Title: Back Track

Author: Nebula

Chapters: 1 of ?

Pairings: B/S, X/A, W/T

Rating: PG-13, possibly R later on

Time Period: Post 'Get it Done' to ...?

Summary: In the midst of war, Buffy finds she's not the only one
that wishes the last year would just make itself all better.  It
can't be done, unfortunately.  Or can it?

Disclaimer: Who wants to guess what I'm about to say?  ~_^  Joss
said I could write, so I'm gonna write, dammit!  LOL  Of course,
none of the characters are mine.  They all belong to Joss. 

< --- >

  Buffy sighed and glanced into the living room.  The floor was
covered with Potential slayers, and Andrew occupied the couch.  She
thought back to when the first girls had arrived, telling her about
the First.  The one who was trying to destroy the future of mankind
and cover the world in evil.  She shook her head and headed for the
kitchen.  The `evil being taking over the world' story was really
starting to get old.
  She was a little startled to see Willow sipping coffee with Spike
when she walked through the doorway.  "What are you guys doing
up?" she whispered, glancing at the clock. 
  "Could ask the same of you, pet.  You should be asleep," Spike
said, gazing up at her. 
  She cringed inwardly as she remembered the nightmare that had
gotten her up only minutes.  "I….um…it's two in the
morning," she stammered, trying to ignore the questioning looks she
was now
receiving from both Willow and Spike.
  Willow nodded, but Spike continued to give her that look.  The one
that said he knew it was more than that.  Thankfully, he didn't
pursue the matter.
  Xander walked in and almost bumped into her.  He obviously
wasn't awake yet.  "Ah, I see I'm not the only one who likes a quiet
moment with coffee in the morning," he said, yawning as Willow
pointed him towards the instant coffee packets.
  "Just thinking," Willow said quietly.
  Buffy took a seat next to Spike and nodded when Xander asked if
she wanted coffee as well.  "About what?"
  Willow sighed.  "About…"  She looked down into her coffee.
  "'Bout how we got here.  What led up to us bein' in this
mess," Spike said softly, turning to Buffy.  His once vivid blue
eyes were so dark now.  Dark with pain and guilt.  Buffy guessed it
had to do with him having a soul now.  Either that or the fact that
he was probably still mad at her from last night.  He had every
right to be.
  Buffy smiled gratefully at Xander as he handed her a cup and took
a seat next to Willow.  The four Scoobies sat in silence for a few
moments, contemplating the previous year.
  "I wish I could go back and fix it," Willow murmured sadly. "The
in-too-deep magics, the blackness, and…Tara," she said, starting to
choke up.
  "You wouldn't be the only one, Will.  If I could go back, I'd
marry Anya.  That's the thing I regret the most." 
  "There's some things I'd like to take back, too," Spike said so
softly, the other three had to strain to pick up what he was saying.
  "Your soul?" Buffy asked.
  Spike shook his head.  "No.  There's other things," he said,
staring down into his mug, his eyes starting to fill.
  He didn't have to say anymore for the others to figure out what
he was talking about.  Everyone knew about when he had attempted to
force himself on Buffy.
  Buffy reached out and took his hand, squeezing it with
reassurance.  He glanced up at her, as she smiled at him.  He tried
to smile back, but couldn't.
  "Trust me, I've got things I wish I could take back,
too."  Buffy thought back to the night when she had pummeled Spike
in the alleyway next to the police station and couldn't repress a
small shudder.  She felt her hand being squeezed, and she looked up
into Spike's face.  It was as if he was reading her mind, and knew
what she was thinking about.  He managed a small smile for her.
  "I wish we could go back," Buffy sighed.
  Suddenly Willow's eyes lit up.  "That's it!" she
said, loud enough for the other three to say `shhh' at the same time.
  "What's 'it' that makes you want to wake up the entire
household?" Buffy hissed, as Xander shuddered at the thought.
  "Do you really want to fix it?  Do you really wish you could
change it?" Willow as excitedly.
  "Well, yeah, Red, but it's not possible," Spike
started, as Willow interrupted him.
  "But it is.  I know a spell, and we can go back to a certain
date, so long as everyone remembers where they were on that day.  We
can do this!"
  "Um, Will?  Are we just a little too gung-ho on the whole magic
scene again?  I know you performed a major spell today, but
still…"
  Willow's face sank with hurt.  "Hey!  I can do this! It's an easy
spell.  All I need is someone of the opposite sex."  She looked
at Xander and Spike.
  Xander groaned.  "All right, all right, I'll help out."
  "Hey, I wanna do it, too!" Buffy said, pouting slightly.
  Spike grinned.  He was feeling a little more like his old self
ever since he'd retrieved his black leather jacket.  "Yeah, what
about me, pet?  If you're really gonna do this, then I'm in with
pouty-lips over here."
  "Hey!"
  Everyone turned and shushed Buffy.  "If Buffy's so intent
on doing this, Spike, then you have to come along.  For every male,
there must be a female, and so forth.  So if Buffy's coming…"
  "I've gotta come, too," Spike finished for Willow. "All righty
then.  How do we start?"
  "Let me get my things.  You guys just try to be not so noisy
like.  I'll be right back."  And with that, Willow ran up the stairs
as softly as she could.
  Willow returned a few minutes later to find the kitchen table
cleared.  Xander, Buffy, and Spike were seated in their chairs,
looking nervous and excited at the same time.
  Willow laid her small box on the table and sat down.  Out of the
box she took four candles, a small black jar, and a key.  She placed
the four candles in the middle of the table and began to shake the
jar as Buffy went to get a match.
  "We need a date that everyone can specifically remember where
they were.  It doesn't matter what the time was, just the date is
needed here.  We'll be going back with the full knowledge of
everything that's happened up until this point, so we can change
things and not just relive history.  And if something really, really
bad happens, we can just come back to the present."
  Buffy set the match down in front of Willow and frowned. "Sounds
nice.  Maybe a little too nice.  What's the catch?"
  "We can change everything so it all goes perfectly.  But if we
decide to pull ourselves back to this time, we'll lose whatever
happened.  It'll be just the same."
  "So, you're saying we get one chance?  And no saving, like
a computer game?"
  "No saving," Willow said, repeating Xander's phrase. "This is our
only shot."
  Everyone sat back, not as excited as before.  "No pressure,
though, right?" Spike said, trying to lighten the situation.
  Xander chuckled softly.  "Yeah, no pressure."
  "You guys still wanna do this?"
  Buffy looked at Xander, Spike, then back at Willow.  "Hey, we
can't make it any worse, right?" she said, grinning weakly.
  Willow smiled, and finally set the jar down.  Opening the jar, she
took the key and dipped it inside.  She pulled it out and handed it
to Xander.  "You have to draw a circle on each of your palms," she
explained, trying not to laugh at Xander's apparent look of disgust.
  "Where'd you get this stuff?  The Black Lagoon?" Nevertheless,
Xander drew a circle on each palm, then handed the key to Buffy.
  Buffy grimaced as she started drawing.  "Please tell me this
stuff comes off," she groaned, almost throwing it at Spike.
  "Don't complain.  A Snotster demon can spit worse gunk at
you, and that stuff takes weeks to get off.  From experience."
  Spike handed the key to Willow, who had lit the candles as the
others had drawn their circles.  "Okay, you guys ready?"  As
everyone nodded, she gasped.  "Oops.  What's the date in mind?"
  Buffy chewed her bottom lip.  "Oh!  The day after my house got
flooded.  That's when Giles came back.  I think we all remember
that."
  Xander tried to suppress a grin without much luck.  "Yeah.  I
remember how much fun that was."
  "I still say we should've burned the house down and collected the
insurance," Buffy grumbled.
  All eyes turned to her.
  Willow cleared her throat.  "If that's settled, then here goes. 
Janis, God and Guardian of Time, I ask you to open the doors for
us."  She drew a circle on her left palm.  "Hear our cry to change
what has been done.  We implore thee to show us the tangled web of
time, and let us change the strands for our will."  She drew a
circle on her right palm, and set the key down.  She took Xander's
hand in her own.  Everyone quickly followed suit.  "We implore
thee, let us enter through thy gateway to the past." 
  An orange mist began to encircle the Scoobies.  Buffy could feel
herself being pulled backwards.  The room began to swirl.  She tried
to call out to Willow, but found she couldn't speak.
  "Let the gates be opened!" Willow said, apparently having no
problem speaking.  Suddenly, the room swirled into nothing, and
where the candles had once sat, a gate now stood.  The gate opened,
and Buffy felt herself being pulled forward.
  She blinked and gasped.  She fell back into her seat and gazed
around the Magic Box, bewildered.

 

Title: Back Track

Author: Nebula

Chapters: 2 of ?

Pairings: B/S, X/A, W/T

Rating: PG-13, possibly R later on

Time Period: Post 'Get it Done' to ...?

Summary: In the midst of war, Buffy finds she's not the only one
that wishes the last year would just make itself all better. It
can't be done, unfortunately. Or can it?

Disclaimer: Who wants to guess what I'm about to say? ~_^ Joss
said I could write, so I'm gonna write, dammit! LOL Of course,
none of the characters are mine. They all belong to Joss.

< --- >

The Magic Box. It wasn't destroyed. Everything was where she had
remembered it being. She could hear Dawn laughing in the other
room, as Anya went on about something. But that wasn't the greatest
part. The fact that she was sitting inside the Magic Box was a
miracle enough for her. The calendar on the wall said October 16th,
2001. They'd really done it.
"Whoa," she said softly. She flung her hair over her shoulders.
Wait a minute…"Hey! My hair's long again!" she said.
Xander smiled, gazing around for himself. His smile suddenly grew
as he reached into his jeans and pulled out a ring box. He opened
it, and smiled until Buffy thought his face would crack. "It's
still here. We haven't announced it yet even."
"It's gone."
Buffy turned to Spike, confused. "What's gon…" She stopped, her
eyes widening. "How can you tell?"
Spike looked up at her. Sure enough, the cocky swagger she'd
found herself missing was back. "I know. Trust me," he said,
grinning.
"Do you miss it?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer.
His grin fell a little. "Yeah, I think I do. I'll get it back,
don't worry, luv," he said, his grin back.
Buffy turned to Willow. Her hair was a little above her
shoulders, and her face was full of joy as she looked around the
shop. "I actually did it," she said slowly, starting to smile.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you didn't think you could do it?"
Willow ignored Xander's sudden burst of fright and continued
looking around.
The bell above the shop door rang, but the four Scoobies didn't
seem to notice it. That is, until a very familiar voice said, "Oh,
hey guys! Did I miss anything?"
Willow turned and gasped. Tara stood in front of her, smiling,
though looking a little puzzled by her lover's gasp. "What's wrong?"
Willow wasn't the only one staring. Xander was doing his fish-
face, where his mouth opened and closed continuously, and Buffy's
eyes nearly popped out of her head.
"Bloody `ell," Spike said softly, as Willow jumped out of her
chair and into Tara's arms.
"Are you okay?" Tara asked, as Willow pulled back, unable to stop
the tears from falling.
"I…I just had this terrible dream…"
"She just fell asleep while we were reading," Xander added.
"…And you were dead, and oh Tara, I'm so glad you're okay!"
Tara smiled. "I'm not going anywhere. Promise."
Willow returned the smile, brushing her tears away.
Just then, Dawn and Anya emerged from the back room. "Oh, hey
Tara! Hey, Spike," Dawn said, grinning at him. Spike gaped and
tried to say something, but it all came out sputtered.
"Did I say something?" Dawn said, looking even more puzzled then
Tara was.
"No," he managed finally. "I…I just…"
"Long story, right?" Dawn said, her grin back in place.
"Yeah," he said, looking relieved.
"Willow? Can I talk to you for a moment? Xander and Spike too,"
Buffy said, heading for the training room.
As Xander stood and started after Buffy, Anya gave him a peck on
the cheek and smiled broadly. "I would still like to talk about,
well, the small you-know-what," she said, pointing to his pant
pocket.
Tara just smiled her sweet smile, and Dawn totally misunderstood.
She wrinkled her nose and muttered, "Ew much?" under her breath.
Xander turned red and quickly followed after the other three
Scoobies.
Once everyone was inside, Buffy shut the door and turned with an
unreadable expression on her face to the others. "We really did
it," she said slowly, a smile growing on her face.
"Yeah, we did," Willow said, her face shining like a little girl
on Christmas morning.
They were silent for a few moments. Suddenly, they started
laughing. Willow spun around in a circle with Xander, and Buffy
leapt into Spike's arms, tears streaming down her face as he held
her, the grin on his face growing every minute.
"We did it, we did it," she kept repeating like a mantra.
"Yeah, luv, we did." His grin grew as he said, "She was talkin'
to me again. I've still got my Nibblet."
She looked up at him and smiled. "We should probably get back
inside. Giles will be here any minute."
Spike nodded. "You gonna squeeze him to death again?"
"Huh?"
Spike grinned. "He told me afterwards that you still had your
strength. I took it to mean an energetic hug."
Buffy couldn't help laughing. "Oh yeah. Forgot about that."
"Ready to start fixing?" Xander asked, a little out of breath from
spinning.
"Most definitely," Buffy answered. She opened the door and strode
out to find Tara, Dawn, and Anya seated at the table, reading. Dawn
looked up, slamming her book shut quickly.
"I was just…well, while you've been, well, you know, I've been
researching with the gang, and…sorry," she finished, looking down at
her hands.
Buffy was a little surprised, until she remembered that at this
point, she hadn't let Dawn patrol, train, or even research. She
smiled. "It's okay. I get it. You can keep researching," she
said, as Dawn looked up in shock, a grin spreading across her face.
"Really?!"
"Really."
"Cool," Dawn said, turning back to her book.
"What exactly are you researching?" Willow asked, going over to
Tara's side and taking her hand.
Tara smiled at Willow's gesture. "Just reading up, researching
for the benefit of getting to know what we might meet one day."
"Studying for fun? How weird," Xander said, while Spike rolled
his eyes.
As everyone laughed, they missed the bell on the door ring. They
didn't miss the huge thud. Buffy turned and found herself face to
face with Giles, who was gaping at her. The `thud' had been his
suitcases.
"Oh, Buffy," he breathed. The next thing she knew, he had bounded
across the room and was hugging her, like if he let go she'd
disappear.
"It's really you," he whispered, fighting back tears.
Buffy smiled. "It's me. Back in one piece and everything."
He held her out at arm length and looked her over. Buffy raised
her eyebrows. "I'm not missing an arm, am I?"
Giles blinked, then chuckled. "No, no, not at all. I didn't
actually believe it when Willow called me. I assumed she was
pulling a prank," he said, turning to give Willow a look.
Willow looked on with mock horror. "Who, me? Never!" She
grinned. "Told you she was back."
"Yes, you did. Forgive me for not believing you, but…" he gave
Willow an apologetic glance.
Willow was about to say something, but stopped, her face
falling. "Forget it," she murmured, suddenly remembering a later
conversation.
Anya pulled Xander aside. "Please?"
Xander frowned. "Please what?" he whispered.
"I want to tell them," she said plainly, while the other Scoobies
exchanged greetings with Giles.
"Oh. Ohhhh," he said, realizing what she was referring to.
"Look, I know you want that `perfect moment', but they're so happy
right now, and I think it would be a good time to spring more happy
news, and…"
"You're right."
"Yes, I know that, so can we tell…what did you just say?"
Xander smiled at her bewilderment. "Let's tell them now. Right
now."
Anya smiled. "Okay. Does this mean I can put the ring on now?"
"Yeah, it does," he said, pulling the ring box out of his pocket.
He took the ring and carefully placed it on Anya's left ring finger.
"I love you," he whispered.
He took her hand and walked back over to the group. "Guys? I
have an announcement to make."
Tara, Dawn, and Giles turned, waiting for the news. Buffy, Spike,
and Willow exchanged glances and tried to hide their smiles.
"Anya and I are getting married."
Giles' jaw dropped, Tara blinked, then smiled broadly, and Dawn
jumped out of her chair and cheered.
"I'm really happy for you two," Tara said, laughing at Dawn's
leaps.
"Congrats," Buffy said, trying to sound surprised.
"Yeah. Good job, whelp," Spike said, smiling at him.
Willow grinned. "Wow. This is just such a huge surprise," she
said, as Spike shook his head.
"No need to attract more attention to our already odd behavior,
Red," he whispered to her.
"Ah. Gotcha."
"You can stay with us, Giles! Right, Buffy?"
Buffy blinked. "Huh? Oh, yeah, right! You just might wanna
avoid what was the basement," she said, grinning.
Giles frowned. "Why would I do that?"
"Because you could probably swim in the water right now, that's
why."
"Water?" He looked even more puzzled.
"Her basement happens to flooded. It'll cost a lot of money,"
Anya said, ever the helpful businesswoman.
Buffy cringed. She'd forgotten about the money problem until Anya
had mentioned it. Maybe she should have asked for a later date to
come back at…
"We'll think of something, right Buffy? Buffy?"
Buffy pulled herself out of her thinking and glanced over at
Dawn. "Yeah, of course we will," she mumbled. She was starting to
feel a little…odd. Sad, upset, tired, scared, all at the same
time. It finally registered that she was feeling the effects of
living again. Of missing Heaven. She excused herself and headed
for the training room.
She sat down on the bench and dropped her head into her hands.
She was also starting to get that suicidal feeling like she'd felt
so long ago.
"You all right, pet?"
She glanced up at Spike, and only after he brushed his hand across
her cheek did she realize she had been crying.
"I'd forgotten about Heaven. About missing it, being pulled out,
the pain…everything."
He sighed and sat down beside her. "Startin' to come back?"
She nodded, feeling numb.
"I think this time `round, you might want to tell `em a little
earlier. Like now, instead of Sweet's spell doin' it for you."
She looked up at him, a little surprised. "Now?" she whispered.
"Now."
She looked down at her hands. "I…I can't. I just can't."
"Well, then, when are you going to?"
"I don't know." She heard him sigh again. After a few moments
had passed, she asked softly, "Do you really think I should tell
them now?"
He turned to look at her, surprise written all over his face. He
nodded.
"Back me up?"
He smiled. "All the way."
"Buffy?"
At the sound of Giles' voice, Buffy stood. "All right then. Time
to face the music." She walked out into the shop, Spike right
behind her.
"Guys?" she said, trying to get everyone's attention. Giles
frowned, but said nothing. When everyone turned their eyes towards
her, she couldn't help gulping. Maybe this wasn't the best time to
tell them.
Suddenly she felt someone's hand slip into hers. "All the way,"
Spike whispered into her ear. She felt shivers run down her spine
at the sound of his voice.
She squeezed his hand and plunged in. "There's something I need
to tell you. About why I've been so distant as of lately."
Xander's eyes widened, and Willow got a horrified look on her
face. They knew what she was going to say.

15 minutes later found everyone sitting at the table, not saying a
word. Willow, though having already known the news, still couldn't
help feeling guilty. She supposed that was some of her feelings
from her past self pushing in. Tara had her arms wrapped around
Willow, trying to comfort her, while glancing up at Buffy every now
and then with apologetic looks. Anya kept trying to say something,
but would look at Buffy and change her mind. Xander sent Buffy
reassuring smiles that told her she had done the right thing. Dawn,
after Buffy had told them, had leapt up and held her sister. She
hadn't let go, so Buffy had opted to sitting with Dawn in her lap.
She still had Spike's hand clutched in her own, and she found that
the aftermath of her words was what she needed him for the most.
Giles, meanwhile, had decided to not sit. Pacing in front of the
cash register while looking ready to explode was more his style at
the moment.
"I just…how could…I…why did…if I…" He sighed in frustration and
thrust his hands into the air. "Willow Rosenberg, I would have
thought you'd had more intelligence then that!!" he yelled, glaring
at her. This only prompted her to cringe, with Tara rubbing circles
on her back, trying to give her support.
When Willow glanced up, Buffy gave her an encouraging smile, then
turned to Giles. "Just stop, okay? Look, I didn't tell you guys
this to make you all feel badly. I just wanted to tell you the
truth. Yes, Heaven was nice, but you know, it's nice to have my
feet on solid ground again." The moment the words were out of her
mouth, the longing for Heaven, the pain and anguish of living again
diminished. She felt lighter, now that the huge burden had lifted
mostly. She smiled, then turned to Spike, who seemed to have
already guessed the cause of her smile. Xander grinned, and Willow
managed a smile as well.
Giles stopped and gave her a small smile. "I'm glad you're back,
and I'm glad you've adjusted to being here again." He turned to
Willow, the glare back in place. "She, however noble the deed might
have been, has to still realize that she could've very easily
brought about the next apocalypse!"
His tirade was interrupted by Willow's burst of laughter, which
she quickly brought back to a smile. "Believe me, I get that," she
muttered.
"I don't think you do," Giles started, but Buffy shushed him.
"I think she does, Giles. She knows that the spell was dangerous,
and I'm just glad she didn't hurt herself! She could've gotten
herself killed. And she did it for me. Just to bring me back. And
for that, I thank her," Buffy said, turning to Willow. Willow
looked at her, surprised, then smiled.
"You're welcome," she said quietly.
Giles sighed, then opened his mouth to say something, but changed
his mind. "Yes, well, let's get on home, shall we?" Giles said a
few minutes later.
"Yeah, it's been a long day. Ready to head home, sweetie?" Tara
asked.
Willow blinked. "Huh? Oh, yeah, back to the house, with my bed,
OUR bed," she corrected quickly, trying to stop babbling as she
followed Tara out of the shop.
Xander shook his head. "Ahn, we should probably lock up and call
it a night."
"Do we have to call it a night? There's just so much we could do."
Spike and Dawn exchanged glances of disgust, while Buffy groaned
and began banging her head on the table repeatedly.
Xander turned crimson. "Let's talk about that at home, when we're
alone, okay?" he said, wishing he could hide in a dark corner.
"Should probably head back to the crypt. See you all tomorrow,"
Spike said, squeezing Buffy's hand one last time before rising.
Giles saw the gesture and frowned, but said nothing.
Buffy gasped. "Wait! What about that demon?" she said, before
she realized that she'd said it out loud.
"What demon?" Anya said, locking the cash register up.
Spike turned to Buffy, puzzled. Then his eyes widened in
realization. "Oh. That demon," he said. "Just, uh, a demon we
found the other day. Care to patrol, pet?"
Buffy nodded, and started to head for the door before she
paused. "Giles, could you make sure Dawn gets home safe? I'll
sleep better if I know the demon's gone."
Giles nodded. "She'll get home safe and sound, I promise."
"Can't I come with you?"
Buffy started to object, then stopped, looking at her sister. If
they were mending bridges… "Not tonight. There's something I need
to talk to you about first, and we can do that tomorrow morning.
All right?"
Dawn looked disappointed, but she couldn't help but wonder what
her sister wanted to talk to her about. Buffy'd been so distant
lately, and if she actually wanted to be around Dawn, then Dawn
wouldn't push such an offer away. "Sure," she said, her face
lighting up with curiosity.
Spike gave her a questioning glance, but said nothing as the two
headed out into the night.

"So, what was that about?"
Buffy sighed. "I want to start training her. I don't want to
push Dawn away again, like I did last year. This year. Oh, you
know what I mean!"
Spike chuckled. "Yeah, I know what you mean, luv."
"I want to fix what I did with my sister. I lost too much
precious time with her before. I'm not going to this time."
"What about the money issue?"
Buffy swallowed. "Didn't get that far," she said softly.
"Forget the Palace," Spike growled.
"What? Spike, I can't, and you know it!"
"Buffy, you're better then that place! Pet, please," he said,
stepping in front of her. "Give me two days, and I'll think of
somethin' better for you to do. I'll find you a job, I promise.
Just don't go to that grease-trap, all right?"
Buffy sighed and stared at the ground. "All right," she said
softly. "Two days."
Spike could've jumped for joy. "Good. Now that that's settled, I
wanted to talk to you about…"
"Shhh! There's the demon," Buffy hissed, breaking into a run.
"…Us," Spike finished, sighing. With a growl of frustration he
started after her.
The demon was as ugly as Buffy remembered. And they were only two
blocks away from her house. With a yell she lunged at the demon,
tackling it to the ground. She landed a few punches in, before she
was thrown off. She landed and tried to blink away the spots in her
vision.
As the demon headed towards her, Spike grabbed it from behind and
pushed it the other way. Buffy leapt up and seized hold of its
head, and with a sickening sound, snapped its neck.
She sighed and stepped back, looking around. "What do we do with
it?" she asked.
"I'll find somewhere to dispose of it, I promise," Spike assured
her. "Just head on home."
Buffy frowned. "Are you sure?"
"I'm positive," Spike said, smiling at her.
Buffy nodded, then did the unexpected. She launched herself into
his arms and held him in a warm embrace. Spike was stunned for a
few moments, before returning the hug.
She smiled, pulling away. "Missed you," she whispered.
He rewarded her with a smile of his own. "Missed you too."
They stood there, gazing into each other's eyes, before Buffy
turned and headed home. Spike mentally kicked himself. This was
exactly what he'd come back to prevent! Him and Buffy from ever
getting involved. He was still mad at her for lashing out at him
when she'd finished burying Chloe.
But was he really still mad at her? And he didn't think that he
could hold off his feelings for Buffy, no matter how hard he tried.
He was too much in love with her.
She wouldn't let it happen again, he assured himself.
Would she?

Buffy stretched her limbs as she entered the house. She grinned
when she saw Giles on the sofa, with flowery sheets underneath him.
He was engaged in reading a dry-looking book, and she wondered
briefly if that was how he got to sleep.
She must've said it out loud, because Giles was giving her a look
of annoyance. "It's actually a fascinating book," he defended,
getting up.
"I'm sure it is. Where is everybody?" she asked, hanging her
jacket on the peg.
"Dawn's in bed, and so is Tara and Willow." At the mention of the
redhead's name, he flinched. "I don't understand how you can
forgive her for pulling you out of…of…" Giles said, not managing to
say that last word.
"Of heaven?" Buffy asked.
Giles nodded.
Buffy sighed. "Sure, it was nice, eternal peace and all that, but
being back here made me realize how much I missed you guys," she
said, laying her hand on his arm.
He smiled gently, before pulling her into a protective embrace.
She could feel his tears on her head, and realized she was probably
getting his shirt wet with her own. "I've missed you so much,
Buffy," he whispered.
"Missed you too," she said, thinking about Spike.
He pulled back and smiled at her. "I assume that since you're
home, the demon is now dead?"
Buffy nodded. "Spike's taking care of the rest of it. He told me
to head on home."
Giles frowned at Spike's name. "Buffy, now that you're back, I
feel that I must warn you about Spike. He may sense an opportunity
to…to declare his feelings again, and I know that while you seem all
right, I believe that the last thing you need right now is Spike
pushing for a response to his loving feelings."
Buffy narrowed her gaze. She didn't like where this was going.
If anything, she wanted to fix things with Spike, not damage
them. "Unfortunately," Giles was saying now, "You taking his hand
earlier on may have encouraged him, and given him the thought that
you may have feelings for him as well."
Buffy stared at him. "Has it possibly occurred to you that I
might have feelings for Spike?"
He looked at her like she'd gone mad. "What? You have feelings
for Spike?"
She sighed. "Yes and no. It's really confusing. Giles, please.
I don't want to go against you on this. But if I have to, I will.
Don't speak against Spike. He's done a lot for me ever since I came
back. He helped me deal with coming back from Heaven…"
"You told him before you told us?"
"…And he's helped in more ways then that. Trust me," she said,
ignoring Giles' outburst.
Giles stared at her, before mumbling something about sleep and
turning to the sofa. Buffy sighed as she headed into her bedroom.
She knew it wasn't over yet. Giles would ask her about it in the
morning. She'd just have to think of something to tell him.

 

Title: Back Track
  
Author: Nebula
  
Chapters: 4 of ?
  
Pairings: B/S, X/A, W/T
  
Rating: PG-13, possibly R later on
  
Time Period: Post 'Get it Done' to ...?
  
Summary: In the midst of war, Buffy finds she's not the only one
that wishes the last year would just make itself all better.  It
can't be done, unfortunately.  Or can it?
 
Disclaimer: Who wants to guess what I'm about to say?  ~_^  Joss
said I could write, so I'm gonna write, dammit!  LOL  Of course,
none of the characters are mine.  They all belong to Joss. 

Neb's Note:  Thanks to everyone who's responded to my story with
such wonderful feedback so far!  You guys keep me going!  ^_^  I
hope this next chapter meets with your approval.  ~_^
  
< --- >

  Buffy had ended up going back inside and telling Willow and Xander
what Giles had told her.  She had also told them about her slight
suicidal attempt.
  The two had embraced her, and had decided to continue the
conversation the next morning.
  Buffy sighed as she splashed cold water on her face, in an attempt
to wake up.  Willow and Xander were due in the backyard any minute
to continue their conversation from the previous night.   
  The nightmares she'd had…she shuddered as she tried to forget
about how'd she awakened.  Pulse pounding, shaking violently, her
breathing labored…not the best way to wake up.
  She dried off and headed outside as quietly as she could.  The
last thing she wanted to do was wake someone up.
  Willow met her in the kitchen with a smile.  "Xander's outside,"
she whispered.  Buffy nodded.
  Xander grinned as they closed the door behind them.  "Ah, still
sneaking out, huh?"
  Buffy rolled her eyes, grinning.  "Tell me about it."
  "We don't have much time, so we should probably get down to
business: Buffy isn't the only one feeling her past self warring
with her future self.  When Buffy told us all about heaven, I could
feel my past self full of grief and guilt.  I never got to tell you
how badly I felt about that, Buffy.  So I'll do it now: I'm really
sorry."  Willow sighed.
  Buffy looked surprised, then smiled.  "It's okay.  From past and
future self."
  "And there's a sentence you thought you'd never say," Xander
quipped.
  Buffy nodded, before she sighed.  "What do we do?"
  "I don't know, but we came back to fix things."
  "And?" Buffy asked, giving Xander a quizzical look.
  Willow took up where Xander had left off.  "We, um, thought you'd
try and patch things up with Spi…"
  "Yeah, well, we're not, now are we?" Buffy said quickly, her
expression turning sour.
  "What happened?  And no more hiding," Xander added quickly.
  "Ever since yesterday, he's been trying to avoid me.  Then, he
helped me out, and I thought things were okay.  Then, he starts
railing at me, like he hates me!  I don't know.  Maybe his plan to
fix things between us was to never let them happen," she said sadly.
  Willow raised her eyebrow.  "You wanted there to be something?"
  Buffy threw her arms into the air.  "I think so.  I don't know! 
It just…bothers me that he doesn't even want to consider it.  I
thought we had something, and I knew that I'd blown it the first
time around.  I wanted to fix things.  It's kinda what I was afraid
of: he doesn't feel that way about me anymore."
  "That's not true," Xander started, but Buffy waved him off.
  "Forget it.  Let's stick to the matter at hand now.  This is what
Spike was trying to tell you guys yesterday, you know, the thing we
learned?  Our past selves are trying to control again."
  "Well, we'll fight `em back!" Willow said, grinning.
  Buffy nodded.  "Good.  Anything else?  I've got somewhere I needed
to be this morning."
  "Nope, that's it.  Meeting adjourned, case closed."
  As Buffy headed back inside, Willow whispered, "Do you think Spike
really doesn't care about her anymore?"
  Xander shrugged.  "Who knows."

  Buffy looked at the building in front of her.  She could do this. 
There was no turning back once she entered.  She'd been more then
reasonable and patient, but Spike had wasted his chance.  She was
going to do this.
  She steeled her resolve and headed inside.  As she approached the
back, a false smile met her sight.  "Welcome to DoubleMeat Palace. 
How can I help you?"
 
  When she got to the Magic Box, she found Spike chatting with
Dawn.  Buffy glided past him, ignoring him completely.  Dawn
noticed, but didn't say anything as she followed her sister into the
training room.
  Spike frowned.  That had been a little cold.  Of course, he
quickly reminded himself, he didn't care.  The colder the better.
  The other Scoobies soon drifted in, and it was two hours later
before Dawn emerged.  "Where's Buffy?" Willow asked, sipping her
coffee.
  Dawn shrugged.  "She was signing some sort of employment papers."
  Spike stiffened.  "Employment papers?" he asked cautiously.  She
wouldn't…would she?  She had promised…
  Dawn nodded.  "Didn't say what it was, just asked that nobody
interrupt her.  She has to get the papers in by tonight."  She
grinned.  "But I saw what the job was.  Pretty neat, too.  Very
tasty for me!"
  Willow almost choked on her coffee.  "Did it…by chance…say
DoubleMeat Palace?"
  "Yep!  Isn't it great?  I love their burgers!"
  "Good for Buff," Xander mumbled, laying his head down on the table.
  Spike was up in seconds and heading for the training room.  "I
wouldn't, Spike," Xander started.
  "Stay outta this, whelp," Spike replied, before heading in.
  The room was dim, but he didn't need a light to see her.  She sat
in the corner, writing on a long sheet of paper, not even noticing
his entrance.
  Buffy frowned when her source of light was cut off.  She looked up
and found Spike glaring at her from above.  "What the bleedin' `ell
do you think you're doin'?"
  Buffy returned the glare.  "None of your damn business, Spike. 
Move."
  "You said you'd give me two days!"
  Buffy snorted.  "One, it's been two days, and two, you don't seem
to care what happens to me anymore!"
  Spike couldn't believe it: she was going to put herself through
the misery again.  "Buffy…"
  "Just…leave me be," Buffy said, looking down at the sheet.  He
hadn't even denied the not caring part.  So it was true.  He hated
her.
  Spike sighed.  "Why are…"
  "You think I want this?  You think this is my dream job?" Buffy
snapped, looking up.  Her lower lip began to tremble.  "I don't have
a choice Spike.  Don't make this harder then it already is."  She
glanced down again, intent on finishing the paper.
  She gasped as Spike ripped it from her hands and tore it in
two.  "What are you doing?" she yelled, jumping to her feet.
  "Savin' you from a mistake," he said, dropping the paper pieces to
the ground.  "You'll find somethin', I know it.  `Till then, you've
got Dawn to work with everyday.  Give you somethin' to do."
  Buffy chuckled slowly.  "Yeah, well, she doesn't pay me for the
teaching, and I do need the money to fix the basement.  Giles hasn't
given me that check that he gave me before, so…"
  "What'd you just say?" Spike asked. 
  Buffy could've sworn she'd seen a light bulb flash above his
head.  "A mouthful," she retorted. 
  "Dawn doesn't pay you for the lesson," he said, looking
around.  "Yeah, you can do this."
  "Do what?"
  "Teach."
  Buffy frowned, confused.  "What?"
  "Teach.  You can teach self-defense classes."
  Buffy shook her head.  "I'd need somewhere to teach…"
  "I bet Anya would let you use the trainin' room.  If not, your
Watcher'd make her."
  Buffy looked around the training room.  "I…I don't…" she wavered.
  Spike took her shoulders in his hands, turning her to face
him.  "Listen to me," he said gently.  "You can do this.  I know you
can.  If you can take on the ugliest vamp in history, then I KNOW
you can do this.  Just give it a try.  Promise me that much."
  Buffy looked up, surprised by his kindness.  Why was he loving one
day, and hating the next?  She nodded slowly.
  Spike smiled.  "That's a girl."  He wrapped his arms around her
and held her close, providing her the strength and courage she
needed.
  "Thank you," she whispered into his shirt.

  They had gone out and announced to the gang what her new job would
be.  Anya had actually been happy about the news, and had told Buffy
she wouldn't even have to pay rent.  "Just clean it up when you're
done," she'd said, kissing Xander before going off to count the
money.
  While Buffy had happily chatted with the Scoobies, Spike had been
fighting his emotions.  He didn't know what to do anymore.
  He'd said goodnight to Dawn and the others, trying to avoid
Buffy's eye.  She'd noticed the cold shoulder she was receiving, but
had merely closed her eyes, trying not to let the hurt show.
  She looked up at the ceiling, as she listened to the others get
ready for bed.  Tomorrow, Tara and Willow had offered to help Buffy
set up ads for the new classes.  She reminded herself to thank Spike
later.  If he'd even let her.
  With a groan she shut her eyes and tried to drift off.  No
thinking about Spike!  It only makes your head hurt.
  Within minutes, sleep won over. 

  She could feel the beautiful light surrounding her.  So much
warmth, and peace…no worries here.  She was safe again.
Or so she thought.  She could feel the darkness swallowing her
again…clawing, clawing, couldn't get out…the dirt, so much of it,
just wouldn't stop falling…she was choking now, in an attempt to
breathe.  She would die down in the coffin.  She tried to punch the
lid, but ended up pushing herself back into the cushions.
  Someone was screaming, and the dirt was falling in her eyes, her
nose, her mouth…was she the one screaming?  Yes, she was.  She could
feel the blood sliding down her fingers…someone, help her, help me…

  Buffy awoke with a start, trying to stop herself from screaming. 
That nightmare…how many times had it awakened her in the middle of
the night?
  She needed to get out.  Head downstairs, get a drink of coffee,
something, anything.  As she began to climb out of bed, her eyes
rested on her favorite dagger.  It would be so easy to slide it into
her chest, then slip into the bliss of the warmth again…
  With a small gasp she dropped the dagger, which now lay in her
hands.  How had it gotten there?  She reached into her closet and
grabbed her brown jacket.  She knew where she had to go now.
  She climbed out the window and began to run as fast as she could
towards the cemetery.  He had said if she needed help, he would be
there.  Did that still hold, even if he hated her?
  She realized she was running down the road, and through the grass
without shoes or slippers, but she didn't care.  She just had to get
there.  Now.

  Spike was mulling over the day when the harsh knocking caught his
attention.  Who was it that kept beating on his door?  He sighed and
opened it, and was shocked at the sight he saw.
  Buffy stood in front of him, panting heavily.  Her hair hung
everywhere, and she was only wearing her pajamas and a short
jacket.  Tears stained her face, and he could smell blood.  Her
blood.
  He followed the scent and found himself staring at her bloodied
and torn feet.  He looked up, bewildered.
  Buffy began to laugh hysterically.  "Kinda forgot about my shoes. 
I was in a hurry to get out, before I did something stupid.  You
know, like stab myself.  That's not too stupid, is it?"  Her
laughing quickly turned to sobbing, and Spike barely managed to
catch her before she sank to the ground.
  He pulled her into his arms and rocked her back and forth.  "Shhh…
you'll be all right.  I've got you now."
  "I…I can't stop dreaming," she whispered, with a hiccup.
  "I know," he said quietly.  "I know.  Let's see `bout your feet,
all right?"
  Buffy nodded numbly.  He picked her up and carried her over to the
sarcophagus, wincing as he looked at her feet.  They were a mess.
  "Mind tellin' me what happened?" he asked gently, reaching for the
first aid kit.
  Buffy sniffled and wiped at her eyes, reminding Spike of a
child.  "I…I had the dream again," she whispered.
  "You mean the dream?"  She had come to him last year, when the
same dream had tried to drag her back to the grave.
  She nodded.  "The one and only.  I was gonna go downstairs; get
some coffee or something, when my eyes fell on my dagger.  You know,
the one I really like?"  She swallowed, then continued.  "I was
staring at it, thinking of how easy it would be to slide it through
my…"  She shut her eyes, not wanting to continue.
  But she had held back last year, too.  Look where it had gotten
her.
  Spike continued pulling out small stones and bits of glass,
wincing as he surveyed the damage.  Shoes would've taken seconds to
slip on.  Even a pair of sandals would've stopped this from
happening.  But she hadn't had those few seconds.  He knew she
wouldn't continue, from past experience.  The mere thought of what
she had almost done probably horrified her. 
  So when she began to speak again, he looked up at her with
surprise.  "Would've slid nicely into my chest," she
whispered.  "And the knife, I swear to you, appeared in my hands
like magic.  But I dropped it, grabbed my jacket, and ran here." 
She looked down, looking abashed.  "Sorry if you didn't want me
here…"
  "It's fine," he quickly interjected.  "Hey, I told you if you
needed someone, I'd be here.  I'll always be here."
  Buffy looked up and smiled weakly.  "Thanks."  She hissed as he
pulled out a long piece of glass.
  "Sorry," he mumbled, "but don't worry `bout it.  Last big one."
  "Should've worn shoes, I guess," she said with a small chuckle.
  He nodded, then reached for the bandages.  Buffy mentally
restrained herself from hitting him.  This had to end.
  "Why do you hate me?"
  Spike stopped, nearly dropping the bandages.  "Wh-what?!"
  "Don't play dumb, Spike.  You've been avoiding me like the plague,
and it's obvious that you hate me."
  "I…I don't…"
  "Oh, please Spike.  When it was mentioned today, you didn't deny
it."
  Spike gaped, before frowning.  "What're you talkin' `bout?  I
didn't deny anythin'!"
  "But you didn't agree, either.  You avoided the whole topic." 
Buffy winced as pain shot through her feet.  "It doesn't matter. 
Really."
  "Yes it does."
  Buffy looked up, surprised at his gentle tone.  "It very much
does," he continued, "because I don't hate you."
  "You don't love me, though.  And it's okay," Buffy said quickly,
as Spike was about to protest.  "You don't have to," she added with
a weak smile.  Inside, she was hurting.  Admitting it out loud that
he didn't love her affected her more than she'd thought it would.
  She looked down, unable to meet his eyes.  Spike couldn't believe
what he was hearing.  She thought he didn't love her anymore?  Then
again, he didn't really know, either.
  She whimpered as he pulled out a huge piece of something, and she
didn't really want to know what.  "Sorry," he mumbled, his heart
wrenching at her sounds of pain.  He hated that most of her pain was
at his hands.  This was why he had to stay away from her.  He
couldn't care about her.
  He began to wrap the bandages around her feet, working up the
courage to look her in the eyes.  When he did, he couldn't believe
it.  Was the girl made of tears?
  She sniffled, then seemed to realize he was watching.  "I'm sorry,
sorry, so sorry…" she said, trying to wipe her eyes.
  He couldn't take it anymore.  Screw not caring about her; he'd
deal with it later.  He sat up and wrapped her in his arms, holding
her tight.  She began to cry again as he whispered various things in
her ear, about it being all right, and shhh, he was there for her,
and to just let the tears come.
  "Sh-shouldn't cry," she said, her stomach feeling like was being
ripped to pieces.
  Spike snorted.  "Bollocks," he said, holding her
tighter.  "Accordin' to some people, you shouldn't even breathe."
  "B-But I…"
  "You're the Slayer, I know.  Besides, you're not General Buffy
yet."  He looked at her, his eyes widening as he suddenly realized
something.  "General Buffy can cry, too, you know," he said, testing
his idea.
  She looked up, surprised.  "The general has to be strong for
everyone," she said.  "She can't break down."
  "The general is only human," he said, stroking her hair.  "It's
understandable."
  Tears began to pool up in her eyes again.  "I…I didn't mean to
yell at everyone," she said.  "I-I didn't.  I just…Chloe…" she
choked up, unable to finish the sentence.
  Spike wrapped his arms around her again.  "They knew you were just
upset.  It's all right."
  "I'm sorry I took it out on you," she whispered.  "I'm sorry I
took everything out on you.  Last year, the future year…I'm sorry,
I'm so sorry…"
  Spike knew he was crying now, too, but he didn't care.  He began
to rock her back and forth, whispering in her ear.
  He kissed the top of her head and pulled back to look her in the
eyes.  "I don't know what I feel right now," Spike admitted,
watching tears spring forth again.  It's okay, she'd said.  Yeah
right.  "But I know this much: it's not hate.  And I do care `bout
you.  I do, Buffy, so much…"
  She sniffled and the two embraced, peace restored.
  "You really think I can teach?" she asked tentatively.
  He chuckled.  "I think you can do anythin', pet."


 

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