Worth Waiting For

Spike had chafed at the delay in getting back to Sunnydale, but there had been no way around the fact that
by the time he and Andrew had finished with the monk in Gilroy dawn was breaking. The drive back that night had been
more of the more terrifying experiences of Andrew's life. There had been no question of stopping and
the occasional conversation of the trip up had been entirely absent.

Spike had nearly ripped Buffy's front door off its hinges as he came through it. He looked into the living
room and found it empty. "In here," came a tired voice from the dining room.

Spike turned and found a group he expected grouped around the table. His eyes scanned the assembly and
then his face creased. "Where's Buffy?"

No one spoke for a moment. After a deep sigh, Willow enlightened him. "Buffy's gone."

From behind Spike, Andrew gasped. "G-G-Gone? Oh no. Not Buffy. She was the finest of all-"

"Shut up, Truffaut." Faith glared at him. "She's not dead."

Andrew nodded. "Oh. Yeah. Okay. Good. So - um - is she out fighting the forces of darkness?"

Spike's eyes pinned Willow to her chair. He read her face as easily a child's Dr. Seuss book. "They
don't know where she is."

Willow swallowed the lump in her throat and finally managed to look away.

"You *lost* Buffy?" Andrew sounded genuinely surprised and hurt.

Spike did not turn around and his voice was as dark as it had ever been. "They didn't lose her. They -
Well, what exactly did you do?"

It was Robin Wood who answered him. "We didn't agree with her plan to take on Caleb. She left."

Spike nodded. "That simple was it? Yeah, right." His gimlet eye turned to Faith. "You have something to
do with this?"

She looked at him, her dark eyes glowering yet pained. "They wanted me to lead. I didn't want to, but-"

Spike snorted. "Yeah. And I'm a choir boy." He shook his head. "You agree with this, Rupert?"

Giles took a deep breath. "Yes, I did. It was very difficult, but Buffy was not being rational."

"Gee, and I wonder why Buffy might not be 'rational.'" Spike's voice dripped with sarcasm. "It's not
like she's saved the world a time or two, killed Angel, *died*. Yeah, imagine her thinking maybe she
knows what's what." The platinum-haired vamp turned, almost running into Andrew as he made for
the door.

Andrew took a step back, wavering.

"Spike!" Giles' voice was commanding.

Spike stopped with his hand on the doorknob.

"Did you find out anything? In Gilroy?"

Spike looked over his shoulder, a sly look suffusing his face. "Yeah. I did."

"We need to know what it was."

"Nah." Spike grinned, actually grinned. "*Buffy* needs to know."

Giles glared at Spike. "Then we shall ask Andrew."

Andrew blanched.

"Go ahead," Spike taunted. "Andrew 'n' me, we have an understanding." Spike's gaze shifted to
the trembling young man. "I understand that Andrew would like for me not to bite him; and Andrew
understands that if he helps you, I *will* bite him. Right?"

Andrew gulped and then nodded.

"Spike, this isn't time for choosing sides!" Willow admonished.

"No, Red, it isn't. But then you all went and chose sides, didn't you?"

"We have always been there for Buffy, fought with her, struggled at her side-"

"Yeah? Where were you when she had to send Angel to hell? Where were you when she was falling
through that great terrible portal between the dimensions? When she died? And who brought her
back, Red? Hmm, who was that? Who ripped her out of Paradise?"

Willow's face crumpled. "We thought she was in a hell dimension!"

Spike shook his head slowly. "How could you have honestly believed that? How could you believe
that anyone as - as good as she is could be in hell? You were selfish. All of you. Is that what happened
tonight?"

Silence met him.

"She wanted you to do something dangerous, something that was going to get people killed and none of
you wanted that. None of you wanted to make the hard choices, so you left it to Buffy. Only when she
was willing to make them, you didn't like it."

"Look, Spike," Faith took a few steps toward him. "You can't expect people would want to be dyin'.
Especially not just 'coz B says she's got a plan and everyone should fall in line." She spread out her
hands. "She doesn't even know the names of most of those girls she might get killed."

"Get this straight. All of you," Spike stabbed a finger at the air in front of him. "You're right - those girls -
probably most of them - are gonna get killed. Without Buffy, everyone in this house is gonna get killed and it won't
matter if she knows the names or doesn't. She is the only one who can defeat Caleb. And before you say it again,
Red, yeah, she needs you. She needs your magick. She needs Xander's - well, I'll give you this, boy, you're
brave, don't shrink from a fight. She needs you, Rupert, for what you know. She needs you, Wood, for your fighting
skills. She needs all those girls who are gonna die. And she needs you, Faith. You're the only other girl
in the world who's got the same powers she does - and you're already trained." His eyes came to rest
on Dawn. "And she needs you, Little Bit, for someone to fight for, family, blood when it's all over.
But more than she needs all of you, you need her. That's the simple truth, boys and girls."

"And what about you, Spike?"

"What about me, Rupert?"

"Does Buffy need you?"

Spike's face softened. "Yeah. She needs me."

"Why?"

The vamp did not shy from the answer. "Because I love her, Rupert. That's why. I love her and
I'm never going to turn my back on her. I may up dead - well, deader - but I'm willing to die for
her. Because she's willing to die for all of us. Again." He narrowed his eyes for a moment. "You
think on that, children. And then you think on what you've got left here and you ask if any of what's left
in this house, any of it is willing to die. I don't think you're gonna like the answer."

Spike yanked open the door. Giles rushed across the room and put a hand on the vamp's shoulder.
"Spike! You can't leave-!"

Spike turned and his fist connected with Giles' face, driving the Watcher backward, sending him reeling into Faith,
who had advanced toward them. "Yeah, Rupert, I can."

*****

Spike was starting up the motorcycle when a figure hurried down the driveway. "What now?"

Andrew tripped to a halt. "I - uh - I know I'm not that useful and all, but I - um - when you find
Buffy, tell her - tell her I'm on her side. And- um - I'm willing to die for her."

Spike closed his eyes briefly, snorting for effect. "Three things in common. This better not get out."

Andrew shook his head solemnly. "And I won't tell them. Anything, I promise."

"She's gonna need them. I don't how much of what I said in there is gonna be a bluff."

Andrew's face brightened. "Then maybe I can help. I'll try to - uh - you know - say stuff."

Spike gave him a grim look. "You do that."

*****

Buffy stood and stared down at the words etched into the stone. They'd told her where it was, but
she'd never come to see it - not after.... After a day of wandering, she'd felt drawn here once the moon
rode overhead. She'd gone to the Master's lair, to the mansion on Crawford, to the seal in the
basement, to the Initiative, to the work site - untouched still- where Glory had erected her tower, and
now she was here. The place she should have been, should have stayed, but hadn't been allowed to
do so.

She crouched and traced the words with her fingers. Giles had told her to be a general, had wanted to
make her understand what she'd already known - that there would be sacrifices. But after the first battle,
the first taste of what was to come, they wanted someone else to be in charge. Faith. Faith who took
them partying and tried to be their friend. Faith who was a hell of a fighter, but, unless she'd changed
a great deal, not much of a leader. They thought she was reckless, that she didn't care. They objected
to her plan - well, not a plan really so much as simply what they needed to do - the strategy would have
come - and wanted to vote. Her Watcher. Her friends. Her sister. She'd fought for them, died for
them, come back from the grave because of them, of their actions, and it wasn't enough. It had never
been enough.

She went to her knees, weeping audibly now. Her head rested on the crest of the stone, her gravestone.
"She saved the world. A lot." And still they wanted more of her. They wanted her to save them again,
but only on their terms.

She should have jumped, should have screamed at the feel of hands on her shoulders. Her experience
in the school should have taught her that, but she had no strength left to fight whatever might come next.
She slumped against the stone for a moment before arms gathered her in and a hand stroked her hair.
She looked up.

"It's all right, Luv. You cry all you want. You've more than earned your tears."

"Oh, Spike!" She grabbed handfuls of his shirt and clung to him while sobs wracked her body. When
her cries began to taper off, she murmured. "I'm alone."

"No, you're not."

"They've turned against me," she whispered.

He dried her face. "I haven't, Buffy. And I never will." He smiled. "And - Well..." he chuckled.
"It seems neither will Andrew."

She gave him a puzzled look.

"It's a long story, Luv. Why don't I tell it to you some place a bit more comfortable." He looked around.
"And a lot less ... open."

He helped to her feet and put an arm around her waist. She stopped and turned to look into his eyes.
Wordlessly she leaned up and kissed him.

He smiled when she pulled back. "I think that may be the first real kiss you've given me." He put his
arm around her waist again and they resumed walking.

"I know." She laid her head against his shoulder, her steps faltering a bit. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not."

She gave him another quizzical look.

"It was worth waiting for."

END