Chapter 1


Buffy walked down the basement stairs.

She felt liberated, finally admitting to herself what she'd known deep-down inside all along. She was in love with Spike. Now she was ready to tell him. Her heart thudded in her chest when she reached to bottom of the stairs.

Spike was standing in front of his cot with his back to her; he was doing something that she couldn't see from her angle.

"Hey," Buffy squeaked, she cleared her throat and tried again, "Hey."

Spike didn't turn around.

"Buffy," he acknowledged her presence.

"Umm--I need to talk to you..." Buffy said.

"I already know what you're going to say."

Her eyes widened. "You do?"

"Yeah. And I don't want to hear it, so save it," Spike said gruffly.

"Wha--what? Why--What's--" Buffy sputtered.

"I'm sure you have a complete sentence coming up, but like I said--save it."

Spike turned around and slung a knapsack over his shoulder. "I'm movin' out."

He walked past her then up the stairs. Buffy was stunned.

'How could he know what I was going to say?'

She wasn't going to let him just walk out. Her face set in a determined expression; she marched up the stairs after him. The sound of the front door opening and shutting was heard when she got to the top of the stairs.

Buffy raced past the living room and out the front door. Andrew and the SITs stared after them, craning their necks.

"Spike!" she called.

Spike was halfway to the street. He stopped and turned around, a put-upon expression on his face.

"What?"

Buffy shut the front door behind her and walked down the steps.

"Why are you leaving? Are you leaving town?" Her heart clenched at the thought of him leaving. It was like she'd told him, she wasn't ready for him not to be here. She'd never be ready for that.

'Please, don't let him want to leave me! Not now that I know I love him!'

Spike sighed. "I'm not leaving town. I told you I'd fight the good fight with you and I keep my promises." He looked at her seriously.

Buffy tried to keep her voice from breaking. "Why do you have move out? You know you're going to be Bringer-bait, don't you? You're safer here--with me..."

'Doesn't he love me anymore? Did I wait too long?!'

"First of all, I can take care of myself. Yeah, I've been doing the whole 'Olive Oyl' routine where you have to come and save me, but I'm better now--stronger. And don't be daft, you know why I can't be here."

"Damn it, Spike! Would I ask if I knew? I need you to tell me. Why are you leaving?"

Spike paced and threw his arms up in exasperation.

"To get some bloody privacy!" he yelled. "I can't even take a sodding shower without being gawked at!"

Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed in relief. So that's what's bothering him! It wasn't because he knew of and rejected her feelings, he was uptight because Rona and Amanda caught him spanking the monkey in the shower this afternoon.

"Is that all?" Buffy asked.

Spike gaped at her in disbelief; his eyes bugging out. "Is that all?! I'd like to see how flip you'd be if someone walked in on you while--I can't get one bleedin' moment of peace! And to cap off a perfect day, I got the Clearasil set gigglin' about my wriggly bits! I heard them!" Spike fumed.

He was embarrassed beyond belief.

Buffy giggled.

Spike's face screwed up in righteous indignation. "That's bloody marvelous! Yeah, laugh it up! Thanks ever so, Buffy. I'm pissin' off!" He spun around and started walking away.

Buffy caught up to him and stood in front of him, holding out her hands to halt him. "I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing at the phrase 'wriggly bits', okay?"

Spike pursed his lips, looking impatient.

"They didn't mean any harm, Spike. I already talked to them about knocking before they walk in the bathroom. You're just upset they saw you doing--that--in the shower."

Spike's voice went up an octave, "Yeah, bloody right I'm upset! And pissed off. Havin' 12-year-olds staring at me while I toss off isn't my idea of a good time."

"They're 16, and...why were you doing that in my shower? We all have to use it, you know?"

Spike's jaw clenched, Buffy could swear that he was blushing.

"When else--If I--never bloody mind." He walked past her.

"Spike, I told you I need to talk to you," Buffy said.

"And we talked. Now I'm leaving," he said over his shoulder.

"Wh-where are you going?!" Buffy felt the urge to grab him and drag him back to the house, for his own good, as well as hers.

"The Siesta Motel on Route 6, room 13. I know the bloke who owns it, he said I could stay there if I needed too. Call if something comes up, otherwise, I'll be back tomorrow at sunset." Spike kept walking until he disappeared around a corner.

Buffy numbly turned back to the house. Andrew and the SIT's were plastered against the living room window. When they saw Buffy turn around, they jumped away or ducked down. Buffy sighed wearily.

She didn't get the chance to tell Spike. They'd been apart for so long already, due to her indecision and stubbornness. Buffy vowed to tell him tomorrow, no matter what.



 

Chapter 2


Buffy and Spike were standing on her front lawn, kissing and loving the way they'd wanted to for so long. Spike was such a good kisser, he kissed with every ounce of passion and love he had in his body; which was a considerable amount. Buffy never wanted another man's lips to touch hers again, only Spike's.

Buffy pulled back and grinned at him. She caressed his angular face. Spike smiled and turned his head slightly, placing a soft kiss to her palm. He rubbed his cheekbone against her hand like a cat might.

"You gonna purr for me," Buffy asked playfully.

"Mmm, if you're good...." He smirked.

"Oh, I'm very good..."

They chuckled then leaned in for a more tender kiss.

Buffy pulled away again then opened her mouth to say, 'I love you, Spike,' when the pointy end of a stake burst from his chest; he grunted and stumbled forward.

Buffy gasped, her face freezing in horror. Spike looked down in shock at his chest then up into her eyes. His expressive face showed pain and surprise.

"NO! Buffy!" Spike reached for her desperately, wanting to hold her one last time. He exploded into a dense cloud of dust before he could reach her.

"SPIKE! NO--PLEASE--NO!" Buffy fell to her knees, weeping and scooping up piles of what had been Spike; holding it to her chest.

She heard laughing. Gritting her teeth, she looked up slowly through her tears to see Warren laughing uproariously.

"Aww, what's the matter, Buffy? Did your dead boyfriend go *poof*?"

Warren morphed into Glory.

"What a shame!" Glory said in mock horror. "And you never did tell him you loved him, did you?" she tsk'ed. "How very tragic!"

Glory morphed into Spike.

He sneered at her. "I have no idea why some baddie hasn't taken you down sooner, Slayer. You're bloody clueless. It's too late now, luv. You waited too long!" The First/Spike laughed wickedly then disappeared.

Buffy sobbed and looked at the dust in her hands; it drifted to the ground through her fingers.

"Spike--You promised you wouldn't leave me! Please don't leave me! I love you!" Buffy wailed....


 

Buffy jolted upright in bed gasping for breath.

It took her a moment to realize that she had been having a nightmare. She wiped the tears from her wet face. It had seemed so real...

"Buffy, are you okay?" Vi asked from her sleeping bag on the floor.

"Yeah, just had a bad dream..."

Buffy's stomach was in knots, her heart still pounded vigorously in her chest. Although she was relieved that it hadn't been real, she knew that some of her dreams (and nightmares, especially the nightmares) had a tendency to come true.

"You--want some water or something?" another SIT asked.

"No. No, thanks." Buffy had to go to him.

She had to make sure that he was alright. She threw the covers off of her and got out of bed.


 

Earlier in the evening...

Spike was going to his room in the motel, happy to be away from the house o' teenagers. Finally, he'd be able to get some rest.

A woman was up ahead of him, facing away from him on her knees. She had dropped some bags and was frantically trying to pick everything up.

Spike intended to walk right past her without stopping, but his conscience nagged at him. Helping her was the right thing to do, some nasty creature might take advantage of the situation and attack her.

Spike sighed. 'Bloody soul...' He shook his head then picked up a few magazines that she'd dropped.

"Here, Miss," Spike said.

"Thanks," she said.

She whipped around suddenly, her vampire visage on, her fangs glistening in the dim light.

"RAAAAA!" She lunged at him.

"Shit!" Spike jumped backwards, dropping the magazines.

"Spike?" Harmony asked, her human features slipping back into place.

"Harm? What the bloody hell are you doing here? You scared me to--you bloody well scared the shit out of me!"

'What is she doing back in town? That's all I bloody need...' Spike thought.

Harmony effected a haughty air. "I was trying to get someone to eat, hello? I thought you were a regular guy."

"Well, go hunt somewhere else tonight, would you?" Spike moved past her and continued to his room.

Harmony picked up her bag and followed him. Spike turned around and looked at her.

"What do you want?" he asked with a sigh.

"Umm--can I--stay with you tonight? I don't have anywhere else to go." She batted her eyelashes.

"What? Last time we saw each other you tried to kill me! Remember? You gave me the whole 'You never get to see my ass again' speech?"

"That's in the past. I forgave you for staking me! And for cheating on me too! Come on, Spike, please? Some weird stuff is happening, I'm getting out of town tomorrow...but--I don't want to be by myself for once...I hate being alone..." Harmony hung her head.

Spike cursed his soul for the millionth time. He knew what it was like to be utterly alone. He took a deep breath.

"Alright, but don't make me regret my kindness, yeah?"

Harmony smiled brilliantly. "Thanks, Spike."

She skipped to catch up with him. "Which room is ours?"

"13," Spike said tiredly.

"Here it is." Harmony stopped in front of the door.

Spike unlocked it and stepped in.

Harmony closed her eyes and shuddered slightly as he walked past her--he always smelled soooo good. She had no idea what his secret was. When they lived together, she'd searched high and low in the crypt for whatever it was that Spike used to smell so delicious, but she came up empty. She finally decided that it must be something he exudes naturally, his own natural musk. It drove her crazy with desire.

Spike tossed the keys on the dresser.

"I need to talk to the bloke who runs the place, I'll be back." He went back out and headed for the office.

Harmony walked in and looked around. It was a crappy motel, but it was better than a musty old crypt. At least there was a bed.

She sat down and bounced up and down on the mattress a few times. The springs squeaked. It was nice and bouncy. An image of Spike screwing into the mattress popped up in her brain; his strong, broad back glistening with sweat, his face having that yummy look of concentration and pleasure, the springs loudly protesting their vigorous love making...

"Why the hell not?" Harmony asked the empty room then shrugged. "It's been too long since I got some Blondie Bear lovin'. I should thank him for letting me stay here...it's only polite."

Spike re-entered the room. He looked around and spied a big chair in the corner. He thought of telling her to sleep in the chair, but that damnable conscience piped up again, reminding him that he had been a gentleman at one time. What would his sainted mother say if she knew he had let a lady (he supposed Harm qualified as a lady) sleep in a chair while he took the bed? He sighed and sat down trying to get comfortable.

"What are you doing?" Harmony asked, her blonde brows creasing.

"Going to sleep. Give me a pillow." He reached his hand out, waiting for her to comply.

"Don't you want to sleep on the bed?" She frowned.

"You can have it," Spike grumbled.

"I thought--we were going to--like--share?"

"No, that wouldn't be--a good idea."

"You want to have sex?" Harmony asked frankly.

His eyes widened for a moment. "No...just sleep."

"What's wrong, Spike? You never turned down sex before. Are you okay?"

"Nothing's--wrong. I just don't feel like it."

"Don't you think I'm pretty anymore?" Her chin quivered.

Spike rolled his eyes. "You're pretty, you're beautiful. It doesn't have anything to do with how you look."

"But," Harmony got up and slunk over to him, "I want to thank you for giving me a place to stay," she said huskily. "I'm soooo horny, Spikey."

She palmed her breasts and licked her lips.

Spike gulped. "No, Harm. Just sleeping. No--no sex."

Harmony stomped her foot, her seductive demeanor falling away quickly; she was back in 'spoiled brat' mode.

"Why not!?"

"Will you just bloody drop it?! I want to get some sleep."

Spike turned away from her and tried to get comfortable. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, hoping that she'd give up easily.

"Well--phooey on you! I didn't want to have sex with you anyway," she 'hmmphed'. "I'm going out hunting, you want me to bring you back something still warm and quivery?"

Spike sat up. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

Spike sighed and stood. "Don't go hunting. I'll get you some blood."

"Ewww! I'm not drinking that gross pig blood! Forget it!" She crossed her arms and gave him a defiant glare.

"You drink it or you can find somewhere else to stay," Spike said looking her in the eye.

"You're different," Harmony said, squinting at him. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing!" Spike said nervously.

He didn't want her to know about the soul, she would never understand. Spike grabbed his duster.

"I'll be back soon. Stay here."

He left the room.

Harmony sat down on the bed. Spike was different; more of a goody-goody. He'd been hanging around that stupid Buffy and the goonies too long. The fact that he turned her down for sex made her even hotter and hornier for him. She hadn't expected him to say no. She smiled. He'd give in, she just had to be persistent. Harmony shed her clothing except for her purple satin bra and panties, then laid on the bed; trying to decide which pose she could strike that would be most alluring. She slipped one of her bra straps over her shoulder and practiced enticing him.


 

After Buffy dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, she crept into Willow's room.

"Willow?" she whispered.

Willow rolled over.

"Buffy?" She came awake instantly. "What's wrong?"

Willow was worried, it looked like Buffy had been crying.

"I have to go out for awhile. Keep an eye on the house, okay?" Buffy said.

"Where are you going?"

"Spike...I'm going to the motel he's staying at. I had a bad dream... I have to check to see that he's alright."

"Buffy--you care about him a lot, don't you?" Willow asked gently.

She'd seen her friend in love before; she knew the signs.

Buffy nodded. "I do. I think--no--I know that I--love him."

"I know," Willow stated simply.

"How--do you know?"

"I have eyes. And ears too!" Willow chuckled. "The 'why do people think I'm *still* in love with Spike' thing was a dead giveaway."

Buffy smiled sheepishly, she'd let that one slip without realizing it until a few minutes after she'd said it.

Willow continued, "The sparks the two of you make could start a brush fire. Stay away from wooded areas, just to be safe."

"I fought my feelings for him for so long...you know what the really dumb part is?"

Willow shook her head 'no'.

"It took me hearing about what shall forever be referred to as 'the shower incident' for it to hit me. That's when I knew. Isn't that crazy?"

"I heard about that." Willow tried not to smile. "Poor Spike, that must have been super embarrassing. Sure it's weird that Spike being caught masturbating in the shower made you realize you loved him, but hey, this is Sunnydale, the home of weird. Nothing that happens in this town surprises me anymore."

Willow hugged Buffy.

"Go on. Go check on him. You--deserve to be happy. Both of you do," Willow said.

Who knew how much time any of them had? They might not make it through this war with the First. Life was too short for what if's and should have's. Willow, for one, wouldn't deny her best friend a crumb of happiness.

"Thanks, Wills." Buffy sniffled.

"I'll watch the kids," Willow said.

Buffy went quickly downstairs and out the front door.

"Where's she going?" Amanda whispered.

"I bet I know..." Andrew said dreamily, snuggling down into his sleeping bag.


He imagined it....

A grand and glorious reunion between Buffy and Spike: Running from opposite sides of a field of wild flowers in full bloom; their arms out. They meet in the middle of the field and embrace. Spike picks up Buffy and spins her in a circle; elated, toothy grins on their faces.

Oh! And they're dressed like characters on the cover of one of those romance novels that--his mom likes...he doesn't read them...no sirree-bob...those are for girls.

Anyway, Buffy's wearing a long, billowy, blue--no--make that a green dress, to match her eyes. The bodice laces up the front, a green silk ribbon forms a bow just under her bountiful cleavage. Her blonde, windswept hair is flowing over her shoulders.

Spike is wearing a sheer, white cotton shirt (like a pirate!), it hangs open exposing his muscled chest and abs, the material waves and flaps as the breeze blows through it. Tight, black pants mold themselves to his lower body. A pair of black knee high boots complete his ruggedly handsome look.

Spike buries his face in Buffy's heaving bosom, kissing and bathing her with his long, pink tongue. Buffy gasps in pleasure. Her hands explore his muscular chest then move down below his waist. She cups his huge, throbbing--


"Andrew, what are you doing in there?" Amanda asked.

"Umm--nothing..." Andrew ducked inside his sleeping bag and zipped it over his head to continue his 'musings' in private.



 

Chapter 3


Buffy stood outside room 13. After several attempts, she finally got the courage to knock.

'I can face Hell Gods, my own death and armies of Uber-vamps...but confessing my feelings makes me want to piss my pants...'

"Come in," a female voice said.

Buffy furrowed her brow. Instant and burning jealousy rose up, practically choking her. She gnashed her teeth and went inside.

"What took you so long, Spikey?" Harmony purred, laying on the bed and toying with a bra strap. She bolted upright when she saw who it was. "You're not Spikey!"

Buffy narrowed her eyes. "Harmony. Your powers of observation never cease to amaze me..." She clenched her fists.

"Get--get out!" Harmony said feebly.

"What are you doing back in Sunnydale, Harmony?"

"I'm waiting for Spike. He'll be back any minute. You should leave..."

"No. You're the one who's leaving."

"But--Spike and I--"

"I said--leave!" Buffy spat.

Harmony was quaking with fear. "I'm--Spike's guest--you can't kick me out..."

Buffy smiled in a way that made Harmony's borrowed blood run cold.

"Perhaps," she said taking a stake out of her pocket, "you'd rather discuss this with Mr. Pointy?"

Harmony gulped. "No, I'm good."

"And, why would you think that Spike would knock on his own door?" Buffy asked, astonished at the depth of the ditzy vamp's stupidity.

Harm quickly gathered her clothes, keeping one eye on the Slayer at all times.


 

Spike opened the door and entered the motel room.

"Sorry it took me so long, luv. The butcher--" He stopped when he saw Buffy--not Harm--sitting on the bed.

She didn't look happy: Her arms were crossed, her features were set in that 'stone-faced Buffy' look that he'd seen so often when she didn't want to show any emotion.

"Expecting someone else, Spikey? Sorry to disappoint," Buffy said coldly, her lips forming a tight, thin line.

"Buffy?" Spike put the brown paper bag down on the dresser absently, his eyes widening. A horror-stricken expression settled on his face. "What happened?! Did the Bringers attack? Is everyone--"

He'd never forgive himself if, in his absence, the bad guys attacked and slaughtered the household.

Buffy interrupted him, "Everything's--okay. Everyone's fine."

He was relieved but confused. "Then why..."

"I--had to talk to you. Imagine my surprise when I found Harmony, " she said with disgust, "all spread out on your bed wearing next to nothing."

Buffy's heart ached. He was doing what she'd told him so many times--moving on. And with Harmony of all people!

Spike ran a hand through his hair. "I bumped into her, okay? She needed somewhere to sleep for the day."

"Yeah, right!" Buffy said with a barking laugh. "She looked real sleepy."

"Where is she?" Spike asked, concerned that Buffy might have dusted her.

"Don't worry." Buffy pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. "Your girlfriend's fine. I just sent her packing, that's all."

"Girlfriend? Buffy there's nothing going on between--" He stopped, an angry look replacing his apologetic and surprised one. "It's none of your bloody business, is it? What right do you have to critique who I choose to spend my time with? You've made it clear that you have no interest in me anymore."

Buffy opened her mouth to respond, but Spike talked over her, pacing around the room as he often did when agitated.

"I'm tired of this Buffy! I'm sick and bloody tired of playing this game. I'm not a fucking yo-yo that you can yank around! What's the deal? You don't want me but no one else can have me either? Did I miss the 'Property of Buffy Summers' tattoo on my ass?!" He made a show of looking behind him at his butt. "Too bad I don't cast a reflection. I can't--"

"Spike, shut up!" Buffy yelled.

He stopped his ranting and pacing. His nostrils flared.

"This is my room. You don't like what I'm saying? Then you can bloody well leave."

"Fine! I will!" Buffy huffed, pushing past him to the door. She looked back at him. "Fuck Harmony's brains out for all care, shouldn't take you that long." Buffy sneered then stormed out.

"Bloody hell!" Spike kicked the wall, his boot went through the cheap plaster past his ankle. "Oh, fucking beautiful..." He tried to extricate his foot from the hole. "Bloody, buggering..." He growled, his foot was stuck good.


Buffy was halfway down the parking lot when she stopped suddenly.

"What am I doing? So, he was with Harmony." She shuddered at the thought. "It's only because he didn't think I'd ever give him a chance. Come on, Buffy," she said to herself. "Tell him. Be an adult for once in your pathetic life. Don't run away again because things get too heavy."

She took a deep breath and turned back.


Spike was still trying to get his foot out of the wall. A string of colorful, British curse words flowed from his mouth.

"Son of a bloody--Argh!" He pulled his foot free; the momentum carried him stumbling backwards into the dresser with a crash.

"OWW FUCK!" Spike yelled, hitting his head against the dresser and falling on his butt.

Buffy burst in the room, ready for action. "Spike! What happened?!"

She looked around for an attacker.

He rubbed his injured head and stood quickly. "Nothing."

"Well, something happened..."

Buffy looked at the hole in the wall, his plaster powder covered boot and figured out roughly what must have happened. She giggled.

Spike was embarrassed yet again. "Nice of you to drop by, but you can sod off now."

Buffy forced the smile away. "Did the wall do something to you?"

"Leave!" Spike turned away from her, wishing he could crawl into the hole he'd made in the wall.

"Is--your head okay?" Buffy walked to him and reached out to touch the back of his head.

He shouldered her arm away. "Fine. Don't concern yourself."

"Too late," Buffy said softly. "Spike...I need to talk to you."

"Yeah, so you keep saying. I'm not in the mood to talk. I came here for some peace and quiet, I've gotten anything but. Please, just leave," Spike said, a pleading tone to his voice.

"I had a bad dream...about you," Buffy said quietly.

Spike looked at her.

"I came here--partly--because I needed to make sure you were okay."

Spike cast his eyes downward. "Well...thanks for your concern...but as you can see, I'm not mortally wounded." He could see that the dream had disturbed her. He smiled weakly. "Just a battle with a killer wall, nothing I can't handle...What happened to me in the dream?"

Buffy's eyes teared up. "You--got killed. I had to see you...my dreams sometimes come true..." She looked away from him.

"It could end up that way," Spike said gently, touched that she obviously cared about what happened to him. He squelched the hope that burst inside of him that she might care deeply for him. It was impossible, especially after what he'd done to her before leaving for Africa. "But--I'll go down fighting."

Buffy's head snapped up. "Don't say that! You'll make it! Do you hear me?!"

Spike swallowed in surprise. "I'm not saying that I'll give up. Not all of us are going to make it, Buffy. I won't--let you be one of the casualties this time...I failed you before--I won't do it again," his voice was thick with emotion.

"You didn't fail me, Spike. That's the way it had to be..."

Spike started pacing again.

"No--no--if I had done what--"

Buffy moved into his path and put her hands on his chest. Spike had to stifle the sigh of pleasure he felt at her hands touching him. Buffy's wide green eyes bored into his. There was something in her eyes, a feeling, an emotion that he couldn't quite pin down.

"Stop blaming yourself for what happened back then. I don't blame you, I never did."

Spike looked down, he couldn't meet her eyes. He didn't want to cry in front of her again. He'd done too much of that lately.

Buffy touched his face gently. "Look at me, Spike."

Reluctantly, he met her gaze.

Buffy gulped. "I--had a kind of epiphany today...about you." Her hand caressed his cheekbone. Spike's eyelids fluttered as he unconsciously leaned into her touch. "I--know now."

"What do you know?" Spike asked softly.

Her heart thundered. "I love you. I think I have for a long time...Do you still--feel the same way about me?"

His eyes showed his surprise. This couldn't possibly be happening. It had to be a trick by the First, it had done similar things to him in the basement. Sometimes it would tell him exactly what he longed to hear then it would laugh it's non-corporeal ass off when he fell for it.

Spike broke away from her, resuming his pacing. Buffy frowned, her chin quivered. That wasn't the reaction she had been shooting for.

"You don't--love me anymore?"

"I don't believe you," Spike said tightly. "This is--a trick or something. Buffy could never love me, I realize that now. I'm beneath her, just like she said..." He looked back at her, tears making his blue eyes brighter and lighter. "You're the First or one of it's minions--you tricked me into believing you were Buffy before, in the basement--telling me that you loved me..." his voice wavered. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" he shouted, the muscles of his face rippling.

There was a pounding on the connecting wall to the next room.

"HEY! Trying to sleep in here!" a male voice declared.

They ignored it.

"Spike, it's really me! It's not a trick, please believe me!" Buffy said, then she remembered a factoid. "I touched you, the First can't touch anything."

Spike thought about that for a moment, then shook his head. "That just means...that you found a way to touch things. The real Buffy is probably home snuggled up in bed right now."

"Spike, think for a minute. Can you hear my heartbeat? Can you--smell me? You know my body better than I do." She blushed slightly. "Can't you tell it's me?"

Spike was even more confused; his brain was giving him conflicting information. She looked, sounded and smelled like Buffy--but Buffy would never love him. He put his hands over his face.

"She could never love me...she said so...I don't deserve her. I'm evil. I'm a thing..."

Buffy went over to him and gently took his hands away from his face.

"No, you're not. I treated you like shit when we were together. I was the 'thing', not you. Remember--I said before I could never trust you enough to love you?" He only stared at her miserably. "Well, I trust you. I trust you more to be there for me than anyone else. I was so wrong to think you weren't capable of love. And I love you. Please, tell me I didn't wait too long, tell me you still love me," she asked, her eyes pleading with him.

Spike got that awed, adoring expression that she'd seen when she first returned from the dead.

"It's--really you? You really mean what you're saying? Please, tell me the truth."

"Yes. I'm really Buffy Summers and yes, I love you, Spike--whatever your last name is...." She smiled slightly.

"Buffy..." Spike whispered, his eyes roaming over her face.

Buffy put her arms around his neck then leaned in and kissed him like she'd wanted to for so long. They sank into the kiss, their bodies craving the renewed contact. His arms wound around her; his hands rubbing her back. He broke away to kiss her delicate neck.

"Spike--there's nothing going on between you and Harmony--is there?" Buffy asked breathlessly.

He pulled back to look into her hooded eyes. "No. I swear it. I was only being kind to her...I treated her so badly in the past..."

His face contorted slightly, remembering his rotten treatment of Harmony. Well he'd gotten a large dose of what loving someone who couldn't stand you was like; talk about poetic justice...

"Good." Buffy smiled, then her eyes became fiery. "You're mine," Buffy said in a growl, putting her arms around his waist and pulling him hard against her.

Spike stared at her, his cock instantly hardening at the possessive tone of her voice. The little growl was a major turn-on too, she'd never done that before. Buffy grabbed his ass and ground against him as she mashed her mouth back against his. She loved how ready he always was for her.

"Want you!" Buffy said.

She needed to reclaim him as well as consummate their love. Spike pulled back, breathing heavily (Buffy thought it was so cute that he hung on to that habit).

"Are you sure, pet? After what--"

Buffy silenced him with her mouth, kissing him feverishly. She guided him back to the bed then pushed him down onto the mattress. Spike looked up at her, propping himself up on his elbows. He swallowed audibly. Buffy kicked off her shoes then stripped off her shirt, tossing it onto his head. Spike quickly removed it and gaped at her.

Her lips curled into a wily smile. She unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down her legs then stepped out of them. She was wearing a pair of pink satin panties and nothing else. Spike couldn't move, he was afraid he'd wake up from this wonderful dream--only to find himself alone and without hope. But his cock was jumping and jiving.

Buffy crawled on the bed, kneeling between his legs. She looked into his eyes as she started undoing his jeans. She undid his zipper slowly.

"You still go commando?" she teased. Spike just kept staring at her. "Whoa, that's a big yes." Buffy giggled when his erect cock popped up.

She pushed his t-shirt up. "Raise your arms," she ordered.

Spike sat up and raised his arms. Buffy took his shirt off and tossed it behind her. Her hands immediately began running over his chest. She loved the way his muscles felt under her palms.

"I missed you..." Buffy said kissing his neck.

Spike's eyes fell closed, he was lost in pleasure. He could be dusted right now and still be happy. It still seemed unbelievable, unreal.

Buffy slid back down his body to stand at the end of the bed. She kneeled down and removed his boots, then dragged his jeans down his legs, lightly scratching his thighs. Once they were off, she got back on the bed between his knees. Her hands ran up from his thighs, hips, and stomach to his chest.

"I forgot how beautiful you were. I never told you how beautiful you always were to me. Even when we were actively were trying to kill each other." Buffy gave him a slanted smile.

She bent down and placed soft, wet kisses all over his chest then down his stomach.

"So beautiful..." Buffy mumbled against his skin. "All mine..."

She looked up at him, getting a little concerned that he was just laying there. It wasn't like him not to participate. She didn't want this to be one-sided; they both should want this just as much as the other. He had a glazed, far away look in his eyes.

"Spike? You want to do this, don't you? Spike?" She touched his face and smiled slightly. "Earth to Spike, come in please."

Spike eyes cleared a little. He grinned sheepishly. "Uh--what did you say?"

"I asked if you wanted to do this, if you aren't in the mood..."

But it was pretty obvious that part of him was all for it; the evidence was currently twitching on his stomach.

"You have no idea--how much...I want you." His eyes blazed. "It just doesn't--seem real...like I'm going to wake up..."

Buffy smiled and leaned down, brushing her tongue over his lips.

"Hmmm, I wonder what I can do to prove it's not a dream..." Buffy trailed her tongue down his throat, giving his Adam's apple a nibble before moving down his chest.

She made circles around his left nipple then wrapped her lips around the hard nub, sucking lightly.

"Ahhh--Oh Buffy!" Spike tilted his head back.

She moved to the other nipple, repeating her actions. She was dying to feel his hands on her body, but it was important that she do this to him, for him; to show that she worshipped his body too. When they'd been together before, it had been all him. She had gone down on him and done other things like that, but her heart had never been in it. Now it was. Her hands caressed his sides then slid down his hips as her mouth continued downwards.

Spike gasped when her lips came in contact with the head of his cock. Without using her hands on it yet, she kissed and licked it as it laid against his chiseled abs. She licked down the underside then back up again; her hands came into play, wrapping her fingers around his shaft as she swept her tongue over the glans.

Spike moaned and thrust forward slightly.

"So good..." Buffy said huskily. "Mmmm--always tasted so good."

She took the head in her mouth, sliding down past the ridge. Buffy sucked and stroked him with her tongue, bobbing her head up and down. Her panties were drenched in anticipation of feeling him inside of her again.

"Ahhh--Bufffffy--Oh God!" Spike panted.

She lifted her mouth off and kissed the head again. "You want to cum in my mouth?"

He nearly came right then, he shivered and closed his eyes.

Buffy smiled and licked at his cock while looking at his face.

"Buffy--" he opened his eyes, "I want to be inside you."

Buffy crawled up his body and straddled his hips, pulling off her dripping panties as she went.

"Ask and ye shall receive," she said silkily.

Spike laid back and watched her hovering above him; so beautiful, so strong and golden. Buffy took his cock in her hand and slipped it between her slick nether lips. She rubbed it up and down her slit, her eyes closed, a moan escaped her mouth.

"Want you so bad, Spike," she breathed and sank down onto him, inch by excruciatingly, wonderful inch.

When he was fully encased in her almost unbearable heat, they sighed. It was a feeling like going home for both of them. Spike finally began touching her; his hands ran up her thighs to her hips.

"Mmmm--Oh Spike--Ahhh!" Buffy moaned, gyrating her hips.

Spike groaned and gripped her hips tighter. Buffy took his wrists and moved his hands to her breasts. He kneaded her soft tits as she began riding him. Her mouth formed an oval of pleasure, she fought to keep her eyes open to watch his face--the muscles there rippled and shifted with each thrust.

They continued a slow and steady pace, looking into each other's eyes, small moans and gasps tumbling from their lips. Something like electricity flowed between them; the current building and building. They both felt, and were strongly affected by it. It was dreamlike, surreal. Something that felt this good couldn't be real.

"Spike, I love you," Buffy whispered. It got easier every time she said it.

"I love you too, Buffy--There's no one else for me--it's always been you. Always..."

Buffy leaned down and kissed him slowly as she moved her hips. They fucked and kissed leisurely. Their bodies wanted to rut like crazed wildebeests, but they had enough control to make this time different than the others had been. Buffy's modus operandi had been: Burst into crypt, find Spike, throw him down and fuck him, then run off, virtue fluttering (as Spike had put it). To further prove her love to him, she wanted to make this one last, to pour all her love into the act. It was lovemaking, not just a screw.

Spike's hands went around to her ass, rubbing and massaging her cheeks. Time flew by until 20 minutes had passed, and still they moved against each other like waves in the ocean; unhurriedly, rhythmically. Neither one knew how they were able to hold back; it had been so very long since they'd been together.

Buffy was nearing her limit of control, she needed to cum and make him cum badly. She knew something Spike would really like and decided to try it.

"Ohhh--Spike--Mmmm, baby, your cock feels so good inside of me!" She raised up and arched her back as she ground onto him. "Do you like my--hot pussy, baby? Does it feel good?" She flexed some of those fabled Slayer muscles around his shaft.

Spike arched his back and inhaled sharply. His hands gripped her thighs, his Adam's apple bobbed convulsively. Buffy smiled and bent back down to lick and suck at his ivory throat.

"Uhhhh--Buffy--God--You drive me crazy!" Spike groaned.

"You didn't answer me," she smiled wickedly, flexing her inner-muscles again, "do you like my hot pussy?"

"YES!" Spike shouted, bucking his hips. "God, yes!"

"Say it!" Buffy growled, squeezing him.

"I LOVE YOUR HOT PUSSY! I--LOVVVVEEIT!" he yelled with abandon, his face slipping between vamp and human form.

"Your cock's so big and hard--you're always so hard for me--Mmmm--so g-goood!" Buffy panted, rising and falling more rapidly. She was getting off talking to him like this too. "I want to feel you cum in my pussy! I want to FEEL IT!"

Spike's hips slammed up repeatedly into her, his control gone; Buffy whimpered and cried out in pleasure as their flesh smacked together.

"Cum for me, pet! Unnnhhh! CUMMM!" Spike brushed a thumb over her clit.

That was all it took for her to violently climax, a veritable flood of moisture poured from her down his cock.

"SSSPPIKE!" Buffy threw her head back, her back arched, only his hands on her hips kept her from tumbling backwards.

"YESOHYESSS! LOVE YOU!" she screamed; her body shook.

At the first squeeze of her powerful muscles and the heated 'love you', Spike erupted inside her like a volcano.

"GAH! UUUNGNG! BUFFFY!" he yelled, cords stood out in his neck.

His eyes rolled back in his head; his hips bucked of their own accord. Buffy's hands covered his; she lifted them and entwined their fingers.

She looked down into his blissful face as they rode out their intoxicating orgasms. His vampire visage shifted back to human. They gazed with half-lidded eyes at the other, panting and crying out loudly in ecstasy. The bond that had always been between them, there even when they proclaimed to hate one another, became stronger. It occurred to them at the same instant that this was the way it was always meant to be, they felt it. Not just fucking, but sharing every part of themselves; heart, body and soul. They were meant to be.

Buffy felt unstoppable, unbeatable. Nothing would stop her from making a life with her soul mate. Buffy laid down on top of him, still trembling and trying to catch her breath. She rubbed her cheek lightly against his solid chest. Spike's hands stroked her back lovingly, tracing lazy circles on her flesh. They didn't need to say anything, no words were necessary.

Buffy sighed and smiled widely when she heard the rumbling purr of satisfaction and happiness coming from him. She raised her head to look at him again, he was smiling sleepily back at her. Buffy kissed him gently then laid her head back on his chest.

From the next motel room, they heard a male voice say, "Wow," in an awestruck tone.

They chuckled and cuddled against each other. They held each other, his cock still buried deep inside her, until they both fell into a contented sleep.


 

Chapter 4


Buffy and Spike went back to the house together the next day, having made their way through the sewers, and announced their relationship to everyone.

Buffy made it clear that this was what she wanted, her mind was made up. She also strongly hinted that the SITs that camped out in her bedroom find another place to sleep, pronto.

The others were surprised to varying degrees, but didn't have the energy to argue with Buffy about it. Even Xander just nodded and sighed; he knew that it was inevitable.


A few days passed.

Buffy and Spike found waking up in each other's arms especially gratifying. The only problem was that they couldn't make wild, passionate love with everyone in the house. It was exceedingly difficult to control the yelling and shouting when their passion consumed them. They hated having to hold anything back. But they kept practicing being quiet anyway; most of the time they had to scream into a pillow or the other's hand.

To boost the troop's morale, Andrew suggested having a cookout; with hotdogs, hamburgers and all the fixin's. It wasn't a bad idea, so Buffy gave the go ahead.

It was a bright sunny day, birds were chirping, the sky was clear. Ideal conditions for some outdoor fun. They'd even set up a volleyball net in the backyard.

Some of the SITs, Xander and Andrew were in the middle of a spirited game. Xander was taking a break from his role as chef this afternoon.

Buffy and Willow were sipping iced teas and standing by, watching them. The ball was hit to Andrew, instead of hitting it back, he cowered away from it. It hit him in the back. His team groused and complained.

"Come on, Andrew!" Xander said. "What's the matter with you? You're supposed to hit the ball, not the other way around!"

"Sorry," Andrew said guiltily. "I had a dodge ball flashback...I'll do better," he promised.

Xander patted him on the back with a look of understanding. Xander too had been a favorite target in gym class.

Buffy and Willow giggled.

"Everyone's having a great time, Buffy. Andrew actually had a good idea for once," Willow said.

"Yeah, it is fun. I'm glad everyone--" Buffy's eyes were drawn to the kitchen window.

She could see Spike peeking through the drapes, watching the volleyball game. Her heart broke at the sadness in his handsome face. He wanted to belong.

Willow looked too. "He can come out in the evening. We'll still be doin' stuff then..."

Spike disappeared from the window, the only evidence that he'd been there was the gentle swaying of the curtains.

Buffy shook herself slightly. "He'd never admit it in a million-billion years, but he always wanted us to-- accept him, treat him like one of us."

"He had a funny way of showing it..." Willow smiled a little. "What with the insults, attempts at biting and such."

"Yeah, I know. But every time he reached out, we slapped his hand away...especially me. His defense mechanism was to strike back, hurt us before we could hurt him. I think I understand him now...as well as I can anyway."

"So--how is it? I mean the relationship working out so far?"

Buffy grinned. "Good. Very good. It's like that line from 'Jerry Maguire'."

"Show me the money?" Willow asked, knitting her red brows.

"No!" Buffy laughed. "The other line. He--completes me."

Willow groaned but smiled.

"Shut up!" Buffy mock-pouted. "It's true."

Willow nudged her. "I understand. It really is corny though..." She giggled.

"Well, corn me up then." They laughed. "It's great, Wills...I never felt this way before."

Willow wasn't sure about the whole thing. But the way Buffy's eyes sparkled and the way her face lit up...that was good enough for her.

"I'm happy for you. Really." Willow put her hand on Buffy's arm.

Buffy's eyes kept darting to the window, looking to see if he was looking out again.

Willow sighed. "Go on. You know you want to." A coy smile twitched the corners of her mouth up.

"I'll just--check on him..." Buffy said. "See if he wants a raw hamburger or something."


 

Spike got tired of looking out on them having fun in the sun.

He was bitter that he'd never know that world again. He could never join Buffy in the light. The thought depressed and upset him. What kind of life could she have with him? With a lover that couldn't stroll in the park with her at noon, couldn't run outside to help her with groceries, pick Dawn up from school, or give her a child, should she want one in the future...

He understood now why Angel had left. Spike felt a grudging kind of respect for the poof. His grand-sire had pushed aside his own selfish needs to give her a chance for a halfway normal life. But Angel's problem was that he hadn't given her a choice in the matter, he treated her like a foolish child, not having the sense to decide her own fate. Buffy was headstrong and steadfast, she was anything but foolish.

With a sigh, Spike went upstairs to take a shower--no tossing off this time though, and he'd lock the bloody door too.

Spike stripped down and turned the water on. He thought more about Buffy. He'd ask her again if she wanted him to stay after this was all over (if he survived, that is). He had a feeling she'd want him to stay. The love he saw in her eyes and felt in her soft touches, made his unneeded breath catch in his throat. He felt like a huge poof for it, but whenever she said, 'I love you', he teared up. It was a dream come true. She really felt it this time; no spell, no tricks. It was real.

Spike tried to hope for the best as he stepped in the shower. He tilted his face up into the spray, letting the water cascade over him. He grabbed the body wash and started lathering up. It was a bit girly-smelling, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

He thought back to when he and Buffy made love this morning and smiled. They were as quiet as mice; all breathy sighs and low moans. That was good too, but he loved it when they could shout and scream in ecstasy even more.

Just like when that poncey bugger Sweet had cast the musical spell over them, a song rose up from his throat. He sang in a deep, lilting, ear-pleasing voice:

"There were bells on a hill But I never heard them ringing No I never heard them at all Till there was you"

Buffy walked quietly into the bathroom. She put her hand over her mouth to keep from giggling; Spike singing in the shower was too cute, and such a sweet song too. She turned the lock softly.

"There were birds in the sky But I never sarr them winging No I never sarr them at all Till there was you "

"Then there was music and wonderful roses They tell me in sweet fragrant meadows of dawn, and you"

Buffy took her clothes off and crept over to the shower, peeking through at him. She licked her lips at the sight of his wet, soapy skin shining and glistening. He had such a great ass; so high and rounded, so good for holding onto. He looked all nice and slippery--she wanted to slide her naked body all over him. She was getting quite slippery too.

"There was love all around But I never heard it singing No I never heard it at all Till there was you"

Buffy watched him for a few moments; loving his body and his song. A delighted smile stretched across her face. This was the lighter side of Spike that not many others got to see.

"Then there was music and wonderful roses They tell me in sweet fragrant meadows of dawn, and you"

"There was love all around But I never heard it singing No I never heard it at all Till there was you Till there was you!"

Spike finished the song with a flourish.

Buffy pulled back the curtain. Spike yelped and jumped, almost falling like he had the last time.

"Hey, big boy, is there room for one more?" She grinned.

"Bloody hell, Buffy! What are you--" He wiped the soap from his eyes and took in her nakedness; there was that devilish little glint in her eye that spelled big F-U-N.

Suddenly, he wasn't upset anymore. He curled his tongue up behind his teeth.

"I think I can accommodate you, Slayer," he said in a deep, rumbling voice.

Buffy climbed in and plastered herself against his tight, wet body. Their lips latched onto the other's, kissing feverishly. Buffy broke for air after a minute.

"I liked your song!" she breathed, a small smile tugging at her lips. "About anyone I know?"

"Mmmm--Yeah, I do believe you know her...cute blonde, about yay high." Spike's hand raised in the air to Buffy's height while he sucked on her neck.

"I want you, right here, right now!" Buffy exclaimed, slinging her left leg over his hip.

Spike growled and hoisted her up, she wrapped her legs around his waist. He pressed her back against the tiles and ground his hard dick against her mound. Buffy reached down and guided him into her pussy.

"Hard and fast, baby!" Buffy said, gritting her teeth.

She didn't know how much time they'd have alone, time was of the essence. He growled again and began pounding into her, squeezing her ass almost painfully. They moaned and panted.


 

"Pinch your nostrils," Vi said helpfully.

"Ouch...it really hurts," Andrew whined as they walked quickly up the stairs.

Andrew had gone after the volleyball instead of instinctually cowering and got hit in the face for his bravery. He had a nosebleed. Two pieces of tissue were shoved up his nostrils, puffing out his nose.

"We'll get you fixed up," Vi said patting him on the back.

"I hope so. Because I'm--"

They walked in the bathroom.

They should have recognized the sounds of running water, not to mention the moaning, but they didn't until it was too late. They should have turned on their heels and fled the room, but they didn't.

Andrew felt dizzy with sudden and painful arousal--he was witnessing two actual people, actually doing it. Right in front of him! It was even hotter than when he'd seen Anya and Spike doing it from the video feed at the Magic Box.

The shower curtain had been left partially open, giving them a perfect view of the occupants. Buffy and Spike were going at it like there was no tomorrow (which could be true for all they knew). He was thrusting into her powerfully; her legs wrapped around his waist; her eyes closed and her mouth hanging open in pleasure. Water from the showerhead poured down on their straining bodies.

"Oh yeah--Oh Spike--Oh fuck me--So GOOD!" Buffy panted. "Love your cock! So big--Uhhhh!--You fill me up, baby!"

"Buffy! Ahhhh! You're so bloody tight and hot--OHHH GOD!" Spike started thrusting harder and faster.

"YES--AHHH! OH YES!" Buffy started cumming, she clutched at his shoulders as her face contorted.

Vi and Andrew watched transfixed as Spike's body went rigid, his muscles flexing spasmodically; his ass clenched, he thrust deeply up into her.

"AHHH--Ahhh--FUCK! Ahhh--Buffy!"

Buffy shook and humped against him as he spurted into her. He pumped his hips wildly, moaning and sucking on her neck. Buffy's eyes fluttered open, then went wide when she saw their audience.

She gasped.

"Oh pet--Oh God--So fucking beautiful--Agghhaa - " Spike reached down and rubbed her nub hard, still spewing his cream into her pussy.

"Spike!" Buffy shouted, her body was so sensitized that another orgasm crashed over her, despite her panic at Vi and Andrew's presence.

The sensations overwhelmed her, making her think of nothing else but riding out the exquisite orgasm to completion. Her eyes rolled back, her body convulsed--without thinking she bit down on his shoulder to stifle the scream of delight.

Spike gasped and tensed again, another series of jets flooded her pussy. His legs trembled, threatening to give way.

His extended orgasm, in turn, stimulated yet another one in her. Buffy forgot they were being watched, she practically forgot her own name. She ground down against him, tears of pleasure leaked from her eyes, she gasped and whimpered. Her unfocused eyes again rested on the pair of onlookers.

"People--" Buffy panted, "--watching," was all so could manage, she felt like she was going to pass out.

Her glazed heavy-lidded eyes gazed at the voyeurs over Spike's shoulder.

"Hmmm, pet?" Spike sighed blissfully.

He turned his head slightly and did a double-take. His previously hooded eyes widened comically.

"BLOODY HELL!" He reached behind him and pulled the curtain closed. "GET OUT!" Spike roared.

Vi jumped and squeaked in surprise and fear. She snapped out of her trance, grabbed Andrew's arm and dragged him out of the bathroom. She pulled the door closed.

They were panting for breath. It had been extremely arousing, watching Spike and Buffy get it on. They could hear Spike yelling from within; a string of curse words that made their hair curl, and something about the 'bloody lock'.

Little did Buffy or Spike know, but the lock on the bathroom door had been broken--by Andrew--the night Buffy spent with Spike at the motel. A SIT had been using the shower, pleasuring herself with the pulsing massage head. Andrew had been waiting, shifting from foot to foot, to use the bathroom when he heard her cry out in what he thought was pain.

Valiantly, he had taken a running start and burst into the bathroom. It had been an embarrassing situation for all involved. Xander hadn't gotten around to fixing the lock yet...

"Oh boy, Spike sounds really mad..." Andrew said nervously. "That's not gonna be good..."

Vi gulped and looked at Andrew, her eyes a little glassy.

"Ummm--Andrew?" She took off her kicky beret and smoothed down her hair.

"Huh?"

"You--ummm--want to--you know..." Vi had never been so turned on.

She was a virgin and didn't want to die that way. Seeing the two hot blondes fucking had ramped up her libido considerably. Andrew wouldn't have been her first choice, but he was kinda cute...

"Want to what?"

"You know--go somewhere?"

"Where?" Andrew asked, clueless.

"Somewhere--private..."

"For what? To hide from Spike and Buffy? Yeah, that's a good idea!" He nodded emphatically.

Vi groaned and rolled her eyes. Time to be blunt.

"Do you want to have sex?" she asked, a hand on her hip.

Andrew's eyes widened. "I don't want to have sex with Spike!" he panicked. "What gave you a crazy idea like that? That's crazy talk! Crazy, I tell you!"

Vi looked at him in shock. "I didn't say anything about Sp-"

Andrew yanked the wads of tissue out of his nose. "Nosebleed's all better! I'm hungry--I'm going to go back outside and have Xander make me a foot long." He started hurriedly down the steps then turned back around, looking even more panic stricken at his poor choice of words. "I mean a hamburger! No-- foot longs!"

He ran down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Vi stood there motionless, still horny--but very confused.