Fluffy Dead Things

by Nebula: nebula_authoress@yahoo.com

Buffy stared at the body, her mind numb. She recognized the girl from somewhere. What was her name? Where had she seen her? But it didn’t really matter, now did it? She was dead. And Buffy had killed her.

Suddenly Buffy’s head whipped to the side. She gasped with pain as she recognized the familiar tingle of a hand on her face. “Buffy!” Spike’s voice called to her. He sounded so distant. He couldn’t be, though. She could feel his fingers gripping into her shoulders as he shook her.

She turned, hurt that he had actually hit her, when she saw the fear radiating from his eyes. “Buffy!” he yelled again. “Stay with me.”

She fingered her cheek, confused. “You…you…” she started.

“Had to, luv. You were startin’ to go comatose on me again. I’m so sorry,” he said, kissing her cheek. “We’ve gotta get out of here.”

As he stood, she shrank back. “I…I killed her,” she whispered, staring at the lifeless girl. “What have I done?” She clenched her fists tightly, rubbing at her eyes.

Spike looked over at the body. She was dead all right. He turned back to Buffy just in time to see blood stream from her clenched fists.

“Hey, hey, none of that,” he said, pulling her fingers apart. Just as he had feared, her fingernails had broken through her skin. “Don’t do this to yourself,” he soothed. “S’not your fault.”

“SHE’S DEAD!!” Buffy screamed, causing Spike to jump back slightly. “I..I can’t…Spike, I did this!!” Her voice rose as she continued, “And…and I…I don’t know what to do,” she finished, sobbing hysterically.

He wrapped his arms around her and rocked her back and forth, while she continued crying. When her tears began to slowly cease, he lifted her into his arms and stood.

“Wh-where are you..we going?” Buffy stuttered, trying to catch her breath.

“Back to your house. You need to rest,” he said, not looking down.

Buffy began trying to squirm out of his arms. “Would you sit still?” he said, almost rolling his eyes.

“Wh-what about h-her?”

Spike sighed then looked down at Buffy. “Don’t worry ‘bout it, luv,” he said gently, “I’ll take care of it.”

To Spike’s surprise, she didn’t argue. Instead, she clung to him, closing her eyes.

The journey to her house was made in silence.

< --- >

They slipped past Dawn and Willow, who were asleep. Spike set her down on her bed, then turned to her dresser. “All right, which drawer has your pj’s in it? We’ll get you nice and warm, all right luv? Luv? Buffy?”

He turned to see her sitting on the bed, her eyes unfocused. His felt his world begin to shatter. He’d lost her again. She’d gone comatose once more.

“I’m still here,” she said softly, startling Spike. He sighed with relief and took a seat next to her.

“What do I do now?” she whispered.

“You rest,” he replied automatically. “Get some sleep.”

“But…”

“I’ll take care of her. Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

Buffy nodded, still feeling numb. How could she live with this? She hadn’t meant to do it, of course, but saying “I’m sorry I killed you” wouldn’t bring her back.

She snapped back to reality when Spike stood and headed for the door. “Wha…?”

“Gotta go take care of this,” he said, offering her a smile. When she continued to look worried, he added, “I’ll be back as quick as possible. All right?”

She nodded again. “Good. Get yourself into somethin’ comfy, and try to get some sleep, promise?”

“Promise,” she said with a faint smile. He turned to leave again.

“Spike?” she called out hurriedly.

He looked back at her. “Yeah, pet?”

A pause. “Th-thank you. For taking care of this.”

He nodded, then left.

Buffy pulled off her shoes, then laid down. Thank you for taking care of me, she thought, before she succumbed to slumber.

< --- >

< --- >

Spike closed the door as softly as he could behind him. The body had been taken care of, and probably wouldn’t be found for a few days. He closed his eyes, the look of anguish and fear on Buffy’s face still fresh in his mind. Best go see if she was all right.

He had just made it up the stairs when he heard her whimpering. He hurried into her room, and found her wrapped in the sheets, still fully clothed. She whimpered again. “No, no, nonononono…”

He knelt down beside her and tried to rouse her. “Buffy,” he whispered. “Buffy!”

If possible, this made her more agitated. He quickly pulled off his shoes and jacket, and set them on the chair on the other side of her room. As gently as he could, he crawled into the bed behind her and pulled her to him, caressing her cheek. “Buffy,” he whispered again. “Buffy, luv, wake up.”

She started, then looked around wildly, fear visible in her eyes. He kissed the top of her head, still stroking her face. “It’s okay, luv. I’ve got you.”

She turned, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. “Spike?” she whimpered.

He nodded, the look on her face wrenching his undead heart. “It’s me,” he soothed. “I’m here.”

She wrapped her arms around him, as he continued to rock her. “I…I…” she tried to say, before choking back a sob.

“It’s all ri…” Spike started, but Buffy cut him off, shaking her head frantically.

“Y-You were…I didn’t mean to…a-and the girl…Spike…”

Oh, how could he only begin to imagine what her dreams, no, nightmares had consisted of. “Only a nightmare, pet.”

She looked up at him, her face tear-stained. “I-it felt so real,” she hiccuped.

He kissed her forehead. “It wasn’t, I promise.”

She nestled her head into the crook of his neck, and continued to cry. He bent his head to kiss away the tears. At his movement, she had lifted her head, to ask if he was leaving. They stared at each other, their lips dangerously close. Tentatively, he brushed his lips against hers. That was all the encouragement she needed. She wrapped her arms around his head and pulled him down for a passionate lip-lock. Spike was more than happy to oblige.

< --- >

Buffy awoke three hours later to the sound of police sirens wailing past her house. Instantly the image of the girl’s body flashed through her head. Were they going after someone, thinking they had the murderer? An innocent someone? Her stomach clenched at the thought.

She glanced down at Spike, who was still asleep. They had ended up just kissing, not as desperately as they usually did. When they had reached the point where they ordinarily would’ve started stripping, she had pulled away, physically spent, as well as emotionally. To her surprise, Spike had understood, and had just held her, comforting her every now and then. Maybe she had been wrong about him. He had had a perfect chance to have sex, and he had let it go.

More sirens pulled her from her thoughts. The flashing lights momentarily lit up her room as they rushed by her window. She bit her lip. No; she couldn’t do this. For once, she was going to do the right thing.

As quietly as she could, she slipped out of bed, draping Spike’s arms over her pillow. She pulled on her shoes, then headed for the door.

She turned back to gaze one last time at the sleeping figure in her bed. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, before closing the door behind her.

< --- >

Spike yawned and looked around the room blearily. This didn’t look like his crypt. This was Buffy’s room.

Pieces of the previous night began to come back to him. That’s right; he’d come back to find Buffy caught in a nightmare and had stayed.

He smiled as he remembered kissing her, Buffy, in the one place they’d never done anything in before: her room.

He rolled over, still smiling, “Are you…” and found himself looking at an empty bedside. “…awake? Buffy?” He blinked, still trying to wake up. He sniffed, trying to find her scent. It was about 20 minutes old. In her scent, he could smell fear, anguish, sorrow, and determination.

Instantly, he was awake. He sat up and looked around the room, panic seeping into his heart. “Buffy?” he called again.

She was gone. Where exactly had she gone, was the question? Think, Spike, think. She was still upset over the death of the girl, so she’d probably head back to the scene where it had happened. The body wasn’t there anymore, thanks to Spike.

Police sirens passed by the house, and suddenly he knew exactly where she was going. “Spike, I did this. I killed her.” Buffy’s words sounded in his head. Oh, shi…

As quickly as possible, he pulled his boots and duster on and ran out the door. He had to get to her before she did something incredibly stupid.

< --- >

Buffy stared straight ahead, her face damp with tears. She had said her silent goodbye to Dawn and Willow, and had started off, her heart breaking. Would she get life? Would she get the death sentence? Would she ever see her friends and family again?

She decided to take a shortcut and headed down an alley. Her dream flashed through her mind again, causing her to shudder. No. She had to end this.

She wasn’t halfway down the alley when something grabbed her shoulder. She whirled around, startled, and saw Spike’s frustrated face glaring at her. “Go away,” she said, shrugging him off.

“You are not doin’ this, Summers. Do you hear me?” he called as she turned to walk away.

“Unfortunately,” she muttered, resuming her walk again.

“Don’t do this!”

“Spike, I have to,” she said wearily. “Please, just…go home.”

With a gasp Buffy fell to the ground, Spike on top of her. She wriggled, trying to get free, but Spike only tightened his grip on her wrists. When she tried to buck him off, he pushed her face into the cement, and pinned her hands behind her back. “I’m sorry if I’m hurtin’ you, luv, but you’re not leavin’ me with much choice.”

“Get OFF of me, Spike!” she said through gritted teeth.

“No,” he said firmly. “Not ‘till we talk this out.”

“What’s to talk about? I killed that girl. I have to turn myself in.”

“You’ll do no such thing,” Spike said, his temper rising.

Buffy snarled, “And why not? For once, I’m doing the right thing!” She deflated and said quietly, “I have to, Spike. I’m responsible for this. It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not. It was an accident, Buffy.”

“An accident? Oh, I suppose that makes it all right, then,” she said sarcastically.

Spike sighed. “Didn’t say that. There was nothin’ you could’ve done.”

“I could’ve not killed her!” With a grunt she pushed harder against him. He hissed as he was thrown back, and Buffy was freed. She jumped to her feet and glared at him. “There’s only one thing I can do now, Spike. I’m not hiding anymore. I have to do this.”

“Why?” Spike asked, standing. “Buffy, why?”

She looked down at the ground. “Because no innocent should be condemned for what I’ve done. I won’t let anyone else take the blame for this. What if they think they’ve got her killer? They could give them life in prison, or the dea…” She swallowed, before shaking her head. “No. I won’t let them do that to some innocent.” She turned to leave again.

Spike grabbed her arm and pulled her back roughly, so she almost collided with him. His eyes were watery as he shouted, “And I’m s’posed to what, let you suffer in jail or die a painful death ‘cause of an accident? I don’t think so, Summers. Doesn’t work that way.”

“You think I want this?!” Buffy yelled. “You think I want it to end this way?! I don’t!! But I don’t have a choice!”

“How do you not have a choice?! You can walk away and no one would know…”

“IT’S NOT RIGHT!!!” she screamed.

Spike stared at her, startled into silence.

“I…” Tears ran down her face as she tried to explain. “I haven’t done the right thing in a long time. I’ve abandoned my friends, I’ve left my sister to fend for herself, but worst of all, I’ve screwed my friendship with you, literally. And it hurts,” she said, her voice wavering. “What we had was…was wonderful. We could talk, and we were okay with each other. Now, it’s either sex or nothing. I can’t live this way anymore, Spike. And I can’t be selfish and let others get hurt by my actions. I’m sorry.” She turned to look towards the station, only two blocks away.

“That’s not true.”

Buffy whirled around, surprised. “What?”

“We still have a friendship,” Spike said. “We haven’t lost it. And yeah, maybe things with your friends and sis got a lil’ messy, but you’re fixin’ it. They still care ‘bout you. And they’re all still alive and well.” When she looked down at the ground, he added softly, “And I still love you.”

Buffy glanced up, her vision blurring as she frowned. “That’s not…”

“Possible with everythin’ we’ve done? It is. No matter what happens, luv, I’ll always love you. I promise you.”

Sirens wailed loudly in their ears. “Listen to me,” Spike said, his voice tinged with panic. “I’ve dealt with this mess. I’ll take care of you. Walk with me now.”

She bit her lip, unsure. “Buffy, please,” Spike pleaded. “Don’t you trust me?”

Her dream flashed through her head. Don’t you trust me? he’d asked. She gazed at him for a few moments, before taking his hand in hers. “Take me home,” she said softly.

Spike pulled her into his embrace for a brief hug, before leading her back to the house.

< --- >

It was a few days later when Willow called out, “Guys! Listen to this. One of the local newspapers is reporting a girl found washed up from a nearby river. They’re saying she was murdered.”

The group was situated in the Magic Box for another Scooby gathering. Buffy had decided not to tell anyone about her early morning adventure, and Spike had sworn to keep the secret.

Buffy swallowed as her mind repeated the word. Murdered…murdered…Buffy, what have you done?

A hand took hers and squeezed it underneath the table. She turned to see Spike smiling reassuringly at her.

A thought occurred to Buffy, and she turned, suddenly anxious again. “Did they catch the person?” she asked, as Spike squeezed her hand harder. This time, it was frustration, not reassurance.

Willow shook her head. “They never caught the person. Authorities are said to probably giving up the case.”

Inside, Buffy breathed a small sigh of relief on both cases. “Who was she?” Xander asked, from his perch on the counter.

“Katrina,” Dawn said, peering over Willow’s shoulder. “There’s a picture in here. They say she was dead for a day before she got dumped in the river.”

But Buffy had stopped listening at the mention of the girl’s name. Katrina? Her mind flashed back to the image of the girl’s face, and she realized where she’d seen her before.

Without a word Buffy stood and headed towards the training room. Spike quickly followed. He shut the door behind them and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Katrina. I know who she is.” Buffy quickly filled him in on the first Warren adventure.

Spike cringed. “The ‘bot?”

Buffy nodded. “His robot. Katrina saw it and freaked.”

“And doesn’t it seem a tad interestin’ that when Warren pops up again, ‘causin’ trouble, his ex ends up dead? And you get blamed?”

Buffy frowned. “What?”

“Don’t you get it? He’s responsible for this! He set you up to take the fall.”

“And how are you getting this, Spike?”

Spike stared at her. “Didn’t you hear the last thing Dawn said? She was dead long before we found her!” He placed his hands on her shoulders and smiled at her. “You didn’t kill her, pet.”

Suddenly, Spike’s arms were full of Buffy. He was about to wrap his arms around her when he felt something wet on his neck. He pulled back and sighed. “You need to stop cryin’,” he said, wiping her tears away.

She laughed. “I know. I just…I would’ve given myself away last night, if it hadn’t been for you.” She smiled at him through her tears. “So thank you.” She looked thoughtful. “Now I definitely owe you one.”

Spike shook his head, grinning. “I’m just happy you’re still here. You made the decision, luv. Not me.”

“So I can’t pay you back?” she asked. Before Spike could comment, she pulled him down for a passionate kiss.

They separated a few minutes later, as Buffy needed to breathe. “So,” she said, panting slightly. “You don’t want me to thank you?”

Spike smirked. “Oh, don’t listen to me. I don’t know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.”

Buffy looked up at him, before smiling. “Yeah,” she said softly. “You do know what you’re talking about. You saved me last night.”

He returned the smile. “Always will, luv,” he whispered. “Always will.”

THE END