Chapter 21

"Where do you think Corbett's lair is?" Buffy asked.

Spike shrugged, "Haven't been here for ten years. I don't really know."

"Well, vampires don't change much. Where would he have been ten years ago?"

"I don't know. Maybe holed up in one of those abandoned factories."

"What is it with vamps and factories?"

"They're large enough for all the minions. And what's the alternate? A hole in the ground? Besides, there's an awful lot of abandoned factories and warehouses in Sunnydale."

"Property values aren't that high. Can't imagine why." She shouldered her axe, "Let's start checking then. Wanna take the car?"

Spike shuddered, remembering the ride home from Angel's place. "No, let's just hoof it."

"Whatever."

Spike watched Buffy closely, looking for any sign of weakness that resulted from the shock and horror of losing Joyce. She seemed fine, but Spike was acutely aware of the power of the Slayer, barely contained in her small body. She was furious, and Spike was thankful that her anger wasn't directed at him.

They reached the industrial side of town quickly, and Spike wasn't very surprised to see that it was seedier and more run down than when he left. It seemed everything was closed or abandoned, and he could hear and smell the scurrying vampires and demons everywhere.

"I bet you get more action here than in the graveyard these days," Spike commented.

"Yeah," she agreed, "Compared to the factory district, the graveyards are dead." She paused and grimaced, "No pun intended."

"I don't think we have the time to knock on all these doors," Spike pointed out.

Buffy shifted her weight and thought about their options. It seemed rather stupid to just barge into several large nests, but every second that passed put Joyce in more danger. She was distracted by her thoughts by a large, lumbering vamp running towards her at full speed. She rolled her eyes and sidestepped. He ran straight into the wall behind her and fell flat on his back, dazed.

She stood above him, one foot firmly planted on his massive chest, a stake raised menacingly.

"Who's the master vampire around these parts?" She asked.

"I don't know."

She ground her heel into the vampire's chest and repeated her question. "Michelle."

Buffy looked at Spike. "Good a place as any to start." She looked down, "Where does she live?"

He pointed to the factory directly behind them and Buffy smiled brightly. "Thanks for your help." Before the vamp could blink, she plunged the stake into his heart and took a step back, wiping the dust off of her clothes.

"There probably won't be too many vamps now, they're all out feeding," Spike pointed out.

"So you're saying we should just barge in?"

"Yeah."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

Buffy walked forward purposely, and kicked the door in. "So much for the element of surprise," Spike muttered.

"What's that supposed to me?" Buffy demanded.

"Just saying, you've announced our presence to every vamp in this place."

"Doesn't matter, I'm in the mood for a good fight. Need to flex my muscles." Buffy led the way into the dark corridors of the factory, dusting the minions as she came to them. Spike was happy to have her back, but she never needed his help.

"Where's Michelle?" She asked each one before turning them to dust, but she didn't get an answer until the ninth vamp. "In the back," it growled before it burst into a million little pieces.

"Fantastic."

They finally found the vampiress, holed up in a backroom, being attended to by three female minions. She was tall with long brown hair and a malicious face. Her chocolate eyes sparkled when Buffy and Spike entered the room. "Let me guess," she drawled, "You're the Slayer." She didn't wait for the response before turning her attention to Spike. "But who is that?" She stood up, unwinding her body gracefully. She sniffed the air delicately. "You're a vampire," she said with surprise.

"Well, yeah." He turned his attention to Buffy. "Can you believe nobody remembers me?"

"She was probably turned after you left town."

"Maybe." Spike took a step forward. " 'Lo princess. I'm Spike."

"What's a vampire doing with the Slayer?"

"Passin' time. You the big name in town?"

"For now."

"You expecting visitors?"

The minions stood around their master, waiting for word to attack. Buffy stood with her arms cross, looking casual but ready to fight. "Maybe," Michelle answered.

Spike took another step forward and lowered his voice. "Why don't you share?"

"What's in it for me?"

"The Slayer will kill you quickly instead of prolonging the pain."

Michelle laughed and waved her hand. The minions launched themselves at Buffy, and she took them all out with the same stake. "Is that all you got?"

Michelle moved as if to run right past both of them, but Spike grabbed her by the collar of her dress and slammed her into the floor. "So, 'bout those visitors you're expecting."

The Master vampire hadn't survived so long by being stupid, and she knew when she was beat. Spike was obviously old, and the Slayer was extremely powerful. "Corbett is in town."

Buffy caught her breath. "Since when."

"Last night. He's laying low for now."

"Where?" Spike asked.

"I don't know."

Spike grabbed her hair and tugged it sharply. "Where?"

"I don't know."

Spike drove her face into the ground. "Where?"

"The mansion outside of town."

Buffy rolled her eyes, "On Crawford Street?"

"Yeah."

Spike smiled, "Peaches is gonna be pissed someone's squatting in his house."

"Can I go now?" Michelle asked.

"Yeah," Spike said, as he caught the stake Buffy tossed at him. "Bye." He stood up, brushing the dust from his hands.

"Off to the mansion then?"

"Yeah."

"This is gonna be real fun," Spike muttered as he followed the slayer out of the factory and into the..

***

.cemetery. "Buffy, you aren't ready to patrol yet!"

"Leave me alone, Spike."

"Slayer, listen. You're still weak."

"I think I know my own body," she said coldly.

"So do I," Spike responded, catching up with her. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. What are you doing out here anyway?"

"Dawn asked me to come check on you."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I don't need you, or anybody else, to check on me. I'm the Slayer, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. And do you remember that you haven't even trained in at least six.." Spike's voice faltered and he looked at her helplessly. "Could you train first at least?"

"No. I'm fine." Buffy turned and began walking again, this time faster.

"Dawn's scared," Spike called after her.

"About what?"

"Losing you."

Buffy snorted, "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be stuck here for eternity."

Spike caught up with her and grabbed her arm, "I know this is hard but.."

"How could you possibly know?" She demanded. "How can you possibly know what I'm going through?"

Spike blinked, "I pulled myself out of the grave too, pet."

"You remember where you were before that, Spike?"

"No," he answered slowly.

"I do," she answered softly. "So you can't know what I'm going through."

"Then tell me, Buffy. You don't trust your friends anymore, but you can still trust me."

She stopped and faced him, "You don't want to know, Spike."

"You told me you loved me, Buffy. Do you still?"

"I was in Heaven."

Spike gaped. He shouldn't have been surprised, she was the Warrior of the People, but he was surprised she could remember it. Wasn't there usually a veil spell on these types of spells? Spike sighed, but this was Willow, notorious for botching spells.

"That's where you deserve to be."

"I know."

"Is that why you are being so foolish?"

Buffy's face hardened, "I'm not being foolish. Apparently, I'm still the Chosen One. So I have a job to do."

"I'll do it for you, Slayer."

"Leave me alone, Spike. I just want to.."

***

".fight," Buffy said.

"It's close to dawn," Spike replied. "It may not be the best time to fight."

Buffy frowned. "Let's go check it out, then decide what to do."

They made their way as quickly as possible to the mansion, pausing only twice to slay a few demons. Buffy really enjoyed having Spike watch her back again, even if she didn't need his help. With each year, she grew stronger and Giles once told her that she was the strongest Slayer on record. She tried to not let it go to her head.

"He's definitely there," Buffy said, several minutes later as she peered into the window.

"Any sign of Joyce?" Spike asked.

She shook her head. "Should we go in anyway?"

Spike looked up at the sky. It was already turning pink. "Whatever we do, we've got to do it quickly. I'm running out of time."

"Joyce could be in there."

"Let's do it then."

Buffy hefted her axe and smashed through the window. She jumped through the window. "We're the Sunnydale Welcoming Wagon," she announced. "Heard you're new in town."

Corbett was about the same height as Spike and had long, black hair. It hung past his shoulders. His skin was extremely painful, and it looked like he was wearing stage make-up. He was also wearing a cape. "What are you? A Dracula wannabe? Cuz honestly, I've met the man, and even he can't pull off that look."

Corbett growled, "Who are you?"

She rolled her eyes, "Who do you think?"

"Not you, him." Spike sighed, "Ok, he has no excuse. He's old enough to remember me."

Buffy shrugged, "Maybe it's because you don't have blonde hair anymore. Guess we'll have to kill him."

"You can't take all of us on," Corbett said, his voice confident.

"Well, care to make a bet?" Spike asked with a smirk.

Most of the minions who were there were full of blood and languid, the approaching sun making them drowsy. They were also very young and inexperienced, and it wasn't difficult for Buffy and Spike to dispose of them quickly and efficiently.

"Is that everybody?" Buffy asked.

Corbett stood and removed his cape. "I'll fight you myself."

"That's hardly necessary. You know why we're here," Buffy said.

Corbett vamped out and settled into an attack stance, daring Buffy to beat the answers out of him. Spike rolled his eyes, "Fine, we'll play it your way."

The battle was long, and Spike had to admit that Corbett was a skilled fighter. As far as vampires went, he was a difficult opponent. But after everything that Buffy had been through, a Master Vampire was hardly a challenge anymore.

Spike was there for support, but he enjoyed watching her fight. She still moved with a style and grace that was unmatched by anybody he had ever seen. He knew that she enjoyed the fighting, but that early morning, she was all business. She was trying to keep the fight as short as possible because she wanted answers as soon as possible.

Finally, she had him pinned, the stake touching his chest. "Where is she?" Buffy demanded.

"Who?"

She drove the stake into his chest slightly, "You know who."

"The girl?"

"Yeah."

"I don't have her."

The stake moved deeper and Corbett winced in pain. "What did you do to her?"

"I didn't do anything. It was a paid job."

"Since when do Master Vampires do other people's dirty work?" Spike asked.

"I didn't have a choice."

"Explain it to me."

"It was a God, he wanted me to get him the child. You don't say no to a God."

Buffy's eyes widened. "Who?"

"Why should I tell you? You're just going to kill me anyway."

"That's true," Buffy said, "But if you tell me I can make it fast. If you don't," she nodded at Spike, "he can make it slow."

Corbett eyed Spike who was grinning coldly, armed with a large, wicked looking axe. He was beat. "It was Hades."

Chapter 22

"Do you regret it?"

"Regret what, luv?"

"Us."

"Never."

***

"You should get some sleep," Spike said, ushering Buffy into the house. Xander had to drive over to the mansion and rescue them from the sunlight. Despite his bone-numbing fear, Spike couldn't help but pleased that they took out two major vampires. But that didn't matter to Buffy. All that mattered to her was getting her baby back.

"I can't sleep," Buffy muttered.

"You're dead on your feet," Spike pointed out. "I'll wake you in a few hours."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

***

"How about you?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you regret it?"

"No."

***

Buffy went to bed like she said she would, but sleep was elusive. Joyce was gone, and she didn't know how to get her back. Willow and Tara would know what to do. She choked back a sob. If Wills was there, the baby wouldn't have been taken to begin with.

She loved Joyce so much. She would move Heaven and Earth to find her, and if it meant descending into the depths of Hell and facing the Devil himself, she'd do it.

"Willow," she whispered, "If you can hear me, please help. I'll do whatever I have to, but please help me find her. You were always my Big Gun, and I can't do this without you."

*** "You were there."

"Where pet?"

"Heaven. Well, your soul was."

"Yeah?"

"I liked him."

***

Spike prowled around the house. He was sure to eat enough to last a few days, because he didn't know what lay ahead of them. It could be anything, even a trip to Hell.

He knew Buffy was awake, he could hear her tossing and turning and talking to herself. She needed to sleep. A tired Slayer was a sloppy Slayer, and they just couldn't risk her not being on her game.

Spike felt completely helpless. He knew the story of Hades and Persephone, and he knew that as far as the myth went, he had no place. This was purely Buffy's gig, and all he could do is offer support.

He finally went upstairs to his own room, and found an envelope on his bad. His name was scrawled across the top in Buffy's girlish handwriting, and he picked it up curiously. When did she have time to write him a letter? Or was this one of the older letters she wrote before, when he was away?

He opened it carefully and scanned the paper.

You asked me once if I had any regrets. I said I didn't, and I meant it. I never regretted being with you, and I don't regret loving you. I have to write this letter for my therapy, in order to seek closure on our issues. There's too many. I wouldn't write a letter, I'd write an entire novel. Or maybe a series. Will you ever read this? I'm so sorry. One day I'll be able to tell you in person.

He slipped the paper into his shirt pocket and sat heavily on the bed.

***

"I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything."

"What do you mean?"

"I could have saved you. I should have saved you."

"It's not your job to save me."

***

Giles arrived earlier than they expected. Buffy was so relieved to see him that she threw herself into his arms. "Please tell me you know about Hades," she greeted.

Giles was taken aback, "Uh, what do you mean?"

"That's who has Joyce," she explained.

"Hades, the Greek God of the Underworld?"

"Yes."

"How do you know that, Buffy?"

"Corbett told us before we killed him."

"How d you know you can believe him?"

Buffy frowned, "It's all we have to work with."

Xander and Dawn burst into the house then. "I came back as soon as I could, Buffy." The younger girl said, hugging her sister.

"Thanks, I'm sorry you had to cut your trip short."

"It's nothing. What do you need me to do?"

"Giles, Dawn, Xander, you're on research detail. We need to know everything we can about Hades."

"Hades? The Greek God of the Underworld Hades?" Dawn asked.

Buffy sighed, frustrated. "Yes. Just please, get on that. In the mean time, we're going to patrol and look for clues."

Giles looked at Spike and blinked. "I expect you're going to explain the situation to me."

"Yeah, as soon as Joyce is back in one piece, I'll answer any questions you have."

***

"Can you just kiss me?"

"Yes."

***

The patrol was fruitless. They turned Sunnydale upside down, but they couldn't find any clues, or anybody who knew anything. The demons weren't interested in talking to the Slayer, and Spike didn't have the pull he used to have.

They were silent most of the night, talking only when they had to. Joyce filled their thoughts, and the close proximity to each other was distracting enough without adding conversation to the mix.

Buffy couldn't hide in her disappointment when they reached her house an hour before dawn, completely empty handed. She smelled of fear, and while Spike once found that fragrance intoxicating, now it only added to his own fears.

"It would be so much easier if Willow was here," they overheard Xander complaining.

"Just keep working Xander," Giles admonished. "We have a lot of information to cover."

"I just miss her," Xander said quietly, and four years of heartbreak laced his voice with tears.

"We all do," Dawn said gently. "Have you read this book yet?"

"No. Are you hungry yet?"

"No, but they should have fresh donuts at the Krispy Kreme in an hour."

"Yeah," Xander agreed weakly, "Chocolate was her favorite." Buffy didn't know if he was referring to Willow or Joyce.

*** "They think you aren't good for me."

"I'll never be good enough for you."

"They don't know what's good for me."

"They just want the best for you."

"They don't care what's best for me."

***

"I don't want to be alone," Buffy said as she entered Spike's room. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"

"Not at all, pet. Don't fancy being by myself either."

She settled on the chair near the bed and began rocking gently. "I used to sit up all night some nights and watch Joyce sleep. I couldn't believe that this beautiful, perfect, little girl was in my life."

Spike smiled slightly, "I used to watch you sleep and think the same thing."

A sob caught in her throat, "Spike.."

He pulled the blanket aside in an invitation, and she gratefully took it, sliding into bed next to him and curling her body into his. It felt like coming home, and Buffy sighed at the sensation. He wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to cry her fear and frustration into his chest.

This time when he kissed her, it didn't feel like the world was exploding. He was drowning in her need, and her love, and her tears. He'd be lost soon, and all that would be left would be her. Maybe if he kissed her long enough, the painful last memories he had of her would be washed away completely, and his heart would no longer cower from her. Maybe if she kissed him hard enough, there would be no need for apologies, because he would be able to taste her sorrow and her sins and she would be redeemed.

Maybe if they could kiss hard enough and long enough, the world would make sense again.

Chapter 23

"Where have you been?" Buffy demanded.

Spike frowned, "What?"

"Where have you been?"

"Caught a game at the Alibi Room."

"You didn't tell me you were going out tonight," Buffy said.

"I didn't realize I had to inform you of my whereabouts, Princess."

Buffy grabbed Spike's arm and spun him around, "Don't walk away from me."

Spike shook free from her grasp. "What's wrong with you?"

"You," she responded coldly. "I told you we were patrolling tonight."

"And I told you I would patrol later."

"No, you'll patrol when I say you will."

Spike rolled his eyes and was about to respond when she punched in the face, hard enough to make his head snap back. "Don't roll your eyes at me."

"Buffy go home." Spike took a deep breath and willed the rage seething inside of him to subside. He was not in the mood to get into a fight with Buffy tonight. He had been caught cheating and thrown out of the game, and then he got into a fight with a huge Yruf demon that didn't like the look of his face.

She punched him again. "Don't tell me what to do."

"Fine, I'll go home."

Buffy glared at him, "Meet me here tomorrow at 9:00. Don't be late."

Spike walked away, casually. 'She's probably just having a bad day,' he reasoned. 'She'll feel better after a decent night's..

***

"..sleep?" Giles asked.

Buffy smiled, "Yeah, we got enough. We're ready for whatever you've got."

Giles sighed, "Unfortunately, it's not much. Beyond the known myths of Hades, there isn't a lot of information. Apparently, he tends to keep to himself."

"Unless it's time to kidnap a child bride," Xander added.

"Yes, well, though that's what he's most known for, he's only done it that one time."

"Then what does he want with Joyce?" Buffy sighed; angry, frustrated, and frightened.

"There's the balance thing," Dawn said.

"What balance thing?" Buffy asked.

"Well, when Willow brought.."

***

..me back, Buffy thought. Never brought me back. The black rage, thick as tar, boiled and seethed inside of her, constantly. She saw the world through lenses of despair and anger. Her hands were constantly clenched into fists that just itched to be buried in Willow's smug face. Some days it was all she could do to keep herself from beating them all into bloody, disfigured corpses.

When she first came back, time with Spike helped alleviate her anger. Just being with him forced her to calm down considerably. She wasn't mad at him. He didn't hurt her. He just held her and listened to her angry diatribes. She could sense that he was furious with her friends for what they did, and that made her feel better too.

But lately, even Spike wasn't safe from her bitter frenzy of hate and disgust. The smallest thing could set her off. A part of her that could view the whole situation objectively begged her to stop yelling at him, hitting him, taking it out on him because he was strong enough to withstand it. But the rest of her just couldn't stop. She felt like she was out of control.

And maybe she was. She had no control over her life or her death. Her sister hated her. Her friends expected something from her, something that she wasn't even capable of giving them. Giles didn't want anything to do with her anymore. She had no control over anything.

Except Spike.

Buffy pasted a fake smile on her face. It was too wide and hurt her face. She closed her eyes and counted to ten. She just had to get through the next hour and then she could disappear into the shadows of the night that were darker than even her own soul. In the shadows she would find.

***

".Spike?"

"What is it Rupes?"

"Do you have time to talk?"

"A few seconds."

"What are you doing back in Sunnydale?" His voice was hard.

Spike shrugged, "Ask Buffy. She dragged me here."

"She said she found you in L.A."

"Yeah."

"She said you're different now."

"She sure seems to be saying a lot. Why don't you go talk to her about it?"

"I want to talk to you," Giles said.

Spike put down the axe he was sharpening and picked up a crossbow. "I'm busy. I told you we could talk once we got Joyce back."

"I just want to protect her," Giles explained tightly.

Spike looked up and arched his eyebrow, "Like you protected her ten years ago?"

"You don't know what you are talking about, Spike."

"I know you abandoned her. I know she needed you. I know you have no idea what she went through."

Giles took a step closer, clearly upset. "You left her too."

"I left to get something that would help her," Spike said, reverting his attention back to the weapons. "Which is more than you can say."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You have no idea what she was going through." Spike raised his eyes without lifting his head. "You have no idea how close to the dark she was. You have no idea how dangerous and cold she had become." His voice dropped an octave, "She lost it, Ripper, and you weren't here to help."

***

..her. That's all he wanted to do. But lately she had grown distant and cold, and he really didn't know what she wanted from him. If he wasn't waiting for her when she came calling, she would pound on him until she worked off her frustration and impatience. He normally didn't mind taking the hits. He always enjoyed the physical aspect of their relationship, from violence to sex. But this was different. She was different.

The sex was different. When they had it at all. She always put off his advances. She controlled when they had it, where they had it, and how it was. Again, he didn't mind her being in charge, but each coupling was cold and joyless. There was a fierce determination on her face, like she was trying to get a job done. Like she was trying to prove something to herself or to him.

But he didn't know what to do for her. When Dru was depressed or angry, he would distract her with a new toy or sparkly jewelry. When Harmony was depressed or angry, he didn't care. He sighed. Maybe it would be enough for her if he just continued to be here for her. Watch her back. She would work through this, and he would stay to support her.

"Spike!" Buffy yelled, throwing open the door to the crypt.

He stood up, carefully schooling his face. He didn't want to piss her off too early. " 'ullo Slayer. Ready to patrol?"

"Not tonight. I came by to talk to you."

"What's up love?"

"Don't come over to my house anymore," Buffy said simply.

"What?"

"I don't want you over. Just stay away from my friends and family."

Spike sought her face for clues. He racked his brains, trying to figure out if he had done anything to piss her off. "Why?"

"Because I said so, that's why." She glared at him with icy eyes, daring him to protest. The way she stood and the tension surrounding her guaranteed that if he questioned her again, he would pay for it.

"What about Dawn?"

He wasn't disappointed. She hit him once, connecting with his right eye. He could already feel it began to swell. "I don't want you to spend so much time with her anymore."

"I took care of her all summer," Spike pointed out. He got a bruised left cheek to match his black eye.

"Well, now I'm here to take care of her."

Spike's arms hung at his side, his hands curled into fists. He wanted to hit her back. If she hit him in the face again, he would hit her back, and damn the consequences. He could live with the chip pain, and she didn't appear to have a stake on her at the moment. Buffy noticed his fists and the anger on his face.

"Are you going to him me?" she taunted. "Go ahead, try it."

"Don't push me, Slayer." His voice was low, barely controlled.

"Come on, Spike. Lay it on me. Here, I'll give you a freebie." She held her arms akimbo, leaving her body open for an attack.

Spike reached for her, deciding to suffuse the information with a different kind of physical attack. But she resisted him and slugged him in the mouth. He snapped, and slapped her across the face, hard enough to make her ear ring. He immediately clutched her head, expecting a bolt of pain, but nothing happened.

Buffy was watching him, her mouth agape. "You're chip."

Spike smiled, but it was more of snarl. "Doesn't work on you, Slayer. What's wrong with you?"

She was still in shock when he swung and connected with her stomach. "Huh, Slayer? What's wrong with you?"

She doubled over, catching her breath. When she finally straightened, Spike was standing in front her, waiting patiently. "You wanna fight, Slayer? Let's do it then."

***

"You weren't here to help her, and I didn't know how."

"You weren't any help at all," Giles said coldly, "she didn't get better until after you left.

"Yeah," he muttered, "I noticed."

Chapter 24

Buffy walked aimlessly through the streets. She was cold. And sore. She gave as good as she got, but that didn't take away from the fact that the next day she'd be covered with bruises. Her face was crusty where her tears had dried. When did she start crying? When did she stop?

It wasn't right that Spike could fight back. He wasn't supposed to be able to fight back. She was supposed to have all the control; she needed the control. Why did he fight back? Why did Dawn argue with her? Why did Willow follow her with large, imploring eyes? Why couldn't they just leave her alone?

She didn't want to go back to the house, and she couldn't go back to Spike. Not yet. Not after breaking down like that. She was alone, in every sense of the word. Nobody could possibly understand who she was, what she was going through. And would they even care to understand? She was too dark for them. Too dark for all of them, except Spike.

And she suspected that Spike wasn't dark enough for her.

The isolation and anger hung around her neck like an albatross, and it got heavier as she walked. The bruises blooming across her face would be a short-term distraction from the bruises inside her mind. It wasn't right that she should hate the world so much. Wasn't she once told that the Slayer was full of love?

Was she even the Slayer anymore? She still had the strength, but she was quite certain that the Slayer was not supposed to envision her friends and family begging her to stop hurting them. She was quite certain that the Slayer was not supposed to beat her boyfriend until they both broke down.

But she couldn't force these feelings away, and she felt like she was walking a tight rope hundreds of feet above the ground. And any second, the rope would snap, sending her plunging in a dark abyss she'd never be able to escape.

She turned east and headed towards her house. The sun was rising in her eyes. They would wonder why she was out all night. Dawn would get that I'm so picked on look in her large blue eyes. Willow would pretend that nothing happened, while flinging silent accusations at her, angry that Buffy wasn't the good ol' Buffster. And Buffy would stare silently back, pleading with them to just give her one reason to give into her violent impulses.

God, when would this...

***

".end?" Dawn asked, wearily rubbing her eyes.

Buffy shook her head, "No, it doesn't. Why don't you head upstairs and get some rest?"

"But I want to help."

"You'll be a bigger help to me if you aren't falling asleep over the books," Buffy pointed out. "I promise, I won't let you sleep long."

Dawn smiled, "Ok, if you promise."

Buffy turned her attention to Xander. "You should go home and get some sleep and a shower."

"No, Buff, I'm fine. Really."

"Xander, I'm going to need your help tonight. You need to be rested and clear-headed."

Xander nodded, conceding the point. "I'll be back before sunset."

"Sounds good."

As soon as she was alone, Buffy slumped on the couch. She needed to think. She needed to process what Giles had told her. Her Watcher suspected that Hades took Joyce as a trade-off. A life for Buffy's. And because Willow was the one who brought her back, Hades took Willow's child.

That made sense on one level, but if he was trying to balance the scales, why not just take Willow herself? And why not do it sooner? It was almost 12 years since Buffy rejoined the land of the living. Giles speculated that Willow and Tara's untimely death was in order to pay off the debt, but their lives weren't enough to make up for a Slayer's.

Or maybe Hades was just another God that wanted to die at her hand. Either way, Buffy would be more than happy to oblige him. She would do anything to get Joyce back.

She could hear Spike in the kitchen, muttering quietly to himself while he finished getting her weapons cleaned and sharpened. After last night, she needed to talk to him. He didn't push her away last night, but this morning he acted like nothing happened. Didn't even spare her a smile. He just got right to work.

For the first time, Buffy was really beginning to understand that Spike did not want to be with her. He hadn't forgiven her. Everybody else had forgiven her, so she just assumed Spike would too. Even Dawn forgave her, and if anybody had a reason not to, it was..

***

"Dawn!"

"What?"

"You're going to be late for school if you don't get your ass down here now!"

Xander held up a hand, "Calm down Buff, she's not that late."

"She's got to learn to be more responsible. You have things you have to do too."

"I really don't mind waiting a few extra minutes."

Buffy spun around and pinned him with her cold green eyes, "She needs to understand that the entire world does not revolve around her. I'm tired of how selfish she is."

"Give her a break, Buffy. She's only 16."

"When I was 16, I was saving the world. I think she can manage to get to school on time."

Dawn finally came down the stairs, looking at her sister warily. "Ready," she announced.

Buffy rounded on her, "It's about time. You come straight back today from school. And if you are even one minute late, you will be grounded."

"But Buffy, I have a.."

"I don't care!" Buffy said tightly. "You heard me."

"But that's not fair."

"Life isn't fair, Dawnie."

"I just don't see why..."

Buffy grabbed Dawn's long, shiny ponytail and jerked slightly. Dawn gasped with pain and shock, and Xander jumped up. "Because I said so, that's why." Buffy's voice never changed pitch or volume. She held onto Dawn's hair for another moment longer and then let go abruptly. "Now go to school."

Dawn glared at her sister and Xander looked on with shock. Buffy's face was stony and impassive as she watched them drive away from the front door. She was tired of Dawn constantly arguing with her. She needed to learn who was the boss around here. As a matter of fact, some changes were going to be made right now.

Buffy grabbed several large garbage bags and marched up to Dawn's room. She opened the closet and began tearing the clothes out of it. Many things were far too short or too tight. The clothes that Dawn had stolen from her sister were put in one pile. The clothes that Buffy deemed inappropriate for Dawn were thrown in the bag. Buffy would go shopping with Dawn this weekend for clothes that were decent.

Buffy then turned her attention onto Dawn's desk. There wasn't much there. Some diaries and pictures, scraps of paper, old homework. She rummaged through the drawers, looking for anything bad and found a few romance novels. She decided she would throw those out with the clothes. She went through the dresser next and then pulled all the stuff from underneath the bed.

What she found enraged her. There was tons of jewelry, some still had price tags. There were a few pieces she recognized from the Magic Shop, and even a ring or two that belonged to Spike. Buffy was so angry that she was shaking. How long had this been going on? Who taught her to do this? Spike? He was the most likely candidate.

She growled with anger. What did Dawn want? To go to prison? She went through the stolen items, categorizing them and trying to figure out which stores they came from. Dawn was going to be grounded for the rest of her life. She tried to stay calm and think about a rational punishment. When Dawn comes home, she would calmly present the evidence against her, calmly explain why exactly she was stupid, and then calmly ground her to her bedroom until she turned 21.

By the end of the morning, Buffy had thrown away two large bags full of Dawn's belongings and had confiscated at least three-dozen other items. She cleaned the house until Dawn got home, trying to work off all her energy. She wanted to be rational and collected when she confronted Dawn. Otherwise Dawn could be hurt.

Buffy was pleased when Dawn came through the door at exactly 3:30. At least she was pleased about something.

"Dawn, don't go up to your room?"

"What Buffy?"

"Sit down."

Dawn sat down tentatively. "What's wrong, Buffy."

Buffy opened one tightly closed hand to reveal several necklaces and two types of lipstick. "Where did you get this?"

"Buffy, I can explain."

"So? Talk."

"Ok, a friend bought me.."

"Don't lie to me."

"But a friend.."

"Goddamnit Dawn! Do not lie to me. Or you will be sorry."

Dawn lifted her chin defiantly and looked at Buffy with hard eyes, "What are you going to do? Hit me?"

Buffy moved so quickly that Dawn didn't even have time to flinch before Buffy's open palm slammed across Dawn's cheek. "Wanna try again?"

When Dawn finally raised her eyes, they were so full of betrayal and hurt that Buffy almost felt bad. Almost. But her hand itched to hit Dawn again. Dawn didn't answer though. Buffy could feel her pulse began to race, and had the presence of mind to send Dawn to her bedroom before things really got out of hand.

She needed to see Spike tonight. He was a safe outlet. He could take what she needed to dish out. She just needed to get out of the..

***

".house!" Spike complained.

"The sun never bothered you before," Buffy pointed out.

Spike glared at her. "How much longer until the sun sets?"

"About another hour."

"Is there anything else we need to do?"

Buffy looked at the full weapon chest. "I don't think so. I think we're set."

"Do we even know what we need to be set for?"

Buffy sighed, "No." She paused. "Though Dawn had an idea."

"Yeah? What was that?"

"She wants to contact Willow," Buffy said softly.

Spike blinked. "What?"

"On the astro-plane, or something."

"That's pretty powerful magic, Slayer. Who around here can pull that off?"

"She says she could with Giles' help. Dawn's been studying magic for several years now."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she's good."

"You up for that?"

"Seeing Willow? I.I don't know. I think so. We don't have any other leads."

"When does Dawn want to do this?"

"Tonight."

"Sounds like a plan then."

Buffy closed her eyes. It had been so long. Could she really talk to..

*** .Willow. The witch needed to understand that she had to back off on the magic. Spike sighed, it seemed as though she was completely out of control. Nobody else understood this, except maybe the Watcher. Everybody went along, thinking everything was just a-ok. Even Glinda.

But everything was not ok. He knew they were all going to have a Scooby Meeting that night at the Magic Box. He overheard Dawn and Willow talking about it when he was lurking out side their house the night before. He would just head over there and voice his opinion.

Spike snorted, 'Great plan that. And while you're at it, why don't you tell them all you're shagging the Slayer?' Well, he would go over there anyway. At the very least, he could meet up with Buffy and do some patrolling afterward.

As soon as the sun slinked close to the horizon, Spike rushed to the Magic Box. He burst into the door, interrupting Giles' little speech. Spike smiled, "Don't mind me."

"What do you want Spike?" Xander demanded.

"Nothing," Spike said, casually sitting on the counter.

Giles rolled his eyes, then shifted his attention back to the real Scoobies. "I'll jump to the chase. I'm head back to England, and I plan on staying there..indefinitely."

"Now?" Xander asked. "Not now. Not after everything."

"Yes now," Giles responded.

Buffy jumped up, "I can't do this. And I just can't take it anymore. If you guys knew how it feels, how I felt.."

Spike ached to go over to her, to gather her up in his arms and assure her that she would be ok. He wanted to hold her until she didn't need his strength anymore. But before he could move, blackness passed over him. He could feel himself falling and he had one, fuzzy thought.

***

..magic. Spike hated magic. But if that's what they had to do, then that's what they would do. Whatever it took.

Chapter 25

"What's wrong Cordy?"

Cordelia looked up from the paper she was examining. "What's this?"

Angel looked at it and frowned. "Where did you get that?"

"I was cleaning out your pockets, taking care of laundry, and I found this. Is this what I think it is?"

"What do you think it is?"

"I think it's instructions on how to get a permanent soul."

"Yeah, it is. Spike left it for me."

"Why didn't you saying anything?"

"I didn't know what to do. I don't know if I can trust him. I mean, it's Spike."

"Yeah, Spike. Who went and got a soul for the woman he loves." She looked up at Angel then, her eyes wide with a hint of moisture. "Were you just going to keep this from me forever?"

"No, Cordelia, I just needed time to think about this."

"What's to think about? This is the chance to get rid of Angelus forever. This is our chance to really be together, Angel."

"I know," he said, feeling helpless. "I know. But I just don't know if I can do it."

"You don't know if you can get rid of Angelus?"

"He's a part of me," Angel said weakly.

"Angel, I can't live like this anymore. I'm haunted by the memory of Angelus, and so are you. We both.

***

..remember anything, not even his name. He looked around at the other people in the room, who all stared back. More birds than gents, and most of them were pretty good looking too. A red head, two brunettes, and two blondes. One in particular caught his eye. He'd have to get to know her better. Well, if she knew who she was, that is.

"Uh, who are you people?" The youngish brunette asked. Fear crept into her voice, "You aren't going to hurt me, are you?"

The hot blonde put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I don't know anybody either. But we'll figure this whole thing out. Does anybody remember anything?"

"I don't," an older man said, polishing his classes. "But I appear to be a man, and uh, British."

As the rest tried to figure out who they were, and what exactly, was going on, he sidled closer to the hot little blonde. She turned towards him, "What about you? Do you have any ID?"

He checked his pockets, but didn't find a wallet. "No."

"Neither do I." She pointed at the brunette, "According to her necklace, she's Dawn."

The older man looked up, "Well, my name is Rupert. Everybody else?"

"Willow."

"Alexander."

"Anya."

"Tara."

All eyes moved towards the two blondes, standing side by side. "We don't have any ID. But I feel like a Joan," she stated.

Dawn arched an eyebrow. "Joan? That's not a very interesting name."

"What's wrong with Joan? I like Joan."

"It's a lovely name," he provided.

"What's your name?" Willow asked.

He frowned and thought about for a few moments and looked at Joan. "What do you think?"

"Randy?"

"Randy?! No, that's a stupid name."

"Well, you asked my opinion."

"I like Byron."

Joan examined him, "It doesn't suit you."

"You don't even know who Byron is."

"So? You still don't look a Byron to me."

"But I look like a Randy?"

"Yes."

He shrugged. She was cute. If she wanted to name him Randy, he was fine with that. "Fine, I'm Randy." He smirked, "Can you help me take care of that?"

"What do you mean?"

Rupert cleared his throat. "Never mind what he means. We have to figure out what to do next."

"Maybe we should go to the hospital?" Tara suggested.

"But we don't know where the hospital is at," the husky boy pointed out. What was his name? Oh right, Alex.

"Well, we can't just stay here. We could be in danger," The red head said.

Randy didn't really care what they decided, but he did want to get some time alone with Joan. "Maybe if we familiarize ourselves with our surroundings, our memories will come back," he said.

"Huh?" Dawn said.

"You know, wonder around, and see what we can find."

"I really think we should go to the hospital," Tara repeated.

"Maybe you're both right," Joan said, diplomatically. "Does anybody know what type of shop this?"

Willow picked up a book. "Magic for Beginners," she read out loud. She looked up, excited, "It must be a magic shop!"

"Magic? That's all balderdash and chicanery!" Rupert protested.

Anya moved behind the register, curious about the receipts and how much money was there. She couldn't remember anything, really, but she remembered that she liked money. "It appears that Rupert and I own this magic shop," she announced. "Our names are on the receipts."

"Maybe we lost our memories because of magic," Dawn suggested.

Blah blah blah, Randy thought. All he wanted was five minutes alone with her. "Why don't some of you go to the hospital, some of you stay here and see if you can suss out the magic thing?" He suggested.

They separated into two groups. Rupert and Anya would stay at the shop; the rest would go to the hospital. Randy followed them outside without a word, plotting the ways he could separate Joan from the rest of them. He lagged behind the rest of them, and to his joy, she slowed down and walked with him.

"This lot will be fine," Randy said, "why don't we go off and uh.explore a bit?"

Joan frowned, "Explore? Do you really think that's a good idea, given our current situation?"

In response, he took her hand. She didn't pull away. Keeping one eye on the people ahead of them, he lifted her hand to his lips and gently kissed her fingers. He looked at her with dancing blue eyes, daring her to make him stop. She didn't. He stopped walking and pulled her closer to him and gently captured her lips. Her body instantly responded. She couldn't remember him, but her body obviously did.

He pulled back and winked. She was flushed and breathing a bit heavily. "Wanna go explore?" He asked again.

"Yeah. What's behind that tree over there?"

The rest of the group didn't notice when they lost two of their merry band. As soon as Joan and Randy were out of sight, they fell upon each other. The attraction was almost primal, and neither could stop. It seemed that once they kissed, a dam was open and both of them were swept away.

"We should do this," she gasped as he undid her pants.

"No, we shouldn't," he agreed, but he didn't stop and she didn't try to get away.

Joan unzipped his pants, and was briefly surprised that he was slightly cold to the touch. She pushed the thought out of her mind when he lifted her up and pushed her against the tree. She barely registered the rough bark against her back as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He slipped into her quickly and they both moaned with relief in unison. It felt like he was coming home. He didn't know how or why, but he knew that they had done this many, many times before.

Soon instinct took over, and Randy felt his face changed. Joan gasped in fear, but he didn't notice. When he had buried his cock as deep into her as possible, he sunk her fangs into her throat. He didn't want to kill her, or even hurt her, but it seemed to him the most natural thing to do.

Just as he was about to explode with the combined pleasure of having his teeth and cock deep inside of her, she pushed him onto the ground, stake poised above his heart. "What's going on Spike?" She demanded. Blood still running down her neck.

He blinked, trying to clear his head. "What?"

"What did you do to me?" She demanded.

"I didn't do anything," he protested. She shoved the point into his chest and he winced. "Buffy, I didn't do anything."

"You bit me."

"I didn't know what I was doing," he explained.

"You put a spell on me," she insisted, shoving the stake deeper.

"Buffy, listen to me. Who do we know that's good with spells? Her hair is red, her name rhymes with pillow."

"You think Willow did this?" Buffy looked uncertain, but she took the stake away from his chest. "You bit me."

"I'm sorry."

She stood up, and without looking at him, began to walk away. "Buffy!"

She didn't turn around, but he could easily hear her response. "You bit me. You bit me where Angel bit me."

Spike hit the ground with anger and frustration, but mostly anger. He saw the hurt and confusion in Buffy's eyes, and knew that whatever had happened tonight would just make things worse for her, harder on her. God he was going to kill Willow. If Buffy didn't get to her first. He jumped up and zipped his pants, and ran after her. He eventually caught up with her in front of her house. She was standing on the front lawn, arms crossed, a blank look on her face.

"Buffy?" Spike asked tentatively. She didn't look up, didn't answer.

"Tara please!" He heard Willow from down the block, they both turned to watch the two women hurrying up the street. "Tara, I'm sorry." Tara didn't stop or acknowledge Willow's pleas. As they watched, she hurried past them and into the house, without so much as a glance. Willow tried to follow, but Buffy stepped in her path.

"Where are you going?"

"Buffy, let me by, I need to talk to Tara."

"No, you need to talk to me."

Willow's eyes flashed black and the hair on Spike's neck and arms stood on end. The magic made the air around them crackle with energy, but Buffy didn't appear to be ruffled. Instead she pulled back and hit Willow in the face with all her strength. Willow flew across the lawn and hit the tree.

Spike jumped forward and grabbed Buffy, pushing her to the ground and shielding her with his body. "What." But she didn't have time to finish her question when a bolt of magic hit Spike and paralyzed him. Buffy pushed him off of her and charged Willow. "Fix him."

"Buffy, I didn't mean to." Willow had never seen Buffy look like that, half crazed with anger. Her eyes were flashing and fear welled up inside of Willow. "See, I can fix it." She pointed her finger at Spike and he quickly stood up.

Spike grabbed Buffy from behind and tried to pull her away. "Slayer, you don't want to fight her right now."

"Yes, I do."

Willow's nose was dripping blood and both of her eyes had bruises forming under them. "No, you don't Slayer. Come on, come with me."

"She doesn't have to go with you if she doesn't want to," Willow stated.

Buffy glared at her friend, "Since when do you care what I want? Well, you know what else I want? I want you out of my house by the time I get back."

"But."

"Out."

She spun around on her heal and stalked off into the night. Spike shrugged and turned to follow.

"This is all your fault," Willow said coldly.

"Red, you hurt Buffy tonight in more ways then I ever could. You've done more things to destroy her than anybody else ever has." Then he turned and chased after his lover.

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