Chapter 9:

She had always known this day would come but she had never expected it to happen like this. It wasn’t something you heard from a phone call, it was something that jumped out of the shadows and pulled you into the dark while you screamed away your last breath. She didn’t have to ask Hank what he was talking about…she had heard enough to know what was hunting her. “Conference in Giles while I go get Spike…I don’t want to tell this story twice.”

Without waiting for an answer, Buffy pushed all of her emotions away. If she wanted to survive this, she needed to let her instinct guide her…not her fear, not the pain…nothing but the need to fight. Going with her emotions had been what had gotten her in this in the first place.

Spike sensed her approach and spoke without looking up from the piles of papers he had spread out across the rug. “This isn’t making a sodden bit of sense. Gunn sent over all the files on your attacker and either our mysterious bad’um doesn’t know he sent a complete ponce after you or he was desperate enough to place his faith on the local talent. Neither scenario makes any sense and no matter how many times I read this I can’t connect the two. If something is after you, it knows you…it knows your strength and your reputation and it even had the element of surprise. So if it wants you dead, it should have sent one of the best hitters in the biz after you but it didn’t. So that means it was suppose to be a message but then the demon didn’t say anything particularly helpful that can’t really be the case either.”

“It’s not…I know what’s after me and it will want to take me on itself. We just assumed the attacks were related but now I know their not. But we don‘t have time to deal with that now.” Buffy said dully, unconcerned about whoever else might be hoping to take her down. Whoever it was couldn’t be as bad as the first one in line, so focusing on anything else was just a waste of energy, she decided knowing full well that Spike wouldn’t see it that way.

He looked up at her fully intending to argue but one look at her face silenced him. A mask of grim determination covered the soft natural lines of her face and she was nearly as pale as him. But it was the look in her eyes that concerned him the most, it was like she was an entirely different person. The lively spark that he had come to expect was no longer dancing in her mossy green eyes…nothing was there. It was like her humanity had gone on vacation and all that was left was an empty house.

People killed, coldly and without mercy while wearing that look on their face. He couldn’t believe she had mastered that look, let alone the intent behind it. Even more terrifying was the fact that it seemed completely natural, like this wasn’t the first time she had worn the face of the reaper.

It scared him down to his toes, stole away every ounce of warmth but not even it could affect his love for her. He was soulless, but he had worn that same look more times than he could count and seeing it on her made him realize that no matter how pretty her life looked on the outside…the swank club, the posh home or even the carefree smiles, her life was anything but a charmed existence. “What is it luv?” He asked getting to his feet and crossing over to take her in his arms.

She let him hold her, knowing that it could be their last embrace but she didn’t try to respond. “Hank and Giles are waiting on the phone for us in my office. I have a few things to say and if you want to leave me after you hear them…I’ll understand.”

“Bugger that pet. I knew before I came here with you that you weren’t like other girls so I’m not about to cry foul and run away because it’s not something that will change. Your past and your present are what define who you are and who you will become and I don’t want to miss a moment of it. You’re special Buffy Summers or Buffy Giles or any other damn name you chose to call yourself….nothing can change that or the way I feel about you.”

She believe him but as much as she loved the image of herself reflected back at her from his eyes, he didn’t know the real truth about her. Until he knew everything, the good the bad and the very bloody, she wouldn’t be able to accept him or all that he was offering her. After watching Angel evolve into a person she couldn’t understand or love she wasn’t going to put Spike through the same thing. She wouldn’t let him love a lie or a vague misconception of the real her. He may dress and act like a big bad but in his heart and words she could see he was a romantic. He wanted moonbeams and lightning bolts and an eternal unyielding love that defied the fates and time itself. She had understood long ago that she wasn’t a simple girl traveling down the yellow brick road trying to find her way home to a white picket fence in a black and white reality where people loved her unconditionally. Her path was built on blood and broken bones and the macabre world that was her home was painstakingly highlighted in vivid Technicolor.

She wouldn’t drag him down into the darkness with her but if he loved her enough to stay…then she would do whatever it took to live in his world. Thinking about him, the way he made her feel broke the lock on the box holding her emotions and like Pandora she couldn’t force it closed again. She might not make it to see another sunrise and he could walk out of her door before then, so she wanted to say the words…no she had to say the words while she still had the chance. “I love you.”

He had been waiting for those words and more than anything he wanted to say them back…but he couldn’t. Not when they sounded like goodbye. Without knowing how it had happened he had somehow become the girl in their relationship. He wanted moonbeams and lightning bolts and right now she content to be trapped in minutiae of death threats and demons. Granted those were big concerns, for normal people but for the daughter of a Fallen One and a Vampire it was just another part of their lives. It pinched his masculine pride but he wasn’t some nancy boy who didn’t know his own worth. He was love’s bitch but atleast he was man enough to admit it…atleast to himself he rationalized. “Tell me again when this is all over, luv. Because when you say it, I want to know that your only thinking about me and not about everything else that is going on at the time.”

That alone said he loved her more than his earlier poetic vows of adoration, she decided. If the situation had been reversed, it was the same thing she would have told him. There might be something to this soul mate thing after all, she thought with a grin. Because right now Spike suited her down to the ground, wicked eyes and hands, the body of an Adonis and enough strength to do what had to be done. So far he possessed all the qualities she desired in her ideal mate, heartbeats and souls being optional of course, but it was time to see how he handled another bit of her past. If he couldn’t deal…well then soul mates were just an idea cooked up by the hologreeting and chocolate companies after all.

“There’s something else you need to know before we go in there.” She began, before telling him about her job with the Initiative. He may have heard her tell Angel she was a slayer but being a fly-by-night, government backed demon exterminator was an entirely different matter. Every demon and half demon knew they existed but just like the Pentagon handled humans claming to see UFO’s and little green men from Mars, the US government denied their existence. They were nothing more than a rumor, plausible deniability at it’s finest. A group of vicious demons end up in little pieces overnight, it was vigilantes, nothing more and so on and so forth. But since Demons trusted the government about as much as those strange men with Tellurium foil over their heads to block out telepathic alien transmissions, they knew the truth was indeed out there and that it would come for them some dark night.

He watched her chew her bottom lip anxiously awaiting his reaction and he shot her a quick wink to put her at ease. “Don’t fret pet, it’s sounds pretty much like my line of work.”

“You protect people Spike, I hunt them down and take them out. Those are entirely different things.”

Since that was exactly the opening he had been looking for, he decided to let her in on another one of his secrets. “I recon you killed things that needed killing pet, but I’m not actually a bodyguard. Gunn roped me into this hoping that Har’tuh would send more clients our way. I’m actually an authorized slayer but unlike you I don’t work for free. Gunn handles the legal angles while I’m the guy you call to hunt down the big bad wolf who forgot they were suppose to be domesticated these days.”

The words of the demon that attacked her, floated through the cloud of shock that had permeated her brain at his announcement. “William the Bloody, lycanthrope slayer…Spike…it all makes sense. I can’t believe I didn’t catch it before, I mean Spike isn’t really a common name but I just thought that it meant your…” Without meaning to her eyes traveled down to his crotch.

Since she no longer looked like a serial killer, he gave a little wiggle just to keep the look at bay a little longer. “Careful there luv, you’ll give a man a complex with talk like that. The name may have come from my much talked about proclivity for taking out werewolves with silver plated railroad spikes but after our spin in the shower, you know the other fits as well.”

Unable to help herself, she blushed like a schoolgirl. She had sucked and licked her tongue over every inch of his cock while the warm water beat down over them and she had, had a lot to work with. Adding that tasty tidbit and the fact that someone called William the Bloody by other slayers no less, would never accuse her of being too vicious in the line of duty or otherwise, it turned out that he might just be the perfect man for her after all. But until he knew everything, she would just have to wait and see.

Realizing that she wanted to get back to business, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her the rest of the way back to her office. Pausing in the doorway he leaned down and whispered in her ear, as her face began to slide back into it’s somber lines and her earlier amusement evaporated like steam. “But if you want, you can tell your mates which ever reason you prefer.”

Since she knew which one he would prefer, she didn’t bother to answer and walked back over to her desk where her phone was still sitting off the hook. She pressed a button and watched as two familiar faces appeared on the vid screen attached to the wall. She introduced both men to Spike and then took a deep breath before beginning her story and going back to that day in her mind.

“We had been chasing a pack of demons through South America. They were your standard hostiles, tearing through impoverished villages and munching on the locals but they were adapt at evading capture or a confrontation with us. After about a week we caught up with them at some ruins in Peru and it seemed like all of the fight had gone out of them. We took them down without so much as breaking stride. It wasn’t until later that we found out they were offering themselves as a sacrifice to their god Muerte Viva or Living Death.”

Out of all the people in the room, Spike also the living dead, didn’t really see why everyone else was still flinching as the sound of the name faded from the room. “So it’s a vampire then…stake to the heart, cut off the head, a little holy water or sunlight and poof big pile of ash. Not exactly the harbinger of fear, in any book even if it‘s a so called god. I mean no offence Har’tuh but not everyone gets all trembly at the mention of someone claiming to have been given his godhead.”

“He wasn’t just a god, he was worshiped as one but in truth he had much more power…he was the head of the vampire bloodline.” Giles explained, whipping off his glasses impatiently. “He was one of the Ancient, the ones that ruled the earth after eons of darkness. They lost their purchase on the land at the time of creation, the dawn of man. The lesser demons were destroyed during the first days of light but the stronger ones, like Living Death, retreated back into the underworld or fled this dimension entirely. Living death, wished to one day rule this world again so he infected humanity with his blood to ensure that when he gathered enough strength to return, an army of his bloodline would be waiting for him.”

“He wasn’t the only pure blooded vampire,” Hank interrupted. “But he was the consort of the First and he was given his godhead as a blessing. He used that power to build his temple of resurrection near what would become Chavín de Huantar sometime around 950 BC. At the time the Kingdom of Chavin believed that their temple was the center of the world and it was revered as a holy Mecca. Every known religion flocked to this place seeking their god after the rumors of strange creatures with inhuman power could be found in there. For centuries demons of every kind tried to restore Living Death to power hoping that they in turn would be blessed by the First for their service. I myself went there many times hoping for the same thing, but I could not call the demon forth.” Hank explained looking at his daughter sheepishly.

“Is that how you knew he was back?” Buffy asked hoping that it was something like that. “You felt his energy return or something?”

“No, he sought me out. I thought it had been because the First had been the one to bless me with my powers but he came to me, looking for you.”

Buffy caught the flare of pride dancing in his eyes and decided to cut short his happy little delusion of her following in his footsteps. “Sorry Hank but I wasn’t the one who let him free. The demons had used their deaths to call him forth thinking that it would inhabit one of their bodies but he chose someone else. The fresh blood called him out but he needed a living host. The body of the man you met with had cut his leg during the chase. It was tiny, barely more than a scratch but there had been just enough blood to drip a few drops onto the ground during the fight. After being locked away below the ground in his sarcophagus for a few thousand millennia he was nothing more than vapor. I and the rest of the team watched helplessly as he was surrounded by the green smoke rising out of the ground and I held his hand while Living Death consumed him from the inside out.”

“Why didn’t you destroy him before the change could become permanent?” Spike asked softly, knowing that something was missing out of the story. He had seen Buffy at the club and she had even admitted that she always went for the kill. So what stopped her that day, he wondered. He searched her face as she gathered her thoughts and he knew whatever it was, it was going to be bad.

Chapter 10:

Buffy looked at Spike and gave him pained smile. “Because his wife begged me not to kill the father of her unborn child. It was suppose to be their last mission together and even though I knew what I had to do…I just couldn’t. With the rest of the team’s help we unearthed the sarcophagus and locked him away again. That was my last mission and less than three months later I heard it had all been for nothing. Samantha lost the baby and then she took her own life.”

“I’m not saying what you did was right but I can understand why you made that choice, honey.” Giles told her softly hoping to ease some of the obvious pain in her voice. “It was an act of compassion and I can’t blame you for following your heart.”

“It was an act of guilt not one out of compassion.” Buffy admitted, banishing her father’s illusions of it being a noble act. “After I signed on with the Initiative, Riley and I got involved. I didn’t know he was married until Sam snagged a transfer into our unit nearly three years later. We never told her and when she asked me not to kill him…I thought it was the only way I could make up for what I did to her.”

“You weren’t the one who was married Buffy, so that means your not the one to blame.” Spike told her calmly.

Buffy thought about Sam‘s anguished pleas not to kill him as she brought the blade down near his throat. She had been ready to kill her lover while Sam begged for her only love. “Sure it was, because I was still seeing him when he died. He offered to divorce her as soon as I knew the truth but I didn’t mind being the other woman. He was the kind of guy all girls are supposed to fall in love with and I was no exception. He was my ticket into a normal life and I was prepared to settle down and ignore the fact that our sex life was about as exciting as melting ice-cream. Out of bed he was amazing, someone you could talk to or depend on, but in bed he was only good. When I found out about his wife, it was gave me the fire I had been looking for and none of the obligations. I knew he loved both of us, but I didn’t really love him, just the idea of him. So I should have just stepped back and let her have him and by not killing him, I had my chance to make amends.”

She forced herself to meet Giles eyes. She didn’t care what Hank thought of her but she did care about what Giles thought of her actions. She had known what she doing and if she couldn’t meet his eyes then that proved she was ashamed. She wasn’t but now it was painfully obvious she wasn’t a perfect daughter and the story wasn‘t over yet. “To make matters worse, she and I became friends. During the day I was her best friend but then at night I would sneak away for a quick tryst with her husband. So I think it is safe to say that I deserve whatever happens to me.”

“Bollocks, you weren’t the one who was married. Hate to disillusion you luv, but you’re not the first woman to fall in with a married man. But the real question is would you have started up with him at all if you had know he was married?” Spike asked quickly, uncomfortable for her. He could see how hard it was to admit these things to her fathers but for him it wasn’t that big of a deal. He had fallen for a married bird once and he knew first hand what it was like to find out that they belonged to someone else. No one walked out of that kind of situation unscathed and if this Riley sot had been so perfect, he wouldn’t have lied to get Buffy into his bed, Spike decided, more than willing to blame him entirely.

She didn’t even have to think about it. “No but that doesn’t change anything. I know what I did was wrong but since it is my fault, I owe you an apology Hank. It was unfair of me to instantly assume all of this was because of you.”

“Usually it is, so no harm done.” Hank said with an elegant shrug. After centuries of watching humans, he could clearly see how his choices had affected her. She had been right when she said he had ruined her chance at a normal life but he would do whatever it took to help her find the kind of life she wanted. Whether she liked it or not, he was her father and now was his chance to prove it, he thought to himself. “So how are you planning on dealing with Living Death?”

“I’m going to kill him the way I should have all those years ago.” Buffy stopped and looked at Giles expectantly. “So does anyone have any idea how? I was leaning towards good old fashioned violence but I don‘t know if that will really work.”

“He isn’t immortal, but he is powerful. Jenny and I will try to discover anything else that might be of use to you. Weaknesses and the like.” Giles stopped for a few moments to look at her. She was a strong warrior yet she was so incredibly fragile on the inside that he was constantly amazed by her. He couldn’t condone her affair or condemn her for it but he could put her at ease. “What you did doesn’t make you a bad person Buffy, just flawed and weak like the rest of us. It may be hard to believe but those very things are what make us human. The fact that you can honestly admit to your mistakes, makes me proud of you. In my own youth, I made a lot of missteps and it took me years to admit to them.”

“You’re not disappointed in me?” Buffy asked hesitantly.

“It’s not something I expected of you but it is your life Buffy. You alone must make your way through it and despite your recent revelations, nothing could make me care for you any less.”

Forgetting that Hank was watching and hearing every word, she reached her hand out to Giles on the vid monitor. “Thanks dad.”

Spike noticed the brief flash of pain in Hank’s eyes. She was clearly his one weakness and that was something they had in common. “Hank, could you use your connections to discover anything on him as well?”

“I am already on it. The second I discover anything I will transmit it to you. My entire staff is working the problem and they are the best money can buy, so we’ll know something by nightfall.” Hank told him, carefully avoiding his daughter’s eyes. He didn’t want to see the love she held there for Giles and he had no right to expect to see it there for him. Someday, he hoped he would but until that day nothing mattered but keeping her safe.

“Thanks Hank,” Buffy said giving him an easy smile. She was far from ready to sign up for a father-daughter picnic but she was slowly warming up to the man who had given her life.

Not trusting his voice, he nodded and clicked off the connection before the first tear left his eyes. I’ll make it up to you baby, he silently vowed before shuffling through his papers and getting to work.

Shortly after Hank broke the connection so did Giles, leaving her alone with Spike. They sat alone a few moments in the uncomfortable silence and then she asked the question that was foremost on her mind. “So what about you…do you still want to give this relationship idea a try?”

“I’m not going anywhere luv and maybe if I tell you that enough, you‘ll finally believe me.” He ruffled his hand through her hair and pulled her close for a tender kiss. She melted against him like wax and he had no doubt that she was satisfied with their sex life…but it didn’t hurt to get a few things straight. “I am going to be the only man who ever makes you burn this way. From now on there isn’t anyone else for either of us.”

She pulled away as if he had slapped her. “I may have slept with a married man but I don‘t cheat on my lovers. I wasn‘t even with anyone else while I was with him even though he went home to Sam every night.”

He shook his head and brushed her hair back off of her face. “None of that matters to me. I ended up in the same situation myself but like you I don’t stray. I didn’t say that because I doubted you, I said it because I wanted you to know that you’re the only one who matters to me. If Riley had mattered you would have never tolerated him being with her. I want to matter to you.”

“She was his wife first, so it was kinda hard to complain.” Buffy teased, hoping to lighten the mood.

He was used to her running away when their conversations became intense, but this time he wasn‘t having it. “A scrap of paper isn’t enough to bind two people together. It takes more than that and even if he wanted you, his love for her should have stopped him. But it didn’t and you didn’t love him enough to fight for him. I’d fight for you luv and that’s what love is all about. That‘s stronger than any piece of paper or band of silver.”

“Sometimes I don’t understand you.” Buffy searched his face, trying to unravel the puzzle before her but nothing seemed to add up. “You are a legendary slayer but you have the heart of a poet.”

“I lead with my heat Buffy, it’s one of my strengths and something tells me it’s one of yours as well. My sister and I grew up in one of the homeless centers in England. Our parents dropped us off one day and headed off to a life without children. Dru’s always been special and my snooty parents thought she was an embarrassment to their perfect gene pool.”

He snorted and pursed his lips. “Originally they intended to keep me, being the heir apparent and all but I refused to leave her. When I turned eighteen I became her legal guardian. At the time she was sixteen and I was working several jobs to earn enough money to pay the rent and keep us from starving. Two years later they died, leaving me enough money to last us both several lifetimes. I moved to a flat in New York hoping to give Dru a fresh start. One day she went out to paint in the park across the street and she was attacked by a rogue shifter. I waited for the local slayer to bring her attacker down but after a month it was still out there while she was in a shifter complex trying to adjust to her newfound beast. I became a vampire to give her some justice.”

“But didn’t you know that vampires and lycans don’t get along? The beast and the demon feel compelled to fight for dominance if they are contained in the same space for any period of time. Why not just become a lycanthrope?”

“I wasn’t about to become the same thing that had nearly killed her. But I didn’t know about the nature of the relationship between the two. Luckily Dru’s powers grew with the change and she has absolute control over her beast. She is nearly one-hundred and seventy five years old but she doesn’t appear a day over twenty, which is why most people assume she is a vampire. Everyone knows that lycanthropes age slower than the average human but I think her other powers are helping to amplify the inherit abilities of the wolf. But she now spends ninety percent of her time in a world that others can’t see and the rest of the time she is completely lucid and in this world.” He broke off for a moment, overcome by emotion and reached out to take her hand. “She’s trapped in between worlds just like you and I.

“You’re to strong to be trapped anywhere Spike.” She brushed her hand through his curls, like you would when you were comforting a small child. “The hardest thing to do in this world is live in it, but you have. I refuse to believe that fate alone defines who we are inside. Every choice and every action can re-write the story of our lives. I alone will decide where I want to be.”

“Where is that pet?”

“Right here in your arms.” She slid off of her seat and glided onto his lap. She kissed her way down his neck, letting the taste of his skin chase away the bitter recollections of their pasts.

She could lose herself in his body, the finely honed angles of his chest and the sharp lines of his hips pressing against her thighs. It was so easy, almost like she could slip out of her skin and find solace beneath his. She didn’t consider herself the kind of woman he needed to be protected or sheltered but she found his innate ability to soothe her oddly erotic. He made her feel safe in a world determined to destroy her and it was something she never knew she wanted to feel.

Stunned, she met his eyes and was unsure of what would happen next.

Chapter 11:

He could sense the change in her, the yielding of her muscles as her tough as nails exterior collapsed around her. It had happened without warning, surprising them both. For him it was like catching a snowflake in his palms during the middle of hottest summer. No two snowflakes were the same, each one that fell to earth was intricately craved by the clouds sheltering them, defining them as something different upon closer reflection. She may look like the other women of this world but she was truly an original. Which now that he thought about it, for her that meant she was also alone in a way that no other being would understand. There would always be other humans, other vampires and demons but there would only be one daughter of a Fallen One. She didn’t belong because she was never meant to be of this world. All of the attempts on her life were the fates way of righting the world once again, but she refused to dissipate. She would not vanish by dispersion like ashes upon the wind and to remain unconquered. To do so she had to enclose her true nature behind a shield of unyielding steel.

Now, that defense had fallen and she was exposed and vulnerable. He wasn’t willing to believe that even in this state of emotional emergence that she was without defenses. His girl was to strong to ever surrender entirely. So even if he said the wrong thing or took the wrong course here and now he knew she wouldn’t shatter like glass beneath the rush of a hammer. But since you couldn’t fix something that wasn’t broken what she would do was a thousand times worse. She would cocoon herself away in her metal prison never to let this aspect of her nature free again. He wanted all of her, every part between the warrior and the innocent woman and he refused to lose a piece now. A million words crowded his mind wishing to slide between his lips but he went with what his heart was telling him. “What are you thinking luv?”

Slowly, she raised her face up to his. “Where do we go from here?”

“Time has a way of pushing you to move on before you’re ready. You look down at the clock expecting to see hours remaining yet there are only seconds left as time slowly winds it’s way down to the end. Mortals speed through life hoping to experience everything but they lose the simple pleasure of experiencing a single thing in it’s entirety. It’s like flipping to the next song before the first is finished just to see what’s coming next and our song if far from over yet. Don’t turn away, don’t hide or close your eyes just be still…here with me now. We will catch up with the ticking clock soon enough but for now, let’s just savor the way we are at this moment.” He stroked his hands down her face, soothing away the unspoken fears of the future that waited for them.

“I don’t know if I can. I want to just let go and invest myself in you, devote myself to us. But us, always ends up being me. I am good at being alone, being me instead of we. Then you come out of nowhere and before I knew it had happened I was drowning in you. You make me feel things I never expected, want things I have never wanted. It scares me. In our lives there is a real possibility that one of us could die in the very near future. More than likely it will be me that goes first but if it is you, I have to have something to hold onto when that happens.”

“Hold onto me luv,” he lifted her hands up and placed them on his shoulders. “Never let go and I swear that you will never be alone. Death can’t steal away what we have and even if it’s just the memories that remain, something of me will always be with you.”

Willing to take the chance, to trust in him, she gripped him tightly. Meeting his eyes, she traced her thumbs across his collar bone and sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. She saw the desire color his eyes a deep smoky blue and slid up his thighs positioning herself just above his throbbing erection. She writhed against him, through the thick fabric of their jeans, stoking the moist heat gathering between her legs.

Growling low in his throat his fisted his hand in her hair and pulled her close for a bruising kiss. He had barely began to explore the delights of her mouth, when they heard the door bell chime. He was more than willing to ignore the unwanted interruption but since she was already pulling away, he could tell she wasn’t. He trailed his hands down to her ass, hoping to sway her priories but she was proving to be a hard woman to convince.

“Sorry baby, but it could be important. We can pick this up later.” She disentangled his hands, which seemed like he had sprouted a few more judging by how many times she had freed herself only to find another hand somewhere else on her body. To solve the problem she took both of his hands in hers and finally managed to make her way back to her feet. Which sounded good in theory but sucked when it was applied to the reality of the moment. Doorbells should never come before a sexy vampire with a mouth as skilled as his. For a second…okay a few seconds, she nearly crawled back into his lap but like she had said, it could be important.

Resigned but not very happy about it, she made her way to the front door. She flipped the intercom to on, “Yes?”

“Charles Gunn, looking for my so called partner. He’s an annoying bleached blonde who goes by the name of Spike. Is he around by any chance?”

Buffy opened the door and gave the attractive black man waiting there a considering look. He was impeccably dressed in a sleek tailored suit, with a steel gray shirt underneath and his oxfords were as shiny as his gleaming head. “You know I was beginning to wonder about you two.”

“Don’t even go there baby,” Gunn said leering at her appreciatively. “Talk like that makes a man want to prove himself and something tells me that my business partner wouldn’t appreciate me stealing his girl.”

“You got that right mate.” Spike said walking over to the door. “Kiss my girl and I’ll break your pretty face.”

“Did I interrupt something, because your looking a little tense, while your girl here looks as calm as a kitten. Is the honeymoon over already?” Gunn shot back.

“I have a name and believe it or not I can hear you. If this is how you two treat all your clients, you should just close up shop.” Buffy said stepping back to let Gunn inside.

Spike wrapped one arm around Gunn’s shoulders and the other around hers. “Your not a client luv, your family. So the standard client relationship rules don‘t apply.”

She caught Gunn blanche out of the corner of her eye and since he was obviously Spike’s friend she wanted to be his friend as well. “Don’t worry Charles, you don’t have to return my money.”

“I grew up poor, so I appreciate money and all the things it can buy but Spike’s right, you’re not just a client.” When Spike jaw fell open, Gunn had to grin. “So I’ll take ten percent off and give you the family rate.”

“Keep your ten percent and keep the annoying guy talk behind closed doors where it belongs.” Buffy countered.

“Deal.” Gunn said before Spike could complain. He liked her all ready. He had known she was hot from the photos Har’tuh had provided but he hadn’t expected her to be so personable. Most girls that looked like her, were either sluts or bitches and even though that was a broad generalization it had always been true in his case. Atleast until he had met Lita and now it seemed like Spike had lucked out as well. “I got some information on your attacker. Words out that a powerful demon is after you and he was hoping to make a name for himself by taking you out. He was small time, hoping to go big and you seemed like the easiest route.”

“Bet he’s rethinking that about now.” Spike said walking over to sit on one of the sofas. He was completely at home at her place and it was sure as hell, a lot more posh than his flat. Despite the fact his sister was an artist, his place was sparsely decorated and completely devoid of the little feminine touches that Buffy sprinkled liberally through her own home. “But we already guessed as much already.”

Knowing that Gunn needed to be briefed on the situation but she really didn’t want to go through it all again. Since she was sure Spike would understand, she decided to leave it up to him. “I’ve got a load of work I need to take care of since I’m out of the Styx until this is over. So why don’t you two catch up while I get to it.”

Both men watched her leave and Gunn shot Spike a look. “Was it something I said?”

“Nah, she’s had a rough morning.” He reached over to where he had left his smokes on the coffee table. Thumbing one out, he pulled it to his mouth and after he lit it, he told Gunn what they had learned this morning. He left out some of the more indelicate details, not because he thought they would cast Buffy in a bad light but because he knew she was still sensitive about the entire subject in general.

“I’ve know the Giles’s, they do good work. Their the ones we called in to testify in that wrongful execution suit brought against us by the worshippers of Moloch.”

“That crazy demon who tried to take over the virtuanet?”

“That was the one. He killed five people by mystical malfeasance and we still landed in court after we had Wes perform the exorcism. One of the victims was only fifteen and his parents asked us to take the case.” Gunn hadn’t called Spike in because it wasn’t in his area of expertise, so he gave him a brief recap. “We uncovered the other victims more than satisfying the burden of evidence needed to obtain the order of execution but when it hit the news we still had to explain our actions in court. Rupert testified to the scope of Moloch’s powers while Jenny who is a Technopagan, explained how far spread his reach had become.”

“It’s a sad state of affairs when it’s easier to kill humans than demons these days. You should have heard the cop lecturing Buffy about taking down the demon in her club. She was the one who was shot and he was more concerned about the unconscious demon on the floor.” Spike said stubbing his smoke out in the, delicate glass dish with fluted edges that Buffy called an ashtray.

“You’re preachin to the choir here but then again lawyers have always been the scum of the earth. So I guess that puts me closer to the gray area of the judicial system as it relates to homicide.” Gunn settled back in his seat and gave Spike a shrew look. “But enough about that, lets get down to what’s really important. What’s it gonna take to talk your girl into let me take her bike out for a ride?”

Chapter 12:
Buffy rejoined them after a short while and they spent the day getting to know each other. They traded demons tales, life tales and more than a few embarrassing stories. It was like three friends getting together and having a good time but the threat of Living Death, overshadowed the entire event. It was impossible to have a great time when a demon was out there waiting to kill you but Buffy still had to admit that it had been fun. She barely spent time with her own friends anymore and it was nice to remember what it was like to not only live in the world but be a part of it as well.

When Gunn left, a few hours before nightfall Buffy hoped that they all could do it again real soon when things were back to normal…well her version of normal anyway. She couldn’t wait to introduce Spike and Gunn to Willow and Oz. Spike had told a story about him and Gunn at a Dingoes concert only to have the great music spoiled by an impromtu demon attack and she resisted telling them that she knew the band. That would be a surprise she sprung on them another day, she thought with a smile.

While she gathered up the cartons of takeout she realized that she was no longer surprised at how she instantly wrote Spike into her future. She wasn’t willing to buy the star-crossed lovers throughout time angle but she was willing to believe that love made it own rules along the way. Love had somehow become a very frequent guest in her life and vocabulary, after years of blighted or meaningless affairs and that just proved that things happen at the time you least expect them. What was weird is how perfect it seemed to fit. She had always expected love to pinch given her lifestyle and her past relationships but with Spike it just felt right. She turned to share that thought with Spike and the words caught in her throat.

She was looking at Spike and everything looked the same but his eyes were a virulent green. Her mind recalled the last time she had seen those toxic eyes staring back at her from a face twisted in pain, only this time she was the one suffering. “What do you want?”

“Is that anyway to treat an old lover?” Living Death asked her with Spike’s voice.

“Your not either of them, you’re just the thing wearing their skin.”

“True enough but their memories are mine. Tell me Buffy, what would you do to save your new lover?”

“I’ve seen this act, remember? I don’t know how you did it this time but just like before Spike isn’t going to come back.” Buffy said putting her hands behind her back so he couldn’t see them shaking. She had to be strong while she faced his killer and when he was dead…then she would fall apart and mourn for what she had lost just at the moment she thought she had everything.

“I am death personified and this body is of the dead. I simply filled him with life…my life force to be exact. But unlike Riley Finn, this can be a temporary joining. I can leave this shell at anytime and return to my host body and your vampire will have no memory of this encounter.” He stepped forward to her in a long rolling gait that was so different from Spike’s that she felt the first tears prick her eyes. “What would you give for me to spare him?”

“What do you want?”

“You.” When she stepped away, he shook his head arrogantly. “Can’t you lesser beings ever think beyond matters of the flesh. You constantly feast on each other like parasites and call it love. You and those like you will never become more than that, if you continued to degrade yourselves in such an unbecoming manner. While I have ascended past such false acts of human perversion to a power the likes of which you have never known nor could comprehend.”

He sounded so unlike Spike that her mind instinctively clicked into gear. “So if it’s not sex you’re after what could I possibly offer something like you?”

“Power.” He ran his hand down in front off her body, never touching anything but the air around her. “I feel the raw untamed magicks inside you. They are held back from their true purpose by your humanity and I wish to harness them for my own. In your form, my power will be unmatched in this dimension and I alone will rule this world.”

Unable to help herself, her eyes trailed over to the portrait hanging on the wall. It only proved to her what she was fighting for and it wasn‘t some unknown destiny. What was worth fighting for was right here in front of her. She turned her eyes back to where Living death stood. “So you want to get in touch with your feminine side by taking me over. But that doesn’t explain why you’re here making deals instead of taking what you want by force. All that power you claim to have and you’re afraid to fight one woman chock full of human perversion. Score one for us parasites, huh.”

He backhanded her, knocking her several steps back. She could feel a small amount of blood drip down to her tongue from where she had bit the inside of her cheek and that just pissed her off and steeled her resolve. Emotion pain was something she never understood but dealing with physical pain was as natural as breathing for her. “Impressive but I’m not exactly trembling in fear.”

“You are afraid, just not for yourself.” Living Death told her coldly. “You’re afraid of what happens to him and that makes you weak in a way losing the other did not. Like your father, the once noble Har’tuh before you, you have allowed the living, the mortals of this world to bind you with your feelings. To assume a new living host after my first reincarnation, they must willingly surrender to death. Or else I would have taken you the moment I escaped my sarcophagus. So what I am proposing is a trade, his life for yours.”

“And if I say thanks but no thanks and save the world instead?”

“Then you save all but the one person that matters to you. I can keep this body indefinably since he is already dead and I will if you dare to refuse my most generous offer. Who will you chose, yourself and the faceless others of this realm or the one who touched your cold heart? Chose wrong and I will bring death to everyone you know but it will always be the one I let live that will haunt you. Sooner or later the idea of him, locked away until the end of time in a prison of his own flesh will drive you to escape into death. You will spill your own blood or allow yourself to lose in battle and either way at that moment of surrender I will still win.”

“I’ve never been the type to surrender.” She bluffed desperately, sounding as if she was telling the truth. Not even the slightest flicker of deception showed itself on her face or in her eyes.

Smiling evilly, like the devil collecting his due he let his eyes fade back to blue and spoke in a voice sure to convince her in a way that his own could not. “As you can see, I can assume him utterly. I see the pain in your eyes just as I saw you yield in his arms through his memories. Much like Samantha Finn you will succumb to your lovers pleas and in time you will forget that I am not him. I whispered in her ear, in his voice begging her to come to me and free me from my unnatural tomb. At first she resisted and then I told her that you had locked him away from her to keep him for yourself. I told her every intimate detail of your liaisons and soon enough she hastened to take her place at her husbands side to prove her steadfast devotion. She splashed her blood over the ground above me and before her life slipped away she found peace in a final embrace.” He touched her face the way he knew Spike would have caressed her. A light touch of his palm over her check and a soft stoke of his thumbs across her lips.

When she pulled away with misery flooding her eyes, he knew he had already won but he wanted to seal the deal entirely. “I offer you the same chance now. Until this day becomes the next I will allow you to spend the passing hours with him. But at the dawn, when the worlds of the darkness and the light merge for a single moment I expect you to offer me your life willingly so that we may become one as well. The choice is yours luv…will you fight the inevitable or will you surrender so that he may live another day?”

She had already made her choice before she learned the truth behind Samantha’s death. But hearing Spike’s voice and knowing that it wasn’t him was enough to prove that it was the right one. She would not make him pay for her past and she loved him to much to walk away when she had the power to save him. The day of her death had always been on the distant horizon and by agreeing to this deal she had a chance to make her last day, better than all the ones before. She would have to break Spike’s heart to protect him and that would be harder to bear than taking her own life but they both had to be done. She would die at dawn but she would do everything in her power to ensure that he was free come the sunrise. He would live on and through him, like he had said she would never truly die. “Where do we meet?”

Chapter 13:

*** I used a small portion of dialog from Seeing Red and Fool for Love, I altered it somewhat but I figured I would give you a heads up! As always, it‘s there work not mine, I‘m just borrowing it for a bit.***

“You alright luv, you look like you‘ve seen a ghost?” Spike asked, laying his palm against her face.

Since that was the truth, she had to smile. “I’m alright, my brain was just catching up after all those stimulating stories.”

“I’m feeling pretty simulated myself.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. “Now that we’re finally alone, I believe that you promised to pick up where we left off.”

“Spike,” she laid her hand on his chest, unable to meet his eyes. “Can we just spend the rest of the day together and forget about what is coming next. No phones, no demons waiting in the shadows, just take the entire day and live in the moment.” Because it is our last, she added silently.

“I’d love to, but the timing is all wrong Buffy. You’re in danger and we can’t just ignore that.”

“Why not? I’m always in danger, there is always something after me. So why can’t I have a single day that belongs to me…is that really so much to ask for?”

“When we defeat the Living Death, then we will take a day for ourselves. But right now we have to deal with that, it has to be the main priority.”

“So I guess all your pretty declarations were just nonsense after all. I played this game with Angel, demons before girlfriends, and I don’t really feel like starting it over again with you. It’s my life on the line and I am willing to put you first, so why can’t you do the same for me?” She asked pulling away, not just physically but mentally. She couldn’t keep him, so she knew she had to prepare herself. The old adage, you had to be cruel to be kind was suppose to play out later in the day but she wasn’t sure she could do it if she spent another moment in his arms. Only hours remained before her date with death and she had wanted to spend them with him. But now that she thought about it, that wasn’t fair…to either of them.

She had told him she would need something to hold onto if he died and now she wanted to give him something to help him cope with her death. He loved with his whole being and that meant he would mourn her with the same passion. She had hoped to live forever as a glided angel in his memories but by tomorrow she would have fallen from grace and become a demon. In her heart she knew that it would be him that would have to destroy the thing she had become and he would never strike the killing blow if he still cherished her in his heart. Just like she had been unwilling to let Living Death consume him. By letting go of the one thing she had left to hold onto, she would be giving him the strength to do what had to be done.

She had to be selfless and even if he never knew or understood why she had chosen this path, it would mean something to her. Living Death had taken away her options, but she still had atleast one choice she could make. This would be her final gift to Spike, the last declaration of her love and it would carry her from this world into the next. Even to her own mind it sounded like a comforting lie and more than anything she wanted to tell him the truth. But she couldn’t. He couldn’t fight this anymore than she could and all the truth would do is kill them both.

She was complacent about her own death, she had faced the possibility for so long it was hard to be distraught now that it was actually going to happen. But the thought of him being a slave for all eternity, was worse than having him reduced to nothing more than ash. Death, was in a way just another part of life…any life even for a vampire. But he deserved more than a life trapped in between two worlds.

Her mind set, she prepared to bleed him without a single mark to show for the pain she was about to inflict. He would hate her and she could bear that, if it meant he lived to see tomorrow. “I can’t believe I was actually starting to buy into this love crap.”

“What in the bloody hell is going on with you?” He asked searching his mind for any explanation that would explain the complete 360 she was pulling and he just kept coming up blank. What could have happened in the last couple of minutes that was strong enough to rip them apart, he wondered searching her face for some sign.

“I’m just tired of being the least important thing in my lovers lives. I mean with my track record you think I would have learned my lesson by now, but nope I just keep hooking up with loser after loser.” She said reaching over to select an apple from the bowl resting on the counter. Not because she was hungry, but because she couldn’t meet his eyes yet.

“Why don’t you tell me what got you all fired up and let’s go from there.”

“Let’s not, cuz to be honest, if I have to hear you profess your undying love one more time…I think I will be sick. You’re what a hundred and fifty, so I’m betting that I’m not the first girl you’ve used those moves on…only this time, you picked the wrong girl.” She gestured with the apple. “Don’t get me wrong, it was fun for awhile. Kinda like being in one of those musicals with the curtain closing on an impassioned kiss, with the rising music and what not. but it’s not exactly my scene. Give me sweaty bodies writhing to the beat and men who don’t bother to pretend its more than what it really is.”

“Enlighten me pet, what is it exactly?”

“Sex…great sex sure, but still just sex.”

“When did you come to that sodden revelation?”

“When I listened to your friend talk in the slow way of his and started to wonder if his technique in the sack was as dedicated as his courtroom style. You know a brief yet powerful opening statement then off with the clothes until a verdict could be reached.” She took another bite of her apple, forcing the fruit down her throat while her stomached churned with guilt. “You might have forever to spend experiencing the same thing over and over again but me…well let’s just say I don’t mind trying something new.”

He didn’t consider himself a patient man by any means but her words were enough to convince a saint to commit murder. Up till now he had been tolerant of her relationship phobias, hell he had been the epitome of understanding and this was what he got in return. Not bloody damn likely, he thought grabbing her arm. “You’re scared about what I can make you feel and your afraid to let me in.”

“I think the word you are looking for is bored.” She told him coldly, jerking her arm away. “I don’t want to spend my days having lengthy discussions about where this relationship is headed. I work hard and play hard and to be honest keeping up with you is mentally exhausting. I’m not the white picket fence kind of girl and I’m tried of pretending that I am. What I feel for you isn’t love, it’s good old fashioned lust. Why else do you think we spend ninety percent of our time fucking? If you could cut out the ten percent that constitutes our “relationship,” you would be perfect for me. ”

“Is that all you want from me Buffy, a good uncomplicated fuck that won‘t mean a damn thing the next morning?” Spike asked glaring at her dangerously.

“Yeah, pretty much.” She laid the apple down and gave him a smoldering look. “You up for it or should I find someone else a little more my speed.”

“I’ll give it to you pet…I’ll give it to you good.” He pulled off his shirt and shoved her back against the counter. And with nothing even close to tenderness he had shown her earlier, he began to unbutton her shirt. She wanted to fuck, did she…well them he would give the girl exactly what she wanted. When it was over, he was certain that she would take it all back.

She could see he was on the edge of reason and all it would take was a few subtle shoves and he would fall over to the other side. Burying herself away, she braced herself for the greatest performance of her life. She reached out and began to unbutton his pants and when he was freed she shoved him away towards the wall. Pinning him in place with her body, she unbuttoned her jeans and let them fall to the floor. All that remained of her clothes was her bra and panties and instead of taking them off, she pushed her thong aside and anchored herself around his waist. She’d fuck him like a professional, without the slightest bit of attachment. Unable to face the cold, he would leave she knew it…she counted on it to force her to continue this dark deception.

She began to ride him with slow deliberate movements, arching her back so that her breasts would brush past his body with each downward movement. Feeling his muscles tense while he fought her, she smiled down at him smugly. “Is this what you call giving it to me good, lover?”

Incensed, her spun around forcing her back against the wall. Grabbing her ass hard enough to bruise, he rammed into her fully, drawing a harsh moan from her lips. “To rough for you pet?”

“Not rough enough…” She gasped out breathlessly as her body stung from the violent intrusion. To make her lie sound like the truth, she raked her hands down his chest, hard enough to draw blood. “The only kind of love I want Spike, is wild and dangerous. It burns and consumes...”

“Until there's nothing left.” He finished for her. “Love like that doesn't last. I know you feel like I do. You don't have to hide it anymore.” He told her softly, gently running a hand down her face. He didn’t want her like this. He didn’t want to take her in anger and since she had mentioned love, he saw this as his one chance to get them back to where they belonged.

“That’s what living fast is all about…it doesn’t have to last. Nothing lasts forever so consume me while you have the chance…or someone else will.” She admitted truthfully, knowing full well that he would think she was saying something else. “So make me feel alive or get the hell out.”

“I can make you feel.” He told her thrusting into her again, losing himself to the darkness that she called out with her words and he was going to bring her under with him. He was through trying to break through to her and he was tired of begging her for the slightest sliver of affection. Inside he was screaming for her to hear him but he was through being defeated by her. He had hit rock bottom and he could no longer tell the truth from the lies. Each cruel remark she had casually tossed his way had caused a part of himself to died and he had nothing left to give her. Except for the sex she so badly seemed to want over everything he had offered. She had stripped him bare and locked him in the dark and he was going to drive the final nail in the coffin.

Pumping into her furiously at a bruising rhythm he ignored the soft whimpers of pain that escaped from her lips accompanied by every dark moan, slipping from his. He would make her feel alive, he told himself letting his true face erupt from the violence of his dark passion. He would save her so the devil she so badly wanted to court could claim her. It wasn’t suppose to be this way, but she had made her choice and this was his. They both would just have to live with the pain and known that they could have had so much more.

Just before her climax ripped through her, he lowered his face to her neck and began to feed…to consume her just like she had wanted. He could feel her blood escaping from his hungry mouth, warm and sticky sliding down against their flesh like poured honey. He drunk her down, long past the point of being sated, just hoping to fill the emptiness she had left inside him. Her heartbeat pounded in his head, echoing through the caverns of his heart but even the warmth he had stolen from her wasn’t enough to save him from the nothingness he had become. Only she had the power to make him feel alive and up till now it had all been a lie, he thought bitterly tearing his mouth away from her poisoned skin.

He felt betrayed. He knew where she lived now and until she could see through the lies she told herself, what they had would never being the kind of love he wanted. If it was ever love at all, he wondered looking into her emotionless eyes as he pulled out of her, without ever finding his release. “You never loved me did you?”

“That was always your delusion, I just told you what you wanted to hear. Like you said Spike,” she began getting to her feet, not bothering to hide her nakedness. “It sounded like goodbye and that because it was. I wanted you but I won‘t let anyone tie me down with their emotions. I told you I wasn‘t the broken angel in the picture who needed to be saved. I don‘t care about salvation or what comes after, all I care about is myself as I am now.”

“You’re not a fallen angel but you’re broken and just as lost.” He told her reaching down to pull on his jeans. Grabbing his shirt he pulled it over his head and reached over to the counter to where his wallet sat next to his jacket. He pulled out the crisp bills inside and slapped them against his palm. “I told you I wouldn’t sell myself but that’s all you wanted wasn’t it. You wanted me to service you and you know what Buffy, that makes you the whore. You don’t peddle your flesh for the money, you do it because that’s all you know how to do because you’re empty inside. You never had it as good as me. I would have given you everything.” He screamed at her before flinging the bills towards her.

“Spike…” She uttered brokenly, unable to continue the charade any longer. She was dying inside a thousand different ways and it was to much for her to take any longer. She wanted to confess and beg for absolution but the moment her eyes met his she knew that it was to late. He had no love left for her in his heart, she had made him believe the lies and now he could no longer hear the truth. “I’m sorry.” She told him softly, chocking on his bitterness all the while crying tears of pure misery.

“Don‘t you dare feel sorry for me, I feel sorry for you.” He told her coldly, before walking towards the door. “You’re beneath me.”

Chapter 14:
While Buffy prepared herself for her meeting with Living Death, Spike prowled around his apartment restlessly. Everything in his life seemed empty since he had left her hours ago, everything but the bottle of whisky. Which he was trying to empty as quickly as possible, hoping to make the pain stop for even just a moment.

So far it wasn’t working but he was determined to keep trying. He drank glass after glass and when that wasn’t dulling his senses fast enough, he started to drink from the bottle itself. Being a vampire had it’s perks but at the moment he would trade away his long lifespan if it meant he could get falling down drunk like a normal man who had just had his heart broken. It wasn’t like he had anything to live for anyway, he told himself taking another deep pull of the strong yet not strong enough spirits.

When the phone rang beside him, he reached out for it blindly sure that she had come to her bleeding senses. “Buffy?”

“No man it’s Gunn, what’s going on? I’ve been trying to reach you all night.”

He patted his pockets, impatiently searching for his cell phone. Pulling it out, the message button blinked at him impatiently. “Sorry about that, I’ve had a bad day. But thanks for having someone bring my car to her house…I guess I needed it after all.”

“Whatever man,” Gunn said knowing Spike to well to miss the slight slur in his voice. He was betting that the pretty little blonde had something to do with it but he had another woman who needed him right now. “Dru’s nurse has been trying to reach you all day.”

Sobering instantly at the thought of his sister, Spike grasped the phone tightly. “Is she alright?”

“All I know is that she went insane for awhile, claiming that you were being smothered by a green haze. Tara said it went on for about a half hour and then she calmed down again. Dru told her that your angel had made a deal to keep the devil away and that you were safe again. I hope that means something to you because Tara didn’t understand it anymore than I did but she thought it might be important to you. She told you everything in her messages to you but since your not phone friendly, I was drafted to play errand boy. How many times have I told you…”

“Gunn,” Spike interrupted cutting him off suddenly. “Call Hank and the Giles’s, something’s up with Buffy. She kicked me out of her place saying she didn’t love me and now I think Dru’s message had something to do with it.”

Without waiting for an answer, he hung up and played his messages on his cell. After he heard Tara’s he sat down the phone to search for his keys when the next message started to play.

“Spike this is Hank. Giles just called to tell me that Living Death can possess people, trapping the host in some way. He’s trying to translate the rest of the text now but I’ve been trying to reach Buffy and she’s not answering her phone.”

Suddenly everything made perfect sense, he felt like a fool for not seeing it before. It hadn’t been Buffy who had pushed him away, it had been Living Dead, he told himself. Knowing that he had to hurry and that he might already be to late, he raced out the front door just as the next message started to play.

“It’s Hank again, Giles finished the translation. He can only possess the dead and they have no memory of it happening. Stay away from her Spike, you’re dangerous to her now…”

Spike sat in his car, trying to think of where to go. He knew she wasn’t at her home, if she was possessed she wouldn’t be where he had last left her. So where else would she go to “deal with the devil,” like Dru had said, he wondered. In his heart he knew that Buffy would fight against anything trying to take her over and she was smart enough to know that she needed his help. She would come to him but since she didn’t have his address where would she go to find him, he asked himself slamming his hands down on the steering wheel. Only one place popped in to his mind and he was certain that he was right. Ramming the car in gear, he pealed out and headed into the night.
________________________________________________

Buffy walked across the rooftop of the club as the music blaring inside wrapped around her like a soft blanket. As she walked towards what remained of Riley Finn, she listened to the music that would be her swan song.
______________________
Of all the things I’ve believed in,
I just want to get it over with,
Tears form behind my eyes,
But I do not cry,
Counting the days that pass me by.
I’ve been searchin’ deep down in my soul,
Words that I’m hearin’ are starting to get old,
It feels like I’m starting all over again,
The last three years were just pretend,
And I say-

*goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
___________________________

Feeling that the song had said it better than she ever could, she took the knife that Riley handed her without a single word. She looked up at the sky to the stars casting their light down on the world. She made a wish on the first star she saw, for him to find happiness and brought the blade down to her left wrist.

______________________________________

I still get lost in your eyes,
And it seems that I can’t live a day without you,
Closing my eyes,
And you chase my thoughts away,
To a place where I am blinded by the light,
But it’s not right.

*goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
________________________________________


Slowly she drew the blade across her skin, pricking her flesh and bringing blood welling up to the surface. She felt nothing but empty, the physical pain she was inflicting upon herself was nothing to losing him, she thought as the first tear escaped. Willing to give in, broken and defeated she began to send the blade in deeper. Just then the next verse of the song echoed around her.
____________________________________
Hold on to...
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time,

I want what’s yours and I want what’s mine,
I want you,
but I’m not giving in this time.
__________________________________

As those words reverberated through her mind, the world just stopped and the rest of the song was lost in a wave of silence. She had heard enough and it had reminded her that some things were worth fighting for…they were worth fighting for. Pulling the blade up, all of her feelings came rushing back, the pain fueling her need to fight. Before he could guess her intentions, she kicked him in she knee, knocking him down to the floor. “Sorry but if you want me, I’m not about to make it easy for you.”

He flipped to his feet gracefully and gave her a hard smile. “I must admit that I hoped you would say that.” He backhanded her, knocking he back a full step.

She countered with a right cross and the fight began in earnest. She ducked his blows and took others that were nothing more than a blur to her eyes. For the first time in her life, she had something worth living for and her body responded before she even had time to think. She was fighting on autopilot, surrendering herself to the primal force that’s power flooded her veins. Her world had narrowed down to encompass him alone and she knew even before he fell to the ground, that she had won. She brought the blade he had handed her, down into his chest, twisting it to sever any organs nearby and looked into his eyes. “Still glad I decided to fight?”

“Buffy!” Spike screamed, flying through the door and racing towards her.

Turning to him instinctively, she heard Living Death laugh even as he chocked on his own blood. The icy hand of dread slid down her spine and she turned back to him and knew by the glowing emerald of his eyes…that he had won. Her earlier indecision had doomed her. He was broken and bleeding before her but with Spike being so close he still had just enough power to defeat her.

“I’ll see you soon luv,” He told her, using Spike’s words with Riley’s voice.

She knew by the sound of Spike’s footsteps that she had only seconds to make her choice and she reached a trembling hand out to grab the blade. Clenching it tightly in her hand, slicked already by her own blood she pulled it free and stood up to face Spike. “I love you.”

While he screamed at her to stop, she brought the blade down across her other wrist, cutting through the veins and spilling her blood onto the roof. Staggered by a wave of dizziness from her life draining away with every crimson drop, she sank down to her knees. Sliding the blade across the roof towards Spike, she placed her palm over her heart. “If you don’t kill me, he will take me over. Please don’t let me die for nothing.”

“What are you talking about,” he said wrapping his hand over his wrist to stifle the blood and pulling her into his lap.

Quickly she explained what had been going on and about the deal she had struck. Laying her hand against his cheek, she smiled up at him softly. “I need you to finish what I started.”

“I can’t kill you Buffy…I can‘t lose you.”

She leaned up to press a light kiss against his lips. “You’re my soul mate, my destiny. Not because fate said so but because we said so. I will always be a part of you, in this life and the next. So let me go so I can return to you again. If you don‘t, he will claim me and I will be lost forever.”


“I need more time…there are so many things left to say.”

“I can feel him inside my mind already pulling me…into the darkness. I love you but you have to do this...now before it’s to late.” She began to shake violently as a wave of heat crept across her skin.

The change was happening and time was running out. He could see her fading away into the nothingness and he pressed his lips to hers. “I love you.” Taking the knife, he stared down into her eyes and plunged it into her heart before it could give it’s final shuddering beat.

Chapter 15:
Hank burst through the doors, just in time to see Spike bring down the blade. He had been expecting this but like always, he had failed his daughter once again.

Pain exploded through his body, eating him alive with guilt and Spike closed his eyes and screamed her name into the night.

Unable to speak he walked over to where Spike was cradling her on his lap. It was easy to see what had happened, the macabre scene before him was self explanatory. Living Death had been destroyed, by both the living and dead just as the prophecy in the Pergamum Codex, Giles had translated had foretold. He knew that this couldn’t be stopped but he knew Spike did not. He knew his daughter would want to know that he was not alone right now. “She was meant to die here, nothing you could do would have changed this. It was in the Codex and everything written there comes to pass.”

“How did you know where to find us?” Spike asked unwilling to believe that she was destined to die.

“This is her place and it is fitting that she died upon the River Styx. She will find out where she belongs, like all of the living and dead before her.”

Spike glared up at him with contempt blazing in his eyes. “She belongs here, with me in this world. If I hadn’t come here, she would still be alive. It wasn’t fate that brought her to this, it was me.”

“You freed her from a life of pain and misery.” Hank said gently, laying a hand on his shoulder. To his surprise he sensed something unexplainable in the vampire. “Before she met you, she never had a single moment’s peace. You could see it in her eyes, she was haunted by her life and now she is finally free. As you are now free.”

“How can you say that to me, I just killed the woman I loved…my soul mate. I murdered her and there is no escaping what I have done.” Angry at himself, his rage boiled over spilling onto to Hank. “She was your daughter and here you are acting like this is nothing to you. You’re never going to die, so don’t talk to me about things you couldn’t possibly understand.” Spike yelled at him.

“I understand death vampire, but unlike mortals I know that it is not the end but a new beginning. I am doomed to wander this plane forever while never being a part of it. I am forced to watch everyone I love go on to a place I can never follow. Hell is not fire and brimstone, hell is being trapped in Purgatory…like she was trapped here. We both know she was never meant to belong in this world and I find comfort in the fact that she has finally found where she was meant to be.”

“How can you be so sure that he hasn’t taken her?” Spike laid his hand over the knife handle. “I’m so afraid to remove the knife for fear that he is waiting inside her and all of it would have been for nothing.”

“Do you believe that she was your soul mate?”

“Yes but I don‘t see what that has to do with his.” Spike said, brushing Buffy’s hair back off of her face.

“Your right, you don’t see. But the question is can you feel? Look inside yourself and you will know that Buffy is free.”

Not sure what he was looking for, Spike closed his eyes, searching for some deeper meaning for all of this loss. Absently, he reached down to take her hand, wanting to be close to her. To his surprise he felt something brush against his insides as delicately as a butterflies wings. For the first time in more than a century, he felt his soul. His heart did not beat, but he felt full of life. Opening his eyes he looked at Hank. “How?”

“You’re her soul mate and when she died your soul returned to you so that she could find you again. I felt it the moment I touched your shoulder. Like I said, death is only a new beginning.” Hank told him gently, hoping that knowledge would bring him some measure of comfort.

It would have, if the image of the portrait hadn’t flashed through his mind and sent him back to that day.

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“She said someday a dark soul would tell me the story of my creation and that our love would either damn me for all eternity or restore my wings.”

Gently he laid her down on the rug settling himself behind her so that her head was cradled in his lap. He brushed his hand down her face, the face exactly like the crying angel in the picture. “Once upon a time, an angel was expelled from heaven and brought into a world she was never meant to exist in. The forces of evil had began to lay claim on this world and the Powers that Be knew she was the only one who was strong enough to protect the innocent. She was their gift to the world, a Champion given at a time when there were very few willing to fight. But there is a balance that must be met and by sending her into this world, it shifted the scales. The First evil demanded the order be restored. Having no choice they allowed a curse to be laid upon the Chosen One.”

“What was the curse?” Buffy asked, softly.
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With her body cradled in his lap exactly like it had been that night, he finally knew what the curse had been…him. He was her curse, a creature of the darkness who had been chosen to steal her soul and damn her to hell. The prophecy Giles had found had known he would come here and he had been the one to right the balance for the First Evil. He was unclean, unholy and he had dared to defile her with his love and it had cost her life. With the dark thoughts spinning through his mind, they all sounded like the complete truth. What else could possibly explain him feeling full of life, while the woman he loved was not, he asked himself bitterly.

His newly restored soul, unable to bear the weight of his sins, spurred him to make amends. A life for a life, he thought reaching over to pull out the blade.

Closing his eyes he brought the knife to his throat and heard Hank draw a staggering breath. Before he could begin to cut he felt a hand cover his. Opening his eyes, intending to tell Hank to shove off, he found himself looking into a pair of soft green eyes, shining full of life and love. “Buffy?” He asked, the knife falling from his trembling fingers.

“I’m dead all of ten minutes and you try to kill yourself?” She teased lightly, brushing her hand down his face. “I can’t leave you alone for a minute.”

Even though he was unable to think rationally, his body knew that it was really her and not some grim impersonation. “You’re dead…the prophecy…the curse..” He said powerless to finish a complete sentence let alone a complete thought.

If she hadn’t been watching the scene from the ether realm, the place in between this world and the next, she wouldn’t have any idea what he was talking about. But since she knew what he had been through, she pressed her lips to his hoping to give him some of her strength. When she pulled away, she took his hand in hers. “The Pergamum Prophecy could be filled by anyone, since it didn’t mention any names but Living Death‘s. Just as long as someone living and someone dead participated, he would be destroyed. But since it was us another Prophecy came into effect. Dru was right, I am the Chosen One.”

“So I was your curse and you’re now dammed because of me.” Spike said trying to pull away from her.

Taking his hand, she laid it over her heart so that he could feel it beating. The killing wound he had inflicted had already closed completely as well as the ones she had done to herself. “The First couldn’t demand my life, since I was innocent so they cursed me. I was never permitted to find a moment or pure happiness like the one I had known before becoming the Chosen One. If I did, I would be taken from this world and sent back to the Powers that Be. When I died, I found that moment because I knew you would be safe.”

“Then how are you back?” Spike asked, feeling like he had missed something.

“She sacrificed herself for you and a selfless act is enough to break any deal with The First, even a curse.” Hank told them, already reaching that conclusion for himself.

“How did you know?” Buffy asked him.

“It was how I lost my godhead. I was sent to kill your mother because it would be her that would bring the Chosen One into this world. She was just a infant but I couldn’t bring myself to strike the killing blow. Her innocence shimmered around her like a golden cloud and I could not fulfill my pledge. As my punishment the First took away my powers and decreed that I would never be able to escape from my failure into death. It was a curse, so that my sin against my patron deity would haunt me for eternity.”

“But I thought you didn’t meet mom until after you were a Fallen One?” Buffy said turning to look at him, confused for the first time. “And why would you try to raise Living Death if you already had your powers?”

“All Hell Gods seek out power and despite the source it was to much to resist.” Hank told her sheepishly. Thinking about his beloved wife, he smiled softly. “But it wasn’t until after you were born that I knew that your mother had been the same girl I had been sent to kill all those years ago. Despite my punishment, I had forgotten my failure as I sought out my new conquests. But when you were born, you looked exactly like her and I understood why I had been permitted to have a child. The Powers knew that I would protect you at all costs, since I had sacrificed so much already. Evil can’t understand love, it’s too pure and innocent for it to comprehend but it is strong enough to break any curse. After your mother died, I knew that the First would want revenge against me but also that it would seek to destroy you.”

Spike got to his feet and pulled her up into his arms. He knew that Hank and Buffy were sealing the breach between them and that he should step away but he couldn’t. He had come so close to losing her, that he was afraid to let go now. When she cuddled against him as if she had read his thoughts, she gave a soft contented sigh. Wrapping his arms around her tightly, he laid his cheek against her head.

“So you sent me away.” Buffy said, finally able to understand her fathers actions. Actions that she had always blamed him for in the past. Until Spike had showed her how to love, she had never understood the man who had been her father. But with her lover holding her close, she could see him clearly for the first time. She was willing to die for Spike tonight and Hank had been willing to suffer for her. Love could be a pleasure or a pain and for her sake he had embraced the pain.

“Much like you chose to return here instead of remaining with the Powers.” Hank said with a slight nod.

“You lost your wings,” Spike said suddenly as the last bit of the story clicked into place. “You had the chance to be where you belonged so if it wasn’t because of the curse why did you come back?”

She turned in his arm so that she could look into his eyes as she offered him her heart. “Because I belong with you. I love you Spike so I don’t need to ascend to find heaven…it’s right here in your arms.”

“Is this what you really want luv?”

“More than anything,” she said tilting her lips up for what she meant to be an innocent kiss.

Spike on the other hand had other ideas.

“I think I will go keeping my eyes closed as I leave.” Hank said awkwardly even though he was glad to see his daughter so happy.

Blushing furiously she pulled away, not really ready to part with her dad again so soon. “Don’t go, we won the big battle and that means it’s time to celebrate! I keep some clothes in my office and after we‘re all drunk and danced out, I’ll buy you all some lunch.”

“I’d like that, but lunch?” Hank asked, delighted that she had asked. “It’s almost dawn and the club closes at six, so don‘t you mean breakfast?”

“The club closes in a hour for regular people but for me the club is always open. If you all are staving you can order in while I change, but trust me, it’s going to take more than an hour for us to celebrate. I mean we made it through some heavy stuff tonight, two prophecies, a curse and hey…I came back from the dead. That alone is worth a few hours of quality party time.”

“No wonder you didn’t want to be an angel pet,” Spike said with a roll of his eyes. “You’re just to good at being a bad girl to be that innocent.”

“It wasn’t that. Can you imagine trying to find an outfit that goes with wings and a halo?” She shot back, not regretting her choice for a second. “I mean you just got a soul and since black goes with anything it’s not really a problem for you. But big silver wings and a gold floaty crown thingie, that’s not such an easy look to pull off.”

While they teased each other all the way over to the club, Hank stood back to watch them. He knew that all actions, even those that were preordained had consequences. The moment she had opened her eyes, he had sensed the change in her. But like Spike, she was to lost in her emotions to realize that she had been altered by the choice she had made. He opened his mouth to tell her, when her laughter rang out in the air. It was filled with an almost childlike glee and since her life was always going to have more tears than cheer, her happiness was to precious and fleeting to spoil now.

What he had to say could wait for another day, he decided walking over to join them.

The end