Chapter 26

A/N-This is a really short update, I know, but I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and I wanted to write it.

Giles found Spike sitting at the kitchen table, a blank piece of paper before him, and a pen clenched tightly in his hand. This was the first time Giles had seen Spike without Buffy or Dawn hanging around him, and so he grabbed the opportunity to talk to him. He didn’t know when he would get another chance like this.

“Spike? Do you mind if I join you?”

Spike shook his head without looking up.

Giles sat down across the table from the other man, and watched him quietly.

“What do you want, Watcher?”

“I would like to talk to you, Spike.”

Spike sighed and looked up. “What now? Are you going to tell me that I should leave for Buffy’s good? That it would be best for her if I died again? Save your breath, I don’t want to hear it.”

“No, Spike, that’s actually not what I wanted to talk about, though I know that has been the topic of interest these past few days.”

“Then what? You’ll have to excuse me if I’m not exactly feeling chatty, Rupert.”

“Right, then, I’ll just get to it. I have made many mistakes in my life, but I’d like to think that I’m man enough to own up to them. I was wrong about you, Spike, and I’m sorry.”

“Is that right?”

“Yes. I was convinced that you were a liability, and I didn’t trust Buffy’s judgment on the issue. She has since forgiven me…”

Spike lifted an eyebrow. “You know, Rupert, it doesn’t bother me that you wanted to kill me. Better man than you have tried and failed…shoot, I’ve killed better men than you myself.” He leaned forward and looked the old watcher in the eye. “You know what bothered me though?”

“What, Spike?”

“That you couldn’t even come after me yourself. What happened to the man who went after Angelus with a flaming baseball bat?”

“That man is older, Spike. Much, much older.”

“Yeah, you look it.”

“I feel it too.”

“Until you’ve lived over a century, you have no idea what old is.”

“Have you made your decision? I’m not going to try to influence you, or Buffy, but I would like to know.”

“Yeah, I’ve made my decision.”

“Have you told her?”

He waved at the blank piece of paper. “Still trying to figure out how.”

Giles nodded, “I see.”

“How…how is she, Rupert?”

“What do you mean?”

“She says she’s ok, that she has what she wants, but I don’t know…maybe she’s lying.”

“Would it be easier if she were lying?”

Spike shrugged. “Maybe.”

“I honestly don’t know, Spike. I live in England, and we don’t talk as much as we should. She seems to be doing well though.”

Spike nodded. “That’s what I thought.”

“I’m sorry Spike, but…why did you do it?”

Spike tensed, defensive. “Why did I do what? I’ve done a lot of things; you’ll have to be more specific.”

“Why did you let yourself die?”

“I didn’t exactly have a lot of choices. I don’t know what Buffy told you, but there was some sort of light shooting out of my chest…I was pretty much trapped.”

“So you would have run if you could have?”

“No.” Spike smirked. “I wanted to save the world.” Spike sighed and looked back at the empty page. “Maybe I won’t try to write it down.”

“Why don’t you just tell her?”

“Thought it would be easier this way. Can never think of the right words anyway.” Spike tossed the pen away with disgust. “You know what she told me today?”

“What?”

“She told me to do whatever I thought was best. I asked her what I should do, and that’s what she said.” His tone clearly conveyed that he simply could not believe that she trusted such a decision to him. “Do you know how easy it would be if she told me what she wanted?”

“Maybe she doesn’t know,” Giles suggested gently.

“The girl will never know what she wants. All she has to do is say the word…”

“Isn’t that how it’s always been, Spike? She says the word, and you jump?”

“Yeah. What’s your bloody point?”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to treat you that way anymore, Spike.”

“It’s easier when she’s bossing me around.”

Giles nodded. “And she’s quite good at it too.”

“The best,” Spike agreed.

“Well, Spike, I believe this is the longest conversation we’ve ever had that hasn’t ended in some sort of threat.”

“I can try harder if you want. I’ve been off my game these past few days.”

Giles stood up. “I have to go. I promised Dawn I’d pick her up from the mall today.”

“Right. Mustn’t be late for the Niblet. Oh, and Rupert?”

“Yes, Spike?”

“Take care of her, yeah? She needs you, even if she is all grown up.”

“I know.” Giles looked like he wanted to say more, but instead he shook his head and left Spike alone in the apartment.

Chapter 27

Spike’s body was healed. There weren’t even any scars. His chest and back were smooth, and he had the rosy glow of health. No more bleeding, no more bruises, no more bite marks that wouldn’t heal. He was stronger too. Strong enough to spar with Buffy.

They had wanted to spar. Though neither of them said the words one last time, they had both thought them. Angel let them use his training room-it was huge, and full of weapons. They bypassed the weapons though, both preferring to do this hand-to-hand. It wasn’t as awkward as when they had tried to fight on the street, but Buffy still pulled her punches. The body may be healed, but it would never be a strong or agile as Spike used to be.

Spike grew short of breath quickly, but he didn’t stop, and didn’t let Buffy stop either. He got one good punch in, knocking her flat on her ass, and they both stared at each other for seconds, maybe minutes. He stood above her, hovering, unsure of whether or not he should offer his hand. When he finally did, she yanked on his arm, and he fell hard to the floor. He kicked her, but she rolled out of the way and stood up. He moved fast, and was able to knock her legs out from under her before she could get far.

Spike jumped to his feet again, and Buffy did too. Something shifted between them, something subtle and small. Suddenly, this wasn’t about sparring anymore. They tore into each other, viciously hitting, kicking, and punching. Spike forgot that he wasn’t as agile or quick, and let his demon take over. They both fought as though their lives depended on it, locked in a battle to the death. They bruised each other, drew blood from each other, and slammed each other against the walls and onto the floors.

Spike’s breath was coming in ragged gasps, and there was a trickle of blood flowing down his face from a cut above his eye. He didn’t mind though. For the first time in a very long time, years even, he felt really alive. His body was sore, but it was a comfortable kind of pain, like an old friend. His heart was pounding…and he was hard, wanting her so bad that it hurt worse than the fists and the boots. He was having so much fun, that it took him several minutes to realize that Buffy was not.

As the fight progressed, she grew more and more distant, began pulling her punches and ducking away from him. Curious and a bit upset that the fight was winding down, Spike grabbed her shoulders and slammed her against the wall, pinning her to it with his body. “What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me? Nothing. Here, let me show you…” She moved to punch him, but Spike caught her fist, and grabbed her other wrist. She bucked against him, but instead of stepping back, he groaned.

“You better not do that again, Slayer.”

“Or what? You’ll…”

He kissed her hard, cutting off her words. When he finally pulled away, he asked her again, “What’s wrong?”

She pushed him away so hard that he stumbled back, releasing his grip on her. “You’re leaving me again.”

“Buffy…”

“This is like, your way of saying goodbye, isn’t it? Let me pound the shit out of you for old time’s sake…and then you’re just going to leave, aren’t you?”

“Hey! I’m not the only one taking a pounding…”

Her fist came flying to his nose, but he caught it before she connected. “Watch it, Slayer, that would have hurt.”

“When were you going to tell me, Spike? How long have you known?”

“What makes you so certain that I’m leaving?”

“You’re not?”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he turned around and began walking to the bench. Suddenly, he was very, very tired. She grabbed his arm and spun him around. “Don’t Spike. Don’t walk away like…”

“Buffy, how was I supposed to tell you? I didn’t know how! If I knew how, I would have. I tried to write a letter, but nothing worked and…”

“You can’t just leave me again, Spike. You can’t.”

“I thought that’s what you wanted!”

“No! Damnit, this whole thing happened because I wanted you back. I was trying to get you back. I missed you.”

“What, you think I want to leave you again? You think that I don’t want to be with you? Being with you…it’s better than anything Heaven has to offer me, Buffy.”

“Then why are you going?”

“Slayer, you know…I shouldn’t call you that anymore.”

“What, Slayer?”

“Yeah.”

“Why not?”

“For the same reason I’m going. You’re not one anymore.”

“I’ll always be the Slayer…”

Spike shook his head. “No, now you’re Buffy.”

“And Buffy isn’t good enough for you?”

“Buffy is all I’ll ever need.”

“Then why, Spike?”

“I’m not good enough for you.”

Buffy shook her head. “Oh no you don’t. I’ve heard this speech before. I swear to God, if I hear you say the words ‘normal life’, I’m going to kick you in the balls.”

“Well, I’m going to risk it. I know why Angel left…the misplaced, insane, pigheaded notion that he was holding you back from a normal life, not your calling. He always had a very high opinion of himself, like the whole world revolves around him. ‘Ooh my soul, ooh my guilt, wah wah wah.”

“Spike, get to the point.”

“Oh, right, well, that’s over, isn’t it? The slaying gig, that is. You already have a normal life, Buffy. You’re young, and soon Dawn is going to be all grown up and you’ll be free to do whatever you want. Anything in the world. I died so you could do that, Buffy. That’s all I wanted for you. I don’t fit in here.”

“Yes you do…”

“No, I don’t, and you know it. When you were the Slayer, when your life was on the line every night, when vampires were lining up to have their one good day…you needed a bit of monster in your man. You needed someone strong enough to fight beside you and with you. I’m not what you need anymore, pet.”

“Don’t tell me what I need. What are going to do? Be all noble again for my own good? I don’t need you to sacrifice yourself for me again, Spike.”

“Maybe it’s for me. Maybe it’s not about you at all…oh, who am I kidding? It’s always about you. But that doesn’t change the fact that my mind is made up.”

“You think William will be better suited for my new life?”

Spike shrugged. “I have no idea what’s going to happen with him. It’ll be nice if you kept him around, since he loves you and all, but…”

“But?”

“But I’m not doing this just so you can be with him, or he can be with you. Do you want to? Wait, you know, don’t answer that.”

“When do you think you’re going to leave?”

“Well, soon…but then, you bruised me all up again. And I think I sprained my ankle.”

“It would be cruel to make William deal with a battered and beaten body.”

“It really would. Hurts like a bugger, you know.”

“Oh, you poor baby. Let me see…”

“You could at least have the good grace to act like you’re injured too.”

“Oh, right.” She stuck out her lower lip, “Ow, Spike, you hurt my wrist.”

Spike shook his head. “Sparring with you is no fun anymore.”

“I don’t know, I had lots of fun. Come here so I can bandage up your ankle, and clean the blood off your face.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“I have an excellent bed side manner. You may not need my help…but you probably want it.”

“Are you going to kiss all my bruises and make them better?”

“I might do other things to make them better.”

The thought of shagging the Slayer in Angel’s training room…where he’d have to smell it and deal with it for days, maybe even weeks after Spike left, was intoxicating. Absolutely exhilarating.

“You know, we should focus on the ‘other things’. What do you have in mind?”

Buffy proceeded to show him with great enthusiasm

Chapter 28

“Oh, God, Slayer…move to the left…the other left…oh…yeah…like that…faster…”

Spike was so long in the moment, so focused on the way her hot mouth felt around him and the things her tongue was doing, that he didn’t hear the door open or hear the other vampire approach.

“Christ, Buffy,” he hissed. “Just a little bit faster…close…”

“You better move faster,” Angel said dryly. “They’re waiting for you.”

Both of them jumped, the mood killed instantly. Buffy looked up at Angel and wiped her mouth. Spikes expected her to blush or act humiliated or push him away. Instead she smiled calmly. “We’ll be there in a minute.” Angel didn’t move immediately, too transfixed with shock and horror…and something else…to make himself look away.

“Could you go away, Peaches? We were in the middle of something.”

Angel’s eyes narrowed, but he turned on his heel without saying anything else. As soon as the door shut, Spike started chuckling. “Did you see the look on his face?”

“Did you see the look on yours?”

“Pleased?”

”Terrified.”

Spike blinked. “I was not terrified. Why would I be terrified?”

“I don’t know Spike, why would you be.”

Spike glared at her. “Are you going to finish at least?”

“No, we’re going to be late for the meeting. Come on you, get up.”

“I am up,” he muttered, shooting another glare at her. She only laughed at him as she buckled his pants. “You are a cold, heartless bitch.”

“I am,” she agreed. “Come on, I’ll make it up to you later.”

“I don’t want it later, I want it now.”

“Are you going to pout now?”

Spike sighed as he stood up, then pulled his pants on. “I don’t pout. What’s this bleeding thing about anyway?”

“You.”

“Tired of being the center of attention.”

“Tends to happen when you come back from the dead…twice. I heard that Wes has some new information.”

“And it couldn’t wait five more minutes?”

“Yeah, believe it or not, the whole world doesn’t revolve around you.”

“Right, I forgot, it revolves around you.”

“You know it.” She opened Wes’s office door and shooed Spike in.

“Spike, Buffy,” Wes greeted from behind his desk. Angel was standing in the corner, pointedly not looking at them, Giles was seated on the couch surrounded by books and papers. “How was your sparring?”

“Good,” Spike said. “Nice workout.” He sprawled out on a leather chair, his hand rested casually between his legs. “Well?” He drawled.

Buffy sat down on the other chair. “What have you got?”

“There is still one problem we needed to solve once the body has healed-the question of the soul. After all, we can’t just send Spike away again. He needs the soul to be whole,” Wes explained.

“We also had to take into consideration the prophecies of what William needs to survive. It was very troubling…” Giles continued.

“So, did you figure it out?” Spike asked.

“We think so. I don’t know what you have decided…”

“I’m going,” Spike said plainly.

“Ok, in order to do that, we need to perform a certain spell. You cannot return to heaven without your soul. If you truly want William to return, we’ll have to perform a binding spell, that will keep all three aspects of your…essence…together.”

“How will that work?” Buffy asked.

“Spike will be bound to the soul, which will keep him out of hell. Unfortunately, it will also keep him out of heaven for the duration of William’s life. He’ll remain in limbo,” Giles answered.

“That black place? I bloody hated that. It was boring.”

Wes nodded. “Yes, that place. This technically fulfills the requirements for William to remain on Earth. He needs your strength, your life, and your death.”

“The first part of the requirement is already fulfilled,” Angel supplied.

“Yes, thank you,” Spike said dryly. “I never would have figured that one out.”

“So, Spike is just going to hang out in limbo until William dies?” Buffy asked. “Then what happens?”

“Then the demon is reunited with the soul and they return to Heaven.”

“How do you know?” Buffy demanded.

“Well…we don’t know for sure,” Giles admitted. “We can’t know for sure if this will work, but we’re fairly confident that it will work.”

“But I definitely won’t be pulled into Hell?”

“No. This spell will insure that you won’t go anywhere without the soul. You’ll be stuck, it’s true, but it’s better than the alternative,” Wes explained.

“Could I still…Could I talk to him like I did before?” Buffy asked.

Giles nodded. “It’s possible. That type of magic is very consuming, however, so it cannot be done often. But it’s not harmful.”

“I think we need to go home and think about this,” Buffy said. “Spike?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Spike stood up and nodded at the other men. “Thanks.”

“Did Spike just thank us?” Giles asked as soon as they left the room.

“Dying again must have mellowed him.”

~*~

“Tell me about him, Slayer.”

“Who?”

“William. Tell me what his life is like here.”

Buffy turned over and rested her head on his chest. “He likes to watch TV a lot. When we’re not home, he spends his time in front of the television. He has an odd fascination with the court shows. I think Judge Judy is his favorite. But usually he’s watching the Discovery Channel or the History Channel. He loves the History Channel.”

“Sounds boring.”

“He makes it interesting. He reads a lot too. He reads to me…we’re working on Jules Verne now. A chapter a night. He enjoys it more than I do, but I like the books too. He writes all of the time. He won’t share his poems with me, and I’ve never looked at his notebook so I don’t how good he is…”

“Bloody awful.”

“The poems mean a lot to him. He’s very protective of them.”

“He has reason to be.”

“I don’t think he just writes poetry though. Like I said, I’ve never looked at his notebook, but I suspect he’s writing something else. He’s already been through 2 of Dawn’s school notebooks. I need to teach him how to use the computer.”

“It wouldn’t be the same,” Spike said softly. “It’s not the same at all.”

“Well, he might want to have a back up of his work.”

“So is that all he does? Just waste his time watching TV and writing crap?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Like you have room to talk. But no, that’s not all he does. He has a strange fascination with my kitchen. He’s very…orderly.”

“The kitchen was always a safe place.”

“What?”

“I’d go there…he’d go there…the cook would give him food, scraps of meat or pie or whatever. Warmest room in the house. Comfortable.”

“Well, my kitchen isn’t that nice. He likes to cook though. He’s getting good at it. Dawn is showing him how. When he’s angry-which doesn’t happen often-he reorganizes the cabinets.”

“That’s just weird, Buffy.”

“I know.”

“Does he ever get out of the house?”

“Not much. I have to work a lot, and Dawn enjoys spending time with him, but she has her own life. He doesn’t like going out anyway. Crowds make him nervous.”

“Muggers and tuberculosis. He wouldn’t want to risk it.”

“Well, he braved the mall more than once, and we had a good time.”

“So what do you think? He’d come back and keep up this breakneck pace?”

“He was sick, Spike. Really sick. We pretended he was getting better, but we both knew better. He wasn’t strong enough to do much…I think he would love to do more. He has a lot of dreams, Spike.”

“I know.”

“I do want to help him. It’s kind of a second chance, you know?”

“I know.”

“You said earlier that he was there…”

“He is. Quiet, now.”

Buffy sighed. “They said I could still talk to you.”

“It might be easier if you don’t.”

“You’d get lonely.”

“What are you going to do with him?”

“Keep him…I’m not going to try to replace you, Spike. He could never do that. I would never want him to.”

“Have you slept with him?”

“No, Spike. I have not.”

“Just asking…Would you?”

“I don’t know Spike. That’s not what our relationship is about.”

“Yet.”

Buffy didn’t answer.

Chapter 29

“So, what do we have to do?” Buffy asked. She and Spike were in the middle of a large circle, surrounded by candles. Spike was laying down, his head resting comfortably on a pillow. Buffy was kneeling beside him, looking concerned and almost sick.

“Nothing,” Wes answered. “He just has to lay there.”

“And then?”

“We perform the spell. He’ll seem to fall asleep. When he wakes up, it’ll be William,” Willow explained.

“Can we have a moment?” Buffy asked. Everybody nodded and cleared out, though Giles warned her that they didn’t have a lot of time. There were constraints. Buffy nodded, she understood. There were always constraints.

“So this is then?” Spike asked.

“You don’t have to do this. Really, you could change your mind.”

“No, I want to.”

“Why?”

“You…both of you…deserve it. Let me, Buffy. Let me give this to you.”

“You already did. Remember? With the big firey death?”

“I won’t soon forget, Buffy.”

“Do you think…”

“Do I think what?”

“Do you think that maybe…your soul won’t be the only thing you meet up with in Heaven?”

“Are you asking me if we’ll get to be in heaven together?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a strange question, isn’t it luv? Never occurred to me that anybody would ask it. Almost seems wrong to put those words together.”

“Does that mean no?”

Spike shook his head. “I’ll find you. It wouldn’t be Heaven without you, would it?”

“I wouldn’t expect any less from you. I don’t know how to do this, Spike. Goodbyes…”

“Not really a goodbye, yeah? More of a ‘until we meet again.’”

“I can’t help but worry that we won’t. Nothing ever seems to go the way it should.”

“We will,” he vowed. “Even if I have to tear heaven and hell and every dimension in between apart with my bare hands, we’ll meet again.”

“You’re so cheesy and over-dramatic.”

“That’s what you love about me. That and my amazing good looks.”

“Yes, you are amazingly good looking.”

“Even in this flabby body.”

Buffy hit his arm. “You’re not flabby.”

“Watch it Slayer, that hurt.”

“All of this hurts.”

“Hey, don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.”

She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I’m not crying. See?”

“I must be seeing things.”

Buffy threaded her fingers through his hand. This time, they didn’t catch on fire, though her skin still burned at the contact. He clasped he hand tightly, suddenly afraid to let her go.

“I’ll hold on,” she promised.

“Think it’s going to hurt?”

“Doesn’t everything?”

“Yeah….Don’t feel bad about this ok, Buffy? Don’t feel guilty, don’t worry about me…focus on you and the Niblet.”

“Who says I’d worry about you?”

“Just covering all my bases.”

She brushed his lips with hers softly. “Thank you, Spike.”

“For what?”

“For everything I should have thanked you for before. For loving me. For being my strength.”

“I do what I can. Even if it never feels like enough.”

“It was always more than enough.”

Giles stepped into the room then. “I’m sorry Buffy. We have to do this now.”

She nodded. “Right ok. Can I stay with him or do you need me to step out of the circle?”

“You need to step out,” Willow said. “Unless you want to be bound to the ether too.”

Buffy frowned. “Not so much.” She looked down at him. “I love you.”

“I know, Slayer. I love you too.”

“Goodbye, Spike…” The words were just faint hints of whispers, but he caught them, and smiled.

“Ta, luv.”

She stood up and stepped away from him, narrowly avoiding knocking down all the candles. Angel grabbed her arm so she wouldn’t stumble, and held her by his side, offering her silent support while she watched her lover die-again.

Wes, Willow, and Giles formed a triangle outside the circle and began reciting in turn. After the light shows of before, Buffy expected a huge drama. She expected swaths of blood and gore, people screaming and crying, possibly the hand of God reaching down into Spike’s chest.

You could stop this. If you do it right now. You could stop it. Buffy, say something…stop them from taking him again, stop them from taking him away. But she couldn’t. As before, this was his decision, and nothing would sway him from it. It almost seemed as though he was trying to prove himself, or prove something to himself. Either way, she was reduced to a helpless spectator.

At least I got to say goodbye this time. That was something. In fact, she was sure it would go a long way towards helping her heal. There were so many people she didn’t get a second chance with, so many people she didn’t say goodbye too. So that was something. At least she had that. And at least her love was affirmed, announced, shared with him and the world. That would help too. The grieving process-this year long struggle to come to terms with losing everything-could finally end. She had her questions answered and her heart soothed and a life to live.

The chanted words throbbed in her head, the smoke from the candles and the incense made it difficult to breath. She grew increasingly light-headed and had to struggle to keep her eyes open. She needed to see this. She couldn’t pass out, even if her stomach was rolling and her eyelids were heavy. She needed to see him leave the world because she missed it before, and she couldn’t miss it again.

Because everything had been so quiet and understated-especially compared to the other spells they had tried to cast-the loud clap of thunder-how could that be-and the bright flash of light scared the hell out of her. She jumped and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she was seeing spots it had been so bright. She noticed that the Willow and the two ex-watchers were sitting on the floor, looking rather dazed. Angel was rubbing his eyes and blinking repeatedly.

And Spike’s-William’s-body was lying limply on the floor.

“Oh, god, is he breathing?” Buffy demanded, rushing to his side. She grabbed his wrist to check his pulse and put her head on his chest, listening desperately to hear a beat-no matter how small. It seemed like she was listening for hours, her eyes tightly shut, a small prayer ready to fall from her lips if it was needed, when she heard it. Thump thump.

“Buffy?”

“He’s alive,” she said softly. “He’s alive.”

Giles and Wes exchanged shocked looks that Buffy missed, but Willow caught. Frowning, she walked over and whispered in Giles’ ear, “You didn’t think he would make it, did you?”

“There was a slight possibility that the demon wouldn’t willingly let William survive,” he said softly.

“Why didn’t you tell them that?”

“Spike was ready to die anyway…we didn’t have an alternative, Willow.”

“They should have known,” she insisted.

Giles sighed. “Sometimes, Willow, ignorance truly is bliss. This would have gone on for much longer, and would have been much more painful for both of them, if Buffy knew the risk involved.”

“We need to get him to a bed,” Buffy announced. Willow glanced at her friend, and then back to Giles.

“Did we do the right thing, Giles?”

“I think we did the best we could. Come on, let’s help Buffy get him to bed.”

In the end, Buffy didn’t need their help getting him into the bedroom. She wouldn’t allow anybody else to touch him anyway. She laid him down gently, and covered him with a blanket so he wouldn’t get cold.

“Buffy? Are you going to stay in here?”

“Yes, I want to be here when he wakes up.”

“Do you want us to stay?” Willow asked.

“No, no, I’m good.”

They nodded and moved out of the room-except Dawn.

“I got to say goodbye to him this time.”

“Me too.”

“It was hard.”

“I agree.”

“I love him you know.”

“Me too.”

“Tell me when William wakes up.”

“I will.”

Dawn left her sister alone then, sensing that Buffy wasn’t in the mood to talk. Buffy held his hand, stroking it slightly. Who is going to be there when he opens his eyes? Did this work?

She didn’t have to wait long for her answer. Only thirty minutes after the spell was over, his eyes opened wide-a crystal clear blue.

“William?”

He smiled, and his a softly accented voice answered, “Hello, Buffy.”

(Except for the Epilogue).

Epilogue

Buffy watched him from across the table, a small smile tugging on her lips. He was so nervous…so flustered. He kept dropping his fork and fumbling with his napkin. Occasionally he would run his hand through his hair, and it wasn’t long until it was standing on end. Occasionally he would look up and smile a little, but mostly he tried to avoid eye contact.

“William, would you like dessert now?”

“Now? But it’s so early, though I suppose if you’re ready…”

“I meant the cake.”

“Oh, right, of course. No thanks, I’m not very hungry.”

Oh, she just wanted to…lick him all over. Perhaps her thoughts were reflected in her eyes, because he blushed and looked away.

“I’ll just…clear the table,” he stammered. “And do the dishes, and when was the last time I swept?”

“I think you can leave all that for tomorrow.”

“Right, right. Of course.” His fork fell to the floor and he bent to pick it up, his shaking fingers not quite able to grasp it.

“Leave it.” Buffy stood up and walked over to him. He straightened in his seat and looked at her with such desperate desire and that it made her heart twist a little. She offered her hand. “Come on, William.”

“Now?”

“Now.”

William took her hand and stood up with an eager smile that he could not suppress, no matter how hard he tried. She could see his pants bulge, but was careful not to let her eyes linger there. She didn’t want to embarrass him more than was absolutely necessary. She led him down the hall to the bedroom-it was hers again. She offered to share with him, but he insisted on staying on the couch, and then when Dawn moved out, he took her room.

He shut the door behind them and glanced at the light switch. “Do you want to leave it on?” Buffy asked.

“I…I don’t know.”

“We’ll leave it on then. Come here.”

He shuffled over to her, sick with nerves and lust, aching with desire. They had kissed before, and she had even allowed him to touch her-wherever he wanted-but they had never gone beyond that. Until now. And suddenly, he didn’t know how to do anything. His reservations began to crumble though when she kissed him, her sweet lips making him moan and melt into her.

While she kissed him, she unbuttoned his shirt, and pulled it off of his shoulders. At the first touch of her fingers on his heated skin, he shuddered, growing uncomfortably hard. Buffy noticed, and instantly relieved the tension a bit by unzipping his pants. He tensed, nervous, already trying to pull away from her hands.

“Shhh,” she soothed. “Relax William. It’s ok.”

“I can’t,” he gasped. Her hand grazed his thigh.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Will.”

“I know,” he moaned as her fingers worked beneath his boxers, hooked around the waist, and pulled them down. When he realized he was completely naked, he blushed a deep scarlet. “Maybe we can turn off the lights?”

“William, do you want to do this? We can stop…”

“No, no,” he interrupted her. “God no, don’t stop.”

“Undress me?”

He nodded quickly, un-tucking her shirt and pulling it over her head. He didn’t attempt to unclasp her bra though, instead he focused on removing her skirt. Her thong made him pause though, and he looked up at her helplessly.

She smiled at him, and slowly pushed the black silk past her smooth thighs-he couldn’t look away. His eyes followed its path down her legs, and then was pulled back to the area it had just uncovered.

“I never…”

“I know.” She them mesmerized him by reaching behind her and unclasping her bra, allowing the lace to falling from her body and land at her feet.

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathed in awe. “Just absolutely…glowing.”

Buffy stepped towards him and wrapped her hands around his neck. “So are you,” she said, before kissing him again. Her hot, soft body pressed against his, and it was almost too much for him to bear. He forced himself to recite poetry to take his mind off the way she felt because if he didn’t…

Buffy fell back on the bed, pulling him with her. It felt like her hands were everywhere on his body as she began to rub and caress him, trying to show him by example. He was a quick student. His light fingers trailed down her chest and stomach, and then back up her ribs.

“Touch me,” she encouraged softly.

He looked so grimly determined that she couldn’t help but smile. She traced the outline of his jaw and lips lovingly as he gathered his courage and began to explore her body. He closed his eyes and turned his body over to instinct, allowing himself to just do whatever felt right. She encouraged him with soft moans and whimpers, arching into his touch, curving her body against his.

Tentatively, with infinite gentleness, he allowed his fingers to dip between her thighs and skim her lips-already wet with her desire. He sucked his breath in sharply, amazed at how soft, how hot, how amazing she felt. “Oh god…”

“More…”

His fingers slipped into her, but he paused, unsure of what to do. Buffy grabbed his hand and guided his finger to her clit. “Rub it like this…” She rubbed the back of his hand with a soft, circular motion.

He nodded, and began to mimic her movement. Perfectly. She bucked against his hand, surprised and thrilled by the sharp pleasure spreading from her groin. God, it had been so long…

“That feels so good,” she breathed. “Don’t stop.”

“I won’t,” he promised, almost solemnly.

Buffy reached between them and wrapped her fingers around his shaft. He yelped with surprised, but that turned into a moan as she began to rub him. Her fingers were so tight, so soft…she was moving so fast. The friction was building, and he could smell her soft perfume, her moans echoed in his ears, her skin was hot-he had total sensory overload.

“A little faster,” she whispered. “Move a little faster.”

William moved faster, delighted and encouraged by the way she gasped his name. He wanted to hear it again. He increased the pressure slightly, and was rewarded-“William.” The reward was enough to push his already frail defenses down, and he exploded all over her hand, just as her body shook with her own release.

“Oh god,” he gasped. “Oh god, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry. It’s fine.”

“Are you sure? I’ve made an awful mess…let me clean it up…”

“William. It’s fine, I promise.”

“But…what about…”

She moved her hand lower and fondled him gently until he grew hard again. William’s eyes widened. “There, now you’re ready again. You are ready, right?”

“Oh, yes,” he breathed.

Buffy propped herself up on the pillows, and then pulled him on top of her.

“I don’t know if I know how,” he admitted.

“You know how,” she promised. “Everybody knows how.”

William nodded and kissed her softly. As his tongue pushed into her mouth, he thrust into her. “Oh. Oh. Oh, Buffy…”

“I know. I know…” She began moving her hips, showing him the rhythm, teaching him the dance. As before, he was a quick study, and it wasn’t long until he was leading her.

She was tempted to close her eyes, but she didn’t. Instead she locked gazes with him, meeting his dark, passionate blue eyes, and smiling. His face was still shining with awe, and he smiled back-he did look beautiful.

William moved faster, and the familiar sensations flooded her body. It had been so, so long. And William was so sweet and eager to please. He studied her face carefully, concentrating on the emotions that danced across her eyes, as low he was looking for something.

“Buffy, I think I’m going to…”

“It’s ok. So am I…Touch me again, William. Like before.”

He reached between them and found her again, touching her as before. The barest brush of his fingers was enough though, to send her crashing into another orgasm. Her tight, slayer muscles clenched him as she through her head back, letting her body ride it out. That was too much for William, and he pushed into her one final time, his body freezing with the force of his climax. He moaned her name over and over until there was nothing left in him, and he collapsed beside her.

“That was…the most amazing…I didn’t know…”

Buffy nodded. “I tried to tell you.”

“I want to do it again.”

“We will. Lots of time in many different positions.”

He caressed the side of her face. “I love you, Buffy.”

She smiled at him. “I love you too, William.”

~*~

A/N---What about that? I actually finished a fic! Go me! And there were those among you who didn’t think it would happen.

I’d like to thank several people. Bubonicplague and Ceit….my first and most dedicated readers. If it wasn’t for them, I would have never been able to finish this fic, much less post it. I’d like to thank everybody in chat-Coroba, rbabe, jinx, redqueen, voodoo, buffyx-for putting up with me while I talked about, encouraging me when necessary. I’d like to thank everybody who left me reviews. Every single review was so special to me, really, I love them. Review lots. It makes me happy. I’d like to thank whoever nominated this fic for awards, and everybody who asked to archive it.

And my husband for being my muse.

And anybody else I forgot.