Sooner die in your arms...
By: Quills
Takes place during Doublemeat Palace:
The scene in the ally
William/Spike’s POV

She sees me looking at her. But she shuts me out before I get to close to her depths. She searches my eyes, she doesn’t really look for anything unparticular, but she wants to make me think it’s more than just physical. She just wants to make me think that she’s looking for me, William, instead of just leering Spike who will throw his body unto hers time and time again just feeling the pleasure and not that pain that we both block out.

Were in the ally now. Why won’t she look at me? Does she despise me that much? She won’t even bring her lips near mine whether they intend to speak or kiss. She barely even cares that it’s me there. Looking at her. Loving her.

To her this is a fuck. A simple fuck that makes her feel for those brief moments. Even if it’s hate, or passion, or even caring that she feels while I’m inside her, that’s all it is. It’s not love she feels. It’s not a connection. It’s not even out of the ordinary.

Sometimes I think I’m so lucky I was the one she ran into when she "needed to feel". I probably wouldn’t give these moments up for the world. But I know it’s wrong. But that’s just pushed it to the back of my mind. When she’s near me I can’t stop. I can’t say this is bad for her she needs real love not some pathetic vampire who wants the fuck as bad as her. Do you think I can just walk away and do what’s best? No. I’ll give her anything she asks.

I really want to kiss her. But every time I try she turns her head away. My lips on hers would be some kind of conformation that this is Buffy and not some empty shell that will want to cry when she remembers these moments. I guess that’s why I can’t kiss her.

As she comes she whispers ‘Spike’. Tears almost reach the surface. At these moments, these precious moments when I’m so close to being human again heart almost beats, she reminds me of the monster that I really am.

She’s finished with me now. Her break is over and now she has to go back. Our eyes connect. She’s made a mistake and looks to deep she sees that our roles are reversed, the myths of soul possession are forgotten and we both lurk in the dark for a bit longer.

She’s gone. She’s using me. And it’s killing her. We’ll both be dead, in each other’s arms, before either of us can stop the other.

End

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