"I want you out. I want you out of this town, I want you off this planet! You don’t come near me, my friends, or my family again ever! Understand?"

"No, it’s not that easy. We have somethin’, Buffy. It’s not pretty, but it’s real, and there’s nothin’ either one of us can do about it. Like it or not, I’m in your life; you can’t just shut me out."

Spike stepped forward and blinked in surprise as he bumped against the invisible barrier. His smile quickly became shock as he realized he had been de-invited from the Summers’ home. Buffy glared at him, then slammed the door on his puzzled face.

In the few moments of silence, Buffy sighed. WHY did her love life always involve psychos? And Spike? She groaned inwardly and started upstairs.

"Don’t you dare, slayer!" Spike roared from outside. "We have to talk!"

"Go away, Spike!" she yelled back.

"NO!!"

Buffy growled and yanked the front door open. Spike was standing in the middle of her yard, looking halfway between attacking her and breaking down in tears. His face would twist in anger, then his lower lip would tremble.

Buffy tucked this fact into the back of her brain and glared even harder at him. "We discussed it. End of discussion." She turned to head back inside.

"What is wrong with you?! I’m tellin’ you that I love you and you think I’m lyin’?"

"No, you THINK you love me. You don’t. You can’t feel anything except a stake, which, by the way, will be piercing your heart if you keep this up."

Spike clenched his fists in rage. "How can you not believe me? I love you!"

Buffy cringed as if the words stung her. "You don’t love me. Go away! I never want to see you again!" She slammed the door behind her and locked it as loudly as she could, just for good measure.

There were a few moments of silence, then Spike’s voice came crashing in. "You want me to leave, slayer? I’ll leave. In fact, I’ll leave, right now, for good! You’ll never see me again, I bloody promise you!!" He could feel tears stinging his eyes, but refused to acknowledge them as they slid down his face. Unable to think of anything else to say, he turned and walked away.

When Buffy didn’t hear any noise after a few minutes, she ventured a peek outside. He was gone.

As Buffy headed up the stairs, she couldn’t help but feel guilty. Why am I feeling this way? He’s the one who chained me up! And besides, he’s always been a thorn in my side. I’ll be happy to see him go. But something about his last comment didn’t settle right. Spike wouldn’t just leave like that.

She groaned and cradled her head in her hands. "Why, oh why do you cause me such grief?" She glanced up the stairs, which she was in the process of climbing, and back down to the door. She threw her hands up in the air, and with a growl of frustration, headed out the door. Spike could never make things easy for her, could he? The feelings tumbling around her head weren’t helping a whole lot, either.

< --- >

After walking around a bit, Spike found a bench and sat down. He could feel the sob building up inside of him, but he refused to let it out. Why, oh why couldn’t Buffy ever make things easy? And why was she being such a pain about him loving her? It didn’t make sense. None of it did.

He knew loving her was wrong; he remembered the way Angel was ridiculed for being the slayer’s lapdog. A vampire was supposed to hate the slayer, not love her. Certainly not help her! But he’d already crossed that line.

He could feel a tingling sensation that warned him that sunrise was coming. He looked up at the dark hill in front of him and figured if he hurried, he could accomplish what he wanted before he chickened out. He wanted to go out, not as a coward, but with some bravado left. He chuckled softly as he realized he was finally listening to Buffy; she’d be so proud. His chuckles quickly gave way to the sobs he’d been holding back.

As the sobs began to rack his body, he calmed himself and started forward. No, he wouldn’t do this. Not again. He wouldn’t go out crying like he had with Cecily. He looked up at the hill once more and nodded to himself. There was no turning back from this.

< --- >

"Spike? Spike!" Buffy glanced around the crypt. His brown jacket from the other night was laying on top of the sarcophagus, and the trap door leading into his ‘basement’ was open. She peered down, but found the candles still lit. Everything was just like she had seen it last.

Buffy frowned. If he was going to leave, wouldn’t he want to take his stuff? "Spike?" she called out once more, getting nothing for an answer. She tapped her foot on the ground impatiently, thinking. Spike said he had been leaving right then and there, and he was leaving for good. Then why was his stuff still here, and where was…oh. Oh no. Oh please no.

Buffy’s eyes widened as she realized what he had meant. "You wouldn’t," she breathed.

A part of her head screamed, Leave him! Let him die. Why should you care? Whether it was the rational part of her brain stating this fact or not, she couldn’t decide.

The other part said, No. You can’t do this to him.

"Stop it!" Buffy yelled. "Yeesh, look what you’ve done to me, Spike. I’m arguing with myself. Oh, the doctors at the mental ward are going to have a ball with me…"

She glanced around the crypt again, her memory roaming back to when Spike had tried to kill her, and her friends. How he’d taunted her about Parker, and constantly called Riley ‘Captain Cardboard’. His piggish comments. She wouldn’t miss any of that.

But she would miss the new Spike. The one that watched out for her sister. The one who laughed with her mom. The one who helped her patrol. And the one who had comforted her when the bombshell of the shadow in her mother’s head had been dropped. She could still feel his hand on her back, stroking her gently, giving her the support she needed.

That was all she needed to remember. Like a shot she was out the door, her search for Spike just begun. She glanced down at her watch as she ran. Only ten minutes left until sunrise. She’d never find him in time.

"If he hasn’t staked himself first," she murmured, running even faster then before.

< --- >

Spike looked down on the sleeping town. Less then ten minutes till sunrise. Ten minutes to do what? Wallow in self-pity? Thank you, no!

He sighed and racked his head for ideas. He had a stake on him, didn’t he? His face lit up as he felt around in his pockets, but glanced down disappointed when his search yielded nothing. It must’ve dropped as he was chasing after Buffy.

But even if he’d had the stake on him, would he have done it? No. He had wanted to wait for sunrise for a different reason. He had wanted to wait because of a glimmer of hope.

He closed his eyes and tried to visualize how he wanted it to end. She would come running up the hill and reach the cliff, just as the sun began to shine. She would call him back, saying she loved him. He would take her in his arms and he would kiss her for all his worth. What would his greatest joy be? She would kiss him back.

He chuckled dryly. "Don’t start dreamin’, mate," he said quietly. "You know she’d never do it. So why torment yourself?"

Because he wanted it to happen. He wanted some sort of compassion from her. To be loved. To be accepted. He wanted her to save him.

He looked up as the sun’s light began to show itself over the horizon. Showtime.

< --- >

Buffy panted and looked around. She’d been everywhere, and hadn’t seen hide or hair of him. She snorted. "When I want to talk to you, you disappear. You are so contrary, Spike."

Inside, however, she was in full panic mode. She suddenly didn’t want him to die. It had become, for some reason, very important that she find him.

"Yes, even after what he did," she said, half to herself. Out of habit she glanced up at the sky and felt her stomach flip. Sunrise. She was out of time.

She was about to start running again when something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. She squinted and looked closer. Her heart sped up as she put everything she had into her run. She would recognize that bleach-blond hair anywhere.

She had started to climb the hill when the sun finally peeked over the horizon. She cursed inwardly and pushed herself even harder.

< --- >

Spike hissed as the sun suddenly washed over him. He could feel the sun’s rays burning through him, and the light was blinding. He closed his eyes as tears rolled down his face. The pain was horrendous, and he fought every nerve in his body that told him to get up and run. But he couldn’t. Even if he’d wanted to, he didn’t think he could have run away. His nerves were shot, and he was just so tired. So tired of everything. He couldn’t stand being rejected again, and he certainly was NOT facing Buffy again.

He was beyond caring anymore. He fell to his knees as the smell of the smoke rising from his own skin began to make him nauseous. He couldn’t even feel his arms anymore. The last thing he remembered before everything went black was the ground coming up to meet him.

< --- >

Buffy gasped as she reached the top of the hill. The sun’s rays were blinding, but the smell from the smoke was enough to tell her that he was already burning. She hurried over to him as he fell to his knees, then began to fall forward. She grabbed the burning vampire and dropped him to the ground. She began to pull him into the trees, where he would be shaded. She pulled her own jacket off and tried to frantically put the fires out. When she was sure she had gotten every one, she glanced up at his blackened face and cringed. At least he wasn’t dust.

She grimaced as she glanced at his hands. The blisters were evident, and the skin would take awhile to heal, even for a vampire.

His face was black and red, with scars here and there, except…she frowned and leaned closer. There was a line under each eye that led from the eye to the chin. The skin underneath each of these tracks was perfectly normal. What could possibly have stopped a fire from burning…her eyes widened in realization. Tears. They were tear tracks.

She closed her eyes and fought her own tears that were threatening to spill. She brushed the few that escaped away, then glanced around. She couldn’t stay here with him for much longer. By noon he’d be dust. She had to get him inside.

She groaned as she realized she’d have to take him back to her house. She didn’t expect him to have aloe for his burns. Her house was twenties minutes away, and his crypt was an additional ten on to that. It would take a lot longer then that, though, seeing as she’d have to be extra careful to hide in the shadows.

"You are such a pain, you know that, right?" She almost wished he would respond. Anything would be better then seeing him like this.

Idly, she glanced down at his burns again. She was sure that he was burned underneath his clothes, too, but she wasn’t about to go there. Her face turned red at the mere thought of it. Bad thoughts, Buffy, bad, bad, bad!

She gazed around the tree and cringed as the light from the sun still didn’t relent. He was going to get burned even more by the time she reached home.

She started to look around and plot a course for no sunlight when she noticed something. Just beyond her vision, she could see Sunnydale Cemetery. It was closer then her house. She must’ve made a circle during her run.

"Ten minutes, tops, and we’ll have you home," she promised, knowing full well that he couldn’t respond.

As gently as she dared, she sat him up and wrapped her jacket around him. It wasn’t much, but it would have to do. She wrapped her arms around him and carefully stood. She was surprised that even with his dead weight, he still didn’t weigh much. She shook her head. "Bad pun, even for you, Buff," she murmured.

Moving as fast as she dared, so as not to aggravate his wounds anymore then she had to, she made her way down the hill. Ten minutes, tops, to his crypt, right?

< --- >

Wrong. It was more then half an hour later when she finally kicked the door open to his crypt. Gently, she laid him down on the sarcophagus, thankful that he hadn’t burned anymore on her way to his crypt.

She looked around and hoped she wouldn’t have to trek it back to her house for a first aid kit. A quick, fruitless search told she’d have to do just that. She sighed and went back over to Spike.

His face and blisters were healing as she gazed down at him, mildly surprised that he looked heaps better then when she’d originally pulled him out of the sun.

She reached over to stroke his hair, then stopped. Why are you doing this for him? He’s a murderer, a vampire, and you’re supposed to kill his kind, not nurse them back to health! Think of all he’s done to you!

Buffy shook her head, trying to clear away the argument she was having with herself again. But which side was she on?

"No!" she said fiercely, then blinked, surprised at herself. She glanced down at Spike again, and smiled softly. "No," she said, not as harsh as before, but with the same amount of determination in it.

She brushed her fingers through his hair, then gazed down at him, a little worried that he hadn’t woken up yet. "Spike, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’ll be right back. I have to grab something really quick, is all. Just stay put, ‘kay?"

With that, she headed for the door and closed it as quietly as she could. As soon as it was closed, she ran as fast as she could back to her house. She could only hope that her mom wouldn’t be awake yet. She really didn’t want to have to explain everything.

< --- >

Fortunately, when she arrived, her mom and sister were still asleep. Buffy tiptoed up the stairs and grabbed the first aid kit, and their bottle of Aloe Vera. She glanced down at her watch and cursed inwardly. Ten minutes. She’d made better time then that before.

"Buffy?"

Dawn’s voice startled her into almost dropping the bottle. "Don’t do that! What do you want?" she hissed, her heart still thumping wildly in her ribcage.

Dawn frowned. "What’re you doing with that stuff?"

Buffy groaned. "You are NOT to tell a single soul, do you hear me?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Dawn said, trying to feign boredom. Secretly, she was pleased that her sister was telling her secrets about her life. It meant that she trusted Dawn.

Buffy shook her head. "I was just grabbing some of this stuff for Spike."

Dawn dropped the boredom attempt and looked worried. "What do you mean, it’s for Spike? Is he okay? Is he…"

"Shhh! I don’t want to wake Mom up. Spike’s…" Buffy sighed. "He’s burned pretty bad. The sun caught him, and I helped get him back to the crypt. I need to get this stuff to him, though. It’ll help with the burns." She started towards the stairs.

"So what about earlier? When you said you never wanted to see him again?"

Buffy stopped in midstep. Her sister could be really observant, if she wanted to. "You heard that?" she said, barely above a whisper.

"And the rest of it. Why do you care now?" Her sister’s voice had a bitter ring to it.

Buffy sighed. "Because…I don’t honestly know. Some part of me wants him gone so badly, it’s hard not to stake him whenever I see him. But another part of me would miss him. Despite what he’s done, he’s an okay friend."

"I KNEW it. You have a crush on him, don’t you?"

Buffy’s eyes widened. "Wh-what?" She turned to face her sister, who was grinning like a madman. "N-no! Absolutely, positively not. No way, at all."

"So he’s not at all attractive? He’s not handsome to the fifth degree?"

"I’m not denying that he’s cute and, were the circumstances slightly different, I'd date him, but…" Buffy gasped as she glared at her sister. "You little brat! You tricked me! No, no, nononono…" She backed away and headed down the stairs and out the front the door, running as fast as she could from her sister and her awkward feelings.

Dawn grinned. Even though she herself had a crush on the bleach-blonde vamp, she knew she had no chance with him. Her sister, on the other hand, would make a great girlfriend for Spike, and Dawn had decided it was her duty to bring the two together. "Gotcha," she whispered, before heading downstairs to breakfast.

< --- >

Though her sister didn’t follow Buffy, her feelings did. They continued to roll around in her head until she reached Spike’s crypt.

She entered as quietly as she could, her heart suddenly pounding away in her chest. Why was she acting like this? It was just Spike. But the questions from Dawn were beginning to unnerve her. "I’m going to kill her," she whispered under her breath.

Spike was still motionless on top of the sarcophagus. She laid the first aid kit down on a nearby ledge and with the Aloe Vera in hand, slowly approached him.

She was about to start applying the gel to his burns when his eyelids fluttered. He glanced around, confused. His eyes finally looked Buffy’s way, and they widened with realization. He tried to sit up, but got no further then an inch off of the stone lid before he laid back down, whimpering.

Buffy could feel her heart wrenching. "It’s okay," she whispered. "You’ll be okay."

As gently as she could she spread the aloe on his blisters. He bit his lip as the aloe began to burn on his skin. He closed his eyes and tried to wish the pain away.

Buffy looked up from where she was administering more aloe and felt her heart break. He was crying again. Just silent tears, rolling down his face. She wished she could do something for him, but she couldn’t think of anything to say. Her feelings were also starting to jumble around in her head again, and she only hoped that they wouldn’t reach her heart. Who knew what would happen if they did.

She set the bottle down and moved until she was looking down on his face. Tentatively, she reached out and began stroking his hair. Slowly, she pushed her fingers through his hair, and was slightly amused to find that his hair was naturally curly.

It felt like hours had passed as she sat there, stroking his hair, when in reality it was probably no more then five minutes. In that space of time, his tears had stopped, and his eyes were watching her. She pulled her hand back and smiled softly at him. "How you feeling?"

"Why?"

She sighed. She’d known this was going to come up. "Why did I pull you out? Why did I save you?"

Spike nodded as best he could. "Why?" he asked again, his voice a little raspy.

She gazed into his eyes and wondered how she had never noticed how deep blue they were. Beautiful, deep blue, like the ocean, and she realized she could drown in them…

"You all right, pet?"

Buffy blinked and realized he was gazing at her, concern written all over his face. "I’m fine, why?"

"You looked a little spacey, s’all. Also, your heartbeat must’ve sped up past a hundred. You sure you’re all right?"

Buffy turned to get the first aid kit, her face flaming. She was going to kill Dawn when she got home. "Yeah, I’m fine."

"You never answered my question."

Buffy paused, her hand on the box lid. "I saved you because…" She chewed the inside of her lip, not sure of how to say it. "Because you wouldn’t be here. Because you wouldn’t be able to help with patrol. Because Dawn loves your ghost stories. Because my mom wouldn’t have anyone to talk to about her job." She stopped, unable to turn around. "Because I’d miss you," she whispered.

Silence descended upon the two. Buffy could feel her heart speeding up again. What was wrong with her? Was this the aftermath of Riley leaving her? Something told her that it wasn’t.

Buffy was about to turn around when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She whirled around, shock and disbelief written all over her face.

Spike was standing, standing, in front of her, his hand on her shoulder. His face was slightly twisted in pain, but he was smiling at her. "You’d miss me?" he asked softly, a trace of hope on his face.

Buffy nodded slowly. "Yeah," she said, starting to smile. "I’d miss you." Before he could say anything, she put her hand up to cut him off. "This doesn’t mean that you and I are destined or star-crossed lovers, or any kind of lovers." She watched his face fall as he looked down at the ground.

Gently she placed her fingers under his chin and raised his head until he was looking her in the eyes. "That doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen, though," she added quietly. "I don’t know how any of this is supposed to happen, but I’m not going to jump into anything. I’d rather have a friend right now then more confusion with my emotions."

He nodded, looking hopeful again. "Are you…are you saying you’d give me a chance?" he whispered.

Buffy smiled. "I just might."

His smile grew until she was sure it was going to crack his face in two. "In that case, luv, I can wait. I’m very patient."

She gave him a look.

"All right, I’m NOT patient, but I can be, and I will. You have my word."

She grinned. "Good. Glad to hear it. Now, back on the sarcophagus, this instant. I still gotta fix you up."

"Yeah, and then we can get you to a doctor."

Buffy frowned. "Why?"

"’Cause I can hear your heart yammering from here. I’m sure it’s not healthy for it to be pounding at that kinda rate." He cocked his head to one side, a smug look on his face.

Buffy felt her face turn bright red. The rat knew that her heart was thumping around because of her feelings.

"You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?"

Spike grinned. "Better believe it, pet. But I’m not pushin’."

Buffy smiled softly. "I know. Thank you."

"I should be the one thanking you."

"Why?"

Spike returned her smile. "Because you saved me."

Buffy said nothing. Instead, she leaned forward and ever so slightly kissed him on the cheek.

Spike was startled, to say the least. Buffy could hear the voices arguing in her head, and made a mental note not to listen to them anymore. She knew which one was right, anyway, and which one was wrong. And the one that had told her to stake Spike could curl up in a corner somewhere and die.

She looked up at Spike and smiled. Dawn had been right on a few things, but not about that crush part. Buffy knew she didn’t have a crush on Spike. Instead, she was beginning to wonder if it wasn’t something more.

THE END