Disclaimers: I don't own any of the characters, it's all owned by Joss Wheldon and Mutant Enemy. Yada, Yada :)

Distribution: Sure, but let me know where it is going.

Setting: Season 5 AU, starting after Spike and Harmony try to get the chip out of his head (towards the end of Out of My Mind), but Spike has not had any sexual dreams about Buffy…yet.

Summary: One night, Buffy’s patrol turns out a little differently than expected - with some help. B/S!!!

Rating: NC-17

“Why don’t you three brain donors stand still so I can stake you and leave. Wood, heart, dust, and I’m on my way home.” The night had been long, and Buffy was more than ready to call it quits. That is if the three vamps she had just come across would cooperate. She wasn’t asking for much, was she?

Buffy was surprised when the tallest vampire decided he could string a few words together, after all. “Looky here, boys. I don’t think any half pint girl is going to stake us, is she?”

Buffy smiled. She loved it when they didn’t know she was the Slayer and had no hesitancy using the element of surprise to her advantage. “Ok, time for Mr. Pointy to meet Mr. Unoriginal, Big Mouth.”

The slayer lunged at the tallest and was shocked when he side-stepped, hitting her on the back as she passed by. Buffy recovered immediately. As she kicked the closest vamp in the head and punched the next, she reevaluated the situation. These three must be new to town because they certainly were not the garden variety fledglings as she had first assumed.

One grabbed Buffy from behind, but she managed to flip him over onto his back on the ground and quickly followed him down with a stake to his heart. As the dust settled, she stood up in a defensive stance, facing the two that remained. “One down, two to stake. Who wants to give up first?”

Before anybody could move, a black streak flew by, taking down one of the vampires. Putting her hands on her hips, Buffy rolled her eyes while yelling, “Spike, I told you *not* to help me patrol anymore.”

As the last word left her mouth, Buffy caught a foot to the jaw. Stunned, she fell on the ground, desperately trying to clear her head, while anticipating another attack. With blurry vision, the slayer tried to look up at the vampire, who had almost kicked the teeth out of her head. As he leaned in closer, he unexpectedly burst into dust. When the cloud dissipated, Buffy was still looking at a vampire, but now it was a platinum haired vampire that she unfortunately recognized - Spike with his annoyingly cocky grin that she wanted to smack off his face whenever she saw it.

Spike offered his hand to help her up, which she refused. ‘No shock there, mate,’ Spike thought as he pulled out his cigarettes and lighter.

Buffy brushed herself off. “I *so* didn’t need your interference.”

“Interference, was it? Right. And tomorrow, I’m going sun bathing in my spare time.”

“A girl can always hope, can’t she? Besides, I could have taken all three alone.”

“Sorry, Slayer. Looked to me that you were lying on the ground, waiting to become that wanker’s snack.” Now Spike was starting to get mad. This stupid bint didn’t know a good thing even when it bit her in the neck. Oh…bite, neck…“By the way, pet, I heard Dracula was in town recently, and by the looks of you, he got a little taste.”

Smack. Buffy hit Spike square in the nose. “Shut the hell up, Spike.”

Spike watched the slayer stomp away. ‘Bloody hell, I should have known that punch was coming,’ Spike thought, but then smiled. ‘But it was worth it. Her highness isn’t as lily white as she wants everyone to believe.’

*****

Three figures stood at the front of a cave on a small, rocky island approximately a hundred miles north of the South Pole. All three were from the same species of demon, and they were definitely *not* human, though. Each were predominately a gorgeous shade of blue, faint green patches with floppy ears similar to a cocker spaniel and iridescent wings folded neatly on their backs. Looking at them, one might mistake them for a variety of fairies except who had ever seen a floppy eared fairy? Yet, everyone knows fairies have pointed ears, don’t they?

Two were male; one with a long, white beard giving him the look of a wise man, while the other was just beginning a beard. The third was a young female, fidgeting from foot to foot watching the two males who were engaged in an escalating argument.

The younger male was adamantly waving his arms. “But, sir, that can’t be done. Those two? No way, no how!”

Unperturbed, the elder shot right back, “Yes, it can, and it will because you, Multok, are going to make sure it happens.”

Instead of leaving as she wanted, now it was all the girl could do to duck flailing arms and try to blend in with the cave wall. Astonished, she watched as Multok continued arguing with the Elder.

“No…”

“Yes.It.Will. And take Shel here with you. She needs a little on the job training.”

Multok started to open his mouth again but thought better of it. He, at least, knew when he had hit his limit, and judging by the look on the Elder’s face, his nose was now pressed up against said limit. Turning to Shel, he waved his arm towards the open sky, pointing north. “Come on, girl. We’re headed to Sunnydale. After this, they should call me a miracle maker.”

*****

‘Grrrh. Where did he go?’ Buffy thought. She was way sick of running after this particular demon. ‘And why was he so fast?’

The slayer listened, trying to pick up on any noise that would give her a clue where Speedy had disappeared. Catching the sound of crunching leaves, Buffy took off after her quarry.

Damn, now she was starting to sweat. She had told Riley that she didn’t have to patrol that night and would meet him at the Bronze. But not as smelly girl. How fast plans change when you have a stuffy, workaholic watcher.

Phones are evil. Giles had called just as Buffy was leaving the house. In fact, her hand had been on the front door’s knob when the phone had rung. Buffy had immediately recognized Giles’ voice.

“Buffy?”

Pitching her voice low, she tried to bluff her way out. “There’s no one here by that name.”

“Buffy, I know that is you. And I seriously doubt you’ve been taking testosterone treatments.”

She could just see her watcher taking his glasses off in frustration. “Hi, Giles. Nice talking to you. Gotta go. Bye.”

“Buffy, we have an infestation of sorts.”

“No ‘we’ do not, Giles. I took a bath today.” Buffy smiled, trying not to laugh. ‘That ought to have him scrubbing his glasses.’

“Buffy, you need to listen to me. This is serious.”

When wasn’t he serious, and how many times could he say her name in this conversation? Rolling her eyes, Buffy heard her watcher out. However, she mainly put it down as proof that it can only be bad if the phone rings when your hand is on the front door.

Giles told her that numerous Eloquaw demons had hit town. They were between four and a half to five feet tall, dark grey-brown in color, and had armor-like skin. No prob. However, the ick factor came in with its ten foot long, snake-like tongue. The demon used the appendage to shoot out and strike its intended victim. Its saliva then caused a temporary paralysis, allowing it to wrap its tongue around the unlucky victim and choke. The end result was dinner. However, Giles never mentioned the Speedy Gonzalez ability. She made a mental note to get even with her watcher tomorrow.

Immediately upon entering the first cemetery, Buffy had come across one of the demons. Giles had been right; it must be an infestation. She was practically tripping over them. All fun and games until *she* got hurt, though. The demon had gotten in a light strike with its gross tongue, and the slimy saliva paralyzed her left arm right before she got in a good kick to his head. Then he was off dodging and darting through the tombstones. No stand up and fight in this one, Buffy thought.

Listening carefully, she heard the crunch of leaves to her right and took off running again.

Now, she had use of her arm back, but it still tingled. She had followed the demon in a zig-zag pattern through the first cemetery, across a park, into a second cemetery. Spike’s cemetery. Or at least, she thought of it as Spike’s cemetery. Wasn’t like he owned it or even had his grave there, but his crypt that he lived in was. Great, all she needed now was to run across, literally or figuratively, that bleach-blonde vamp.

She stopped again to listen and was rewarded by the sound of a twig snapping in front of her. Running further, Buffy thought she caught sight of the demon leaving the cemetery through the main gates, right into Willow’s parent’s neighborhood. No big if the demon ate Xander’s parents, but Willow would be crushed to lose her absentee parents, even if they weren’t the best.

Buffy heard a metallic sound scrapping across concrete as she approached the gate. Continuing through the gate, she came to a stop in the street past, unsure which way to go. The demon was nowhere in sight. Then the heel of her boot wobbled, and Buffy looked down in annoyance. “Hey! These boots are new. They better not be ruined or that demon’s gonna pay.” Her eyes traveled down below her boot to see that she was standing on a man-whole cover. Good, her boots were fine, but duh! No wonder she didn’t see the demon.

Buffy quickly pulled the heavy cover up and jumped down into the sewer below, only to be rewarded with a splash. “Sure. That’s the topper to this night. Speedy had to pick a tunnel with the Nile running down it. But bonus points that I can hear him splashing away.”

Following the fading sound, Buffy ran down the sewer until she came to an intersection. She could no longer hear the demon splashing so she assumed he had gone down one of the three dry tunnels. “I need a map. Ya know, arrows pointing out ‘you are here,’ and the demon is running there.”

With a shrug, Buffy chose the one immediately to her right, running a few yards down. Then she stopped to listen.

However, instead of demon-y noises, she heard rock music. Nothing she recognized, or wanted to recognize, but definitely music. The only music she wanted to hear tonight was being played at the Bronze, and this wasn’t the Bronze.

When she came around a bend, Buffy could see a faint light farther down the tunnel. Inhaling, she could also pick up a whiff of cigarette smoke. Thinking about what she was going to say to any kids foolish enough to hide out in the sewers of Sunnydale, Buffy quietly followed the music, which grew louder with every step. She poked her head around a sharp corner to see an opening a few feet away with something partially blocking the entrance.

Stealthfully creeping up, she realized that the blockage was a wooden screen, like one of those screens women undress behind in the movies. Luckily, it had an intricate design cut out at the top that she could sneak a peek through. What she saw shocked her down to her new boots. She found herself gazing at a large bed with Spike on top of Harmony. She took a step back from the screen. ‘Major eewww! Like the sweat and the wet sewer hadn’t been enough for me. I so didn’t need to see Spike and Harmony doing the wild thing.’ Buffy made her most exaggerated eye roll, ‘Just what I need to top off this nightmare of a night, getting caught watching two vamps going at it.’

She turned to leave but couldn’t quite take the first step to leave. Flashing before her eyes, she could see in technicolor Spike pumping into that bimbo vamp. ‘What if they had a victim in there? Not having a clue, Harmony could still kill, or more likely, talk a victim to death. Yeah, that’s it. Possible victim lookage needed.’ Putting her eye back up to the screen, she told herself that she was just satisfying her slayer conscience by looking around the room. Actually, the room was a large cavern. In the far corner, she could see a ladder, which she assumed led up to Spike’s crypt. Buffy had wondered how Spike moved around town during the day, and now she knew. She spotted a CD player, the source of the loud music that thankfully covered up any sound Buffy made, or the couple made for that matter.

But her traitorous curiosity and eyes were drawn back to the bed. Spike was now kissing Harmony as well as pumping. Soon his lips traveled down to the vampiress’ neck as he slid his hand between their bodies. Causing her brow to wrinkle, Buffy wasn’t quite sure what he was doing, but judging by the increased volume of her moaning and writhing on the bed, Harmony certainly loved it. ‘Riley never did that hand thingy.’ Then Harmony climaxed, making Buffy’s jaw drop open. Buffy was totally confused. ‘Riley never did THAT! I didn’t even know a girl could have an orgasm during intercourse.’ Spike’s climax soon followed.

Sure that she would have an imprint of the screen on her face, Buffy started to leave, but then Buffy watched as Spike climbed out of the bed. As he headed over to a dresser, the “Oh” look came back to Buffy’s face. This was California after all, where tans were a must. So why did his pale skin look so enticing. Fascinated, she watched the play of his muscles in his shoulders and back as Spike searched through the dresser. Her eyes traveled down, only briefly stopping at his ass and quickly moving down to his lean legs. Not that his legs weren’t gorgeous, too, but her eyes were soon back up at ass. Realizing that her hands were itching to reach out and feel, Buffy clasped them firmly behind her back. But that didn’t stop her from watching or wanting.

Harmony must have said something because Spike turned back to look at the bed and replied. He still wasn’t facing the screen completely, but Buffy got a good look at his chest and abs. ‘Yum,’ Buffy thought, licking her lips. ‘Riley was muscular but he didn’t look like that.’ Bigger was *not* necessarily better, and in a chest and abs contest, the vamp won. Feminine curiosity soon drew her gaze further downwards. ‘Oh, Riley certainly wasn’t hung like that.’

Realizing where her mind had wandered, Buffy shot back from the screen like she had been burned on a hot stove. ‘I so need to leave when I am comparing the length of the bleach blonde pest’s dick to Riley’s. But it isn’t my fault that Spike is hung better. Oh, bad, bad Buffy thoughts. I gotta get out of here.’ Running as fast as she could, Buffy put some distance between her and Spike, fearing that he would turn off the music at any second and hear the pounding of her feet or her racing heart.

When Buffy was well away, two small, blue figures appeared where she had been standing by the screen. They were smiling broadly. Multok slapped Shel on the back, expertly avoiding her wings. “See what you can do with a little leaf crunching here, a branch snapping there, and a few splashes down a tunnel. Voila! We’ve got the ball rolling, young lady.”

Still staring at Spike, the word ‘ball’ was too close to “balls,” giving her all sorts of sexual imagery. “But he was…uh…with that other girl. They were doing…well, you know.”

‘If the girl blushes anymore from embarrassment, she might be mistaken for a stoplight,’ Multok thought. As it was, Multok suspected her blush was probably giving off enough heat to warm your hands. With a chuckle due to Shel’s naiveté, he waved his hand dismissively towards Harmony, “Oh, her? She’ll be out of the picture soon. The vampires were not a love match, so no worries, Shel.”

With a sigh, Shel turned her back on the scene in the bedroom. “So what do we do next?”

“We wait for a while. When Spike goes asleep in a few hours, we’ll pay him a visit. A few little suggestions in his ear while he’s dreaming should help nicely. But for now, let’s see if we can find a friendly little poker game to pass the time.”

Little did Buffy know that she had witnessed the last time Spike had sex with Harmony, or maybe she didn’t want to know. Regardless, the day after Buffy saw her unexpected peep show, the vampire had his first dream about shagging the vampire slayer. Spike had been snoozing in his chair in front of the telly. Nothing new. Then the slayer barged in as she always did. No knock. No bleedin’ manners. She did her usual accusing, and he did his usual denying. Same old drill. However, this time they ended up on the floor, humping like rabbits. Spike thoroughly enjoyed the dream…right up until he woke up and realized that he had been dreaming about his mortal enemy. Funny what seems totally acceptable in a dream, shocks the hell out of you when you wake up to the real world.

Besides, who would have imagined that one, wet dream could bullocks up his unlife so atrociously? Sure, he had dreamed about the slayer before. Dreamed about killing her, draining her dry, or snapping her perfect, little neck, but this dream had been better. A ‘need to take a cold shower’ kind of better. Numerous cold showers. Shit! Without a doubt, he was going insane. Off his rocker. Lost his marbles. Whacked out of his head, or maybe someone should whack him over the head to correct whatever was short circuiting.

Now, a week later, Spike was still having dreams of the slayer. He knew Harmony was getting pissed because he hadn’t touched her for several days. It wasn’t like Harm hadn’t tried; she just didn’t raise his flag anymore. However, Spike had to admit that he had appreciated her new lingerie that she had flaunted the day before, but he only found himself imagining those lacy, little treats on Buffy. God knows he had tried to excise the slayer from his thoughts. He had avoided Buffy like the plague for the past week, hoping the dreams would bugger off. But soddin’ hell, the erotic images just came back every time he closed his eyes.

So here Spike sat, in his chair in front of the telly, waiting for nightfall. Not unusual, but now the vampire hoping the slayer would come calling. Oh, balls! He was so fucked!

*****

Buffy had spent the past week trying to forget what she had accidentally seen in Spike’s bedroom. Nonetheless, she had unfortunately found it so erotic, causing her mind’s eye to frequently wander back to the scene. She kept pushing the images away. She had no problem dumping Harmony’s images in the recycle bin, but Spike was harder. To add to her frustration, the images crept into her dreams the night before while she was with Riley. Same cavern, same bed, same white-blonde vampire on top. However, the major league problem was that she had been the one beneath him instead of Harmony, looking up into Spike’s face and enjoying her pleasure, as well as his own. That thought had snapped her wide-awake. Shaken and unable to go back to sleep, Buffy had slipped out of Riley’s bed and left.

Buffy was guilt girl all the way home. She thought back to earlier that evening, while she and Riley had been making love. To her horror, Buffy had found herself comparing Riley to Spike. Granted, she wished he would do that thingy with his hand that she had seen Spike do to Harmony, but Buffy couldn’t bring herself to ask. And she especially didn’t want Riley wondering where she had found out about that little technique.

So now, the next day after her dream, she was down in the sewers again against her better judgment, making her way toward Spike’s bedroom. As before, she could hear the music, but this time, Buffy recognized a local radio station. Looking through the wooden screen, Buffy was in time to see Harmony carefully climbing out of the bed, obviously trying to not wake Spike, who appeared to still be asleep. Watching the vampiress quietly dress, Buffy wondered where Harmony was going at nine in the morning, a usual sleepy time for vampires. A thought came unbidden to her. ‘Who would be so stupid as to leave Spike alone in bed? Especially a naked Spike?…Stop, bad Buffy thoughts. You’re here to look, not drool.’

Instead of walking toward the ladder to climb to the crypt above, Harmony surprisingly moved toward the screen Buffy was hiding behind. Thinking fast, the slayer ducked into a crevice in the stonewall. Bubble headed Harmony walked past, never seeing her. Curiosity piqued, Buffy followed. But Buffy wasn’t the only one not observing details close to her because if she had been, Buffy would have seen two small, blue demons flying behind her.

Harmony traveled through the tunnels for quite a distance and finally climbed up a make shift ladder. At the top, Buffy covertly watched Harmony open a trap door, disappearing into a building above.

Straining to hear, Buffy could still hear Harmony’s voice. “Hi there. I’m here for my appointment. Are you my big sexy doctor?”

‘Huh? Vamps don’t need doctors,’ Buffy thought. She listened for a moment, and the sounds she heard made Buffy seriously doubt Harmony’s doctor was a MD, especially since it sounded like he was checking Harmony’s tonsils with his tongue.

After some slurping and groaning, Buffy could finally hear the “doctor” reply. His voice was barely audible from Buffy’s position in the tunnel. “Naughty, naughty, you almost missed your appointment time.”

“I’m sooo sorry, Doctor. I’m a bad, bad girl.” In contrast to her words, Harmony’s voice was playful and dripped with sexual innuendo.

The question was muffled causing Buffy to strain to hear. “So what brings you here today?”

Now, Harmony’s tone had changed to pouty. Buffy could just picture her lower lip stuck out, as she snuggled up to the supposed doctor. “I hope you can help me with my problem, Doctor. Ya see, Spikey hasn’t touched me in a week, and I need someone to take care of this little itch I have down here.”

‘Ugh, I so don’t want to hear Harmony playing doctor.’ Unfortunately, Buffy could now hear the sound of the pair above going at it above. Their kissing sounded like two gold fish that had escaped their bowl, struggling to take a breath. Definitely time to make tracks. There had to be somewhere that she needed to be right about now. Glancing at her watch, she realized that her English Lit class was in thirty minutes. Who would have thought she would be glad to be saved by a class about books?

Rushing off down the tunnel, she wondered why instead of being grossed out as she should be, she felt happy to find out that Harmony had a new boyfriend. Which led Buffy’s wayward mind to the next question: why does Spike no longer want Harmony? And then to other questions like, “Who would leave Spike alone in bed?” or “Who would the ho vamp want to sleep with instead of Spike?”

“See, Shel, things are coming along nicely.” The smug, blue demon bragged to his apprentice.

“Is that man really a doctor, Multok? Is she sick?” Shel was confused about the vampiress seeing a doctor since Harmony had not looked ill to her.

Multok glanced over at her. He seriously doubted the Elder had sent Shel to learn about sexcapades. She had already seen enough of Spike, but that was part of the current assignment, he assured himself. “Well, some humans like to…uh…pretend. So, let’s just leave it at that and concentrate on the next step of my plan. Now we need to get the slayer and the vampire in the same room.”

*****

Buffy wasn’t sure what she was doing. After class, she had gone to the Magic Box to check in with Giles and work out. Afterwards, she made sure Dawn made it home safely, ate some dinner, and then left for patrol. All perfectly routine for her life as a slayer. All okey dokey as Willow would say, but now she was standing in front of Spike’s crypt, with the temperature of her feet fast approaching zero.

Seriously reconsidering her plan, Buffy scolded herself. She should have asked the gang to help catch the Eloquaw demons, and she still wasn’t sure why she hadn’t. Earlier, Buffy had been sitting at the research table in the Magic Box listening to Giles trying to explain his way around why he neglected to warn her about the Eloquaw demon’s speed. However, instead of paying attention to her watcher, all Buffy could hear was a voice in her head telling her to go to Spike’s crypt and ask him to help her that night.

Now with dusk falling over the cemetery, Buffy stood staring at Spike’s door. Meanwhile inside the crypt, the vampires were going about their own regular routines. Harmony was perched on a sarcophagus, thumbing through a Vogue magazine while Spike searched through the refrigerator. He had finished his cup of blood and was hunting for something to munch on.

With a bang, the door flew open and slammed against the wall. Spike didn’t need to turn around to see who was barging into his crypt. Only one person made that irksome of an entrance. The slayer. Spike closed his eyes, bracing himself to see the very person he was trying to avoid for a week. While half of him was pissed that she treated his home as if he had a standing “slam the door open” policy, 24/7, the other half of the vampire was elated the slayer had come to him. Of course, the thrilled part would mostly be his lower half.

In the meantime, Harmony, with her usual sharp instincts and quick thinking, hid behind the sarcophagus on which she had been sitting.

Buffy quickly took in the scene. Musty…dusty…she easily spotted Spike, who was over by the refrigerator and clearly trying to ignore her, but almost missed her old school mate. “Harmony, what the hell are you doing?”

When the vampiress didn’t answer her question, Buffy rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips.

His curiosity getting the best of him, Spike finally turned around to see why that stupid bint didn’t replied. Then for the first time since Buffy had entered, he looked over at her and gave a noncommittal shrug. “Don’t look at me, Slayer. If she were still alive, she would be too stupid to breathe.”

Buffy decided Spike wasn’t going to be of any help except in making her laugh. A Giggling Slayer would *so* not help the image she was trying to project right now. “Harmony, you dim bulb, I can see you. Your feet and ass are sticking out from behind that sarcophagus.”

Looking back at Spike, Buffy asked, “Does she take her brains out to play with in her spare time?”

This time, Spike gave a tilt of his head in acknowledgment before he returned to foraging in the frig. But as he turned away, Buffy thought she caught the corners of his mouth lift slightly. ‘The Big Bad is a Big Faker,’ Buffy thought with a smirk.

Buffy’s attention returned to the vampiress when Harmony stood up and adjusted her clothes. “Oh, hi, Buffy. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“You silly bint, Ecuador heard her come in.” Spike looked heavenward, as if asking for divine intervention.

Briefly glancing up at the ceiling, trying to see what Spike was looking at, Harmony frowned in confusion before continuing. “As I was saying, Buffy, I didn’t hear you come in. I was just searching for my brush. Oh, here it is.”

“At least you didn’t use the ‘looking for my contact’ excuse. This has been fun, but I need to talk to Spike. Two words, Harmony. Get. Out.” If that wasn’t a big enough hint for Harmony, Buffy stepped out of the doorway and waved her arm towards the outside.

Offended, Harmony flipped her hair over her shoulder. “I don’t have to just pick up and leave when *you* say. Who crowned you ‘Miss Bossy’?”

‘A little bit of Harmony was enough to make anyone yak,’ Buffy thought with a long, suffering sigh. “I have a stake here that’s going to be sticking out of your chest. The poor Harmony, ditz to dust if you don’t leave *now*. Go do something important, like get your nails done.”

Harmony held up her hands to quickly inspect her nails for any chips. “You’re way wrong. My nails are fine. But I…uh…I just remembered that I do have someone to meet. See ya, Spikey.” With that, she quickly headed for the door and left.

Buffy moved farther into the crypt. “Spikey? Sex with her can’t be so great to put up with her idiocy. You could do better, can’t you?” That last comment was out of her mouth before Buffy thought about all the possible implications. Paranoia must be stomping its way through her brain, since she might as well waved a flag that said, “I’ve been dreaming about having sex with Spike.”

Across the room, Spike shifted uncomfortably. Buffy just mentioning sex was enough to get him hard, with mental images flying through his head. Mentally shaking himself, he tried to focus on the topic of conversation. “Harm can be ‘entertaining.’ Just think, who else do you know that someone can put a finger in each of her ears, and feel them touch in the middle?”

Again, Buffy found herself working hard to suppress a laugh. Spike had such a way of wheedling a smile out of her, especially when he smiled, looking deceptively innocent. As she walked further into the crypt, Buffy wondered if Spike smiled when he was having sex? Could he make her smile as he moved inside her? Where did these thoughts come from? ‘Bad Buffy. You’re here on slayer business, that means slaying vampires, not lusting after them,’ Buffy chastised herself. But then she heard another voice in her ear. “But he is so gorgeous. You know you want him.” Trying to dispel her evil, wicked thoughts, Buffy impatiently waved a hand at that ear, not knowing that she had almost knocked a meddling demon off her shoulder.

Little did she know that Spike had his own little voice talking to him, also. ‘There she is, the woman of your dreams. And maybe she has dreams of you.’

Still resisting his “inner” voice, Spike stayed rooted to his spot. He had no desire to catch a stake to the chest for trying to get close to the slayer. No, he may want to shag the slayer senseless, but that didn’t make him trust her with his unlife. “So, pet, what brought you here tonight? Information? Another strong arm to help you out? What’s you pleasure?”

“Actually, all the above.” Buffy felt herself blush when she realized that it sounded like she had answered his last question, that she was looking for pleasure. “No, er, I mean information and help. No pleasure. The last few nights I’ve been tracking Eloquaw demons. Ever heard of them?”

“Eloquaws. Long tongues that they use as a weapon to paralyze you and then choke you, and the buggers can sure run like a scared rabbit.”

“Is there some news flash I missed on the whole speed thingy?” Buffy asked, flailing her arms in frustration.

Spike was still some what suspicious. “Where’s G.I. Jerk Off? I would expect him to be sniffing at your heels.”

“Riley said that he had to help a friend move.”

Spike nodded his head and appeared to consider her explanation seriously. “Good task for a strapping, young man. Afterward, he could go to the store for milk and cookies.”

“Do you want to help me tonight or not?”

Oh, he wanted to help her, alright. Just not with demon hunting, but it was a start. Still, Spike had to keep up his image. Not look like he was easily had. “What’s in it for me?”

“How about I don’t stake Harmony?” Buffy suggested with a bright smile.

“As I said, what’s in it for me, Slayer?”

Not that she would admit it, but Buffy was stumped. She hadn’t thought to bring any money.

As Buffy floundered for something to say, Multok and Shel were busy formulating a new plan. Even if Buffy had looked down, she probably would not have seen the pair who kept butting into her life without her knowledge.

“Now, my girl, do you understand the plan and what you are to do?”

“I think so, Multok. But they act like they hate each other.”

“Are you kidding? Look at the sparks flying between those two. Natural fireworks, my dear. Now all we have to do is nurture those sparks into a blazing fire. Then that pair will do the rest.”

Multok flew over to Spike, while Shel flew up to whisper in Buffy’s ear.

Buffy patted her pockets to make sure she hadn’t forgotten any money stuffed away. ‘I can just owe him,’ Buffy thought, but then wondered where that thought had come from. Regardless, the words flowed out of her mouth. “Spike, can I owe you?”

Spike’s own inner voice was also talking to him. ‘What an opportunity. You could name your own price.’ Spike started to calculate some monetary figure the slayer would pay, when the voice spoke up again. ‘No, not money. You can think of something more interesting.’ The proverbial light bulb came on for Spike. He looked at the slayer with a smile growing on his face. “Right, Slayer. You can owe me. Owe me a boon.” Spike wondered when the bloody hell he and the slayer started to sound like school chums.

Buffy was just as mystified by his unexpected idea, but for a much different reason. “Huh? You want me to get you a monkey?”

“Not a baboon. A boon is a favor, pet.” Now Spike was starting to warm up to the subject, seeing numerous possibilities. “Seems that there happens to be dozens of these pesky demons running about. For ever one of the Eloquaws I help you kill, you will owe me one favor of my choosing.”

‘No way in hell I’m doing any favors for Spike,’ Buffy thought. But instead of shooting Spike down, Buffy was shocked to hear herself reply, “Not one. More like five.”

Spike sauntered towards her. “Two.”

“Four.”

Spike was not only a few feet away. “Three.”

“Deal,” Buffy agreed.

Spike held out his hand to seal the bargain between slayer and master vampire with a simple shake and was pleasantly surprised when she actually took his offered hand.

As Buffy shook his hand, she couldn’t shake the feeling that their agreement was just not going to be as simple as it sounded. Nothing with Spike was ever simple. Letting go of his hand, she headed for the door. She was reminded of the first bargain they had ever struck, when they had agreed to work together to stop Angelus. An agreement that had changed both of their lives. Now almost three years later, Buffy sincerely hoped that this bargain would not end up effecting her life on such grand a scale.

Spike followed the slayer out of the crypt, still not sure why he hadn’t asked for money, but oh, just wait until the slayer heard what kind of favors he was going to request. Spike smiled for the first time in a week, ‘Buffy always did look beautiful when she was angry.’

“Look, Multok. There they go - together! We did it.” Shel clapped her hands excitedly as she hovered in the air.

“Yes, yes. Things are coming along nicely. And the vampire has helped us out greatly. Favors! What a brilliant idea!”

“So what do we do next?”

“Oh, Shel, just wait. This next part shall be fun. Now we need to help them catch some demons.”

Shel flew after him out the crypt door, “But Multok, what kind of favors do you think Spike will ask for?”

“Oh, I think the vampire will be, let us say, creative.”

Snap. Spike let go of the Eloquaw demon’s head, and with a triumphant smirk, watched the demon slump to the ground.

Buffy came up to stand next to the vampire. Both watched as the body liquefied, and then soaked into the ground. ‘Yeah, but damn!’ Buffy thought. This wasn’t the third Eloquaw demon she and Spike had killed that night, which would earn him his first favor from her, but the fourth demon they had dispatched. She was impressed and glad that they had killed some many. On her own she had scared a couple of the demons, but in the past week, she had not been able to even kill one. But damn, how was she to know that that infernal bleached vamp would be so successful? Now, to make matters worse, she had to put up with the brag-a-thon she knew would come from him; listen to him rub in the fact that the slayer now owed him a favor.

Spike, however, had a couple surprises up his sleeve for Buffy. First, no bragging. He had to literally bite his tongue to hold back and not flaunt his victory, which would in turn piss the slayer off. Spike himself doubted he possessed that much self-control, but the inner voice he had listened to lately urged him to zip his mouth up tight. The plan was to get on the slayer’s good side. Hopefully up against a naked slayer’s side. Skin to skin…

Attempting to focus his thoughts away from his day-dreams to the present, Spike lit a cigarette and slowly blew out the smoke. “So, Slayer, that makes four.” ‘Well, that wasn’t bragging exactly. Just pointing out the obvious,’ he assured himself.

‘I knew it. Here it comes,’ Buffy thought , already feeling her temper flare. She put her hands on her hips and glared. “I can count, Spike.”

“Four in just one night.” Oh bloody hell, that voice should know that he had lousy-self control over his mouth. After all, he was just stating the truth, wasn’t he?

Buffy practically spit her question out at the vampire. “What are you, a score board now?”

Spike smiled, enjoying himself, as the slayer rolled her eyes. He loved getting one up on her, and he savored the event.

“Well, four means you owe me one favor and one dispatched demon on credit.”

Buffy barely stopped herself from telling Spike where he could stick that one favor. Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself enough to answer civilly, or at least a close imitation of civil. “Fine, but I’m telling you now, Spike, I’m not doing anything obscene. I’m not…”

“Hold it, get your mind out of the gutter, Slayer. I’m not going to ask you to dance naked on a table at the Bronze or anything. Not that I would stop you if you wanted to…” Chuckling, Spike took a step back to avoid one of Buffy’s fists. “Tsk, tsk, tsk, pet. Don’t tell me that the righteous slayer is going to renege on our deal, is she?”

Buffy turned her back on him for a moment to pull herself back together. With her calm slayer face back in place, she faced the vampire again. “No, a deal’s still a deal. So what’s your idea of a favor?”

A barest smile curving his lips, Spike stared at the slayer for a few moments, letting the tension build. Before he could catch himself, Spike said the first thing that came to his mind. “Pick up my order of blood at the butcher for me tomorrow.”

Buffy may have been considerably relieved, but Spike was horrified. ‘Where the hell did that idea come from?’ He wondered. When the slayer nodded her acceptance and quickly walked away, Spike smacked himself on the forehead with the heel of his hand. ‘Pick up blood for me? What a bleedin’ waste of a favor. I’m such a pathetic ponce.’ Spike took out his frustration by kicking over a tombstone as he stalked back to his crypt. ‘What was I thinking? I should have asked her to dance on a table.’

The sudden, unexpected impact of Spike striking his forehead jarred Multok from his place on the vampire’s shoulder. Shel quickly flew over to catch him and help him to imperceptibly land again next to the vampire’s ear.

‘Temperamental vampires,’ Multok thought before he resumed whispering in Spike’s ear. “It was *too* a good idea. First you need to earn her trust. Trust makes it easier for you to ask for something a little more interesting later.”

“Patience my arse, this had better pay off,” Spike muttered. Shel caught Multok, who again fell off as Spike spun sharply around, kicked a defenseless tombstone and stomped toward his crypt.

“Multok, should we follow the vampire, or the slayer?”

“Neither, Shel, I think we have earned the rest of the night off. Let’s go see what night-life there is in Sunnydale. Do you know how to play pool?”

“I’ve played back at home, but Multok, we are too small to even maneuver the pool cues here.”

“Make sure you are invisible, I pick one player, and you take the other. Then a whisper here, and a whisper there. The games on! Care to place a friendly bet?”

*****

Buffy couldn’t believe Spike had asked for such a straightforward, easy favor from her. She had in fact thought he would ask for something like the strip tease that he had mentioned. That British pest could be annoyingly unpredictable, but never boring, making her wonder what he would ask for next.

Buffy pulled opened the door to the vampire friendly butcher shop. Taking a number, she waited with the other customers. ‘Simple,’ Buffy thought as she watched the person in front of her pay her bill. ‘This little favor was too simple, after all.’ Buffy kicked herself. ‘Sure, Spike wanted her to pick up his blood *and* pay for it. As Buffy watched, a customer counted out his money for the butcher. I knew there was a catch. Damn bleached blonde blood sucker.’

Jerking her out of her fuming, Buffy heard number 79 called. Looking down at the slip of paper that she held, Buffy confirmed that she had heard her number and stepped up to the counter. “I’m hear to pick up Spike’s order, please,” Buffy said to the butcher as she reached inside her purse. “How much will that be?”

“Keep your money. The bill was paid in advance.” Turning away from Buffy, the butcher reached into a large refrigeration unit, pulled out a brown, paper bag, and offered it to Buffy.

“Uh…thanks.” A befuddled Buffy took the package from him.

“No problem, missy. Now who has number 80?” the butcher called out to the other waiting customers.

Stunned, Buffy turned away from the counter and blindly stepped out of the store, onto the sidewalk. She was having a problem wrapping her mind around this situation. ‘Spike, who thought money was pretty sheets of paper that were his for the taking. Spike, who had just recently wanted money in exchange to find Riley when he was sick. Spike, who would do anything for a price, had only wanted her to pick up his blood for him. No zinger. No surprise like ‘you get to pay the bill.’ No hidden agenda. In a word, wow.’

Xander’s voice cut sharply through Buffy’s thoughts. Startled, she juggled the paper bag, trying to keep her grip.

“Hey, Buff! What’cha up to?” Xander greeted her and promptly tried to look over into her bag as Anya stood next to him with an expectant look on her face.

Hugging the bag close, Buffy folded the top down, trying to safeguard from prying eyes.. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

“Lawyer Harris here. Exhibit A. Shopping bag. Hence shopping. So what did you shop, nothing girl?”

Buffy patted the bag but didn’t release her tight hold. “Oh, you mean this? I had an errand to run for a frie…someone I know.”

“So what’s in the bag?” Xander persisted.

Anya gave one of her guileless smiles. “Xander, Buffy is being intentionally evasive. It’s obvious that Buffy does not want to tell us what’s in the bag, or what she is doing. Am I right?”

“Er…yes, Anya, thanks. I gotta go. Bye.” Buffy rushed away down the street, shaking her head. ‘Noooo, nothing concerning Spike was ever simple.’

*****

The door to Spike’s crypt slammed open, straining the hinges. Buffy looked around the inside of Spike’s home but did not see him. “Spike? Hello? Are you here?”

“Like I could miss the small earthquake that announces your royal presence.” Spike climbed the rest of the way up the ladder leading from the lower level. Tilting his head to the side in an obvious appraisal of her, he sauntered toward the slayer.

Normal Spike behavior, but this time was different. He was carrying his shirt instead of wearing it. Buffy meant to keep her eyes on his face, but they drifted down on their own, she assured herself. Drifted down his sculpted chest before jerking back up to his blue eyes. Just the sight caused her salivary glands to kick into overdrive. She tried to inconspicuously wipe her mouth to make sure she hadn’t drooled. “Here’s your blood, fang face.” Buffy held the bag out to him, trying to block the enticing view.

Spike raised an eyebrow, giving Buffy a look that made her suspect he could read her lustful thoughts. After putting on his shirt, Spike reached out to take the bag. “Thanks, luv. Hope you didn’t have any problems.”

Walking toward the refrigerator, Spike fought to stay aloof and calm when what he really wanted to do was gloat and cheer. Not only had the slayer performed his request, but more importantly, the look on her face when she saw him with his chest bare was priceless. ‘Where’s a camera when a bloke needs one?’ When her eyes had briefly glazed over with lust, he had wanted to rip off her pants, throw her up against a wall and drive himself up into her hot core…Ok, now he was making himself hard. Spike opened his refrigerator, placing his blood in and then stood there, wishing the cold air could cool down his raging, sexual fantasies. Instead of rejoicing that the slayer had actually did as he asked, now all he wanted to do was bang his forehead on the frig, berating himself, ‘You witless git, you’ve got it bad.’

Meanwhile, Buffy was trying to shake off her own desire. Looking around the crypt, she tried for enthusiasm instead. “Last night’s hunting went well. Four Eloquaw demons down. They ran, we caught, they melted.” She strolled over to the far side of the room, hoping more distance between herself and Spike would help. “Speaking of running scared, where’s Harmony?”

*****

On the far outskirts of Sunnydale stood a small, unremarkable house, with pealing, lemon yellow paint and a long, weed infested front yard. As Harmony approached she looked over her shoulder checking for anyone following. Not seeing anyone, she quickly ducked around the side of the house to enter through the less visible back door. As she opened the door and stepped into the kitchen, Harmony licked her lips in anticipation before calling out a greeting, “Hi, doctor. Your best patient is here, and I’m early this time.”

She heard his voice before she saw him. “Harmony, you forgot, didn’t you? It’s not a doctor tonight.” Her lover walked in from the living room.

Tilting her head, Harmony searched her memory for a minute. The “Ah, Ha” look finally brightened her face. “My bad, sorry, but now I remember. …Batman. My, don’t you look good without your tights. I bet you find those nasty, old tights constricting.” Harmony walked up to the man and molded her body to his side, leaving one hand free to roam. As their lips met in an ardent kiss, Harmony ran her hand up his thigh to grasp his growing erection through the material of his pants.

“Purrrrr, Batman, you feel so good tonight.” Her hand traveled up to his waist band, and then down into his pants to wrap around his throbbing shaft.

“Ummm, you *feel me* so good.” After a few moments and a few more groans, he unexpectedly pulled her hand out of his pants. “But first, Catwoman, does the Joker know where you are?”

Harmony stepped back and looked at him in confusion, “Who?”

“Spike.” Batman took a deep breath and let it out before he spoke again. “The Joker is Spike. Does Spike know where you are?”

“Ooohhh, that’s so cute. Joker…I get it. Spike does say a lot of funny things.”

He reached out a finger and lightly drew a line starting at her bottom lip, ending in her abundant cleavage. “Catwoman, you *still* haven’t answered my question.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right. Um…What was the question?”

“Spike. Does that jerk know where you are?”

“Its like, that mega-bitch, Buffy, came in and had the nerve to tell *me* to leave. Can you believe that? Good thing I already had plans to go shopping or I would have…Well, you know. And tonight, Spike said the slayer was coming back, so I left to go to the bat cave a little early.” Harmony pulled off her shirt, revealing her lacy bra barely covering her breasts. “Besides, I didn’t want to fight her tonight anyway. I wanted to save my feline powers for you, Batman.”

Grabbing both of her arms, he held Harmony away from him. “The slayer was going to Spike’s crypt?”

Harmony was unnerved by the anger she saw suddenly in his face. “Yeah…why?”

Batman seemed to pull himself back together, the anger fading away from his face. His hands dropped back to his sides.

“Nothing, where were we?” He reached out and dragged Harmony back up against him. He leaned down and kissed her on top of her breast before he picked her up and started to carry her to the bedroom. Harmony giggled, “Do you want to pet my kitty?”

“Pussy.”

“Oh, Batman, I love it when you talk dirty.”

“No, not ‘kitty.’ It’s ‘do you want to pet my *pussy*?’” He let her fall out of his arms down onto the bed.

Perplexed, Harmony looked up at him, “But you don’t have a pussy, Batman. You have a dick. I should know, silly, I was just holding it. Remember?”

Now he groaned for a very different reason. “Never. Mind. Why don’t you stroke my batmobile some more before I park in your batcave, and we will just forget the whole kitty/pussy issue.”

“Ok.” Happy again, Harmony pulled him down on top of her. “Batman?”

“Yes, Catwoman.”

Smiling, Harmony coyly asked, “Do you want to lick my kitty?”

“Spike, you’d better be ready. We’re headed your way and moving fast,” Buffy called. The Eloquaw demon that she was chasing disappeared behind a tomb from her view. When Buffy cleared the corner, she saw the demon flying back in her direction, or more accurately, back from Spike’s fist. “Punching the demon is of the good,” Buffy called out from underneath the felled Eloquaw, “but the demon then knocking me on my ass is definitely of the bad, Spike.” Luckily the demon lay stunned.

“Come on, Slayer, quit lying about on the job.” Not hurried, Spike casually adjusted his coat.

Buffy harshly shoved the demon off of her, but before she could roll out of the way, the demon turned on her with its tongue shooting out to strike her thigh.

With her leg starting to go numb, Buffy desperately tried to rise to her feet but fell back down to the ground. As she struggled, she could see the demon positioning for another strike. Since Buffy didn’t think going into cardiac arrest would be in her best interest, she prepared to block the impending strike with her arm in an effort to block a hit to the chest. As if in slow motion, she watched the creature’s tongue come out of its mouth toward her, but unexpectedly the strike fell short. Fell on the ground to be exact. Greatly relieved, Buffy watched as Spike buried his hand axe in the demon’s head.

“Not so tough with your bloody tongue cut off, are you, mate? No match for a big bad.” Spike stood back, twirling the small axe expertly in his hand.

“Hey, big bad braggart, you could have cut his tongue off before he decided to see how I tasted.” Punctuating the criticism, Buffy tried to stand again, but failed.

“So how tasty are you, Slayer?” Spike taunted her. He put the axe into the pocket of his duster and pulled out his cigarettes as he mentally finished his commentary in his head, ‘And can I have a lick or two, or three, or four…’ He lit his cigarette and took a drag as he enjoyed the mental image. He was looking at the slayer through her curls, past her ripe breasts and up to her face in the throws of passion. He watched her for a moment before lowering his head to continue teasing her clit with his tongue. Then Buffy clamped her legs closed, causing him pain. The silly bint used too much of that Slayer strength, hurting his ear …but only one ear. That’s not right, both ears should smart. And now that he thought about it, flights of fancy were not supposed to hurt.

Spike looked over to see dirt and grass on the shoulder of his duster. Funny, he didn’t remember rolling about on the ground to get dirty. “Ow!” Spike’s ear was now throbbing. And he didn’t need three tries to guess who was tossing the dirt clods.

Buffy looked up at Spike when he turned his attention back to her and glared. Her smile was deceptively sweet, but she still held the next, grassy projectile, ready to fly. “Spike. Need a little help here.”

“Love to help you, pet, because of your sparkling personality and treatment of someone that has done nothing but help you.” Spike continued smoking his cigarette, while not taking one step in the slayer’s direction.

“My personality sparkles, just not when I am annoyed with smoke stacks that disguise themselves as vampires.”

Before Spike could even think of a proper comeback, his “inner” voice chose to speak up. ‘Shut your mouth, and you may get to help her home. You know, help her walk, be close to her, touch her...’ Multok worked to keep his voice even, but what he really wanted to do was slap the vampire on the side of his head.

Taking the not so subtle advice, Spike kept his mouth closed and helped the slayer to her feet. “Can you walk?”

“No, totally walk deprived. The paralysis spread up into my hip, also.”

“Here, pet, put your arm across my shoulders, and we’ll get you home, all safe and snug.” As Buffy draped her arm around Spike’s shoulder, he slid his arm around her waist. He helped her out of the cemetery and headed toward her house.

“How’s your leg, luv. Getting that tingling sensation yet?”

Spike’s invisible companion nearly fell off his shoulder. ‘What, are you nuts? Wouldn’t know a great opportunity unless it bit you on the ass,’ Multok hissed in the vampire’s ear. Then Spike felt a thump on the side of his head.

Thinking about his question, he had to agree that it was a tactical error. Spike could have kicked himself for asking. ‘Say no, say no. I shouldn’t have even asked. In the past, I only got this close to her to either punch her or get punched by her,’ Spike thought, ‘but this is different, besides the no pain involved part. My arm fits so nicely around her waist, especially when it jostles up to bump the bottom of her breast.’

Buffy shook her head. “Uh, no, no feeling yet. All still numb, hip to foot.” Yes, the tingle started a while back and had already started to dissipate. Regardless, she had no desire to let go. “And thanks for helping me walk home. I guess you’ve done me a favor tonight. So what’s it going to be?

‘You in my bed, naked skin sliding across satin sheets…’ Spike felt another thump behind his ear, jolting him back to reality. “What?”

“The favor. We killed enough of those Elo guys so that I owe you another favor. So what’s it going to be this time?”

Arriving at Buffy’s house, they walked up to the back porch, and Spike helped her to sit on the steps, while desperately trying to think of an answer to her question. He liked being with her like this, no fighting and no Scoobies. She seemed to be more relaxed with him and not pissed the whole time. So he searched his brain for some favor that she would do and he could be with her like this, away from their job titles of vampire slayer and evil vampire. Then the solution popped into his head, ‘a pub crawl.’ But no, he told that little voice. Buffy would never go for that with him. ‘Yes, she would. Just ask her.’ No, that would blow all the head way I have made tonight. ‘Ask her. What are you chicken?’ His inner voice had really become a cheeky bastard. Ok, I’ll give it a go, but I’ll be prepared to duck her swing.

“A pub crawl.”

Buffy looked shocked and none too happy. “I am *not* crawling in public.”

“You need to get out of cemeteries more often, Slayer. Assuming that you had a clue, a pub crawl is what you would call bar hopping.”

Buffy relaxed instead of taking his verbal jab seriously, “What’s the favor?”

“You go with me as a designated driver. And since you will already be with me, you can keep the other birds from pestering me.” Bloody brilliant, that had to rank up as one of the lamest things he had ever said. He stood there bracing himself for her punch, hoping she would miss his nose.

“So, let me make sure I get this right. You want me to be a driver and bodyguard. First, let’s first agree to ignore that whole bodyguard part. You realize that I mostly drive by Braille, which is running over the reflective bumps in the center of the road and bumping curbs.”

All Spike could do was nod while picturing his beloved DeSoto being used as if a sign was on the side reading, “Beware. Student driver.”

“Ok.” Buffy knew he was expecting her to say no. She should have said no, but the shocked look on Spike’s face had been priceless. “But the Bronze is off the list of pubs to crawl to, past or through.”

As Buffy turned to enter her house, she could have sworn she heard clapping, but wrote the noise off to her imagination.

However, when both Buffy and Spike were well out of sight, Multok and Shel became visible.

Shel shook her head and worried, “It doesn’t sounded like Buffy can’t drive very well. Isn’t that dangerous?”

“Well, we will be there to help, won’t we? Now, let’s get some rest. Unless I miss my guess, tomorrow will be a busy day.” Multok flew out of the Summer’s yard with Shel following.

“But, Multok, I can’t believe you kicked Spike. Twice!”

“Sometimes, Shel, a more direct approach is called for when dealing with very hard-headed vampires.”

*****

The next day, Buffy stepped into the kitchen just as the phone started to ring, but ignoring it, she kept walking toward the refrigerator. Most likely, the call was for her sister. Since Dawn is a teenager, that meant many hours with the phone stuck to the side of her head. If the call was for her mom, Dawn would take the message. Leaving the last possibility which was…

“Buffyyyy! It’s your soldier boy, so talk fast. I’m hoping this guy, Todd, from school will call. He’s really buff.”

‘I wouldn’t dare get in the way of you and your imaginary love life,’ Buffy thought as she picked up the kitchen extension. “Hey, Riley.”

“Hi, Stranger. You’re a hard person to get a hold of the last few days. Are we still on for tonight?”

Thankful that her boyfriend couldn’t see her face, Buffy wondered how she could have forgotten that she was supposed to see Riley that night? Yet another good example that nothing was ever easy when dealing with Spike. ‘Think fast, Buffy. Telling him that you are going out with Spike is so not an option.’ So she opened her mouth and hoped for the best. “I’m so sorry, Riley. I am going with Giles to do some in the field training tonight. Slayer training. *Alone* slayer training.”

“That’s funny. I talked to Giles when I called the Magic Box. I mentioned we were getting together later, and his only comment was to take you somewhere nice.”

‘Major bust.’ Buffy cringed. “Uh, did I say “with” Giles? I meant “for” Giles. Yeah, I just hung up with him before you called. He has an assignment thingy that must be done tonight. Something about the moon, phases, or something, and it has to be tonight.” Buffy held her breath as she waited to see if Riley swallowed that super sized fib. She wondered if he wanted a drink to wash it down.

“But, Buff, I haven’t seen you for days.”

Expecting Riley to sound suspicious, Buffy was surprised that he only sounded stunned. Guess he didn’t need that drink after all. “I know. Tell you what, how about lunch tomorrow?”

After they worked out the where and when, Buffy quickly got off the phone. Feeling pretty cocky, Buffy thought she had succeeded with her fabrication until she turned around, which brought her face to face with Dawn.

Her sister had the classic “your hiding something” expression on her face. She may have been able to fool Riley, but Buffy had great respect for her sister’s ability to ferret out secrets, especially if she thought you were hiding something juicy. Nonetheless, Buffy still tried the innocent, perky approach. “Hi, Dawnie. How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough to hear your pathetic excuse for lying.”

Well, the perky innocent approach was a total flop. So, Buffy, switch to the direct approach. “Ok, let’s cut to the chase, Dawn. What do you kn…think you know?”

Dawn folded her arms and lifted an eyebrow to add a little more drama to the bust. “I *know* you are not doing training, or anything else for Giles tonight, because I heard him telling Anya that you both had the night off. That he was going out to some stuffy café with some friend from out of town.”

“So, what do you have in mind?”

Knowing that Buffy was caving in, Dawn tried not to gloat, yet. “Janice gets to sleep over tomorrow night, and you buy the pizza.”

“You know, extortion is a crime.”

*****

Pulling into a parking lot riddled with pot holes, Spike parked the DeSoto next to a Ford truck that Buffy suspected was as old as the DeSoto. However, the truck’s condition looked far worse, if that was possible.

“Hop out, Slayer. This is our first stop tonight.”

“This bar better be better than this parking lot.” Buffy got out of the car and approached the free-standing building. However, free-standing was a pretty generous description. She suspected that the next earthquake would provide the building a merciful end. Buffy stopped before she had walked five feet from the car. “I am so not going in that dump.”

“I prefer ‘dive’.”

Buffy wanted to smile but wasn’t giving in yet. “It’s a dump. Oh, listen. I think I hear the garbage truck pulling up now, dumping a load instead of taking one. So we need to get out of its way by leaving.”

“It’s a dive, which has a whole different nuance. Much more posh.” Spike continued toward the door.

“There is nothing new about this place, and you *so* did this on purpose.”

“Of course.” Spike smiled and held the door open for her. Buffy threw an elbow into his ribs as she passed through the door. His smile never wavered for two reasons. First, she was out on the town with him for the evening. Since he didn’t have a death wish, he wouldn’t make the mistake of calling the outing a date. Second, she hadn’t hit him near as hard as he knew she could. In other words, no broken ribs.

As Spike guided Buffy to a table, he was greeted warmly by the bartender and several patrons waved a hello.

A red-headed waitress quickly appeared at Spike’s elbow, never sparing a glance for Buffy. “Hi, Spike. The usual?”

Hearing the sexual innuendo in the waitress’ voice, Buffy had no doubt that the red-head would crawl into Spike’s lap if he would let her, and looking at her shirt, Buffy suspected that her nipples would pop out if it were cut any lower. However, when Spike turned on his charm, Buffy wanted to kick him in the shins.

“The usual sounds great, Alysa, and the lady will have a coke. This is Buffy, my designated driver for the night.”

The waitress leaned over to put coasters on their table, giving Spike an eye full of her double D’s. Now Buffy wanted to kick Alysa.

“I would be happy to drive you, anytime. Or you can drive me,” Alysa said with a wink for Spike.

“Now, pet, I never have trouble driving, but no one should drink and drive. ‘Safety first,’ that’s my motto

“Maybe you got that motto off your box of condoms, Spike,” Alysa laughed. “I’ll bring your drinks right over.”

When Alysa headed toward the bar, Buffy rounded on Spike. “Flirt much?”

Spike turned back to Buffy, giving her a look through half-hooded eyes. “As often as possible, luv. And just for the record,” Spike paused to light his cigarette, “I don’t use rubbers.”

Buffy saw instant images from her dream the other night. Spike thrusting into her, and her screaming in ecstasy. No, she didn’t think Spike used condoms. Even if Spike wasn’t a vampire, a condom would never be included in the sex she had dreamed about. And with that thought, a change in conversation was overdue. “Why do you come here instead of Willy’s?”

Spike’s usual cocky expression faded. “Do you mean what do these humans accept me into their midst? What do you think, Slayer, that I wear a name tag that says, “Hi. My name is Spike, and I’m a vampire. Grr Arg.”

“No, I actually meant why don’t you go to demon bars, so you can order blood or something?”

“I wore out my welcome at places like Willy’s. But these stupid blokes were happy enough to take me in, or was it take my money in and leave me out. I forget which.” Spike’s cocky grin reappeared, and Buffy was happy to she his smile.

“Now I can think of many reasons to get rid of you, Spike, but why would other demons not want you around?”

“Because of this bad influence I’ve been hanging about lately. She’s short, blonde, and let’s her mouth overload her brain.”

“Huh?“

“My point exactly. She also wears these bloody ridiculous foot ware when she fights.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my mouth, brain, or the shoes that I slay in.”

“If you say so, Slayer, but you could improve you spin kick if you wore more appropriate shoes.”

Buffy ignored Spike’s typical bait, preferring to concentrate in a different direction. Buffy had never thought of Spike’s situation from any angle other than the obvious. To Buffy, Spike had first been a mortal enemy, next a reluctant ally, then a lovesick drunk, and later back to a mortal enemy. If someone had asked in the last year, Buffy would have answered as she had already done many times that Spike was just a neutered vamp. But now as she thought about it, she realized she now thought of him as a formable fighter and as a helpful ally. If truth be told from that list, she would add that he was a good lover. But after thinking about the whole situation, Buffy realized that she understood the vampire’s dilemma.

Buffy looked over at Spike, successfully holding his gaze. “You are living between worlds: you’re outside the demon world and outside the human world.”

“In a nutshell, luv.” Spike wasn’t sure if she was mocking him or not.

Sensing Spike’s uneasiness, Buffy held his gaze. “I can understand because I live between those two worlds also.”

“Why, Slayer, don’t tell me we have something in common.”

“If you quote me, I’ll stake you.” Her answering smile softened the threat.

Spike raised an eyebrow. “You can try, luv.”

“You can’t fight back.” Buffy countered, happy that they were back to their usual banter

“I’ll thank you to *not* remind me. However, you’re right that I can’t hit you, luv, but I can run. Do you want to have a go at a spot of hide and seek?”

To Spike’s surprise, Buffy actually considered the idea. A cemetery would be a perfect location. “I’m in, but you’re it first.”

While Buffy and Spike shared a laugh, Shel and Multok looked on, also smiling. Shel smiled because Buffy and Spike weren’t fighting. Rubbing his hands together, Multok smiled because the proverbial ice was broken, opening up the way for the next step in his plan.