Never Gave Up, part 5/?

By: Rachel

See Part One for all the author notes and disclaimer.

~*~*~*~

It had been over a week, almost two by now, since Buffy and her army had fled Sunnydale, leaving nothing but a pile of rubble and dust where a thriving small town had once stood.

Two days ago, Giles, Robin Wood, and Faith had left to take the remaining Slayers back to their homes before returning to England and beginning the long process of re-establishing the Watcher's Council. Now their circle of friends was down to six -- Xander, Willow, Kennedy, Andrew, Buffy, and Dawn.

Dawn had been watching Buffy over the last few days, worried about how her sister was dealing with everything that had happened; more importantly, who she had lost. Dawn carefully watched Buffy's expressions, her eyes, her movements, and noticed that everything her sister did was...slow. As if she had lost that spark of life within her after the final battle.

In Dawn's defense, however, she was surprised that it took as long as it did for everything to sink into her sister's incredibly thick skull.

Before leaving, Giles had given the gang a large sum of money that was left over from the old Watcher's Council, which would hopefully help the gang get back on their feet. Because of this, the group of six decided to take a break from the fast-food restaurants and cheap dine-ins and eat dinner somewhere a bit classier than McDonald's. Andrew suggested Outback since he saw it coming up on the traffic signs. Xander, who was currently driving, agreed, and pulled the school bus into the parking lot a few minutes later.

"Y'know," Xander started as he climbed off the bus. "We really are going to have to get something cooler to travel around in than a Sunnydale County school bus."

"I second that," Dawn agreed.

"With what, Xander?" Buffy asked him. "We're kinda broke, remember? Giles' money will last for only so long."

"Everything will work out in the end, Buffy," Xander tried to assure his friend. "We'll figure things out...start over, all new. And things will be okay. Hey, we made it through the apocalypse of the century, I think we can manage buying a new car."

Buffy smiled up at him. "I hope you're right, Xander."

"When am I ever not?" He joked back, reaching out and squeezing her shoulder before closing the bus door behind him.

Once inside, the group piled into a booth in the back of the restaurant and looked at the menu in front of them. After their waitress took their orders for drinks, Dawn commented, "I think I want one of everything," as she looked over at all of the steaks listed. "God, we haven't eaten real food like this in days."

Everyone else quickly agreed.

"What can I get for you all tonight?" Their waitress, Shannon, asked. "Would you like to start off with an appetizer?"

"Ooh, I would," Andrew enthusiastically said. "I think I'd like one of your flowering onion things."

Dawn bit her lip and looked nervously around the table, her eyes ending on Buffy, wondering if her sister had made the obvious connection between the food Andrew just ordered and the vampire that loved to eat them. Buffy's face was expressionless, her eyes focused on the menu in front of her, as if she hadn't heard what Andrew had requested. Maybe she didn't hear him...Dawn thought.

Xander, Willow, and Kennedy also ordered an appetizer before the waitress left. Willow and Kennedy whispered back and forth to each other for a few seconds before Willow cleared her throat and spoke up. "Since we're here, uh, we want to make an announcement."

"Willow and I," Kennedy started, looking at her lover for a beat before continuing, "have decided that...that we want to keep on fighting. There's still a lot of good we can do out in the world, and we know where we want to go."

"Giles talked to us some before he left, and convinced us..." Willow continued. "We're going to the Hellmouth in Cleveland." She smiled and then grabbed a hold of Kennedy's hand and squeezed tightly.

There was a beat of silence at the table as that thought processed through everyone's mind. "Wow, Will..." Buffy began. "That's...that's really..."

"That's really great," Xander finished, a smile on his face. "I'm going to miss you two."

"Well, you'll have to come visit," Willow suggested. "A lot...like every weekend." Maybe move out there with us, because I can't imagine my life without my best friend.

"Wow," Dawn whispered, having never really thought that her life after Sunnydale might not include everyone she had grown up with. "I'm going to miss you guys, too."

Andrew looked at everyone and sniffed. "I think I'm gonna cry."

Everyone at the table rolled their eyes.

"Ooh, look, our appetizers are here," Andrew said joyfully, placing his napkin in his lap and reaching over the table for the ketchup.

"Blooming onion?" The waiter asked, holding up the fried onion.

"Me," Andrew announced before the waiter placed all the other dishes down and left the gang to their food.

Andrew reached for the bottle of ketchup at the end of the table and drizzled the sauce over the fried onion peels. He pulled apart a piece of the fried onion and smiled, saying, "Wow, these things are just great." He stuffed it in his mouth before continuing to speak. "Y'know who else loved these?"

No, no, Dawn thought. Don't say his name, you little twerp.

"Spike absolutely loved these," Andrew continued. "He told me how they made them and said he loved them and..." he looked around the table, noticing Dawn dragging her index finger across her throat and glaring at him next to Willow's wide eyed expression. "Woops," he whispered.

"Yeah, Spike really loved those," Buffy whispered, a tear falling down her cheek. It was the first time that anyone had spoken about Spike in a normal tone, as if he wasn't head. Buffy remembered that whenever she had seen Spike at the Bronze he was always complaining about their flowering onions, or sometimes, the lack of them.

And suddenly, she couldn't stop the tears. Buffy's burst out crying, holding her head down and trying to hide from her friends as she openly sobbed over her lost lover.

"Oh God, Buffy," Dawn whispered, leaning over and hugging her sister. "I'm so sorry." Dawn rocked Buffy back and forth as her sister hung onto her tightly.

Inside, Buffy was in turmoil. She felt dead inside -- more dead right now than a year ago when she was actually yearning for death once more. Buffy knew that she had lost Spike permanently . There was no returning for that type of death she had witnessed, and it was futile to give herself ideas of hope.

No, she had lost him -- forever.

And when it truly sunk in that she had lost Spike for good, an important part of her inside gave up.

~~~

Although Spike made a speedy recovery that surprised even the doctors, it was still almost another week before he was released from the hospital with strict orders to rest at home and continue to heal.

During the course of the week Spike spent in the hospital, Angel, along with the help from Wolfram and Hart, bought Spike a place to live near the rest of the crew, created ID and the necessary papers to make him legal in the US, and established a small bank account to help Spike get on his way.

The first day in his new apartment, Spike felt miserable. He was now living in an alien surrounding and had to deal with the new ways of being human -- which meant no more smoking, for one thing.

However, a couple days passed and he quickly adapted to living. Spike actually began enjoying his life, and it wasn't long before he was actively up and about, taking small walks and enjoying the fact that he was in the sunlight for the first time in over a hundred years.

Everything would have been perfect in his life if it weren't for that one empty space in his heart -- that place he knew was still dead inside.

Buffy.

God, how he missed her.

He missed her strength, her voice, her presence, fighting along side her, and being with her every chance he could be. Even though he was overcome with joy and pride that they had beaten the First and Buffy and her friends were out there *somewhere*, Spike was beginning to lose hope of ever finding her again.

~~~

The first day he was feeling strong enough to make the trip and back, Spike headed out to Wolfram and Hart, intent on finding answers and his Slayer.

Spike walked into the law firm, staring in awe at the massive building. Well, I hate to admit it, but I must say that the Poof has gone up in taste now that he's working for the black hats, he thought, walking up to the front desk.

"Good afternoon," a young, brown haired woman in glasses greeted him.

"Hello, love. I'm here to see Pea -- Angel," Spike said to the main receptionist.

"Do you have an appointment?" she requested.

Spike raised his eyebrows, staring at her in disbelief. "You need an appointment to see the great Poo-Bah, now, do you?"

"Sir, if you don't have an appointment for Mr. Angel, I'm just going to have to ask you to leave, so--"

"Why don't you just tell *Mr. Angel* that Spike is here to see him," he suggested.

At hearing his name, the receptionist's eyes widened and she looked at him apologetically. "Oh, my apologies sir. Mr. Angel said that you might be stopping by sometime later this week...we just weren't expecting you so soon."

"That's quite alright, ducks," Spike replied. "Can you just tell me where I can find him?"

"Sure. It's on the tenth floor, room 10-15," she informed him.

"Thanks."

Spike headed towards the elevator and hit the "10" button on the side of the wall. Damn, this place is quite posh, Spike thought to himself as the elevator rose. Angel's probably just loving all of this.

A few seconds later, Spike stood outside Angel's door, knocking on the door for a few seconds.

"Come in," he heard a voice call out from inside.

Spike pushed open the door and stepped inside, squinting at the bright sunlight filtering inside the room. "Bloody hell, peaches...you do realize it's noon outside?"

Angel chuckled, and stood up from his chair, saying, "It's alright, Spike, I'm safe inside."

"How is this possible?" Spike asked as he stepped inside and walked up to the windows.

"Special glass, allows me to be in sunlight without burning. It's all around the firm," Angel explained. "I was wondering when you might show up here. Are you feeling better?"

Spike grimaced, rubbing his side. "Still healing...sore in some areas, but better."

Angel walked around his desk and leaned against the front of it as Spike sat down in one of the chairs that faced Angel. "So, what are you doing here, Spike?"

"Look, I appreciate everything you've done for me," Spike began. "Thanks."

"No problem," Angel assured him. He smirked before adding, "See? Wasn't so hard to thank me after all, was it?"

Spike chuckled. "Anyway, I'm better now...think it's time for me to push off."

"Push off?"

"To find Buffy," Spike explained. "I've got to find her. Tell her that I..." he faltered and looked away from Angel. "Look, I need to find her."

"Spike...I -- I don't think that's a good idea right now," Angel began.

"Why not?"

"I just...I think that --"

Before Angel could get another word in, Fred and Wesley barged into his office, both with wide eyes and worried expressions. "Angel!" Fred cried out.

"What is it?" Angel asked, standing up.

"There's an emergency. Some kids over on Sunset got trapped in the sewers with a nest of vampires and some type of demon that I can't pronounce, and...oh, hey Spike," Fred greeted, waving her hand in Spike's direction.

"G'afternoon, pet," Spike answered, giving her a slight, faint smile.

During the week that Spike was healing at home, Fred visited him nearly every day. She helped him get reacquainted with the human world, introduced him into new foods, and gave him tips on surviving in LA. Spike liked her bubbly attitude and tendencies to babble on. She reminded him of Willow, especially when she babbled.

While Fred had been keeping herself busy by helping Spike, Wesley had also been busy by helping Spike find more out about the Prophecy. He and Lilah had spent time translating more of the prophecy and came to the conclusion that the prophecy was indeed meant for Spike.

"How are you?" Wesley asked.

"Feeling pretty damn good," Spike explained. "Yourself?"

"Oh, quite alright." Wesley replied. "Anyway, Angel...we could really use your help."

"Sure, I'm on it," Angel assured him, beginning to leave the room. "Just call Gunn and we'll head out."

Fred shook her head, a frown marring her beautiful features. "Sorry, Angel...he's with that woman, or...at least that's where I last saw him, anyway."

"Okay, then we'll manage this by ourselves."

The three started leaving the room, pausing only when Spike cried out a "Hey! Wait just one second."

"What?" Angel asked. "Look, we'll talk when I get back."

"No, we're not done here. I told you, I'm going to find Buffy," Spike explained for the second time. "Not one of the Scoobies has tried to contact you all since I got here and I'm not just going to wait around while Buffy is out there, possibly alone, facing God knows what now."

"Fine, so what do you propose to do about that?" Angel asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "You think you're going to have better luck than the trained staff here that are also trying to find her?"

"I don't care, I'll find her somehow. All I want to do is leave," Spike said. "I want to go out there and find Buffy. I know I can."

Wesley and Fred looked at each other for a second, both wondering who should break up the argument. Finally, Fred spoke up. "I hate to interrupt, but...shouldn't we get out there? I mean, we can talk about this when we get back."

Spike let out a sarcastic chuckle and stood up. "Like hell we can. I'm going with you, I'll talk to the poof on the way there."

~~~

Spike and Angel led the group of four through the sewers, occasionally arguing together. Fred and Wesley walked a few feet behind them, rolling their eyes and sighing at the two men's childish behavior.

"Look, Peaches, I'm not a bloody child," Spike cried out. "I can stand on my own two feet and survive in the world. I have been for over a hundred years."

"Yeah, but...we don't even know everything about the prophecy yet," Angel countered. "What if something goes wrong with you? What if this isn't permanent? We're the only ones that know anything about how to help you."

"If you want to *help* me, then you'll let me go," Spike said. When Angel didn't reply, he threw his arms up in the air and stormed away. "Pfft! What the hell am I arguing with you about, anyway? I should just leave and not tell you lot about it."

"Spike," Fred began.

"All I want to do is leave, go find Buffy...maybe see if she meant what she said, and if she does...well, I never thought I'd get a second chance, but it looks like I might after all," Spike explained.

"Spike..." Fred repeated, this time with Wesley saying his name.

"But Spike..." Angel began. "Look, can we just talk about this when we get back to the -- *duck*!"

Spike reacted in instinct and dropped to his knees as Angel swung his sword where his head had once been. Spike heard the distinct sound of a vampire turning into dust and quickly spun around, his eyes wide with surprise. He still wasn't used to not being able to sense other vampires around him, one of the qualities he lacked being human.

He rolled out of the way and stood back up on his feet. "Thanks for the warning, Peaches," he said.

"Can you stop with the nicknames?" Angel asked as he punched and kicked a vampire before grabbing onto him and staking it.

Fred and Wesley ran ahead, holding out their weapons in hand. Fred began untying the hostages, helping them to their feet and telling them which direction to escape from the danger. Meanwhile, Wesley continued to run past the group of humans held hostage and approached the Trepchak demon that was leading the vampires. Wesley swung the sword in front of him, causing the demon to jump back, growling as he did so.

Angel staked another vampire before turning and looking at the demon that Wesley was fighting. "You able?" he asked Spike.

Spike seemed to struggle for a second, quickly ducking before rising and punching one of the vampires in the face. "Trying...it’s been a while since I've done this, mate." He staked the last vampire in front of him, before nodding. "Think so."

"Then help me."

While Spike and Angel had been killing vampires, Wesley had been trying his best to kill the demon. However, it became apparent that the Trepchak demon was stronger than Wesley was when he was thrown against the wall and his sword was kicked out of his reach. Wes shook his head, momentarily stunned, before struggling to climb back onto his feet and find his weapon. The Trepchak demon took advantage of Wesley being defenseless for the moment and began nearing the ex-Watcher, determined to kill the man who had interrupted his plans.

Spike and Angel ran up to the Trepchak demon just in the nick of time. Angel threw his sword at the demon where it flew into its side. Their goal was to get it away from Wesley and keep it distracted.

"Wesley, are you okay?" Fred asked, running up to him and bending down to help him stand.

"Yeah, I'm...well, I'll live," Wesley tried to assure her.

Wesley and Fred watched as Angel and Spike worked together to try to behead the demon. Angel had the upper hand for a second before the Trepchak demon stretched out his hand and struck the vampire, sending him flying to the other end of the sewers.

Spike stood alone in front of the demon, in a fighting stance, although very nervous. He was very aware that he was just human now, and if Angel couldn't defeat him, he didn't stand a chance. However, he was in the fight and would try his best. "Well, c'mon then, haven't got all day."

The Trepchak demon took a step forward and lashed out at Spike. Spike immediately jumped back and turned around, trying to avoid being hit.

But he moved a second too late.

The demon hit him in the gut, forcing Spike to keel over for a second.

"Bloody hell," he muttered. Wait...shouldn't that have hurt more than it did? he asked himself in surprise.

Taking a deep breath, Spike stood up and faced the demon. Then, in a sudden rush of adrenaline, he jumped up and kicked the demon, sending him to the floor. Spike followed through with several blows in the face, before picking him up and throwing him against the wall. He picked up the sword that Wesley had held only minutes earlier and threw it at the demon's head, where it struck in between his eyes.

Spike stood there, breathing heavily for a second, before he realized what he had done. "Hey!" He turned and looked at Wesley. "I've still got strength! I can still fight...and...I don't get hurt as easily."

Whatever had happened to him had left him with vampiric strength and healing.

And Spike genuinely smiled for the first time in weeks.

~~~

"Well, I don't know about you, but I had fun," Spike announced as he walked back into Angel's office. He lay the sword out on the desk and plopped down in a chair with a smirk on his features.

"Yes, just bunches of fun," Wesley replied sarcastically, groaning as he leaned against the wall behind him. He massaged his neck, hearing it crack and knew that it would feel sore tomorrow morning.

"Got some other nasties out there we can beat up around here?" Spike excitedly asked Fred. "C’mon, there's gotta be something else out there, it's LA."

"So, you actually enjoyed that, did you?" Angel asked, hearing Spike's excited tone.

"Bloody right I did," Spike agreed. "I can't believe you blokes get paid to do this type of stuff, and by Black Hats, no less." Then, taking a second to get serious about what just happened in the sewers, he turned to Wesley. "Did you find anything in that Prophecy stating that I would still have my strength and healing capabilities?"

Wesley shook his head. "Not yet. Honestly, I thought that you were just a normal human being, like me." He thought back to what he had seen for a second before shrugging his shoulders. "Obviously, we were wrong."

Spike turned around to face Angel. "So, back to what we were talking about before -- does Buffy know that you all are stationed here now? Because last most of us heard, you were at the Hotel."

"No," He replied. "We were hoping she'd call before we moved office and terminated our phone line, but she never did. We lost contact with her, and unless she finds us, there's a good chance we won't ever find her."

Spike nodded, taking a second to think things over.

He figured there were two options right now. One, he could stay with Angel, get paid to help fight what was out there, and find more about the Prophecy that pertained to him. Or two, he could leave and go blindly searching all over the country to find Buffy. God knows where she is right now, Spike thought.

Maybe, though, given some time, Buffy would come back. After all, she still had ties in LA; her father and Angel both lived here.

Maybe she'd come to LA with Dawn and find him here -- alive, and waiting for her. Yes, maybe that's what would happen if Spike stayed right where he was.

But maybe she wouldn't come back...maybe she had already settled down somewhere in a small town that actually wasn't located on top of the Hellmouth and she didn't have to fight vampires any longer.

There were too many "maybe"s.

"Does she have any reason to actually come back to LA and try to find you?" Spike asked Angel, trying to figure out what to do.

"Well..." Angel began, thinking back to the conversation he and Buffy had. She said she needed time to become the real woman inside, and that she needed to do it alone -- she needed to figure out the "real me," as she had put it. But perhaps within the year, she'd come back to LA and decide she wanted *him,* not the bleach-haired ex-vampire standing in front of him -- that's what Angel hoped, anyway. "I think she'd come back."

"Then...maybe I should stay here for a little time," Spike suggested. "I could earn me a living, no pun intended, get English here to figure out that prophecy about little ol' me, and...Buffy will come back."

"That sounds like a good idea, Spike," Angel agreed.

"Great!" Fred exclaimed. "So, I'll go get Spike on the pay roll, okay?" She turned and walked out of the office after smiling at Spike.

"Welcome to Wolfram and Hart, William," Angel said, smirking at Spike's birth name.

"Thanks ever so much, *Liam*."

Wesley rolled his eyes and softly groaned. God, they're worse than five year olds when they're together...they're even worse than Angel and Xander's never ending banter.

"C'mon, I'll show you around," Angel suggested, leading Spike towards the hallway.

As Spike walked around the offices, he knew that this would be a good gig for the time being, and even said so to Angel. However, what Spike didn't tell Angel was that while he helped fight the forces of darkness at Wolfram and Hart, he would also continue searching for Buffy. He'd get on the Net, search around for her name on credit cards, checks, newspapers. He'd get people to go out and try to find her -- anything that might help him find his way back to her.

And the second Spike found her, he'd be out of LA in a heartbeat.

So, even though Spike decided to help Angel, his main priority, as always, would be to Buffy. He'd find her, all it would take was some time.

And nothing would make him give up that hope.

~~~

TBC...

Hmm...I don't know how I felt about this part. I think the writer's block has come back and the muse left for the Bahamas b/c this part was really hard to write for some reason...maybe it's the fight scene -- that's always been my weakness.

Anyway, this is the last part that will take place in the present-day time. I just wanted to have one more Buffy scene and then this whole part just went everywhere. In the next part, we jump five years ahead into the future and find out what everyone has been up to! Please leave a review if you wish :)