Chapter 21:

It had been two days since Buffy's breakthrough, and though her mood was elevating slowly but steadily, something was gnawing at her. She still hadn't been patrolling yet, but that wasn't the problem. She had explained to Giles her apprehensions, and he understood fully with fatherly support, as only Giles could. He assured her he would take care of everything. And he had, asking Spike to patrol in Buffy's stead for a while. Spike had agreed readily, as Giles knew he would. What Giles didn't notice was Spike's slight disappointment that Buffy hadn't asked him personally.

Willow was the first to notice Buffy's distraction one night at dinner. "Hey, what's up Buffy? You look a million miles away."

"I don't know. It's weird. You know, like when something's bothering you, but you can't figure it out?"

Xander pointed at Buffy. "Oh! I know this one. Hormones!" All the women looked at him blankly. "Um, I mean, well, sometimes Anya gets grumpy for no reason, and she says there's nothing wrong. And it's usually that time of the......I'm gonna stop talking now." Xander focused intently on his food.

Anya pulled a baritone voice. "Oh, Xander, you should not say such personal things at gatherings of our friends. It is inappropriate and embarrassing." Anya then smiled big and patted Xander on the head.

"It's not hormones, Xander. I don't know *what* it is, but I'm pretty sure it's not that." Buffy sighed.

"Well, maybe you miss slaying? I mean, you are still the Slayer. Maybe you have some subconscious drive to kill beasties?" Tara offered.

Buffy smiled weakly. "Nah, I don't think that's it. I mean, I really don't miss it right now. By the way, how is patrolling going for you guys?"

The rest of the group looked around at each other questioningly. "Um, I know *I* haven't been patrolling. You guys?" Xander asked the ladies. Head shakes all around.

"Well, then.....I mean, Giles said he'd take care of it. I just assumed he'd ask you guys to do some patrolling. You don't think *he's* doing it, do you? And I know it's not the robot, which, by the way, please take that thing out of my house. So freaky."

"We'll take care of it, Buff." Xander volunteered. The girls gave him skeptical looks.

"*We* will store it away, Buffy." Willow shot Xander a look.

"What? Oh, come on, it's not like I'd use it like Spike did. It's a robot. A very well made, sturdy robot.....but still, I couldn't." Xander leaned over and whispered in Anya's ear. "Could I?" An elbow to the ribs was his response.

"Spike! Oh, duh! Of course, Giles must have asked Spike to patrol. God, it's so weird. I haven't seen him since that day," Buffy realized.

"It's only been a couple of days," Anya said.

"I know, but I saw him almost every day after I got back. Just weird, I guess. He hasn't come to see how I was doing or anything."

Tara put her hand on Buffy's arm. "I'm sure he's just giving you time to readjust to stuff. We all needed some Scooby time together anyway."

"He really isn't part of the group, is he?" Buffy frowned.

Tara's face turned red. "Oh, I didn't mean that. I mean, he is part of the group. He helped a lot this summer. I just meant......well......"

Willow tried to intervene. "Um, I think what Tara meant was that, well, while Spike is definitely a team member here, he just uh......Well, he's relatively new to the group, and frankly you didn't even like him for the most part of recent memory......and well, he's Spike. He's never really wanted to be part of the gang, as far as I could tell. All summer it was, 'you bleedin' Scoobies' and 'you're as useless as a buncha Scrappy Doos.' That one kinda stung....."

Buffy laughed. "No, I know. You're right. He's not a Scooby, I know. But I really should go thank him. But not until I get a couple of those brownies I smell baking!"

---

"Spike? You here?" Buffy entered the crypt quietly.

"Down here, up in a second." She heard him call from below. A moment later, he jumped up through the opening, startling her. "What're you doing here?"

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Well, pardon me! Didn't know I was intru---" Buffy stopped when she noticed Spike was shirtless and he had several fresh scratches on his chest. His hair also looked rather messy. "What were you doing?" Buffy asked before she even realized it was none of her business.

Spike looked nervous. "Uh, just sleeping. I mean, it's time for me to get up and go patrolling anyway, so it's ok."

"Really? Just sleeping?" Buffy looked at him skeptically.

"*Yes*, just sleeping." Just then, they heard a small clattering from down below. Spike clenched his jaw and shot his eyes to the ceiling. "Oh, balls," he muttered.

Buffy's eyebrows shot up. "Just sleeping with who?" Buffy tried to step around Spike, who kept himself in her way.

"Not sleeping with anyone, just sleeping. And besides, it's none of your concern anyway. You jealous or something?"

Buffy smirked. "You wish. And according to you, there's nothing to be jealous about." She pushed past him. He didn't try to stop her.

As she climbed down the ladder, Spike said, "It's not what you think. I mean, I just.....really, you don't need to go down there." He jumped down after her.

"Alright, where is she? Where's your love monkey?" Buffy teased, trying to hold back the raging jealousy that she was, indeed, feeling. 'He's supposed to love me, to want me. Not some two bit vampire trollop.....'

"I don't have a love monkey, for crying out loud. It's.....nothing."

Just then, Buffy heard a tiny little mewl coming from Spike's bed. She cocked an eyebrow at him and walked over. She noticed a candle and holder on the floor, apparently the clattering that had alerted her in the first place. When she got to the bed, she looked confused. Then a lump under the sheet started moving. Buffy jumped back, startled. Then, curious, she slowly lifted the sheet to reveal a tiny golden kitten.

"Awww, a kitty." Buffy looked at Spike confused. "You have a kitty?"

Spike looked a bit embarrassed but covered quickly. "Pfft, no, not mine. She just.....followed me home. Been tryin' to get rid of her....." Just then, the kitten jumped up into Spike's arms and started purring immediately, nuzzling his chest. Spike sighed, "Bugger."

 

Chapter 22:
Buffy giggled. "What's her name?"

Spike blustered. "I don't know. How should I know? She's not mine.....don't know what to do with her."

Buffy started petting the kitten gently. "Well, don't gamble with her! Ok, you don't know her name.....what do you call her?" Buffy smiled coyly.

"Summer," Spike mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

"Summer? Like, season summer or like Buffy Summer.....s....."

Spike sighed again and sat on his bed. "Oh, bollocks. Alright, I was playin' poker last night. Won, of course. Went to turn in my winnings for cash with this shark I know."

"Loan shark?" Buffy asked

Spike frowned. "Something like that. Anyway, handed 'em all over, but this one kept.....lookin' at me with it's green eyes. And with the blond fur and whatall......dunno, kinda reminded me of you.....couldn't very well let it go off to be some demon's midnight snack, could I? So I kept it.....don't have a bleedin' clue what to do with it, though. Never had a pet." Spike shrugged.

"Wait a minute. You gamble with kittens? How...where...what kind of insane- o poker games do you play?" Buffy looked at him incredulously.

"Trust me, pet. You don't wanna know."

Buffy reached out and traced the scratches on his chest. "Looks like she wasn't all that thrilled to be with you."

Spike looked down, more at her hands touching him than the marks. "Yeah well, like I said, I was trying to sleep. And she wanted to play. So I tossed her off the bed. She came back and let me know she didn't care for that. She's a bit nasty that way. Another way she reminds me of you," he said with a chuckle.

"Spike! You don't throw kitties!" Buffy smacked him lightly on the chest, ignoring his last remark. She deserved it, after all.

"What? I was tryin' to sleep!"

"Good grief. You need some parenting classes or something!"

"Yeah well, she seems to like it here. Well enough, at any rate. Just can't get her to settle down while I'm sleepin'. Can't figure it, cats are creatures of the night too. I guess, like you, she makes her own rules. I mean, a Slayer who doesn't slay....."

Buffy sat on the bed next to him. "I actually came by to thank you for patrolling for me. Giles didn't tell me he asked you, but I kinda figured it out."

"No problem, luv. You know I'm always up for a scrap. And it's not like I haven't been doing it long enough anyway."

"I know." Buffy looked away from him, seeming a bit distracted.

"What's on your mind, pet?"

Buffy shrugged. "It's silly....."

Spike held up the still-purring kitten. "Silly as a vampire having a cat?"

Buffy smiled. "It's really just.....ok, this is going to sound dumb, but.....how come you haven't come by? I mean, I thought we were.....all ok and everything. After that whole.....mess."

Spike cocked his head and looked at her quizzically. "We *are* ok, pet. What makes you think we're not? I mean, I didn't come by because well.....I knew you were alright, with your friends and whatnot. And I kinda figured if you wanted to see me, you'd come find me. Wasn't sure I was welcome anyway." Spike looked a bit sheepish.

"What? Why would you not be welcome? You've always been welcome at my house! Ok, not always, but you have been for a long time anyway."

Spike put the now sleeping kitten down on the bed gently. He got up and ran his hands through his hair. He sighed and started pacing. "Look, I kind of figured, once you were getting back to normal, that that was it for you and me. Being friendly, at any rate. Things would go back to how they were before. You have the Scoobies for everything now, and I'm here whenever you need a favor or something. Like the old days. And then when Giles came by to ask me to patrol for you, I figured 'Gee, I don't even warrant the Slayer herself asking me anymore.' So I just thought I'd stay away, try and get used to how things used to be. Didn't think you needed or wanted me around any more. At least not for anything more than patrolling while you're getting up to speed again. And if that's how things are, that's fine. I just need to know that, ok? I think I deserve at least that." Spike was by now looking Buffy with his hands on his hips.

"Calm down already. You know, I kind of figured that you knew me a little by now. You actually think I could go back to the way things were? After everything that happened between us? That I could go back to using you? Spike, I don't know what you think is between us, but I'll tell you what I think." Buffy moved to where he was standing, his defensiveness fading. She reached up and caressed his face gently. "I think that you and I have a wonderful opportunity here. We have the chance to be friends. Good friends. Spike, I can't explain to you how important you have been to me since I got back. You were literally my life line. The only decent thing in my life. You made me happy. Happier than I would have been without you, at any rate."

"Not happy enough to want to stay, though," Spike whispered.

"The way I was.....the void I felt most of the time.....nothing could have made me happy enough to want to live with that. I couldn't exactly be around you 24-7, and in the long run that wouldn't have helped anyway. I had a serious.....malfunction. Something essential within me was missing or blocked, or whatever. Something even you couldn't help with. No one could. I really believe my friends finding out about what I went through.....I think that was the turning point. And I wouldn't have made it there without you. Spike, I probably would have slit my wrists the first night back if you hadn't been there with me. Or one of the subsequent nights. But you were always there when I needed you. And the little happiness I had, was you. I can't thank you enough for that."

Spike wrapped his arms around her. "Pet, you don't ever have to thank me. I was just doing what felt right. Trying to make you happy, because I saw that you were so miserable."

Buffy laid her head on his chest, her hands clutching tightly to his back. "The way you made me feel.....alive.....I can't explain it. I felt so dead then. So lost. But being with you....." Buffy looked up at him, looked into his soft, warm eyes. "Spike, I never felt so alive, so loved as when......when you kissed me and looked at me like I was the only thing in the universe that mattered.....when you were going to make love to me. And I almost just gave up the idea of having you bite me. Because I thought if just having you look at me and kiss me made me feel so whole and real.....making love might truly bring me back to life. But I knew.....I knew that no matter what I was feeling right then, it wouldn't last. It would only make the other times in my life feel that much more horrible. And I couldn't imagine that it could get any worse than it had been." Buffy buried her head in his chest again. "And now I wonder.....now that I feel happy again, what would it feel like.....to be with you.....because I still see it in your eyes. You love me. And I can feel it. It's so nice to be able to feel someone else's love for me. I could feel yours before, but now.....it's just so much more."

Spike took a deep breath. "What are you saying, luv?" He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer, in case he had totally taken everything very wrong.

Buffy pulled back from him, seemingly remembering herself. She shook her head. "I don't know. I don't know what I mean. I'm just rambling, I think. It's late. You were going out to patrol. I should leave you to it." She began to leave quickly. Spike grabbed her arm.

"Now hold on just a minute-" He could see the confusion and anguish in her eyes. He decided not to make it worse. He sighed. "Be careful, pet. You ok to walk alone? You want me to go with?"

Buffy shook her head, a look of relief washing over her face. "No, I'll be fine. But thanks.....for everything." 'And thank you for not pushing me on something that I had no idea was an issue until I was with you again, seeing what you feel in your eyes. Feeling the warmth inside that I didn't notice I only felt when you were around.....'

Spike nodded as she left. As he listened for the crypt door closing, he felt a very urgent need to kill something in a very brutal fashion. Frustration and Buffy seemed to go hand in hand, and was usually a very good catalyst for violence. The kitten stretched out on his bed did nothing to soothe his mood, but he did spare her a scratch behind the ears before he grabbed for his battle ax. Tonight was going to be bloody.

**

Chapter 23:
After a sufficient amount of killing(or after he had killed every demon in sight) Spike was no less frustrated. 'She thinks she can just do that! Just say those things then leave like nothing happened. God, she's infuriating.' Spike knew he would not be able to think, eat, or rest until he had this out with Buffy. Going against the little voice in his head that told him his actions would only hurt her, cause more trouble, and generally be negative, he stomped off with his head full of steam for Buffy's house.

Once in her yard, he threw his battle ax hard into the ground. He deftly climbed his favorite tree and quietly jumped to the eave below her window. She saw him immediately, as she hadn't managed to fall asleep in the 3 hours that she had been lying in bed. She got up immediately and threw open the window.

"What are you doing here? Is something wrong?" She said in a hushed voice, not wanting to wake Giles in the next room.

Spike climbed in uninvited and started pacing. Buffy could tell this wouldn't be good. She raised a finger to her lips. He took the cue and started in an aggressive, but quiet tone, "Look, I know you've been through a lot and I should cut you some slack. But you can't just come to my home and tell me all those things and then expect me not to react. I mean, patience and a level head are not exactly in my repertoire. So.....so what do you want me to do now? How am I supposed to.....to deal with what you said? Do you have any idea what that did to me? You must! You know that I love you.....I just.....I just want to know what's going on, is all. Can you tell me that much?"

Buffy sighed. She knew she owed him the truth. As soon as she figured it out for herself, he'd be the second to know. She sat on her bed, nodding for him to join her. Her gesture calmed him a bit. He took a deep breath and sat next to her on the bed. She started, not looking at him, "I know this isn't fair to you. I know you deserve to know everything that's going on with me.....in regards to you. But the plain and simple truth is: I don't know. For all I knew when I left the house tonight to see you, we were just friends. I was going to thank my friend for patrolling for me and find out why he never came and visited me. I was kinda thinking you could come through the door, though." Spike wasn't amused. "Right.....anyway.....when I saw you.....it wasn't just 'my friend Spike'. It was.....Spike." He turned to look at her when he heard her voice soften at his name. She was looking straight ahead, knowing she wouldn't be able to compose any thoughts if she had to look into his eyes. "And, not 'Spike' as in 'that cocky, pain in the ass that stalks me' but 'Spike' as in.....I don't know......Spike." There again, the soft whispery voice saying his name. She sighed again. "I don't know. I really don't. All I do know is how I feel when I'm around you.....it's good. I feel good and loved and a little scared, because I don't know what it all means. I know you're my friend, but not like Xander is my friend. Because I don't feel this.....warm inside when he's around. He doesn't make my heart tighten and my skin dance when I hug him. And I've never kissed him, but I'm pretty sure that if I did, my body wouldn't feel alive with energy and.....other things.....But I know it's all wrong because you're Spike and I'm Buffy. Vampire and Slayer, two very un-mixy things. And then I wonder how it can be so wrong when it......"

Spike chuckled, "Feels so right? A bit cliche, but I know what you mean, I think." Spike turned so he was facing her fully. She still refused to look at him. "So, where does this put us?"

Buffy shrugged. "That's just the thing, I don't know. I *do* know that I want us to be friends. And I don't think we can be friends if I keep feeling this way when you're around."

Spike smiled, then brushed a few strands of hair over her shoulder, baring her neck. "So what do you suggest?" His voice was low and smooth.

"Stop it! Don't do that!" Buffy brushed his hand away from her and jumped from the bed.

"Don't do what, pet?" Spike looked the picture of innocence sitting on her bed.

"You know what. I can't...*we* can't be like this. Friends, Spike. I want to be friends with you. I can't help it that other parts of me want more. I'm going to use my head for once."

Spike sighed and laid back on her bed. "Slayer, you *always* use your head. That's your bleedin' problem. For once, maybe you should follow the other parts of you."

Buffy had to banish the voice in her head that was telling her how good he looked stretched out on her bed. And how much better he would look with a bit less clothes. "No, no, this is not happening. We're going to be friends, and I'm going to ignore whatever else is going on. I'm sorry, I know you want more, Spike. But I don't. This...can't happen."

Spike had grabbed her and pulled her down on top of him before she could even register his movements. "You *do* want more, Slayer. You know it. You want it with your whole body. Nothing wrong with that. I love you, pet. I want you, you want me. I fail to see the problem." Spike raised his head and started kissing her neck.

It took a moment for Buffy to regain the power of speech. "I, uh...can't...Stop, Spike."

Spike smiled as he lavished her neck, "I can't stop either, pet."

Buffy shook her head, "No, I mean, stop. You have to...stop."

Spike spun her fast so that he was on top of her. "Buffy, how miserable have you been lately? You told me yourself you wondered what it would feel like to be with me now. Do you think it would feel good?"

Buffy nodded.

"Would it make you happy, to be with me? For me to make love to you?"

Buffy swallowed hard and nodded again. Spike smiled, but not a cocky smile. He beamed with all the love he had for her.

"I want to make you happy, pet. I want to make you feel good." Spike started kissing her neck again, caressing her shoulder with the hand not holding himself up.

Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head again. Spike pulled back. "Spike, it would just be me using you again. No different than last year. No different than a few days ago. I don't...it's not love. It's comfort."

Spike nodded. "So it is. It's two people making each other feel good. What's wrong with that? I'm not asking you to love me, pet. I wouldn't ever presume that. Not saying I don't want it or wouldn't like it, but I don't imagine you would love me. And if I'm offering, it's not using. I'm not asking for love or marriage or any of that rot. Just for the chance to make you happy, in a non-biting way this time."

"But, it's not sex that I want. Or, I mean...maybe not *just* sex. I feel good when I'm with you. I like talking to you. It feels like you 'get' me most of the time. I want to be friends, Spike. I don't want our relationship to devolve into lustiness."

"I wasn't suggesting we just shag and that's it. Not what I want either, pet. Look, bottom line is, making you happy makes me happy. So whatever it is you want or need from me, I'm more than willing to give. And if that ends up just being friends, with no 'lustiness' involved, I'm ok with that. Well, I'll learn to deal, at any rate."

Buffy pushed Spike off gently and sat up. Spike sighed and sat up also. "I want to get to know you better. I want to become friends before anything else happens. *If* anything else happens. And well..." Buffy leaned over and gave Spike a tentative kiss. Then a more confident one. At first he was a bit taken aback, but quickly went with the flow. She ran her hands over his chest, while his found their way to her hair, holding her face to his. After a few moments, when she was in need of air, she pushed him away. She almost laughed at the way his eyes twinkled and glazed at the same time. "Ok, so definite lustiness present. Just had to check and be sure, ya know..."

Spike stared at her, reluctantly releasing his hands from her hair. "Uh huh. You wanna check some more? In case we missed something?"

Buffy laughed. She stood up and walked over to her closet. "No, I think that was pretty definitive. And I think further checking would only lead to Giles waking up." She returned to him with his duster. "Here. I meant to give it to you earlier, but I forgot. Your journal's in the pocket."

Spike took it from her. He stood up and slipped it on. He pulled up the front and sniffed it. He smiled, it smelled of her. He took the journal out of the pocket and considered it for a moment. He handed it to her. "Here. You want to know more about me? This will probably tell as much as anything. I know a bit of how you felt when you were in heaven. Now you can know how I felt. Half of it is drunken scribblings, but as I recall, mostly accurate. Maybe you can...I don't know, see how I feel about you. How I've always felt."

Buffy took the journal and smiled. "If it's half as much as I see in your eyes, I don't think I can bear it." Spike smiled. "Oh God, I said that out loud, didn't I?"

"'S ok, pet. Wait til you read some of the stuff I wrote in there...makes anything you could even *think* pale in comparison, I promise you."

Buffy smiled and set the book on her bed. "Well, I can't sleep anyway, it should make for some interesting reading. Now you go. Shoo." She pointed to the window.

Spike pouted. "Don't I get a good night kiss?"

"What? No! Well, ok, just a little one." She reached up and gave him a chaste little kiss on the cheek.

Spike growled and grabbed her. He dipped her low and caught her lips in a fierce kiss. When he stood her back up straight, he had to steady her a bit as her legs weren't quite working. He smirked a bit and gave a little salute as he headed out the window.

When her brain started working again, Buffy called quietly out to Spike. He looked up at her from her yard. "You know, I really need to start patrolling again. Maybe I'll tag along with you tomorrow night. I might be hanging around your crypt around 10:30 if you're interested.."

Spike smiled up at her. "It's a date then."

Buffy laughed. "Yeah, a date to kill things."

"My favorite kind! And if I'm late, you can blame my other girl. Keeps me up late. Can't get enough of me. She's an animal, ya know."

Buffy smiled. "So I've heard...G'night, Spike."

"Night, Buffy."

Buffy noticed the warmth she felt since he had arrived 'spike' when he said her name. It lingered for a while. Just long enough for her to fall into contented, dream-filled sleep.

**

Chapter 24:
As Buffy bounded out of her room in the morning, she was greeted by a grumpy Giles. "Whoa, what's with Mr. Frowny Face?" Giles made something like a sound as he stumbled to the bathroom. 'Guess the jet lag hasn't completely worn off!' Buffy thought.

Buffy, however, was feeling wonderful. She knew it had everything to do with Spike. Even the worry and fear that gnawed at her stomach when she thought about it all too much didn't dampen her mood. She decided she was going to push doom and gloom out of her head for at least one day. She was going to have one good day if it killed her. And, for the first time in a while, she sincerely hoped it didn't.

She was absent mindedly humming a jaunty tune when Giles made his way into the kitchen. He sat down at the island, still a bit groggy. She set out some cereal for him, along with his customary cup of tea. He raised his eyebrows at her mood, but couldn't help but smile, nonetheless. His Slayer was elated. For whatever reason, she was happier than he had ever seen her. He didn't know why, and at the moment it didn't matter. He was just enjoying her joy.

When she noticed him eyeing her curiously, she walked around behind him and gave him a hug. "Life is good," was all she said. Giles nodded in concurrence as she practically skipped out of the kitchen.

***

Buffy spent the day going over financial issues with Giles. Her mother had a very good amount of life insurance, but it wouldn't cover all of the household expenses. First of all, the house still belonged to the bank. Secondly, a big house like that required upkeep. And while Xander was very handy, there were some things even he couldn't fix. Giles had proposed using her mother's life insurance to pay off the house. Or what was left after her mother's medical bills were covered. It would pay for the house, but that was all. Giles had a second suggestion, one that would take some work. He was going to try and get the Watcher's Council to offer some payment to Buffy. This was very unorthodox, but seeing as her 'chosen' status(and college drop out status) didn't allow her to get a job that would actually pay the bills, it was something to be considered. Giles was sure he would not be able to get a steady salary out of the Council, so he was proposing something in the lump sum category. He was going to ask the Council to equal the amount of Joyce's life insurance. The money was to be invested, and hopefully produce some dividends that Buffy could live off of. Not in high style, but perhaps at least in comfort. It was going to be a fight, but Giles was up to the task. It would require him going back to England, as he was sure this was not something he could accomplish with a phone call. It would take weeks of prodding, and possibly intimidating, the right people. The Council was not happy with him or Buffy since she had strong armed them into reinstating Giles and had been very secretive about the whole Glory mess. It was going to take tact and connections, of which Giles had plenty. But it wasn't going to be easy.

"Giles, I don't want you to go! You just got here!"

Giles smiled. "Buffy, it will only be a few weeks. A month at the most. I can't just go demanding, I'm going to have to go about this gently. The Council doesn't take kindly to having demands thrown on them. I'm going to have to endear myself to Travers again, as much as the very thought sickens me. In the mean time, I've made a rather substantial deposit in your mother's, well, *your* bank account. It should keep you afloat until we can get things squared away."

Buffy hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Giles. I don't know what I'd do without you."

'We'll see, won't we?' Giles thought as Buffy hugged him a bit too tight for his ribs' sake.

***

Buffy enjoyed a quiet dinner with Giles. He was actually a very good cook, for a British guy. He told her all about England, about where he grew up and where he returned to after she had gone from them. He told her about some of his favorite pubs in his old hometown. She could tell he missed it. More now that he'd returned for a short while than if he hadn't been back at all. It made Buffy sad that he had to be here with her, instead of home where he wanted to be. She wanted him to stay in Sunnydale forever, to guide her and be her father figure. But she could see that he wanted to be back in England. It was his home, where he belonged. 'No, he belongs with *me*. He's *my* watcher. He can't leave me.' Buffy was pretty certain that his next few days in Sunnydale might be the last he spent on the Hellmouth. She hoped not, but she couldn't tell if her hold over him was as powerful as his homeland.

Giles had been very happy to hear that Buffy was going to go patrolling again. Less happy about the Spike part, but he knew it was something he would have to accept. A little after 10pm she headed out.

Spike was smoking outside his crypt, waiting for Buffy. His face lit up when he saw her approaching. Right on time, like he knew she would be.

When Buffy saw Spike leaning casually against the crypt, a cigarette hanging from his mouth('Damn, how does he make something so ugly so sexy?), she couldn't help but notice that warmth again. It started in her stomach and spread out to the rest of her body. And seeing his reaction to her made her smile even wider.

"So, I see your other girl didn't keep you too late," Buffy teased.

Spike shook his head and sighed. "Wouldn't let me leave, either." He opened up his duster to reveal a little kitty stuffed in the inner pocket. "Had to take out my favorite flask too!"

Buffy giggled, "You're taking her patrolling?"

"Don't have a choice, do I? Came home last night from your place and the little bit had torn up my bed! My nice, new, nicked sheets had all these little scratches and holes in 'em. And then she's just layin' there like nothin' had happened! She's a balsy little thing, I'll tell you that much." Spike looked down at the cat. "Not too long ago I'd have cashed you in. You better be a bit more appreciative of my hospitality!"

Buffy scoffed and took the cat gently out of his pocket. "Don't listen to him. He likes to think he's still the Big Bad, but I bet if we give him our best sorry eyes, he'll melt. Whaddya think?" Buffy turned the kitten to face Spike and gave him a look she knew he couldn't help but fall for.

Spike sighed, "Oh, not you too." He took the kitten and placed her back inside his coat. "Did we come here to make Spike melt or to kill things?"

"Hmm, I vote for both." Buffy's eyes danced at his faux shock.

"Right, but first we kill things. You're out of practice, luv. Maybe you and I should spar a bit first?"

Buffy considered this, then shook her head. "No, I'm ready. I just want to get back into it. Well, not really, but I need to. Can't have you doing my job forever!"

"Pet, you know I'll do it as long as you need."

"I know, but I need to get back to my life again. Slaying and all. Time go give some demons their presents."

"Presents?" Spike looked at her strangely.

"Oh, didn't you hear? Death is my gift. I think it's time for a little gift giving!" Buffy started walking toward the heart of the cemetery.

Spike frowned and opened his coat. "Dunno, she doesn't seem quite right to me. What do you think?" A little 'meow' was all he got in reply. "Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say."

Chapter 25:

They walked around for a while without any vamps making an appearance. For a while, the kitten kept them entertained, but she soon fell asleep. Not long after, Buffy sighted a grave newly emptied. She took a deep breath.

"Pet, you don't have to do this. You know that I'll--" An unyielding hand in his face was his answer. Spike took offense and quickly found a headstone to sit on. "Hey, fine by me. Just jump in headfirst after being out of the game for so long. See if I care...." But of course he cared. While he tried to act like he wasn't paying attention, he never lost sight of her. He thoughtlessly petted Summer while Buffy searched for the newly risen vamp.

It didn't take her long to find him, hiding behind a crypt. When he jumped out to attack her, the instincts kicked in immediately. It only took a few blows before she was able to get him into position for the stake. As the dust settled, she heard applauding behind her. She rolled her eyes.

"Good show, pet! Much better than I had figured. I guess being out of practice is kind of a non-issue for Slayers. Good to know I don't have to go easy on you....."

She turned to see him smirking. "You know what? I've had enough killing for tonight. I think it's time for the melting."

Spike raised his eyebrows. "Oh yeah?"

Buffy nodded, a mischievous smile appearing. "Yup. You're going to buy me some ice cream now."

Spike frowned. "I am?"

She giggled, "Uh huh. Lots of melting going on there. Come on."

Spike clenched his jaw in slight frustration. "But we just started patrolling....." He abandoned the fight when he saw her walking off. She was going to make him work for every little scrap. And he was going to do it, like the whipped vamp he was.

As Buffy enjoyed her banana split(about which Spike struggled not to make lewd jokes) Spike was alternately sucking on his strawberry shake and feeding tiny spoonfuls to Summer. He wasn't going to take her back to his crypt to destroy his things, and animals were not allowed in the ice cream shop, so he had to keep her hidden in his jacket. No one noticed him covertly slipping a spoon inside his jacket every few minutes. Buffy giggled at him.

"What? She likes it!"

"No, that's not it. You. You have a kitty. It's just so cute. Of all the things I never knew about you, this is one of the most surprising. You're a cat lover!"

"I am not! Just because I happened to have taken a liking to *one* little cat doesn't make me a cat lover. Besides, thought *you* didn't like cats."

"Well, most cats, no. But this is a kitty. Everyone loves kitties. Are you going to get her fixed?"

"Fixed?"

"Yeah, ya know, make it so she won't have kittens of her own when she's older."

"Um, hadn't really thought about it."

"Well, you'll have to get her fixed. Or else find her some cocky tomcat with white fur and blue eyes so she can.....ya know, have a good time." She waggled her eyebrows at Spike, making him laugh.

"Ah, she's too little to think about stuff like that."

"Yeah, but before you know it, some stray will be climbing in her bedroom window, making her want to do naughty things....." Buffy frowned when she realized what she said.

"Oh yeah? What kind of naughty things?" Spike had a lascivious twinkle in his eyes.

Buffy blustered a bit. "Well, ya know, naughty things cats do. Like.....eat canaries and.....goldfish and, uh.....get stuck in trees......"

Spike's face fell. "Yeah, real naughty." 'God, she's infuriating! Can't she see I just want to grab her and kiss her like last night?! Of course she does, she's just playing with me. How can I want to smack her as much as I want to kiss her?'

"Uh, Spike?"

Spike snapped out of his thoughts. He saw her pointing at his chest. Apparently Summer had decided she wanted some more shake and climbed out of Spike's coat while he was musing on kissing Buffy. She now had her whole head in the glass, but thankfully none of the patrons noticed.

Spike chuckled as he tried to wipe the strawberry mess off Summer's face. "She's more like you than I thought."

"Oh, how's that?"

"Leaving the comfort of the guy that wants to protect her and barreling head first into trouble."

"I hardly think that one fledgling vampire or a milkshake constitute trouble, Spike. I think maybe said guy is just too overprotective!"

"Well, I think said girls are just too stubborn to know a good thing when they see one!" Spike grumbled a bit.

Buffy smiled. "I think we both know the good thing we have." She reached her hand across the table and caressed his.

He couldn't help but soften as she touched him. He placed Summer securely in his pocket and sighed. "Yeah, you girls sure know how to melt me....."

"Ok, finish up your shake. I need to get home."

"What's the rush, luv?"

"The rush is, I told Giles I wouldn't be late. And I think he's a little worried about me patrolling again. I mean, he's happy, yeah, but ya know...He hopes I'm still up to the task."

"Well, you did fine, what with the one whole vamp you dusted. I still think maybe we should make a quick pass through a cemetery. I mean, you need practice, Slayer. One little fledgling isn't going to cut it."

"I know, but I want to start slow. Don't want to get in over my head too soon. That could be..bad. Slow is good." Buffy flashed him a smile that told him she wasn't just talking about slaying.

Spike grunted and shifted in his seat. "Yeah, for now."

"Come on!" Buffy got up from her seat and waited impatiently on Spike.

"Alright, alright. Don't rush an old man." Spike threw down a few dollars and followed Buffy out the door.

**

As they reached her front door, Buffy handed Summer back to Spike. She had insisted on holding her and playing with her since they had left the ice cream shop. She had paid little attention to Spike, though he had trouble keeping his eyes off her. It was almost as if she was deliberately trying to avoid conversation. Spike picked up on her vibe and did his best not to push her. She wanted slow, he'd be the epitome of slow. At least until he internally combusted from frustration, need, and desire.

After he had safely stowed Summer back into his pocket, Spike said a little 'good night' and turned to go. Buffy grabbed his arm. He turned to her. She looked nervous.

"I, uh...well I was thinking..." She sighed. It was so hard to talk to him when all she wanted to do was be kissing him. So she did.

She grabbed his head and yanked him down to her, so quickly he almost stumbled over. But he was able to steady himself against her door with his arms. She had her arms wrapped around his neck so tightly, it felt as if he were holding them both up alone. And soon he was. He snaked his arms around her waist and lifted her until her feet were inches off the porch. They kissed this way for a few moments until an uncomfortable 'meow' came from between them. Spike set Buffy down gently and peeked inside his coat. "Sorry, luv. Forgot you were there."

Buffy took that moment to catch her breath. "Ok, you should go."

Spike looked up at her, tilting his head in that way that made her quiver. "Is that so? Now why would I want to do that? Night's just starting to get interesting, way I see it."

"No, you need to go. You have some planning to do."

Spike's eyebrows shot up. "Planning? For what?"

"You need to decide where you're going to take me for our date tomorrow night." Buffy's eyes were a bit downcast, though her voice portrayed confidence.

Spike took a moment for this to sink in before grinning widely. "Oh, right. Our date. Good of you to remind me. Yeah, lots of big plans. So I'll pick you up around...8?"

"What? Oh, no, that's ok. I'll meet you at your crypt. I want to do a little sweep before we go out. Just a short one, I can handle it. But 8 is good."

Spike nodded. "Alright, 8 it is. And I'll figure out something to do with little kitty destruct-o here." He patted his chest for emphasis.

"Ok. Good night, Spike."

"Night, Buffy. Sweet dreams."

"They will be." Buffy gave him a coy smile before going in the house. Spike stood on her porch until he heard the lock click.

He headed home, one thought in his head. 'Your dreams may be sweet, but mine are coming true.'

**

Chapter 26:

Buffy sat in her quiet house. Not that it had been noisy when Giles had been there, but it was...alone kinda quiet. The kind of quiet where you know no one else is in the house and you could run around naked if you wanted. But she didn't want. Not now any way. She had a date to prepare for.

She had been rather sad putting Giles on the plane. But after reassurances that she would, indeed, be careful patrolling and that he would be back as soon as he could be, both felt a bit better about his departure. Emasculating as his trip would be, it was for a good cause. And Buffy appreciated that more than he would ever know. But the time had come for her to do something she was sure Giles would not approve of. Go on an official date with Spike. The Slayer part of her knew she should consider his opinion in all this, but another part of her, the just-Buffy part, wanted to go out with him. Wanted to get to know him, go out to eat with him, act like a normal couple of adults on a date. She didn't want to have to think about being a vampire or Slayer. Just a guy and a girl.

Willow had called earlier to see if she wanted to go out to the Bronze with the gang. She made the excuse that she was trying to get back into patrolling, and was going to focus on that for tonight. But Willow was contented with the promise of a movie and pizza fest at Buffy's house the next night.

Buffy changed clothes at least 6 times, realizing half way through that she didn't have a clue what kind of date this would be, therefore unsure of what kind of clothes to wear. If Spike were a normal guy, she'd call him up and ask. But he wasn't. He was a vampire. 'No, he's just a guy tonight,' she forced herself to think. 'A guy without a phone. Nothing wrong with that. Plenty of people don't have phones.'

Unsure of what to expect, Buffy decided on brown pants, white tank top and a brown button up shirt. It looked classy, but not too chi-chi. She was sure of what Spike would be wearing, so she didn't think she had to worry about being outdone.

**

Again, Buffy was right on time. Spike thought she looked gorgeous with her hair loose and curly. 'Goddess,' Spike thought. Buffy was right about Spike's attire, but she still noticed her heart skip a beat seeing him waiting for her. He offered her his arm without a word. When she started to ask where they were going, all she got in response was, "Tsk tsk, all in good time, Slayer. Buffy." They walked for a while, Spike steering them quickly out of the graveyard. They ended up in a small forest, one that Buffy had no idea existed.

It was a good thing Spike was leading her, because she couldn't see very well in the dark. His vamp vision made everything perfectly clear, and he smiled every time her grip on his arm tightened. Before long, they came to a clearing. Buffy gasped at the sight. Dozens of little candles nestled in the grass, leading to a large blanket spread out on the ground. Some food had been set out on the blanket, and Buffy giggled. "A picnic? You made a picnic for me? That's so sweet.." Spike grinned at her, clearly enjoying her happiness.

"That's not the best part, though, pet. C'mere." Spike took her arm and led her to the blanket. He sat down and she followed suit. "Lay back." They did so simultaneously and she laid her head on his outstretched arm.

"Oh, Spike. It's so beautiful. I can never see the stars this well from my house."

"City lights and street lights make it kinda hard. Thought you might enjoy seeing the night sky sometime when you're not out looking for demons to slay."

"This is...gorgeous. Not bad for a first date, mister."

Spike chuckled and urged her to sit up. "Ok, come on. Not going to let all this good food go to waste. The sky will still be there when we're done eating."

"Ok, did you actually cook this stuff?"

"Uh well, you will notice it's all finger foods. Hard to keep anything warm out here, especially since I had to set it up in advance. Damned lucky some greedy something didn't come and take it while I was waiting for you. That would have made a splendid first date, huh?"

"Well, then we'd just have to lay here together and look at the stars. Not too bad in my book." Buffy smiled so sweetly, Spike thought he might just skip the food and go straight for dessert.

They both laid on their sides, propped on their elbows, eating the little sandwiches and fruit Spike had prepared. He had wanted to bring a bit of blood for himself, but he decided against it. Didn't want anything to ruin this perfect time. Dunking strawberries in blood would definitely equal ruined date. So instead he brought them champagne, which, amazingly, stayed nicely chilled in the bucket of melting ice. As he was pouring some into a plastic cup he had brought, something occurred to him. "Balls!"

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Oh, I knew I forgot something. Flowers. Always supposed to give a girl flowers on a first date. Right? Or am I thinking a bit too old fashioned. Truth be told, I haven't been on a date in...well...ever, really."

"Never? Even when you were a human."

Spike shrugged. "Times where different then. So much bloody pomp and circumstance around everything. Especially getting a date. You had to charm not only the girl, but the girl's family before you could even be invited over to sit with her in the parlour, with all her family watching. Bleedin' inconvenient, if you ask me. And well, Dru...wasn't much for tradition really. So yeah, this is my first date."

"Wow, I feel honored. Being the first date of a man who's over 100 years old. And I gotta tell you," Buffy gestured around, "this definitely ranks as one of the best dates I've had."

Spike raised his eyebrows. "One of, eh? Guess I'll have to try harder next time. And flowers will definitely be involved. And chocolates. Chocolates are customary, aren't they?"

Buffy laughed, "Oh, I don't think I need any chocolates. I have a hard enough time staying away from the ice cream."

"Oh, afraid of getting a few curves, are we? You're a bag o' bones, pet. I think maybe two boxes of chocolates are in order."

"Gee, Spike, you sure know how to charm a girl," she said sarcastically.

"What?"

"Well, in general, girls don't like to hear that they're...unappealing...physically..."

Spike laughed out loud. "That what you think? God, you haven't a clue. Pet, trust me, you're physically appealing. You're so soddin' appealing I'm having a hard time being a gentleman right now. I just meant...you shouldn't worry about a little ice cream now and again. Wouldn't hurt, is all. But as for appealing..God woman, you have no clue, do you?"

Buffy shrugged a little. "I don't know. You think I'm too skinny?"

Spike sighed. "Me and my big mouth. Put it outta yer head, luv. Forget I said it. Sometimes being around you gets me all flustered. Things don't come out how I mean them. Ya know, last year, I brought you chocolates. For your birthday."

"You did? How come I don't remember that?"

"Well, I was standing outside your house for a while, and the longer I stood there, the worse an idea it seemed. You weren't really giving me the time of day back then, so I figured maybe it wouldn't have been smart. Gotta say, the more I think about those times, the stranger these times feel. You and me, on a date. When before, you would have staked me just as soon as looked at me."

Buffy laid back, enjoying the stars. "Yeah, well, things change. A lot of things have changed since we first met. Namely we're not trying to kill each other. And well.."

"Well, what?"

"The smoochies are definitely a new thing."

Spike smiled and laid beside her. "That they are, luv. About those 'smoochies'.."

"Uh huh, I'm enjoying the sky right now. Smoochies later." Buffy elbowed him lightly. She giggled when she heard a small growl rumble in his chest.

"So, how'd your friends take the news? I bet Harris blew a gasket. I'd loved to have seen that."

"Um, take what news?"

"You and me, dating. Musta been dumb struck. As always, I miss the good shows..."

"Oh, well, it, uh....didn't really come up. I mean, they wanted to go out tonight, but I told them I had other plans. Not really any of their business what I do with my time, is it?

Spike frowned at her, though she continued to watch the stars. "No, I guess it's not..." 'Oh, I knew it was too good to be true. Dirty little secret, am I?' Spike pushed back his annoyance. "Enjoying the view, luv?"

Buffy smiled. "Mm hmm, but I think I'd enjoy it more from here." She scooted closer to him and laid her head on his chest. As quickly as it came, all of his aggravation dissipated as he gently stroked her hair. He shook his head how under her spell he was. A word from her could enrage him and a gesture could soothe him. He wondered where the Big Bad went wrong.

**

After some much hearty smooching and fondling, Buffy had insisted that it was time for her to go home. Spike acquiesced with a grudging growl, and Buffy helped him clean up the picnic area. They blew out and collected all the candles, and she again held on to him as they made their way out of the forest. After depositing the date materials back at his crypt, Spike insisted on walking Buffy home. She protested a bit, but with very little power behind it.

Finding themselves again on the porch, with no kitty to interrupt them, Spike and Buffy engaged in a bit more heated kissing. As Spike's hand found it's way to Buffy's butt and other parts of him were making their presence known, Buffy pushed him away gently. "Slowly, slowly, slowly," she repeated as a mantra to herself. Spike grinned at her wavering will. She was slowly letting him in. But Spike knew he might have to force his hand.

"So, any plans for tomorrow night?" He purred as he played with her hair.

Buffy's eyes were closed as she enjoyed his attentions. "Mmm..well, the gang is coming over for movies. But I think I could be persuaded to cut out early. If you had something in mind. Hopefully something that involved more kissing..."

"That could be arranged. What time could you get away, you think?" He was now gently caressing her neck and throat.

"Mmmm..maybe 9? I have to spend time with them too. This whole new 'getting my life back' kick involves much socializing, apparently. Not that I mind...it's nice being with everyone again."

Spike leaned down and gave her a chaste kiss on her neck, right above her jugular. "I'll be here at 9 then. Wear something you can dance in."

Buffy's eyes flew open. "What? Oh, no, I'll meet you. No big deal. You don't have to come all the way out here for me."

"It's no bother, really. It's on the way to where we're going anyway."

"Oh, um, I don't think...well, my friends, they don't know about us. I think maybe we should take this a little slower."

"We *are* taking it slow, luv. I've been the perfect gentleman, haven't I?"

"Oh, that. Yeah, I mean...I don't mean that kind of slow. I mean, with everyone knowing...They wouldn't be able to handle it. It's too much right now."

"Oh? Too much like, 'you yanked me out of heaven' too much? Pet, if they can handle that, I think dating me will be peanuts."

"Well, that's just it. They're still adjusting to *that* news. This might be a bit too much. Besides, I'm an adult, I can do what I want with who I want. They don't have any say in it."

"Yeah, that's all well and good, pet. But I thought you'd have figured it by now. Secrets...not a good thing. They only lead to trouble."

"It's not a secret! It's just...them not knowing. Really, I *will* tell them. I just need some time."

"Fine. You have until 9pm tomorrow. I'll be here to pick you up. And if you're ashamed to be dating me, then maybe you shouldn't be." Spike could feel his dead heart skip a beat as he said that, desperately hoping she wouldn't agree with him.

"Spike, please, don't. I'm not ready."

Spike started off the porch. "9 o' clock, luv. I guess we'll find out then what this all is to you."

As Spike walked away, it took all his will power not to run back to her and swear to be her secret as long as she wanted him. But he wasn't going to do that. He had his pride. Well, he had *some* pride. If he wanted something real with her, it had to start openly and honestly. He walked somberly home to see if he could garner a bit of comfort from his other girl.

**

Chapter 27:

"Oh, come on, guys! How many John Hughes movies can we watch in one night?" Buffy sighed.

"How much time do we have?! I thought this was going to be a movie-thon! We just finished Breakfast Club, and Ferris Bueller is up next! It's my favorite of his ouvre. Well, except for maybe Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. But come on, Ferris...Ah, I miss Ferris Matthew...Broadway Matthew is -"

"Xander! Come on! I haven't been out to the Bronze since I got back. I know I promised you guys a movie night and we watched some...but I'm in the mood to go out! We can do movie night any time."

"Well, except for that little ogre incident, the Bronze is pretty much always open too," Willow said.

Anya sighed, "For the last time, Olaf was a troll, ok? You think I'd go through all that trouble to turn someone into an ogre? What kind of imagination does that take?!"

"Ok, guys, doesn't matter. Ogre, troll, whatever. Let's just go to the Bronze already!"

"Well, I guess so. Not really dressed for it, though," Willow looked at her self apprehensively.

"No, you look great," Buffy smiled, happy people were warming up to her idea.

"Um, well, ok. But let's wait for Tara. She's out of her evening class by now. She should be here in a few minutes. Nine at the latest."

"NO! Let's leave her a note. She can meet us there."

"Geez, Buff, what's the rush?" Xander frowned.

"No rush. Just...anxious to get out there and shake my groove thang, ya know? It hasn't been shaken in a while...want to go see if it still works."

"Buffy, trust me, you're groove thang is just fine." Xander was rewarded for his comment with a elbow to the side. "Ok, enough with the elbowing!"

"What? You told me I should watch what I say. So I am. And instead of saying that I think you're a horny toad who shouldn't make such comments about his best friend, I elbow you." Anya smiled broadly. Xander sighed and shook his head. He took the empty popcorn bowl to the kitchen.

"Come on, guys. Tara will understand! I'm sure she can identify with the call of the groove th-" Buffy was cut off by three sharp knocks on the front door. She froze, her eyes closed. If she could just be quiet, maybe it would go away. Unfortunately, she wasn't alone and her efforts at quiet were cut off by loud laughter. She turned slowly to see Xander doubled over, holding the front door open. He seemed to be having trouble catching his breath.

"Oh, oh man. Oh, Buff, you gotta see this. Guys, come look!" Anya and Willow jumped up to see the cause of all the hilarity. Buffy didn't move. If she had, she would have seen Spike standing on her porch, decked out in clothes he probably recently liberated from a store. He was wearing tan slacks similar to those he had worn the first time he tried to woo her, but darker. He had a light gray t-shirt on with a light blue overshirt that made his eyes stand out more than usual. His hair was gel free and wavy. Buffy also missed his jaw clenching at a steady rate while he tried to look dignified.

Willow frowned a bit. Anya smiled, appreciating the sight. Xander was now trying to dry his tears.

"Oh, this is rich... whaddya want, deadboy?" Xander giggled uncontrollably looking at Spike.

"I'm here to see Buffy," Spike said curtly.

Buffy sighed. For a quick moment she both hated and pitied him. She had told him not to come. He was stubborn and did it anyway. She walked over in front of Xander, finally looking at Spike. Her heart melted at the sight. Flowers. He remembered the flowers. He held them out for her, trying to shove away his agitation.

Buffy took a quick glance back at her bewildered friends and walked out on the porch, shutting the door. Spike's hand dropped.

"Spike...I told you I wasn't-"

"Right. Fine." Spike dropped the flowers on the porch and turned to go. "I guess now we know," he called over his shoulder.

As Buffy stood on the porch watching him and his sexy, wavy hair get further and further away, a car pulled into the driveway. Tara got out and walked up to Buffy. "I think I just saw Spike walking down the road. He looked pretty good. I mean, I'm not a good judge of those things, but I think he looked good. Mad too."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. On both accounts." She turned and opened the door, letting Tara go in first.

"Ok, what was *that*?" Xander pounced as soon as Buffy was in the door.

She shook her head. "Oh...you know Spike..."

"Yeah, well that was weird. Though I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. So anyway, Tara's here. Are we off to Bronze it?"

Tara frowned. "No funny 80's movies?"

Willow shrugged. "We watched a couple. But now Buffy wants to shake her stuff out on the dance floor. And she, being the most recently dead among us, gets to pick. We're following her bliss tonight!" Everyone looked at her oddly. She blushed. "What? Too soon for dead jokes?"

"No, it's fine, Willow. Jokes are good. Dead jokes even better! I think I could use some laughter right about now." Everyone looked at each other, unsure of what to make of Buffy's sudden blue mood.

"Ah, Spike. He's always ruining things. Come on, I think the Bronze will do you good!" Xander patted Buffy on the back. She nodded a little and went to freshen up.

**

Spike had been walking for about 5 minutes when he decided he'd better unclench his jaw if he didn't want to break a tooth. "She did it! I can't believe...after all that talk...'Oh, Spike, you make me feel so warm inside. Oh, Spike, I want to go on a date with you. Oh, Spike, I want to make love to you. But, oh, Spike, don't tell my friends. Because God forbid they know you make me happy.' Soddin' woman!" Spike made a decision to find the nearest bar and drink himself into oblivion. He knew she'd still be haunting his thoughts, but at least the thoughts would be fuzzy and he might not remember them in the morning.

**

Chapter 28:

By the time they reached the Bronze, Buffy's mood had not brightened. Xander tried all the best 'dead' jokes he could think of, but to no avail. As soon as they walked in, she spotted him. And he sensed her. He was slumped at the bar and when he saw her he frowned and looked away. Buffy's face got even gloomier, if that was possible. The rest of the gang didn't notice Spike, and Buffy didn't mention him.

"Come on, ladies. Let the man of the group stalk a suitable table, so that you might sit and partake of it's sturdiness. Oh, there's one. Not too close to the speakers." They all headed over and took seats around a small table.

"So, Buffy, shall we go test that groove thang of yours? See if it's in proper working order?!" Willow beamed. Buffy nodded mutely.

"Buff, what's up? First you were all 'go Bronze', but now you're all...'blah...Bronze'. I thought this was what you wanted. Getting busy with the happy. Cuz, you haven't really had much recently.."

Buffy looked up at Xander, then around the table at the curious faces of her friends. "I *do* want to be happy. You guys understand that, don't you?" Hesitant nods all around. "And *you* want me to be happy too, don't you?" Nods again, more vigorously. Buffy took a deep breath. "Good, because there is something that would make me very happy. Something I'm not sure you guys will understand or...support. But if there's one thing I've learned recently, it's I have to be honest with you guys. You guys will always love me, no matter what. I know that."

Willow frowned a bit. "Of course we will, Buffy..What's this all about anyway?"

Buffy stood up. "You'll find out very soon." She started off toward the bar.

"Uh, where ya going?" Xander called.

"To follow my bliss!" Buffy called back. She snaked her way through the dance floor to the bar. She turned to look at her friends, but they were hidden by the writhing couples. 'Probably for the best right now.'

She took a deep breath and reached out her hand to tap Spike on the shoulder. Before she could, he said, "'S not where the knife is, ya know. If you're here to twist it some more, I mean..."

"Ok, I totally deserved that." Buffy sat on the stool next to him.

"Pfft...ya think so? What do you want? Wanna go outside for a little make out session where your friends can't see us?" He gave her a cold glare.

"No, I came to apologize." She put her hand on his arm. He pulled it away from her.

"Don't need your bleedin' apologies, pet. Need to be alone. Need to finish that bottle of bourbon on that shelf. Need to find a different bar. But I don't need your 'sorrys'."

"Fine. Why did I think this was going to be easy?" Buffy grabbed Spike's arm and pulled him off the stool.

"What the bloody fuck you think you're doin'? I'm here, minding my own business. I didn't ask you and your little crew to show up. Let a guy get drunk in peace, Slayer." Buffy bristled at how cold he said 'slayer.'

She shook her head. "Sorry, not this time. I messed this up and I'm going to fix it. Now." She dragged him through the dance floor. Spike tried to pull away, but he was a tad bit disoriented and her strength was no match for his lack of coordination.

When they reached the table, the Scoobies gawked at Spike. Spike gawked at Buffy. Buffy took yet another deep breath.

"Ok, guys. I need to do this. I made a big mistake tonight with Spike. Because of you. Not that it's your fault, It's mine. Because I didn't have faith in you and our friendships. Because I thought you might reject me if I told you...Spike and I are dating. Recently, I mean. I mean, we started dating recently. It's not like I've been going around hiding it. But well, I was kind of scared when he came over tonight and I spazzed. I wasn't ready to tell you guys, but I know now it is stupid to wait. It would only be worse if you found out later. So, Spike and I are...together, kinda. We're...expanding our friendship, I guess. We're going slow..." Buffy stopped talking when she saw that everyone was stunned in their own little way.

Xander turned red. Anya looked a bit confused. Willow was chewing on her lip. Tara was looking down at the table, a hint of a smile on her face. Ok, so maybe she wasn't stunned. Spike just tilted his head at Buffy and had a look of awe on his face. Awe and a bit of foggy drunkenness.

Finally, Xander spoke, as Buffy knew he would. "Buff...you can't be serious. I mean...Spike? Do you even...Spike! It's...does anyone else see that this is Spike?"

"Yeah, Buffy, I mean, no offense Spike, but...is this really...a good thing? He is kinda evil and dead and soulless...not that I don't like you, Spike, but..well.." Willow frowned some more and wrung a napkin to death.

Tara looked up at Buffy and spoke quietly. "I think if this is what makes you happy, then I'm happy for you. A little while ago, you wanted to...kill yourself. If Spike makes you want to hang around, I can't see how that's bad." She turned red and looked down at the table again.

Buffy smiled. "Thanks, Tara. And it's not just Spike. You all make me want to live again. To really live. I love you guys so much. That's why I was scared of this. I know you guys don't like it. Or even like Spike. I can accept that. I won't force you to like him. But I need you guys to accept that I'm testing the waters here. Trying to find my happy, Xan." She looked at Xander.

Xander nodded. "I know, Buff, but...ok, ok, you're right. We still love you and will...deal with whatever you're dating." Xander stood and looked at Spike. "But so help me, if you hurt her in any way, you will answer to me."

Spike smirked for a beat, then just nodded at Xander.

"Oh, I think this is going to be great! We can have a straight couple to double date with. Not that you guys aren't fun," Anya looked at the wiccans, "but you don't really get the sexual references I make."

"Hey! I was straight for a while. I get the references!" Willow defended. Tara frowned at her. "But, uh, I forgot it all...so yeah, probably not really up on the straight sexual references..."

"Anya, first of all, we're not double dating with Buffy and...Spike. I draw the line somewhere. And second of all, the sexual references are not for *any*one, straight or gay. They're not for public discussion..."

As Xander and Anya argued and Willow and Tara watched them with some fascination, Buffy pulled Spike out on the dance floor. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he pulled her close. "So, you mentioned dancing. This what you had in mind?" She gestured at the environment.

Spike chuckled. "Well, basically, yeah. With a little less confrontation and a little more kissing..." Spike winked as he lowered his head for said smooching. Buffy stood on her toes as she put her arms around his neck. They swayed to the music for a while, still kissing, oblivious when the music had stopped. It hadn't stopped for them, and Buffy hoped it wouldn't for a long time.

**

The End