Hey all *waves* I'm sooooo sorry i've taken so dang long but here's one chapter. I gave it something new that my beta suggested. I think you guys might like it. Thanks a lot to my beta Jamie and to all my reviewers. A few of you have been completely supportive during my writer's block and I love you all for it. but I hope to get the ball rolling once again. Let me know what you all think of this one!

Saturday, 6/5/04

Getting the ticket wasn't hard. Finding out the flight number wasn't hard. Telling my father I would be there in about an hour or so wasn't hard. Saying goodbye.... well, that was different story.

"You promise to call?" Willow asked as she hugged me.

"Yes. I promise."

I looked over to Dawn and she came over to give me a hug as well. "I'll cover for you."

"Thanks, Dawny." I parted away and began to walk towards the gate.

"Call as soon as you get there," Dawn said before we waved our goodbyes.

I turned around, leaving them behind, and gave my ticket to the lady by the gate before I began to walk down the hall that led to the plane. The large bag that I had hanging from my shoulder felt heavier as I went further into the hall. I know he knew I was there last night. I just had to say goodbye, even if the words didn't really form.

I sat on a window seat looking out as the plane began to move, getting ready for lift off. The plane was soon off the ground and I leaned my head back against the seat, closing my eyes.

It was for the best.

~+~+~

I felt someone shoving me gently and I groaned in response.

"Miss, the plane will be landing shortly." I heard them say through my sleep-fogged mind.

I opened my eyes to see the stewardess looming over me and I nodded to let her know I understood. "Thank you."

I looked out the window and noticed we were getting close to the ground of the Washington Airport.

I was here.

It felt strange. I had only been here maybe a few times when I was maybe 13 or 14, and it used to feel like it had been forced on me. Like I was being sent to a prison with a father that I felt at the time was practically smothering me. Now it was fine. We spoke on the phone and over the years, I got to know him and he got to know me.

He, eventually, stopped trying so hard and tried to do the best he could for me. Now I appreciate him for it because when I can't talk to my mother about certain things, that a parent should know, he's always ready to listen and not go crazy like my mother sometimes does. I didn't even want to think about how she would react if she found out what I've been doing with Spike. The only people I trusted were Willow and Dawn. Now my father would find out, and I was actually looking forward to letting him know because I really needed his support. For the things that I know I had to face, and for the things I'd have to say once I did get back to what I was running away from.

The plane had finally landed and now everyone was getting up, getting their luggage from the compartment on top of their seats. I got up and did the same, grabbing my bag before following everyone else out of the plane.

As the flight attendants led us towards another gate-tunnel, I hoped that my father was already here. I wasn't really looking foward to waiting like I had to do at one occation.

When we finally reached the end of the tunnel, I looked around, moving away from the gate.

"Buffy!"

I turned towards the male voice that had called my name. I finally saw him and grinned. "Dad!" I waved at him and he came towards me. I also made my way towards him, meeting him halfway.

When he finally reached me he wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. "Oh, sweety. I'm so glad you're finally here."

"Me too, daddy."

"Come on. I wanna hear everything my girl's been up to," he said as he grabbed my bag from me and led me out of the airport building to the parking lot.

I pulled the car door open before sitting down in the passenger seat. My father sat on the driver seat and started the car. We puled out of the parking space and drove out of the parking lot.

"So, tell me how everyone is doing," my father asked.

"They're all doing great. Mom is doing wonderful in the Gallery, Giles just finished his book, and Dawn finally got her new car. Remember I told you about how I was driving her to school?"

"Yeah. How about your friends? How are Willow and Xander doing?" he asked. I knew he was either trying to make conversation or just trying to get something out of me that had absolutly nothing to do with anyone's well being.

"They're fine."

"And the boyfriend you told me about only once since you began to date him?"

"Not sure about that one." He looked at me, now, expectantly. I looked on and saw we were approaching a red light. "Things have been a little complicated lately."

"Things not going well with him?"

"I guess you could say that."

The light turned green and my dad began to drive down the road again. He didn't press on the matter. I guess he figured I'd tell him about it later.

The rest of the trip was made in silence.

~+~+~

I had placed my bag on the bed before pulling out clothes and placing them beside it neatly. I keep doing this almost absentmindedly until I reached the bottm of the bag and found the small teddy holding the HAPPY BIRTHDAY pillow.

How in the world had this gotten here?

I threw it back into the bag and closed it up. I didn't want to remember him. Not now. I wanted to forget if only for a moment. The things that happened with him weren't right and I wasn't about to remember how...

"Want me to fix you a snack?" my father said from the bedroom door.

I looked over to my right and nodded in response. "Sounds good."

"Okay."

When he left the room, I got the bag and put it on the closet floor before heading out the room, following him down the stairs to the living room. I sat on the navy blue leather couch as I waited for my father to return from the kitchen. Opposite of me was the fireplace and I looked at the flames as it burned away at the wood. I remembered when I was little, how my dad would bring marshmallows and we would make smores with the graham crakers and chocolate right in front of it.

Little moments like that sometimes made me forget how much of an absentee father he really was. He was trying now, so I wasn't holding it against him much.

He came back holding a bowl of marshmallows with graham crakers and hershey bars. I smiled at it. He did this like it was tradition. It's been such a long time, that it felt so good to have that feeling of being a little girl come back to me. He sat down on the floor right infront of the fireplace and I got up to do the same.

I took one of the sticks he also brought with him and place my first marshmallow at the end of it before putting by the fire.

"What happened, honey?" he suddenly asked.

I hesitated. "Where would you like me to start?"

"The beginning would be fine."

"Well, it all started when I was born..."

"Buffy." He looked at me sternly and I gave out a sigh.

"Okay." I desided to just come out with it, "Daddy, for the past six months, I've been having an affair with someone. With Spike... with William Moore."

"William?" he questioned.

"Yes." I looked over at the softening marshmallow and waited for him to ask what I knew was coming.

"Buffy, don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Yes."

"Then why?"

"The thing with Spike started way before Riley. I didn't think that it was going to continue when I met Riley. Obviously, it came back to bit me in the butt because now...." I trailed off and looked down as I felt tears begin to form.

"Now what?"

"I messed up. I've lied. I used him. And I know it will hurt Riley, but all I can do is run. I've hurt the one person that means more to me than anything in this world and he doesn't even know that I love him." I put the stick down and burried my face in my hands as I began to sob.

"We're not talking about your boyfriend anymore, are we?" he more stated than asked.

I shook my head no, unable to say a word. Silence had fallen in the room and I looked up to find my father's face play out a few emotions: surprise, confusion, then a bit of understanding began to come through.

"I haven't told anyone about it except for Willow and Dawn. If Mom ever found out, I'm scared she won't ever look at me again."

"Your mother loves you, Buffy. She would never disown you, no matter what reason you give her to do so."

"It's not easy. I've been keeping things from my friends and and family. I know who I love and I know that I can't run forever. I just wish I could."

"Have you spoken with William?" he asked gently.

I looked down at my hands again. "No. He doesn't know where I am. The last time we spoke, it wasn't pretty."

"Does anybody know you're here other than Willow and Dawn?"

"No. I didn't want to run the risk of Spike finding out where I am. If he did, he'd come looking for me, and I don't feel like facing him. Not now," I explained.

"Buffy, you just told me you love him. Why won't you talk to him?"

"Because if I told him how I felt, I don't think he would believe me. He didn't believe me before, he thought I just saw him as a convenience."

"So then, what are you going to do?"

I don't know. I really don't know."

~+~+~

MEANWHILE

~+~+~

The hangover I felt was like a ton of bricks has been thrown at my head repeatedly. Getting pissed is never good for the next mornin' but at least it helped me forget a bit. That is, ofcourse, 'til now. Now I'm remembering everything again. I'm remembering what I said, what I did, and what I made happen.

"Bloody hell," I groaned as I moved a bit and felt the pounding headache get a bit stonger if possible.

I open my eyes to find Tara holding a glass of water and a couple of pills in her hand. She gave me a weak smile.

"Morning, Spike."

I groaned again in response.

"You look beat. Come on. Drink this. It'll make you feel better."

"Where do you come out of, pet? You're always around when I'm about to feel my head split into two bloody peices," I said.

"It's a gift," she responded.

"Right." I pushed myself up and sat on the bed. I took the glass and pills and drank it down without another word.

"Spike, as your friend and someone who loves you, please, I beg of you: No more drinking," she said. "I hate to see you like this."

"I'm acheing, pet. That numbs it. I'm bloody fine with it."

"Right up until you get all headache-y. Then you end up right where you began. Just with a hangover."

"Never said it lasted forever," I mumbled.

"Spike..."

"Just piss off, Glenda. I'm not in the mood."

"I'm not leaving you like this."

I looked at her in the eyes and saw that she meant it. She might seem like a gentle girl to the populous, but really she was a tough cookie. she was also my best friend who knew me well enough to know that I need to talk to someone.

I sighed, giving in. "It's like it get harder to bloody breathe. I just had to be a glorified wanker to her. Over fear! My mum won't last very long and all I keep wishing is for Buffy to be here. I need her. More than she'll ever know. And it's all my bloody doing," I confessed, putting my head down in shame and feeling the tears begin to form behind my eyes.

"Spike, she'll be back. She has too many things here to stay away for long. This is her home."

"It pained me to watch her walk away from me. Even when I tried to make it right I still managed to bollocks things up to a bloody mess." the anger inside me sturred but I knew it wouldn't change anything.

"Just give it time. Things will work out," she said.

"That's what Red said to me. To give Buffy time."

"My Will is a smart girl."

~+~+~

Sunday, 6/6/04

I dialed Willow's number before putting the phone up to my ear and lisening to it ring. After the second ring she picked up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Wills."

"Hey, Buffy. How are you doing?"

"Complicated question." I sat on the couch and curled my legs under me.

"The talk with your dad didn't go well?"

"No, that went fine. He reacted fine. It's just that I'm still feeling a bit..."

"I know. It's been kinda hard on you lately." There was a pause. "Spike asked for you, you know."

I wasn't really surprised. I knew sooner or later he would. "What did he say?"

"To me, he just asked for you, and I told him that I wasn't going to tell him anything, but to just give you time. To Tara, it was another story," she responded with hesitation sounding in her voice.

"What happened?" I asked becoming a bit impatient.

"He told her he loved you. That he just wanted you to come home. He needs you, Buffy."

"Yeah, he needed me so much, he kicked me out."

"Then you wouldn't listen when he tried to make things right!" she argued back. "Buffy, you've got to stop this!"

"I'm giving him what he wants! He wanted me out, so I left. Nothing you say is gonna change my mind."

"Buffy, his mother is dying. He needs you now more than ever, whether he wants to admit it or not. And you need him, too."

"Well what do you expect me to do? Run into his arms and forget all of this ever happened? Sorry, not gonna happen."

"Buffy..."

"You know, I know his mom is sick. But he doesn't want my help. He'd rather keep things to himself and not include me, because in his mind, all I wanted him for, was for sex."

"Can you blame him?! You've never given him any reason to think otherwise. He's just a man, Buffy, not a mind-reader."

I sighed in exasperation. "I gotta go, Wills, okay?"

"This conversation isn't over."

"I know. We'll talk later."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and felt a bit angry. Mostly because part of me knew she was right. But I wasn't about to give in. I needed some time to myself and running back to him wasn't gonna allow me that time.

All of a sudden I felt a bit nauseous and I ran upstairs to the bathroom. I pushed up the toilet seat and felt my empty stomach spew up bile. I began to cough up vomit and I felt as if my insides were coming out through my mouth. I threw up once more before I felt my dad come into the bathroom from behind me.

"Honey, are you okay?" I heard him ask.

I just groaned in response. "No."

"Here, have some water." He gave me a glass of water and I drank it down, feeling my thought burning from all the coughing. "Just wash out your mouth, you'll be fine."

"Thanks, Dad."

~+~+~

Wednesday, 6/9/04

I woke up abruptly, and ran to the bathroom across from my room. I pushed up the toilet seat up and threw up nothing but liquid. This was already becoming ridiculous; for the past week I had been throwing up everything I ate. My stomach was at a loop and my throat was paying for it.

"Buffy, that's it. I'm taking you to the doctor." my father said holding another glass of water for me.

I looked up and nodded in response before turning to the toilet and letting my body clean itself out again.

~+~+~

The clinic was cold. My mind was already drifting to numerous causes for my nausea. The nurse had already run a few tests and they had gone to get the results. All I really wanted to do was go home. I really wasn't looking forward to finding out what this could really mean.

"Miss Summers? The doctor will see you now," a nurse said from the door that led to the doctor's office.

I nodded and looked at my father before I got up to follow her down the hall. "It's the third door to your left," she said.

I followed her directions and sat down on the stiff bed on the far right side of the small room. I looked around and I felt the nervousness inside me increasing. I think I already knew what it might be and if I was right; I didn't know how I was going to handle it. I know my body. Something wasn't right.

"Well, Miss Summers, how are you doing? I'm Dr. Hughes," the doctor said as he walked in and sat on his shair across from me.

I gave a small smile in greeting and waited for him to speak.

"I've got your test results right here," he held up a file to show it to me. "Let's see what we got here..." I looked at him impatiently as he looked through the results. "Well, it seems Miss Summers that the symptoms you've been having are very normal at this stage and it's nothing a little Ginger supplement won't help relieve," he said.

"What do you mean? What's wrong with me?" I asked.

"Nothing wrong, Miss Summers. You've been pregnant for about 11 weeks now."

"WHAT!"

~+~+~

Wednesday, 6/9/04

Even if I had a feeling about it, that this was coming, I still hadn't been prepared for it.

I had mixed feelings.

I had a lack of oxygen.

I had almost experienced mental breakdown.... and then came the realization that I was about to become a mother.

The moment that I realized that, my first impulse was to call for the father of my baby. But that impulse also came with the reminder that I was miles from home. From where he was. That's when I felt the sadness and loneliness really sink in. Before it was just me because I felt that I'd get over him and I'd move on with my life, but now, more than ever, did I love him and hate him. I loved him for helping me create a child but hated him for not being here with me.

Actually, I was really angry with myself. I'm the reason I'm in this alone. I was too stubborn to listen to him or to go back home when I know he needs me even if he doesn't want me there.

"Miss Summers?" the doctor called me.

I looked up and met his eyes. "Yeah?"

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm just a little..."

"Understandable. You're a bit shocked."

"Yeah," I simply said.

"Look, here's your prescription and make sure to read the directions carefully, alright?" he said, handing me a small note with the order in it. "Will I be seeing you soon for your first check up?" he asked.

"Umm, not sure. Most probably. I've been staying with my father here but I really live in California. I'll have to go back, eventually," I responded.

"You've got people waiting at home?"

I looked down at my almost non-existing belly and put a hand over it. "Yeah. The baby's daddy."

~+~+~

"So what are you planning on doing now, sweetie," my father asked as we made our way back to the house.

"Nothing. My first check up is in two weeks and then after that, I'll see what happens."

"You have to go back to California, honey. You can't just stay here, especially now."

"I know. I will go back, just not now. I'm not ready to face certain things yet," I responded.

"Buffy, speaking from experience, running away from the problem doesn't make it go away. You're going to have a baby now. You can't

deprive William of his right to know."

"I'm not depriving him of anything, I'm just not ready to go back home. Things between him and I are up in the air and I just don't want to humor the problem. but I will go back."

"Do you really love him?"

I looked at him and all my sincerity surfaced, "With everything that I have, daddy. I already told you. I need him so much it hurts to be away from him. But I'm just not ready to face him right now. Just give me time. After my check up, I'll go home, okay?"

He looked over to me and gave me a supporting smile, "Stay as long as you need to. But I still stand by what I said."

I smiled, "I know, daddy. I know."

The rest of the ride home was made in silence.

When we got to the house, the phone began to ring. My father quickly went to pick it up and answered it.

"Yes?... Oh, hello Joyce." My eyes went wide at the mention of my mother's name. "Yes... But it's all going to be fine. She's alright. Yes, hold on..." He extended the phone to me and I shook my head no. "She wants to speak with you." I took the phone and took a deep breath.

"Hello?"

"Buffy," my mom said in relief.

"Hey, Mom."

"Buffy, how can you leave without saying a word? do you have any idea how worried I've been? How we've all been?" she demanded.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to worry you. Dawn was supposed to let you know I was fine. Besides, it's only been four days."

"Enough time to file for a missing person's add," she argued.

"Mom, please. Look, I'm here with dad and I was going to go back in a couple of weeks. I just needed some time for myself," I told her in an attempt to calm her down.

The sigh I heard her give from the other line indicated that she was calming down. "I'm just glad you're with your father. God knows what could have happened if you had gone somewhere else," she said gently.

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, honey. Just be home soon, okay. We miss you here."

"I know, I will. Oh, and mom?"

"Yeah?"

"I've got some stuff to tell you."

"What is it?"

"You won't believe it..."

~+~+~

Tuesday, 6/22/04

The sound of the phone ringing woke me.

I was supposed to go to my appointment tomorrow. On Saturday I'd head back home. As the days neared to Saturday, I felt kind of anxious. I didn't know what would happen once I was there. I was still a bit broken from what had happened with Spike, but I knew I had to face him sooner or later. Part of me really wanted to see him. I missed him.

He was also the father of my baby. That, alone, gave me more reason to go back home.

When I finally reached the phone, I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Buffy? It's Willow."

"Hey, Wills. How're things over there?"

"Not good, Buffy. You need to come home as soon as possible," she said urgently.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Buffy, Spike's mom is dying. She's in the hospital under intensive care."

"What?"

"She fainted while Spike was with her a couple of days ago. He took her to the hospital. It doesn't look good, Buffy. The doctors are doing the best they can but you know how sick she's been," she said sadly.

My head couldn't process this. I knew she was very ill but now it got to the point I think everyone knew, even Mrs. Moore herself, was coming.

"Buffy, I think Spike needs you here. He's not talking to anyone. He only spoke to his dad to let him know what happened and then

completely shut down. Buffy..."

I heard her voice crack and this gave me the sign that she was most probably on the verge of tears.

"Will, don't worry I'll be there as soon as I can, okay? Everything is going to be fine. I'll call you before I get on the plane," I said trying to

calm her down.

"Okay, I'll be waiting for the call."

"Will?" I said before hanging up.

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell him I'm on my way."

"I won't."

~+~+~

Wednesday, 6/23/04

The elevator felt as if it went incredibly slow as it made it's way up the building. Willow stood next to me. She had picked me up from the airport and on the way I had filled her on my current pregnant status and she was mostly shocked but over all very happy for me. I felt

the nervousness fill every inch of my being and my hands couldn't stop shaking.

"Are you going to tell him?" Willow asked.

"Yes. I will. Not now, though. I'm just going to see him now and then I'll figure out my next move," I responded.

She nodded in understanding.

"Where's Tara?" I asked.

"She's with Spike and his dad, being supportive gal. She's going to meet us at the entrance."

I gave a half smile before sighing heavily in an attempt to calm my nerves. The elevator door then opened and we stepped out to be met

by said gal.

"Hey," she greeted sadly.

"Hey, Tara." I reached out to give her a hug. She had a heavy look on her face as I pulled away to face her.

"What happened?" Willow asked her.

"Last night the doctor told Mr. Moore that there was not much they could do anymore. She didn't have a chance. So they put her under

palliative care," Tara explained.

"Palliative?" I asked.

"That means they give her 'no pain' treatments. So that when she goes, she doesn't feel any pain," Willow said.

"Yeah. But... this morning she asked to speak to her husband and Spike. To say goodbye."

My hand went over my mouth in shock. Tears began to form and they flooded my eyes.

"Oh god," said Willow.

"She's-- is she..." I couldn't finish the sentence but Tara understood and answered with a nod.

I began to cry.

Willow held me to her and I sobbed on her shoulder.

The sadness I felt was horrible. I loved Mrs. Moore as if she were my own mother and death had taken her away sooner that she

deserved. All I kept thinking was how much Spike must've been hurting.

I pulled away and looked over to Tara.

"Where is he?"

"He's in the private waiting room," she responded.

"Take me?"

"Sure."

~+~+~

When we turn right around the corner, the first thing I saw was his blond head bent down. He sat with his elbows on his knees and his hands were in fists holding his head up. He said nothing, but by his heavy breathing, I could tell he was struggling to keep control of his emotions.

"Spike?" I called him gently.

His body went still. He held his breath.

Wednesday, 6/23/04

His head rose up to meet my eyes. He looked at me as if he couldn't believe I was actually there. His blue eyes were heavy with tears when he looked up at me. They gave way and slid down his cheeks slowly. He sat helpless and lonely, no one but me saw how much he hurt at this moment. No one.

I walked slowly, cautiously, afraid of hearing him say he didn't want me here. That he wanted me gone. But the words never came as I knelt before him and looked at him for the first time and saw how exposed he was and that raw emotion shining through his eyes. I reached out and ran my hand over his cheek, drying his new tears.

He let out a strangled sob.

"Shh, I'm here," I whispered as my arms went around him.

He buried his head in my neck and held me to him as if afraid to let me go. I cried silently as he wept in my arms. No words were spoken for a while.

Moments later his sobs had subsided to just ragged breathing. He pulled back and I put my forehead against his. "I'm here," I repeated.

He nodded gently and looked up at me. "Why are you here?" he asked. "I thought you wouldn't come back. Not to me anyway."

"I was getting homesick." I gave a gentle smile.

His hand reached out to my face and I held it against me with my own. With my free hand I got the back of his neck and gently pulled him to me. Our lips met and I kissed him with everything I had to give. I loved this man and I wanted to show him that. I licked his lips, asking to be let in. When he parted his lips our tongues dueled in a sensual dance. Just massaging and caressing each other’s mouths. Both seeking comfort.

Soon, we parted for breath. I missed him so much. Nothing could compare to this. Nothing has ever felt better than this feeling of love that he had inflicted. Just to be near him. To hold him and know that he needs me and that I need him, too.

"I love you," I whispered.

All I heard was his sigh. "You mean it?" he asked back softly, sounding a bit insecure.

I pulled away to look at him. His eyes shown with surprise and hope, despite his feeling of sadness for loosing his mother.

"Yes, I mean it." My eyes began to water up again. "I love you so much. That's what I wanted to say that day. The day we fought. That's why I came back. To be here with you because... because you mean so much to me. I don't want to loose you. I don't want to wake up and not have you in my life. I love you, William."

"You know how long I've waited for you to say that, luv?" he asked with a weak smile.

"About as long as it took me to say it?" I said a bit coyly.

He shook his head no. "Longer." He took my face in his hands and kissed me again. Perfection. That's what he is. That’s what I felt. That's what this was. True perfection.

"Everything is going to be fine. You'll see," I tried to comfort as I took him into another hug.

~+~+~

END OF FLASHBACK

~+~+~

Sunday, 7/8/07

We were here two weeks ago. He wanted to come see her after we came back from the trip. Now he gripped the steering wheel with sweaty palms and a neutral expression on his face. This was never easy, even if it has been 3 years.

I looked at him. I guess he felt my eyes on him because he met my eyes and gave me a reassuring smile, letting me know that he was alright. I placed my left hand over his right one and he let go of the wheel to hold it. Our fingers intertwined and I felt him physically relax.

I think this is what he needed: For me to be here for him every time he had to come here. He's never opened up the doors he's opened up for me to anybody, and that made me the one person that he couldn't bare to loose. I understood him and loved everything he stood for. I think the moment that I realized that, was when I knew I didn't care anymore about anyone else's opinion on what we had. I cared for him and him alone. He was all that mattered to me. He was all I wanted and whether the world accepted that or not wasn't really my problem anymore.

He parked the car and I got out as he turned it off. He walked around the car to meet me on my side of it, then we began to walk to visit her once again.

~+~+~

FLASHBACK

~+~+~

Friday, 6/25/04

The day was hot. It felt as if I was boiling from the inside. But that didn't bother me. The pain I felt as I watch the casket being let down was much more than any California heat could ever do. My tears spilled over silently as I held his hand in mine, trying to comfort him as much as I could.

I couldn't here the priest speak. His words blended into echoes in my head. All I heard was Spike's occasional ragged breathing and felt his hand shake slightly as he struggled to be strong in front of our family and friends.

They never asked why we were here together. Looking as if I cared for him. Looking as if we were what, in public, could never be. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing was more important than to be here for him. I just hoped that I was right when I said that it would all be fine.

Slowly, the crowd began to get smaller. Everyone said how sorry they were for the loss and headed home to continue their daily lives. It was like that for a while until we were the only ones left in the cemetery. He didn't say anything, he wasn't even crying anymore. The only indication that he was here was the fact that I was holding his hand.

"I knew this would happen. That I'd have to go through this eventually. But I guess you're really never prepared for any of it," he said softly. "I'm sorry I pushed you away. I guess I never realized how much I needed you until you were really gone."

"I'm here now," I said, "and I'm not going anywhere."

He turned to look at me then, and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. "Thanks for that," he whispered.

"Let's go home. You look beat."

He nodded in agreement and we turned to make our way to his house.

The drive was made in silence. There were things that were being left unsaid by me, but right now wasn't really the time.

I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with him and to raise the baby that was growing inside me, but that didn't mean he was. The reactions he would be in the position to have were numerous and I was afraid that it might stress him out even more. On the other hand: it might bring his spirits up. It was a gamble I wasn't ready to make.

Now we walked over to the front porch, looking around while I waited for him to open the door, I noticed his dad's car was gone.

"Where's your dad? I thought he'd come straight home after the burial?" I asked before stepping into the house.

"I guess he left with my uncle. I told him before we left that he shouldn't be here alone and that I’d be fine on my own," he responded as he closed the door behind him.

"Well you aren't exactly alone," I said with a comforting smile.

"No. But I knew I wouldn't be. that's why I told him I’d be fine." He extended his hand to grab mine and I pulled him to me to give him a hug. I buried my face in the crook of his neck, smelling his scent.

I, then, pulled back and saw that tears has fallen down his cheeks.

"Shh. It's okay," I whispered as I wiped at his tears with my thumbs. Next thing I knew, I was pulling him in for a kiss. The kiss was gentle. At first our lips had barely touched, but soon it became more intense.

This need we had for each other was something that was rapidly taking lead and I found myself pulling him to his bedroom. He pushed the door open from behind me before leading me to the bed and we pulled away to look at each other for a moment. I let him go and sat back on the bed before I began to unbutton my black blouse, letting my black-lace bra be exposed.

His tears were dried and now desire shown from his eyes.

He, then, took off his shirt and crawled on the bed over to me. I laid beneath him and pulled him in for another kiss, but this time it was gentler. Our tongues stroked and dance languidly and he began to rub himself against me, creating friction. His kisses soon began to descend towards my neck and over my chest before he uncovered my left breast and began to suck and lick my nipple. At contact, I felt that tiny shock of electricity he always seemed to invoke.

As his kisses went lower to my belly, he began to undo my pants and pulled them down followed by my panties, exposing my to him. he dipped his head between my legs and licked his tongue up my pussy with a firm but slow stroke. I became moist in response and I took a sharp breath when he began to suck and nibble on my clit. I ran my fingers through his blonde curls and groaned when I felt his tongue go inside me.

That small action had let me know how much I craved him to be inside me. How much I always wanted him.

I pulled his head to me and kissed him as I rubbed against his denim-covered crotch, letting him know that I was ready for him. He got the message and took off his pants as well before positioning himself in my entrance and sliding in.

For the first time in five months, it felt right.

This was where I belonged. This was where my life was and this baby growing inside of me was like a sign that I belong here. With Spike. With my William.

He moves gently, lovingly. I felt him completely and I saw that raw emotion in his eyes.

"I love you," he whispered breathlessly.

"I love you, too."

He, then, rolled us over and sat as I began to rock my hips back and forth. My breathing became more jagged and he held me closer to him. I felt the heat of his breath on my neck that caused a series of goose bumps form all over my body. I groaned in his ear when I felt him hit my g-spot which caused him to hold me tighter. I took that as a signal and began to increase the pace. I ran my nails over his back and his hands on my hips encouraged me not to stop.

It went like that for a moment before I felt my orgasm take over and I screamed in pure pleasure. Soon after his own cry followed and he laid back pulling me with him. I fell over him and stayed there, lingering in the moment that felt too perfect to end.

Thinking back to how I was going to tell him about the baby I was having, a baby that was his, I decided to push all my insecurities away and come out with it. It was the best way and besides, I knew he loved me. This baby wasn't going to make him love me any less. At least I hoped not.

I looked up to him and propped my head on his chest.

"I have something to tell you," I said.

"What is it, luv?"

"You remember a few months ago, when we first made love?"

"Yeah."

"I found out something interesting over at Washington with my dad..." I continued.

"And what was that?" he asked.

I waited a moment, trying to decide which way I should tell him.

"Spike, how would you feel if I told you I was... I was about to have a baby and... that that baby was yours?"

His eyes went wide and he looked at me for a moment before sitting up.

"Bloody hell... Are you serious?" he asked, looking beyond shocked.

I nodded. "Yeah. I am."

He looked around as if trying to process what I had just told him. "You're having a baby..."

"Yes," I whispered.

"And that baby is mine."

"Uh huh." I nodded again.

He looked up at me and his eyes lit up with joy. "I'm gonna be a father?"

"Yeah," I said with fresh tears forming behind my eyes.

He did nothing else at that moment but take me in his arms and held me with all he had.

~+~+~