as his hands wandered her exposed back Buffy shivered in to his touch. "I wanted to rip apart every guy that saw you in this flimsy thing tonight." Spike kissed her roughly this time. "I'll have to buy you a dozen more just like it." His hardness pressed against her thigh as he held her tightly to him.

Buffy's mind was reeling. "You're not making any sense." She shook her head trying to clear her rampant thoughts. "What are you saying?"

With a monumental effort he pulled away from her. Placing his hands on her cheeks he forced their eyes to meet. They stood together for several moments, just staring into each other. When his lips began to move, Buffy felt as if she'd entered a dream. "I love you."

The pain in her chest twisted and churned until it became a bursting explosion of color and light. "You do?" She managed to whisper over the cacophony of her heartbeat.

"I love everything about you, Buffy." He kissed the corner of her mouth, the crinkle of her brow, and the crown of her head. "And I was hoping you'd buck the odds and give me a second chance." His eyes pleaded with her.

"I'm a big believer in second chances." She answered, her lips forming a tremulous smile.

"I was counting on it, luv." He kissed her again, gently, smiling as her arms wove around his waist. "But you're going to have to let me move in here."

"Here? You want to live in this house?"

"Well, I assumed this is where you'd want to raise the kids." He answered the picture of her with a bright bouncing baby still firmly etched in his mind's eye.

"Kids?"

"You do want kids, don't you?" He asked, smirking at the look of adorable confusion on her face. When she nodded, he continued, "And I'm an old fashioned bloke. If we're going to have kids, you're going to have to marry me first."

"Will." Buffy tried to say more, but all that would come was his name. She snuggled into his warm body, and waited for the feeling of euphoria to lift enough for coherency to return.

"So what do you say, Buffy? Are you willing to risk it?" He smiled down at her, his blue eyes twinkling. "Do you want to take a gamble on us?"

She waited a beat before answering, but when she saw his smile falter and his eyes dim she reassured him quickly. "It so happens I'm on a hot streak."

He swept her into his arms, lifting her off the ground and twirling her until she was dizzy. "So I've heard." He laughed as he set her back down.

Her feet landed on the plush living room carpet, her face flush, her hands still shaking. When Will dropped to his knee before her, she couldn't prevent the tears from rushing to her eyes.

"Marry me, Buffy." He held out the ring to her. A beautiful sapphire ringed with tiny diamonds. It sparkled in the moonlight that shone through the front window. Carefully he took her trembling hand and pushed the ring on to her finger, kissing each dainty appendage afterward.

Then he stood and kissed at the tears falling down Buffy's cheeks, making her laugh and cry at the same time. Silencing her with a kiss to her lips, Spike let his hands wander where they willed. Finding them unzipping the back of Buffy's dress didn't come as a surprise to either of them.

The dress slid down, revealing goosebumped flesh. Spike caught his breath at the sight of her, eyes turned shyly downward. She made such an erotic picture, all bashful sexiness, he groaned.

Ridiculously Buffy felt herself blushing. Will had seen her before, and had told her in more than just words that she was desirable. But now, after all they'd been through and everything they'd shared with each other tonight, she almost felt as if this was their first time together. She glanced at him through her lowered lashes. The desire-laden gaze he washed over her had her body heat rising by degrees.

Naked, he lowered her to the ground, laying her as comfortably as possible. "Sorry, luv." He kissed her senseless. "Can't wait any longer. Know you deserve better, but..." Buffy didn't know when Will had taken off his own clothes, but he lay there against her, his cool skin flush against her overheated one.

His lips feasted on her flesh, hungrily tasting her. He moaned at the first taste of her flavor on his tongue, cursing for having denied himself for so long. He pulled away to focus on her dazed expression. "Is this okay, luv?" He wanted her so badly he didn't know what he'd do if she said no. But her lips curved up in a seductive smile as she pulled his mouth back down to hers.

He moved against her positioning himself between her silken thighs. When they finally came together, Spike's groan rumbled through his whole body causing a rippling tingle to surge through Buffy's. She arched into him and they were overcome with passion. They crashed together until neither of them could do anything but feel the other. And when they finally crested the peak together, neither had any breath left to speak.

Hours, or days, later Buffy came back to consciousness snuggling into her new fiance. She smiled into his chest, wondering at the turn her life had taken. She'd started this journey hoping for a new life. She'd ended by finding a new love.

"Love you." She whispered to him the first time she'd been able to say it aloud without fear or nervousness.

"Mmm." He kissed the crown of her head, and tightened his arm around her waist. "Love you too. Always."

Buffy's smile widened. Maybe she'd found a new life as well, a better life. Her life, no, *their* life, together.

THE END