By the Rogue Slayer

Setting: Immediately after Intervention-what should have happened!

Disclaimers: I once asked Joss if he would pay me to write fanfic based on his ME characters. He just kinda smiled and backed away slowly..…strange.

Feedback: I'm a newbie to the writing, so any kind word would probably keep me from crumbling into a pathetic mess of a failure. And any not so kind words will help me get more kind words later, so all is appreciated!

**************

CHAPTER 1

"What you did for Dawn and for me..…that was real. And I won't forget it."

The line kept running through Spike's head. Along with the kiss. He knew it didn't mean what he desperately wanted it to mean. She didn't suddenly realize her love for him. She didn't return the feelings he had for her. The kiss was just..…a reward of sorts. But it meant more. He knew that she'd no longer look at him with utter disgust and wish him off the planet. He was in her trust again. And that was more than he had hoped for after what happened with Buffy and Dru in the cave.

He tried to recapture the feeling of her soft lips on his. They had barely touched, and in that gentle moment, he knew it was the real Buffy. He had been wrong. The bot was nice. Very nice. But it wasn't better than the real thing. He got more emotional joy out of that solitary kiss than the whole day he had with the bot. That kiss…..her lips..…he tried hard to remember the feel of them…but all he could feel was the damage Glory had done to him. His face was mush and hurt like hell. He tried to get off the tomb he was sitting on, but the effort was too much. His whole body was screaming. Ribs, legs, face, chest…there wasn't really much of him that didn't hurt. He fell back on the tomb and before he slipped out of consciousness, he really wished he could reach his bourbon.

Buffy sat on a headstone, a good distance from Spike's crypt. She wondered why he had done it. Why he risked his life..…endured so much pain. For her. For her sister. It couldn't be love, she was sure of that. She had seen enough from Spike in the past to know he was evil, unable to love except in the freaky way that vampires cling to each other. The way Angel had talked about being with Darla when he didn't have a soul. Angel said he didn't, couldn't love until he got his soul back. Actually, he didn't love until he met her. So she had it on good authority that what Spike thought he was feeling wasn't love. But what was it? If he had told Glory about Dawn, and she let him go, Buffy would have dusted him quick. That was probably why he didn't say anything to Glory. He'd rather withstand a little torture than be killed. But it wasn't just a little torture..…and he was well on his way to being killed anyway. And he said..… "Anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live, her bein' in so much pain." He said it in such a way, with such a soft, sincere voice that she didn't doubt it at all when it was said. That's why she kissed him. Part of Buffy was so disgusted that she had done it. But he looked so….. sad and hurt and vulnerable. And she knew that he had done it all for her, so she gave him a little kiss. She hoped it wasn't something that he mistook for affection. She wasn't entirely sure what it was, but something hit her at the moment he spoke with such honesty. 'Give him something…he deserves a touch of kindness. He wants you. He had the bot made so he could be with you, in some small way. He didn't betray your sister, and now his pain is for you. He's weak and now he's alone..…give him something..…something of you.' So she kissed him…..softly, so his broken face wouldn't hurt more. And then he realized it was her..…his face echoed the confusion in her head. She left him, but not without letting him know that things had changed between them.

And now, sitting on the headstone, she still wasn't sure what had changed between them. But the revulsion towards him of the last week was gone. She knew she could count on him, and with Glory in town, she needed everyone she could get. She got up slowly, noticing the sun was going down. As she walked toward home, she chuckled a bit at the large, long shadow she cast in front of her. If Glory had made her realize anything, it was that she was not as big and tough as she thought she was. When it came to dealing with Glory, Buffy was like her shadow: a big, tough illusion.

When she was a couple of blocks from Spike's place, something made her freeze in her tracks. Xander said that Glory's minions had grabbed Spike from his crypt. And she and the Scoobies had just dropped him right back there. To get snatched again. And he was in no shape to be fighting anyone, much less a god. Glory hadn't come for him yet, but what was to stop her? She didn't seem like a god who liked being mocked. And what's more scornful than a weak vampire breaking from a god's grasp? Buffy didn't wait around to come up with an answer. She turned around and headed back to Spike, with one detour.

"Spike. SPIKE! Wake up!" Buffy yelled as she shook the body that could pass for a corpse.

Spike fazed back into consciousness and opened his good eye.

"Buffy? What're you doing here? Can't let the undead rest in peace?" As Spike said this, he chuckled a bit at the joke.
Buffy didn't laugh, she just started tugging at his arms to get him to sit up.

"Look, Glory's minions found you here in the first place. I don't think even this would be a challenge for them."

"Easy on the parts there, Slayer. Not exactly a hundred percent here. What's your plan?" Spike was sitting up now and noticing the seriousness of Buffy's look.

She hesitated a moment before saying, "My place. I'll take you to my place. But you stay in the basement until you're better. And the others…don't find out about this. They'd think I was crazy, which I probably am. But you're in this mess because of me and Dawn, so I figure the least I can do is help you get better."

Spike smiled at her, or what passed for a smile with his face in its battered condition. He looked at her for a long moment. A moment so long that it made Buffy uncomfortable.

"What are you staring at? Let's go! The sun's down, so if you can walk, we should be fine," Buffy said as she walked to Spike's refrigerator and collected all of the blood that was in there. She grabbed a duffel bag lying on the floor and put the blood in there, along with the brown paper bag she had brought.

Spike slid slowly off the tomb saying, "Well..…problem is Slayer, I can't walk so well. I think that chippie mucked up my knee…or maybe that was when I fell into the elevator shaft..…don't really remember."..
Buffy's eyebrows went up and she said, "So what, you want me to carry you? Just keep up with me the best you can." With that, she started out the door, duffel bag in hand.

Spike gave her a big smile that she never saw. 'That's my girl,' he thought, 'no pity, even in mercy.'

Spike limped slowly behind Buffy, more than once enjoying the view of her leather pants reflected in the twilight.
Buffy stopped and turned with a sigh, "Gee Spike, the sun just set. At this rate, we might reach my house by the time it rises again."

Spike loved this side of the Slayer. It's what he missed in the bot, but thought he could overlook. 'No,' he realized, 'there's no substitute for attitude in leather.'
He reached her just as she put her hands on her hips and gave another exasperated sigh. 'If I were a stronger man, Slayer..…what I wouldn't do to you.' He knew he wouldn't do anything to her, except be grateful to be in her good graces again. But a guy could dream.

Without a word she started walking again, but she sympathetically slowed her pace, to keep with his hobbling time.

"Whatcha got in the bag? Besides the blood you stole from me?"

"Uh, right…I've recently taken up drinking blood as a hobby," she snapped at him.

"Ok, so the blood's for me. What else ya got in there? Any booze?" Spike looked hopefully at Buffy.

"You wish. I have some supplies. Some medical stuff. To patch you up with. Just what I could find at the 7-11."

"Ah…..right. Don't suppose you got me a slurpee? Or one of those great long sticks of meat they have?"

"That would be jerky, and no. But I can put some ice and blood in a blender and make you a plasma slurpee."

Spike shuddered at the idea of ice-cold blood and made a fake retching sound. Buffy laughed at him. Spike smiled at the sound of her laughter-he hadn't heard it in a long time. Buffy noticed him smiling at her and shyly looked away. They walked, slowly, the rest of the way to Buffy's house in a strangely comfortable silence.
**

TBC
 

CHAPTER 2: DIRTY MIND

** **

As soon as they reached her house, Buffy sent Spike to the basement immediately. He had taken the re-invite with a half-smile. Inside he counted it as a small victory. But they both knew it was much more. He was in her life again. For good or for bad. As she walked to the phone, she could hear him laboring painfully down the steps. She wondered for a moment if she should help him, but then shook that thought away when she heard him yell, "Summers! Your basement is a rat hole! No self-respecting vamp would be caught dusted here!"

Buffy smiled as she called back to him, "Well, it's a good thing you're not self-respecting. And you live with corpses, so I don't want to hear another word!"

She picked up the phone and dialed. "Giles, it's me. Can you bring Dawn home?...Yeah, I talked to Spike…..No, he didn't tell Glory anything…..I can just tell. He thought I was the robot. He wasn't lying..…No, I'm sure of it..…Ok, thanks, Giles."

As Buffy hung up the phone, she could hear a racket in the basement. "Spike! What are you doing?" She picked up the duffel bag and started down the stairs.

"Just trying to make myself comfortable, luv." Spike was trying, with much difficulty, to pull out an old sleeping bag from a box. Buffy was standing at the bottom of the steps when he noticed her looking at him strangely. "What? What're you lookin' at?"

"We have a cot..…over there in the corner. Might be more comfortable than the sleeping bag."

"Oh..…right. That'll work too." Spike hobbled to the corner and drug the cot into the middle of the small room. With a sigh, he sat down and stretched out his injured leg.

"Ok, look. I'm going to help dress your…..wounds, but-"

"--Sexy wounds?" Spike interrupted with a smile. His smile faded when he saw that Buffy didn't really want to be reminded of that scene. Her pretending to be the bot, the kiss..…he wasn't sure what exactly it was that made her uncomfortable.

"BUT," she continued, "you have to cooperate and not be a big baby. And yeah, I'm going to be touching your..…body…..but only in a wound-bandaging sense, so don't get any ideas."

"Hmm..…what kind of ideas would a Big Bad like me ever get about a supple, young girl touching my…..body?" Spike gave his best attempt at an evil grin before Buffy grabbed him by the hair. "OWWW!"

"Yeah, exactly. Those ideas you're having right now..…knock it off." She gave his head a final little shake before letting him go.

Spike rubbed his head and said, "Already with the rough stuff, then? 'Fraid I'm no match for you..…yet," he raised his eyebrow at her.

She shot him a look that said death, and he put up his hands in supplication. "Alright, alright. You win. No naughty thoughts for Spike. I'll think of…..puppy dogs..…the circus…a beautiful sunrise…..Ah, who am I kidding, I hate all those things," Spike sighed in resignation.

"I don't care what you think about as long as it's not…..disgusting," Buffy said as she pulled out supplies from the duffel bag.

Spike cocked his head and got a barely perceptible wounded look. "Not disgusting. Never disgusting, luv." His look and words made Buffy momentarily uncomfortable. She was unable to respond with a retort that she felt he deserved.

"Look, Giles is bringing Dawn home soon. I don't want her to know you're here, so keep it quiet, ok?" Buffy started to clean the wounds on Spike's forehead as she spoke.

Spike flinched at the burn of the alcohol she used to clean his gashes.

"Baby."

"I'm the Big Bad, and you'll do well to remember that," Spike declared with some indignation.

"You're the Big BABY, is what you are," Buffy chuckled.

"Don't know why you're makin' such a fuss anyway. Not like any of this.…cleaning, bandages, whatnot, does *me* any good. I'll heal just fine without. I don't get infections, ya know."

"Well..…it does *me* some good. Relieves some of my guilt over this whole…..Glory-treating-you-like-a-punching-bag deal."

Spike smiled sarcastically at this. "Well, Slayer, as long as it makes *you* feel better, carry on."

"Hey, fine. I guess you don't want me *touching* your *body*," she said as she started to put away the supplies.

"Hey now, I didn't say stop! Just..…messin' with ya a bit. Kinda my job, ya know? Not much else I can do to you right now anyway. No, I take that back..…there's plenty I could do to you..…" Spike retrieved his mischievous smile.

"What did I say about those thoughts? And the not thinking them??"

"Right…..sorry, Slayer. Please..…continue touching my body while I think of wholesome things," Spike closed his eyes, mocking deep thought.

"I give up! I don't know why I even try!" Buffy said exasperatedly as she threw down the cloth she was using. Just then she heard the front door open.

"BUFFY?" Dawn called from upstairs.

Buffy jumped a bit and looked at Spike with a sternness that he loved. "Not a sound, or I won't even bother to clean up your dust when I'm done with you."

Spike smiled at her faux threat, then nodded in acquiescence.

By the time Buffy reached the basement door, Dawn was looking all around for her.

"Hey, here I am. Just down in the basement. Doing.…basement-y stuff," she tried to sound chipper and convincing.

"Ooook. Giles said to tell you hi. He said he was expecting a call from the Watcher's Council, so he had to go home."

"Oh…..alright. So um…..I should make dinner." Buffy headed to the kitchen.

"Xander ordered pizza for everyone. We waited for you."

"I know..…I just had to…..," Buffy searched for a convincing answer.

"To make sure Spike was ok?" Dawn finished.

"Spike? Oh..…yeah. I made sure he was…..ok."

"Giles told us that you said he didn't tell Glory about me. And that he looked really…..bad. Is he going to be alright?"

"Yeah..…he'll be fine. Vampires are resilient, ya know? He'll bounce right back in no time and be lurking outside our house before you know it!" Buffy tried for cheerful, but only achieved uncertain optimism.

"Ok. You're not still mad at him, are you? I mean, I know he, like, chained you up and stuff..…but..…" Dawn trailed off, not entirely sure how to finish.

Buffy completed her thought. "But he did something very nice for us today. Something he didn't have to do. Something I never imagined he would do..…No, I'm not mad at him anymore. But he's still a vampire, Dawn. We can't afford to forget that. Everything bad in Angel was because he was a vampire. We can't just let our guard down because Spike did something nice for us," Buffy was contemplating heavily her words.

"He's got a chip! He can't hurt anyone. He got tortured so Glory wouldn't find me. What more do you need?" Dawn was stunned at her sister's callousness.
Buffy couldn't find a response.

"I've got a lot of homework to catch up on. Then I'm going to bed." Dawn said coldly as she huffed upstairs.

"Dawn!" Buffy called after her, to no avail. Buffy sighed and started towards the living room when she remembered her guest in the basement.

She found Spike as she had left him, sitting quietly on the cot. He looked up at her and asked, "All well with the Summers sisters?"

"Everything's fine. Let's just get this finished," Buffy said harshly as she started again with cleaning his wounds.

"What's wrong, pet?" Spike asked quietly.

The weight of his words hit Buffy all at once. She stared at him blankly at first, then stood up as her eyes welled up with tears. Her entire body tensed and this took Spike by surprise. He leaned away from her, unsure of what to expect.

"What's wrong? What's WRONG?? My mother's dead, Spike. And if that's not enough, there is a crazy hell-god looking to take my sister from me too. And for the first time in my life, I can't fight the enemy and save the world. She's too strong. I can't fight a god! So if Glory doesn't kill me first, I'm going to have to live in a miserable world without my mom and my sister, and everyone will just expect me to carry on with my slayer duties because I'm supposed to be strong enough to handle whatever life throws at me. Well, I'm NOT. And I CAN'T!" With this, Buffy crumbled to the floor just in front of Spike, her head in her hands, sobbing.

Spike was taken aback for a long moment, hesitant to move. Then he reached out his hand to touch her shoulder. She didn't respond. Spike then slowly slid off the cot onto the ground beside Buffy, so that his legs were on either side of her huddled form. He cautiously put his arms around her, slowly drawing her to him. Buffy seemed not to notice, still sobbing into her hands.

"Shhh…..shhh, pet. It's alright..…Everything's going to be alright," Spike tried reassuring her, not entirely sure she could hear him, the state she was in.

They remained like that for a few minutes: Buffy, head in her hands, Spike, holding her gently, hoping to give her a bit of comfort before she realized who was embracing her.

**

TBC
 

CHAPTER 3: QUIVER

** **

When Buffy came out of it, she didn't push him away. She simply lifted her head, wiped her tears away, and slowly got up. Spike released her as she moved away, wondering what he should do next, if anything.

Buffy looked down at him and tried for a chuckle, "Let's talk about something else, huh? How about those dirty thoughts you were having about me?"

Spike smiled weakly at her remark and slowly lifted himself back onto the cot.

Buffy restarted her task, bandaging Spike's face. They didn't talk for a few minutes, Buffy keeping herself busy, Spike off in thought.

"Take off your shirt," Buffy demanded.

"What?" Spike was yanked back into reality.

"Your shirt. You have some cuts on your chest and stomach. I want to clean those up too."

"Ah, right. Ok," Spike slowly and with much pain, lifted his shirt over his head.
Buffy could see him struggling, so she helped him pull it off.

"Oww..…what is THAT from?" Buffy asked, pointing at the round wound on his chest.

Spike looked down at what she was pointing at, "Oh, that. That would be where the skank poked her finger into me. Dug around a bit. Hurt like hell, wouldn't recommend it." Spike smiled a bit, trying to lighten up the pained look on Buffy's face.

As Buffy worked on his chest, she rested one hand on his shoulder. Spike smiled as he felt her warmth. She was close now, kneeling between his legs in front of him. He closed his eyes and took in deep breath. He could smell her hair, feel her hands on him..…his mind started going places, and his body wanted to follow. Spike knew if she saw him aroused in anyway, she'd be disgusted and probably kick him out. Spike opened his eyes and looked around the basement for something else to focus on. Near the wall, he saw a box filled with photos and other items. He noticed the pictures were of Buffy and Riley. Spike rolled his eyes and gave a 'pfft' sound before he realized what he was doing.

"What?" Buffy asked.

Spike gestured with his head towards the box. "You don't have much room down here for many more exes, luv."

"Mind your own business," Buffy said without much emotion.

"So what was it, then? What was the death-knell for Slayer and Soldier Boy? It was the vamp-whore, wasn't it?" Spike asked with genuine sincerity.

"Spike…..it's none of your business." Buffy said, a bit more agitated.

"But I'm right, aren't I?"

Buffy sighed in half-surrender. "Irreconcilable differences. Happy? We just weren't compatible."

"Hmm..…no, he seemed to me like the type of lapdog that would be an over-achiever. Hated to fail at anything, am I right? I can imagine he would work on those incompatibilities, just so he could say he tried."

"Just because you work on something doesn't mean it will succeed," Buffy said, truly wondering why she was entertaining this conversation with Spike.

"But the poor twit tried, didn't he?" Spike smiled a bit, truly amazed that Buffy was having this conversation with him.

"He tried..…with some things. Some things just don't work no matter how hard you try."

"Oh yeah? What kinds of things? What things did GI Joe give his all to that just didn't work for you?" Spike said, a wicked thought forming.

Buffy just blushed and started arranging the supplies she had set on the floor.

Spike smiled broadly. "Ah…..well, pet, my theory is, a man isn't keeping his woman happy, the woman needs to find someone that will."

Buffy glared at Spike. "You are such a pig."

An evil grin crept on Spike's face. "If your bloke doesn't make ya quiver, he's doin' something wrong."

Buffy looked away from Spike, contemplating whether she should slug him or jab her finger into the hole Glory started.

"I could, ya know," Spike continued.

Buffy was broken out of her thoughts about how to most effectively hurt Spike. "Could what?"

Spike leaned in close, so that he was only an inch from her ear. He breathed her in deeply and whispered, "Make ya quiver. Been around a long time. Learned a thing or two about making a woman moan." Spike was pleasantly surprised that Buffy wasn't moving away.

"I can make you feel so good you'll pant and beg for more of the Big Bad." Spike pulled his face back to look at Buffy, he still had the wicked grin.

Buffy just smiled and pulled away from Spike. She looked him up and down and casually said, "Is that so?"
Spike nodded slowly.

"Spike, right now, you look like a hand job would turn you into a big pile of dust."

Spike rolled with the verbal punch quickly. "That an offer? Cuz I'd really prefer that to a stake if you're looking to kill me."

Buffy rose up in front of him. "I think we're done here."

"What about my leg?" Spike asked, his grin fading.

"Oh, right. Well..…and I cringe as I say this..…take off your pants."

Spike smiled and began quickly unbuckling his belt.

"WAIT! You ARE wearing underwear, aren't you?" Buffy asked.

"Um…..not for about a hundred years, luv," Spike answered, now unzipping his pants.

Buffy looked up and sighed, "Then I think your leg will just have to heal on its own."

Spike grinned at her as he fixed his pants back. "But wouldn't it make *you* feel better?"

"Goodnight, Spike," Buffy said as she started up the stairs. "Don't forget, keep quiet…..Oh..…and there's something for you in the duffel bag." Buffy closed the basement door behind her.

Spike smiled as he slowly grabbed the duffel bag and drug it closer. He pulled out the blood and set it on the ground. He dug around until he found his gifts. A pack of cigarettes and a bottle of bourbon. Sweet Slayer, Spike thought as he took a pull on the bottle.

**

TBC
 

CHAPTER 4: PROPOSITION

** **

Not being accustomed to sleeping at night, Spike laid on the cot for a couple of hours. He listened as Buffy was upstairs carrying on with her life. Doing the dishes, it sounded like. Some music. A couple of phone calls. The muffled sounds were clear enough to keep him interested, but too indistinct to make much of them. Then he noticed everything get quiet. 'Slayer went to bed. Wonder what she'd do if I crawled in there with her…Probably deck me. Gotta stop thinking like that. You're not going to get any closer to her if she thinks you just want sex.'

The basement door creaking snapped Spike out of his reverie. 'Oh..…Slayer coming to me? This could be interesting..…'
He sat up in his cot and shielded his eyes as the light came on.

"Spike!" It was Dawn, in light blue pajamas.

"Oh..…hey, Nibblet..…um..…I..…" Spike was truly at a loss.

"Buffy thinks I'm stupid. She hates the basement. She's been down here once in the last year, and that was to put away some Riley stuff. I knew she had something hid down here, but I didn't know it was you." Dawn was smiling, still a bit surprised.

"Yeah, well…..big sis just wanted to uh..…make sure that I uh…..Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"Don't worry, I'm not going to bug you all night. But I'm glad I have a chance to thank you. For what you did…..Glory and all."

Spike looked down, a bit befuddled. "It was..…nothing. Not as bad as all that."

"Is it as bad as it looks?"

"Ah, um..…my face…..yeah well. I bruise easy. Always have…Look, Buffy will kill me if she knows that you know I'm down here."

"Don't worry, the secret's safe with me. I was just curious, and well..…I'm glad it's you."

Spike smiled a bit and looked away again.

"Well, I'll let you…..sleep..…or whatever vampires do at night." Dawn started up the stairs.

"Night, little bit."

"Night, Spike. And thanks again. I'm sorry that you got so hurt."

"Forget it. Sweet dreams, huh?" Spike smiled at her.

"Let's hope so," Dawn replied, a bit uncertain.

With the help of the bourbon, Spike managed to fall asleep a few hours before daybreak.
Buffy checked on him once Dawn had gone off to school. He didn't stir at all as she approached him. She noticed the empty liquor bottle on the floor and figured him to be out for a while. She looked at his face. Most of the swelling was almost gone. His bruises were now a healing deep purple. Lying there, battered and not breathing, he could have easily passed for dead. But he didn't look dead to Buffy. He looked oddly sweet, innocent. Something he rarely looked when he was awake. No smirking, no smart remarks…just…Spike. She thought for a moment about what he might have been like before he was Spike. Before he was turned. Probably no platinum hair. Eyebrows are dark…probably brown hair. She couldn't form an image of him any other way than as she saw him lying there. She reached down and touched his cheek, tracing the strong jaw line. She had a momentary impulse to kiss him, gently, again. 'Hello, this is Spike we're talking about. We don't kiss Spike. Well, not again..…'

She let the impulse pass and went back upstairs. She let him sleep until the middle of the afternoon. She retrieved some blood from his supply and warmed it in the microwave. She walked quietly back down the stairs and stood over him for a minute before kneeling beside him.

"Spike. Wake up."

Spike moved a bit, then whispered, "Slayer..…yeah..…like that, luv."

Buffy looked at him quizzically, then noticed his hand moving slowly from his chest to his stomach..…and further. He was having a rather arousing dream. She panicked and turned her head just as Spike's hand reached his pants.

"Spike, wake up NOW or I swear I'll..…I'll…..God, wake UP!" She yelled, still refusing to look at him.

Spike roused a bit and looked over at her, noticing she was deliberately not looking at him. He was a bit confused until he looked down to where his hand was. 'Oh God, you idiot. What the bloody hell were you doing?' He tried to play it cool. "Uh..…enjoy the show, luv?" His tone was neither convincing nor cool.

Buffy kept not looking at him and said, "Here….. I brought you some blood..…just take it so I can go."

Spike frowned a bit and sat up, taking the mug from her. "Thanks," was all he could think to say.

As Buffy headed back to the stairs, Spike said, "Just like your mum..…"

"What about my mother?" Buffy shot back defensively.

"She always had a cuppa for me. Not usually blood..…but still. She was a nice lady, Buffy. I never got a chance to tell you, but I'm real sorry about her." Spike looked very sincere, and Buffy felt it.

"Thank you, Spike." After a long moment, she walked back toward him. She sat on the cot next to him. "This stuff, with Glory..…it feels like it's all coming to a head. She seems more desperate, like maybe she's running out of time. I don't really know, but I'm just getting a sense that whatever she needs Dawn for is going to happen soon. Spike, you're the only other person who can protect her. I know I don't have the right to ask this of you, especially after how I've treated you..…and after what Glory did to you, I'd imagine you're not eager to get tangled in this stuff any more than you are…..but….." Buffy was looking for the words.

Spike cocked his head and looked at her earnestly. "Whatever you need, Slayer. I'm you're vamp. I'll do whatever I can to protect Dawn."

Buffy smiled faintly and sighed, "Look, I know you..…have feelings for me and that's why you're doing this. But, I just..…Spike, don't help me because you think I'll owe you something."

Spike looked so heartbroken that Buffy had to look away. He stood up slowly. "Owe me something? Is that what you think? Hey, thanks for at least acknowledging that I can have feelings, but don't think for a bloody second that I want anything from you that comes from a feeling of debt or obligation. You're damned right I'm doing all this because I have feelings for you…..that I love you. I'm doing this because the part of me that loves you--the part that doesn't want to rip you to shreds on a daily basis, the part that is growing everyday-that part of me can't stand to see you hurting. I'd sooner rip out my eyeballs than see you cry. Yesterday, right here in the floor, you were in so much pain, and I ached -ached- because there wasn't a bloody thing I could do for you. Do you know what it takes to make a vampire ache inside?" At this, he pounded his fist on his chest to show her where he hurt.

"So, yeah..…I'm doing all this because I love you. And I'll do anything to keep you and Dawn safe. But no, I don't expect a damned thing from you, Slayer. You owing me…..no, that's not the way I want you. And I know…..I know I'll never have you like I want you. I've accepted that. But that doesn't change how I feel. God I wish it did, but it doesn't. So I help you and kid sis, because whatever it is in me that loves won't SOD THE HELL OFF!" Spike was red with anger, limping around the small basement.

Buffy didn't know what to say. She walked over to where Spike had settled, bracing himself on the washer, his entire body tense with anger. She touched his shoulder and he flinched. He slowly raised his head and looked at her. She could see his anger fading, but his eyes were just slightly wet.

"Spike…..I'm sorry. I didn't mean…..Look, I wanted to ask you..…will you stay here, until this thing with Glory is over? I don't think it will be long now, and I'd feel a lot better knowing there was someone else almost as powerful as me in the house, for Dawn. Free blood and booze for the duration..…" Buffy smiled weakly as Spike pondered the offer.

"You're asking me to stay here? In your house?" Spike was genuinely taken aback.

"Yeah. Please?" Buffy was pleading with her eyes, even though she knew his answer.

"Of course, Slayer. I'll play guard dog at the Summer's house." Spike gave her a small smile.

"Thanks." Buffy started up the stairs.

"Oh Slayer?" Spike called and Buffy turned to him.

"*Almost* as powerful as you?"

Buffy smiled. "You're right. That's not fair of me. With that chip in your head, you're nowhere near as powerful as me."

"Slayer..…when I get this chip out, maybe you and I will settle it once and for all," Spike said with a wicked grin.

"Maybe, Spike. Maybe. But all I have to do is find your weakness." With that, Buffy shut the door.

Spike smiled. 'You know my weakness, luv. And you're already using it.'

Spike slunk to the cot and took a moment to look around. He couldn't help but laugh. Here was a neutered, beaten vampire staying in a Slayer's basement-a Slayer that he loved-drinking blood from a mug, and sleeping on an old cot that his feet hung off of. It was a pretty sorry sight, but Spike knew he didn't want to be anywhere else in the world.

**

TBC
 

CHAPTER 5: HEALING

** **

Spike awoke to squealing and the weight of a body thrown on him. "Owww! What the bloody hell!" He opened his eyes to see Dawn on top of him, squeezing him painfully tight.

"Sorry! Sorry…..I just…..well, Buffy just told me that you're going to be staying here for a while. I'm just so excited! It's going to be the coolest having you live here." Dawn had a radiant smile on her face, and Spike had to smile back, through his pain.

Buffy watched the display from the stairs. She cleared her throat to get their attention. "Ok, Dawn, let's not hurt him any more than he is."

At this, Dawn's expression clouded and she looked over Spike's wounds again. Spike raised one eyebrow at Buffy who winced a little. Spike took Dawn's shoulders.

"Bit, I'm fine. Nothing a little rest and some O-Neg can't fix…..So what's your blood type?" Dawn looked up to see Spike chuckling at her. She couldn't help but smile too.

Buffy came up behind her sister. "Ok, why don't you go heat up a cup of blood for Spike? We'll be up in a minute." Dawn gave Spike a gentle squeeze and took off up the stairs.

Spike shook his head and smiled. "Well, I think the Nibblet is ok with me being here. How about her big sis?"

Buffy sat down on the cot next to Spike. "Uh, I *am* the one who asked you to stay. Or did Glory whack you on the melon too?" Buffy poked Spike in the temple for emphasis.

He shook his head again and said, "Look, we both know the only reason I'm here now is because you feel guilty. You don't need me looking after Dawn. You're the Slayer. You don't need help from the likes of me."

Buffy considered this for a moment. "No, I brought you here yesterday because I felt guilty. You're still here because I need you. Or, I need your help," she added quickly.
"I've never been able to do it alone. Giles, Willow, Xander, they've always been by my side. And before, it's always been about more than just strength and power. And I know it's more than that now. But Glory……she's strong. Well, you know….." Buffy trailed off and looked at Spike.

Spike looked down at himself, at his various bandages and bruises. "Bloody right, I do."

"And now…..it's a threat against my family. The only person left in this world that I love entirely, with no hesitation. So yeah, I'm going to use every resource I have to keep her safe. And I'm asking you to put yourself in harm's way again. And, Spike, believe me when I say that I would not blame you if you didn't want to do this. It's a lot to ask of someone who doesn't have a personal stake in this. I mean, she's not *your* sister, so I'd understand if you just wanted to get the hell out of town. God knows I wish I could."

Spike looked at her for a long time before saying, "I *do* have a personal stake in this, pet. *You.*" Buffy looked a bit uncomfortable and looked away. Spike added quickly, "Besides, I had a kid sister once. I know what it's like to be willing to give anything to keep them safe."

Buffy looked up at him with a strange expression. "*You* had a little sister? What was her name?"

"Sara," Spike whispered. "She was fiery, just like Dawn. Always think of her when the Bit's around." Spike was speaking so low and reverent that Buffy didn't know if she should say something.

"Do you miss her?" Buffy was looking with amazement at the tenderness she saw in Spike.

Spike just nodded. They sat in silence for a moment, until Dawn opened the door and shouted down that the blood was getting cold, and Spike should come up soon if he didn't want to be drinking a congealed breakfast. Spike turned up his lips in a disgusted sneer while Buffy chuckled. She called to Dawn that they were on their way up.

Spike stood slowly, wincing at the pain. Buffy dug around in the dryer for a shirt. She pulled out a pink top and held it up for Spike's approval. He just raised his eyebrows and she giggled. She finally handed him a plain white t-shirt which he tugged on with some difficulty.

"So, I take it your mates aren't going to be half as happy as Dawn that I'm staying here." Spike leaned on Buffy as they made their way up the stairs.

"Probably not. But, they'll deal. They don't have a choice." Buffy stopped before the door and looked at Spike, still leaning on her for support. "You've proven to me that I can trust you. That I can trust you with my family. And, you're willing to fight by my side, which, when it all boils down to it, are the only two criteria I have for letting someone hang around!"

Spike smiled softly at her. "Ok. Buffy? Thanks."

Buffy cocked her head at him quizzically. "For what? For bandaging you up? I told you, that was all guilt. From now on, you have to earn your perks."

Spike chuckled. "Perks, huh? I'll have to get details on those later. But, no, I mean…..thank you for letting me back into your life. Even if it is just to play watchdog. I never thought I'd get in your good graces again."

Buffy raised an eyebrow at him. "Good graces, huh? Well, you've certainly been on the receiving end of some bad ones lately. But, well, being in my life again…..it's one of those perks that you've earned." Buffy and Spike looked into each others eyes for what seemed an eternity. Buffy flushed and broke the gaze. "Another perk being the free, apparently cold, blood upstairs. So let's get you all healed up, cuz really…..dragging you all over the house, not going to happen!"

Spike chuckled as Buffy opened the door and helped him over the last step. Dawn ran over to him with some freshly heated blood and gave him a gentle hug. He was holding his Slayer on one side(or was being held by her) and his little Bit on the other. The day was definitely looking to be one of his better ones.

**

TBC
 

CHAPTER 6: CONFRONTATION

** **

Buffy's friends had not been pleased to find out Spike was now in residence All of Xander's flustered arguing halted when Buffy had told him she would do anything to keep Dawn safe, period. She did not see Spike as a threat at all, seeing as the chip kept him in check. She secretly felt that he would never hurt her anyway, but didn't feel this was the time to voice that opinion to her doubting friends.

Xander had made his feelings clear. Willow and Tara just seemed very concerned. Giles voiced his disapproval, feeling that perhaps Buffy was being manipulated by Spike. Anya just wondered aloud if Buffy and Spike would become orgasm friends now. That comment got a 'dear Lord' and a good glasses cleaning from Giles, a disgusted shudder from Xander, blushes from Tara, Willow and Dawn, raised eyebrows from Buffy, and a big-ass smirk from Spike. Well, actually he'd been wearing that smirk ever since Buffy had told her friends he would be living at her home. He couldn't help it, he was in heaven. The woman he loved trusted him and needed him. It was everything he could hope for at that point, her friends be damned.

"No, he's just here to help. To help me protect Dawn. There are times when I can't be with her, and he's stronger than you guys. I know you mean well, but Spike just has a better chance against whatever Glory has planned. Dawn will be with one of us at all times until this thing is resolved. That's all there is to it, guys. I know you don't like it, but you have to deal with it. I'd think you wouldn't argue about Dawn's safety. Even if you think Spike's motives aren't trustworthy, I don't care. I believe he will protect Dawn, and that's all that matters to me right now." Buffy turned to look at Spike leaning against the wall, still with the remnants of a smirk. "Anything you want to say here?" Spike straightened up.

"Uh, not particularly."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Maybe something to inspire trust?"

Spike looked at her strangely. "What do I care if the Scoobies trust me? They never have, never will, I assume. I figure I know their opinion of me, and it doesn't matter. Only thing that matters is what you think. You trust me, so that's good enough. Rest of 'em can sod off." Spike muttered his last line, but loud enough to be heard.

Xander stood up to argue, but Tara stood also and put her hand on his arm. "Look, it's not that we don't trust you, Spike. Well, ok, some of us don't. We're just concerned, is all. We want Dawnie to be safe too. This whole situation is just as much a shock to us as it is Buffy. But I, for one, say if she trusts you to take care of Dawn, then so do I. Not that it matters to you, but I do." Tara lowered her head with a smile.

Spike gave a grudging, "Thanks."

"Yeah, me too. I haven't had a reason to doubt Buffy's judgment before.....well, ok, we've had several reasons at one time or another, but this is different." Willow spoke up, then turned to Giles and Xander. "Look, Spike can't hurt anyone even if he wanted too. Trust me, I know first hand. I remember him trying to bite me, and he wasn't able to.....um, perform."

Spike's head shot up, "Hey!"

Willow looked down sheepishly, "Sorry, but you know what I mean. And if you guys are worried about Buffy, I think we've all seen she can take care of herself if he tries to get fresh. She's kicked Spike's can clear across town and back, even before he had the chip. Don't see why this would be any different."

"Gee, Red, I'm really feeling the love here." Spike frowned at Willow.

She gave him a little smile, but turned back to the two doubting men. Giles sighed and finally spoke up while Xander fumed.
"Very well. I fully know the absurdness of arguing with you, Buffy. I will respect your wishes, however foolish I feel they are." Giles looked toward Spike. "I assume I can bypass the threatening speech that includes a description of your painful demise should you harm either of these girls?"

Spike puffed up to say something, but Buffy looked back at him with pleading in her eyes. He melted. 'God, that woman has me by the short ones.' He sighed and just nodded towards Giles.

"Xander, if you have anything else to say about this, get it out now. I'm not going to put up with it beyond this point." Buffy crossed her arms and glared at Xander.

"Buff, we're just all worried about you guys. We want the best for you, for your safety. I'm just not so certain that having an evil, bloodsucking fiend living in your home is the best idea you've ever had."

That cinched it for Spike, he stormed toward Xander but was stopped short by Buffy's hand on his arm. He looked down at her hand and then up at her. "Spike, please. You'll just make it worse. My decision is made, no matter what they say. Just let it go. Please."

"No, Buffy, let him go. I'd like to see what Chippy would do. Throw a headache at me?"

"Xander!" Buffy yelled at him, but kept her eyes on Spike, squeezing his arm harder.

Spike nodded and left the room. The slamming of the basement door was his only response to the degradation he'd just experienced. 'If I didn't have this soddin' chip in my head.....what I could do to that boy. Hell, time was, I'd kill a man for looking at me funny. But now I gotta put up with insults from the whelp.' Spike threw a few half-hearted swings at the punching bag. He couldn't be very angry so soon after Buffy had been touching him. He closed his eyes and could still feel the warmth. It amazed him how just a look or touch from her could calm him and inflame him at the same time. He wondered if it was because he was in love or whipped. Then he wondered if there was a difference.

After a few minutes, Spike heard the front door slam. Then he heard the basement door open slowly. "Spike?" It was Dawn.

"Yeah, Nibblet?"

Dawn descended the stairs slowly. "Um, you ok? You didn't, like, trash everything down here, did you?" Dawn peered around cautiously.

Spike chuckled, "Now why would I do that? It'd just put me on your sister's bad list. And right now she's the only one who likes me."

Dawn marched up to him, "Hey, I like you to! And I liked you before Buffy did!"

Spike smiled, "I know, Bit, but you've always liked me. I don't mean you, you've always been on my side. But your sister is another matter.....still not sure she actually *likes* me, but she's tolerating me. Good enough for me."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Ya big liar! You *so* want to make her your love monkey!"

Spike looked aghast at her. "Nibblet! I do not! I just....I want Buffy and I to be friends."

"Huh, right. Like you had the Buffybot built for friendship." Dawn raised her eyebrows at him and gave a knowing look.

Spike wanted to jump into a hole at that point. "Uh, you know about that, eh? Uh, well, see, Bit....that was just....umm....."

"Wrong." Buffy finished for him from the stairs. Dawn and Spike both jumped at her presence. "Dawnie, Spike knows that was wrong. He made a mistake. We all make mistakes, and we're not going to hold it against him. Now why don't you go order a pizza. I need to talk to Spike for a minute."

"Can we get anchovies? Pleeeaaassseee?" Dawn clasped her hands, begging.

Buffy made a disgusted face. "Yech, Dawn, you are so weird sometimes! You can get it on your half, but if my half smells fishy, you're doing the dishes for a week!" Buffy smiled as Dawn giggled, running up the stairs.

"So, pet. What did you need to talk to me about?" Spike sat down on his cot, leaning against the wall.

Buffy walked over and sat beside him. He felt the electricity that he always noticed when she was near him. It made his skin tingle and he had to keep himself from pulling her closer. He put his hands behind his head to keep them occupied.

"Spike, look.....you have to understand that it's hard for them, my friends. They don't trust you. After what you did for Dawn, I can't *not* trust you. But they didn't see.....they don't know.....I mean, I could just tell that you meant what you said. You really would die before you let anything happen to Dawn, wouldn't you?"

Spike sat up and looked straight into her eyes. His gaze was so intense it made her momentarily uncomfortable. "I swear it, Buffy. And not just because I know it would crush you, but because I love Dawn too. I know, you don't think I can love, but I'm telling you I can, and I do. I love you and the Bit. Like I said, she reminds me of my little sister. I will protect her with my life."

Buffy was blushing now at his passion. 'How did I never notice the intensity in his eyes? They're piercing.' She shook her self out of the depth of his eyes and focused on his words.
"I know. I believe you. That's why you're here. I trust you, Spike." He smiled at her and she quickly got up and walked to the stairs.

"Buffy," Spike stopped her, moving slowly to her. "Do you think that there would ever be a time.....I mean, that maybe someday....." Spike paused. 'No, you idiot. Don't do this. You'll ruin everything you have right now.' "What I mean is, do you think your friends will ever *not* want to stake me on sight?" Spike sighed. 'Nice recovery, soddin' git. You almost threw away the best thing to drop in your lap.'

Buffy smiled, "I don't know, Spike. Give it time. They'll just have to get used to you being around more."

Spike raised his eyebrows. "Well, if you're right, and this Glory bird is on a tight schedule, I don't imagine we have much time for them to get over their seething hatred of me."

Buffy raised her eyebrows in kind. "You planning on getting more dead than you already are?"

"Uh, no, but once this is all over, I don't figure--"

"Spike," she interrupted, "We're going to beat her. We're all going to make it. And then, yeah, there will be plenty of time for you all to become the best of buddies."

Spike scoffed, "Oh please, I don't think for a second that once this is all over that I'm going to be as welcome as I am now. Once the guard dog has served his purpose, you turn him lose, isn't that right?" Spike was upset with himself that he was making an issue out of this now, when he should be enjoying her presence and hospitality. But he couldn't drop it, not now.

"What? You think I'm just going to have you help protect my sister who loves you, and then kick you out of her life? Spike, she's had enough people leave her already. And as much as I tried to get *you* to leave, you wouldn't. I didn't think that after this is over that would be any different. Even if *I* wanted you out of her life, she needs a friend. I'm not going to take away the one person she will actually talk to openly. I know she talks to you. I know she goes out to your crypt after school. She won't talk to me, Spike. I try to get her to open up, but she just puts up a front. I don't know what to do anymore." Buffy's eyes were wet with tears, and Spike thought at that moment she sounded so tired.

Spike reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. He marveled that she let his hand linger on her face. "Pet, she's a teenager. They're hardwired to talk, but just not about the important things. And yeah, she does talk to me. About school, you, your mum. She misses her a lot. I've told her to talk to you, but she doesn't want to hurt you. She thinks that talking about Joyce will upset you, and she doesn't want to do that for the world. She looks up to you so much. And she loves you. Who wouldn't? I think she just needs a neutral ear sometimes. Especially when she's mad at you. Let me tell you, that's some stuff you don't need to hear." Buffy looked up at him and chuckled a little. Spike gave her a sweet smile. Buffy sighed and started up the stairs. She stopped and looked down at Spike.

"She needs you, Spike. Please don't let her down. Please don't leave her." She turned and left him standing in the basement.

"I won't leave, pet. I won't leave either one of you." Spike said after she had shut the door.

**

CHAPTER 7: CONDITIONED

** **

"SPIIIIKKKKE!"

Spike was up the stairs in a flash, ready for the danger with his game face on. When he saw Dawn standing in the bathroom doorway unharmed, he looked around for the threat. "What? Nibblet, what is it?"

"How many times do I have to tell you NOT to use my conditioner! This is especially for MY hair type. Not your bleached up, fried out excuse for hair."

Spike slid out of his vamp face with a exhausted sigh. "Good grief, Dawn, I thought you were being eaten alive or something. Do you *have* to scream like that?"

Dawn crossed her arms. "Stop dodging the issue. And why do you use it anyway? Guys aren't supposed to care about that kind of stuff. Not like it does you any good, anyway. Like I said, it's not *for* your hair type." Spike walked up to Dawn and grabbed her hand. He ran it through his hair. "Oh, wow. Your hair is a lot softer than it looks." Dawn continued to pet Spike's head like a puppy until they heard a loud 'ahem'.

They turned to see Buffy at the top of the stairs, her eyebrows raised. Spike straightened up and looked a little embarrassed. Dawn grabbed Buffy and pulled her close.

"Here, feel this!" Dawn ran Buffy's hand through Spike's hair. "Isn't it so soft?"

Buffy chuckled a bit as she let Spike's admittedly soft hair slide through her fingers. Spike closed his eyes, enjoying her touch. A low rumble emanated from his chest. Buffy yanked her hand back. "Gee, sorry, Mr. Touchy!"

Spike's eyes flew open. "What?"

"Hey, no need to growl, you don't want me touching your hair, fine!"

"I wasn't growling! I was.....never mind."

"Purring! Spike was purring!" Dawn started laughing hysterically, pointing at Spike in case anyone was wondering what the cause of her glee was.

"I wasn't bloody purring! I'm not an animal. Well, I'm not a cat, at any rate." Spike's bottom lip stuck out in earnest for an impressive pout.

Buffy couldn't resist. "Oh, look at that lip!" Spike cocked his head toward her and they both smiled at the memory.

"Whatever, you're a fluffy little kitten who used all my conditioner up!" Dawn tried to draw the focus back to her crisis.

"Did not! I don't use conditioner. Only girls and poofy men use that stuff. Bet Peaches uses gallons of it, though it might negate that 'straight up' style he seems to go for.....dunno about him sometimes."

Dawn grabbed a handful of Spike's hair, much to his protest. "Oh, right, and your centuries dead follicles just happen to be sprouting soft, smooth hair. Suuuuure."

Buffy stepped between the two, forcing Dawn to release her grip while Spike pouted some more. "Ok, I think I know how to settle this. Spike, you're not a kitten.....you're a tiger. A tiger who happens to have suspiciously soft hair. And Dawn, you can use my conditioner until I go to the store."

"*Yours*? Spike should be using yours. You're both dye jobs, after all. And if you're going to the store, get him some of his own things. Like conditioner. And pop tarts. He ate all the strawberry pop tarts!"

Buffy turned to Spike, her arms folded. "What? I can't help it that I like 'em. Dip 'em in a little bit of blood....." Buffy shuddered in disgust.

"God, Spike, is there *any*thing you won't dip in blood?"

Spike looked up at the ceiling, contemplating the question. "Um, probably. I mean, there are plenty of things I haven't tried with blood. But that's not to say I wouldn't.....hmmm, have to get back to you on that one."

The girls curled up their lips and gave a simultaneous 'ughh'.

"Hey, perks of living with a vampire!" Spike grabbed each girl in a headlock. "And you love it!" With that, he kissed the tops of their heads and released them. He retreated down the stairs, leaving the Summers women shaking their heads.

Dawn leaned in conspiratorially with Buffy. "So, whaddya think?"

"Oh, he definitely conditions." Both girls giggled.

"I heard that!" Spike yelled from downstairs.

The girls giggled some more as Dawn made her way to bed.

Buffy sat down next to Spike on the couch. "That vamp hearing is really something, huh?"

Spike gave her a sideways glance. "Uh huh, another perk of living with a vampire. There's precious little that goes on here that I don't catch."

"I'll keep that in mind. Well, Dawn's in bed, so I'm gonna go do a quick patrol." Buffy put on her shoes, deciding on her sensible sneakers instead of her stylish, yet affordable boots.

"Why don't you let me go, pet? You need a night off once in a while. And I feel a right useless piece of meat letting a girl go out and do all the fighting while I sit on my arse watching the telly."

Buffy stood up chuckling. "This *girl* happens to be the Slayer. It's *my* sworn duty, not yours."

Spike stood up. "Yeah, but I'm offering here. Don't you ever want to leave the slaying to someone else? Don't you just want to take one night and curl up on the couch, watching some chic flick or whatall? Maybe a nice cuppa cocoa.....get all cozy and *not* be drudging through mud and demon guts?"

"Yeah, that sounds really great. But I can't. I can't be a normal girl, Spike. You know that. And besides, I'm not so sure you're 100% yet."

Spike sighed. "It's been more than a week, pet. I'm fine. Better than fine. You wanna go a couple rounds with me, just to make yourself feel better about letting me out into the big bad world? I mean, I can't hit ya, but I can at least show you I can defend myself. Come on, Buffy, I've been cooped up here this whole time. It's unnatural!"

"That's not true, Dawn takes you out on walks sometimes after the sun goes down." Buffy covered her mouth to hide her giggles.

"Oh, you are so going to get it, Slayer." Spike made a playful but aggressive leap for her. Buffy sidestepped and brought her knee up on instinct. She made hard contact with little Spike.

Spike laid on the floor groaning, balling himself into the fetal position. Buffy knelt down beside him.

"Oh, God, Spike. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.....oh, geez, is it bad?" Spike's eyes flashed yellow and Buffy moved back. "Ok, I'm guessing bad."

"Just GO, Slayer," Spike gritted out while holding his groin.

"Um, are you sure. I can get some.....ice or something." Spike let out a loud growl. "Ok, that was SO not purring." Buffy grabbed her coat and eased herself out the door. She heard another low growl before she was off the porch.

**
 

CHAPTER: 8 TOUCHED

** **

Buffy returned from patrolling to find Spike sitting on the couch, asleep. His chin was tucked into his chest, and the remote was close to falling from his hand. She gently sat down next to him and slid the remote out of his hand. She muted the tv and watched Spike sleep. She thought about all the times they had fought, both ready and willing to kill the other. She remembered their first fight in the school, when her mom had brained him with an axe. It was hard to imagine that this man sleeping on her couch was the same one from that night, so many years ago. Buffy reached up and gently ran her fingers through his hair. The purring started almost instantly. It took Buffy some effort not to giggle. Slowly, Spike opened his eyes. Waking up to Buffy caressing him was definitely a high point of his unlife. When she caught Spike's gaze, Buffy removed her hand, a bit embarrassed. The purring stopped.

"How do you do that?"

"What?"

"The purring.....or whatever you call it."

"Oh, uh, well, it's not really voluntary. Can't help it. And I can't do it if I try to. So, um, how was patrolling? You weren't gone very long."

"Oh, ya know. A few vamps. When I spun around to kick one behind me, I pulled a muscle in my back. So very ouch, I do not recommend it. Decided to come home early after that. Didn't think I'd be much good, stooped over like an old lady." Buffy stretched her back, wincing a bit.

"Where? Here?" Spike put a bracing hand on Buffy's shoulder and another hand in the middle of her back.

"No, up more." Spike slid his hand upward, applying pressure as he went. "OWW! There.....that's the spot. Ouch, don't--"

"Tut, tut, Slayer, just let me work. I know a thing or two about a thing or two. I think I can help you out." He softened the pressure a bit and moved his hand in circles over the offending area.

"God, isn't that sad? The Slayer pulled a muscle. I've *never* pulled a muscle."

"Then you're not doing it right," Spike mumbled under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing, just hush now. Relax. That's your problem. You're too tense when you fight, that's how you pull muscles."

"Well, yeah, I'm kind fighting for my life every night. Tends to create tension."

"Oh please, Slayer. Dusting fledglings? Hardly even a challenge for you. You need to trust your abilities more. Trust your instincts. Stop thinking so much. Then you'll be able to relax when you fight."

"Um, I do believe it was my instincts that made contact with your.....boy parts."

"*Man* parts, thank you, and you did right. Vamp's attacking, you do what you need to do to stay safe. Even if said vamp happens to be me."

"Yeah, well, sorry all the same." Buffy started moaning a bit at Spike's ministrations.

"Forget about it. Descended testicles are highly overrated anyway."

Buffy tried to laugh, but all that came out were little moans. Spike smiled at her, turning into jelly in his hands.

"How did you....mmmm.....I mean......how do you know what to do? Cuz whatever you're doin', don't stop.....mmmm."

Spike chuckled, "Well, pet, ya learn a lot of things being on this earth as long as I have. Like how to turn a woman into putty with a touch....." With that, Spike moved his bracing hand down her back and pushed his thumbs into her aching muscle.

"AAOOWwwwwwwwwoooooohhhhhhmmmmmm" Buffy slumped back into Spike's chest. "God, that's something I hope doesn't get out.....could be dangerous....." Her head was lolled back on Spike's shoulder.

Spike slid his hands around her waist and let them rest on her stomach. Then he turned to whisper in her ear. "In the wrong hands, it could be. But you're safe, luv. Always safe with me."

"Hmm.....normally I'd be arguing with you over something like that, but I'm just too.....liquid right now. I feel like liquid. How did you do that?"

"Ah, I can't divulge all my secrets. Now I think it's a good time for you to get to bed, being all relaxed as you are. Come on, now." Spike tried to prod her up, but she stayed leaned back in his arms.

"Huh uh, don't wanna. Can't move....." Buffy had her eyes closed.

Spike shifted a bit and then scooped her up in his arms. "Alright, you don't wanna go, I'll take you."

"Spike, what are you doing?" Buffy was tensing up in his hold.

"No no, luv, just stay relaxed. Trust me, you'll sleep better than you ever have. If you let all your muscles go.....get rid of all that tension right before you sleep, you'll wake up feeling as young and spry as you are." Spike started up the stairs with her, and she did her best to relax in his arms.

When he reached her bed, he laid her gently down and started to pull up a cover over her. "No, Spike, wait. I'm still dressed. I need to get into my jammies."

"Now, Slayer, you're going and ruining all my hard work," Spike said as Buffy got off the bed.

As Buffy pushed Spike out the door, she said, "Guess you'll just have to come in and do it again."

Spike raised an eyebrow at her as the door closed. He only had a couple of minutes to stand there wondering where all his sudden good fortune came from. Soon she opened the door with a flourish and he entered again. She was in some flannel bottoms and a white tank top. Spike hoped she didn't notice him noticing how very clearly he could see her breasts through the thin material.

Buffy laid down on her stomach, an open invite to Spike. Spike took a deep breath and considered all the wonderful things he could do to her in that position. But not tonight. Tonight was just for her comfort and relaxation. He climbed up on the bed and straddled her backside. He took a moment to soak in the scene before him. His Slayer, laid out below him, wanting his hands on her body. Not in exactly the way he wanted, but it was close enough that he could almost taste that heaven.

Spike took the lethal risk of slowly pushing up Buffy's shirt, just above the middle of her back. Instead of kicking him into next week, she raised her torso so the shirt could be positioned and stay in place. Spike splayed his hands out over her back, trying to memorize the silkiness for his inevitable dreams. He found the sweet spot again and pressed down, making little circles with his palms. Buffy moaned again, then stretched like a cat. 'No, a tigress,' Spike thought with a smile. He continued his work as he felt her body loose all tension. She sunk into the bed and pillow with a sigh. When he sensed her drift off to sleep, he grudgingly removed himself from his post on her body.

"Spike," she said sleepily.

"Pet?"

"Don't go."

"Um, you want me to stay?"

"Uh huh. I might wake up, and you'll have to do that thing again.....that thing that makes me all soft and liquidy."

"Ok, luv." Spike grabbed a pillow and tossed it on the floor.

"No, here. With me. Sleep with me, Spike."

Spike took a deep breath. "Pet, I don't think--"

"Me neither. Tired of thinking. Don't make me think too much about this, or we'll both end up sleeping alone. And I know neither one of us wants that right now." Buffy had her eyes closed, still looking completely relaxed.

Spike shrugged. "You're not wrong." He slipped onto the bed beside her, both on top of the covers. Spike laid on his side, watching Buffy with wonder and some confusion.

"Spike?"

"Slayer?"

"Tell me you love me." Eyes still closed, still completely tension-free.

"I love you, Buffy." Spike felt like he had never meant the words more.

"Thank you." She was slurring now, any minute she'd be a goner. "It feels good, being loved." A yawn. "Maybe someday.....I can return the favor." A little snore, and she was out.

**

CHAPTER 9: FOCUS

** **

Spike didn't sleep at all. He watched her. Watched her breathing, listened to her slow, steady heartbeat. It should have been so soothing to him. But it did little to calm his mind, which kept turning over that phrase 100 times a minute. 'Maybe I can return the favor.' He didn't know how to take it. Was it sleepy ramblings? Did she mean it? Spike wanted to believe she meant it, but couldn't really hope that much.

Buffy woke to find Spike looking at her. She smiled at him. His face lit up.

"Thanks. You're right, last night was the best sleep I've had in a long time." Buffy rolled over on her back, stretching.

"Happy to oblige, m' lady."

"You didn't sleep?"

"Nah, creature of the night, ya know."

"Well, that's good, cuz I think I might make this a regular thing. If I can get that kind of sleep every night, Glory won't know what hit her! And since you'll be up late anyway....."

"Whatever you need, luv. Gotta admit, you letting me be in your room, much less your bed.....threw me for a loop. I assume *that*'s not going to be a regular thing....." Spike tried to keep the hope out of his voice.

"Well.....I don't know. You're kind of handy. But probably not. Seeing as how I'm not sure what Dawn would think of you emerging from my room every morning. But the mushy massage thing.....definitely a service I might request in the future."

Spike smirked, "Oh yeah? And what kind of payment does that include?"

Buffy looked into his sparkling eyes and smiled. She turned on her side and reached up to caress his face. Then she leaned in and gave him a chaste kiss, not unlike the one she gave him after Glory had tortured him. Just as he had done that night, Spike pulled back, confused.

"Don't want that kind of payment."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Oh no? Since when?"

"Don't want anything from you out of obligation. Told you that already." Spike sat up and tried to leave the bed, but a hand on his shoulder stilled him.

"Spike.....I know you have no reason to believe me. And I don't fully understand it myself. But I meant what I said last night."

Spike stiffened. "You said a lot of things last night. Care to be specific?"

"Everything. I meant it all."

"Yeah, I particularly remember the bit where you said if you thought too much, I'd be sleeping alone."

"I meant that too. Because you're right, I do think too much. I overanalyze things, *every*thing. I think I just need to relax. And you do that for me. And I don't just mean the killer massages. Knowing you're here for Dawn.....for me.....it helps me not worry so much. I don't feel like I have to do it all on my own. I feel safe, protected. Funny, huh? The Slayer feels protected by a vampire. But I do. It's something I can't argue, even with myself. And believe me, I've tried. But you love me. And I feel it. And it's nice. And I know the others love me too, but sometimes I think they're just keeping their heads above water. They shouldn't have to worry about me in all this. It's always been my job to worry about them. And since my mom died, no one worries just about me and Dawn. Sure, there's Giles, but he's *every*one's surrogate father. He worries for us all. Hell, he worries for the *world*. But you.....you worry for me and Dawn. I know it's kind of selfish, but I like it. Thinking that there is someone who is really concerned about me. Someone who loves me above anything else. I mean, I felt it with Angel, but still.....he had the weight of the world on him. I guess there is a perk to being soulless." Buffy tried for a chuckle, but it wouldn't come. "Look, Spike, I don't want to give you the wrong idea. Either way. I'm not saying something will happen with us, but I also want you to know that I'm not denying that I do have some feelings for you. Seeing you with Dawn all this time, seeing how you protect her and love her. Feeling how you love me. How could I not feel something? *What* I feel is the question, and I'm so sorry to say I can't focus on it right now. I just want to enjoy what little happiness I can right now. I have Dawn and Glory to focus on, but knowing you're by my side makes that easier. And I know it isn't fair, but I just can't focus on you.....or us right now."

Spike turned to look at Buffy, seeing her solemn face made him smile. "Pet, you *shouldn't* focus on me. You have the Nibblet to look after. *We* have her to look after. The only thing I want from you is to let me keep doing what I have been, looking after and loving my Summers girls. You let me do that, and I'm a happy vamp. Anything else that comes along is just icing, ya know?" Spike bent down and gave Buffy a kiss on the forehead. He then got up and stretched.

As he walked to her bedroom door, Buffy asked, "Why are you so good to us?"

Spike smiled and said without turning, "You know the answer to that, pet."

He opened the door to find Dawn emerging from the bathroom with saucers for eyes. "Um, morning, Spike," she said with a giggle.

Spike just nodded his head and said, "Nibblet," as he quickly made his way to the stairs.

Dawn bounded into Buffy's room, Buffy smiling wide. "Oh my God, did you two *do* it?"

"God, gutterbrain, no we did not. Spike just.....we just talked for a while and fell asleep. I hurt my back on patrol and he helped me to bed. I let him stay. Just for sleeping though."

"You *so* totally like him now, don't you?" Dawn was giddy at all the possibilities.

Buffy smiled and stretched again, not unlike a tigress. "Well, Dawnie, you're not wrong."

THE END

**