Chapter 6:
The only safe place he knew was his own, and he managed to keep her precariously perched form from falling off his motorcycle as he drove slowly down the back streets to his apartment. He marveled at how light she was as he carried her up the stairs to his door. 'Almost nothing to her. Wonder how she's able to handle herself so well.' He gently laid her over his shoulder as he unlocked and opened his door to his tiny, one room apartment. Needing no light, he quickly placed her on his bed.
He set to work treating her wound. He didn't dare remove her shirt, instead he tore wider the hole the Balcam demon had made. He cleaned the area as best he could, thankful that her Slayer healing prevented it from bleeding further. He covered both her wounds with washcloths, all the while certain it was unnecessary. As he was finishing up, she came to. Violently. She started thrashing in his bed. He held her down and shushed her.
"Buffy? Buffy, calm down. You're ok."
"Wha.....unh.....Where am I? William? Is that you?"
William chuckled as he released her and flipped on his nightstand lamp. "Sorry, luv. Forgot you humans need light."
"Where am I? What happened?"
William slid a little further up the bed. "You don't remember? Balcam demon gave you a pretty good hole in the shoulder there. But it should heal up quick enough." William looked down shyly as he started to adjust the washcloth on her wound. "Don't really have any proper supplies. Sorry."
Buffy looked down at her injury. "Don't worry about it. It should start healing on its own anyway. You shouldn't have ruined perfectly good washcloths." Buffy smiled a bit.
William shook his head. "No, not just that. Sorry that I.....I should have been faster. Could have helped you. Should have killed mine sooner. Didn't know.....'m sorry, Buffy."
Buffy sat up gingerly, trying not to rest too much weight on her injured arm. "Are you serious? I'm the Slayer. The Slayer doesn't need anyone's help." At William's questioning glance toward her shoulder, she amended, "Well, mostly. And, hey, if you hadn't been there, I'd be dead. I mean, maybe I'm supposed to be dead right now, and you've just upset the balance, but I guess we'll deal with that later." Buffy tried to get a smile out of him. He only frowned. "Hey, just kidding. I've died before. World seems to be trucking along like always."
William's eyes went wide. "You've died before? How's that?"
Buffy nodded her head. "Yeah, twice, actually. But the first time I was just gone for a few minutes and my friend revived me. Second time, that was a doozy. I was dead and buried."
William shook his head. "You're not a vampire. I'd have noticed."
Buffy chuckled. "Good deduction, Sherlock. No, I'm not a vampire. I, uh, well, it's complicated and to be honest I don't understand it all myself. But I died a 'mystical death', whatever that means. Dead is dead. But anyway, my friends, a couple of whom are also witches, did a spell and brought me back. So here I am!"
"Wow. When was this?"
Buffy's face fell. "Not long ago."
"How long have you been back?"
"Look, no offense, but it's not really one of my favorite topics."
William mentally kicked himself for prying. "Of course, sorry." He looked down at his hands and shirt, covered in Buffy's blood. "Do you mind if I.....um, just really quickly.....I gotta wash this blood off me. It's driving me crazy."
"Oh, yeah, of course. I guess I should take that as a compliment. But I bet any kind of blood would do that....."
William shook his head. "Not really. It's not just that it's human blood, but it's Slayer blood. That's got its very own kind of.....attraction."
"Oh....."
"I won't be but a minute. Try not to move around too much, don't want you reopening that wound."
"Right."
William emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later. He had taken a quick shower and was looking very yummy to Buffy. The clean shirt he wore was open as he ran a comb through his wet hair. Buffy decided that getting caught ogling him would not be good, so she looked around for something to occupy herself. She noticed a large crucifix, about a foot long, lying on William's nightstand. There was a small towel covering half of it. She picked it up.
"Strange collectible for a vampire to have." She looked at William who seemed a bit stunned.
"Uh, well, yeah, I guess it is." William ran both his hands through his just-combed hair.
Buffy frowned. "William, why do you have a cross by your bed? Probably not because you like to say your prayers every night."
William shrugged and put his boot up on the bed, paying close attention to tying it up just right. Now that he was so close, Buffy noticed something. She reached over and pulled his shirt open further. There were marks on his chest the size and shape of the cross she was holding. Some were fading, some more fresh. William quickly grabbed his shirt closed and turned his back to her as he buttoned it.
"William?"
William turned to her with a big smile. "Hey, it's late. Your people are probably worried sick. No need to keep them waiting. Let me give you a ride home. Are you ok to ride the motorcycle?"
Buffy looked at him for a long moment, then decided not to push him. "Yeah, I think I'm good."
"Ok, then. Away we go. Oh! Let me get you a different shirt." William turned toward his dresser.
"No, really. No need to bloody up another one. I'll be fine until I get home."
"Oh, alright."
After giving William directions to her house, Buffy settled herself in behind him on the bike. She wrapped her good arm around his waist and tried to casually rest her head against his back. They both took a moment to enjoy the sensation of being so close to the other before William started up his motorcycle and took off for her house.
After what they both felt was a too short ride, William pulled up to the curb in front of Buffy's house. When he killed the engine, she got off the bike carefully, making sure not to jostle her arm.
"Um, you wanna come in?" Buffy asked bashfully.
William smiled. "It's late and you could probably use the rest. Another time?"
Buffy nodded, disappointed and relieved at the same time. "Absolutely. And just for the record, you have a standing invitation."
William raised an eyebrow at this. "That a smart idea, luv? Giving a vampire an open invitation?"
Buffy shrugged. "Are you going to sneak into my house and kill me and/or mine?"
"Hadn't made any plans, no," William chuckled.
"Then I figure it's safe. So, I'll see you tomorrow. Regular time?"
"No, luv. You take the night off. Get good and healed."
Buffy gave a pout. "I'm not taking the night off. It's my job, not yours. I'll be fine by tomorrow."
William nodded. "Right then, have it your way. Stubborn girl," he mumbled.
"What was that?" Buffy raised her eyebrows.
"Nothing. You feel better, pet."
"No, I'm sure you said something," Buffy persisted.
William started up his motorcycle, revving it loudly. "Sorry. What? Can't hear you." William made an apologetic face and pointed to the motorcycle.
Buffy rolled her eyes. She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Look, buddy, I know perfectly well you can hear me, so listen close: I'm the Slayer, you're the vampire. I don't need anyone protecting me. You helped me out today and I'm grateful. But don't let that make you think you can go all Cro-Magnon on me."
William's look of surprise told Buffy that he had heard exactly what she said. He mouthed the words "Cro-Magnon" over the roar of the engine. Buffy nodded and folded her arms. The action, however, resulted in a great deal of pain in her injured shoulder. When William saw her wince, he moved to get off the motorcycle, but Buffy's glare stayed him.
"I'm fine. Now go home, Cro-Magnon."
William shook his head but couldn't help smiling. He gave her a little wink, and she graced him with a small smile of her own before he pulled away into the street.
The next night, Buffy showed up at precisely 10 o’clock, despite William’s suggestion that she take the night off. When he saw her sauntering up to the cemetery gates, William couldn’t help but shake his head. ‘Stubborn.’
When Buffy reached him, she held up her hand, “I don’t want to hear it. I’m here, I’m fine, so let’s patrol.”
William smiled then bowed with a flourish, allowing her to lead the way. “And how is the lovely Slayer tonight?”
“The lovely Slayer is just fine. Thank you for asking. And the lovely vampire?” Buffy grinned.
William cocked his eyebrow. “Dunno, next time I see Angel, I’ll ask.”
Buffy giggled. “Aww, you think he’s lovely. You so totally want him.”
William’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t think he’s lovely, I just meant....pfft, sod it. You know what I meant.”
Buffy tried to contain her laughter. “Hey, you know, if you want to explore your sexuality, I’m all for that. I have friends who’re gay, so I’m totally supportive of alternative lifestyles.”
William stopped walking and turned to her, his eyes wide now. “Explore.....I’ll explore your sexuality if you’re not care-......um well, I mean, I don’t mean that I’d....that is to say.....”
Buffy started laughing full force now. William just clenched his jaw and crossed his arms, waiting for her to compose herself. After about a minute, William lost his patience and started walking ahead of her. Buffy finally got her breath back and jogged to catch him
“Stop, I’m sorry, it’s just that....that was too funny!” Buffy’s chuckles were lessening a bit.
William stopped and nodded his head, clearly not amused. “Uh huh. Anyway, can we get to work here?”
“Absolutely, yes. Work-mode Buffy, at your service. Ready to dust any vamps that come my way. Present company excluded, of course,” Buffy smiled.
William gave a little grin himself. “Of course.” They started walking again.
“Oh! I completely forgot yesterday. I was wondering if you’d like to come over tomorrow for dinner, before patrol. My family’s request, really. They’d like to meet the guy that I spend most of my nights with,” Buffy chuckled.
“Your family? I thought you said there was just your sister.....”
Buffy shrugged. “Well, she’s the only real family I have-and even that’s a long story-but my friends are all as close as family to me.”
William nodded. “Uh, sure. That sounds nice. What time?” ‘No, no, no! Meeting the family. Dinner. Badness lies that way, Mate.’
“Um, 7-ish, I guess?”
“Alright, 7-ish it is.”
They only encountered a few vamps throughout the patrol, most of which William took the lead on, doing his best to keep Buffy out of action. Buffy noticed, but didn’t say anything. Despite her rant to him the night before, she kind of enjoyed the chivalry. For some reason it was annoying when Angel did it, but with William it was sweet. Buffy didn’t even want to think about why that was. And she was rather grateful, since her shoulder wasn’t as healed as she tried to pretend.
On the last leg of the patrol, Buffy had gotten rather quiet. William noticed immediately. “What’s wrong, luv? Something on your mind?” He was really hoping she wouldn’t chastise him for not letting her have much action. He didn’t want to get in that argument right now.
Buffy sighed and stopped walking. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
William stopped and frowned. “Well, you can always ask. Can’t guarantee I’ll answer though.”
Buffy looked up at him, then away quickly. “Well, last night....the cross and....well....why?” The last part she said very quietly.
William took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He unconsciously reached inside his pocket for his cigarettes. When he opened his eyes again, he looked over at Buffy briefly. Remembering his promise, he clenched his jaw and put away his cigarettes. William turned his back to Buffy and ran a hand through his hair. “Well....I’m not sure it’s something you can really understand, luv.”
“I can try,” Buffy offered.
William sighed. He turned back to Buffy, but couldn’t look her in the eyes. “The thing is.....before I got my soul....” William’s voice broke a bit. “Before I got my soul, I was....evil. Very, very evil. I did things....terrible things that I’m not sure they have a name for to this day. And I was never brought to book for those things. Never made to pay. Never made to hurt like I’d hurt all those people. The massive guilt trip doesn't even begin to cover it. So I....” William shook his head.
Buffy reached up and put her hand on William’s arm. He looked up at her. “So you hurt yourself? Because you think you deserve it?”
William nodded. His eyes started tearing up and he quickly looked away from Buffy. He didn’t pull away from her, nor did she remove her hand. Overcome with sympathy and sadness for him, Buffy reached up and hugged William. He was stunned still for a moment, but slowly returned the embrace.
Chapter 7:
“William,” Buffy whispered in his ear, “you’re not responsible for the things you did before. It wasn’t really you. I’ve only known you for a short while, but I know you’d never hurt anyone. You’re a good man and you don’t have to pay for things that an evil monster did.”
William shook his head as he pulled away from Buffy. “Pet, it was me. It was all me. I’m the monster.”
Buffy sighed. “You didn’t have a choice. It was your nature. I mean, maybe it even still is, but your soul helps you overcome it. It’s not your fault.”
William looked at Buffy and gave her a weary smile. “You think vampires don’t have free will? We choose....I chose everyday to go out and feed on humans. I chose to torture the men and.....hurt their women.”
Buffy shook her head. “But you didn’t have a conscience. Not like you do now. You can’t tell me you don’t know there’s a difference.”
“Of course I know there’s a difference. I feel it every bloody second of the day. But luv.....ah, I knew you wouldn’t understand.....It’s different when it’s you having nightmares about all your victims. When it’s you seeing their faces in your waking hours. It hurts every single day. And the only thing that lessens that hurt is....” William took another deep breath.
“Is making the pain physical?” Buffy frowned.
William shrugged. “Only thing I’ve found, at any rate.”
“Have you tried anything else?”
“Kind of stopped looking when I found something that worked.” William looked anywhere but at Buffy.
"But, that doesn't make any sense. You say you deserve the pain, but you try to lessen the emotional hurt with physical hurt?" Buffy frowned.
William looked indignant. "Never said it was logical, okay? I don't know why.....I just know that the guilt will drive me 'round the bend if I don't do something about it. And I know I gotta help people, fight evil to try and somehow make amends, if that's even possible. And I can't do that if I'm sack 'o hammers, can I? So yeah, I'll take the physical hurt over the mental hurt anyday. Not like it ever goes away anyway. Just becomes slightly tolerable. That's more than I deserve, but I figure hurt is hurt.” He looked away from her again. “So long as I'm getting what I deserve, doesn't matter what form it takes."
A thought struck Buffy, and before she could talk herself out of it, she said, “Tell me if it still hurts through this.”
William frowned and looked back at Buffy just as she reached up to his face and pulled him down to hers. The moment their lips met, Buffy sighed. She had forgotten how nice it was to kiss cool lips. William panicked and tried to pull back, but Buffy held him fast. William quickly reasoned that his strength was no match for a Slayer, and kissed her back. Just as William wondered if he could get away with a little tongue action, Buffy had slipped hers between his lips. William moaned, and Buffy smiled against his mouth.
The heated exchange lasted a few moments longer before Buffy pulled back, nearly gasping for breath. William stumbled back, clearly stunned. Buffy smiled at William’s dazed state. “So?” she asked.
William squinted at her, trying to make out what she had asked. He said the only thing that came to his mind. “I don’t like women.”
Buffy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “I would beg to differ,” she said as her gaze traveled to the noticeable bulge in his pants.
William looked down and quickly put his hands in front of his crotch. “No, I mean, I like women, but I don’t....I mean, I....I’ve given up women.”
Buffy looked puzzled. “What? For like, lent or something?”
William shook his head. “No, for good. I don’t.....I don’t deserve women.”
Realization dawned on Buffy. “You mean, you don’t deserve to be happy with a woman.”
William looked down. “I don’t deserve to be happy at all. I can’t...not after the things I’ve done. I deserve pain. I....I fight evil and I do penance. It’s my thing. Women aren’t part of that equation.”
“Um, why women, particularly? Why not....tv or books or...or anything else that makes people happy?”
William smiled a little. “Because women.....” He sighed, “I love women. Women have always made me happy. And I don’t just mean sexually, though they have done that....What I mean is, even before I was turned, my whole existence was about women. My mother, my dear cousin Emily....Cecily.....Women ruled me. And I was a willing servant. Women are the thing poets write about. Women inspire. They thrill. They’re amazing creatures that have always held my heart. Beauty, strength, charm...they have it all. All women do. To lesser and greater degrees, but they all do. And I know me. I know how easily I can let a woman take control of me, of my heart and now my soul. And nothing would make me happier than to fall completely, ridiculously in love with a woman. And that’s why I can’t allow it.”
Buffy smiled at William. She smiled at the intense, open look in his eyes. “William. Did you like kissing me?”
William nodded. “Yes, but-“
Buffy held up her hand. “No buts. Did you feel the pain, the guilt you always feel when you were kissing me?”
William thought a moment and shook his head.
“Would you like to kiss me again?”
William nodded his head.
“Then do it.”
William closed his eyes. “No. I’m sorry, I can’t."
Buffy sighed. "Because you need the pain?"
William opened his eyes and nodded.
Buffy shook her head and threw up her arms in disgust. "Fine, you want me to pinch your arm while we kiss? Or maybe knee you in the balls? I can do pain if you want."
William had a very shocked, confused look on his face. "Um, no thanks. I'm rather fond of my balls, and not looking to have you accidentally pinch a chunk of my arm off."
Buffy smiled at that, then her face clouded. "This....between us, it's not going to happen, is it?"
William shook his head and sighed. "I'm afraid not. Like I said, nothing would make me happier, and there's the rub."
Buffy nodded. "So the plan is to be as miserable as possible for as long as possible?"
William shrugged. "Long and short of it, yeah."
"Well then, you should be very satisfied with dinner tomorrow. I'm cooking!" Buffy tried for levity.
William chuckled. "Still invited, am I?"
Buffy frowned. "Why wouldn't you be? We're still friends, right? Still slaying-buddies? Just not making with the smoochies anymore. Which, gotta say, bummer. You're a really good kisser."
William's face brightened up and he leaned in a bit. "Really?"
Buffy smiled. "Yeah, really. Best kiss of my life."
William narrowed his eyes at her. "Now you're just poking fun...."
"No! I'm not, I swear. That kiss was amazing. Or at least it was from my end."
"Hey, I think you saw how much I enjoyed it. Not bloody fair, that."
"What? Just because your a guy and your 'interest' is more obvious?" Buffy giggled.
William raised an eyebrow. "Luv, your interest is obvious too. At least to those of us with heightened senses....."
Buffy frowned. "What do you mean?"
William looked at her suggestively and sniffed the air deliberately as his gaze traveled to her groin.
Buffy's face turned bright red. "Oh my god, that is so disgusting. Stop that! Stop it right now!"
William chuckled. "Can't really help it love. You stop emanatin' that lovely smell...."
Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head. "Ok, I'm so not having this conversation. I'm going home now."
William smiled. "Want me to walk you?"
"A world of no. I don't need you following me home smelling me like some dog."
"Well, you best walk fast, then Slayer. You'll be attracting every male vampire in a 10 mile radius with what you're givin' off! Probably some werewolves and Troilok demons too. And anything else that has better than average smell."
Buffy's jaw clenched. "I'm not even dignifying that with a response. Good night, William. And don't forget, 7 o'clock tomorrow." She turned to leave.
"Sure thing. And if I forget how to get to your place, I'll just follow your scent that's sure to be lingering for a week."
Buffy paused, but then shook her head and continued walking to the gates of the cemetery.
William shook his head and laughed. As he watched her go, he took one last deep breath and took in her scent, wishing it would last as long as he'd teased her it would. 'What the bloody hell are you doing, Will?' he admonished himself as he headed back toward his apartment.
“He’s here!” Dawn squealed when she heard the rumble of William’s motorcycle.
“Okay, okay. Let’s not scare him off before he even gets here!” Buffy yelled from the kitchen.
Dawn watched out the window while William messed with his hair as he walked up to the door.
Before he could reach for the doorbell, the door swung open to reveal Dawn, hands on her hips, head tilted, giving William the once-over.
“You must be Dawn,” William held out his hand awkwardly.
“You’re William. And a vampire.”
William dropped his hand and swallowed. “Right on both counts. Um, your sis home?”
Dawn ignored his question. “So since you’re a vampire, you can’t come in unless I invite you, right?” She stepped back from the doorway, almost daring him.
William bit back a smile. “Well, I am a rather special vampire. Why don’t we see if all those silly rules apply to me.” With that, William took a large stride across the threshold.
Dawn’s eyes went wide with surprise, and she backed away from him while yelling, “Buffy! You’re boyfriend’s a freak. And more than just being a vampire.” She turned to run to the kitchen and ended up crashing into Buffy who was leaving the kitchen at the same time.
Buffy reached down to help Dawn up. “What’s all the ruckus?”
Dawn pointed to William as she stood. “He just came in! Just like that. No invite or anything.” She narrowed her eyes at William. “Are you sure you’re a vampire?”
“Nah, I just look really good for a 140 year old bloke,” William gave Dawn a toothy grin.
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Yes, Dawn, he’s a vampire. I gave him a standing invitation the other day. He’s just yanking your chain.” Buffy looked at William. “Which, I’d appreciate you don’t do, seeing as my baby sister is impressionable.”
“I’m not a baby!” Dawn whined.
“Ok, notababy, go set the table. Dinner’s almost done.”
“Fine.” Dawn pouted as she went to the dining room.
Buffy shook her head as she looked up at William. “Wanna help me finish cooking?”
“Oh, uh, not so good with the cooking, luv. But I’ll watch you,” William smiled.
Buffy shrugged. “Fair enough.” They walked into the kitchen as Dawn continued to set the dining room table.
William met the rest of the gang in turn as they arrived for dinner. The girls gave him a warm greeting. Xander’s was less than warm, but wasn’t rude. Willow and Anya made small talk with William and Buffy in the kitchen while Xander and Tara helped Dawn finish the table.
“Well, that was.....interesting,” William said as he finished his 4th glass of soda.
Dawn frowned at him. “No it wasn’t. It sucked.”
“Dawnie, that’s not nice. It was....interesting,” Willow offered with a smile.
“Okay, okay, I got it. Buffy’s not the best cook.” Buffy pouted.
“No, no, really, luv. It was good. It was.....good.” William nodded as he reached for his glass, frowning when he realized it was empty.
Dawn sighed. “Can I have some more soda? I gotta get this taste out of my mouth.”
“Sure. Anyone want some more?” Buffy offered.
“Yes, please!” All gathered at the table said eagerly.
Realization hit Buffy. “Hey! That’s why you all drank so much soda?”
She got a chorus of “no’s” in response.
“I just love soda, is all,” William assured her.
“Yeah, sure. As much as you loved the mystery meat?” Dawn teased as she went to the kitchen to get more soda.
“Hey, now, be nice to your sis. She did her best, and that’s all that matters,” William called after Dawn. He looked at Buffy. “You want me to eat her? She’s barely a nibblet, but she’s make a decent dessert.”
“I heard that!” Dawn yelled as she came back with soda. “Just for that, you don’t get anymore soda!”
“Come on, Dawn. Take pity on the poor guy. He had to eat the same food we did, and he has a stronger sense of smell, so it was probably worse for him,” Buffy smiled half-heartedly.
Dawn passed William the two-liter of soda. “You really have a better sense of smell?”
William nodded as he poured himself more drink. “Yeah. All vampires do. Didn’t your sis teach you anything?”
Dawn shrugged. “She doesn’t like to get me involved in the vampy side of life. Says I’m too young.”
William nodded as he handed the soda to Tara. “She’s probably right. Young gal like you doesn’t need to be worrying about the darker bits in the world. You should be, uh....braiding hair and watching Tellytubbies and whatnot.”
Dawn looked at William like he’d grown a horn. “Um, lame much? I’m not 6, for Pete’s sake.”
William looked a bit chagrinned. “Right. Sorry. Not all that up on what kids are into these days.”
Dawn shrugged. “So what kinds of things can you smell with your super-smelling power? Could you smell how bad this dinner would be before you even got in the house?”
“Dawnie!” Buffy threw her napkin at her little sister.
William just hung his head and tried not to laugh as the two sisters bickered. He gave Buffy a long look as she and her sister traded barbs. ‘She is beautiful. Can’t cook worth a damn, but she does glow.’
Tara squeezed Willow’s hand and nodded towards William who was unabashedly gazing at Buffy. Willow smiled at her lover and gave her a wink.
Dawn rolled her eyes as she ignored the last taunt Buffy threw at her. “So anyway, it looks like it’s up to me to be the mature one again,” she teasingly glared at Buffy. “So, your smelling power. What’s it like?”
William frowned. “Um, well....hard to explain really. Stuff you can smell, I can smell really strongly. And stuff you can’t smell, stuff that’s just a trace of a scent, I can smell like you smell things normally. It comes in handy, sometimes.” William shot Buffy a smirk, and enjoyed how she blushed. “Like, for instance.....” William closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Dawn, you use a peach soap, but a peaches ‘n cream shampoo. And you’re wearing perfume that smells like raspberry. Interesting combo.”
Dawn gaped at Will. “Oh my god, that’s so cool! Now do Buffy!”
Buffy stood very quickly, grabbing her plate. “No, that’s okay. I probably just smell like dinner anyway, with being in the kitchen all evening. And Dawn....didn’t I tell you not to use my raspberry perfume?”
Dawn shot William a look. “Thanks a lot!”
Will shrugged. “Now you’ll know better than to ask what a vampire smells!” He stood to help Buffy clear the table.
“We got it, William. Sit down and, uh, let the food digest,” Willow said as she took William’s plate.
“Or let the food eat a hole through your intestinal linings....whatever,” Xander whispered.
Tara grabbed her plate, and motioned for Dawn to hand over hers. When Dawn complied, Tara said, “Anya, would you help us take these plates in?”
Anya frowned. “Why would I do that? I’m the guest. I was invited for dinner, not for cleaning.”
Tara smiled warmly, if somewhat exasperatedly. “Just need an extra hand. No cleaning, promise.”
Anya sighed and shrugged. She picked up her plate and Xander’s and followed Tara into the kitchen, leaving Xander, Dawn, and William to sit in rather uncomfortable silence.
“Oh my god! Hottie! You didn’t tell us he was SO hot!” Willow said in an excited, hushed tone when the other girls entered the kitchen.
Buffy gawked at Willow and shook her head firmly. She held a finger up to her lips and mouthed the words ‘vampire hearing’ as she pointed to her ear.
Willow nodded in understanding and pointed to the backdoor. Buffy nodded.
Once the girls were all congregated on the back porch, Anya started. “Oh wow, he really is cute! A little too Billy Idol, but that can be fixed I guess.”
Tara nodded. “He is quite easy on the eyes. Not that I’m into guys or anything, but if I was.....” Willow nodded in agreement.
Buffy held up her hand. “Before you guys get too far into the ‘Yay William’ column....he’s not interested.”
Willow frowned. “What do you mean, ‘not interested’?”
Buffy sighed. “I mean....we talked and it’s not going to happen. He’s not in a place right now where he wants a girlfriend.”
Tara smiled. “Well, that may be what he’s saying, but he’s thinking something else entirely.”
“What do you mean?” Buffy asked.
Willow took over. “Buff....the way he looks at you. He’s totally ga-ga over you.”
Buffy shook her head. “No. I mean...yeah, we had a connection, and he’s not completely UNinterested, but it’s just not going to happen. He’s kind of, well, sworn off women. It’s a whole self-punishment thing he’s got going. Don’t ask.”
“Well, I’ve found that if men don’t do what you want them to do, just be persistent and eventually they’ll cave,” Anya smiled.
Buffy shrugged. "I don't know. I don't want to push him too hard. But I do kind of like him. A lot." Buffy grinned. "And...and we kissed last night." She waited for the slight gasps from the other girls and continued. "It was the most amazing kiss....I can't even describe it. He's just so.....aaaahhh! I can't! He won't. We shouldn't. I just need to get him out of my head. Which isn't easy to do since we see each other practically every night." Buffy sighed.
"So, you've let him know that you're interested?" Tara asked.
Buffy nodded. "To no avail, I'm afraid."
"Well, at least he knows. The ball's kind of in his court. Maybe if you just....ignore the whole 'should we/shouldn't we' situation, things will just happen. Guys seem to get really interested when women aren't. Not sure why that is."
Willow's eyebrows shot up. "Just how do you know what guys do?"
Tara ducked her head. "I watch the soap opera channel when I can't sleep, sometimes."
Buffy chuckled. "Are you, Tara, queen of nice, telling me to play hard to get?"
Tara shook her head. "No! No, just.....well, like I said, he knows he can be with you if he wants. But maybe if he sees that you're not super focused on him and the being together, and that maybe you're accepting his decision not to pursue something.....I don't know...."
Anya sighed. "She's saying, find a new guy to make William jealous. He'll see what he's missing and come begging for you on his knees."
"I am not saying that. You should never play games with someone's feelings. And you shouldn't use some other poor guy that might really fall for you. Just don't act so interested, is all. It'll confuse him, and maybe intrigue him enough to really think about his feelings and if he'd rather be with your or keep punishing himself."
"Well, might be worth a shot. Maybe I can take more days off from patrolling. Not be on patrol for so long. I just hate that I have to pretend I'm not so into him, just to get him into me. Doesn't seem right," Buffy said.
Willow put her arm around Buffy. "Well, you never know, maybe you won't be pretending before too long. Maybe some other swell fella will sweep you off your feet!"
Buffy sighed as she headed back into the house, her friends in tow.
Chapter 8:
"So....have you and my sister done it yet?" Dawn asked as she took a sip from her soda.
William choked on nothing. "Um, er, no.....why would you think that?"
Dawn shrugged. "I don't know. Just figured since you guys have been seeing each other for so long...."
"Oh, well, we're not....I mean....we see each other, but we're not...." Will searched for a quick way out of this conversation.
Xander cleared his throat. "Well, I for one hate the idea that Buffy's involved with another vampire. But I've never seen her this happy. Ever. So if you're the guy that does it for her, I guess you're the guy. And, uh, I know it's kind of pointless for me to give a big brother lecture or threaten you or something, seeing as you could probably toss me through the window with one hand....but, well, Buffy's not as tough as she likes to pretend. She's pretty fragile on the inside, and I haven't seen her let anyone get close, not really close, since the last vampire with a soul blew through town. And if she lets you get close, that means something. It's a huge thing for her. I don't know how close you two have gotten, and frankly I don't want to know. Just...I'd just ask that you keep in mind that while she may talk tough, she's one of the most kind people I've met. She could get hurt really easily. Not on the outside, of course. She's like She-Thing on the outside. Not in looks, of course. In looks she's a hottie, but I mean—"
"Xan, we got it. She's tough on the outside and has a soft chewy center on the inside. I think William's got the whole picture and doesn't need you lecturing him about his girlfriend."
"Um, Dawn, did Buffy say we were dating?"
Dawn rolled her eyes. "No, she swears you're not. But we've been through this with Angel. We know what looooong patrols with a hot vampire mean."
"Think I'm hot, do you?" William teased as he waggled his eyebrows at Dawn.
Dawn shrugged. "You're okay. Better looking than Angel."
William beamed with pride until Xander said, "Yup."
Xander blushed. "What? I'm just saying....never mind."
"So, anyone want some dessert? I didn't make it!" Buffy said as she entered the dining room.
"Well, Anya and I were actually going to catch a movie, so we need to be heading out," Xander said as he stood from the table.
"Um, we had already planned to take Dawnie out for ice cream," Willow said sheepishly.
Buffy quirked an eyebrow at her. "What? As a reward for surviving my cooking?"
"Well, it was just a tentative plan, in case we didn't survive," Tara joked. Everyone looked at her, stunned. "What? I can't joke?"
Buffy shrugged. "Alright. I guess it's patrolling time for us. William?"
William stood and nodded. "Uh, thanks, everyone. Had a lovely time. Pleasure meeting you all. Especially you, cutie," William winked at Dawn and gave her a grin. Dawn rolled her eyes, but her face beamed a telling blush.
"So, why exactly were you flirting with my baby sister?" Buffy asked as they walked down her sidewalk.
William chuckled. "Just teasing the little bit. I like her. I like all your friends. It's a right nice bunch ya got there."
"Yeah, they're the best. So I was wondering, would you mind if I skipped tomorrow? Kinda need a night off."
William frowned slightly, but recovered quickly. "Of course! Take as much time as you need. You deserve a night off, or two, or however many you need."
Buffy smiled. "One will do for now. Just need some recuperation time. Haven't been to the Bronze in a while. It'll be nice to just hang with my friends. Not worry about the slaying."
William nodded. "The Bronze? That's that club near the center of town, right?"
"Yeah. It was the place to be when we were in high school. I guess it sort of aged with us. It's a good place to have a drink, if that's your thing. Or dance. Or meet....people. You should come some time. Just unwind. Chill out with the Scoobies."
"Scoobies? That a band or something?" William asked.
Buffy chuckled. "No, that's what we all sort of refer to ourselves as. My friends and me. Going around dealing with supernatural stuff. Ya know, Scooby Doo?"
"I know Scooby Doo, thank you very much." William rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, so anyway....I think we'll be there tomorrow. If you want to come hang out. You know, after patrol. Maybe make a short one. Or whatever. It's up to you." Buffy tried to sound nonchalant but came off a bit rambly.
"Ah, well, maybe. I'll see how patrolling goes. And I might have to hang out at Willy's for a bit. We'll see."
Buffy shrugged. "Whatever. No big, just a nice little place to relax." Buffy tried to look at William from the corner of her eye as they walked, trying to read him.
William was wondering if she was inviting him on a date. 'Not a date, you nit. All her mates will be there. You can go. It's just a bit of booze and chit chat. You know you want to, so just soddin' say you'll go.' "Yeah, it sounds nice. I'll have to see what it's like at Willy's, ya know." 'Wanker.'
A full hour earlier than they normally called it quits, Buffy was fake yawning and pleading exhaustion from preparing dinner. "There's nothing out tonight. That H'gdoth demon and a couple of vamps...let's call it a night."
William frowned. 'I'm usually the one forcing her home.' "Uh, yeah. You're probably right. You feeling okay, pet?"
"Oh, sure. Just tired is all. What is it you say? Knackered? 'I'm bloody knackered!'" Buffy attempted in her best William accent.
William chuckled. "That's not supposed to be me, is it?"
Buffy grinned and shrugged, throwing in another yawn for good measure.
"Alright, well, before you take up smoking and grow fangs, we should get you home." William held out his arm to let Buffy lead the way.
"Oh, actually, I'll just walk myself. We're closer to your place anyway. No need for you to go all the way back to my house."
"Uh, well, my bike is kind of still there."
"Oh! Duh, Buffy. Ok, let's walk!"
William shook his head as she took a few strides in front of him. She was never usually this aloof to him. 'She's never wanted to quit patrolling early, and she sure as hell never turned down my offer to walk her home. What's up with her tonight? Oh. Of course. She wanted to spend time with me because she was interested in me. Now that I've effectively shut that down, there's no reason to want to spend more time with me. Well, good. It's for the best. Less I see of her, the better for me.'
When they had reached her house, Buffy just paused briefly by his bike to bid him goodbye and tell him she enjoyed him being at dinner. She took off straight for the door before William could get out his "thanks for inviting me."
'Something's definitely up with the bird. Should I even bother sussing it out?' William kick started his bike to life and headed to his other job.
Of course, the next night found William rushing through his patrol to make sure he had time to shower before going to the Bronze to find Buffy. He tried to stop questioning why he wanted to keep spending time with her when he had told her clearly he didn't want anything more than friendship and a slaying partner. She had a draw of her own. One that seemed to override his ever-present need to punish himself. But it usually led to more self-inflicted pain anyway. Hurting himself for wanting to see her. Hurting himself for not having the willpower to stay away. Hurting himself for jerking off to the thought of her nearly every night.
When he arrived at the Bronze, he tried to pick out her scent. It was difficult to do through all the cologne, perfume, and sweat, but he finally managed it. He went up to the balcony to check out the dance floor. He barely noticed the girls who were trying to flirt with him, so focused on his prey. He finally saw her. He smiled at the sight, and grew hard watching her move. She was dancing by herself, running her hands over her own body. Not obscenely so, but enough to make William growl. 'Maybe she's had a drink or two. She's certainly having fun. Hold on....not by herself. She's not dancing with him....oh, well, if she's not, she certainly doesn't mind him putting his hands on her hips. Her hips! Knock him off, Slayer! Put a wanker sized hole in the floor, for fuck's sake. Or not. Ok, I have to do something. No! I can't just charge up to her like she's mine. She's free to do....whatever it is she's doing with him...a couple nights after she kissed me. Claimed she was interested in me. Right. So easy to forget, am I? Not bloody likely!'
William plowed down the stairs, nearly knocking over a silver-clad waitress in the process. With equal grace, he moved through the dancing crowd until he found Buffy. He stopped himself before he tapped on her shoulder. 'Don't. She's not yours. You told her as much. Let her be. Go home, have a bottle of gin and a wank, and try to sleep for 20 hours. Only thing for it.'
As he turned to go, Buffy caught sight of him. "William! You made it!"
He grimaced, but smiled as he turned to face her. "Yeah, didn't mean to interrupt. I just...."
Buffy waved off his explanation. "You're not! This is Jerry. We went to school in LA together. I haven't seen him in years. Just having a dance. You wanna come sit with us? Have a drink? Of course you do, come on!" Buffy grabbed Jerry with one hand and William with the other and dragged them both to her table where Willow and Xander were sitting.
"Hey William! Glad you could make it." Willow smiled warmly.
"Willow." William nodded in greeting. He spared another nod for Xander who raised his beer to William.
After a few minutes of drunk Buffy singing Jerry's praises, William was really hoping his alcohol tolerance would miraculously drop and his one beer would make him drunk enough to tune her out.
"Yeah, I just thought she was some kind of freak in high school. I guess we all grow up, huh?" Jerry laughed.
Buffy pouted. "I wasn't a freak. I was a slayer!" Willow, Xander, and William froze as Jerry frowned.
"Slayer? What's that?" Jerry asked.
"Oh, I can answer that one, Buffy," William said before Buffy had the chance to explain. "I only say that because I'm from England where being a slayer is a very big thing. Do you know anything about Jai Alai, Jerry?"
"Huh? Never heard of it. Is it some kind of disease?" Jerry answered.
William gave a slight sigh of relief before continuing. "No, it's a sport, actually. And Buffy here was the best slayer in the US. A slayer is kind of like a goal keeper. They call them that because they 'slay' the other teams chances at points. So anyway, Buffy was on the national team. Except she was too young really, so they had to lie about her age, and she couldn't tell anyone she was on the team."
"So that's why you were so weird?" Jerry turned to Buffy.
Buffy was frowning at William, who was by now pleading with his eyes for her to catch on. She did, thankfully. "Yeah. That's why. The things we do for our country, I guess...."
"But why would being in a sport make you burn down the gym?" Jerry asked.
"Oh, um, that....well...." Buffy searched her booze addled brain for an answer.
"Protest. She was protesting that the school didn't have Jai Alai. A bit extreme, but she's our Buffster and we love her!" Xander came through, sort of.
Jerry nodded slowly and began to look anywhere but at the people sitting at the table. "Well, I guess that explains it. Oh, I think I see someone I know. It was really great talking to you again, Buffy. I'll see you around." And like that, Jerry was gone.
Buffy pouted again. "I wanna go home. This sucks majorly."
"Sure, Buff. We just ordered new drinks, so as soon as we drain those, we'll skedaddle," Xander said.
"Oh, hey, I can take her. No reason for you guys to cut your night short. I got my bike. No problem," William offered.
Willow frowned. "Well, it's up to Buffy.....Buffy?"
Buffy looked at William. He gave her a sweet smile. "Ok. I'll go with Will. That'd be Will-YUM and not Will-OH!" Buffy giggled.
William chuckled as he stood and helped Buffy up. "Ok, I think that's a good sign that it's time to leave. See you guys later." Willow and Xander both said good bye and told William to drive carefully with the very drunken slayer.
Buffy stumbled a couple of times, William always close to make sure she didn't fall. When they reached his bike, she started crying.
"Oh now, what's wrong, luv?" William put his arm around her shoulders.
She turned into his embrace and hugged him tightly, still crying. "I am a freak. It's not normal to be a slayer. I just want to be normal but I can't. I'm a freak who scares everyone away. My dad, Angel, Giles, you....." Buffy looked up at William with the saddest face imaginable. "Why doesn't anyone want me?"
She was breaking his heart, and the only thing William could think to do was to lower his head and capture her lips with his. The kiss was painfully long and too soft to be arousing, but it was more about comfort at that moment than anything sexual. William pulled away gently. He brought his hand to her face and wiped away her tears with his thumb. "You are not a freak. You are the most amazing, courageous woman I've ever met. Any man would be a fool not to want you. And I'm no fool, Buffy."
Buffy blinked slowly. "You....you mean, you want me?"
"Yes. I want you. But...." William sighed.
"But you want pain more than you want me. How do I lose to pain? 'Your choices today are torture or Buffy! Torture, you say? Why naturally! Buffy's a freak!'" A new wave of tears started.
William grabbed her by the arms and shook her gently. "Hey now. That's not it at all, and I swear if you call yourself a freak one more time, I'll bite you. Now I've explained it all. And I realize that it sounds like I'm choosing pain over being with you, but....well, I guess I am. Because that's what I deserve. I don't deserve someone like you, pet. You're so far above me, I couldn't even see you with a telescope!"
Buffy looked up at him and sniffed as she wiped at her tears. "That was lame."
William gave a half smile. "Yeah, lame. But true. There's no way I could ever be good enough for you."
"But you already are. Don't you get it? Everything you've done since you got your soul....it's enough. It may not be enough for you, but it's enough for me. Enough for me to see you're a good man and one that I could see myself with. And I'll never be normal or have a normal life. Good grief, when I have sex with a normal guy, I'm always afraid of hurting him. That's no good!" Buffy smiled.
William shook his head and chuckled. "No, that's no good."
"I need a man who is my equal in every way. You've more than proven you could be that guy. If you wanted to be. God, you really don't get it, do you? I want you so much that I can't think of anything else. When we're patrolling, I just want to reach over and hold your hand. After we take down a big demon, I want you to hold me for a minute, because I still get a little shaky after a big fight. And then when you walk me home, I want to bring you inside and make-out with you on the couch like teenagers. I mean, I want R-rated stuff too. Maybe some NC-17 stuff if it's not too shocking for you." Buffy grinned.
William scoffed at her comment. "You have no idea, pet."
"But I do. I have a lot of ideas, and the majority of them require us to be in physical contact for long periods of time. But it's not just lust. I....I have some definite emotions here. I have feelings for you. And as much as you want to, you can't just hide yourself away from feeling something good. You want so much pain and hurt, but you can't live off that. You're trying to do good, but if all you feed yourself is pain, how do you expect to survive? You're already in pain. And I'm not talking about the crap you do to your body." William flinched at that. "Yeah, crap. I said it. It's crap. You're real pain is inside. And you need something to combat that. And more pain isn't the answer. You need love, and maybe I could give that to you, but you won't let me get close enough to try. Hey, I'm putting myself out there too, ya know? You probably think that I'm just saying all this stuff because I'm drunk, and well.....maybe that's true. But it's what I feel, whether you like it or not. And it's not going to change anytime soon. Because as soon as I told myself it was okay to feel something for another vampire, another man, I knew I was in too deep already. So there. That's it. That's me and you in a nutshell." Buffy backed away from William on nearly steady feet and spread her arms wide. "Do with it what you will."
'Bloody well stop fucking around. She said it. She's right. Just go for it. The cross and the holy water won't be my salvation, but she just might be. The first woman to truly want me, man and demon. Mind, body, and soul. Took more than a hundred years, but here she is. And I believe her. It's there, in her eyes. Acceptance. And fear. She's afraid I'll reject her. Again. Better be damned sure of this before I take one step toward her. Because if I end up hurting her...might as well stake myself. Wouldn't be able to see the look in her eyes. Gotta be sure. Gotta be bloody well sure. What the fuck. You know you can't stay away from her. You're in too deep too.'
William took a confident stride toward Buffy, her outstretched arms suddenly reaching for him. He wrapped her up in himself. His salvation. His respite from pain. His Slayer. His Buffy. His.
Ok, that's it, folks. Lemme know what ya think!