Author's note: I'm sooooo sorry! I know I haven't updated in like a month but to compinsate, I'm giving you guys 3 chappys to fully enjoy. :) Let me know what you think! I love feedback and it'll help me write quicker. good or bad critisism, I don't care. Just as long as I get your opinion! Much love and thanks to my beta, Jamie. You're a wonderful beta. Thanks to anyone who reviewed before. You guys are so nice!

Monday, 5/17/04

My body shook with laughter as I lay under the covers of Spike's bed. He lay next to me with his head propped up by his arm as he looked at me, blushing furiously.

"Harmony?!" I cried out in hysterics.

"Just for a while. I was desperate," he defended himself, which only served to make me laugh harder.

"Seriously, what were you thinking?" I asked as I started to calm down.

"It was right after I had broken up with Dru. I was just looking for a good time, trying to forget about her," he said. The sadness in his eyes shown briefly, and I ran my hand over his cheek gently.

"You really loved her, didn't you?" I said softly, and he nodded in response.

"How about you? Who was your biggest embarrassing date, luv?" he asked.

"Oh, easy: Scott Hope. Similar story to yours, actually. It was after Angel and I broke up, and Willow and Xander decided to set me up with Scott. Turns out Scott was gay, but nobody knew," I responded. Now it was Spike's turn to laugh.

"Never knew you had that side of you, pet," he teased.

"It wasn't my fault. I was set up, what's your excuse?" I shot back, but he just smiled.

"Tell me what really happened with you and that ponce, Angel. I heard things in high school, but I don't really believe in rumors," Spike asked.

I suddenly felt a bit of sadness and regret sweep over me at the memory of Angel. "I really loved him. He was... he was always so wonderful and charming. He had this deep cassanova thing going on, and he just made me feel so loved and accepted," I said.

"And..."

"He was my first. That night was beautiful and romantic; it all felt right. But the next morning I woke up and he was so different. He said things that broke me. He... he used me. He said it was all part of a bet. That he was supposed to charm me, make me fall in love with him, and then get into my pants." I felt tears begin to form behind my eyes. "I hated him so much after that. But I hated myself so much more because I was so caught up in his illusion, that I didn't even see he was just pretending." I began to shed tears.

"Oh, luv, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you tell me," Spike soothed as he ran his thumb over my cheek, wiping my tears away, "Don't cry, not for him. That git doesn't deserve your tears." He placed a tender kiss on my lips, and I grabbed the back of his neck to make the kiss deeper.

He moved over me and placed himself between my legs. I took his tongue into my mouth, and he slid his hand in between our bodies, until he reached my center. I gasped when I felt him finger my clit.

When I became moist, he positioned himself in my entry and slid inside with ease. He looked at me as he did and exhaled deeply.

"You're so beautiful," he breathed.

"Uhn," I moaned as he drove into me. He captured my lips and began to increase his pace.

I ran my hands over his waist and up his back as he continued his thrusts. Soon I was feeling that orgasmic tingle stir up within me, and I began to shiver.

"OH!" I cried out as I came, and Spike followed suit.

"Uhh!" he grunted when he gave his final thrust. He collapsed over me, and laid his head on my chest.

"Thank you," I said after a while.

He looked up at me, "What for, luv?"

"I never told anyone about that. Not even Willow. She knows sketches, but not the whole story and... just thanks for listening," I told him.

He leaned down and pecked my lips before he rolled off of me. I looked at him looking right back at me as we lay beside each other, and I ran my fingers threw his blonde hair. He removed my hand from his head, pausing my strokes, and brushed my finger tips over his lips. I got up off the bed and began to search for my clothes.

"Does Gunn ever come here?" I asked, trying to change the mood.

"Yeah, but he's always with Fred, his new bird," he responded.

I got my pants and put them on, followed by my tank top and jacket. "I guess he really likes her," I said.

"Sure does... you should hear how Charlie boy talks about her. Just enough to drive a fellow crazy is what it is," he joked and I giggled.

"Where're the showers?" I asked. I looked up to see him lying on his bed looking at me intensely, then he shook it off at the sound of my voice.

"Down the hall to your right," he said as he got his naked form off the bed.

I had never realized how damn sexy he was.

He was so lean and muscular, but not overly exaggerated. He wasn't too tall but still taller than me. His blonde curly hair was always silky soft and his high defined cheekbones brought out his hypnotizing blue eyes. He was gorgeous.

"Are you okay, luv?" he asked.

Oh god, was I staring?

"Yeah. I'm fine," I shook it off. He smiled.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Like what you see, do you?" he asked as he began to walk towards me.

I glared at him. "Don't start anything, I have to go," I said strongly.

He nodded and turned towards his drawer to get a pair of black boxers. He put them on as he looked at the clock.

"It's 3:00am. You'll have to be quiet when you go down there. Most of these people are probably sleeping already since there was no party this week," he explained.

I nodded. "Will you go with me? It's dark and I don't really know my way."

"Sure."

He grabbed a couple of towels and we went outside and made our way down the hall to the bathroom that was made for the entire floor.

The room looked exactly like the bathroom in my dorm house, with shower stalls all along the right and left walls and a bench in the middle of the room. Opposite of us were the sinks and mirrors. I took off my clothes as Spike watched and I put it on the bench in the middle of the room. I walked over to one of the showers and turned to face him.

"Aren't you coming? You're all sweaty too." I said to him with a coy smile.

He took off his boxers and got in the shower with me. I turned on the water and put it on the right temperature. There was a small bar of soap in the shower and he got it and soaped his hands up. I got under the water and let the water wet my whole body, including my hair. I turned my back to him as I let the water fall over me, and I felt his soapy hand run over my back then up over my arms.

Touch.

That's all I felt.

His touch is what makes me weak. What has made me not hate him like I use to and want him instead. What keeps me coming back.

I sigh as I lean my wet head back against him and he runs his hands over my belly, up to my breasts gently, then back down past my belly button.

He felt so good.

He makes me feel precious every time he worships me and all I know is the world we've created every time we're together.

I move my head to the side and I captured his lips in mine. First it was gentle and soft, then his tongue went over my lips and I let him in. I wrapped my arm around his neck and pulled him a bit towards me so I would take his mouth completely. The water rippled over us as we kissed passionately.

Slowly he has become the person that I talk to the most. Sometimes we wouldn't even have sex. We would just lay in bed talking about anything and everything. He knows I'm dating Riley and he told me, he met some girl, Faith, like a week ago and he might be interested in her.

I parted away from him and rinsed off under the water.

"We gotta stop doing this; if not, I'll never get home," I said as I turned to face him.

He chuckled. "I have absolutely no problem with that thought," he responded as he began to slide his hands over my hips.

"No, seriously, I have to go," I said as I pushed his hands away and I got out of the shower. I grabbed the towel that lay next to my clothes on the bench and I began to dry off.

The shower was turned off and I heard him sigh.

I turned to face him. "What?" I asked confused.

"Nothing. It's just typical you, is all. You know, with the hiding and the sneaking about. At times I wonder if I should be nice or mean to you in public, when really I just want to treat you like what you are to me," he explained.

I tilted my head to the side and gave him a small smile. "What's that?" I asked.

He took a beat, thinking of the right words to say. "Someone I care for," he simply responded.

My smile faded into a small frown. I looked down and reached for one of the towels. I, then, looked back up at him, "I know you do."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have--"

"Spike, don't humor this," I interrupted.

He, now, gave me a frown, "Humor what?" he asked confused.

"What ever it is that you're feeling. We have other people in our lives to think about and things can't get any farther than where they are between us," I said, knowing that it wasn't as simple as I was making it sound.

"Faith hardly qualifies as my girlfriend, Buffy," he countered.

"Look I'm not going to talk about this now, I have to go," I said as I began to get dressed. "I'll see you," I said as I headed out. I walked down the hall and made my way down the stairs at the end of it. I got out of the building and felt the cool air hit my body gently as I made my way to Stevenson Hall.

~+~+~

Thursday, 5/20/04

I kicked the door closed to my dorm room and made my way to the bed. I felt as if my arms would fall off. I held various heavy books to my chest and I let them fall when I reached the bed. I exhaled deeply as I felt my body relax from holding books that were most probably heavier than myself.

"Damn finals," I muttered under my breath.

I took off my jacket, followed by my boots. I went to the dresser and picked out my cotton shorts and a white tank-top. I also took out a towel and headed towards the door to the bathroom down the hall.

When I finished taking a bath, I came back to my dorm room and sat indian style on the bed. I reached for one of the books on the bed and opened it. I looked at it for a sec and the words blurred in my vision. Studying was not my most favorite thing to do and now it seemed harder than usual. Not because of the fact that it was the finals I was studying for, but because his words were still playing over in my mind like a scratched record.

He cared about me.

When he said it, I knew it was true. That's why I brushed it off and I put a stop to where ever he was going with it. I feel it now that we're growing closer. It is't just the sex anymore no matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise. I know it because even if I say I don't, I do. I really do care about him too.

My head shot up at the sound of a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I called out.

"It's me, Buffy. Can I come in?" It was Riley.

I sighed and closed the book. "Yeah, come in."

He pushed the door open and poked his head in before entering.

"Hey." I smiled.

"Hey," he responded. "Studying I see," he said, pointing at the books before me.

"Or 'trying to' would be more accurate. I'm not very big on the book thing," I said with a small smirk.

"Funny. You stike me as a smart girl." He came over to me and pecked my lips with his before he made his way to Willow's bed and sat down.

"Looks can be deceiving."

"Not that. You lead smart and friendly conversations with people," he countered.

"You sure you're talking about Buffy Summers?" I teased.

He gave a small laugh and a twinkle reached his light eyes. I looked away feeling that tinge of guilt build up inside me.

"What brings you here?" I asked.

"Just felt like seeing you is all. You want to do something tonight?"

"Sorry, Riley. Studying duty calls. but we can do something on the weekend if you want," I responded.

"Alright. That'd probably be better. I wanted to do something special so..." he figured.

I looked at him and grinned. "Really?"

He returned my grin. "Yeah. But it's a secret."

"Okay," I said in mock disapointment.

"Hey, Riley. I'm not interupting anything, am I?" said Willow from the door teasingly.

"Not at all. I was actually gonna leave. Gotta let my girl study," Riley responded before getting up and placing a kiss on my head. "I'll see this weekend?"

I nodded. "Yup."

"Bye."

"Bye," both Willow and I said in unison.

With that he was out of the room. I leaned back on my pillow and let out a sigh.

"His girl, huh?" Willow asked as she took off her jean jacket and hung it up in her closet.

I glared in response. She just chuckled.

"I ran into Spike on my way over here," she said as she made her way to the small fridge at the corner of the room.

This caught my attention. "Really?" I sat up. "What did he say?"

"Nothing much. He just said hi. I was expecting him to ask about you but I guess he thought better of it. He looked kinda sad, though," she responded, taking outh her water bottle.

"Yeah? I haven't seen him or spoken to him since Monday. I guess what I said to him didn't make him very happy." I said as I began to look at my hands.

"What did you say?" She took a sip from the bottle.

"He said he cared about me and I brushed him off. I wasn't very forthcoming with it, so..."

"Huh."

I looked up at that. "What?" I asked, now all her secrecy was getting to me.

"Nothing."

"Willow, you're not telling me something--" I paused. "It's about Spike isn't it." I stated.

"Buffy, he-- he talks to Tara, too. But he also made her promise not to say anything to you. Naturally she told me. But I'm the only one she told, I promise. He told her he was going to talk to you himself when he was ready. It's not my place to say anything," she rambled.

"He did what? What the hell are you talking about?" She wasn't making any sense.

"Don't make me say anything, please. I crumble under pressure." She began panic.

I looked at her oddly. "Willow, calm down." I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair, pushing it away from my face. "Has he told Tara the stuff I tell you?"

"Not the freaky stuff, but... he made it pretty clear that's what you guys have been doing. He doesn't go into detail. Tara won't say a word, though. You can trust her."

"I know I can. I do trust her." I began to relax. "Since when has she known?" I asked feeling a bit curious about Spike's chats with Tara.

"She was feeling suspicious that day at the Coffee Bean, but after Anya and Xander's party, he told her what happened. Kinda around the time you told me. He's always talked to Tara about stuff. Not big things, but things not everyone knows. She's his best friend." She said, with the panic melting away from her.

I gave a small smile. "I know. He told me she was. I just didn't really think he would say anything, but... I'm glad he did."

"So you're okay with this and the fact that I'm sworn to secrecy?" she asked.

I chuckled. "Yes. He'll tell me when he's ready."

~+~+~

Saturday, 5/22/04

"I'm home!" I called out as I closed the front door behind me. "Mom? Giles? Anybody?"

I went over to the living room and saw no one there. I then made my way to the kitchen and saw someone I hadn't seen in a long while sitting on one of the stools, drinking out of one of Giles' mugs.

"Hi, honey," my mother greeted as she stood before the man on the stool. He turned around when she looked at me, and gave me a weak smile. Spike looked so much like him, that even to the casual observer you would know that this man was Spike's father.

"Hey, Mr. Moore. How are you?" I greeted.

"How are you, Buffy?" he asked gently. He looked as though he hadn't slept in days. He looked so tired.

"I'm doing good." I went to give him a small hug. "What brings you here?" I asked.

Back when Spike and I were in high school, we would sometimes get paired up with school projects and I would end up going to his house. Mr. and Mrs. Moore were two of the sweetest people I had ever met. Over time, they had become very close with my family.

At first it was kind of weird that Spike's family was so friendly with me, as opposed to Spike, who rejoiced in annoying me and pushing my buttons.

"I needed to speak to your mother," he said with sadness and worry seeping through his voice.

"What's wrong?" now I felt a bit of panic.

"Honey, why don't you go pick up Xavier from the neighbor's house, while I speak to Mr. Moore," my mother said.

"No, Joyce, I think she should know. After all, she's a grown woman, she can handle it," Mr. Moore interjected. "My wife is very sick. She's... she has cancer," he said the words as if it hurt to say them. Mr. Moore loved his wife and I'm sure knowing that she was diagnosed with cancer must be terrible for him.

I felt shock.

How come Spike never told me this? Is this what Willow was talking about?

"I'm sorry." I said gently.

"I came to speak to your mother, to see if maybe she could help with any ideas. We've kind of hit a rough spot and the hospital bills aren't getting any lower."

"I thought maybe get the community involved? We could raise enough money to pay for her treatments," my mother suggested.

I was in disbelief. I couldn't really understand the situation. She had always been a healthy woman. Now she needed treatments they can't even afford to keep her here?! This wasn't right.

"How bad is it?" I asked feeling scared for her.

"The doctors can't cure her, but the treatments will help keep her with us longer," my mother responded. She turned to Mr. Moore, "We'll figure this out. I'll call Rupert so he can come home earlier. We can discuss some more ideas then."

"I have to go," I said heading for the back door.

"Buffy, where are you going?" my mother asked with a worried frown on her features.

"I'm gonna... I'm gonna pick up Xavier." With that I was out the door and breathed in the sweet air. Inside I felt suffocated and now it was heaven to be out here.

~+~+~

END OF FLASHBACK

~+~+~

Sunday, 7/1/07

The hotel suite that we were staying in for the 4th of July was huge. The first thing you would see when you walked in was the nice, spacious living room with the big T.V. To your left was the dining table for six and the medium sized kitchen right by it. If you went to your right on the right side of the living room was the hallway that contained the three doors to the two bedrooms that were pretty big and a huge bathroom. To your left in the hallway was the door to the master bedroom and to your right was the bathroom, and then further down was the other bedroom.

The bathroom impressed me the most; it had a Jacuzzi tub and a shower separately. It also had two sinks and two toilets. One of them, my sister said was used to wash your ass because it didn't look like an ordinary toilet. Then, there were sliding doors in the master bedroom and the living room that led to the balcony. The balcony looked over the beach on the right side, 20 stories down and a gentle breeze would blow from the ocean and you can smell salt in the air.

I felt his arm go around my waist as I leaned against the railing.

"What are you doing out here, luv?" he asked before he kissed my neck and placed his chin on my left shoulder.

"Just taking in how beautiful this place is," I responded.

"Mmm...doesn't compare."

"To what?" I asked.

"You."

I smiled.

~+~+~

"Mother, what are you doing?! You're gonna burn the chicken," I snapped at my mom.

"What? I put it on the right temperature," she countered.

"It's too high. Lower it down a little."

She did as told as I smashed up the newly boiled potatoes in the pot to make mashed potatoes.

"So..." she began.

I looked at her expectantly. "So..."

"Are you happy?" she asked.

"Of course I am, mom. Happier than I've ever been," I responded with a smile.

She smiled back, "I'm proud of you. You've turned into such a strong, grown woman who knows how to be a wonderful wife to her husband and a great mother to her daughter. I'm just... very proud of you," she said to me sincerely.

I stopped smashing the potatoes and I moved towards her, surprised at her words.

"I thought that maybe after everything that had happened you wouldn't be," I responded.

"Of course I would be, Buffy. Everything turned out for the best. You have a man that loves you and... you have a beautiful daughter. No mother could be prouder," she responded.

I felt like crying at her words and I just went and hugged her.

"I love you, Mom," I whispered.

"I love you too, honey," she whispered back.

~+~+~

FLASHBACK

~+~+~

Saturday, 5/22/04

I couldn't go back to the house. Not with Mr. Moore there. I had gone to get Xavier and now I sat on the bench, watching as my little brother went down a slide. He ran around with a huge smile on his face, totally unaware of what was going on and the real reason why I brought him here instead of taking him home.

I just didn't understand why Spike never told me anything. We spoke all the time! We spoke to each other about everything and he never once told me about this.

"Hey, Buffy," I heard someone greet. I turned around to see it was Riley who had interrupted my thoughts.

"Hey, you." I forced a smile.

He came around the bench to sit beside me and gave me a small peck on the lips. "What are you doing here?"

"Just brought Xavier out here for a while. He's been inside all day, I thought the playground would be a nice change for him," I responded.

Riley pulled me to him and I laid my head on his chest as he wrapped his arm over my shoulder.

"I want to take you out tonight. Remember we talked about it? I was planning that special thing for you," he said as he drew me in tighter and I felt a bit suffocated.

"Yeah, I remember." I pulled away a bit and looked at him. "I'll see you, then."

"Tonight's gonna be perfect." He looked at me lovingly and my stomach turned in the not so good way. "I love you, Buffy," he said with sincerity as he held my hand in his.

"Oh, god," I whispered as I looked down at our hands.

"You don't have to say anything back. I just thought that..."

"No, Riley, I--" I forced another smile. "Pick me up at 8:00?"

He nodded, "Yeah, okay. I'll see you tonight." With that he placed a chaste kiss on my lips and got up to leave.

Shit!

When exactly did he fall in love with me? I've only known him for three months! My god!

I gave a heavy sigh.

"Xavier! Come on we're going home."

~+~+~

Saturday, 5/22/04

I took a deep breath as I studied my reflection in the full body mirror hanging on the side of my closet door. I wore a baby pink sun dress with khaki, healed, sandels. My hair was done in loose, soft curls with two pink clips holding two strands of my hair up away from my face. Light make up adorned my face but not a trace of a smile was seen in my reflection.

I didn't want to go. I didn't want to face the fact that Riley was developing feelings I knew I would never return. He was such a nice guy that hurting him was the farthest thing from my mind. But I couldn't help but dread this evening. He was so predictable and stale.

And he's never even touched me!

He's respectful to the point of frustration. (Of course, that part always gets taken care of.) But so not the point. If Riley ever brought in me the excitement I feel when I'm with...

Okay, thoughts of him are so not allowed tonight. But still...

I gave myself another look in the mirror before heading to the hallway. As I reached the stairs, the door bell rang. Always so punctual.

"I'll get it!" I called out to my mother, who was currently in the dinning room.

"Alright, honey," she responded, never looking up from what I guessed were unpaid bills.

I opened the front door and saw, not Riley, but--

"Spike."

"We need to talk," he said, pushing his way past me, into the house.

My eyes went wide. "Spike, not now. My mom's in the next room and--"

"Why are you all dressed up, pet?" he asked, eyeing me with a glint in his eyes.

I pulled him aside, away from my mother's, possibly, hearing ears. "Don't look at me that way. It's not helping," I whispered harshly.

He smirked.

"You have to go. I have a date."

"A date? Don't tell me Captain Cardboard is taking you out," he said with a tone of irritation in his voice.

"It's our anniversary," I said with a small pout. God, that sounded pathetic, even to me.

Spike snorted. "And it's been how long?"

"Spike, why are you here?" I asked, letting my nerves of Riley showing up to see him here, getting the best of me. I wanted to get rid of him quick and I know he wasn't leaving until he did what he came to do.

"You just left Monday night without another word. Sooner or later, we'll have to talk about this," he began.

I sighed. Great; perfect timing. "Can it be later? Riley'll get here any minute and I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the fact that he might see you here."

"Buffy, this can't go on in ignorance. I don't give a bloody damn if that ponce sees me. I need your time," he said with pleading blue eyes.

"And you will. But--" ding dong. "Spike please. We'll talk, I promise. Just... not now. Please," I begged.

He looked back over his shoulder, looking around for an audience. No one. ding dong. He turned back to me, putting his hand over my cheek. He leaned in getting closer to my face. His lips brushed against mine, leaving a chaste kiss behind.

"You'll come to me?" he asked in a low whispered.

I put my hand over his and squeezed it reassuringly. "I will."

He nodded and walked around me towards the back door. Ding dong.

I took a deep breath, smoothing out my dress, and went towards the door. I opened it to see an irritated Riley, looking down at me, about to ring the doorbell again.

"Hey. Sorry I took so long. Mom won't get up from that table even if her life depended on it," I said to him as I moved aside to let him in.

"I heard that!" my mother shouted from the dinning room.

~+~+~

Tuesday, 5/25/04

School was gonna be over in a couple of weeks and finals so I was cramping. I had just walked out of the library and now held a very large, very heavy, psych book. I let it drop when I reached one of the tables out in the patio.

I took a heavy sigh of relief as I sat my tired body down.

"Hey, Buffy." I heard a male voice greet.

I looked up and saw Xander standing beside me.

I gave him a tired smile. "Hey."

"Oh, final exams and cracking the fat books, huh?" he said, referring to the book on the table as he sat across from me.

"Yup. I think it's going to get worse," I responded.

"Definitely. I think the teachers have banded together and agreed on making these finals, the finals of hell."

I giggled. I can always count on Xander to make me smile.

"So what's up with you? I haven't seen you in a while. You're either with Riley or just doing things on your own." he asked.

"Nothing much, just thinking about stuff. You know how that goes," I said, looking down at the front cover of the book before me.

"Yeah. Hey, I was gonna ask you: are you going to the Bronze Friday night? Willow wanted to do something with all of us together since it's been a while," he said.

I looked up at him. "Sure. I could use a breather from all the studying. Who's going?" I asked.

"Um... Riley wanted to go. Tara, Anya and of course Willow and myself. I was gonna ask Spike if he wanted to go. He told me he's been talking to some girl, and maybe we'll get to meet her," he explained.

I felt something in my stomach at the mention of him with some other girl but I shook it off.

"Oh, well, good. Finally get to meet Faith," I responded.

"Faith, huh? How do you know her name?" he asked curiously. My heart began to race.

"Uh, he mentioned something to Tara, who told Willow, and now I know," I lied.

"Oh. Funny, Willow never said anything to me."

"We talked yesterday. It wasn't even supposed to come up," I responded, hoping he would buy it.

"Well whatever. I'm gonna go, I still have to see Anya. She's been kinda..."

"Don't need the details, Xander. Just go," I interrupted.

"Right. See you Friday."

"Bye." I smiled.

I gave out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding and banged my head against the book before me.

Oh man, that was way too close.

~+~+~

Thursday, 5/27/04

I couldn't talk to him now. He was nervous about tomorrow and bringing up his mother would only ruin the mood. He wasn't good with confrontation. I guess I still wished he would tell me on his own. If I brought it up he would get really defensive and a fight would ensue. Honestly, that was not what I was looking for tonight.

"So I'll be seeing you at the Bronze tomorrow night?" I asked Spike as I watched him trying, hastily, to clear the room a bit.

"Uhh, yeah. Maybe," he responded. He moved across from me to the other side of the room and I rolled my eyes. He was being ridiculous.

"Spike, your room has been messy before and it really didn't bother me, mostly because I helped you make it that way, but that's not the point," I said before I got off the bed and stood in front of him.

I began to unbutton his shirt as I looked up at him.

"I'm just a little hot and bothered right now and you're kinda stalling, which only serves for you to make me angry and we don't want that, do we?" I said seductively as I pushed his shirt down over his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, luv. I'm just a bit nervous about tomorrow, that's all," he said as he unzipped my jacket.

"Why is that? We won't start hating you or anything," I asked before I got the back of his head and pulled him in, taking his earlobe into my mouth.

He chuckled. "I know you'll always like me. Or you at least like what I do to you."

I began to unbuckle his belt and soon his pants were going down. "What makes you say that?" I asked playfully.

I squealed as he grabbed me by my ass and pulled me up, then I wrapped my legs around his waist.

"Well, I know it."

"How so?" I asked as he went towards the bed.

"By your moans, your grunts, your screams..." He fell over me on the bed. "Your touch. I can tell when you're not satisfied," he whispered in my ear before he began to nibble on my lobe.

"You know me so well?" I breathed.

He pulled back and looked at me with truth shining from his eyes. "More than you know, luv."

I smiled and he captured my lips in a hard, demanding kiss.

Our mouths battled as he began to undo my pants. He let go of my mouth and slid my pants over my hips and down my legs, followed by my panties. I then sat up and pulled my blouse over my head before I reached over to him, and pulled the white tank top he was wearing over his head.

He then unhooked my bra from behind me and began kissing down my chest. He reached my left breast and took my nipple into his mouth. I held the back of his head to me as I moaned at the feel of his tongue swirling around my now erect nipple and the shots of pleasure rushing down my body, reaching my clit. He moved to my neglected nipple and did the same.

Soon he began to move his kisses down my belly and past my belly button till he reached my core. With his tongue he separated my folds and I groaned as he sucked my clit into his mouth. His tongue went up and down my opening and I fisted his hair as my juices began to flow. My loose hair spread over the mattress as I threw my head back against it in pleasure. I felt two of his fingers enter my hot center and with my free hand I gripped the covers beside me.

I moaned a bit louder when he pushed his fingers in and out of me as he sucked on my clit. With his free hand he held my left leg apart trying to keep it from snapping close against his head. Soon I felt something build in my lower abdomen and it swept up my body.

"Uhh, God!" I groaned loudly as I came.

My body shook when I began to ride down my orgasm. I hadn't realized my eyes were closed shut until I felt him come over my body and I opened my eyes to see him smiling softly at me.

I ran my hand that was still on his head down to his cheek. He came down to kiss me. His tongue was soon in my mouth and I began to push his boxers down and my hands slid over his bare butt cheeks before they went in between our bodies and I grabbed his hard member to position him in my entry.

He parted away from my mouth and looked at me as he slid inside me with ease. His elbows were on either side of my head and one of his hands was over my head with his fingers tangled in my hair.

We looked intensely into each other's eyes as he thrust into me slowly. My lips were swollen and parted; I still tasted him. I felt him with every cell of my body. I saw him. I didn't see the person he pretends to be. I saw William Moore.

He didn't have to say it. I saw it in his beautiful blue eyes. I felt it all around me.

Love.

My heart began to pound in my chest and I shed silent tears.

"Shh. Don't cry. What's wrong?" he asked softly.

I didn't answer. I just looked at him, feeling more naked than I ever have with anybody.

He whipped my tear away with his thumb. "It's okay," he whispered.

He brushed his lips over mine before he placed his forehead against mine. I put my arms under his and my hands went over his shoulders. I just held him to me tightly.

~+~+~

Friday, 5/28/04

I sat on my bed as I watched Willow looking through the closet. I just looked blankly at her as I thought of what happened last night. Now I had all these emotions running through me that I had always ignored and now I didn't know what to make of them.

"So what do you think of this jean skirt?" She asked, but I didn't move or say anything. "Buffy, what's wrong?"

I looked at her and a frown of confusion settled on my face. "Something happened last night," I said in a low voice.

"What? Did you talk to him about why he went to your house last weekend?" She sat on her bed in front of me.

"No. I haven't. I left before he could wake up," I said blankly.

"Buffy, what is it? What happened?"

I suddenly felt a tear run down my face.

"Buffy..."

"I'm not supposed to feel like this! It was just supposed-- last night was different," I began.

She looked at me confused. "Different than what?" she asked.

I just looked at her conserned face as my bottom lip quivered. "We made love. I--I know we did. I felt it," I said. " I felt him," I whispered.

Her face relaxed a bit. "Oh."

"Wills, I think I'm in love with him," I whispered.

She began to form a small smile. "Oh, Buffy..."

"Willow, I'm not supposed to be!"

"Buffy, you can't help who you love. This thing with you and him has been going on for a while. He cares for you. He's always cared, even before you guys started doing it like bunnies. I guess he didn't need to tell you he loved you because... he showed it to you," she explained.

"This is what you meant? About what he needed to tell me?" I asked, trying to make sense of things.

She nodded. "What did you think it was?"

My eyes traveled to the floor as it all began to make sense. He never planned on telling me about his mom. He wanted to tell me he loved me.

"Willow, has Tara ever told you anything about his mom?" I asked with a small frown settling on my forehead.

"She told me she was really sick."

"Wills, don't say a word until I clear things with Spike, okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Spike's mom is really sick. She's so sick, she's... she's dying."

Her eyes went wide with shock. "What?"

"He never said anything to me and I thought that's what he wanted to tell me." I explained.

"How did you find out?"

"His dad went to my house to talk to my mom and I kinda walked in when they were talking about it."

"Spike probably never said anything to Tara about it, either." she figured.

I sighed, "What am I going to do?"

"You have to talk to him. Tell him everything. Although, tonight is out of the question. He's taking that new girl he met to the Bronze and talking to him then wouldn't be the best course of action," she began.

"Yeah. I should wait," I said. "I'll tell him to meet me and we'll talk and... we'll figure things out."

~+~+~

END OF FLASHBACK

~+~+~

Monday, 7/2/07

The sun was warm as I laid on the towel at the beach getting my much needed tan. I heard a little girl squeal in laughter and I proped myself up on my elbows. I saw my daughter being swung around by her father over the coming tide. He put her back down and as the water came rushing in, her little feet ran away from it as fast as they could take her. He picked her up as she came to him once more and took her into the salty sea water. She giggled when a wave hit them as they went further into the ocean.

She definitely was daddy's little girl.

Xavier followed behind, also trying to fight against the waves. My husband turned to see his struggle and reached his free hand out to help him catch up.

I smiled tenderly at the scene.

"Stare any harder and you'll burn a hole in your family," Dawn's voice said from beside me.

"I wasn't staring. I was admiring."

"Sure." She smirked.

"Shouldn't you be tanning?" I asked.

"Not anymore, unless I want to get crispy," she responded.

I chuckled as she got up from the ground and went to sit next to Giles and my mother under the big yellow umbrella.

I stood up and made my way to the water. I pushed myself against the oncoming waves and soon reached them.

"Hey, you," I greeted.

"Hey," My husband greeted back.

"Mommy!" My baby girl extended her little arms to me and I grabbed her from her father's arms. "Water tastes funny." She giggled as she splashed against the salty water.

"Hey! quit it!" Xavier exclaimed before he began to splash at her, too.

"Maggie, Xavier, stop. You're getting water in my eyes," I said as I ran my free hand over my face.

"They're just having a bit of fun, luv. No harm done," my lover whispered in my ear.

"Oh, sure, defend them. You spoil them too much."

"It's my job as a good father and big brother." he said, dutifully.

"And what's you're job as a good husband?" I asked coyly.

"Don't flirt with me Summers, or if not, I'll make you pay for it later," he threatened with a that devil smile of his.

I grinned. "I'm actually counting on it."

I felt his arm go around my waist and he pecked my lips lightly. "So am I," he whispered.

~+~+~

FLASHBACK

~+~+~

Author's note: I would just like to thank all the people that review, you guys are awsome. I would especially love to thank my beta, Jamie, You are awsome and a wonderful beta! Love ya lots. :) Special thanks to Alyssa, I know i don't know you, but your review made me so happy. Your comments were great and I promise I will finish this fic even if it takes me forever. lol.

Okay, I know it's just one chapter but I wanted to give you guys a chance to hate me a little. lol. I'll update soon though. keep them wonderful reviews comin'!

Chapter 10

The music played loudly inside the Bronze like it always did. Riley moved in rhythm with me, with a smile on his face. He looked like he was having such a good time. For a moment I felt guilty. If only he knew who I really was, and what I've been doing behind closed doors. In all fairness though, I didn't know much about him either. He's just so dull. Not the exciting type, I guess.

Honestly, he just never stole my interest.

A small frown settled on my face. Then, why am I here?

Suddenly, I felt someone's eyes on me. I smiled when I turned and saw who it was.

There at the round table, where all my friends sat, was Spike. He returned my smile, and that just made me feel so good inside. It was as if I knew he was all I needed. Then, a young brunette grabbed his hand, making him look away from me to look at her. That must be her. She looked so.. skanky. Her hair was in tossled curls that made her seem as if she'd just finished having sex and her pants were practically painted to her body. Her black tanktop was of course causing her boobs to play peek-a-boo with anyone who came across them, and... she was all over Spike!

Oh, fuck.

I snorted. I can't believe I'm feeling jealous!

Funny how things seem to turn around on you. I remember when he was jealous when I first met Riley. I thought it was so dumb of him, and I made fun of him about it, and now I'm the one in his place.

The song was soon over, and I walked over to the table, holding Riley's hand.

"Hey," I greeted Spike and his new girlfriend.

"'lo, pet," he greeted back. "Now that you're all here, I wanted to introduce Faith. Faith, these are my friends: Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara, Dawn, Riley, and Buffy." He pointed at each one of us as he said our names. When he had reached me, he caught my eyes, and I looked away towards her trying to avoid his look.

"It's nice to finally meet you. We've heard a lot of things about you," I said as I extended my hand out to shake hers.

"Good things, I hope," she responded with a smile. "Don't want blondie here to give me a bad name."

"Wouldn't think of it, luv." I looked at Spike and he smirked at me.

"If you'll excuse me..." I turned back to her. "I have to go to the ladies room."

She nodded and I left.

When I reached the restroom I went to the sink and turned on the water faucet. I sprayed some water on my face to cool off. I pulled a paper towel from the little box on the wall and dried my face up. I looked in the mirror as I heard someone come in.

"You alright?" Willow asked as she walked up next to me. She put my purse down on the small table space between the sinks.

I took a deep breath. "I can't do this."

"All will be fine, just hang in there. You know how he feels. She means nothing," she tried to comfort.

I began to look through my purse for my make-up. "Doesn't really make it easier," I said, feeling irritated.

"Jealous?"

"Yes! A lot jealous." I re-applied the make-up. "It's not really fun."

Willow gave me a knowing smile. "Just remember: take it slow."

I sighed, and she made her way to the door.

I gave myself a last look in the mirror before I grabbed my purse and headed for the door as well. When I got out, I was pulled aside to the back hall that led to the alley. I was put up against the wall and I smiled, looking at who was my kidnapper.

"Spike, what are you doing?"

"So, you like her?" he asked.

I looked at him unnerved. "Do you like her?" I asked back as I hooked my arms up under my breasts un-purposely lifting them up, which only served for his eyes to travel down my cleavage.

"What do you think?" he asked as he looked back up at me and gave me a wicked smile.

"Won't she miss you?" I asked coyly.

"As much as I know you miss me? Not likely," he responded.

I felt his hands travel down to my hips. His cheek brushed against mine, and he began to kiss my neck. I dropped my purse and grabbed his face to captured his mouth with mine. Our tongues danced with urgency and want. All my feelings went into that kiss, and I groaned as he rubbed he growing bulge against my thigh. He ran his hands up under the back of my blouse. I felt his hands up my bare back and he began to kiss and lick at my neck again. I took his earlobe in my mouth as I put one of my hands behind his neck.

"We've never done this in public," I breathed.

"I don't think anyone's watching."

"We can't"

"Alright, luv. Just give us a kiss, then."

I captured his lips once again and his hands began to roam from back down to my butt, over my hips again. My hands halted his movements. At that, I heard him groan in disappointment.

I smiled on his lips. "Don't push your luck, mister," I whispered.

He then just held my face in his hands and began to kiss me sweetly. My hands went around his waist, looking for his backside. When I found his ass, I gave it a gentle sqeeze, making him gasp. He parted away from my lips and looked at me with clouded, dark blue eyes.

A smirk began to tug at his lips. "How come you get to touch?"

I gave him a devilish smile. " I just like to see you squirm."

"Don't make me get rough with you, Summers. You know I will."

I gave him a pout in mock disappointment. "Okay."

I took his head in my hands, pulling him in for a deep kiss. Our tongues battled in pure passion. He alternated positions with his tongue, running it at the roof of my mouth and over my teeth. He explored as if he didn't know, relearning every part of my mouth. I groaned into his mouth. I loved it when we kissed like this. I returned the kiss with just as much passion.

Soon we needed to breath, and our foreheads rested against each other as we breathed heavily.

Soon, I felt him begin to chuckle and I looked up at him, "What?"

"I love it when you do that."

"Do what?" I began to smile back.

"Groan when we kiss," he whispered in my ear.

At his reasponse, I laid my head down against his shoulder, feeling as if it was the most natural thing in the world to be in his arms as I was now. For a moment nothing mattered. Not the fact that we'd just made out in the back hall of a local club, not our friends who were but a few feet away, and not Riley or Faith. But then reality set in and they did begin to matter.

"We have to go back."

"Yeah. Guess so." He began to pull away and I stepped away from the wall.

"I wanted to talk to you about something but it's not a good idea to tell you here," I said, remembering why I wanted to see him in the first place.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, as a frown settled on his face.

"I don't know. Not really. I just... I can't talk about it here okay. Can you meet me at my house tomorrow morning?" I asked. I bent down to pick up my momentarily forgotten purse.

"Sure, pet." He nodded.

"Okay." I grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. He responded with a small smile and I made my way back to the bathroom to clean up.

I looked at myself in the mirror once again, and re-applied my make-up for the second time tonight.

I sighed. We have to calm ourselves if we're going to get through this.

I made my way out the door and went to the table. I stood next to Riley.

"What took you so long?" he asked.

"The bathroom was full," I responded before I pecked his lips with mine.

"Want something to drink?" He asked, looking at me a bit strangely.

"No, that's okay. I'm not really thirsty."

"Wanna dance, then?"

"Yeah." I forced a smile.

Riley's arm went around my waist possessively. That walk to the dance floor felt like the longest of my life. We began to sway to the music, and I felt so confused. I didn't want to be here with Riley. It was as if I was being trapped. I was with a guy I didn't even want! And the one I did want was out of my reach, if only for a little while.

On the other hand I care for Riley. He was a nice guy who didn't deserve what I've been doing behind his back and what little affection I've given or what little of myself I given to him. He deserved so much more.

I looked up at him and desided to do what's right.

"Riley."

"Yeah?"

"We need to talk. About some stuff," I began.

"What is it?"

"Can we talk later tonight? After we leave?" I asked.

"Yeah, alright."

~+~+~

END OF FLASHBACK

~+~+~

Wednesday 7/4/07

This night was going to be beautiful. We all stood outside the balcony, 20 stories high and a gentle breeze was felt with the salty sent of the ocean filling our nostrils. The 4th of July was always something to treasure. He stood next to me and looked out at the black ocean with me.

"It's beautiful out here," he commented.

I looked up at him and smiled in response. He returned my smile and leaned in to peck my lips softly.

"I use to dream of this you know," he began.

"Really?"

He nodded. "I use to wonder if we would ever be married. I wondered if we would ever start a family. I wondered if this would ever be our life. Sometimes it doesn't even feel real. It's strange, because guys like me don't think about that kind of stuff. But I did. I did because.... because I loved you and-- to see how things have changed, it's so amazing. It's like this was meant to happen because we never left eachother. Not really. No matter how bad things got we still thought of each other. We still missed each other. I don't regret a moment of it."

All I could do was stare at him with so much love. All that raw emotion that he only showed so rarely spilled out before me. I felt my eyes well up with tears of joy and all these feelings and emotions that I held reserved for this man and this man alone.

I reached out my hand to his cheek and he looked at me tenderly.

"I love you," I whispered.

He took me in an embrace and held me in his arms. To be like this, was true perfection. To be held by him. To be loved by him. I saw perfection in his eyes. I saw it when he would get jealous. I saw it when we first made love. I saw it when we first met.

Even then I saw perfection.

~+~+~

FLASHBACK

~+~+~

Saturday, 5/29/04

It was 2 a.m., and my legs were killing me. I had been dancing most of the night, trying to keep myself distracted and trying to figure out how I was going to let Riley down easy. Now with Riley considerably drunk, and my body way too tired to do an extra trip to his house I decided to take him home with me. Xander and Anya had left two hours ago and I didn't want to wake them asking them for help. Willow and Tara didn't drive and Spike had his hands full with Faith.

The whole night Faith spent it being all over Spike like a leech and he didn't seem to object. I just didn't want to be facing that kind of scene if I had no power to stop it from happening. So, now, I found myself trying to keep Riley's wobbly legs from giving way and letting him fall to the floor, while I tried to keep myself from falling with him.

Tonight sucked, and I prayed to who ever was lisening to help me reach my house soon. Riley was way bigger and heavier than I am and I had to carry both our weights.

"You're like da best girlfriend ever, Buffy," Riley slurred. He put his face right up against mine, and I could smell the stench of alcohol in his breath.

"Ugh. That's nice, Riley," I said, feeling a bit queasy.

"I have never ever found a girl as peculiar ass you." I think he was becoming more incoherent by the second.

"Wonderful," I muttered. I looked ahead as we walked down the sidewalk. Soon I saw my house ahead and I looked up to the heavens, "Thank you, God."

"God!" Riley said in mock-indignance and began to giggle like a 4 year-old . He gave a slight jerk and halted our walk. "Oh, God." He turned away and I looked confused. Of course, my silent question was answered when I saw he began to hurl on the pavment.

I sighed heavily. "Oh balls." Wait, did I just day that? I shook my head and went over to Riley. I began to pat his back in an attempt to comfort him. "Come on Riley, we're almost home." He groaned as I helped him to his feet and we began to head towards my house once again.

When we reached the house , we went up the steps and I made Riley lean against the wall by the door as I fumbled through my purse for the keys. When I found them, I opened the door and switched on the lights making the dark foyer and living room easier to see.

"Come on Riley don't pass out on my just yet," I said, and he gave another groan in response. I pulled him into the house and strait to the couch in the living room. He didn't so much as lay on the couch, more like fell on it and completely passed out.

I exhaled in exhaustion.

I pulled out the guest covers from the small closet, under the stair case, in the foyer, and brought it over to Riley. I unfolded it and cover him with it, letting him rest for the rest of the night. I, then, switched off the light and went up the stairs to my room. Closing the door behind me, I looked at my bed. It looked so different. The glow the moon gave it from outside the window made it seem as if it's been waiting for me to sleep in in, and my body cried out for nothing else. Just looking at it made me even more tired if possible.

I removed my clothes and went to my drawer on the right side of the room. I took out an old T-shirt I used as PJs and put it on. I went to my bed and laid down pulling the covers over my body.

The sleep was welcome.

~+~+~

I walked down the hall and noticed that my parent's room was open. I went over to see if anyone was in there and came up empty. I turned to the right side of the room which had a door that connected with dawn's room. I knocked on the door.

"Dawn?" I called out.

"Yeah?" I heard the response from the other side of the door.

"Where's Mom and Dad?"

She opened the door and looked at me as if I'd completely lost my mind.

"Did I say something?"

"Did you forget mom and dad were out reliving of their honeymoon for the weekend?" she responded questioningly.

"Oh, yeah. I remember now," I said my memory coming back to me. They did mention it. That's why I asked Spike to come over. I knew they wouldn't be here. Now all I had to do was get rid of Dawn and Xavier.

"I saw Riley downstairs. What's that all about?" she asked.

"He got majorly trashed yesturday, and I didn't have the strength to take him home." I responded as I made my way back out to the hall. Dawn followed, closing the door behind her.

"Couldn't Xander do that? He does have a car."

"I know ,but he left early and I didn't want to call him. That would've woken him up." I went down the stairs and looked over to the living room, seeing that Riley wasn't there.

I went to the kitchen and saw him drinking a beer.

"Hey," I greeted.

"Hey."

"Mornin' Riley."

"Hey, Dawn."

"That for the hang over?" I asked.

"Yup. Two advils and a beer always does the trick," he responded with a small smile.

I smiled back in response. Dawn walked over to the fridge and took out a water bottle.

"I should leave, though. Gotta head home and run some errands," he said.

"Sure." I nodded.

"We'll talk later? You said you needed to tell me something."

"I do," I responded.

"Later then?"

"Alright."

He came up to me and kissed me on the forehead. He went around me towards the foyer.

"Wow, what must be so important that you even have to make plans to talk about it," Dawn began.

"Something that might make him hate me forever." I walked around the kitchen island and looked out the window.

"Kinda dramatic do you think?"

"Not really." I saw his retreating form go down the front steps down the walk way of the house. I saw him turn to the right and disapear behind a bush. As soon as he was gone a familiar car sped to the other direction.

A frown settled over my features.

I know that car.

Spike.

~+~+~

Chapter 11

I looked on as he disappeared down the road. A frown of confusion settled on my features. Why did he leave? It's not like he knows Dawn's here.

"What's up?" Dawn's voice tore my attention away from the window.

"Nothing."

"Sorry, not convincing enough."

I looked at her now feeling confused at her response. "What?"

"You've been hiding something for a while now, Buffy. I've been pretty patient, but I really want to know what's been going on," she said strongly.

"Not now, Dawn, please." I didn't have time for this. I had to go look for him. We needed to talk. I began to walk out of the kitchen towards the stairs.

"So there is something?" she pressed on as she followed behind.

"It's complicated."

"Buffy, you didn't think you were going to keep what ever it is you're not telling me a secret did you? I could tell something's not right. I don't care if it's complicated, I'm betting I'll understand." She crossed her arms over her chest in resolve. I hated that she was so stubborn. Like I didn't have enough of that with Spike.

I pulled out a white tank-top and black capri's from the drawer and began to get dressed. "You sure you wanna do that?"

"Buffy..." she waited expectantly.

I sighed in defeat. "Can I explain when I come back? I don't have time to talk now. But you have to promise not to say a word." I began to brush my hair out as quick a possible, and then made my way down the stairs.

"I promise, but where are you going?" she asked from behind me as I opened the front door.

"To see Spike."

~+~+~

I walked down the familiar hallway of his dorm house. The hall seemed way too long now, so I sped up my pace in order to reach the room quicker. When I finally got there, I knocked on his door and heard someone's rushing footsteps on the other side. Within seconds the door was open, and I felt a bit disapointed that it wasn't Spike who answered it. It was his roomate.

"Well, Gunn. You're here," I greeted with a smile.

"Surprising, huh?" he smiled.

I nodded.

"You looking for Spike?"

"Yeah, I am. Have you seen him?"

"He said he'd be staying at his parent's house for the weekend. He's probably there now," he responded.

"Okay, thanks."

"Sure."

I turned around and ran down the hall once again. "Bye," I gave off over my shoulder.

"Bye." I heard him say, followed by the sound of the door closing.

~+~+~

When I got there, I saw Spike's car parked outside.

Good, he was here.

I got out of my car and began to walk up the walkway towards the porch. I don't remember the last time I was here. I had almost forgotten how beautiful this house really was. Now it was so quiet and just by standing on the front porch, I felt the sadness that it carried inside, but I also felt the struggle and hope that never seemed to die between Mr. and Mrs. Moore.

I knocked gently at first, not wanting to disturb the calmness that enveloped this town. I got no answer so I knocked again. Spike answered the door, but not a word came from him. He just stood and looked at me with no expression. This wasn't good.

"Hey," I said gently.

"Hey," he said, his face void of any emotion.

I frowned. He backed away and I made my way into the house, then closed the door behind me. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said, turning away, walking towards the hall on the left side of the living room.

"I came to talk. We need to clear a few things up and... it's important." I followed him towards what I assumed was his room. Until we reached the room I hadn't realized how empty the house seemed. "Where are your parents?"

"Not here."

"Spike--"

He turned back around to face me. "Did you sleep with Riley last night?" he asked with a hint of insecurity in his voice.

My eyes went wide in surprise. That really caught me off guard. "What?! No! God, where did you get that?" I asked, not believing what he was asking me.

"I kinda figured since I saw him leave your house. I just thought..." he responded.

I sighed. "Spike, learn not to jump into conclusions, okay? It's not good for you." I took a seat on his bed as I watched him closely.

He looked down to the floor as if in defeat.

"What's really bothering you?" I asked, looking at him intently.

"I already said nothing," he said, sounding irritated. He turned around and began to walk out of the room again.

I stood and caught his arm to stop him. "Hey! What the hell is your problem?"

"I'm not just gonna sit back and pretend like it doesn't make want to pound the bloody shit out of him everytime I see him with you."

"So that's what's bothering you? You hate the fact that I can be with Riley in public, but with you it doesn't work that way?" I questioned.

"No shit, Goldilocks. Now I suppose you're going to offer me your friendship?" he said bitterly.

"No! Damn it, Spike! You act like this is easy for me! It's not like you were being any different with Faith, either." I said angrily.

"Why are you really here, Buffy?" he asked, sounding annoyed, but really he was just hurt.

"I-- I came to talk. I... I wanted to talk to you about something."

"So talk, then." He crossed his arms over his chest.

God, was he being a major prick. I could see World War III coming from a mile away at the rate this was going. Bringing up his mother was going to fuel this fire. And he wasn't making it easier for me.

"Why didn't you tell me your mother was sick?" I asked.

His eyes went wide with surprise. "Who told you that?"

"Your father. He went to my house and he was talking to my mom about it, and..."

"I didn't want you to know.," he said in a low voice.

"Why not? Spike, I can help you. I can help you get through this." I tried to reach out for his hand, but he pulled away.

He scoffed. "Yeah, so far you've been doing a bang up job, luv."

Those words were like a slap in the face. "What?"

"Look, a good shag here and there is not gonna fix anything. So, just drop it," he said, harshly.

"You know that's not all it's about," I I responded in a low voice, feeling my pain grow within me.

"Really, pet? Because If I remember correctly, you made it pretty clear how this thing between us was going to be," he shot back angrily.

"So that's what you think of me? That I couldn't possibly consider as you more than just a fuck buddy?" I asked angrily, but the pain was becoming evident in my voice.

"You don't!"

"What the hell makes you think that I don't?!" I extended my hands in an attempt of showing myself to him. "I mean, look at me, Spike. Why the hell am I even here if I just thought of you as convenient?" I demanded.

"Buffy, think about it: all the hiding and lying and sneaking around is just so I can scratch that itch, and I'm tired of it. I hate seeing you with Captain America, and wishing it was me holding you. Not him. If this is the way that it's gonna be, then I don't want it. What we have may not mean that much to you, but it does to me--"

"God, this is so not about me and Riley right now. This is about you, and your inability to tell me the truth."

"I never lied to you!"

"Really? Then how come everytime I asked you how you were, when you felt bad, you said you were fine? You're mother's been dying all this time, and you didn't tell me! What kind of honesty is that?" I demanded with tears beginning to form behind my eyes.

"I don't need your pity," he said with anger and pain dripping from his voice. "I can take care of things myself."

"So then tell me: have things gotten better? Because the way I see it, things are really shitty right now."

"Bloody hell! I don't need this from you! The girl that can't even make up her own fucking mind."

"Like you're any different!"

"Just get out," he said in a low voice.

"Spike, don't do this," I pleaded.

"I don't want it anymore, Buffy. Or did you not hear me before? I don't want you. I don't need you. GET OUT!" he yelled.

The pain I felt at his word was enough to make my body cry out. I hated him for hurting me like this. All I felt was my heart being ripped out from inside me. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream.

God, I was gonna scream.

"Fine! You want it over? It's over. No more hiding from people. NO MORE US. I'm done with it!" With that I pushed passed him and walked out of the room in a fury. When I got out of the house, I slammed the door behind me. As soon as I reached my car, I let my tears flow and my body began to shake in uncontrollable sobs.

~+~+~

END OF FLASHBACK

~+~+~

Wednesday, 7/4/07

I looked out the glass sliding doors of out hotel bedroom. The fireworks still continued to burst in the sky, and sadnees came over me at the memory of that day. The day I had said goodbye to him even for just that moment. I wrapped my arms around myself as I leaned my head against the glass. He was in the room. It was like a force between us that let me know he was here. I didn't flinch when he came up to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"What ever it is, it's not worth you not enjoying tonight," he whispered.

"I'm enjoying," I responded, and I felt him begin to kiss my neck with small sloppy kisses.

"Doesn't seem like it," he whispered again before capturing my earlobe in his mouth.

I closed my eyes at the feel. "I am. Just momentary distraction but you're doing a great job at compensating," I responded with a coy smile.

I turned my head and captured his mouth with my own. Our kiss was gentle at first, but then it slowly became more fevered and passionate. My arms went around his neck as he held me to him by my back. I felt one of his hands go to the back of my head, tangling in my blonde hair.

~+~+~

I found myself up against the glass and I moaned when I felt the evidence of his arousal through his pants rubbing against my hip. One of my hands traveled down to his ass and I squeezed firmly, pulling his harder against me, which caused him to give a deep groan. I put both my hands against his chest, pushing him towards the bed. As he walked backwards to the bed, I kept my hands busy by undoing his pants.

Our tongues battled and danced all in the same. It was passion fueled by love, and powered by pure desire.

He undid my pants as well and pulled them down before I pushed him gently on the bed. I finished removing my pants and straddled his waiting body. Our mouths connected once again as he ran his hands over my panty- covered butt. I began to tug a his shirt, and he sat up to remove it. He reached over to me and pulled my blouse over my head before unclapsing my bra, and taking one of my rosy nipples into his mouth. I gave a low moan as he nibbled and licked around it before moving to my neglected one, and did the same.

I was soon being turned over, and he laid above me with a devilish smile on his lips. He began to trail kisses down the valley between my breasts, down my belly to my belly button. He dipped his tongue and I shivered both because it tickled and out of anticipation of what was to come. He continued south, pulling my panties off, before dipping his head between my thighs.

His tongue began to work it's magic on my clit. He flicked and sucked on it, making me buck and arch my back off the bed. My head thrashed from side to side against the matress, and a small cry escaped my lips as he inserted two fingers inside my hot channel.

"Shh. Your family and the kids are outside," he hushed before he began to pump his finger within me.

I reached out and fisted the covers with my right hand as I bit my bottom lip, trying to keep myself from screaming loudly. I groaned when he nibbled on my sesitive nub and my orgasm soon followed. My body shivered as the wave of my high came crashing over my body.

He moved up over me, and I flutter my eyes open to see him looking at me tenderly.

"I love you," I whispered, and he placed a chaste kiss on my lips. I reached over and began to push his unbuttoned pants down over his ass. He moved, placing himself between my legs. "Uh uh. It's my turn now."

He gave a grin and I turned us over, pulling his pants down completely until they were off. when I moved up over his body, I ran my hands over his and we enterwined our fingers. I put his hands over his head, and dipped my head down to kiss him. I then began to kiss down to his jaw, over his neck, until I was leaving a trail over his chest. He looked at me, and our eyes connected as I kept moving my kisses down.

I brought my hand and ran my fingers over his balls, up his hardened member, before I grasped it firmly, making him gasp. With my other hand, I ran it over the sensitive spot in the back of his knee as I stuck out my tongue to lick the head of his shaft, and he jerked in response. I licked off the precum before taking him fully into my mouth. He gave a low groan as I began to milk him, first slowly, but soon I was increasing the pace and I pumped harder and faster until I had him panting and holding in his grunts.

"Buffy, stop! I'm gonna..." he finally got out. I knew he was close, I felt it in how tense he was getting. I gave him one last lick before I stopped. I moved up again and straddled him before sinking down over him taking him inside me. This earned a moan from both of us as I felt him stretching my walls and filling me completely.

As soon as we were adjusted, I began to rock against him.

He pulled me down to him and held me as we kissed languidly. We moved against each other, forming a rhythm. I then looked down at him and smiled at his pleasure stricken face. His eyes shown with love and desire, his mouth was open, breathing heavily,and his lips were kiss-swollen. He was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen.

Soon, I felt my orgasm begin to build at my core, and I screwed my eyes shut, letting out a moan. I felt him flip us over and he laid above me, beginning to thrust into me.

"Look at me, luv," he said, and I did as told. Our eyes connected as he began to pump faster. My body quaked as my orgasm crashed into me and I felt him follow soon after. We kissed in a attempt to dull out each other's cries of pleasure. We slowy came down from our high, and he laid down over me with his head on my chest. I began to stroke his hair and that calm/spent feeling he always gave me after sex, came over me.

"I love you," he mumbled.

"I know you do. I love you too," I responded.

~+~+~

FLASHBACK

~+~+~

Saturday, 5/29/04

I parked the car back in the driveway when I reached my house. I looked in the mirror, and wiped away any traces of my crying. I looked a little red and I felt tired. My eyes felt dry and swollen, but I looked decent enough. I just hope Dawn wouldn't notice, because I wasn't really in the mood to explain anything to her right now.

I forced myself out of the car, and made my way to the front door. I opened it and heard the phone ring.

"I'll get it!" I called out as I went to the kitchen to answer the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, honey." It was my father.

"Hi, Dad," I smiled into the phone. I felt a bit of relief wash over me as I heard my father's voice on the other line.

"How've you been, sweety?" he asked.

"Alright, I guess. Finals are on Monday, and I guess my life is peachy with a side of keen."

"Hope you do well next week."

"Thanks, Dad."

"I was actually calling to ask you if you'd like to spend the summer with me? I finally worked some vacation time in and I thought why not spend it with my only daughter," he suggested, and I heard the smile that was probably on his face as he said it.

Thank you, God. "Oh, Dad, you have no idea how much I'd love that. As soon as I finish the finals next week, I'll be there."

"I could pick you up if you want. You'll probably have to wait two weeks from now, but I could make the trip."

"No, I could just go on a plane. It'll only take me about an hour or so to get there. You'll die driving 15 hours non-stop on the road," I reasoned.

"Yeah, you're right. Besides, the faster I get to have my baby girl here, the better," he responded with, I bet, another smile.

"Well, I gotta go now dad. But I'll call you to tell you when to pick me up from the Airport, and all that," I said to him.

"Yeah, alright. Talk to you soon, sweety. I love you."

"Love you, too." With that, I hung up and went towards the fridge to find some frozen waffles. I was starving.

I took out two waffles and put them in the toaster to heat up. I pushed down the lever on the toaster and sat on the stool before putting my head in my hands, feeling more exhausted then I've ever been.

~+~+~

Monday 5/31/04

I sat in Drama class, staring blankly at the Exam before me. I couldn't get myself to concentrate. All I was aware of was the fact that he sat two rows behind me. I occasionally felt his eyes on me, and I had to force myself not to turn around and return his stares. So now I found myself looking back down at my exam and saw the words begin to bleed into eachother as my vision blurred. I shut my eyes in an attempt to clear my vision, but felt tears slide down my face instead. I brushed them away haistly with the back of my hand before standing up and walking over to my professor.

She looked up at me from her desk when she noticed I stood before her. "Is something wrong, Ms. Summers?" she asked.

"Mrs. V, is there any possible way I could come back later today to make the exam up? I really need to step out right now."

"Sure, Ms. Summers. Come back after my last class. I'll let you take it while I begin to grade the rest," she responded.

I sighed in relief. "Thank you so much, Mrs. V. I'll be here, I promise."

I gave her the exam back and began to walk out.

"Buffy..." Mrs. V called out to me.

"Yes?" I walked over to her desk once again.

"What ever it is that is bothering you, it's not worth you loosing your focus here. I'm helping you because I know you're a good student, but in any other place they won't give you the same treatment over some personal problem."

I nodded. "I understand. Thank you."

She gave me a half smile. "I'll see you later."

I went out the door and turned to the left, walking down the hall. At the end of the hall was the opening that led to the courtyard. Right before the hall closed off there was a coke machine. The same machine that...

"Something from the machine behind you. Do you mind?" He pointed behind me, and I looked back to see, then I moved aside so he could make his way over to it.

"Buffy!"

My eyes went wide when I recognized that voice. I turned around to see him running up to me from the end of the hall.

"What do you want, Spike?" I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"We need to talk."

"No we don't. You made it pretty clear how wanted things to be, so why don't you keep your side of the bargain, okay?" I said strongly, but inside I felt my world caving in on me.

"Buffy, I didn't mean--"

"I'm leaving, Spike," I interrupted. This stopped him dead in his tracks and shock marred his face.

"Where? When?"

I shook my head no. "I'm not talking about this." I began to walk away.

He grabbed my arm, stopping me. "Buffy, please..."

"No! No please's, no I'm sorry's. You kicked me out, Spike. I'm leaving, and you can't do anything about it." I pulled my arm out of his grasp and walk away.

Thursday, 6/3/04

"You should at least talk to him," Willow said to me from her bed as we packed our things up in boxes. We had to be out of the dorm by the end of the week, and we had gotten a little behind scedule.

"And say what? 'Hey, I'm sorry I didn't listen before. Tell me what you think of me once again, because it didn't hurt as bad the first time'?"

"Buffy, you know that's not what he would say to you," Willow said sturnly.

"I can't fix anything now, anyway, I'm leaving Saturday morning."

"You don't have to leave."

"Will, you know I do. If I stay here any longer, I'm gonna go crazy. Do you want a 'Crazy Buffy' as a friend?"

"As long as it's a Buffy, it doesn't really bother me." She stuffed some more clothes into the box she had before her.

I smirked at her comment. "You're just saying that."

"Can you blame me? I'm gonna miss you."

"I'll only be gone for the summer, and you are more than welcome to call and visit any time you want," I responded.

"Just me."

"And Dawn."

"Buffy, what will I tell him if he asks for you? You know he will sooner or later."

"As long as you don't tell him where I am, tell him whatever you want. You'll think of something." I closed up the box that was infront of me and put in on the floor before getting another box and putting in the rest of my belongings.

"Do your parents know you're leaving?"

"Not yet. I don't know if I should tell them. If I do, I'll run the risk of Spike asking them where I am, and they'll tell him because they don't know what's been going on."

"Well, if you don't tell them, Dawn will probably cover for you."

"I'm trusting my sister way too much, lately." I smiled.

"I think you should have told her from the very beginning. She took it pretty well from what you told me."

"That's because she already knew, she just needed confirming."

"No, I think it's because she knows how good he is for you."

I looked up at that, and her eyes met mine.

~+~+~

Friday, 6/4/04

I parked the car right infront of the Dormhouse and got out of the car before I got smart and left. When I reached the building, I got inside and went up the stairs at the end of the lobby. I know he was here because this was the last night anyone would stay in their dorms.

I walked down the hall until I reached his door and stood before it, pondering weather I should knock or just leave.

I just stook a step foward and placed my hand over the door as I leaned my head against it. I could hear the tired steps he took around the room before stopping abruptly. His steps began again and this time they came towards me. He was on the other side of this door and I couldn't bring myself to knock. I pushed myself away from the door and began to walk back down the hall again, leaving the Dormhouse.

~+~+~